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georgia VOL.11 • ISSUE 16
ABOUT THE COVER: Cover photo courtesy of The Gayly Dose
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EDITORIAL
The Next Four Years What’s going to happen after the election of our lifetimes? Katie Burkholder
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Editorial Contributors: Conswella Bennett, Cliff Bostock, Melissa Carter, Jim Farmer, Buck Jones, Bill Kaelin, Lisa Keen, Ryan Lee, Rose Pelham
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4 Editorial November 6, 2020
I write this on October 31, four days before Election Day. In my wildest, most idealistic dreams, by the time this editorial is published on November 6, nationwide results will have easily flowed in, and Joe Biden will be peacefully and cordially accepted as number 46. Unfortunately, given the current climate of utter chaos we seem unable to escape, this dream is sadly unrealistic. If this year’s primaries are any indication, we probably won’t even know the final results for days or weeks after the polls close. The primary results in Georgia weren’t finalized until almost ten days after the election ended. With the increased number of mail-in ballots cast this cycle, the counting of which is more labor intensive than in-person voting, I expect the process to take even longer this time around. It almost doesn’t matter, though, because even if the counting process runs smoothly, the transfer of power won’t. If the last four years — and Trump’s own words!—are any indication, when he loses (which is the only outcome I allow myself to acknowledge as feasible), he won’t be going down without a fight. As if his grating egocentrism isn’t proof enough of his inability to lose with grace, when asked if he would commit to a peaceful transfer of power, Trump himself said he’d “have to see what happens.” There’s a chance — although small — that the results will be contested and the power to determine the winner will be vested in the Supreme Court, the newest addition to which gives the highest court in the land a serious conservative edge. Now, I frankly don’t expect the SCOTUS to blatantly hand the election to Trump if he loses — although Amy Coney Barrett’s disarming inexperience makes my faith in the nonpartisan branch of government waver
PHOTO BY PEXELS.COM / MARKUS SPISKE
— but what I do expect, even if Trump has a moment of uncharacteristic grace following his presidency (if you could even call it that), is a less-than-kind reaction from Trump’s more militant supporters. While I don’t like admitting to fear of these evil people, I would be stupid not to worry about the danger posed by white supremacists and neoNazis armed to the teeth and pissed off over a lost election. The fact of the matter is, even when he’s out of office, even if we flip the Senate blue, even if Trump is locked up — it doesn’t change the fact that a racist, misogynistic fascist was the 45th president of the United States and we live in a country whose systems allowed that to happen. The legacy of his presidency, from the Supreme Court justices he seated to the white supremacists his rhetoric emboldened, will live on for decades. Donald Trump being president, while deeply problematic, is not the problem, and as much as I wish simply electing Joe Biden and then becoming apolitical until the next big election would solve the ills of this country, it won’t. Like me, you’ve probably been bombarded with messages to vote vote VOTE over the last few months. But what happens next? How do we address the probable chaos that’s going to unfold over the couple of months between Election Day and inauguration? How do we mend a nation that is so deeply wounded?
The answer isn’t a pretty one. It’s going to take political activism that’s a lot harder and more labor intensive than casting a vote once or twice a year. It’s going to take protest and holding our elected officials accountable. It’s going to take community building and investment in local politics. It’s going to take the rejection of political apathy and the embrace of political interest. If you are unable to take radical action yourself, as I know it’s a commitment not all can afford, it’s going to take donating to and supporting organizations and people who are (you can help bail out protestors doing the work by donating to the Atlanta Solidarity Fund at atlsolidarity.org). Transformation is a revolutionary act, so it’s going to take revolutionary action from all of us, especially those of us privileged enough to be relatively unaffected by the actions of our political leaders. If you’re hurt and upset by the Trump presidency now, you need to stay upset, even after he’s ousted. I know the political landscape has been exhausting to say the least. It’s okay to sigh with relief after Trump is out of office, but we need to fight to make this country a place that doesn’t allow racists to steal elections anymore, or else, I promise you, we will repeat our same mistakes. The fight isn’t over. It’s just begun. TheGeorgiaVoice.com
Celebrity Brief (THE ELECTION EDITION) LGBTQ celebrities talk the 2020 election, the importance of voting, and the impact of the presidency on the LGBTQ community. “So much is on the line for my LGBTQ+ friends: marriage equality, adoption, the safety and dignity of transgender Americans, racial justice.”
– Adam Rippon (GLAAD)
“You’re going to be the future. You’re going to have to save us. Your voice is so important. The importance of each individual voice means a lot. 100 million people sat out the election in 2016 in a country with 328 million. That’s not good.”
– Megan Rapinoe (University of San Francisco)
“Once again there’s no middle ground. Either vote Biden & blue or tell me and every other queer person or artist in your life to our faces that you don’t value our humanity and we don’t deserve the same choices & happinesses as you! Those are the 2 choice bb’s! Nothin’ in between.”
(PHOTOS VIA FACEBOOK)
CELEBRITY CLOSE-UP!
– Ben Platt (Twitter)
“I’m voting for America, which means I’m voting for Joe Biden.”
– Lady Gaga (Twitter)
TheGeorgiaVoice.com
November 6, 2020 Celebrity Close-Up! 5
NEWS BRIEFS
1 in 10 LGBTQ Youth are Asexual, Majority of Americans Support LGBTQ Protections Staff Reports The Trevor Project has revealed that one in ten LGBTQ youth identify as asexual or on the ace spectrum. Asexual people do not experience — or experience very little — sexual attraction to others. Asexuality exists on a spectrum that includes demisexual (only experiencing sexual attraction to people you have a close emotional connection to) and graysexual (experiencing limited sexual attraction). When given additional options to describe their sexual orientation and romantic attraction, many asexual youth surveyed in the Trevor Project’s 2020 National Survey on LGBTQ Mental Health responded with demisexual (15 percent), polyamorous (nine percent), greysexual (nine percent), panromantic (20 percent), biromantic (17 percent), and aromantic (13 percent). Myeshia Price-Feeney, PhD, a research scientist at the Trevor Project, told PinkNews this is evident of a desire from ace children to “represent their sexuality in a more nuanced way.” Asexual young people were also disproportionately trans or non-binary. While a quarter of the overall LGBTQ youth surveyed were trans or non-binary and nine percent were questioning, 41 percent of ace youth were trans or non-binary and 13 percent were questioning. As Price-Feeney says, the ace community is often overlooked. “Asexual youth are often forgotten in both research and outreach efforts,” Price-Feeney said, “so we’re hoping to provide much-needed data on this important group of youth.” This erasure can be particularly dangerous, as data shows that ace youth are more likely to suffer from depression and anxiety than overall LGBTQ youth. “With asexual youth reporting rates of 6 News Briefs November 6, 2020
depression and anxiety at rates higher than LGBTQ youth who are not asexual,” she said, “efforts must be made to include asexual youth in suicide prevention and intervention efforts.” Majority of Americans Support Federal LGBTQ Protections, GLAAD Report Reveals GLAAD, the world’s largest LGBTQ media advocacy organization, announced the findings of its sixth annual Accelerating Acceptance Study, a national survey measuring American attitudes towards, and understanding of, LGBTQ people. This year’s survey found that a vast majority of Americans, both LGBTQ and nonLGBTQ, believe LGBTQ people are more federally protected than they actually are. 89 percent of non-LGBTQ respondents and 78 percent of LGBTQ respondents believe it is currently illegal to evict someone from housing because they’re LGBTQ, and 80 percent of non-LGBTQ and 65 percent of LGBTQ respondents believe it’s illegal to turn people away from a business because they are LGBTQ. 87 percent of nonLGBTQ and 75 percent of LGBTQ people believe it’s illegal to deny housing t someone because they’re LGBTQ, and 78 percent of non-LGBTQ and 70 percent of LGBTQ people believe it’s illegal to deny employment benefits to an employee’s same-sex partner.
