03/29/19, Vol. 10 Issue 2

voice

georgia VOL.10 • ISSUE 2

FROM THE EDITOR’S DESK

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

PO Box 77401 • Atlanta, GA 30357 P: 404-815-6941; F: 404-963-6365

EDITORIAL

Editor: Patrick Colson-Price pcolson-price@thegavoice.com Editorial Contributors: Joey Amato, Cliff Bostock, Camryn Burke, Melissa Carter, Mariah Cooper, Aidan Ivory Edwards, Jim Farmer, Luke Gardner, O’Brian Gunn Elizabeth Hazzard, Ryan Lee, Jamie Roberts, Dionne Walker, Craig Washington

PRODUCTION

Art Director: Rob Boeger rboeger@thegavoice.com

ONLINE

Digital Content Senior Staffer: Katie Burkholder kburkholder@thegavoice.com

BUSINESS

Managing Partner/Publisher: Tim Boyd tboyd@thegavoice.com

SALES

Sales Executive: Dixon Taylor dtaylor@thegavoice.com Sales Executive: Jim Brams jbrams@thegavoice.com Business Advisor: Lynn Pasqualetti Financial Firm of Record: HLM Financial Group National Advertising: Rivendell Media, 908-232-2021 sales@rivendellmedia.com

FINE PRINT

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Marriage Express Patrick Colson-Price I became pretty content knowing I’d probably never fall in love again and get married. After several failed relationships and countless courtships that only ended in quick, emotionless hookups, I told myself I would live a selfish life that was all about pleasing me. Marriage seemed too complex and involved way too much commitment for my liking, but the gay couples around me portrayed quite the opposite. I’d see trips to paradise, Sunday fun day with dozens of friends, circuit parties on the beach, and cuddles on the couch plastered all over Facebook and Instagram. It all sounded like a dream but somehow I could never figure out why my relationships didn’t work in that seamless manner. Social media can be quite the mirage, hiding the dark parts of “love” that couples never want the public to see. It’s no wonder many gay men search for that kind of romantic love only to be let down hard.

If you’ve kept up with my previous editorials,

you know my courtship to my current husband was one for the record books. Well, at least for me. My longest relationship was about three and a half years, about three years longer than it should’ve been, but what’s done is done.

Marriage was rarely talked about, and moving in together was something we both dreaded planning. There were dozens of red flags telling both of us to drop what we were doing and run far, far away. We didn’t listen and things ended terribly. Sometimes, relationships that are the worst for us take us the longest to realize they’re no good. In contrast, some relationships form out of the blue and in an instant, you know you’ve found the one.

March 2018 is when I met the love of my life.

Keep up with me because this is where the title of my editorial comes into play. Two weeks after we briefly chatted on Facebook, I met my now-husband in San Francisco for a weekend getaway. The day we met, I asked him to marry me. More than a month later, I quit my job in Palm Springs, moved to Albuquerque and got married. I kept thinking, “What in the hell, Patrick?!” Everyone was probably thinking the same thing even though their joy for our courtship overpowered their need

to tell us we were crazy in love. So there ya go! That’s why the title of this piece is called Marriage Express because we expedited the process by a good year or two!

Do I think we moved too quickly? Yes, I think we did. But do I regret my decision? Never!

I realize that when love approaches you, you never turn it away regardless of how ready you are or not. I was ready for love again even though I knew I’d probably never find it, but I wasn’t looking. That’s what made our relationship so special. The first weeks were exhilarating and magical; I felt as though I was in a fairytale Disney film where everything just worked out without any effort.

It’s ok to love quickly and follow your heart.

We’ve always heard of those sayings about taking chances or risks in life, especially when it comes to loving another human being unconditionally.

I’ve never passed up the opportunity to love someone, whether it be a friend or a partner in life. Love doesn’t require extra time or contemplation; it requires the ability to be vulnerable and unguarded. If you know it’s time, go for it. Don’t ever let society, friends, or even your conscience tell you it’s too soon.

March 29, 2019 Editorial 3

NEWS

Woofs Sports Bar Relocating After 17 Years Patrick Colson-Price Atlanta’s only gay sports bar is packing up shop after 17 years on Piedmont Road in Buckhead, heading for a brand new location just a few miles down the road in Midtown. The announcement came after the building Woofs is currently located in, was sold last month.

“It was sold to a guy who owns a lot of property in Buckhead. My thought is, that eventually the plaza may be torn down. I wasn’t waiting for them to kick me out,” said Gregory Hughes, owner of Woofs. “I’d been negotiating with the new space for about a year and a half, and I finally pulled the trigger.”

The new home for the gay sports bar will be located at 494 Plasters Avenue NE in the Armour Junction Campus. “It will be a brand new buildout. Everything will be brand new,” said Hughes.

As for the details of the new bar layout they

FILE PHOTO, COURTESY IMAGE

Left: Woofs’ current location. Right: A view of the site of their new location opening in July.

began construction on back in February, Hughes is keeping it a secret but says they’ll gain about 1,000 square feet of space.

“The feedback from what I get, is that people are excited to see the new space,” said Hughes.

“Everything is staying the same including the menu and drink specials. There will be more

tap beers for patrons, though.”

The old location will close a few weeks before the new location opens up its doors.

Leading up to the new opening, Hughes and his team will continue to work to create an atmosphere that his bar regulars will remember after years of visiting Woofs.

“I try to create some of the original feel from the old space into the new space. People who know me well, who know the bar well, will walk into the new space and remember certain parts from the old space,” he said.

The scheduled opening day for the new Woof ’s location is set for July 1.

Reported Hate Crimes Increase in Counties Where Trump Rallied in 2016 Staff Reports

them, including instances of vandalism, intimidation, and assault, referenced him.

Research from another study found that reading or hearing statements Trump has made against particular groups of people make people more likely to write offensive things about said groups.

A new study shows that counties where President Donald Trump rallied during his campaign in 2016 have seen a 226 percent increase in reported hate crimes, according to the Washington Post.

During an interview with CBS’s “Face the Nation,” Senator Tim Kaine claimed that Trump’s rhetoric surrounding white nationalism has emboldened those like the man who killed at least 50 people at two mosques in New Zealand. When asked if he believed “white nationalism is a rising threat around the world,” Trump responded, “I don’t really.”

While Trump has denied that he’s at all to blame, new research shows that his rhetoric may encourage hate crimes.

The study, conducted by University of 4 News March 29, 2019

The authors also debunked possible claims that these newer reports of hate crimes were faked.

North Texas professors Regina Branton and Valerie Martinez-Ebers as well as Ayal Feinberg, examined the correlation between counties that hosted a Trump campaign rally in 2016 and the number of hate crimes that were reported afterwards, looking at data from the Anti-Defamation League’s (ADL) Hate, Extremism, Anti-Semitism Terrorism (HEAT) map. Reported hate crimes in

these counties saw a 226 percent increase compared to those that didn’t host a rally.

While the authors of the study “cannot be certain” Trump’s rhetoric caused such an increase, the results strongly indicate a correlational relationship. They also said that it’s hard to discount the effect Trump had on these crimes when a number of

“This charge is frequently used as a political tool to dismiss concerns about hate crimes,” the analysis of the study says. “Research shows it is far more likely that hate crime statistics are considerably lower because of underreporting.”

Data from the FBI shows that reported hate crimes increased 17 percent from 2016 to 2017. According to the ADL, there were 3,787 incidents of extremism or antiSemitism in the U.S. in 2017 and 2018.

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

AT CITY SPRINGS April 12-13, 2019 Sandy Springs Performing Arts Center at City Springs Featuring Return to a Strange Land by Jiří Kylián, The Premiere

by Ricardo Amarante & a divertissement of short works.

Visit atlantaballet.com or call 770.206.2022 for tickets.

Groups of 10+, email groupsales@atlantaballet.com.

Photo by Charlie McCullers.

NEWS

Chick-fil-A Donated to Organizations with Anti-LGBTQ Beliefs Staff Reports

to shelter a transgender woman with other women in 2008 because of her genitalia, resulting in her freezing to death. The organization also stated it believed that gay men were “deserving of death.”

Fast-food chicken chain Chick-fil-A is still directing donations to organizations with antiLGBTQ ideals, according to Gay Star News.

In 2012, Equality Matters reported the company donated nearly $2 million to anti-gay groups two years before. Chickfil-A’s COO, Dan Cathy, said the company was against marriage equality and upholds “biblical principles.”

Now, the company’s 2017 tax filings, that were released on Wednesday (March 20), reveal that things don’t seem to have changed.

According to their taxes, the Chick-fil-A Foundation, the company’s charitable arm, donated $1.65 million to Fellowship of Christian Athletes, $150,000 to the Salvation Army, and a small amount to the Paul Anderson Youth Home. These

The Paul Anderson Youth Home is a Christian home for troubled youth. It teaches the youth they house that homosexuality is “rage against Jesus Christ and His values.”

A Chick-fil-A spokesperson told Gay Star News that the company gave $9.9 million to “communities across America.”

OFFICIAL PHOTO

Chick-fil-A appears to be still directing donations to anti-LGBTQ ideals organizations.

donations were slightly higher than they were the previous year.

The Fellowship of Christian Athletes once said in a blog post that homosexuality was the result of “prior physical and emotional wounds”

including “abuse, neglect, [and] molestation.”

The company also bans its employees from performing “homosexual acts.”

The Salvation Army has a long history of anti-LGBTQ activity, including refusing

“The sole focus of our donations was to support causes focused on youth and education. We are proud of the positive impact we are making in communities across American and have been transparent about our giving on our web site,” they said. “To suggest our giving was done to support a political or non-inclusive agenda is inaccurate and misleading.”

Democratic Presidential Candidates to Take Part in LGBTQ Forum Staff Reports For the first time in over ten years, Democratic 2020 presidential hopefuls will be invited to a forum to discuss LGBTQ policies, reported the Washington Post.

The candidates will discuss issues around LGBTQ hate crimes, bullying, and transgender rights at the forum hosted by the Human Rights Campaign and the UCLA Luskin School of Public Affairs, scheduled on the eve of National Coming Out Day, October 10.

PHOTO BY WIKICOMMONS/GAGE SKIDMORE

HRC President Chad Griffin at a 2016 rally for Hillary Clinton.

6 News March 29, 2019

“If any LGBTQ person were to take a crosscountry drive from HRC headquarters in Washington, D.C., to UCLA’s campus, their rights and protections under the law would change dozens of times at every city line and state border,” HRC President Chad Griffin said in a statement. “Millions of LGBTQ people will have their rights on the ballot in 2020 – but today we are also a powerful voting bloc that will help determine the

outcome. We’re excited to partner with UCLA Luskin and create an opportunity to hear candidates’ agendas for moving equality forward.”

