Volume 109 Number 3 by Gargoyle Humor Magazine

VOLUME 109 NO. 3

Table of Contents

Volume CIX, Number 3 Winter 2018

S TA F F

Jenny Ghose . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Spicy Chicken Nugget Molly Miller . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Chaivinist Fiona Tien . . . . . . . . . . . . . Eurotrash Colleen Hillard . . . . . . . . . . . . Blink-420 Michael Rosenberg . . . . . . Binging with the Bushes Carly Francis . . . . . . . . 127th on the Waitlist Sarah Hall . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ferocious Fish Fucker Marjorie Gaber . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Your New Stepmom Brianna Kucharski . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Depeche Chode Ella Horwedel . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Liam Needaughter Ben Leigh . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Yep Yep Yep Jeremy Kruman . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Phantom of the OP Nathan Slaven . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . The Louisville Lisp Sophie Mirza . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Good Egg Sarah Neff . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ffen Haras Max Lee . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . $173 Sex Doll Duncan Reitz . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 6 Penguins in a Trenchcoat Jamie McClellan . . . . . . . . https://tinyurl.com/y9tsuyj3 Natasha Pietruschka . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Lil Bean Alex Boscolo . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Ass Slippers Connor Davis . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . Don’t Call It a Comeback Direct all complaints, comments, submissions, and proclamations to

The Gargoyle 420 Maynard Ann Arbor, MI 48104

gargmail@umich.edu Visit us at: www.gargmag.com

1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10. 11. 12. 13. 14. 15. 16. 17. 18. 19. 20. 21. 22. 23. 24.

AW SHUCKS. This Page That Page Skylight Diag Orgy Harpoons Bunch of DILFs Big Milk 4 Prez Satan’s Cocaine Heart Eyes From the Trash Moist Moister Pushing Pencils A Broken Man Paravore 10001 Self Destroy One Ad No 1 Loves You Gibberish Cupid’s Crack Speed Crawl Final Score: 2

Winter 2018

Some parts of this issue of the garg are brought to you by...

Winter 2018

THE ORIGINS OF BIGFOOT

Written by Sophie Mirza Illustrated by Brianna Kucharski

Winter 2018

COSMO’S VALENTINE’S DAY TIPS Written by Connor Davis

H 1 2 3 4 5 6 7

ey fellas, tired of never knowing what to get your special lady? Think she should stop expecting you to get her a gift to express your deep understanding of her and that she should just tell you what she goddamn wants? Or maybe you’re still searching for that one to cuddle with on a cold, winter night. Either way, our experts at Cosmo have thought about your bitch so you don’t have to!

Forgetting about it – what better way to show your lover that you love her every day of the year than by refusing to celebrate Valentine’s Day. It’s 2018, and anti-consumerism is in. Nothing quite says SEXY like breaking the assumption that we have to buy things for our lover. A good poker face is necessary for this gift: of course, you’ll know you’re getting her the best gift of all, but you’ll have to make it seem as if you totally haven’t planned it at all. A scale – This gift is perfect in all cases. If your bae has been maintaining a constant weight, then a scale is perfect for saying, “I appreciate your consistency!” If your sugarplum has been losing weight, a scale is a great way to measure progress! And if your sweet and sticky honey bee has been gaining weight, what better way to quantify how much more of them you get to love? Try the Ohaus VX32XW10000L Basic Level Floor Scale with a 10,000 LB Capacity in case your lover loves to sneak chocolate chips into their diet! (Promo code: VAGarg for 10% of your purchase.) B&B – Blowjobs and the backdoor: These thoughtless gifts of the flesh are sure to disappoint. Men aren’t interested in things you wouldn’t do otherwise. If you’re only being sloppy and depraved for the night, then although you have good intentions, your heart’s in the wrong place. Get your man something he’d really appreciate, like a good pair of tweezers. Call her a bitch – Only those close enough to her have the right to use the b-word. Demonstrating your love through jewelry is so overdone; prove to her that you love each other enough to make it through the tension it causes a few weeks of. What’s more romantic than sleeping on the couch? Hit on your mom – It’s common knowledge that how a man treats his mother is what the woman can expect to be treated like later in life. Give the gift of knowledge – knowledge that you’ll still be fiery for your special lady even when her pubic hair turns grey. Shit on her boss’ car—Do you have an indecisive SO? Would she just torment over what to give you as a gift? Strike first by giving yourself a gift. By taking a dump on her boss’ car, you get to do for her what they would never dream of asking of you. True compatibility is picking up and acting on signals your partner didn’t even know they left.

