02/04/22, Vol. 12 Issue 22

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georgia

VOLUME 12•ISSUE 22

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PO Box 77401 • Atlanta, GA 30357 P: 404-815-6941; F: 404-963-6365 BUSINESS Principal/Publisher: Tim Boyd tboyd@thegavoice.com EDITORIAL Editor: Katie Burkholder kburkholder@thegavoice.com EDITORIAL CONTRIBUTORS: Sukainah Abid-Kons, Brammhi Balarajan, Melissa Carter, Michael Dubin, Jim Farmer, Divine Ikpe, Jake Jonez, Orlando Montoya PRODUCTION Art Director: Rob Boeger rboeger@thegavoice.com SALES Sales Executive: Dixon Taylor dtaylor@thegavoice.com Sales Executive: Jim Brams jbrams@thegavoice.com Business Advisor: Lynn Pasqualetti Financial Firm of Record: HLM Financial Group NATIONAL ADVERTISING: Rivendell Media 908-232-2021 sales@rivendellmedia.com Publisher Emeritus: Chris Cash FINE PRINT

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GUEST EDITORIAL

He Loves Me, He Loves Me Not: Confessions of a Hopeless Romantic Jake Jonez, Co-Host of the Gayly Dose My ass is such a hopeless romantic. I want it all. I want the money, the kids, the cars (Volvo XC40, please), and the happy ending.

Coming fresh off a breakup — my fourth serious relationship with a man — I currently find myself in quite a pessimistic place. I want to drown in the pain that broken love brings, but I can’t walk away from all the great things love has brought to me. If anything, I feel fortunate about the experiences love has given me and that is why I still fight for it. As I’m writing this, I’m saying to myself, “Bring out your Carrie Bradshaw, girl.” And just like that...

Hopeless romantic culture gets a bad rap. I think we all have the craving for unconditional love, but some of us are afraid to admit it. I am in no way saying everyone wants the same thing. I am envious of the peeps who do not tie the legitimacy of love to an exclusive or monogamous situation. Yet, I must be candid and admit that feeling like the focus in an exclusive relationship makes me feel the most valued and well respected. And, baby, that’s my drug!

As Valentine’s Day pops its head around the corner and my breakup is super fresh, I am nervous about how I will feel on V-day because of how fresh the pain and feelings are running inside of me. I am sitting here thinking, “Goddamn — and right before Valentine’s Day!” But that’s life. Valentine’s Day celebrates the romance of two people getting together to remember their passion and lust, yet I have never known a single soul who enjoys this day.

Valentine’s Day can hold such complex triggers for us, whether it be excitement about a date opportunity or pain from remembering what you once had with someone in the past. Talk about a holiday that gets a weird amount of attention — we still put expectations on this day to validate us and make us feel worthy of

PHOTO BY PEXELS.COM /MARCELO CHAGAS

love, but when we don’t get those expectations met, who are we?

I often discredit the pain that can come from a broken love. I want to act like it isn’t shit, and I am a big boss bitch. But the truth is, I hurt because I cared so deeply. Despite my heartbreak, however, I am still so excited for what is to come. I know that for someone as worthy as me with as fat of an ass as mine and who cares this much, there must be another cool someone out there who is my worthy equal. In the coming months and days, I will fight with my imagination as to what that might look like. Trust never plays out the way you imagine it, and if it did, that would be such a bore.

Thank you for tracking my thoughts as I jump back from a negative to a positive affirmation about the system we call love. The evolution of my opinions on love is sure to continue, but

my core values still manage to shine through.

From here on, I will proudly label myself as a “hopeful, rad, and romantic bad bitch ... with a thick ass.”

So here we are again, and you get another column from a “hopeless romantic.” Goddamn, maybe I really am Carrie Bradshaw.

Xoxo.

Jake Jonez is a host of The Gayly Dose Season Two, an Atlanta-based podcast hosted by an all-gay cast. Unique in its mission and followon format, weekly episodes of The Gayly Dose are known for their real conversations about things that matter to the community and their listeners. Purposefully candid and brutally honest, the cast speaks on a range of topics including monogamy, body issues, coming out, dating apps, and growing up gay in the church. Listen at thegaylydose.com.

February 4, 2022 Editorial 3

NEWS BRIEFS Staff reports Read these stories and more online at thegavoice.com.

Falcons Fans Found to Be Least LGBTQ Supportive Online Fan Base Falcons fans were found to be among the least LGBTQ-supportive fan bases in the NFL, according to a study by TickPick.

Using survey data, posts from official accounts, and team chat forums, TickPick analyzed LGBTQ support across the Big Five sports leagues, the NFL, individual NFL teams, and NFL fandoms. According to an analysis of online fanspeak in official team forums on Reddit, only 30 percent of LGBTQ-related posts and comments in Atlanta Falcons forums were positive. This puts the Falcons as one of the least supportive of the 32 fan bases analyzed, surpassing only the Carolina Panthers and the Los Angeles Rams, both with 29.4 percent. By comparison, the Cincinnati Bengals were found to be the most supportive fan base, with 60 percent of posts and comments being positively LGBTQ-related. Only the top six teams had positivity scores above 50 percent, revealing a general lack of LGBTQ support among NFL fans.

Overall, however, most NFL fans are supportive of the league becoming more LGBTQinclusive. 61 percent of those surveyed said the NFL needs to be more inclusive or promote more visibility of LGBTQ athletes, and 55 percent said they would like their team to be more openly supportive of LGBTQ people. As for the fans’ top suggested changes to the NFL, most people said there need to be consequences for homophobic and transphobic behavior to the players’ Code of Conduct.

Despite the lack of LGBTQ support in online forums, surveyed Falcons fans were the most vocal about calling for more LGBTQ support at 71 percent, ten points higher than the overall average. Following the Falcons are the Arizona Cardinals at 69 percent and the Carolina Panthers at 64 percent.

