Georgia Voice 02/09/24, Vol. 14 Issue 22

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VOLUME 14• ISSUE 22 About the cover:

Photo by Shutterstock.com/CarlaStock

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

PO Box 77401 • Atlanta, GA 30357 P: 404-815-6941; F: 404-963-6365

Devoted to Commitment Katie Burkholder

Business

Principal/Publisher: Tim Boyd

When I was young, I dreamed of being in love. When I pictured my ideal life, it was not a career I saw or a particular city, not hobbies or accomplishments. It was a partner. I believed that no matter the state of my life, everything would be okay as long as I was in love.

tboyd@thegavoice.com

Editorial

Editor: Katie Burkholder kburkholder@thegavoice.com

Editorial Contributors: Melissa Carter, Jim Farmer, Divine Ipke, Adalei Stevens

Production

Art Director: Rob Boeger rboeger@thegavoice.com

Sales

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Business Advisor: Lynn Pasqualetti Financial Firm of Record: HLM Financial Group

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Rivendell Media • 908-232-2021 sales@rivendellmedia.com

Publisher Emeritus: Chris Cash

Fine Print

All material in Georgia Voice is protected by federal copyright law and may not be reproduced without the written consent of Georgia Voice. The sexual orientation of advertisers, photographers, writers and cartoonists published herein is neither inferred nor implied. The appearance of names or pictorial representation does not necessarily indicate the sexual orientation of that person or persons. We also do not accept responsibility for claims made by advertisers.

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4 EDITORIAL FEBRUARY 9, 2024

EDITORIAL

Unsurprisingly, I grew up to become a serial monogamist, and I gave five years of my early adulthood to a boyfriend who was terrible for me. Ending our relationship right before I turned 22 marked what I still deem to be the true start of my adulthood: I began therapy, I pushed myself out of my comfort zone, I began healing my relationship with substances, I addressed familial relationships that had damaged me. I know I would not have done any of that at the time I did if I had stayed in the relationship that enabled my complacency.

In the years since making that decision, I have gotten sober, developed new hobbies and reconnected with ones I had left by the wayside, fostered true self-esteem, become more comfortable setting boundaries, and formed deeper platonic relationships. Yet, through it all, I have remained enamored with love.

I fell into another relationship with someone I liked very much but who ended up breaking my heart, dumping me completely out of the blue. It was for the better, I can see now, as we would’ve never withstood the test of time, but it completely shook me to my core. For the first time, I was scared of commitment.

A former hopeless romantic, I began approaching dating from a place of fear instead of excitement: fear of missing out, fear of getting hurt, fear of choosing the “wrong” person to commit to. I still wanted love, still valued it deeply, yet it became so much harder to allow myself to embrace it.

PHOTO BY SHUTTERSTOCK.COM/MAREANDMARE

And then Michael died. Not only did I experience tragic, sudden loss for the first time, but I also lost my first love. He was the first person I ever kissed, ever believed I would marry, ever truly and fiercely loved as best I could at the age I was, and the first to ever show me how friendship can persist after romance. He taught me how to love others, and I saw bits of him in every following relationship I had.

At the time, I was tentatively embarking on a new relationship with someone I knew I loved, whose friendship had sustained me for years and for whom my attraction never wavered, but with whom I shared a tumultuous past. I was afraid of committing to something I knew that I wanted, but believed to be imperfect. With Michael’s death, something irreversibly clicked: fear will never save you from death, but it will keep you from living.

In a world with dating apps, social media, streaming, and two-day shipping, it is easy and appealing to constantly browse without settling. You only live once, so be spontaneous and open yourself up to all the world has to offer, never tying yourself to just one thing. The truth, however, is that because you only live once, commitment is crucial to being fulfilled with the one life you have. It may feel freeing to remain untethered, but to know yourself well enough to tether yourself to a person or people, a city, a career, an organization, or a cause is to truly live.

I ended up committing to that relationship in ways that were more difficult than I ever could’ve foreseen, and it has been entirely and utterly worth it. Love for everybody looks different, and there is no one correct way to be in relationship with others. But love in all its many forms is crucial and lifeaffirming, and it’s worth our commitment.

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NEWS BRIEFS Staff reports Read these stories and more online at thegavoice.com

Georgia Scores Low in New State Equality Index The Human Rights Campaign Foundation, in partnership with the Equality Federation, has released the newest edition of the State Equality Index, the most comprehensive survey of statelevel commitment to LGBTQ equality.

The SEI assesses statewide LGBTQ-related legislation and policies in the areas of parenting, religious refusal and relationship recognition, non-discrimination, hate crime and criminal justice, youth, and health and safety, and places each state in one of four categories: the highest-rated “Working Toward Innovative Equality,” in which 20 states were placed; “Solidifying Equality,” in which five states were placed; “Building Equality,” in which two states were placed, and the lowest-rated “High Priority to Achieve Basic Equality,” in which 23 states, including Georgia, were placed.

Georgia received no full marks in any of the nine categories, receiving only partial credit for employment protections and enumerated school anti-bullying policies and no credit for gender marker updates on identification documents, anti-conversion therapy, public accommodations, transgender healthcare, education, housing, and hate crimes. Furthermore, Georgia was found to have several anti-LGBTQ laws on the books, including sodomy laws, HIV/AIDS criminalization laws, transgender exclusions in sports, school laws that criminalize youth, transgender exclusions in state Medicaid coverage, and bans on genderaffirming care for transgender youth.

Nationwide, fewer states than ever fell into the “Solidifying Equality” and “Building Equality” categories, and bills restricting healthcare for not just transgender youth but for transgender adults have also been introduced and passed for the first time.

In 2023, 253 pro-equality bills were introduced and 50 signed into law, most of which protected health and safety, while 571 anti-equality bills were introduced and 77 signed into law, most of which targeted LGBTQ youth.