Another 55 percent of non-LGBTQ and 53 percent of LGBTQ people believe it is currently illegal to ban physically qualified transgender people from serving in the U.S. military, and 59 percent of non-LGBTQ and 50 percent of LGBTQ respondents believe it is currently illegal to deny transgender people the right to use the restroom that aligns with their gender identity. While there are no comprehensive federal protections for LGBTQ people outlawing any of these actions, a majority of nonLGBTQ Americans believe there should be. 91 percent of non-LGBTQ respondents believe it should be illegal to evict someone from housing because they are LGBTQ; 90 percent believe it should be illegal to turn individuals away from a restaurant/other public place of business because they are LGBTQ; 89 percent believe it should be illegal to deny renting or selling housing to someone because they are LGBTQ; 86 percent believe it should be illegal to deny employment benefits (pension or health insurance coverage) to an employee’s same-sex partner; 73 percent believe it should be illegal to ban physically qualified transgender people from serving in the U.S. military, and 61 percent believe it should be illegal to deny transgender people the right to use the restroom that aligns with their gender identity. TheGeorgiaVoice.com
NEWS
Trans Man Wins Homecoming King Connor Fair’s win at Fulton County school is a win for LGBTQ youth
“I’m glad I had a mask on because my face, I was just flabbergasted. The other guys looked over at me confused, but they clapped.”
Conswella Bennett
“It was a really amazing experience,” he added. “Dealing with transphobia in the public school setting was definitely hard. It’s been a long three years. I came out during my freshman year, but to have something like that happen was definitely amazing.”
The 2020–2021 school year is sure to go down in history. For high school seniors everywhere, this was not the way they envisioned spending their last year of school — virtually and missing the traditional activities that bring their high school year to a satisfying end.
Fair experienced some transphobia and negativity from some teachers and staff after coming out freshman year. “I definitely think any teachers or staff who are transphobic, it’s definitely a message [to them] that your time is over,” Fair said of his win and the overwhelming support of the student body. “This isn’t the status quo anymore. People accept me for who I am. You’re going to get with the times or not. You’re outnumbered at this point.”
Despite the unexpected start to the school year, it will be a memorable one for 18-yearold high school senior Connor Fair. Fair, who is a trans man, was crowned homecoming king last month at Riverwood International Charter School (RICS) in Fulton County. He made history as the first transgender man to win homecoming king in Georgia. When one of his friends suggested that they all — a group of gender nonconforming and transgender friends — run for homecoming court, Fair recalled in an interview with Georgia Voice, “I thought it was the most absurd thing I had ever heard in my life.” A few days later, though, he received a grade level group text message asking who was running for homecoming court. On the spur of the moment, Fair texted back that he was, and nominated his female friend as a running mate. “I really just threw it out there,” Fair recalled with a chuckle. Not long after putting his name out as a candidate, Fair got a message in the group chat from the female friend he had nominated. She had received an email telling her that she made homecoming court. In that moment, he recalled he wasn’t surprised that she made it, “because she’s a cis girl.” But he checked his own email and, in the middle of a Spirit Halloween store, found out that he too had made the court. “In the middle of the Spirit store I was freaking out,” Fair recalled. “’Oh my god! I just made homecoming court!’” TheGeorgiaVoice.com
“I was also very grateful for the staff who planned our homecoming and that this wasn’t another story of a trans man being put on the female ballot. I’m very grateful for that,” he said. “We are moving in a better direction. Regardless of how you feel or whatever connection you have to your transphobic ideas people are growing and changing and you have to change with the times as well.” Courtesy photo
Connor Fair was crowned prom king at Riverwood International Charter School (RICS) in Fulton County.
He had low expectations, but was simply “happy to be nominated.” Fair was nominated along with three other boys, all of whom were popular — and cisgender. “I thought, ‘oh no, this is never happening in a million years,’” he said. Friday, October 16 was the day everyone had been waiting for: Homecoming 2020. “I was all dressed up, and I was excited to be there in the environment of the homecoming court and knowing that I did that if nothing else,” Fair recalled. His mother, little sister and girlfriend were also there to take part in the moment. Fair, dressed in an iridescent red button-up shirt, black cargo pants and sparkly combat
boots, made his way to walk across the football field. He noticed the other guys and their parents looking at him, but comfortable in his masculinity, Fair walked with confidence to his spot on the field to line up for the kings. “I was very nervous,” he said. “I just remembered walking down the field and my girlfriend looked at me and said, ‘You’re going to do great.’ I told her, ‘No way am I going to get it, but I’ve done something big here today.’” Then, he heard his name. He won homecoming king. “It was such a surreal experience,” Fair said.
According to Fair, his biggest win of the night was the opportunity to make RICS a better place for other LGBTQ students. “Even if our school wasn’t the best for me when I got there, I want it to be 10 times better for the next person who does have to go through this,” Fair said. “It’s hard enough having to accept who you are and worrying about your family and friends. School shouldn’t be a part of you not wanting to be who you are.” “This was a big win for the overall trans and gender nonconforming community,” Fair said. “I know that it can be hard these days. You see a lot of things on the news where a lot of gender nonconforming and LGBTQ people in general are being divided and used for political points and a lot of people are not standing with us, but for every person who doesn’t accept you there are five people who do.” November 6, 2020 News 7
NEWS
Thank You from ARCA
“The HIV pandemic is far from over, and will persist long after COVID-19 is controlled. We didn’t cure HIV, but we rejoice that we are leaving our community healthier than when we began this journey. We couldn’t ask for a better legacy.”