LGBTQ Advocates Fight on for Trans Athletes, but They May Be Losing the Battle In the wake of the NCAA changing its policies regarding transgender athletes and 4 News Briefs February 4, 2022

Atlanta Falcons PHOTO BY KA SPORTS PHOTOS state legislatures advancing new legislation against trans inclusion in school sports, LGBTQ advocates continue the fight to ensure athletes can compete consistent with their gender identity, although they may be losing the battle.

government affairs at The Trevor Project, said in a statement upon the committee vote the legislation “has nothing to do with fairness — and everything to do with South Dakota politicians using transgender youth as pawns on a political chessboard.

After a coalition of LGBTQ advocates sent a letter to the NCAA urging the organization to include a non-discrimination provision in its updated constitution, the Human Rights Campaign condemned the organization for refusing to keep the language, which appears to have the effect of allowing the sports division to decline to allow transgender athletes to compete consistent with their gender identity, and sent an action alert to supporters.

“Proponents of this blanket ban are hardpressed to find examples of transgender students making South Dakota sports less fair or safe,” Ames said. “Research from The Trevor Project makes clear that many already opt out of sports due to fear of bullying and discrimination.”

Instead of reaffirming non-discrimination protections, the NCAA announced a change in policy that goes in different directions but appears aimed at limiting participation of transgender women without taking full responsibility for it. On one hand, the NCAA delegates to the bodies governing individual sports the policies for transgender participation, but on the other hand requires transgender women to document having limited testosterone levels over a certain period of time.

The fight now continues in state legislatures as sports bills are among the latest crop of measures seeking to limit access for transgender people. After South Dakota Gov. Kristi Noem made a push for legislation against transgender kids in sports at the start of the year, the state legislature responded by advancing such a measure. On Wednesday, a South Dakota House committee favorably reported out legislation already approved by wide margins in the Senate that would make biological sex the standard for sports in an attempt to limit transgender participation.

Sam Ames, director of advocacy and

Public polling, which has shown strong support for LGBTQ rights in general, continues to show the sentiment is against transgender women competing in sports, although the outcome of the poll can change considerably depending on the wording of the question. One Gallup poll last year found only 34 percent of those surveyed supported transgender athletes participating on teams consistent with their gender identity, while 62 percent said transgender people should have to compete with other athletes of their gender designated at birth.

One LGBTQ strategist, who agreed to speak on condition of anonymity, said the time may have come for LGBTQ advocates to admit a fait accompli if they want to seek broader civil rights protections in employment, housing and public accommodations with the Equality Act or other federal legislation.

“Advocates should just admit this is a very different issue than a trans person applying for a job or finding an apartment,” the strategist said. “Equality principles differ by situation — that’s why we have separate men’s and women’s sports in the first place. The same public opinion overwhelmingly supportive of the Equality Act is also clearly skeptical of a one size fits all federalization of all sports everywhere.”

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

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NEWS

Nurse Stewart Parnacott Announces Candidacy for State House

“Even last year, there were over 250 anti-LGBTQ bills that were introduced. Some of them were passed. Some of them are just waiting on the governor’s desk for him to sign.

One of the things that I’m very interested in doing is codifying into Georgia law a civil rights law that includes protection for LGBTQ citizens.”

Orlando Montoya Stewart Parnacott, a nurse anesthetist at Emory Hospital Midtown, decided he would run for a seat in Georgia’s House of Representatives when he was in the emergency room one day back in 2020, right around the time Governor Brian Kemp was sparring with Atlanta Mayor Keisha Lance Bottoms about mask mandates. He was treating a COVID-19 patient who was about to be intubated. The patient’s sister had just died from COVID. He looked up at the TV in his room, saw the arguing politicians and said, “We have to do better.” That was the beginning of an idea that led Parnacott to recently announce his candidacy, one featuring an openly LGBTQ candidate new to politics.

Parnacott grew up in Albany, where it was difficult to be gay. “It was something that I tried to hide about myself,” he told Georgia Voice. “But what I once saw as a weakness, I now see as a strength. And I hope that I can take that strength to the Georgia House.”

He came out after he graduated college and started nursing.

Because of his background and the still pervasive pandemic, health care is his number one issue. Expanding Medicaid, protecting a woman’s right to bodily autonomy, and saving rural hospitals top his list of health care priorities. But talking with him, it’s clear that he has other passions as well, including affordable housing. He and his partner Adam run a real estate business.

The couple volunteer with a group called Let Our House Be Your Home. This group works with domestic abuse victims, veterans, people just getting out of prison and others to help find affordable housing solutions to prevent homelessness.

“When people have a roof over their heads, they’re more likely to be successful,” 6 News February 4, 2022

— Stewart Parnacott Democrat Bee Nguyen currently represents the district, but she’s running for Secretary of State, which leaves an open seat.

Stewart Parnacott, a nurse anesthetist at Emory Hospital Midtown. COURTESY PHOTO Parnacott said.

His website’s “issues page” discusses increasing the supply of affordable housing units and keeping legacy residents in their homes.

Parnacott is a Democrat and most likely will enter a Republican-dominated state house.

He believes, however, that cooperation will win the day.

“I fully understand that I might have to take my name off of a bill in order to get it passed so it doesn’t have a Democrat’s name on it,” he said. “And I’m okay with that because it’s really about accomplishing a larger goal.”

He counts among his earliest and biggest supporters his parents, who he recalled were surprisingly comfortable with having a gay

son after he came out. Parnacott promises to be a voice and an advocate for the LGBTQ community in Georgia, where we have some of the weakest civil rights laws in the nation and face continued discrimination.

“Even last year, there were over 250 antiLGBTQ bills that were introduced,” he said.

“Some of them were passed. Some of them are just waiting on the governor’s desk for him to sign. One of the things that I’m very interested in doing is codifying into Georgia law a civil rights law that includes protection for LGBTQ citizens.”

Parnacott’s House District 90 is heavily Democratic and includes the candidate’s own neighborhood, East Atlanta, as well areas of southwest Dekalb County like Kirkwood, Edgewood, Gresham Park and Bouldercrest.

