Badpu magazine vol 3 4

THE

i BAYWOOD NEW and somewhat IMPROVED offal

Auto-D dactic From the almost Always

And ever present

POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY Magazine and catalog with multi-purpose donation materials

Hello

again [for the third time] already

!!

Since you are on our ever-expanding mailing list you already know that we WE ARE FREEWAY CLOSE !!

So we are not going to show you another map of how to get to our aclaimd and vastly superior campus.

Just use a paper map and you will find The Baywood Auto-Didactic Polytechnic University (BadPU) Main Campus is located in beautiful, easy to find, Downtown Baywood ! {You will find a paper map for free at any service station.} Realizing that both geography and cartography had to be eliminated from the curriculum we decided to enclose [to the far right] a map of our entire campus and a detail insert of the campus core that has been fully aproved by the office of campus facilities, and is in complete accord with the true aesthetic direction of the campus. Good luck exploring the core!!!

REMEMBER: Come See Us Right Now !!!

Detail insert

m

The New Campus Entry Road

h

The crappy, old ,bumpy entry road. You remember?

Contents No. 3 or after SPRING TRI-MESTER 2017 or UNTIL A new one is absolutely necessary.

4_2

VOL.

FEATURES Fast Forward 8 or 9 How to SLeep Faster (with lessons) 20 or 9 After all after 20

The Early Stuff (SooN) Chancellors message Don’t miss his epistolary quote.

All the way from the Long Beaches. Wow.

A (surprise is in store) word (or two) from the Provost And lots more Stuff and Things You betcha Is there a cyberspace campus in our future?

NEW Campus Facilities Your not gonna believe your eyes.

NEWs From our Alumni No obituaries please. faculty Achievements (not so much this time)

2 {NEW} words from our Provost

I Resign

The Chancellors ongoing and always the samemessage.

The epistolary message is below

You are just a number, so suck it up.

“We must endeavor to provide excellence, no matter how cheaply it can be done.�

These are the new job market indicators.

BEFORE

We go off describing the new additions to our campus and our

curriculum we decided it would be better if we showed a recent photo of one of

the candidates for the provost position and one of his / her comments during the interview:w

“I never saw a curriculum I couldn’t turn my back on.”

ALSO

Our somewhat senior faculty thought our mascot (Pictured at right} had become somewhat

tiresome and was in need of an upgrade. The con-

sistently vigilant and observant search committee [Pictured below.}

Has FOUND a new mascot !!!!

Much more fitting; particularly as most of our campuses are on or near water.

There is also naming rights available to any alum with enough money. Just send your name suggestion for the new mascot along with your check.

(No credit cards accepted. Sorry)

a new mascot

NO Ne

w Format this time!

AGAIN

We don’t have any money to hire a graphic designer (a strong HINT to our alumni - you know who you are, and we know where you live.)

So instead of having any articles in this volume 4_2 of our magazine, we decided it would be better if we NOTES

( SOMEWHAT MODIFIED)

MEETING our

and put in a lots of pictures along the way- so, here we go.

Most of the discussion in this issue revolves around a few senior faculty very seriously discussing over and over and over about our new programs - The ONES we had unfortunately left out, but we discovered there was a high demand for them and that people would pay big money bribes to get in the classes, so we decided, yes, I know that is a difficult thing to believe, but we actually mad a decision. None of the senior faculty seem to remember what that decisions was. We will have more on that later. One professor said, however, “Our new motto should be, “It is always just one fucking thing after another.” There was some agreement on that point but it remains to be ratified.

(SOME ofThe changes to our campus are indicated in this color.)

masdf ghh

The symbols to the left don’t mean anything. You can ignore them.

AND

THIS

our new business partners

is just the best place to show you the poster of - we had to monetise somehow-- and thought along with tuition, we could just take a pint or two each time anyone signs up for a new class. Neat Idea!

As was promised in the beginning in the category of

lots more Stuff and Things comma

And As was noted previously somewhere else, previously,

We have made very substantial changes / additions and

corrections to our campus facilities. Many changes were necissitated by defered maintenance that had been deferred.

