Quench - Issue 77

BABIES: WHO'D HAVE 'EM?

25/02/09: WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

K L A T G N I T FIGH

GREAT / RANT! E TH Y M EM / RL RR G T O RI / FASHION GET MESSY S / CHEGGERS KE RA E TH / A N N O AD M H IT W FOOD FIGHT / MY LIFE

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contents: Issue 76 // 02 - 15 Feb

R AT THE STUDENT MAGAZINE OF THE YEA S 2008!

ARD AW IA MED T DEN STU AN GUARDI

VOYEUR RANT HUW FASHION INTERVIEWS

“

Sometimes it's good to get all twisted in your head

“

The Rakes, p. 15

TRAVEL BLIND DATE FEATURES GAY FOOD ARTS BOOKS

“

I’m just a boring old fart

DIGITAL GOING OUT MUSIC

“

Keith Chegwin, p. 13

FILM

04 06 07 08 12 16 19 20 22 24 26 28 32 34 37 49

COVER PHOTO: CHRIS BEALE Editor Hazel Plush Executive Editor Ben Bryant Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Arts Kate Budd, Lisa Evans Blind Date Emma Chapman, Sarah George Books Aisling Tempany Digital Tom Baker Fashion Meme Sgroi, Nicole Briggs Features Ellie Woodward, Louise Cook Film Adam Woodward, Francesca Jarvis, Sim Eckstein Food Jenny Edwards, Jen Entecott Gay James Moore Going Out Alex Gwilliam, Kirstin Knight Huw Huw Davies Interviews Ben Marshall, Leah Eynon Music Guy Ferneyhough, Kyle Ellison, Phil Guy The Rant Andy Swidenbank Travel Andy Tweddle, Simon Lucey Head of Photography Natalia Popova Creative Consultant Sophie Pycroft Proof Readers Huw Davies, Elaine Morgan, Hannah Pearce

printed on recycled paper. PLEASE RECYCLE.

voyeur

{Voyeur} Website du jour

I

was going to write you a joke for this column, but then, well, I discovered I had better things to do with my time. Like make mini sculptures out of peanut butter, attempt to recreate the new PG Tips advert with my housemates, and work out where all the bin bags have gone. All highly entertaining, of course, so I’m afraid there’s no joke.

I’d also thought about writing you a little witty poem (a haiku? A limerick?), but then, again, there were much more interesting things to do.

Instead, I took part in an inter-house chilli/spag bol cook-off.

Then, when it came to actually writing these 300 words of witty fabulousness at 1am on the eve of deadline, I clammed up. Why oh why oh why (oh why) do I always leave things to the last minute?

Looking around the office, though, I realised I wasn’t the only one with a big fat case of writer’s block – there were half a dozen other pale, grim-looking faces blinking at the computer screens.

Last week, my housemate proudly announced that she was the best procrastinator, like, ever, because she never felt any remorse. I’d like to think I could be so detached, but I’d be haunted by the big white gap on the edge of page 4. Ultimately, I could never completely let go of the necessity to fill it, even if it is with inane, over-tired ramblings.

Depressingly, however, this troublesome relationship with the ‘to do’ list appears to be worsening by the day. Cripes, when I think back to my time-efficient GCSE days I hardly recognise myself. I was embarrassingly on-the-ball, but now I have to rely on 2am coffee just to get me through 300 measly words. At this rate, it’ll be a wonder if I actually get round to graduating.

Must try harder next issue… HP

04 / voyeur@gairrhydd.com

www.theinternetisterrible.com

Why? Some stuff just has to be seen to be believed, and this site's the best purveyor of online filth we've found yet.

Not recommended for lunchtime surfing, but hey, bite back the reflex and do it anyway.

Enjoy.

non people who look like their pets

people who look like thumbs

oui

.

......

Amber Duval's IN Special...

voyeur

OUT

no

yes

sitting on wearing

chairs

them

nein

n達o

penne

ja you heard it here first!

penis

religious dildonics

sim

obama dildonics

voyeur@gairrhydd.com / 05

the rant

The Rant: Babies. Yeah, we went there.

I really don’t know. It’s not like I’m going to choose who I crash into based on their choice of window decor: “Actually I’d better not ram that people carrier off the road because there’s a child on board".

“

baby crimes are endless: screaming, vomiting, taking up whole high streets with their pushchairs...

“

N

ow don’t judge me. I’m not some baby hating, buggy smashing enemy of the maternal but if you ask me, babies have got a lot to answer for.

I guess it all started with my first doll: the weeing, pooing, intestinal wonder that is Baby Born. Ah yes, wasn’t she a treat, but beneath that shiny plastic exterior lay a horrifying manufacturing fault… My doll weed out of her neck. I can’t fully explain what effect this had on me, but aside from being a massive disappointment (curse you Zapf creations) it also left me with a tainted view of babies and all that they stand for.

Let’s start with the most obvious of the baby offences: the addition of mother and toddler parking bays in supermarket car parks. So many times have I felt indescribable rage as I pull into my local Morrisons only to discover that every spot within a half-mile radius of the store is marked out for those little nippers.

I really can’t take it. Just make them walk! Or carry them in a bag!

(Child-friendly of course) But don’t make me move my legs more than necessary just because you can’t be bothered to push them.

And who can ignore the absolute nightmare that is ‘Baby on Board’ stickers? What goes through the heads of the parents who buy those

It’s insane. The list of baby crimes is endless: screaming in shopping centres, vomiting on public transport, taking up whole high streets with their multi-child pushchairs... And let’s not forget the ultimate horror of being forced to coo under the watchful eyes of relatives whose newborns bear more than a startling resemblance to Roy Chubby Brown.

So why do I have such an issue with the little toads? Well, I guess you could say that beneath those faces of innocence I have dis-

This week, Rosie Martin throws her toys out of the pram. covered that babies can be, well, just plain destructive. No, I’m not referring to their ability to bless their mothers with stretch marks and loss of bladder control, but their startling tendency to defecate in public spaces. Not content with simply soiling their own nappies, babies and toddlers the world over have taken to toileting in a range of locations including high streets, supermarket aisles and (as witnessed by myself) municipal pools. It doesn’t stop there; recently a friend of mine had to spend four hours clearing diarrhoea from the ball pit of a soft play area after another attack of the lawless infants. I mean come on, how far is it to the on-site toilets? It’s anarchy.

Soilage scenarios aside, I guess some babies are alright. Maybe I’m being unfair on them. I guess if it weren’t for babies we’d never have been able to enjoy such Channel 4 delights as ‘Extraordinary Breast feeding’ (yeah that’s right, the one with the eight year olds) or ‘My Fake Baby: Living Doll’ (just no). But for the time being I’ll be keeping well away from the squirmy little midgets and their threatening stares. Breeding hamsters seems a much easier option.

Ugly

Messy

06 /rant@gairrhydd.com

Lazy

Dumb as a plank

h R

huw

? uw

he thinks stuff

ecently, darling of the student world Charlie Brooker admitted he had no idea what to write about in his G2 column, so asked for suggestions from his followers on Twitter (chances are you’ve heard of this stunningly overrated phenomenon by now; if not, psht, look it up).

I can’t really do that, because a) not many people know I’m on Twitter, b) not many people care I’m on Twitter, c) not many people know I have a column and d) not many people care about that either. Add that up and you get a hell of a lot of apathy.

Also, most of the suggestions would probably involve the words snowball, felching or Bismarck, and I’ve no need to stoop to that level while we have Amber Duval’s smut-laden filth on the previous spread. Plus, I’m innocent enough not to know what those words mean without looking on urbandictionary.com (and guilty of reading out the definitions to my horrified coursemates).

Still, some things you have to get off your chest, and I’m not talking about a Cleveland Steamer.

While on the subject of shit, I feel it has to be said that even if they have made a few good tracks in their time, 90% of Daft Punk’s output is unimaginably dull. How they can get away with taking a programmed beat from a toy keyboard and putting it on repeat for seven minutes is beyond my comprehension. Listen to Homework – all 75 minutes of it. Go on.

I dare you.

I’m also fascinated by the serious – well, not that serious – pizza shortage in Cardiff, which is fast becoming an epidemic. Two separate visits to Pizza Express

have seen me turned away at the door like the tramp I resemble: once because they’d run out of toppings, and once because they’d run out of dough. Can’t argue with that, I suppose: they’re both pretty fundamental to the making of a pizza.

Domino’s, meanwhile, has been limiting customers to thin crusts presumably to save on dough, and have been selling virtually meat-free Meateors due to a lack of ingredients DESPITE BEING RIGHT NEXT DOOR TO THE CO-OP.

why not invite 10 prisoners to spend one week in a deserted farmhouse?

Sorry. But sometimes it’s good to rant. And sometimes it’s good to share little bits of genius.

When I was working at The Big Issue – writing for it, not selling it – I was lucky enough to get all the readers’ letters. I say ‘lucky’ because they were truly special – special in their level of brilliance, and special in the slightly un-PC sense of being written by people who were once referred to as ‘mentals’.

Here’s a (sadly edited) classic: Dear Editor, I could hardly believe what I was reading in your article on global warming. You asked, "How can we weather the storm?"

Well, it will be much worse than a storm, unfortunately – London and other low-lying areas will be totally submerged under seawater. So eve-

ryone will have to live in diving bells.

Yours faithfully…

Who writes into a magazine to say that? Sadly I can’t tell you, for privacy reasons. It’s the same in the next letter: who suggests a TV programme to The Big Issue? What exactly do they want them to do?

Still, it’d be harsh to have a go. A lot of thought’s gone into this one.

Dear Sir, I read your article concerning those who try to commit suicide in prisons. What was totally missing was an advisor talking one-to-one and saying, “Are you aware that you have abilities, gifts and a chance to live a good life doing things that interest you?”

Why not, as an experiment and possibly a documentary, invite 10 female prisoners (or men, but not mixed) to spend one week in a deserted farmhouse…

Why not indeed? What could possibly go wrong?

They could experience the following: shopping for food, cooking and preparing meals, learning to rebuild an old barn…playing sports such as tennis, mini-golf and running, and entertaining each other every evening with singing, reciting and percussion (also, helping each other if one falls over and sprains a wrist).

I love the terrifyingly specific suggestions. But I know what you’re thinking: who would look after a bunch of prisoners running amok?

Instructors might be necessary – though pensioners might help voluntarily.

Oh good.

In conclusion…that article wasn’t really about anything, was it?

huw@gairrhydd.com / 07

fashion

In an anarchic clash of music and Fashion, Quench encountered LMS's Battle of the Bands contestants as they ran riot around Cardiff's Buffalo Bar, tossing chairs, strangling rivals and generally wreaking havoc about the place...

LET THE BA

COM

08 /fashion@gairrhydd.com

fashion

TTLE

MENCE fashion@gairrhydd.com / 09

fashion

The final two heats of the Live Music Society's annual Battle of the Bands will be held on 19 and 26 of February at Talybont Social, Semi finals will be on 5 and 12 of March at CF10.

You can catch the final at 8pm on March 19 at Solus, for more info see http://www.lmscardiff.com/.

10 /fashion@gairrhydd.com

Photography: Chris Beale, Jake Yorath

fashion

Bands featured: Me and The Major, Natasha et ClĂŠment, Through the Abyss, Tidal, Milano, Cowboy and the Corpse, Platinum Trash, & New Art Riot

fashion@gairrhydd.com / 11

interviews

Cheggers ! s Does hip

C

Keith Chegwin is a presenter, actor, DJ and the face of National British Chip Week. Ben Marshall and Leah Eynon shared a portion of award winning chips with him and talked about the reasons why Britain loves its chips.

12 / interviews@gairrhydd.com

interviews

So, how have you come to be in Cardiff today?

We are doing a campaign to find Britain’s best chips. We asked people to nominate their favourite chip outlet - didn’t have to be the chippy, could be a pub a hotel or anywhere - so they did and Cardiff have won it. Wahey! It wasn’t just down to the public - it’s a bit more intricate than that. We got people from the potato council to go and taste the chips, too, to see if they were nice and fluffy on the inside, crispy on the outside and if the people who were serving were friendly. It encompassed a whole load of things. And this place, Zero Plus Fish Bar, had

thousands of votes. I mean, you’ve seen the people coming in here saying they love the chips without knowing why we are even here!

“

Chips smell of cocoa, butterscotch, cheese, onion and the slightest bit of ironing board

“

I

t's always a pleasant way to start any day with the opportunity of getting some free chips. Especially if they're awardwinning chips. This day is likely to become the best day in recent memory if telly legend Keith 'Cheggers' Chegwin is mugging and dancing about for ITV news all in the name of chips. Despite whatever preconceptions you may have about the man (I certainly had a fair few), you cannot help but be caught up in his childlike enthusiasm for such a mundane thing. Hearing him enthuse about the common chip butty or denounce overly large gastropub chips must be how people felt when they first heard Martin Luther King or Barack Obama speak in public for the first time.

Are you a big fan of chips then?

I am, actually. I think we all are really. I do a lot of driving up and down the country, I finish up corporate late at night and the first thing I do is go find the local chippy on my way home. Everybody loves their chips in different ways with curry sauce or mushy peas. I’m just a boring old fart - just the salt and vinegar, that does it for me.

Where do you stand on the whole chips in newspaper or a polystyrene carton?

Oooh, I don’t know! As long as the taste is good I don’t mind. I have to admit that when my wife and I buy chips we don’t bother getting the cutlery out - we stick them on the kitchen table and eat them out of the paper, which I love. People always say that chips are fattening, but actually there is more fat in a prawn mayonnaise sandwich!

If we were to line up all the chips that we ate in the UK in a year, it would be enough to go around the world seventy-six times... We are just a nation of chip lovers!

And they have done some fantastic figures about what attracts us to chips, and it’s the smell. When you smell that smell you automatically think,

“

'Yeah, I could go for some chips'.

And what the smell is based on is cocoa, butterscotch, cheese, onion and the slightest bit of ironing board in there as well. When you think about it, when you smell an ironing board it is a nice smell actually.

Going back to the health issue, what do you think about Jamie Oliver and his stand against fattening foods?

I think that we are all sensible adults, and this new era of what you should and shouldn’t eat drives me mad.

We can all make decisions on what we want, everything in moderation.

I love chocolate, but I don’t go mad with it. I smoke a lot and that is bad for you, but I know that. A portion of chips once or twice a week, I think, is fine.