Democratic superstar Stacey Abrams previously represented the district, a fact prominently noted on the campaign websites for Parnacott, Nguyen and another declared candidate for House District 90, psychologist Michelle Schreiner. We’ll find out who else is throwing their hat into this race before candidate qualifying ends on March 11.

In the meantime, Parnacott is getting comfortable with the idea of running a campaign.

“It’s definitely a learning curve,” he said.

“Mobilizing a team of volunteers is something that’s very important to me right now and also just me getting out there myself, making those phone calls, making those connections, meeting with local business owners.”

Parnacott intends to start ramping up his campaign with events and speaking engagements in February. The Democratic primary will be on May 24 and could determine the next representative for House District 90.

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

SEX & LOVE

Generation Gap:

Gay Men on Dating and Love Katie Burkholder With online dating and same-sex marriage, have the realities of gay romance changed over the years? Have these altered realities changed the ways younger gay people approach love, or is love a consistent and universal truth that withstands the test of time?

In this new series, Generation Gap, I will ask three different people of similar identities but different generations their opinions on issues that impact them. I asked three gay men representing Generation Z, Millennials, and Generation X — Ethan Todd, 23; Daniel Martini, 32; and Helmut Domagalski, 45 — questions about hookup culture, online dating, and what love means to them to find an answer to the age-old question: are the generations really all that different?

Quotes have been edited for clarity. Read the full article online at thegavoice.com.

Do you have experience with online dating apps like Grindr? What is your opinion on online dating?

Gen Z: I find, honestly, that regardless of what you put in your bio, or what the other party has written in theirs, that online dating within the gay community is very centered on sex. I’ve talked to so many guys online who write in their bio that they are looking for love, something meaningful, or a relationship, but quite often, once you’ve moved beyond the app, the first conversation you have with them includes, “Sorry, I’m just so horny right now.” The issue is that if you can only manage to go on a first date with a very small percentage of the population, there is a low probability that you will be truly compatible with everyone you go out with.

Millennial: I’ve had a positive experience with online dating. I met my boyfriend of three 8 Sex & Love February 4, 2022

PHOTO BY SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / TOPVECTOR

years on an app. As far as the negatives go, I do not like how online dating has almost hindered people’s ability to have one-on-one contact and communication with each other.

I don’t like frivolous conversations. I like depth and range, and that, in an online app, is missing — especially when you go to the more sexualized apps like Grindr or Scruff.

Online dating can also be very dangerous.

You could meet someone who is not who they say are, who could steal from you or be on drugs. As far as positives, however, I’ve met some great people that have changed my life for the better. I’ve learned lessons about what I’ll tolerate and not tolerate and how to be comfortable and confident in my own skin.

Gen X: YES, more than I wish I had.

Coming out late and having a background of religious and sexual shame, I used these apps for what I thought was a lot of fun.

But they also create a lot of challenges. Like all apps, they are addictive, but they offer a promise of intimacy and satisfaction and therefore leave you often far less satisfied than you had hoped. I think that gay men at my age are trapped with no really easy way to meet each other in a world where we are such a small percentage of the population. One can feel forced to look to apps as a means of participating in a search if you really do want connection, and not

necessarily of the sexual kind.

How would you define “hookup culture” and what is your opinion on it?

Gen Z: Hookup culture in the gay community, to me, is the epitome of toxic masculinity and a lack of self-love in the individuals who partake in it. Often, those who are obsessed with hooking up with others are seeking to fill a lack of self-esteem in themselves, or to replace a sense of intimacy that comes with truly knowing someone and caring for them.

Millennial: Gay culture is hookup culture.

[Hookup culture] hasn’t been around that long, so how it has completely morphed an entire generation’s thinking and approach to dating is quite fascinating to me, honestly. My boyfriend and I were together for three years and we were monogamous, and people would look at us like we were some kind of delicacy.

Gen X: I think there is nothing wrong with hookup culture per se, but I do think that gay men don’t realize what they are giving up by not working on themselves for a relationship. I think it’s not unique to gay life, but it is very much encouraged by our all-male chemistry and the lack of emotional intimacy characteristic of men.. The scariest reality of the gay experience is that there are concerning levels of sex and substance

addictions that are also a major part of hookup culture.

How do you define love?

Gen Z: I define love as a commitment to bring peace and joy to your partner(s). To me, love is an agreement that you will care for the other person, as long as you are able to in a healthy manner. The bottom line is that you should always want what’s best for the other person in the relationship, regardless of if you are a part of that solution or not.

Millennial: I would define love as sacred, being safe and comfortable, being a home base and anchor and supporter [for someone]. I would define it as all-consuming, two people growing their lives together. Also, you have to love yourself in order to love other people, and that takes work.

Gen X: Love to me is making something precious and worthy of my resources, time, and attention, delighting in someone even.

The partnership love I seek will be from someone I share life’s journey with, or at least part of that journey, and we will both give each other preference.

Do you agree? Share your thoughts on our social media @theGAVoice on Twitter and Facebook and @thegeorgiavoice on Instagram.

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

SEX & LOVE

Organizations Advocate for the Decriminalization of Sex Work

“Folks that are engaging in sex work on the street are obviously the most socially negatively constructed. So those are the folks that are at bigger risk of arrest and at bigger risk of receiving fines.”

Brammhi Balarajan Sex work has a turbulent history in Atlanta, with people of color and LGBTQ individuals making up those most impacted. Growing organizations are pushing to implement policy proposals that will decriminalize sex work.

Among other forms of sex work, survival sex work is often embodied by the most vulnerable members of society. It’s also a lucrative industry in the United States; a government-sponsored study in 2007 revealed that Atlanta sex work brings in about $290 million, even larger than the guns or drug industry.

Often, the debate about sex work is framed around protection from sex trafficking. Sex trafficking refers to people forced to commit sexual acts. However, “sex workers” largely encompasses those who engage in sex work for money, food, housing, or other necessary resources — in other words, for survival.

In this case, marginalized individuals may turn to sex work because of limited options in terms of professions. However, the criminalization of sex work leaves many fraught with fear of arrest.