The staff-caff had a roof that needed painting. and our cracker-jack graphics team got them a new sign. Whada ya think?

The rain barrel water harvesting system has yet to be connected to the roof but the staff-caff is beginning to be so GREEN and we are really proud of their efforts (the staff) The faculty has been no help at all.

How sad.

Under this street is a portion of our famous utility corridor that had to be replaced due to heavy el Nino {that’s Spanish for ‘the child”} rains and flooding in the vaults. Not to worry, God will provide, right?

fff

Our office of Errors and Admissions had to be temporarily relocated to this mobile facility. The staff didn’t like the move at first, but they said their new location was starting to grow on them.

fff

fff;;rlfmcccwwwwaa[d[c, The second string mascot has been selected and as two heads are better than one they are symbolic of the the dual department heads for the new EQUINE unit.

The location of which has yet to be determined.

f

This text is just left over from the last issue you can ignore it.

The BOOKMOBILE has apparently sustained a fire of some sort but it look repairable so we are not going to worry about it and anyway our arson experts from the Engineering West fire are on it so not to worry.

Other changes to our beloved Baywood campus have been most vibrant and even somewhat helpful, sort of.

At long last the LGBT&R community on campus has its own meeting space and we are all thankful for that.

New faculty offices have also been located for the The DESIGN and OCCASIONAL ART DEPT. Only a few select senior faculty will have the opportunity to bid on these new (or at least refurbished) and well appointed spaces.

The ENVY DESIGN dept finally got their own dedicated space and they have been ecstatic ever since.

However, for all their extacy, ENVY DESIGN does seem to have a problem with focus, or at least finding a good or halfway decent photographer. We wish them well !!

Here we see to of our research fellows from the Seismic Response Team and Popcorn Clinic discussing rocks and stuff, as well as considering changes to the menu in the staff-caff and if there should be more stuff.

Our Seismic Response Team & Popcorn Clinic is justifiably internationally known for their speedy responsiveness to almost any natural or cooking or eating disaster that might happen almost anywhere in the world. Like the stuff seen in the picture above. That must have been the real deal.

As we have almost always displayed our spirit as

ag School

primarily an the recently partially renovated student dining hall wanted to display its

Yes sir, Fresh air and green grass. That’s what we’re all about.

You know what I’m sayin?

Some of their current menu items, to wit:

Locally sourced and always prepared under the most scrupulously detailed and antigenic conditions.

We love what we do and we are above reproach. Remember we only serve ’Mystery Meat’ on Thursdays

The DESIGN and OCCASIONAL ART DEPT. has finally inherited the Old PowerHouse and has begun apace with renovations.

Considering they started with this dilapidated old wreck of a stucco box, They got a hold of our DEPARTMENT OF horticultural landscape decoration science and Ethnic Studies and they came up with the brilliant Idea of planting some more bushes and stuff and getting rid of those ugly brown rocks in front

GREAT results

!

The interior was where the real renovation work took place. First off they had to get rid of all those ugly machines and junk. Just imagine how much work that was. Whew.

Considering The DESIGN and OCCASIONAL ART DEPT. has only had a little while to redecorate the entire inside of the building We think they have done a commendable job as shown in the photo below.

FOR THE FIRST TIME ANYWHERE : WE WERE NEARLY DRIVEN TO ATTRACTION WITH ANXIETY WHEN WE HAD TO

scrap the program Of the combined offering of Film studies and Sensitivity Training. All-in-one compact weekend-long-seminar. Graduate level only.

It was such a sad loss. We had to do something.

We asked some of the razor-sharp minds at facilities planning to do something about this problem. They said they would take it under consideration.

SENSITIVITY TRAINING

FILM STUDIES

AND

So, an IDEA slowly EMERGED. We could go public with the above photo claiming ‘the Virgin Mary appeared before three professors in poly canyon in the mid-70’s to both their amazement and amusement, as well as the skepticism of one in particular.’ This should trigger a world wide ‘professor pilgrimage’ (PP). We get the rights to the holy water coming from that fucked up spring at the top of the canyon. While we are at it we could throw in a Roman ruin or two. These are only a few of the ‘Professor Pilgrimage Possibilities’ (PPP). Whaddayasay?

