Quench - Issue 83 by Cardiff Student Media

YOUR

CARDIFF GUIDE

CARDIFF '09 TASTES LIKE THIS:

PRIN TED

ON R

ECY

CLE

D PA PER

LATEST MUSIC, GOING OUT, FILM, FASHION, ARTS, TRAVEL, FOOD, GAY, BOOKS, PHOTOS, INTERVIEWS AND FEATURES

contents: “ Issue 83 // 14-28 Sep

R AT THE STUDENT MAGAZINE OF THE YEA S 2008! ARD AW GUARDIAN STUDENT MEDIA

VOYEUR

No other band could treat their subject matter so appropriately

ROBBIE

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BLIND DATE FEATURES FASHION

INTERVIEWS TRAVEL GAY FOOD SINGLE OF THE WEEK P. 44

PHOTOS BOOKS ARTS MUSIC GOING OUT FILM

04 06 07 08 12 15 18 22 24 26 30 34 37 46 48

Editor Simon Lucey Executive Editor Emma Jones Assistant to the Editors Elaine Morgan Sub-Editor Paul Stollery Arts Amelia Forsbrook, Rachel Yates Blind Date Sarah Kilby, Caroline Baldwin Books Emma Pocklington Fashion Emily Cater, Kate Eaton Features Ellie Woodward, Sarah George Film Lloyd Griffiths, Natalie Stone, Steve Wright Food Harriet Davies, Hayley Pyper Gay Lucas Owen Going Out Jack Doran Interviews Jody Tozer, Steve Benyon, Tom Rouse Music Sam Smith, Phil Guy, Si Roach Travel Dom Kehat, Paul Stollery Photos Jake Yorath, Natalie Hills Creative Consultant Luke Franks

printed on recycled paper. PLEASE RECYCLE.

voyeur

OUT

Bird Flu

Swine Flu

ou fucking made it. Congratulations. Welcome to the best three years of your life (maybe more for the extreme faliures or over achievers out there). School is shit, university is the shit. The next few weeks will pass in a furious mixture of new friends, new experiences and a new-founded reliance on Jeremy Kyle. University will be everything you expected, baked beans, alcohol and fancy dress, but it will also be so much more. We here at Quench take it as our challenge to squeeze all your passions into one magazine, whether it is music, film, arts or baked beans. If you're sat in halls thinking you should unpack then I know how you feel. But reject the temptation to unpack, you'll only have to pack it all up at the end of the term anyway. Instead feast your eyes on what we've put together to break you into Cardiff culture, and then head out and make your mark on it. We've got the bluffers guide to the Cardiff music scene to bring you up to speed, the do's and don'ts of freshers' week fashion to ensure that you stand out from the crowd for the right reasons, the best places to catch up on the most eclectic films and so much more. Meanwhile Huw Stephens pops in for a catch up and reminices about past nights in Clwb Ifor Bach whilst Arts gets in touch with the dirtier side of Cardiff's nightlife. If you're looking for a bit of advice on how to succeed, Robbie has got some hard hitting pearls of wisdom, travel goes budget and to Australia and features talk sex. Over the next year the new Quench team will be here to bring you both the glorious and the inglorious elements of student culture. So get out there, pick a random society or new hobby, get stuck in, and then tell us all about your filthy shenanigans. See you in the bar. SL

04 / voyeur@gairrhydd.com

RETRO!

ba dom tish jolly humorous stuff

The other day I needed to pay a visit to the public toilet, so I found a public toilet that had two cubicles. One of the doors was locked. So I went into the other one, closed the door, dropped my trousers and sat down. A voice came from the cubicle next to me: "Hello mate, how are you doing?" Although I thought that it was a bit strange, I didn't want to be rude, so I replied, "Not too bad, thanks." After a short pause, I heard the voice again. "So, what are you up to?" Again I answered, somewhat reluctantly, "Just having a quick shit... How about yourself?" The next thing I heard him say was, "Sorry, mate, I'll have to call you back. I've got some c**t in the cubicle next to me answering everything I say."

e-shopper

embracing consumerist filth

Margaret Thatcher nut-cracker www.kitschulike.com

ÂŁ10 It is appaling that we at Quench can't think of a decent joke to do with nuts between Maggie's legs, oh well.

Voyeur

voyeur

What would Dick Van Dyke do?

e years of a Dear Dick, e a depressing situation. After thre problems ce I have recently found myself in quit rien expe to an beg ly den sud I , ship happy and sexually healthy relation ed up with no-where to go, a few parts short doll d was very downstairs. You know the type; all eless pork, so to speak. My girlfrien of an erector set; I was serving bon and eventually I just couldn’t deal with it. I long supportive, but it went on for so t see the relationt for each other and that I couldn’ out her and told my her that we weren’t righ I miss her dearly, I can’t live with ship going anywhere. Now, though, gone away, I still have a less-than-magic-Johnn’t have s lem prob it everything? need her back. The City. Do I swallow my pride, adm son; I am still a resident of Flaccid ? lthy hea ally sexu isn’t ship that Can I really be happy in a relation Please help me Dick, Gareth ilar situation. Dear Gareth, recently gone through a very sim . I am a beast You find yourself in luck, as I have onk -a-d problems with my ba-donk unsatisfied. That’s not to say have ever had any bed e’s Dyk Van Dick es leav no one in the bedroom and always will be; king up with your long-term No one. I can however relate to brea off my moustache, and to ed partner. For you see, I recently shav e. I shaved it as I felt sinc be honest, I have regretted it ever pull of the moustache I was no longer young enough to I miss it. I miss the . man a half like feel look, but I now them to kiss the way it tickles ladies when I allowed it gently hugged way the s mis I e, Dyk Van Dick mighty al manner, I miss my upper lip in an elegant yet sexu of pondering in ks wee r the way it made me feel. Afte ures of me starring in my massive estate filled with pict , The Dick Van Dyke pins Pop y such productions as Mar der - which is uniShow and of course, Diagnosis Mur , I have decided CSI than er bett be to versally accepted it I made adm t mus I do; there is only one thing to . I am not back he stac mou my grow and a mistake in the exquisite sure whether I will be able to rega magnetism, eral gen and girth azz, pizz of nce bala eth, I made a but I can only try. For you see Gar you. uld sho so mistake; I need to fix it, , Regards

Dick

voyeur@gairrhydd.com / 05

“

ACADEMICS

appy faces are here again! As another crop of brighteyed, free-spirits with intelligence and optimism in equal measure get ready to fill out the SU dance floor once more with sweat and vomit, anyone in their final year will no doubt be experiencing the vertiginous sensation that can only come from peering over the precipice into ‘life’. Only a post-graduate degree parachute can slow down the impending impact of the crushing real world. Dramatic analogy I know, but is university really the best path to success? Statistics suggest that if you go to university, you’re going to earn more on average, so happy days. How much of that can be accounted for by the ambition and aptitude of those who do not attend university, is less easy to come by as a statistic. I’d suggest that if you’ve come this far, you’ve done the leg work in early education; all there is to do now is

06 /robbie@gairrhydd.com

In his first column Robbie Wells considers the role of university - the philosophy, the success and the Students Union dance floor... put in twenty to thirty hours a week, take the rolled up piece of paper, reposition the tassel on your mortarboard from one side of your head to the other, and sit back in a comfortable job and laugh at the poor. However, to really become successful, by which I mean in fiscal terms and not in terms of some kind of hippy ideal whereby happiness is capital, you simply need to work hard. That insight might be more unsatisfactory than an Iranian election, but evidence suggests that you make your own luck in life, and a university education really is unimportant.

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Sir Alan made £830 million and managed to fuck off the Tories at the same time

“

robbie

Bill Gates, of Microsoft monopoly fame, became a college dropout at Harvard to take the computing world well and truly by the microchips. He wasn’t born poor or without intimidating intelligence, but university was just too much of an easy option. He started his own company at 20 years old, destroyed all competition and made friends by donating $28million to charity, all without a degree in computing. The Dragon’s of a TV studio den are all self made entrepreneurs, with Duncan Bannatyne having to procure one hundred customers just to earn his bike before he could even think about getting a

paper round. Theo Popadopalopalus (close enough), much like Richard Branson, was academically poor and suffered from dyslexia, whilst James Caan left school at sixteen. I’m refusing to consider Deborah Meadon, as it may involve a mental image of her. Alan Sugar’s life story has been repeated on TV, by himself, more times than Top Gear on Dave, and follows the same pattern of hard work without expensive education. Sure, had he gone to university, he may have slightly more progressive thoughts on devious women in the workplace who want to have children, therefore haemorrhaging him money whilst they take liberties on maternity leave. But he has made £830million, become a big time TV personality and a Lord. He’s even managed to fuck off the Tories at the same time. That’s success in business, celebrity and political arenas, all by a man who left school at sixteen. From my time at university I can cite and quote Sartre, who explains that “man is nothing else but that which he makes of himself”. Without being too presumptuous, I would suggest Alan Sugar never read Existentialism is a Humanism by the time Amstrad had made its first million, but he somehow got the message. Regurgitating abstract theories are all well and good in proving you can be an academic, but it sure wouldn’t sell big Al “any blaady kit”.

“ robbie

ACADEMICS

06 /robbie@gairrhydd.com

role of university - the philosophy, the success and the Students Union dance floor... put in twenty to thirty hours a week, take the rolled up piece of paper, reposition the tassel on your mortarboard from one side of your head to the other, and sit back in a comfortable job and laugh at the poor. However, to really become successful, by which I mean in fiscal terms and not in terms of some kind of hippy ideal whereby happiness is capital, you simply need to work hard. That insight might be more unsatisfactory than an Iranian election, but evidence suggests that you make your own luck in life, and a university education really is unimportant.

“

Sir Alan made £830 million and managed to fuck off the Tories at the same time

“

In his first column Robbie Wells considers the

blinddate

Blind Date

Cardiff's love guru's are here to set you up...

ancy an all expenses paid date with the possible man or woman of your dreams? Then drop us an email at blinddate@gairrhydd.com. Just let us know your course, age and year of study along with a couple of facts about yourself and cupid will work its magic!

re you saw the approach them? Let us know whe to how w kno 't Don ? like you e Seen someon Date's new 'Who Fancies you?' and what they look like for Blind blinddate@gairrhydd.com / 7

features

The 10 Commandments of Freshers' Week

8/features@gairrhydd.com

features

Freshers' week will see some of the filthiest debauchery of the year. Sarah

George reminds us of what is legitimate for this week only... to maintain your diagnosis as a irrepressible insomniac. When the going gets tough, transform your sleeping patterns into that of a nocturnal creature and cocoon yourself in your duvet between the hours of 6am and 9pm. 4. Thou shalt consume junk food Freshers’ week will undoubtedly see a boom in profiting takeaway services. Whilst no night out is complete without a calorific kebab or a mountain of cheesy fries , you will soon realise after your first unsuccessful culinary attempt at a spag bol that junk food will become common practice at mealtimes as well. Breakfast, lunch and dinner will take the form of burgers, pizzas and pasties in no time. By the end of the week you will be sweating the fat out of your pores and you will love every minute of it as you continue your journey to fully fledged student status! Remember:

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Don't worry about the reprecussions for now.