In Atlanta, several measures criminalize sex work, often exacerbating the dangers for sex workers. Under Ordinance 106-127 of the municipal code, individuals who offer or consent to perform any sexual act for money in a public space are subject to conviction.

Multiple convictions can lead to up to six months in the city jail. Organizers also note that the stigma and criminalization around sex work tend to follow those on the streets.

“Folks that are engaging in sex work on the street are obviously the most socially negatively constructed,” Member Engagement & Programs Organizer of the Solutions Not Punishment Collaborative (SNaP Co.) Reggie Gravely told Georgia Voice. “So those are the TheGeorgiaVoice.com

— Reggie Gravely Many activists see sex work decriminalization as integral to cultivating a safe and healthy environment. Gravely noted that ordinances that criminalize and impose fines on sex workers only make the most marginalized more vulnerable.

Member Engagement & Programs Organizer of the Solutions Not Punishment Collaborative (SNaP Co.) Reggie Gravely OFFICIAL PHOTO folks that are at bigger risk of arrest and at bigger risk of receiving fines.”

Organizers also have pointed out the negative implications on public health. In particular, condoms can be used as evidence by police to prosecute sex workers. This further discourages proper hygiene and sexual health. Organizers additionally note that such measures discourage sex workers from engaging in safe sex — if they’re worried about police arrest for loitering while carrying condoms, they might choose to simply not carry condoms at all.

Studies show that heavy policing toward sex workers puts sex workers at increased risk for HIV and STIs and makes them more likely to have sex without a condom.

In Atlanta, which is around 50 percent Black

and a hub for LGBTQ individuals, laws pertaining to sex workers drastically impact marginalized communities. The Atlanta spa shootings last year highlighted the racist undertones attached to sex work, leading to violence toward people of color who are sex workers or perceived to be sex workers.

In response to measures by the city government to further criminalize sex work, advocacy groups have sprung up. For instance, SNaP Co. formed after the Atlanta City Council contemplated an ordinance in 2013 to bar convicted sex workers from living in the city, thereby making their very existence in Atlanta illegal. Since then, SNaP Co. has implemented programs such as mutual aid endeavors to help Black trans and queer individuals with housing and COVID-19 relief.

“We need to really assess what the end goal is,” he said. “Is the goal the eradication of sex work? Or is it allowing folks to engage in sex work in a way that is safe, and uplifting folks?”

Under a Black trans abolitionist framework, SNaP Co. works to create frameworks that are inclusive and uplift most marginalized folks. These incorporate a harm reductionist lens to push for policies that minimize harm to community members while also advocating for better systems. Other organizations such as Reform Georgia have also taken steps to advocate for the decriminalization of sex work.

Over the next few months, SNaP Co. — in conjunction with other advocacy organizations — plans to release a list of policy recommendations for the city, with sections that specifically focus on sex workers.

To learn more about the work of SNaP Co. surrounding sex work, visit snap4freedom.org.

February 4, 2022 Sex & Love 9

SEX & LOVE

Love is Worth It Poet Karen (Kae) Wangare Leonard explores home, family, and self-love Sukainah Abid-Kons “Look at me now. Alive and hopeful and queer and Black. Everything I barely dared to hope I would be, I have become. Don’t look away, it would be a shame to miss this state of being.”

—Karen (Kae) Wangare Leonard Karen (Kae) Wangare Leonard is a Black, queer woman; a writer, an activist, an adoptee, and someone who is learning how to live as her most authentic self. Coming from a background of acceptance and rejections, living life moving from one place to the next, and experiencing profound love and heartbreak, Leonard is an ever-evolving woman who is trying to give and receive love to others and herself.

Leonard was born in Kenya and has lived her life there and in the United States. Her parents adopted Leonard and her sister while they were both teaching in Kenya and raised them there for four years before moving back to Virginia, where Leonard and her sister attended a Christian elementary school. For context, Leonard and her sister are Black and her parents are white. Leonard is also queer, which is illegal in Kenya, and generally not accepted in the Mennonite Church, which she was raised in.

When asked what familial love meant to her, Leonard told Georgia Voice, “I feel like I’ve 10 Sex & Love February 4, 2022

always just kind of been walking the line, and moving in what feels like more liminal spaces in search of belonging.” But that line is a tricky one to walk. Leonard loves her parents, she said, but at the same time, they were part of a religious community where she never felt welcome due to her sexuality.

She felt a need to protect them when she was out in high school, in an attempt to avoid their facing any backlash for her identity. She loved living in Kenya again, but it was also a place where her existence is criminalized.

She’s written about her relationship with the place that she calls home, wanting Kenya to accept her as she is: “The onus is not on me to make our motherland safe for love.

I say I want home And I want home to want me back.”

Excerpt from Kenya, Please Love Me Back Leonard’s relationship with Kenya is not straightforward and far from simple. While she feels that — upon moving back to Kenya after elementary school — she was welcomed back despite not fully knowing the culture and language, there were also times of hostility and rejection. Kenya was where she was adopted by her parents whom she loves, but it’s also where she was first abandoned. She made friends and good memories there while simultaneously living on a compound where most people held conservative Christian views. Even though Leonard feels like she got a “pass” on being queer from other Kenyans because she was “one step removed,” the feelings of rejection still linger: “There was rejection, but on the flip side of that there was an acceptance that

Poet Karen (Kae) Wangare Leonard PHOTO BY LISA GRAY my other queer African friends didn’t get,” she said.

In recent years, since moving back to the U.S., Leonard has mostly been working on her writing and her relationship with herself and others. She has moved around quite a bit since her return, from Oregon to Virginia to D.C. — she’s hoping to go abroad for her degree soon — and has done a lot of profound writing. Leonard’s poetry explores her relationships with both Kenya and the U.S., processes her own struggles with mental illness, and creates a platform to advocate for the value of Black lives. In short, through her writing Leonard is able to show the world who she is.

In 2020, Leonard published her first poetry collection, “Lightning On My Fingertips.”

In the book, she explores the meaning of “home,” discovering who she is, and the trauma that comes with being a transnational, transracial adoptee.