Melanie Thompson, ARCA’s Principal Investigator
The AIDS Research Consortium of Atlanta will close this year, after a gratifying 32 years of community-based research. We thank you for the honor and privilege of serving this community, and allowing us to fight HIV, arm in arm, with you. The progress has been nothing short of miraculous, as a virus synonymous with death became one that was manageable for a normal lifespan, without transmission to others. ARCA was born during a time similar to our current pandemic, when people with HIV and their care providers were often exhausted and hopeless, and our government was AWOL. In 1987, about a dozen doctors, feeling battered by relentless death with nothing to offer, met to discuss options. AZT, the only approved treatment, was toxic and only transiently beneficial. People turned in desperation to “alternative treatments,” carrying coolers of the lipid mixture, AL721, and importing dextran sulfate from Mexico. Meanwhile, colleagues in San Francisco and New York were cranking up community-based HIV research centers. Why couldn’t we do that here? And so, a handful of doctors and Jim O’Rourke, a man living with AIDS, committed — with little experience — to having a go at research, in an attempt to bring better treatments, and hope, to our community. With Jim as our administrative director, we built an innovative research infrastructure to allow people with HIV at Grady, the Veterans Administration (VA), and private practices equal access to studies that ultimately saved lives. In 1988, we began our first clinical trial of erythropoietin (epo), a growth factor to combat anemia caused by AZT. In 1989, we were selected to be one of 18 sites for the National Institutes of Health’s Community Programs for Clinical Research on AIDS, and a site for the amfAR Community Based Clinical Trial Network. 8 News November 6, 2020
Melanie Thompson COURTESY PHOTO
We later joined the NIH Acute Infection and Early Diseases Research Network, and the CDC Adult Spectrum of HIV Disease study, in which ARCA enrolled over 10,000 persons and contributed to the redefinition of AIDS. ARCA’s high quality and raw passion made it a favored site for clinical trials of new drugs, from ddC to fostemsavir. We conducted over 400 research studies and contributed to FDA approval for 45 of 50 drugs for treatment, two for HIV prevention, and eighty for treatment of HIV complications or hepatitis C. We conducted unsuccessful HIV vaccine studies and CDC’s first PrEP trial, before PrEP was a thing. We helped develop new laboratory tests for HIV, hepatitis B and C, and sexually transmitted infections.
We introduced rapid HIV testing to Atlanta, studied HIV testing strategies for Black same-gender loving men and created the Metro Atlanta Women of Color Initiative (MAWOCI), Atlanta’s first HIV testing program for Black women. We pioneered health fairs to de-stigmatize testing. With DeKalb and Cobb Ryan White clinics, we studied how care providers could best help people with HIV decrease transmission to partners (a decade before U=U.) Better treatment meant that people began to live, instead of die, with HIV. Indeed, it is now societal inequities — not lack of effective drugs — that drive and define our epidemic. People with HIV need housing, food, transportation, jobs, intensive case management, and access to non-HIV care in addition to HIV drugs. These
are not services ARCA can provide. Enrollment in clinical trials is increasingly challenging. Rapid access to treatment is today’s standard, yet entering a study can delay treatment for weeks. The clinical research landscape itself has changed, with fewer companies developing HIV drugs, fewer drugs in the pipeline, fewer studies to enroll, and fewer patients per site. Skyrocketing operational costs are harder to cover for an independent center without institutional support. In the end, COVID-19 helped us make the decision to close, but the context was already there. ARCA’s model worked well for decades, but a new model is now needed. Our success truly has been a team effort. Thanks to the nearly 40 medical providers and clinics who were part of us over time. Thanks to amazing staff, past and present, who gave heart and soul to study participants over decades. Thanks to community, health department, federal, and industry partners who worked with us on so many projects. Thanks most of all to the study participants who entrusted us with their lives and enriched us with their resilience. The HIV pandemic is far from over, and will persist long after COVID-19 is controlled. We didn’t cure HIV, but we rejoice that we are leaving our community healthier than when we began this journey. We couldn’t ask for a better legacy. TheGeorgiaVoice.com
ELECTION 2020
Voter Suppression in Georgia Conswella Bennett
PHOTO BY ISTOCK.COM
The road to electing the next president has been a contentious one as Americans choose between incumbent President Donald Trump and former Vice President Joe Biden. Throughout the campaigns, talk of voter suppression was a hot topic in the news and on social media. In an effort to counter expected voter suppression, a number of organizations reached out via telephone and text urging people to vote and asking people if they experienced any problems at voting sites. Determined to make the election process fair for everyone, Georgia’s first Black gubernatorial candidate, Stacey Abrams, founded Fair Fight Action after the 2018 election. According to the organization’s website, Abrams launched the organization after witnessing the mismanagement of the 2018 election by the Secretary of State’s office. The mission of Fair Fight Action is to fund and train voter protection teams in 20 battleground states. “Georgia’s 2018 elections shone a bright light on the issue with elections that were rife with mismanagement, irregularities, unbelievably long lines and more, exposing both recent and also decades-long actions and inactions by the state to thwart the right to vote,” according to the Fair Fight Action website. Now, with the volatile climate we see nationwide, many Americans are ready for a change — a positive one, at that. Many citizens, politicians and celebrities have taken to social media and other platforms to encourage people to take part in their civil duty and vote. Beyond encouraging folks to turn out at the polls, there have been many people posting voter rights and what to do if they face problems at their polling precincts. Demand the Vote is a group organized after the 2016 election by a group of Los Angeles locals who were concerned about the direction the country was going. Their goal is to find ways to help improve a host TheGeorgiaVoice.com
“Although folks are no longer subjected to literacy tests or forced to pay poll taxes in order to vote, voter suppression comes today in the form of hours-long lines and registration purges. According to Fair Fight Action, 1.6 million voters were purged from the voter rolls from 2010-2018, voter registrations have been held in pending status (80 percent of these registrations were from people of color), and absentee ballots have been lost or rejected, disenfranchising voters — in particular, voters of color.” people began posting pictures and videos of hours-long lines to vote to their social media accounts and news outlets began reporting on the long wait times. But, despite the long lines, the people came with lawn chairs and snacks, determined to wait it out and cast their ballot.
of issues, including immigration, criminal justice reform, climate change, reproductive rights, LGBTQIA equality and voting rights. According to Demand the Vote, voter suppression “is any effort, either legal or illegal, by way of laws, administrative rules and/or tactics that prevent eligible voters from registering to vote or voting.” The targets of voter suppression are often people of color. “Regardless of ethnicity, voter suppression also impacts women, queer and trans folk, disabled, low-income and unhoused, elderly and college student voters,” the organization contends. “And, statistically, all of these voters tend to vote for Democrats.” Early voter suppression began in the post-Civil War Jim Crow era, when African Americans were denied their right to vote, hold jobs,
and get an education. During that time, in Southern states, African Americans were subjected to literacy tests or were forced to pay a poll tax to be kept from being able to vote. Although folks are no longer subjected to literacy tests or forced to pay poll taxes in order to vote, voter suppression comes today in the form of hours-long lines and registration purges. According to Fair Fight Action, 1.6 million voters were purged from the voter rolls from 2010-2018, voter registrations have been held in pending status (80 percent of these registrations were from people of color), and absentee ballots have been lost or rejected, disenfranchising voters — in particular, voters of color. On October 12, early voting began in Georgia. Not long after the polls opened,
According to The Guardian, on the first day of early voting, “eager voters endured waits of six hours or more in Cobb County, which was once solidly Republican but has voted for Democrats in recent elections and joined lines that wrapped around buildings in solidly Democratic DeKalb County. They also turned out big numbers in north Georgia’s Floyd County, where support for Donald Trump is strong.” Long lines and even rain still didn’t deter people from staying in line to cast their vote in this election. According to a recent article in the Atlanta Journal-Constitution, by Friday, the last day of early voting, nearly 3.9 million Georgians had voted in person or by absentee ballot, which accounts for 51 percent of all registered voters. November 6, 2020 Election 2020 9
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9/28/20 8:02 PM
ELECTION 2020
LGBTQ Activists Around the World Fear Trump Second Term Michael K. Lavers, Washington Blade courtesy of the National LGBTQ Media Association
said Blaise. “I know this is likely due to vestiges of colonialism and racism, the idea that they are superior. So, whatever happens in the U.S. greatly affects us in Nigeria.”