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veryone knows you don’t have to be a fresher to attend this week of utter mayhem and sheer surrealism! To the fresh meat, we welcome you. To the continuing students, we salute you. Prepare yourselves for the week ahead and by ‘prepare’ we mean up the ante in the fitness stakes and have your liver replacement on standby, because this week only means one thing – survival of the fittest. There’s no turning back, you’ve already sold your soul to the devil by just applying to university, so without further ado, here are the guidelines to the next seven days of your life. 1. Thou shalt drink alcohol OK, so whilst we try our very best not to condone excessive alcohol consumption, Freshers’ week is the one time in the student year when you will drink like you’ve never drank before... every day of the week, from dawn till dusk. So step away from the relatively tame single Malibu and cokes because double voddies, flaming Sambucas and Snakebites on repeat will be amongst the selection of drinks on your checklist. 2. Thou shalt make friends a.k.a drinking partners If you care to live under a rock between the time you arrive at University until the semester starts, then you’ll have no chance in hell of meeting new faces. Actually, I retract that statement, because the true Cardiff freshers (and there will be atleast one amongst your housemates)will hunt you down and they will lead you to a place far, far away from social obscurity. And the name of that place I hear you cry, as you quake in your amateur student boots? The Students’ Union of course, and boy what a place it is! 3. Thou shalt not sleep Stock up on caffeine and whatever additional substances you require

McDonalds is your friend. 5. Thou shalt attend an event every night of the week We don’t like slackers; they are thought of as sneaky specimens who don’t live up to the job description of what a student should be. Grow a pair and brave the week head-on, all 168 hours of it, and make an appearance on the tiles every night of the week, be it at the union or elsewhere. 6. Thou shalt take a photograph every minute Be you a first year or a third year, the stories from this week will be told for

years to come. Be sure to capture each moment on camera and savour the hard-copies of the events that unfold. By conforming with every other student out there who owns a Freshers’ photo album on their Facebook profile, you’ll be doing the generations of graduates proud. 7. Thou shalt commit adultery Hell, what goes on in Freshers’ week remains in Freshers’ week so you have nothing to lose (or possibly a spouse once the Facebook tagging commences – be sure to deactivate your profile well in advance of possible photo uploads). Single? Then what are you waiting for – shake what your mama gave you and indulge in some seedy shenanigans! 8. Thou shalt be overdrawn An overdraft is there for a reason, so use it! See it not as a negative sum on your bank statement but a simple doubling of your loan instalment waiting to be used. Don’t worry about the repercussions for now, just enjoy having the option to take a bath in cold hard cash. 9. Thou shalt lose one’s voice Who knew that singing along to some awesome tuneage or having a conversation with a friend in the confines of a club could put so much strain on your vocal chords. God help you music students because you can consider the first few weeks of your course one big, fat write-off with that hoarse husk of a voice emitting from your cakehole. 10. Thou shalt have Freshers’ flu No Freshers’ week is complete without a bout of the sniffles, a fiery throat and a smoker’s cough (be you smoker or non-smoker) to round off your initiation into university/week of freedom before lectures begin once again *groan*. Join the masses in the murderous traipse to lectures on a Monday morning with a pocket full of Kleenex and a bag full of all the medicinal items you’re mother left you with on moving-in-day.

features@gairrhydd.com/9

s features

Got that This week is all about sex right? Ellie big anticlimax...

10 / features@gairrhydd.

so many new people, learning how to exist on just a pot noodle and a bottle of Lambrini as well as getting to know a whole new city, meaning that the thought of getting acquainted with someone else’s anatomy at the same time is incomprehensible. God knows there are the ones who try their damned hardest to pull during Freshers’ Week - the types dressed from head to toe in green for the Traffic Light Party, responding raucously when the DJ enquires ‘Who’s single and ready to pull!?’ but whose only companion on the way home is a greasy kebab.

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For those who do get lucky, it's unlikely to be the most satisfying romp

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remember a conversation with a friend during my first Freshers’ week when I revealed that the most excruciating experience of my life was when my mum bought me a box of condoms to take with me to uni, followed by my dad informing me that they were for ‘emergencies only.’ (Quite what emergency would require protected sex, I don’t know.) My friend beat me in the embarrassment stakes, however, when he explained that because his mum works in a hospital, she sent him away to university with a whole bin liner full of every variety of condom imaginable, putting my box of three Durex Ultra Safe to shame. ‘I don’t know how many people she was expecting me to have sex with,’ he said, ‘But I have enough johnnies to last me five years.’ Freshers’ Week is often envisioned as an extended episode of Skins – all nakedness and orgies in the showers. In reality it’s more like The Inbetweeners – a series of shameful experiences ending in either a complete failure to pull or an unbelievably humiliating sexual encounter. It’s left me wondering whether Freshers’ Week is really seven days of non-stop sex, or simply an anti-climax? For the majority of students, Freshers’ Week is stressful enough, what with meeting

For those who do get lucky, it’s unlikely to be the most satisfying romp – I’ve heard tales about al fresco fornication, impotence and embarrassing underwear choices – ‘I’d sellotaped a stick on bra to myself. That looked chic when I took my top off!’ – but even those who do make it back to those tiny Talybont beds have a hard time being adventurous when one sudden movement could roll both of you off the mattress. And, practicalities aside, whilst the moment may be pleasurable (although with those lumpy beds and the company of silverfish, I doubt it) the 4 a.m walk of shame and the realisation which dawns with the removal of

features

Sexual feeling? Woodward discusses whether it is seven days of pleasure or just one

the beer goggles most certainly is not. There are those individuals who manage to pull a stranger on Freshers’ Week but most live to regret the tale. My friend Chris told me that on one Freshers’ Week party, as the lights came up at 3 a.m, he grabbed the nearest girl and brought her home. “Wahey!” I thought, I’m in there!’ he said. Consuming his body weight in £1.50 vodka mixers, however, meant that his stomach had other ideas. ‘I began having sex with her but I felt so sick that I had to stop, run across the landing and throw up.’ And who said romance is dead?

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He would be kept awake by their porn-star screams

“

The experience was arguably worse for my friend, Dave, however. Having given a heartfelt speech earlier in the day about how he wanted to lose his virginity to someone he loved, we all dressed in our greenery finest and set off to the Traffic Light Party. To say I was shocked, then, the next day when Dave’s housemate Nick informed me that Dave had slept with Nick’s friend Emma who was visiting for the week would be an understatement. Emma confided in Nick that she and Dave had slept together (not that he needed telling – he’d all but positioned a glass carefully against the wall to listen in on the shenani-

gans.) She should’ve known better than to trust Nick with such a secret – before long, he took it upon himself to knock on each of the housemates’ doors like some crazed town crier to inform them of the news. Dave has only recently spoken about the evening’s events telling me: ‘It was an empty experience, there was no sense of fulfilment like there would’ve been if it had been with someone I’d cared about.’ And what about the friend of a friend who, devastated at the prospect of a long distance relationship with a long term boyfriend, got so drunk on the Freshers’ welcome party that she cheated on him with her new flatmate under a bush. Needless to say, as the Vodka haze lifted, she was not only racked with guilt that she’d cheated on Freshers’ Night (hardly boding well for the rest of the relationship) but that it had been in such spectacular fashion with someone she then had to live with for the next year. In fact, it would seem that the majority of Freshers’ sexual exploits occur with fellow housemates, but this can have unsavoury outcomes. One friend of mine was driven to distraction by the night-time antics of two of his co-habitants. He would frequently be kept awake by their porn-star screams before having to be sociable with their respective partners when they came to stay. When they did finally get together as a result of the Freshers’ foreplay, my friend and the other housemates were continually dragged into their lover’s tiffs and then forced to find ear plugs as they engaged in noisy make-up sex. The result? Alienated, pissed off housemates. There are certain students, however, who go to uni with the

intention of being single, have sex on Freshers’ week and end up in a relationship. This happened with two of my friends, Beth and Ben. Beth says: ‘I went to uni with NO intention of being in a relationship.’ She met Ben through our fellow housemate on Freshers’ Week and the rest, as they say, is history – two years later, they’re still together. However, Beth and Ben’s story seems to stand alone – one friend who got into a relationship after Fresher’s week has cheated on his girlfriend more times than I care to count and has revealed that the reason he doesn’t want to break up is because ‘She gives me sex and makes me food.’ My friend whose housemates eventually got together after Freshers’ have recently split up, suggesting that many of the relationships that come about as a result of Freshers’ Week fumbles are likely to be directly comparable to the Freshers’ Week sex – messy, difficult and over in the blink of an eye. My advice to you lovely Freshers? Avoid sexual encounters during the first week. For the lucky few, a Freshers’ one night stand may lead to a few moments of pleasure at least, and at most to a happy relationship. These tales seem few and far between, however, and whilst we’d all like to imagine Freshers’ Week as a flurry of nakedness, the reality is likely to be a quick fumble in the dark which lasts a matter of seconds but will probably cause a lifetime of embarrassment – that is, if it even happens.

features@gairrhydd.com/11 / 35

fashion

CARDIFF S ' R E H S E R F WEEK

AVOIDING DAYS

Fresher's week will be your only opportunity to make a first impression on student life. Luckily the fashion editors, Kate Eaton and

Emily Cater are here to ensure it's one you won't regret.

12/fashion@gairrhydd.com

fashion

OF SHAME

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fashion@gairrhydd.com/13

Glyn BB7

interviews

Big Brother star and Cardiff University student Glyn Wise gives his faultess advice on going out, pranks and losing to Tourettes victims to Jody Tozer

I enjoy the fame, it comes with so many benefits. Free clothes, drinks, Jodie Marsh etc...

interviews@gairrhydd.com /15

interviews going out

Huw's the man? This week Quench sends Jody Tozer of to catch up with the character that is Quench: What do you think makes Cardiff a great place to be a student? Huw: The homeliness of Cardiff and the unpretentiousness of the place make it a lovely city. It's not too big and not too small, I think it has a lot to offer. It's come on in leaps and bounds over the last ten years in terms of going out and live music too, which are very important

“

Clwb Ifor Bach? The perfect venue. I've seen gigs there, met my girlfriend there, and even helped fry chips there.

