02/01/19, Vol. 9 Issue 25

FROM THE EDITOR’S DESK

PO Box 77401 • Atlanta, GA 30357 P: 404-815-6941; F: 404-963-6365

EDITORIAL

Editor: Patrick Colson-Price pcolson-price@thegavoice.com Editorial Contributors: Cliff Bostock, Camryn Burke, Melissa Carter, Aidan Ivory Edwards, Jim Farmer, Morgan Fletcher, Luke Gardner, Elizabeth Hazzard, Ryan Lee, Allison Radomski, Jamie Roberts, Dionne Walker, Craig Washington

PRODUCTION

Art Director: Rob Boeger rboeger@thegavoice.com

More Than Just Friends Patrick Colson-Price I’m unafraid to say I’m a very sexual person. I keep telling myself and others, it’s how most gay men function. I think many of us are afraid to admit it because we’re still scarred from decades of being pushed back into the closet. We’re afraid of rejection or of ridicule.

From the AIDS epidemic to gay marriage, there was always this idea that sex was an offlimits topic to discuss at any time. If it was talked about, you would have to be proper and courteous to those around you.

ONLINE

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BUSINESS

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I’d been groomed in my past to always associate sex with being slutty or trashy. The comments were habitual, “If you do this, then you don’t love yourself,” or “You don’t have any tact when it comes to your behavior with other men.”

I thought it was all wrong. I thought being a naturally sexual man was a curse. I loved my previous partner; I never cheated on him, but I knew the way he portrayed love was entirely different than my idea of it.

Once that relationship was over, I began exploring who I was sexually. It was a constant tightrope walk. If I got into it too deep for my likening, I’d freak out. I’d retreat to a safe place with my lube, away from the unknown. For more than a year, I stayed to myself, occasionally having webcam chats with random headless internet muscle. I needed more though. I wanted more even though I knew being sexually free scared me. I think the thought of not being in control terrified me.

It was after I had befriended a few sex-positive guys in various cities, that I realized a bigger part of me wanted what I had always run from. It was this idea that I could have a friend, a best friend, or an acquaintance that was more than just a “friend.” At one moment we could be out on the town socializing with friends, and the next, passionately kissing and sticking things in all various types of places.

I was always told, he’s not a friend if you’ve fucked him or sucked a dick, he’s a trick. Where did this idea come from that we couldn’t allow ourselves to be friendly in other ways than one? What was wrong with sexually expressing our satisfaction with those closest to us? I have plenty of close

friends, even best friends that I’ve been sexual with. Does it define what our friendship is? No. It enhances the dynamic of our connection and how we interact with each other.

I was told, flirting is an invitation to more, and it’s cheating. Being told to suppress my natural behavior is the quickest way to get me heated. (Not in a good way.) I’m an affectionate guy, and I’m a flirt. It’s natural for me to grab (with permission,) and notice the ins and outs of a man’s body. It makes me feel more of man, more connected to my sexual energy and my masculinity. It doesn’t mean I’ll cheat, it doesn’t mean I want an intimate, emotional relationship; it says I’ve chosen you as a way to embrace something that us as gay

men, have always been told to repress by those on the outside: our sexuality.

I’m happily married to an amazingly handsome man from top to bottom (Literally!) We have a very fluid relationship, and I enjoy the dynamic we have. I think we both understand that sex is sex, and the love we have for each other is something much different, on a much different level. While we have friends that are strictly friends, others are in this sexually fluid Venn diagram. We pick and choose how we organize it, but one thing is for sure: it’s imperative we accept or try to embrace others love dynamics as we recognize our own. There’s no room in our community for intolerance and shaming.

We need love in all forms.

February 1, 2019 Editorial 3

NEWS

Choosing Political Sides TECH STUDENTS QUESTION UNIVERSITY’S POLITICAL STANCE AFTER KEMP INAUGURATION Camryn Burke Georgia Tech University is getting heat after the inauguration of 83rd Governor of Georgia.

Unlike previous governor’s, Brian Kemp chose Georgia Tech’s McCamish Pavilion as the site of his swearing-in ceremony. The university’s choice to allow the event to go on has led many of its students to question the principles of school administration as well as those of the student body.

“It makes me feel like our administration doesn’t care about what many of its students want,” said Georgia Tech student, Vathsan Ramprakash (right).. “We all want to see social change on and off campus, but it seems our institution has other priorities.”

Students are asking questions: What made Kemp choose to be sworn in on the Georgia Tech college campus? What does this say about the university’s values that they so graciously hosted him?

“By and large, students were exasperated,” stated Georgia Tech student, Sumter Alton (right).

“Practically no one wanted Kemp here, even politically uninvolved students.

Students are tired of being mistreated and ignored by administrators and politicians, and this is just another example.”

In years past, Georgia Governors have chosen neutral territory for these ceremonies.

Kemps predecessor, Nathan Deal, decided to hold his inauguration ceremony inside of the State Capitol. In 2015 after he had won re-election, Deal held his second inauguration at Liberty Plaza steps from the 4 News February 1, 2019

State Capitol. Before Deal, Sonny Purdue, the 81st Governor of Georgia and the first Republican governor of the state since 1872, chose Philips Arena for the site of his big day.

However, on Georgia Tech’s campus, it’s not the first time the university has affiliated itself with the Republican party.

Former United States Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice was the keynote speaker for the graduating class of 2018 and Senator David Perdue came to Georgia Tech before the 2016 election to endorse Brian Kemp.

Video later surfaced of Purdue snatching a phone from a Georgia Tech student in a heated confrontation.

“That’s U.S. Senator David Perdue. U.S. Senator David Perdue just snatched my phone because he won’t answer a question from one of his constituents,” the student then says in the recorded video. “He’s trying to leave. He’s trying to leave because he won’t answer why he’s endorsing a candidate who’s trying to purge people

from voting on the basis of their race.“

representative of the YDSA.

After the incident, Purdue’s office responded stating, “The senator spoke with many students and answered questions on a variety of topics. In this instance, the senator clearly thought he was being asked to take a picture, and he went to take a selfie as he often does.

When he realized they didn’t actually want to take a picture, he gave the phone back.”

The exact match law is a system established in Georgia by Kemp in 2017 that compares one’s social security information and their driver’s license. Last year, only a month before the midterm election, 53,000 voter applications were being held by Kemp’s administration, 70 percent of which were black applicants.

Students say the biggest reason for questioning concern about Georgia Tech’s gracious hosting of the inaugural address: Kemp’s connections to voter suppression laws and those politicians who supported the then-secretary of state.

Georgia Tech administrator, Laura Diamond (right), told Georgia Voice that the school had no official role in the inaugural activities. However, many still criticize the political ethics of the Georgia Tech’s administration and how this has affected the atmosphere of the university’s students.

“Brian Kemp failed to uphold his prior duties as Secretary of State by choosing to use his position to suppress people’s abilities to vote rather than make voting accessible to all citizens,” Said Arilla Ventura (above), a

Georgia Voice reached out to the Kemp Administration for comment but have not received a response. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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NEWS

Georgia Sheriff Named 2019 “Champion of Equality” Patrick Colson-Price Chatham County Sheriff, John T. Wilcher, has joined a extensive list of fighters for LGBTQ equality after being honored with the 2019 Champion for Equality Award.

The announcement came at the county’s 2019 Legislative Preview on January 12.

“It’s an honor for them to do that. I didn’t expect it,” said Sheriff Wilcher. “I’ve lived here all my life in this community, and I’m in my 44th year with the Chatham County Sheriff’s Office and take people at their heart.

I don’t care what color they are, what religion they are or what their social activities are.”

Wilcher’s been a member of the sheriff ’s office for more than 40 years where he’s seen extensive change. He and his staff have been able to protect the LGBTQ community not only across the county but also behind bars.

“We’ve run into the transgender part. We’ve made it so we can house them safely when

they commit a crime,” he said.

He always tells the story about a deputy that worked under his watch when he was a lieutenant at the sheriff ’s office. The former army soldier came to work for Wilcher in the early ’90s, but one day, then-lieutenant Wilcher got a knock at his door.

he needed to talk to me about something. I told him to come in,” said Wilcher. “He told me he was gay and I said, “Your point is?

Get your ass out of my office and get back to work.” His deputy went on to reveal he was HIV positive. Wilcher’s responded once again, “Your point is? Get your ass out of my office and get back to work.”

“Richard came to my door one day and said

Wilcher sets aside one Saturday each year

for a massive gathering with the LGBTQ community at his home. He cooks for them and makes sure they know he’s an ally whenever they’re in need.

“The transparency with me in the LGBTQ community. It’s been excellent. I have an open door policy. People can come in and talk to me, and don’t need to schedule a meeting,” he said. “I love my job; I love the people here.”

“Sports for Change” Exhibit Launches Ahead of Super Bowl LIII Patrick Colson-Price

THE “BREAKING BARRIERS: SPORTS FOR CHANGE” EXHIBIT

Just in time for the biggest football game of the year, the LGBTQ Institute is starting a conversation about how society views LGBTQ athletes. The “Breaking Barriers: Sports for Change” exhibit launched on January 23 with former pro-athletes telling their own personal stories that created social change.

“We need to understand that sports have a huge role to bring people together,” Ryan Roemerman, Executive Director of the LGBTQ Institute at the National Center for Civil and Human Rights in downtown Atlanta. “It can break down many barriers.”

Athletes like Michael Sam, who made history after he came out as gay ahead of the NFL draft, shared his journey as an openly gay football player battling stereotypes in sports. Three other athletes: Layshia Clarendon (WNBA basketball player), Pat Manuel (professional boxer), and Phaidra Knight 6 News February 1, 2019

COURTESY PHOTO

Through a one million dollar grant from Coca-Cola, visitors will get in free while the exhibit is in town at the LGBTQ Institute.

“People recognize the power sports have to create change. I think our visitors who go will easily make that connection and be inspired about it,” he said.

(former rugby player), all were part of the panel conversation on how to keep change coming.

governing bodies have revisions that ensure that whatever venue they’re going to is inclusive.”

Roemerman expects student-athletes from across the state to visit to learn more about how change affects their own sport and how they can be part of the movement. The onefloor exhibit is just a small part of a more significant purpose for the LGBTQ Institute: to keep sports all-inclusive regardless of gender, race, or sexual orientation.

“What’s going to change next, specifically in the NFL?” asked Roemerman. “It’s going to be harder for the city as well as the state to secure more and more sporting events as more and more of these sports organizations and

The exhibit includes interactive pieces, athlete biographies, and powerful imagery through the eyes of current and former professional athletes who’ve been confronted with social injustices through their careers.

The traveling exhibit, in partnership with ESPN, will be in at the institute through April. Its next stop has yet to be announced.

For more information on the exhibit, visit sports4change.net. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

SUPER BOWL

Super Bowl LIII: Prepping for the Big Game Conswella Bennett

SUPER BOWL VIEWING PARTIES HERETIC ATLANTA Watch the biggest game of the season on 13 high-def screens while you enjoy FREE burgers and hot dogs (while they last)! Bud Light buckets on hand along with a full bar.