Activists around the world say President Trump’s reelection would constitute a serious setback for the global LGBTQ rights movement.
“If Trump gets re-elected, it will affect the LGBTQ+ community in Nigeria negatively,” they added. “Fellow citizens would be more hostile to us because now they have both foreign and domestic governments backing their agenda of hate.”
Ricardo Sales, founder of Mais Diversidade, a São Paulo-based consultancy that promotes diversity and inclusion throughout Latin America, checks Nate Silver’s FiveThirtyEight blog several times a day to see the latest poll results in the U.S. presidential election. The blog predicts Joe Biden has an 88 percent chance of defeating Trump. “I’m very, very, very anxious about the results of this election because what happens in the U.S. influences so much what happens in Brazil,” said Sales. Brazilian President Jair Bolsonaro, a close Trump ally, has been sharply criticized over his rhetoric against LGBTQ Brazilians and other marginalized groups since he took office in 2019. “If Trump wins, unfortunately, I have no good feelings at all because if Trump wins, I think Mr. Bolsonaro will be re-elected in two years,” said Sales. Anjeelee Beegun is the director of Collectif Arc-En-Ciel, an LGBTQ advocacy group in Mauritius, an island country in the Indian Ocean. Beegun said that LGBTQ rights activists in Mauritius are following the presidential election “with interest.” “People look up to other countries, look up to the West to see what is happening,” she said. “And when you see that in all these countries that we consider as developed countries that they are saying we should oppose LGBTQ people, you are kind of worried about what messages the general population is receiving
Donald Trump PHOTO BY GAGE SKIDMORE / WIKICOMMONS
when they see a developed country like America is refusing LGBTQ persons, then why should we accept that.” “Trump or the administration has had a huge impact on unleashing hate, unleashing intolerance well beyond America’s borders,” ILGA World Executive Director André du Plessi added. OutRight Action International Executive Director Jessica Stern agreed. “Another Trump administration would mean more funding for U.S.-based right-wing organizations to spread homophobia and transphobia globally,” she said on Monday in a statement to the Blade. “It would mean more opposition to life-saving global institutions that serve LGBTIQ people, like the World Health Organization. It would mean more examples of the U.S. forging coalitions to oppose social justice movements and equal recognition of the family with some of the most conservative countries in the world.” “Positions across U.S. foreign policy have been filled with conservative political appointees,” added Stern. “This means that if Trump is re-elected, we can assume that
12 Election 2020 November 6, 2020
the politics will be what they were in the first term, but on steroids.” Beegun and Sales both noted the highly partisan confirmation process of Amy Coney Barrett that took place weeks after the late Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg died. “It was something we are used to seeing in Latin America unfortunately, but I did not think we would see that in the U.S.,” said Sales, referring to Barrett’s rushed confirmation. “What you do in the U.S. affects the whole world.” Matthew Blaise is a non-binary queer activist in Lagos, Nigeria. They are among those who are participating in protests against the Special Anti-Robbery Squad, a unit of the Nigeria Police Force known by the acronym SARS that is responsible for widespread human rights abuses in the country.
Peter Tatchell, a prominent British activist, said Biden over the last decade “has been a strong ally of the LGBTQ community.” Tatchell added the former U.S. vice president “is committed to support the international LGBTQ struggle.” “His victory would reignite hope that the U.S. will become a global champion against homophobia, biphobia, transphobia and intersexphobia,” Tatchell told the Blade. Du Plessis largely agreed, although he cautioned the world is “at a different place now than it was” four years ago when Obama and Biden left office. “One thing that we did appreciate about the Obama administration is that there was a genuine, meaningful exchange with defenders on the ground to say how can we be helpful, how can we use the vast resources and networks of the U.S. government to help bring about change in your country which is going to be long-term, sustainable and safe for you,” said du Plessis. “That tone and that type of leadership is what is desperately needed globally at the moment.”
Blaise said that Nigerians “rejoiced” when the Trump administration rescinded protections for transgender people under the Affordable Care Act.
“I cannot tell you how much that would be welcomed,” he added. “It would be hugely welcomed.”
“It is crazy that most Nigerians look up to the U.S. for direction and emulate them,”
Ernesto Valle contributed to this article from San Salvador, El Salvador. TheGeorgiaVoice.com
I’m Kwanza Hall and I’m running for Congress to stand in the gap and be a bridge between the legacy of the late great congressman John Lewis and the next generation of leaders of the fifth district. The baton has been passed and we need to ensure that the Democratic nominee has a smooth transition. Now is the time to make a new future standing on the shoulders of giants who have come before us. On September 29th, I came out ahead, but the vote has now gone to a runoff. I need your vote for the runoff on DECEMBER 1ST, so that I can make an impact in our district. For more information, please visit: www.kwanzahall.com Info@kwanzahall.com 404-454-1116
FEATURE
New Atlanta-based Podcast Embraces Honest Conversation Among Gay Men The Gayly Dose debuts November 17 Katie Burkholder If your quarantine time has been spent listening away to hours of podcasts, then we’ve got great news for you: there’s a new podcast on the scene, and it’s real, honest, and gay as hell. The Gayly Dose, a weekly podcast based and recorded in Atlanta, aims to create community among gay men who are seeking vulnerable, elevated conversation. Hosted by a charismatic and diverse group of gay men, the project will breach every topic, from the everyday to the taboo, in a way that’s both distinctly gay and unapologetically human. “The Gayly Dose really came out of, initially, my own personal need to make connections in the gay world with like-minded men,” founder and co-host Helmut Domagalski told Georgia Voice. “I found that in the gay community, we would often engage in dialogue and discussions that were often vapid or basic … We [as gay men] have a really unique and relevant experience that we don’t often delve into, and that’s what we want to do with this podcast.” Meet the Cast The personality, heart, and soul of The Gayly Dose comes from four men, all currently living in Atlanta: Domagalski, a Latino Texas native and father of three girls; Bennett Schnyder, a Millennial self-proclaimed Renaissance Man raised in a loving Christian family; Stuart Terrell, an ex-rural Georgian now celebrating a partnership of 20 years; and Dante Rhodes, a native Atlantan who, despite being the youngest of the group, offers up an old-soul perspective. The group is diverse in age, race, and ethnicity, something Domagalski was intentional with when choosing the cast. “We’re offering the diversity of opinions 14 Feature November 6, 2020
Courtesy photo
The Hosts of The Gayly Dose (from left): Stuart, Dante, Helmut, and Bennett
that comes from our different, unique experiences,” he said. “[Because we are often excluded due to our sexuality], the gay community often groups together so strongly with people who are alike, but I think embracing diversity under the gay umbrella can be really powerful.” The Mission The podcast and conversations are all based around the five Gayly Dose values: candor, excellence, fun, safety, and gayness. These five tenets are the basis for keeping conversations about topics like monogamy, religion, body image, relationships, dating apps, and family real and honest. “People are tired of fake and manufactured,” Domagalski said, which is why at The Gayly Dose, they strive to be as real as possible and encourage others to do the same. “We’re hoping to connect gay men and be vulnerable and open on these topics that maybe people aren’t talking about.”