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A new study reveals that more than 1 in 4 Gen Z adults — ages 18 to 25 — in the U.S. identify as LGBTQ, a far larger percentage than any other age group of LGBTQ Americans. PHOTO BY PEXELS.COM

Nearly 30 Percent of Gen Z Adults Identify as LGBTQ, National Survey Finds A new study reveals that more than 1 in 4 Gen Z adults — ages 18 to 25 — in the U.S. identify as LGBTQ, a far larger percentage than any other age group of LGBTQ Americans. In addition, almost half of the Gen Z adults who identify as LGBTQ identify as bisexual.

The new 80-page Public Religion Research Institute (PRRI) report details “Generation Z’s Views on Generational Change and the Challenges and Opportunities Ahead.”

PRRI’s study draws from the focus group research as well. PRRI convened ten virtual focus groups with Gen Z adults, aged 18 to 25, from across the U.S., who were selected to represent a wide cross section of Gen Zers.

Those groups were: one white group with two years of college or less, one white group with a four-year college degree, one Black group, one Hispanic group, one LGBTQ group, one group of Gen Zers who identified as politically independent, one Democratic group of Gen Z women, one Democratic group of Gen Z men, one Republican group of Gen Z women, and one Republican group with Gen Z men.

PRRI said, “These focus groups provided an environment for conversations about participants’ views on generational differences, diversity, the economy, political institutions, and the role of religion in Gen Zers’ lives, helping to provide more context for our survey findings.”

The Gen Z numbers on LGBTQ identification compare with 10 percent of all adults, 16 percent of Millennials, 7 percent of Generation X, four percent of Baby Boomers and four percent of the Silent Generation. That data is in the PRRI report’s chapter on a “Profile of Gen Z Americans Compared With Older Generations.”

Because the report is focused solely on Gen Z, there’s no context for the differences in out identities, or, for example, that among older generations — notably Gen X through Silent Generation, the AIDS crisis killed thousands of gay men. From 1981 through 1990, 100,777 deaths among persons with AIDS were reported to CDC by local, state and territorial health departments; almost one third (31,196) of these deaths were reported during 1990.

The report found on sexual orientation and gender identity, 72 percent of Gen Z adults identified as straight, 15 percent as bisexual, five percent as gay or lesbian, and eight percent as something else.

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COMMUNITY

Gay Surrogacy Conference Comes to Atlanta Katie Burkholder When it comes to building a family, support is key. It takes a village, but for LGBTQ families wanting to have biological children, that village often needs to be much bigger. In vitro fertilization costs up to tens of thousands of dollars and requires a long, arduous process with a slew of medical and legal steps. If you’re a man — especially a man having a baby with another man — you may find that it may be difficult to find space for yourself in the world of surrogacy and IVF. Men Having Babies is an organization looking to create that space and provide the support gay parents need. The nonprofit provides guidance, advocacy, and financial assistance to current and prospective gay surrogacy parents, and they’re bringing their Surrogacy Conference and Expo to Atlanta, in collaboration with the LGBTQ Institute, from February 23 through 25.

Attendees of the conference will be able to interact with over 20 reputable gayfriendly agencies, clinics, law firms, and other surrogacy providers, and they will have opportunities to learn about the basics of surrogacy, costs, how to access benefits from employers, and more.

“A big part of it is the expo where you get to meet people face-to-face who could enable you to go on your journey,” Sherman Taylor, the Board Chairman for MHB, told Georgia Voice. “We have workshops to break down the various aspects of it: the medical aspects, the psychological aspects, the insurance, financing, budgeting. You get to hear perspectives from parents and even from children born through the process. And then we also bring in research and advocacy; we have an advocacy and research forum that allows people to learn about what’s going on in the broader world and what the key areas are that can impact our ability to achieve the

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Men Having Babies Board Chairman Sherman Taylor (right) with his family COURTESY PHOTO mission and support people in the journey.”

The organization is trans-inclusive and seeks to represent all the various facets of parenthood.

“We have a trans man on our staff who was a surrogate before transitioning,” Taylor said. “We have a former IVF doctor, we have multiple parents who are gay like myself, we have a single father, we have a father from Canada, and we have a psychologist who had children through surrogacy. We’re trying to represent multiple facets of the process on the board.”

Not only will parents get the chance to learn more about surrogacy and connect with useful resources, they will also be able to meet with other gay parents in similar positions — something Taylor himself wishes he had access to when he and his husband started having their kids.

“My husband and I got engaged in December 2010. We started within days of our engagement looking online [about surrogacy], and I went through a whole range of emotions of learning how expensive it was, and I was like, ‘This dream is just so far away. It’ll never happen.’ We found a way to make it happen … but I didn’t know other gay fathers,” he said. “I didn’t know other people that were going through the process.

It’s really wonderful to come together and meet prospective fathers who are committed.

I’m hopeful that they look at me and say, ‘This person did it, so can I.’” Proceeds from conference registrations will benefit MHB’s Gay Parenting Assistance Program, which offers financial assistance to parents in two stages. Stage one offers smaller cost reductions, a benefit that “dozens of parents per year” claim, according to Taylor.

Stage two offers a more significant reduction for parents who would not be able to afford their child otherwise.

“At this point, we’ve helped over 60 children be born who would not have been [without the financial assistance],” Taylor said.

The conference opens at the National Center for Civil and Human Rights, where attendees will be able to explore the exhibits — including the new “Queer Justice” exhibit chronicling Lambda Legal’s 50-year history — and will continue at the Omni Atlanta at CNN Center. Registration is $40 per person, includes meals and receptions, and is open to nongay parents as well.

Find the weekend’s agenda and register at menhavingbabies.org/surrogacyseminars/atlanta.

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COMMUNITY

Loving the Haus Down with Kolor the Rapper and Jesus’N’Drag “Be conscientious of the growth and development that exists within each of you. If you’re in a relationship, be mindful that your partner might not be the same person they were when you met them. Allow room for growth.”

— Jesus’N’Drag

Adalei Stevens “The greatness of a community is most accurately measured by the compassionate actions of its members.”

— Coretta Scott King Valentine’s Day feels like the best excuse to love yourself and your community as much as possible. At least, that’s how Kolor The Rapper and Jesus’N’Drag are spreading the love this year.

idealistic standards for a relationship are not realistic. Love looks different [for everyone].

Allow yourself to manifest the language necessary for you and your partner to create a beneficial environment for each other.