Are you a chip shop or oven chip man?

Believe it or not, eight out of ten people have chips in their freezer right now. For me, there is something special about walking down the road to get some chips. I don’t like crinkle cut or them Jenga chips - can’t stand them. You know the really big ones they serve in pubs so you only get about six on your plate? I want chips to eat; not to play a game of Jenga with!

We heard you sing earlier. Can you tell us about the song?

I said, 'Hey, why don’t I write a song for National Chip Week?' So I did in my studio at home, and it’s called Chippy Chippy Chip Chip Chip. It’s been going potty on the downloads.

People have it as their ring tone! Has the nation gone mad?

interviews@gairrhydd.com / 13 /27

interviews

The Rakes When it came to the recording of The Rakes’s third album, the band’s choice of location was crucial. The fact that they chose Karl-Marx-Allee, the old East German Government’s centre for radio broadcasts was crucial. Berlin is a city that means a great deal to each member of the band, and gave their recordings a definite influence. Alan Donohue and Jamie Hornsmith met Ben Marshall and Lais MW to discuss their love of Berlin, Japanese fans and playing ‘Hide the Salami’ with Heidi Slimane.

14/ interviews@gairrhydd.com

interviews

“

Heidi Slimane wanted to hide the salami in one of The Rakes, and one of us took it, and got a Dior suit for free

“

T

he Rakes' Alan Donohue and Jamie Hornsmith are polite, well spoken and urbane. Qualities that you may well have attributed to private school tennis coaches, or perhaps a well-to-do GP, not the lead singer and bassist of a thrilling live band. They have clearly evolved from the jerky, angular post-punk revivalists that burst into our collective consciousness with the irrepressible Strasbourg, obviously taking inspiration from their travels and the various experiences that entails.

Jamie expounded upon their travels and seemed proud of their globetrotting credentials, although remained particularly critical of Japan, supposedly the Mecca for all bands (for once you're Big in Japan, you've made it): "Japan’s pretty boring really. We like touring interesting places, like Singapore, Russia, Bangkok. In Europe we’ve played places like Macedonia and Latvia. We’ve done tours of Brazil and Australia. Japan’s pretty lame compared to them."

Despite the supposed 'lameness' of Japan, stereotypical notions of Japanese fandom have proved to be all too true: "They’ll wait outside your hotel, and then you’ll go for a meal, and they’ll wait outside the restaurant. We’ll go to a nightclub, and when we leave at 3 am, they’ll still be there!" Apparently, Japanese fans have not only acquired intense levels of stamina, but also incredible speed: "We got on the Bullet train in Tokyo, which goes at like 200 mph, and by the time we got to Osaka, I’m sure that they were there."

Alan also remarked upon a curiously particular linguistic quirk that reared its head in Japan: "You see they pronounce their Rs and Ls differently to how we do in the UK, so for the entire time we were in Japan, I was Arran from the Lakes."

It wasn't quite so fun for all of The Lakes, however. Guitarist Matthew developed somewhat of a folllowing among the hardcore Japanese fans, something that came to haunt him - almost. "He'd be out wander-

ing around in a shop at 1.30 am, and they'd be following him. He's very English, and so he was very reserved about the whole affair, asking them to leave. In the end, he got some chocolates and offered them to them if they'd leave him alone! He ended up throwing them over their heads and they scattered like puppies, or something!"

The alienation felt by so much travel came to be somewhat of an inspiration for lyricist Alan: 'It's like Lost in Translation, that old cliché.

You end up so jetlagged that all the fans' actions are another odd thing happening. Sometimes it's good to get all twisted in your head about things, and it sometimes provides the best inspiration. Like this one time we were in Australia: we were in this hotel with these brown-tinted windows so you couldn't really tell if it was day or night. That proved to be really inspiring.

On the subject of inspiration, both Jamie and Alan were unequivocal in their praise for Berlin, the city that they recorded their third album in, and also inspired them a great deal: "We've always been interested in Berlin, for a couple of reasons really. Historically, it's really interesting: it was the chessboard of the main political ideologies of the 20th Century. Also because of the musical lineage, especially in the 70s when Bowie and Iggy were around. We've all also got connections with the area.

Jamie’s grandma is from Berlin, and I went out with a girl from Berlin for a bit."

The band recorded their third album, Klang, in the Karl-Marx-

Allee. Formerly the East German Government's centre for radio broadcast, it's now a studnet-artsy area: "It's a really interesting place.

There are three orchestral rooms, and a load of students. Each of these rooms have empty space the same size above it. Apparently the East German national anthem was recorded there. It was also where they recorded all of their radio plays. So there was all of this gravel about, so when they got round to recording the East German version of the Archers, and they got to the 'Helmut, come mit, bitte' part the actors could stand on this gravel, and open and shut doors."

The building is not only strange because of its idiosyncrasies, but also the tragic and eerie nature of it.

"There are whole rooms which are just how they were in 1989.

Loads of files about, and in one case, a dead pot plant. Everyone just abandoned it, because they no longer had a job, so it's really eerie in that respect."

The Rakes are also notable for their involvement in the fashion industry. Dior designer Heidi Slimane was so taken with the band's style that he reportedly based a whole collection around them. Alan remains stoic about his involvement with the fashion industry. 'Essentially, Heidi Slimane wanted to hide the salami in one of The Rakes, and one of us took it, and got a Dior suit for free. And that's the story of The Rakes's involvement with Dior.'

The band were also commissioned to perform a song at a Dior fashion show, and the 18 minute piece would eventually become The World Was A Mess, But His Hair Was Perfect. Alan pointed out the irony in this juxtaposition. 'The song itself was meant as a pointed attack on the vapid world of fashionistas, and yet we were asked to perform for them. So we got the opportunity to play a song about airheaded fashionistas to a rooms full of airheaded fashionistas! Brilliant!"

interviews@gairrhydd.com /15

travel

TRAVEL CYMRU Strapped for cash? Need a break? Look no further, because Travel have found three of the best short breaks, and they're right on your doorstep...

Gorgeous Gower

16 / travel@gairrhydd.com

U shape gives way to three small headlands, keeping each other company in the icy waters.

In summertime, the most popular Bays are Langland, a tucked

“

It's a little out of the way, but the beaches nearer Cardiff are pale in comparison

“

T

he force that drives the water through the rocks, Drives my red blood; that dries the mouthing streams, Turns mine to wax.

There is something of the rhapsodic and impassioned poetry of one of the Gower's most famous sons in the landscape of the place.

Dylan Thomas may have died an alcoholic in New York, but his heart was tied to the Gower, where he found much of his inspiration in the rolling waves and spectacular cliffs of the peninsula.

In stark contrast to the undulating hills and supine faces of the sheep that outnumber people, the Gower is wild and sublime. Even visiting in the freezing weather we are currently experiencing, is a worthwile trip. Full marks if you get in the water, but you can just as easily enjoy your time observing the way in which nature has battered the coastline into beautiful shapes. For example Three Cliffs bay is one of the less visited bays, but its small

away beach close to neighbouring Mumbles and Caswell, always overcrowded when people want to overheat. It also has some macabre caves and sinking sand!

Explore further away from Swansea and you'll get to the larger bays, the biggest of all is Rhossili.

The hour or so drive to Rhossili passes some of the tiny hamlets on the Peninsula and some 'proper pubs' that are particularly difficult to

spot in Cardiff.

The Bay itself is a huge stretch of sand, punctured on the Hillside by a rustic cottage which must house the happiest farmer alive.

The trek down to the beach is suitably scary, as you wind dangerously down the steep footpath, before reaching the beach.

Like most of the Gower, the Vastness of Rhosilli means you can easily play a full game of cricket or football, or windsurf without worrying about bothering any one else enjoying the beach. Alternatively, you could merely take in the beauty by winding your way around, walking across the mainland.

It might be a little out of the way, but if you compare Gower to some of the 'beaches' nearer Cardiff, they pale in comparison, and I feel it's poetically and actually justified to make the effort to see Wales's best bit of beaches.

Lloyd Griffiths

travel

Sensational Snowdon neighbouring peaks.

And so the next morning, slightly hung-over, we set off into the clouds. Within a few hours of

“

next morning, slightly hung-over, we set off into the clouds...

“

U

nder substantial pressure from an over-eager flatmate, I finally agreed to climb the ‘busiest mountain in Britain', Snowdon. On the long drive up I reminisced about my virgin experience scaling the mountain, it was not magical, exciting or beautiful, instead cold, wet and foggy.

However, this was many years ago on a long and stressful pre-public school trip. Possibly my second effort would be more pleasurable.

And it was. We took the scenic route from Cardiff, winding between the valleys and mountains occasionally stumbling across a pub that invariably warranted a visit. A few hours later we, quite drunkenly, stumbled across an Inn almost in the shadow of one of Snowdon’s

walking, the sky had cleared and we were treated to stunning panoramic views of the National Park. On emerging at the top you are greeted by a large restaurant with swarms of people, which shocks you, having had limited contact with the human race for a few hours - at this stage

Brilliant Barry B

at the bus stop for Dave’s Coaches to arrive. Or you could even engage in Smithy’s philosophical debate over the welsh obsession with curry sauce at the many fish and

“

you may want to take out life insurance before getting on the Viper rollercoaster

“

arry Island is the ultimate nostalgic holiday destination in South Wales, still standing as a proud reminder of the old school British summer vacations that your nana would have enjoyed back in the days before bmibaby.

The island and surrounding areas are no doubt a shadow of their former selves after the Butlins holiday company pulled out of the region in the mid 1980s. But the island is definitely not to be written off just yet. Although it has been left to the mercy of seagulls and chavs for the past two decades, Barry Island is set to celebrate a resurgence in popularity, thanks to the national success of Barry’s golden couple 'Gavin and Stacey'.

Any die hard fans of the hit show will love wasting a good few pennies in Nessa’s arcade, or waiting

I was starting to doubt my friends membership after the horrific behaviour on the way up.

Although the numbers of tourists on the mountain slightly tinted the experience, the hot coffee and biscuits along with the smug knowledge that we had climbed the mountain - as opposed to all those who had cheated by taking the mountain train - was very welcome.

Snowdon is very accessible for skint students and always beats a weekend catching up on the Eastenders omnibus. In all honesty, the climb of 1,085 metres, the biggest in Wales, is an easy stroll for any selfrespecting student who can handle a walk home from chippy lane after a long night out.

Simon Lucey

these credit-crunching times, at £2.50 return on the train. And once you’ve got there, the good deals keep on rolling at the jewel in Barry’s crown, the notorious Pleasure Park. Admittedly, you might want to take out some sort of life insurance before getting on the Viper roller coaster, and you might just catch hepatitis from the log flume. But that’s all just part of the fun and charm of Barry Island.

At the end of the day, all said and done, I not gonna lie to you, Barry is proper immense! Innit!

James Moore

chip shops on the Barry seafront.

I might hold off asking the locals ‘what’s occurring’ though. I’m pretty sure it’s already wearing a bit thin.

And the best thing of all about Barry Island, is it’s a bargain in

travel@gairrhydd.com / 17

travel

Lankaborders Sri ...without In light of recent terrorist attacks across the beautiful South Asian isle,

Andy Tweddle remembers his time in Sri Lanka...

S

belief it is absolutely not fun to stay at the YMCA, so the next morning we decided to head out into big bad Colombo to discover it was… fine.

The best way to enjoy Colombo is to visit a few cool street stalls and eat your way around the plentiful street kitchens in the north-western Pettah district. Next, you’ll want to head to Kandy, arguably the country’s cultural centre-point. The train ride there is a highlight itself offering stunning views of the Sri Lankan countryside while you hang out of the open carriage with everyone else.

“

18 /travel@gairrhydd.com

The best way to enjoy Colombo is to eat your way around the plentiful street kitchens

“

ince 1983, political turbulence has bubbled under Sri Lanka’s surface, showing its colours every now and then in what has now become a brutal on/ off civil war.

The Liberation Tigers of Tamil Eelam (more commonly referred to as the Tamil Tigers) are an organisation constantly battling with the Sri Lankan government to create an independent state in the north-east of the island named Tamil Eelam. The Tamil Tigers’ demonstrations can involve bombs and heavy violence, and have led to the Foreign Office labelling Sri Lanka as a hotspot for (a word this particular travel journalist hates using…) terrorism.

Unfortunately, the FO has a pretty gargantuan point as, to date, the insurgency has killed over 70,000 people and displaced thousands more.

A ceasefire between the Tigers and the government operated until 2006, when two very important events occurred in Sri Lanka: the violence began to mount again, and I showed up.

The week before my travel partner and I arrived on the island, suicide bombers had hit Colombo – the country’s capital – killing eight people and causing the Sri Lankan army to launch air strikes on the Tigers.

Uh oh.

News travels fast and my inbox soon became packed with emails from my mum with content such as "Are you sure about SL, darling?" and "PLEASE FOR THE LOVE OF CHRIST DON’T GO (Dad sends love)". Despite my mother’s heated missives, we showed up anyway and did a bit of exploring.

Arriving at Colombo in the middle of the night, we promptly checked into the YMCA. Contrary to popular

Set around the serene Lake Kandy and home to the Temple of the Tooth (which houses one of Buddha’s teeth), the town is a colonial dream. Those looking for refreshment should head to The Pub in the centre of town to sample some of Sri Lanka’s famous – and borderline vitriolic – liquor, Arrack.

Whilst in Kandy it would be criminal not to visit the incredible Pinnewala Elephant Orphanage. It is here that over 60 orphaned elephants reside and that I had one of the (quintessential ‘gap year’ lingo coming up) best experiences ever –

bathing a young elephant.

The ‘Cultural Triangle’ in the Hill Country north of Kandy is punctuated by the ancient cities of Anuradhapura, Trincomalee and Polonnaruwa. The highlight of these beautiful ruins is undoubtedly the vast rock of Sigiriya which, when climbed, offers a delicious view of the surroundings and has provided me with countless impressive profile pictures.

Heading south, active travellers should opt for a hike up Adam’s Peak, and beach bums should hit one of the many lazy beach towns speckled along the coast - such as Tangalla or Galle. Sri Lanka’s beach towns are still gorgeous, provide excellent surf, and host countless friendly locals who're more than willing to take you in for a few nights while you recuperate.

