THE BLACK BAG
BRISTOL MEDICAL SCHOOL Spring Term Ed., 2018
Editors-in-Chief: V. K. MANDAGERE & M. Y. QUINN Illustrator: M. ACHANTA Crossword designer: A. CLARKE Contributions: O. COLLERTON, G. CAHILL, B. GOMPELS, B. CRAWSHAW, N. REES @BlackBagBristol The Black Bag theblack_bag The Black Bag has been the medical school magazine since 1937. Published thrice every year, we are the voice of both students and alumni. Initially designed by the Faculty of Medicine as a scholastic publication, the Black Bag was taken over by students in the 1970s and replaced with a slightly less-polished perspective on the raucous life of medical students. Today, our articles range from the informative to the satirical, providing a platform for both thought-provoking discussion and comical musings. We look to reflect on the wide variety of Galenicals sub-societies (sports, music, drama) as well as to evaluate (and lampoon) the current state of the Bristol Medical School and the world of medicine. The Black Bag are always looking for contributors. If you are interested in writing for us, please email: blackbag@galenicals.org.uk
THE BLACK BAG
Editorial
4
Satire: Second Term In Review MEDIC TRIBES: President of EverySoc Doctor D’Oh
6-8 9-12 13
Interview: University Challenge
16-17
Reviews: Clinical Revue PCR
18-20 21-26
Crossword Editors’ Afterword Crossword Solution
28 29 30
EDITORIAL Reflections
from
the
Editors
Examination season hath begun. For some, it is the blind rush to memorise meaningless details of the clotting cascade. For others, stabbing your flatmates with various medical equipment in the hopes of elucidating blood. But the very word ‘examination’ appears to bring a bead of sweat to any medical student. After weeks of messing about on the wards, bantering with patients and occasionally saying some token words (“Differential diagnosis includes trauma and stress”), it seems outrageous that we actually have to recall some medicine. Yet in such trying times, we at The Black Bag hope to bring a whisper of joy into your life, reassuring you it could be worse. You could, God forbid, be studying Dentistry. This term’s Black Bag reflects us students in our most medic-ness, from reviews of PCR and the Clinical Revue (p. 18), to Collerton’s second term “News In Review”. On the interviews this term is Ben Crawshaw who very kindly agreed to tell us about his experiences , the struggles and successes, of University Challenge. Our fifth MEDIC TRIBES column satirises “President John”— the sycophantic medic, president of all societies, King of the CV. The writers told us they very much enjoyed writing this particular column. Perhaps all who read it can find a little piece of themselves in the high-achieving prat. This term’s magazine has a new feature on p. 13: Doctor D’Oh, where we showcase all your embarrassments and mortifications when you’ve been on placement. If you’d like to anonymously publish your humiliation for the entertainment of others, please email us at blackbag@galenicals.org.uk Yours, The Editors
NEWS IN REVIEW Second term Survey Finds Norovirus Slightly More Welcome on Wards than Medical Students A ground-breaking article in the BMJ reported that the majority of ward staff in the Avon and Somerset Trust believe Norovirus to be preferable to medical students. The news, when reported to the Academy of Medical Education, became a twist more shocking than the awkward semi-racist banter of that one elderly consultant. Yeah, that one. Whichever one you’re thinking of. That one. The Trust has released an accompanying statement: “To be fair, we were asked to consider a blight on patients that causes a total shutdown of all fruitful activity on a ward. Somehow Norovirus suddenly seemed appealing.” The presence of med-students on wards has been a baffling nuisance for several years. Many carefully planned studies have attempted to find the reason for their presence, but so far have failed to return convincing results. “It’s certainly perplexing,” said Dr Langsam, who headed one such study, “They just seem to turn up, looking like they want something. We hope that by pretending we don’t see them, we will be able to observe their natural movements and determine the reason for their presence. Sometimes we notice they are fewer in number and look quite sickly, especially on a Thursday morning. *laughs* Just one of those mysteries I suppose.” Further studies have been proposed; however funding has presented issues as several senior consultants have doubted the existence of these medical students whom they claim to never once have noticed.
Positive Projections for the NHS found due to chart being held upsidedown In an embarrassing turn of events, the predicted uptick in bed clearance for 2018 in Avon and Somerset has been found to be due to a graph being held upsidedown, and is in fact a catastrophic plunge. This is especially embarrassing for Trust Leads who self-congratulated to completion following the news. They now must deal with the reams of spur-of-the-moment policy decorating the majority of Trust hospitals like the aftermath of a fight between a combineharvester and a book entitled ‘Sensible Use of Resources’. Proposed policies included converting one bed per ward into an organic herb border and making all the clocks in the palliative care wards tick three times louder.