16/interviews@gairrhydd.com

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ardiff born Huw Stephens joined Radio One in 1999 and became the youngest ever Radio One presenter at just eighteen. Huw gained a national audience when he was drafted in to keep the spirit alive of the late John Peel bringing new music to the masses. In 2007 Huw established a new music festival in Cardiff called the ‘Swn ‘ festival, ‘Swn’ being the welsh word for sound, this festival will be taking place this year on October 2224th, bringing you a fully packed 3 days of live music, large silent discos, music industry seminars, art, film and more. Such bands that will be appearing are Los Campesinos, Gold Panda and about 30 others! This is an event not to be missed that will be taking place across a multitude of venues, grab your wristbands at £17 for one day and £45 for the whole three days. We got hold of Huw to talk about Cardiff, music and Chris Moyles.

aspects of course. Q. Who are your favourite bands of the moment? H. Right now I'm loving The XX more than anything. they're a special band and the album is just gorgeous. Sad, downbeat and intimate yes, but all the better for it. Also Local Natives from the US of A are great, and Not Squares a new band from Belfast I saw live at Latitude recently, they were superb, kinda squelchy math rock. Q. With you putting on the Swn festival in October, is Cardiff a good breeding ground for great music talent? H. It is, and has been for a while. It's a city with a dedicated music following that supports local scenes, like your gang at Quench at the uni, the local promoters and venues. Bands like Automatic, Los Campesinos! Decimals have broken through and made their mark, and there's so many more all the time, like Blue Wall. Q. What are your favourite music

going out interviews

championing Cardiff's new music scene to the world, Radio 1 DJ Huw Stephens. many to choose between? H. Yes there’s a lot out there and so plenty to choose from. It’s a total blessing to be able to do what I do and call it a job, so I feel lucky and have responsibility to play good stuff. I simply can’t hear everything I’m sent on mp3, cd and online, let alone play all the good stuff that I

“

venues for a good night out? H. Clwb Ifor Bach is the perfect venue. I used to live round the corner above Pizza Express and it was a bit too handy. I’ve seen some awesome gigs there, met my girlfriend there and had the best nights out there. I’ve even helped fry chips there, stocked the cellar, been thrown out by the bouncers, dj'd, had a birthday party in there. Love it. Q. Do you think Chris Moyles is a legend? H. Yes. He’s a very nice man who's always had time to talk and take interest in what’s going on in other people’s lives. This can be rare in someone with his fame. Q. Any tips for people interested in becoming involved in the local music scene? (either through being in a band or promotion/work experience) H. Do it yourself and get involved. Take advice and be fair and nice. Q. Do you ever feel the pressure to keep coming up with new bands to tip on your Radio One show or do you tend to find yourself with too

I've always been intrested in new, exciting music.

hear. Wish I could though! Q. Has the not necessarily underground music scene but those bands who are less in the spotlight always attracted you or is it something you found yourself paying more attention to as a consequence of your career

as a DJ? H. No I’ve always been interested in new, exciting music from when I first got into music when I was about 15. I got into radio and music at the same time, so doing a hospital radio show in Cardiff and playing new bands on there was just brilliant. Q. What’s the best thing about your job? H. Probably the chance to hear all this music daily. But everyone could, if they wanted to, listen to music all day, so I guess just being involved in it all, playing a small part in a huge thing. Make sure you get your tickets for the Swn festival at www.wegottickets.com, this is an event in Cardiff that is not to be missed. For more information, check out the website www.swnfest.com. We will be featuring many interviews from the bands appearing in the run up to the festival

interviews@gairrhydd.com /17

travel

on the cheap There's nothing like getting away from it all. However on limited funds it can be a bit tricky getting very far. Travel takes you through a few local options that are guaranteed not to break the bank.

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travel

Mumbles

umbles. Home to Catherine Zeta Jones, Joanna Page and named after the French word for nipples (or so the rumour goes). A pretty village, dotted with charming old houses and curious little shops to die for, Mumbles is worlds apart from the Swansea city centre. The best places to visit in-

clude Oystermouth Castle, Mumbles Pier and Joe’s Ice Cream (a.k.a. the best ice cream in Wales: it is not a real visit to Mumbles without a Joe’s). Mumbles is a typical picturesque seaside village, perfect for sunny days. At the other end of the spectrum to this quaint little image is the age old custom of the Mumbles Mile. Many a

student have tried and failed to pursue this challenge. It is a sad fact that this once noble institution has fallen with the closure of many venues on its length. But the memory and challenge still lives on in the hearts of those willing to rise to it. It can only be said that Mumbles really does have something for everyone. Ruth Dawson

many a Facebook photo opportunity! This will cost you £2, and is fun as you make it! Once you've displayed your fantastic sporting ability you will probably be pretty hungry and it is worth checking out one of the fish and chip shops. The best from personal experience is the one they use for Gavin and Stacey - great chips. The beach is free to enjoy, as is a walk along the cliff and can kill some time and

burn off the chips from lunch! If you're an avid Gavin and Stacey fan you can check out Nessa's booth in the arcade, before wasting the remains of your tenner on those 2p machines! The beach and sea are clean is you can brave the cold waters, so a dip can be enjoyed as well as some sandcastle building or sunbathing. Day out for a tenner? Not a problem in Barry Island! Sarah Kilby

The land is breathtaking. It really is difficult to explain what makes this place so special. The beaches are perfect, the countryside is perfect, the air is perfect. The earth is saturated with that lovely Welsh quality of history and mythology. You can stand in a field and feel like you’re the last person on earth, safe in the knowledge that yes, they did film some of Doctor Who here. The Gower is perfect for

a weekend’s relaxation, recuperation or exploration. Even on the cloudiest of days, the peninsula remains spectacular. My personal favourites are Pennard Castle overlooking Three Cliffs Bay (you’ll never see anything like it again) and Llangennith Beach (excellent for surfing). For anyone sick of City life, the Gower is a glorious contrast. Ruth Dawson

Barry Island

arry Island has become synonymous with Gavin and Stacey, but it also offers a great day out, while still saving the pennies! The train, if you've got a railcard, is the cheapest option at £2.40 return. The bus is about four quid but takes FOREVER, but great if you want to see a lot of Cardiff. Once you get to Barry Island, there is a fair amount to do. The crazy-golf is pretty hilarious, and it provides

The Gower

have tried and failed for three days now to describe exactly what it is about the Gower that makes it such an essential place to visit. It is just amazing. Literally, you can turn around a corner and there you are. On the Gower. Factually, it is 70 square miles of countryside, small villages and some of the best beaches in Britain. In reality, it is so much more.

travel@gairrhydd.com / 19

travel

24 HOur

Sydney Simon Lucey finds the best way to cram all of Sydney's wonders into one day. All in the name of research of course...

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travel

truly spectacular but in order to fully appreciate it you need to get there early before the stampede of tourists, I’m thinking sun rise. An early start may scare, but the next bit will shock the multitude of unique bracelets and bangles off any seasoned backpacker. Jogging. Now I realise that backpacking is not conducive to exercise, but this is truly the best way to see the harbour from every angle whilst indulging in possibly the most satisfying people watching in the world. As you pause for breath to take in the view of the sun rising behind the opera house make sure you bask in the company of Sydney’s most beautiful and successful people.

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The first place colonised by Cook and his motley bunch of convicts is now home to some of the best pubs

“

o picture this. I’ve just finished the most epic road trip around Australia and there is 24 hours left. I’ve jumped from airplanes, dived off the Great Barrier Reef and been called a ‘useless bloody pom’ more than I can handle. The gap year dream has been played out from the beaches of Surfer’s Paradise to the isolation of the outback and I have fucking loved it. But there is one more stone left unturned, and it just so happens that this last Aussie stone is a gem. Sydney. Due to a combination of breakdowns, whirlwind romances and hideous hangovers we had fallen way behind schedule leaving just one day to explore the many faces of Captain Cook’s greatest discovery. After much research along the bars of the East Coast of Australia, here follows a highly contestable guide to cramming Sydney into 24 hours. Already I can hear those perfectly tanned Freshers lucky enough to have earned their ‘Bondi beach’ hoodie sharpening their pencils to write their strongly worded letters to Quench HQ since I will have inevitably have missed the best activity, pub or whatever. But hey, sometimes you’ve got to stick your neck out on the line. The perfect day begins with its most controversial feature so if you feel the need to put your newly sharpened pencil to paper already please relax, it gets better. The day begins contentiously with a jog. Now bear with me. Sydney harbour is

Pretty soon, as you make your way home in a pasty, sweaty mess you’ll be feeling pretty low. So a natural pick-me-up is necessary. I’m thinking to combat the healthy start we should go to the other extreme. Sydney’s love-affair with the café brekkie culture has never been so strong, and so long as there is bacon and eggs present the Aussies will be happy. It is probably worth heading over to Bondi for the morning and there are some cracking breakfasts spots along the shore line where you can sit from a balcony sipping your fresh coffee whilst surveying the beach. There will come a time after breakfast when it is time to take the plunge and join the locals in surfing the balmy waters of the South Pacific. For most of us this

will involve sacrificing all dignity in joining up with one of the better surf schools on the coast, Lets Go Surfing. Nothing screams ‘useless bloody pom’ more than descending onto Bondi beach with pasty white skin, matching rash vests and complimentary foam boards. However stick with it, you will have more fun than you can imagine as you fail miserably to look cool. You’ll soon be peckish, but there is not much time so grab something on the go as you rush back over to central Sydney. Don’t worry too much about lunch cause your about to get a taste of the whole city as you indulge in what is sold as they ultimate way to experience Sydney, from the top of the infamous harbour bridge. The Harbour walk takes around three and a halve hours and will take you 134 meters above the harbour to give you the best view of the city and will leave you parched and famished. As you jump off the bridge the best place to head is the nearby Rocks area, the first place colonised by Cook and his motley bunch of convicts but now home to some of the best pubs in Sydney and the perfect spot for a cheeky bar crawl. If your feeling flush then you may as well splash out on a smart meal on the waterfront so that you can make the most of one of the most famous panoramic views in the world. However for those of us that are on a budget Sydney’s food is not what makes it unique so a cheaper kangaroo burger and chips in one of the backpacker bars may suit better and save you enough money for a few beers later on. Scubar is the gap year/backpacker club of the day, however if you haven’t just finished you’re A-levels you might feel a bit old and those a bit braver may be rewarded for branching out to something new. Kings Cross is where the most filthy sordid night creatures call home and may be perfect for those of you wishing to indulge in your sinful side. For those a little more straight-laced the city centre boasts a wide range of establishments that should suit everyone’s musical needs.

travel@gairrhydd.com / 21

gay

“

Being gay isn't all about Cher megamixes and toosmall tanktops

“

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gay

Being gay Coming out is never easy, but with the fresh start that university can offer, it can make the task a little less daunting. Luke Owen discusses. comes a passport to untold fabulousness - I will simply wish you all the absolute best of luck, however you choose to approach your sexuality.

“

Being in a new city surrounded by absolute strangers is the perfect opportunity to cultivate a new identity.