Since the last presidential LGBTQ forum, held in 2008, public opinion on the LGBTQ community has shifted favorably. According to Gallup, only 55 percent of Americans believed gay and lesbian relationships between consenting adults should be legal in 2008. Ten years later, in May 2018, that number raised to 75 percent.

To be one of the many Democratic presidential hopefuls to be invited to the forum, you must have either had received donations from 65,000 people over 20 different state or received 1 percent or higher support in three national polls.

Pete Buttigieg, a mayor from Indiana and the first openly gay politician to run for president, has reportedly met the donation requirement and will likely attend.

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

BUSINESS

So You Want To Have a Kid

Reproductive Health Tips for Hopeful LGBTQ Parents Eva Berlin Sylvestre The intersection of reproduction health and our community is a mostly quiet one.

Though she’s been helping people conceive her entire career, Dr. Carolyn Kaplan admits that, relatively speaking, there’s “very little information” that targets our community at large. Perhaps it’s because, biologically speaking, we encounter the same reproductive issues as those outside the rainbow, which is probably for the better. As a board-certified reproductive endocrinologist and obstetrician-gynecologist, Dr. Carolyn Kaplan is a wealth of information on the topic. She gave us some insight on a few issues hopeful parents may encounter, and preemptive ways to better the odds of conceiving.

GATHER ’ROUND, ALL First things first: Though rarely spoken of, but worthy of note, men and women have the same odds of fertility problems. “Most people think it’s just the women,” Dr. Kaplan says. (Paging, “Handmaid’s Tale.”) A good rule of thumb for all: “Stop smoking — even sidestream smoke is an issue,” she says, adding that it affects the DNA of eggs and sperm, and can increase the likelihood of miscarriage. Ditto everyone involved maintaining a healthy body weight, as sperm count can be affected by excess weight as can the quality of a biological female’s eggs.

“Taking vitamins is important for everyone, too,” Dr. Kaplan says. “If you can get them through a healthy diet, meaning lots of fruits and vegetables — and a B12 supplement if you’re a vegetarian — that’s good, too.”

Sensible enough.

8 Business March 29, 2019

FOR THE BIO-GALS To begin, those with female reproductive systems need to make sure they’re fertile, and the only way to do that is to go in for a checkup. Any number of conditions can throw a wrench in the works, from hypothalamic amenorrhea (common in athletes) and obesity to polycystic ovaries and endometriosis, just to name a few. “Make sure to get annual checkups,” she advises.

“Come in preemptively, just in case, to get the basics.” Dr. Kaplan urges trans-men who wish to conceive to come off hormones, citing that it’s not as difficult as it may seem.

For all, prenatal vitamins are significantly helpful. Avoiding alcohol is crucial too, as is refraining from smoking. What about pot?

“Marijuana is understudied and it’s probably not as bad as cigarettes, but it definitely affects the neurological development of the fetal brain in a pregnant woman.” In fact, in three separate studies from Auburn University in Alabama, the University of Maryland School of Medicine, and Washington State University in Pullman, dosing pregnant rats with cannabis lead to “cognitive flexibility” in their offspring, as well as underdevelopment in the hippocampus region of their brains.

Again, understudied, but why not play it safe if the goal is to conceive a healthy child?

FOR THE BIO-GUYS The biological males among us who wish to provide DNA for the pregnancy will need to be healthy and tested for HIV, Hep B, Hep C, and syphilis. “They also need a semen analysis to determine whether [the] sperm count is normal,” she says. “Good testosterone doesn’t equal good sperm.

There are home kits for semen analysis for

DR. CAROLYN KAPLAN

COURTESY PHOTO

a ballpark, but it doesn’t look at the shape of the sperm.” (The shape?) “They’re not all the same,” she shares, adding that typically, about 5–10 percent of the sperm in the ejaculate is normal. “Some have two heads!”

Bio-males would do themselves a favor to stock up on supplements, with an especial nod to zinc, E, C, and B vitamins, as well as L-Carnitine which gives sluggish sperm some pep for their long, arduous journey.

They’ll need it as, according to Dr. Kaplan, “the vagina is a hostile environment for sperm!” Again, she stresses the need to extinguish those butts. “The toxins found in cigarettes have shown up in seminal fluid, and it’s carcinogenic.”

LAWYER UP Dr. Kaplan tells us that all parties using a surrogate to carry their baby to term will need an attorney and a psychological evaluation before embarking on the journey. She regales with a late-’80s case involving “Baby M,” the child of a surrogate mother who decided to keep the baby, forgoing the $10,000 from a couple who couldn’t conceive themselves. “It

was a mess.” To avoid that, you’ll need solid attorneys. (Note: Those who are using sperm from a sperm bank are safe, as the donor who contributed has waived paternity rights — all that is taken care of in-house.) But “with a gestational carrier, everyone needs to be lawyered up,” she warns, with a shout out to the efficacy of Southern Surrogacy’s legal team.

Though conceiving a child in an intricate process with an uncanny amount of roadblocks, Dr. Kaplan remains positive — and humble. “I have lots and lots of patients who’ve said to me, ‘You’re so wonderful! You helped us get pregnant!” she tells us. “But I always say, ‘I was a helper in a group effort.’

If I take credit for the successes, I have to take credit for the failures.” With nearly three decades of practice to her name, the modest doctor is no doubt responsible for lots of healthy human beings and their proud, loving, sometimes-LGBTQ parents.

Dr. Carolyn Kaplan is the owner/director of Atlanta’s own Reproductive Endocrinology and Infertility Group. For more information, visit ReiGeorgia.com.

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

ASK THE DOCTOR

Taking the Fear out of Sex Patrick Colson-Price Whether you’re fresh into your relationship or a decade into committed love with your partner, sexual wellness is an important conversation to have. While most of us have grown up in very sex-positive households where the “birds and the bees” talk seemed to involve a more welcoming tone, others have grown to fear the act itself.

“Your conceptualization on sex is contingent upon whoever taught you about sex,” said Susan Westgate, the National Director of Behavioral Health with AbsoluteCare. “The mental blocks also come from the need to unlearn and make the meaning of sex important for yourself.”

She and other providers throughout the Atlanta practice have realized the need to include sexual wellbeing in their personal talks with each patient. It provides a starting point for those dealing with struggles in their sex lives behind closed doors.

“I think it’s really interesting that when you look at treating the whole person, we often don’t investigate sexual health and wellbeing and provide affirming spaces to do that,” she said.

AbsoluteCare recently hired a team member who’s an expert in the concept of sexual therapy and sex-positive therapy, a key part of focusing on the crossroads of mental and sexual health.

Westgate says for those just starting the journey of married life together, the anxiety of the big day can allow for unrealistic expectations of what life should be down the road. It’s ok to say no to your partner, she said.

“People take no as disinterest. It doesn’t always feel safe to say no,” Westgate said. “If there’s no capacity to build trust, and to be able to provide feedback, that’s why it’s so important to think about the principles that you foster in your relationship to facilitate that trust.”

She says it’s key to communicate your needs with your partner; tell them activities that you enjoy and things you might not enjoy.

These open lines of communication allow two partners to understand the sexual needs of one another. It allows each partner to be aware and ok with the dynamics of their sexual relationship. But Westgate says always focus on your own sexual health before someone else’s.

“They don’t stay in touch with their physical bodies. It’s easy to become disassociated with yourself. We often don’t think about what it is when you don’t have your sexual well being tended to,” she said. AbsoluteCare in Atlanta has a team of providers to help patients do just that, so they can become one with their sexual needs and the needs of their partner.

To learn more from the team at AbosluteCare, visit https://atlanta.absolutecare.com/.

Ask The Doctor is a monthly health column where the experts at AbsoluteCARE answer your pressing medical questions. Have a question you want answered? Email it to askthedoctor@thegavoice.com!

www.TheGeorgiaVoice.com

March 29, 2019 Health 9

WEDDINGS

Catching Up With:

Nation’s First Married LGBTQ Couple” Katie Burkholder On June 26, 2015, a simple court decision changed millions of people’s lives forever, including that of Georgia residents Petrina Bloodworth and Emma Foulkes. Not only was this the day they were finally able to marry after ten years of partnership, it was also the day they made history as the first same-sex couple to marry in the United States. Now, they look back on a historic day and more than three years of happy marriage.

On that June day, the couple married “literally minutes” after the Supreme Court decision legalizing same-sex marriage was announced. “We were in the judge’s chambers when the decision was read,” the couple told the Georgia Voice. “Our son was holding our place in line – first – just in case other people showed up.” When the two of them received the news from Jeff Graham of Georgia Equality that they had been the first in the country to wed, they were both excited but also a bit overwhelmed.

“It was very exciting, so much that we could not comprehend the decision right away,” Petrina recounted. “I’m an introvert and after talking to the press and taking pictures at the courthouse, we asked someone to sneak us out of there,” Emma added. The two had a small reception at a restaurant with a few close friends, and their marriage was honored at an Atlanta Dream game afterwards, where Emma was already being recognized as the Inspiring Woman of the Game.

Petrina recalled the national hype around their marriage: “Our phones were blowing up the whole time,” she said. “Our wedding day footage was on major TV networks and in newspapers across the nation. What a day for us and for all LGBTQ people and their families!”

When asked how married life is now, they 10 Weddings March 29, 2019

COURTESY PHOTOS

Right: Georgia’s first LGBTQ couple Petrina Bloodworth and Emma Foulkes cut their wedding cake during their ceremony.

Above: The happy couple are still enjoying married life.

both answered with excitement: “F’ing great,” according to Emma and “Awesome sauce,” said Petrina. After first being married, Petrina said they had been together for so long that the only difference “was being able to say, ‘my wife.’”

However, after a few years of marriage, the couple says it caused a shift in their relationship.

“The level of commitment was solidified [after getting married] in a way I didn’t think was possible, but it put an ‘all in’ to how I looked at everything having to do with her,” Emma said. “Yes, we got closer, which was a pleasant surprise that I didn’t think was possible either,” Petrina added.

The wives noted that they’ve learned a lot in their years of marriage about each other and their love. “{I’ve learned that] we go hard in the paint,” Emma said. “We are very protective of our family, our privacy, and our sanity.” The two of them also said that marriage isn’t always easy. “[The hardest part of being married is that] you’re forced to face your faults and

imperfections. I still like to imagine I am perfect,” Emma said. “Marriage isn’t a Disney story where everything will always be perfect,” Petrina added. “Perfection doesn’t exist.” However, the struggles they do face – “PMSing at the same time so we’re both irritable,” and “the freaking marriage penalty as it relates to filing tax returns” – are far overshadowed by the rewards. “Knowing the person is ride or die and has your back – for better, for worse, for richer and poorer, in sickness and in health – [is the most rewarding thing],” Emma said. “[The] trials and tribulations have made me honor those vows more and more every day.”