“In the past few years I’ve started to tap into the trauma of what adoption was,” Leonard said.

This process of unpacking trauma is something many adopted individuals go through. Studies have shown that adopted children are almost twice as likely to be diagnosed with anxiety, depression, and behavioral issues than children raised by their biological families.

Struggling with her mental health is something Leonard has been very open about in her work. Leonard describes her daily routine of living with depression and OCD to be “one of the bravest things” that she does. She’s also struggled with a disability, caused by an accidentally selfinflicted wound that occurred during a mental health crisis.

Yet through all of this, Leonard has been passionately pursuing self-discovery and radically loving and accepting herself.

Leonard has based some of this on her belief that all humans are deserving of some level of care, if not love. “If I can use my words and my story laid out to structure a more accurate picture that honors my own humanity, then I can’t count myself out of the thought that humans are deserving of love. So then when love comes, and people are giving me offerings of care and embrace, then I can’t truthfully say I don’t deserve it.”

And while the idea of finding romantic love in the future can be scary, because hurt occurs in tandem with it, Leonard wants to stay open to the idea that “love is worth it.”

A special thanks to Karen (Kae) Wangare Leonard for allowing us to use her work in this article. To read more of Leonard’s collection, visit her website at karenwangareleonard.com.

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

SEX & LOVE

Bisexual Love Guru Byron Jamal Heals Hoes with New Book Katie Burkholder

Inspired by his work as a “love guru” and his own sexual hang-ups, former pastor Byron Jamal is healing sexual wounds with his new book, “How to Heal a Hoe.” With his book, the dating coach and love counselor is teaching readers how to overcome the stigma, shame, and trauma of their sexual past.

“From my work with clients and doing my coaching, I realized that a lot of people deal with some form of sexual shame, stigma, or trauma that impacts their relationships,” Jamal told Georgia Voice. “A lot of times we have sex for the purposes of reenacting things that were painful for us or as a coping mechanism.

I’m trying to get people to realize that sex is a beautiful thing that can be perverted, but if you do it with the right intention and right heart, you’re able to move past that.”

“How to Heal a Hoe” is made up of four parts — The Making of a Hoe, The Healing of a Hoe, Loving a Hoe, and Hoe Resources — all with the intention of self-healing and creating a new sexual outlook that recognizes sex as a part of healthy self-expression. A “hoe,” in Jamal’s mind, is not someone who is simply sexually promiscuous as the word is conventionally defined. Instead, a hoe is someone who reclaims the word and the ways sex has hurt them, who knows they have a sexual wound that needs healing and believes they are capable of healing it.

“A hoe is anyone who self-defines as one,” he said. “The person has to own it themselves. If you are walking around with a hoe mentality, that means you have done something in your sexual past that [you think] disqualifies you from real love, that is shameful, that you carry as baggage, that you feel like is a dark cloud over your head. You have to own it.

This is for anybody who has ever felt like anything in their past — the woman who has gotten a divorce, the man who has slept with multiple people — keeps them from love.

12 Sex & Love February 4, 2022

COURTESY IMAGE

Bisexual Love Guru Byron Jamal COURTESY PHOTO This is also for people who have some sort of pain related to sex: anyone who has been molested or sexually abused or assaulted.”

“How to Heal a Hoe” is for everyone, Jamal says, regardless of sexuality or gender identity.

As a bisexual man, he knows the importance of intentional inclusivity and thus included a diverse array of client examples ranging from straight to LGBTQ. Despite his past as a former pastor, Jamal doesn’t believe in shaming someone into healing. In fact, he believes sexual shame itself is a wound that needs to be healed and a healed hoe is someone who recognizes the pleasure and beauty of sex.

“Sex is not shameful,” he said. “There’s nothing bad about sex. It’s what brings every human being into the world in some form or fashion. It’s a beautiful thing. As a former pastor, I also bring in the religious element.

God created sex. The only function of the clitoris, for example, is to have pleasure, so why would we be created with pleasurable

organs if we weren’t meant to have pleasure?

God is a god of pleasure, and that is okay ...

[In churches] it’s a dangerous narrative to only talk about what not to do and to not bring in the dialogue about sex as a healthy thing to do when you have healthy approaches to it.”

“How to Heal a Hoe” does employ some religious messaging and lessons from Bible stories, but Jamal says the book is for everyone regardless of their religious or spiritual beliefs, as long as they “believe there is something beautiful about their body and that there is something that is allowing them to keep existing and explore who they are.”

“The beautiful thing about me leaving the church is that I learned the stories, but I’m able to take Bible stories and break them down in a way that makes sense on an everyday basis.”

— Byron Jamal vulnerabilities and find their own path to healing, loving themselves and their bodies as they are. They will be a healed hoe.

“The beautiful thing about me leaving the church is that I learned the stories, but I’m able to take Bible stories and break them down in a way that makes sense on an everyday basis,” he said.

“A healed hoe sees sex as something that is a choice they can make that is holistically a part of their freedom of expression,” Jamal said. “It’s you that’s expressing the you-ness that you are in such a way that doesn’t make you feel bad for doing it.

After completing “How to Heal a Hoe,” readers will be able to identify their sexual

“How to Heal a Hoe” is now available for preorder on Jamal’s website, byronjamal.com.

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SEX & LOVE

Love in the Digital Age: The Commodification of Intimacy Divine Ikpe Love is something the majority of people yearn for. This yearning leads to searching, and that searching leads to either success or what feels like being stuck in a cycle of predetermined failure. With the introduction of the internet, and likewise social media, there have come new and ever-evolving ways to continue the search.

Some methods are more effective than others, but it all comes down to how you interact with technology, how you see yourself, and how you interact with others.

How does the way you engage with social media affect your relationships?

If you use social media a healthy amount, then it can have a relatively positive effect. Social media helps you keep in contact with the people you love. You have easy access to talk to your partner throughout your respective busy days. You can cheer them up by sending them a funny meme you saw or a video of a cute cat making biscuits.