“

warm welcome to Cardiff, my dears! If you’re returning to our fair city after spending summer back at home dodging broccoli cooked to within an inch of its life and arranging sleazy liaisons on the internet (is that not what the SU’s for?) - it’s good to have you back! For those of you venturing into the big city for the first time, you are going to have a ball! Whether you opt to go it alone, or explore with the help of the Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual & Transgender (‘LGBT’) Society, you’ll find Cardiff is a vibrant and modern city that has lots to offer young LGBT people, including dedicated football and rugby clubs. As you'll hear the same everywhere, I'll keep this brief: you are going to get pissed. The good news is that there are places to get pissed that cater for all musical tastes, from pop to rock and indie, and for a range of wallets. Of course, being in a new city surrounded by absolute strangers is the perfect opportunity to cultivate a new identity for yourself. Perhaps not in a scary-drag-queen-persona or dodgy-credit-card-stealing kind of way, admittedly - although that’s not to say what some get up to. This is now the chance to be truly yourself. Some of you will find revealing your sexuality easier than others, and you might well find that doing so be-

If you’re reading this from the solace of your room at Halls (door locked, of course, to ensure that your hot new flatmate doesn’t walk in at an inopportune moment), do not fret. Both the LGBT Society and Nightline offer free, confidential advice on coming out, going back in, and coming to terms with your sexuality when you’ve got other things on your mind. Like bad hair, dodgy bolognaise, and how to survive the last three weeks of term on £6 and

a packet of Smoky Bacon supernoodles! If you have concerns that people are going to judge you singularly on your sexuality you should stop worrying - in the enlightened world of academia, this is usually not the case. Most people are now aware that being gay isn’t all about Cher megamixes and too-too-small tanktops, and I’m reliably informed that lesbianism ticks neither of these boxes, too. You should, however, be prepared for new mates who will try to set you up with their friend/ flatmate/distant relative solely on the basis of your shared sexuality. There are, naturally, going to be some of you reading this who feel like they’re being taught to suck eggs, and rightly so. It must be stressed that uni is, for some, not about starting a new life, but exploring the one you already have. Over the course of the next year, the Gay & Lesbian section of Quench will be addressing issues that affect a wide range of LGBT people, not just those who are exploring their sexuality for the first time. If you have ideas about what you’d like to see on these pages between now and June 2010, please get in touch! All are welcome to contribute articles - this is your opportunity to get your opinions heard and share your experiences. Now go out and enjoy Freshers'!

gay@gairrhydd.com/23 /

food

Your Survival guide to.... Harriet Davies and Hayley Pyper are here to provide you with the ultimate Fresher's week survival guide. Don't say we don't treat you guys....

Hangovers T

he safest advice in the case of drunken munchies is NOT to try and cook food yourself! The outcome may be amusing in the morning, but can often be dangerous. If you are going to eat after a night out, it’s probably best to buy something on the way home – Diano’s and Mamas kebab houses are very popular spots! However, whilst a hot and greasy kebab might feel like the best thing ever at the end of a night, the average kebab actually holds around 1170 calories (ouch!) and six times more trans fat than a Big Mac! Therefore your ‘healthiest’ option from the kebab shop is probably a

portion of chips! The best ‘cure’ for a hangover is potassium and glucose which help to balance out the low sugar levels in your blood stream, and of course lots and lots of water! When you wake up, drink half a pint of orange juice mixed with half a pint of water and eat a banana – this should help rid you of some of those nasty heavy-headed symptoms straight away. When you can face it, make sure you get a good balanced

Freshers Flu O

kay, so we may be in the middle of a global pandemic anyway…but believe me when I tell you, ‘freshers flu’ is an unfortunate certainty in the first few weeks of university. Not only as a result of non-stop partying, excess drinking and no sleep, but also because students from all four corners of Britain and beyond will be mixing themselves, and their friends and family’s illnesses’ together!. Unless you have some sort of super immune system, then enjoying yourself to the full during the freshers period means that you are regrettably on the grotty road to excess mucus

24 / food@gairrhydd.com

and headaches. With that in mind, following a balanced diet, keeping hydrated and eating regularly will help you both delay the inevitable outcome of freshers flu, and lessen its impact! (unfortunately my words are not wise enough to offer the same advice for our favourite porcine counterpart Remember to drink lots of water! Not only for hangovers, but for keeping your energy levels up and flushing some of those toxins out your system. Keep a pint glass in your room to remind you to hydrate regularly Get your head down when you can! Nights may blur into days and sleep may seem a waste of time, but

meal down you…a full English breakfast works wonders for some if you can stomach it or be bothered to cook it! Otherwise, try a fried egg on toast or pasta in tomato sauce. Failing that, there’s always the hair of the dog…

it is vital for keeping you functioning. So when nothing exciting is going on, just have a kip! You may miss out on one later Eat at proper meals! You need fuel to keep yourself going and to keep your immune system in good shape Try to eat at least one or two of your 5-a-day every day – a glass of fruit juice counts but cider does not! Keep your eyes peeled for free food at the freshers fairs – usually abundant in quantity are baked beans, super noodles, and popcorn. (NB: not a substantial diet on their own, but good enough for a day or two!)

food

Finances O

wn-brand products - are much cheaper than their branded counterparts and most don’t taste much different. There are plenty of other things to fritter your student loans away, don’t let over-priced food be one of them! Take shelf-life into account – don’t buy massive amounts of fresh produce if you won’t manage to eat them before they go off. Think realistically about how much you need to eat a day. Don’t be seduced by special offers – Getting 20p off, three for the price of two, or 15% extra is great if its something useful, but don’t be

tempted to buy extra things you don’t need just because it’s a bargain! Make a list and stick to it – planning your shopping and your budget beforehand will give you a good idea about how much money you need to spend on food and will prevent impulse buys. Although those luxury items might be tempting, living like a king at the start of term could result in having to

recycle you teabags by the end! Don’t shop on an empty stomach! Lets be honest, your appetite is probably bigger than your wallet…

The Big Shop

t’s a really good idea to do a big supermarket shop right at the start of term. Most importantly, the start of term is when most of us actually have money! Investing in a good stock-full of supplies early on will save you the trouble of having to fork out for boring items later on in term when you’ll probably be a lot poorer! If you feel completely clueless about what to buy during your big shop, we have compiled a shopping list that should cover the basics:

Condiments – salt, pepper, ketchup, cooking oil, chilli powder, stock cubes, garlic powder, mixed herbs – these should last for at least the whole of the first term Cupboard food – rice, a big bag of pasta, onions, tinned tomatoes, baked beans, tinned spaghetti, tinned tuna, bananas, cereal, squash to drink Longer-lasting fresh veggies – peppers, carrots, brocolli Fridge stuff - cheese, spread, eggs, milk, juice, pesto sauce (you only need a teaspoon of pesto to make a whole meal with pasta, so it lasts ages!)

Frozen stuff – pizza, frozen meat/ vegetarian alternative (chicken, mince, quorn etc), bag of veggies, chips, bread This shopping load should come to roughly around £32 at Tesco, based on mainly budget-priced items. Although this may seem like a lot of money to spend on food, it will save you money in the long-run as you shouldn’t need to top-up your supplies much more beyond the fresh items for at least a few weeks.

food@gairrhydd.com / 25

photos

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Highlights: Self Portrait Nat Hills

26 /photos@gairrhydd.com

photos

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the next issue, or just

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sexy lips. If you want to

fancy getting in touch

music@gairrhydd.com / 27

photos

Highlights: Brighton Pier, July 2007, Jake Yorath

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photos

music@gairrhydd.com / 29

books

Sleepwalking Land

t’s difficult to write on war without reverting to standard, knee-jerk characterisations and scenarios. Occasionally, however, war can provide the backdrop to and the stimulus for an extraordinary novel. Ian McEwan’s Atonement is one such novel; Mia Couto’s Sleepwalking Land is another. Set against the civil war in Mozambique, the novel explores the fate of young Muidinga and his guardian, Tuahir, as they shelter from the barren wilderness in a fireravaged bus. Interwoven with this is

“

30 /books@gairrhydd.com

It is a novel that is bleak in its beauty. But beautiful it is

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Mia Couto Pub: Serpents Tail

the fantastical tale of the mysterious Kindzu in his quest to join the naparama warriors of justice.

Taking flight from straightforward realism into the realm of the magical, Sleepwalking Land presents itself as a fable of the birth and strife of a nation. There is a definite condemnation of war present here, but its subtle shrouding in symbolism prevents it from becoming suf-

focating; the effects of the conflict are clearly marked upon the characters, yet never entirely overwhelm them. Much of the novel’s appeal can be explained by Couto’s use of language, which, when translated from the original Portuguese, creates seductive, hypnotic rhythms which lure the reader into accepting even the oddest of occurrences. It’s a novel worth reading for its imagery alone; it’s not hard to see why it has garnered so much attention within the canon of African literature. Every word of Sleepwalking Land is burdened by the sadness of a nation torn apart, and it’s certainly a novel which is bleak in its beauty. But beautiful it is - powerfully and necessarily so. Emma Davies

books

Jullian Norridge Pub: Penguin

s you are undoubtedly wondering, the title refers to the fact that we Brits have a sizeable claim to have at least had a hand in the invention and subsequent evolution of many, indeed most of the world’s most popular sports. However, as time progressed and these sports became exported throughout the globe, the dominance we possessed (through virtue of being the only country that participated) has since vanished. This premise is an attractive one, but in practice this turns out to be a bit misleading. Each chapter is usually devoted to one particular sport, with the majority of it being devoted to its origins and growth, with only the last page of each chapter detailing how we were superseded: by Australia and New Zealand in rugby and cricket, China in table-tennis, and by just about everyone in foot-

How To Save The Planet On A Student Budget Kate Ayden Pub: One World Publications

ate Aydin’s book is, to all intents and purposes, a manual on how to live in an environmentally friendly way but this does not mean that it isn’t an interesting and informative read. Aydin’s book is divided into chapters covering all parts of our daily student life. From food shopping to travelling it will tell you how to help the environment and save yourself money at the same time. The ideas

for taking action in each chapter are divided depending on your level of commitment to the cause and how much you can generally be bothered to do. Despite being very informative Aydin does at times seem to address three year olds; I’m sure most students don’t really need the fact that running a car burns fuel explained to them. Her idea of student living also appears to be a little skewed; I’m not sure how many student houses have air conditioning and tumble dryers but mine certainly doesn’t, and I wouldn’t have thought many people at university can afford to buy organic meat or need to cut down on dry clean only clothes. If you’re interested in campaigning to make big changes for the benefit for the planet then this is the

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With something as lovingly crafted as this book, it is hard to criticise

“

Can We Have Our Balls Back Please?

ball. Good thing we still dominate sailing then…

Author Julian Norridge has clearly done his research; each sport is examined in great depth, with many interesting facts being unearthed: such as how virtually every sport was banned in the Middle Ages (because it interfered with archery practice), to how Victorian bureaucracy hindered our sporting development through its preoccupation with elitism and its opposition to the concept of professionalism. With something as lovinglycrafted as this book, its difficult to find anything to criticise. Norridge’s attempts at humour fall flat at times, but this is nit-picking. For those of you with at least a passing interest in British sport, you could do worse than pick up this book. Steve Wright

book for you, it’s packed full of useful websites and template letters. However, I’m not convinced that Aydin’s book will radically change the way I live, I already re-use my plastic bags and recycle, although her book did inform me on issues like water pollution and the market for ethical clothing. As Aydin herself states, if one student changes one thing in their life to be more environmentally friendly then it will make a difference, so I suppose I can switch to eco-friendly toothpaste and sleep easy tonight. Emma Pocklington

books@gairrhydd.com / 31

books

Save Planet Save Budget With saving the planet becoming an increasingly popular talking point

Emma Pocklington talks to Kate Aydin about her campaign to show students How to Save the Planet on a Student Budget.

