Quench - Issue 79

BEYOND THE MAGIC

KINGDOM -

- THE NEW GOLDEN AGE OF ANIMATION

DEEP IN THE JUNGLE | SWAY | FIGHT LIKE APES

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: s t n e t n o c Issue 79 // 16 - 29 March

R AT THE STUDENT MAGAZINE OF THE YEA ARDS! AW IA MED T 2008 GUARDIAN STUDEN

RANT HUW FEATURES GAY INTERVIEWS

Features, p.10

FOOD TRAVEL FASHION BLIND DATE BOOKS

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cheating bastard!

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friends are a better alternative to break-up guides

the time for change has arrived

Film on Animation, p.52

DIGITAL ARTS GOING OUT MUSIC FILM

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COVER: BEN BRYANT Editor Hazel Plush Executive Editor Ben Bryant Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Sub-Editors Francesca Jarvis, Sim Eckstein, Guy Ferneyhough Arts Kate Budd, Lisa Evans Blind Date Emma Chapman, Sarah George Books Aisling Tempany Digital Tom Baker Fashion Meme Sgroi, Nicole Briggs Features Ellie Woodward, Louise Cook Film Adam Woodward, Francesca Jarvis, Sim Eckstein Food Jenny Edwards, Jen Entecott Gay James Moore Going Out Alex Gwilliam, Kirstin Knight Huw Huw Davies Interviews Ben Marshall, Leah Eynon Music Guy Ferneyhough, Kyle Ellison, Phil Guy The Rant Andy Swidenbank Travel Andy Tweddle, Simon Lucey Head of Photography Natalia Popova Proof Readers Huw Davies, Steve Wright, Roddy Waldron, Helen McKenzie

printed on recycled paper. PLEASE RECYCLE.

the rant

The Rant

This week, Tom

Barnett lets off

//How to Dismantle a Crappy Band

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£50 to see them from the back of a stadium.

In addition to this, any band with a guitarist named The Edge – a name more in keeping with a line of shaving products than credible music and a look with more in common with James from IT than his fellow “rock stars” – is always going to lack any genuine creativity and va va voom. The only thing

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The Edge – a name more in keeping with a line of shaving products than credible music

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t’s quite hard to know where to start with a rant on U2. It’s not that I merely hate Bono and the Gang: it’s that short of Coldplay nothing in the world of music can quite attract my loathing like them.

For a start, we have to realise that U2 don’t see music as a creative art – they see music as a business opportunity. Where we see songs with a catchy hook, they see a lucrative investment. Famously Bono watches back footage of his performances to see where he could improve; as admirable in principle as this is, it smacks all too much of a business ethic and a man who forgot that it was all about the music and the moment too long ago.

I’d love to think that where other bands worry about the layering of guitars on their album, U2 worry about Just In Time production and subsequently employ a marketing team to perform an analysis of their product to help them target new markets.

Indeed, in a number of business journals it is mentioned that U2 run a “corporation”. Recent promotional tie-ins with the BBC are evidence of this, and the fact that the band used to have a magazine called Propaganda – well, can they make it any more obvious without hiring a PR company and floating their shares on the stock market? If they did I’m pretty sure they’d be a shoe in to make the FTSE 100.

We’ve then got some absolutely incredibly “devoted” fans, the sort who drive a Ford Focus and feel that Viva la Vida represented a new and exciting creative direction for Coldplay. The fact is it’s staggering that anyone can feel this attached to what is essentially a global business churning out product after product attached enough to pay in excess of

less edgy than The Edge is his sound effects machine, which essentially makes up his entire musical output.

There’s Adam Clayton of course – everyone’s favourite hilarious bohemian who in reality smacks of a man enduring a gross mid-life crisis. There’s also The Other One: a man called Larry who sits on the sidelines looking slightly embarrassed – I have no quarrel with him, only a deep sense of sympathy. I would further ask that Bono move his extensive noggin out of the way when they tour so he (The Other One) can get some sunlight.

And then of course we have Bono. His ego knows no physical bounds and if we’re not careful he himself could be responsible for the apocalypse just because of his head actually being too big to fit on this planet. The hippest thing Bono has done for years was to edit The Independent (putting him on the same

some steam and undermines U2.

plateau as, er, Janet Street-Porter then) and in all fairness, it’s funny how little we’ve seen of Bono and his beloved Make Poverty History campaign now that U2 have a new album to sell.

Describing their recent wares Bono said “This is our chance for us to defy gravity once again - we have what it takes, we have the songs, new rhythms and a guitar player who is not ready to re-enter earth’s atmosphere until he’s taken a slice of the moon!” What does that even mean? U2 are apparently going to defy gravity but not before The Edge has vandalised the Earth's only natural satellite.

At the end of it all, I hate U2 because they aspire to be mediocre, fall short and yet somehow everyone laps it up.

Perhaps the real reason U2 suffer musically is that Bono is a born again Christian. When was there ever a cool song made by someone who’s destiny will lead them to heaven? Not that religion is necessarily a bad thing, but at the end of the day religious music and mediocrity have a tendency to go hand in hand...

Bono: P urvey eye-wea or of pretentio us r since 1 976.

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huw

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he thinks stuff

n American couple came to fame last Christmas for naming their child Adolf Hitler. Oh, those scamps. For future discussions, here are the rules of naming children. Avoid names with crude rhyming partners (e.g. Kitty, Billy, Huw).

Avoid names that sound like questions (e.g. Howard, Wendy, Huw). Avoid boneless names that tail off pointlessly into the ether (e.g. Lee, Paul, Huw).

Give them a name that is either beautiful, inspiring or ideally, a combination of the two.

Do NOT call them Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii. That's child abuse.

A court in New Zealand – itself a stupid name – ruled last year that nine-year-old Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii, who called herself 'K' out of shame, must have her moniker changed.

Officials have previously blocked the names Sex Fruit, Fat Boy and Keenan Got Lucy, and ruled that Fish and Chips were off the cards (or birth certificates) for twins.

Somehow it decided that Number 16 Bus Shelter, Violence and twins called Benson and Hedges were OK. Well, you can't say fairer than that.

Clearly a name is and should remain up to the parents and the child (and yes, it can be up to the child: a Chinese friend of mine was allowed by her parents to choose her 'English' name when she was young, and she chose Cherry). It shouldn’t be up to a court with no connection to the family, who inconsistently block ‘Stallion’ – great name – but allow Number 16 Bus Shelter. Who are they to judge? Their children probably have crap names.

You just have to trust the par-

ents to make the right decision and not wreck their kid's life. Besides, he or she can always change his or her name by deed poll, or, less officially, just make one up, as 'K' did.

Still, names are a tricky one.

Personally, I've gone through life turning round every time someone in the street says the word "You", and being constantly reminded by people that my name rhymes with 'poo', 'loo' and 'spew'. It's taken me 20-odd years to like my name – and now I do.

The name Spencer implies a man in thick glasses sending amusing emails about faulty photocopiers Ultimately, when you grow up, your opinion on your name changes.

I doubt The Artist Formerly Known As Talula Does The Hula From Hawaii will, but most regret changing their name when they were younger.

Stick with it. Like a fine wine, it will mature with age (unless you're called Toby or Barney, which, fantastic names though they are, sound weird once you hit eight years old), or like a bad wine, you'll get used to it after a bit.

Those who know me know I am going to call my second son Ulysses. To me, it's a name that inspires visions of human greatness. With

those seven letters it spells bravery, wisdom, compassion and justice.

That, and James Joyce's Ulysses is the best damn book ever written.

Everyone tells me this child will be bullied at school. But by whom?

Post-revisionist antiquity scholars?

No kid at primary school – where name-based bullying primarily takes place – will know who the hell Ulysses is. Telling them he's better known as Odysseus probably won't help. And as for dirty limericks, there's not much ammunition there either. Ulysses doesn't rhyme with anything. Put yourself in the mind of a 9-year-old and try to mock the name Ulysses. Just try. Exactly.

There are many things you cannot call your son or daughter (no offence meant to any poor unfortunate with any or all of the following names). Dwayne. Sid. Clytemnestra.

The list is endless. You also have to steer clear of calling your son Nigel – it may mean 'champion' but to me it means 'wanker' – and Spencer, which conjures images of a man in thick glasses who sends amusing emails about faulty photocopiers.

Similarly, a boy called Arthur will grow up to wear patterned jumpers, cheat at Scrabble and describe an erection with the phrase "getting a bonk on".

Alternatively, you can take the Frank Zappa route and name your children Dweezil, Ahmet Emuukha Rodan, Diva Thin Muffin Pigeen and – best of all – Moon Unit. That's a heroic effort, and I salute him for it.

In conclusion, remember: your child's name might not stay with them forever, but their hatred towards you for calling them Jocasta will. Here endeth the lesson.

huw@gairrhydd.com / 05

features

Given up giving Have your high hopes for lent already fallen flat? That vow to restrain for veals why lent is now, to most of us, no more than a failed diet.

ent is upon us again to signal the disappearance of mornings of general laziness, afternoons of excessive eating and evenings of irresponsible drinking – for a few days at least.

Nowadays it seems that Lent is purely about the denial of life’s few pleasures, all the while safe in the knowledge that you probably won’t and aren’t expected to succeed. Originally a 40-day-long fast endured by Christians to experience the temptations that Jesus withstood in the desert (not that I’m comparing biscuits to the devil), it seems now that anyone will give Lent a go regardless of belief. This is perhaps because Lent gives us

the chance to renew those New Years resolutions, so attentively followed at first but cast aside as soon as a birthday, the end of exams or merely a Saturday night at Come Play crops up. After all, it would be rude not to celebrate by eating your own body weight in chocolate cake or drinking so much peach Lambrini that you’re incomprehensible – wouldn’t it?

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Lent is about giving something up that will be a struggle

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Lent is supposed to be about giving something up that will be a struggle, but I’m not sure it’s worth it if failure is inevitable. Take, for example, three of my closest male friends last year. They all decided to do what Josh Hartnett did in that momentous film 40 Days and 40 Nights. By this I don’t mean that they made women orgasm by blowing rose petals at them (obvi-

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ously highly accurate) - instead they vowed to give up their nightly sessions of ‘jacking the beanstalk’ if you know what I mean. I’m not even sure whether this is an appropriate abstinence for Lent; apparently it’s good for men to clean the pipes so why give it up? But I see their logic in terms of difficulty and I commend them for lasting an impressive 11 days.

Last year I attempted something incredibly foolish for Lent and gave up snacking between meals. The result was frankly disastrous. What many may not realise is that after eating a 7.30am breakfast in preparation for the trek from Talybont, lunch seems an awfully long way away. Eventually the only solution appeared to be to crawl into bed and nap through the hunger pains until lunch. Here lay my second and, by the end of the 40 days, painfully more obvious problem. As soon as mealtimes arrived I was like a ravenous wild animal, barely stopping to chew in the race to eat as much as possible, in the desperate hope that it might ‘tide me over’ until the next eating session. Inevitably this combination of inertia and gluttony led to a mysterious tightening of my jeans hamster. Never again will I presume that my weak

features

g up? alcohol broken on day two? Clare Hawker knows how you feel and re-

coax my discerning taste buds into action including; a gradual weakening of squash, alternating sips of water and sips of squash, and most innovatively getting me so drunk that the resultant hangover and dry mouth will have me gasping for a glass of water in the morning.

Obviously I ought to learn to drink

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for most though, Lent is the healthy living fad in the interval between Shrove Tuesday’s pancake pig out and the glorious moment that you open your chocolate eggs on Easter Sunday. Why pretend it’s anything more?

The question is; why do we put ourselves through this torture?

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mind could stand to give up one of a student’s few luxuries: food.

Conventional Lent resolutions tend to be all those things which we know we should actually be doing for the whole year and not just for a six week interval; eating less sweet treats, drinking less alcohol or the non-specific ‘cutting down’. Since coming to university however, I’ve noticed a new craze of Lent fads in taking up something that is good for you, as opposed to giving up something that is bad. Some might see this as the easy option but I like to think I’m helping to keep the local economy stable – I’m not sure the corner shop would survive without my regular chocolate expenditure.

For that reason, this year I am taking up something that will be good for my health and also my overdraft – learning to drink water.

The ridiculousness of this statement is not lost on myself, I assure you, and further confirms my suspicions that Lent is about doing things that you should already be doing. The fact is however that as a child I was spoilt with squash, juice and blue raspberryade Panda Pops far too much, resulting in a physical inability to drink water without provoking my gag reflex. Various strategies have been devised to

water at some point and I’m trying my best, but so far Lent is doing less to inspire me to change my ways than 20 years of dehydration has. The question is; why do we put ourselves through this torture, especially if we’re not particularly religious?

Bravo to those saintly few who stick to Lent for all the right reasons and for the duration. Ultimately,

quenchfeatures@gairrhydd.com / 07

features

Ex

Pity

and the

Nursing a broken heart? It would seem that you're not the only one. Renyi Lim reveals the dos and don'ts of surviving any break up. cliché is that? – I flipped through it and did have to wonder at the kind of advice the author, Alison James, offered. Some of it was fairly sane; for instance, James writes, ‘To survive a breakup successfully, you have to be committed to the idea that the relationship is definitely over for good, that all the signs and symptoms of disaster are there for you to heed.’ That sounded rational enough. Then she started suggesting that it was perfectly acceptable to use an ex’s toothbrush as a toilet brush, make a voodoo doll in his likeness or – seriously, I’m not joking – intimidate him during conversa-

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Get hammered, hurl your drink on him and throw up on his shoes

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ith less than a month to go until lambing season and the official arrival of Spring, it seems rather odd to remark that in a period traditionally associated with breeding and fertility, Quench has noticed that this point in the year has seen the end of quite a few couples’ relationships. Whatever the cause may be – post-Valentine’s Day cold feet or reasons specific to each couple – the fact is that a pleasant break up is an extremely rare occurrence.

