Liberating questions Questions are often more helpful than answers. No matter whether you are coaching someone or taking stock of your own situation, questions can help. Truly liberating questions are neutral: the wording gives no hint of what you might like the answer to be, and contains no implied criticism. Here are some classic candidates for Deep Listening. If not me, then who? If not now, then when? What am I feeling, at this instant? What do I know, in my heart? Listening to myself Interestingly, all three of the classics are questions ‘to myself’. Generic examples usually need reformulating to meet your own situation: working on the question until it is truly neutral can in itself be an amazingly liberating experience, as you shed layers of values and beliefs about what ‘should be’. Regular silent reflection is as useful as regular exercise is for the body. It may not be an onerous undertaking: there is no need to become a hermit and sit all day in cross-legged meditation to make any progress. Often a few minutes is enough. But indeed, to experience the power of selfquestioning we need to make space. Some praxis questions that can be asked at any time – even by setting a clock: When I do this (what I am doing at this moment), what is it I am really doing? Why do I choose to do it? How do I feel about doing it?
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Some questions in a situation of change: What is the worst thing that can possibly happen, if I do this/make a wrong decision? What do I most want to change? What is the smallest step I can take now, to come closer to what I want? Who would I like to have as an ally? More general questions that may come up from time to time, in one form or another: What are the qualities of a perfect day, for me? What stops me from doing or being what I want to do or be? Is there a pattern to the things that stop me? Is there a relationship in my life that I would like to improve? What gives me energy, and what steals it? Two minutes a day – too much to spend on reflection? Pick your question of the day and set your alarm or other device for a time when you will be alone. If you can, keep a log of the changes you want and the steps you take. When you look back, you may be surprised at how much has changed. The questioning coach The heart of coaching is the ability to ask liberating questions – and to Deep Listen to the answers! In fact the listening is even more important; most people who come to be coached are entirely willing to talk, even in the absence of questions. But the practice at formulating good questions for oneself can be very useful. In Global Action Plan’s model of empowerment (ref ESD Dialogues) we identify seven major intervention points in the empowerment process. Each point can be used to formulate helpful questions adapted to the coachee and your relationship. Focus What is this about? Where is the focus of your attention? What is it about your situation that you would most like to change or improve? What is your biggest fear? Caring How can I help? What question would you like to ask yourself right now? Is this something you recognise? Has this sort of thing happened to you before? How do you feel about the situation [when x happens]? How do you imagine that y [person] feels when x happens? What could y have seen [perceived] in this situation? Formulating questions Can you describe the facts of the situation [without the feelings]? What do you need to know, in order to take another step? What is stopping you? Say more about your difficulty? Liberating questions.docx
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Finding out Are you satisfied with the answers to your questions? Might someone else take a different view of things? Are there other places you might look for answers? Formulating intention What is the smallest step you can take now, and still move in the direction you want to go? What is the best thing that can happen if you carry out your intentions? Who will not like it if you succeed? What is the worst thing that can happen if you carry out/don’t carry out your intentions? What do you need, to make it happen? Does it make sense? What is success? – how will you know you have succeeded? If you woke up Monday morning and your dreams had come true: how would you know? What would be different? Action Are you satisfied with progress? Is there something else you need, to succeed? Do you still think your intentions make sense? Feedback How do you see/measure results? Do you need help to gauge/interpret results? How do you feel about results? Who else will be interested in hearing about your results? Is there something you wanted to do, but were not able? What stopped you? How do you feel now about your intentions and plans?
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