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books

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The book will make a difference

Were you involved in the kind of eco-friendly activities and organisations you promote in your book when you were at university? No! At university (I studied art and publishing at Oxford Brookes University) I was only interested in art and cultural theory – and I bored my friends to death talking about it. Environmental issues were not really mainstream then, so there wasn’t much awareness of what we could from a practical point of view. There wasn’t much conclusive scientific evidence, either. Things have come a long way since then. Environmental information is much more accessible now, especially because of the Internet. In my book I have tried to include lots of things that you can do to help the environment, even if you’re not totally passionate about it. What made you decide to target students? No one’s ever written a book just for students on being green. Students have particular issues such

as not having much money, sharing accommodation with friends, students or family, and have the added pressure of producing course work and passing exams. That’s a lot to deal with without someone putting extra pressure on you to be green. Also, some students want to make changes in their university and my book gives examples of how to lobby for change in a complex university environment. My book includes lots of really easy cheap things that students can do, like ‘slimming’ your wardrobe and make-up bag (a bit like green ‘decluttering’) to save money, and focus on buying less. Swap Shops for clothes and/or books are a really good way to save money and get hold of useful items for free. There is an added social element to many green ways of living – and Swap Shops are a great way to meet new friends. It’s true that some organic food and green products are more expensive, and may not be affordable for many students, but some are cost neutral. For example recycled toilet paper and Ecover washing up liquid are the same price in the supermarket where I shop; organic dates cost the same as non-organic dates, and MSC (Marine Stewardship Certified) fish fillets are very cheap and good for you. What kind of research did you do into students and their lifestyle? I worked with students on green issues in Oxford University, and I drew on my own experience of what it’s like to be a student. I also used the NUS website to get an idea of topical issues that are facing students today. The NUS also has some good top tips on environmental campaigns. Why did you decide to write a book on this subject? Do you feel that you've done something unique and that this is the best way to communicate with people about the need to be environmentally friendly? I do feel it’s a unique book, and given that there are over 2 million students in the UK, a book is probably the best way to potentially reach them all at the same time. The format of the book means you can put it in your pocket or bag and carry it around in case you need to refer to it when you’re on the move.

It’s very practical and to the point, which is just what you want when you’ve been reading a huge tome on biochemistry or law! How did you research your book and how did the people you have worked with, mentioned in the dedication, inspire you? It took about a year to research all the areas in the boo, drawing on information from reliable websites such as the NUS, the Soil Association and Greenpeace, as well as industry websites for things like water pollution. I’m lucky to have worked or lived with many inspirational people, from my parents who initiated me into composting, to colleagues who worked with me on recycling projects in Oxfordshire, as well as the people I work with at Oxford University who are working hard to save the environment through academic research.

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The next few decades will see big change

“

hen did you become interested in the environment and being environmentally friendly and what sparked off your interest? My interest in the environment was forced on me at a young age by radial hippy parents. Of course I rebelled during my teens, turning my nose up at the compost bucket kept under the kitchen sink in my house (I think we were the first people in the whole of London to compost our food waste) and I eschewed organic wholesome food. This early indoctrination must have sunk into my subconscious though, as being green comes quite naturally to me now. I think my interest (in my later years) was sparked by getting a job in recycling (having worked in publishing for a few years), which lead to a wider interest and awareness in sustainability issues.

Do you believe your book will make a difference and do you think we can ever truly be environmentally friendly? The book will make a difference even if someone who buys it does one small thing in the book (like buy non-toxic washing up liquid or shampoo). Our plug holes all lead to the same place – the sea. So 2 million students doing one thing does make a difference. When it comes to the environment, we are not on our own. I think that in the next few decades we’ll see big changes and the result will be that environmental friendliness will become mainstream, because it’s all about saving the resources we need for our survival. And finally, what work do you have planned for the future? I’m currently writing a children’s book (4-8 year olds) based on an environmental theme, but it’s going to be funny and appeal to parents, too. I might even have a go at illustrating it myself!

books@gairrhydd.com / 33

arts

Cardiff At Night With freshers’ week upon us, Amelia Forsbrook catches up with controversial street photographer Maciej Dakowicz about his fascinating collection to date. underbelly to a glamorized industry. Dakowicz elaborates that ‘at night different things are going on, some situations are positive or funny, others are dark. It can be said, that later it gets, darker things are happening. St Mary Street at the beginning of the night is quite a cheerful place, with all these hen party girls dressed up and guys going to pubs for a drink. But after like 2am, things often go wrong for some people, they get too drunk or get into fights, fall asleep on the street or get sick.’ The role of the photographer here, it seems, is to capture the moment regardless of tone: ‘I am there with the camera, and shoot things happening in front of me, whenever they are positive or negative’.

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I shoot anything, positive or negative.

“

lot of fuss has been made of Maciej Dakowicz’s series, “Cardiff At Night”. Ranging from the BBC’s mild description of the work as an ‘after hours archive of the city which takes in the lighter side of Cardiff's drinking culture’ to the Daily Mail’s argument that the collection is deserved of an ‘X certificate’, it seems like everyone has their opinion of the works. The images are centred on Cardiff’s St Mary Street and ‘Chippy Lane’ and vividly capture the aftermath of an average night out. Streets covered in rubbish provide the backdrop to a cross-section of activity: tipsy girls adjusting their shoes, Roma women selling cowboy hats, sozzled hen parties, bravadoriddled rugby fans and laddish brawls all feature strongly. In one, a ‘bloke’ dressed in a pink cowboy hat and fishnets climbs over a railing. I ask Dakowicz how he manages to capture such amusing events. ‘I think I look for such moment’ he explains, ‘I walk around with the camera in my hand and look for interesting or unusual situations. I often wait for something to happen’. The conversation moves on to a particularly amusing image of a man attempting to balance a pizza box on an already spilled-over bin: ‘if I see a full bin like the one in the pizza box photo, I just wait for something to happen near it, to make this photo more interesting’. The photographer adds that often he sees a number of people with their cameraphones, and uses this interest as an inspiration for the angle he takes with his more professional lens. However, while it is indeed true that such images portray the ‘lighter side’, others portray a far more sinister edge and reveal a darker

Thinking in particular of these more negative shots, I wonder if there is an obligation to protect the people photographed. In a number of photos, there seems to be a great amount of vulnerability; one image catches a man bowing down in front of a woman in what appears to be a drunken stupor, her hand resting sympathetically on his head. It’s easy to see why some of these images could be embarrassing for those captured. I ask Dakowicz if he considers there to be any ethical issues involved in showing such personal moments. ‘There are people

walking around all the time. If people kiss in public I guess they don't mind being seen by others, or if a guy falls asleep drunk in the middle of the street he must be aware that he is not on his own.’ To Dakowicz, a photograph is an extension of a public space, and the public behaviour of drunks legitimate material to use for his art. So what happens the next day when everyone is sober? Dakowicz recalls varying reactions from people who see his images: ‘I got an email from a mother of the guy covered in blood, she was angry at me, as the photo of her son appeared in newspapers. She told me that he was attacked by four guys in a club just for being big and ginger, I didn’t know that when I took this photo’. The image in question was later printed in newspapers and splashed over a number of websites, obviously causing upset for the subject and his family. Similarly, with so many images of caressing couples, it is perhaps unsurprisingly that Dakowicz reports the following: ‘a guy emailed me, saying that I photographed his girlfriend sitting on the lap of another guy and he thinks she cheats on him’. Apparently the woman denied being in town that night, leading to what Dakowicz describes as a 'messy situation'. The photographer is quick to acknowledge the difficulties here, expressing his concern with ‘I hope they got things right now.’ So, while the newspapers are reluctant to show the more optimistic images, the photographer steers clear of judgement: ‘I am not telling these are bad or good guys, I just document what is going on, trying not to judge anybody.’ Clearly, it is important to view these images as not illustrating binge Britain at

arts@gairrhydd.com /35

arts its worst. ‘I love beer’ Dakowicz willingly adds ‘but before ordering another pint I am going to think if it will not make me too drunk’. And as for being on the other side of the lens, the photographer jokes, ‘I am a very camera shy person’ and would rather be caught ‘doing something funny with a group of friends, but not lying drunk on the middle of the street’. After interviewing Dakowicz, it is clear the problems involved in street photography. However, while it is not surprising that negative judgements can be made from the work, it is easy to see that Dakowicz doesn’t presume or invite any kind of interpretation. Undoubtedly, the main appeal is that the images are not staged, giving us a gritty insight into the dark moments that are normally forgotten by the next morning. Moving rapidly between poignant, confrontational and – occasionally reassuring the images truly capture the spirit of our city at night. Check out the full collection of ‘Cardiff At Night’ on Flickr.

“

The images are not staged, giving us a gritty insight into the dark moments that are normally forgotten.

“

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music

inmusicthisweek

singles:radiohead

cardiffguide

albums:theantlers

musiceditorial Editorial

ear Fresher, First things first – welcome to Cardiff University ! You’ve got plenty to be excited about in the lead up to your life as a student here in the Welsh capital. Before you can properly embark on your journey, however, there’s a whole heap of confusion and general ineptitude to deal with, and it’s called Freshers’ Week. All things considered, it’s unlikely that music in Cardiff will top your investigation list just yet – how to get home is certainly more important at this stage – but we at Quench Music are helpful souls and for our Freshers’ issue this year we’ve put together our very own operations manual to music in Cardiff,

for when you feel sharp enough to head out and explore your new city in musical terms. Feast your eyes then, young Fresher, on the Bluffer’s Guide to Cardiff , 2009 edition. That spells ‘useful’ to us, and we at Quench know a little something about spelling! There you’ll find all you need to know about getting started on the Cardiff music scene including where to get your records (note: not your computer), where to see your favourite bands, and lots of other tasty advice in making the most of your city. Make sure to take a quick look at our Local Preview for those of you looking to dip into some of Cardiff’s great live events coming in the next few weeks –

anything from remix team Simian Mobile Disco to lo-fi operators Times New Viking, by the way. Yes, these are exciting times, and it’s important that you make the most of them. Explore a little: see a band you’ve never heard of, or go to an open-mic night. Turn up early to see support acts, or accidentally spend your weekly budget in Spillers. Cardiff ’s little music community will reward those who put the most in, so do some experimenting and you never know what you’ll find. Oh yeah, and the most important part, come and write about it in Quench. We’d be delighted to have you! Enjoy, Quench Music.

localpreview...

hat better way to break up the relentless stream of clubbing that’s coming to you (whether you like it or not) than with a few well placed ventures into Cardiff ’s live music. Now it just so happens that promoters around Cardiff have been having a fantastic summer in terms of bookings with the likes of Marnie Stern, Final Fantasy, Sleepy Sun, and Telepathe all passing through in the last few months. This success is looking set to

continue throughout September this year, fortunately for us, with a flurry of bookings heading our way from around the globe. Efterklang hit our fair city in mid-September for what should be a pretty special evening. After the indisputable success that was 2007 release Parades, the leftfield Danish collective tour with what we can only assume to be new material, and that’s an exciting prospect. Fans of Sigur Rós and ethereal post-rock would do well not to miss this one.

