2002 1 by Galenicals

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CONTENTS 2 3 4 7 8

A WORD FRONI THE EX.PRESIDENT

AVICENNA

- HOW DOES OUR COURSE WORK? - BPICRAI'HY STUDY

. EYE ON THE WORLD OF NIEDICINE IO. I,EAGUE TABLES EXPLAINED 12 . ASK UNCLE (;ARGAN 13. MEDICAL JOKES 14 - NMET TIIE DEMONSTRATORS 15 . SPORTS CLUB DINNER 16 . MEDICS BALL 18 . BOOK REVItrWS

20 - NANTES 21 - MEDIC SPORT

24. CLI\ICAL R,EVUE 20 - \4EDICS SKI TRIP 27. CHI. BB'S CRUBB & RESTAURANT REVIEW 28 . MEDICAL

surreal, the inteGsting m$e i&!t!4!ed! and all at rhe loss of only a few sponsorsl As we rol over to lllak-a]:,iva].f0iiji{.rcw frcsh faced pan of editors. we thank al1 thos. vho $rbmifi eit€iticlesr l't and 2"" 2 ' years (who we do not know the 1"'and wel enough to yell at). so pull l]ii iilseat, sit back a.d rclc.rse youselfwithin lhe experience. Black Bag, ihe leged lives on...

poking pcople with sricks so they would wrile for us. I'm so gratetul iat'tliiiitd,

whopuipentop.rper,andlhosewhodidn'twillfeelguill)forever.Hopefitlr:l..,. This edition fertures a couple ofrery impofaDt and well-researched':'.: rl pieces ir rehiion Lo ourcourse.lfyou want to unders!.tnd our league table ranting and want to know what exams counl for what. thcn I suggest you have a gander. 1t has comc 1() pass that ourdelicate philosophy ol proiessionalism has fashioned a mxgazine, which not only brings a smile 1() your weary che€k but also feeds that tcxtbook rddled brain with enlightening and inleresting medical titbits. Not to mention photos ofyoul mates doing sill) thingsl This is hopefully a philolophy that will li\'e on in the next pair ofeditors md ior many yeais to

Matt Edwards

#41 .-\,i

7 hofessor ,Iohn Farndon lr $ould not b€ righl !o slan ttus rssue ol Bldck Bag wilhour pa) ing tnbute lo Profe$or Jobn Famdon. who died.lragicail) and ly, on Wednesday 6d February, wh il sr waiting to hear an address fmm the Vice Chancellor in 829- Some of us will have known h;m well, as students on his firn or penonal tutees: others less well. as a surgical lecturer, Elective and FiRh Year Co ordinator. But I lhink all of us knew him, or knew of him. in some way. He always had time and energy for students, and was tirelessly enthusiastic about oul education. Hewillbe hugely missed by so nany people - his fanily, ftiends, coleagues, patients and the students of this Medical School. H€ was a great man and a great teacher, and our thoughs are with his family. I know his wife is very gateful for the lette.s and cards she has received. It has been suggested that an El€ctive prize or bursary might be set up in his memory, but lhis is not definite yet. There is going to be a Memoial Service in the summer term, at which everyone is very welcome. sudden

Laum Gosling

A word from the ex-president The good news about Easter is that it signifies the stan of a new Calenicals Committee our with the old weary cronies, in with the new fresh faces. Jules Sanday has taken over ftom me as President. and I'm sure she and the new commi$ee vill be brilliant. When I became President a year ago, quite a number of p€ople said how surprised they were, and thal lhey "could picture me better in the Lizard lrunge than in meetings aboul medical education". I'm sure my housemaEs, whom I have tri€d (but failed, I fear) not to bore to death with medical politics, can vouch for my enthusiasm for the subject these days. (Although I can'tdeny that lhe Lounge still features in my life as well.) So,I will divide my summing up ofthe pa$ year oworkandplay.

Play first. This side of ftings has been immaculately organised by a brilliant committee (plus countless other people). from the Revues and the Ball to Spons matches and dinners, Nantes, CLIC, nights in the DHB' ski trips, Cor?us evenings and freshers' events. None of these things would happen without vast amounts of work from masses of people, and I think it is this level of enthusiasm, talent and willingn€ss lo gel involved that makes our medical school so special Soperhaps youcouldalljustgiveeachotherabigpatonthe back. .. On the work side of things, Brisrol Medical School is about to change forever, wilh the arival of 230 students in october 2002. E29 and L4 will be bursring at the seams - extended at the back, in fact - and that will be the least of the changes. The arrival of the new students will coincide \rith the setting up of'Clinical Academies", which are a few steps up from peripheral attachmenh, with more lecture / tutorial tras€d teaching deliver€d out of Bristol. Cur1€ntly, these look like they will b€ in Bath, weston, Swindon. Taunton / Yeovil, Chelrenham / Gloucester, UBHT and North Bristol. Unfonunately, over th€ next few yea$. we are going to lose most of our seaside placements to the new Peninsulai Medical School (based in Exeter / Plymouth / Truro). On€ of the biggest things that our committee has done, and the new commiltee will undoubtedly continue, is to be involved in the Clinical Academy platr|rin8. Do contact them via Jules or yow year rep if you are interested. One last word to th€ girlies apparently too many belly buttons are being flashed on the wards, and it's puttinS the old men's blood pressures uP! Just a ro prevenr a formal dress code creeping in...

"aming

You'll all be pleased to h€ar lhat I will no longer

filling your inbox€s with my emails... Thank you to everyone who

helped either me. the commitlee, our teaching staff or the Med School this year, in any way, however hDge or appreciated.

Gnzz

has

tiny. It really is

..l ABU ALI AL-HUSSAIN IBN ABDALLAH IBN SINA AI'ICENNA. TI'E GREAT PIIYSICIAN After the great Greek physicians such

as Hippoc.ates and his compatriots. therc was very little in the form of scientific activity in Europe during the so called 'dark ageJ. But anorher civfization had staned to flourish in the East. Tbe Isiamic civilization sFead faidy rapidly. until it sFetched from the Indian subcontinent in the East, until Spain, including all of the lberian peninsula. The Muslims valued the sciences, and excelled in such field as alchemy, mathematics and, of course, medicirc, Avicenna (*a Ibn Sina) stood out from all other physicians of his iime. Not merely

because of h;s nedical and philosophical brilliance, bui also due to the conflict in his

personaliry. Bom io a govemment official in Bukhara (present day Uzbekistan) in 980, he was a child prodigy and had memonsed the Ko.an by the age of 10. He staned his interest in rnedicine at the age of 16, famously desc.ibing rnedicine as "not difficult" in one of his diaries. It is clear he excelled in medicin€. and the fact that he was summoned to be court physician to the ruler of the province at the age of I 8 berrs testimony to this. He has Foduced many works in philosophy and medicjne, but his most influential work is, by far, the Cdon ofnedicine (frorn Arabic Qarun =law). Avicenna wandered around until be rcached Ray, nedr nodem Tehertrn and established a busy medical praclice. wlen Ray was besieged. lbn Sina fled to Hamadan where he cured Amir Shrmsud Dawala of colic trnd was made Prime Minister, A nutiny of soldiers against him caused his dismissal and imprisonnenl but subsequently the Amir. being again attacked by the colic, summoned him back, apologised and reinstaGd him! Avicenna was sa;d to have had a hedonistic lifestyle, ,nd it may have been his love of alcohol atrd women which ultimately led to his early death in 1036 in Hamadan, Ir3n- "I pr€I€r a short life with width ro a narrow one with leryth" is the reply Avicenna would give to all who told h;m to slow down. Bul it was a case of wo* hard, play hard for him and he is said to have produced a total of I 9 works in the medical ficld alone. The work contains about one nillion words dd like most Arabic books, is elaborately divided and subdivided. The main division is into five books, of which the finjt deals with general pnnciplcs; the second with simple d gs aranged alphabeticalty; the thnd with diseases ofparticular organs and membcrs of the body from the head to the foot; the fourth with diseases which thoBgh local in their incepdon spread to other parts of the body, such as feven and the fifth with compound medicines. The QaNn distinguishes nediastinitis fron pleuns] ,nd recognises the conlagious nature ofphthisis (tuberculosis of the lung) aDd the spread of dise$e by watd and soil.It gives a scientific diagnosis of ankylostomiasis and attributes the condition to ,n intestinal wom. The Qanun points out the imporiarce of dietetics, the influence of clinate dnd environment on healfi and the surgical use of oral anaesthetics. lbn Sina advised surgeons to reat cancer in its earliest stages, ensuring the renoval of all dre diseased tissue- The Qdun's nateria medica considers some 760 drugs. with conments on thei. appli@tion dd effectivenessHe recommended the testing of a new drug on animals and hunas pnor to general useIbn Sina noted the close relationship between emotions dd the physical condition ,nd felt that music had a definite physical and psycholog;cal effect on patienls. Of &e many psychological disorders that he described in the Qdnun, one is of unusual interest lovc sickness! Ibn Sina is reputed to have diagnosed this condition in a Prince in Jurjrn who lay sn k dJ who'e mrlrd) had bdllled local docror'. lbn Sim noled a fluflering in the Prinres pulse when the address and name of his beloved were mentioned. The Ereat doctor had a sinple remedy: unite the sufferer with the beloved. The Arabic text of the Qanun was published in Rome in 1593 and was therefore one of the earliest Arabic books to see prinl- Ii was traDslated into Latin by Gerad ofcrenona in the l2th century. This 'Canon', with its encyclopaedic content, its systematic anangement and philosophical plan, soon worked its way into a posilion of pre-eminence in tbe nedical litemture of the age disptacing the works of Galen, al Raz i dd aI Majusi, and becoming the text book for med;cal education in the schools of Europe. In the last 30 years of the l5th century it passed through I 5 Latin editions and one Hebrew. In recent yers, a prnial translarion into English was made. From the I 2th I 7th century, the Qanun served as dle chief guide to Medical Science in the west and is said to have bfluenc€d t€onardo da Vinci. In the words of Dr. William Osler. the Qanun has remained "a medical bible for a longer time thatr any other work".