Ending a relationship is an emotional bombshell in itself, but dealing with the aftermath where all the debris and mess needs cleaning up is often the most difficult part. An entire literary industry has emerged from the process of getting your heart broken, namely in the form of selfhelp books: the minute you’ve been dumped, you can rush to the nearest bookshop and choose from a wide selection of reading material, ranging from Greg Behrendt’s straightto-the-point ‘It’s Called a Break-up Because it’s Broken’ to ‘I’m Fine!: A Really Helpful Guide to the First 100 Days After Your Break-up’ by Mandana Hoyveda. I would like to add that break up books written specifically for men seem to be virtually nonexistent. This suggests that men either aren’t that bothered by break ups or, as a housemate suggested more realistically, ‘They just don’t like to talk about it, but once they’re in the privacy of their rooms, they have a good cry.’ Anyhow, there’s a gap in the market waiting to be filled.

I once gave a friend of mine a book humorously entitled ‘I Used to Miss Him…But My Aim is Improving: Not Your Ordinary Breakup Survival Guide’, partly as a joke and partly in sympathy, as both of us had recently come out of our respective relationships. Eating lunch in a noodle bar by myself – how much of a singleton

tions by lopping the tops off phallic objects such as carrots or cacti. I think that kind of behaviour borders on being somewhat unhinged, the kind of light you’d prefer not to have your ex regard you in.

Perhaps friends are a better alternative to break up guides – they can offer advice tailored precisely to your situation, as well as being a shoulder to cry on. (Or, if you’re a guy, to pop open a beer and give you a manly pat on the back.) That being said, guidance from friends should still be approached with a degree of caution. One of the most unusual pieces of advice I’ve ever received was from a friend on how to deal with seeing an ex for the first time in the post-relationship state, where she told me

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confidently, ‘I say you get totally hammered, hurl abuse at him, hurl your drink at him, and throw up on his shoes.’

I have to admit I was never brave enough to follow her instructions. It seemed far too reminiscent of a scene from Sex and the City – the ultimate dating gospel for both sides of the Atlantic – where Carrie runs into her ex-boyfriend’s friends and rages about his shortcomings in bed and all men’s inability to end relationships ‘in a manner that does not include an email, a doorman, or a missing person’s report.’ In short, don’t do what Carrie does – don’t lambaste your ex’s housemates for his/her wrongdoings, don’t run and hide if you see your ex in the street (because they’ll inevitably see you fleeing), and whatever you do, don’t try and get back with them once they’ve hooked up with someone else, as it’s likely to end in tears whichever way it goes.

Certain films can also act as a source of comfort after a break up. Take Bridget Jones’s Diary, for instance – Bridget thought she’d lost the ultimate boyfriend after being dumped by Daniel Cleaver, only to have Mark Darcy take the position instead. Win! Then there’s Legally Blonde, where Elle Woods originally enters Harvard to get her ex-boyfriend back but emerges with a promising law career – talk about a satisfying comeback from a failed relationship. If chick flicks are understandably not your thing, Underworld is surprisingly effective as a break up movie: the main character, Selene, is an empowered career woman who gets to have fun shooting Lycans as a vampiric Death Dealer, and falling in love with a werewolf hybrid is really just an additional bonus to having a job where you get to wield a pair of massive semiauto-

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chea

matics. You go, girl. (Gentlemen, I know the movies I’ve suggested are fairly girly, but come on, it’s Kate Beckinsale in a corset.

Surely that would help drag you out of a deep sulk?)

If break up books, sympathetic friends, the entire box setof Sex and the City, a mountain of Ben & Jerry’s tubs and several

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sta a b g in

disembowelled cacti can’t help you get over the loss of your once-significant other, you can at least console yourself with the knowledge that there’s usually someone whose relationship has come to a much nastier end than yours. Look at burlesque superstar Dita von Teese – following a much-publicised divorce from

Marilyn Manson, she was then confronted with the sight of a blood-drenched Manson (barely) simulating sex with his new lover Evan Rachel Wood in his music video for the song ‘Heart-Shaped Glasses’. It really makes changing your Facebook status from ‘In a Relationship’ to ‘Single’ feel like a lucky escape.

quenchfeatures@gairrhydd.com / 09

YOU ARE

gay

With men taking more care about their appearance and with moisturiser becoming a men's essential alongside shaving foam and shower gel, Ed Bolla asks the question...

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Is metrosexuality a symbol of the modern man's liberation by gay men?

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SO VAIN gay

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ou are such a metrosexual." This was the immediate response of one of my girlfriend’s friends when she found out that I moisturise my skin. At the time I was mildly offended. And then I thought, why am I offended?

The term ‘metrosexual’ was coined in 1994 by the journalist Mark Simpson. In an article for Salon.com in 2002 he defined the metrosexual male as: ‘a young man with money to spend, living in or within easy reach of a metropolis – because that's where all the best shops, clubs, gyms and hairdressers are. He might be officially gay, straight or bisexual, but this is utterly immaterial because he has clearly taken himself as his own love object and pleasure as his sexual preference.’

The website www.metro-sexual. co.uk takes a different view: the metrosexual man has instead ‘realised the importance, and the matching benefits, of taking care of one's appearance.’ He is a ‘new breed of man, unafraid to look and feel his best at all times.’ So here are two vastly contrasting ways of looking at metrosexuality; one postive and the other narcissistic.

The contrast between the two highlights the murkiness of what it actually means to be metrosexual.

If a man does take care of his appearance is it a part of self improvement, or just sheer vanity?

A metrosexual has also been defined as a man who is seen sociologically as having attributes common to homosexuals, but is in

fact heterosexual. This association between metrosexuality and gay culture has led to the argument that the modern man has been ‘liberated’ by gay culture. For me this immediately poses the question: can gay culture be summed up as a larger concern for one’s appearance? If so, men purchasing guy liner, skinny jeans, moisturiser and hair straighteners are charactersistics of being gay. Surely this is an inaccurate caricature of gay men and gay culture.

Nevertheless, metrosexuality has been marked as the crossover of gay culture into mainstream masculinity. This is most evident in the large range of male beauty products now available such as 'manscara' as well as other make up products. Practical beauty tips for men are now standard in the media, ranging from a male beauty segment on the television show '10 Years Younger' to websites dedicated to male beauty products. Those of you familiar with the world of Neil Strauss and ‘The Game’ will have seen how male beauty was an important part of his transformation into a master pick-up artist.

Music has also taken on the metrosexual trend: the relatively recent image transformation of the Kings of Leon from snarling bearded rockers into stylish vendors of sexual fire-based hits has been an important part of their increasing mainstream appeal. And any discussion of metrosexuality would not be complete without the ‘ubermetrosexual’ David Beckham.

Here is a metrosexual with a world

audience: he is a success in a ‘traditional manly man’ sport and is widely desired by women (apparently), yet he is openly concerned with his appearance and is also popular in the gay community.

But has the modern man been ‘liberated’? On the one hand I think it is great that men can now show concern for their appearance without (much) fear of being ostracized by their gender. An increasing amount of choice and information on products is generally a good thing. But at the same time, by raising societal expectations of what a man should look like there is less choice for men: they have to care about their appearance and they should look good. Regularly looking after your appearance is going to involve extra expense (please insert credit crunch here) and the using up of valuable time.

But are these pressures on male appearance anything that new?

Women have been subject to these kinds of aesthetic pressures for along time, be it in the form of makeup or the perceived role of women in society. But so have men. The belief that there is an ideal way to look and be as a man goes back far into history; metrosexuality simply represents this society’s conception of what it means to be masculine.

In summary then, though I think it is a good thing that men have more options when it comes to their appearance, they also have less choice. Guess its time I invested in some guava lychee elbow grease.

gay@gairrhydd.com / 11

SWAY interviews

Born in Britain to Ghanaian parents, Sway Dasafo's life has always been one of dichotomies. Growing up in an area of London on the rich/poor divide, his unique upbringing has given him the drive to become one of the leading lights of the UK hip hop scene. Dan Tennant-Ralphs met with Sway to discuss acting, Kaiser Chiefs and even Big Brother.

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interviews

How did you get into rap?

Boredom. I started producing but I always had a passion for words. I was always pretty good at English. I think my English teacher fancied me but I was a bit too young."

Who are you inspirations in hiphop?

"Bone Thugs-N-Harmony. For me, they epitomise what hip-hop should be all about. People being creative, stylish, selling you a lifestyle. They came with their own slang, lingo, dress stlye. They brought Cleveland to your doorstep. Nowadays rappers are all about making a commercial hit. Bone Thugs weren’t interested in commercial hits. I’m a sixth member of Bone Thugs & Harmony in my own mind!"

How did you get involved with Akon?

"DJ Semtex put me on his mixtape, Crunk and Grime where I did freestyle over Soul Survivor which Akon heard and was blown away.

But at the time I had just come out

of the underground, about to win a MOBO and every American rapper wanted to work with Sway. But it was merely for street credibility, to look good. I felt Americans were trying to use me. But when they go to America, they don’t talk about Sway. So I didn’t believe hooking up with Akon was possible. Then I went to Ghana, and Akon was performing there at a club and I met him and he remembered me and being from the UK. We stayed in contact and me, Trevore Nelson and him went to the World Cup in Germany, 2006. He wanted to help maintain my independence, so we came to the conclusion that Dychpa would remain independent in the UK & I would sign to hiss major label in the US."

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I was always pretty good at English. I think my English teacher fancied me but I was a bit too young

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hy are you called Sway?

"It was a name I had as a kid, a nickname, no particular reason behind it. And that’s when I started rapping and I found meaning behind it. I was born and raised in Britain, but both my parents are from West Africa, Ghana. And I was raised in an area called Hornsey between Woodgreen and Mussel Hill. Woodgreen has a high crime rate. Mussel Hill was an area where doctors and lawyers lived. So I was always bang in the middle of two extremes, attempting to keep my African roots strong while maintaining that British pride too. SO the same goes with being an artist & trying to crack America while trying to maintain dignity and British style.

I’m always swaying from left to right which is why the name suited me."

I’m looking at your collaborations.

Obviously you’ve done one with Chamillionaire. But I’m interested to know who you’d like to work with from the UK scene?

"Dizzee Rascal. We’ve spoken about it & hope to make that happen."

And from a genre outside of your realm (non urban, hiphop,rap,R&B)?

"Coldplay. I always admired the Kaiser Chiefs and I ended up on their album/" What’s in the pipeline mixtapes/ singles wise?

"I’ve just decided that I’m going to be everywhere. I feel that the UK hip-hop scene is too strategic.

There are huge gaps between the release of singles and albums. You see T-Pain, who’s got a track with Chris Brown, who’s got a track with Rhianna, who’s got a track with Akon, who’s got a track with Nelly.

I’ve decided I’m getting on anything ‘good’. Before I was more ‘pick 'n' mix’. I didn’t use to do posse cuts. I like to showcase my skills but now I’m more open to collaborate. Approached by TInchy Stryder about track with Taio Cruz and Chipmunk, went to the studio knocked. Same with Lemar and Wretch 32. I want to be everywhere. I want people to open their bedroom wardrobes and I pop out."

Would you ever consider going into acting?

"Definitely, I’ve already played a small roll in a film called The Grind which will hopefully be in cinemas this year or maybe next. It was put together buy a lot of people that were involved in the Layer Cake. I play a criminal; as usual stereotypically the rapper plays the criminal.

Not far from what they’re used to in life. I had Up Your Speed on the Need for Speed Soundtrack."

If your stay was waning, would you consider going on Celebrity Big Brother, Strictly Come Dancing or something like that?

"Probably, I would do Big Brother but I think people would hate me because I just so real, people wouldn’t tolerate me."

interviews@gairrhydd.com /13

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interviews

Dublin based band Fight Like Apes have had quite a year, having been nominated for 3 Meteor Awards in Ireland and are getting signed by Sony.

Kacie Morgan catches up with the pop punk starlets to discuss touring and being head hunted by The Prodigy. . .

So how are you liking Cardiff so far?

Maykay: It’s a nice place! We came here before actually, last year. So we know it a bit. We won’t be sticking around for long though, we’ll be driving to London later tonight... we have a few busy nights coming up.

I bet you’re missing being at home in Dublin.

Jamie: No, it’s not too bad.

Maykay: We’re from Kildare in Dublin. We don’t miss it because we’re busy all the time. But I do like it when I actually get home, it’s good then. It’s nice to have a break though.

I heard that you supported the Ting Tings and The Prodigy last year, how did that go?

M: Yeah we played with the Ting Tings in Cardiff - that was a great night, really good turn-out.

The Prodigy were amazing too.

They actually requested for us to support them which was really flattering. We were all a bit star-struck when we met them... they came into our dressing room and we were lost for words - they were lovely though.

So who has been the best crowd for you so far?

J: Glastonbury and Reading were both great crowds... definitely the

biggest crowds. But we love playing back in Ireland too because we get a big turnout over there.

M: Sometimes its nicer to play smaller places like tonight [Cardiff Barfly] though, because a bigger crowd doesn’t necessarily mean a better crowd.

Got any scandalous tour stories?

M: I don’t think so, nothing too scandalous.

J: Although one of the guys was once spotted wrestling with a girl

by Ricky Wilson of the Kaiser Chiefs... I don’t think he was too impressed.

M: We always seem to act a bit stupid when were on tour and we shouldn’t really do that because we’re still kind of new.

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I have a habit of pocketing peoples’ cigarette lighters when we play

“

A

s fresh-faced Irish fourpiece Fight Like Apes descend upon Cardiff Barfly, I catch up with Jamie and Maykay to find out a bit more about life inside the band that has received so much loving from the likes of the BBC and Zane Lowe...

Where does the band name come from?

M: We got it from one of the Planet of the Apes films... Battle for the Planet of the Apes.

I read somewhere that Mr. T named your album, ‘Fight Like Apes and The Mystery of the Golden Medallion?’

(Cue lots of laughter) M: No, no. Well not directly. It comes from one of his cartoons.

Although actually, it would be cool to start a rumour that Mr. T gave

us our album name. Yeah, say that. That sounds cool.

Jamie, I’ve heard that you have the nickname ‘Pockets’ - where does that come from?

J: I have a habit of pocketing peoples’ cigarette lighters when we play at places. I sometimes wake up with like seven lighters in my pocket, wondering where they came from.

M: Although it’s not so good when someone turns around to you asking what you’ve done with their lighter!

What genre would you say your music is?