Long-distance couples especially benefit from the existence of social media, because although they can’t easily see each other physically, they can at least send each other photos of themselves and videos of the world around them to make them feel closer.

The ease of communication, however, is both a blessing and a curse. People who have a more anxious view of relationships may get a sense of FOMO if they excessively use social media: Why isn’t my friend group as cool as theirs? Why doesn’t my partner tag me on their story like that? We’ve all been

14 Sex & Love February 4, 2022

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guilty of this train of thought in one way or another. These thought patterns can not only create a fabricated void in your heart but can also distract you from the love that’s already in front of you. Everyone has different love languages that they most value, but regardless of who you are, quality time is still immensely important. You can’t enjoy quality time with your partner or friends if you’re too focused on other people’s lives.

Is it Tinder or is it me?

Online dating used to be viewed as unusual, high-risk and only for the chronically forlorn.

Over the years it has become increasingly normalized to the point that you can now shamelessly tell people that you met someone from a dating app. This is especially the case for LGBTQ people. Although they face more harassment than heterosexual people, dating apps make it easier for queer people to explore their identity and meet other single people in a relatively safe environment. A

recent Pew Research Center survey found that 28 percent of surveyed married queer people found their current partner through online dating. That doesn’t mean, however, that it’s smooth sailing for everyone.

new.” Or you match with a lot of people and the conversation doesn’t progress past, “OMG, you’re so pretty!” And for men, Grindr can be an objectifying, fatphobic digital hellscape full of faceless men.

Across all social media platforms, and on dating apps specifically, there is a constant nagging question in the back of your mind while looking through profiles about whether what you’re seeing is an authentic representation of someone. Instagram started out as just a place to post heavily filtered photos of your dog or a poorly lit picture of your coffee with the caption “#mood,” but in the years since, it has become a site for carefully curated public personas.

Swipe Right to Save Me From Existential Dread This all makes online dating, and frankly, modern dating in general, sound quite bleak, but there are always exceptions to the norm and people do end up finding someone to love, for better or for worse. Who can we blame for the desert that is online dating? Do we blame the app developers, seeing as these apps are literally designed for you to continue using them? Or do we blame each other for losing motivation while on these apps and ignoring the messages we receive?

This phenomenon has also trickled onto dating apps. How else are you going to set yourself apart from the millions of other people on the app if you don’t post the hottest possible pictures of yourself that also make you look interesting and fun? It can seem like there are countless singles in your area looking for love, but the manufactured abundance can become exhausting. When there are so many perceived options, you feel like you have to compromise on what you want in order to appear desirable to potential suitors.

Every queer femme has experienced swiping through Tinder trying to find other femmes, when lo and behold, you’re met with an overabundance of heterosexual couples looking for a third in order to “try something

I would say that the design of the apps is more to blame for prioritizing looks over substance.

From personal experience, you have to exert a lot of effort and take a lot of time and consideration to find at least one person that you think you would be compatible with. This curated form of dating that was supposed to make it significantly easier has actually made the process somewhat harder.

So, is the bleak dating scene social media’s fault? Yes and no. What’s missing? Well, if we’re going to commodify our human need for companionship, then we need fewer hookup apps and more apps for making friends, community building and longterm relationships.

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

GIFTS A

B

C

E

D

Valentine’s Gift Guide Katie Burkholder A. Rainbow Heart Charm With its rainbow stone border, this beautiful 14k yellow gold heart charm is the perfect Valentine’s gift that subtly shows your Pride. Chain sold separately. $889, Worthmore Jewelers; 117 E. Court Square; in person and online: worthmorejewelers.com.

B. Mistress by Isabella Sinclair Deluxe Estim Wand Kit Sizzle the senses with this all-inclusive dom kit, complete with the electric stimulator and several attachments. Put the BDSM back into V-day. $319.99, Barking Leather; 1510 Piedmont Avenue NE; in person

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C. Gay Kama Sutra Jock This red-hot jock strap features unique line drawing of sexy Kama Sutra positions, making it the perfect naughty V-day gift. $28.99, Boy Next Door Menswear; 1447 Piedmont Avenue NE; in person and online: boynextdoormenswear.com.

D. Leather Polo A cute red stripe trim makes this leather polo the perfect gift for the leather daddy in your life. $199.99, Barking Leather E. JOR Romance Lace Briefs This lacy little number is the perfect gift for your sexy Valentine. Pricing available in store, Brushstrokes Pleasures; 1510-D Piedmont Avenue NE; in person

February 4, 2022 Gifts 15

MICHAEL DUBIN LIVING SKILLS

The Sensuality of Life Michael Dubin, M.A., Counselor at Living Skills I started thinking about sensuality while listening to a friend complain about how unsatisfying most of his online hookups were. He said they were very mechanical but not much more, certainly no feeling on any level other than physical — sensation without sensuality. Most people think of sensuality as something between two people, but the sensuousness of life starts with the self and our own experiences.

Sensuality is all about feeling. Life is full of sensuality, if we pay attention — full of luscious, rich, sumptuous, and exciting experiences on the physical, mental, emotional and spiritual levels. Once we understand what sensuality truly is, the more easily we can share that understanding with others.

Think about the feeling of eating your favorite food — the taste of it and how that resonates throughout your body. When I was younger, my favorite dinner was fried shrimp. The crunch of the breading combined with flavor of the shrimp and either the kick of the cocktail sauce or the cool tanginess of the tartar sauce gave me a feeling of pleasure and excitement.

SEXY AF

BOYNEXTDOORMENSWEAR.COM - 1447 PIEDMONT AVE NE - 404-873-2664

16 Columnist February 4, 2022

fortune. An intuitive thought that urges us forward or warns us to stop. Coincidences and synchronicities. All the luck, fate, and chance that make life feel special are tied to our sensuality.

