Swanshurst KS3 magazine

a m e n i Sc U a Did od o l f y l l ng i actua r u d rs, a e t rs ? th i a t w .

S . . ur O n i ult a F e Th

Is J ust in B rea eib lly a er n al ien?

Is this picture book too scary to be read by ordinary humans?

Why has Zayn had both eyes transplanted?

In Swanshurst’s new Culture magazine for KS3 we answer all the most important questions!

Why are they remaking the Harry Potter films?

Swanshurst already has two magazines— the Cygnet, designed to record all the brilliant things that go in school throughout the year, and the Bookworm, our online culture magazine for KS4 and 6th formers.

Now we want to start a magazine for KS3 where you can write about all the things you love or are interested in. The hope is that it will largely be student led - written, designed and edited by you.

This is just a taster - a small measure of what might be possible. It’ll be up to you in the Autumn to make it yours and to make it interesting!

Special thanks to Shakira, Finn, Mia, Koyel, Maraam and Imogen.

Always remember that the library staff are brilliant.

Especially Mr Beniston!

First we need to decide what to call it!

We’ll have a suggestion box at the start of term so get your thinking caps on - it would be nice if it were something vaguely book, film or culture related. The Dancing Unicorns of Awesomeness probably won’t be what we’re looking for!

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CONTENTS

6  

   

The Carnegie Award Your favourite things of 2014 so far Finn’s Olden Days Mia! Baz Luhrmann Author visits

14

10

8

12

30

Lame Joke of the Month A patient came running to my psychiatry office screaming "I'm a teepee!

I'm a wigwam!" I told him "Relax, you're two tents".

NO He’s just an idiot!



er b i e B n ti n? s e i u l J na Is a lly a e r

Why are they remaking the Harry Potter films?

The World is a crazy place.

Sometimes its hard to know what to believe!*

?

Apparently, children watching the Potter films around the world keep falling into comas—thought to be due to boredom. Divergent star Theo James will be the new Harry. There’ll be more guns too. *Being silly is fun. You should try it

ma e n i c US a d i D od o l f y l l ng i actua r u d rs, a e t s? h r t i a t w .

S .. ur O n i ult a F e Th

Why has Zayn had both eyes transplanted?

YES Several small children almost drowned but were saved by the local basketball team who managed keep their heads above the water!

Zayn now has the eyes of a killer whale - so that he’ll be able to see underwater.

Who would have thought it?

Is this picture book too scary to be read by ordinary humans?

YES

Jon Klassen’s This is not my Hat may cause insanity according to the British Society for the Protection of Small Fishes. Be warned!

Next year in December, we have a number of authors, poets and storytellers coming to Swanshurst for a Year 7 Enrichment day.

The bad news is that most of you won’t get to hear them speak— sorry, Year 7s only—but we are going to run competitions so that a few of you will get to hang out with one of your heroes and get a free signed book of your choice too.

We have a trio of amazing, prize-winning authors—Bali Rai, Frances Hardinge and Sally Nicholls. If poetry is your thing then you’ll get the chance to meet Birmingham’s former Poet Laureate Spoz, or if you’re a budding artist then you’ll meet Horrible Science illustrator Tony de Saulles.

My advice is this: if you want to win I would start some reading, writing and drawing over the summer. If you've never read a novel by one of these authors it’s a chance to try something new. Once you’ve read some of their books it’ll be time to get creative. Why not get together a portfolio of reviews, stories, poems or artwork so that you’re ready for anything when we announce the competitions in the Autumn.

Former poet laureate and super-Brummie Spoz http://www.spoz.net/

Sally Nicholls http://www.sallynicholls.com/

Bali Rai http://www.balirai.co.uk/

Frances Hardinge http://www.franceshardinge.com/

Leila Rashid http://leilarasheeddotcom.wordpress.com/

Artist and illustrator (of the Horrible Science series and much more) Tony de Saulles http://www.tonydesaulles.co.uk/ Local author, poet and letter-writer-supreme Jodi Ann Bickley: her book One Million Lovely Letters hit the bestseller charts earlier this year - http://onemillionlovelyletters.com/

I’ve stolen this from the Bookworm. Year 7s should hold off Rainbow Rowell— too much swearing!

Hello. My name is Finn. I like old things. In fact, the entire purpose of my reviews is to show to the world that old things are not necessarily bad things. Some of the best things in life are old things.

And for my first review, I am reviewing my all-time favourite film, The Princess Bride.

Hello. My name is Inigo Montoya.

You killed my father. Prepare to die Buttercup: You mock my pain.

