Empty Closet, March 2018

ISSUE #520

MAR_ 2018

L G B T Q + H E A LT H M O N T H | T R A N S G E N D E R D AY O F V I S I B I L I T Y | M A R C H E V E N T S

E M P T Y

C L O S E T | March 2018 | 3

FEATURES ROWAN COLLINS Editor rowanc@outalliance.org T_ 585-244-9030

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ROWAN COLLINS Advertising rowanc@outalliance.org T_585-244-9030

ROC PRIDE 2018

This year promises to be bigger and better than before. Find out about this year’s theme and mark your calendars

ALAN ALTMAN Graphic Design www.A3-Design.com

Issue printed by:

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JORDAN HEALTH

AJHC tells the EC about their LGBTQ+ health initiatives

THE OUT ALLIANCE 100 College Avenue Rochester New York 14607 Monday & Friday 9am–5pm Tuesday–Thursday 9am­–8pm T_

585. 244. 8640 585. 244. 8246 E_ info@outalliance.org www.outalliance.org F_

GNAW ROCS

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Brooklyn Ramen

A unique program designed to help older LGBTQ+ adults age in place

REGULARS

The Out Alliance works to be champions for LGBTQ+ life and culture. We strive to ensure that all members of the LGBTQ+ communities, at all stages of their lives, are free to be fully participating citizens, living lives in which they are safe, stable and fully respected.

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PRIDE IN AGING

4 10 11 12 14 16 23 24 34 39

TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY

One local trans man’s journey through parenthood

FROM THE EDITOR ALLIANCE NEWS ROC YOUTH HISTORY CORNER COM M UNITY PROFILE SAGE NEWS OUT AND ABOUT CALENDAR THE SCENE KYLES B&B

4 | March 2018 | E M P T Y

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR

March is LG BTQ+ Health Month. March is Women’s History Month.

March is cold and snowy in Rochester.

March is many things. March also holds Transgender Day of Visibility.

I came out as trans in stages.

First to myself in what felt like the hardest conversation of my life in 10th grade.

Then to my mom in what felt like the hardest conversation of my life in 12th grade. Then my dad and friends in what felt like the hardest conversation of my life in freshman year of college.

I had a (widely naïve) assumption that once I had told those closest to me, I was done. The pesky thing is – you just keep meeting people. I will likely spend a lot of my life coming out.

Visibility in the trans community can mean so many things and each experience, identity, and truth holds weight. For me, visibility can be lifechanging.

C L O S E T

The moment I realized the word trans applied to me only happened because I saw myself reflected in another human being. My possible future was standing in front of me.

When I think of my trans siblings, living their truths and sharing their authentic selves with the world, I am not only overjoyed for them but for the countless people they will impact.

To q u o t e J P B r a m m e r : “Remember what it felt like when you saw a queer person owning it, and it gave you permission to be yourself? You’re that person to someone.”

This is what it means to be community.

The world does not make it easy for many of us out there. Let’s take care of each other.

Thank you.

ROWAN COLLINS

Photos by: JASON BALLARD

CONTRIBUTORS

RON COOK has a BA in Liberal Arts/ English from SUNY Geneseo and has worked as a teacher and in business & manufacturing. He enjoys photography, the energy of large cities, and art glass. His future plans include doing everything he was too scared to try when he was young.

LUCY BEHR has lived in Rochester since the age of six and is currently in her last semester at Monroe Community College.

She’s been writing poetry and fiction as long as she can remember.

DEON YOUNG was born and raised in Brooklyn. Deon made a pact with himself to graduate college, become an advocate, and change the world. He now holds a BSW from UAlbany and works in human services, as well as education on issues in black culture & the trans community.

MEREDITH REINIGER is a veteran columnist with the Empty Closet. She holds a Doctorate in Curriculum Development from U of R, taught in the Greece schools for over 30 years, and is an active member and leader of Flower City Habitat for Humanity

REILLY HIRST foodie from age 7 (when she sautéed zucchini in butter and dill), has lived in many good places to eat: Cape Cod, San Diego, the Bay Area, Portland.

Now in Rochester, she believes that what you taste now is the beginning of a renewed integrated Rochester revolution.

MERLE EXIT a long-time comedian, singer, and actress, writes for several publications as well as hosting an internet radio show, Whirl With Merle, on blogtalkradio.com.