It’s the creation of honest and meaningful community that is the ultimate goal of the podcast; they’re striving to create good conversation not only among the four of them, but among others, as well. “The ultimate goal is for people to then connect on their own,” Domagalski said. “We want to point people to resources and encourage them to start a dialogue with their friends on their own. A big aspect of mental health is your family, or your chosen family. Connection to real people makes a world of difference, and we hope to be able to provide that with The Gayly Dose.” That’s why they pair fun and witty banter with an intentional point of action and introspection, which closes out each episode and prompts listeners to engage with The Gayly Dose message in their own lives. Listeners will also be encouraged to share their thoughts and feedback via social media and their website, so they can actively participate in guiding the conversation.
What to Expect While Gayly Dose listeners can expect consistent, honest conversation and a deeply meaningful sense of community and connection, in the words of Domagalski himself, listeners should also “expect the unexpected.” Be ready for shocking conversations, controversial opinions, and discussions that will make you question what you once knew, because these men are determined to build something transformational. “We want to be a tool for everyone to evolve their own selves,” Domagalski concluded. “Expect kind, thoughtful, and insightful messages, and expect to challenge yourself and internally realize more about yourself and your relationships.” The Gayly Dose premieres on November 17, with new episodes dropping every week. You can listen via Spotify, Google, Apple, or wherever you get your podcasts. Follow the podcast’s journey on social media @thegaylydosepod and learn more at thegaylydose.com. Follow the cast: @ helmut_smile, @gaylybennett, @stulit2, and @thedanterhodes. Support The Gayly Dose by donating to their Kickstarter through thegaylydose. com/support-us. Stay updated on The Gayly Dose by texting Dolls to 66599. TheGeorgiaVoice.com
FEATURE
Kiki with The Gayly Dose Cast talks living in Atlanta and embracing vulnerability in new podcast
HELMUT: A lot of the podcasts in our category are either informational and historic or they’re sensational and sexual. Like Bennett says, we’re trying to be deep and real. What topics are you each most excited to talk about? STUART: [My favorite episode was discussing] growing up in rural Georgia in a very Christian and judgmental environment and what it takes for a person to overcome that and the selfloathing that is instilled at a very early age.
Katie Burkholder Quotes have been edited for length and clarity. So how did y’all meet, and how did this project come to be? HELMUT: I was looking for better connections in the gay community and deeper friendships, and I was frustrated to some degree. I sought out an opportunity to do some peer mentoring, and then I started a game night. Bennett was actually a member of that group and had the original idea to do a podcast. BENNETT: Helmut and I knew each other in passing, but we became truly great friends because of the fact that we started learning more about each other’s passions and struggles. Helmut asked who I thought would be a great voice for this cast, and that’s when I reached out to Dante. DANTE: I was on the way home from work when Bennett called me. I was like yes, yes, yes, yes, YES, because a week before that call, a psychic told me I was going to be doing something like a podcast. It was meant to be! STUART: Helmut and I met at a dinner party. We got to chatting and realized there was a bit more of a deeper friendship there. This possibility [for the podcast] came up, and I jumped right in. HELMUT: We had other people audition, but the people who were really drawn to [The Gayly Dose] mission are the three other people you see here. You’re all living in Atlanta, which is a sort of respite in a largely conservative area like the South. How has that experience influenced you and how you view your sexuality? STUART: I’m from rural Georgia, so respite TheGeorgiaVoice.com
BENNETT: I think one of my favorites was about how relationships are evolving in this generation. It doesn’t have to be the traditional marriage, one-to-one monogamy thing. There’s always some kind of gray area in relationships, and that’s something people really don’t talk about.
Courtesy photo
The Hosts of The Gayly Dose (from left): Dante, Bennett, Stuart, and Helmut
is a perfect word for Atlanta. It brings a sense of comfort. It’s a red state, but we have this beautiful purple and blue bubble in the middle where you can really be yourself. If you are from those rural areas and you can’t find yourself, you can find yourself in Atlanta. DANTE: My experience is a little bit different because I was raised in metro Atlanta. So, it was always more easy for me to embrace being gay. It wasn’t so taboo for me as it was for a lot of other people. Growing up into a gay adult, it’s been really beautiful to live so freely in a city like Atlanta that’s so accepting and loving. What makes The Gayly Dose different from other podcasts out there, particularly those dealing with the LGBTQ community and gay men? DANTE: What’s so beautiful about our podcast is we try to have conversations that range from your everyday, funny, more clichéd topics to things that are so taboo you’ll be a little more afraid to talk about them. Because we
have developed this nice bond and friendship, we’re comfortable with each other. My thing that I do at the end of every episode is called the Call to Kiki, which inspires people to use the framework that we set in place with our podcast episodes and take it into their groups and their communities. BENNETT: I have Bennett’s Minute, which gives people a way to have a vision of what we think the gay community should be in the future. It’s amazing, it’s something I’ve never seen before.
DANTE: The topics that are the most intriguing and interesting are the ones we’re most afraid to talk about. When you have honest and vulnerable conversations about things like religion or masculinity and femininity, those things evoke emotion in people. It makes you start to think more about life and how you can be more genuine about your existence and your reality. HELMUT: I like the more boring topics. I like talking about the workplace, adoption, things that are boundaries we share with the straight community but that we maybe have a different experience in. If you could describe The Gayly Dose with one word, what would it be? STUART: Unique.
I also think what makes us really different is the fact that we’re not afraid to be authentic and we’re also not going out of our way to be vulgar or [overly] sexual. We try to have those conversations that gay men just don’t have.
HELMUT: Excellent.
STUART: We really go there. We discuss things that are hard and can affect you for a long time.
The Gayly Dose debuts November 17 wherever you find podcasts. Read and watch the full interview at thegavoice.com.
DANTE: Invigorating. BENNETT: Trailblazing.