Even though we knew there would be cost overruns the addition of a recreational vehicle and a limo for picking up visiting dignitaries from the airport. These two marvelous additions to the campus car pool seemed an absolute necessity.

And that reminds us that the DEAN has, again, reminded us to be ever vigilant and told us the budget will be even tighter this year and we need to do more with less and will have to increase tuition.

The dean is always riding us about something. He is such a Jerk. Why did we ever hire him?

It must have been his cleanliness and winning personality.

Our ongoing search for new facilities buildings has taken us far from the ORIGINAL Baywood Campus and consequently we had to purchase more vehicles for our fleet.

Psst. We found out our surfboards will fit in the limo too.

What a bonus !

We are now considering building a parking lot but will probably wait until there is no more room left.

This was shot was taken during a stealth survey of our newer campus housing stock. We discovered we already had a pretty great selection. Here are just a few of the gems we found

What a great landscaping design idea !

What a great landscaping desi

The imagination of our people in horticultural landscape deteri Ethnic Studies should never be unde

ign idea !!

the DEPARTMENT OF ioration science and erestimated.

This beautiful 4-plex was formerly occupied by students. They have been evicted.

We decided it was much better purposed as a New building for Faculty Naps. Open every day at 4 PM or earlier, depending. {We had the fence built (with your tax dollars) to keep the light out. It works pretty good.}

Last week, during an off campus field trip, our noted

Architecture Critic and Manager of the BadPU Baseball Team spoke

of his extensive lesson plan skills and said, “I’ve never had a course outline and I’m not going to do another.” This comment came on the heels of him looking at the campus barber shop and saying, “It’s got a false front on three sides. I think we got a 300 hitter.”

He is definitely BadPU’s Yogi.

The Team Manager being himself, always near an eating establishment,

We have to come clean about making a mistake when we announced in the last volume of this magazine that we had finally located an appropriate residence for Our

dent

It has been noted by many in the community that a house of this style is much more fitting to our distinguished president. Unlike the sumptuous and stylistically unified château that precede it, this lovely home gives you a little bit of everything.

The delightful and ever so dainty interior decorators decided on an Egyptian theme and all the interior walls have murals based on the imaginary idea of “Luxor�. What a stunning addition.

University Presi-

We have been busy as bees in this housing search and have also found a new home for our New Vice President for Prolonged Faculty

Affairs and Student Sleep-overs

While the “Luxor� Theme will be continued in the VicePresidents new home (ABOVE) his house has the added tunnel necessary for quick escapes. [Jump out the back, Jack - make a new plan, Stan - get on the bus, Gus....You get my drift.]

ENOUGH WITH THESE ARCHITECTURAL MATTERS !!!

ONWARD to issues of CURRICULAR

CONCERNS.... TA DA.

SOME of the issues confronting the Academic Senate: • PROPOSED - New adjunct campus sharing program ‘California Women’s Colony’ -Hey, why should men have all the fun. Run initially as a collaboration with the existing facility at Tehachapi (whoops, now Corona) should be a way for some of our straight guys to let off some steam. The commute is a bitch, but with our student loan program we are sure this is a winner.

California Institution for Women (CIW) is a female only prison and has an annual budget of $75 million and 1500 women. Pretty good odds for our guys.

• PROPOSED - New funding for the Center of Advanced Studies for the Flaneur.

The center will be located in the department of Ennui and Boredom where we are currently searching for a new department head because the other one was apparently too bored to be bothered and failed to show up.

• PROPOSED - NEW APPOINTMENT - A Chair of the Baywood Autodidactic University’s Department of Ennui Department. The prime candidate is on the right in the above image. You all know who he is. He’s not asleep, he’s thinking about applying for the Temporary Acting Assistant Vice provost of the University’s newly formed Flâneur Diversity Outreach Initiative in the Caymen Islands, while knowing full well he won’t do it---EVER. First he’d have to find a dictionary. And we all know that’s not going to happen.