Merle has traveled to more than ¾ of the United States focusing on entertainment and food.

TO READ THE DIGITAL VERSION AND SO MUCH MORE, VISIT WWW.OUTALLIANCE.ORG/EMPTYCLOSET

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BOARD OF TRUSTEES

COLLEEN RAIMOND President CHLOE CORCORAN Vice President JEFF LAMBERT Secretary MARTIN MURPHY Treasurer JASON BARNECUT-KEARNS SADY FISCHER MILO PRIMEAUX LUIS ROSARIO-MCCABE DAVID ZONA

JEFFREY MYERS Interim Executive Director JOSHUA STAPF Development Director JEANNIE GAINSBURG Education Director ROWAN COLLINS Communications Director KAYDEN MILLER Education Coordinator OLIVIA PAGE LGBTQ Academy Educator JEANA BONACCI-ROTH Administrative Assistant BILL CAMP SAGE Program Coordinator ANNE TISCHER Outreach Coordinator EVELYN BAILEY Historian KAT WIGGALL Database Administrator

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C L O S E T

ROC Pride 2018

The Out Alliance presents Stand Out: Live in Color.

2018 ROC Pride will welcome everyone to live, love, and be true to who they are through every color of the spectrum. Through a bright and vibrant ROC Pride Festival, we will show our unity by daring to Stand Out. We want YOU to bring your authentic self to all aspects of ROC Pride.

All our stories, experiences, and identities will shine through.

Join us at Cobb’s Hill Park for this year’s vibrant ROC Pride Festival, Saturday & Sunday, July 21–22. March down Park Ave with thousands of community members and allies during the Pride Parade, Saturday, July 21. Get involved throughout the week in activities, events, and opportunities to live and love truthfully.

Stand out, be you, and live in color.

JULY 15: Pride 5K Run JULY 21: ROC Pride Parade & Festival JULY 22: ROC Pride Festival More events & details to come!

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C L O S E T | March 2018 | 9

Can you spot her?

Marsha P. Johnson is smiling back at you. She represents the strength, inspiration, and energy of our community. She will be joined by 5 more icons as ROC Pride 2018 approaches – stay tuned!

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C L O S E T

ALLIANCE NEWS The Out Alliance launched its search for a new Executive Director who will be charged with advancing our mission to move the agency forward to best serve the greater Rochester LGBTQ+ community.

The blind review committee chair was announced early February along with the posting of the position description. At time of printing, the Alliance is accepting open applications for the ED vacancy.

Long-time Managing Director Jeff Myers was appointed Interim Executive Director by the Board of Directors upon the resignation of former Executive Director, Scott Fearing. He will return to his previous position as Managing Director upon the appointment of the next Executive Director.

“The new Executive Director will be joining our organization at one of the most significant points in our history and will serve in a vital role to the future vision of our mission to create a safe, stable, and fully respected LGBTQ+ community,” said Myers. “The committee will work to find a remarkable candidate who possesses the experience, knowledge, and skills to advance our mission and carry our mission forward in the Greater Rochester region.”

The blind review committee will be made up entirely of community members. The committee will be responsible for reviewing all incoming applications for the Executive Director

opening and will then present final candidates to the Out Alliance staff and board. The board hopes to conclude the search and name a new Executive Director before Fall 2018.

Dr. Jessica Guzmán-Rea, the Director of the University of Rochester’s Paul J. Burgett Intercultural Center, will chair the committee and oversee the blind review process:

“Jessica, who [Board VP] Chloe [Corcoran] and I know through our work at the University, was selected for this position for her commitment to intersectional justice, deep understanding of implicit bias, evenhanded management, and history of participation in hiring top-notch professionals to a range of positions,” said Board President, Colleen Raimond.

Guzmán-Rea added: “We want to hear from the community and invite all interested parties to fully engage with the search process.

This is a great opportunity to provide feedback and ensure the best candidate is chosen to join the executive leadership team.”

A full position description for Executive Director can be found at http://indeedhi.re/2E1A5VD

GALLERY Q: The Art & Life of Danny Allen FOUR PARTNERED EXHIBITIONS BUILT AROUND AN ‘IT GETS BETTER’ CAMPAIGN ‘The Art & Life of Danny Allen’ continues through March 30, 2018 at Gallery Q. The work exhibited examines Allen as a gay man in the first wave of the sexual revolution in the years following Stonewall when the Gay Liberation Front was active in Rochester. He was a very spiritual young man who had one foot in conventional religion, and another seeking any kind of spiritual relief that would allow him to feel better about himself and his LGBTQ identity, without changing who he was.