The/NHS 50 40 30 20 10 0 !10
2014
2015
2016
2017
2018
2019
2020
2021
!20 !30
The graph in question (Avon and Somerset NHS trust) The actual drop provides an insight into the current state of the NHS, in much the same way as the fall of Rome provided valuable information on the pros and cons of lead-based water transportation. To call it a downward trend would be to miss out on a great opportunity to use the word precipitous, or to just scream for about 45 minutes. However, hope remains that plans to return bunk beds to
wards will result in both greater bed availability and a faster patient turn-around due to low-hanging ceiling fans.
Child Psychiatrist Numbers Fall as it turns out most kids can’t hack the training The BBC has reported a worrying drop off in child psychiatrists, due mostly to the rigorous training program failing to entice those under the age of 12. The lack of allotted time for naps and the requirement for occasional long division have been named as some of the major sources of discontent. In more visceral showings of displeasure the training program has been branded “A big poopy” and some participants have taken it in turns to scream until they’re sick. The decision to open the psychiatry training to children was undertaken after the number of tired jokes about its relative ease reached critical mass, sending us spiralling into an alternate timeline. Sorry, I meant to say: because they realised being fully potty-trained was not really required, har-har. The Health Secretary has announced that they intend to combat the drop off by making psychiatry the first of the NHS disciplines to be fully automated by a series of machines whose sole function is to nod sagely every fifteen seconds.
O. COLLERTON 2nd Year, MB ChB
MEDIC TRIBES President
of
EverySoc
5am. John awakes from his slumber naked bar his NHS lanyard. He puts a timer on for 2.5 minutes, just enough time to brush all of his razor-sharp, careerorientated canines. He replaces his sleeping lanyard with a freshly-washed NHS one, puts on his fresh kicks and goes off for his morning run, taking several pictures on the way for his Instagram. #medic #mediclyf #medicalstudent #medicpresident #rundayfunday He’s training for the Bath Half, did you know? Of course you do. he’s already guilt-tripped you into donating on his JustGiving page. 8.40am, sharp. No-one is in the lecture theatre but him (and Herman the cleaner). John stands at the lecture, brimming with anticipation, gently massaging his…ego. Aroused with the power of standing in front of a crowd, John, in his idiosyncratically nasal voice asks the audience to fill in the feedback form: a speech he’s been practising for for 3 days- his mum thought it was great by the way. He walks back to his front-row seat, simultaneously filling in his UMeP reflection and updating his LinkedIn. He ensures he logs into his other accounts to endorse himself in public speaking and management. You see, John has leadership skills. He could be the next president of the BMA, and he has his little blue membership card to prove it. 1pm. When everyone else is draining their student loan in the Source Café, John makes his way up to the School of Physiology, Pharmacology and Neuroscience. He high-fives David Sheppard and bum-taps Mohammed Sohail. He straightens himself out, doing up his Presidents’ tie from the CardioVascular Society (CV soc), and approaches the PhD student he’s been ‘seeing’ for three months. Out of pure charity and benevolence, he gives the PhD
student a backrub as John finally hears those words he’s been waiting to hear since he was five years old. “John. It’s up. It’s on PubMed… You’re the second author.” His head swirls. Colours grow brighter. He hears birdsong, a choir, and feels the grace of God upon his shoulders. Euphoria. Two decile ranking higher, he leaves biomed building with honour. He knew those lunchtime back-rubs were worth it. He knew he deserved to swap his NHS lanyard with a Royal College one. It may only be his first year of medicine, but John knew it. John was a leading expert in his field.
6pm. John makes his way into the Richmond Building for the next INSPIRE lecture to network with the greats of Bristol Medical School. He bustles past the drunk students in the Balloon Bar. John tells several people on the way about his manifesto of increased mentoring for the Galenicals committee, increased mediasite training for Course Reps and increased contact hours for all medical students. John attempts to gather more connections on LinkedIn, but scurries away as he catches sight of a gaggle of Law students doing the same thing. An equally neurotic, high-achieving, yet inebriated student tells him that she loves him. No. Not for John. His CV is his true love. One hour of the INSPIRE conference will remove that filthy aura of disorder and return him back to the career-orientated, diligent and Presidential man he knew he once was.
John is Editor-in-Chief of the student research journal “Inspire”. As if anyone cares if you’re editor of a medics’ magazine.