Man in Black: Life is pain, Highness. Anyone who says differently is selling something.

Prince Humperdinck: Surrender.

Westley: You mean you wish to surrender to me? Very well, I accept.

Inconceivable!

The title may be a little short of the story’s humour, cleverness, and, of course, sword fights (seriously, this film has the best sword fights in any film ever), but even a title like that doesn’t matter when the film is as good as this. I think it may be a deliberate misnomer; after all, the whole thing is simply a mickey-take of fairy tales. There’s something in it for everyone. Battles of wits, revenge, climbing cliffs of insanity, a little bit of death, and, of course, true love, for all you romantics out there.

Now enough worshipping the film. Why should I expect you to watch it if you don’t know what happens? At first, there’s a girl on a farm called Buttercup, and her farm boy, Westley, who only ever says “as you wish”.

Guess what? They’re made for each other. Buttercup seems to have very bad hearing, as whenever Buttercup thinks Westley says, “as you wish”, he’s ACTUALLY saying “I love you”. She then realizes she loves him, and kissy-kissy ensues.

Then Westley gets brutally murdered by a pirate. Buttercup isn’t very happy about this, as you can imagine, and she vows to never love again. THEN she gets engaged to a prince, but thankfully also gets kidnapped by a giant, a Spanish guy with a sword and a clever, albeit annoying, Sicilian (aka the dinosaur from Toy Story) before that happens. I shall give no more information, in case spoilers are written.

If you watch this film, you shall not be disappointed. Even if, after reading this review, you aren’t convinced to watch it, do so anyway.

It will surprise you. In a good way, I promise.

The One-Way Trip to the Child Psychologist

With Mia Khachidze

The Unbearable Darkness of Being (a Fish) A tribute to two books: Milan Kundera’s beautiful old classic, The Unbearable Lightness of Being; and heart breaking new masterpiece This is Not My Hat by Jon Klassen.

One of the most frustrating things about being twelve years and ten months old is many people seem determined to forget the fact that you are not stupid. (Well, allegedly.) Due to an unfortunate and inexplicable lapse of memory, I cannot remember much of my infant years, but, from observing other children of that age, I can safely determine that people were a hundred times more patronising, condescending, belittling and generally more stuck up that they are to an almost-teenager. While I, as my glorious three-year-old self, was discovering a wide range of impressive and hidden talents, Extreme Blanketing (don’t ask) and not being stupid among them, these so-called ‘sensible grown-ups’ were lowering themselves in their attempt to raise themselves in my estimation. This is why my newfound respect for Jon Klassen is still growing.

He does not leave much unsaid in his amazing book, This is Not My Hat, even though his audience is most likely… how shall I put this, un -grown-up. Not that I am saying adults should not read it; Klassen’s style of writing and choice of plots bear a striking resemblance to those of Milan Kundera. Really, the connotations are too striking to

ignore. Just as Winnie the Pooh was made into a gateway into Taoism in Benjamin Hoff’s The Tao of Pooh, I believe that this book has the potential to become a major religious and cultural milestone for those in centuries yet to come. It is too brilliant to go on to be made into nothing.

It recently won the Greenaway award for best illustrated children’s book of the year, a title it is worthy of, I do believe.

Perhaps it is aimed at relatively innocent three-year-olds, but I can assure you, ladies and gents, this book is darker than The Hunger Games and more depressing than The Bell Jar. The pictures, which one would think recommend it to the younger readers, serve only to enhance the gut-twisting, heart-pounding horror of the fish’s story.

It tells the tale of a little fish who has stolen a hat (Klassen does nothing to hide the harsh reality of the fish’s lifestyle choices from the supposedly innocent three-year-old readers) and is fleeing to the hidden refuge of the thick water plants. The water plants I believe are a metaphysical representation of the place of safety all ‘drifters’ in society are trying to reach. The little fish has committed the crime of stealing a hat and is pursued through the perilous ocean by a large fish, which I chose to interpret as a manifestation of the little fish’s suppressed guilt. Others, however, may think of the big fish as a reflection of the obligations of Prague—the setting of Kundera’s positively magical book.

All in all, this book is a one-way trip to the child psychologist. It involves a theft, a testy big fish, a backstabbing Judas of an almostfriend, several insults, a stalker, a chase, crushed dreams and a possible murder. Definitely one for the three-year-olds. Jon Klassen, like Milan Kundera, has a dark, twisted sense of humour, which, unlike Kundera, he projects onto toddlers through his ‘children’s books’ (read this and I Want My Hat Back, and you’ll see what I mean). It’s heart breaking and soul crushing. I love it.