Emma and Petrina had some wise advice

to share with newlyweds. “Protect your marriage from all outsiders,” said Emma.

“Find one level-headed confidant that has the ability to tell you when you’re wrong.”

Petrina added, “Pick your battles. Everything may not be a deal-breaker. If you want to be together, then breaking up is not an option and never on the table for discussion.”

As for those unsure of getting married: “If you’re not sure about getting married, don’t,” said Emma. “There’s no reason to rush … Live your life and find a best friend to join you on the journey. I feel like that’s what I have, a best friend. Every day there’s the possibility of a new adventure or another first in our life.”

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

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WEDDINGS

If You Really Like It, Then You Should Put a Prenup On It O’Brian Gunn So, you recently changed your Facebook status to “Engaged.” Congratulations!

While it’s fine to get caught up in the magic and majesty of devoting every fiber of your mental, emotional, and physical being to someone who vibrates on your wavelength, you can’t let your elation keep you from carrying out your due diligence. Neglecting to sign the right form or look out for your future interests (shared and otherwise), can change your, “Oh, hell yes!” to an, “Oh, hell no!”

Just like our Beyonce reference in the title of this piece, we’re hoping this article helps you from having to sing the “Single Ladies” tune later on down the road! Let’s take a deep dive into the legal aspects of marriage.

PRE/POSTNUPTIAL AGREEMENT You likely knew/feared this one was going to pop up, so we may as well go ahead and get it out of the way first, right? The biggest issue most people have with pre/postnuptial agreements is that such agreements cast shadows of doubt on the marriage’s future stability and the couple’s shared commitment.

The truth of the matter is there’s no way to tell what the future holds, or how life can change us.

With a prenuptial agreement, you and your soon-to-be-spouse decide which financial assets and obligations you each retain or receive in the event of divorce. One helpful way of looking at this type of agreement is gaining unblemished clarity on your specific debts, assets, and rights. Clearing up confusion and knowing exactly where you stand is always a boon when it comes to relationships, wouldn’t you agree? The agreement also lays out asset dissolution and spousal support in the event of divorce.

What’s a postnuptial agreement? It’s the same as a prenuptial agreement, except it’s put into place after a couple has married rather than before getting married.

12 Weddings March 29, 2019

WILLS You don’t need “buy-guacamole-at-Chipotlewithout-a-second-thought” money to have a will. This is another legal matter that prepares you and your betrothed for the unexpected. You likely want your future spouse to legally inherit your assets in the event of your death. Your will allows you to pass along those assets so that the transfer is quick and easy, rather than one plagued with legal hurdles, hoops, and frustration.

Do you plan on starting a family or expanding your current one? Who will take care of your kids if both you and your spouse were to suddenly leave this earth? Maybe there’s a family business that needs to be sold or remain in operation upon your untimely death. These are all matters you can include in your will. You have to think about the fact that while you may be gone, parts of your legacy still remain. You have the right (and possibly even the responsibility) to secure that legacy and pass it on to those you wish to inherit it. If you don’t, the state will do it for you, and it may do so in a way that goes against your desires.

TAXES It’s time to talk taxes. While we don’t like hearing the word on a daily basis, it’s important to have a serious discussion at least once a year. Do yourself a favor and sit down with an accountant (preferably one familiar with handling taxes for LGBTQ couples) to talk about what you can expect from filing your taxes for the first time as a married person. Specifically, ask about: Which deductions and credits you qualify for What your new standard deduction will be How much tax you’re likely to owe (bring tax forms for the previous year) n What you can do to maximize your refund n n n

You may not want to visit an accountant in the days following your return from your honeymoon, but doing so could give you the heads up you need to prepare yourself accordingly for the marriage tax penalty as

well as the marriage bonus. Yep, there’s a marriage bonus. Now you have an incentive for talking with an accountant!

MEDICAL POWER OF ATTORNEY You and your soon-to-be-spouse may have discussed your favorite TV show of all time (the correct answer is always “Battlestar Galactica”) and whether you believe in life on other planets, but have you discussed whether you’d like to be kept on life support if an accident or medical condition were to put you in a coma or otherwise incapacitated? With a medical power of attorney, you leave no doubt as to what your decisions are regarding such matters, or whom you want making

medical decisions on your behalf.

It’s okay for you to appoint someone other than your spouse as the agent of your medical power of attorney. A close friend may be more knowledgeable about medical science than your spouse, or you may have a friend who’s not intimidated by medical professionals.

Talk your wishes over with your spouse and your reasoning behind those wishes. Who knows, it may be a conversation that brings you even closer together and helps you learn more about each other. Lawyers can help you just as much in times of joy as they do during times of frustration. You don’t have to invite them to your wedding, but you should most certainly involve them in your marriage.

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

WEDDINGS

MANDY MILLIGAN (L) AND DELANA FINNEY COURTESY PHOTOS

Mandy and DeLana: Ladies of Love

S

MARRIED: OCTOBER 10, 2015

Patrick Colson-Price Mandy Milligan and DeLana Finney have spent 12 years building a love that continues to strengthen their bond. Milligan, from Decatur, Alabama, and Finney, from Columbia, South Carolina, made their way to the Atlanta metro where they soon realized their need to share their love with one another. Family, friends and their love for the outdoors all played special roles in their big day, but their journey to marriage was a special one. We caught up with the two on just how memorable their day was!

Tell us about the proposal? What made that day so special for both of you?

DeLana: I attempted the proposal three times.

It got ruined three times. Things interrupted us or trips didn’t happen. It just so happens that both of our mothers were in town for Mothers Day. I thought that she would never suspect that. We took them up to the Wolf Mountain 14 Weddings March 29, 2019

S

Winery and I did it there. We had some bystanders that had no idea they were part of it.

They were there for a sorority reunion and I got down on one knee. They all lost their minds.

Mandy: I was very surprised. I did not suspect it whatsoever. She even asked my mom beforehand if it was ok. I thought that was sweet; it was a really nice touch. Both of our moms are really important to us and they always come for Mothers Day together. We do a whole weekend together with them. It made it even more special.

What kind of wedding did you two plan to have? Did it turn on the way you expected?

Mandy: I always wanted a big wedding and I just wanted something really nice and special.

We still got our really nice special day; I still got my extravagant wedding but we were looking at costs and where we wanted to do it and decided CONTINUES ON PAGE 15 TheGeorgiaVoice.com

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 14 to do it a little differently.

DeLana: Our venue changed at the same time. Mandy’s grandmother was ill. She was unable to travel, so we decided to move the wedding to Chicago so she could attend.

Mandy: We decided to only invite immediate family and not invite a single friend to cut down on more costs. We also live-streamed our wedding so all of our friends could tune in and watch. We did it on the shores of Lake Michigan. We had about 27 people attend.

We had a horse and carriage ride that took us to the reception. We had a happy hour bar with Hors d’oeuvre and also a reception in a private section of a restaurant. The food was really good and it was hot, so you didn’t have those big receptions where everyone was eating cold chicken at different times.

We still got all of the glamour out of our special day.

DeLana: My brother did a prayer, and her brother did a reading. The setting was perfect. It was daylight when we got there, daylight when did the ceremony. By the time the carriage got there, the sun was setting so the pictures were perfect.

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Did you ever think you’d ever be able to get married in your lifetime? When marriage was legalized, how did that affect you both?

Mandy: After I figured out I was gay and began living as a gay woman, I still wanted to get married. In the back of my mind, I knew it was never going to happen and it was never going to be legal. I worked in news for 11 years, and I was working when the Supreme Court decision was announced. I was the one that was waiting for the decision to post to our digital sites. I very vividly remember waiting for that and seeing it and starting to get choked up. I have to put this aside for a moment and do my job, I have to get this tweet out. 15 to 20 minutes later after everything calmed down, I was finally about to … I cried. I knew it was going to become a possibility for me. That was in June of 2015, and we got married in October of 2015.

DeLana proposed in May of 2015. It was already legal in Illinois at that time. Chicago had been in the back of our mind at the time. A month later, it’s legal everywhere. We thought about it and talked about it but hadn’t made plans. It made it a little more complicated because we didn’t have to go to Chicago to get married, we could do it anywhere.

Is there any advice you’d give a younger LGBTQ couple who just got engaged or may want a commitment like this in their future?

Mandy: We are very lucky to be in this period of time as a younger person coming up and getting into a relationship. The people that paved the path for this did a tremendous job. Hopefully, kids in their 20’s now won’t know the feeling of being unable to marry who they love if they’re LGBTQ. DeLana: I would say don’t take it for granted.

Marriage in the heterosexual community is

taken for granted so much because they can get married and get divorced anytime they want. I would caution people not to let it turn into that.

Mandy: It is something to be cherished because it was so hardly fought for. It is more special because of the fight that we had to go through.

Who knows what’s to come in the future with the current administration. Anything could happen with the shift of the Supreme Court.

It is a good time, but we should definitely be cautious and always be fighting for our rights because they could be stripped away.

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MICHAEL LEON (L) AND CHESS BRITT COURTESY PHOTOS

Chess & Michael: Husbands-To-Be 

SET TO MARRY: APRIL 13

Patrick Colson-Price It all started with a “WOOF,” and the rest is a memorable, romantic history for Chess Britt and Michael Leon! Britt, a Georgia native, and Leon, a California native, connected one day via the popular gay dating app, SCRUFF. For both, it was evident their love was more than just a weekend fling, so they took the next step in committing their lives to one another. While they’ve still yet to tie the knot, we caught up with the engaged couple, now living in Atlanta, about their journey to the big day!

Have you always dreamt of a big wedding? And if so why?

Chess: Growing up I would have to say no. I haven’t always wanted a big wedding or even really thought I would ever get married at all.

I was living somewhat of a chaotic life, and it wasn’t until I made some life changes and found sobriety that I wanted a partner and family.

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

Michael: YES!!! I have always dreamed of having a big wedding surrounded by all my family and friends. Being a Cuban man, everything we do in our family is BIG! There was a time not long ago that I thought this would be impossible for one man to marry another, but luckily times have changed and we together as a community have come so far. I love celebrating LOVE and family. I am so blessed to have found my one and only.

What has it been like planning your wedding? Has everything gone as planned? Strict budget? Wedding guest list kept to an exact number?

Does anything ever go as planned?!

Planning a wedding can be very stressful.