Doors open at 3pm and the cookout starts at 4pm. Dance floor opens after the game!

Downtown Atlanta has transformed into football central for Super Bowl LIII with multiple stages popping up and banners for events hanging on every other street corner.

The countdown to one of the biggest games of the football season has finally arrived, and football fans can hardly wait.

WOOFS ON PIEDMONT Head over to the only Gay sports bar in Atlanta for the ultimate Super Bowl 53 experience with your closest friends! Full bar, drink specials and food will be served up while you watch the Patriots and Rams on a dozen big screen TV’s. Open from 12:30pm until midnight.

This weekend, all of Atlanta will be a bustle of energy with football fans filling bars and restaurants across the city. According to the Metro Atlanta Chamber Super Bowl Economic Impact Q&A fact sheet, “the event will primarily benefit the hospitality industry.” The city estimates approximately $400 million in an economic surge for businesses big and small.

The impact trickles down to small businesses looking to welcome in out-of-towners like Amsterdam Café. The restaurants co-owner, Joel Bradshaw, said on game day they will host a Super Bowl party and they expect big crowds. “We’re very excited,” Bradshaw said about the city’s third opportunity to host the Super Bowl.

Amsterdam Café and other businesses can house hundreds of out-of-towners with large televisions broadcasting the big game and if the weather is ideal, patios with televisions as well. On Sunday, because of an anticipated crowd, Bradshaw added that they will not be taking reservations and the 400 seats will be first come first serve.

He reminisces on one past experience where sports ruled the city. The 2013 Final Four NCAA Basketball Tournament, pumped more than $70 million into the economy with more than 100,000 visitors pouring into the metro for the event.

“The city did an awesome job for its Final Four,” Dr. Michael Smith with Emory University said during an interview with The Patch when Atlanta was first selected to host Super Bowl 53 in 2016. “It’s one thing to get people who are not from here, to spend money here. But if it’s just us, going www.thegeorgiavoice.com

5 CHURCH ATLANTA Midtown’s hottest Super Bowl party includes unlimited buffet and open bar all for just $50 a ticket. Enjoy the buffet from 5pm to 9pm and open bar from 5pm to 11pm. To purchase tickets, go to 5churchatlanta.com.

out and spending money at a Super Bowl village instead of going to the movies or going bowling, that doesn’t do the regional economy any good. It’s just a transfer of wealth, and we really want this event to have a more far-reaching impact.”

hundreds of thousands. City officials say if you’re thinking about driving, think again.

Taking public transit like MARTA will help lighten congestion from out-of-town travelers and using rideshare services like Uber and Lyft will also reduce traffic on the roadways.

Jen and Jami Maguire, owners of My Sisters Room, have a plan in place for the big game day to make sure they’re ready for a big crowd. MSR is usually known for their Sunday fun day, so add the biggest game of the year into the mix and you’ll get some of the most energetic crowds in the metro.

They’re expecting hundreds of people, so to handle the masses they will have extra security on hand and a plan in place if things get out of hand.

This week, Lyft announced their comprehensive transportation plan for locals and out-oftown guests as they make their way around the city before and after the game on Feb. 3.

According to the company’s press release, “this plan includes a five-times boost for Delta Miles earned on Lyft rides, a substantial offer for rides to and from MARTA stations, easy-to-use e-scooter rental, and convenient pick-up and drop-off locations throughout the city.”

For other spaces, like Woofs Atlanta and Midnight Moon Atlanta, it will be business as usual but with all televisions on the Super Bowl action. An employee at Woofs, one of the only gay sports bars in Atlanta, said they’re expecting a large crowd to turn out to watch the game.

But getting to and from your hotel or home to your favorite bar will be a problem for

Lyft has long-term relationships with many of Atlanta’s most popular spots for visitors says the rideshare company. “The city is working hard to make sure it’s as simple as possible to get around Atlanta during this time, and we want to support that mission in any way we can,” said Sam Bond, general manager of Lyft southeast. “Whether you’re a lifelong Atlantan or this is your first trip to the ATL, we hope you look to Lyft to help you navigate our city and focus on having a great time during this

TEN ATLANTA Super Bowl Sunday Funday at TEN Atlanta combines football with good music! Head inside to watch the big game on those big screen TV’s, and then party on the tented patio with DJ Daryl Cox. Save your appetite for a special tailgate menu and drink specials.

Open from 2pm to midnight.

amazing celebration of football.”

Many roads are closed near downtown and in Atlantic Station for Super Bowl festivities and parking lots are utilizing their space to make even more money. One Atlanta resident posted on Facebook stating his parking garage posted signs telling monthly subscribers they couldn’t park in the building between January 30 and February 4 because of Super Bowl crowds.

From parking to hotels, the city says they’re ready, but the final assessment will come after a new Super Bowl champion is crowned.

After this weekend comes to a close, a final tally by the city will show just how positive or negative of an impact this massive sporting event will have on the city. Small business owners in the LGBTQ community are hopeful for a spike in revenue to help drive business along in 2019.

February 1, 2019 Super Bowl 7

SUPER BOWL

Inclusion Party Returns to Super Bowl For Second Year Katie Burkholder

ESERA TUAOLO COURTESY PHOTOS

Inclusion, Diversity, less hate, and more love. These are the word and phrases are on everyone’s lips this Super Bowl season, including out former NFL player Esera Tuaolo. He spent nine years playing professional football including with Falcons in the 1998 Super Bowl, all while never being able to be open with his identity as a gay man. This drove him to spark change and bridge the gap between the LGBTQ community and professional sports.

“Ever since I came out in 2000, I always wanted to bridge the gap between the profession I was in and the people that I love,” Tuaolo told Georgia Voice. This bridge comes in the form of his annual Super Bowl Inclusion Party, hosted through his non-profit, Hate is Wrong.

Even while being closeted in the NFL, Esera never let hate slide. Years ago, he came up with the phrase, “hate in any form is wrong,” using it to combat discriminatory locker room talk – whether sexist, racist, or homophobic. The expression ultimately transformed into his non-profit to end bullying and discrimination last year.

Tuaolo’s first Super Bowl Inclusion Party was held last year in Minneapolis, Minnesota. The event was groundbreaking, the first of its kind.

“I wanted to create a presence for the LGBTQ community during the Super Bowl because before, we never had a presence there,” Esera said. “[I also wanted to] get the word of inclusion and diversity out there, and to break down the stereotypes of what a gay man looks like or what an athlete looks like. Many times, it’s difficult to put the two together.”

Not only did this party create a safe and celebratory space for LGBTQ people, but 100 percent of the money raised went directly to local anti-bullying and diversity organizations.

“We’re not coming in for profit… We’re raising money to give money,” the football star said. “None of us get paid, including 8 Super Bowl February 1, 2019

since I came out “in Ever 2000, I always wanted myself. We come because we love the LGBTQ community and we love what we do.”

Last year’s party in Minneapolis raised $30,000 for Avenues for Homeless Youth and the National Pacer Organization. This year, the party followed the Super Bowl into Atlanta where proceeds went to the National Center for Civil and Human Rights’ LGBTQ Institute, based in Atlanta.

According to the gay activist, the difference between the NFL when he played back in the 90s and now is “like night and day.”

Tuaolo accredits this difference and the more inclusive environment to education.

“Back then, it was very difficult. If I came out, I probably would’ve lost my job; I probably would’ve had a bounty on me,” he said. “Every time the topic of homosexuality came up when I was playing, it was always negative and violent.”

He says the atmosphere has changed because of several key players in sports taking the

step to come out of the closet and live their authentic lives. It’s sparked a conversation on how the LGBTQ community and sports can coexist together. It was this emphasis on education as a force for change that inspired Tuaolo to introduce an Inclusion Panel to his Super Bowl event. He says he’s tired of talking about the problem of LGBTQ exclusion – he wants to find a solution.

“We’ve been talking about the problem for the longest time. What is the next step? What can we do to move forward with this?” he asked.

“I’m hoping to get that with this panel.”

This year’s panel focused on the efforts of sports-affiliated corporations, non-profits, and athletes, as well as the NFL itself, in making professional sports more LGBTQ-inclusive.

Of these groups, he mentioned the efforts of Adidas, a major sponsor for his event.

“They’re dedicated to inclusion and diversity; they’re breaking down stereotypes, and they’re empowering youth through the athletes they

to bridge the gap between the profession I was in and the people that I love.

This bridge comes in the form of his annual Super Bowl Inclusion Party, hosted through his nonprofit, Hate is Wrong.

”

sign,” he said. “They sign amazing athletes that want to make a difference in the world.

They choose athletes that do it for the cause, and that’s who Adidas chooses to represent.”

However, he hopes his events spark change not only one day of the year but year-round.

“I’m hoping people will continue to educate themselves and others not just during the Inclusion Party but throughout the year,” he said. “Let’s rally, let’s push the envelope, let’s find answers and solutions instead of talking about the problem. Let’s come together and support each other.” www.thegeorgiavoice.com

CULTURE

Fight for Civil Rights Expands as Atlanta Celebrates

Black History Month Dionne N. Walker At its face value, racial diversity in today’s Atlanta seems like a long way from the city circa 1926. That was the year that gave birth to what we now call Black History Month; it was also a year when a city ordinance sought to forbid black barbers from giving haircuts to white women.

Nearly a century later, the city boasts a black mayor while black families prosper and integration in the workplace and schools are the new normal. Beneath the surface, activists say blacks still face challenges, particularly in the LGBTQ community where black men continue to lead the nation in HIV infections, and color lines remain intact from nightclubs to pride celebrations.

As Black History Month 2019 dawns, activists urge black people of all identities to become more engaged and build bridges with community allies. “Black bodies have always been under attack in this country, but never before has it been as clear and palpable and as present a danger as it is at present,” said David Johns, executive director of the National Black Justice Coalition, a Washington DCbased civil rights organization representing black LGBTQ people. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

Johns, who works closely with groups like the Atlanta chapter of the Human Rights Campaign, pointed to changes in the Affordable Care Act that disproportionately impact people of color and anti-transgender legislation as just a few examples of an increasingly racially charged political climate.

“Black people [and] queer black people have always taken up space, and we are continuing to do so,” he said. “With that said, there is still much work to do.”

Started in the ’20s by black historian Carter G. Woodson, Black History Month was originally a week timed to coincide with the birthdays of President Abraham Lincoln and abolitionist Frederick Douglass. In the 1970s, the celebration expanded to encompass the entire month with events to recognize black Americans’ unique contributions.

Black History Month holds a special sway in Atlanta, the birthplace of one black civil rights activist, Rev. Martin Luther King Jr., and home to one of the nation’s largest metropolitan black populations. But issues plaguing the black community here are still at times difficult to grasp. While there’s no magic bullet for solving all community woes, Johns said people should start by

being engaged in the community yearround, not just in February. He said that also goes for those outside the community who want to help.

“People fail to appreciate and then activate their ability to leverage their privilege for the benefit of others,” he said.