Intimacy is not just about sex. It’s about closeness, tenderness, vulnerability, and trust between two (or more) people regardless of the specific nature of the relationship. Sensuality is about connection on an unspoken level. It happens between and beyond the words used to describe it. It is experiential through the five basic senses. It opens you to the transcendent — where in a moment, and maybe only for a moment, you are lifted beyond time and space where you can touch and be touched by something more than what words can describe. A sensual experience — physical, mental, emotional, or spiritual — can ease overwhelming feelings like isolation or alienation, leading to a sense of oneness with others. Your work, your creative projects, your hopes and dreams all are sources of and benefit from sensuousness.

Think about the feeling of a breeze on a beautiful spring day as it makes your skin tingle; how it refreshes the mind and spirit after a long winter. Or a friend’s hand on your shoulder that makes you feel like you belong and are accepted as you are. Or the sound of rain on a tin roof or the rustle of the wind through the trees that reminds you how soothing nature can be.

Connecting with your sensuality requires presence and intention. Put down your phone. Open your senses. What are the smells, touches, tastes, sounds, sights, that your life is providing you with? Where do the accompanying thoughts and feelings take you? Do you find inspiration or hope or beauty or peace? Or maybe a sense of wellbeing, contentment, gratitude, pleasure, or excitement? Life is a very lush experience, but you’ve got to be paying attention or those experiences will slip on by and you’ll be left wondering, just like my friend, why is this all so mechanical and rote? It’s not. But do you dare to find out?

There is also the sensuality of our spirituality.

Our environments are constantly sending us messages with feelings that provide context and texture to our experience of being alive: a song we hear in passing on the radio with a message we needed to hear. A passage we read in a book that deeply resonates.

A chance meeting. An unexpected good

Living Skills offers positive psychology counseling, spiritual counseling and life coaching services in Atlanta for the LGBTQ community. Also available by Skype. If you have questions, comments or want to find out about our services, please email us at livingskillsinc@gmail.com or visit www.livingskills.pro.

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A&E SPOTLIGHT

Jennifer Hart Explores Transformation and Humanity in ‘Sex, Drugs and Butterflies’ Katie Burkholder If you were to look up “perseverance” in the dictionary, you would find a picture of Jennifer Hart. Raised in rural Kentucky in a home with no running water or indoor plumbing, the only art she was exposed to was that of sewing and quilting.

“I was raised in a community that cared absolutely nothing about art. Nothing.

Zero,” she told Georgia Voice. “Not only that, my mother was very abusive. She was obsessed with crushing the creativity out of me. I learned very early on to hide my creativity, to hide anything I made. I’m really not supposed to be making art. I’m not supposed to try to make a living as an artist.

All of the factors that would encourage art didn’t exist for me. From a lot of fucking work, here I am.”

Flash forward to today, and Hart is using her quilting background to explore uncomfortable topics. The artist’s exhibit, “Sex, Drugs and Butterflies” is now on display at the rek Gallery, a commercial art gallery in Tucker dedicated to contemporary and eclectic Southern art. “Sex, Drugs and Butterflies” features 20 different quilts that together create a mosaic of Hart’s personal and artistic philosophy about perseverance, transformation, and the radical recognition of beauty in that which we discard.

With her work, Hart aims to bring humanity back to those whom we dehumanize. Most of the quilts featured in the exhibit feature nude and seminude portraits of a diverse array of people. Subjects span race, body type, gender identity, and sexuality — revealing the depth and variation of humanity — but all are formerly pornographic photos that she has transformed into tender quilted tributes to the subjects’ personhood.

“To me, the bodies are beautiful,” Hart said.

“When I’m looking at the porn [that I’m 18 A&E Spotlight February 4, 2022

Jennifer Hart COURTESY PHOTO

Jennifer Hart’s artwork entitled “Apple Pie.” COURTESY IMAGE quilting], I’m not seeing what people want me to see, the dehumanized bodies. I see them as beautiful. They are beautiful. I use my work to rehumanize them … I make jewelry out of cans I find on the side of the road. No one else is driving by these cans and saying, ‘Wow, that’s a beautiful can.’ It’s the same kind of thing. No one else is paging through the millions of naked selfies and porn online and saying, ‘Wow, that’s beautiful.’ I don’t know why [they’re not], it’s weird to me.”

Hart is not only rehumanizing subjects of pornography, but also those suffering from addiction, as well. Inspired by her best friend, who overcame an oxycontin addiction, two of Hart’s quilts feature pills.

“So many people say, ‘It’s just another addict, it’s their own fault,’” she added. “That’s what was in my mind when I was making Apple Pie (pictured above): It’s their fault? What about these drugs that you’re taking? People think [people with addiction] are lacking in

personal responsibility, but America is taking these 50 drugs every single day.”

Using art, Hart wanted to help people like her best friend persevere through the harsh realities of addiction. Prior to the pandemic, she taught art therapy classes at the Hope Center, a Kentucky-based homeless organization that provides emergency homeless assistance and substance abuse recovery programs to those in need. In her class, she would give clients a panel of blank fabric on which they would draw something relating to the overall theme of a class-made quilt, like forgiveness and compassion. She also received a grant that allowed her to teach a more intensive weekly class for the women’s program on how to quilt and make their own designs.

Because many of the people she worked with hadn’t drawn since childhood or, like her, hadn’t grown up in an environment that fostered creativity, Hart said the class posed a great opportunity for them to overcome

“So many people say, ‘It’s just another addict, it’s their own fault.’ That’s what was in my mind when I was making Apple Pie. It’s their fault? What about these drugs that you’re taking? People think [people with addiction] are lacking in personal responsibility, but America is taking these 50 drugs every single day.”

— Artist Jennifer Hart fears and develop self-confidence.

“This is something you’ve never experienced before,” she said. “You don’t want to do it. You don’t think you can do it. You’re scared to do it. But you did do it, and [at the end] there’s this profoundly beautiful [quilt] that you did.

You have a bit of self-pride seeing that you can do something that looks scary at first.”

As an artist and human being, Hart is dedicated to the transformation of ugly into beautiful, of discards into masterpieces, of struggle into art, and she has persevered through obstacle after obstacle to give others the pleasure of witnessing that transformation. “Sex, Drugs and Butterflies” will be on display through February 28.