Sunset Rubdown are coming to the UK , and this is big news. Montreal’s prolific Spencer Krug (of Wolf Parade, Frog Eyes and Swan Lake) and company come equip with last month’s critically acclaimed Dragonslayer LP under their belts, and more complex arrangements and imagination than you could shake a stick at. For something more danceable, Simian Mobile Disco return to Cardiff, come well equipped for the best electro and d'n'b tunes.

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music

a blufferâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s guide to...

CARDIFF MUSIC

Phil Guy and Sam Smith give you a heads up on the many delights and hidden gems of Cardiff's music scene.

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music

ere we go then, Quench Music’s guide to Cardiff for the unversed, 2009. Now obviously the best way for you to get to grips with Cardiff music scene is to get out there and experience it for yourself, but here we’ve tried to give you a headstart in outlining the goings-on in your new city . Cardiff is a compact capital, but rest assured you’ll find some local haunts to cater for all your musical needs. Let’s get started…

bookings approaching, including Efterklang and Sunset Rubdown. Exciting to say the least, and expect more bookings in the same vein throughout the year. These are only a selection of the venues Cardiff has to offer in terms of live music, and for the more established artists make sure you take a look at the listings for the Students Union – who have the likes of Bat For Lashes and Biffy Clyro booked – as well as the CIA for those ubermassive acts who want to take your loan off you.

The Venues The Stores

Spiller’s Records is the first and foremost in Cardiff ’s independent stores. Founded in 1894, it’s the oldest record shop in the world, and the humble heart of Cardiff ’s music scene. Whether it’s in-store performances, browsing for vinyl or looking to start a band of your own, Spillers is the place to start.

“

Get down to Clwb Ifor Bach and open your ears

“

For live music, Cardiff hosts a plethora of venues ranging from humble basements to larger than life arenas. Over the last 12 months, Cardiff ’s promotion teams have excelled in booking some truly spectacular smaller artists – look out for bookings from Three Syllables and Loose for the best underthe-radar music – so get ready to experiment if you want to make the most of our live music scene. Chances are that if you’re going to a gig, you’re going to Clwb Ifor Bach; the three-storey heart of live music in the capital. Whilst the more intimate bottom floor is reserved for the smaller artists passing through, the top is suited for the large audience. Last year’s highlights included the Shred Yr Face 2 tour featuring The Bronx, Fucked Up and Rolo Tomassi, and messy would be the word. What’s more, Swn Festival – Cardiff ’s very own musical weekend – centre’s around Clwb, and that’s certainly something to look forward to later this year. Buffalo Bar has carved out it’s own niche in the last year for some great live shows. Part trendy winebar, part scuzzy music venue, this previous year has seen the likes of WAVVES, Crystal Stilts and Vessels all play the top floor, plus a triumphant performance from Casiokids at last year’s Quench Live event. We have our own branch of the Barfly chain in Cardiff , and in typical fashion, it specialises in dank underground rock shows. Expect the murkiest of bands to dwell here, and don’t expect to come out too clean. Cardiff has also has a new venue on the scene in the form of The Globe, which has some fantastic

There are plenty second hand record stores also dotted around the city, with D’Vinyl on Albany Road and Kelly’s Records in Cardiff Central Market as both fine examples. There you’ll find a decent range of secondhand CDs and vinyl – if you’re willing to trawl through their messy collection obviously. Independent stores don’t make it easy, it’s part of the experience. Catapult Records is situated in the High Street Arcade, and it’s a great find for dance music enthusiasts. Budding DJs should look no further for equipment and records, and for those Freshers looking to start a more dance-influenced band, this is the place to look. As for instruments and accessories, there’s Cranes Music and Gamblin’s on St Mary’s Street that offer all the hardware you could want. New strings? Check. New cables?

Check. New harp for experimental side project? I’d save your money, but check. The Locals Cardiff has more than it’s fair share of musical acts to brag about to your friends who live elsewhere, and we’re not talking about Charlotte Church or Shirley Bassey. Future Of The Left have a tendency to haunt the top floor of Clwb Ifor Bach with their blend of lively riff-age and raucous post-punk vocals, and they’re a force to be reckoned with. Comprising of members of the nowdefunct Welsh giants Mcclusky and Jarcrew, this band is not to be missed live if their 2009 live album Last Night I Saved Her From Vampires is anything to go by. This year also saw the release of their latest album Travels with Myself and Another, a sprawling and enigmatic behemoth with a truly unique sound that is gathering a pile of critical acclaim. The entertainingly-named Super Furry Animals also have their roots in Cardiff . With many of their members originally playing in various techno outfits, the band date back to 1994 and have retained an eclectic sound displaying a vast array of influences across all their releases. Their latest effort, 2009’s Dark Days/Light Years showcases the talents of each prolific songwriter contained in the band and sets Super Furry Animals apart from just about anything else you’ve heard. Los Campesinos are ex-students of our university, and saw massive success in 2008 with two acclaimed releases – Hold On Now, Youngster and the ‘not an album’ We Are Beautiful, We Are Doomed. The sextet are currently recording over in the States whilst recording, and rumour has it they’re going down a storm. These honourable mentions do little other than scratch the surface of the rich tapestry of local music available to you in Cardiff , so get down to Clwb Ifor Bach and open your ears. Or better still, get some new friends together, start a new band and add another arrow to Cardiff ’s musical bow.

music@gairrhydd.com/39

music-live

Final Fantasy

2nd August 2009

t’s natural for expectations to be lying heavily on a man whose CV boasts several stints with Arcade Fire and writing credits for both Beirut and Last Shadow Puppets, but Owen Pallett’s solo project is so impressive that you can’t help but wonder how its name is not as household as his betterknown collaborators. If unfamiliar, since 2005 Pallett has released 2 albums under the alias Final Fantasy, an effort which commercially has broken no records, but have garnished Pallett with considerable critical respect, partly from the media but more significantly from fellow artists, thus explaining his association with so many.

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A church-turned-arts-centre (‘The Gate’) was the perfect venue for this show – the ambience that an archway and wooden pews offer seem to go hand-in-hand with Pallett’s stringbased music, and offer an intimacy that can’t be rivalled in Cardiff.

“

Instead of playing a traditional encore ,

Pallet met the crowd

“

FINAL FANTASY The Gate

outside where he would

play his last two songs. Epic.

Now, borrowing your name from a popular Japanese video game will not immediately gain you the respect you would crave as an artist, but this is no problem for Pallett as any question over his talent is banished the moment he picks up his violin. His

live performance is technically hugely impressive – most tracks start with a single melody which is then sampled, looped and played over by another. At times it’s hard to believe this is all being done by one man. The crowd’s reaction to ‘Lewis takes off his Shirt’ was so positive that he even tried sampling the applause to use in the next song, only to reject it upon listening back. Apparently we cheered unattractively. The music from his new album seem to experiment more with his synth which, while still enjoyable, are generally less driven than his purely instrumental songs. For this reason the best part of the evening came when instead of playing a traditional encore, Pallett kindly asked the crowd to meet him outside where he would play his last 2 songs on the street corner. Epic. Look out for Pallett’s upcoming album, Heartland - if it's anywhere near as good as his live show then it’s definitely worth a listen. Simon Roach

live-music

THE NATIONAL Royal Festival Hall 10th August 2009

onight is more a celebration than anything else; it seems that The National still haven’t quite gotten over their gradual rise to recognition, and intend to ride their current wave of success at every opportunity. With the Dessner brothers fresh from the triumph that was the Dark Was The Night compilation and subsequent tour – bringing together the likes of Grizzly Bear, Bon Iver and Dirty Projectors - in aid of the Red Hot Organisation, The National choose to locate their sole UK tour date at London ’s elaborate Royal Festival Hall. Why? Because they can. After all, who wouldn’t choose a grand theatre over the squalid arenas that London offers given the chance? Certainly not frontman Matt Berninger, who is keen to point out the Royal Box, but less keen to find an absent Queen.

“

However the songs

are played, the under-

lying emotive value

remains the same.

Predictably, The National meet a rapturous reception, and it’s no time at all before the crowds abandon their seats to swarm at the feet of Ohio’s finest quintet. Playing almost the entirety of 2007’s critical acclaimed Boxer – albeit reworked into a vigorous live formula – the band work their way through a spectacular set worthy of any arena. If there’s one thing that tonight’s performance proves – other than the fact that the fivesome can polish off a heck load of wine – it’s that The National’s song-writing can adapt to any given situation; if Berninger feels like screaming out a verse, he can, if Bryan Devendorf chooses to play out a song with excessive percus-

The National sion, he can. However the songs are played, the underlying emotive value remains the same. Whether it’s thrashed out as an arena-filling anthem – see set closer Mr November – or played as quietly as Racing Like A Pro, the affective worth remains the same. Though Berninger remains on fine form between songs, the recitals see him transform into a deadly serious and captivating force, whether it’s singing in his signature baritone, or rallying round and screaming inaudibly at fellow band members. To fill and entertain an audience as large as the Royal Festival Hall is

certainly a feat within itself. Support act Broken Records, though clearly intimidated, make a fine go of it, but it seems strange that The National excel. Their recorded material portrays agonising diffidence and self-deprecation, but in a live environment, they seem to energise whatever space they’re given. New song Runaway gives a glimpse at a forthcoming album, and there’ll be few here tonight that aren’t ecstatic about that prospect. Phil Guy

music@gairrhydd.com / 41

music-albums

St. Vincent

WILD BEATS Two Dancers Domino Records

ith this year’s Mercury Award nominees announced - completing a somewhat underwhelming shortlist – it must be incredibly frustrating for the panel of executives to see Wild Beasts release their sophomore album just shortly after the announcement of this year’s list. Whether this is deliberate on the part of the Leeds ’ quartet we shall never know; it surely wouldn’t have caused substantial problems to move the album release forward in order to meet the deadlines of the award. It’s no secret, however, that Wild Beasts maintain a characteristic of the unfashionable, and to snub the trend-setting agenda of music’s bigwigs seems like something they might well be interested in. This is the thing about Wild Beasts; debut Limbo, Panto showed us that here was a band that just didn’t really fit. Not into the scheme of British pop music, and certainly not amongst their contemporaries. Two Dancers is