Dedicated lo the memory of Professor John Farndon, who had a passion for nedical history and encouraged me to pursue this field.

Haider Al-Naiiar

'How to make a Doctor in iust frve vears' STEP 1:

redr

You all know how lhis works by now (Hop€fullyt)

STEP 2 Year

Once they

tPlen removed from halls of residence and

relocated to va.ious over-priced houses stuffed with roo many students, and even more empty beer cans, teaching systems orienied medicine beghs. Altematively, don't bother goiog and consulr Mosby Crash Coulses' for each system. The .espiralor) \) srem. The renal system, The gastrointestinal system After Christmas they wil have three weeks of getting Iost in hospitals. discovering what a chesl X,ray looks like and. more importantly, wha! a parienr srnells like. After rhis rhey will be happy to retum to the safety and carheGr-bag free E29. Here bore thern wilh neural pathways not even rhe grearesr consultants can ever recalt. At the end of the year don't forget to add in an SSM. Il is the first of many, which will b€ needed. The cMC (General Medical Council) have declared that, in order tum out qualiry docroN, studenrs require ptenry of opportunity for 'selJ-directed lealldng'. They recommend l/3 of rhe cuniculum be devoted ro SSMS, and so, it is. What firn! STEP 3

year 3. Clinlcal Medicine Begins......... (for all those smart enough not to intercalet€! !)

Divide into three pans and let loose in three hospitals - BRI, Frenchay and Sourhmead. Here they will complete their frst clinical attachmenr, Medicin€ and Surgery. This involves I2 blissful weeks of weaing whire coars whilsi spending endless hours wairing around for teaching. Provide rwo weeks of inEgrated teaching to give rhem a chance to socialize and mix in the lecrute theatres agdn. Finish the first term with an OCSE - an exam without fill-in booklets with lick-down comers, but real patients and doctors. It should be an hour long, but dont expec! rhem to diagnose or treat. They just need to be able ro recognize the basics, such as a patienl a reflex, an X-Ray, etc. For the next term, divide inro new thirds for: Musculodkeletsa, Csre of the Eldery and Psychlaary. Complete each topic with an OCSE. Finish off the year wilh an exam of MCQS and written quesrions covering all aspects of 3d year teaching - general nedicine and surgery, diabetes week, disability week and the clinical speciahies. NB don't forget ahe 3rd Yerr SSM - this is divided into thrce one week blocks interspersed in the second term as well as a wonderful four-week block in the summer. It is up to the students wherher they do two small projects or, one large project, but in past some wonderful holidays have made grcat SSMS!! STEP 4

Yeer 4r Drag ahe fourth yeaIs back in August, divide into thirds, let th€m throw away their white coats, Iesr rhey be mistaken for third yea$, and liberally reach for blocks of 20 weeks without bleak. This will wear them out, bur good prepamtion forb€ing house-officers. Subjects to be raught aod exams given: Pathology + DenDatology + Anaesth€tics - wrirren exam, POSCE, SSM Obs and Gynse - 4 x workbooks, MCQq SSM, erhics presentarion COMP - clinicslly oriented medicine (pa€diatrics, cP and public heatth) Failur€ of Obs and Cobs resulrs in lose of rhe fifrh yeat elective - so beN)arcl STEP S

Yesr 5...After four \r'€eks ofholiday for the month of August spr€ad the fifth year's far-and wide ro pracrice what they have leamed. Yes, indeed, for two splendid rnonths the fifth years can be anywhere in rhe wortd they like for rhe famous "Bl€ctive". Come Novemt'er th€ sun-kiss€d and travel-worn will rerum to be slipped, for the last time. into thirds for 8 weeks of m€dicine, 8 we€ks of surgery, 8 weeks of SSM, oncology and palliarive care_

Fin.ls....a they aI lived happily ever alter... At the moment, finals consist of a written paper on medicine and surgery - eirhs MCQS and *riften answerc , or only

MCQS (this has not y€t been decided). There is also an OSCE (shon case) and an OSLER (tong case). Atthough ranking is based on years I -4, qualification requires passing finals and students must pmve themselves on rhe day. Once they have done this, only then will they be allowed to wear a white coat below thef knees.

How does th€ matching sch€me work? At the end of the fourth year, all criteria needed for the matching scheme for house jobs will b€ conplere. Allfrst attempt of exams taken up to lhis point (brt nol SSM narks) are added up and divided to give a summative mark. This mark is used for ranting in the great-and gmd 'MATCHING SCHEME.

nff*r

Hence, the exam resulls of each yeff are totaled into marks our of

lm.

These ar€ rhen averaged like so give our iotal

mnking:

I 2 3 Y€ar 4

Year

- 3 total mdrks, each out of 100 (arse!) - 2 total marks. each out of 100 - 6. total narks. each out of 100 - 4, total marks, each out of l0O Total potential mark = 1500 Divided to give an average = each srudent's rank If you completed a BSc, this adds 5 marks to the sunmative mark.

Y€ar Y€ar

Everyone lists their choices of job and rotation from I to 60. Rotations are divided into two, six-month placements or ttuee, four-month plac€ments. All the positions then receive nolice of the applicanls put them down as their frst choice. Th€y then call these students up for interview and througb a combinalion of CV, Rank and interview skills (equaly balanced) this subtle and extr€mely effectiv€ system shumes everyone so rhey ger a position. This year.409, of the fifth year got their first choic€ and many were not far off! Although it may seem a like acomplicated system, the beauty ofit is that applications go in on a Friday, interviews are on Monday andjoblisrs are up by the next Friday. So, at least it is quick and, hopefully not too painful.

Elrily Tlrer

*AAEDSKIN" THE

ttti.a -lq.quoNAI- DERMAToLocy MEETING FoR MEDIcAL STUDENTS UNIV€PSITY @ WA€S COLLEa€ OF II€DIANE CARDIFF 22nd ond 23rd JUNE 2002 THIS YEAR DON'T MISS OUT (Owrbooked in 2001) HAVE A GREAT CARDIFF WEEKEND FREE BAR

- FREE BED - FREE FOOD

5AIL THROUoH SKIN EXAAAS ACE LECTURERS FRO,IA sIX SCHOOIj "Rcsh diognosis - Eee Zec g\ide" - 'ER Dcrrnotology" - 'IAEDICAL "Skin HIV"ser( dnd skin" - "Whot you'll pr€scribc in 2011" - "Prize Quiz" "Will yOU 6"t Skin Conc?'r?" - 'Crcdms con cous? choos" "Sherlock Holtnzs Dernrotology - skin clu.s' - 'And:ingly rvcird.osh"s" "Doy of the Triffids - Plonts ond Skin" - 'How crecpy-crowli"s gEt you" "Rubber leolher neiol ond ski'l" - - AND/IANY^ORE Only €25 registroiion - no hore lo payl Your chonce to presenf ot this notio.ol n€elilEl Posters A orol preserfotions welcome describing denn electives, d€rm proj.cis, "tc. Limited ploces: Book yours now! Furiher info from: Mrs Joy Hoyes, Deportmeht of Dernotology, Uhiversiiy of Wdes College of Medicine, Heath Park, Cardiff CF14 4XN Telt O29 2074 2aa4/4721Foxt O29 2074 4312, e-mcil:HAyESJ@cf-oc.uk

LrcruRs Norus oN CLINICAL PH,qnuacorocv Sixdr Edirion John L Reid, P Rubin & Brian Whiting ISBN 0632050772 328 ?age', ilhriated ?aPdbarh, Js e 2001, tt 5 95

Rorrr's

ESsENTIAL IMMUNoLocY

Gnth Edition Ivan Roitt & Peter J Delves ISBN 0632059028 496 Page', illv't dbd PdPoback, J*t ESSENTIAL

2001, t24.95

ENnoczuNorocv

Fourth Edition Charles G D Brook & Nicholas J Marshall ISBN 0632056150 192 pagcs, illutratcd papctbacl, Julr 2001,

tl7

EssENrur HAEMATOLoGY Founh Edition A Vctor Hoffbrarrd, John Pettit & Paul Moss I9BN 0632051531 360

pages,

ilkstnted papefiach' Augur 2001' t19 95

LEcruRE NorEs oN Mortcut-rn MrptctNe Second Edition Joho R Bradlcy, David RJohnson 6c Devid Rubenstein ISEN 06j2055390 t52 paga, Ill*wxd papabatlz, August 200t'

tt1.95

LBcrunn NorEs oN CARDIoLocY Fourth Edition Huon Gray, K D Dawkins, I A Simpson 6r John

Morgn

ISBN 0865428646 2sB pages, Illurtated paperbach, Septenber 200I '

f,l5 95

LEctunr NotBs oN PAEDIATRIcS Seventh Edition Roy Meadow & Simon Newell ISBN 0632050659 264 pa4et, llhraated paperbatk' Otober

2001,

ANAToMY AT A GLANCE Omar Faiz & David Moffat ISBN 06i2a5%46 15s ?.t!es, Ill srated P'lPerbacb, Decmtu

2001'

I14 95

4.95

The Student Lecture Epiqraph!44dE!4llation Proiect rSLEEP) Studvr A preljminarv report

ABSTRACT Introduction. What do sludenls think oflectures? Lots ofmethods

have been used to attempt to find this out (questionnajres,liason groups, shows ofhands. etc). This study uses a so far n€glected method of analysis: epigraphy. the

study ofinscriptions.

M€thod. Random sample ofdesk inscriptions were taken from Lecture Theatre

1.4, and analysed.