Kolor and Jesus (no relation to Christ) are busy. The Atlanta-based couple performs throughout the city nightly, both on their own and as hosts in The Haus Talent Extravaganza at Southern Feedstore. They made time to talk with Georgia Voice about their relationship, love in its many forms, and queer entertainment.

As an interracial couple, Kolor and Jesus say their desire for equality manifests as a passion to educate others and provide a positive example of what love can look like.

“We are advocates for equality in all forms, and we appreciate melanated folks over here, honey,” the couple said.

Kolor and Jesus want to bridge the gap between the various forms of queer entertainment in Atlanta to create a greater LGBTQ community of artists. In their efforts, the couple created The Haus, an organization made to build community experiences for members of the LGBTQ community and allies.

“Our mission at The Haus is all about the bringing community together and supporting local artists in a noncompetitive space where everyone is welcome and here to uplift and help each other grow,” the couple said in an email with Georgia Voice. “Our

10 COMMUNITY FEBRUARY 9, 2024

Jesus’N’Drag (left) and Kolor the Rapper COURTESY PHOTO goal is to create a space where all mediums of queer art can meet as one.”

The Haus puts on a Talent Extravaganza, where queer artists are invited to perform a variety of talents, including music, drag and dance. The event is hosted by Kolor and Jesus at Southern Feedstore, at 1245 Glenwood Ave in East Atlanta Village.

The two told Georgia Voice more about their relationship, love in its many forms, and queer entertainment.

Quotes have been edited for clarity.

How did you two meet?

We met at an open mic in Miami. Kolor was

performing some songs from his mixtape, and I [Jesus] was performing a spoken word, and we just really had a great connection and phenomenal conversation. Seven years later, we’re still performing and debating regularly.

What relationship advice do you have for young, queer people?

Be conscientious of the growth and development that exists within each of you.

If you’re in a relationship, be mindful that your partner might not be the same person they were when you met them. Allow room for growth.

Also, abuse comes in all forms, be privy to [that] and be sure not to perpetrate said abuse on your partner. Remember that today’s

The easiest thing for you to do is to leave.

So [the] love wouldn’t be about enduring, it will be about creating a safe space for each other. Love is an action, and it is your duty to choose your partner daily. Lastly, loving someone else starts with the self. If you are neglectful to self, it will show itself in all other aspects of your life. Be sure to treat yourself with all the kindness needed to share that with your partner.

How do you make time for each other?

Sometimes we don’t, but that’s okay. It’s really about prioritizing the small things, which would be when we have dinner together. Even something as simple as trying something new is beneficial for a healthy relationship. Sometimes you won’t have time. That’s perfectly normal and OK, especially if you and your partner have goals to accomplish. Just to be sure not to neglect each other’s needs.

Want to catch the next Talent Extravaganza? Follow @thehauscommunity, @KolorTheRapper, and @JesusNDrag on Instagram for updates and announcements.

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COMMUNITY

Marry We offers couples a new, less traditional approach COURTESY PHOTO

MARRY WE

weddings allows some to look beyond what is expected of them and embrace their true selves on their special day.

“Last year, we had such a beautiful and diverse group of couples getting married,” Love said. “We had all different nationalities and sexual orientations. I had two brides both in wedding dresses. I had another lesbian couple, one was in a dress, one was in a suit. I had a bride get married in a red dress, I had a bride get married in a black dress … It allows them to be themselves.”

Offers Couples Alternative Weddings Katie Burkholder Your wedding is supposed to be one of the greatest days of your life, but for many, it is also the most expensive and stressful. The average wedding in Georgia costs $26,000, according to a 2022 survey from The Knot.

Another survey from Zola found that 40 percent of couples said wedding planning was “extremely stressful,” with 71 percent deeming it more nerve-wracking than other major life events, like finding a new job.

In the face of high price tags and cortisol levels, Marry We offers couples a new, less traditional approach.

In many ways, a Marry We wedding looks the same as any other wedding. For the cost of a wedding photographer, you get the entire day — ceremony, venue, décor, open bar, dinner, cake, photographer, entertainment, even a wedding gift — taken care of by Marry We. The only difference? You share it with 24 other couples.

Marry We’s mass weddings are not everybody’s cup of tea, as founder Crystal

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Love recognizes. But for those open to something new, sharing your special day with other couples is a magical experience.

“To have that much love circulating in one area is amazing,” Love told Georgia Voice.

“For those who are open and willing to do something a little untraditional, I think we are a great option for them. They may have considered just going to the courthouse or eloping, but with us, we pull out all the stops for them. You get everything that you would normally get in a traditional wedding, you’re just sharing the experience and sharing the costs with other couples …

Every single couple that I’ve spoken to has had zero regrets about it. They’re not in debt, they’re not stressed out, they’re starting their marriages off in peace.”

Marry We’s weddings are open to everybody, regardless of ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, or gender identity — if you can legally marry, you’re welcome.

Crystal Love, founder of Marry We COURTESY PHOTO and guest arrivals, we handle the décor,” Love said. “We handle the food and photography, all of the vendors, literally all they have to do is show up and say, ‘I do’ — or, as we like to say, say, ‘We do.’”

Instead of spending months or years planning their wedding, all Marry We’s couples have to handle is the marriage certificate — a process which Marry We streamlines and covers in the package cost — and their outfits. Then, they kick their feet up and enjoy their big day.

Each couple shares their day with six guests.

They walk down the aisle individually before gathering at the altar to collectively say their vows and kiss their spouse. While sharing the love is special, Marry We tries to make every couple feel special; each couple gets their own photos taken and their personal wedding song played at the ceremony, along with other individual touches.

“We send [couples] instructions on parking

The untraditional nature of Marry We’s mass

“I’m a native of Atlanta, and I have heard this saying that Atlanta is a city too busy to hate,” Love said. “[Offering] the opportunity for all types of couples to be able to show up and express their love to each other was very important for us.”

This year’s Marry We wedding will be held on Valentine’s Day and will be officiated by Mayor Andre Dickens — and spots are still open! Packages range from $2,500 to $3,500, depending on the total number of guests.