April Preview: 18 EMERGING

Presented by IMAGEOUT and GALLERY Q

Opening First Friday April 6, ImageOut and Gallery Q present 18 Emerging an annual juried exhibition highlighting regional student artists. The opening is 6:00 to 9:00 pm, April 6 at Gallery Q, located at 100 College Avenue.

E M P T Y

C L O S E T | March 2018 | 11

y O L O O KU I N T G FOR CO Mh M U R NO I T Y ?

C !

LOOKING FOR COMMUNITY?

yO UTh R O C!

The Out Alliance yOUTh ROC program will introduce a new program on March 19. Q-Mannity will provide a safe, welcoming space for all queer youth.

Monthly meetings will provide opportunities for peer support, team building activities, and open discussion.

Q-Mannity is a safe place for all LGBTQ+ youth to be their authentic selves and celebrate who they are.

Facilitated by Gayle Thoutt, Out Alliance social work intern, the group will meet at the LGBTQ Resource Center at 100 College Ave, every third Monday of the month from 4–5pm. All youth are welcome!

Tangent is a trans and gender-expansive group for youth between 13-20. It is hosted at the LGBTQ Resource Center and run by the Out Alliance and yOUTh ROC. Facilitated by Eri, Tangent is a place to be yourself without fear of judgement or persecution. The group is an open and environment, where discussion and honest feedback are greatly appreciated and encouraged. Tangent meets every first Tuesday of the month and joins fun seasonal craft activities with support and free conversation.

Join Tangent March 6 and April 3 from 5:30–6:30pm!

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HISTORY CORNER:

C L O S E T

Shoulders To Stand On

2017 Rochester LGBTQ Heroes Shoulders To Stand On honors the 2017 Rochester Shoulders Heroes for their contributions to our struggle for equality, justice and health for the Greater Rochester community inclusive of our LGBT brothers, sisters, allies and you.

EMILY JONES & BRUCE GORMAN On January 12, 2017, the Out Alliance recognized Emily Jones and Bruce Gorman for their years of service to the agency and community. In 2011, Emily and Bruce stepped up to the plate, becoming Board Presidents.

Emily’s words continue to challenge us today, “We need everyone to step up and be engaged. No more hiding in the bleachers. We are under attack, but we are smarter than they are!”

JAMIE ALLEN ALICE CARVER-KUBIK TODD RANOUS On May 17, 2017 the Vinnie Vicki Cups were awarded to Todd Ranous, Jamie Allen, and Alice Carver-Kubik. Todd Ranous said: “I was honored for my work with the youth in our community.

Alice and Jamie co-curate Gallery Q. Alice said: “Managing the Gallery has been one of the most rewarding experiences of our lives. We both have a passion for art and love this organization and what is stands for.

SUSAN JORDAN

BARBARA MOORE

WANDA MARTINEZ-JOHNCOX

Editor of the Empty Closet Newspaper for 28 years retired.

Her message to the community was gratitude and the need for unity. Susan, a strong activist feminist, has always kept her eye on the “ball.” We cannot do this work alone and we must challenge each other respectfully and constructively to create the just and equal world we deserve.

On Nov. 18, 2017 at the RESIST and PERSIST NOW Conference, Barbara Moore received the Susan B. Anthony Award which celebrates activists fighting for the women and girls of New York.

Barbara is currently Rochester NOW Treasurer, where her colleagues know her as “the bedrock of the team,” “the motivator,” and even “the wise femme fatale.” Barbara has served on the STSO Committee since 2003.

ROC Pride 2017 Grand Marshall Honored for her work helping veterans, Wanda, originally from Puerto Rico, works at the VA Canandaigua as LGBT Veterans Care Coordinator. She has begun LGBTQ Veteran support groups at the Out Alliance and in Canandaigua. She has been an active Alliance volunteer since 2009. Most recently, Wanda has been spearheading local efforts to help Puerto Rico recover from hurricane Maria.

CHUCK LUNDEEN & JOHN WILLIAMS

SUSAN B. ANTHONY ELIZABETH CADY STANTON MATILDA JOSLYN GAGE

YOU

On September 19, 2017 the RACF honored Chuck Lundeen and John Williams with an award for their philanthropy, volunteerism, and leadership in giving back to the community.