SOME MORE of the pressing issues

confronting the Academic Senate:

• PROPOSED - Changes to the Fashion design for CRAB BOAT CREW. (Economic retraining program) The proposal is shown below.

The new safety headgear is now mandatory on all our boats, or else.

• Rather than having another committee, A new group of BadPU podiatrists got together to form the University quartet. They call themselves ‘Toe Jamers.’

• There is a need for an Assistant Manager of Recreational Foot Fetish.

DISCUSSION ITEMS addressed by the ever expanding Academic Senate: • There have not been any recent discussions regarding our sports teams. A suggestion was made about having nude lacrosse combined with mud wrestling. Another senator suggested a wet tee shirt contest instead of wrestling as he thought it was a cleaner sport. • Nothing has been said about the stadium naming rights, the design of uniforms, players scholarships and the special tuition waivers for any 38C, but we will certainly get to that.

Here at BadPU we have always striven? strived? to have our curriculum and course offerings to be the very best. And to that end we have begun to ossify a glossary of common understandings and terms so we are all on the same page.

We have asked the faculty of the Concentration in Algorithmic and Applied Architecture to start us off with a few COMPUTATIONAL TERMS AND DEFINITIONS. The panels on these two pages express exactly the understanding we should alll strive to have.

• A notion of university algorithmic and applied architects decided to get together to form a a colonnade which denotes a long sequence of columns joined by their entablature, often freestanding. These architects get together every week and do nothing.

This is a colonnade too.

ANNOUNCEMENTS made to and for the edification of our esteemed Academic Senate: The Department of Art History, Appropriation

NOTICE:

and Advertising Design have finally agreed - IT takes at LEAST an hour to make a work of ART. They offer this image as proof:

NOTICE: This is now the official portrait of the Student body president with his security detail. Display it proudly !!!

NOTICE:

The Campus Chef hard at work preparing delicious and neutricious meals, or is he just eating again? Another mystery.

NOTICE: Our beloved but competitive sister campus has just announced it is going to build an 8 story brothel in the middle of their campus (X marks the spot) and this is in direct violation of our articulation agreements and may even have to change their hegis taxonomy. Just wait til our Department of Brothel Studies and Calligraphy gets wind of this. There will be some stink.

NOTICE: The Trump Faculty Housing nears completion. Opening will be delayed because the Trump Design Build Corp. Did not include water, Sewage, or anything else in the planning phase, also Trump Financial diverted all funds from the original grant to Trump U to pay for the future Trump BadPU Casino.

The TRUMP Casino

The TRUMP Faculty Housing Complext

NOTICE:

This is someone. And you know who.

Feast your somewhat limited vision on our newly dedicated monument dedicated to the former chancellor, (now in residence at our SF Bay campus. According to the designer, (a Cal Poly Land Arch Freshman,) the concrete slab represents permanence of his current appointment. The holes represent the missing funds discovered by the State Auditors and the national cheese of Switzerland where the missing tuition now resides.

Our SF Bay Campus [ABOVE]

NOTICE:

The Associate Provost’s new staff (at left) let it leak that

the Student Body President won on a platform of tenure for all seniors, free beer and tuition with kick backs. He’ll get the free beer, but BadPU’s perpetual lifetime tuition is the third rail of our academic vision. “Keep our campus back”, is not an empty motto. Or, an alternative might be, “Make our Campus Great Again.”

NOTICE: NOTICE:

This is the first runner-up candidate for provost.

The new entrance to our Marine Campus with a sign indicating where the entrance is.

new courses are now available at the RE-CREARTIONAL CENTER

Dancing for Amputees (PE 2) [Requires instructor approval]

Psycho training and Shower curtain repair (BIO 104 & MECH 210)

Opthalmology for beginners (BIO 1B)

Exaggerated Strolling for Seniors (PE 4A)

Intermediate Bike Jumping (Not for course credit.)