Results. The obvious (there's nore at the back), ihe less obvious (ihere's sorne that's quile furny in the middle somewhere), and the hightening (there are some very disturbed medical students out there). Discuss:on, More research is needed. The SLEEP study urgently requires more funding to carD n out'

INTRODUCTION This study was set up to investigate the value of epigraphy for research into medical education. This is an unlapped resource of feedback (also far more honest that randorDly licking boxes on a feedback fom). It is also an area in whicb theory is currently underdeveloped. (W}lere, for instance. are the discussions of the 'student bench' relationship. or of 'graffitistratification'?). W}lal, indeed, would the rnedical historian do for a 'I hate, herbology' from the desk ofthe young Sir William Osler, or 'anatomy is boring' scratched by the student Vesalius?

MEII{ODS Random samples we.e talen of epigraphic material throughout the lectue theatre 1.4. The graffrd was recorded using both tncing-paper technology and straight copying. Due to the geliminary, indeed pioneering, nature of this stddy, we were more concemed to generate hypotheses and questions for future research. We used gounded theory ie we made it up as we went along.

Methodoloeical issues Collection and use of data gave rise to mdny fundamedal questions. The most frequent being. why an I doing ihis?' These kind of metaphysical questions lead sevenl co-workers to withtuaw ftom the study, and to go back to eating thei lunch. Validitv - How generalisable could results be? Presumably not every student defaces then desk - most are asleep. E!!i!! - Had those responsible for the graffiri given their consent io their work being used in this study? would we be sued for libel fol repeating sone remark about sheep shagging? Would we win? RESIJ'LTS The following categories suggest themselves as useful for a multifactorial. multidirnensional and sociopsychobiopatholosical analysis: Sadness... Happiness IFGB24/501 'My hean is broken' Sadness... Cool [BHG99/06] 'Raw I'11 give it to ya wirh no

l) 2)

trivia...'

3) Cheesiness [\rFB23l09] 'I like che€se, especially edan' 4) Infomativity [FMM98/00 'Onion Badje€: It's bhaji actualy' 5) Abuse... Pnise [PSM65/82] 'XXXX must be a lesbian' 6) Heated political debate [TFB77|97] 'Labor won!!! 1.5.97 < you cock' 7) Some realy coot doodles 'Respect to .hat picture I' 8)

And, ofcourse, sex and bestiality

DISCUSSION Clearly there is much more research that needs to be done into these Foducts of fertile and alert young minds Furiher studies planned include: What do we think ofletting people who gouge inane comments into wood loose in hospitals ...[elhica]l And how can we stop them becoming surgeons? Ikospe€tive cohortl Does Sean B. still like sheep? [public healih] Are vets as witiy as medics? Can dedists write? tconparative, interdisciplinaryl The relationship between individual tectur€s and graffiti is a puzzle that remains to be solved. Some l€ciulers and topics are, ofcourse, immortalised on the benches. Butjust what is this telling us? What enables some individuals to remain awake duing a biochemistry lecture sufficiently to wdte about boring it is? And of course, there is the big queslion, the holy grail of student epi$aphology: just how big and clever is it? 1d yea. SLEEP Study team 2002

. . . .

EYE ON THE WORLD OFMEDICINE SDecial sucst reseaicher

- Matt's Gran

Again my grandma has b€€n siftins ftrough drc sih ofnational anicles on lhe state of the NHS under Labour, des;gnerbabies, Rose Addis, and MMR, MMR, MMR. Avoiding all that, here is a succulent choice of stories from what was left over. . .

GYNAECOLOGIST 'RAPED ME IN IIYPNOSIS AND FATHERED MY CSILD' DNA tesdng confinned that one Mrs X's third child wa5 indeed fathered by her gynaecologist Mr Da.wish Hasan Darwish (55). She had been suffering sexual problems following the birth of her second child, and he had been treating her with 'special' relaxation sessions. "He told me to have a piclure of my husband in my head: lo imagine he was there, loving me." She recalled leaving them feeljng'lelaxed and calm" and "wilh a seflseofwell-

being." Her husband,

joiner, was working for Mr Darwish

years later, and noticed the uncanny

similarity between his child ard

ish's chilaken.

1998 they paid f500 for a patemi(y test. which showed $e husband could not be the child's father. DaJwish was anested and denied the charges. His DNA was tested and h€ then claimed the woman had come to his home and seduced him rsee picturel. The defending lawyer suggested that expe(s would say it was impossible to be

Iaped underhypnosis without knowing il. The woman stated: "I fully trusted him and was devastated when I found out." The trial continues.

RESEARCH 'PROVES TIIE SOUL EXISTS' A 2-year study published

ir t\e bncet

344 cardiac arest suNivors

fantd d$t l2Eo of 0 Dutch hospitals rcported

having various Near Death Exp€riencer'. The survivon claim to have expdenced emotions, visions or lucid thoughts wlnle they were clinicaly dead. The latest Dutch reseaich is the most extensive scientific study of the

'NDE' phenomenon. lt

us€d the latest equipment to pulse or EEG activity in the pts who reported rhe NDES. They should nor have be€n able to psceive anything, and tbar lheir recollections are too structured to be hallucinations. This supports the findings of a smaller pmject in Southampton Hospital last year. Dr Peter Fenwick, a consdtanl neuropslchiarisl said: "This is very exciring because it coDflrms our findings and we now kno* NDES do occur. we have to examine the question as to whether mind and brain are the same, and whether conscio sness conlinues afler deaLl. Church leaders aI€ ciling ir as evidence for the existence of a soul.

confiIm no signs of

MOTHER E)PECTED TO RECORD 12 MONTH PREGNANCY An Italian nother, who was already pregnanl with orc child. comei\ed triplel\ lhre€ monrhs laier. fla\ia Tarquini (20) is an extremely rare case of superfo€tation wherc ovulation continues following conception and two or more foetuses exist in the uterus caused by fertilisalion at different tim€s. Providing there are no complications, she is expected to b€come the first woman to be pregnant

continuously for l2 months. Prof Oiovanbattisla Serra (Cristo Re Hospilal, Rome) explained: "There have been a few cases of superfoeation documenEd, but usually the time distance between fenilisations is one of just a few days. Inst€ad, Flavia's case is the one in $hich lhe distance berween Lhc

conceptions is the longest ever,"

FRISKY ANAESTIIETIST HARRASSES NURSES A consultant anaesthetist, from the wigan Infirmary, admirted in aCMC disciplinary heanng to harassing four skffnurses during a series of incidents between 1986 and 1998. Dr Paul Galea (55) lried to unhook their bras, kissed one on the neck, asked others to strip in theatre and slapped $eir bo(oms $hile patients lay unconscious b€fore surgery. He had tried to cuddle one nurse during a hip op€ration but when she fended him off he pursed her around the theatre. Dr Galea admitted to behaving in a manner that was inappropriate, unprofessional and improper. He has been susp€nded for 4 mooths.

WOMAN KILLED BY DRINKING DIHYDROGEN OXIDE O\'ERDOSE A holidaymaker died after drinlins too much water, an inquest in D€von was told recendy. Betty Bunce (64) had been drinking so much that she became hysterical and

'traved more and more watel'. The friends with whom she and h€r husband were staying with considered tuming their own water supply off to stop her drinking any nore. She refused to see the doctor. Her husband Peter said: "She drank dozens of glasses. she then brought it up and drant more. It was quite irmtional The post monem reponed hyponatraenia caused by acut€ waterintoxication. Verdic.: misadventure.

NAUGHTY NINETYSOMETHINGS THREATENED WITH EVICTION

are being

their sheltered

are allegedly

be€n sent waming letters from staff at Abbelfield House in Clo.. accu.rnc lhem !,lbeing Ji'rupri\e. Ji\ i.i\ e. obsessive and haughty. The women deny this and say they are being victimised for speaking out against how the

prope. Celia Gill (94) adrnitted that she complained 'vhen tablecloths were replaced w;th "ghastly plastic ones." "At a meeting with the management, we were all told that the house accommodated some goodies and some baddies. They read out the names of the goodies and I realised thai I must be one oflhe baddies." Vera Norwood, the najor ofstow o. the Wold. said: "It is absolutely discraceful to send letters like these to the old ladies. l am hollified."

BUTTOCK DOODLING OUTLAWED A nur.e lrom \,Ii'$uri i' suing he' .uller8ue' after one drew a hean on ber buttocks while she was hav;ng a rectal endoscopy. Phyllis DeFonest woke up from the anaestheiic to discover someone had written "I Love Dr Shaffer" the doctor who perfo[ned the investigarion on her burn. She probably never would have found out had a colleague not showed her a picrure taken with ihe endoscope of her backside. One employe€ has been

PENSIONER DIALS 999 FOR A SANDWICH A pensioner in Norwich dials 999 twice a day on average to ask police, firemen, and paramedics to do household chores. Mis: Pdscoe-Srerenc (6-' ca)' hercare 5enrces are inadequate. Last month she sunmoned emergency services on 60 occasions with 'emergencies' nnging from bringing her milk in ftom outside to giving them a list of groceries. Of course, they can do little but respond in case there i$ a genuine emergency. She suffen ftom heart failue and can oDly walk shon distances, but is visited regularly by local authoity carers. "Sonetimes the carers are in a rush and don't put things where I can get them," she said, "I once asked the ambulancemen lo set a sandwich from the fridse."

ENT DOCTOR DISCOVERS SKIING SICKNESS An ENT surgeon Rudolf Haeusler has described a new type of motion sickness suffered by skiers. It seems, for .ome. r number ol idc'or\ combine ro mate skiing, potent vonit-inducing pastine. '1t is caused by the conflicting sensory siimuli characieristic of skiing." Most skien change direction every 2-3 seconds (a frequency known to induce nausea). and the lack of definition in a view of whiie powder confuses the optical and vestibular centres in the brain. Wearing tight boots exacerbates the condition, as does alcobol (shocking). When testing l1 people who suffered from this, he found nothing Mong with their vestibular systems but he will be spending more seasons in Val D'Isere and Whistler to continue his rcsearch and confirm his findinss.