There are so many decisions to make and details to go over. One of us is very relaxed about the details, and the other is CONTINUES ON PAGE 17 TheGeorgiaVoice.com

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 16

When is the big day for you two? What are you looking forward to the most?

extremely detail oriented. This has been both a blessing and a curse trying to make so many final decisions. We did know this going in, so we had the pleasure of working with one of Atlanta’s top wedding planners, Molly McKinley Designs, who has walked us through every step gracefully. Without her and her staff, who knows what would be happening?! We highly recommend a wedding planner as there are so many things you don’t even think of.

Our wedding is on April 13th, 2019, at Serenbe Farms here in Atlanta, Georgia.

Besides the obvious of marrying the man of my dreams, we are so excited about sharing a beautiful weekend together surrounded by the people who love and support us the most.

It’s been quite a journey to get to this place; We can’t wait to celebrate love and equality.

Has planning the wedding brought you two closer together? There are some stresses when planning something special and ceremonial because you want it to be perfect. How do you two manage saying it’s ok if something doesn’t work out as planned?

Yes, this whole process has brought us even closer than we were as we have had to work together through the challenges that planning can bring. We make a great team, and we have become very well versed in the art of compromise. I think the first thing is to understand nothing is perfect but will be perfectly imperfect. At the end of the day you need to not focus on the small picture of just one weekend but the excitement of the rest of your lives together.

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

Tell me a little about how you two met and got engaged. Was it love at first sight? Who proposed to whom and how did it all happen?

Chess: Michael and I met on a little app you might have heard of called SCRUFF. We were living in two different cities in California about two hours away so we spent a month chatting online after I WOOF’ed him before we decided to meet up. We ended up spending the whole weekend together in Palm Springs where everything was just so easy and effortless. It wasn’t long after that when I knew this is who I wanted to share my life with, and it was very clear he felt the same.

So, let’s just say it was love at first WOOF! Michael: It was my birthday weekend, and Chess had surprised me with a trip to NYC, where I had been dying to go. We spent several days and nights running around the

city and being goofy as we like to do. It was on one of the nights there on our way out that I turned around to find Chess on one knee, in the middle of the room asking me to spend the rest of my life with him. I was in complete shock as I always thought I would be the one to ask him. Obviously, I said OF COURSE!!

Has the process of planning the wedding got you ready for the big day?

We are beyond ready for our big day!

However, I don’t think it was the planning that has us emotionally ready. If anything, the planning has distracted us from emotional excitement. We are three weeks out now and it’s all gone by so fast! We will say, all the planning has helped us learn more ourselves and each other. We are just so excited about what the future holds.

What’s your biggest piece of advice for any LGBTQ couple looking to tie the knot and take that next step in their commitment to one another?

I never understood or believed the expression that “you know when you know” until you actually know. Then you really get that expression. So I would suggest if you don’t know then maybe it’s not the one. But if you do know and you are planning a larger wedding, I can’t express how much a planner helps. There are so many details I

would never have thought of and so many deadlines to meet on choices that they keep you on top of! They are such lifesavers. Also, make choices together. Don’t just rely on one person to make all the choices. It’s definitely a relationship building experience. And lastly, make the experience as fun as possible!

Laugh off the stress of planning and just enjoy the experience.

March 29, 2019 Weddings 17

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Love Triangle:

FROM LEFT: SPENCER, DANIEL AND TAMER COURTESY PHOTO

Exploring the World of Thruple Relationships Patrick Colson-Price There are very few things Spencer Watts and Tamer Barsbay will not try. In a sense, it shows just how dynamic and fluid their relationship really is. Fluidity is key here, opening up to new experiences and encounters that normally wouldn’t cross either of their radars on the most opportune of days.

“I didn’t think I had the capability to emotionally care about more than one person,” explained Barsbay. “A month before we met Daniel, if you asked me if that was a possibility, 99 percent no and one percent maybe.” It’s quite a taboo subject in the deep red South where he, Spencer, and their third partner, Daniel Jones, live. But they’re in a city that welcomes diversity and has a keen eye for all things unique. So how did their three-way relationship, otherwise known as a thruple or triad, come to be?

Spencer and Tamer have been together for more than seven years and engaged for the past two. They met back in Chicago while the two were in college. Spencer, a year ahead of Tamer in school, soon graduated and moved out to San Francisco for work.

Tamer followed shortly after graduating, landing a job in the tech industry, but their careers both led them here to Atlanta. They got engaged and thought, “What’s next?”

Both were working, following their career dreams and living life in Atlanta as a gay couple in an open relationship. That’s when they met Daniel.

“We met him at Blakes and started seeing him every once in a while. One of the rules in our relationship at the time was that we didn’t spend the night anywhere, but in spending time with Daniel, he started spending the night with us a couple times,” said Tamer.

“So it already became different than our 18 Weddings March 29, 2019

other encounters. The more time he spent with us, we started naturally developing an emotional connection with him in a way that we wouldn’t with regular hookups.”

About three months in, the three acknowledged they were something more than just fuck buddies. Boyfriends, if you will. Daniel had reservations but the excitement of a new adventure in love and sex was the overpowering factor. “It seemed like convenience in a way. They have each other, but I don’t have to always be there and be available, emotionally available because they have their own relationship,” he said. “There were some nerves going into something that was so established and me trying to figure out where I was going to fit into it.”

For Spencer and Tamer, the uncertainty fell not at what could happen at the beginning but in the end. Would one of them develop a stronger connection with Daniel or would their seven-year relationship crumble under the new circumstances? “I think it was scary in the sense that it was easy for us to say that no matter what happens we still have each other and if this goes south, we should default to each other as the foundation,” said Spencer.

Tamer responded right after, “Just as we never thought this was a possibility, you never know how things are going to end up.”

They didn’t have a framework to do their research before diving in head first. There were no other thruple relationships they could ping their curiosity off of. They simply played it by ear and allowed their new relationship to exist without any qualms.

Two years later, the three are enjoying life in a different perspective. Spencer explained that it wasn’t just one big relationship, but four different ones between the three. He describes each one as having its own unique character. Daniel agrees.

“We’ve created our own relationships within this larger one. I have a different relationship with Tamer than I do with Spencer. There are things that I expect from him that I don’t expect from the other. They expect me to be trash!” Daniel said, laughing alongside Tamer and Spencer. “They have very much maintained their status as a couple. This is their primary residence. They’re each other’s primary partner, and I fit in there somewhere.”

When they’re out in public, they own their unique way of love, although they do get questions from skeptical acquaintances on just how their relationship seems to work or even still function. It’s more so centered around the idea of being completely open, said Tamer. ”I did get shit every once in a while for being in an open relationship. A subset of the LGBTQ community is very judgmental of open couples just because they think it wouldn’t work for them, so they’re also judgmental of others doing it,” he said.

“But I haven’t seen any thruple-specific discrimination.”

It gives them good hope for their future together as a triad. But how will their relationships with each other change, if at all?

For the duration of this new adventure, Daniel has been in nursing school. His thoughts on his future aren’t quite planned out. “Who knows, once that’s over and I have all of this free time, what expectations am I going to want out of the relationship that I don’t currently have?” he said. Spencer’s response coincided with Daniel’s rather seamlessly: “This is nice for him because he can enter and exit as he pleases. Once he has time to be a full-time boyfriend, will he want something dedicated one-on-one with somebody?”

Spencer and Tamer have put their wedding plans on the back burner to focus on careers and simply just living life with their “third.”

They’re ok with taking it slow. They’re ok with the dynamic that has defined the past years of their three lives. And in their opinion, there’s plenty, if not unlimited, love to go around. “Love comes from a lot of different places. You don’t take some from one place and put it somewhere else, but there’s not a limited supply,” Spencer said.

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WEDDINGS

2019 Wedding Trends Elizabeth Hazzard We understand that finding your soulmate is only the first step, the next is the wedding – whether you’ve chosen to keep it a small, private occasion or turn it into a large extravaganza, we have some trends that may help you make your big day even bigger.

From classic gowns to unconventional cakes and everything in between, these seven fads are making an entrance into the wedding scene that is more glamorous than Tandi Iman Dupree’s drop from the ceiling!

Here’s what’s making 2019 the year of the wedding!

FLOWER GALORE This trend is perfect not only for a spring wedding but any and every wedding throughout the year. Flowers are always a beautiful accessory, whether to a gown or to a table setting. Doing a fall wedding?

Gather that beautiful red, yellow and orange foliage for a unique bouquet. They add vibrant color, intricate beauty, and grace that remains unmatched. Floral accessories are a huge upcoming trend. From necklaces to arm pieces, flower power is taking over the wedding scene.

RAINBOW RUSH From rainbow confetti to colorful smoke bombs, the colors of the rainbow are dominating wedding entrances and exits. It only makes sense to leave such a celebration of love either through a cloud of brilliant hues or a showering of rich pixie-dust pieces. For some, it’s about having a fun, colorful wedding and for others, these colors represent the unapologetic beauty of their LGBTQ identities.

ROYAL GRACE The beautiful and elegant Meghan Markle has influenced the comeback of the classic and simple wedding gown. Her 2018 look has inspired women to aspire for a more regal yet modest fashion choice. After all, why have an over-the-top gown when your beauty is already unmatched? Meghan has TheGeorgiaVoice.com

PHOTOS BY PEXEL.COM; OFFICIAL ROYAL PHOTO

Clockwise from above left: Upcoming wedding trends call for more flower accessories, taller and more over-the-top cakes, and regal wedding gowns like Meghan Markle’s.

shown that the Queen makes the gown, the gown does not make the Queen.

A HANDSOME THREE PIECE While the brides are going for a more natural, simplistic fashion, the trend for grooms is adding on more layers. Three-piece suits are becoming quite popular for groom attire.

From various colors and patterns, the grooms are stepping up their suit game a few notches!

CAKE EXTRAVAGANZA While it seems that unconventional desserts such as cupcakes and cake pops took over the scene last year, this year is all about the cake.

We say the taller and more over-the-top, the better. This year, we’re stacking them high and decorating them elegantly. This year, the

focus isn’t just on the cake tasting good, it’s on it looking good as well!

EXOTIC VENUES Choosing the right location for your big day is one of the biggest decisions of the entire planning. These days, people are

choosing more outside-of-the-box wedding venues – from beautiful outdoor gardens/ vineyards to white-sand beaches and even the desert. One thing is for sure: this year, the classic church setting simply won’t do.

It’s about being one (a union) with nature, so destination weddings are taking flight.