J: That’s a difficult one. I try not to place our music into a particular genre because I think that’s a bit lazy, and it’s quite hard to differentiate really... but I guess if it was anything it would be riot pop.

Where does your lyrical inspiration come from?

J: I tend to not write lyrics when I’m happy, it helps if I’m feeling angry or sad because that gives me something to think about.

M: Yeah, generally when I’m angry too... and it’s a massive cliché, but also from ex-boyfriends.

And finally, what would you say has been the biggest challenge for you as a band?

M: Probably just resisting the temptation to get wrecked every night we’re on tour! We’re constantly waking up and thinking... what day is it again? And we shouldn’t really do it because we’re so tired all the time. I don’t really think we have mastered that one yet!

interviews@gairrhydd.com / 15

food

Commercial The logic behind food adverts never fails to confuse. Some of them whet our appetites with promises of tantalising flavours or make us laugh with silly plotlines, whilst others make us want to throw up before even tasting what’s on offer. David Jani considers some of the best and worst . . .

Marks and Spencers – “This is M&S food”

Snickers – Mr T in a tank

Sugar Puffs – Crimping

Everything about these are just wonderful. The soft music, the sexy voice and the glorious food on screen almost brings on multiple orgasms. It’s an all out assault on the senses and god it works! Also it allows people to make a hilarious spoonerism of M&S by turning it into S&M.

The power of celebrity is strong today, and it doesn’t come much stronger than Mr T. This ad nails it completely, and I like to think this is how Mr T would spend his days now. What isn’t there to like about this, as it has a tank, Mr T, and chocolate. Also the slogan “get some nuts” is nothing short of genius, especially when T screams it.

Attempting to jump on the bandwagon of something cool is never good. So when we were met with the Honey Monster and his mate, crimping in the style of The Mighty Boosh, no-one was impressed.

Least of all Noel Fielding and Julian Barrett, who threatened legal action and a group of Facebookers who threatened to deface packs of Sugar Puffs on the shelves.

Coca Cola – Christmas Convoy The fact the lorries drive through a small American town during winter and make everything Christmassy may be a striking metaphor for consumer capitalism, but many of us love it all the same. The group on Facebook 'It isn’t Christmas until the Coke advert is on TV' kind of sums up this view.

16 /food@gairrhydd.com

WKD – “Have you got a WKD side”

Carlsberg – Probably the best lager in the world These are good fun to watch as you get to indulge in a fantasy of everyday mundane tasks like going to the bank, having a takeaway, feeding your cat etc., becoming exciting and extravagant experiences. It’s a shame Carlsberg don’t diversify into other categories like these, as it looks as if they might do a better job of it than brewing…

Whilst adverts for the likes of Carling make male friendships seem kind and loyal, these adverts for WKD go down the opposite route of making out that friends should be utter knobs to one another. After all there’s nothing like watching a pack of over compensating cock-ends playing stupid and cruel pranks on one another or female family and friends. Ha fucking ha!

food

Success?

Sunny Delight – "Hey man it's Sunny D!"

Every ad I have ever seen for this drink (which to me tastes of flat piss) is cringe worthy. I’m sure everyone remembers one with rollerbladers opening a fridge that suddenly appeared in the middle of the desert, and screeching with delight, “hey man, it’s Sunny D” before necking the drink and skating off.

If there was any justice in this ad they would choke on the drink, or at least fall off their rollerblades.

Smug bastards. Also why and how are they rollerblading in the desert?

They deserve to die of thirst if they choose such a stupid place to blade in the first place

Quorn – "Touch my food - feel my fork" No other food company has made light of inter-family abuse more than this one. The situation is that a teenaged girl (who looks suspiciously old for a school aged girl) is upset that the family is eating Quorn, because it’s her thing.

The result of this travesty is she refuses to eat, to which her brother offers to clean her plate. The girl then threatens to stab her brother with her fork (and by the looks of the cast on his hand it’s likely he has “felt her fork” before already).

All the while their parents remain surprisingly quiet, and people wonder why stabbings are on the up?

Horrible!

Recipes: Malteser Cake - 85g butter - 2 tbspn golden syrup - 1 tbspn cocoa powder - 170g digestives crushed - 175g Maltesers, some crushed, some left whole - 150g bar of chocolate of choice

1. Melt the butter and golden syrup in a pan. Stir in the cocoa powder, digestives and crushed Maltesers.

2. Cool slightly then stir in the whole maltesers 3. Line a small baking tray with greaseproof paper or clingfilm and pack in the mixture. Chill until set.

4. Melt the chocolate and spread evenly over the top. Chill again until set Then cut up and serve.

Speedy Nachos Serves 3 - 175g packet plain tortillas chips - 225g jar salsa - a few sliced spring onions - a good chunk of cheese - a pinch of crushed chilli flakes - soured cream or guacamole (optional)

1. Tip tortilla chips on to a baking tray, pour over salsa and scatter over a few sliced spring onions.

2. Grate over a good chunk of cheese. Add a pinch of crushed chilli flakes, then put under a hot grill for about 3 minutes to melt the cheese.

3. Serve with soured cream or guacamole (optional).

food@gairrhydd.com / 17

travel

n i n e

b

...without borders

Benin is one of the poorest countries in the world with massive social problems. Simon Lucey investigates this country’s controversial relationship with the Voodoo religon, along with its stunning attractions.

T

he world’s lack of awareness of Benin is partially the result of two reclusive decades of struggle through the 70’s and 80’s in one of West Africa’s least successful and most repressive revolutions. In 1991 however, the revolutionary rhetoric ended and Benin adopted a multi-party democracy and publicly encouraged visitors.

However, the process of shifting the image of one of the most tyrannical of African states into a safe haven for tourists has been slow, and, as is the norm in Africa inconsistent.

With a stunning coast line, dramatic rainforest and warm and friendly people however, Benin is a hidden gem, but like any developing country there are complications in visiting this intriguing country.

One of the few (potentially) famous things about Benin, is that its government is alone in recognizing voodoo as an official religion.

Along the coast especially. belief in the voodoo spirits is commonplace and you will be offered to visit many fetishes, ordinary objects that have been imbued with some of the voodoo’s special power. No doubt if you look half as naïve as I did, you will be invited in to meet the voodoo “priest,” an individual who is particularly susceptible to the Voodoo spirits and therefore has a better knowledge of them. In my case, it was a fat, old man sporting fluorescent yellow shorts and a brand new Manchester United top.

When the priest offered to heal me I had nothing apart from an open mind, and a particularly nasty

gin-influenced hangover. So he set about making a colourful concoction which included ground up antelope skull, palm oil, and a mixture of different herbs some of which I swear should not be legal. After managing to swallow most of this wicked brew and rejecting the urge to puke all over his perfectly clean football shirt, I experienced some very weird feelings, giddiness, tiredness and slight drunkenness, but in fairness I didn’t feel hung-over!

However, I later learnt that what seemed like another case of locals using ingenuity to rip off gullible westerners, had more sinister undercurrents. Many Beninese parents are tempted to use the alternative medicine offered by voodoo priests as a cheap substitute to modern medicine.

“

I had nothing but an open mind and a particularly nasty gin-inspired hangover

”

These children are often then ‘selected’ by force to become members of voodoo convents, organizations set up to train the next generation of voodoo leaders. In order for the children to return home to their families they must be initiated in an elaborate ceremony which can cost in excess of £200.

In a nation where half of the population live on less than £1 per day this is a massive sum of money and many parents simply cannot afford to buy their children back. Many parents decide it is better to sell their children than leave them in the convent. This contributes to the 40,000 children that are sold each year in Benin according to UNICEF. Beyond Voodoo however, Benin has many hidden charms, although most travellers will want to spend as little amount of time in the dirty metropolis of Cotonou as possible.

One such charm is Ouidah, about 50km west of Cotonou and a startling reminder of the slave trade that dominated this region for so long.

You can retrace the final steps of slaves leading down to the peaceful Atlantic beach and the door of no return.

A more cheerful site to explore is Ganvié, a fascinating fishing village built entirely on stilts in the middle of a lagoon to the north of Cotonou.

After a two hour punt through the marshes you arrive at this busy village where many of its inhabitants have never stepped upon dry land.

It is a truly surreal experience floating around between all the facilities that you would expect in any small village.

Despite Benin’s problems it is a stunning country to visit and you will find it impossible for your mind not to be drawn back to the eye-opening experiences as the drizzle falls over Cardiff.

travel@gairrhydd.com / 19

travel

R E EV

F E GL

N U J

A year in industry is not uncommon for students, but what if your placement took you to one of the world's richest rainforests? Cardiff student Rachel Henson is taking a year out... saving orangutans in Borneo. Jealous?

I

t’s raining again. ‘Not slowly soak you on the way to a nine o’clock lecture’ drizzle, or even ‘Cardiff’s unpleasant habit of trying-to-drown you’ moments, after turning your latest umbrella inside out. No, this is ‘open the floodgates and require an ark to get to breakfast’ rain: the sort that’s commonplace in the rainy season of the tropics, which is where I am.

I’ve been in Sabah, Malaysia, on the island of Borneo for just over six months on what’s known in the School of Biosciences as a professional training year, although if I was putting it on a menu it would be down as ‘a delightfully large adventure with a tropical dataanalysis dressing’.

My jungle home’s not so different from my old pad on Mackintosh Place in some ways. There are pest invasions here too, but at least the tyrants are interesting, unlike the dull, squishy silverfish that inhabit so much of Talybont South or the bog standard British house spider that’s forever in need of rescue from behind the television.

You can’t really complain about a monkey ingeniously breaking in to steal an apple, and rats seem so much less like vermin when they come in so many varieties and

you can be sure they’ve not been digging around in Cardiff’s sewer network.

The ants are a nightmare though.

They’re unstoppable, indestructible and their troops know no limits.

Regiments of fire ants lie in wait across the path at night, ready to ambush a flip-flopped foot with their chemical warfare; special forces parachute in to land on the piece of string that suspends a bag of doomed dolly mixtures, carefully encased in freezer bags, dry bags and layers of heavy duty tape, in an attempt to fend off the inevitable destruction of my assets and even the military band get into my guitar to emerge in force as I try to tune to the sound of cicadas. This is one of the many reasons I prefer orangutans to ants. You’ll never find an

“

20 / travel@gairrhydd.com

You'll never find an orangutan in your guitarcase

”

orangutan in your guitar case.

It’s just as well that I like the orange ape because I’m working with a dedicated group of people who collectively form the Kinabatangan

Orangutan Conservation Project.

Many things have contributed to the orangutans’ decrease in numbers over the years, but it really all comes down to a very simple concept. Not so long ago the 287,000 square miles of land that makes up Borneo was almost completely forested, but the 1970s brought with them a demand for tropical hardwoods which the island could provide.

The extent to which the forests have been replaced, previously for timber extraction and rubber plantations and now for a monoculture of palm oil, can be absorbed when coming in to land in parts of Southeast Asia. As far as the eye can see, neat lines of identical trees lay in a patchwork of profit where rich forests had once stretched their roots. There’s still jungle, and there’s still an abundance of wildlife, just less of it and it would be brilliant for this island and the rest of the world if it didn’t decrease any further.

The remaining forest is often fragmented by roads and plantations making it increasingly difficult for wildlife to move around, which causes all sorts of other problems.

If you’re trying to grow a crop, the last thing you want is a herd of elephants wandering through and

travel

stopping for lunch on the way.

This doesn’t mean that all hope is lost for the forest though. On the contrary, as the problems associated with this sort of monoculture are more widely understood, so are opportunities for managing the crops and remaining forests responsibly.

This is where the scientists come in.

The more that’s discovered about tropical rainforests, the more conservationists have to work with.

Danau Girang Field Centre is the perfect base for such researchers, who have proven to be just as diverse and intriguing as the local wildlife.

The centre is a joint project between Cardiff University and Sabah Wildlife Department, a governmental organisation that integrates scientific research with conservation management plans for the area. So far I’ve played the part of research assistant, tour-guide, hostess, explorer, translator and lazy student depending on the visitor, but at the end of their stay they jet back to civilisation and it’s me that’s lucky enough to bed down to the sounds of the jungle rather than the last stragglers leaving the pub on a Friday night.

Another student from Cardiff lives at the field centre with me, which is

a good thing. There’s only so long you can talk to yourself for, and any longer than the average show on Xpress Radio is pushing it somewhat. Together we’ve refined all manner of jungle activities to keep us entertained; the obvious ones

“

For now I’ll sit back and enjoy playing Tarzan in a world where elephants outnumber lecturers

”

are walking in the forest and getting on with some work, the former being the preferred option.

On our mini expeditions we’ve encountered crafty looking snakes, magnificent orangutans, gliding hornbills, snuffling wild pigs, monitor lizards that resemble something from The Lost World, proboscis monkeys with their ridiculously large noses and mud which you

can sink in up to your waist. We also usually come back covered in blood-sucking leeches, something that takes a little while to get used to. On less energetic days we practice casting a fishing net, chase wildlife out of buildings, get the binoculars out for a spot of twitching, or sit and play Battleships in the boat moored on the river, which is also a good chance for crocodile spotting. At the end of the day though we’re still students and a trip to town every now and again to send an email provides almost as much entertainment as the forest.

It’s not so much sitting in a creepy, dark internet cafe that does it, more our inability to adapt to civilisation again. The last time we were in town we managed to lock ourselves out of the only room in the hostel that didn’t have a spare key, only to lock ourselves inside once the poor owner had broken the door handle off and gone out to buy a new one.

If remembering one key causes so much difficulty, I dread to think how we’ll fit back into Cardiff life.

So for now I’ll sit back and enjoy playing Tarzan in a world where elephants outnumber lecturers and the sun casts its warm glow, lighting up the canopy as it sets over the river. You can’t ask for much better than that.

travel@gairrhydd.com / 21

fashion

Presenting.......THE FOS

The 2009 awards season is now over, and as any discerning film fan should know

this year’s Oscars. But who deserves a fashion Oscar? Quench Fashion has a loo

Anne Hathaway as Kym in Rachel Getting Married

Kate Winslet as Hanna Schmitz in The Reader

In the film Kym has been released from rehab for the weekend. Whilst many might favour the look of a recovering drug addict, I’m not a big fan of the drab khaki t-shirt/ shapeless zip up top combo. On the red carpet it’s a different story. Anne Hathaway manages to be adventurous with her outfits yet always look the classic beauty. She chose a dazzling Armani Privé silver beaded dress to wear to the Oscars, and oozed glamour.