Both have been long term supporters of ImageOut and the Gay Men’s Chorus. “We feel we were given a certain amount of economic means … and we choose to invest in Rochester.”

Our 2017 list of heroes would not be complete without celebrating the women who brought the vote to many women 100 years ago.

On July 19, 1848, 300 women and 48 men met in Seneca Falls to declare the radical notion that all men AND women are created equal. In 1872, Susan B. Anthony was arrested at her home in Rochester for attempting to vote.

In 1917, New York became one of the first states to grant women the right to vote.

These Shoulders have given the LGBTQ+ community and the Greater Rochester community a reason to be OUT and PROUD! Their activism and lives bear witness to the ever-opening door of our Closets! Shoulders to Stand On congratulates with gratitude its 2017 Shoulders Heroes!

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YOUR AD HERE 585. 244. 9030

C L O S E T | February 2018 | 13

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COMMUNITY PROFILE:

C L O S E T

Anthony Jordan Health Centers

es – better known as Jordan Health – what com If you think of Anthony Jordan Health Centers

ide prov , igua anda t Rochester with one location in Can to mind? The Centers, nine located throughou OB/GYN, th, dent al, health home and care coordination, heal l viora beha th, heal nt esce adol , care ary prim Hep C and ices, digit al x-rays, prevention care – including pediatrics, urgent care, pharmacy and lab serv HIV evaluation and treatment – and more.

Jordan Health’s prevention initiatives for HIV and Hep C are likely the most familiar for members of the LGBTQ+ community in Rochester, and for good reason.

Barb Turner, Prevention Educator, shared that there has been an increase in cases of HIV in the MSM (men who have sex with men) population, nationally and locally, specifically within the Black community. While there are multiple complex, intersecting factors that contribute to increased diagnoses, Turner said stigma is the hardest to combat.

“There’s this assumption that if you are engaging in certain behaviors that you must be gay. And lots of folks don’t want that label or association. So, they don’t talk about it.”

Through her decades of work in the HIV/AIDS field and with youth, Turner said she sees folks who don’t identify within the LGBTQ+ community losing out on resources specifically targeted at the community.

That’s what last year’s Jordan Health “Get Tested” campaign tried to address. By using grandmother figures and different couples across their pamphlets, posters, and billboards, they hoped to reach folks regardless of identity.

“Everyone listens to grandma,” Turner laughed.

Beyond casting a wide net for HIV and Hep C prevention, testing, and treatment, Jordan Health is working to expand on its reputation as an organization built on relationships.

Joyce Land, LPN, Practice Manager at Jordan Health’s Woodward Center says the best part about working at Jordan Health is seeing where the little things, like addressing each client with respect and dignity, make a huge difference.

“We have amazing stories with everyone who comes here,” she shared. One that stuck with both Turner and Land was of an individual who had been HIV positive for more than 20 years who had finally, with careful case management and partnership with Jordan Health, become virally suppressed.

In fact, Woodward has a 93% suppression rate of their approximately 60 HIV positive patients. Turner credits much of that to the relationships they can create

with clients. Warm handoffs from first contact through to Health Home coordination for continued services mean that clients have a connection to Jordan Health for each aspect of their health needs.

“It really matters. It’s one thing to get someone a pill for their HIV, but it’s another to take them to the appointment, introduce them to the team, wait with them at the pharmacy, and then get them some food so they can take that pill and trust that we’re supporting them in their treatment.”

Jordan Health has ramped up its LGBTQ+ community involvement in the past few years, working with the Out Alliance, Black Pride, and other organizations to provide outreach and education. Turner said they are looking at language on intake and client information forms to make them more inclusive and welcoming. Forthcoming assessment for community members are also in the works.

Jordan Health’s Holland Center – their flagship – just unveiled LGBTQ artwork all throughout its twisting halls. They also hope to offer SafeZone trainings to staff by this time next year. Turner is already working on curriculum for cultural inclusion workshops for the Centers staff.

“We want to educate our community while we’re educating our staff. We want to use cultural cues to educate folks without judgment or stigma. People deserve care.”