‘Scary’ and ‘threatening’ are not adjectives I would associate with the beautiful island of Sri Lanka. That said, a bus driving along the very same route we had taken just a week before was bombed by the Tigers after we’d left the country.

Unrest continues, so I would beseech visitors to exercise a certain degree of caution, read up on the unrest, and perhaps avoid the Northern Territories where Tiger action is rife.

The country is simply bursting with experiences that to write it off completely, in spite of the insurgency, would be a terrible mistake indeed.

See, mum? Nothing to worry about at all...

Blind Date

blinddate

The love goddesses are back with a pair of eager young singletons both looking for another lover... so what's the verdict?

“

“

She easily deserves a 9...

We had a fantastic time.

Mark Blinddate: Mark lets get down to business, what would you give Brittany out of 10?

Mark: She easily deserves a nine.

Oooh, so what were your first impressions?

I thought she was really friendly and confident, which made the situation a lot easier because i was feeling a bit nervous.

Were there any highlights of the date?

Well, we just had a fantastic time.

Great! Were there any shocking moments?

Not really shocking. But at one point I started choking on my food which was a bit embarrassing. But Brittany saved me with a glass of water.

So she was your knight in shining armor?

I guess so.

How would you describe Brittany in three words?

Charming, confident and friendly.

Do you think you’ll keep in touch?

I’d like to, yes.

So which would you rather: chuck, fuck or marry?

Fuck, of course.

Brittany Now it’s Brittany’s chance to tell her side of the story.

What would you give Mark out of 10?

Brittany: I’d probably give him a seven.

What were your first impressions of him?

He was nice and very friendly. He was really chatty as well which made the situation a lot easier.

What was the highlight of the date?

There wasn’t a particular highlight as such - the date was just really nice and went really well. The food was good as well, which was an added bonus.

Do you think you will keep in touch?

Well, I didn’t give him my number, but I’m sure we’ll stay in touch, just as friends.

But nothing more?

No. I think it will defintiely be a Facebook friend request but nothing more unfortunately.

How would you describe Mark in three words?

Easy going, talkative and just a pretty cool guy in general.

So the infamous chuck, fuck or marry?

Hmm... that’s a tough one...go on then, I’ll say fuck!

Mark and Brittany enjoyed their meal courtesy of Mordaith Bar & Grill, Oceana. For bookings call 029 20 377014

blinddate@gairrhydd.com / 19

features

St David: St David wasn't as dull as you probably think. Below that fusty exterior lies the legend of a miracle-working, earth-moving, Welsh saint. Ok, so he was also a tee-total vegetarian, but Features thinks there's more to this humble chap than meets the eye...

the archbishop of Wales.

He was obviously an important guy, as after his death his shrine became a great place of pilgrimage; four visits to the shrine at St David's were considered the equivalent of two to Rome, and one to Jerusalem.

Some of you will already know the

“

It has even been said that he managed to escape being poisoned... very James Bond

“

W

hether you’re a native Welshman or woman or not, it is a likely bet that the name ‘Saint David’ at least rings a bell, even if it is only in relation to the St David’s shopping centre in town. If not, it soon will do, for on the 1st March it is indeed, 'Dydd Dewi Sant’, or in plain English, ‘St David’s Day'.

On this day you can expect to see daffodils, leeks and red dragons around every corner as the country celebrates its patron saint.

The streets of towns and villages will fill with proud citizens taking part in or watching parades. In fact, it’s very likely that every school in Wales will be holding some sort of celebration. However, do we really remember what St David’s Day is all about? Or has it merely become another excuse for everyone to drink til they forget what they are actually celebrating?

St David was a very real and very intriguing person in the sixth century who had a great impact on the Wales that we know today. His mum was also a saint (Saint Non), so greatness obviously ran in the family. Many legends have been built up around the life of St David, but his greatest achievements include the fact that he brought Christianity to the Celtic tribes of Britain, founded ten monastries and even became

magical tale of how he was able to raise the ground for his congregation, if not – Google it. As we are all here studying – well at least studying the night-life - in Wales, the least we can do is embrace a bit of Welsh tradition.

After all, St David was a pretty cool bloke. Rumour has it that he lived for over a hundred years, was a free-spirited vegetarian and once brought a person back to life. It has even been said that he managed to escape being poisoned by merely

20 /quenchfeatures@gairrhydd.com

blessing the food containing the poison, a little bit James Bond - esque if you ask me. He also delivered a thought provoking last sermon, which stated that we should all ‘do the little things, the small things you have seen me doing'. Hmmm, was he suggesting that we really should complete that overdue piece of coursework I wonder?

St David was also known was ‘Dewi Ddyfrwr’, which means ‘David the Water Drinker’, as quite precisely this was all he drunk. I wonder then what this miraculous saint would think about the messy state that St Mary’s Street will undoubtedly be in this March 1st in his ‘honour'. Just as with St Patrick’s Day, St David’s Day has become synonymous with drinking and partying, but I doubt St David would have agreed with our modern day celebrations. St Patrick probably would do on the other hand – those Irish love their craic.

If we take one thing from St David though, it should probably be his idea to ‘do the little things’. Now you can relate this to whatever you choose, be it looking out for a mate or more personally washing your hands after the toilet, but it’s a nice phrase to remember, especially if you’re out in St Mary’s Street on the night of his celebration.

features

Centenarian, vegetarian, and all-round good guy...

S

t David’s Day - a chance to celebrate everything that is Welsh. Growing up in Wales I have always taken the St David’s Day celebrations for granted. No lessons, copious amounts of welsh cakes and enough leeks to sink a battleship!

Every March 1, without fail, out would come the traditional ‘Welsh Lady costume’ that all of the girls were made to wear into school by their proud parents. Misshapen black felt hats that were finished off with the highest quality net trim, a little patterned shawl and skirt with a daffodil/leak pinned onto a white blouse. All of which I remember to be incredibly itchy with an interesting old lady aroma that was somehow deeply imbedded within every inch of flannelette. So all in all, it was a really great outfit.

It was also one of the few times in my life so far that I have needed to learn the Welsh National anthem.

Believe me, it was no easy task.

The words are painfully long and there are very few of them that I know the meaning of. Throughout our St David’s day school day everybody would compete in houses through dance, song and musical performances along with writing and poetry. It was all very competitive...we were there to win.

“

Out would come the ‘Welsh Lady' costume with its interesting old lady aroma

“

Miss out on the St David's day experience?

Sara Stanford re-lives the musty costumes and welsh cake gluttony...

Despite an entire day being devoted to remembering the Welsh Saint, I never really knew a great deal about the old chap or indeed, what all of the fuss was about. I was much more concerned with making up a good dance routine.

Plus, it was a non-uniform day and that was all that I needed to know. Now that I have left school, I certainly have more of a sense of appreciation for the history of Welsh culture and I am glad that we continue to follow the traditions that make us different from everyone

else. Welsh pride is without a doubt, a major driving force behind all of the activities that schools throughout Wales continue to take part in, helping to prevent our history from being forgotten. Although, I think that any excuse to watch the ‘popular girls’ dancing to Ooh Stick You by Daphne and Celeste and taking themselves seriously is a good enough excuse alone to celebrate St David’s Day! Yikes.

Want to get involved?

If you're feeling energetic, then jog along to the St David's Day run in Bute Park on Sunday morning. There's a hardcore 10K run, but also 5K and 1K ones, so there is no real excuse not to get involved! http://www.cardiffstdavidsdayrun.co.uk/ If the thought of running is too much, then head down to watch the parade go through town. It promises to be loud, proud and colourful. The procession starts at Sophia Gardens, then heads towards the National Museum in the Civic Centre on Sunday March 1.

quenchfeatures@gairrhydd.com / 21

gay

Ray  2008 came to a pretty disasterous divorced from husband Guy Ritchie. remain in firmest alliance with Her and adoring subjects of the Queen of

22 /gay@gairrhydd.com

gay gay

of Light

end for Madonna, as she confirmed years of tabloid speculation by getting herself But no matter what Mr. Ritchie says or does, there are legions of fans that will Madgesty. James Moore asks why gays world over will always be the loyal and Pop - no matter how skimpy the leotard, no matter how big the muscles...

I can’t actually pinpoint what it was about her that made me become an obsessive disciple of

her work. But the more I learnt, the more I loved. She is exactly who she wants to be and ignores the scrutiny.

It's her attitude, her fearlessness and her confidence: essentially everything I aspire to be. Now, I know there are plenty out there who feel that Madonna should do the decent thing and pick her vagina up off the floor and stop cavorting in leotards, but even at the age of 50 she’s still got what it takes.

Madonna and gay culture have grown together symbiotically, and she's arguably largely responsible for pushing it into the mainstream.

Constantly reinventing herself, Madonna has established herself as the Ultimate Gay Icon. There are the

obvious characteristics: she taught the world to 'vogue'. She dressed up as super sex symbol Marilyn Monroe in her ‘Material Girl’ video.

She even kissed Britney Spears, for fuck's sake! The woman is as close to gay as a straight woman can get.

But it’s not just the frivolity of ‘getting into the groove’ and ‘striking the pose’ that has cemented Madonna

“

Some people think Madonna should pick her vagina up off the floor and stop cavorting, but she’s still got what it takes!

“

B

arely a boy of ten, with my floppy mousy curtains and a face full of puppy fat, I was in love; head over heels love; an enduring love that has lasted until this day. But I could never know if my love was returned.

Why? Because it was with Madonna. That’s right. The original Material Girl was my Lucky Star, and since that first play of ‘Ray of Light’ I knew I would never love another woman again. For me, she was a Queen: a Queen of Pop, a Queen of Controversy, a Queen of Reinvention, and with more style and success then could possibly be confined to one persona. She’s done it all; gothic goddess, disco diva, daring dominatrix. From her eighties-tastic days, to her fabulous ghetto blaster-humping comeback, Madonna cannot put a foot wrong in the eyes of her adoring gay fans.

as a figure of homosexual reverence; she’s so much more than just frills and lace...

When Madonna found her audience in the 1980s, it was a hard time to grow up gay. Thatcher was ensuring that being gay was not going to be made easy or acceptable in Britain, and of course it was the era when gay men lived under the ominous shadow of AIDS. Many public figures cowered from taking on the AIDS taboo, but not Madonna. She led the way, speaking out about the illness and its sufferers, having seen so many of her own gay friends die from the virus. As

much as her camp classics offered a sound for the gay clubs, it was her readiness to speak out on topical issues that secured her as a figure of gay adoration.

But what about today? It’s 2008, not 1988, so why is she relevant to modern gays? The simple answer to this is that she remains to be a boundary breaker. Madonna continues to tenaciously take on the institutions that stand in the way of gay equality. The Church has always been a target. She’s been pissing them off since having sex on an altar with a black saint in her 1989 ‘Like A Prayer’ video.

She’s continued to cause Christian offence well into her middle age by hopping onto a Swarovski crucifix dressed up as Jesus in her 2006 'Confessions' Tour. Her other target is the American Republican Party, displayed by her berating of Sarah Palin and vocal disapproval of California’s dismissal of Proposition 8 on her ‘Sticky and Sweet' tour.

Ultimately, Madonna will remain a gay icon well beyond her fifties.

If she can still get into those cone bras and thigh-high boots in her nineties, you just know that no one is gonna stop her. She is what she is and does what she does despite all the scrutiny. For this, Madonna will always have a place in the heart of gay culture. Sure, we could do without the Kabbalah-bashing and macrobiotic diets, but many feel a need to thank Madonna for making them realize and accept who they are and who they want to be. It seems only fitting to finish on a lyric from the woman herself. 'This is who I am. You can like it or not. You can love me or leave me, because I’m never going to stop!'.

gay@gairrhydd.com / 23

FOOD FIGHT! food

ment. fs are all over the place at the mo Love 'em or hate 'em, celebrity che om the ugly of Celebrity Chefd ... and bad the d, goo the s ate ebr cel Food

A

woman who creates espresso martinis as a hangover cure immediately earns herself a place beneath the dictionary definition of fabulous.

The glamour that Audrey Hepburn brought to Breakfast (at Tiffany's), Nigella Lawson brings to every meal of the day, and from our inadequate student kitchens we can but dream...

The Man Who Knows: Anthony Worrall Thompson

The Domestic Goddess: Nigella Lawson Apparently he knows what to put in his mayonnaise. Perhaps butter, cream and more butter? Undeniably, with all their deadly ingredients AWT's recipes are guaranteed to be tasty, but they're only recommended for people with a death wish. I can't say his irritating tones have had me rushing to the supermarket in a mayo-buying frenzy.

Yes, she used malt loaf in a recipe, and yes, she found a way to make hummus complicated - but we bet today’s crazy culinaries spent their childhoods watching Delia Smith whisk up an impeccable Victoria Sponge. Not to mention inspiring countless imaginary cook shows.

She certainly taught me how to say 'here's one I made earlier' like a pro.

The Mother Hen: Delia Smith

The Culinary Conscience: Jamie Oliver

24 / food@gairrhydd.com

A sort of secular, male Mother Theresa of the food world. Ok, this may be overdoing it slightly, but love him or loathe him, Jamie Oliver certainly has a catalogue of good deeds to add to his recipe collection. In light of this and his pukka (sorry) food, we’ll overlook the Sainsbury’s adverts. After all, who can resist the charms of a naked chef?

The Plat du Jour – Heston Blumenthal An “alchemist” of the kitchen, Heston Blumenthal is more than just a TV Chef. His unique and bizarre recipes have stormed and sometimes shocked the culinary world – snail porridge, anyone?! You may shudder at the thought, but there is method in his madness.

Blumenthal thrives on a scientific approach to food. He claims that through a ‘gastronomic’ understanding of the biological processes of the stomach, food can be tailored to kick-start emotional, psychological and sensory responses within us – ooh, Heston!

At first, all this sounds a little deep – it doesn’t take a genius to appreciate the satisfying sensation you get from eating a big fat pie. On closer inspection, however, I realised just how talented this chef is. I believe any man who can combine the two biggest loves in my life and conjure up “Chocolate Wine” deserves a knighthood to go with his OBE. And whilst “Nitroscrambled Egg and Bacon Ice Cream” may leave me a little cold (sorry, couldn’t resist!), three Michelin Stars and the ‘Best Restaurant in the World’ award disagree.

Hannah Powell

food

Inspired by these TV icons, here's a little something we made earlier...