As Hanna Schmitz, Kate Winslet is mainly wearing very little… When she does have clothes on, from her streetcar conductor’s uniform to her appearances in the dock, she is generally seen wearing dark and dreary outfits. Off screen, Kate still favours the dark colours, but in a much more stylish way. At the Golden Globes and the Baftas Kate went for classic black, but for the Oscars plumped for a metal grey off, the-shoulder, Yves Saint Laurent number with black detailing for an understated yet classy look.

Angelina Jolie as Christine Collins in Changeling On screen, the character of Christine Collins embodies 1920's chic. With her fur-trimmed wrap coat, Mary-Jane shoes, scarlet red lips and loosely set wavy hair Christine Collins was definitely one of the most glamorous characters out of all the Oscar nominees. At the Oscars, Angelina played it safe with a timeless black Elie Saab dress, perfectly accessorised with dazzling emerald earrings and natural makeup. Not forgetting the all important arm-candy: her heart-throb husband-Brad Pitt.

22 /fashion@gairrhydd.com

fashion

SCARS(Fashion Oscars of course!)

w Kate Winslet and Sean Penn bagged the big awards at

ok at the nominees…

Mickey Rourke as Randy ‘the Ram’ Robinson in The Wrestler In a sea of black suits, Mickey Rourke was a refreshing wave of change at the Oscars. Decked out in a rock and roll cream, Jean Paul Gaultier tuxedo, Rourke accessorised with a pendant bearing a photo of his recently deceased Chihuahua. His character in The Wrestler was less rock and roll and more perma tanned strippergram with a penchant for 80’s fashion. Whilst fighting in the ring he sported lime green spandex leggings and a dashing sweaty mop of hair.

Sean Penn as Harvey Milk in Milk Harvey Milk, another politician of the ‘70s, isn’t quite as well turned out as the actor who played him. The blue and yellow, thick striped tie and the slightly dodgy suits are all example of bad ‘70s styling. However at the Oscars despite monochromatic suits being out this year, Penn lived up to his rebellious nature and managed to look smart and dapper in a Giorgio Armani all black number.

Brad Pitt as Benjamin Button in The Curious Case of Benjamin Button As the man ageing backwards, Benjamin Button manages to encompass 100 years worth of fashion in less than three hours.

Brad Pitt failed to translate this style success on to the red carpet, with his decision to team aviator shades with a bow tie at the Golden Globes costing him major style points. However, he managed to claw back his dignity at the Oscars in a Tom Ford suit, paired with patent black brogues, giving the simple suit a contemporary quirky edge.

fashion@gairrhydd.com / 23

Recycle a Date Night

blind date

Speed dating with a twist - singletons dragged their friends a.k.a 'recycled dates' down to Henry's Bar for a night of frivolous mingling, cheap drinks and men/women auctions, all in aid of Leukaemia CARE. Organisers, Brittany Maher-Kirk and Jenny Cooper, spoke to two attendees after the event.

Nikki Parjan, 21, found the prospect of Recycle a Date Night slightly daunting, despite being one of the evening's very own promoters! But as the event got underway, she couldn't have been more happy with the turn-out.

I

was somewhat scared by the title myself, as were the hundreds of people I spent the week handing flyers to. Yet the night proved to be very different to what I had in mind. On arrival we were given a playing card and the idea was to search the room for the person with the equivalent card - simple enough, and it meant everyone had to communicate but without the pressure of awkward conversation. There were a few good looking boys there too, which was a definite bonus.

Next came the telling of an embarrassing story, which proved to be even more entertaining as most people revealed all - most of the stories cannot be repeated!

This led me to wonder where all the tension associated with speed dating ever came from. The games had been carefully organised in such a way as to encourage everyone to talk whilst simultaneously maintaing the light-hearted enjoyment of the evening; this was certainly not the scary speed dating scenario I had envisaged.

In particular the part I had dreaded the most was the auction, having volunteered myself to such an ordeal, all in the name of charity. I watched as the poor boys stood on the firing line, and admittedly relished in their humiliation knowing full well that the girls were lucky enough to be silent auctioned. Well you couldn’t really expect us to suffer a similar fate could you. All in all it was a fantastic night out and I was thrilled to be a part of it!

Dave Jani, 21, thought there was no harm in trying out something different when his friend asked him to attend the evening and he thoroughly enjoyed himself, much to his own suprise.

I

t was a fun night, I got to meet some new people which is always a plus. There were free nibbles which pleased me no end and copious amounts of cheap drink.

We played some interesting games, including a 'boys versus girls' challenge to guess whose ‘sexploits’ were whose, amongst ourselves in our gender groups. We also had to find a matching playing card to one we were given at the start of the evening, which kept us entertained throughout the night (although I never managed to find mine, sadly).

There was also a raffle, in which I won a bottle of wine (score!) and a men/women auction where you could bid for dates with any of the men or women up for grabs (not literally, in all the senses of the phrase). I did put in a bid, despite it being just a measly £3 - well, credit crunch and all that! So I didn’t win any ladies this time, probably due more to pure stinginess than anything. It was quite a good experience all in all. However, I'm still slightly disappointed that aside from the wine,I ended up empty handed. Oh well, maybe next time!

All proceeds from the night went to Leukaemia CARE. If you would like to donate money or find out more about the charity work visit www.justgiving.com/coopertroopers. Alternatively find Coopertroopers on Facebook and sponsor them as they run the London marathon.

Fancy a date where you can wine and dine to your heart's content, all for free? Email us, your very own sultry love goddesses! blinddate@gairrhydd.com / 25

books

Books Beauty, Roger Scruton (Oxford University Press)

I

t is always nice to see a book combining art and philosophy.

Not sure what makes this particular combination so special, but it seems to feed the eye and the brain in a very fine and balanced manner, so that you get the full experience.

Beauty commences by an examination of the philosophical aspects of judgement of beauty. He argues that ‘beautiful’ cannot be regarded as a metaphor and then goes on to examine beauty through philosophical history. The author clearly has plenty of knowledge on the topic, which he attempts to convey to us as gently as possible, introducing everyday examples, such as how

“

“

Most of his ideas are rather simple, making you think: why did I not come up with this?

the setting of a building can enhance or even destroy its beauty.

The following chapters look at particular forms of beauty, such as human, natural, and artistic beauty, all in an attempt to define what we perceive as beautiful. He also distinguishes between how each of these beauties matter to us, for example,

26 /books@gairrhydd.com

human beauty can be observed through desire. Most of his ideas are rather simple, making you think: why did I not come up with this?

Although it is philosophical, it still is accessible, making it a deep, yet pleasant read. Other philosophers, like Hegel in particular, could have done with some of Roger Scruton’s

advice!

The author also provides you with a plethora of references to other books, making this little gem a very good introduction, or better yet, a portal into the fascinating world of beauty.

Natalia Popova

books

Graham Swift (Picador)

Lulu in Marrakech, Diane Johnson (Penguin)

T

his is marketed as Graham Swift's first piece of nonfiction, but the description is quite misleading. This is in fact a collection of interviews, articles and biography by or about Swift over the past twenty years. The size of the book suggests that he's a fairly regular contributor to a number of magazines and newspapers as well, so his writing non-fiction is not really a surprise.

Parts of this seem a bit smug to me, like a opportunity for Swift to say just how many people he's rubbed shoulders with over the years. Included is a picture of him with Salman Rushdie, where he's mistaken for someone else, (not that he's a recognisable face).

There's also pictures with Jeremy Irons, Stephen Gylennhaal, and a meeting with Ted Hughes among others. I'm sure it was great to go fishing with Ted Hughes, but it isn't particularly an insightful event about either people, since Ted Hughes' love of fishing is well documented anyway, and Swift just comes across like some suffering minion

L

ulu in Marrakech provides an insight into the life of Lulu Sawyer, a CIA agent stationed undercover in Morocco's English expatriate community, where her mission is to find evidence of money flows from foreign NGOs into the bank accounts of Islamic extremist sympathisers.

Through the course of the novel a tangled web of interlinked storylines and characters emerges around her: there is the mysterious English businessman Ian Drumm, for whose affections Lulu initially agreed to the assignment and who provides her with a convenient cover. There are also numerous dubious other 'expats' including Ian's beautiful Saudi neighbour Gazi, and her husband Khaled, and the young Parisian Muslim girl Suma, on the run from her family intent on an honour killing. Interwoven into the web of characters are Lulu's contacts and employers, all of whom have ambiguous interests of their own.

holding a trout.

The inclusion of poems by Swfit highlight the reason why he is really more known for his novels rather than his poetry.

There are two interesting interviews included: one with him

by Patrick McGrath, and one he does with Kazuo Ishiguro. Studying English Literature and taking

“

Swift writing non-fiction is not really a surprise

“

Making An Elephant,

the War and Memory module, they provided an interesting insight into that genre of writing - novels about war by people whose parents were in the war. I won't tell what those interviews were about though, because they'll make my essay more amazing and I don't want to share.

The book is about £15, so if you really feel like it, go buy it.

Aisling Tempany

The story progresses slowly, but steadily, interrupted by episodes of mundanity that reflect the slow, patient waiting nature of Lulu's profession and are made all the more realistic by Johnson's use of passages from CIA training manuals. Nevertheless, when the climax of the story finally comes about, it is as fast-paced and riveting as a spy novel should be. The emphasis on realism also extends to Johnson's portrayal of British expat culture and its often contentious relationship with the values of its exotic host country. However, there is some over-reliance on national and cultural stereotypes.

Overall, this is an entertaining and readable novel, while also exploring the difficult issues surrounding the peaceful coexistence of Western and Islamic cultures, alongside the problems of life, love and secrecy in a foreign country.

Rebecca Ganz

books@gairrhydd.com / 27

books

Books in...

LAUGHARNE

This issue, Books take a Laugharne Weekend is..

Where is Laugharne Weekend?

The festival takes place in the town of Laugharne, where Dylan Thomas once lived. Like The Hay Festival, it's a bit out of the way in Carmarthenshire, but unlike Hay, it's a bit easier to get to, and doesn't involve going to England first.

When is it?

The festival runs between 3 & 5 April, which is in the middle of the Easter break

Who's there then?

Laugharne's line-up is a combination of literature, music and talks, like Hay. Included in the list are welsh author Rachel Tresize, Trainspotting writer Irvine Welsh and Jon Ronson, author of The Men who Stare at Goats.

Why go?

If, like your Books editor, you just can't wait until Hay Festival to get your literary fix, then Laugharne is a suitable warm up in April. Laugharne, now in its third year, is gaining fast a reputation as a less-commercial alternative to Hay. With its connections to Dylan Thomas and its location by the sea, the town is an attraction itself. It has plenty of pubs too.

(Yeah, alcohol matters!)

A weekend ticket is ÂŁ65, but like Hay, there are tickets for individual events available too.

28 /books@gairrhydd.com

look at what and where April's

Biscuits and Bus Passes

books

Emma Pocklington goes in search of other creative minds at Cardiff Writers' Circle. totally different age group provided me with fresh ideas and viewpoints, and pointed out common mistakes that I hadn’t even noticed before.

Their work ranges from poetry to full-length novels, one member writes Mills and Boon and another recounts thrilling adventure stories from his time working for the Ministry of Defence.

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I was expecting something more along the lines of poetry about cats

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H

aving recently started a creative writing module, and having struggled for hours over characters’ names and difficult plot twists, I began to wonder if there were others out there who were doing the same thing, other tortured souls who were experiencing the same problems as I was.

As it turns out, there aren’t that many. After scouring the internet and asking all over the place I only managed to root out one writers’ circle to attend, but it soon compensated for my previous disappointment.

Cardiff Writers’ Circle has been running for over 60 years, and although most of its members are of a similar age, it is as lively and as productive as ever.

I was warmly welcomed to my first meeting, and liberally supplied with tea and chocolate biscuits to get me through the night, which I have to say won me over almost instantly.

The circle, although mostly made up of the older, more experienced generation, does boast a very small collection of students.

However, despite the initial impression of a meeting of the Women’s Institute given by the circle, most of the people who attend are in fact already published writers, the discovery of which almost made me do a double-take. I seemed to have the preconceived idea that in order to be a published writer you had to wear a beret and smoke a lot, not wear knitted jumpers and own a bus pass. The experience held by the circle members of course makes their criticism an invaluable resource to an up-and-coming writer. After receiving feedback from just fellow students, talking to writers from a

The meetings are relatively informal, if you want to read out some work you simply put your name down and await your ten-minute slot.

Some members have novels that they’ve been reading every Monday for years, but others just read short poems. All the criticism given is friendly and constructive. The group aim towards encouraging writing, and also to getting members’ work published.

They put on regular competitions, one for each different style of writing plus one at Christmas and at the end of the academic year.

These competitions are judged by independent adjudicators and come with impressive looking trophies as prizes, which you can have triumphantly engraved. I was amazed to find a simple writers’ circle so profes-

sional and organised, I must admit that I was expecting something more along the lines of poetry about cats over a few custard creams.

The group even have their own mini library, just a cupboard really, but its packed full of technical books and published works written by the circle members.

The only down side of this group I would say, is simply how close knit they are; I felt that as a new member it would take time to become properly integrated. However, they are keen to have new members, especially younger ones, and I was encouraged to attend the next meeting. I think that they are open to change and new suggestions, it might just take a while for things to happen. The Cardiff Writers’ Circle are currently in the process of setting up a web page, something which in my opinion should have happened years ago. But if you’re looking for a friendly group, to discuss and improve your writing, then really you need look no further.

Cardiff Writers’ Circle meets at the Catholic Chaplaincy at 62 Park Place from 7 till 9 on a Monday night. The first two nights are free, but after that it’s £10 for the whole year and then £1.50 each time you attend. There is never any obligation to read out your work, but they’d love to hear it.

books@gairrhydd.com/29

digital

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SPOTIFY.COM

This week, Richard Wood talks about the internet revolution that brings music to our ears. and use it wherever they wanted? iTunes improved the situation by making it easy to buy online.

