The Terrors of Capitalism Jay Mason

The Terrors of Capitalism

A new survey out says 64% of Americans own smartphones. Which is interesting because in a related survey 100% of smartphones say they own an American. ~ Jimmy Fallon

By Jay Mason

Our world is full of new discoveries. Most of them are good for us. However, since almost everyone now has a cell phone, there are terrorists on the loose. I used to think that the most annoying moments in my life were drug commercials on television. Why do you advertise drugs on television? I would think your doctor would know about new drugs that might help your condition; I have now heard about conditions I never wanted to know about in my lifetime. I can’t find the mute button fast enough. If you really listen to those annoying pleas to ask your doctor about this or that new drug, you will change your mind if you hear all the incredibly bad side effects of this alleged panacea.

But I digress. There is a more sinister threat that reaches out to all of us. It comes at all hours of the day or night. It comes at inconvenient times (usually dinner). These terrorists insert themselves into the private lives of people all over the world. Who are these devilish creatures roaming the world, seeking the ruin of bank accounts? TELEMARKETERS.

At the beginning of this plague, we all had home phones. Usually we were listed in a directory of some kind. That made easy work for the telemarketing company to develop a list of potential victims. Then the cellphone came into our lives. Many directories have disappeared, and personal land lines have been dropped by most people. Consumer, 1; Telemarketer, 0. But no, it took some time, but now they call cellphones just as often as land lines. The Do Not Call Directory is not effective either because these phone abusers have access to an unlimited amount of phone numbers, and no one wants to spend their time each day reporting numbers to a directory.

These dark-side collaborators have also become cleverer. It seemed like in the beginning, all of the calls originated from New Jersey. Now, thanks to modern science, the robo-bandits can determine your area code and prefix and call you as if it is a local call. Shame, shame, shame. The insular world created by cell phones, email, and texting just becomes more isolated, because now unless you are glutton for punishment, you never answer a call from a number you do not recognize. Who knows? Your crazy Aunt Martha might be trying to reach out to you after leaving Gallup 30 years ago to join the circus. The possibility of adventure and contact with unknown family members is much more difficult these days.

The use of a local number is just one of many tactics used by the strongarm salesmen. The other day I was called at work by a credit card company for a new product. It was something I was interested in, but by the time they asked all of their important questions (which lasted 20 minutes), I changed my mind and hung up on them. End of story, right? Wrong! They started calling every hour on the hour like I was the last customer on earth. They called my staff. Finally, I had to threaten them with legal action to stop the calls.

Several years ago, a telemarketer called the Missionaries of Charity in Gallup. This is the order of wonderful sisters founded by Mother Teresa. He was selling detergent, and the sister who answered the phone spoke little or

no English. The sisters come from around the world, and this sister was from Sri Lanka. Unbeknownst to her, she ordered a truckload of detergent over the phone. When the truck arrived, they came to see me. First, we returned to soap to somewhere back East, and I got the pleasure of calling back the salesman from hell. He first very aggressively defended his sale of enough soap to stock every laundromat in Gallup. Then I asked, “Do you know who you sold the soap to?” He replied, “Missionaries.” I retorted, “That’s right. You sold a truckload of soap to Mother Teresa. The sisters have no money and rely on Divine Providence each day to operate their shelter and soup kitchen. Congratulations!” Then I informed him that the detergent was on its way back to him, and if I could have his home address, I would be glad to ship it there. (Not really.) His enthusiasm for the sale waned, and he put me on hold so he could talk to his supervisor. I waited patiently, and he returned with the news that the order was cancelled. He also asked the sisters to pray for him.

My son, Patrick, told me about an ingenious app called Robokiller. They have answer bots which you choose to answer the terrorists. Some examples are the Hello bot which just keeps saying hello intermittently until the salesman gives up. In another one, the call is answered by a person with a Russian accent who informs the caller that he has reached the Russian Gulag. There is also a Trump impersonator that informs the seller that he is speaking to the President who is very busy. He sounds just like our President and goes on and on about how busy he is. Another clever scenario is the Detective who answers the phone in the middle of a crime scene. In between talking with the telemarketer, he is describing the body and barking orders to his fellow investigators. One of my favorites is one that answers, “Hang on one second – 911, what is your emergency?” The dispatcher continues to interrupt the caller with emergency calls until the caller hangs up.

I have read many articles about this problem, and it seems the best solution to the problem as always is very simple: IF YOU DON’T KNOW THE NUMBER, DON’T ANSWER THE PHONE. If it is important, they will leave a message. However, as Pope Francis said the other day in Panama at World Youth Day, we need to disengage from our phones. Salvation is not “up in the cloud.” It is not a new app to be discovered and downloaded. “The salvation the Lord offers us is an invitation to be part of a love story interwoven with our personal stories; it is alive and wants to be born in our midst so that we can bear fruit just as we are, wherever we are, and with everyone all around us.”

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