November 6, 2020 Feature 15
REELING IN THE YEARS
A Personal Election Note “This horror show election matters profoundly, even more than 1972, or 1980, or any other I have voted in. How is it that some of my people still deny our interconnectedness, denigrate the ‘unacceptable’ queers, seem to care solely for acquisitiveness, for wealth, privilege, ‘things’? These attitudes could cleanly fit into an armed white power rally.”
María Helena Dolan The first election I voted in was 1972, George McGovern (D) versus the soon-to-be-disgraced Dick Nixon (R). My choice? Written-in Shirley Chisholm (I) — unbought and unbossed. I was on point. In 1972, we had: • the Vietnam war and its horrors, including generals and civilian leaders knowing the war was unwinnable but still endangering Southeast Asians and U.S. troops and squandering billions in resources. • the Black Power movement: struggling against police shootings, mass incarcerations and white supremacy. Native, Chicano and Latinx activism (re)ignited. • the Women’s movement: laboring against male (and other) privilege, grappling with lesbianism. The Equal Rights Amendment (ERA) is passed to the states. Ms. magazine appears. • the environment: toiling against pollution, with undrinkable water, unbreathable air, degraded land and the exterminating impacts on so many species. • the gay rights movement: building from a small base to increasing numbers and public visibility. • lack of health care access: Medicare/ Medicaid ameliorating much less than hoped for. Coverage by union and employer policies eroded. • the stock market: riding high, with bank and insurance company profits rocketing up. The Sharpstown bank and insurance fraud case was emblematic of practices herein. • the budget: “balancing” was made impossible by Nixon’s policies. • income and wealth disparity: continuing to climb. Worse than in many other countries. • The nation’s faultlines were deepening around job loss, housing, health care, the War, abortion, the environment, and
know that. But we should recall that if you are not seen as human, then violating you places a check mark in the cherished “one for our side” column of rightist reasoning.
PHOTO BY SHUTTERSTOCK / ARVITALYAART
particularly the full enfranchisement sought by people historically discriminated against. In 2020, the intractability of difficult issues continues in a more seriously fractured society, with unwinnable wars abroad, daily revelations about scandalous and injurious White House-and-associates actions, the ongoing struggles for an entire spectrum of rights for non-majoritarian people, and reverses on environmental and animal protections. In 1972, we did not have venomous toxins in the ubiquitous media atmosphere, reinforcing the determination of well-armed private “armies” of white supremacists just burning to ensure they and theirs are not further disempowered. These tropes are deeply tribal and center around survival and revenge. There is an unconscious religiosity here too, not to mention obvious phallicism, given the atavistic power aspirations and the intentions behind all the deadly hardware. I own a couple of guns — not phallic to me!
16 Reeling in the Years November 6, 2020
— for self-defense and for the fun I have shooting at ranges (Covidly cut-off now). I’ve gone to gun shows, which are eye-poppingly anti-everything that I am and more. I can’t overstress the educational value here: true windows into the DNA of white people who believe themselves fully discriminated against and beleaguered in their own land. And who won’t stand for it anymore.
Going down fighting can be laudable when the things you fight for come from deep inside you. But the things I laud do not threaten to take lives or overthrow elections. Things I feel deeply, and have always fought for, concern positive change, inclusivity, moving beyond entrenched privilege, and protecting those unable to protect themselves, including animals and the Earth.
I attended an NRA convention two years ago, so let me tell you: we have reason to be concerned. The weaponry on display could outfit a large slice of “shithole” country militaries. The customized armoring of “giant hog mobiles” approach tank grade, with accommodations for bows and arrows, rifles, automatics weapons, and gas-propelled projectiles.
This horror show election matters profoundly, even more than 1972, or 1980, or any other I have voted in. How is it that some of my people still deny our interconnectedness, denigrate the “unacceptable” queers, seem to care solely for acquisitiveness, for wealth, privilege, “things”? These attitudes could cleanly fit into an armed white power rally.
In my better moments, I still believe in my people, the queers: cultural and sexual nonconformists, with the best of us seeking to better the world. Yes, we have varying degrees of privilege, but at the end of the day we can all be tossed aside, sometimes violently, if our “true” nature is revealed. We
May I suggest a much more inclusive Pink Power rally? It’s called a “Pride March,” followed by political and cultural presentations. NOTE: On November 3, you will not have seen me wearing camo, toting an automatic rifle, and seethingly searching for “them”, i.e. Trump supporters, for a sanguinary showdown. TheGeorgiaVoice.com
YOUR VOICE
How I Learned to Give Karmic Revenge (One Lost Republican at A Time) Buck Jones
“‘See,’ Derek says to his MAGA wife smugly, ‘I told you.’ She just gives a forced smile and says quickly, ‘Thanks so much!’ I give a wink and continue on my way, content that another Republican is sent off in the wrong direction, to walk aimlessly in the opposite direction of their desired destination. Is this a metaphor for the upcoming election?”
PHOTO BY SHUTTERSTOCK / ROCKETCLIPS, INC.
Living in the center of any big city is not without its challenges — finding parking or a good dry cleaner that doesn’t cost a fortune, or even something as elemental as good manners in the midst of crowds of people. Even in the capital of the New South, Atlanta offers challenges for the urban sophisticate. So, imagine the peril one faces living in the heart of the City of Lights. Paris is equal parts beautiful and bitchy. Soliciting a smile from my jaded local grocer is relatively easy given my atrocious American accent, but otherwise it is necessary to have a degree of stoicism when sashaying through the cobblestoned streets of the Marais. Yes, sashay. Because everyone is walking the runway here: middle-aged women in twoinch heels wearing Balenciaga with their lap dogs on a leash while smoking Marlboro Reds and talking on their iPhones. Young gay twinks (Paris thin) wearing vintage ’80s brands roaming in clusters, waiting for happy hour to begin. And expat Americans such as yours truly. And then I see them. He is wearing a baseball cap. Sometimes it represents a professional football team, but more often than not, it bears an Under Armour logo. Usually he’s wearing a golf shirt, pleated khaki shorts, and flip-flops. Accompanying him is “Karen,” his wife with bangs for days, and two bored-outof-their-minds teenage kids in tow. I can hear them before I see them, that flat American accent that overwhelms everything within earshot. Because my momma raised me right, my first reflex is to smile and acknowledge a fellow American in Paris. But I know that this is a trap. I’ve seen the memes. “No, Bastille is the other direction, Derek,” she says to him. He’s looking down at his smartphone (ahem), and then sees me walking by with my dog. TheGeorgiaVoice.com
“Excusez-moi,” he says loudly. “Do you speak English?” I stop and sigh and feign a polite, “Hello, yes, how are you?” “Wow, your English is amazing!” Derek says. “Yeah,” Karen says without skipping a beat, “Like you’re from the US!”
two teenagers are eyeing the nearby clothing boutique. “Columbus, you said?” I say with a wide grin, enticing them into nibbling on my shiny lure. “Nice. How do you like Paris?”