Can’t afford it right now? Marry We offers payment plans through PayPal and Affirm or you can wait until next Valentine’s Day. To learn more and sign up, visit marryweevents.com.

FEBRUARY 9, 2024 COMMUNITY 11

COMMUNITY

Therapy for QPOC Embraces Nonmonogamy and Kink folks are open, we see a lot of growth in how people are relating to other people and how people are relating to themselves.

Katie Burkholder Relationships are hard. When you’re queer, nonmonogamous, or kinky, stigma and lack of positive representation can make them even harder. Therapy and peer support can be crucial in making the navigation of your relationships easier to understand, but for queer people — especially queer people of color — the traditional therapeutic space may not be safe.

At worst, your therapist may disrespect your pronouns, commit microaggressions against and belittle you, or disapprove of your identity.

At best, they may simply not understand enough to offer meaningful guidance.

That’s where Therapy for Queer People of Color comes in. The organization works to make mental health aid more accessible by connecting queer and trans people of color with affirming, anti-oppressive practitioners.

Caris Allen, a peer support worker and mental health coach, is one such practitioner.

Allen sat down with Georgia Voice to discuss the difference guidance can make in queer people’s relationships.

Do you have anything you’d like to add that we haven’t yet covered?

Queer folks deserve to be able to relate to one on one another in a way that is sustainable, supportive, and loving. I think because we don’t get those frameworks, we see a lot of struggles — I mean, everyone struggles in relationships, but I see queer folks struggle a lot, especially in sexual dynamics. Sex therapy is a big part of our organization’s work as well, and we also love to incorporate kink as a healing modality.

Caris Allen, peer support worker and mental health coach COURTESY PHOTO

Quotes have been edited for clarity. Read the full interview online at thegavoice.com.

understand their gender identity. What that ends up doing is discouraging people from seeking support if they don’t think that they can access support that actually feels caring and supportive.

How can discrimination and closedmindedness prevent queer people from seeking therapy in more traditional spaces, especially those practicing nonmonogamy and/or kink?

Something that I get a lot from folks when they come into consultation is them telling me how they had been harmed in clinical spaces. Oftentimes, it was folks of color who had been harmed by white therapists who had invalidated their experiences, especially following the Black Lives Matter movement. I also have had queer folks who have had therapists misgender them or not

How do you help queer people navigate relationships when there may not be a relationship framework for them to turn to?

Just for context and background, all of our practitioners are nonmonogamous and kinky; we all identify that way. All of our practitioners operate a little bit differently; I’m the only one on our team who operates as a peer support worker and a mental health coach. I don’t come from a clinical background, so I can’t necessarily speak to how that shows up for other folks. But we have offered support groups in the past for nonmonogamous folks and individual

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sessions with couples or with individuals to navigate relationship issues on their own.

What benefit can queer people get from relationship coaching?

When we do anything intentionally, we’re going to gain a benefit from it. If we are actively working on something, then it is going to ultimately thrive if that is the intention that we set. Coming into a therapeutic space or support space of any sort says, “This is something that I am intentionally doing, this is something that I care about and I want to put energy towards.”

I call myself a partner in healing for folks because it’s almost like you get someone to kind of stand beside you and hold your hand to a certain degree. Of course, you still have to do the work, but you get someone to give you a little bit of a guideline. As long as

Can you talk more about that, kink as a healing modality?

There’s a lot of expansiveness around what kink can be and what it can mean. I really like to use kink as a somatic tool. Talk therapy is great, but we are also our bodies, right? We are also our traumas and our histories and our experiences, and that all lives in our body.

Everything isn’t logic; we can talk about things all day, but if we don’t feel safe in our bodies, if we don’t feel safe in relationships, then it’s kind of null and void. So, we have to give ourselves the experiences of also feeling safe.

We encourage folks to, under whatever form of advisement feels comfortable for them, use kink as an opportunity to feel safe in the body, to develop and incorporate scenes that they have come up with that might be reflective of trauma. But the idea is to be safe and to feel safe in the body and to let your body experience a reconditioning of sorts — I’m safe here, it’s okay for me to feel these things, it’s okay for me to do this thing.

Learn more about Therapy for QPOC and book a session with Allen or another practitioner at therapyforqpoc.com.

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FEBRUARY 9, 2024 ADS 13

CULTURE

I Tried Feeld for Five Days: Here’s How It Went my settings to change my age range. The default range is 18 to 63, up to 250 miles away. Although, surprisingly, they don’t ask you for your age or distance preferences in the beginning, you can easily correct it. I changed the range to 23 to 29 and up to six miles away. I wasn’t prompted to write a bio either, so I went back to add both a bio and interests to my profile.

Divine Ikpe Read the full article online at thegavoice.com.

With the plethora of dating apps available, it may be difficult to decide which is the one for you. Perhaps you don’t like the casual hetero vibe of Tinder; maybe the time limit on Bumble stresses you out or Hinge feels too serious. Or maybe you just want more queercentered apps to explore other than Grindr or Lex. Could Feeld be the answer? Feeld aims to be an inclusive and safe space for queer people, nonmonogamous couples, and people with a wide variety of kinks. It covers virtually the whole spectrum of why someone would use a dating app. As a seasoned (and at times jaded) dating app user, I wanted to see what Feeld was all about.

When you create an account, it asks you to choose a gender. Unlike the other major apps, it has a wide selection of genders to choose from. The complete list (in alphabetical order) is: Agender, Androgynous, Bigender, Gender Fluid, Gender Nonconforming, Genderqueer, Gender Questioning, Intersex, Man, Non-binary, Other, Pangender, Transfeminine, Transmasculine, Trans person, Trans Man, Trans Non-binary, Trans Woman, Two-Spirit and Woman.

I wanted to put Woman and Nonbinary, but surprisingly, you can’t select multiple options.

This was difficult for me, because I had to analyze how exactly I wanted to label my gender in this specific scenario … how I wanted to be perceived by others on the app. I pondered this for a bit, switching between Bigender, Genderqueer, and Gender Questioning.

Ultimately, I decided on Bigender.