Written by: the amazing, beautiful, brilliant and modest Mia Khachidze (Form 8N of Swanshurst School).

There were loads of brilliant reviews—here are just a few Liar and Spy I could choose to ignore the people who insult this novel every Friday Carnegie meeting, but I will not, for the sole reason that if I do not defend this brilliant, heartwarming book, with its brilliant, heartwarming characters, I believe that no-one will. Perhaps I cannot fault people for not favouring this book above all others; perhaps I cannot fault people for not loving it as I myself do; but I can and will blame those who discredit this book because it is not quite to their taste, and therefore, in their opinion, terrible. It goes against all my morals to leave them prey to their own prejudices, and so I shall not stay silent on a subject I feel so strongly about.

"A boring book," I heave heard the unforgiving critics say as they tell all their friends about the ins and outs of the Carnegie shortlist.

"Too mundane. Too... stale." They forget, every time they think of this novel, that the main character Georges is more brilliant than they could ever be with their minds narrowed as they are now. He has a will and he finds a way, through Safer, a twelve-year-old spy who sees something in Georges that everyone else ignores. The characters have enough determination to stand up to the world and win and yet are still too..."stale". These critics seems to forget that their lives are twice as "mundane" as Georges' ever will be.

Are they hypocrites? No, just misguided--in my opinion. Opinions matter a lot, don't they? I hope I have changed yours.

This book's brilliance lies in its ability to turn normal lives into complex, unsolvable plots; and, what's more, it does so so naturally that people no longer notice. They feel justified in standing in a corner, complaining about the staleness of Liar & Spy --and who am I to dispute that? I just want people to remember that this is a beautiful, and almost too convincing book, and they cannot call it boring without denigrating their own normal ("mundane") lives. They forget all this on a daily basis, and that twists and warps their view of the whole world, and, more importantly, their view of this amazing novel. I just want to remind them to look for the brilliance in their own lives, instead of looking for beauty in impossible places. Mia

Blood Family I am naturally cynical. When you cry, I laugh.

When you laugh, I make a snarky comment as to how unfunny whatever you're laughing at is. But even I, The Cynic Supreme, couldn't help but let out a little "aww" now and again while reading Blood Family. Me. That is a great achievement on Anne Fine's part, and a defeat on mine. I know when I am beaten.

I love books with violence. And the way she did the different points of view was genius. It's so weird how so much time can go past in 291 pages. When it starts, he's 7. when it ends, he's nearly 16. I like that. I also liked how the way the characters spoke and acted was true to their ages. I personally think Liev from The Wall and Bryce Harris would get along great. They're both abusive, manipulative and dominant. The two authors should collaborate.

They'd do great things and make abusive maniacs together. I'd read it.

Now that I've started babbling, I should finish this review with a 9/10. Finn Rooftoppers Amazing, brilliant, fantastic those are the good things about this mind-shattering book! You can't put it down for a second, it was that good.

The suspense, the magic, it's almost true! You didn't quiet expect the sudden ending. It was just fabulous!!!

It's about a girl called Sophie who goes mother hunting with a man called Charles also she meets a adventurous boy called Matteo who lives in the sky.

Happy reading!!! :) Amna

The Wall I have read all of the books and This is my fifth favourite. That's not to say it's not a good book; it is. It was the first one I picked up as the cover was fascinating, and I was gripped from the first few sentences. However, the ending, while unpredictable, seemed to let the whole book down.

What I didn't realise until I had finished was that the book was based on real life situations in Israel and Palestine. With that knowledge, the whole story made much more sense but also brought the reader closer to it. It was realistic yet still hauntingly dystopian, and it serves to show that such things don't just happen hundreds of years in the future after some apocalyptic event. They're happening now. This revelation casts a whole new light on the novel.

I liked the character development. Joshua grew up so quickly and became strong and brave, and even as he stood up to his step father, L became weaker. The reactions were real and easy to relate to, and I liked that the loyalty of friends was tested and broke as it so often does. I'm also glad that the romantic relationship, which would have been easy to do, didn't happen in the end, which again makes the book more realistic, as love at first sight rarely happens in life.

I think, however, that the ending was rather anti-climatic. The final main event was triumphant but not exciting, and quite predictable once you remove the effects of the second-to-last main event, which was the only thing that stopped the book from being clichĂŠd.