For more information, visit rek.gallery.

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JIM FARMER ACTING OUT

Jonathan Van Ness Turns Podcast into New Netflix Series, Alvin Ailey Dance Theatre Returns to the Fox teacher there watched him dance, saw some potential, and suggested to his mother that he take dance seriously. From there he got a scholarship to a dance studio and went to some other schools before eventually moving to New York to go to Ailey.

Jim Farmer Editor’s note: Van Ness is nonbinary and uses all pronouns. We use they/ them pronouns throughout this article to refer to Van Ness.

Wilson saw Ailey for the first time when he was in sixth grade.

When the new “Queer Eye” premiered four years ago, some had doubts that lightning could strike twice. As it turned out, it could — and the new series made stars of the new Fab Five.

One of the breakout hosts was Jonathan Van Ness, who — in addition to being in the new season of the hit show — is back with another series. A spinoff of their podcast of the same name, “Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness,” debuted last week on Netflix. It’s made up of six episodes covering different themes.

Van Ness knew that they had something special with their podcast.

“Learning how to produce and create a podcast is so fulfilling, and I am growing and learning in the podcast world still after six years, but I realized in 2019 there is a series here, a long-running TV series here,” they told Georgia Voice. “I didn’t really know what the format was, but I

“Most of what I had seen at the time was classic ballet, Eurocentric, very white,” he said. “I had never seen any dancers of color on that big of a stage before and I watched in amazement. I said, ‘They look like me.’”

“Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness” PUBLICITY PHOTOS knew I wanted to ask questions, take them out into the world and interview multiple subjects and bring it to life. I wanted to give it visualization and texture and music and fashion and fun and throw everyone I am into a series. I am so proud of what we were able to come up with.”

The most intriguing episode is “Can We Say Bye-Bye to the Binary?,” in which Van Ness talks to others who identify as nonbinary, like they do, about how society has tried to define people against their will. It’s also a bit of a history lesson.

“To be able to walk around where the Stonewall Riot happened, where the first Pride happened, and to experience that with a mentor and a dear friend was incredibly special,” they said. “I felt the spirit and energy of all the people who have come before us and whose shoulders we stand on. I felt like my inner child. I remember being bullied as a child. I remember thinking growing up that if I could ever grow up and prevent that from happening to another kid, the pain would be worth it. I have carried that feeling throughout my entire life. In this episode, I thought ‘I hope this helps some people to find some peace and joy and acceptance and some curiosity.’”

Other segments include examinations of hair, bugs, and ice skating and include some special guests.

The Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre returns to the Fox Theatre next week. One of the featured performers is Christopher R. Wilson from Augusta. He joined the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre in 2018, and before that danced with the second company, Alvin Ailey II, for several years.

Christopher R. Wilson will perform at the Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre.

20 Columnist February 4, 2022

When he was nine, he attended a camp where he was introduced to the arts. A

This tour is the first one in two years for the company, so it’s a little different.

“We are making it work,” Wilson said. “The pandemic plays a large part in it, but touring is one of my favorite parts. I look forward to seeing the world while doing my job.”

The show includes more than 10 numbers and featured dancers rotate through them.

“We are in every ballet or rep, but we might not dance it every night,” Wilson said.

Included is the world premiere of “For Four,” new productions of “Reflections in D” and “Unfold,” and many repertory favorites.

As a gay man, Wilson feels very secure with the troupe and is aware of the strong LGBTQ appeal the dance company has.

“Ailey is a very safe space, very LGBTQ friendly,” he said. “I feel comfortable. A large part of the company is LGBTQ.” “Getting Curious with Jonathan Van Ness” is now streaming on Netflix.

MORE INFO Alvin Ailey American Dance Theatre February 10–13 Fox Theatre

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MELISSA CARTER THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

A Different Kind of Valentine Melissa Carter Katie Mays was exotic to me. A year older than me, she lived next door in the house on the river.

Well, technically Duck River looked more like a creek behind Katie’s house. Our homes were across the street from each other, with my gravel semicircle driveway facing her nicely paved stretch of a driveway that seemed to go on forever when pedaling a bike down it.

Any time I got to spend with her seemed like an upgrade from my life. I’m not sure if it was because she was in a different grade or because her family was richer, or a combination of both, but it felt special to hang out with her. She taught me how to use vinyl album covers to build a Barbie house, hang upside down long enough to feel the sensation of almost passing out, and jump on a trampoline. She even had a practice tennis half-court.

But it was one particular play date that changed everything for me. Her plan was for us to create our own books. With some blue-lined notebook paper and crayons in hand, we spent an afternoon being authors.

I had never felt pure satisfaction and accomplishment before stapling the spine of my masterpiece when we were done. I stared at that creation many times and still have it in a box in the garage.

I wanted to be a writer from then on.

I refer to myself as the Oops Baby, despite my mother’s protests. That’s because I was an unplanned pregnancy, one which my mother embraced and my father balked at. I was a cute plaything for my near-middle school siblings, who had already enjoyed the spoils of middle-class nuclear family ballgames and 22 Columnist February 4, 2022

PHOTO BY SHUTTERSTOCK.COM / ALEXANDRMUSUC

vacations. Those would cease as I grew, and it wasn’t until I became a mother myself that I saw how little time was given to helping me find my place in this world. So, I had to find my own voice, and that little book written with Katie was the first stone on the path I would walk to where I am now.

My first professional writing opportunity came before I was on the radio in Atlanta, with an article in Southern Voice. Of course, that turned into the paper you are currently reading, a place that will always be the foundation for any writing I complete moving forward. And on this holiday of love, I look not toward romance for reflection, but love in the form of appreciation for the things I’ve often taken for granted. I realize now that life’s best memories aren’t from orchestrated and forced ceremonies or schemes; they’re from the little moments that seem irrelevant at the time. These unknown seeds planted for later bloom hold the key to the rich life everyone is seeking.

If Katie happens to be reading this, thank you for that little writer’s conference back in the 1970s. To me, it was the best idea you’ve ever had.

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February 4, 2022 Ads 23