The next screen prompts you to choose a sexual identity. Easy, Bisexual! Bigender

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The second day using the app, I opened it to find the same group of people I’d seen the previous night. This is when I realized that the swiping function is different from apps like Tinder. Swiping just lets you browse through your options, but you’re not making any definitive decisions unless you actively “like” or “dislike” the profiles.

Bisexual … has a nice ring to it. I would be remiss if I didn’t mention the equally vast list of sexualities they have to choose from: Androgynosexual, Androsexual, Asexual, Autosexual, Bisexual, Bi-curious, Demisexual, Gay, GrayA, Gynosexual, Heteroflexible, Homoflexible, Lesbian. Objectumsexual, Omnisexual, Pansexual, Polysexual, Queer, Skoliosexual, and Straight. There were a few sexualities on the list that I hadn’t heard of, but thankfully Feeld’s website has a glossary of definitions for all the gender, sexuality, and desires choices.

In the “What are your desires?” section, it inquiries about what relationship type you want, your preferences for threeways and group sex, and your kinks.

Then on to adding photos. You can only

upload six photos on your profile — no nudity! You receive a blurb about consent, which was nice to see — although I found that some people still posted nude photos on their profile, despite the guidelines and blurb about consent.

A fun feature that is almost immediately offered to you is for jointly search with your partner. While swiping I noticed that if you use this feature, your partner shows up on your profile and people can click on them to see their profile as well. This is a useful feature for this sort of app, but I think it would be great on any app if someone is in a nonmonogamous relationship.

The first person I saw on the app was a 40-year-old straight white man — absolutely not! I immediately went to

One thing I didn’t enjoy is that I don’t receive notifications for anything other than “pings” (comparable to “super likes” on Tinder) and messages, not new matches. A note on pings: again, I had my age range set from 23 to 29, and yet a straight 35-yearold man and a straight 40-year-old man both “pinged” me, one of whom had paid for the premium membership. It made me mildly uncomfortable that they’re able to do that; I feel like I should be excluded from their feed if they’re outside my age range.

I spoke to some friends about their experiences with the app and their general perceptions were similar to mine despite them having years of experience with the app, saying there simply aren’t enough people using the app. The main benefit we all found was the much higher concentration of queer people and the wide variety of identity markers and kinks. I may continue to use the app for a bit longer, but overall, it could use some improvements and would definitely benefit from a higher user base.

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CULTURE

Gifts for Your

Special Someone(s)

B

Katie Burkholder

A. Glossy Beach Micro Pouch This shiny, hot pink, itty bitty pouch is sure to turn heads at any party, pool or otherwise! While this gift might not be in use during the colder months, your sweetheart will surely appreciate it once summer rolls around. $44.99, Boy Next Door Menswear; 1000 Piedmont Ave. NE Ste. A; boynextdoormenswear.com.

A

B. Liberator Heart Wedge Amp up your sex life with this super soft heart wedge, perfectly contoured with a sweet incline for deeper penetration – while also doubling as an adorable decorative pillow! $84.95, Kiss and Ride; 483 Moreland Ave. NE; kissandrideatl.com.

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C. Dried Valentine’s Flower Arrangement What’s better than giving your sweetie flowers for Valentine’s Day? Dried flowers – which last a year or longer! Each beautifully arranged bouquet from Black-owned florist Nourish Botanica is made of globe amaranth, lagarus, and milky oat in stunning reds, whites, and pinks. $40, Nourish Botanica; 1651 Pryor Road SW; nourishbotanica.cafe.

D. 2-Piece Heart Mugs with Saucers Make morning coffee with your cutie pie that much sweeter with these adorable heart mugs – one for you, one for them! $42, Le Creuset; lecreuset.com.

E. Marabou Bra and Panty Set

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This adorable, fluffy-trimmed lingerie set is perfect for that special someone – and you can donate to Transgender Law Center during checkout, which queer-owned Babeland will match! $28.95, Babeland; babeland.com.

F. Sportsheets Love Me Gentle Kit With silky restraints, a blindfold, and a heart-shaped paddle, this sweet and sexy bondage kit is the perfect gift to spice up your Valentine’s Day. $45, Kiss and Ride

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FEBRUARY 9, 2024 CULTURE 15

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID MELISSA CARTER

Love and

Football Melissa Carter Are you 14?

That was the initial reaction I had, teasing my son’s grandmother about her new obsession.

But I get ahead of myself.

When I was growing up near Nashville, there wasn’t a professional football team.

The closest we got to pro sports was a minor league baseball team, so our family focused mainly on watching and rooting for college sports. Yet, I found myself drawn to watching the NFL with the growing popularity of Monday Night Football and became a superfan of the Dallas Cowboys.

It’s not a coincidence they were the most popular team at the time.

Football remained my favorite sport to watch for most of my life, until a brief pause after the controversies over brain damage and

16 COLUMNIST FEBRUARY 9, 2024

Black Lives Matter. I have participated in an all-female fantasy football league for many years and have acknowledged the hypocrisy in loving football, but not wanting my son to play the brutal sport. In other words, I know football.

When I began dating Mr. Carter’s other mother, we would regularly watch football on the weekends, and in the near-decade of our relationship, I never once heard her mother have any commentary on the sport.

Nine Super Bowls came and went during our time together, and Mama Jo was never part of the festivities.

A few weeks ago, while watching the playoffs, I was surprised to receive a text from her regarding the Kansas City Chiefs. Curious, I asked her why she was suddenly interested.

Swifty, baby!

Shaking my head, I asked if she was a teenager and she replied:

PHOTO BY SHUTTERSTOCK.COM/ BLACKREGIS

It’s all about fashion!

I was aware of the attention Taylor Swift brought to her relationship with Kansas City’s tight end, Travis Kelce, but I dismissed the media fanfare as silly. Now that it had reached my own family, I found it just as silly and rolled my eyes at this fanatic behavior. After a moment, though, I realized something wonderful was going on: a straight woman was embracing sports.

I know plenty of straight women love sports, but I know far more lesbians who do. What I appreciate about watching sports is that it’s a built-in social activity. It also taps into our natural territorial instinct for competition without requiring us to kill anyone, and despite the heartache a losing season can bring, the elation from a

victory can carry you for days. Regardless of the outcome, it’s never boring, and I have committed to purchasing the apparel of every player who has come out as gay. So far, that’s two T-shirts.