“Actually, I am,” I say. “From South Carolina.”
Karen rolls her eyes. “The French are so rude,” she begins. “I can’t believe it … and it’s so EXPENSIVE!”
“No way! That’s awesome! What are you doing stuck here in Paris?”
“Yeah, well,” I say, “It’s definitely not Columbus, Georgia, prices here.”
“Long story,” I say. “We’re from Columbus, Georgia,” Derek says.
As we all laugh, I see my final confirmation of Republicanism: a MAGA ankle tattoo on Karen. Classy.
“Family vacation,” Karen jumps in. The
“How can I help you?” I ask.
“We’re looking to get to the Bastille,” Derek says, offering for me to look at his iPhone. I wave it off, and say, “Oh, that’s a bit complicated on your Google maps. But this street you’re on is a straight shot. Just keep heading up the rue de Temple that way, until you intersect with the rue de Rivoli, and then turn left. That will take you straight there.” “See,” Derek says to his MAGA wife smugly, “I told you.” She just gives a forced smile and says quickly, “Thanks so much!” I give a wink and continue on my way, content that another Republican is sent off in the wrong direction, to walk aimlessly in the opposite direction of their desired destination. Is this a metaphor for the upcoming election? Ask Karen on November 4. November 6, 2020 Your Voice 17
JIM FARMER ACTING OUT
Atlanta’s Jeffrey Gray in New Baking Competition Bakery owner is one of 12 contestants in Food Network’s new “Holiday Baking Championship”
featured on the Food Network Kitchen app. Gray admits that baking under such time constraints is a far cry from what he normally does at home. “It’s completely different because of all the cameras around you and the pressure of being there,” he says. “It’s the most fun I’ve had in a long time, but there is a stress level of wanting to do well. If you mess up, people are going to see it.”
Jim Farmer When Atlanta’s Jeffrey Gray left his job with an ad agency last year after more than 30 years (during 20 of which he was one of the owners), he wanted to move in a completely different direction. Now, as the owner of Papa Bear Bakery, he’s done so — and he’s about to bake before an entire nation as part of Food Network’s “Holiday Baking Championship.”
He shot the series during the summer at an undisclosed location and had to keep mum on where he was. It was only last week that he was able to tell his friends and colleagues. A few people, such as his husband and parents, had to know that he would be out of town, but no one else knew. “It was very difficult. You want to tell everyone. I have a lot of friends who follow me on my pages and tell me they think I should try out for one of these baking shows.” He had to bite his tongue not to spill the beans.
Gray, who is gay, is still shaking his head at how the last year and a half has transpired. After leaving his agency, he got his cottage food license and wanted to sell items such as pumpkin breads, banana breads and cookies from his home in Morningside. “Making cakes was never in my radar, nor did I think it would become a business,” he says. “A friend talked me into making a birthday cake for him and that started the ball rolling. It’s a year and a half later, and I’ve yet to sell one piece of bread. All I do is bake cakes.”
Gray is one of two Atlanta contestants in the “Holiday Baking Championship,” alongside Jamaal Nettles of Inman Park. The two did not know each other before they became contestants. The top priority during the filming was safety and maintaining social distance between the contestants, judges and staff. “Everything was handled. We had to be there for the entire time and were constantly tested and not allowed to leave the site. People on set made sure safety standards were followed.”
The self-taught baker has never been to a pastry school and has learned by watching a lot of YouTube videos. With every cake, though, he tries a different technique. “It’s a constant leaning experience,” he says. Gray admits that he has been watching this type of shows for years, never thinking he’d be on one. He was at home one afternoon and got a message on Instagram from a casting director, who said he loved what he’d seen of Gray on social media and wanted to talk about the possibility of him being on a show. “I thought it was a friend pranking me, but I Googled the name and it was legit. I made the phone call and voila. There were several phone and Skype interviews, and then I had to do presentations to the culinary director of the Food Network and a few producers. 18 Columnist November 6, 2020
Photo courtesy of Food Network
Atlanta’s Jeffrey Gray, owner of Papa Bear Bakery
I had never thought of doing anything like this, especially just starting out.” The November 2nd two-hour “Holiday Baking Championship” premiere — with host
Jesse Palmer along with judges Nancy Fuller, Duff Goldman, and Carla Hall — involves a quick bread challenge. As is the norm, each week a different baker is eliminated and the one left standing receives $25,000 and will be
Many of Gray’s clients identify as LGBTQ and most of them have come through word of mouth. One of his specialties is a Chocolate Blackout Cake with Three-Chocolate Cream Cheese Frosting. “People love chocolate — it will always sell,” he laughs. Working at his home can be limiting, but he is learning how to best make it work. He’s not sure what the national attention will mean for him, but from what he has learned from others, he can expect to be even more in demand the next few months. “Holiday Baking Championship” airs Nov. 2 at 9pm on Food Network, running through Dec 21. TheGeorgiaVoice.com
TheGeorgiaVoice.com
November 6, 2020 Ads 19
CLIFF BOSTOCK OLD GAY MAN
Who Can Help When You’re a Pandemic Shut-in?
“Animals do provide wonderful emotional support and that sense derives in equal part from our care of them. They may be our babies, but they heal us.”
Cliff Bostock I’m sure that in pre-pandemic days, you had the experience of, say, eating at a restaurant next to a table occupied by an unleashed and aggressive creature darting its eyes about while channeling “emotional support” to its owner. If someone dared to question the propriety of its presence, the emotionally supported yet unstable owner might go full Karen. The problem is that the designation of emotional support animals is largely unregulated. It’s possible to pay an organization to designate your pet an entitled miracle worker with no training whatsoever.
touch, humor and, well, emotional support.