8pm. After an evidence-based meal, John posts on Official Bristol Medics 2017-2022
John CV-Snatcher
***SOUTH WEST BROWN-NOSING CONFERENCE - ONE MONTH TILL ABSTRACT DEADLINE! *** We are accepting abstract submissions of any audit, SSU/SSC, case report, elective or other research project associated with the chance to climb the medical ladder. You will (for some reason) get a certificate, should you be the sycophantic type who needs to document their every achievement, no matter how small it is. As well as a gold star to show to your mates (should you have any who are willing to listen) Submissions will be judged by an expert panel (including myself) and those selected will be invited to present their poster with a chance of winning the poster competition. 8.30pm In bed, where his dreams come alive. “Congratulations, Dr. John. You’ve been accepted for the Academic Foundation Programme in North West Thames London Deanery with a 3 month research project in neurology. You’re one step into the long journey to becoming King of Medicine.”
A TRUE CYNIC
Doctor D’Oh Overheard
on
placement
We’ve all said some enormously stupid things on placement. Whether you’ve accidentally insulted a patient or called your consultant ‘Dad’, the hospital is a terribly embarrassing place for a medical student. Until now, students have had to hold onto their mortification. Now, they’re being published. ——
Yr 3 student to patient during OSCE at the end of a cardiovascular examination station: Thank you for your time. I’ll leave you now to Rest………….. In ………… Peace. —— I was once presenting a paediatric case to my consultant. Misinterpreting the doctor’s handwriting, I told him that the patient’s mother was a sex worker. She was a social worker. —— A very kind consultant once made a cup of tea for a psychiatric patient. She’s extremely low, drinking from what appeared to be an ordinary white mug. As the patient started to sip her tea, the consultant’s face transformed to a look of horror, not realising that “I’m a twat” was emblazoned on the bottom. I desperately tried to suppress my mirth. The patient was none the wiser. ——
Yr 4 to patient undergoing total hysterectomy: So you’re hoping that your periods will be lighter in the future then?
Have you had a D’Oh moment you need to share with the world? Email blackbag@galenicals.org.uk with your anonymous confession!
Health in an unequal world 6 – 8 pm, 3 May 2018 Bristol Energy Hub, Waterfront, Bristol, BS1 4XJ It is estimated that half of the world’s population have inadequate access to full health coverage. Yet enjoyment of the highest attainable standard of health is one of the fundamental rights of every human being, according to the constitution of the World Health Organization. This discussion event will look broadly at access to healthcare and inequality, with four researchers from the University of Bristol and Cardiff discussing their work on fertility, mental health, energy provision and transfusion medicine. Join us for a discussion about the challenges and opportunities facing healthcare in today’s unequal world. We hope it may even leave you questioning your very definition of health. Panel members: Gareth Griffith, Katherine Macinnes, Peter Thomas and Sara Davies, with Professor Rachael Gooberman-Hill, Director of the Elizabeth Blackwell Institute. Event is from 6 pm to 7:30 pm, followed by a drinks reception. Free and open to all, please book your ticket at: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/health-in-an-unequal-world-tickets44262321796
INTERVIEW University
Challenge
Ever gazed lovingly into Jeremy Paxman’s eyes? Do you lounge about on a chaise longue, watching hours and hours of University Challenge, flinching at every incorrect answer? Ever wondered that perhaps YOU could star in Starter for Ten but withdrew in fear, because you’re simply a lowly, uncultured medic? Well, fear not. In this article, we demystify the facts about University Challenge as we interview 4th year Ben Crawshaw who competed in his first year of university. So Ben, what was it like behind the scenes? Behind the scenes was really made up of three parts; auditioning for the team, competing to get to the televised rounds and then finally backstage! Surprisingly, being backstage was quite relaxed, all the production team are incredibly friendly and we were shown around the studios were everything was going on which was quite a nice look behind the scenes of TV in general.
What preparation did you do for it? Was it intense? We did quite a few pub quizzes and reading up on knowledge at home. One of our favourite places to go was the Alma Vale Inn with its plasticine
round, we used to do quite well in the knowledge sections there but unfortunately it was commonly attended by a team from Aardman animation so we usually lost on the plasticine!
What tips would you give anyone interested in doing UC? Just go for it! You’ll often be surprised by how much you know from just living life and being interested in random stuff. I went on the show in my first year at university so don’t think it’s only reserved for older students either.
Have you watched your own episode? were you really embarrassed by any point? I watched my own episode live and I’ve seen a few clips. I don’t think I’m embarrassed with any particular moments, still gutted about some answers I was beaten to on the buzzer but we were up against an exceptionally good team. What was your most memorable moment from the whole experience? “BRISTOL CRAWSHAW” Having your name read out by Roger Tilling is something quite special, maybe even worth losing five points!