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Rings Within Your Budget at Worthmore Jewelers Patrick Colson-Price On your special day, choosing the right ring will forever cement your love for that special someone. Worthmore Jewelers began in 1993 in the heart of Midtown Atlanta. For more than 25 years, they’ve been the go-to source for engagement rings and wedding bands for the LGBTQ community. We’ve highlighted beautiful yet inexpensive rings that will take your partner’s breath away!

BLACK TITANIUM COMFORT-FIT DESIGN WEDDING BAND This cool black titanium 8mm Comfort-Fit wedding band features a carbon fiber center inlay with high polished beveled round edges that is both sleek and subtle. Forged

by Benchmark offers contemporary wedding rings in Cobalt, Titanium, Damascus Steel and Tungsten. Some of our most durable and rugged wedding bands for men, the Forge line of wedding rings are sure to last a lifetime.

Price: $220 COBALT AND ROSEWOOD COMFORT-FIT DESIGN WEDDING BAND This distinctive cobalt 8mm ComfortSILVER SLICE WEDDING BAND: $190

AQUAMARINE BRIDAL SET: $500

22 Weddings March 29, 2019

Fit beveled edge wedding band features a handsome Rosewood inlay. Forged by Benchmark offers contemporary wedding rings in Cobalt, Titanium, Damascus Steel and Tungsten.

Price: $240

BLACK TITANIUM COMFORT-FIT DESIGN WEDDING BAND $220

COBALT AND ROSEWOOD COMFORT-FIT DESIGN WEDDING BAND $240

COBALT COMFORT-FIT DESIGN WEDDING BAND This boldly aggressive cobalt 7mm ComfortFit wedding band features a hammer-finish center with high polished edges that offers both class and strength. Forge by Benchmark offers contemporary wedding rings in Cobalt, Titanium, Damascus Steel and Tungsten.

Price: $240 TUNGSTEN COMFORT-FIT DESIGN WEDDING BAND This cool 8mm Tungsten wedding band features a Comfort-Fit on the inside and resembles a more traditional look. Forge by Benchmark offers contemporary wedding rings in Cobalt, Titanium, Damascus Steel and Tungsten.

Price: $215 See Worthmore Jewelers entire collection and more, at www.worthmorejewelers.com/.

HAND BRAIDED WEDDING BAND: $940

MOONSTONE BRIDAL SET: $400 COURTESY PHOTOS

COBALT COMFORT-FIT DESIGN WEDDING BAND $240

TUNGSTEN COMFORT-FIT DESIGN WEDDING BAND $215 COURTESY PHOTOS

Saving the Planet One Marriage at a Time Patrick Colson-Price

kids for a better future.”

Since this mid-’90s, Stephanie Maslow Blackman has had a passion for working with her hands and creating masterpieces out of raw metals. Through her metalsmithing classes, she realized her passion as a jeweler. Soon after, Metalicious was born.

It’s not just your average jewelry company though, as the materials used always keep the environment the focal point.

Blackman and her customers are becoming more aware of the damaging effects the mining industry have on the environment and to the workers in those mines, which is why her line of eco-friendly engagement rings fits the mold for what many millennials see as a lucrative venture to keep the planet around even longer.

“I used recycled metals and ethically sourced gemstones in all of my work,” she said. “I also use green practices in running my business as much as possible. I’d like to leave behind as small a footprint as I can and hope to be a positive example for my

“Couples are buying something that represents their love and commitment to each other, and they want rings they can feel good about,” she said. “Knowing that their rings were ethically created by hand in NYC from sustainable materials makes them extra special and meaningful.”

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

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SHARONDA (L) AND KELLEY COURTESY PHOTOS

Weddings on a Budget Dionne Walker Getting married may mark one of the happiest days of your life but getting the bills later can send even the most financially stable couples into panic mode. From caterers and seating to the venues and clothing attire, it can push the average cost of a wedding past $30,000. The biggest gift many couples get after a lavish ceremony can be mountains of debt.

It’s a reality that hit home for Kelley PeurifoyRainey. So, when long-time girlfriend Sharonda Rainey popped the question, the College Park resident immediately went into couponing mode – finding discounted flowers, budget dress options, and even online party favors. A year later, the couple exchanged vows in a simple but sweet Myrtle Beach ceremony that her friends still talk about three years later, all for under $5,000.

Even in the “Say Yes to the Dress” era of glitzy nuptials splashed across social media, Atlanta wedding planners say more and more couples are cost-cutting. They’re opting for package wedding deals, abbreviated menus and smaller guest lists that allow them to celebrate their love without going broke.

“People want to have a great or a beautiful wedding, but they don’t want to spend a lot,” said Janice Johnson, owner of Jus-So All Inclusive Events, in Decatur. “I’ve seen more of ‘What can I do on a budget because I want to live after my wedding!’”

The good news is, there are more ways than ever to get married on the cheap – without looking cheap. Start by being more flexible on the day of the week, said Maya Wooten, whose Atlanta-based company Wooten Wedding Management has helped LGBTQ couples looking to spend wisely. While Saturday is a 24 Weddings March 29, 2019

WEDDING DO’S AND DON’T’S DO n Consult at least three vendors for cakes, venues, and all services n Choose a dress early and watch for it to go on sale n Invest in a planner, even if only for a la carte services n Skip the expensive wedding party gifts DON’T n Try DIY-ing an entire wedding n Go cheap on food n Invite people you haven’t spoken to in over three months n Overspend on alcohol

natural choice, Wooten said Friday, Sunday or even Thursday weddings can be considerably more affordable. Double down on savings by trying a non-traditional time of day. “Have a morning wedding so you can have a brunch reception,” she said. “Generally, brunch foods can be a lot less expensive.”

Focus on a simple but scrumptious entrée, Johnson said. Cut out non-essentials like the dessert table – “Nobody goes to dessert tables,” Johnson said – and nix the timehonored open bar. “I typically recommend having a signature drink only – the couple’s favorite drink,” she said, explaining that one change typically lops $3,000 off expenses.

inclusive venue,” Wooten said, explaining that such venues are often attractive enough that they don’t need expensive decorations.

When decor is a must, Wooten said consider floating candles or even feathers for stylish centerpieces.

LGBTQ couples spent an average of just over $17,000 for wedding ceremonies in 2017, far less than the $33,000 average for straight couples, but it’s a number that’s been rising all the same, according to wedding planning website Theknot.com.

Another easy cut: Photographers. Johnson said encouraging guests to take pictures and post to social media with a signature hashtag is a smart way to cut costs while getting many unique shots. “Now you’re telling the photographer I only need you for two hours versus eight hours,” she said.

For Peurifoy-Rainey, who lives with a chronic illness, taking on thousands of dollars in wedding expenses was out of the question.

Instead, the couple looked online and found a company offering beach wedding packages with officiants, decorations and even photographers.

It’s easy enough to chop the menu and get married in the middle of the week. But what about the flowers, officiant, music and a million other little details? “Get an all-

She found a $400 silk flower package on Etsy that included bouquets and boutonnieres.

For dresses, Peurifoy-Rainey got particularly creative by taking her bridesmaids to a local

wedding store – but only to window shop.

“I let each one of them pick out a dress, but they didn’t get it from there. We ordered it online because they were cheaper,” she said, chuckling. “We were workin’ it!”

Peurifoy-Rainey purchased a simple cake and took her small wedding party to a seafood restaurant afterward. The total: $4,890.

“We’ve been having to really budget now,” said Peurifoy-Rainey, who recently had a medical emergency. “We’re glad we didn’t go too far into debt.”

For brides or grooms without as much free time to pull together a wedding, Wooten suggested working with a wedding planner that can offer a la carte services rather than a big expensive package. Both Wooten and Johnson agreed that all but the craftiest brides and grooms should avoid trying to DIY an entire wedding. And ultimately, it’s always better to delay the ceremony than to go too cheap. “Even if you’re trying to be on a budget,” Wooten said, “you still get what you pay for.”

TheGeorgiaVoice.com

WEDDINGS

Weddings Around the World Luke Gardner The word wedding evokes a host of images — white dresses, roses, tuxedos, modest dancing, cake, a reading of vows, ring exchanges — but these images are born of mainstream western culture, and there are billions of people who celebrate romantic love in different ways.

LOCATION MATTERS In Greece, groomsmen traditionally take the title literally by grooming the groom-to-be, according to Brides.com, which documents wedding traditions from across the globe.

According to the same article, in Jamaica, the bride-to-be walks in front of neighbors and peers, forced to ignore negative comments unless there are too many, in which case she is made to go home in shame and change her appearance. In Cuba, men who dance with the bride are expected to pin money to her dress — cash for the honeymoon, of course.

In Mongolia, couples customarily catch a baby chicken and cut it open until they find the liver, again according to Brides.com. In China, brides change dresses three times but they must be careful not to stain them, however. It is also customary that the bride and her close female relatives weep for hours, even days, before the ceremony.

Romanian brides are often playfully abducted by friends and family who demand silly gestures and small gifts — namely alcohol — from the groom. Hindu brides born under a certain astrological period are cursed to experience early widowhood.

The curse is broken when the woman first marries a tree and chops it down.

In Scotland, the Bride and Groom are covered with alcohol, trash, silly string, ash — anything to make a mess really — by friends and family on the day before their TheGeorgiaVoice.com

wedding in a tradition called a blackening, according to Buzzfeed.

In some communities in Indonesia and Malaysia, the Bride and Groom are expected to spend three days cooped up in the same house without using the bathroom even once, according to Huffington Post. The couple is monitored by friends and family and is given minimal food and drink. The tradition is considered to ward off bad luck.

The night before the wedding day, many German brides have friends and family over.

The guests are on a not-so-secret mission, though, to destroy any porcelain in the house. The couple is supposed to clean up the porcelain together as a symbol of working together to triumph. Imagine being grateful for people breaking your personal collectibles.

RELIGION MATTERS It’s not just the small details and traditions that vary from community to community, however. Different religions celebrate weddings and practice margins in completely different ways, and some spiritual paths don’t acknowledge marriage, weddings or romantic relationships at all.

According to the Emily Post, a family-run institution that promotes and educates people about etiquette, Muslim weddings often don’t have a specific religious leader officiate. Hindu weddings can last for multiple days, often spanning a whole weekend in western societies.

Jewish weddings are very similar to Orthodox Christian weddings, consisting of a reading of vows, an exchange of rings, a bridal veil and a religious leader officiate.

Traditional Buddhist weddings often incorporate periods of meditation, poems, and offerings to the Buddha.

Modern Pagan and Wiccan weddings are

PHOTO VIA PEXELS.COM

The duration of some Hindu weddings can last for several days.

called Handfastings and offer a unique view of romantic partnerships. In a handfasting, couples can be of any number or gender and are common in open and fluid relationships, although several Wiccans have closed relationships.