The leaders of Atlanta Black Pride are working to bridge the gap with nonblack groups while creating more ways for black LGBTQ people to voice community concerns, according to Amber Moore, cochair of Atlanta Black Pride and board member of In the Life Atlanta. This year marks the group’s first time being able to offer independent programming outside of its usual September pride events.

“We will do some stuff with relationships and will talk about politics this year,” she

said. “We are going to be looking at the overall community.”

Events will kick off in March with Trans 101, a community workshop to help educate people on proper transgender terminology.

The event is in conjunction with Trans Gentlemen of Excellence, an Atlanta group for trans-men of color.

Moore said the group will partner with more organizations in 2019 than ever before, as it seeks to strengthen programming within the black LGBTQ community. At the same time, she urged more organizations to partner with black groups actively to help create a community that better represents the rainbow.

“You are not our ally because you voted for Stacey Abrams,” Adams said, urging more faceto-face meetings. “What makes you an ally is that I see you; my community sees you in it.”

February 1, 2019 Culture 9

ASK THE DOCTOR

PrEP 101 Q: My husband is HIV positive and has been undetectable for years. I get tested every six months. Should I still go on PrEP? A: You’ve probably heard about the “Undetectable = Untransmittable,” or “U=U” campaign. U=U sprung up after broad scientific consensus that people who are living with HIV (are HIV positive) and who have consistently had a viral load that is so low it’s undetectable by standard lab tests cannot transmit HIV to their sexual partners. U=U is a game changer for public health and the peace of mind for serodiscordant couples like yours.

If your husband truly has an undetectable viral load, you’re not going to acquire HIV from having sex with him.

That being said, “U=U” makes your individual HIV risk a mutual responsibility between you and your husband. These are some questions only you can answer: Do you need that extra level of security PrEP offers? Do you and your partner know for certain that he’s undetectable?

Do you have other partners? If so, are you sure they’re HIV negative and/or also undetectable?

These are important conversations to have together, as even within healthy partnerships there are often different levels of communication about health and definitions of monogamy.

“U=U” is solid science, but PrEP puts the control in your hands.

Quintin Robinson, MD Board Certified in Infectious Diseases

Board Certified in Internal Medicine Certified by the AAHIVM

Q: I’m a gay trans man interested in starting PrEP. Will it interact badly with my hormones?

A: It is great to hear that you’re thinking about starting PrEP (Pre-Exposure Prophylaxis) medication for HIV prevention. Trans men are often left out of HIV prevention conversations, and that needs to change.

Many trans men unaware of their risk and quite often many healthcare providers providing care to trans men don’t talk to their patients about HIV risk or prevention.

The short answer to your question is no; PrEP should not interact with any gender affirmation-related hormones, including Testosterone. Many people who take PrEP are simultaneously in care for gender affirmation. However, for PrEP to be effective you need to take the medication every day to get the full prevention benefit, and it doesn’t protect you from other sexually transmitted infections. We recommend the same screenings we provide to cisgender patients, and we expect minimal (and similar) side effects. Congrats to you for taking control of your health.

Terry Hackworth, NP-C Certified by the AAHIVM AbsoluteCARE Medical Center & Pharmacy

Ask The Doctor is a monthly health column where the experts at AbsoluteCARE answer your pressing medical questions. Have a question you want answered? Email it to askthedoctor@thegavoice.com!

10 Health February 1, 2019

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VALENTINE’S DAY

Universal Love:

Ways to Say ‘I Love You’ Around the World FRENCH: Je T’aime

faintest whisper of “Ich lieve Dich” could seal the deal.

It’s the perfect first “I love you” to learn in a different language, seeing as France’s capital, Paris, is considered the “City of Love.” Every year, over 70 million people visit the country. Paris serves as the world’s number one tourist destination.

That’s a lot of love!

MANDARIN CHINESE: 我爱你 (Wo ai ni)

How to pronounce it: Zhuh tem

SPANISH: Te Amo

How to pronounce it: Tay ahm-oh

If you’re searching for the most passionate speakers on the earth, the country of Spain will argue, they’re the best.

From their quick-tongued dialects to the emphasis in their hand gestures, and through their music and dance, they have a way with communication.

The simple phrase, “te amo” draws even the most emotionless individuals into a quick sweat.

It’s an informal pronoun used, expressing real intimacy. It’s not a phrase that Spanish-speakers use lightly. While there are other ways of saying “like,” “like a lot,” and “like-like” in Spanish, Te Amo is reserved for those ready to take their love to the next level.

GERMAN: Ich Liebe Dich How to pronounce it: Ish leeba dish

The Deutsche know what love is too! Just ask Heidi Klum, Claudia Schiffer, and Diane Kruger, and I’m sure they’ll tell you one or two stories of young, reckless love where they used those threewords. If you’re ever in Berlin or Frankfurt for a getaway vacation and happen to fall for a stout German muscle man, the 12 Valentine’s Day February 1, 2019

How to pronounce it: Wuh eye nee

The Chinese are romantic beings but because of culture and tradition, saying “I love you” is quite uncommon. One Chinese man says growing up in a full Chinese household, his parents never said: “Wo ai no.” Instead, when it got to that point, they’d switch over to English and actually say “I love you.” Usually, to express romantic feelings, Chinese people would say “w xǐ huān nǐ” which means “I like you.”

JAPANESE: 愛してる (Aishiteru)

How to pronounce it: Eye-shee-teh-roo

Love is quite a strong word in Japanese Culture, but it’s rarely used. Instead, the country and its residents have two romantic days including Valentine’s Day where women who are expected to give their boyfriends gifts. But don’t worry women, there’s a day where you get the love back. March 14 also known as “White Day,” is when men give various gifts to their spouses.

If you feel he or she is the one, use “Aishiteru” to express commitment will be a gift like no other. The Japanese take the L-word very seriously, and you’re likely to get the love back if the other person feels the same.

GREEK: Σ΄αγαπώ (Se agapo)

How to pronounce it: Sag-app-oh

From the columns of the ancient Parthenon

to the steps of the Panathenaic Stadium, love like the stones of these structures stands the test of time. After a long day of competing in ancient Olympic games or performing greek theatre dialogue, all the greeks needed were those three little words.

Se agapo, meaning “I love you,” is still more potent than any ancient Greek god or goddess!

ITALIAN: Ti Amo

How to pronounce it: Tee-ah-mo

Grab a bottle of wine, some artisan bread, and olive oil, and the words “I love you” are likely to flow out of you like Italy’s Tiber River. The typical Italian man uses his aggressiveness for a reason, to get you to fall in love! If you’re willing, let him swoon you with the fluid Italian dialects of his country or turn the tables and tell him, “Ti Amo.” It’s a charm that will almost always work!

MORE “I LOVE YOU’S” KOREAN: 사랑해 (Saranghae) How to pronounce it: Sah-rahn-gh-aee yoh ARABIC: ‫كَّبِحب اَنٲ‬ (Uhibbuki/Ana uHibbuki) How to pronounce it: To express your love to a female: oo-heh-boo-kee. To express your love to a male: ah-nuh oo-heh-boo-kee HINDI: मैं तुमसे प्यार करता हुँ (Main tumse pyar kartha hoon) How to pronounce it: May thumse pyar kartha hoon HEBREW: ‫( ךתוא בהוא ינא‬Ani ohev otach/Ani ohev otcha) How to pronounce it: For a female speaking to a female: ah-nee oh-hev-et ot-akh. For a male speaking to a male: ah-nee oh-hev ot-kha SWEDISH: Jag älskar dig How to pronounce it: Ya ellscar de

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VALENTINE’S DAY

Famous Love:

GERDA WEGENER & EINAR WEGENER AKA LILI ELBE (inset)

Past and Present LGBTQ Romances to Make Your Heart Melt Camryn Burke As Valentine’s Day nears, we reflect on romantic relationships of the those most influential figures in society. From the ancient times of monarchs and queens to modern day power couples, love in the LGBTQ community shows just how longlasting love can be. And not just the ones that immediately pop into people’s heads when thinking of couples, such as Ellen Degeneres and Portia de Rossi or Neil Patrick Harris and David Burkta. Here are some couples you might not have heard about before: LILY TOMLIN AND JANE WAGNER

Producer Jane Wagner first caught the attention of Lily Tomlin’s eye with an afterschool special she wrote called J.T. After Tomlin saw this, she contacted Wagner and invited her to collaborate on a comedy album in 1971. After that, they were inseparable.

Their careers became so intertwined after this that they were given joint star on the Palm Springs Walk of Stars in 2012. The duo is very quiet about their relationship, but they’ve been together for forty-seven years! They officially tied the knot on New Year’s Day, just as 2013 was transitioning into 2014, and have been happily married and in love ever since.

JAMES I AND GEORGE VILLIERS

After the death of Queen Elizabeth I in 1603, her younger brother, James took over as England’s ruler. It was said that James had a great series of male courtiers during his reign, but none seemed to hold his heart until George Villiers.

Although King James was married to Anne of Denmark, it was no secret to anyone, including his wife, that he was in love with Villiers. They had a secret passageway that connected their bedrooms and wrote incredibly romantic love letters to each other.

In one, James says, “I desire only to live in this www.thegeorgiavoice.com

world for your sake. I had rather live banished in any part of the Earth with you than live a sorrowful widow’s life without you.”

It was clear Villiers reciprocated these feelings, responding, “I will live and die a lover of you.”

Despite the disapproval of the general public, the two continued their swoon-worthy romance for the rest of the king’s reign.

ROBIN ROBERTS AND AMBER LAIGN

Good Morning America’s Robin Roberts and Amber Laign are very low-key about their relationship, but even with the little information known about it, one can’t help but feel touched by their relationship. In 2013, the news anchor revealed that she was a lesbian in a Facebook post reflecting on her treatment for myelodysplastic syndrome.

The two are perfect opposites, Roberts being incredibly extroverted and Laign being more reserved and quiet, but there’s no one else either woman would rather have by their side. In an interview, Robin said, “She’s been right there beside me every step of the way.” The two have been happily in love for sixteen years, and can continuously be seen traveling the world together on social media.

PAN ZHANG AND WANG ZHONGXIAN

Wang Zhongxian was the ruler of a small state in feudal China. After hearing about a handsome scholar named Pan, he asked to read his writings, and upon meeting, the two were immediately entranced with each other. For the rest of their lives, the couple lived together, described in the text as having shared bed and pillow and “unbounded intimacy.”

When they died, they died together and were buried side-by-side on Mount Luofu, where the seeds for a tree was planted on their grave. As the tree grew, the branches came to intertwine and merge. Seeing this as a spiritual representation of their love, the locals referred to it as what

translates to, “The Shared Pillow Tree.”

LILI ELBE AND GERDA WEGENER

Lili Elbe (born Einar Wegener) fell in love with fellow painter Gerda Wegener met while attending the Royal Danish Academy of Fine Arts in Copenhagen, and married each other in 1904. At the time of their marriage, Lili had not yet transitioned. It wasn’t until Gerda’s model didn’t show up for her painting, and she asked Lili (then Einar) to dress like a woman in her model’s place. Lili confessed to Gerda that she had always felt that she wasn’t meant to be a man and that her real identity was trapped inside Einar’s body.