NURSES. I IIAVE A CUNNING PLAN! Fo.eign n$ses employed in the latest desperate measures to save the NHS, dre being sho'Jln lideos of Blacktdder, FaultJ Towets,The Two Ronnies and Conndtion St 1n order to teach them ihe intricacies of colloquial English and dry sarcasric British humour. It has b€en shown that. allhough foreign nurses arrive with good skills and qualifications and often spe3l excellent classroom English, they are baffled when they firsl meet patients and their new colleagues. Thc innovadve scheme at the Oxford Radcliffe Hospital provides a course ;n "intercultural cornrnunication". Now ncw arrivals will know what it means when apatient'has the runs' or that replies of'mustn'tgrumble'don't necessarily mean the patient is OK. Tbe results show that the number of nurses who quit and retum home has been halved compared to the regional average.

BUSH FAILS TO EAT PRETZEL

PROPERLY President 'Dubble-ya' Bush had a serious scare in January when he choked on a pretzel. He was watching American football in the white House when he choked. lost consciousness and tbll off his sofa. He woke to find spot and Barney looking concemed (his dogs, not his bodyguards) and a nasty abrasion on his cheek and a bruise on his lip where he had hit the floor. Bush's personal doctor, Col Richard Tubh. was on hand straight away. ln his expert opinion, "ltdidn't seem to go down quite right-" Mr Bush has been ulged by advisors to stick to prctzels drat are "easier to chew' in .he future

.hool Jo When my psrefis asked me this question,

thought I b€st s€ek "l-eague tables are Everyone knows

better r€ply than,

buJl

Medicine TTIE SI'NDAY TIMES

tl!

IlT

tables? tf,

r burch of bo#*Oks. that duh!"

B B

so I sousht out DLDgyilLMglq&Id (Director of Mcdicd Fducrtion) to get some

REAL answels... So how are lhese league tables created? The tables are based on a combination of lh€ TQA (Teachins Quality Assessment) scores from 1998-2000, RAES (Research Assessment Exerciset into the various d€partments from I 996, and the averag€ A level points of lhe students accepted each year. The poinb are then played with to calculate a percentage

15- !n w6lly

ol Wbb6 College 2

score. (see table)

Why dtd Brtstol only get TQA?

mlU in the

Well, all medical schools have undergone a major process of ieform in response to the CMC'S recommendations in'Tomorrow's Doctord. The med schools thal set aboul this quickest and invested the most in medical

Lordon sl G.orgd. Horp

2 2

London, ouaan

l\i!4

" o 2 2

Oh.rrb.Scl . c[nbl rd a.tad CoD&Clln = C@E[l${.&d.:lbL.l noD clh r smlr.l barl.lhlol

PEirh. . Pndhldl

education, such as Newcastle and Liverpool, ALv.l&. scored highly. Any medical schools caught in lhek tsansition of reform, especially Leeds, did very badly, We werc some way tlrough our changes. It was not a disastous score and put us in the middle bracket with the other traditional med schools. The TQA itself comprises of 6 dimensions each scoring a maximum of4. We lost our points in qualily management, assessment sFategy, leaming resources (we were a little surpris€d at that one) and for the inconsistencies in hospital based clinical teaching. I believe we have put in place the improv€m€nts needed to ad(hess these issues. If we were r€viewed now we would probably get 22 or 23. Maybe €ven 24.

"1"" l"o 1""

"1. B l3b

2A.1 7l

nr.lt-

Asr4. rud.ndr &€l r.h. Why were therr inconsistencies in the cllnical teaching? As I'm sure you ar€ aware, it has b€en the case in lhe past that students wer€ not getting a good breadth of experience in certain firms. esp€.ially in the BRL IT has always been difficult to assess and regulate this, as students are spread all over the S.West in very differcnt firms with very differcnt consuhanls with very different timetables. For any consuhanb leaching you, the clinical and research pr€ssures are hug€, and leaching is a poor relation for both. Especially io trusrs where the money for teaching med students is just put in lhe pot and the consultants don't se€ how it benefits them. Therefore, for many, there is no rcal incentive to leach.

What does the TQA score actually tell students about the quality of the medical murs€ al Bristol?

Surely all medical schools f{ce such problems. Why did we los€ this point wheie olhers didn't?

Very little. It was mostly concemed with the administBtion ofthe coume, the rigour of student assessment. the merhodology and quality assessment of medical education. lt has nolhing to do with whether any individual student has a first class education or not. It was a[ about the mechanisms, the nuts and bolts, of the delivery of the coDrse rarher thatr its conteDt. The results are only ofany reai use to those who actual) organise

cood question. I catr't realy a$wer lhat. There may be med schools that do not suffer such problems but I doubt it. But if you suppress lh€ evidence then it is difficult for the reviewers to see the unevenness of teaching. The best schools, I'm sure, werc honest and deserved their high scores. However therc was a huge potential for cover up in all schools but we chose not to do that.

Did the subject reviewers take the actual content of the curriculum into consideration at all when formulating thes€ scores?

What efrect do these scores have on the funding for medical ed[cation at Bristol? wer, thar was one of rhe dilemmas r was faced wiih when the TQA was b€ing conducted. Whelher to put all our cards on the table and allow the wealnesses in the course to be highlighkd. orto hide our skelelons in the cupboard in order to get a bener score- I felt that it was belter for the long iem future of medical education in Bristol (including ge6.g resources from

Each school was judged by it's own standards rcgarding conlenl. In theory. if a school was teaching a bit of lhisbi1ofthal bul teaching it well, it would get a betler scorc than a school that had an externely dch cuniculun. like ours. but had afew delivery glitchesContent may be assessed using

'ubiec, benchmark' in,he

furu'e

ilflfi1liTl"J:1-;i

'youhavetolookatthe ITI?:liilfr;il1:::f.i::i,li#: small nrint to understand ru;dins ,o zdd,e., ,ome or rhe

They

ffiiTff;ilTli i:i" .,, .,..,.", reailyshout4c0_mgwirht riilH",^:li:Hill;ililii;l,Ili", 1"":il1"x::;:l,ff"iT"d ., s0vennnefinealmwarnms.,'L;verpuor',\o'eoi)4ha,been

rhrr hn\e embraced the tulI PBL course (Maastrict and McMaster rnodel) did score higl y e.g. Mancbesler. This huge change;n teacbing philosophy could only come about

M,nr

.l rhe..h.nl\

tttese lrasue tables.

re$rrded wilh r lublrrnlialcul in

esources for medical education!) The GMC visited us in

dd gave its full suppon to our programme. The TQA score does not m%n your degrce is an inferior product in comparison with other medical schools. far from it, You have to understad that ihe review is part of a cycle of improvement and it is how a school responds thal demonstmtes its quality. Jan 2fi)0

with huge finaDcial back up and so the befter scores are mostly due to that extra inveshent- Bristol had b€en criticised by the GMC in the past for 'spoon feeding' its students with too many lectures so we arc moving in the direction of more self directed learning. However we will not be changing to a tullPBL course. nor dowe cunenlly intend to. (McMaster has actually retreated sl;ghtly from the full model, as they realise that students cannot do wilhont lectures comptetely.)

So what's the Research Assessment Exercise

Could Bristol's position in these tables inllu€nc€ our frrfure career opportuniti€s? I sincerely doubt it. The PRHO jobs

are fixed within the S,west anyway, so they are assured. Bristol graduates are higbly regarded all over the country and beyond and people will continue to want to employ them ai SHO qho male rle.e deci.ion' frade and above. The people

all

about then? An RAE score

will nor

ol.rall. A

national press. This ha( bffely dented Brislol's reputation within the med;cal profess;on; however there was a concem that it may influence applications. But with a record number of applicmts this lear, this appears not to have been affected either.

is judged on the research ofthe nembers med ,cnool can choo'e ho$ man) ot ils academic staif to submit to be judged by their peers. Here rhe table is using out of date figures from 1996 not the most recent from 2001 . ln thai assessment most of oul rnedical science depariments and the communiiy based subject area got top marks- However, par y due to

be bamboozled by league tables published in the

public, parents and prospective students need to know from a league table are things like the content of the teaching, frlture care€r pmspects, and the .eputation within the m€dical profession.

the facl we submitied so many clinical academic staff, ou. hospitrl based clinical area scored very badly. In a sense, it was a tade off between quality and quantity. More slril submitted poGniially meant morc research income for the medical school.

That's fine, but why do the research projects of the clinicians in the medical school haye any bearing on the quality of our education?

seems to me, that what the general

That's right, and none of &at can be fbund in these league tables. The figures of subject and research rcviews ,re wilhin fte public domain and it is pefectly wiftin the newspaper's righis io create league tables from them. BUI most people do nol undentand what $ey are abour. and rhey cenainl) do nor mean Bristol is J 2'J class medical school.

They don treally.lt's another very crude indicator of the content of the course. lt is very healtby to leam in a research rich environment but vorld-class researchers ma) nor ha\e rhe rrme or rnchnauon ro leach. Curunp edge research, while interesting, is rarely usetul when it comes to passing exams as a competeni docror. Essendally RAES are ineievant to the standard of student!' baric ned;cal education. Bul it enriches the cur;culun and it would be irnpoverished if ihat were

Yeah, we rock! Well,

quite.

(InieNiew obduct€d by Mait Edwa.ds)

ASK I]NCLE GARGAN D€ar Uncle Garya& Although trivial when compared to my other ploblems,

need some advice re: my right hip. It has been aching now for several months. and I am unable to walk without the aid of a stick. This is especialy problematic in rny

extensive mountainous cave complex, which is now a pile

ofrubble.

Dear Uncle Gargan. I arn a 4th yr medic and my ftiends seem to thint that I nince as I walk. I thought they were just winding me up but it is now interfering with my marathon running. My twin doesn't seem to mince so I dont think it is genetic. Should I succumb to my minc;ng ways or is there surgery

Regretfully I am unable to honour my outpatients appointnent, due to a $5 million bounty on rny head. I would apFeciate your advice. Please find enclosed one ticket to Jalalabad on United Airlines. Hugs, O Bin Laden 3rd cave ftom the left, Tora Bora, Afghanistan(hush hush)

available? Al Lockwood

Dear (Xama.