In Handfastings, partners often commit to each other for a year and a day and then reevaluate the relationship when that time passes. Other handfastings are set on an indefinite time. According to ThoughtCo, Handfastings are sometimes performed by priests and priestesses but are often performed by a Justice of the Peace or a Unitarian minister if the union is to be considered legal.

Handfastings often incorporate deities of love and can be conducted similarly to a Wiccan ritual, with the officiate casting a sacred circle for the ceremony to be practiced in.

ACCEPTANCE MATTERS As often seen in Handfastings, Queer and Polyamorous relationships are constantly redefining what weddings and marriages look like in their own cultures across the globe.

In some places, queer and polyamorous unions have always been normal, and in others, these unions are still illegal. In other cultures, romantic relationships may not be commonly monogamous and aren’t structured with lifelong commitments and specific roles like often seen in mainstream marriage.

There are infinite ways to define and celebrate romantic love, and none of these ways should be shamed so long as the union is informed, of age and consensual.

So love who you love and let love guide your union!

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Is Throwing a Wedding Worth the Debt?

Camryn Burke Marriage is deemed one of the most exciting and nerve-wracking steps two people can choose to take in their lives. Spending the rest of your life with the one you love is an amazing adventure, one that you might want to celebrate with all of your friends and family, but is it worth decades of repayment plans or maxed out credit cards? We’re talking the ceremonial extravagance that comes with two people saying “I do.” From the elegant clothing to beautiful venues, and all of those calorie filled cake slices, the price tag for your special day can quickly grow out of proportion.

Before going cake tasting, dress shopping, or venue hopping, every newly-engaged couple should ask themselves at least once: will the wedding be worth the cost? First, you’re going to need to be realistic about your budget expectations and how much the average wedding actually costs.

According to a 2017 survey on The Knot, the national average in the United States for the cost of a wedding with 100 to 150 guests is $33,391, with the cost of a wedding in Georgia averaging only $2,000 less than the national average. The lowest average wedding cost being $18,516 in Utah, and the highest being $76,944 in New York. No matter what state you marry in, wedding price tags are likely to be less than six figures unless you’re Jennifer Lopez and Alex Rodriguez with millions to drop on diamond encrusted wedding invitations. So extravagant!

Not every couple has a wealthy set of inlaws to front that price tag, so often the ones saying the vows have to decide where the money will come from and if they should choose price over practicality. While DIY weddings can cost less, they’re still fairly expensive and it can be a great challenge to pull one off. Unless you’ve got an interior designing degree with an emphasis in event management, you’re still looking at spending several thousand dollars.

A 2018 Student Loan Hero survey revealed 26 Weddings March 29, 2019

that around one in three couples planned to borrow up to $10,000 to cover the cost of wedding bills. Over 70% of couples were in debt, or are going to be in debt, because of their wedding expenses. So is it worth the cost?

That’s really a question that you have to answer for yourself. It’s important to understand that the statistics here aren’t meant to scare you into not having a wedding; they’re simply meant to make you aware of potential wedding expenses so you can determine if it’s something you and your spouse feel prepared to take on together. If you want to have a big, happy wedding, you can easily do that.

It’s also important to take into account that this only looks at weddings with 100 to 150 guests in attendance. If you plan to invite your entire family including first, second and third cousins, expect your big day to get pricey.

If you want to have a wedding, it’s not completely out of reach. Weddings can be expensive and stressful to plan, but there are ways to negotiate around the high prices and you shouldn’t be alone in figuring it all out. If you don’t want the hassle of taking on a wedding planner and dealing with annoying family members’ incessant nagging about your day, don’t feel pressured to host one. Not having one doesn’t make your marriage any less valid than just going to a courthouse and tying the knot. Spend the would-be wedding cash on a relaxing getaway.

The most imperative thing to remember in all of these decisions is that you’re getting married! Wedding or not, you’re preparing to step into the rest of your life with the person you love. There’s plenty of time to worry

AVERAGE WEDDING COSTS ITEM PRICE Wedding Attire $1,795 Venue $15,163 Reception Band/DJ $5,250 Photographer $2,630 Wedding Planner $1,988 Videographer $1,719 Florist/Decor $2,379 Ceremony Site $2,311 Ceremony Musicians $761 Rehearsal Dinner $1,285 Wedding Cake $540 Transportation $830 Invitations $408

about weddings; right now, just take the time to bask in the glow of you and your partner’s bright future together.

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WEDDINGS

To Say I Do, Or I Don’t Aidan Ivory Edwards We are tugged back and forth in society over the holy matrimony known as marriage.

We’ve all heard the cliché pokes about how it eventually becomes stale and static — making it seem like this trap that some of us commit to while others spare themselves from the life-long commitment. Those jokes are just small snippets of therapeutic confessions. If a couple isn’t willing to push through, the option of divorce can be emotionally and financially crippling. Whether we’re willing to acknowledge it or not, divorce is frowned upon; There is this hovering speculation that one person or the other did something unfathomable rather than taking into account that people merely change. We’ve met those couples who continue pushing the boulder up the hill even though being in each other’s presence is like pulling teeth.

But then we see the couples enamored with each other — and the thought of being away from each other makes them ill. Most of us want that Nicholas Spark’s lifelong love, but do we need to always make it official in front of an altar? This lopsided perception of it all makes for quite the conundrum. Do we say I do, or do we run away in a cinematic fashion?

Some couples make that commitment without the marriage certificate. The legality of it isn’t their concern. People are often curious about the couples who make lifelong commitments without the piece of paper attached to it— but they have their reasons.

But there are many convincing reasons on why people choose not to cross that marital threshold. They’re anything but crazy, and if anything, they’re expressing their freedom, protecting their emotions — and looking out for their finances in the event their partner ever has a change of heart.

28 Weddings March 29, 2019

“Most of us want that Nicholas Spark’s lifelong love, but do we need to always make it official in front of an altar?

This lopsided perception of it all makes for quite the conundrum. Do we say I do, or do we run away in a cinematic fashion?”

Financial reasons can quickly steer the wedding train into a stalling locomotive.

Simply put, love can be excessively expensive.

According to businessinsider.com, the average wedding in America runs over thirtythousand dollars depending on where you live in the United States. This only includes if it’s a successful marriage. On average, divorce fees can cost eight thousand to fifteen thousand dollars per person if there happens to be any disagreements, according to usatoday.com. It doesn’t even take into account that married couples pay more in taxes. Can you blame anyone for not agreeing to these terms? The legality of binding love, and ending your vows is more than the average American is willing to pay for a new car!

The sense of losing one’s identity is another reason why people don’t tie the knot. Sure, you can hyphen your last name and still keep your maiden name, but for some folks that just isn’t enough. The thought of being known as someone’s husband or someone’s wife rather than their own person makes them recoil. In the days of independence, staying unique and as one overpowers the need to be confined to a life of couple-ship.

People feel stripped away of themselves and unwillingly bound within something that doesn’t define them as who they are. The social conformity of marriage is a drag to them, seeming dated, out of touch with contemporary constructs that are now more open to the thought of life-long partnership without the certificate. Without marriage, they feel there aren’t any barriers to a title preventing their personal growth — whether in their career or personal life. This includes the exclusion of children, a common factor associated with marriage.

Lack of trust in marriage can halt a wedding plan in its tracks. The insecurities surrounding marriage are justifiable, especially here in America. According to usatoday.com, the divorce rate stands at forty to fifty percent in the United States. The reasons that people don’t get married tend to be the reasons that marriages don’t work — financial reasons and change of heart.

A combination of things in someone’s life can play a role in their outlook of relations

such as childhood trauma, upbringing, past relationships, and emotional and physical abuse. This lack of trust doesn’t necessarily mean an individual is more or less likely to go through a separation, but may subconsciously be a safe route for them to possibly soften the blow if they are faced with emotional turmoil. Some people also may want an open relationship — leaving the opportunity to have other partners with no strings attached. They’re single at heart but love the idea of having a partner whom they can rely on emotionally and physically. It’s scrutinized from many parts of mainstream society and within the LGBTQ community, but it works for some. Jean-Paul Sartre and Simone de Beauvoir are a prime example of a lasting open relationship — spending more than fifty years together, until Sartre’s death in 1980. Look up their story; it’s quite the interesting one!

There’s no room to judge someone based on what they believe when it comes to making a life commitment to one another. We watch people regret their decisions, those who try it several times, those who don’t believe in it and those who change their mind. Marriage caters to tradition, something that legally affirms a partnership is here to stay unless a separation process takes place. The beauty of individual freedom is we have a choice whether to commit or not — and that doesn’t mean that marriage has to be the catalyst for that commitment.

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ACTING OUT

Atlanta Film Festival Highlights LGBTQ Films Jim Farmer Between the Atlanta Film Festival and “Sorry Angel,” LGBTQ fare is plentiful the next few weeks in local cinemas.

Opening next week, the Atlanta Film Festival has its usual Pink Peach track, made up of six narrative and documentary films, as well as short films and some episodic series to boot.

John Cerrito’s “The Way You Look Tonight” stars Nick Fink as Peter, a young man who has turned to online dating. After a perfect date ends abruptly, he turns to another site to start anew and begins dating a woman who changes physical appearance and race frequently.

Sometimes Peter finds himself dating a woman and other times a man. It’s an interesting concept for a while about how we see others but it eventually runs out of steam.

“Jonathan Agassi Saved My Life” charts the titular Agassi, one of the best known male adult performers in the world. The film follows his career and personal life, including his complicated relationship with his mother. Agassi starts off likable but eventually disintegrates before our eyes in drug use and narcissism. As a documentary filmmaker, Tomer Heymann knows he has an intriguing center and never lets his camera waver. It’s sad but absorbing stuff.

The best of the features I previewed is “Julia and the Fox,” an Argentinian drama from filmmaker Inés María Barrionuevo (who also wrote the script). It explores the dynamic between a mother and a daughter, both coping with the loss of their husband/ father, and how they pick up the pieces with a friend from the past. The LGBTQ quota is quite low here but it’s a memorable film, featuring some compelling performances by its mother and daughter pair, Umbra Colombo and Victoria Castelo Arzubialde.

“Pageant Material” is written and directed

by Atlantan Jonothon Mitchell. It stars Hart 30 Columnists March 29, 2019

PUBLICITY PHOTOS

Clockwise from top: “Jonathan Agassi Saved My Life,” “The Way You Look Tonight,” and “Julia and the Fox.”

Morse as an Alabama teen with an abusive stepfather and brothers who want nothing more than to escape to Atlanta for the Miss Teen Drag 2018 competition to honor his late mother. It’s nice to see a locally produced LGBTQ film and this one is well-meaning and has its heart in the right place. Yet the film’s first hour is full of clichés and cardboard characters. At least some fun cameos from the likes of Evah Destruction and Brigitte Bidet liven up the finale, set at Lips Atlanta.