Lili began to dress in women’s clothes more often with her doting wife by her side. Gerda’s wife eventually became one of the first individuals to undergo sex reassignment surgery, the two of them selling paintings to gather enough money to afford them. They lived an incredibly successful and happy life together for many years as painters, and Elbe continued to model in many of Gerda’s paintings.

Unfortunately, the marriage between the two was eventually annulled by the king of Denmark in 1930, after Lili Elbe legally changed her name and gender since same-sex marriage was not allowed, though they parted amicably. Regardless, the romance between them will be remembered for years to come.

RUPAUL CHARLES AND GEORGES LEBAR

Drag queen and tv personality RuPaul

himself gets much attention but his relationship with the Australian rancher Georges LeBar does not. The two met on a dance floor in New York City on Georges’ birthday in 1994, and have been together ever since. They are in an open relationship, which (in my opinion) takes two very trusting, open-minded people.

The couple married in secret on the anniversary of their first meeting, and LeBar’s birthday, two years ago. Although they married for practical reasons more so than out of a desire to be married, the two are incredibly in love and have been together for twenty-five years now.

MINH THU AND TRUC NHU

Crazily enough, these two lovers met on The Bachelor: Vietnam competing against each other for the affections of Quoc Trung.

When Minh Thu was left rose-less, she approached Truc Nhu in what will forever be an iconic scene as she professes her love for Nhu on live television, asking the woman to come home with her.

Nhu does but ends up coming back a few days later, as neither of them had been in a same-sex relationship before and felt they needed the space to figure out if their feelings for each other were real. However, as soon as they separated, the women knew their feelings were real. After leaving the show, the two started dating, and have been together ever since.

February 1, 2019 Valentine’s Day 13

VALENTINE’S DAY

Making Sweet Love Jamie Roberts If your sweetheart has a sweet tooth and you want to make them squeal with delight, you’re in luck! Atlanta is blessed with a cornucopia of creamy baked confections to make anyone’s mouth water. Whether it’s donuts, cupcakes, or chocolate-covered delights, here are some go-to sugary stops to make before Valentine’s Day. Sweet Cheats in Cabbagetown, owned by Shirley Hughes, formerly a national contender on the physique competition circuit, took a break from her rigorous training diet to indulge her sweet tooth. Founded with the help of her husband Robert Tubbs, Sweet Cheats gets its café all decked out in glittery red Valentine’s Day glamor. The displays are full of cakes, cupcakes, petit fours and special surprises.

The café and catering company cranks out chocolate-covered strawberries, heart-shaped cakes, and packages of red glittery chocolatecovered Oreos that are individually stamped with letters that spell out “LOVE.” They also make custom cakes, which are their best-sellers.

Micah Johnson, the Head Baker at Sweet Cheats, has been creating perfect confections for three years. She says preparing for Valentine’s Day starts months in advance; they order in December to make sure there are enough ingredients for the holiday rush.

Weeks leading up to the big day, she says business “kind of skyrockets.” They learned from past years to put items up on their website on their “Valentine’s Sweets” page well before February to allow customers to pre-order their Valentine’s goodies, including some old classics and new favorites.

This year they anticipate their busiest year yet, doing catering for the Georgia Ovarian Cancer Alliance and events like the Atlanta Cookie Grab, where Atlanta bakers come together to bake for the benefit of Planned Parenthood Southeast.

“We’re going to have a cookie in that – it’s going to be a White Chocolate Salted Caramel Cookie with a little painted see-saw on top,” she said.

14 Valentine’s Day February 1, 2019

ASSORTED PASTRIES @ SWEET CHEATS BAKERY

SWEET LOCATIONS SWEET CHEATS BAKERY & COFFEE SHOP 692 B Kirkwood Avenue SE, Suite B1 Atlanta, GA 30316 www.SweetCheatsAtlanta.com CAMICAKES Locations in Atlanta: Buckhead, East Point, and Smyrna www.CamiCakes.com ENDULGE CUPCAKE BOUTIQUE Ormewood Park Plaza 749 Moreland Avenue, Suite A-101 Atlanta, GA 30316 www.CupcakeEndulgers.com

VALENTINE CAKE @ SWEET CHEATS BAKERY

HEART PASTRIES @ SWEET CHEATS BAKERY

HIGHLAND BAKERY 992 N. Highland Avenue, NE Atlanta, GA 30306 www.HighlandBakery.com MAE’S BAKERY 2770 Lenox Road, Suite B-4 Atlanta, GA 30324 www.MaesBakeryAtl.com BUTTERSWEET BAKERY 625 North Central Avenue Hapeville, GA 30354 www.ButtersweetBakery.com PIECE OF CAKE Locations in Atlanta: Alpharetta, Camp Creek, Decatur, Dunwoody, and more www.PieceOfCakeInc.com

Another sweet stop in Atlanta comes in the form of delectable cupcakes. CamiCakes was originally founded in Orange Park, Florida

by Andra Hall, who brought her sweets to the south eventually opening seven locations in Florida and Georgia. Camicakes started with 18 cupcake flavors, including sweet potato and strawberry shortcake but every year for Valentine’s Day, they introduce a new cupcake flavor. If the flavor’s a hit, they continue to sell it throughout the year.

Recent years Valentine’s specials include Chocolate Cake Cream Cheese Frosting dipped in chocolate ganache, chocolatecovered Strawberry, the Cami sweetheart, the Strawberry Passion, and the Chocolate Raspberry Almond Cream.

Bridget Bradley, a froster at the Buckhead

RED VELVET CAKE @ ENDULGE BAKERY

VALENTINE’S DAY LOVE CAKE @ ENDULGE BAKERY

COURTESY PHOTOS

location says that this year they plan to be even busier than years past. On certain days, cupcakes sell out before noon, and Valentine’s Day will be no exception. Red Velvet Cake is a perennial best-seller, including one with a Raspberry Cream Frosting, and it goes fast according to Bradley. They also make heart-shaped Bundt Cakes drizzled with cream cheese frosting, sprinkled with hearts.

Customers can also buy a longer-lasting gift, a special wooden keepsake box with a glass lid and 12 cupcake-sized compartments filled with the frosty treats.

special holiday menu. On a typical day leading up to the holiday, they start baking at 2 am in the morning and won’t stop until closing time.

“That sells really well during Valentine’s Day,” says Bradley.

Like CamiCakes, Red Velvet Cake is a favorite for the holiday. Another favorite is their Banana Pudding Cake, filled with banana pudding and topped with Banana Cream Cheese Frosting and a Chessman Cookie. Endulge Cupcake Boutique uses organic ingredients when possible, and also offers a limited supply of vegan cupcakes for Valentine’s Day on a first come, first served basis.

For Endulge Cupcake Boutique in Ormewood Park, founded by former educators and friends Cherita Kempson and Patricia Williams, talking about Valentine’s Day gets them antsy. They begin planning for the holiday in early January, stockpiling ingredients and planning their

“It’s definitely a tiring day but one that we are thankful to be a part of,” says Kempson.

Endulge offers a Valentine’s Day “Love Cake,” customized with any of the cake flavors they offer, frosted in any color and flavor. On the weekends, they offer “liquor infused cupcakes.” But on Valentine’s Day, all of their treats are fair game for customers because demand is so high.

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VALENTINE’S DAY

The Gift of

Love

By Dionne N. Walker

Valentine’s Day is around the corner, and with it, the retail-enforced mandate to wow your sweetie with the perfect gift. No pressure!

The idea of shopping for just the right token of affection could make anyone break into a cold sweat but don’t fret. Our Georgia Voice Valentine’s Day gift guide is here to rescue you from pre-Valentine’s Day purgatory. Whether your loved one is sporty, crafty, romantic, outdoorsy or all of the above, the gifts and ideas below are sure to earn you major points and maybe even a roll in the hay!

FOR THE CRAFTY TYPE Are you ensconced with a would-be artist?

Does the idea of being up to their elbows in clay turn your babe on? Atlanta is full of affordable options for the crafty sort, from iron smithing classes to those paint and sip options popping up on every corner. The best part: Most of them are offering Valentine’s Day specials. Drop by Ponce City Market for a session at Candlefish, a trendy boutique that sells high-end candles and offers workshops where you can make them.

Their Valentine’s special includes a scented candle class where participants choose from an especially romantic selection of fragrances, pour two candles and kick back with hors-d’oeuvres.

If your honey is more adventurous, go check out Decatur Glassblowing. This industrialstyle studio lets you create gorgeous glass specialties year-round, including a Valentine’s Day glassblowing session that yields a heartshaped glass paperweight. Grab your sweetie and put those lips to work!

FOR THE DIVA OR DIVO If your lover has an affinity for the finer things in life, it can be tempting to default to high-end jewelry. Why not try something more creative? Treat them to a visit to Blend Custom Parfum Studio. Choose one of their affordable packages, and your partner can work with French-trained Master Parfumeur Susan Sexton and her team to create a custom fragrance – from learning about flower essences to mixing and bottling. They’ll leave with a delicious bespoke scent, and you’ll gain super boyfriend/girlfriend status.

Boy Next Door Menswear Gift Spotlight Floral Madness Shirt

By Mission Mesh with floral embroidered pattern $48.75 (Orig. $65)

CANDLEFISH

XOCOLATL CHOCOLATE DECATUR GLASSBLOWING COURTESY PHOTOS

For the spa lover, try a unique twist on a couples massage at BlueFern Spa. It’s located in Johns Creek, but the drive is worth it for this decadent retreat specializing in ubertrendy salt room therapy. Choose from eight Valentine’s Day packages, including the “Unforgettable” – a 60-minute couples massage and salt room session topped off with gourmet chocolates and bubbly.

FOR THE ROMANTIC Valentine’s Day is the signature holiday of love, so if your babe is a romantic at heart, you’ve got to bring your A-game. It’s trickier than just grabbing a diamond bracelet, but with a little

If your honey has a soft spot for the traditional sweet, pick up some award-winning, smallbatch chocolates from Xocolatl near Old Fourth Ward, a dazzling arrangement from Foxgloves & Ivy Floral Design Studio and a custom Build-a-Bear (their rainbow sloth is hilarious and LGBTQ-appropriate) for a cute, heartfelt surprise. The best part: It’s affordable!

Valentine’s doesn’t have to be stressful.

Whatever you give your honey, do it from the heart, and they’re sure to be happy.

Red1816 Minipants

Floral Linen Print Shirt

By Olaf Benz Soft sheer/solid stripe premium underwear designed/manufactured in Germany.

By Oxford Lads Floral Linen Print $130

$39

French Car Shirt

By French Connection Cabernet with navy embroidered Beetle $44

M804 Casual Tee

By Fancy Manstore Premium lace shirt in floral pattern. Lace design.

Manufactured in Germany.

$69

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thought, you can come out on top. The key is to think substance over flash. Spread out your favorite throw and enjoy a cozy indoor picnic, care of Valentine’s Day dinner delivery from Harry & David David. Score a lobster dinner for two for just $100, add flickering candles and alluring music for an intimate evening.