I stopped teasing Mama Jo and instead have become a football consultant for her, answering any questions about the game that she asks. I love that she is taking her preparation for the Super Bowl seriously and cannot wait to see what kind of fashion she plans to wear for the big game. Yes, she plans to throw her first-ever Super Bowl party.

Romantic love can inspire others to do things they have never tried before. Watching Taylor and Travis’ romance has made Mr. Carter’s Mimi a football fan, and I have no problem with that.

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FEBRUARY 9, 2024 ADS 17

ACTING OUT JIM FARMER

Sundance and Atlanta Jewish Film Festival Bring Forth LGBTQ Fare is offered a substantial amount of money for a series of bookings, only to find out that he will be performing one night before Hitler himself.

Piven — in excellent form — and Robert Carlyle headline the cast. “The Performance” is based on a 2002 Arthur Miller short story and director Shira Piven, Jeremy’s sister, will be in attendance for two screenings.

Jim Farmer The just-finished Sundance Film Festival has always been known for its strong share of LGBTQ programming, and this year several queer-themed films debuted and made strong impressions.

“Ponyboi” was one of the most buzzedabout titles at this year’s event. It’s based on a 2019 short film about an intersex runaway in New Jersey on the hunt for love, starring River Gallo, who also wrote the film and codirected. Gallo has expanded the short into an impressive feature, directed by Esteban Arango. If the script can feel a bit padded at times, the film is redeemed by great acting — especially from Gallo, also featured in the 2023 intersex documentary, “Every Body” — and a terrific sense of time and place. The closing sequences also pack a lot of emotion.

This is a deceptively simple work that has real power. The entire cast is wonderful, with René Pérez Joglar (the musician known professionally as Residente) a real find as Vicente and Lío Mehiel (from last year’s “Mutt”) continuing to impress.

The U.S. Grand Jury Prize: Dramatic and the Directing Award: Dramatic went to Alessandra Lacorazza’s “In the Summers.”

Two sisters — Violeta and Eva — pay a visit to their father, Vicente, in Las Cruces, New Mexico, every summer. The film follows four of those visits, as well as the changing natures of the young women and their shifting feelings about Vicente. One of the daughters also discovers her attraction to other women.

From director Amrou Al-Kadhi comes “Layla,” in which an Arab drag queen (Bilal Hasna) discovers what it’s like to find love.

They meet Max (Louis Greatorex) at a Pride event and begin dating. Much of the movie is about self-growth as the titular character learns to find their footing in life, professionally and personally, and Hasna has charisma and charm to spare. It’s a satisfying watch, even if one of the central conflicts of

“Ponyboi” PUBLICITY PHOTOS the film seems cruel and rather self-inflicted.

Another film I had the chance to watch was “Sebastian.” It’s from Mikko Mäkelä, the director of the highly acclaimed, “A Moment in the Reeds.” Max (Ruaridh Mollica) is a mid-20s writer living in London, working on a story about gay sex workers. As part of his research, he decides to dive headfirst into the world and find out what it’s like. Rather predictably, Max finds there is more to the craft than he envisions — some of it sexy and some of it scary. Like “Layla,” it is not a perfect film, but one whose main character’s journey is the real entrée.

Look for many (or all) of these films later this year in either festivals or theaters.

The biggest film festival in Atlanta, the Atlanta Jewish Film Festival, opens next week with the drama, “Irena’s Vow,” and closes with the documentary, “Shari and Lamb Chop.” In between are a number of LGBTQ-themed films.

“Willem and Frieda”

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In the riveting “The Performance,” a dance company (with at least one gay member) faces a dilemma. It’s 1937, and Harold May (Jeremy Piven), a tap dancer and an American Jew with almost no money, faces an ethical issue when he

Another offering to check out is Valerie Kontakos’ documentary, “Queen of the Deuce.” Its colorful lead is Chelly Wilson (born Rachel Serrero), a Greek Jew who was a prominent figure in the porn industry in New York, living literally above a movie theater screening gay adult films. Wilson is referred to as always “larger than life” early on, and she is indeed a fascinating central character with many dimensions. Although she has been married, she is a lesbian.

“Queen of the Deuce” uses many techniques — some animation, archival footage, and plenty of interviews — and is absorbing fare.

The best of the bunch may be John Hay’s “Willem and Frieda,” a well-made documentary hosted and produced by actor Stephen Fry. It chronicles two little-known LGBTQ figures who were part of the Dutch resistance. Willem Arondeus was an openly gay painter and Frieda Belinfante a lesbian cellist who used their strengths to keep Jewish people safe. How their actions impacted others and themselves makes for essential viewing.

Also playing — but not screened — is Stefan Bühling’s “Martha Liebermann: A Stolen Life,” based on a true story about a German Jewish painter’s widow living in Nazi-occupied Germany.

MORE INFO The Atlanta Jewish Film Festival runs February 13 to 26 at multiple area venues and streams February 27 to March 7.

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BEST BETS THE BEST LGBTQ EVENTS HAPPENING IN FEBRUARY Jim Farmer

SCAD TVfest FEBRUARY 9-10 SCADSHOW For more than a decade, SCAD TVfest has spotlighted the latest in design, creativity, and innovation on television, streaming, and digital media. Audiences enjoy inside looks at the best content airing today and explore the latest trends in broadcast, streaming, cable, web, social media, and advertising.

“At the Wake of a Dead Drag Queen” FEBRUARY 9, 8PM, THROUGH FEBRUARY 17 OUT FRONT THEATRE COMPANY Out Front Theatre Company presents “At the Wake of a Dead Drag Queen.” In rural Georgia, drag star Courtney Berringers would like to welcome you to her wake. She has recently died from complications due to AIDS, but this isn’t your grandma’s funeral. There will be no black frocks, no perfumed flowers, and definitely no crying. Expect a celebration instead.