Suck a guy’s dick — Let your girl know you know the annoyance of getting lockjaw and fearing for your life by fellating a Craigslist Joe behind a rundown Arby’s on the wrong side of town. Love is about understanding, and how can you understand the plight motivating feminism unless you’ve abandoned male privilege and your gag reflex? Remember to swallow!

DIY sex toys—Sure anybody can buy the newest plastic mold of the hottest pornstar of the time, but the old truism always holds: homemade is better. Show your partner you care by doing it yourself ! For your man, you’ll need a ziplock bag, a towel, and some lubrication! For your woman, tape some pictures of Ryan Gosling in front of the laundry machine—she’ll get the picture!

If you’ve had any, be sure to talk often and openly about your past abortions! If you haven’t, and you’d be okay with it, hint that you’d be willing to get one. When it comes to sex, there’s little that excites the erotic mind like not having to use a condom: let your partner know there can’t be any repercussions!

The overthrow of an elected official—there’s nothing quite like the rush of establishing a new political dynasty attuned to your values. Though a better target, don’t start aiming at unreasonably high targets like the American government or the French Department. Take a date and rebel against whomever or whatever you can find. Who’s had more, better sex than Che Guevara or Charles Manson?

Treat yourself— There’s a good chance among our Gargoyle readers that you are alone for the holidays. Fortunately, no matter how much you look like something on our covers, that’s no reason to stop you from treating yourself ! Go for a walk, buy yourself some nice bread, or read a book on ornithology. Anything to keep the spark of hope alive in your otherwise cold and empty shell!

Illustration by Carly Francis

When The Cork Crumbles:

The Tragic Tale of A Child Wine Savant

By Max Lee and Jamie McClellan

orn adjacent to Napa Valley, Tom Johnson was raised stomping grapes in local vineyards. On one fateful day, he slipped into a vat of red wine. After being rescued, the wine had fused with his bloodstream, and he became an encyclopedia of grape fermentation. The ensuing legendary libation litigation put his parents up ten million big ones. Most normal families would put money in a savings account, buy lottery tickets or do something even more risky like buying bitcoin, but the Johnsons had only one plan for the future of their settlement. They were determined to invest the money into the boy’s future. The child’s path, however, soon took a strange turn. Months later, little Tom Johnson was found in the same tasting room where tragedy had struck only months prior, only this time, it was of his own volition. The boy had tasted, correctly identified, and written scathing reviews of every vintage in the cellar, along with wine and cheese pairings. The parents, completely dumbfounded, asked their boy what he was doing. The boy quickly replied in an Oliver Twist-esque manner “Tasting wine, mummy.” At that moment, the parents knew what they had to do: invest in an incredibly moronic hobby that will achieve nothing in the boy’s life other than afford him an obscure reference that he can make on his college essay and leave him with crippling alcoholism.

“Most normal families would put money in a savings account, buy lottery tickets or do something even more risky like buying bitcoin...” The boy was prodigy. Obtaining his sommelier’s certification in record time, he was quickly the talk of the Valley. In fact, his parents made him change his name to Moscato Chardonnay in order to gain more publicity. But just when the grapes were ripe, crows descended on the boy’s future. Moscato would discover his personal devil: Franzia, a bit left over in his fridge by his personal handler. The boy tasted the simpleton’s drink and fell in love. He had never tasted anything so special. His parents had blown millions on the rarest vintages over the years, yet none of them even held a candle to this new boxed treat. The boy ran out to his local 7-Eleven and purchased four boxes. He drank them all that night. A week later, Moscato showed up to an internationally famous wine tasting reeking of boxed wine. The first wine he would taste would be what many called the wine of the year. The boy took a sip and immediately spat it out. The crowd, aghast, watched as he sprinted back to his family’s car. His parents ran after him and were shocked to find their son slapping the bag in the backseat. “What have you done?!?!?!” they yelled, “We blew all of our lawsuit money on you. We went bankrupt for you!!!!” Moscato’s parents then threw the boy out of the car and sped off, never to see him again.