M858 Minipants

By Manstore Available in Red or Navy. Velvet like material.

Manufactured in Germany. $39

February 1, 2019 Valentine’s Day 15

ROMANCE

Say “Yes” to the Rebound O’Brian Gunn

compatibility with this new person. Is the other person also fresh out of a relationship?

Does this new relationship extend outside of the bedroom? Are you catching feelings for this person, or are you merely basking in the glow of how they make you feel without giving anything back? Falling for someone can cloud your judgment, no matter if you’ve been single for a while or if you broke up with someone a few weeks ago. With both, you have to take out time to walk through your emotions by yourself to develop a frame of reference for yourself as well as the other person.

It’s a Game of Thrones-style plot twist you never saw coming. You look down expecting to see a bloody cavity in your chest where your heart used to be. Breakups hit you on every level of existence; emotionally, physically, and mentally.

In the depths of your pain, a new romantic interest can provide you with a space of divine healing. But wait, rebound relationships are supposed to result in stormy seas rather than a pleasure cruise. Aren’t they?

Despite popular opinion, desperation and uncertainty aren’t always the primary fuel for rebound relationships. According to the cerebral sorcerers at Psychology Today, there are instances where a rebound relationship can work out in our favor. Let’s take a deeper dive, shall we?

Before delving into why a rebound relationship can be good for you, let’s go back to why they have such a bad reputation in the first place.

By not giving yourself adequate space and time after a breakup, you deprive yourself of the chance to fully reset and “restock” your emotions and mind. Just like you need to apply a cast to a broken bone and give it time to heal, the same principle applies to a broken heart. Jumping into a new relationship is the equivalent of putting too much weight on a bone before it’s had time to heal. While you’ll always be working on some aspect of Self no matter if you’re in a relationship or single, you have much more to sort out in the aftermath

16 Romance February 1, 2019

of a breakup. It’s even more difficult if you involve someone else in the clean-up process.

Couples break up for different reasons. There are situations where one person has been left a hollowed-out shell while the other person recognizes the fact that sometimes doing what’s best involves unintentionally hurting someone else’s feelings. Both move on and may choose to venture into their own love affairs. Those are called rebound relationships, and as we said, they’re not always bad for us.

Relationships that only lasted a short time or relationships where both people agree they’re not vibrating on the same wavelength are exceptions to the rebound rule. Under such

circumstances, it makes perfect sense to enter into a rebound relationship. It also makes perfect sense for that rebound relationship to endure. It doesn’t matter if you were the one who was left or the one who did the leaving in the relationship, catching a rebound can fully replenish emotional energy. Your rebound beau can help you emotionally and mentally detach from your ex and repair your shattered confidence. You may find your new relationship to be more rewarding than you imagined, and more satisfying than your last go-around with love.

With this new insight into rebound relationships, there are still pitfalls to be aware of. First, you have to be honest about your

Another variable to add to the rebound success equation is raw honesty. Are you mainly in the rebound relationship to try to stop yourself from missing your ex? Is the rebound relationship going as well as you think or are you lying to yourself? Would it be better if you and the other person took things slow? Not only do you have to open up and be honest with yourself, but you also have to do the same with your new love interest. This level of introspection has the benefit of allowing you to heal and grow on a personal level while improving the odds of your rebound relationship working out.

In the end, it’s best to neither completely refuse a rebound relationship nor go into one at warp speed. Instead, you want to proceed slowly and take your time, much like you would while driving in the snow. Allow yourself to live in the moment and enjoy the journey of this new found love as it happens. That way, your final destination is sure to be warmer and sunnier.

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SEX

Sex, Love, and

BDSM Patrick Colson-Price

Nitro Hankinson and I had a candid conversation the other evening, one where limits seemed to disappear into thin air after several minutes of chatting. Sounding became the topic of discussion, an activity both of us agreed we found thrilling. For those that don’t know, it’s when you insert a long metal rod into the urethra of your dick, letting it slide deep into your shaft where immense feelings of pleasure erupt from it softly tapping your prostate.

Hankinson gets off on doing it to himself and others, a lot. It sounds terrifying for many but once you’ve done it, you quickly realize just how intensely satisfying the activity can be once you’ve let go of any lingering inhibitions.

In a nutshell, it’s how many of the activities in the BDSM lifestyle play out. Newbies show interest, experience their first play session as a dominant or submissive, and then continue to push limits while letting mental barriers dissipate. Sounding or bondage are experiences that go beyond just a physical touch. “For those who get it, BDSM is a way of connecting on a spiritual and physical level,” says Hankinson.

“The types of play that we do, and the types of activity that we do brings people closer with endorphin rushes.”

NITRO

PHOTO BY LI SU

our dicks into multiple holes. This aspect of BDSM play might indefinitely steer interested individuals away. For others, the idea of cum-control adds to the intensity of play. “For me, a play session is about the energy exchange and the experience. It doesn’t have to end in the happy ending. You might be overstimulated and worn out. You might not just have it in you,” he says.

In the BDSM world, limits are sometimes non-existent depending on who’s involved.

“The best part of being dominant is you get to make your own rules,” he explains. Those rules revolve around trust for Hankinson.

Without it, his play sessions aren’t as intimate; they’re not as intense.

He’s learned the constructs of control from the best, traveling to events like Inferno, an invite-only play event where 200 guys from around the world converge for intense kink play. He’s done heavy bondage, piercings and more. He also dabbles in electrostimulation where he uses devices to stimulate the muscles in his submissive’s body. Taking it to the next level, he places particular emphasis on the genitals, for sexual stimulation. It all depends on the agreement between the ones involved.

I had to ask Hankinson, “Do play sessions always have to end with an orgasm?” It’s what we all ultimately want if we’re sliding

“You can go for pleasure, you can go for pain.

You can go for the pain that the endorphins are going to turn it into pleasure,” said Hankinson.

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“For me, I tend to play with people that I have a close connection with because the types of things that I do. We’re going to be bonding on a spiritual level, and I’m not going to do that with just anybody off the street,” he says.

How do you translate the art of BDSM play into love? Many on the outside of this mysterious lifestyle look at it as a form of abuse while others label it taboo. Neither would be considered a kind of love to those on the outside of looking in but within the BDSM community, each act itself truly defines what it takes to love extremely hard.

“You’re putting your trust in this person, whether you’re the dom or the sub. The sub is putting their trust in the dominate to treat them right at the end of the day and take care of them. The dominant is putting their trust in the submissive to give them that opportunity to take them on that journey,” he said.

His journey into the world of kink had its share of rough edges. Hankinson found himself in a year and a half long abusive relationship where the dark side of BDSM plagued him. After learning the good side of kink, he was able to escape and live a healthier lifestyle.

It’s proof knowledge is power in the world of BDSM. Know who you’re playing with and know what you’re willing to do and how far you’re willing to go. “You can go from fifty

shades of gray bondage with a silk necktie to body modifications,” said Hankinson. “It really depends on what you’ve negotiated, what you feel comfortable with and what you’re curious to try. The imagination is kind of your limit.”

Take rope tying for example. It was the focal point of Southeast Black & Blue and ONYX Southeast’s “BDSM 101: Tying Things to People and Tying People to Things” class. They put these informative classes on once a month for those curious to take BDSM to the next level.

You learn things like breath control, needles and piercings, spanking, mummification, nipple play, and electro play. Fair warning: it’s an interactive experience, so come prepared, take notes and get a little action.

It’s because of these classes that Atlanta’s BDSM community is one of the closest-knit in the country. Hankinson is always front and center looking to learn new skills and tricks to keep his subs begging for more. It would be wrong for me to call it his guilty obsession because there’s no guilt involved.

He is, however, obsessed with the control.

It’s one of the qualities a true dominant into BDSM will always be proud to hold.

“Love can come to us in a multitude of forms so never allow someone else’s definition of love define your own. You are allowed to make the rules that you live by, and that always includes matters of the heart. Never be afraid to color outside the lines,” said Hankinson.

February 1, 2019 Sex 17

LOVE

The Science Behind

Heartbreak Aidan Ivory Edwards

Heartbreak is a universal and natural response to grieving the end of a relationship. It’s a dreadful experience that makes your day to day life a fog, and you feel that your world is caving in with every step that you take. The entire relationship replays in your head from beginning to end like a Nicholas Sparks film. It can leave you in a fetal position in your bed with empty bags of potato chips, boxes of tissues,and random cookie crumbs scattered on your half off bedsheet. I’m speaking from experience. But this is normal so please don’t worry. Heartbreak may signal that you weren’t in a healthy relationship, to begin with. There’s always hope.

The responses to the end of a relationship can drastically vary depending on individual feelings, the situation involved, and whether or not that feeling is mutual. There can be an even-keel where the relationship ends because the two partners see themselves better off as friends. It could be the dreaded abusive relationship or the blindsiding take where deceit such as infidelity comes into play. The weight of heartbreak is real; not an animated cartoon with laughable caricatures.

There are phases similar to the ones of grieving the death of a loved one. According to theanatomyoflove.com, there are two main phases of heartbreak: the protest phase and the resignation phase.

The protest phase is what you would expect from the name. It’s the denial stage. One can display violent mood swings, high agitation, and the pleas that everyone regrets in hindsight. We are vulnerable, and our judgment is damaged which can lead us into a bigger hole, expanding that heartbreak even more.

The resignation phase is the wave of melancholy and depression. This is the initial 18 Love February 1, 2019

heartbreak stage depicted on television; moping around with large bags underneath their eyes, swollen from crying the day away after calling out of work because the idea of being around people creates nausea.

And then lastly, the acceptance phase. This is the signed, sealed, delivered letter to your brain that says, “well it’s really over. I guess I better bounce back.” That bouncing back is what we see in the 1998 classic, “How Stella Got Her Groove Back,” starring Angela Bassett. This emotional cycle pops up throughout decades of television and movies, so we know it’s normal.

According to Dr. Helen Fisher (Dr. Georgianna Donadio, Huffington Post Contributor, March 21st, 2016), “love is really a drive that is deeply primordial and primitive.”

Doctor Theodore Smith, a seasoned psychiatrist in Midtown, specializes in general psychology, adolescent psychology and depression. He spoke of the addiction aspects that come with heartbreak, why we react in such ways, the recovery process, and a test that may measure the compatibility of a relationship.

“Adaptive behavior can manifest its way into addiction. Addiction engages in a behavior that is to health, and unfortunately, relationships can fall into this malevolent cycle,” said Dr. Smith.

So love can get to the point of addiction. The end of a relationship can thus bring on the onset of withdrawal symptoms such as a devastating depression, uncontrollable anger, and a sense of despair. The true nature of heartbreak brings out the worst in us, but why?

“Dealing with rejection and how people react to rejection catches them off guard. That pain turns into anger. It really can feel like a dagger to the heart which can encapsulate this manifest effect. This person will be able to tolerate those negative feelings and thoughts and will try to compromise. There are hormones such as adrenaline that can attack the heart, but we aren’t exactly sure what causes this fiscal pain, and function in the heart.”