See JordanHealth.org for more information on programs, services, and locations

TRILLIUM HEALTH: LGBTQ HEALTH The Trillium Health model of care is helping to remove barriers that often limit access to programs and services necessary to stay healthy. By addressing the physical, social, and emotional aspects of a person’s health, Trillium Health has created a welcoming place where all lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, and queer people can get care that is safe, sensitive, and specialized.

Trillium Health offers referrals to LGBTQ affirming services in the following areas:

Legal Services, including services available for low-to-no cost.

Establishing and maintaining healthcare within and outside of Trillium Health.

Assistance with establishing, maintaining, or navigating health insurance.

Mental health and behavioral wellness services within and outside of Trillium Health.

LGBTQ HEALTH FAQS What services can I expect?

Primary care that is specialized to the unique needs of patients of all sexual orientations and/or gender identities Experienced LGBTQ-affirming medical and social services staff 24/7 on-call availability Do you offer health care for women?

Yes, our Women’s Health program offers: Gynecological services Fertility and obstetric services* Sexual health and health maintenance What services are available for transgender health care?

Primary care that is sensitive to trans identities and bodies Hormone therapy with an on-site clinical pharmacist Legal consultation* Nutrition Do you offer sexual health programs?

Yes, we offer: STD screening and treatment Rapid HIV and Hepatitis C testing Health education/ counseling HIV prevention programs including: Pre-exposure prophylaxis (PrEP) Post-exposure prophylaxis (PEP)

259 Monroe Avenue 585. 545. 7200 Toll Free: 800. 266. 9292

Referrals to other wellness resources such as massage, dentistry, optometry, voice therapy, and more.

What services are offered for behavioral health?

Individual therapy Smoking cessation Chemical dependency treatment and referrals

Housing assistance including emergency assistance.

Where can I get my medications?

The Pharmacy at Trillium Health, is conveniently located on-site and staffed by knowledgeable, LGBTQ-affirming staff. Our full time Clinical Pharmacist can assist with all medication management.

Assistance with other hard-to-navigate systems, such as obtaining legal documents that reflect the correct name and gender or applying for public assistance programs.

Advocacy in areas where What insurance do you accept?

LGBTQ affirming services are We accept all major not consistently available. insurance plans, including state and federal programs such as ADAP, LGBTQ HEALTH MONTH at TRILLIUM Medicaid and Medicare.

We also have a full-time health insurance All events will take place at Trillium Health navigation assistant on staff to help guide Tuesday March 6 uninsured patients in LGBTQ+ Sexual Health Trivia Contest 6–8 pm selecting a health plan.

Sliding fee scale and Tuesday March 20 financial assistance AnxieTeas Game Night & Hot Beverage Bar, 6–7:30 pm available.

Sat & Sun March 24–25 Services marked with an Everybody & Every BODY, asterisk (*) are offered off-site through referral to a 2-Day LGBTQ+ Nutrition Workshop community-based LGBTQIncludes meals each day and admission to FREE affirming provider.

Body Love Yoga on Saturday, RSVP Required LGBThealth@trilliumhealth.org or 585. 210. 4219

Direct LGBTQ services line: 585. 210. 4171 lgbthealth@trilliumhealth.org

Monday March 26 Roc LGBTQ+ Roundtable Special Edition: SURJ (Showing Up for Racial Justice Meet & Greet, 5:30–7pm Thursday March 29 LGBTQ+ Family Building Panel & Info Tables. 6–8 pm

Provided by Trillium Health program staff

AFFIRMING SERVICES

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SAGE: PRIDE IN AGING The Road Ahead Pride in Aging is an innovative program presented by the Out Alliance - SAGE Rochester to help LGBTQ older adults prepare to “age in place” in their own homes for as long as possible. Not only does it provide LGBTQ seniors with education on how to obtain needed services, it helps identify culturally affirming providers to insure a comfortable experience.

C L O S E T

WEEKLY EVENT REMINDERS TUESDAYS SENIOR YOGA WITH TOM 10:30–11:30am, $5

LUNCH & LEARN 11:30am–1:30pm, $3, catered lunch & speaker

LIFESPAN: Powerful Tools for Caregivers

Senior Outreach Coordinator, Anne Tischer, said: “We have monthly presentations planned for 14 months to teach people what they will need to “age in place” comfortably. Navigating health care and senior services systems as you age is daunting for anyone. For LGBTQ seniors it can be even more difficult as they contend with uninformed bias, overt discrimination and their own fears of rejection due to their personal identity.”