42 /music@gairrhydd.com

a much more restrained, patient affair than the comparatively erratic Limbo, Panto, and sees Wild Beasts opt for a far more spacious approach. The trademark falsettos remain intact – again with staggering vocal control – but operate with far more reserve than on previous work; a definite benefit given the more gracious tone of Two Dancers. Arrangements are sparse - emphasized by the record’s modest and untainted production and the shimmering guitar lines provide the foundations for the elegant and intricate vocal contributions. So where exactly does this leave Wild Beasts? We can’t be entirely sure. Certainly, they now have two superbly unique albums to their name and stand shoulders above many of their fellow British pop acts, but they still remain an enigma. They are outsiders to the fickle, fad-happy world of British pop music – and it seems they are in no mind to change that. For an outfit to release an album this complete and this unblemished without shouting it out from the rooftops is a rarity in British music culture, but Wild Beasts are a band providing that rarity. Finally. Phil Guy

YO LA TENGO Popular Songs Matador Records

ew Jersey ’s cult favourites Yo La Tengo return with their twelfth album, and to jump straight to the point, it’s fantastic. It’s also incredibly difficult to summarise in a short number of words. In typical fashion, each track comes along as something entirely different from the previous, and the album takes a few listens to comprehend just how special it is. Tracks such as Avalon or Someone Very Similar and If it’s True echo the pop sensibilities of Belle and Sebastian, whilst By Two’s reverberant female vocals will strike a chord with fans of Bat for Lashes. Then out of nowhere comes the funky Periodically Triple or Double, an upbeat number with a cheeky organ solo that will leave a big smile on the face of any listener. Personal favourites are the last three tracks on the album, each track longer than the one before it, getting more and more progressive and experimental. More Stars

albums-music

The Antlers Than There Are In Heaven verges on shoegaze with its subdued distorted guitar and dreamy vocals, and a glorious e-bow sound that is hauntingly beautiful. The Fireside is another stunningly quiet ambient piece, with its gentle bassline lulling along matched with resonant guitars. And The Glitter Is Gone shakes things up and closes the album with an enjoyable cacophony of distorted guitars evolving into a stoner rock jam that’ll get any listener’s head bobbing.

more and more progressive and experimental

“

Each track gets

Each time I listen to this album as a whole I’m never entirely certain exactly what I’ve been listening to, all I know is that I enjoyed it immensely and that I want to listen to it again. It’s the first album in a while I’ve heard that can be described as having something for everyone. Sam Smith

THE ANTLERS The Hospice French Kiss Records

n 2006 a little-known songwriter called Justin Vernon spent a secluded 3 months mending his broken heart in a remote cabin in Wisconsin – the result of which saw the birth of Bon Iver and a debut album hailed as one of the best of 2008. Meanwhile in New York, a little known songwriter called Peter Silberman is trying to mend his broken heart also, and whether it’s back together or not, we now have an album of similar catharsis to For Emma, Forever Ago and one which, come the end of 2009, could well find itself on many of the same “best of” lists that its counterpart did the year before. Perhaps having every fabric of your emotion torn apart to the point that you can only be alone and write is not such an awful thing after all? Maybe not. A sweet, quivering voice tells the story of a man dealing with the demise and subsequent loss of his lover through cancer – no part of

the journey is left untold and after listening to the words alone you can’t help but feel drawn into Silberman’s world of ache and pain. He never forces these feelings to the forefront though, instead constantly drawing them out through gentle electronic drones and piano-based crescendos. Two and Bear are perhaps the albums most marketable songs, but the true pinnacle comes with the last track, appropriately titled “Epilogue”. More stripped down than the other songs, a gently struck guitar hears Silberman cry, “But you return to me at night, just when I think I may have fallen asleep”. After so many unanswered sorrows, the suggestion of a comfort found within a false dream seems strangely uplifting. And so upon listening to Silberman’s story, you can’t help but wonder how he and Justin Vernon and any other artist who’s pain has catalysed their work feels – is it worth it? I’d hope that the subtle ardency flowing throughout this whole album would render you thinking that the answer is yes. Simon Roach

music@gairrhydd.com / 43

music-singles

FUCK BUTTONS Surf Solar ATP Recordings

Fuck Buttons preview their forthcoming second album with this edited single, and it sounds like death on a dancefloor. It's ear crippling, and it's fantastic.. PG

Trey Songz ft. Soulja Boy & Gucci Mane

LOL :) Atlantic Records

One day I fear all music will sound like this piece of auto-tuned, lazily written dirge. Expect to hear it in Walkabout. SS

Metric

singleoftheweek: Metric

Sick Muse Last Gang Records

Sick Muse is no mould-breaker. The second single from this year's 'Fantasies' shows off all the big hooks and catchy melodies we've come to expect from Metric- but something a little more substantial wouldn't go amiss. PG

Mariachi el Bronx Cell Mates Wichita Records

Radiohead

Harry Patch (A Tribute) Self-Released No other band could treat their subject matter so appropriately; Radiohead offer a moving tribute to the last British survivor of WW1, and it's suitably poignant. PG

Hardcore-punk? Reinvention? The Bronx return as a mariachi band, and it's a jaunty success. We can only applaud for some serious confidence and a will to break the mould. PG

I Heart Hiroshima Got Bones Valve Records

One for the KIDS! Spiky poppunked and a simple nature make it easy to digest, but also make it a bit, you know rubbish. SW

44 / music@gairrhydd.com

Radiohead

goinggoing out out

What's going Cardiff?

you out. Don't say we

First launched in 2007, Cardiff’s dedicated student dance night has only gone from strength to strength. At their weekly packed out residency at Clwb Ifor Bach or The Welsh Club, expect heavy doses of up to the minute house, electro and techno tunes. Upstairs Cardiff University’s very own One Mission society can be found banging out the drum and bass and dubstep. World class acts grace the decks on a monthly basis and in the last year included the likes of Erol Alkan, DJ Yoda, James Zabiela, Plump DJs and Fake Blood. With capacity being reached on a weekly basis, CYNT never disappoints.

don't treat you...

Facebook: CYNT Cardiff

Bored of the same old commercial club scene? Fancy something different? Luckily the Jack

Doran is here to sort

Where’s the jungle? Ask Aperture. If drum and bass is your game then these guys will dictate your clubbing calendar this year. A group of highly skilled DJs and MCs comprise the Aperture ‘family’ and can be found in venues across the city. Not to be missed are Apertures massive takeovers at the Union featuring all the best of Hospital Records. The group, now counting a clothing line and radio station amongst their conquests, will no doubt continue to dominate the scene for years to come. Recent names to have featured on their line ups include High Contrast, Goldie, Noisia, Total Science, Commix and Calibre. Facebook: Aperture Official

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going out

Imagine Aperture’s phatter, dirtier sister and you’ll find Neuropol, purveyors of the grimiest beats in Cardiff. With nights being held largely at Undertone and The Welsh Club, they bring some of the biggest names in dubstep to the city. Last year saw massive bookings including Skream, Benga, Caspa and N-type in sell out events. They also have a growing team of resident DJs more than happy to make you stomp and wobble. Tagged as ‘The University of Bass’, you won’t be able to resist the raucous goings on Neuropol are renowned for. Facebook: Neuropol

Cardiff University’s TRAFFIC society has big plans for the coming year. Forget what you thought you knew about clubbing as these students bring the party back. To the soundtrack of techno, electro, house and breaks, expect to find games, face painting, fancy dress and a healthy splattering of UV paint all under one roof. As a great opportunity to meet people addicted to the party and suffering from cravings for hedonism, TRAFFIC's events are not to be missed.

Another university society, the One Mission crew are here for all your dubstep and drum & bass needs. Boasting weekly residencies at The Welsh Club as well as Fun Factory at the Union, One Mission has a dedicated fan base. Last year they packed venues with the likes of Skream, Mistabishi and 23DJ as well as running cheeky parties in a local warehouse and in a forest. Expect big bookings and hoards of friendly people at One Mission’s regular nights.

Facebook: TRAFFIC Cardiff

Facebook: ONE MISSION Cardiff Universities Student Underground Music Society

goingout@gairrhydd.com/47

film

Film Location

From the multi-million pound blockbusters to the underground film scene, Cardiff has it all. Lloyd Griffiths goes in search of the best places to indulge in your cinematic cravings....

Chapter One of the warmer cinema experiences, with old style screening rooms of no more than 30 seats. It offers a wide range of independent cinema as well as regular film festival and international screenings; well worth the walk.

CineWorld The best of the biggies, offers an awesome range of the best blockbusters as well as smaller movies

48/film@gairrhydd.com

film

KHole @ the Atrium A brand new night courtesy of Glamorgan uni and open to all, the K-hole is set to stage some of the best free films you haven't heard of. Starting with My Winnipeg on 10th October.

The Mackintosh The film society is ramping up its showings this year, with the best guilty pleasures on the Other tuesday in the back of the Maccy.

Milgi's As well as its own film night, the Uni Film Society screens film in the comfy surroundings of the Milgi's yurt every other Tuesday. Perfect for atmosphere films as well as a cosy night out with top Cocktails. See Tzamati there on September

Graduate Films @ the Union A unknown gem of the Union (Its got lovely seating and a general oxfordish feel to it) The graduate centre show films regularly and as far as i know they are free.

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film

Cannes Film Festival

In May, the 62nd annual Cannes Film Festival was held. Steve Wright takes a look at the highlights from the Glastonbury of the film festival calendarâ&#x20AC;Ś

50 /film@gairrhydd.com

1 INGLORIOUS BASTARDS

film

RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Chances are that you’ve already seen it if you’re reading this, but anyway, I digress. Tarantino’s latest received a mixed response from the Cannes faithful, rendering its chances of emulating Pulp Fiction’s 1994 Palme d’Or as unlikely. Still, with its hilariously skewered take on wartime Europe, excessively gratuitous violence and talented cast (Brad Pitt in particular impresses), expect this to be a big hit. Starring: Brad Pitt, Michael Fassbender, Eli Roth. Watch this if you like: Natural Born Killers, Tropic Thunder, Rio Bravo

2 LOOKING FOR ERIC RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

Like many others showcased at Cannes, Ken Loach’s masterpiece has come and gone from the big screen. The good news is that the DVD release isn’t too far off, so in case you missed it first time round, you’ll finally be able to bear witness to the deity that is King Eric, stating what we already know: I’m not a man; I am Cantona. Starring: Eric Cantona, Steve Evets. Watch this if you like: Billy Eliot, Kes, There’s Only One Jimmy Grimble.

“

I am not a man; I am Cantana

3 ANTICHRIST RELEASE DATE: OUT NOW

”

Of this film, the beacon of moral hygiene that is the Daily Mail screamed: ‘The man who made this horrible, misogynistic film needs to be a shrink.’ A promising start, as anything that pisses off the Mail is on to a winner in my book. With highly graphic sex scenes and extreme violence, this promises not to be for the faint-hearted. Starring: Willem Dafoe, Charlotte Gainsbourg. Watch this if you like: erm…I really don’t know. Look it’s a very strange film, okay?