Desr Al,

ro hear abour )our hip. will be amviog 0915 next Wednesday, with abig saw.I don't suppose you could anange for an 'accidenf to happen b fte BRI? The demolition of this 60s architectual monstrosity might help regain .ome populariry {or }ou in lhe we(r... .

!ery

.ory

You should be well aware by now that all6ese problems are eilher lreated consen ali\ely or.urgicall). Mrncing gait, especially when combined with radial nerve wrist drop, can be left alone, a owing nature to take its co Ise do$n rhe Queens Shilrins. or sursicall). lcan mjnce your leg\ tor )ou. lr's very difficulr ro acr lile a pool in , wheelchair- Next!

.of Ensland. Next!

Dear Uncle Gargaq I have been a diabetic now for 1l yeaN and require metformin daily. Recently, I have noticed sorne loss of sensation in my left foot, and a troublesome ulcer thatjust $oo t heal. I li! e rD leff ot rhe .pecne ot anputalion. Sincerely, Shadwell Cadmium-Lucifer

D€ar Urcle Galgan. As one of the anatomy demonstrators, I feel the best way ao teach the ripe ttde first years surface anatomy, is to show thern the most perfect specimens available. Namely mine. However the depanment se€ms to have a problem with rftis. what should I do? And how come ihe gtuls can't sEip in ftont of the boys? Is this in prepfiation for single sex hospitals where only girl doctors can teat girl

Dear Shadwell Ah, diabetes. Beins such a re€ently discovered syndrone. it is still reasonably poorly understood. Not least by me. I hear it has something to do with sugar, so I can offer to amputate your pineal gland, if you wish- There's nothing to worry about I've done this twice before and both patients report nothing but total satisfaction with their

patients? Nabil

Deer Nsbil, I do believ€ you are suffering a common syndrome much like that experienced by the medical students involved in Clicendales. 'May's dysrobia unnecessarium' is not unhealthy and has been a ballast of rnedical education for centuries. In my day, back in Oxford, anatomy tutorials were done completely starkers and, while not nearly as educational a,s our post match balh sessions, were relaxed and conplimt. But then these 'wo men' were allowed to join medical school and anatomy's never been the same. I hear you have to colle€t all the cadaver bits up now and give them back for clemation! Shame, I wrs rather good at the cranium shot put- My point is, chin up, kecks off

As for the problem with 'My l-€ft FooC, don't worry old cock, I can't stand Daniel Day I-€wis either. Next!

Dear Und€ Ga4an. I have noticed that the nurses seem a bit 'down in the mouth' . Wly is their morale so low? Adrian Piddlington-Scrote D€ar Addan,

and show those studenis what vou're rnade of! Nextl

I have a theory about rhis. Bugger what the govemment says, it's ,ll down to lie huge influx of women doctors. Where, tfaditionally, male docton gave dre frisky little nNses a damn good seeing too every night when they were supposed to be on call, they now start 'meaningftl relationships' and get married to the new female docton. Plus the pay is crap, the job is demeaning, and now that they no longer get '10 of the best, trousers down' fiom the dishy doctors, no wonder they have no incentive to

Dear r{Itrcle" Ga.gan. Surprise - it's your long lost son. Rernember when you went to the Banglok Anhroplasty Convention in 1967? And do you remenber the "hostess"? well...

Desr Luke, Come to the dark side, Luke. Together we will rule the

AOC as fathe. and son-

Wllat's the difference between a social worker and

MEDICAL.TOKES

piu bull

least you can get part of your baby back from the pitt bull-

A wornan accompanied her husband to the docbls offic€After his checkup, the docror called the wife inio his office alone. He said. "Your husband is suffering from a very severe disease, combined with honible sbess. If you don't do the following, your husband will $u.ely die."

YRJOflUE

"Each moming, be pleasant, and m*e ;ure he is h a good mood. Cook especialty nice meals for hin. Don't burdetr him with chores and don't discuss your problems with him; it wil only malre his stress worse. And mosi importanlly, rnate love with your husband several rim€s a we€k and satisfy his every whim. ff you can do lhis for the next year, I lhink your husband wil regain his health

conpletely. " On the way home. the husband asked his wife, "What did ihe doctor say?" "You're going to die," she What happens jf you nix Viagra with Valium? lfyou don't set a fuck, you don'tgive a fuck. What do you call an anorexic with candida? A quaderpounder with cheese.

Tkee expectant mothers are aI knifting quiedy waiting Ior lheir checl-xp $irb $e rnid\ ife. One \rops kniBing to a pill. Tbe mother next to h€r asks, "What dlug is that? Is that safe?" The fi$t motherreplies, "Don't worry, it'sjusrimn so my baby has healthy blood." To that the se.cond molher swalows a pill helTelf, "I'ln taking calciun so ny baby has heatthy bones." The third motber pops a pill also, and says, '.!vell I'm taking Thalidomide because I can't knit lhe bloody arns on these thingsl" Wlere is the best place to hide money Fom an orrhop€dic

swallow

Actual cofiIments $Titten in patients notes (TRUE) I . Patient has chest pain if she lies on her left side for She has had no rigon or sh*ing chils. but her husband states she was ve.y hot in bed last night. Discharge status: Alive but without permissionThe patieff has no past history of suicides. Rectal exam revealed a nomal size thyroid.

2. 3. 4. 5. 6.

Skin: Somewhat pale but present. The pelvic e^aminarion will be done larer

7. In the patient's notes.

lhe

Patient has two teenage children, bul no orher

An epideniology professor was explaining a paniculdly complicated concept to his medical school ckss when a student interrupted him. "why do we have to learn this stuffl" the young rnan

910. II

"To save lives, rhe professor rcsponded before continuing lhe lectule. A few minutes later the student spoke up again. "So how does epidemiology save lives exacdy?" The professor stared at the student for a long time without saying a word- Finally the professor cortinued"Epideniology saves lives," he said, "because it stops idiots from becoming doctors."

12. 13.

14.

abnormalities. Patient has been married twice, bul denies any other senous illnesses. History: Patient was shot in the head with .34 caliber dfle. Chief Complaint. Headache. Since she cant ger pregnant with her husband. I thought you might like to work her up. She is numb ftom her toes down. Occasional, constant, infrequent headaches. Both h€asts are equal and reactive to light and

ecommodarion Benefits of havine Alzheimer's disease

l. 2. 3.

What is the definjtion ofa double blind study9 Two onhopedic surgeons looking at an ECG,

You never have to watch reruns on television. You are always meeting new people. You can hide your own Ea-ste. eggs.

MEET TIIE DEMONSTRATORS

NABIL is one knowledgeablc guy. He can show you where his musclcs dl Iic. Whcn hc uncovcrs his abdo. The ghls allcry please 8()... ...funhâ&#x201A;Źr'. sayshe: I would,butI m shy When ALIA makes the suggesdon. To the girls: 'Havc a C-secdonl The girls think rbouL Whrl has Lo come oul. Bu11he boys drcam oflhc oLhcr dircction.

Dcar Black Bag.

I would Iike to p.aise. unlil my lips are brown. my anatomy demonstrator. Nabil El Hindy...or something like

Whcn KATE demonstrates in hcr boots. Autonomic signalling shoois, and flufters my heari. and srils up that part I won't name but 52 ,nd Sl are the roors.

that. We call hin Dr. Naz and a damn good doctor he is ioo. On my firsi day in the DR. I went to the wrong group. This. I believe, was latc. It bought me to prince Nrbil, and I've nevcr lookcd back. He urs everpopula.with our group. especially the g;rls (and one in particular...you know who you are, you diny gi.l) and when it came to the upper limb. "Ohl Guess who's taking hi5 shirt off....again!" Yes I am ashamed to say. having taken my shift offand finding nothing resembling protein.let alone bjceps. Naz. who had obyiously been building up to this noment fiom when he tu$ applied to Medicine. whipped olThis shit.

Formalin's noi the feDale complairt Squcam;sh ofthe D.R. they ain'1. Its not the .ddaver of NICK But tbcn he,rLithave a ... nice scalpel That makes them feel dizzy and faint. That stunning young 'stmtor ramedJO,

Why's she catled OWL? Doyouknow?

bu(ons flyins offeverywherc. ro revcal the incredible hulk. I will not dwcll on th;s point tor t(n) long in fcrr ol rny scxuality being comp()mised. (too latâ&#x201A;Ź -Ed) but, boy, he had rome pecks. He was not too bad ateachereither. $ I passed my spot with I mark to spare.

'Cos she's a bird and she s brighl? Or 'cos all through the night. She studies anat. t?

Sinon Harrison

'n'o?

I can't quite figure out what's wmng. Mr Jackson. lfs probably to do with all the drinkingl

Thobh Ol(, Docl I'll con. bock wh.r you'rc shob.r.

urlednoRTs CLUB rtrNNEn

fr;hr'

Aaargh! Get off my toe!

Double uterus out in foace C'mon Cleetus! Lâ&#x201A;Źt's git us a nigger!

e your mrno up!

Soit or swallow!

Evenl full moon, Zoe Bee never really looks quite the same

That mask must have been expensive

THE MEDICS BALL 2AOI A night to remember (or not). A night to...

...to lie about you've had ...to have an excuse to smoke

...to have eccentric old men guess your cup size

...to comPete

...to be the Daddy

get absolutely wrecked!

...to bankrupt a

florist*

...and

dress

lil<e

rize tits!

