Searching For A PTSD Exit

By Michael Kent

When Tiffany Horan walks into her neighborhood TGI Fridays with her family, she views her surroundings with a nervous eye darting around the room. Her first thought is to look for an emergency exit. What can she use as a weapon? How does she get her family out of here? What if there’s an active shooter? For most people, this is not a normal reaction when taking the family out for a relaxing dinner. For Tiffany it is normal. And it’s exhausting.

After two tours in Iraq as a Marine, Horan bears the invisible scars of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as the result of serving her country in a war zone. These scars will never leave her. She knows she will only be able to manage PTSD.

Managing PTSD can be fleeting since she works as a nurse at the Fred and Lena Meijer Heart Center in Grand Rapids. The sight of dead bodies, the smell of blood can trigger a traumatic reaction and bring back memories. It can cause her to revisit the trauma of war. “I won’t freak out at work, but by the time I get home, I’m exhausted mentally and emotionally. I’m drained,” says Horan.

Horan signed up for the Marines shortly after the 9/11 attacks. She joined because she was shocked that America appeared vulnerable. She wanted to make a difference and she wanted to challenge herself. “If I can get through the Marines I can handle anything,” says Horan.

Any deployment to a war zone can lead to emotional scars, but Horan says as a woman in the male-dominated Marine Corps there can be additional hazards. “Hundreds of women are speaking of military sexual trauma,” says Horan. “I wasn’t raped, but there are a lot of terrible things that do happen. Those things contribute to PTSD for women.”

Like so many other veterans, Horan finds comfort from the PTSD within the brotherhood of other veterans. She is active in the Grand Rapids-based organization called 92 For 22. The group works to combat the impact of PTSD and eliminate veteran suicides. It is generally believed that 22 veterans die by suicide every day in this country. The group conducts an annual 92-mile hike to raise money to tackle depression and suicide within their ranks.

Horan and others within 92 For 22 use the funds raised to deal with a wide range of issues faced by veterans. In some cases it could be providing money to fix a car. They helped purchase a van for a veteran with a handicapped child. Financial stress can drive a veteran into depression. But mostly they listen. They let veterans talk about adjusting to life after the military.

Iraq 2003 awaiting call of war by President Bush.

Staged on side of road on convoy in Iraq

Santa hat in Iraq shooting 50 cal.

Dinner benefit at Monellis In support of a Veteran Art prize workshop. 92 for 22 sponsored two work shops

In support of a Veteran Art prize workshop. 92 for 22 sponsored two workshops.

Marine sisters Catherine Munoz, Monica Siegfried/Boles

Equipment Platoon in Iraq

GR Memorial Day Parade

Was asked to play for a Veteran slow-pitch softball team against first responders. Held by VetGR and Hero Services of West Michigan. Played at 5/3 ballpark..

I work at Fred and Lena Meijer Heart Center in Grand Rapids as a Cardiothoracic registered nurse

For Horan she wants to be the shoulder that other female veterans can lean on. She believes the military is getting a little easier for women because people are talking about the sexual trauma faced by so many. When those women get home from their service they will have a friend. “I’m going to be that female where you are safe to talk to me,” says Horan. 92 For 22 is a resource for veterans throughout Michigan. Horan says they not only hear from veterans but also hear from family members or friends from all over the state. She says they are people looking to help but don’t know where to turn.

Suicide Warning Signs

• Talking about wanted to kill oneself

• Talking about feeling hopeless

• Talking about being a burden to others

• Increase use of alcohol or drugs

• Withdrawing or feeling isolated

• Giving away a large amount of personal possessions

• Rage behavior

• Quick or impulsive decisions

• Dramatic mood swings

• Sudden bursts of happiness