Chocolate Wine

Carrot and Coriander Soup Serves 4 - 1 tbsp vegetable oil - 1 onion, sliced - 450g carrots, sliced - 1 tsp ground coriander - 2 pints vegetable stock - Large bunch fresh coriander, roughly chopped - Salt and black pepper

Serves 4 - 1 bottle Zinfandel wine - 1 1/2 cups whole milk - 28g quality milk chocolate, finely chopped - Cocoa powder, to garnish

Lemon Drizzle Cake Serves 8

The Review: Maze, Mayfair It was a groggy Sunday morning, but instead of waking up to half eaten chips and a headache, I was relishing the prospect of lunch at one of the most critically acclaimed restaurants in the country. Gordon Ramsay's restaurant, Maze, is in the heart of Mayfair, London, overlooking Grosvenor square and is a honey pot for the rich and famous.

I took my girlfriend and we dressed-up for the occasion, hoping to get a glimpse of Mr Ramsay himself. The dining room was spacious and subtly decorated which gave a welcoming atmosphere. One wall of

- 200g butter, softened - 200g golden caster sugar - 4 eggs - 175g ground almonds - 250g mashed potatoes - Zest of 3 lemons - 2 tsp gluten-free baking powder For the drizzle: - 4 tbsp granulated sugar - Juice 1 lemon 1. Heat oven to 180C/fan 160C 2. Butter and line a deep, 20cm round cake tin.

the room was dedicated to a large window looking onto the kitchen which gave the diners an appreciation of the effort that was put into their lunch.

“

we hoped to get a glimpse of Mr Ramsay himself...

“

1.Boil the wine in a saucepan over a medium heat until reduced by half.

2. Meanwhile, bring the milk to a boil.

3. Place the chocolate in a small mixing bowl, pour the red wine over the top and whisk, making sure all of the chocolate is melted.

4. Pour half of the hot milk into the chocolate mixture and whisk to blend. With the remaining milk, froth with a hand blender.

5. Pour the chocolate wine mixture into small cups and spoon some of the milk froth over the top, garnish with cocoa powder and serve hot.

The menu was Tapas style French food and the friendly, well-informed staff recommended 4-6 courses and dessert. We spent a while, over a large glass of red wine, choosing

1. Heat the oil in a large pan and add the onions and the carrots.

Cook for three to four minutes until starting to soften.

2. Stir in the ground coriander and season well. Cook for one minute.

3. Add the vegetable stock and bring to the boil. Simmer until the vegetables are tender.

4. Whizz with a hand blender or mash the vegetables until smooth.

Reheat in a clean pan, stir in the fresh coriander and serve.

3. Beat the sugar and butter together until light and fluffy, then gradually add the egg, beating after each addition.

4. Fold in the almonds, cold mashed potato, lemon zest and baking powder.

5. Tip into the tin, level the top, then bake for 40-45 mins or until golden and a skewer inserted into the middle of the cake comes out clean.

6. Turn out onto a wire rack after 10 mins cooling.

7. Mix the granulated sugar and the lemon juice together, then spoon over the top of the cake, letting it drip down the sides. Let the cake cool completely before slicing.

what we wanted as the menu was very extensive and sometimes hard to translate. Among the dishes we chose were Pumpkin volute (still not sure what that is), avocado and crab with sweet corn sorbet, durade (a white fish similar to bream) on a bed of lobster risotto and roast lamb. The quality and freshness of the ingredients was noticeable, even over the more top end restaurants in Cardiff.

That, combined with the visible skill of the chefs (through the window) made the experience an unforgettably delicious one.

A Michelin star is not just about food. It’s about an experience, and Maze lived up to its Michelin star status.

Andrew Morvan

food@gairrhydd.com/ 25

arts

Off The

F

ollowing a highly successful ‘Live at the Apollo’ set last December and an award-nominated gig at Edinburgh Festival, Russell Kane brought his new show ‘Gaping Flaws’ to Cardiff.

Christening himself ‘Russell the Third’ within the first five minutes of the performance, Kane provided a self-efacing yet quirky and inviting tone in his quick-witted journey of discovery into British minds. He didn’t miss an opportunity to mock British personalities and their need for flaws in politics, society and relationships, presenting us all as a nation of masochists who need to have their imperfections paraded to others in order to gain

26 /arts@gairrhydd.com

some sense of satisfaction.

Throughout the set, Kane revealed a knack for making the everyday and banal completely hilarious. His comparisons between Brits and Americans was brilliantly accurate, with on-the-mark imitations and accents providing some fascinating insights.

“

self-effacing yet quirky... a quick-witted journey of discovery

“

Russell Kane St David's Hall 02/02/09

The American take on dating was revealed to be as simple as walking up to someone during the day and just - well - asking them out. However, us Britons always resort to the tried-and-tested formula of alcohol and attachment. In fact, when it comes to

dating, the concept of getting with someone while sober is out of the question. As for falling for someone good-looking, that's something Kane believes entirely alien to a nation who demand nothing but imperfection.

Bringing this attitude to our familiar ground, the comedian continues to question how supportive the British are, wondering how long people can run around Splott in spandex before someone does their duty for the nation and rolls down a car window to yell, ‘wanker!’

Kane’s topics span a large range of contemporary British attitudes. Political issues are emphasised through taunting references to BNP leader Nick Griffin, and our viewpoints regarding national security are highlighted through comparisons to the luggage restrictions in New Zealand’s airports: "pomegranate fruit are their 9/11".

Kane may not be perfect. His stage manner and body language was peculiar to say the least, and his jokes sometimes went a little beyond comfort, but - in spite of ourselves - we couldn't help but love him for it.

Rachel Yates and Amelia Forsbrook

Wall

arts

Lisa Evans takes a sneaky peak at some of the popular stand-up comedians on their way to St David’s Hall...

A new generation of off-beat comedians perform in Cardiff

Josie Long Sherman Theatre 07/02/09

W

hen watching a show

by Josie Long you will learn to love apples.

In particular the ‘Jazz’ apple and the way you can line up the stickers on your chest to make yourself feel like a honorary member of the military.

This a show filled with wonder and enthusiasm, particularly for collections of peculiar objects, including plastic frogs and an array of stolen pens.

Josie is an endearing, curious character full of bright-eyed enthusiasm. She is completely lost in her ideas about science and nature, whether this is the theories of Newton or imagining camping out with Galileo.

Her vivid imagination about the world is truly captivating. During the show she explores the philosophy of the Enlightenment and envisions John Locke on Deal or no Deal (it’s innate!).

Ed Byrne ‘Different Class’ 16/02/09 The performance is a refreshing alternative to the stream of wry, deadpan comics on the comedy scene at the moment; it leaves you inquisitive about the world rather than despondent.

When lights are handed out to the audience at the end of the show to form constellations, you couldn’t help sharing her sparkling vision for a moment.

Whilst at times the show drifted off into such a digression that I was left staring into an altogether different space, you could not criticise the creativity of her act.

It was some of the most original, imaginative stand-up I have seen for some time.

Kate Budd

The famous Irish stand-up comedian is an Edinburgh Fringe favourite. Byrne is best known by some for his appearances on numerous television programmes, including BBC Two’s Mock The Week. The comic value of the show is Byrne’s humorous take on marriage, class and today’s youth.

Dylan Moran 'What It Is' 21/02/09 Dylan Moran is back with his new 2009 show entitled ‘WHAT IT IS’.

Critically acclaimed, Moran has become a household name on the comedy scene. He has starred in hit movies like Shaun of the Dead and Run Fat Boy Run, proving his worth and talent as a comedian.

His impulsive, uncanny, often cruel but overwhelmingly witty and amusing show is extremely popular.

Al Murray ‘The Pub Landlord’s Beautiful British Tour’ 05/03/09 Al Murray’s stand up persona ‘The Pub Landlord’ is a conventional working-class British nationalist.

Al Murray proved a hit with his ITV Happy Hour show, which has been successfully recreated live on stage. The stand-up act is sure to make you laugh out loud while he attempts to put the ‘Great’ back into ‘Great Britain’.

arts@gairrhydd.com / 27

books

Books The Cradle Snatcher, Tess Stimson (Macmillan)

T

ess Stimson, Oxford graduate and Daily Mail writer, brings credibility to the often scoffed-at Chick Lit genre in her well-written and realistic book The Cradle Snatcher.

Shrewd businesswoman Clare Elias finds herself unable to cope with newborn twins so, much to the distain of her husband, she hires a nanny to help.

“

there are several saucy sex scenes and a to-die-for heart throb...

“

Thinking that this was going to be another jealously- or affair-riddled tale of a wife’s cheating husband and the saucy nanny, I found myself surprised by what the book had to offer. It is more about the difficulty of juggling work and personal life with a mother’s struggle to bond with her newborns. The twists are gratifying and the characters have a poignancy that is not revealed immediately. Indeed, the highly intelligent new-mother is a refreshing far cry from the useless WAG-wannabe characters found corrupting bookshelves everywhere.

The narration is split between the characters, so one tantalisingly juicy slice of plot is released after another as our judgements are proven wrong or right from different perspectives. However, The Cradle Snatcher is also an easy read that

can be read on the beach in Spain without you feeling like you’re pushing yourself just that bit too hard on brainpower. Also, it sneakily includes several saucy sex scenes and a to-die-for heartthrob...

This book is a welcome change

28 / books@gairrhydd.com

from the other easy-going reads of the genre; if you're still unconvinced then just read it for the ending - it'll make your toes curl (and not in a bad way).

Michelle Taylor

books

I

n the digital age we currently live in, it can be hard to appreciate the importance of the role of letters in everyday society

particularly in the epic title-sequence ‘The Last Green Year’, where his responses to all four seasons produce descriptive gems such as his portrayal of a frozen field as "an open box of diamonds".

Ward is equally adept at producing both archly humorous and philosophical poetry. ‘Epiphany’

before e-mail and the internet dictated everything we do.

Alan Stewart’s lovingly-crafted opus on the use and role of letters both in Shakespeare’s plays and his personal life provide a useful insight into the significance played by the reading, writing and circulation of letters in everyday life.

This book endeavours to dispel the popular perception of the letter amongst modern actors, directors and critics as awkward and embarrassing to perform; instead portraying letters in a light that reveals their importance in both his plays and his contemporary society. The result is a resounding success.

From discussing the importance of the letter in plays such as Hamlet, The Merchant of Venice and King Lear, to the circulation of letters between Shakespeare, his fellow playwrights, and even important figures such as Queen Elizabeth I, this book provides an intricately-constructed new kind of critical approach on a subject much neglected by contemporary scholars.

Stewart shows the letter to be not merely a crude plot device, but a scripture capable of producing great theatricality and wielding great power, as well as providing some much-needed comic value.

“

this is a green, promising year for Ward's poetry and ‘Skinning a Rabbit’ are startling examples of Ward’s skill of transforming the macabre into the poetic, while in ‘Spring Time, Ferryside’, he contrasts the uncertainty of life with the regenerative cycle offered by nature, questioning "the riddle of time" itself. Certainly, this is a green, promising year for Ward’s poetry – and hopefully, not his last.

Renyi Lim

“

it's an insight into the significance of reading and letters in everyday life

“

Shakespeare's Letters, Alan Stewart (Oxford University Press)

C

innamon Press continues to demonstrate its ability to publish writers and poets who make an impact on Wales’ literary scene, this time in the form of John Powell Ward’s latest collection of poems, The Last Green Year.

The Suffolk-born poet, whose career spans a respectable five decades, highlights the inspiration he draws from nature and the ‘dips and curves’ of the scenic Welsh landscape – a significant motif in light of the fact that Ward spent twenty-five years in Swansea lecturing at the University of Wales.

It should be acknowledged that Ward’s poetry is not the most immediately accessible: poems such as ‘The Game’ and ‘Verdict’ risk alienating the reader through their obscure references, while first-time readers who are unfamiliar with Ward’s poetic style may find themselves disorientated by his fondness for fractured sentences and fragmented verses.

However, it is still easy to enjoy Ward’s inventive use of imagery,

“

The Last Green Year, John Powell Ward (Cinnamon Press)

Overall, Shakespeare’s Letters is a veritable treasure trove of information on a relatively elusive subject, written concisely and with the utmost regard for the subject at hand. For any students studying Shakespeare, this is arguably one of the better texts to have been written about the Bard in recent times.

Steve Wright

books@gairrhydd.com /

29

books The Heretic's Daughter, Kathleen Kent (Pan Macmillan)

T

“

Often flat and uninspired

aking place during the 1692 Salem Witch Trials, this novel chronicles the early life of Sarah Carrier, who can only watch as her formerly-rational fellow villagers become enveloped in the hysteria surrounding late seventeenth-century witch trials.

This is Kathleen Kent’s first novel, and although this is clearly an admirable first foray into the world of fiction, that's not to say that it's entirely without faults.

The subject matter is undeniably emotive, and particularly poignant as Kent claims to be a direct descendent of the protagonist. Unfortunately, however, the storytelling potential that could be gleaned from the topic is left unfulfilled. Despite the cataclysmic upturn of events, Kent fails to properly convey the emotion of the situation, with the characterisation often feeling flat

and uninspired. The result of this is that the novel reads more like a historical narrative rather than a storytelling one.

However, not everything is bad.

Kent succeeds in perfectly capturing the dark atmosphere, conveying the sense of helplessness through the strength of her narrative alone, and making up for the less-than-perfect characterisation.

Overall, this is a decent attempt at decoding a dark-yet-poignant event in our history that showcased the best and worst of human nature at its zenith. If Kent can make her characters as compelling as her narrative, then she has the potential to be an exciting newcomer to the world of fiction.

Steve Wright

“

Books in Cardiff a guide to all things literary and local this fortnight February 19

February 24

A Night for the Unpublished Glanfa, Wales Millenium Centre.

7.00pm. FREE Open Mic Night for unpublished authors from across Wales to perform poetry to an audiences. Go along and be inspired. Organised

by Academi, so take it as a chance to get in on the Welsh literary scene, and meet some great poets of the future. Or point and laugh at their failure.

Whatever floats your boat, really.

Book Reading: James Hawes reads from My Little Armalite, John Williams reads from Michael X and Duncan Bush from Now All the Rage. Followed by Q and A. Borders, 7.30pm. FREE Three authors at once,and its free. No idea if there would be alcohol there too (which is an important thought. Actually, maybe it's more concerning that I always wonder about the presence of free alcohol?)