“Coco Chanel: The Life of a Fashion Icon”

and the Kansas City Chiefs duke it out in the Super Bowl at Woofs Atlanta, with 25 TVs on site broadcasting the big game.

Black Power Showcase FEBRUARY 11, 6:30PM OUT FRONT THEATRE COMPANY Out On Film hosts a Black Power Showcase evening, with screenings of the Atlanta-based “The Dancer” and then “Beyond the Aggressives: 25 Years Later.”

PALS Bingo FEBRUARY 13, 6:30PM LIPS ATLANTA A lot of special days are rolled into one as PALS Bingo presents We Love Valentine’s Day, Mardi Gras, and Pals Pets Drag Queen Bingo.

Atlanta Jewish Film Festival FEBRUARY 13, 7:30PM, THROUGH MARCH 7 SANDY SPRING PERFORMING ARTS CENTRE, VARIOUS VENUES The city’s largest film festival, the Atlanta Jewish Film Festival, kicks off tonight!

“Everybody’s Talking About Jamie”

FEBRUARY 9, 8PM, THROUGH FEBRUARY 17 COBB ENERGY PERFORMING ARTS CENTRE Under the artistic direction of Gennadi Nedvigin, Atlanta Ballet is co-producing the North American premiere of “Coco Chanel: The Life of a Fashion Icon” with Hong Kong Ballet and Queensland Ballet.

Acclaimed Belgian-Colombian choreographer Annabelle Lopez Ochoa’s tenth original full-length narrative ballet delves into the complex life of one of the 20th century’s most intriguing iconoclasts.

FEBRUARY 15, 8PM, THROUGH MARCH 3 OGLETHORPE UNIVERSITY THEATRE Everybody’s talking about the musical “Everybody’s Talking About Jamie,” direct from London’s West End. Working-class teenager Jamie New dreams of becoming a glamorous drag queen. With his supportive mum by his side, he sashays over the bullies and bigots in his quest to grab the spotlight he knows he’s destined for. Based on a heartwarming true story, this officially opens tonight at Oglethorpe University Theatre courtesy of Actor’s Express.

“Hamilton”

“Furlough’s Paradise”

FEBRUARY 10, 7:30PM, THROUGH FEBRUARY 25 FOX THEATRE A revolutionary story of passion, unstoppable ambition, and the dawn of a new nation, “Hamilton” is the epic saga that follows the rise of founding father Alexander Hamilton as he fights for honor, love, and a legacy that would shape the course of a nation. Based on Ron Chernow’s acclaimed biography and set to a score that blends hip-hop, jazz, R&B, and Broadway, the Tony Award-winning musical has had a profound impact on culture, politics, and education.

FEBRUARY 17, 7:30PM, THROUGH MARCH 3 ALLIANCE THEATRE HERTZ STAGE Winner of the 20th annual Alliance/Kendeda National Graduate Playwriting Competition, A.K, Payne’s “Furlough’s Paradise” is a poignant new play examining the dynamics that shape our lives and lead us to where we make our homes.

Cousins Sade and Mina, raised like sisters but now leading very different lives, return to their childhood town for the funeral of their mother and aunt. While Sade is on a three-day furlough from prison and Mina experiences a brief reprieve from her career and life on the West Coast, the two try to make sense of grief, home, love, and kinship. But traumas and resentments from the past, both real and surreal, threaten to pull them apart, all as time ticks towards the

Super Bowl FEBRUARY 11, 4PM WOOFS ATLANTA Come out and watch the San Francisco 49ers

20 BEST BETS CALENDAR FEBRUARY 9, 2024

EVENT SPOTLIGHT Black Power Showcase

FEBRUARY 11, 6:30PM OUT FRONT THEATRE COMPANY Out On Film hosts a Black Power Showcase evening, with screenings of the Atlantabased “The Dancer” and then “Beyond the Aggressives: 25 Years Later (pictured).”

Publicity photo

correctional officer's arrival.

PFLAG Support Group FEBRUARY 18, 2:30PM SPIRITUAL LIVING CENTER The PFLAG support group for parents and families of LGBTQ children meets in person today.

Trans and Friends FEBRUARY 19, 7PM FOR YOUTH, 8PM FOR ADULTS CHARIS BOOKS AND MORE Trans and Friends is a youth-focused group for trans people, people questioning their own gender and aspiring allies, providing a facilitated space to discuss gender, relevant resources and activism around social issues.

Surrogacy Conference and Gay Parenting Expo FEBRUARY 23, 4:30PM, THROUGH FEBRUARY 25 NATIONAL CENTER FOR CIVIL AND HUMAN RIGHTS, OMNI ATLANTA AT CNN CENTER Known for its unbiased, comprehensive conferences for gay men, the nonprofit Men Having Babies (MHB) is teaming with the LGBTQ+ Institute and additional regional nonprofits to bring to Atlanta its well-known Surrogacy Conference & Gay Parenting Expo. If you are considering becoming a father, or are already in process, come interact and consult with gay dads, experts, and over 20 reputable gay-friendly agencies, clinics, law firms, and other surrogacy providers.

Femme Friday FEBRUARY 23 MY SISTER’S ROOM Don’t miss Femme Friday with Kia Comedy at My Sister’s Room tonight.

LGBTQ Book Club FEBRUARY 24, 10AM VIRTUAL The LGBTQ Book Club is a group for LGBTQ folks and allies to read queer-themed books and books by queer authors. The aim is to have diverse, thought-provoking discussions about queer identity, history, and topical issues. All are welcome to join. This month's book is “Black Panther: World of Wakanda,” by Roxane Gay. Register at https:// us02web.zoom.us/j/85007056372

COMING UP “House of Hidden Meanings” Reading MARCH 10, 4PM TABERNACLE Pop culture icon and international drag superstar RuPaul invites you to a spiritual awakening to celebrate the release of the highly anticipated memoir, “House of Hidden Meanings.” Don’t miss the opportunity to hear RuPaul’s extraordinary story as told by RuPaul. Every ticket to this event includes a copy of the new memoir.

