Coffee Table Coach

REVIEW DON’T RELIVE

By Hannah Bouwmeester

OUR THOUGHTS TRIGGER OUR EMOTIONS In this last issue, I shared how crucial it is for us to not only be aware of our thoughts but embrace the reality that what we think can affect our very DNA (Epigenetics). In this issue we will be talking about preliminary steps you can take to begin to rein in your thoughts and begin to transform those thought patterns, to move from destructive thoughts to those that will serve you moving forward.

BEGIN WITH AWARENESS So often we allow our thoughts to run wild. The average person has six thousand thoughts per day coursing through his or her mind without a way to halt the unending stream. We allow one thought to trigger another, we ruminate on past hurts, stresses or the overwhelm we are feeling. Many of the thoughts originated in our childhood and have played repetitively since then, both consciously and subconsciously. Each moment we entertain these thoughts, our physical, emotional, and spiritual well-being is affected.

Awareness allows you to take the reins of control back from your emotions. It creates the opportunity to transform how you react and to unlock different choices. It allows you to consciously respond to various triggers in the way that actually serves, rather than destructs. By becoming aware of our negative emotions we take back the power to measure how far off we are from where we want to be or from our goals we want to achieve, and to adjust accordingly.

TAKE OWNERSHIP AND ACTION If you are ready to quit laying the blame of your emotional state at someone else’s doorstep, then you are ready to begin practicing awareness, own your emotional state, and take action to begin to change your subconscious reactions to triggers, both past, and future.

Here are practical steps to begin your journey to transformation:

1. Begin by making a list of events that you know to trigger negative emotions in you. Keep it with you - a running list in your phone is perfect - and add to it when you come across a trigger.

2. Once your list is done, choose the least intrusive and upsetting event to begin “flexing the muscles” of changing your responses to the trigger. IF YOU FEEL THIS IS TOO UPSETTING TO DO ALONE, PLEASE SEEK THE HELP OF A PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST.

3. Center yourself. Remember YOU are in charge of your emotions. Only you can make yourself feel anything about the memory or past event. An effective tool is to remind yourself of who you are NOW. For example, “I am not that six-year-old child (or whoever you were at the time of the event). I am a 36-year-old man now. I am not a victim of my life. I have grown into a man who has served my country with bravery, etc…” For many, reminding themselves this is a past event they have moved away from and how they have matured or grown is empowering in helping them distance from the emotional baggage and review it with a clear head.

IF YOU FEEL THIS IS TOO UPSETTING TO DO ALONE, PLEASE SEEK THE HELP OF A PROFESSIONAL THERAPIST.

4. Name your emotions. Put a label on what you are feeling. If it is anger, remember that anger is ALWAYS a secondary emotion and there is a root emotion fueling that. Find that root and you will begin to find healing.

5. Notice where you feel the emotions in your body. Observe how it feels, where it is located, and release the tension. Remind yourself you are not reliving the experience, but rather reviewing it. Imagine you are watching this on a TV screen so you can detach and simply observe. Take notes if that helps you to define what you are feeling, where you are feeling it, and how you can reframe the event as something that is past and no longer has power over you.

6. Remind yourself you are an adult who has already survived the event and you CAN heal from the trauma. Many have bought the lie that they cannot. You can heal from any trauma if you want to be healed, and you do the work.

7. Identify the toxic thought patterns associated with the event. What triggers it, what thoughts cascade when it is triggered, how do you react and how will you reframe the pattern so you are handling the trigger in a healthy manner?

8. Be empathetic with yourself. Remind yourself that the event is not the cause of the pain but rather how you define the event. You are in control. Take ownership of this role and begin to redefine the event and how you will respond. What controls us and creates the toxic thoughts is how we have defined the event - what it means for you. Once you reframe this, you will begin to find the healing that you want and deserve.

The great news is your thoughts trigger your feelings and physical responses. Change your thoughts, change your emotional state, and physical well-being. If you do not feel strong enough or capable of doing this on your own, please email me. As a coach myself, I am able to connect you with a professional who can help you work through these emotional triggers and blocks.

Until next time.