Coupled with the street cred of the iPod it was a huge success and a massive step forward, but it still used the dreaded Digital Rights Management software that restricted your use of the music that you

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Music on the Internet has been a monumental clusterfuck for many years now

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M

usic on the Internet has been a monumental cluster-fuck for many years now. The consumers are angry with the record companies, the record companies are angry with file-sharers, musicians can’t decide if they care or not, and the authorities have absolutely no idea what’s going on, or more importantly, who to blame for it.

So it’s a bloody good thing that Spotify has finally taken charge and essentially resolved the problem for all concerned.

Before iTunes, the easiest way to get new music was to download it. The record companies understandably do not like widespread piracy. But instead of looking at the reasons for people pirating music, they decided to throw all of their efforts into ill-advised legal threats and copy protection mechanisms, while essentially ignoring the online market. This had the effect of both creating anger among relatively innocuous users that had been singled out for legal action, and making pirated copies of material more useful than music that you had bought yourself. Why would anyone pay for a CD that they could only play in a CD player, when they could download the music for free

legally bought. Downloading material was still the most effective way to use music. Unfortunately, it’s illegal and gives no money to artists.

And that’s where Spotify comes in. Essentially, it is a way for consumers to easily listen to music for free, while also giving record companies revenue through advertisements. It’s pretty much radio on

demand. But this doesn’t quite give it enough credit, because it’s probably the easiest way to listen to music I’ve ever come across.

After installing and starting up the Spotify program, you are very quickly confronted with a window that looks remarkably like iTunes.

Almost everything is clickable.

Click on an artist and it will show you all their available music. Click play and it will play it all. The same happens with an album. You can also drag songs to playlists, save them for use anywhere in the world, and share them with your friends. Every three or four songs, there will be a short, relatively unobtrusive advertisement, and then your playlist will resume. This is all accomplished so quickly and seamlessly that I have started using Spotify over my own music library because it actually loads quicker!

The selection of music isn’t the biggest, but it’s pretty good and will only get better. There are also plans to release mobile clients for use on the move. There are still drawbacks, like having to be online to listen. But it’s another step forward, it’s legal, and it’s free. What’s the downside? The future is here, and it’s called Spotify.

digital@gairrhydd.com / 31

digital

BUZZ! Digital hopped along to the Taf to exprience a good old University Challenge style gaming session and a Ginsters chicken pie

A

polished, the questions are entertaining and the format is varied enough to have you playing through multiple times. The only proviso seems to be that you have the requisite number of friends at your disposal, who all have a crushing need to see who knows the most about nothing of value, and like most multiplayer games, the presence of alcohol helps.

“

Humiliating, soul destroying defeat aside, the event was a huge success.

“

Apparently Sony had reached the same realisation and decided to host the event in the Taf. The prospect of a £200 prize and PSP’s for the winning team of four in the elimination rounds seemed to help entice the

bar dwellers to entering the competition but this was just the tip of the iceberg. Having more money than God, Sony were also offering to fund a £25,000 party for the university who won in a head to head between Cardiff and Bristol using the games new online feature, oh, and Ginsters chicken pies for the losers. The final team of four who passed the elimination rounds, won the money and the PSP’s; faced off against the MENSA candidates of Bristol. At the end of the evening the mighty minds of Cardiff walked away four chicken pies richer.

Humiliating, soul destroying defeat aside, the event was a huge success. Even I, with my predisposition to hate both pubs and quizzes, enjoyed myself watching university students’ flounder over who George Orwell was. Buzz! is a game tailored to groups of friends and embarrassment and the clash of the unis tour has this in spades. If you get the opportunity to attend one of these functions and you have a depressing level of trival knowledge then I suggest you go for it.

PHOTO: Steve Beynon

s we speak Sony representatives are touring the nation, quizzing university students on the most trivial of knowledge’s, from the intricate rules of the sport of kings, ultimate frisbee, to the geographical layout of Sweden. It can only be the product of Sony’s seminal quiz game, Buzz!

For those not aware, Buzz! is a multiple choice quiz game which pits four players against each other in a battle over who has accumulated the most superfluous knowledge in their life. You are given special controllers, which look like they fell out of the Nintendo catalogue for useless gaming peripherals, each with a large red button and four coloured buttons used to pick the correct responses through a variety of quiz formats; from fastest finger first to an elimination round.

Having played the previous iteration on the PS2, and the Playstation lacking any other quiz games of note, I was keen to try out the PS3 version in the clash of the uni's competition. The game itself is highly

32 / digital@gairrhydd.com

REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS REVIEWS REdigital

MOUNT AND BLADE Mount and blade PC £25

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have a certain respect for independent game developers. In the current climate of the EA hegemony and gaming conglomerates absorbing smaller companies like Brian Blessed at an allyou-can-eat curry house, when a scrappy underdog emerges with a genuinely good game it comes as a pleasant surprise.

Mount and Blade is hard to compare any other title out there. I am tempted to draw lines between Oblivion and the Battlefield games, but this doesn’t really do it justice.

Think of a true sandbox game, set in a mythical medieval land, where your character is thrown into the wilderness with nothing but…well a mount and a blade (horse and sword for those who didn’t study Lord of the Rings from cover to cover).

You then move around from a bird’s eye view on the world map, where you can enter villages to hire recruits. This forms the crux of the gameplay, you hire recruits at a low level then through combat they increase in rank and fighting skill. The size of these armies is

dependant on your own level and renown in the kingdom with the various factions. Managing your forces, levelling your characters and forming alliances and enemies as you see fit, without some omnipotent narrator holding your hand, is refreshing for a sandbox game, especially since your cousin isn’t phoning you up every two minutes to take him bowling.

The combat is where the game really comes into its own. The whole thing feels like

Oblivion, minus the magic but add about 90 soldiers under your command. Even though these come in waves to save the games struggling physics engine, the scale in these scenarios is pretty impressive. There is nothing quite like screaming ‘For Gondor!’ as you lead your cavalry into a swath of defenceless peasants, giggling to yourself like some Tolkien obsessive shut in.

Don’t mistake the intuitive user interface and simple RPG elements for an act of kindness from the meagre development team. This game hates you. It does not want you to succeed, and throws everything at you from the get go. This seems to be all in the sense of realism, the forces you fight at the start will be the same as the fight at the end, but this meant I spent the first three hours of the game running from bands of three or four wandering bandits because my forces died almost instantly. Saying Mount and Blade is hard seems unfair though.

It is what it is. Later in the game, when you acquire castles, lands and enough archers to turn any army into a walking pincushion the challenge seems justified. Getting to that stage however is a nightmare, making Mount and Blade a title for the hardest of hard-core gamers. Or, like me, you could just cheat.

digital@gairrhydd.com / 33

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arts

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'Lady Garden, Tuppence, Rose bush, Pussy Cat'... Lisa Evans experiences a night of Vagina Monologues!

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his is not what most people expect from an on-stage production and the Vagina Monologues shatters all assumptions that this is a man hating, overly feminist script. It is in fact quite the contrary. Female genitalia is without doubt one of the biggest taboo subjects, and the show mocks this when the female audience is criticised for forgetting that they have a vagina.

Sian Lloyd, no longer an innocent weather presenter, soon puts us straight by spreading her legs for the whole audience to gawp at her imitation of a woman looking for her ‘lady garden’.

There was a simplistic set with three stools on centre stage for Joanna Page, Sian Lloyd and Margaret John to take their pews.

This intimate setting added to the fittingly intimate tales. A fair amount of brave men were scattered in the audience who had probably come along for some tips! Throughout the evening roars of laughter echoed from the audience and uncomfortable giggles

tried to hide how embarrassing some parts were. If nothing had shocked the audience yet what followed next topped it all. Sian Lloyd forcefully made the whole of the audience yell out the ‘C’ word! A mass of women shouting out C*** seemed as if we were partaking in a feminist campaign. The word was given a whole new meaning and was represented as something liberating and beautiful rather than outright offensive. Just when the audience felt safe and thought that nothing else could be so outrageous and cringe worthy the lights dimmed and the spotlights shone at centre stage for Margaret John’s most blatant monologue.

Margaret John’s impersonations of orgasms was unsettling especially seeing as she is old enough to be a grandmother, but you soon realise that you have to embrace how upfront these monologues are. After all, this is what the whole production is about; it is candid, honest and successfully breaks down how prudent some women are about their vaginas!

Credit has to be paid to author Eve Ensler, who cleverly captures a variety of complimentary and contrasting monologues from women around the world. It challenges and confronts on every level. It provides comedy, poignancy through the harrowing tales of rape victims and the all time cringe worthy, where some things should be left unsaid. All three women managed to master the talent of comic timing to perfection, but Joanna Page was the star of the show, reflecting her famous role as Stacey in the hit TV series Gavin and Stacey where she has an infectious Welsh accent and likeable nature. For most women, uttering the word vagina is embarrassing but the frankness of this production and the ability to shock is one that no woman should miss out on. It is an experience for all women, although I would advise against going to watch it with your mother as there are certain things that a mother and daughter should not share together!

arts@gairrhydd.com / 35

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GOING OUT? R

ecently I have found myself almost longing for at least one week where nothing much is going on. That way my poor little body can scrape itself off the floor, get more than 4 hours sleep, and at least pretend that it remembers what feeling something vaguely resembling normal is like.

Alas, I have no such luck, as this fortnight brings with it about as heavy a programme of clubbing goodness as we have had all year.

Hospital Records seem to be supremely well represented, with no less than THREE of its key talents playing over the next few weeks.

On Wednesday 18th OneMission bring rising star Mistabishi to Glo Bar (previewed below), followed

by Commix playing for Aperture at Clwb Ifor Bach on Friday 20th and Logistics Back at Glo Bar the week after that.

C-Y-N-T are doing their biggest monthly event at Club Seven yet (also previewed below), and if that

wasn't enough, they are also bringing along electrohouse badboy Lee Mortimer for their final Thursday before the Easter Break.

Couple in an appearance from house and techno wunderkind D.Ramirez at Glam on the 21st, and D.A.V.E the Drummer at the Clwb on the 27th and it looks unlikely I'll get any rest any time soon...

Much Love, The Going Out Team.

-x-

COMING SOON...

-GLO BAR -

C

ourtesy of One Mission, this Wednesday sees Hospital Records’ Mistabishi hit the decks at Glo Bar for the launch of his debut album Drop.

With Hospital stalwarts like Cyantific and Danny Byrd mixing

THE BIG C - Y - N - T - Club Seven -

L

arge scale C-Y-N-T events at Club Seven have been doing rather well of late, and March sees another impressively varied lineup set to arrive here at the capital in the shape of Hervé, Beardyman + JFB and Midfield General.

Having been crowned UK beatbox champion two years in a row, Beardyman's live performances are the stuff of clubbing legend. Utilising the many wonderful sounds of his own voice along with a KAOSS pad

his tunes, it was only a matter of time before Mistabishi was signed to the label himself. He burst on to the drum & bass scene in late 2007 with No Matter What, fulfilling the high expectations for Hospital’s first exclusive artist signing since 2004.

His music stays true to the Hospital sound – chilled, lyrical, and melodyled rather than beat-based.

For those wanting to research a little further, check out his blog on

looping device, Beardyman is able to create near perfect renditions of almost anything he puts his mind to. Combined with his own uniquely mischevious sense of humour, it is easy to see how he has gained such international acclaim in recent years.

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Beardyman

MISTABISHI

www.mistabishi.co.uk, where he gives the story behind each track on the album. Admittedly, most of them were written after experiences “under the influence of emotionally influential stimuli” but, you know, fair enough. As long as the tunes are good, who cares?

One Mission pres. Mistabishi, Wednesday 18th March, Glo Bar, £3/£5

Accompanying the man of many noises on the night will be the founder of Skint records (home of Fatboy Slim no less) Midfield General. Known best for his hit single 'Disco Sirens', we're looking forward to him laying down a solid set of dancefloor destruction from both the past and present day.

Finishing up the lineup, Hervé marks his return to Cardiff, only this time without partner in crime Sinden. Expect a heavy dose of fidget, dubstep and bassline to keep you on your toes.

The Big C-Y-N-T, Saturday 21st March, Club Seven, £12adv

going out

REVIEWS

CLUB LISTINGS 16.3.09 29.3.09

18.3 • Cassette Quality Residents Party (Electro/Hip hop/ Breaks), Glam, 10pm, £4 • One Mission pres. Mistabishi (Drum n Bass), Glo Bar, 10pm, £3/5

19.3 • C-Y-N-T (Electro/House/ Techno), Clwb Ifor Bach, 10:30pm, £3/4 • Antelope (Electro), Glo

Bar, 9pm, FREE

20.3 • Aperture pres. Commix, (Drum n Bass), Clwb Ifor Bach, 10:30pm, £6/8

21.3 • CoolHouse Residents Party, (House/Techno), Glo Bar, 9pm, £3/5 • C-Y-N-T pres. Herve and Beardyman, (Electro/House/Techno), Club Seven, 10pm, £12

BEDLAM -GREAT HALL -

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h yes, Saturday night.

I wouldn’t say I had a bad time, exactly, but I wouldn’t say I had a good time either. If I’m being totally honest, ‘disappointed’ is the word that springs to mind.

It was evident early on that something was wrong. Despite involving some suitably wobbly bass delights, Skream’s set fucked with me at the point where he threw some random techno into the mix. Just pause for a minute. Dance the two-step dubstep slouch to an imaginary beat, then without warning, start throwing some hectic techno shapes.

And back again. Harder than it sounds, no? I know I’ve espoused the wonders of the mash-up at length before, but there are limits.

• Azuli pres. D. Ramirez, Glam, 10pm, £6

26.3 • C-Y-N-T pres. Lee Mortinmer (Electro/House/Techno), Clwb Ifor Bach, 10:30pm, £3/4 • Antelope (Electro), Glo Bar, 9pm, FREE

27.3 • Aperture pres. Logistics (Drum n Bass), Glo Bar, 9pm, £5 • Holodeck pres. D.A.V.E. the Drummer, Clwb Ifor Bach, 10:30pm, £6/8 • Phase Two pres. No Thing of Babylon System (Dubstep), Clwb Tafod, 10pm, £5

28.3 • Retro Electro meets Stu's Party Mash-up (Electro/House), Glo Bar, 9pm, £3

Then there was Andy C’s highly unimaginative set (yes, another one), which left me wondering if it wasn’t about time we got someone else – anyone else – to headline drum & bass nights in the Great Hall. Surely someone could do it apart from him?