30 / books@gairrhydd.com

digital

DIGITAL\:10110101001010001000

100110011011001100110011101101 100110110010011000101001010101

BEAUTY IS ONLY PIXEL DEEP

Gaming makes Tom Baker take a long hard look in the mirror

32 / digital@gairrhydd.com

and cinema; they are merely vessels to carry the message that society loves to ram down our throats of what beauty is. Skin deep.

“

Gaming lets you escape the flaws of everyday life

“

G

amers are berated by stereotypes; simply mentioning to someone that you play games conjures images of pale-faced shut-ins, hissing at the daylight as if the concept of fresh air would cause their lungs to explode. Obviously this is an over exaggeration, as my Adonis-like physique is testament to, but a recent study by Kansas state university shows that we may be our own harshest critics.

The study shows that after 15 minutes of playing a game where the test subjects’ gender was portrayed in an overly flattering manner, the person felt worse about the way they looked. The study concludes that there may be more negative issues to gaming than the old chestnut of video-game violence. The idea of portraying a character as a paragon of the species has been around for a while, in fact, that’s the main draw of gaming; to escape into a form which is outside the flaws of everyday life, and like the violence argument, issues only really start to arise when the lines between reality and the fantasy land that lives in your Xbox are blurred. Personally I have never looked at Marcus Fenix, the neck deficient protagonist of Gears of War, and thought he was a role model to shape my body after, but I’m not going to dismiss the possibility altogether that this could indeed be damaging to certain people. Games are as much the cause of this insecurity as posters, television

If anything, this got me thinking that games may actually be beneficial to this climate of image obsession. Creating your own avatar in games has become increasingly popular; spreading from RPG’s to be the basis of other games like the PS3’s Home. It gives people a chance to craft a character in the image of

Before

whatever they want, it can reflect who you are, what you like, what you think looks best, and no one judges you. In games you aren’t judged by looks; the anonymity of the Internet and online gaming can allow people to socialise with others without constantly checking your hair. Just because games present representations of real life, doesn’t make it real, and despite the study I was inclined to disagree with the idea that people could feel worse about themselves after 15 minutes of gaming.

However you may be interested to hear the two games (not a cross section, one game for women one for men, which is in itself a loaded decision) were none other than ‘Wrestlemania 2000’ for the N64 and ‘Dead or Alive beach volleyball’ for the Xbox.

After

digital

T

he follow up to the extremely successful Skate lives up to the quality of its predecessor. Skate 2 provides a more realistic skating experience than its nearest rival, Tony Hawks.

Most fans of skating games will have played the Tony Hawk series and have become accustomed to being able to land huge jumps and the easy way in which you control your skater.

In Skate 2, however, the controls are a lot more difficult to master and you'll have to put in the hours to get used to the difficult control system.

As in Skate, you have to gain speed

LOTR Conquest PS3, PC, Xbox360 £39

S

tar Wars Battlefront was very successful, but transferring all its great qualities to the world of Lord of the Rings is a such an obvious move that its hard to choke down how long it took to arrive. The game is essentially battlefront, but taken to the melee more often and painted with the colourful palette of LOTR. It flaunts the established convention of multiplayer games having to be racy or shooty to be fun, but it dances on your screen with the grace of a particularly attractive and jiggly naked elf.

You’re essentially a grunt in lots of battles; for each life you choose to play as either a warrior, a mage, an archer or scout. Each has their

by holding X and to perform a standard olly you have to hold the right analogue stick down and then push it up. It's often hard to perform the move you want to with this control system and it often gives you little time to prepare for jumps.

“

you'll probably spend more time on the floor than on your board

The game follows a story of a skater who has just been released from prison and has to rebuild his skate career, and restore the skate

own weaknesses and strengths, but all classes are balanced. If you’re good enough to be the champion of the current match you may get to play as one of a few heroes, but they're essentially just shinier grunts.

“

“

PS3, Xbox 360 £39

“

Skate 2

fuck you, beardy!

The main quest spans both good and evil sides, and perspectives change around for the evil side to make a whole new story. The multiplayer is where the game really comes into its own, but for this reason it's better on Xbox360 or PC in comparison to the PS3.

On the down side, there are a few glitches to be noted, especially in the War of the Ring games. Most commonly, the person with the ring

scene that has been clamped down on by the police. Gamers are now able to get off their board and walk around which means you can discover new places and create your own environments with the ability to move objects around.

The graphics are good, especially in high definition, and the game has a long lifespan with a choice of mini games and online multiplayer options to play.

Ultimately, the realism of the game is its downfall as you have to put a lot of time into learning the controls, and if you are not a hardcore skateboard fan you'll probably spend more time on the floor than on your board.

Jonathan Stevens

falls down a hole as they run away from tides of snarling orcs, causing the player to scream curses worse than the black speech of Mordor, and the game to screw-up for the next minute as it gets confused as to where the ring went.

Saying that, I didn’t really care. I had so much fun playing the game that it didn't matter. I’d pay for it all over again just for the thrill of shouting “Fuck you, beardy!” one more time as my generic orc image #21 singes Gandalf's facial hair into oblivion with caustic lightning - the power of which must be indirectly correlated to the amount of work I’ve done since owning the game.

The only con in this game is in the word conquest. Ok, perhaps I’ve been dazed by a hit to the head from a cave troll, but it's damn good.

Craig ‘Flip’ McDowall

digital@gairrhydd.com / 33

goinggoing out out

GOING OUT? T

he snow’s gone, Valentine’s Day is over, and term has well and truly started. It may not seem as though there are many reasons to celebrate, but if this selection of musical delights doesn’t get your feet tapping, we don’t know what will.

One Mission are going head-tohead with the legendary Jigsore Sound on February 18, while Cassette Quality are heading down the retro route with a tribute to fluorescent body paint, legwarmers and all things 80s. If you’re bored with watching other people do all the work and want to take to the stage

yourself, get yourself down to Rockaoke at the Globe the following night, where you can karaoke yourself silly with a real, live band.

Welsh Club are going all out, playing host to Aperture one week and Holodeck the next, while C-Y-N-T are relocating to the weekend for their second birthday with James Zabiela. If dubstep’s more your thing, Clwb Tafod are playing host to some bass-rumbling sounds courtesy of DJ Distinction, and Neuropol and Club Delight are joining forces to bring Komanazmuk to Glo. We at Going Out are avid fans of anything of the mash-it-up variety,

and so the news that DJ Yoda’s Magic Audio Tour is hitting Cardiff is music to our ears indeed! He’s joined by king of filth Meat Katie at Club Seven at the end of the month – or if that isn’t twisted enough for you, check out Sicknote, who will be putting on some seriously weird shit at Glo that same weekend.

There’s something for everyone this fortnight – so put the snow shoes away, grab yourself a glowstick and get on down!

Much love, The Going Out Team. x

COMING SOON...

C - Y - N - T 2ND BIRTHDAY WITH JAMES ZABIELA - CLUB SEVEN -

C

-Y-N-T has come a long way since its humble beginnings in 2007. Having moved through no less than six venues in its short lifespan, Saturday February 21 sees the night celebrating its second birthday with a special appearance from one of dance music’s true A-listers.

Playing for the first time in Cardiff

DJ YODA'S MAGIC AUDIO TOUR - CLUB SEVEN -

D

J Yoda, celebrated for his diverse musical style, is bringing his Magic Audio Tour to Cardiff. Originally a hip hop DJ, but incorporating elements of funk, drum and bass and even country into his mixes, he’s been dubbed by Q magazine as

for five years, technical DJ extraordinaire James Zabiela will be playing a special three-hour set promoting the launch of his new mix CD, the latest instalment in the widely renowned Renaissance Master Series.

Having gained notoriety as a resident on Radio 1, Zabiela’s remarkable technical skill as a DJ soon made him an international superstar.

Combining a mix of deep beats, driving basslines and tuneful melodies, James has proven himself to be one of the most consistently innovative talents in modern dance music. Joining him on the night will be rising star

James Talk and C-Y-N-T’s very own Rob Cashin.

The night as a whole represents a slight shift in tone from other previous C-Y-N-T headline acts, and it is refreshing to see a bit of diversity in the names that come to the city.

For those unsure of what the night’s musical offering will be like, check out Zabiela’s Radio 1 Essential Mix, recorded live at Glastonbury last year, and start getting excited. This one looks set to top last years’ birthday bash by a mile.

C-Y-N-T 2nd Birthday, Club Seven, Saturday February 21, £12adv.

‘one of the ten DJs to see before you die’. Regarding his unique sound, he says that "sounding different is half the battle. Even if you sound different and bad, it’s better than sounding the same as everyone else".

He’s joined by Meat Katie, whose name (borrowed from the title of a porn film) reflects the filthy brand of breakbeat for which he is famous.

Highly influenced by house and

techno, his sparse, beat-focused tunes are almost impossible not to dance to.

All this musical wizardry, complemented by Yoda’s renowned visuals, which integrate clips from film, TV and even YouTube, makes for an evening quite unlike any other. Miss it at your peril!

DJ Yoda's Magic Audio Tour, Club Seven, Saturday 28th Feb, £11adv

34/goingout@gairrhydd.com

going out

REVIEWS

16.2.09 1.3.09 BENGA AND FREESTYLERS

18.2 •

•

One Mission v. Jigsore Soundclash (Drum n Bass/Breaks/ Dubstep), Glo Bar, 10pm, FREE Cassette Quality Euro Fluro 80s Party (80s/Party Classics), Glam, 10pm, £4

19.2 • •

Cassette Quality pres. Rockaoke, The Globe, 8pm, £4 C-Y-N-T (Electro/House/Techno), Clwb Ifor Bach, 10.30pm, £3/4

20.2 • •

Phase Two present DJ Distinction (Dubstep), Clwb Tafod, 10pm, £3 Aperture pres. Kasra and Vicious Circle (Drum n Bass), Clwb Ifor Bach, 10pm, £6 before 11 £8 after

21.2 •

C-Y-N-T 2nd Birthday with James Zabiela (Electro/House/ Techno), Club Seven, 10pm, £12

25.2 •

•

Club Delight and Neuropol pres. Komanazmuk (Dubstep), Glo Bar, 10pm, £3 before 12 more after Cassette Quality (Breaks/Electro), Glam, 10pm, £4

- GLAM -

I

arrived at Cardiff’s newest nightspot, Glam, to the worrying sight of a sparsely populated club. The bar was queued three people deep, whilst the dance floor remained empty. I dreaded to think that the choice of this suave, trendy venue may have been the downfall of a night with great potential.

Thankfully, being a ticketed event, it seemed the crowds had chosen a late arrival. With dubstep honcho Benga hitting the decks for 11.30pm, the venue soon grew busier.

The bar room emptied and the dance floor filled for one of the best known artists of the genre. Benga perfectly paced a typically grimy set, giving the baying fans exactly what they wanted. Despite a couple of minor mishaps on the behalf on the DJ, the crowd rocked, swayed and bounced for the entirety of the set, culminating in the inevitable drop of summer’s anthem, Night. Never

was there a better example of Cardiff’s thirst for dubstep.

Unfortunately, the electric energy was not maintained as one half of duo The Freestylers took to the decks. Straying from the jump-up, big breaks they are loved for, the crowd were turned off by a cliché ridden set of popular dance tunes.

“

the crowd was turned off by a cliché-ridden set of popular dance tunes...

“

CLUB LISTINGS

Having expected a set influenced by a progression into the darker fields of house, techno and hard dance, I was to be disappointed.

Overall it was a night of mixed success. If nothing else, it proves once again Cardiff’s need for a dedicated club to better accommodate the likes of Benga and the Freestylers.

Jack Doran

26.2 •

C-Y-N-T (Electro/House/Techno), Clwb Ifor Bach, 10.30pm, £3/4

27.2 •

Holodeck pres. Luke Vibert (Techno/Drum n Bass), Clwb Ifor Bach, 10.30pm, £6/7

28.2 •

Freestylers

•

Retro Electro pres. Sicknote, Glo Bar, 9pm, £5 DJ Yoda's Magic Audio Tour with Meat Katie (Hip hop/ Breaks), Club Seven, 10pm, £11

goingout@gairrhydd.com/35

You’ll find there’s more to LIFE at KPMG. Quite simply, things are bigger here. There’s more of everything; more development, more ambition, more international opportunities and a lot more work/life balance too.

So, whatever you want from LIFE, visit www.kpmg.co.uk/careers and find out when we’re visiting your campus.

music

inmusicthisweek

emmythegreat

riotgrrrl

albums:anthony

musiceditorial newsinbrief Blink & you'll miss it

Smack my bitch up

Quench, live?

For Pop Punk fans the world over news doesn't come much bigger than this. Blink 182 are pretty much The Beatles of their genre and with a new album supposedly on the cards (although not officially confirmed), it's fair to say that we're all a bit excited. So excited, in fact, that my Monday night saw me literally turn into a 14 year old boy, spending the day making playlists before the inevitable; Who's your favorite, Tom, Mark or Travis discussion. Whatever happens with the reunion, I'm grateful for this trip down memory lane, and now we can only hope that the Lighthouse Family get back together and all will be good with the world.

The night before the Grammy awards, Chris Brown was charged with assaulting his girlfriend, acclaimed popstar Rihanna. Why this occurred no one knows for sure, but the token internet gossip-blog reading mole in the quench office heard it was because of herpes, in an STD six-degress of separation kinda dealy. He claims she got herpes off of Josh Harnett, who in turn got it from Sienna Miller, who herself caught it from nanny-banger Jude Law, who our mole in the office claims received it from Kate Moss and Sadie Frost in a threesome about four years ago. It turns out our mole took all this info from popbitch.com.

Yes that right, Quench is going live, and when I say live, what I mean to say is we've invited some bands to play a gig at the legendary Clwb Ifor Bach AKA welsh club. It's happening on Wednesday February 25, and we have four of our favourite local acts playing; The Muscle Club, Blue Wall, Me and the Major, and Elephant & Soldier. If you'd like to come down and check out some of our fair city's most exciting new acts then you can, for the rather paltry sum of £4 with your NUS, that's £1 per band! For this price you will also get free entry to the clubnight after. If you're eager to find out more turn over to read interviews with the bands.

discoverlocal...