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FEBRUARY 9, 2024 ADS 21

LGBTQ NIGHTLIFE FORECAST FEBRUARY 9-23 Katie Burkholder

Country Night

Queerbait

FEBRUARY 13, 8PM ATLANTA EAGLE

FEBRUARY 9, 9PM MARY’S

Show up at 8pm for the line dance lesson before dancing the night away with DJ Dice!

Gay pop videos with DJ Headmaster! $5 cover.

Bless Yr Heart FEBRUARY 9, 10PM 529

This queer Valentine’s dance party from Southern Fried Queer Pride promises to be a blast. Enjoy a pop-up Valentine photobooth, an anonymous queer flirt wall, take-home HIV and STI testing, and music from Ectopus and Geexella!

Tickets at bigtickets.com/events/529/ blessyrheart/.

Kream: Winter Tour

Atlanta All Stars Week 6 FEBRUARY 13, 8:30PM FUTURE ATLANTA

Atlanta’s top drag talent competes for the $10,000 prize! Tickets at future-atlanta.com.

Trivia Night FEBRUARY 13, 8:30PM ATLANTA EAGLE

With DJ DeWayne.

Late Nite Latin Tuesdays FEBRUARY 14, 3AM FUTURE ATLANTA

EVENT SPOTLIGHT Xion

FEBRUARY 17, 3AM FUTURE ATLANTA With Tracey Levine (HouseCat) (pictured). Tickets at future-atlanta.com. Photo via Facebook

Queerbait

With DJ Karlitos. $5 cover.

FEBRUARY 16, 9PM MARY’S

Tickets at collectivpresents.com.

WussyVision: Ever After

Gay pop videos with DJ Headmaster! $5 cover.

Mardi Gras: Fetish Friday

FEBRUARY 14, 7PM PLAZA THEATRE

MEDUZA

FEBRUARY 9, 10PM DISTRICT ATLANTA

FEBRUARY 9, 11PM ATLANTA EAGLE

With DJ Moose! $5 cover.

XION FEBRUARY 10, 3AM FUTURE ATLANTA

With Karlitos. Tickets at future-atlanta.com.

Speed Dating FEBRUARY 10, 9PM MY SISTER’S ROOM

The Hookah Hottie hosts this speed dating event!

Mardi Gras: Leather Masquerade FEBRUARY 10, 11PM ATLANTA EAGLE

Take your Valentine out for Wussy’s screening of “Ever After,” the Cinderella reimagining starring Drew Barrymore!

Tickets at plazaatlanta.com.

FEBRUARY 16, 10PM DISTRICT ATLANTA

Maryoke

FEBRUARY 17, 3AM FUTURE ATLANTA

FEBRUARY 14, 9PM MARY’S

The Vast Unsaid: Lesbian Speed-Friending and Game Night

FEBRUARY 11, 3AM BELIEVE MUSIC HALL

Rock Haus Karaoke

Israel Reynoso makes his XION debut!

Tickets at future-atlanta.com.

FEBRUARY 15, 9PM ATLANTA EAGLE

Shameless Sundays FEBRUARY 11, 11:55PM FUTURE ATLANTA

Hosted by Kyra Mora and Tristan Panucci, with DJ Justin Facee. Tickets at futureatlanta.com.

22 LGBTQ NIGHTLIFE FORECAST FEBRUARY 9, 2024

FEBRUARY 20, 8:30PM ATLANTA EAGLE

Hosted by Raqi.

Frisky Friday FEBRUARY 16, 8PM ATLANTA EAGLE

DJ RC starts the night at 8pm before Frisky Frisky takes over at 11pm! $5 cover.

With DJ DeWayne.

With Tracey Levine (HouseCat).

Tickets at future-atlanta.com.

Late Nite Latin Tuesday

Intergalactic Love Affair

With DJ Karlitos. $5 cover.

Southern Fried Queer Pride is raising money for their new community space with this out-of-this-world party! Enjoy music from Mike Bradley, Wav Maker, and Wild Cherry; performances by Pop Tart, oLvR M Face, Beyond, Connor Lyons, JayBella Bankz, and Puddin’; and a glitter blessing and silent auction by the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence! It’ll be a night to remember.

FEBRUARY 15, 9PM THE T

It’s the finale! Watch and see who wins the $10,000 prize! Tickets at future-atlanta.com.

XION

Come out to meet other lesbians, play games, and check out the featured vendors! $5-$20 suggested cover. Advance tickets at sfqp.info/tvu215.

XION

FEBRUARY 20, 8:30PM FUTURE ATLANTA

Trivia Night

FEBRUARY 17, 8PM FAUX REST

Karaoke Night

Atlanta All Stars Finale

Tickets at collectivpresents.com.

FEBRUARY 15, 6PM WILD HEAVEN

Music by Rob Moore. $5 cover.

DJ Justin Facee. Tickets at future-atlanta.com.

XION FEBRUARY 18, 3AM BELIEVE MUSIC HALL

FEBRUARY 21, 3AM FUTURE ATLANTA

Maryoke FEBRUARY 21, 9PM MARY’S

Alt3r FEBRUARY 21, 10PM STAR BAR

Join Alt3r girls Hera Kane and Katrina Prowess, plus their lineup of incredible drag performers, for Little Five Points’ favorite monthly drag show! $5 cover.

Karaoke Night

With GSP. Tickets at future-atlanta.com.

FEBRUARY 22, 9PM THE T

Shameless Sundays

Rock Haus Karaoke

FEBRUARY 18, 11:55PM FUTURE ATLANTA

FEBRUARY 22, 9PM ATLANTA EAGLE

Hosted by Kyra More and Tristan Panucci, with

Hosted by Raqi.

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ut !

O ls k ar ea Pe Br ur Yo

North American Premiere February 9–17, 2024 With the Atlanta Ballet Orchestra

Glamorous.

Scandalous.

Legendary.

Tickets selling fast! atlantaballet.com PRESENTING UNDERWRITER:

Chris Carlos in honor of Thalia N. Carlos Additional support from Kaatherine Scott, an anonymous donor, Nancy Field and Michael Schulder, Arrow Exterminators, Kathleen and Kirk Knous, Ginny Brewer, and the Yee Family Charitable Fund.

Fuki Takahashi. Photo by Shoccara Marcus.