Overall, I'd say this book is good for people who like romance and real-life situations, but it's not quite as dystopian as the cover might lead you to believe. Zoe

Rooftoppers when i first saw the cover for the book Rooftoppers, i knew instantly, that i had to read it. The cover for Rooftoppers is really interesting because it is set in Paris(which is my favorite city in the world) and you can even see the Eiffel tower in the distance. the cover relates to the book as well as it has two shadowy figures on the rooftops.(a boy and a girl.) When i started reading Rooftoppers, i couldn't put the book down. I especially, loved the way the author described the characters. my favorite character in the book is Sophie because i love how she is really bold and does not care what anyone thinks of her. She is described very well, my favorite phrase is when the author says ` she has hair the colour of a lightning bolt.' the book is about a girl who has been in a shipwreck when she was little. She sets off for Paris with her guardian Charles, hoping that she would find her mother. On the way to finding her mother, she meets a boy and with his help they discover things that could change Sophie's life forever. This a lovely book and i recommend that it should be read by everybody who likes stories with happy endings. Hope you enjoy the book! Aleena The Bunker Diary The book I read and reviewed was called The Bunker Diary. I just loved it, it was the truly most heart-breaking but most enjoyable book ever. Everything about the book was mysterious and to me , even the front cover was mysterious! At first I thought it was going to be the most annoying and boring book ever judging by the front cover. The room was blue , there was a boy sitting on a plain bed in the corner, had in his hands. I thought at first what is happening? Reading on , I just could not put the book down..... Everything was just swirling round in my head, I could not keep it in. I did not like it because of the way it was just too depressing. My favourite character was Jenny. The reason why for this was because of the way at her age, darkness was being revealed to her. She was living without her mum and dad and was stuck in a place she knew not of with strange people before her. How could anything get any worse? I liked the way it was written in a diary but also like a story and I also liked the way the months and dates were written. Most of all, I liked the ending. At first I was thinking what is happening with the shortage of words and the missing page numbers and dates. I did not understand what was going on so I had to ask what was happening , I found that what the author did was the most clever thing. The last two things I would like to say is that firstly I hated the way everything ended tragically and the final thing is danger might be lurking behind you, never do something too quick or you will never know where you might be next. Halima The Bunker Diary HsvblidsvlisdfligerfdiphFkldxnrvhoixdfzerklbdoygjbkerfesi urylferbzerogufrelihfsrlekhfserhoielrjbfrehoiferlbferh Ueriubferiug.feeogufweguofwzeog Ueebouferogluf This is how I express my feelings when I have read the worlds best book! Horror. Horror. Horror. The book is full of horror and the fight for survival truly shows the love we have for the people around us and how we are grateful for everything we have. Keep your friends close and your enemies closer is a true saying reflected through out the book. Along the way we understand the feelings of isolation and meet several different characters. Including a terminally ill man with cancer, a boy who has left home, an innocent little girl, an alcoholic, a business woman and a big man called Fred.

Along the way they are forced to make friendships and support each other on the way. But, there is one things they all have in common, they all sit in anticipation of what the man upstairs will do to them.

In my opinion, the book is perfected to the maximum that perfection can reached. Every single letter keeps you hanging for the next. No joke at all. This book isn't for the light hearted but you have to be brave and read it. The book is word every second that you use to read it.

My favourite part of the book is when each character comes in. You never know what to expect deep down in... THE BUNKER DIARY. Tasnim

Rooftoppers I absolutely adored this book because it is a story about a girl who has hair the colour of lightning and full of hope. I also like Charles too, because he is so good to Sophie and still follows her hopes and dreams. I think this book should almost definitely win the Carnegie medal this year because the story works out so well. Maimuna

BIG thanks to all the girls who took part this year!* Najma 7U Basmah 7T Banan 7R Rwan 7R Safiah 7D Saida 7Y Yousra 7D Noor-Ul-Huda 7E Sabah 7R

Kaci-May 7R Zulikha 7U Waaizah 7E Maya 7U Siyam 7D Amina 7D Aneeqa 7A Riham 7D Azba 7R

Shifaa 9S Hana 8N Bayaan 9S Zeba 9R Wafa 8E Asma 8T Amirah 8T Hermeen 9A Maryam 9A

Nayab 9S Meryem 8L Kalsom 8N Hafiza 9A SAishah 8R Muqaddas 8T Qurat 8R Alia 8A

*And to Ms Yates and Ms Hopkins who worked so hard to make it all happen!