I

t’s something of a shindig at Clwb Ifor Bach tonight, as local veterans Attack and Defend release debut album Make, as well as playing their final gig of 2009. As one of the most assured and exciting alt rock bands Cardiff has to offer, it would be a shame if they were to call it quits; yet if this resulted in more output from A+D affiliated label Shape then it’s not all bad.

One band to grace Shape Records is the talented Frederick

Attack + Defend. Clwb Ifor Bach. 07/02/09

Stanley Star, who play main support for tonight’s gig. Filling the room with big vocal harmonies in the vein of Fleet Foxes or Bon Iver, the band are refining their sound and looking like a band capable of matching the success of these contemporaries. Alex Williams, playing the double bass among other instruments, is the bands engine, appearing on stage with all three bands this evening.

But tonight is really all about Attack and Defend. Playing upstairs in

Clwb, it’s like they’ve been working towards this moment for the last 3 years. Mixing heavier rock tracks with synthy alt. pop songs such as Sail Sale, which stands out as a clear highlight. Vocalist Mark Thomas’ idiosyncratic vocal style is likely to split opinion, yet perfectly compliments the bands sketchy lo-fi sound. What the future holds for Attack and Defend seems uncertain, but even if they go no further they will remain the undiscovered gem in local music. Chris Jericho

music@gairrhydd.com / 37

music

Quench: LIVE

FREE DOWNLOAD! Join the Quench LIVE group on facebook for FREE mixtape!

On Wednesday February 25, Quench is putting on a gig upstairs at Clwb Ifor Bach. The line-up consists of some our very favourite local bands. We'd like to introduce them to you - that is, if you don't know them already...

The Muscle Club

T

he Muscle Club are one of a new breed of Cardiff bands starting to make a dent in the indie world. Having already acquired sage nods of approval from scared tomes like NME and Artrocker, the boys also spent a good deal of last year supporting big name acts like The Black Lips, Future Of The Left and er, One Night Only.

Despite this success, the band remains stoic about the levels of exposure that this has given them.'I think about good reviews the same way I think about bad reviews like: 'Oh, it's only the opinion of one person - one tiny little cog in the proverbial machine - it could be the work experience boy writing it, you know'‌ so in the grand scheme of things it's perhaps best to not think about it too much.' For such a young new band, the opportunity to play with wellestablished artists is a huge chance, and the band are characteristically understated talking about this, 'It's fun playing with bands you like, because you get to see them for free.

Also, during the sound check you can mill about and try to look bored when really you're desperately thinking of ways befriend them without coming across as the world's biggest fanboy. Which is fun.'

Indeed, the band aren't your typical indie snobs either, agreeing to support haircut models One Night Only last year, seeing it as a chance to try and get a whole new audience for their music.' When we got asked to play with One Night Only, there was no question in my mind as to

38 / music@gairrhydd.com

whether we'd play it or not, it was chance to play at a place we may not play at again and we had a lot of fun. It brought a whole new audience to us, but perhaps one we didn't think of, because I got asked "why are these CD's so big?" in reference to the 7" vinyl we were trying to sell.'

Having the band spread across the UK would usually cause untold problems, but thanks to the internet,

the band have been able to continually write and practice, and the geographical split has also thrown up unexpected bonuses, 'Mike loves buses basically, he's got this book with all of the registration numbers of the National Expresses/ Mega Buses he's ever travelled on. He doesn't care about practicing, he just likes the drive.'

music

F

ollowing in the great tradition of british indie come Me and the Major. From Cardiff via Aberystwyth, the quartet cite wide ranging influences, from anthemic groups such as Oasis and Kasabian, to more experimental acts, like Radiohead and Bloc Party.

The nucleus of the Majors, Jamie and Adam, previously played in a band called The Strange Ones back in Aberystwyth, and once they moved to Cardiff they explained to me how they arrived at their current line-up, 'Sam (guitar) responded to

an advert in Spiller’s Records when he first came to university in Cardiff, and Matt joined about a year ago, after he filled in for our old drummer at Clwb Ifor Bach, he did such a good job we wouldn’t let him get out of it again!'

The band have clearly settled in Cardiff and have had airplay courtesy of local hero Huw Stephens.

The foursome enjoy being in the city, 'there are loads of good bands around and some great promoters who really help you to get started.

It’s quite diverse as well, there isn’t really one sort of sound that you can pigeon hole all the bands into.'

Blue Wall

B

lue Wall are Tom, Andy and Ollie, and together they generate angular postpunk that jerks around and puts a smile on your face.

From the moment I first heard Blue Wall, I’d always wondered about their moniker, and when I got the chance to chat to Tom it was the first question I put to him, ‘The name comes from the wall opposite Clwb - the one which is now covered with Franz Ferdinand posters. It's Blue, and we were drunk. But if you google Blue Wall, wikipedia talks about police cover-up stories and crime conspiracies, which gives the name a whole new meaning.’

When the trio embarked upon their musical journey, they were hardly residing in the most inspirational environment, ‘We started out in Talybont a few years ago - Andy lived above me, and we used to spend a few hours here and there playing Radiohead songs, and

working out quirky riffs. In 2nd year, when we had houses, Ollie set up his drums, and we fit those riffs together. We try and make a polarised sound with high guitars and bouncy bass, and some sort of rhythm to fit it together. So a lot of the songs really are written en masse by the 3 of us.’

Cardiff has a thriving music scene, and when I asked Tom what it’s like to be a part of, he responded enthusiastically, ‘More than anything, it's great to get to know the promoters and the bands, and experience the venues first hand. Cardiff churns out some great music, and I think that comes out of that good old socialist Welsh ethos.

I walked past the new developments this weekend, all those shapes, colours, restaurants and buildings, and I'm sure that Cardiff's got a very exciting future ahead of it. And I'm glad we can be a part of it, however small and noisy we are.’

E

lephant & Soldier consists of singer-songwriter Sam Goudie and an assortment of backing musicians, who together produce a sound likened by some to musical luminaries such as Damien Rice, Bon Iver and Ryan Adams.

I caught up with Sam, and first asked how he started making music, ‘My Dad taught me my first song, there's always been music in my house and I owe that to him.' It sounds almost as if the formation of Elephant & Soldier was an inevitabil-

ity, in some guise or another, and Sam’s passion for creating music seems to confirm this, ‘I write everyday, playing around with words and melodies. It took me a long time to realise my best songs are the ones that are crafted slowly over months!’

Music is clearly Sam’s passion, and when I ask what he enjoys most about his project he initially looks perplexed, but then replies, ‘At the moment it’s being in the Ripefruit studio putting together the EP. Working with some gifted musicians and hearing the sound develop renews your passion.’

music@gairrhydd.com / 39

music

a bluffer’s guide to...

Kyle Ellison picks apart the early 90s Riot Grrrl movement, looking at its influence on the music industry and the legacy of three key bands

T

o be a girl in the music industry pre 1991 was to be marginalised, stereotyped and objectified. Even the supposedly liberal thinking independent scene was predominantly run by men; from the fat cat record execs deciding who to market, to the majority of bands themselves, and even audiences were enveloped by the testosterone fuelled environment of the 'mosh pit'. The Riot Grrrl movement put these archaic conventions to the test, as girl groups playing radical feminist punk became role models for a generation of female musicians.

Musicianship, though, was almost entirely unimportant to many girls adorning the Riot Grrrl label; these bands were running on raw emotion and that's what made them so fantastic. You didn't need to spend hours in your bedroom studying chord diagrams to be in a Riot Grrrl band, you just needed a message, plenty of passion, and even more volume. Radical lyrical themes predictably led to the movement being misrepresented in the press as a hysterical man hating machine, yet ironically enough it was these reports themselves that were hysterical, as Riot Grrrl really wasn't really about men at all.

More than anything Riot Grrrl can be characterised by its dynamic DIY ethic. It wasn't necessarily a specific sound being made by a group of bands, but a set of values which were replicated through fanzines, flyers, records, labels, clothes, and events. The movement was totally independent, because it had to be, and although short-lived, the spirit of Riot Grrrl shall live on forever.

40/music@gairrhydd.com

Bikini Kill Although the band argues that no single Riot Grrrl band is more important than another, Bikini Kill is broadly considered to be the movement's definitive group. The Washington four-piece were early pioneers of Riot Grrrl culture, growing from a feminist fanzine of the same name into a fully fledged band and spearhead of the movement.

Despite being down right aggressive, their music is massively anthemic, making them the perfect poster girls for Riot Grrrl. Front woman Kathleen Hanna, a former stripper, has become synonymous with feminism and although Bikini Kill quietly finished in 1998, she continues to promote female empowerment with current project Le Tigre.

Huggy Bear London based Huggy Bear can be thought of as the quintessential British Riot Grrrl band, and the main equivalent to the likes of Bikini Kill and Bratmobile in the US. The group comprised of both boys and girls, added a touch of the avant-garde to Riot Grrrl's traditional punk rock framework, but that's not to say they were any less punk; they were famously kicked off The Word in 1993 for shouting abuse at an anxious Terry Christian.

My personal pick of the Riot Grrrl movement, and in their own words

"the sound of a revolution...the arrival of a new, renegade, girl/boy hypernation!".

Sleater-Kinney Formed out of two influential Riot Grrrl bands, Heavens To Betsey and Excuse 17, Sleater-Kinney continued championing Riot Grrrl ideals as the movement lost momentum around 1994. Their style combined the abrasive Riot Grrrl aesthetic with an alternative rock sound, which helped them gain serious critical acclaim. Whilst not always considered central to the movement, Sleater-Kinney deserve credit for continuing to fly the Riot Grrrl flag, and remaining independent before going on a hiatus in 2006.

music

Steve Beynon talks rituals, goats and Bangkok with London's rising songstress...

E

mma Lee-Lewis, the creativity behind the much loved Emmy The Great, fights her corner as her tour manager Kyle points the finger at her after discovering a missing guitar lead. Though small in stature and innocent in face, her personality does her battle well.'“I’m on my period,” she begins, slightly more openly than anticipated. “Women are less accommodating when they’re on their period. So I don’t think it’s my fault when I lose my stuff.”

While the remaining five band members, a multitalented selection of friends, stretch out on the sofas and make the most of Clwb Ifor Bach’s WiFi, Emmy reveals their typical pre-gig rituals.

“We usually jump up and down in a circle. Most of the time, though, just one person, and everyone else laughs. We also come out to each other. We go back in again after the gig, until the next time…” The on-stage homosexuality doesn’t stop there, however: “We sacrifice goats on stage. Tonight, we let it run free.

‘Run free, little goat!’ we said, as it galloped across the meadows.”

What followed was a short discussion on the well known dangers of releasing a goat into this particular part of the world, resulting in Emmy advising not to get onto the wrong side of a goat. The right side, apparently, is not the side with the horns…

It was apparent by now that this was a unique yet intelligent individual, capable of drifting far into her creative imagination, while still being switched on to the world around her. It is perhaps these two qualities alone that have made the band popular so quickly. “I’m the creative one – the others are just destructive,” she comments, reliving the day’s events of her building a snowman while the band attacks it with snowballs.

The talk soon turned to her music.

“Leonard Cohen is a big influence. I wrote [First Love] before he became the love of my life. I’ve seen him twice – last time, I spent £60 on the ticket! I fucking love Elton John, too.”

Emmy The Great are currently on tour with Ex-Lovers, and have

previously toured with artists such as Lightspeed Champion.

“It’s just a normal day on the job, you know… but he beats me. It’s a pretty normal thing in the music industry.” She won’t get a chance to get her revenge though – she’s being locked in a cage with the goat after the gig, apparently.

Comparing herself to Monica from Friends “without the cruel and unusual side,” Emmy talks about how she’d love to go to Bangkok to visit her parents.

“I love it: it’s not like London. London is so big and scary, and dense.

There are dinosaurs there as well. I was in Westminster University doing music, and looking back I’d say it was a big mistake. Although you can buy anything you want in London.”

It’s really refreshing to see such a happy and content person, not at all reflecting the dark lyrics contained within her songs. As a final thought, after rudely telling my friend Tom she’d never marry him, she declares, “I’m very passionate about soya milk.”

Now we know…

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music

albums albums albums albums ANTHONY & THE JOHNSONS

The Crying Light Secretly Canadian

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Anthony & The Johnsons

our years after the unheralded triumph and Mercury Prize-winner I Am A Bird Now, Anthony and the Johnsons return in 2009 with it's successor, The Crying Light.

Much like the former, Anthony Hegarty's inimitable vocal style acts as the pinnacle of a soulful, explorative record that substitutes the themes of sexuality and gender, for a more ethereal meditation on mortality, life and death.

Musically, The Crying Light is a contrast to it's predecessor's highprofile duets, and comparatively glitzy arrangements as it opts instead for a sparser, more simplistic approach. Dust and Water is an effective example, with only a haunting choral undertone supporting Hegarty's vocal. Whilst this means that The Crying Light is certainly not as striking as I Am A Bird Now – few records can claim to rival those opening bars of Hope There's Someone for saliency – and as a result, it's unlikely to garner the widespread recognition established four years ago. All the same, The Crying Light is a worthy follow-up, and reiterates Hegarty's position as a rare and irrefutable talent.

Phil Guy

7

NEW RHODES Everyone Loves A Scene Fabtone Records

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elf-described 'Londonbased indie poppers' New Rhodes’ second album is well worth a listen. Their influences, such as The Cure and The Smiths, are obviously reflected in the overall sound of the album, which at some points could be described as The Futureheads’ cousin. Having supported them

previously, along with other big names such as The Killers, it should be a wonder why they’re not that little bit more famous.

Though not perfect in any sense of the word, the album does show hope of a promising future for the band. It all kicks off with the title track, combining an anthemic wall of sound with strong lyrics, depicting the vocalist’s great distaste for ‘scenesters’.

The first single from the album, The Joys Of Finding And Losing That Girl, is in my opinion not the best on the album by far, but for a song about relationships, it’s a

c Party

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million times better than some with radio play that I could mention.

The following two songs, Let’s Talk and So Alone are ones I would look forward to seeing live, with catchy verses crescendo into a thunderstorm chorus.

Overall, it’s clear that this is a band that can actually play their own instruments for a change, and with the contacts they seem to have, they’d fit in perfectly (supporting) in a stadium near you.

Steve Beynon

8

music

albums albums albums albums THE FRAY The Fray Epic

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hances are, you’ll probably end up listening to this album whether you want to or not – two years after their platinum-selling success of 2007, The Fray are still the default.

choice for television soundtracks, with their first single You Found Me already featuring on the fifth season of Lost.