Moscato Chardonnay’s (Tom Johnson) first day of middle school.

Ten years have passed since that wine tasting. Moscato now goes by Sunset Blush and is a stripper at one of Oakland’s seediest clubs. Many say that Sunset Blush only does it to support his crippling Franzia addiction. There are many tales about the prodigy’s downfall, but most know the real reason why it occurred. It all happened because the boy was born in a trailer park in rural, Trump-supporting Northern California.

Winter 2018

Two Washtenaw Men A Modern iMessage Convo By Michael Rosenberg

7:02 PM

7:43 PM

Winter 2018

Oh, The Places You’ll Stroke!

(Loosely Based Off Of “Oh, The Places You’ll Get Your Dick Wet!” By Dr. Seuss) By Ella Horwedel

ongratulations! Today is your day. You want to bust a nut? We’ll show you the way!

You have pubes on your scrote. You have penis in hand. You can get it off Anywhere in this land. You can jerk it off. Or have someone to blow you. Just make sure that someone is a someone who knows you! Cunnilingus is great, but only if it’s consensual. Better yet, to make it the most sensual, Make sure to reciprocate, Even if your lady’s menstrual. Some think that mouth to genitals is gross, and that’s ok! Don’t force it on anyone, we’ve got a much better way! Instead of oral action, just get a little bit crafty, And find other things to do with your shaft-y! You’re at the U of M, so clearly you’re smart. Lucky you, there are many places to master your art. In the library, the diag, or even the street, There are a million places to beat your meat! Let’s explore some of the wonderful places That might not mind getting cum on their faces. For starters, there’s that old sock next to your bed, That has been waiting and waiting, or at least so it said, To be filled with your dingaling and all its sticky creations O, to jack off, what a wonderful sensation! This idea here is for the secret freak, Certainly not for the timid or meek, If you want to show off your more studious side, Go to the UgLi and take a book for a ride.

Open its pages and fill it with skin, Slowly grind into it and be showered in sin. Quick! Don’t look down for then you may be liable, When you finally realize you’ve been fucking the Bible.

Instead of scrubbing your feet and washing your hair, Your hands will start roaming and feeling down there. Rubbing your dick until, at last, with one final poke…

For those of you less prone to masturbation, Let us show you the ways of your penis’s inflation, In order to let your balloon dick deflate, You must deftly stroke it, if you want to feel great!

Your mom will show up out of fucking nowhere and shout at you:

You’ll notice at first that things start to happen, It feels a little strange, the more you keep fappin’. But there’s no need to worry and no need to stew. For soon you’ll be covered in creamy dick goo. For easy cleanup, you truly should shower. It’ll leave your bits smelling lovely as flowers, And better yet, your nuts won’t be sticky, But don’t shower when you’re horny, Because things will get tricky.

OH! OH, GOD! JESUS CHRIST! OH! THE PLACES YOU STROKE! I’m sure there are readers who are a bit skeptical, For they think everyone masturbates, not just he who has testicles. In fact, they may think, although crude and obscene, That even women flick the ol’ bean. To our dedicated readers, I would like to clarify, The myth of the clitoris is a damn lie. Women do not masturbate, nor do they have sex for recreation. It is strictly business, to make God’s blessed creations.

Winter 2018

UMich Majors as Tops and Bottoms By Sarah Hall

e all know what we prefer in life, or at least in bed. There are plenty of personality tests you can take to determine if you’re more likely to be a top or a bottom, but it all comes down to one deciding factor: your major. Your major is the group you identify with and eventually become. As an Environment major, I owned only two flannel shirts when I first declared. Now, my closet looks like that of a Coloradoan alpaca farmer — full of checkered shirts. So when you pick a major, just know you’ll also be choosing your fate in the bedroom. Is your major a total top or a bottom?

Engineers Bottoms with the personality of tops. Enginerds are unique creatures. They’re cocky about their degree, grades in Calc 3, and their GPA, but cease to engage in pillow talk. In the bedroom, they’re meek individuals, assuming their partner knows what to do—that is, if they ever find a partner.