Farah 8A Arig 8U Farheen 8Y Lmees Ali 8Y Saba Ali 8S Aisha 8D Thanzeela 8T Zainab 8N Rabia 8S Asra 8E

Zoe 9E Hayat 9E Chloe 8A Khadija 8T Aisha 9E Sara 8U Farrah 9L Bernice 8S Samsam 8Y Tasnim 10L

Khusbakth 8T Zarva 9E Nadia 8S Ammaara 9E Firoza 7T Asiyah 7E Aleena 7S Almaas 7U Andaleeb 7N

Zarah 7A Sadia 7Y Amna 7Y Halima 7R Saliha 7S Rukkaya 7R Omaima 7R Hana 7S Simran 7Y

WANTED Editors Designers Writers This magazine is an experiment - to take a look at some of the things that KS3 students are passionate about and to show off their eclectic talents.

If you want to contribute in the Autumn when we launch the magazine for real why not put together a two-page review or article during the summer. It can be serious, funny, weird, creative or intellectual - it’s gonna be YOUR magazine!

Just make sure you use Publisher (NOT Word, Photoshop or anything else please).

2014

So far

B. Throne of Glass F. Harry Potter Sumayya 8A

B. No ughts and C F. Bac rosse k to t s he Fu M. Th ture e 197 5 Priya 8R

ets r c e S no e m l l e B. T Now e v i l I F. How rs e t h g i F tal s y r 8R C . a M n a Aam

s

Star r u O in

ult a F e h B. T ent g r e v i F. D ugg B e k a 7D M. J a n o i F

2014

So far

Maraam asked you for your favourite things of 2014 so far—a book, a film (or TV) and some music.

B. Diverg ent F. The H unger Ga mes 2 M. Ellie Goulding Priya 7T

mes a G r ice e t g n n e u r pp eH A h s ’ T r .

B cere r o S e F. Th ga a G y d 9Y a M. La b a S

B. Sku ldugge ry Ple M. Im asant agine Drago ns Yeshe 8Y

nt a s a e Pl y r e g ug d de l i u r k B S B. ess c n i r s n eP o h g T a .

F Dr e n i g a m S I 8 . n M n Fi

Apologies if I got any wrong - Maraam’s writing is . . . dubious!

B. Wonder F. Some Like it Hot ia M. Asking Alexandr Emily 8N

ent g r e 2 v i s e m B. D a er G g n u H F. The nde a r G a an 7T a M. Ari n e e Al

B. Dork Diaries TV. Mur dered by my boyf M. Selen riend a Gomez Ramlah 7T

r u o in

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r Sta

lt u a F e h ng T o l .

B A e e d d n i 8S a R S a .

F un eli m i m a E .

M M

2014

B. The Bunker Diary F. After Earth M. Iggy Azelea Khadeja 8T

So far

es m a G r as e g m n a u j a H P e d B. Th tripe S e h t in y o B e h F. T lea e z A y g M. Ig Y 8 a i r a Q

B. Divergent Stars F. The Fault in our M. Iggy Azelea Fathima 7A

gy o l i r t d e B. Slat ry u F f o s l F. Bal e M. Adel est: r e t n i e lov Current r! e u e N l e Manu 8R m a a r a M

son k c a J y B. Perc ray p s r i a H er m F. m u S f ds o n o c e S M. 5 8L m e y r e M

B. Vampire Academy F. The Amazing Spiderman M. 5 Seconds of Summer Zarva 9E

cine

edi M s u o l l arve

M s ’ e g r o e B. G n F. Froze ion t c e r i D M. One Noor 7E

2014

B. The Hunger games F. Fault in our S tars M. One

So far

B. Will Gr ayson Wi ll Grayson F. Reveng e of the S ith M. Unbeli evers Ella 8E

Directio

Fardaw

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za 7E

Turner and Hooch is one of my favourite films and I love this film because it is really humorous, mysterious and packed with action.

It has a mix of all the genres I like in a film. I like how Scott Turner, IN (portrayed by Tom Hanks) is a very DEPTH clean detective who hates mess and he has a friend who has a slobbering, 24/7 beer drinking mastiff. When Turner’s friend is killed, Turner takes responsibility for Hooch, (portrayed by Beasley the dog) and has to put up with his noise and mess. While Turner investigates the murder of his friend, Turner and Hooch bond with each other and become like two peas in a pod. Turner then meets veterinarian Dr Emily Carson, (portrayed by Mare Winningham) whose dog bonds with Hooch as she bonds with Turner. I really loved the bit when Turner welcomes Hooch to his home and sets the rules. It is really funny, it was that funny it made me cry. Also I really like how Hooch has that kind of grumpy look on his face and when Turner talks to him he says he can understand.

Written by the crazy and amazing, sometime spy, Koyel Roy.

HAVE A

GREAT SUMMER