REVIEWS Clinical
Revue
“We have a hugely talented bunch of students who can sing, dance, perform, take the piss out of their teachers in a very pointed and painful way. It’s just so enjoyable.” – Professor David Cahill
In an extraordinary feat of satirical sketches, spoof songs and an unexpected appearances, this year’s clinical revue was a roaring success. A testament to the hard-working team of directors, The Fleece Inn was packed with medics from all the clinical years, cackling to the tunes of “in MDEMO” (sung to the tune of Despacito), “My Heart Murmur” and “Sexual History”. Opening the show was a terrifying (yet moving) soliloquy by Prof David Cahill, clad in a fur robe and wielding a makeshift sword. By far the most well-received sketch was the two-part “Soft, Non Tinder” where awkward medical student (played by the dynamic Vishnu Menon) attempts to date using the CambridgeCalgary model. The line “I’m sorry, I don’t like approaching the bed from the left” left everybody in stitches—a fear perhaps we all have? Sam Miller’s performance in “Jekyll and Blythe” skit was carried out with extraordinary accuracy, with the quivering
voice and shaky eye-lids one can solely ascribed to Bristol Medical School’s lovable Head of Examinations. “OSCEARS” – the OSCARs for patient actors – most certainly deserves a mention, with Tash Lakin as the overambitious actress, who coughs due to the death of her son (“Oh the winters were bitter!”) and Hannah Freer as the actress with the unexplored sexual history.
I don’t think we’ll ever know the carrot story We caught the directors back stage for a quick interview.
BB: So tell us, what was your favourite sketch? Sam: Jekyll and Blythe. We kept him in as a closely guarded secret. We’ve never had a member of staff in it live!
BB: So you’ve been doing this for 3 years now?
Sam: 6 years now. It’s been a lot of effort and time, but it’s worth it on the night. Ennan: “Rehearsals in the morning. Six nations in the afternoon. Dance parties in the evening”
BB: What was the biggest challenge? Sam: Getting Matt to rehearsals.
BB: Any interesting rehearsal stories? Sam:I kissed Ennan back stage. It was very passionate Ennan: Oh don’t worry. It was only tongue Camilla: “I bit Vish’s lip during rehearsal when we were meant to kiss.”
BB: Any final comments? Ennan: “I never had a speaking role before medical school, yet I’ve managed to do something every year doing something for Galenicals drama. For anyone who thinks they can’t act, just get involved. Tash: Absolutely, the medics drama family is so nice. Oh look, Andrew Blythe is buying us drinks! Ben Crawshaw: The clinical revue is something you’ll remember for your entire life. It’s a wonderful family of likeminded people… I’d recommend it for anyone! V. K MANDAGERE Editor-in-Chief
REVIEWS Pre-clinical
Revue
After a new venue, new script and (largely) new cast, this year’s all-new PCR had finally arrived. With the venue filled to the rafters and the tension palpable, it had a lot to live up too. Last year’s PCR was a ‘box-office’ hit. Like in every PCR that has preceded this one, nothing was off-limits in this annual spectacle. Jammed packed with side-splitting, this one certainly didn’t disappoint.
Individual performances With a witty script and trademark costumes, it could have been easy for the cast to forget all about the acting part. But indeed, it was some sensational acting that made this production really come to life. Making his debut in PCR was Dr Scott Patterson, played superbly by Arif Rahman. Capturing, without question, the Scottish charms of this Dr of the D.R., we felt for him as he undertook the trials and tribulations of becoming Dr Morgan’s number one. With a takka takka in one hand and the mercy of an evil ex in the other, this romantic found himself in more fights than Jackie Chan. In
each one though, the unwavering commitment to his true love shone right though. Perfectly cast as Dr David Morgan was Matt Zagni. As the ying to Rahman’s yang, Zagni’s energy throughout the play was infectious. His ruthless rant to a latecomer during a rendition of ‘happy birthday’ had the room in hysterics; who could forget that entrance inside a present, complete with feather boa?!
Max Harvey had some golden moments as Dr Jan Frayne. As the popular Welsh biochemist, he delivered lectures, a somewhat original take on the welsh national anthem (did I mention I was Welsh too?), and even a Chilli Daddy order for two. Completely transformed in body and mind, his characterisation didn’t stop after he had delivered his lines; the interaction with characters on stage was priceless entertainment. Max took his character to the heights of the Welsh mountains and far beyond. Accents can be the making or breaking of a performance. The natural Irish tones of Jack McAlinden (complete with the Hawaiian shirt of course) could have been mistaken for the real Dr Thompson himself. The compulsive simultaneous consumption of salad leaves and Guinness is something I couldn’t
help but notice whenever he was on stage! Comedic timing between the Mo duo (Naadir Nazar and Arshan Hussain) made their entrances and contributions all-the-more hilarious, a feat especially impressive considering Hussain’s introduction only several weeks before the night itself.