Regardless of income level, age, disability or health status, these presentations will give you useful information to keep you thriving and in control of your choices as you age. Professionals and providers present insights and guidance each month to help you prepare to “age in place” with confidence. Some topic areas include: being “out” as we age, financial aids to live at home, navigating health care and aging services, caregiver supports, optimizing quality of life, and more!

Join in on the next Pride in Aging event. Join us Friday March 16, 2018 at the LGBTQ Resource Center from 2:30–4:00pm for “Protecting Yourself, Your Wishes, Your Spouse & Family: Now and Later.” Learn more about legal instruments, money management, insurances, marriage, trusts, and guardianship.

5:30-7pm, RSVP: Mara 585. 244. 8400 x239

THURSDAYS SENIOR YOGA WITH TOM 10:30–11:30am, $5

1ST & 3RD THURSDAYS SENIORS IN SERVICE 11:30am–1:30pm, light lunch and volunteer activities

2ND & 4TH WEDNESDAYS 50+ MEN’S GROUP 6:30–8pm, Topical discussions

2ND THURSDAYS BREAKFAST CLUB @ Jefferson Rd. Denny’s, 9:00–10:30am, RSVP Gerry 585. 730. 8772

3RD FRIDAYS PRIDE IN AGING 2:30–4pm, speakers and resources to help you “age in place”

LAST FRIDAYS FABULOUS FISH FRY! 5:30pm, location varies, RSVP: Audet 585. 287. 2958 or aprice002@aol.com (events at Out Alliance LGBTQ Resource Center unless otherwise noted)

See February’s Calendar on page 28 for this month’s special events!

2018 | 17

YOUTH ROC:

By: ADRIANNA RODRIGUEZ

the Past

The past, you must never discard.

The past can sometimes be hard to handle and overcome.

The past is what people tend to hold on to.

The past is there to help you determine your lifestyle.

The past can destroy you or make you stronger.

The past can be hard to let go, but harder to bring back.

The past, you must never let be obtained.

The past is what happened, not what is to happen And is already happening.

The past is in the past.

Let is stay there.

Don’t try to move forward Unless you let go of the past and what happened.

If you don’t it will only bring you down.

18 | March 2018 | E M P T Y

TRANS DAY OF VISIBILITY:

A Transmans’ Journey Through Parenthood

C L O S E T

Photos & Text by: AIDAN J FAIELLA

When you think of family, what do you think? What does the word mean to you? Take a moment to close your eyes and picture that.

I can guarantee, you thought of something different than me because family means something different to everyone reading this. Family is such a diverse word: just ask local couple, Tanner and David. Tanner and David are fathers to a very special little girl, Paetyn, and she is one of the reasons March is such a special month for this family.

HEY,

YEAH

March 31 marks the calendar every year as National Transgender Day of Visibility in hopes to spread support for the transgender community. Rachel Crandall-Crocker, the head of Transgender Michigan, created in Transgender Day of Visibility 2010 to celebrate the transgender community in a positive light. It [TDOV] aims to bring attention to and highlight the accomplishments of trans people around the world by spreading knowledge of the trans community. This is a day of empowerment and acceptance.

Being visible is especially important for this family. Meet Tanner – Tanner is a transgender male and has been prominent in the Rochester LGBT community for over 5 years. Tanner had his beginnings in drag before he had came out as transgender.

David, also prominent in the community –specifically the drag community- also knows how important it is not only for Tanner to be visible but for his support to be visible as well.

Tanner and David had their daughter biologically, meaning Tanner carried little Paetyn for 9 months. “I first came out doing drag, then I came out as trans, then I had a baby, a boyfriend…I didn’t know anyone else in that boat. I had a lot more people come to me and ask me questions.” Tanner tells me as we sat down to discuss the topic. David and Tanner were always positive role models in the community -- especially drag community -- for many individuals by helping them start their drag careers and guiding them through Rochester’s scene. “My visibility allowed people to feel safe about those things as well.” Tanner adds.

His visibility being a pregnant transgender male has changed his life, and he hopes it will help others. After the cover of the Summer 2017 issue of the international magazine, FTM Magazine, was released, he became nearly inundated with trans men asking questions and thanking him for being brave and visible with his story. Tanner was not only the cover model but had a feature story outlining his experiences being pregnant. “I’ve talked to some trans guy friends who thought this [being pregnant] wasn’t possible. Showing them I could do it was like: ‘hey, yeah you can.’’’