“We’re taught how to receive things, but we haven’t been taught how to accept no for an answer,” he told Georgia Voice.

“Putting your partner through a stress test, telling them ‘no’ to see how they respond.

Sometimes this changes the dynamic of the relationship, but it teaches you about yourself and your significant other. You have to make a judgment call whether it’s something you can work out on your own

or seek help. If the pain is severe, please seek help. Ask questions. Find a support group,” said Dr. Smith. “You can associate a similar pain to the death of a loved one. It’s a sense of rejection.”

So the circumstances of the relationship can be a tell-all of how the relationship ends.

Heartbreak can be traumatic on several levels, an inevitable sense of paranoia around your possible future partners. However, this feeling of desolation passes with patience and someone to talk to. Understanding that it is your body’s natural response to the end of a relationship can help you move along to find your life partner. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

I T ’S T H E STA RT O F

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FEATURE

Coping with Loss:

Sean and Neon’s Story Patrick Colson-Price Good memories and a handful of passionate songs are what get Neon Douglass through the tough moments of his life. After losing his husband, Sean Lanoue, to Cancer last year, even the most upbeat songs harbor a grim reminder that Sean isn’t by his side.

Throughout our interview, his eyes welled with tears on several occasions. Neon quickly began laughing, remembering something silly Sean would do or say. It’s his coping mechanism in a way.

“Sean wouldn’t want me to be sad. I want to remember Sean saying, “put that thing back in your pants!” he said, laughing. Sean always had a way with his words, no matter the situation.

Even in the face of stage-four cancer, he didn’t let his illness prevent him from making someone laugh or smile. He adamantly emphasized living every day like it was his last.

“During the end, we would still travel. He would be in a wheelchair. He’d still come and would do his best to make the trips even though he was feeling horrible,” he said. “Some of the memories are good. Other ones you just sit there and know he’s not going to be around. He’s trying to do his best to make it to the end.”

The inevitable end did come in March 2018.

“Sean had sent me to Chicago to DJ our friends, Xavier and Eric’s, wedding. He said go and tell me all about it. Sean then started going downhill. We were trying to get flights back, and I got here about two hours before he passed. I didn’t get a chance to talk to him again. Part of me is mad. Just to have five minutes would’ve been great,” he expressed.

Days later, keeping with his career commitments, Neon and his second partner headed to San Francisco for a DJ gig thousands of miles away from a loss that still was so fresh in both of their hearts. “This was the first one I had to spin after Sean died,” he said. “When you’re used to being with somebody for ten 20 Feature February 1, 2019

years, and you turn to say, “Sean look at that.”

Instantly, you turn, and they’re not there. It’s like a stab in the heart all over again.”

That night in the packed club, everyone witnessed music magic through one single song chosen by Neon for Sean. “A Song

by Plum that DJ Grind and Toy Armada remixed called “Beautifully Broken,”” he said. “Even a million scars doesn’t change who you are, you’re beautifully broken which is how I was feeling. You live through Sean’s passing and also a year and a half of his health issues. You’re doing your best to keep a day job, and then you get home and have another eight your job taking care of him.”

The lyrics spoke to the challenges from the past and what was yet to come for Neon and his second partner, Jamie Williams. “We had a partner, a third, who was probably the biggest help. I couldn’t imagine having gone through that without his expertise in the medical field or his emotional support. He loved Sean as much as I did,” he said.

The two were now trying to recover from an emotional roller coaster they endured for more than 12 months. Neon was in a constant struggle to get his life back on track.

He knew he needed therapy but didn’t want to go. Eventually, he said it was time. “I was

NEON DOUGLASS AND SEAN LANOUE COURTESY PHOTOS

at my lowest. When I dealt with estate things, it brought back all the emotions back that I pushed into a box and didn’t deal with for a long time,” said Neon. “I went to my doctor and got on anti-depressants. The anxiety began setting in. We are all afraid of death. I used to have that fear as a kid. It constantly surfaces when you experience it in real life when you hold their hand and watch them die.”

It’s been nearly a year since Neon said his final goodbyes to Sean, and every month there’s a first without him. “Every first is going to suck. You’re going to miss them and wish they were there.

You’re going to cry, you’re not going to know what to do, and you’re going into a dark place,” he said, tearing up. “For Christmas, I was going to stay at my house alone and be with Sean. I told him, I’m going to turn the radio on and just talk. The first song that came on was “Faithfully”

by Journey. That was his gift for me.”

Neon says it’ll never get easier. He’s just learning how to manage his loss more healthily through the memories he and others have shared with Sean. “He was an amazing man.

I even get stories to this day on the impact he

had, some I had no idea,” said Neon.

Those memories fill the home he used to share with Sean; a home that’s slowly changing with time and space. He’s handling the house and changing the curtains. He wants it to be his home, not Sean’s or even theirs together.

“That’s one thing my therapist talked about.

You’re not erasing him. You have to become you again. I was disconnected from many aspects of my personality,” he said. “There’s going to be a corner for sean, it’s going to be his little shrine.

We’re going to light candles and everything.”

It’s a testament to Sean’s unyielding devotion to the ones he loved, and those who loved him. It’s a constant reminder to Neon just how much of an impact Sean had on so many communities across the country. The journey over the last two years took Neon off his guided path in life but for a reason. Now, with a new understanding of how precious life indeed is, he’s creating his own journey with no regrets.

“Things are changing. Things are improving.

I can get through this,” he said. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

DEAD MAN WALKING Feb 2, 5, 8, 10, 2019 | Cobb Energy Centre

Music Jake heggie | Libretto Terrence McNally Based on the novel by Sister Helen Prejean THIS OPERA WAS COMMISSIONED BY THE SAN FRANCISCO OPERA

Starring

Jamie Barton Sister Helen Prejean role debut

Michael Mayes Joseph de Rocher

Maria Zifchak Mrs. de Rocher

atlantaopera.org | 404-881-8885

ACTING OUT

LGBTQ Features Drive Atlanta Jewish Film Festival Jim Farmer As the city’s largest film festival – and one of the biggest of its kind in the world – the Atlanta Jewish Film Festival traditionally has its share of LGBTQ features. Last year, the festival hosted the Israeli film “The Cakemaker,” one of 2018’s best LGBTQ films. This year’s event, running Feb 6 – 26 at various Atlanta venues, is no exception, with documentaries and features that should appeal to queer audiences.

One of the festival’s major LGBTQ films is “Family in Transition.” In it, a family in Israel goes through significant changes when Amit tells his wife Galit – with whom they have four children - that he wants to become a woman. In the film, shot over two years by director Ofir Trainin, the immediate family is accepting but other relatives – and members of the community – are not. Amit and Galit have some difficulties through the journey. This absorbing documentary is more about the emotional transition Amit has to go through than the physical ones. The film’s star, Amit Tsuk, will be in attendance for select screenings.

“FAMILY IN TRANSITION” COURTESY PHOTOS

MOVIE SHOWINGS “Family in Transition” Feb. 16 at 6:05pm at UA Tara Cinemas Feb. 17 at 1:30pm at Regal Perimeter Pointe Feb. 18 at 2:10pm at UA Tara Cinemas

“HOLY LANDS”

Amanda Sthers’s “Holy Lands” is one of the more high-profile films in the festival. It stars James Caan as Harry, a doctor who leaves his American life behind to become an Israeli pig farmer. His son in the film (Jonathan Rhys Meyers) is gay and has written about a play about his family’s dysfunctions. The character is richly detailed – he had his first experience with another man around the time of 9/11, and he confesses he felt like the towers were his fault.

Caan is a lively center of this comedy/drama, even if he proves to be the least interesting element. Luckily, the rest of the characters, including Rosanna Arquette as Harry’s ex-wife and Efrat Dor as his thirty-something student daughter, have more dimensions.

Another feature is “Shooting Life,” directed

by David Kreiner. It centers around Yigal, a middle-aged divorced man who’s taken a 22 Columnists February 1, 2019

“Holy Lands” Feb. 9 at 6:10pm at Regal Atlantic Station Feb. 10 at 4:45pm at City Springs Feb. 10 at 8:10pm at Regal Atlantic Station Feb. 15 at 1:55pm at City Springs Feb. 23 at 1:10pm at Regal Perimeter Pointe “Shooting Life” Feb. 18 at 4:30pm at the UA Tara Cinemas Feb. 24 at 3:50pm at Regal Perimeter Pointe

“FRIEDKIN UNCUT”

job teaching filmmaking to students, near the Gaza Strip amidst exploding missiles. At first, the students are wary of him, but they grow to like him. He challenges them to share their worlds and lives in their films, and they learn to do so. One of the students turns out to be gay and gets the confidence to have a boyfriend and introduce him to others. If it has some predictable moments, “Shooting Life” is made endearing by its ensemble cast.

“Friedkin Uncut” Feb. 12 at 7pm at Regal Perimeter Pointe Feb. 20 at 3pm at Regal Perimeter Pointe

Finally, Francesco Zippel’s, “Friedkin Uncut,” examines the life and work of the prolific filmmaker William Friedkin, the man behind such classics as “The Exorcist” and “The French Connection.” Not all of his oeuvre was acclaimed, however. His gaythemed serial killer film “Cruising” with Al Pacino was heavily criticized within the LGBTQ community, and the documentary looks at that controversy. www.thegeorgiavoice.com

LA SYLPHIDE

February 15–23, 2019 With the Atlanta Ballet Orchestra

A magical story of forbidden love and heartbreak set in the mist shrouded Scottish Highlands, a land of mystery and enchantment. Treat your Valentine to a romantic night at Atlanta Ballet.

Visit atlantaballet.com or call | 1.800.982.2787 for tickets.

Groups of 10+, email groupsales@atlantaballet.com.

Emily Carrico. Photo by Rachel Neville.

EATING MY WORDS

Atlanta’s Hidden Tamale Treasure Cliff Bostock The last few weeks haven’t been fun. I had minor eye surgery followed by a stomach virus, followed by a cold of such ferocity that I began to wonder, “What would Jesus do?”

Soon my nostrils and eyes cleared, I learned the answer. He would go to a new Mexican restaurant, Taqueria el Tesoro. That’s where I last saw his face, looming over the coffee area, gazing at an orchid in the glow of a golden, mid-century clock that looked like the sun. Thank you, Jesus. I’m going to live.

El Tesoro, which means “The Treasure,” is in the Edgewood neighborhood close to the booming Memorial corridor, but far enough away that it does remind me of the kitschdrenched dives I treasured in rural Texas during my Houston years. I visited with two friends the Saturday afternoon it opened.

Normally, I don’t do that because you can always expect something to go wrong on the first day. Except for running out of a few items on its brief menu, everything went muy bien.

Alan Raines and Darryl Howard own the new restaurant. If the name is familiar, that’s because it’s the follow-up to Cantina el Tesoro in Decatur, a fancier spot that was open from 2008 to 2010 in the rambling house that became Kevin Gillespie’s Revival.