Psych Just like the way they picked their major, psych majors are too basic and uncreative to think of any other position. Of course they’re bottoms.

Communications Always the center of attention, they’re undoubtedly tops.

Ros

p you’re a to the the bedroom, ke in ta p ey to Th a major. ss “If you’re Ro ve e ri om st and else.” -s o seriously, d in all to everywhere cy he op an ng pr cts of life self-fulfilli in all aspe st be e th to be bedrooms.

Computer Science

Bottoms. But maybe secret Christian Greys. They’re sassy and they stay up late, and they always seem stressed. They need sex; they need to relax. And when their time finally comes to let loose, they’ll probably just sit back and enjoy themselves.

PitE

Without a doubt, bottoms. They want to see the world from a new perspective, from a different vantage point. This way they can study your ceiling fan and glow in the dark star stickers rather than the dirty socks in your bed and on the floor.

Top. They’re too nice, and they care more about others than they do about themselves. They’ll use all of their energy to make sure you have a great time first. By the way, do you have any sustainably sour ced latex condoms?

Winter 2018

GO ON A JOURNEY WITH US. xxx

A Frat Funeral

By Max Lee and Jamie McClellan

or: the most sincere obituary that could come from a group of boys that drank their friend to death and left him to die at the bottom of a flight of stairs

And here we are, bros, to commemorate the life of one of our best bros: Chad Piazza-Johnson. He was suchhhh a bro, bro. He had a girlfriend and showed us all of her nudes. She was hot. I hope she comes thru to the funeral so I have a chance to smash, bro. (Kirsten, if you’re reading this, I’m totally sorry for your loss, and if you need a shoulder to cry on, just hit me up on snap). Now all of us bros have decided to come up with a real way to commemorate Chad: the natty flight. So you bros know that Chad died at the bottom of our staircase, right (totally not our fault; we thought he was just sleeping it off). Yeah well, this Saturday, to pregame the funeral, we’re going to go to those stairs and drink our way up the staircase, shotgunning a beer for every step. It’s gotta be natty light, Chad’s favorite beer and, coincidentally, the only beer we can afford because of those fucking lawsuits, bro. Chad totally loved taking it to the hoop, just like he did with his girlfriend. (Again, Kirsten, if you ever want to play some “pickup basketball,” I’m so down.) Chad also loved golf and jet skiing—some totally rad hobbies. He played basketball, football, baseball, hockey, and JV lax in high school just like the rest of us. He was such a lax bro, bro, and I would totally cry a tear for him (if I were a pussy, but I’m not, so I haven’t). Any pledge who cries a tear for him—you’re out.

Winter 2018

Allen Brimbles and 8149G0053 Answer The Web’s Most Searched Questions By Nathan Slaven

ou know him from projects like Homeless 2 Houses™ and Baby Biofuel™. Now, he’s here to introduce a prototype of CorpusCorp™’s latest product by answering your top questions.

If Allen Brimbles and 8149G0053 had sex, would it be incest or masturbation? Interviewer: Oh, shit. I don’t know how that got in there. That was probably a prank from our—... Sorry about that.

Does Allen Brimbles own 8149G0053? AB: I mean, it’s not like he’s a slave or anything. That’s illegal. Obviously. Legally, I have custody of him, like a child. But indefinitely. But that’s just semantics, our relationship is what really counts. 8149: You say that like you don’t feed me grey sludge made out of recycled corpses. AB: Technically, they’re not recycled. The process is a little more complicated, because we have to filter out prions and— 8149: Shut the fuck up with your science bullshit, Allen.

Do Allen Brimbles and 8149G0053 have the same fingerprints? 8149: I mean, fingerprints are pretty unreliable as evidence; watch John Oliver’s segment on it. But yeah, I can unlock his iPhone and shit. AB: Wait. What? I disabled that. 8149: I know. 6969 is just a terrible password. Or maybe I just had help from our shared memories.

When can I get my own Model 8100? AB: I wouldn’t know; I’m in HR. There’s already plenty of knockoffs you can buy from China if you’re desperate, but they can have some creepy malfunctions if you know what I mean. 8149: I don’t. And Abe Lincoln would be rolling over in his grave right now. AB: Actually, we exhumed him years ago to make a clone for a museum exhibit or something. Oh, shit. I think that was a secret. Also, did you pick up on the pun? I’m in human resources? Because our company’s resource is humans. 8149: They get it, Allen.