Sustained Scowling and Indignation (Sorry - Seniors only) (DRAMA 250)

Funerary Arts and crafts (Last offering)

Advanced Structural Systems (ARCE 310)

His House So far in this issue or Volume, depending, we have neglected our division of

Marine

Biology, but no more.

The department or division head of Marine Biology is pictured below hard at work. We bought him a house in keeping with his station in life.

The next few pages show some of the things He must concern himself with.

The renovation of the marine library had to be put on hold because of the workload. SAD.

f

Poop. Yuck.

Continuing and ever pres

The FISH !

Stupid boaters who refuse to wear their safety hats.

sent vandalism

And what to do with the Baywood Navy? What a headache.

Will this beautiful boat Red Russian?

f

HEAD OF MARINE BIOLOGY DUTIES CONTD.

The judging of the bi-monthly Fat Back Championship is a full-time job.

And it is on top of all his other responsibilities.

finally replace the

There are more and more of those damned seniors in that Exaggerated Strolling Class.

f

They are clogging up the pier. What to do???

How is he ever going to get rid of that damn rock that is blocking the view ???

What is this?

We have noticed a substantial up-tick in smoking on campus (ex-specially that it is now legal in Colorado) and thought we needed a Faculty

Club Smoking Lounge.

Note: A naming ($$$) opportunity still sexists for the lounge. See MANAGER.

Group study: Baywatching.

If they sit there long enough they might get an idea.

From our ZEN PLACE: An Alternate School Motto: Learn by sitting long enough.

In a formally prepared statement at his press conference our Former Provost had this to say:

Our previous efforts to have the alumni vote for their choice of faculty office space has come to naught because there were irregularities in the voting process and even some people voted more than once or were in fact, already dead.

1

Before anything else we had to find a good site for the housing and two if the suggested sites seemed reasonable if it weren’t for these pesky little signs

1

A large number of innovative construction systems were investigated

1

1

We even considered pre-existing prefabricated models. Wo.w!

1

1

This beauty was already taken. Oh, well

So we opted for another process and

found an architect who would work for free.

The Architect submitted a model with her entry to the BADU FOB. And she included her concept statement - “The algorithmic architecture has contextual elements of Morro Bay vernacular. The grid introduces an element of order and monotony unifying the faculty in an attitude of total avoidance of any task requiring occupancy.”

1

1

The Competition Committee Chair then stated, “Seemed like a good idea at the time.”

You may notice the little voting check boxes from our last volume are still on this spread.

We couldn’t figure out how to get them off and Google was no help at all. Are ther any suggestions from our readers? Call us. Call Now, that’s (805) BadPUuu View Number Two

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View Number One

1

It’s Official - The Facilities Department

has just released the first pictures of the new circulation plan for our campus

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They were nice enough to send along a portrait of their new HEAD PLANNER

Parking spaces for the blind. How considerate.

Here’s some of the other cool stuff they do.

3

This notorious Gang of

Adjunct Faculty

Had the audacity to propose an OFF CAMPUS PROGRAM in of all places, Avila Beach.

The Huevos that must have taken, or more specifically, the FISH VERA CRUZ.

Their insane request was met with scorn and derision and they were finally banished and had to teach an upper division honors speech class.

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Where the motto was, “Just talk among your selves.”

The motto provides the corollary to ,“It seemed like a good idea at the time---- but some ideas are just never going be good.

One member of the Gang of 3 even tried to Draw his way out of Banishment - It didn’t work.

f The Ring Leader

The Enabler, also known as the Brown Dragon is the most dangerous of the three.

ff

A New Section of our MAGAZINE asks the question:

Where are they NOW? We know all our alumni really want to know about their classmates behaviors, their triumphs, without going to those embarrassing reunion things. To start this ball rolling we found two alumni we all remember from their time here because........

Isn’t she just gorgeous?