The new El Tesoro is open 7am - 2:30pm daily, serving breakfast and lunch only. The owners plan to eventually add dinner to the menu, as well as expanding the space itself to include fountains, patios, and a bar, according to the website. For now, though, it only seats about 15 diners. During my visit, people deposited their children or keys to claim a table while they waited in the lengthy but rapidly moving line. We had no difficulty getting a table, largely, I think because the restaurant is promoting itself as a take-out joint.

I liked everything that we ordered, particularly the “Frontera” taco, filled with roasted poblano peppers and onions, mushrooms, squash, and (according to the menu, but not discernible) roasted creamy corn scraped from the cob. It had quite a spicy kick, but nothing

your delicate mouth can’t handle. That’s generally true of most of the food here.

I also ordered a tamale filled with shredded pork cooked in green salsa. Wrapped in a corn husk, the masa was crumbly, mouthmelting, and the smell took me quickly to Mexico. The pork was a bit dry, but you can add more salsa. My third dish was the daily soup, a massive bowl of charros – pinto beans in a rich pork broth topped with crunchy bits of fried fat, like the cracklin’s your mama puts in the cornbread. More interesting soups, including the weekend classic of pozole, are available at other times.

We also tried a burrito filled with barbacoa and a taco with borderline-fiery chipotlespiced chicken. Tesoro offers a meat specialty every day, like the barbacoa or carne asada.

I want al pastor. One dish I was anxious to try was the sold-out “mulita.” It resembles a quesadilla made with two layers of corn tortillas, filled with cheese and rajas, plus meat, if you want. For dessert, we got a few pig-shaped ginger cookies that could use a lot more ginger, but sugar is always the point in Mexico.

El Tesoro has an extensive coffee menu, and their breakfast is solid with classics, from huevos rancheros to migas and chorizo

con papas. Additions include proteinrich chapulines, which they describe as dry-roasted crickets. I thought they were supposed to be grasshoppers. I just can’t eat a mariachi Jiminy Cricket.

Cliff Bostock is a former psychotherapist now specializing in life coaching. Contact him at 404-518-4415 or CliffBostock@gmail.com.

MORE INFO Taqueria el Tesoro 1374 Arkwright Place 470-440-5502 ElTesoroAtl.com

24 Columnists February 1, 2019 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

BEST BETS Our Guide to the Best LGBTQ Events in Atlanta for February 1-14 FRIDAY, FEB. 1

The groundbreaking Obie-winning Off-Broadway smash, “Hedwig and the Angry Inch,” tells the story of “internationally ignored song stylist” Hedwig Schmidt, a fourth-wall smashing East German rock ‘n’ roll goddess who also happens to be the victim of a botched sex-change operation, which has left her with just “an angry inch.”

This outrageous and unexpectedly hilarious story is performed by Hedwig (née Hansel) in the form of a rock gig/ stand-up comedy routine backed by the hard-rocking band “The Angry Inch,” using songs and monologues. The show is directed by Grant McGowen and stars Chad Darnell.

8pm, through Feb. 2 Pinch ‘N’ Ouch Theatre

SUNDAY, FEB. 3

The inimitable Francine Reed plays Eddie’s Attic.

5pm

SATURDAY, FEB. 2

Atlanta Prime Timers meets today.

3pm Phillip Rush Center Annex Celebrate the ZMA’s Spring exhibitions: “Louder than Words” and “Sahwa/ Resurgence: Works by Hicham Berrada” today. “Louder than Words” features artists who privilege silence (nonlinguistic sounds, symbols, or gestures) over words as their method of communication The reception will include performances in conjunction with “Louder than Words.”

Katelyn Rose King will recreate John Cage’s “Water Walk” and Vanessa Yvonne Jagodinsky will perform her work, “Candidate 23.”

3 – 5pm Zuckerman Museum of Art A true story that spawned a best-selling

Twisted Broadway is a hilarious take on your favorite Broadway shows and tunes every Wednesday night.

Lips Atlanta

THURSDAY, FEB. 7

People living with HIV live, work and thrive in every legislative district across our state, but many state lawmakers are unaware of the issues that affect our diverse community.

This event will provide free training on how to educate state legislators at the Capitol on HIV policy. Following the training, attendees will stand united under the Gold Dome to put the training into action and will have an opportunity to talk one-on-one with their representative in the House and Senate.

8:30am – Noon Atlanta City Hall

Every Friday night at Mary’s Atlanta, come enjoy Queer Bait, featuring videos with DJ Headmaster.

The hottest daddy party returns to ATL for a night of fun and cruising old-school style.

DILF Atlanta “Do Me Harder”

by Joe Whitaker Presents, brings international DJ Jack Chang all the way from Germany. Tickets available at thedilfparty.com or at the door.

10pm – 3am Heretic Atlanta

Atlanta premiere of the Israeli dramedy “Shoelaces.” The festival runs through Feb. 26 at various venues and includes some LGBTQ fare.

7:30pm Cobb Energy Centre

book and an Academy Award-winning movie, Jake Heggie’s “Dead Man Walking” tells of Sister Helen Prejean and her time as spiritual advisor to Joseph de Rocher, a murderer on death row. The most performed new American opera in the world, with book by Terrence McNally, “Dead Man Walking” opens tonight courtesy of Atlanta Opera.

8pm, through Feb. 10 Cobb Energy Centre Socks and Jocks is your chance to strip down into your Nasty Pig and Cellblock 13 gear with Atlanta’s leather community. DJ Neon the Glowgobear takes you to the dark side of the locker room with beats all night long!

10pm – 3am Atlanta Eagle Queerly Beloved Revue is back at My Sister’s Room with all the sexy queerness you can handle but don’t forget to tip your performers! Celebrate Cardi B and Bruno Mars with performances by La Reina, Zodie Yak, Drew Friday and Candida Valentina.

11:30pm

SUNDAY, FEB. 3

While Matt Ryan counts his millions and looks at his empty mantel, two other NFL teams – the New England Patriots and the Los Angeles Rams – play in Super Bowl 53 at Mercedes-Benz Stadium.

6:30pm Join football fans across the city for Super Bowl 53 at a handful of viewing parties at local bars and restaurants.

See Page 8 for details.

MONDAY, FEB. 4

The PFLAG support group for parents and families of LGBTQ children meets tonight at the Atlanta International School.

7:30 – 9pm

TUESDAY, FEB. 5

Join a special panel discussion, “How Parents Can Discuss Healthy LGBTQ Sexuality with Their Teens.”

7 – 8:30pm B’nai Torch Atlanta

WEDNESDAY, FEB. 6

The 19th annual edition of the Atlanta Jewish Film Festival kicks off with the

Join the Auburn Avenue Research Library and The Counter Narrative Project for a celebration of the life and legacy of poet, community organizer, and cultural worker Tony Daniels tonight. The collection of personal papers includes Daniels’ works, encompassing personal journals, as well as the records of ADODI Muse. This event will mark the opening of the collection for research. Papers from the Tony Daniels archive will also be on display. RSVP here: goo.gl/kMUcJC. 7pm Auburn Avenue Research Library Immigration has become an urgent topic in the U.S and around the world. How do the Great Migration and immigration resemble each other, today? Where do they intersect and how do they differ? What can we learn from the cautionary tale of six million Americans fleeing oppression within the borders of their own country? In the SUMMIT Signature series at Agnes Scott College, Pulitzer Prize winner and New York Times best-selling author Isabel Wilkerson outlines why The Great Migration is ultimately the story of millions

CONTINUES ON PAGE 27

26 Best Bets February 1, 2019 www.thegeorgiavoice.com

BEST BETS CONTINUED FROM PAGE 26 of Americans who became immigrants in their own country all to be recognized as citizens. A book signing will follow the talk in the Gaines Chapel at Presser Hall.

7pm Agnes Scott College

FRIDAY, FEB. 8

“My Own Secret Bubble: A Prison” is an American premiere theater production by Taffelhalle Theater in Nuremberg, Germany. In it, three young people are fed up with the problems of this Earth and want to emigrate to another planet.

8pm, through Feb. 10 7 Stages

Out Front Theatre Company presents the Southeastern premiere of the play “Porcelain.” John is a 19-year-old gay Chinese-British man in London who works for his immigrant father’s restaurant and whose performance on his “A” levels exams have won him acceptance for an upcoming term at Cambridge University. But he is restless, lonely and unsure of identity. So he takes temporary solace in hooking up with strange men in public bathrooms. “Porcelain” is a suspenseful examination of an alienated young man’s life filled with mystery and murder.

8pm, through Feb. 23

FRIDAY, FEB. 8

Join MAAP the second Friday of each month for its Mix, Mingle, and Network session. This is your chance to leave the work week behind and connect with other like-minded professionals over drinks, laughter, and conversation.

6 – 8pm TEN Atlanta Revered as both a torchbearer and a storyteller, jazz vocalist Vanessa Rubin possesses a voice hailed for crystalline clarity, hearth-like warmth, and playful lioness sass.

Joining Vanessa at Emory’s Jazz Fest 2019 will be drummer Winard Harper, bassist Kenny Davis, and pianist Gary Motley.

8pm Emerson Concert Hall at Emory University Hannah Thomas is bringing her own style of music to the roots rock world with a voice reminiscent of young Bonnie Raitt, grit and bravado that draws comparisons to Melissa Etheridge, and the southern rock soul of Chris Robinson. Tonight, the Georgia native and out artist has her Birthday Bash performance.

9:30pm Eddie’s Attic

SATURDAY, FEB. 9

Join in for a heartfelt, joyous afternoon

www.thegeorgiavoice.com

Play Texas Hold’Em tonight at Friends Neighborhood Bar. 8:30pm

TUESDAY, FEB. 12

Join the Atlanta Pride Committee & Touching Up Our Roots tonight for the fifth annual Our Founding Valentines, an event honoring the leaders and changemakers in the LGBTQ community. This year’s event focuses on HIV/AIDS activism through the years. The event will feature a panel discussion with this year’s honorees, as well as a performance from trailblazing camp drag troupe, The Armorettes.

7pm Out Front Theatre

WEDNESDAY, FEB.13

of diverse voices and ages at the In My Shoes Spoken Word Brunch, a storytelling event with true stories, standup, and sketches. Some artists joining the line-up are Cathy Reinking, Darryl Dillard, Jake Roberson, Emma Coulter, Kendra Woodard, Stella Doyle, Miriam Kulick, Jillian Walzer, Omer Mughal, Ryan Clark, and Ruben White.

Noon– 3pm Apres Diem

the renovated Alliance Theatre Coca Cola Stage.

7:30pm

Join Charis and The Friends School of Atlanta in welcoming Angie Thomas to celebrate her new novel “On the Come Up” with a special conversation with Nic Stone (“Dear,” “Martin,” “Odd Man Out”) and introduced by author and publisher Denene Millner. If you loved “The Hate u Give,” you’ll love “On the Come Up.” Sixteen-year-old Bri wants to be one of the greatest rappers of all time. Or at least win her first battle. As the daughter of an underground hip hop legend who died right before he hit big, Bri’s got massive shoes to fill. But it’s hard to get your come up when you’re labeled a hoodlum at school and your fridge at home is empty after your mom loses her job. So Bri pours her anger and frustration into her first song, which goes viral for all the wrong reasons.