Music and highlights Speaking to Dr Morgan and Dr Allsop beforehand, they confided to be, ‘looking forward’ to the show. Dr Morgan explained that he hadn’t had the chance to meet his PCR equivalent beforehand but alas, he didn’t have to wait long. A powerful addition to any show, the directors took advantage of some serious musical talent amongst the cast. Guitar playing Zagni stunned with a rap that was perhaps the highlight of the show. Using trademark catchphrases, it received rapturous applause and was a feat that Jay-Z himself, would no doubt be proud of. The rock parody ensembles complete with on-screen lyrics to get the audience involved, were also a hit. The music, one could say, was a play in itself. The costumes deserve credit too. Simple yet effective, the long locks and crop-top of Max’s alter ego was instantly recognisable. And then there were the videos. Gracie Khoury deserves much credit for her work taking on both the filming and editing
roles. The comical clips took us from ‘frolicking in Russian fields of wheat’ (I can’t confirm or deny whether this was shot on location), to a ‘recent vets practical’ which went down especially well with the audience of medics!
Seriously though, this play was a real success and the hard work of all those involved was clear to see, with the cast deserving every credit for their performances. As writers and directors, Jo Jameson and Naadir Nazar should be extremely proud of what they achieved, and all for such a worthy cause. We were lucky enough to catch an interview with the directors just before the show:
What inspired you to choose Dr Scott Patterson for the play? Nadir (N): Well, he was at the afterparty last year when Jo came up with the idea Jo (J): He lends himself to such a project as PCR. He is inherently such a joke. We actually used a trick when writing it that I learnt from a mate of mine:
William Shakespeare. We explain the plot in the first five minutes so that people understand it
So, what can you tell us about this storyline? J: Well, Dr David Morgan has been in an on-off relationship with Scott Patterson and… N: (Interrupting) …it’s complicated! J: It transpires that if he wants to be with David Morgan, he must fight his seven evil exes; and we have a mystery evil ex that we can’t possible reveal!
What were rehearsals like? N: Ahhh the past week has been stressful! J: The cast have been really good actually N: Yeah we’re all a close group; apart from Jo… he’s just a pain!
J: Well, it’s important for me creatively you know N: He wore a turtle neck in practice and refused to speak to the cast, a few mind games. J: Well the bottom line is that you stand no chance of being able to direct people unless you can totally break them down! It like being in prison- you’ve got to maintain the power!
Now for some more serious questions. What turns you on creatively, spiritually and emotionally? J: (Jo slams hand on table) I’m always turned on! To remain on the excited fringe of creativity, I’ve got to be constantly turned on! (Looks to Nadir and they both laugh) N: PCR night will turn me on!
Interesting! What’s your least favourite word? (Simultaneously answer) J: Nadir N: Jo Jameson- two words!
If you were at the gates of heaven, what would you say? N: I would obviously ask for forgiveness! (Doesn’t elaborate any further.) J: I’d have a conversation with myself, like I do every morning, looking into the mirror… N. REES 2nd Year MB ChB 2nd year rep
Graduating from Bristol Medical School this year? Perhaps you are already scurrying along the wards as a junior doctor? Or are you a consultant preparing your next lecture on Why Medical Students Aren’t As Diligent Nowadays? For any of the above scenarios, you’d want to keep in touch with your favourite magazine, THE BLACK BAG!
This year, we’ve teamed up with the Galenicals Alumni. Graduates of Bristol Medical School can now subscribe and have the journal sent directly to their doorstep. Simply go to https://goo.gl/forms/r08kXTZrLbg7RQvZ2 and for an annual fee of £18, you can read about the whimsical world of your medical alma mater.
EDITORS’ AFTERWORD Thank you for reading THE BLACK BAG. It took us blood, sweat and tears, so even if you didn’t enjoy it, keep it to yourself. Medical Students were once described by Charles Dickens as “a parcel of lazy, idle fellars, that are always smoking and drinking and lounging…”. We hope this issue has you fully convinced that he was right. If we haven’t just put you off, why not send us an article? We want the whole of the Bristol Medical School community writing for us- students, staff and alumni! All ideas are welcome. Email us at blackbag@galenicals.org.uk
— YEAR REPS: Year 1: T. GREENSLADE Year 2: N. REES Year 3: J. HUTCHINGS Year 4: C. ALBRINES PROOFREADER: M. E. C. McGLADDERY
THE BLACK BAG Galenicals Publication Bristol Medical School