BOOK REVIEWS

Oxford Handbook of Clinical Surgery (OUP) Despite being an Oxford Handbook, it does not follow the usual single page exhaustive listing approach. Instead it is more of a mini textbook, which is far more comprehensive to read and even has pictures!! It provides a succinct overyiew of the pdnciples, techniques and procedures of surgery and I would rccommend it as a "must have" for any young aspiring surgical HO. Pricel

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Cardiology Lecture Notes on Cardiology (Blackwell Science) '[he question is, does anyone need a book dedicated entirely to Cardiology? Probably not. but if you want that extra edge over your peers, then this is the place to look. [n addition to the excellent summaries we have come to expect fmfi lzct re Notes, lherc is an emphasis on recent major clinical trials and modem cardiac imaging techniques. Along with the ECCS and illusFations rhis is a wonhy buy. I suggest, con a rich mare into buying it, steal it, write in your name and claim it's yours! Price:-

t15.95 Matthew Sewell

HAEMATOI.,OGY

Essential Haematology (Blackwell Science) This is a beautiful guide to the world of haematology with superb colourful pictures and clear descriptions. lt explains principles of clinical and laboratory techniques and how blood diseases can be explained by modem knowledge. Nor really one for the exams, but a top book for anyone interested in the subject. Price:- 31E.95

Nicki Morgan

ENDOCRINOLOCY

Essential Endocrinolosr (Blackwell Science) As much as you may dislike it, endocrinology crops up time and time again on every afiachment. This book takes you on a voyage of discovery through areas such as the reproductive system or the thyroid etc. Each accessible chapter is preceded by a tidy summary of the topic before plunging into lhe unknown. This book is useful at any stage of the course and smells quire nice too. Price:- f18.95

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Medical Pharmacology at a Glance -Versus -Lecture notes in Clinical Pharmacology (Both BlqckwqllElqtlg) I musr coDless lo stirrting this comptrativc task with a dcgrcc of bias. I havc long bccn a fln ol dre d/ ./ g/.rr.r? series. iud a\sunred lhrt this would bc no difl'ercnt. /l/.r 6rr?r?, lays cach dl.ug catcgory (c.g. Drugs used in AngiDa) irc()ss a double prge. begiDning with r picturc. a sunmary, thcn the hard facls on cach clrug. Le(t tr notes is similirr with a slightly grcirter enphasis on the undc.lyilrg condilion. I{owcvcr I iinrnd lhcir incrcascd use ol subtilles irnd nrelhoclical division ol eaoh dl1l8 inlo

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NANTES

2OO1

Ah, Nantesl I have no ide,t how long i1's been gonlg on. but l. J l"l )"uul'ooonrhn.$ NJr r.- i. rl e\chJr;, in which we take it in trms to raid each othcrs counnies rDd scare the localpopulons. All under the hanDcr of sportl This year itjust so happened that Zoe and myscli, as Spolrs Club Caplains. had the honour oforganisirg for the garlicchewing beasts ro come over hcre in Decenlber.

our French conrades anived on Friday and were net by ,.nr)',irc,h, ulrir rare b,,nh"r plale-. rom ',le

rheRooRar.Lr(holeor oI!u)'$,^meJ1r ror]^e.nr the French guys. or at the nost two for thei sake. I think

a in ul

.r l

.{ '\i i.-1

ir\ -' . ti:

IJ ,4ll\i,iA,\."-' i-â&#x201A;Ź;Zl,Dfi\CU i l--"

.{ nr *. ,{--'rr '-t 4_\\ r

had five burly Frcnchmen staying in theirhouses. Anyway. plcasant guys none the less and afler a qxick nrrn around it was 1() our favourite of placcs the D.H.B. Food a plenty was laid outforevcryone and we cven see what snetched to FREE cocktails- (All those who don't play you nriss ort onl). Although Nantes assured us that ftey would e.joy

spof

everything Brisiol alcohol olicred lhe nextevening. we conld hardly makâ&#x201A;Ź the wasters drink a bloody thingl Thus jn true Bnsbl style. we Look up the gauntlet. Enough said. Saturday nDming, after teaching otu French guests morc rude English words. we had malches to play. Ha.d loughr football malchcs, grifty rugby matches and tenacious basketball and badninton matches were played. Wins were achieved in evcrylhing apat tro'n our rcjuvenated gnl's rugby team who srfiered to the hands ofa welldrilled but hideously ugly French sidc. To finish offthc aftemoon -fte1anguagebaniersweret(DmuchibrSomeofusbecausesomepeople at Brislingbn. the txg-of-wartook place. Fiercely contcslcd, but the Nxntes guys thought that by adding more players to thc rope they would win, xnd, tunnily enough, they did. That evening's rc\,eldes occuned in another nedics hau'l the LizardLounge. Fo.mrliiies had to be obscrved, so speeches, thanks. and ritual exposure ofthe Spofs Club Captains buttocks (male and female) stafted the evening off. Ou. guests were enieriained appropriately by rhe girls ofBristolUni creating more gossip lhan you can shake r stick at, I lhink it had something to do with a couple of digits on the dance floor (l've been asked to say no nore). Everything was eoing io plan until lome rnad French bird stafed giving the Lizard Lounge bouncels. those reasonable chaps. a hardtine about one ofherfriends being chucked out. Five seconds later the whole French squid was attempting a mass boycotL and was oul on the pavement, chanting etc. Luckily fff us the weird looking bloke on the til al rhe bottom of the slairs can speak lluenl French so he briled us oul. Joyl

A thumping head the next moming ended our long weekend of inlemational relatio.s. A cheery adieu to ourNanies acquaintances until next year, under lhe sure headed instruction ofou.new Spots club captains. Charlie and San over on French turf - I can't wait to gc1 a bit of Brit pride back after Woodward decided to let rhe lrogs hop all ove. ns. Thank you to everyone that helped out, supported and were involved in the whole

Toby Jacobs

MEDICS SPORT Galenicals Football Club

This season, a veteran squad did GFC proud. We have yet to go to NAMS ;rl Liverpool, but so far we're prctty plcased

wirh ourselves. Althougb it's

only intramural, the

league

played up on the Downs was bigger than ever this year witb over teams involved. Finishing second in thc Premiership was awesome. but most importantly wc beai the dentistsl

The highlighl this year obviously was Nantes. There are not m.iny rhirgs morc sa(isfiing than beating n French lbotie tcam 2-0 followed by a legendary social. Although their football had a liitle to be desircd. Nantes' projectilc vomiling is something chc and demands some respect,,,,perhapsl

Out of our l5 matches, unfonunat€ly our rwiy mdtch with Somerville College, Oxford was I of the 3 that wc klsl. Howcvcr, GFC off the pitch perfbrmance more than compensated wilh Fragilc scoring a goal with a nalive. On a similff note. th€ Spofts dinners yielded success fbr our flying, newly recruiied keeferi now known as the Thumbmaster. Ofter new laces did appear at limes, but the squad this year was pretty set with established plrye$, and thc onion and chilli fiesher expectations can't have hclped.

Mo y led 1he team superbly on the pitch, wilh hzily skilliul suppon lion) Fresher Jon, the assassinlike physical presence of Will and tireless running iiom ibrest-Pele. ln dditfun to moncnts ol'pure genius, Chadie s heighl was id€al fbr flick-ons that often found the boot of top goal scorer Dan Hamran or Princcss. A solid del-ense was provided, as always. wirh cenler backs Sh€(y and Walshy who were nlways up fbr the chall€ngc, bc it ollcn with shitc relbrees. Schizo wos always rhere fbr the diving (flying?) tackle and Norlhcm Monkey with the rugby taoklc, shoLrld Schiro h{vc missed. Other great midlield perfomances included ginger Phill. Mungo, Clint()n, Fl.tsh, Ditch (punished mer0ilessly for dcfccting), F.C. Unl, Dcntist Andy (cheers for the slitchl) and Andy Plan (especially tbr nlways rocking up al lhe socials). Despire autistic r€ndencies.

if you play lbotball but haven't gol involved yet then nowisthetimetodoit.'Ohhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhb,C-F-C,we'reo0thewaytogether.............ll" Next season cFC will be looking to lhe younger years for mor€ supporl, so

John

Park

I k'ow you ar. guir€ ner',Julic, Bu. could you plea3€ t€l pcople 'r*. ar€ very lrusy", rarhe!dan,"n's. madhose in here"

Well Mrs Snnb, &ording lo hie chan, hh

// filxlt

Iewihi6

cotuc doNn....

Galenicals Ruqbv

We started the season with a gentle wann up game against an oxtord college, (l can't remernber which one) which we won convincingly. That evening we enre ained rheir captain to an evening outin Bristol. after throwing him on the coach and collecting an insubstantial sum for his retumioumey the following moming. Tradition is tradilion after all. We were soon facing B;rmingham in our first cup match. Despite a spirjrcd perfb.manc€ in a bad temp€r€d malch, pitched against some prelty big buggers, unfonunately we lost. We went onto play Cardiftin a floodlit evening gnm€. A poor start Ieft us with a points deficit which we were always going to struggle to make up, and unfonunately we lost that too So we were out the cup, but we slillhad all to play forin th€ Plate competition- Vr'e waltzed our way through to a semi final against St.Georges medical school wher€ we came out the viclors in a bruising cncounter. We await thc final ofthis

competition against Leeds. a number of intramural sides. confirming our We also had a nailbiling match again$ Names reputation as ihe team to beat. which may nothave been as chse as lhe scoreline suSSested had lhe Brislolboys not bave been quite so enthusiaslic in the DHB $e night before. It has been (so far) a successful season both on and off the field. Thanks go to Tom Diacon and Ed Carlton for doing their besl to organise games for us despite

Along the way we have beaten

Chri6 Chubb

PLAY RUGBY!