Also on the Pink Peach Track are “Simple Wedding,” in which an Iranian woman gets involved with a bisexual artist, and the documentary “Grit,” while the episodic shorts include the funny “The Cocoa Fondue Show” with Bob the Drag Queen.

The festival opens with the acclaimed “The Farewell” and closes with “Them That Follow,” with Oscar winner Olivia Colman and Walton Goggins.

Opening in the ATL this weekend, “Sorry Angel” – set in 1990, and written and

directed by Christophe Honoré – follows the relationship between Jacques (Pierre Deladonchamps), an older writer in Paris, and Arthur (Vincent Lacoste) a 20-year-old student in Rennes. There’s an instant attraction between the two but hurdles that keep them apart as well, including distance, Jacques’ son, and the fact that Jacques has AIDS. (The film deals with Jacques’ condition, although not as overtly as the recent French film, “Beats Per Minute”). The film is long – over two hours – but held together by the central duo.

Deladonchamps is magnetic, making an often unlikable character hard to shake. The ending is a bit bleak and but overall this is a literate, often beautiful film.

SHOWING TIMES Atlanta Film Festival April 4 – 14 Plaza Atlanta and other venues “Sorry Angel” Opens March 29 at Landmark Midtown Art Cinema Various showtimes

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VOICES OF NOTE PRESENTS

EATING MY WORDS

Cheap Eats, Strong Drinks Cliff Bostock This week, we’re going to take a brief look at two restaurants. They are inexpensive and quirky.

One of them will happily get you drunk.

Feedel Bistro: This Ethiopian/Eritrean restaurant is near the intersection of Clairmont and Briarcliff, a neighborhood populated with many Ethiopians. Feedel is owned by a brother-and-sister team, under the culinary direction of their mother, who is from Eritrea, which borders Ethiopia on the south.

My favorite dish is “Mom’s Special Gomen Be’Siga.” Basically, this is cubed lamb stewed with collards in a buttery sauce seasoned in a way too complicated and too secret to disclose.

You pick the greens and tender meat up with a chunk of injera, the ubiquitous, spongy, porous bread capable of filling your stomach just about instantly. Feel free to ask for a fork, because you don’t want injera to cause you to leave a single collard leaf behind.

The lega tips were nearly as good. It’s made with super-tender beef or lamb cooked with onions, garlic, tomatoes, and jalapeños, then finished with rosemary and seasoned butter that pools extravagantly on one side of the plate. Our third dish was a collection of five vegetables, like collards and lentils, that were cooked with a clarity I’ve seldom encountered in other Ethiopian venues. We had very few tastes of super-spiciness.

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The restaurant is small and decorated with portraits of women in festival gear. If you have to wait for a table, walk a few doors down to Therapy, a coffeehouse/bar/hookah lounge also operated by Feedel’s owners.

Boxcar: I used to love beer, but the police decided I should stop drinking it after an epic episode several decades ago. But, if I still drank, I’d be a regular at the Lee + White complex in Atlanta’s West End. It’s a gigantic, former railroad facility that houses breweries and retailers, including Hop City Craft Beer and Wine.

Hop City recently opened a mammoth restaurant, Boxcar, above its retail operation.

BOXCAR

PHOTOS BY CLIFF BOSTOCK

It’s on the BeltLine, which is good since you can briskly stagger there until you get sober.

The menu, developed by executive chef Matt Hutchins, is surprisingly comprehensive and affordable. Two friends ordered “handheld” dishes (aka sandwiches). One was a cheesesteak made with grilled ciabatta, shaved ribeye, caramelized onions, fontina cheese, kale-almond pesto, and garlic aioli.

The other was a two-patty burger on a brioche bun with maple-cured bacon, beerbattered onion rings, pickles, and a plum barbecue sauce. Both rated well.

I ordered my own entrée from the starter menu, “Mary’s Little Lamb Sliders,” made with surprisingly firm Hawaiian rolls, tzatziki, peach jam, mint, and grilled red onions. As usual everywhere, the lamb patties were heavily seasoned, so that the meat’s actual taste is virtually in the background. Nonetheless, these were among the best I’ve encountered.

I also ordered a salad of roasted, thinly sliced beets topped with frisee, goat cheese, fennelcaper gremolata, almonds, and a lemon vinaigrette. It was, appropriately, a delicious mess. And speaking of messy food, we also ordered a starter of wild mushroom poutine.

The shrooms were in a thick brown gravy with cheese curds. The foundational fries turned quickly limp, but that’s the deal with

poutine. It’s a big bowl of adult baby food.

Other possibilities include intriguing lamb and pumpkin polenta; fried chicken morsels with sweet potato fries, black sesame, matcha salt, and “blistered” shishitos peppers; duck prosciutto with frisee, candied figs, smoked buttermilk dressing, black radishes, and rye croutons.

Service is good, although the kitchen was slammed and we had a long wait for our second course. The server brought us a complimentary bowl of almonds and olives.

The most intriguing aspect of the décor is its monumental dimensions and a huge graffitistyle portrait of an infamous “hobo.”

Cliff Bostock is a former psychotherapist now specializing in life coaching. Contact him at 404-518-4415 or CliffBostock@gmail.com.

MORE INFO Feedel Bistro 3125 Briarcliff Road 404-963-2905 FeedelBistro.com Boxcar 470-788-8171 1000 White Street BoxcarAtl.com

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BEST BETS Our Guide to the Best LGBTQ Events in Atlanta for March 29-April 11 FRIDAY, MARCH 29

The acclaimed gay-themed film “Giant Little Ones,” about two teenage boys who have been best friends since they were small kids, and how one night changes everything, continues at AMC Phipps Plaza.

Various showtimes Tony and Emmy Award winner Kristin Chenoweth performs.

8pm Cobb Energy Centre Enjoy the drag hi-jinks of The Other Show tonight at 9pm.

Midtown Moon

SATURDAY, MARCH 30

The Atlanta Bucks are be hosting a round robin today with guests Columbus Kodiaks Rugby Football Club and Charleston Blockade Rugby Football Club. Pregame festivities and match drawings will begin at 11am. Match times are noon, 1, and 2pm. Bring your chairs and ring your picnic baskets. There’s plenty of rugby and shenanigans to be had. Third half (and Zulus) to be hosted by Atlanta Eagle around 4pm.

Boulevard Crossing Park African Ancestral Lesbians United for Societal Change (AALUSC) Atlanta presents The Black Lesbian Agenda — A Community Discussion as part of Women’s History Month. During the event, the wants, needs, and issues that affect lesbians of color — and how to address them — will be addressed.

1 – 3pm Phillip Rush Center Spark Reproductive Justice NOW! and Osatyam presents Queering Wellness: A Healing Series. The final session in the series is “Yoga.” Queering Wellness is a series focused on transmuting oppressionbased trauma for queer folks in Atlanta through a series of whole self-nurturing practices.

6 – 8pm Community Movement Builders Project Run-a-way is back this spring with a hot leather fashion show by Bulldog Custom Leather and a sizzling swimwear

34 Best Bets March 29, 2019

EVENT SPOTLIGHT FRIDAY, MARCH 29

The Atlanta Opera presents an encore performance of Astor Piazzolla’s tango opera “Maria de Buenos Aires.” This sensual and seductive piece, the story of a tango-obsessed prostitute born on a day “when God was drunk,” will knock you over with its powerful storytelling and singing. Once again, Le Maison Rouge at Paris on Ponce transforms into a sensual tango club, putting you in the middle of the story.

7:30pm, through April 7 runway show by Boy Next Door. Come out and support some of your favorite teams and local businesses as they battle it out in a friendly fashion design challenge. Each team will receive a “mystery box” of items to create a fierce runway look for their models.

See who’s look will be in and whose look will be out. This year’s fundraising event will be benefiting PALS- Pets Are Loving Support, an Atlanta based 501(c)(3) organization providing ongoing care and support to the pets of Atlanta area persons living with critical illnesses, disabilities due to HIV/AIDS and terminal illnesses, and the elderly.

6 – 9pm Heretic Atlanta With a Tony-winning score by William Finn, “Falsettos” is a landmark musical about

how we love, live and grow. When Marvin leaves his wife Trina for a guy named Whizzer, they all determine to salvage something from the resulting fallout to form a new kind of family. Throw in a lovesick psychiatrist, a precocious 13-year-old and two lesbians from next door and you get the story of a modern family learning to navigate the stress of family dinners, the pressure of planning the perfect bar mitzvah and the heartbreak of saying goodbye.

8pm, through April 28 Actor’s Express Direct from Greece, DJ GSP makes his debut at Heretic Atlanta for a night of dancing under the lights. Tickets available at the door.

10pm – 3am

SUNDAY, MARCH 31

DJ Phil Romano is back at Xion Atlanta to keep the masses moving.

3am BJ Roosters The Human Rights Campaign invites you to a Sunday Funday for LGBTQ Equality to celebrate recent victories and look toward the year ahead.

Guests will enjoy music, unlimited drinks, hors d’oeuvres and more. 100% of the proceeds will benefit HRC’s mission toward full equality. Be sure to bring a credit card!

2 – 5pm Out Front Theatre Company

CONTINUES ON PAGE 35 TheGeorgiaVoice.com

BEST BETS masculinity, and how no one is really afraid of gay guys. The success of the 2013 original prompted a renewed interest in a sociopolitical world that seemed wildly absurd at the time but may now be closer to reality than we could have ever imagined.

8pm, through April 14 7 Stages

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 34 Southern Fried Queer Pride & Spark Reproductive Justice Now & Atlanta Pride Committee are holding a special Cinequeer Move Night. The documentary “America in Transition” will screen just in time for #TransDayOfVisibility. Food and drinks will be served.

6 – 10pm The Bakery Atlanta

SUNDAY, APRIL 7

Head over to Xion after hours with DJ Martin Fry. 3am – 7am BJ Roosters

MONDAY, APRIL 1

T-Time Atlanta Trans Youth holds their weekly meeting tonight.

7pm St. Annes Episcopal Church The PFLAG support group for parents and families of LGBTQ children meets tonight at the Unitarian Universalist Congregation of Atlanta.

7:30 – 9pm

TUESDAY, APRIL 2

Check out free pool and rotating DJs at Bulldogs tonight.

THURSDAY, APRIL 4

Out On Film and Atlanta Pride begin their “50 Years of LGBT Cinema” film series tonight with “La Cage Aux Folles,” the 1978 comedy classic that inspired “The Birdcage” and a Tony Award-winning stage musical.