They were Prom Queen and King

So all you alums out there and it doesn’t even mater if you are alumni or alumna, we want to know you story. Tell us about your adventures, your prison terms, when you will be up for parole. Anything, oh, and send pictures too then look for your story on these pages some time in the future. It’s your turn now

And here they are TOGETHER

AGAIN, after all these years and sparking

up a Doobie to boot.

The King himself Today, right in our own backyard. Who knew?

The DESIGN and OCCASIONAL ART DEPT has been having a

Da y

Field

for some time now and we finally get to see some results. They call it Art in the Park, but what do they know?

Some of the art is amazing.

WTF

These amazing works must have taken at least

a couple of hours. Some of them are even Shiny - Think about that !

We were going to include a COMPUTATIONAL DICTIONARY in this volume, but instead we thought we would just list some of the ordinary words we commonly hear in casual conversation on the BadPU Campus.

Agon - middle English for ago Anamnesis - recalling to memory, recollection Anima - the soul. Carl Jung - the true or inner self, the feminine inner personality as present in man Animus - an animating motive or intention; a feeling of bitter hostility or hatred; in Carl Jung - the masculine inner personality as present in women Antipathetic - having an inherent feeling of aversion, repugnance Antiphon - a devotional composition sung as a part of a liturgy, response, answer Apotheosized - to glorify or exalt. to elevate to divine ranks Avidity - eagerness, greed Cornice – a projecting., continuous, prominent horizontal feature located at, or near the top of an architectural composition.

Eidolon - phantom, apparition, image of an ideal Élan - vital force, impetus, momentum Febrile - of or pertaining to fever, feverish Filiation - the condition of being a child of a certain parent - a line of decent - family tree Flaner - to stroll, to loiter, lounge, hang about one can be a flaneur (Baudelaire) Fulguration - the act of flashing like lightning Hebetude - dullness of mind mental lethargy

Heuristic - helping to discover or learn, guiding or furthering.

Imperious - domineering, overbearing, urgent, pressing, dictatorial Insolent - Presumptuous and insulting in manner or speech. Arrogant. Audaciously, impudent; impertinent.

Noetic - of, relating to or originating in, or apprehended by the intellect. Of cognition or rational thought that is apprehended by the intellect alone.

Palinode - a poem in which a poet retracts something said in and earlier poem Pathos - a quality in something or someone that arouses feelings of pity, sympathy, sorrow or tenderness in another - the transient, emotional or subjective elements in a work of art.

Pediment - a low gable or gablelike feature, typically triangular, and out lined with cornices.

Pernicious - tending to cause death or serious injury, deadly, causing great harm Persephone - wife of Hades, queen of the underworld Phlegmatic- having or suggesting a calm, sluggish temperament - unemotional Praxis - practical application or exercise - a branch of learning, from the Latin prattein - to do Quiddity - The real natures of a thing. A hairsplitting distinction, a quibble.

Remonstrate - a speech or gesture of protest Semiology (also semeiology) the science dealing with signs or sign language Sensorium - the part of the brain that receives and correlates the impressions conveyed to various sensory areas. The entire sensory system.

Shibboleth – A peculiarity of pronunciation, behavior, mode of dress, which distinguishes a particular class or set of persons. A test word or pet phrase of a party or sect.

Simulacrum - an unreal or vague semblance of something, image, Specter - phantom, ghost or apparition Splenetic - of or pertaining to the spleen.

representation

Spurious - lacking authenticity or validity, counterfeit, false; similar in appearance but unlike in structure or function Stenope - from steno, meaning narrow - (the camera eyepiece) synecdoche - a figure of speech where a more inclusive is used for a less inclusive term or visa versa - head for cattle or law for the policeman Tautology - A needless repetition of the same sense in different words - redundancy (either it will rain tomorrow or it will not rain tomorrow.)

Temerity - foolhardy or headless disregard of danger, boldness, rashness Tendentious - written or said to promote some cause, not impartial, biased Testis - Latin - to hold sacred, the roman soldier salute consisted of covering the testicles with the hand and swearing an oath at the same time, hence testify, testament, Ucalegon is a neighbor whose house is is on fire.