Perhaps Friction would be a good call, as he managed to showcase both old-school and more recent tunes without sounding too contrived, although I admit the clientele who swaggered out of the shadows at this point did give me the shivers. Also – would somebody please shoot the MC?

The best part of the evening for me had to be Break, who was playing in the One Mission room.

His chilled, liquidy style provided welcome relief from the carnage that was occurring next door, and there was an added bonus in that the smaller size of the room brought down the number of utter fuck-ups trying to sneak in a sly arse squeeze every three seconds.

Maybe the night was simply hyped too much (possibly my own doing), but when Bedlam actually arrived, it just didn’t meet my expectations. It felt like a cutand-paste version of every similar event I’ve attended in the last few years, and I have to say that the end result wasn’t brilliant.

Better luck next time, guys – because I’m afraid this just didn’t hit the spot.

Kirstin Knight Photos - Lucy Chip

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going going out arts going going outout out

cassette quality

Kirstin Knight talks promotions, music and the power of synergy with James Hassan

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Rockaoke: it's karaoke, but with a real, live band

Step up James Hassan, the brains behind Cassette Quality, the latest regular night to hit Cardiff.

After graduating last year with a degree in Economics, stepping into the world of promotion seemed only natural.

"Cassette Quality started out showcasing hip hop and bands,"

he tells me, "but that's now evolved to include breaks and electro DJs." When I ask why those particular genres, he shrugs: "Ten years ago, hip hop was really big in Cardiff.

We wanted to create a scene like that again, but without stepping on anybody's toes. It seemed like by hosting these kind of nights we were filling a gap in the market."

I ask who 'we' are: "Me, Rufus Lawrence and Andrew Rackham.

Everything started with Extreme Hallowe'en; we thought that instead of holding an event purely for the snowsports society, we could include all of the extreme sports societies. The night was such a success that we thought, why not make it a regular thing?"

Glam, the venue that night, appear to agree; they have offered to host Cassette Quality nights every Wednesday. "We want to offer an alternative to the traditional sports socials at the Union, and that's where the breaks and electro come in. Then we've decided to put on indie and rock bands at The Globe, and hip hop at The Basement in town. Then there's rockaoke: like karaoke, but with a real, live band."

His all-embracing attitude is not merely confined to the choice of music; it's the mantra behind the entire set-up. "I think synergy between promoters is really

38 /goingout@gairrhydd.com

important,' he tells me. 'We need to involve university societies. The fact that big events like Bedlam gave their second room to One

“

We just want to put on some really good music

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W

hen I came to Cardiff three years ago, I found it really difficult hunting out nights that played the music that I wanted to listen to. Cheesy freshers' parties and traffic light sausage-fests aside, there didn't appear to be that much going on.

It seems as though other people thought the same thing. The last few years have seen nights showcasing different musical genres springing up all over the city, and from Aperture to C-Y-N-T, there's no denying that these brands are going on from strength to strength.

Mission to host is really good. I know it sounds cheesy, but we need to stick together."

I ask him about his Facebook group's claims about being 'fierce proponents of the Cardiff underground and unsigned bands scene'. He smiles: "It's called Cassette Quality for a reason. At the end of the day, we just want to put on some really good music."

I don't know if it's that sentiment or the 7.5% beer that we're drinking, but I want to hug him. Watch out for Cassette Quality, people, because they look set to hit the big time.

Cassette Quality, every Wednesday at Glam, plus regular events at The Globe and The Basement

going out

DICING WITH DEATH

ALEX GWILLIAM ON ECSTASY, ASTEROIDS AND DEATH BY HOT WATER...

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aily Mail readers and ill informed shit-slinging bandwagon-hoppers unite!

Thanks to the recently published claims of Professor David Nutt, chairman of the Advisory Council on the Misuse of Drugs (ACMD), stating that the incidence of death related to MDMA is statistically lower than that linked to horse riding, a veritable tea-drinking jihad of moral outrage is at hand! Huzzah!

According to Prof. Nutt, horse riding, whose ten deaths a year

1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 11

equate to roughly 1 in every 350 occurrences, pales in comparison to the odds of ecstasy related fatality, which come in at somewhere around 1 in 10,000. The dissemination of such flagrantly licentious claims must surely be halted before they can be allowed to corrupt any more innocent minds.

Before long little Annabel and Chelsea will be boshing half a gram apiece at some underground crackcore rave, for fear of being gored to death at the hoofs of dear old Sugar-

lump next time they saddle up for a clip-clop around the orchard…

Or not, because statistics are for idiots and can be used to argue pretty much any point under the sun, regardless of its practical application.

They can, however, also be very fun, so we decided to do some research into just how dangerous day-to-day life really is. That way you can adjust your lifestyle accordingly and make sure you don’t do anything reckless and stupid… like horse riding.

chance of death by cancer: 1-in-7 chance of death by falling down: 1-in-218 chance of death by slipping in bath or shower: 1-in-2,323 chance that earth will experience a catastrophic collision with asteroid in next 100 years: 1-in-5,000 chance of death by hot weather: 1-in-13,729 chance of death by hornet, wasp or bee sting: 1-in-56,789 chance of death by fireworks: 1-in-340,733 chance of death by being bitten by a dog: 1-in-700,000 chance of death by contact with hot tap water: 1-in-5,005,564 chance of death by parts falling off an aeroplane: 1-in-10,000,000 chance of death by shark attack: 1-in-300,000,000

goingout@gairrhydd.com / 39

music

inmusicthisweek

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musiceditorial newsinbrief Megatron

Lars Ulrich Is Hypocrite

Flaming Arcade Fire

This is the news that the Disney remake of the 1982 retro classic Tron will be soundtracked by everyone's favourite helmet-wearing electro spacemen Daft Punk. The film is not set for release untill 2011 but already has film and music critics frothing at the mouth for the band's first studio effort since 2005's Human After All. Daft Punk's involvement with the new Tron gives the film cool credibility, and cultural pirate Kanye West will undoubtedly be all over this shit. I predict an overblown music video featuring Mr West mounted upon a neon light cycle (the cool bikes towards the end) in the near future. Watch this space.

Lars Ulrich? More like Lars Uldick!

Am I right? Yes I am. There are many reasons why this is the case, but the most recent of these is his admission last week that he illegally downloaded Metallica's most recent album Death Magnetic.

Ulrich of course famously led a lawsuit against the filesharing service Napster which successfully saw the business shut down, but then downloaded his own album last week, "just to try it". What a crazy guy, huh? Well Lars I've got some news for you: I downloaded the album illegally too, and I listened to it before promptly deleting it from my computer. So there, put that in your nasty sounding drums and beat it.

So apparently Flaming Lips frontman Wayne Coyne has a beef with Arcade Fire. In a blog posting last week he criticised the band's pomposity, and while not objecting to their music he concluded "they're pricks, so fuck them". Arcade Fire's Win Butler gave a more elegant response, explaining he had only met Coyne once and has always loved the music of Flaming Lips; failing to understand why he would have acted rudely. Wow, indie arguments are really kind of boring; where's the drama and the violence? I don't really know who to support in this whole tiff. While Butler's response was far more dignified, his band probably are pricks so fuck them.

discoverlocal...

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wansea-based punk rockers The Arteries have been figuring heavily on the local scene in recent months, and after a busy touring schedule the five-piece are rightly reaping the rewards with main support slots on a month long UK tour.

Attracting an impressive crowd on one such show, The Arteries confidence and ability are at once exhilarating, and as they rip through their opening few songs, the unusually atmospheric Barfly crowd mirror the band's enthusiasm aptly.

The Arteries. Barfly. 05/03/09

Delivering punch after punch of relentless riffs and attacking vocals, The Arteries make no excuses for a live performance strewn with uncompromising angst and equally catchy hooks. What resonates most during a notably tight set, is a sense that this is a band with a clear approach to a distinctive style, for which they show a genuine passion for.

This is a band with a distinctive hardcore influence, but one very much in touch with their punk-rock roots, and not afraid to show it. An

accomplished and overall unashamedly fun performance from a band who exude a fierce energy but refreshingly don't appear to take themselves too seriously.

Their debut album, Blood, Sweat & Beers was self released in three parts over 2008 in the form of three coloured 10" records and the release has recently become available via Household Name Records on digital download and CD. Adam Woodward

music@gairrhydd.com / 41

music

a bluffer’s guide to...

Stones Throw

Kyle Ellison explores the innovative Hip Hop label, Stones Throw Records, looking at its short but influential history and three of its key artists.

I

ndependence isn’t often a concept associated with Hip Hop music, in fact, the genre is almost intrinsically linked to the commercial. Yet like any style of music, hip hop is based upon a hard-working underground of independent artists and labels, offering a more creative and forward-thinking alternative to the profit-driven output of the majors. California-based Stones Throw Records is a fine example of a hip hop label that doesn’t compromise itself artistically, only signing up artists who it truly believes in.

DJ/producer Peanut Butter Wolf set up Stones Throw in 1996, starting as an outlet for him to release his own records that larger labels wouldn’t go near. Also influential to the creation of the label was PBW’s former MC partner Charizma, whose murder just 3 years earlier had made PBW determined for their music to be heard.

The label has become more varied stylistically as its roster continues to grow, but it is still broadly centred on soul and funk sampling, combined with a lazy, non aggressive rapping style. Albums are often highly conceptual, packed with skits and obscure samples, and the label tries to produce instrumental versions of as many of its releases as it can, so that DJs and artists can continue this recycling process.

Peanut Butter Wolf It’d be impossible to bluff your way around Stones Throw without some knowledge of its founder, Peanut Butter Wolf. Although he has all but given up releasing his own music

due to label commitments, his releases remain some of the best in the Stones Throw catalogue. His last release of new material My Vinyl Weighs a Ton was released in 1999, while Big Shots, an older collaborative effort with Charizma, eventually saw the light of day in 2002, a flawless production and a shining example of the late MC’s talent

Madlib Most commonly known as Madlib, but has recorded under a plethora of pseudonyms; Quasimoto, Lootpack, The Beat Konducta, Yesterdays New Quintet, Malik Flavors and Da Bad Kid to name but a few, not to mention collaborations such as Madvillain (with MF Doom) and Jaylib (with J Dilla) that rank amongst his best work. Madlib is as industrious as they come, often releasing as many as 7 or 8 albums a year and while this means much of his work is diluted, when he gets it right, there aren’t many better producers in the business.

J Dilla Yet another tragic loss in the world of Hip Hop came in 2006 when influential producer J Dilla, who suffered from a rare blood disease, died of a cardiac arrest at just 32 years

of age. Often cited as the producer’s producer, J Dilla’s cut and paste approach to hip hop has been recognised and admired by the likes of Kanye West, Mos Def, Pharrell, and of course Madlib who recently released a tribute to him as part of his Beat Konducta series. His seminal opus Donuts was released just three days before his death, and is essential listening for anyone interested in Stones Throw.

music

R.I.P. The Point

Guy Ferneyhough laments the demise of The Point, exploring the reasons that led to its closure and the implications for Cardiff's music scene.

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s many of you will have heard, a few weeks ago Cardiff lost perhaps its best live music venue, The Point.

Located in Cardiff Bay, The Point was converted from a church into a music venue back in 2003 and over its relatively short life span hosted countless fantastic gigs, drawing in some of the best bands from around the country and overseas. Crucially, The Point was the only mid-sized venue in Cardiff, and so bands too big for the likes of Barfly and Clwb Ifor Bach, and too small for the Union and CIA, will now have to bypass Cardiff on their tours.

The Point is located in the old merchant’s quarter of Cardiff Bay, traditionally a commercial area.

This meant that, due to the different hours kept by the venue to the local businesses, noise wasn’t an issue.

However, when Cardiff City Council gave planning permission for a nearby building to be converted into flats it became an issue. When residents moved in to their new homes, grievances were lodged about the noise coming from the venue. With hindsight, such complaints seem

inevitable, especially to anyone who has ever stepped outside The Point whilst a gig is in full flow.

The council’s solution to the issue was to order The Point to install soundproofing, and this is where the venues’ demise started. The cost of soundproofing the venue was roughly £50,000, and until it was installed the venue couldn’t operate. It still had to pay its outgoings and amassed debt by taking on the project, and combined with the economic turmoil of recent times left The Point no option but to seek voluntary liquidation.

In situations like this, everyone wants to blame someone, and the easy targets would be the new and inevitably yuppie residents who complained about the noise, but you can understand where they’re coming from. Instead, the Council should be held responsible for lacking the foresight that this situation would arise. The Bay is a fairly soulless spot anyway, and The Point was one of the few places that gave it some character and benefitted the community, rather than please developers.

There are rumblings of a benefit

show to save the venue, with Cerys Matthews coming out and declaring she would like to help out, but with debts around the £100,000 mark it would have to be quite a gig. The building’s fate is anyone guess, but my bet is that it will either be turned into an upmarket wine bar/ restaurant, or face the tragic irony of being converted into ‘a prestige living space’.

Another problem appears to be on the horizon, with planning permission recently granted for a hostel to be built in the derelict building beside Cardiff’s strongest independent venue, Clwb Ifor Bach. Whilst the Council has stipulated that the hostel be partially soundproofed, Clwb could still face the same problems that closed The Point.

There is hope for the Cardiff music scene yet though. Smaller venues like Clwb Ifor Bach, Buffalo, and the Globe are offering some mouth watering gigs this spring, but there does seem to be a negative trend in all of this. If the local music scene is important to you, then the best thing you can do is to give these smaller venues your custom and keep Cardiff alive.

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music

albums albums albums albums THE HOURS See The Light

HUNDRED REASONS Quick The Word

JEFFREY LEWIS 'Em Are I

Is Good Ltd

Nettwerk One Music

Rough Trade

he Hours' second album is laced with melodic hooks and a soft ambience that, although displaying great levels of musical ability, can bore the listener with predictable repetition.