The Denver-based quartet extend their repertoire of alt-rock songs about unfulfilled promises and struggling relationships in their self-titled sequel album. Strong, genuinely moving tracks include Syndicate and Absolute, but few of the songs have the same impact of previous singles like Look After You, as weaker tracks

containing the same angst-filled rhetoric start to become rather bleaty and repetitive.

It doesn’t suggest that The Fray are heading in a new musical direction – perhaps they don’t need to, given that they already seem to know the winning formula for creating commercially successful music – and it still makes for a fairly listenable album.

Renyi Lim

7

THE ANSWER Everyday Demons Albert Productions

4

OFFICIAL SECRETS ACT Understanding Electricity

One Little Indian

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dding a splash of synth to an otherwise template indie band is not inventive. The recent influx of bands that employ such tactics to 'pioneer' a contemporary take on the 80s synth pop sound are rapidly becoming, quite simply, annoying.

Unfortunately, the first few

The Fray

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ore AC/DC pretenders with more clichéd rock lyrics. This Northern Irish four-piece keep the spirit of rock cabaret alive.

Anyone listening can expect a standard rock sound that lacks originality but still carries a punch. However, the lamentable, clichéd lyrics are a gargantuan low. Themes such as roads, cocaine and women have been overdone so many times, yet this band still have the temerity to flog this decomposing horse with tedious consequences.

This album seems to be nothing more than a cabaret in remembrance of the 1970’s rock giants, yet it might still reach the headbanging, long haired market.

Roddy Waldren

tracks on Understanding Electricity are empty efforts, and create an impending sense of dread concerning the rest of the album. However, from track six, A Head For Herod, onwards the band really begins to tap into something unique and far more compelling. Lyrics begin to ring with a more transcendent power, moving away from the album’s earlier somewhat clumsy refrains and more importantly that all consuming synth influence becomes a theatrical tool of powerful atmosphere, as opposed to a pathetic afterthought.

Momentary Sanctuary delivers gal-

loping adrenaline, while Bloodsport presents a poignant anthem sure to become a favourite.

For a debut album, after thankfully shedding its timid beginning Understanding Electricity demonstrates a band with original song writing skills and musicianship sufficient to carry such ideas. Also, they could offer a vital new direction for the nostalgic 80s tendencies so many yawn-inducing bands wear upon their “oh-so-retro', Casio-keyboard carrying sleeves.

David Spittle

6

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music

live live live live live live live KEANE CIA 4/02/08

K

eane are a bigger band than you might think. They are bigger in popularity and stadium presence than anyone would have guessed for a radiofriendly, piano pop group from Sussex.

Cramming in a hefty back catalogue of classics from three albums, Keane played for nearly two hours,

opening with soaring The Lovers Are Losing. The highlights were predictably the high notes, and singer Tom Chaplin’s ability to scale the sonorous skies was intact. His pitch-perfect voice was designed for the big arena, perfectly sung on sing-along classics like Crystal Ball and This Is the Last Time. A criticism is that he seemed to enjoy himself too much, and his exploding energy meant he forgot how to sing softly, with ballad Bedshaped far too boisterous.

Drummer Richard Hughes, composer Tim Rice-Oxley made stellar performances and it was a delight to hear a neat studio produced pack-

age come alive on stage.

The stage lit with a colourful mix of spirals and dot matrix peace slogans, which aptly matched the upbeat nature of the songs. So much positive energy might have proved too sickly for some, and it was a shame not to hear more melancholy offerings.

Tom Chaplin was rightly the star however, proving he can produce beautiful noise with just him and an acoustic guitar, on the stripped down encore Playing Along. Undoubtedly the highlight, it proved Keane have soul as well as strength.

Owain Bury

PETER BRODERICK

Clwb Ifor Bach 06/02/09

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Peter Broderick

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lthough better known as part of vast post rock arrangements made by his band Efterklang, tonight Peter Broderick plays a delicate solo set to an eager crowd. Without his bandmates it is up to Broderick alone to build the kind of elaborate soundscapes he's famous for, doing so via loop pedal, piano, violin, guitar, tape recorder, musical saw and a variety of other peculiar instruments at his disposal.

While unnecessarily quirky instrumentation has a tendency to betedious, there is nothing gratuitous about Broderick's performance. He brings with him a small, somewhat ridiculous looking guitar, commenting on his need to save space in his miniature touring car. This dynamic use of space also translates to his music; each instrument adding texture to the sound, just as each song brings a different layer and variation to the night.

It's difficult not to warm to Broderick by the end of his set, the crowd even joining the Danish composer in song during his triumphant encore. As the loop pedal squeaks down one final time, the set comes to a close and the instruments must be neatly packed away before doing it all again tomorrow.

Kyle Ellison

music

live live live live live live live EMMY THE GREAT Clwb Ifor Bach 03/02/08

upbeat musical optimism contrasted such that there was still hope in the air.

Throughout the set, instruments, including trumpets, electric banjos and a melodica (yes, a mouth keyboard!), came and went, and Emmy joked openly with us about her belief that she wrote The Ring… even if it was fifteen years after the original Japanese version.

All presence on stage was content, and I should think Emmy The Great are meekly aware of the fact that they are destined for a great musical career. Listen out for debut single First Love soon.

Steve Beynon

superficial prejudices cloud you, for the Rakes have developed into quite the accomplished outfit.

Flying into the first swathe of angular jerk-pop ditties, the band play like they're possessed, with frontman Alan Donohue's eyes widening ever further as the gig progresses. Mixing in a concoction of older classics like Work Work Work (Pub Club Sleep), and a few from their criminally under-appreciated second album, not to mention a few untested songs from new album Klang, the band

plug through an impressive back catalogue, and never at all seemed anything other than entirely relaxed with the situation.

Finishing with a triumphant version of early single and perennial fan favourite, Strasbourg, the band left the stage with the same relaxed demeanour that they started with, all the more remarkable when you witnessed the utter carnage they orchestrated on Barfly's busy dancefloor.

Ben Marshall

The Rakes

You know you’re going to get your money’s worth when you have to snake through the jam packed crowd – before the first support band has even graced the stage.

Response was deservedly appreciative when Ex Lovers provided the music. This was a band so talented I had to buy their EP at the drop of the last note – a welcome new addition to my CD rack. Do yourself a favour

and keep your eyes peeled for these guys.

Though I would have been happy for the night to end with Ex Lovers resounding between my ears, the night’s entertainment went up another notch when Emmy et al struck the first chord. You could almost feel a wave of shivers run through the crowd when she sang her passionate, deep lyrics over seemingly effortless yet perfect keyboard, guitar and violin. It was the effect of the combination of sweet-voiced tones with mournful meaning that left us all motionless; listening deftly. Though the lyrics could be considered somewhat depressing on their own, the

THE RAKES Barfly 05/02/08

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he Rakes really are dreadfully nice chaps. Sauntering onto stage dressed more like they are off to a post-work drinks do than to a rock'n'roll concert, they really do cut a dash.

However, do not let a prism of

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music

Listings

singlesoftheweek

Monday 16th Forever The Sickest Kids @ Barfly Black Lips @ The Fleece, Bristol

Tuesday 17th

Wednesday 18th Eugene McGuinness @ The Lanes, Bristol Keane @ CIA

Thursday 19th Wild Beasts @ The Louisiana, Bristol

Friday 20th This Town Needs Guns @ Barfly Judas Priest @ CIA

Saturday 21st The View @ Bristol SU Ray LaMontagne @ Colston Hall, Bristol

Monday 23rd Fight Like Apes @ Barfly Iglu & Hartly @ The Point

Tuesday 24th General Fiasco @ Barfly Reel Big Fish @ SU

Wednesday 25th Mark E Smith @ The Point

Thursday 26th Amadou & Mariam @ O2 Academy, Bristol Ipso Facto @ The Cooler, Bristol

46 / music@gairrhydd.com

Glasvegas

Crystal Stilts @ Buffalo Fighting With Wire @ Barfly

6

Glasvegas Flowers & Football Tops

Columbia

Miley Cyrus

8

Fly On The Wall Hollywood

The latest offering from Glasvegas is, poignant, pounding but ever so slow.

If you're a fan this may kindle your fire and for everyone else, at least the radio edit is 3 minutes shorter. TR

Disney’s sweetheart is back with her third offering. which showcases Miley’s rather impressive country infused vocals as she croons about the ever-watching eye of the paparazzi. SG

Keane

The Hours

Better Than This Island

5

7

Big Black Hole A&M

Better Than This is tinged with psychedelic tones and contains more falsetto than The Darkness on a helium binge. But with such a forgettable chorus it’s safe to say, Keane can do better than this. BG

Singer Anthony Genn’s effort to save a friend from the dark depths of alcohol addiction creates an extremely catchy pop single that will draw comparisons with Keane. TM

Tom Jones

General Fiasco

Give A Little Love S-Curve Records

8

Something Sometime Imagem

A brassy, funky and, most importantly, throaty dance-floor filler of a single which once again proves that age is no obstacle for the Pontypriddian hit machine. MB

Empire Of The Sun We Are The People EMI

6

Imagine yourself in a time machine with MGMT, transported back to the strange and distant disco world of the late 80s. That just about sums it up really – it’s nothing special, except it’s big in Australia. By crikey! SB

4

Instantly forgettable, instantly irritating and most probably soon to be the instantly “bigged up” band to feature on a safe and friendly Radio 1 playlist. DS

Ida Maria Oh My God Sony BMG

4

Oh My God. It drives you absolutely crazy after a while, and not in the good way that …'Better When You’re Naked' did. I can’t see this doing too well. SB

film

film news . rumours . conjecture SLUMDOG SWEEPS UP

GOING BALE-ISTIC

As Slumdog Millionaire triumphed at this year’s BAFTAs, scooping an impressive seven awards including Best Film and Best Director, film fans and critics alike are having their appetites for the Oscars well and truly whetted. If recent awards ceremony results are anything to go by then it looks as if cinema’s single biggest night is likely to be a tediously predictable affair. On the other hand, anything but a now seemingly inevitable Slumdog/ Rourke/Winslet victory will make for a pleasant turn up for the books. While The Curious Case of Benjamin Button leads the list for nominations with an unsurpassed 13, the film has so far been widely snubbed at numerous awards nights and it isn’t expected to break this trend in just over a week’s time when the 81st annual Academy Awards get under way. Elsewhere at the BAFTAs, Heath Ledger received a posthumous award for his portrayal of The Joker in The Dark Knight, ’with Penelope Cruz winning Best Supporting Actress for her part in Vicky Christina Barcelona.

Man On Wire was recognised as the outstanding British film, whilst Noel Clarke (Adulthood) picked up the Orange Rising Star Award, as voted for by the British public. But the night undoubtedly belonged to Danny Boyle and Slumdog Millionaire, which is already being widely tipped to repeat its recent awards haul.

By now most of you will be aware of the infamous Christian Bale rant on the set of Terminator: Salvation.

Over the past week or so, countless mash-ups and remixes have appeared across the internet, including a expletive-ridden dance remix by LA disc jockey RevoLucian and an equally brilliant tribute by LA experimental rockers The Mae Shi. Now even his peers are getting in on the act, with Michael Cera's mock rant on the set of his latest film Youth in Revolt proving a popular viral hit. Although Bale has since apologised profusely for his outburst, the incident remains a sensational example of celebrity dummy-throwing and has made a mockery of the film and the entire Hollywood system. When an actor is seen to have this much influence and control over a production it can not possibly bode well for the reputation of the people supposedly in charge, not least rookie director McG, who has already come under significant scrutiny since his surprise appointment last year.

ROURKE SET FOR ST. VINCENT After receiving universal acclaim for his central role in Darren Aronofsky’s heart-rendering drama The Wrestler, Mickey Rourke has been signed on to star in the new Walter Hill film, St. Vincent. Hollywood's favourite underdog has recently been in talks with the producers of Iron Man 2 over a proposed appearance in the much-anticipated sequel. Variety magazine now reports that Rourke will star as a hitman who has to return to his New York neighbourhood to finish a botched assignment. The drama finds the hitman forced to disguise himself as a priest, where he winds up taking the confessions of his intended victims. Since his comeback it is certainly refreshing to see Rourke eager to try out different roles.

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film

the curious case of benjamin button dir: david fincher cast: brad pitt, cate blanchett, tilda swinton out now, 166 mins Synopsis: Benjamin (Pitt) was born with the body of an 80-year-old. As he grows up and falls in love with Daisy (Blanchett), his body grows younger. Can their love survive?

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outed as Oscar fodder from the moment Pitt, Blanchett and Fincher’s names were attached, the buzz surrounding The Curious Case of Benjamin Button has been inescapable.

Alas, on viewing, Fincher’s epic love story slowly deflates under the weight of its own expectation.

Benjamin Button is far from a bad movie. Its palette of burnt sepia and gold deftly invokes a lazy, dream-like sense of unreality that expertly complements the premise of the movie and the CGI is nothing short of jaw-dropping. The central performances too are outstanding.

Tilda Swinton is wonderful as the repressed Elizabeth, Benjamin’s first love, and Pitt turns in the kind

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of captivating, understated performance that we have come to expect from him as the eponymous hero.

As the movie progresses, however, it becomes increasingly evident that there is something missing.

Too often, key moments in Benjamin Button fail to pack a genuine emotional punch, relying instead on Pitt’s narration to install some sem blance of the profound to otherwise meaningless scenes. Crucially, the relationship between Benjamin and Daisy, which is so central to our emotional engagement with the movie, remains, at best, utterly perplexing throughout. Though both Blanchett and Pitt deliver excellent individual performances, they share absolutely no chemistry and we are left without any real insight into why they are together. Indeed, Blanchett’s Daisy exhibits such inexplicable coldness towards Benjamin at various points in the film that one can’t help but wonder what he sees in her at all, let alone why their relationship has such a profound effect on both of their lives.

Ultimately, The Curious Case of Benjamin Button is a film that adds up to less than the sum of its parts, leaving you unmoved, uninterested and with the unerring feeling that somewhere along the line you’ve been short-changed. The only curious thing about Fincher’s film is just how it ended up being so mediocre.