While pregnant, it was necessary for Tanner to stop his testosterone therapy in the process and go through other medical experiences related to a pregnancy. The family has kept close contact with the nurses from the hospital where their daughter was born.

“It was an easy ride considering. The hospital staff made sure I was comfortable, we had a birthing plan, and in my file it said ‘this is Tanner and David, they are both dads, he uses male pronouns, if you don’t feel comfortable with this scenario be upfront.’”

Tanner said he also used his visibility with hospital staff as they worked with him, having conversations about trans identity and working with patients. “I like talking to people about it, give them [other people] a positive vibe about transgender individuals.” David adds the joke - “when the Super Bowl was on, he [Tanner] got an epidural.”

YOU

Tanner has broken the stigma of being trans and carrying his own child. “It’s nice that I’m so comfortable with being out in the visible aspect so she [Paetyn] knows that when she gets older everything is accepted in our world. You don’ t have to be someone you’re not, just be who you are.” Paetyn is growing up in a culture of love and acceptance. Hopefully we live in a different world when she is older, but Tanner believes she will be a “huge ally” regardless. However she identifies herself, they are hopeful she will be a positive light on the outside world. The visibility this family is exhibiting on a daily basis is creating the culture for their child to accept all walks of life and be a beacon of acceptance for others.

David adds that “[Being visible] opens awareness for people to understand it’s okay for your family to be different…to be in the “public eye” gives people a sense of safety that it’s alright to be who you are.”

Parenthood has fully now rounded the corner of a full year, and there have been ups and downs but the love between David, Tanner and the support of the community has gotten them through. “No one can tell you how to raise your child. We don’t care, she [Paetyn] wears whatever she wants, if she wants a ‘boy’ thing, or a ‘girl’ thing – it doesn’t matter.”

The most important message is that visibility is what brings us together. It’s what educates others and cultivates acceptance. Even being in the community for as long as I have, I still learn something every day from someone’s bravery in being visible and themselves – I’ve learned from David and Tanner, too.

The most important thing you can do is be safe and find ways to be yourself. Be visible for those who can’t be, because we need to make a better future for generations to come; including Paetyn’s. The political climate today has a lot of flaws when it comes to the LGBTQ+ community but using visibility to promote positivity is stronger than one may believe.

No matter how you identify, there are things you can do to show support as a tool for transgender justice in your own community.

Keep learning, keep listening, keep talking, keep being.

I leave you with the message Tanner wants to make sure everyone hears:

“Do everything you can to make yourself safe, and comfortable in your own body. Unfortunately, not everyone will be accepting, but do what you’re comfortable with and don’t let anyone stop you. At the end of the day, we can’t pick our family, but we pick our friends and they can become an even closer family at times. Surround yourself with good people and be yourself.”

CAN

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C L O S E T

FIFTY SHADES OF GAY: By:

SKYLAR DAEMON Secret

Identity

We live in a world where our identity is constant. When born do anything by society’s view. Skylar Daemon cannot be placed we are given a name - a name where society will expect us in a box because he is my secret identity, and my secret identity to stand by until our days have past. We have no choice in the cannot be touched by the likes of bullying, degrading words, a matter of the name that is given to us, do we? I believe not. Yet hetero-normative society, laws that prevent him from acting on the moment we realize our name has meaning, we should begin certain rights our country may ban him from being a part of. Skylar to realize that name has placed us in a box. I have heard many Daemon is a secret identity that I have come up with because I people say something on the lines of: “You look like a [insert needed a voice in a world where I felt pain. name here].” Excuse me. Sorry but I have name - are normally my thoughts when approached in this manner.

There is a song the famous singer Demi Lovato sings on her current tour, Neon Lights Tour. It is called ‘Warrior.’ And within Having a name that you identify with and society identifies that song there is a line that I wish to share: you but carries with it an expectation. You are expected to be something with that name; do something under that name. Or do “Now I’m a warrior. Now I’ve got thicker skin. I’m a warrior. I’m nothing. I believe that there is a social stigma in having a name stronger than I’ve ever been. And my armor, is made of steel, you as well as living by that name; whether it is negative or positive, can’t get in. I’m a warrior. And you can never hurt me again.” the stigma will still be there.