4 TAKING WOODSTOCK

5 UP

Synopsising the true story of Woodstock music festival, director Ang Lee once again enters new territory in a film that looks set to turn the rulebook on its head. Wolverine and Defiance musclehead Liev Schreiber plays a hippie transvestite, for example. With a mixture of old heads and endearing young talent, Taking Woodstock could well be the sleeper hit of 2009.

Another joint Pixar/Disney venture, this was the first animated feature to open Cannes, an accolade in itself. Directed by Pete Docter of Monsters Inc. fame, Up was released in the US in May, and currently has a 97% ‘Fresh’ rating on Rotten Tomatoes, which includes a four-star review from Roger Ebert. So yeah, the general consensus is that this is pretty good. Watch this if you like: Bolt, The Nightmare Before Christmas, Howl’s Moving Castle.

RELEASE DATE: NOVEMBER 16

Starring: Emile Hirsch, Liev Schreiber, Eugene Levy, Imelda Staunton. Watch this if you like: Juno, Little Miss Sunshine,

RELEASE DATE: OCTOBER 9

film@gairrhydd.com /51

film

Public Enemies dir: Michael Mann cast: Johnny Depp, Christian Bale, Marion Cotillard. out now, 139 mins

ou’d have to look seriously hard to find a finer actor in than Johnny Depp at this moment in time. Every role is performed with meticulous precision, and his latest turn as legendary bank robber John Dillinger is no exception. Set during the Great Depression in the 1930s, Public Enemies chronicles Dillinger’s transformation into a modern-day Robin Hood figure, juxtaposed against J. Edar Hoover’s FBI, led by Melvin Purvis (Bale) attempts to bring him in. Whilst Depp’s performance undoubtedly galvanises the film, it does to a degree paper over the cracks. At nearly two and a half hours, it does drag at times, a fact not helped by the large cast of nondescript characters who come and go without fanfare. A memorable performance is given by This Is

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England star Stephen Graham as the psychotic ‘Baby Face’ Nelson, which somewhat compensates for the rather dour showing from Christian Bale, who seems to be struggling to rekindle his early promise. Saying this, Public Enemies isn’t a bad movie. Hell, Depp’s performance alone is worth the admission price, as is the at times remarkable attention to detail as an emphasis is clearly placed on historical accuracy. Just don’t expect more beyond that.

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen dir: Michael Bay cast: Shia LaBoeuf, Megan Fox, John Turturro. out now, 150 mins

or those of you who can’t be bothered to read the whole review, Revenge of the Fallen can be quickly summed up in relation to the first movie: more sentient, shape-

changing robots; more explosions; more landmarks getting destroyed, and more Megan Fox. With less clothes. Now I don’t have a problem with brainless action movies. The first Transformers did exactly what it said on the tin: big fighting robots + big explosions = great success. No finesse, no matter, there was just enough plot to perform. However, there’s only so many explosions that can detract from the complete absence of any linear storytelling narrative; I was even yawning as Michael Bay made Decepticonmeat of the Pyramids, presumably to add to the collection of world landmarks he has obliterated that also includes the Eiffel Tower, Pearl Harbour and the Empire States Building. Not even a likeable cast (apart from LaBoeuf, who grinds my gears as much as ever) can save Revenge of the Fallen from being crushed under the gargantuan weight of its own nonsense. Leaving your brain at home becomes more of a requisite than an option. As the saying goes, it may be big, but it sure isn’t clever.

film

The Hangover dir: Todd Philips cast: Bradley Cooper, Zach Galifianakis, Ed Helms. out now, 100 mins

o be honest, the basic premise of The Hangover sounds a bit shit: guys go to Vegas; guys get wasted and lose groom; guys encounter much hilarity etc and so forth. Thankfully, director Todd Phillips manages to subvert these not unreasonably low expectations crafting what turns out to be the funniest movie of the summer. The cast of predominantly unknowns (only Bradley Cooper is recognisable as that complete bastard from Wedding Crashers) impress throughout: Galifianakis provides much of the laughs as the garishly bearded weirdo brother-in-law, and Ed Helms plays the stooge perfectly as the hen-pecked dentist who is perhaps the most affected by the night’s merriments; ending up minus a tooth and plus a marriage to a lovely but loopy stripper (played with welcome enthusiasm by Heather

Graham). The humour is as blunt as it comes: tigers are humped; naked Chinese gangsters locked in boots; and the awesome Dan Band (who you may recognise from Old School) make a welcome appearance with their unique brand of cover songs plus pointless swearing. Every moment is a punch line, every situation hilarity, and few jokes miss their spot. Phillips deserves the highest commendation for turning an apparently dodgy script into the funniest film since Knocked Up. Two thumbs up.

Brüno dir: Larry Charles cast: Sacha Baron Cohen, Gustaf Hammarsten. out now, 139 mins

ollowing on from the success of 2006’s Borat, Sacha Baron Cohen returns to the big screen with his most recent creation, Brüno: a gay Austrian fashionista with a burning ambition to become ‘the biggest Aus-

trian celebrity since Hitler.’ Thus begins Brüno’s quest for fame, blazing a trail as he manages to outrage everyone from TV directors, predominantly-black talkshow audiences, Hamas leaders and Harrison Ford. The laughs come flying thick and fast, with Baron Cohen never once breaking character as he not only lampoons the increasingly ludicrous obsession with celebrity, but also exposes some if its more worrying traits: this a world where, as we see, some parents are more than willing to have their child go through increasingly ridiculous scenarios in order to become famous. I just hope the mother who was apparently fine with her son being dressed as a Nazi whilst pushing another baby dressed as a Jew into an oven was in on the joke. Borat broke almost every taboo known to man; Brüno goes one step further by emphatically shattering any that were left intact the first time around. Needless to say then, that if you are in any way easily offended, leave this well alone. You really won’t like it. Those of you with a sense of humour however, will find yourselves well catered for.

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film

Best film for... ...Forming an unexplained attachment to a piece of stationary:

...Brightening your day:

...Scarring you into the afterlife:

OFFICE SPACE (1999)

LITTLE MISS SUNSHINE (2006)

ZOMBIE STRIPPERS (2008)

It’s not often that a film allows an item of stationary to reach cult status. But that is exactly what Office Space has done for red swing-line staplers. From a mumbling, staplerobsessed psychopath, a passive aggressive boss, to an extremely temperamental printer; this film parodies the everyday frustrations of life in a nine to five office job. Peter Gibbons is an employee at computer company Initech, and cannot think of anything worse. However, when his hypno-therapist has a heart attack in the middle of a session, he is left in a state of total relaxation and begins to spend his days playing tetris, gutting fish at his desk, or simply sleeping in. Although, his new attitude somehow grants him a big promotion, his friends Samir and Michael get laid off. And so, set to an ironic soundtrack of hardcore gangster rap, Peter and his unappreciated computer nerd co-workers set loose a virus in Initech and so wreak a little bit of justice. This is one for the underdog, or anyone who has had a boss they would love to kick in the face. So, is that everyone then?

Brightening. Little Miss Sunshine. Get it? Yeah? Okay, well, anyway this film is about a family’s journey to grant Olive, the little girl, her dream to compete in the Little Miss Sunshine beauty pageant. But this is no ordinary family, and this is no ordinary journey: I mean what could possibly happen when Olive’s stressed out chain-smoking mother; sex-obsessed grandfather with a heroin addiction; suicidal, gay, Proust-scholar uncle; unsuccessful

Approach with caution and finish all food before even starting to consider watching this one, but do keep forks at the ready so you can stab your eyes out at any moment. The one good thing about this film is that it does absolutely what it says on the tin; it’s about strippers that turn into zombies, and that pretty much sums up the plot. The first half of this film consists of a pole and the obligatory nude gyrations expected from the title. However, when Jenna Jameson turns into a zombie and starts to infect the rest of the strip club, things rapidly degenerate from worse to worst ever. Clutch your forks tightly from this point on. Limbs fly, guts splurge, heads are ripped in two, blood squirts from every orifice (and yes, I do mean every) – and that’s just during the strip tease. The strippers soon seduce their victims into the back room and gnaw off their ahem, meat and two veg, for dessert. Tasty eh? So, watch if you will (forkless or otherwise) but don’t say I didn’t warn you.

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If you don't enjoy the film you will enjoy the VW bus

motivational-speaker father; and emo teen brother under an oath of silence are confined in a malfunctioning VW bus for any length of time? I should tell you that it’s even more surprising than you think it’s going to be, and it’s a feel-good one of a kind. And if you don’t enjoy the film (and I can’t imagine why not), you will at least enjoy the VW bus. It’s bright yellow. Like sunshine.

going out

September 21 - Club Night: Vodka Island - Tiger Tiger

14 - She Keeps Bees + Twi The Humble Feather + Attack Pattern 10 Feet Tall

21 - Club Night: Fun Factory - Solus

15 - Fact + All The Damn Vampires - Barfly

22 - Boxer Rebellion – Barfly

15 - The Used - Solus

22 - Club Night: Naked Tuesdays – Jumpin Jaks

15 - Soy Un Caballo + The Gentle Good + Le B - Buffalo Bar 16 - Times New Viking + Banjo or Freakout + Gindrinker Buffalo Bar 16 - Club Night: The Lash - Solus 16 - Club Night: C-Y-N-T - Clwb Ifor Bach 17 - Slow Club + Swimwear Juniors + First Aid Kit + Hunks Barfly

A^hi^c\h HZe &) " '-

23 - Capital City Ska – Barfly 23 - Club Nights: Cheapskates - Metros 24 - And So I Watch You From A Far + Chapters + Circa Regna Tonat Barfly 24 - Simian Mobile Disco - Solus 24 - Exit International Clwb Ifor Bach 24 - Lovvers - Buffalo Bar

17 - Gallops - Buffalo Bar

24 - Tony Woods Project - Café Jazz

18 - L.A. Guns - TJ's, Newport

24 - Seth Lakeman - The Globe

18 - Club Night: Boombox - Solus

24 - Club Night: Bounce - Walkabout

19 - Darren Hayman and the Secondary Modern + Poppy and Friends + Pagan Wanderer Lu - Clwb Ifor Bach

25 - Zico Chain + Spiridion - Barfly

19 - Club Night: Comeplay - Solus

25 - William Francis Clwb Ifor Bach

20 - Monday Massacre + The Kept + The Hotel Ambush - Barfly

25 - Club Night: Essential - Oceana

21 - Fei Comodo + Don Broco + Hands Of Hate + My Life In The Knife Trade - Barfly 21 - Inner City Pirates + Elephants - 10 Feet Tall

25 - Goldblade - TJ's, Newport

26 - The Years Gone By + Paige - TJ's, Newport 26 - The Hot Melts + Get Out Clause - Barfly 26 - Nodzzz - Buffalo Bar 27 - Twin Atlantic - Clwb Ifor Bach

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