Formed by former members of Joe Strummer’s backing band, The Mescaleros, The Hours have been together since 2004. See The Light is an album that sounds heavily inspired by Radiohead, and this is reflected perfectly in opener Big Black Hole which, although displaying sturdy guitar-playing and dreamy piano work, sounds just like any other soft rock song you care to mention.

The album is littered with songs like this, which are brimming with slightly poetically pretentious lyrics, dealing with predictably generic themes of love, despair and living life to the fullest. The album also shifts to being depressingly dull as it continues on this trek. It displays fantastic musicianship but it is blemished with tiresome, repetitive songs.

Rupert Waldron

rom Surrey Brit-rock band Hundred Reasons comes Quick The Word Sharp The Action, their fourth studio album.

Given the success of their first album, Ideas Above Our Station, and the relative chart or critical failure of their next two, can this be a successful addition to their discography?

With a new guitarist comes a new sound. Experiments and developments in music, instrumentation, and tone litter this current release. It has a darker feel than their previous albums, but still contains the formulaic Brit-rock that allows their music to be catchy and easily accessible.

The Shredder and I’ll Never Know have been stylistically linked to metal and post-hardcore, with their energetic, minor key ensembles. The instrumental Pernavas Iela is another unusual addition, but most of the other tracks seem to hark back to their earlier work: vocal harmonies fronting a chorus of memorable riffs.

Overall, it’s a nostalgic but impressive album.

Natalie Couchman

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Hundred Reasons

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c Party

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effrey Lewis, described as ‘part folkie, part indie-rocker, part comic book artist’, has created an inspiring record which fuses Jeffrey’s various interests into a cohesive whole.

Generally there is a flowing, relaxed feel to the record which is interspersed with rockier moments.

Lewis’ lyrics feel natural throughout, ranging from a witty social commentary on the life-after-death debate in Whistle Past The Graveyard to the contemplative musings of If Life Exists? One of the strongest songs Roll Bus Roll imbues a seemingly routine part of life with a tint of romanticism which seems to hark back to an earlier age. Other songs are just plain fun; Slogans would not be out of place during a standard indie night out, whilst Good Old Pig, Gone To Avalon takes the record to the heights of freewheeldom.

After countless listens this record only gets better; needs to be heard.

Ed Bolla

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music

albums albums albums albums PURE REASON REVOLUTION

Amor Vincit Omnia Superball Music

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his band is a conundrum, blending progressive rock and electronica into some weird amalgamation that is quickly garnering them attention from numerous outlets, not least the mighty Rick Wakeman of Yes fame.

Building on 2006’s The Dark Third, this second release retains the band's elaborate sound. The album’s opener, Les Malheurs is reminiscent of Shiny Toy Guns with fuzzy synths and male/female vocals, followed by Victorious Cupid which morphs this sound into a funky riff-based track. Unfortunately, with the complexity of their sound, it does make it hard to recommend the band to people, so name-drop at your peril.

Standout track is album closer AVO. With a slow simple start, it builds in volume before culminating in a fantastic final two minutes of prog riffery and a haunting vocal track. This in itself, however, highlights the albums main downfall – it’s too short. For a band set on carving themselves a name into contemporary prog, I feel it should have had more content. That said, with the quality of this release you’re sure to hear a lot more about this band in coming months.

Sam Smith

CURSIVE Mama, I'm Swollen Saddle Creek

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s Cursive have progressed over the last decade from conventional emo punk band to the more adventurous and unusual sounds of 2006’s Happy Hollow, it’s fair to say that they’ve divided opinion. On the one hand the band have revealed a more varied and textured ap-

Cursive

7

proach that seemed improbable back when they first arrived on the scene in the mid-nineties, yet on the other hand the unbridled passion of the early records has become somewhat subdued.

With Mama, I’m Swollen Cursive step back into more familiar territory, albeit with a darker tone. While it might be a trifle depressing for some tastes, the overbearing sense of gloom is in many ways the records strength. We’re Going To Hell, for example, sees Cursive at less than half pace adding strings, piano and organ to an achingly beautiful guitar

line and vocal delivery.

Lyrics pondering humanity’s insignificance and an obsession with Hell find vocalist Tim Kasher at his anguished and disenfranchised best, yet for a writer of his standard he also drops a few clangers. This is not the flawless rock record that it so easily could have been, but you’d hardly expect that from Cursive.

While not always consistent, at their best Cursive are as good as any band in their saturated genre.

Kyle Ellison

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music

live live live live live live live IGLU & HARTLY The Point 23/02/09

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”

To sum them up in two words, they are comedy gold. The songs mainly blend into one, apart from their hit single In This City which causes every kid in the room to bounce like a nutjob. The vocals can only be described as high pitched rapping or a ghetto Mickey Mouse on speed perhaps. Interesting. These are delivered by two frontmen, one of which (Jarvis) stands out more than the other (Sam). Having two of them is quite unnecessary, as they sound exactly the same. The music itself is far too catchy and I find my head going like a nodding dog.

The band come back on for an encore and insist that all the girls go up on stage. Mostly these girls are about fourteen or fifteen. One insists on grinding up against Jarvis in her bra. Jarvis doesn’t move away, but instead grinds against her too. Without his top, and his trousers are getting a little too low.

It seems just a little indecent and I feel like I need a shower when I leave. Nice.

Lais Martins Waring

46 / music@gairrhydd.com

Fucked Up

“

I feel like I need a shower when I leave

photo: Ed Townsend

irstly, The Point probably isn’t the best venue for Iglu & Hartly. Tonight it’s about quarter full at most and that quarter is filled by young teenagers, meaning it resembles a school disco but with less atmosphere, if that’s possible.

They come on to music that sounds as if the Chippendales are about to arrive. Instead we are faced with an odd bunch, two of which are topless. I can’t decide whether to be alarmed or entertained by their high energy, ghetto/ embarrassing act.

WAVVES Buffalo

PONYTAIL Tommy's Bar

04/03/09

09/03/09

rom the sunny climbs of southern California comes Nathan Williams AKA WAVVES - a one-man band bringing timeless slices of scuzzy beach punk to a drizzly Cardiff.

On stage WAVVES and his tour drummer engaged in nonchalant banter with each other. while expressing their disdain for the admittedly still crowd. While their attitude did nothing to endear them to the audience, their set won them a reprieve in my book.

Stripped down noise pop this awesome is always a winner, with or without a good attitude Guy Ferneyhough

onytail are nothing short of magnificent tonight, as they play the kind of show that Cardiff rarely has the pleasure of playing host to.

Creative and idiosyncratic vocal performances, frenzied guitar and an utterly explosive drumming performance is a recipe that is difficult to pull off, but if managed, is even more difficult to argue with.

Their lively stage presence even manages to energise the often motionless Cardiff indie crowd, and breaths new life into last years already spectacular LP Ice Cream Spiritual. Kyle Ellison

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music

live live live live live live live POLAR BEAR CLUB Barfly

SNOW PATROL CIA

05/03/09

08/03/09

olar Bear Club were outstanding, with frontman Jimmy Stadt demonstrating incredible stage presence, and excitement to be back playing in intimate venues. When he dared offer the mic to one of his many followers who had been screaming along to the words all night, the all too keen crowd almost succeeded in dragging him headfirst into the audience.

The icing on the cake came from a sublime cover of the Get Up Kids classic Ten Minutes. Upon thrashing into the song it was almost as if they had pulled out some sort 90’s indie rock ‘time plug’ as tons of previously unseen, beer swigging faces poured into the crowd to swill their beer around and generally celebrate the awesomeness of the song.

The band finished up with potential single Burned Out in a Jar, before announcing they were going to kick back and see the midnight showing of Watchmen.

Toby Rattray

espite their newfound love of epic ballads and elaborate overdubs, there remains something distinctly down-to-earth about Snow Patrol.

Perhaps it’s the genuine affection Gary Lightbody appears to show to the audience, whether it’s an extended Shut Your Eyes singalong, or an invitation for ghost impressions.

They took to the stage confidently opening with latest single If There’s A Rocket Tie Me To It. Although technical problems initially plagued Lightbody, the set continued, with the upbeat Chocolate maintaining the band’s momentum, at least until an acoustic rendition of Run introduced a slightly overindulgent glut of balladry.

Nevertheless, extra percussionists, keyboardists and guitarists allowed the band freedom to sonically explore. A lack of pre-Final Straw material was dissapointing, but there’s no doubt that Snow Patrol succeeded in taking back Cardiff.

Michael Brown

the bill, with mathcore young-guns Rolo Tomassi given the unenviable task of providing support. The Sheffield five-some do well - taking tracks from last years debut Hysterics – but the intimacy that defined their Swn performance is lost with the move upstairs in Clwb, and the larger stage does them little justice.

Toronto’s Fucked Up – also making the move upstairs since last year – have none of the same problems, as vast frontman Pink Eyes rarely uses a stage. Terrifying and enthralling simultaneously, not an inch of floor-space goes unexplored

by Fucked Up’s flagship lunatic, and few plastic cups avoid a crushing head butt. It’s a suitably manic hardcore set, and confirms Fucked Up as a must-see band again this year.

A short wait later, and Los Angeles’ The Bronx appear, and face a reception nothing sort of berserk.

Every deafening intro is met with a

collective roar, and rafters are put to full use by band and audience members alike i.e. to swing on.

Aside from the immaculately tight set going on at the front, its equally entertaining to watch the reaction of Clwb’s security personnel; they just have no idea how to cope with this.

Which is the more pressing issue; the possibility of a collapsing ceiling, trampled kids, harassed band members or just the fact that no-one will be able to hear a damn thing for the next few days? Either way, with the dismal failure of a security team comes the success of a great hardcore show, and The Bronx are worthy headliners.

It’s the kind of show that Clwb Ifor Bach was built for; a packed house and great bands, and we can only hope that after tonight’s success a few similar shows come Cardiff’s way.

Phil Guy

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SHRED YR FACE 2 Clwb Ifor Bach 02/03/09

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t’s sometimes easy to feel a little neglected living in Cardiff.

Only rarely do we received tours as exciting as the second Shred Yr Face outing, and tonight’s sell-out status shows a Cardiff audience relishing the opportunity. Not since Swn has Clwb Ifor Bach seen such a packed house, and it’s a reminder of just how well the upstairs floor can cope with big-name acts.

Last year’s Shred Yr Face tour - featuring the mouth-watering selection of No Age, Los Campesinos and Times New Viking – is matched equally impressively this year, with The Bronx and Fucked Up topping

D

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music

Listings

singlesoftheweek

Monday 16th The Noisettes @ The Cooler, Bristol

Wednesday 18th

Thursday 19th

La Roux

Bayonets @ Buffalo Lethargy @ Barfly Lily Allen @ Bristol Academy

Zenyth @ Buffalo Death Of An Icon @ Barfly Glasslights @ Bristol Academy The Boxer Rebellion @ Thekla

La Roux

Friday 20th

Polydor

Picture Books In Winter @ UWIC Jazzie B @ The Globe The Searchers @ Colston Hall, Bristol

Saturday 21st Sibrydion @ Clwb Yo Majesty @ The Croft, Bristol

Sunday 22nd Goldie Lookin Chain @ The Globe Animal Collective @ Trinity, Bristol

Monday 23rd Red Light Company @ Barfly

Tuesday 24th X Factor Live @ CIA The Boy Least Likely To @ Louisiana, Bristol

Wednesday 25th Dirty Projectors @ Clwb

Thursday 26th The Young Knives @ Clwb Stiff Little Fingers @ Bristol Academy

48 / music@gairrhydd.com

In For The Kill

5

Tin Can Telephone Recycling Is Cool Kruger

8

Snap! Fifth on the BBC Sound poll 2009 too. Synth + Monotony = La Roux, where nothing ever happens, promising start to what sounds like a pubescent Annie Lennox. TC

All whiny voices and broken guitar beats, this little piece of indie folk glee takes you to a place where “recycling is cool” and in my mind you can ride on unicorns. Joyous. DK

Papa Roach

Lady GaGa

Hollywood Whore Interscope

4

The angst-filled nu metallers return with a song that musically rips off “Last Resort” and features a rousing chorus of “Hollywood whore/passed out on the floor”. Oh dear.. MB

Franz Ferdinand No You Girls Domino

6

With the band sticking to the triedand-tested formula of mixing pounding bass guitar riffs with vocals to clap along to, existing fans will be pleased, but there is little here that hasn’t been heard before. SW

Pet Shop Boys Love etc Parlophone

7

A strangely welcome throwback to the days when synthetic disco pop reigned supreme, with melodic vocals and a strong disco beat. Christ I like the Pet Shop Boys, whatever is the world coming to… SW

Poker Face Universal

3

This drab little piece of electropop is repetitive, clichéd and has the lyrics ‘bluffin’ with my muffin’. And the worst thing? You just know this immaculate Eurovision cheese is going to be a hit.. AF

People In Planes Last Man Standing Wind-Up

8

The raw drone of organ chords introduces a track that embraces a sense of honest grunge influenced rock with an exciting jolting dynamic that brings to mind a casual dash of Biffy Clyro..

DS

Tommy Reilly Gimme a Call A&M

9

This is a strong debut from the Orange Unsigned Act winner. The rustic, unpolished vocal, with an acoustic accompaniment, tells a story of longing. A humble and charming record. NC

film

film news . rumours . conjecture SCOTT FINDS MEN IN TIGHTS

It seems that Ridley Scott’s forthcoming Robin Hood movie has finally found men merry (and beefy) enough to share the screen with its star, Russell Crowe. Following on from the announcement that Cate Blanchett will now star as Maid Marian opposite Crowe’s Robin Hood (Siena Miller was politely asked to vacate the role because her slight frame made Crowe look suspiciously like a whale), it has emerged this week that Scott Grimes (from ER and Band of Brothers), Kevin Durand (Smokin' Aces) and musician Alan Doyle (Great Big Sea) will play Will Scarlet, Little John and the minstrel Alan A Dayle respectively.

That takes the count to two Australian’s, one American and two Canadians. With only The Sheriff of Nottingham left to be cast now that it looks like Russell Crowe’s dual role as the Sheriff and Robin has been abandoned, the question is, will any British actors have a chance to don the famous green tights of Sherwood? My bet is no.