6:30 – 9pm The Friends School of Atlanta

SUNDAY, FEB. 10

See the musical “Ever After” tonight at

RuPaul’s Drag Race superstar, Aja, takes on Atlanta to celebrate her new album BOX OFFICE. Music by Zaida Sanchez and AASHA. Kissing booth presented by Savana Ogburn. Limited Meet and Greet tickets available on Heretic Atlanta’s Facebook page.

10pm – 3am

My Sister’s Room’s new show Queer AF continues tonight, starring Candida Valentina, Drew Friday and more, as well as a trio of DJs. 3pm Come out, drink beer, and support our Atlanta Team (More to Love) at Woofs for our Valentine’s Beer Bust, as we raise money to do volunteer work this year! $10 beer bust, pictures with Dirty Cupid, and a raffle. More info at Woofs ‘Naughty Cupid and Beer’ Facebook event page.

2pm – 6pm Woofs on Piedmont

MONDAY, FEB. 11

T-Time Atlanta Trans Youth holds their weekly meeting tonight.

7pm St. Annes Episcopal Church

TEN Atlanta will once again transform from a crowded dance club into a cozy NYC Cabaret for consecutive Wednesday nights tonight with Boys Night “OUT” on Broadway, a one-hour musical and comedy revue written by Broadway veteran performer Robert Ray. 7 and 9pm

THURSDAY, FEB. 14

Love sucks, but that doesn’t mean we can’t have a party! Tip on out to AMEN: The Valentines Show at Sister Louisa’s Church of the Living Room and Ping Pong Emporium tonight for the best drag show in Downtown ATL, as well as host Taylor Alxndr’s birthday. The night will feature the talents of Dotte Com, Ivana Fischer, JayBella Banks, Molly Rimswell and Daniel Lomax.

10:30pm Check out our special Valentine’s Day Best Bets for you and yours on Page 28.

UPCOMING SATURDAY, FEB. 16

The 2019 Georgia LGBTQ Youth Summit, hosted by the Georgia Safe Schools Association, is a time to meet youth from around the state to be encouraged, inspired, and motivated for action. It will offer education, entertainment, breakout sessions, advocacy, and new friendships, as well as a social/talent show.

9am – 6:15pm ASC Ascend

February 1, 2019 Best Bets 27

VALENTINE’S BEST BETS ATLANTA’S FIRST URBAN WINERY, INTIMATE MUSIC VENUE, RESTAURANT & PRIVATE EVENT SPACE 650 NORTH AVENUE NE, SUITE 201, ATLANTA, GA 30308, PONCE CITY MARKET | CITYWINERY.COM | 404.WINERY1

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Comedy & Cocktails in the den

feb

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Just A Femme Presents:

City Winery Cabaret

Chef Deborah VanTrece of Twisted Soul Cookhouse and Pours PHOTO VIA FACEBOOK

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Books & Booze

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If Beale Street Could Talk by James Baldwin – Presented by Posman Books

Take an evening to share a special Valentine’s Day dinner with your loved one, your best friend or even by yourself. It’s all in how we celebrate our love for ourselves and others! Here are your best bets for a special Valentine’s Day in Atlanta:

THE NOOK

Join The Nook for their Valentines/Singles Awareness Day Party! Couples will enjoy a meal for two including an appetizer, two entrees, a dessert and glass of wine or cocktail all for $50. For single diners, enjoy a single-sized appetizer, entree, a dessert and two shots of whiskey all for $25.

Open until 1am

AGAVE RESTAURANT

The ‘Best Romantic Dining’ in Atlanta with a fireplace lit dining room this Valentine’s day. Regular menu items available along with special romantic appetizer, dinner, dessert and drink specials happening Valentine’s Day through Saturday.

Open until 11pm

ATMOSPHERE BISTRO

Get tickets at CityWinery.com/Atlanta or Call 404-WINERY1

Become a VinoFile Member to Purchase Tickets 48 Hours Before the General Public

28 Valentine’s Best Bets February 1, 2019

The perfect way to end your Valentine’s Day is with a French-inspired dinner for two at Atmosphere Bistro. Chefs are putting together a Prix Fixe three-course menu for $69 per person. Choose from one-of-a-kind appetizers, entrees and desserts while sipping on your choice of wine and cocktails. But hurry, because reservations are filling up fast.

Seating until 10pm

HOB NOB MIDTOWN

Valentine’s Day Dinner for Two One heart-shaped pizza for two, a bottle of wine, a shared appetizer and dessert for $49 (not including tax and gratuity). Other locations will provide different Valentine’s Day specials.

Open until 10pm

ROXX TAVERN

This unique Valentine’s Day ThreeCourse Meal starts with a bowl of soup (Mediterranean Turkey Soup or Tomato Basil Bisque) or side salad, Valentine’s Day entree (Rainbow Trout, Pork Osso Bucco or NY Strip Steak), and a sweetheart ending (Red Velvet Cake or Coconut Cake).

Only $24.95 per person.

Open until 11pm

TWISTED SOUL COOKHOUSE AND POURS

A special multi-course menu ‘For the Lover in You’ curated by internationally known chef Deborah VanTrece. Valentine’s Day crafted cocktails also available at varying prices.

Open until 10pm Other restaurants including 10th and Piedmont, G’s Midtown, Henry’s, Campagnolo, and Parkers on Ponce, will have Valentine’s Day specials but are yet to be determined. Please check with your restaurant of choice to get more information.

www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

Vaccine Vindication Vacation Melissa Carter I am about to embark on a two-week vacation that I have been planning for months now.

It’s a trip out West to see places I have never visited and spend time with friends I don’t get to see enough of. However, instead of looking forward to my journey I’m actually dreading it.

I’m a big proponent of vaccinations. My belief is we have eradicated so many diseases because of our knowledge of them, and appreciate the painful process in which we gained that knowledge. I also believe by not getting vaccinations we as a society are harming more people than not and allowing some of these once-deadly diseases to show up again.

There are two different kinds of vaccinations, live and dead. Each takes the structure of a particular disease and introduces it into your body, so your body can create an effective defense against it. One is done through the live version of the disease, the other, a dead version. The flu shot is an example of a dead virus, meaning it can’t make you sick once received. Let me repeat that; it can’t make you sick because it’s dead.

Some people have allergic reactions to it, which can mimic flu-like symptoms, but no one can catch the flu from a flu shot.

Why am I so sure? I am a kidney transplant recipient. Because my immune system is compromised through medication to keep from rejecting my transplanted organ, it’s life or death for me to understand the difference.

I can take a dead vaccine but cannot receive a live version. I get the flu shot every year with no ill-effect.

30 Columnists February 1, 2019

Not only can I not take a live vaccine, but I also can’t be exposed to anyone else who has either. Because of my compromised immune system, I can catch a disease from someone who merely received the live virus for it. Because I have a son who receives vaccinations, it has become concerning for my family since his birth.

Most childhood vaccinations are dead, except the one for mumps/measles. It is given three times in a child’s life, and each time my son receives it, I cannot be around him. And I’m not talking a few hours or even a day or two. I have to wait to see him again until the vaccine has undergone its full cycle, which is two weeks.

That’s right, I cannot be around Mr. Carter for two whole weeks when he gets that shot.

Katie Jo made the suggestion when he first got it at two-years-old, to just leave town. Distract yourself enough that those two weeks fly by.

So, I went to Hawaii and had a wonderful time, all the while missing my boy. And now at four, it’s time again for the shot. So, I’m heading West until I can see him again.

It’s true when they say, distance makes the heart grow fonder. It feels unnatural for me to choose to leave my son for so long. However, it’s in his best interest, and this mother’s ego has to concede to the knowledge whatever is good for him is good for me. I’ll just have to find a toy train along the way to feel useful.

One of the first out radio personalities in Atlanta, Melissa’s worked for B98.5 and Q100. Catch her daily on theProgressive Voices podcast “She Persisted.” Tweet her! @MelissaCarter www.thegeorgiavoice.com

SOMETIMES ‘Y’

Cheers for Two ‘Super’ Men Ryan Lee Super Bowl activities are taking place across the street from my apartment complex this week, and one of my transgender friends has dreams of being the mistress in a sex scandal with one of the athletes on the eve of the big game. Even if she weren’t joking, her ploy would be no more tawdry than all of the other attempts at making a buck in a city that currently has the scent of freshly printed dollars wafting in its breezes.

For more than a year, I’ve felt a casual social pressure to vacate my apartment for a few days to make a couple thousand dollars on an Airbnb rental – something I just don’t have the entrepreneurial (or hospitable) spirit to pursue. It’s also a violation of my lease, and my apartment complex hires three security guards to make sure tenants don’t rent their parking spaces during sporting events and concerts at Mercedes-Benz Stadium, so I’m pretty sure they would have questions about the millionaire coming and going from my apartment during the Super Bowl.

Nearly every ride-share driver, restaurant worker and weed dealer I’ve come across in recent weeks has been giddy about all of the money Super Bowl 53 is bringing to town.

Walking home from the store the other day, I noticed the streets outside the Super Bowl Experience plaza had as many Jehovah’s Witnesses as security guards, and no matter how good the former’s intentions, I’m sure there’s someone in the church who could tell you the financial benefit of every soul saved.

Bars are staying open later all week, and you can have fun imagining the steps Atlanta’s famous strip joints, sex clubs, and adult bookstores are taking in anticipation of the influx of visitors with rich appetites. By any measure or definition, Atlanta will be the most lubricated city in the country while we host the country’s biggest party.

Although sports fans and our broader culture may still be waiting for the first openly gay athlete in a major league, this week’s game in Atlanta will include a bit of history as the first Super Bowl to feature www.thegeorgiavoice.com

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QUINTON PERON AND NAPOLEON JINNIES COURTESY PHOTO

male cheerleaders. Being a male cheerleader does not automatically mean one is gay, but after seeing interviews with the LA Rams boosters, they either have a uniquely bubbly interpretation of heterosexual manhood, or their appearance on the Super Bowl sideline represents an LGBTQ milestone.

Quinton Peron and Napoleon Jinnies exude a flamboyant joy that would get them blocked or rejected on many gay dating apps where masculinity is clung to and coveted. The reaction to them performing with the LA Rams squad at the Super Bowl has prompted a torrent of pejoratives and predictions of Rapture that many gay men spend much of their lives trying to avoid.

Peron and Jinnies respond by smiling, thriving, and cheering on others, including some players who would likely shame or ridicule them. This Sunday, they will achieve a goal they probably didn’t think was possible this time last year and will redefine what it means for male cheerleaders to make it to the top of their sport.

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It’s statistically likely that at least one other gay man is enjoying the apex of his career as a player for the Patriots or Rams. I bid that player or those players well, and wish they had the strength and courage of cheerleaders, as well as the joy.

“Aye Napoleon, you think Atlanta is ready for us?” Peron asked his teammate on Twitter, adding three winking emojis with their tongues sticking out.

Atlanta is ready, and thanks to you two, soon the rest of the world will be, too.

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