Galenicals Lacrosse Team

You may think lacrosse is only played by public school girls and Red Indians, but add BristolMedical School to that€xtensive lisl. Despire being shom of many of our stars due 10 elective duties. the mixed lacrosse team has come on leaps and bounds, with l0 new members, mosr having neverplayed before. We've quire a record to follow, wirh last year's team winning the Welsh League under Suzy Thain's superb guidance. We can't be mis$ed anymore either, thanks to Kickers Nightclub who gave us smart polo shirts with their logo in huge wnling on the back Only the besl for my team). Last term we had a couple offriendly matches against Cardiff Uni and Bristol Uni, winning against CardifY, but Bristol bcat us both rimes. The highlight of the rerm was the Penarth mixed 8's toumament in December. We wheeled the fifih years out of retirement and dragged them along, and we did brillianrly. Out of our group of seven we somehow cam€ second. getling into the semifinals, and came a magnificent third overall with a trophy to prove itl The newcomers Brerr, Sam and Ernma all played amazingly. and so did Rich and Rhys who were forced ro play lacrosse in rhe fmr place, but are now essential members of the team. Thanks to McDonalds for providing us wirh free lunches, and to Toby and Rob for providing lhe tacrosse expenisel We finished off last term with a Cbristmas dinner in Cul de Sac folowed by the DHB ro celebrate our win in the festive season.

This term has not been so good wearherwise. Mixed Lacrosse does not have a greal reputation wilh the groundsmen at Coombe Dingle, rhe boys chum up rhe pirch as they tum too much (?), so aldough our league has staned. we haven'! been able to play any games thanks to the huge amounts of rain Bristol has been having. Never mind, plenty of practise and we will be ready to fight to keep our title of last year's league wiDners. and beat the Brislol Uni team finally. We are always on the look out for new players. including beginne so coine along and have Zoe

go. Otherwise, all there is to say is, good luck everyone, and league is ouls

Brcwn

Medics Hockey Dcspire our lack ofa regular Soalkeeper. and hrlf ihe team tuming up dmnk and late o Sundry mornings (you know who lou an), we haven l had abad season. Suryri!ingly we didn'! make thc knockout slages olour NAMS fixtures. We drew with Ca iff SouLhampton agair wouldn't come to Bristol lorcirg u! to takc r deplclcd s.Fad to the souih coast, and Bnminghdn (ourfavourite leant lailed ro inforlil us when lhey had booked thei pitch.lorcing us to concede. At the NAMS lou ament in Cannock iNr tcm wc did well making it though to the quarier-tlinals. The defence wis well ftrBhallcd by John 'Northcn Scum' Mayo and aiier many fine years ol scrvice. rhc tegendary DaDny WebsLcr in his linalyearrn{de lone appearances in tlre 2"d hall ol the season. Likc r r('ck in the deferce. his experience wrs invrhrablc $4ren pl{yers werc nlissirg.... assumed laz}. Dave Pottcr dictatcd play f.om the centre and the girls surouding hin1 were pretty (rong rDd when all present made a big diference. th(mgb captain Sarah Platt developed a habit ofinjuring henelf (rernenbcr thc sports club dimer'l). Up fton!. Yohan l-ewi! provided a regular supply ofgoals thal wcre essential in r fierccly conrpetitive league featuring dle likes of The Muppets. The Puppets and The Bluebirds. It w.ts also good lo scc hinr fin.rlly learn to pass the

billl It was also good to see Lhc lrcshers gelting hopefully bodes well for the future.Finally, we look forward to the yearly

NAMS tournament next term, which will see us travel to Shefiield as defending champions.

Yohan Lewis N.B. wc nced a soalkeeper for NAMS:!! Tallbe held on rhe L

$(rlen,l of Ma. we ger ,lrunk on the Fndd) night. pla\ all Jr] Srturda),

gcr

l |

l I I I

drunk Salurday night and play all day Srnday.

Il anlone is intcrested

phone

Sauh Pl{tt on 0117 946 7328

John Mayo on 01119499615

WOMEN'S RUGBY This season has been brillianl tor lhe UBHI{RFC. Tbc scorcca reads plalcd 6. won 4, nrchding an heroic win againsl ihe Universily \ronen's tcam. Alloftbis wrs achievcd rvitb a squad comprised almost entirely of girls $ho had ncverpickcd up x rugb] ball at tbc start ofthc season. This was useful, as we had los{ mosl of ou vclerxD playcN to clcctivcs. They wcrcmisled, bntorr new players have tilled their old bools spectacrlarly. Unfortunxtcly. we didn't manage to coDtinue our winning streak as far as the Nmtes weekend, pa.tly due lo the Frcnch gnl's ball brndling skills, but mostiy due ro their unsporting behaviour of lrbsl.rining irom drinking fte nighl bcfore thc mrLchl Needless to say, the Bristol girls more than nade up for this. and also nrxDaged dynanric opeD play

fron the backs

and brilliant drivins tackles lrom the forwads.

With the fifth years back and the tean going fioln strength to strength. the potential fbr the rest of the season is huge. However, allofthe achievements on fte pitch pale into insiSnificance conpared to the dyramite skills and teamwork displayed at the socials so tar. with attendance (and peformance) at the sports club dinne6. leagues ahead otanythirg denonstraled at lraining this year. UBHWRFC definiiely has its priorities dghtl lf you re interested in getting irvolved in women s rugby, and wanr ro

come along to a lraining session (no experience, mlenl orfiiness necessxry) orcan help coaching or as part ofrhe social squad. then now is definilety the lime to do something about irl

Nicki Morgan

Sar ing

Private Health Care

l .'?:

ti, \

-t.

Nevcr mind Saving Pri\ ate Health Care. I think thc writers should now he more inlcrcslcd in sr!ing their careers! A! long rs thcy didn l wanr ro pursue ajob iI onhopaedics. A&E. Obs and gobs, oh !nd. r)f coursc. socixl medicine (as if anyone would)

After a few lon-s gruclling nishts. Rich and Rhy!. lided by Matt, Clairc, Ja ics lnd Brcndon. produced a script like no other (Had it not been for thc genrlc guiding hand ofClaire ihose l6Sranlc\ Rd). From day one the boys would still be dmnk rehcanals went oiTwirh a hrng. we gol rhc casy bit. Jusl lurn up r'nd lcanr a Iew words. Forlhe others lhere $as hkx)d. swcal and bccrs rs tlrcy loiled nighr fllter nighl ro nr.rke prcf,s. sort out colrurnes dnd wrtch nruppets ancnrpt k) do thc scriptjrrtice. I had Do enl'y li)r lhem. nor li)r chorco-!rrphcrs rrying to get 65 rialco ordinrted friry clcph:rnls. rll displir\ ing \arying degrees ol ceiebelhr drnrrle. 10 dancc in tinrcl

Finully

Typecrsring fbr tlrose lirllc rclcs

rtler

hurc anrounr ol cllbn. bccrs.

iruaginfiion, m(nc hccrs. (lcdicati(nr. oh. lnd .rnotber rollie ti)r Rich.lhc lirsr nighr trrri!ed. The \,idco ol scrril) bclic\rble mcdicnl inlcr!ie$s lor lhe audience Ncll s arnrcd up crch night.

sridiculouslyersy.lisjuslrshnmcwclosllhelbohgeofBeccxiuuson\clcalngc.

blnsted olf ro shot! ho$ politically incon ect the show w'N goirrg lr) gcl. RhJs psrticulnd) re\olring role in blind ldith hnd r le$ nr rhe audience hringing up dinner rnd the only fers(m ro linish thc \ccnc $ ith i smilc on his iace (ratlrcr lhan lorrrto ketchup) $,a{ Matl.knrcs whcn discovcing bJ beco ins i do-q he could lick is own balls. The \ic$,ers \rere soon back on crncl wifi.r fab perlbmrance Iiorn a snracked out Sam.lhcn Suzie rried Io teach old dogs. Mr wealc an.l Mr Cargao. sonre ne$ ricks i.e. ho* rc communicltc with parierts with enpadr) and undersranding. Good luckl Good taste slid fuilrer inrc lal(ing thc piss Osanrx

Lo\in

lrrcril y,

our

ol gcridrrc. I) Se'rle Old UU

UUr

snled by Siving rhe BRI the slating enchanring

rppropriately entitled Nobody does il \hitter'. Launching inro ihe second round with Hiel Taylor and Querky. If lwo subsequent Nazitake offs don't get the poinr across aboul rhe Obs and gobs.egime, lnen what will? lf you can't bear 'em,ioin 'em, seemed to be a betier option as Rishi and Rich buned their faces in Louisc's nether regions. Why did no one set the Peeking Dock ioke-'

No such liDng as a second halflullwith some corkers do\rr under. Jonny-s shiny helnet and an astoundirg impersonation froln lames (he lS Clivc Robens). andhos could you not fail to be rolling in ihe aisles q'ifh Marl in drag and Nnandi chasing him in a tunic?11 Cannulate Can l u lale made a bnlianl penuhimate skerch with starring pcrformrnces from Richard O'Bnen, a mongoloid snow leopard,.tnd Timm] Mallct leari.g the spectators at the pinnacle of nirrh rcady for rhe grand finlle. Court in the Acl was ccnainly no .tnticlinrax with Shaggy himselfand one last dance fiom the cast, all on such a high it was impossible.o expect all to conforn to ihe nrusic It didr't natter. lhe audiences eyes we.e aptll on Rich giving it all on the vocals in cetting Struck Off

were

aI left

pondering

{ ith

What the hell is a fronrbottom? Will Matt Ed$ards ever po6ue a cdeer in orthopaedics (word is rhat he has exactl-v whal iI takes i.e. he s a loud mouthcd arrogant git)? WillGaunl everger casl as a \ronanl willChubb every keep his arse to himselfl Is Brian permanently damaged f.om his headbulls? WiI a welsh otomy everbe available on the NHS? Did Claie slip in the tongue? what was Huntington s Career? CaD we rub more staff up the wrong way next yeff?

I can only hope that it \ras f,s much fun to \ratch as it rasto be part ol From the re\ues rumber one fan I ce oDll say again: ftanls ro all the guys for rhe best rveek e!er. You all did an atounding job pudng -Bumy. bumy. bumyl on such a storm;ng prodoction. And rememberBoo

WhenS llre right tine to ioin the BMA? 'fhc Brinsh i\'ledi(al AsociatioD is dre tn.le uni$ ard prolasnmal ol3anistion lor hcdical stdcDts and ddtoi. in tlrc UK. R(sme a metnber rDd add lour qrpport ro the BI\,'A Med:cd Srudenl! Comniuee $hich canrpaigns rigobuslv on issucs a{lc.ting Drcdical sn c'nis, $ch d tuition lees, cdu.atiotr rctbrm,loans and sn(lcnt tiDaD.e.