Simon Eckstein

***

revolutionary road dir: sam mendes cast: leonardo dicaprio, kate winslet, michael shannon out now, 119 mins Synopsis: Based on the 1961 novel by Richard Yates, Revolutionary Road is a tragic story of how dreams shatter and relationships disintegrate behind the white picket fences of American surburbia.

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t is extremely difficult to comment on a film that provokes uncertainty and emotion in such a powerful and uneasy way, and one that leaves an overwhelming sense of dissatisfaction long after the credits have rolled.

Revolutionary Road is by no means easy. It is a painful viewing experience that yanks you by the collar and invites you into the world of Frank and April Wheeler with no sweet, intimate introduction to their relationship and no holds barred.

Their relationship is self-destructing and you are the star witness. It is unpleasant and gruelling, but it is next to impossible to look away.

One of the problems here, then, lies perhaps in DiCaprio and

film

Winslet’s casting as the couple who are the envy of their neighbours: there are moments when they fail to transcend the momumental occasion of their on-screen reunion and completely succumb to the demands of the characters they are attempting to portray.

That said, this film isn’t all about them. It is about the mundane reality of American life, the dull monotony of a loveless marriage and an unchallenging career. The supporting cast provide a fascinating insight into the world beyond Frank and April, and the pain of a failed ambition, hope or dream.

Mendes, quite deliberately, does not give you room to attach yourself to these people: there is no empathy or sympathy for two characters whose worlds are broken. Their children are lacking a real identity in their own home, and are not forged any sort of place within the plot or narrative. Deliberate it may be, but realistic it is not.

Despite the beautiful direction and cinematography, Revolutionary Road is deeply unsatisfying.

Exhausting and frustration lingers over both its entirety and its ending.

When the world you are watching is so empty, how is it possible to come away feeling anything but the same?

Francesca Jarvis

***

rachel getting married dir: jonathan demme cast: anne hathaway, rosemarie dewitt, mather zicker out now, 113 mins Synopsis: With her sister, Rachel, getting married, Anne Hathaway’s Kym ventures out of rehab for the weekend to join in with the merrymaking.

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ou may not have heard of director Jonathan Demme, but chances are you’ll at least be aware of his most celebrated film: The Silence of the Lambs. Since then he has never quite reached those same heights, and has moved into making documentaries in the past few years.

Now, with his return to fiction it is evident that his documentary work has come to inform his directorial style. With the film set almost entirely in the family home on the weekend of the wedding, his use of handheld cameras and a diegetic soundtrack encourages you to feel like your part of the proceedings; an uninvited guest watching the drama unfold.

The main source of this drama is Anne Hathaway’s recovering addict, Kym. I was a little apprehensive about seeing Hathaway in this role: she is simultaneously starring in Bride Wars and the recovering addict is such a clichéd role for Hollywood actresses to take on. But she is absolutely outstanding.

Unlike so many other performances from A-listers around awards season, her performance is neither scene-chewing, nor overblown, nor painfully restrained. Instead, it seems thoroughly natural and she really becomes the character. Her complex relationship with her family, born out of tragedy and guilt, is both painful and moving.

All of these family dramatics make Rachel Getting Married a sombre affair, but what makes the film so interesting is that this drama is juxtaposed against the most celebratory wedding I’ve ever seen committed to celluloid, filled with vibrancy, music and love. It’s held extravagantly in the family garden, and has a multicultural flavour, doing away with stayed traditions; the groom croons a Neil Young song acapella at the altar.

It has its flaws, but luckily Rachel Getting Married has infinitely more charm, and this effortlessly papers over any cracks that may otherwise show.

Guy Ferneyhough

*****

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film

vicky cristina barcelona dir: woody allen cast: scarlett johansson, javier bardem, penelope cruz out now, 96 mins Synopsis: Two Americans, Vicky (Hall) and Cristina (Johansson), visit Barcelona for the summer and become entangled in what ends up being a love quadrangle.

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notorious dir: george tillman jr. cast: jamal woolard, derek luke, naturi naughton out now, 123 mins Synopsis: Notorious is the longoverdue biopic of legendary rapper Christopher ‘The Notorious B.I.G.’ Wallace (Woolard), chronicling his rise from drug-running teen to platinum-selling superstar.

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eginning at the moment of Wallace’s fatal shooting on the March 9, 1997, Notorious depicts Wallace as a young child growing up in Brooklyn, where after a narrow escape from the law, he is inspired to pursue rap as a career, aided by Sean Combs (Luke).

Before long, Wallace becomes embroiled in the destructive EastWest Coast feud, as well as having to deal with his turbulent private life, including a destructive relationship with Lil’ Kim (Naughton) and a short-lived marriage to Faith Evans (Antonique Smith).

The camerawork is brilliantly shot, intermingling effectively with real-life footage of actual events, lending itself to the aura of au-

52 /film@gairrhydd.com

thenticity that is present in the film.

Furthermore, the infamous East Coast-West Coast rivalry plays an important part in the latter half of the film, providing a damning critique of the role played by the media in exacerbating the conflict as seen through Wallace’s eyes.

There are some minor gripes, however. At times the story is too fast-paced for its own good, with entire events being skirted over in favour of others. One example is the friendship between Wallace and Tupac Shakur (Anthony Mackie) being glossed over almost entirely in favour of that between Wallace and Combs, lessening the emotional impact that should have been felt over Tupac’s death.

However, this is Biggie’s film, and overall Woolard’s performance is praiseworthy, with the newcomer delivering an exceptional performance as the star (although it is beyond even him to sell to us just how Biggie was quite so successful with the opposite sex). Overall, Notorious is a film worth seeing, surpassing other recent rap biopics like 8 Mile and Get Rich or Die Trying with consummate ease. It won’t be to everyone’s taste, but for a rookie director and a cast of relative unknowns, this is a job well done.

Steve Wright

***

et’s be honest: as much as many of us love him, Woody Allen's recent output has been mediocre at best and dire at worst. With this in mind, it is no wonder that Vicky Cristina Barcelona has been greeted so warmly, since it finds Allen back in the genre that produced his most celebrated film, Annie Hall. But is it really any good, or just another false dawn?

The first point to make is that Vicky Cristina Barcelona is a thoroughly enjoyable watch. Allen knows how to do romantic comedy and the cast is excellent. While Bafta has recognised the fantastic performance from Penelope Cruz, credit must also go to Rebecca Hall, whose American accent is so good that I didn't realise she was British until watching Frost/Nixon some time later.

One bone of contention some may have with the picture is the utilisation of a voice-over narrative, but far from being a device lazily used to fill in gaps in the plot, it instead gives the film a sort of father figure that mocks the characters and puts an arm around them in equal measure.

While it pales in comparison to his classic romantic comedy mentioned above, this is the best film Woody Allen has made for a long time and is a return to form of sorts. It is missing a layer of depth that the best Allen pictures have had in abundance. While Manhattan was an ode to a city, Vicky Cristina Barcelona is more of a postcard – but a very good one at that.

Guy Ferneyhough

****

film

bolt dir: byron howard, chris williams cast: john travolta, miley cyrus, susie essman out now, 103 mins Synopsis: Bolt (Travolta) is the star of a popular TV show in which he plays a crime-fighting superhero.

The problem is that Bolt is the only one who isn’t aware that his world is nothing more than a fairytale. When separated from the studio he calls home, Bolt must learn to survive in a world where his powers have become useless.

I

t is fair to say that without Pixar’s Midas touch, Disney’s popularity has begun to wane ever so slightly from the fringes of perfection in recent years.

When it was announced last year that ex-Pixar chief and all-round animation messiah John Lasseter was to helm future Disney projects, however, the first film to dawn in this exciting new era was always going to bear the promise of greatness.

Although it perhaps did not

receive as much initial hype as a Disney film might typically warrant, the fact that this film has been nominated for an Oscar alongside its highly-praised Pixar-produced cousin Wall•E gives a fair impression of this latest offering’s calibre.

As far as family feature films go, this is at once an intoxicating amalgamation of technical wizardry and magical storytelling that showcases all the wit and observation of a Pixar production with the might of vocal talent synonymous with Disney.

If The Incredibles laid the foundations for the future of animated action with its exhilarating digital effects and innovative use of bullettime slow motion, then Bolt pushes the might of Disney’s animation maestros to set new precedents, providing some of the most breathtaking sequences you are likely to see this year (and made all the more absorbing in state-of-the-art 3D). The pleasure of watching the action unfold, of course, is that within the show-within-a-film context, the audience is given an insight into how this action is staged, and how a dedicated production team work tirelessly to keep the fantasy a reality for the show’s blissfully oblivious super pooch. This naïveté makes Bolt an instantly endearing character, but it is his integrity and dedication to his owner Penny

(Cyrus) both on- and off-screen that gives him heart.

Bolt may not be as instantly enchanting a character as recent Disney manifestations such as Ratatouille’s Remy the rat, and his depth doesn’t allow him to carry the film solo à la Wall•E, but he is impossibly charming nonetheless.

That is not to suggest that Bolt is not a well-rounded character; more that his canine capers rest on his relationships with the film’s other key protagonists. The real stars of this buddy comedy, then, are Bolt’s caricatured cohorts: Mittens (Essman), a smart-Alec alley cat, and a rotund, ball-bound hamster named Rhino (Mark Walton), who just happens to be Bolt’s number one fan.

Whilst the relationship between Bolt and his two new-found friends provides some of the more affable moments of the film, it is the chemistry with his best friend Penny that makes this an especially affectionate piece of cinema. For a dog whose super bark is worse than his bite, it is ultimately his everyday dogginess which gives this lovable character such familiarity and which proves Disney’s infinite supply of fairy dust is still being sprinkled out in equal measures.

Adam Woodward

****

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film

THIRD I

ROCK

GROWN

UP JOSEPH GORDON-LEVITT 54 /film@gairrhydd.com

ssc cr er eene n i c o n s

n today’s Hollywood the term ‘rising young star’ is tossed around with about as much conviction as an OJ Simpson trial, but rarely has such an accolade been more deserving than in the case of Joseph GordonLevitt.

Although the name might not prove instantly recognisable among the mainstream movie-going public, Gordon-Levitt’s unmistakable appearance is one many will identify with from his early years of work.

Often pigeonholed as ‘that kid from Third Rock From the Sun’, or possibly ‘him from Ten Things I Hate About You’, breaking free from the stereotypical path such roles often veer towards has not been easy. A brief look at the catalogue of work he has undertaken since then, however, proves just how successfully Gordon-Levitt has managed this, and what a truly talented actor he really is.

After firmly turning his back on the world of television sitcoms, JGL’s first lead role was in the poignantly understated Manic, a film about children with severe social and behavioural problems that also starred a newly famous Don Cheadle. Having proven himself capable of tackling such profoundly weighty issues on screen, Joseph was then cast as the lead in Mysterious Skin by controversial director Greg Araki.

For this role he was tasked with playing a promiscuous gay rent-boy, fuelled in his tireless pursuit for sexual conquest by the haunting memories of his own childhood abuse. Given the uncompromising nature of both these films it is unsurprising that they did not hit our screens for teatime viewing.

However, Gordon-Levitt’s masterful handling of each of these parts quickly garnered him a strong reputation as more than just a TV actor playing Hollywood.

It was only after starring in Rian Johnson’s 2005’s cult masterpiece Brick that more widespread appreciation began to arise. Joseph’s undeniably

authentic delivery of the film’s signature noir-esque script proved to the world just how far he’d come since his days as a geeky extraterrestrial teenager.

The decision to steer unequivocally clear of the type of run-of-the mill teen movies an actor with his history could so easily have fallen into has raised him head and shoulders above his peers. At only 27 years old Joseph Gordon-Levitt is, without question, one of the most exciting talents in cinema today.

If his previous work is anything to go by then his future will be littered with the kind of performances most modern actors only dream about.

Who knows, maybe he’s not quite human after all.

Alex Gwilliam

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hey may be corny when handled badly (M. Night Shyamalan anyone?), but when done right a good twist can provide that ‘gotcha’ moment which makes cinema such a thrilling and pleasurable experience. That shock scene makes you rewind the previous two hours, picking through every subtle clue and insignificant detail. But of course, you still didn’t see it coming…

FIGHT CLUB (1999) As twists go, this has one of the most significant impacts on a film’s plot, yet it is the execution of the explosive climactic scene that delivers the shock value. Ed Norton and Brad Pitt’s nihilistic environment provides the foundations of a relationship that in retrospect could only have existed within the inner psyche of the film’s key protagonist. Left with the unanswerable question ‘Who is Tyler Durden?’ this revelation not only gives the film closure but, beautifully composed, remains one of the most earth-shattering endings to a film ever.

THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK (1980) Quite possibly the most notorious cinematic bombshell sent audiences around the globe into a gawping frenzy, as Luke Skywalker discovers the unwelcome truth about his family tree that would forever make reunions that little more awkward. One of the most quoted scenes in movie history, this earth-shattering ending cemented the Star Wars saga as one of the most adorned movie franchises of all time and gave science fiction a new sense of cool.

MATCHSTICK MEN (2003) Nicolas Cage’s neurotic anti-hero has his world flipped upside down when the conman becomes the conned. What works brilliantly about this revelation is the attention to detail and sheer extent of the twist, which redefines the reality of everything that has gone before. Although Cage’s character is instantly charismatic, he is by no stretch an amiable fellow, but when his world is flipped upside down by his partner in crime Frank Mercer (Sam Rockwell) you can’t help but feel genuine empathy for a man who gets a taste of his own bitter medicine.

THE USUAL SUSPECTS (1995) On reflection it’s all too obvious: the signs are all there, yet on first viewing you simply never see it coming. Told from Roger ‘Verbal’ Kint’s (Kevin Spacey) interrogation, Bryan Singer’s crime thriller culminates in a truly unexpected twist which leaves you feeling as hopelessly duped as the officers who are left scratching their heads as to just how the guilty suspect slipped out from right under their noses. So who actually is Keyser Soze? Surely you must have got it by now…

PSYCHO (1960) Remembered more now for its innovations in shocking cinema and that shower scene, Hitchcock’s masterful suspense thriller is still as powerful and disturbing today as it was at its release almost 50 years ago. Norman Bates’ haunting hotelier is one of the eeriest characters in cinematic history, but the film’s triumphant twist resonates with such impact today because of its sheer grotesque malevolence. Mother-m-mother? She isn’t quite herself today.

Words - Adam Woodward Images - Benjamin Phillips

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