Unctuous - having the quality or characteristics of oil or ointment, greasy or slippery, exaggerated or insincere earnestness, unctuous flattery Latin unctum - ointment Velleity is volition at its weakest. It’s a mere wish or inclination, without any accompanying effort. a slight wish or tendency: inclination, a tendency or inclination, required to accomplish anything.

Verisimilitude - the quality of appearing to be true or real; likelihood We forgot to include ‘Crotch Waffle’ and ‘Gang Banger’ but no one is listening or reading these words anyway so it doesn’t matter.

We /I chose this picture because we ran out of words and we / I needed something to fill up the rest of the page. OKAY?

It’s Official - we have an App Visit our Official website: www.badpu.edu and get the app.

You will be able to put the app on your phone, your tablet, android, pc, tablet or any other stupid thing you drag around with you every minute.

You will also have the best professors in the world at your fingertips 24/7. Well, almost. 1-4 on Wednesday.

Our app looks like this.

As soon as you press on the app you will be directed to our mandatory donation page and the connection we will allow us to worm our way into your data and vacuum all we need off your credit cards. And thanks for the donation.

Here are some Random Items we thought might be moderately interesting so we just pulled them out of our ass.

This was the runner-up in last issue for faculty housing. Wow, what a gem.

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The Boyz Orchestra is becoming a quartet and is now accepting applications

The short-term attention span study group was going to meet this semester, but everyone forgot.

“Not that I have anything specific in mind (so what’s new).”

However, “I do like docks.”

These seniors are experimenting with the Advanced Elaborate Saunter Technique known as ‘Misdirected Mambo.’

The award of Excellence and seal of approval.

Meet in the chapel on Saturdays right after Hebrew class The yearbook staff has announced it has openings.

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If anyone has any information about who these people are and what they are doing here, please call the University Police immediately at (805) BadPUcop

Our famous tee shirts are in stock again and available at the Extreme Religious Supplies desk in the Student Union - This is the always popular shirt emblazoned across the front with, I AM NOT A BUDDHIST !

Get them while supplies last. Shipping and handling not included.

MORE NEW COURSES

Entomology for the Emotionally Challenged BIO 2B

Aquatics for Psychotics PE 212

Adv. Object Placment Land Arch 603

Musical Ranting in Your Spare Time MUS 520 - graduate only

Seismic Adventures ARCE 306

Trimming Practices in Contemporary Horticulture.

(Requires sophomore standing) ORN HORT 203

Cork Soaking for Toddlers VITiculture 109 Erotic Reading for Older Women ENG 2A

Decorating with Flowers INTernal ARCH 302 Observing Marine Animal Behavior Graduate Research - Marine Bio 560

Shooting Tigers Photo 102A

Advanced Gravel Land Arch 451

If you are an Alum of BadPU and like most Alums, completely CONFUSED why you can’t find a job anywhere, doing anything, well, take heart. If you, like the person shown above, mail your application to THE BadPU GRADUATE SCHOOL (within twenty-four hours) you will be eligible for our STUDENT LOAN PROGRAM, with always increasing interest rates and always maintaining the same principal balance. We don’t care what you spend your loan money on. Motorcycles, skateboards, junkets to the Caribbean - just come see our friendly student loan department today.

We’ll fix you up. Guaranteed.

Introducing

Sister Mary Paul

Office of the Executive Vice President Office Hours: A Message from the Executive Vice President Dear Colleagues: I am pleased to share with you the latest edition of Office Hours, my regular communication to the campus community. This edition provides reflections on the retention, promotion, and tenure process at BadPU. You can access Office Hours by clicking here.

Thank you for all you do to make this university a great place to work and learn!

Best regards, Mary Sister Mary Paul Executive Vice President for Academic Affairs And Dean of Religious and Sacrificial Studies

THE

official

i

BAYWOOD

Auto-D dactic POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY

Come Visit Us Real Soon ( and bring your wallet)

Don’t Forget, We’re Freeway Close !!!