The

righlfme ls now!

M€mbership benefits tor medi.al studer*s includ€: . vna./^lt

rl,,

. /l141.\id ln{ . . .

i-n',i nrn,dlni'l iftlcrN Ir $nh :'ll

rlr llrrn m..liftI'oliictrl

ol t,pii: IIEE *,tnL(rr mrs on a ;nc ind dUr drP.n rnd .lRfir6 ':n!c E\aDL\

trkrrn,s ..giniKl nnd n,IJa)rtri b,

rih.s !:n;(a nk hxfirg FREE ?+notr, !o llI.DIlrili PI.Ljs $a rhe inktnd . .:,opdi,ir( i:k\ on r{rr nt. rtri! 1. h.$.j,o[l R\r-r

...6

. trtr.rliithnFu,

rln

tln$RlP'oi\\nr l

Memh€Ehip ro6G a5 little as f1.82 per month. for an appli€ation form conla.t your local 8MA ofiire in Brittol ' Tel€phone:0117 922 7ft5 or Email: info.brltol@bma.olq.uk

BMA@ 25

The Medics Skiine and Snowboarding

Trip 2001/2002

Do not make the m iltakes of othcr sludenrs.-. Choose lifc. Choose Brislol. Choose mcdicinc Choose Skiing. Choose massile busjoumcys. Choose childish e\citcmem. Choose speed. Choole lin ch'rl Choosc Toby Jacobs to rail. Choose Thc Sherlock. Choose massi\c hangolers. Choose 9am lift!. Choole the 2001 ski lrip.

Aftcrcunningly waitnrg

u.til

after Christmas when the.e wrs \ome sno$, on rhe slopes. (rake note Uni ski club-..) x rypically c.uy, kcen and festive band of brothcrs rnd sisters. dressed like Santa o. his leisty li$le helpers. set fonh fiom the Richmond spnngs riding a mobile bff: desrinadon Val Thorens.

A vcrihble blinlofan eye laler the aforementioned masses. bright eycd and bushy ra;lcd were tamping in glee through deep dnfis.

hotel- Ai ever with rhis trip (touch wood) fie Gods were smiling on us and thel dutifully g.tvc us 1.ow aplenR on our first night- Cue a celebratory chcck).-.

And so strted 6 days ofairesone skiing. not so awesome sking (l) beautiful rearher. beautitul $omcn. rnlimited acces\ ro rhe

lr.,i. \ Jle.

dnd r ndorlre-r e,l

t"ri'(

merriment to excessl New Year $as appffendl a sicked night ( ll). I can onl-! apologise to my brolher for tlhat I did to him. one Apres Ski ni8ht $as spenl high on lhe slopes chatting with a fondue and some rvinc. followed by a torch lit retrcat down lhe slarlit pistes...lhat lras cooll and inlerbreeding. unfonunatel] never involving and I am in debt to my flatmate who bou-eht a girl back and showed me what colour knickc.s she $as wearin-g.

I m surc lhcre q as tols of fratemisadon

mylelf (l)

The trip was filled r,lth happy menories of watchins good skrers falling olcr(rhxl means you, Bee) and warclxng boarders do that ndicuious $alk on the flar birs. Some olher happy memories are a bit of a blur but I n rbsolurely positi\e that eleryone had an rwesonrc Lime. As eler il was all oler far tm quickly- A massite thanks to Jonny B and the oihcr organisers inclDding the Medical Sickness Societ\. ivho gave us all funky hoodies!Bnng on nerl yearl

To my lefi, fioltage.......

David Potter

CIIUBB'S GRUBB The Breakfast Burger I do rny best thinking when I am hungover. and irwas afrer a lew too many at the DHB that a

same up ryith this creation. This is the perlect way to combine all the componenrs breakfast with as Little time spent away from bed as possible.

fuI English

Ingredients: 3 pork sausages 1

ecg

3 slices of bread ', 1in of baked beans

Method: Place lhe head in a food processor and biend to form breadcrumbs. Add the sausages, bacon and egg to the food processor and whiz it up. Drain some of thejuice from the beans and lbld them inlo the mixrure. Fomr into burgers and for besi results oven cook for 35 minutes at 200'C. Nxrse hangover in tuont ofCDUK. (Alkaseltzer + Diorlyie in a pint works well) Serve in ioasted Ciabatta bread,

ifyon're posh. or Sainsburys

econorn)r brerd (only l5p ond doubles up a\ lo,, r,,ll)

Nando's is in Town! Situated halfway down Park Srâ&#x201A;Źer, Nando's Chicken ha. finall) opened r. door,: A. T sd l in rhe,enicc L immediale. so I setled down to relax with a cheâ&#x201A;Źky half shandy, and absorb the brighl snd roony setting. On ihe menu, there are a large number of combinations io select from. Choose carefully as the potions are very

The ordering process is done at the counter

wiih an extensive range of sources (Pen Pe.i, Wild Herb, to name bur a few) to pick up- f13.50 should see you through a whole chicken, chips and a diet coke (free The chicken is cooked 1o your taste;'Lemon and Herb" is always a safe bet. There is a plethora of spiciness to cater for yourevery needi I like it saucy and

refilt. hot!

To cool offat the end.I recornnend a creany frozen yoghurt (difTerent flxvours every week) it is bottorirless, I cerLanrly one inl To top ir all off those sweeties have offered a 20E, discount to everyone flashing a valid UBHT hospital card. Are you still reading? Get down therell can t

fii a whole

Nando's tel: 01 l7 929926J

Talal Valliani

MEDICAL TRIIE STORIES On my GI firm my consultant (who $ill rernah nameless) was enthusiastically t€aching his house officer and I how to use a proctoscope. The patient assumed the position and the consultant administered tne Vaseline. lerned over him and got ready with his shiny scope. 'Now once you have the patient relaxed. tell them whai you are about to do and push it in." And without looking, he shoved the proctoscope up into his rectun- "And no\r,," as he peeEt up it, "I crn seeeeee. . ..Snoopy." He had managed to shove his amusing Peanuts tie up lhere as well.

A certain little blonde well known to all of

Price list for the Dolphin House Bar (under new matragement Paddy and Ollie)

gl Foste$ and John Smiths gl.Z) for Kronenboug (feeling wealthy?) 91.50 botttes of atcopops for shot + mixer f1.50 for double and mixer Aiershock (Doo't forget the challenge:Hold for 5, swilt for 5, gargle for 5, swallow and

fl tl

in the 4d

BREATIIE!)

year was about to perform an intemal examination on a rather large woman in ftont of her consultanl Gloves donned and KY smeared she prepared her middle digil. Not being able 1o properly visualise the labia due to rolls offlab, she "just wen forit." She lho ght the parient's vagina $4' a\ tull) rigbt lor a $oman who had given birth fow times, but shoved her second finger in and began examining bimanually. "Oh!" exclaimed lhe patient, "I think you might have the wrong hole there!" And she still got her card sigtred!

25p snacks

Happy hour hom 8pm to 9:30pm pints 5op With pdces like that how can you afford NOT to get drunk?!

On a

c,l. ward during rny first clinical attachment, I was oDe of ny first histories. The patienl had

trying to take On the ward with my Care of the Elderly consultanl, we were speaking to a delighttul litde old lady who was recovering from a stroke. Discussing her discharge my consultant mentioned managing her blood pressure. '1Dhh, is it stillhigh?" said the old deal-'No, ii's come down now- It's just where we want to keep ir." rcplied il€ consultant, "But my blood pressure needs ao be high." she said, getting very agitated. "Everyone in my family has high blood pressure! My daughter told me it was essential!" Medical jargon claims anolher victim.

just been diagnos€d with ulcentive colitis and was rather down about &e whole situation. W.nting to cheer him p and armed wilh a fairly good knowledge of inflammatory bowel diseasq which I wanted to show off, I said "well, yes, it's bad but it is limited to the colon and is far less severe thrn Crohn's disease. You're far better off than if you had Cmhn's." Rattling off a list of lhe reasons why Crohn's was worse tnan UC, the patient in the next bed called over. "Co Id you please shutup.I have Crohn'sl" I tend to conduct my histories in silence these days.

My E.N-T OSCE was not going well and I was getting extremely flustercd. I hadjust realised that tuming up

eqlqilgllp in nert

once over lhe previous two weeks would have been a good idea. I walked up to the next station and greeting ihe coosultant and patient I noticed the range of equipment on d|e desL AI familiar but I had no real idea how to actually use them. "Mr Brown is complaining of a teftsided heaiing loss. Please assess his hearing." In a panic I picked up the trning fork. smacked the patient on the forehead with it and asked. "Could you hear that?'

issue.

The Usual Defects do Clifion this rime I promise! Inter"r'iew with Mr Earlam-- The man behhd HEMS Medical Students - A nurse's eye view Clicendales 2002 The Bdstol Half Marathon Medical lookyJikeys

For the next issue, we want YOU to write to us (black-bsg-editors@hotmail.com) and give us more of your 'medical true stones' (anonymous of couse). Sfories of disasters, embarassments and cock-ups you have made orerperienced during your clinical trainbg. And everyone q fallen asleep in clidc; so don't trother with that one.

More from Ask Uncle Gargan Medical Jokes Eye on the world of medicine Medical True Stories

We don't want your body. We

just want what's inside. Tues lgth Feb, University Hall,6-8pm

Tues 5th ilarch, Clift.

Hill House, 6-9pm

Tues lgth lvlarch, Wills Hall, 6-9pm

Tues 30th April, Venue

tbt.

Wed 8th May, ttledical School' 2-5pm

You could save a life.

Bristol Outreach

ffir

Group

ln Association with The Anthony Nolan Trust

lf you would like more information about clinics in Bristol contact: Warre n,