I’m not arguing that animals don’t provide significant emotional support. They do, but you certainly don’t need to invest in a certain model. At this moment, in fact, a tortoiseshell cat named Quiz is stretched across my forearms as I type. She is licking me with her bristly tongue and, honestly, in the two months since she appeared at my back door, I have never felt her teeth or claws. She is like a teddy bear I can throw over my shoulder and take to bed where she stretches a paw out to touch me and purrs. All. Night. Long. She talks continually. I fucking love her. One of the first things I noticed soon after coming out was the gay habit of calling pets “babies.” I thought it would be condescending to infantilize my cats, my parrots, my koi fish and my obese wire-haired dachshund, who was a runner-up in Houston’s Ugliest Dog Contest (even though I didn’t enter her). A favorite memory of the Armory was meeting a man at the bar with a motionless chihuahua on his lap. I told him that he wasn’t fooling anyone. I could see that it was a dog, not his erection. “It’s his baby!” someone snapped, apparently taking me seriously. When AOL 20 Columnist November 6, 2020
PHOTO BY PEXELS.COM
came online, the disorienting extent of this phenomenon became clearer. It seemed like every gay man’s picture included a tiny dog. A friend and I set up a web page called “Gay Men and Their Small Dogs” on which we posted dozens — maybe hundreds — of pirated portraits. Cats were later added. Nobody laughed. Then came the day I literally put my second partner’s stuff on the front lawn and fell into “codependent” withdrawal that was worse than quitting drinking. On my second day of lying in the bed and crying, my cat Chester
jumped on top of me and began “making biscuits” over my heart and purring. The effect was magical. In that moment, he basically became my heart. It’s been decades, but he still visits my dreams, frequently extending a paw. Granted, there’s always a huge cockroach impaled on a claw, but love is like that. About seven years ago, when things got really bad, a neighbor’s cat, Nubs, moved into the house. He was dying, and I was determined to save his life. He didn’t survive, but our effort saved my life. Quiz is an incredibly affectionate cat. In this godawful pandemic, she is a gift of
Why does this matter? We all know that when queer Americans cross the line into senior status, we can easily feel lonely and unloved. Even if we have formed surrogate families with friends, holidays can be especially intense, reminding us of the long estrangement from our blood relatives. This year, the pandemic will turn Thanksgiving and Christmas into Zoom events or, at their warmest, clinical gatherings of people in masks, brandishing turkey legs six feet apart on cold patios. I’m sure you’re getting my drift. Animals do provide wonderful emotional support and that sense derives in equal part from our care of them. They may be our babies, but they heal us. (Adopt a pet this holiday season. You might start the process with PAWS, www.pawsatlanta.org, but there are plenty of other resources available.) Cliff Bostock, PhD, is a trained, former psychotherapist who limits his work to life coaching; cliffbostock.com, cliffbostock@gmail.com. TheGeorgiaVoice.com
Restaurant GUIDE
YOUR GUIDE TO LOCAL EATERIES
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November 6, 2020 Restaurant Guide 21
MELISSA CARTER THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID
Election Hangover Melissa Carter
We’ve all been part of a troubled relationship. There comes a point where you realize there seems to be more differences between you and your intimate partner than the commonalities that brought you together in the first place. That is the place where you make the decision to stand back and either commit to repairing the damage or say goodbye and give up on the whole thing. This is where we are as a nation now that the election is over. Regardless of who you voted for, there are damaged relationships left in the wake of that dramatic contest. Even if the other man had won, we’d still be in this predicament. It doesn’t have to be a bad romance that suffered during this contest. Maybe the tragic debris is from a relationship with a relative, former school buddy, or co-worker. Regardless, the focus should be on healing rather than giving up. That’s why I sought out advice for a troubled marriage that could translate to the work of healing our community. This is what Psychology Today recommends as a rescue plan: Make a list of all the issues about which you have disagreements. This includes those issues that you stop short of talking about out of fear of arguing. If you fight about everything, it’s likely that your manner of talking with each other needs major improvement. Fix your focus solidly on yourself. Attempts to get the other person to change only invite defensiveness. Use your energies and intelligence to figure out what you could do differently. What would get you to stay loving and good-humored even if the frustrating parts of your partner never improve? If both of you are seeking to facilitate your own upgrades, the relationship will blossom. Cut the crap. Negative muck that you give each other is totally unhelpful. That means no more criticism, complaints, blame, accusations, anger, sarcasm, mean digs, snide remarks. Stay 22 Columnist November 6, 2020
PHOTO BY PEXELS.COM / BRETT SAYLES
in the calm zone. Exit early and often if either of you is beginning to get heated. Learn how to make decisions cooperatively. Win-win decision-making aims for a plan of action that pleases you both. No more stubbornness designed to “get your way.” Instead, when you have differences, quietly express your underlying concerns, listen calmly to understand your partner’s concerns, and then create a solution that’s responsive to both of your concerns. Radically increase the positive energies you give your partner. Smile more. Touch more. Hug more. Help out more. Give more praise and more gratitude. Do more fun activities together. Laugh and joke more, do new things, and go new places together. That likely means leave politics where they belong: in the ballot box that has been emptied. We’re a competitive bunch, I get that. But unlike with my Tennessee Volunteers where I can consistently have tension with my fellow SEC school graduates on the field or court, politics shouldn’t be as intense as sports, because Democrats and Republicans actually play on the same team. Regardless of where we each fall on that spectrum, we all should act like one nation and start picking up these pieces … together. TheGeorgiaVoice.com
RYAN LEE SOMETIMES ‘Y’
The End of the Beginning Ryan Lee Throughout the onset of global plague, the collapse of our economic order, the imposition of social distancing and elimination of public gatherings, I’ve appreciated all that has happened thus far as if it will soon be remembered as part of the good ol’ days. As harrowing as 2020 has felt, Donald Trump can — and is almost guaranteed to — make anything worse. I’m writing this column prior to the presidential election, and you’re reading it afterward, and I am not brave or dumb enough to make any guesses about who will be in the White House on January 21, 2021. The only thing I am confident predicting is that we have entered the next phase of Trump’s destruction of the United States. It feels imprudent to believe a divided society has our nation on the brink of selfdestruction, if only because every generation grows into a “the world’s going to hell” phase. We survived the social unrest of the 1960s and domestic warfare of the ’70s, defying the expectations of anyone over 40 during those eras; and this is at least the second existential schism our country has endured during my lifetime, with many doubting we would unify after the bitterness of Bush v. Gore. It’s also a mistake to assume we are more divided than ever before because it is not a 50-50 split, as far more Americans oppose Trumpism even if the fewer who support it are beneficially distributed across the electoral college map. It’s no surprise that a Constitution written with deference to slave owners would eventually steer the United States toward political apartheid and minority rule. But never before have we been guided by a kamikaze president, and not since Jonestown has a significant group of Americans made a suicide pact with a leader they mistook for a messiah. While I am hoping Joe Biden is the indisputable president-elect as you read this, such an outcome will likely only TheGeorgiaVoice.com
accelerate the hara-kiri to which Trump and his supporters are subjecting our country. Trump is approaching his last act in life, and if he’s proven anything in his greasy, gluttonous 74 years it’s that he believes the sole purpose of planet Earth is to be his stage. You think he gives a shit about the theater burning down after he leaves town? His followers are operating under similar fatalism, unable to deny the approaching death of Anglo-Christian domination in the U.S., and unwilling to accept said mortality. Their rabid allegiance, their sanction of Aryan authoritarianism, have always been more grotesque than Trump’s character and behavior, which are almost what I expect from an unloved middle child who’s never had sex without paying for it. Trump’s disciples are here regardless of who won the election, and even a Biden landslide will not wash away their racism and resentment. They’ve already signaled their rejection of any outcome in which Trump is not the victor, making it clear that the bad-faith civics of the past half-decade is their long-term battle plan. No election results can backspace the depravity his supporters have accepted and celebrated — and that’s how they behaved when they thought they were winning. I expect a loss for Trump to simply animate their desperation and rage, birthing an era of political violence. The alternative, a Trump victory, would be the most 2020 occurrence of this year. November 6, 2020 Columnist 23