Is 8149G0053 sterile? AB: I don’t think we’ll ever have the chance to find out unless my bosses take interest in that. But don’t believe everything just because it’s on Orphan Black. 8149: The males weren’t sterile on Orphan Black. AB: Oh. Right. When did you even watch that show? Anyway, since he’s under 18 that’s illegal anyway. 8149: I thought age was just a number. And why didn’t you mention that during the incest question? Also you said “anyway” twice. AB: You’re overthinking this. Next question.

What is 8149G0053’s full name? 8149: Model 8100, G-Series, Batch 49, Specimen 53. Super fucking original. Great fucking question. AB: I’m sensing a lot of tension, here. Everything alright, 8149? 8149: Hunky-fucking-dory. Except for the fact that there are Soylent stains the size of tapir genitalia on my only shirt, I haven’t breathed clean air in, like, ever, and I’ve had “Mr. Boombastic” stuck in my head for the last four days. AB: That was a little too real. Can we edit that out? Actually, leave it in, so people will think we’re being honest. Edit this part out, though.

Is 8149G0053 patented? AB: Patent pending. But even if he wasn’t, my genome is. Which has made us very rich. 8149: Made you rich. I can’t own property. Or vote. Or leave the house unaccompanied. AB: Well, you also can’t read or tell time, so… 8149: THAT’S WHAT SMARTPHONES ARE FOR, DAMMIT. AB: Jesus Christ, take a chill pill. Seriously. I forgot your morning dose.

How much does a Model 8100 cost? AB: Can you really put a price tag on a friend? 8149: Wow, that was surprisingly tou— AB: Of course you can. $14,999 and up. A real bargain if you think about it. Free shipping if you order two or more. Lifetime warranty. Get it? Because the warranty expires as soon as you need a new— 8149: They get it, Allen. They fucking get it.

Why was Allen Brimbles the first person to be cloned? AB: Well, I made a bit of a name for myself as a salesman in the biomedical industry, and it turns out I’m genetically predisposed to be suitable for the process. I’m legally unable to tell you how many failed attempts there were, but let’s just say we have serial numbers for a reason. *wink* 8149: 52. I have 52 dead brothers. AB: We don’t like using the B-word; it gives them an unhealthy sense of personal identity. 8149: At least I have an identity, you manipulative sociopathic fu— Do Allen Brimbles and 8149G0053 have the same memories? 8149: What? No. How would that even be possible? This isn’t fucking Star Trek or Rick and Morty. You can’t just—... Do you even know how a brain works? AB: To be fair, you have to have a very high IQ to understa— 8149: Shut the fuck up. How are Allen Brimbles and 8149G0053 the same age? 8149: They accelerated my growth in a chamber full of grey goo. I went through puberty in an afternoon. AB: Age is just a number. That’s what my uncle always said. 8149 here is a man where it counts. That sounded creepier than I meant it to. Also, my uncle was a geriatrician. Probably important to clarify.

Can 1849G0053 vote? AB: Again, he’s under 18. So no. And I don’t think he’s even an American citizen anyway. 8149: I’m pretty sure anyone born on American soil is an American citizen, right? AB: I guess. But you weren’t born. You were grown. And CorpusCorp™ is based in Canada so that doesn’t matter anyways. 8149: Wait. Are you Canadian? AB: You betcha. 8149: It all makes sense now. AB: What does? 8149: Why you’ve heard of Orphan Black.

Is CorpusCorp’s cloning program legal? AB: I mean, anything’s legal for the right price. 8149: Democracy in action, ladies and gentlemen. AB: I don’t make the rules. Actually, I do. 8149: Very funny. Any more one-liners to lighten the mood before they hit that sweet 10-minute mark on this video? AB: Let’s all go to the lobbyists. Let’s all go to the lobbyists. Let’s all go to the lobbyists, to get ourselves a monopoly on the biomedical industry. 8149: Is that a reference I’m supposed to get? AB: Don’t worry about it. Enter stasis mode. 8149: Oh for fuck’s s—...