7pm Rush Center Annex

FRIDAY, APRIL 5

The Atlanta Film Festival kicks off tonight with its usual share of LGBTQ films.

Running through April 14 Plaza Theater Join the Metro Atlanta Association of Professionals (MAAP) for the “It’s Friday - Mix, Mingle & Network” event this month at the brand new My Sister’s Room. This is your chance to leave the work-week behind and connect with other like-minded professionals over drinks, laughter, and good professional conversation. Help speed up your check-in process; RSVP at https://maap040519.eventbrite.com/.

6 – 8pm Do you hear that explosion of sound coming towards you? Join the Atlanta Gay Men’s

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Jazz 91.9 WCLK presents Patti LaBelle with the Atlanta Symphony Orchestra.

6 – 8pm

EVENT SPOTLIGHT WEDNESDAY, APRIL 3

Catch the world premiere musical “Men With Money,” about three bachelors in New York - two of them gay and looking for love.

8pm, through April 14 Aurora Theatre Chorus as they present “Sound Off!,” a fully acapella program spanning 450 years, with pieces from all over the world. This concert will bring personality to the table while taking pieces that are a little more classically edged than our other concerts.

8pm tonight and Sunday, April 7 at 2pm Atlanta City Hall Come enjoy Queer Bait, featuring videos with DJ Headmaster, at Mary’s tonight.

DILF heads back to Atlanta with DJ Kitty Glitter from down under! Get into the “Kinky Beats” themed dance party all night long.

10pm – 3am Heretic Atlanta

SATURDAY, APRIL 6

On your mark, get set, have fun … Field Day is back for 2019! Field Day is a grown-up version of the most awesome school games from your childhood.

Organizers will have 3-legged races, hula-hoops, tug-of-war, dizzy lizzy, and plenty of other fun games throughout the day. Gather a group of your friends or

co-workers, put together and register your team, start fundraising for a great cause, and prepare for some good old fashioned fun and friendly competition. Teams will accumulate points by winning games and also by fundraising for the chance to win the coveted 2019 Field Day Championship title.

Register and put a team together or join a team at http://donate.av200.org/fieldday.

9am – 1pm Emory University Student Activity and Student Center Atlanta Pride and My Sister’s Room present the Drag for Diplomas Fundraiser Brunch today with DJ Wulf.

12:30 and 1:30pm Atlanta Prime Timers meets today.

3pm Phillip Rush Center Annex Updated for the Trump era, Topher Payne’s comedy/drama “Angry Fags” is an uncompromising Oscar Wilde-meets“Fight Club” fantasia about how good ideas go bad, the destructiveness of toxic

Enjoy Old School Music tonight.

8pm Mixx Atlanta

MONDAY, APRIL 8

Looking for something different? Try Fetish Mondays at the Atlanta Eagle.

7pm – 3am

TUESDAY, APRIL 9

Join host Ken for Let’s Make a Deal.

6pm Friend’s Neighborhood Bar

WEDNESDAY, APRIL 10

Feminista Jones will be in conversation with community organizer and activist Cherrell Brown at Charis Books & More’s brand new location at Agnes Scott College. You’re invited to join the conversation, ask questions, learn about the new book, and grab a signed copy. This is a Charis Circle Founding the Future of Feminism Event and is free and open to the public. The suggested donation is $5.

7:30 – 8:30pm 1984. Manhattan. “In the beginning there was Beard,” said Julia Child of the first TV chef whose charisma transformed him from aspiring actor to culinary expert. A flamboyant yet introverted gastronomist, James Beard was his own greatest promoter and harshest critic. He weathered shifts in foodie culture for half a century,

CONTINUES ON PAGE 36 March 29, 2019 Best Bets 35

BEST BETS

EVENT SPOTLIGHT THURSDAY, APRIL 11

Charis welcomes DaMaris B. Hill to the new Agnes Scott location to discuss her book, “A Bound Woman is a Dangerous Thing: The Incarceration of African-American Women from Harriet Tubman to Sandra Bland.” From Tubman to Assata Shakur, Ida B. Wells to Bland and Black Lives Matter, black women freedom fighters have braved violence, scorn, despair, and isolation in order to lodge their protest. In “Bound Woman,” DaMaris B. Hill honors their experiences with at times harrowing, at times hopeful responses to her heroes, illustrated with black-and-white photographs throughout. This Charis Circle Founding the Future of Feminism is free and open to the public, but a $5 donation is suggested. 7:30 – 9pm

CONTINUED FROM PAGE 35 and the award bearing his name today is craved by chefs worldwide. Drop into Beard’s Greenwich Village kitchen for bean-spilling anecdotes, on-air flashbacks, and a salty voyage around the world of love, life, and comfort food. Sit close and sample a taste. Bill Murphey stars as the gay James Beard in “I Love to Eat,” with Clifton Guterman directing.

7:30pm, through May 5 Theatrical Outfit

UPCOMING SATURDAY, APRIL 13

Do you have the key to my room? Back after another successful night in Atlanta for the Glamorous Party, DJ Aron, Billy Banderas, and Alan Collins bring the “The Room” event to the metro. The event, created by DJ

36 Best Bets March 29, 2019

Aron in NYC, will bring you great music and hot guys all into one room. Don’t miss a special live performance by a superstar vocalist. It’s going to be the hottest party of the Spring. Tickets available on the Facebook event page.

10pm – 3am Heretic Atlanta

SUNDAY, APRIL 14

Keep the party going at Xion after hours with DJ Leo Blanco 3am – 7am BJ Roosters

FRIDAY, APRIL 19

Bear Invasion is proud to part of Atlanta Bear Pride 2019 and is kicking off the fifth annual Atlanta Bear Pride weekend tonight with the sounds of the one and only DJ Manny Lehman.

9pm – 3am Heretic Atlanta

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THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID

For the Love of Pockets!

Melissa Carter A victim of intentional or negligent actions caused by another person can sue for emotional distress or mental anguish. I think the stress I’ve suffered because of women’s fashion could constitute legal action on my part, and it’s not for the reasons you think.

I’ve heard of “mommy brain” in the past, a condition where a pregnant woman or mother who has a young child often becomes forgetful. I now fully realize that condition, because despite my best efforts I can usually count on forgetting at least one thing as I get ready for the day. Those include forgetting to put on makeup before going to work, leaving my normally indoor dog in the backyard for the day, and donning house shoes instead of proper outdoor foot attire.

The condition is spawned by a combination of feeling rushed and making sure your kid has what they need for wherever they are going. Women tend to put their needs last in normal situations, but add to that a baby or toddler and that sacrifice is magnified.

At my current job, I dress up. I only wore jeans in my radio days, but I find my current dress pants are a different animal. My biggest issue? The pockets. Designers seem to think all women carry purses and thus never need pockets to place items. However, whether a woman carries a purse or not she still wants the ability to keep certain items close at hand. In women’s dress pants, that is close to impossible since the pockets are either too small to fit your hand or don’t exist at all. Because of my current attire and the fact I don’t usually carry a purse, my personal items like keys or a wallet are constantly in my hand.

The cause for emotional distress begins in my driveway, where these two issues collide.

To be able to strap my 4-year-old into his car seat, I must free my hands and the easiest spot for items is the roof of the car. However, I become distracted enough in getting Mr. Carter situated that I forget to retrieve said items from the rooftop. I’ve driven off on 38 Columnists March 29, 2019

separate occasions with my phone, my son’s lunch, and a wallet atop my vehicle. I even had to race after Katie Jo, where I had done the same while putting our son in her car.

Had I been given the ability to store these items in a pocket, as I would have with a pair of jeans, the subsequent panic and frantic searches would never have taken place. I also wouldn’t have been late taking Mr. Carter to school because of our gumshoe-like backtracking trying to find my item on the street.

Will I go as far as to sue these manufacturers for the extra strands of gray hair on my head?

Likely not, but it does sound tempting. I would like designers in this new day and age of female empowerment to realize making a woman’s life easier rather than more inconvenient should be their goal. And the easiest way to start that initiative is by putting some functional pockets in women’s dress pants. That way our day can begin with a soothing cup of coffee or tea, rather than the consistent, “Oh, shit.”

One of the first out radio personalities in Atlanta, Melissa’s worked for B98.5 and Q100.

Catch her daily on theProgressive Voices podcast “She Persisted.” Tweet her! @MelissaCarter TheGeorgiaVoice.com

SOMETIMES ‘Y’

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“Squeeze it,” the stranger said in a whisper that was as intense as his glare, his lips skimming mine when he pronounced the “q.” The content of our discussion had been so absorbing that I hadn’t noticed how sexy his voice was until that command.

I held my gaze and did as ordered, tightening my grip around his growing, throbbing flesh. In lieu of a kiss, I used my free hand to place the blunt we were smoking in my mouth and gave him a shotgun, then took my hand out of his pants and sniffed my middle and index fingers.

“And how does it smell?” he asked. “Delicious.”

In my defense, we were at a concert in an event space rather than a bar or club. And I don’t normally accept handfuls of random dick at mainstream social venues, but we were the only ones on the second-floor balcony and it was private enough for me to verify his tastiness had we wanted that thrill.

However, I liked him. I liked the way he was liking me. I liked his height and his hometown pride, and his physique, and his age matching mine within three months.

I was curious about what else there was to like about him and what other thrills we might feel together. I was emotionally desperate for him to continue liking me, and a corner blowjob in the smoking area of a CeCe Peniston concert would’ve let him discover more of me in an order other than the one I prefer because the necessary context is lost if you learn about me in the wrong order.

Just a few days earlier while at dinner with TheGeorgiaVoice.com

OFF

ANY SERVICE CALL, NEW & EXISTING CUSTOMERS friends, one of them asked, “Of the ten years that you’ve been single, how many of those were voluntary?”

“Ten,” I said emphatically and honestly, although the conversation went elsewhere before I could elaborate that there have been men, had they made that call or sent that text, with whom I would have been willing to explore extended companionship.

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The stranger from the concert did not call or text. I’m wondering if I didn’t disguise my flaws sufficiently, or if I misinterpreted what he meant when he extended the front of his pants and guided my hand to his growing penis and soft, floppy nutsack.

My heart feels more naive than rejected. We had a passionate and tantalizing 45 minutes together that left me wanting more, and of course, it’s disappointing more doesn’t appear to be forthcoming.

Yet, even when we were at our closest – with me holding his manhood while I exhaled into his lungs – all that I was enjoying remained his: his eyes, his lips, his dick, his life, and the butterflies in my stomach entitle me to ownership of nothing but my feelings.

March 29, 2019 Columnists 39