Al Pacino anyone?

this week: screen icon clint eastwood p. 55

NIGGAZ WITH CELLULOID

New Line studios have started development on Straight Outta Compton, an urban drama chronicling the formation and the fall of trailblazing rap outfit N.W.A. The biopic will be co-produced by founding members Ice Cube and Dr. Dre and will be supervised by Eazy-E's widow Tomica Wright.

Despite this no director has been attached for the project, although reports suggest 8 Mile's Curits Hanson is an early frontrunner, and, as yet, no actors have been confirmed.

JOAQ THE FUCK?

Since his startling and very public retirement last year, actor-turnedrapper Joaquin Phoenix has been widely called up on his increasingly bizarre behaviour. A recent performance in Las Vegas and what can only be described as a vacant appearance on chat show David Letterman, has led critics to speculate as to the sincerity of this surprise career move. Most likely this has all been an elaborate, and rather pointless hoax, a kind of reverse Punk'd, where the joke is on the paparazzi.

Whilst a statement from Phoenix's publicist claims the star is not suffering from mental illness, his recent transformation suggests that all is not well with the Joaq.

film@gairrhydd.com / 49

film

watchmen dir: zach snyder cast: billy crudup, jackie earle haley, malin akerman out now, 163 mins Synopsis: When an ex-superhero is murdered, a vigilante named Rorschach begins an investigation into the murder, which begins to lead to a much more terrifying conclusion.

A

lot has already been said about the troubled past that the big-screen production of Alan Moore’s critically acclaimed graphic novel has had.

Due to countless legal issues and the loss of several directors (Terry Gilliam, Paul Greengrass, Darren Aronofsky,) it has taken until now for its release to become a reality.

Unfortunately the adaptation that has now found its way onto general release doesn’t quite succeed enough to justify its existence.

Eventual director Zack Snyder’s vision of Watchmen, as with his recent adaptation of 300, looks impressive yet lacks any kind of depth.

Snyder’s problem is that he deals

50 /film@gairrhydd.com

with the text as a fan rather than a film-maker and while, at nearly three hours in length, little of the book is left out of the film and it suffers as a whole as a result.

Snyder appears to have spent all of his time making sure every detail of the book appears on screen instead of truly getting to grips with the depth of Moore’s characters and the genuinely innovative subtext of the book. Snyder’s treatment of some of the novels darker subjects (rape, child abuse, war) seems immature and come off as comic under the glossy sheen of the film.

None of these things make the movie unwatchable; Watchmen is still an enjoying and stylish piece of cinema and for fans of the novel the success in visualising artist Dave Gibbon’s illustrations is enough to create excitement.

As many have said Snyder’s film is probably the best adaptation that could be hoped for out of a difficult novel yet this isn’t enough to prove that making a Watchmen film was a good idea.

In the end Watchmen is an entertaining but entirely forgettable piece of cinema and that doesn’t do the novel justice. Some things are just better left on the page.

Si Truss

***

marley & me dir: david frankel cast: owen wilson, jennifer aniston, kathleen turner out now, 111 mins Synopsis: After their wedding, newspaper writers John (Wilson) and Jennifer Grogan (Aniston) move to Florida. With their relationship under strain, the couple begin to find more about love and life from their lovable yet mischievous dog Marley.

J

ohn Grogan is faced with a dilemma. His beautiful yet slightly pushy wife is getting all broody, life is moving too fast.

His solution is get her a ‘daawg’: Marley (named after reggae star Bob Marley), as he repeats in his southern drawl, which should keep her occupied for the not too distant future.

Cue nearly two hours of Owen Wilson being chased around by a 100lb Labrador, who eats, jumps on and generally destroys everything in sight. Not forgetting the predictable ‘dog eats something valuable then you have to retrieve it from their

film

a whole

With the emergence and subsequent success of Pixar Animation Studios in debated within film. Francesca Jarvis looks at how a new era has dawned in

S

eventy-two years after Walt Disney's first feature-length animated release, and the concept of animated motion pictures has undergone an almost unrecognisable transformation.

From the landscapes of 2-D came the foundations for the three-dimensional, computer-generated world that propelled animated filmmaking into unchartered territory after the 1995 release of Toy Story.

Now, 14 years on, the technological capabilites of animated pictures are beyond dream and imagination, and the 2-D form is finally making a celebrated comeback. 'The Golden Age of Animation', an era devoted to the achievements of Disney vehicles such as Pinocchio (1940) and Bambi (1942), as well as the

52 /film@gairrhydd.com

creation of the hugely successful Warner Brothers' Looney Tunes characters, mark a crucial point in the development of animation as a credible art form. It can be argued then, that Toy Story opened doors for a new 'Golden Age', an age where animation can finally be taken as seriously as any other film product.

With recent Pixar products such as Wall-E, Ratatouille and Finding Nemo channeling images of the future, the Parisian streets and the depths of the ocean in vivid detail and in blazing technicolour, the scope of animation has become maginificently vast. It has become a way to tell all kinds of stories, from the 1982 invasion of Lebanon in Waltz with Bashir, to Persepolis' re-telling of the Islamic Revolution,

animation is now being recognised as a global story-telling tool, as beautifully realised and relevant as any other film form.

It is strange that the associations with 'cartoon' have become almost derogatory considering the awe-inspiring nature of the finished products themselves. Pixar's The Incredibles is a wonderful demonstration of the innovations in animation in the 21st century, with every strand of hair shining perfectly under the artificial light of the makebelieve.

Similarly, Hayao Miyazaki's

film

new world recent years, the role of animation has never been so relevant or as hotly the age of the animator...

complicated constructs manage to delight even in its depiction of the conflict between nature and humanity, a struggle that is realised with the help of mythic creatures, gods and lepers in Princess Mononoke.

It is these stories, that retain their hearts of morality, but remain both compelling and truly fascinating, that set the gold standard for animated filmmaking. With a new dawn breaking on visual effects and computer technology, every new release is met with a high level of anticipation and pre-determined set of expectations that are realistically

very hard to fulfill. And yet, somehow, most succeed.

John Lasseter and his team at Pixar have undoubtedly laced each of their tales since Toy Story with weaves of magic unseen in the realm of mainstream animation before. Arguably, it is through the success of Pixar that more independent, politicised products are being recognised on a much larger scale.

This year's Academy Awards are a wonderful illustration of this: Waltz with Bashir was nominated for Best Foreign Language Film, while the more mainstream Wall-E was nominated for Best Original Screenplay and Best Song, alongside its win for Best Animated Feature. It was even suggested before the nominations were announced that it was a Best Picture contender, with Beauty and the Beast being the only ever animated feature-length film to be nominated in the category.

With the supposed Golden Age of Animation long gone in decades past, it would seem the time for change has perhaps finally arrived.

It is not just children flocking to the cinemas in delightful anticipation

for the latest animated release anymore, and therein lies the beauty of animation in the 21st century: the appeal is stripped of generational boundaries, of gender and political persuasion. Animated features are a universal medium, reaching out to the masses for being smart and beautiful, which anyone will tell you is no mean feat. When the imagination is your number one source material, anything is possible.

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film

clint

s c r e e n i c o n s

eastwood C

the man

the myth

the magnum 54 /film@gairrhydd.com

lint Eastwood has been gracing our screens for over thirty years, appearing in anything from westerns to romances and actions to war films. Eastwood has succeeded as both actor and director, but is probably most famous for his iconic loner characters, Dirty Harry and the infamous Man With No Name. Despite the mainstream nature of the majority of his films, and a few creative slip-ups (Paint Your Wagon) along the way, Eastwood has managed to maintain that much-idolised demeanour of cool.

Eastwood’s cowboy image started in the television series Rawhide, and he went on to create his legendary role as the western hero in the first of Sergio Leone’s spaghetti westerns, A Fistful of Dollars, a film still well-known today.

After such initial popularity, he went on to star in a number of films, the most notable of which is the renowned Dirty Harry. Dirty Harry is little more than your bog-standard action film; Eastwood’s Harry Callahan is the typical AWOL cop who works against the hated rigours of the police system, but this film really secured Eastwood’s position as one of Hollywood’s big cheeses.

Of course, most strikingly, the first Dirty Harry film holds the hard man image and those words that have made Eastwood a household name.

Eastwood extended his stereotyped persona and made his debut as a director in 1971 with the film Play Misty For Me. Although it deviated from his action film image, this proved that Eastwood was entirely capable of thrilling the nation, as a director as well as an actor. He went on to become involved in many smaller films, and the creation of his Malpaso Production Company in 1968 allowed him greater creative freedom. However Eastwood’s skilful direction is often overshadowed by his own starring roles.

Eastwood’s newly released Gran Torino isn’t a let down to his dazzling career. He dashes about the screen with the same energy, and the image of ideal masculinity that he created so many years ago is still going strong. Although he is thirty-eight years older than when he first said the famed line, you can still imagine him brandishing his .44 Magnum and asking ‘Do you feel lucky? Well do ya… punk?’

Emma Pocklington

film

P

retty soon horror film scripts will come with a warning label to all actors considering the roles... ‘high possibility of fatal incidents occurring after the camera has stopped rolling’. But are such incidents really the result of a curse on set or just a mere coincidence?

THE DARK KNIGHT (2008) Not only was this film the last Heath Ledger was ever to star in after an accidental overdose in his New York flat, a crewman also died whilst filming one of the movie’s action scenes.

Furthermore, Morgan Freeman, who played Lucius Fox in the film, was severely injured after a near-fatal car accident and Christian Bale, Batman himself, was charged with assault after a fight broke out involving his mother and sister, just before the London premiere.

THE AMITYVILLE HORROR (1979) Based on a (supposed) true story, it was inevitable that those on the set of The Amityville Horror would experience a few spooky goings-on.

Main star of the 2005 version, Ryan Reynolds, kept waking up at the same times in the night his character was said to and Kathy Lutz, a member of the family on whom the film is based, died of emphysema during filming. Additionally, the crew were said to have reported something ‘very upsetting’ surrounding the recreated house in which the movie was set.

THE EXORCIST (1973) This was a film swamped in controversy – from main-star Linda Blair’s drug problems and consequent arrest, to birth complications arising

in impregnated viewers. Even more peculiar, Exorcist fanatic Jeffrey Dahmer, who also happened to be a serial killer and sex offender (strangely coincidental), was arrested in late 1991 whilst Exorcist III was playing on his VCR. He was later beaten to death by a fellow cellmate.

Oh the joys resulting from a viewing of a particular horror movie!

read ‘Ommen 66.6km’...spooky or just a rumour set up by the movie’s PR team? But it wasn’t to stop there – the hotel executive producer, Mace Neufield, was staying in along with his wife, was bombed by the IRA during filming, as was a restaurant where several of the execs and actors were expected for dinner the same day.

POLTERGEIST (1982) The trilogy of Poltergeist films were all met with the death of a main character. Dominique Dunn, the eldest sister, was strangled in 1982 after the first offering was premiered, Julian Beck, Reverend Kane, died before filming had even wrapped in Poltergeist 2, and the tragedy of twelve-year-old Heather ‘O Rourke caused great sadness after the release of the third instalment. It has been claimed that the use of real skeletons in the first film’s opening scenes unleashed something that was never entirely laid to rest.

Words - Sarah George Images - Benjamin Phillips

THE OMEN (1976) Appropriately on a Friday 13th in 1976, special effects designer John Richardson was involved in a vehicle collision that left his passenger, and assistant, dramatically sliced in half. Moreover, the road sign marking the Dutch road on which the fatality happened,

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excrement’ moment.

All this Animals do the Funniest Things! antics is offset by some more heartfelt moments about the couple’s problems to start a family.

The actions surrounding the trials and tribulations of married life give the film more purpose, but this is undermined by the overwhelming sentimentality of it all. The family is brought together through their love for Marley, and the idea that this unruly Labrador somehow gives the characters a greater direction in life is a little farfetched. As an adaptation of New York based journalist John Grogan's 2005 autobiographical novel of the same name, however, the film was always going to be burdened by personal sentiment.

It is Grogan’s boss who provides the laughs in the film, somehow rescuing everything with the line ‘there comes a time when we all lose our balls’.

But regardless of whether you adore the antics of cuddly Labradors, a film which continually shoves dog biscuits down the audience’s throat will inevitably reach the point when you want to heave.

All this puppy love was a bit too much to bear.

Kate Budd

**

gran torino dir: clint eastwood cast: clint eastwood, christopher carley, bee lang out now, 116 mins Synopsis: Disgruntled Korean War vet Walt Kowalski (Eastwood) sets out to reform his neighbor, a young Hmong teenager, who tried to steal his prized 1972 Gran Torino.

G

ran Torino establishes itself with one of Eastwood's finest characters; Walt Kowalski, a retired automobile worker and Korean war veteran at odds with contemporary America. As the only white man in his immigrant neighbourhood it becomes clear that Kowalski is deeply alienated from modern society.

He sees kids lacking respect, gangs roaming the streets, morality in decline, and a Korean family moving in next door. Eastwood growls his way through each scene like a scowling bag of walnuts, at times he is on the verge of self parody- but this will no doubt please the fans.

Whether he's Unforgiven's Wil-

liam Munny, “Dirty” Harry Callaghan or Million Dollar Baby's Frankie Dunn; he is the same guy. But he's easily forgiven just for being so damn good at it. Some of the Korean actors are a little stiff at times and the dialogue between Walt and Christopher Carley's babyfaced priest rings a little hollow, especially on Carley's side of the script.

Torino is put together with real nuance and grace and never falls into the trap of Death Wish or similar 'beset white middle class' fare. Kowalski's relationship with his young Korean neighbour Thao develops subtly into a humorous friendship.

Kowalski's ingrained racism is never apologized for or corrected, instead he is observed realistically as a bigoted anti-hero. Accusations of racism will inevitably come Eastwood's way especially after last years exchange with Spike Lee. Torino is a fitting swan song for Eastwood's acting career, a rare gem of a movie that defies expectations. Aside from a few minor quibbles regarding some of the supporting cast this a top class movie.

The man with no name couldn't have chosen a better time to ride off the silver screen.

Nick Hatton

****

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