Winter 2018

Written by James McClellan and Illustrated by Fiona Tien

I love a man in a uniform

Ohh.. Not you

I donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t care you believe in fair treatment BDSM cop!! You have to use standard issue cuffs!

Another bad guy behind bars!! How do you always get perps to confess BDSM cop?

Just by the book.

DILDOCCHIO T

he woodworker GePedo was a lonely man. It had been years since he had last taken a lover, and Tinder certainly wasn’t helping in his humble Italian village. Not only was he failing to find love, but he was also failing to find customers. It simply seemed as though there was no market for expensive, hand-carved wooden puppets anymore. Who’d have guessed? Yet, it was on one day that everything seemed to change for the woodworker. On one innocent day, the lonely woodworker made a puppet’s nose a bit too large and round. GePedo was, at first, devastated. He seemed to be losing his ways. “What have I done? What have I given this puppet?” GePedo screamed through tears in his thick italian accent. “What is this...this...this phallus?!?!?!” GePedo suddenly stopped crying and stood up to examine it. “Good puppet,” he began to say, “Nice piece of wood too,” he remarked, beginning to sand the puppet’s nose down, vigorously rubbing it with an up-and-down motion. It was at that moment that the lonely woodworker had a remarkable idea. Geppedo set out to work on his creation, his wooden marionette, for days. After a long while, he finally emerged from his workshop, his masterpiece in hand. The puppet was a whimsical-looking fellow, sporting a thin green hat and a big, thick dick. GePedo began to pull down his trousers, but soon realized that he was too tired for a round with the doll. GePedo pulled on his nightgown and went to bed, but not before a song: (To the tune of “When You Wish Upon A Star”) “When you wish for a big dick You must be a thirsty hick Anything your ass desires Will come in you If your heart is in your dream No length or girth too extreme When you wish for a big dick As dreamers do” That night, a spark of magic seemed to kindle in the woodworker’s home. The puppet came to life, its formerly hard, wooden dick suddenly

Winter 2018

Written by Max Lee

“On one innocent day, the lonely woodworker made a puppet’s nose a bit too large and round.”

going soft and drooping down as if to show signs of life. GePedo suddenly awoke. He fearfully walked over to his workshop and entered to the sight of his puppet, his master creation, jacking off to the image of a female puppet. “Dildocchio, you’re alive!” The woodworker shouted in his accent. GePedo suddenly realized what his marionette was doing. “Boy, are you alive!” he shouted excitedly. GePedo quickly grabbed the puppet and ran back to his bedroom, stripping off his underwear in the process. After their bout of passion, Dildocchio finally spoke. “We can cuddle afterward,” he said confidently, yet in his sheepish, childlike voice. A rumbling seemed to occur. Dildocchio’s dick seemed to shoot out at least two inches before finally settling down. His dick wasn’t hard either; it remained completely soft throughout this process. “What is this, my boy… sorry, ‘daddy’?” “Nothing,” the puppet responded, “I just want to have a long-term relationship with you.” The doll’s dick again grew a few inches while remaining soft. The puppet began to grow anxious. “I meant that this isn’t just a one night stand.” The doll’s dick grew a few more soft inches. GePedo was frustrated, but happy. Morning came, and Dildocchio had disappeared. GePedo ran into town looking

for him, but hadn’t a clue where he was. All that came out of his search was multiple legends of a living sex doll who entered houses and gave a night of pleasure to all of the gay men in the village. GePedo, frustrated by these tales, resolved to go out to sea to find his little lover. While journeying at sea, the woodworker was suddenly swallowed by a giant sperm whale. Usually, the woodworker took joy in anything involving sperm, but not so with the whale. GePedo realized that this was his end. How could he escape such a giant creature? GePedo began to pray for his life. “God, I promise I’ll suck your dick and jack you off every day if you let me live.” Suddenly, he heard a giant creature soar out of the water. It was Dildocchio, his dick having grown to a massive size since their night of passion. “I’ll save you, my sex slave,” Dildocchio screamed to GePedo. And with that, Dildocchio began to fuck the whale. And as he came, the whale opened his mouth to let out a giant scream, releasing the woodworker in the process. GePedo suddenly saw his marionette and remarked at the doll’s new girth, “It’s going to be a good night.”