Through my secret identity, Skylar Daemon, I am a warrior with arThe name Skylar Daemon is very relevant. I tend to see FIFTY mor made of steel, and society will not ever hurt me again. There SHADES OF GAY since the idea of having an identity can come are too many “shades” in the society we live in, too many boxes. in many different forms. I have a secret identity, and I recently Skylar Daemon lives outside of those boxes. He soars, always. came out with the name to my identity. When writing, my name is Skylar Daemon for the simple fact of when writing I can be I have a secret identity, not for me to turn and hide behind, but to whoever I want to be. My secret identity I alone decide, and it stand up and face any pain; face any adversary that may stand was not signed off by a doctor or a judge or even society. It was in my way. signed off by my life, the events that have touched me, both negatively and positively constructed. I have chosen this name I have a secret identity. His name is Skylar Daemon. because no one can box it. Skylar Daemon is not expected to Shhh. DO YOU HAVE ONE?

E M P T Y

C L O S E T | February 2018 | 21

CLEANING MY CLOSET:

By: MEREDITH ELIZABETH REINIGER

Marching together. Celebrating Wommin. We must. Will.

MARCH

M

e are celebrating Wommin’s Herstory Month. Annually, during the 31 days of March, we have our ceremonial re-viewing of wommin’s work, followed by another eleven months of re-calling shoulders we stand-on; listening to Wommin who talk the talk; studying Wommin who walk the walk.

WWWWWW Sometimes we Speak-Out Wommin must focus on dis-covering hidden truths. Consider Marie Curie. In high school, I wrote a play about her. I read that the 1903 Nobel Prize in Physics was awarded to a guy named Henri Becquerel, a husband named Pierre Curie, and Marie Curie. I noticed that her name was listed third. WWWWWW Truth be told, MARIE Salomea Sklodowska CURIE conducted pioneering research on radium. It was Marie Salomea Sklodowska Curie who developed the Theory of Radioactivity. WWWWWW But ask Alexa, “Who discovered radioactivity?” Alexa responds, “Henri Becquerel contributed to the discovery of radioactivity.”

WWWWWW Sometimes we Speak-Out Wommin must correct twisted tales. Folktales claimed that Rosa Parks refused to obey the bus driver’s order to give up her seat in the whites-only section because she was a tired seamstress.

This portrays her as a victim. In true fact, Rosa Louise McCauley Parks was a civil rights activist. Her defiance was a political statement against legalized discrimination. Actually she had said, “I am tired of giving in.” Recalling Rosa Louise McCauley Parks’ actual words is an acknowledgement of her power as a private citizen. Repeating her words celebrates a determined womyn willing to fight for justice. WWWWWW There are many stories that need Proof Reading. Reflect on Tales of Early Persons. What about Cave Wommin? Old-timey anthropologists assumed that Cave Wommin just schlepped to the river to scrub animal skins and, seasonally, rearranged livingroom rocks. Consider this: it was Cave Wommin who recorded their family’s memorable moments on journal-walls.

WWWWWW My family’s herstory? Stored in bound-journals and still-remembered stories. Grandma Stella Beatrice Winters accepted the beliefs of her 19th century upbringing: a woman’s place was in the home. Her career: single mother raising five good citizens, including her sons, both World War II soldiers.

WWWWWW Middle Winters-daughter, Mrs. Thelma Bailey Lynch-wife, waited on, hand and foot, one husband and two live-ins, mother and mother-in-law. That’s 81,030 meals.

Plus seasonal window washing and curtain starching. Her career? Care Giver.

WWWWWW Youngest Wintersdaughter developed a case of Old Maid-ness, silently bearing the Cloak of Failure, suggested one biographer. Why not report that Aunt Emma Jane was Insurance Manager for every Sibleys’

department store. A respected career womyn for 39 years. WWWWWW Eldest Wintersdaughter Mrs. Bessie Minnie Horning-wife dutifully bore fruit, a daughter. Then, in 1944, she delivered her husband’s “I-already-haveone-of-those” daughter. A damning welcome from my father, but a sweet March Miracle for my mother. She taught me to love language, to play with words. Her career: Full-Time Life Coach. WWWWWW Those four female relatives had one thing in common. They were Nicotine Addicts. My mother taught herself to smoke, seeking the classy look of an artfully coifed movie starlet, bare arm gracefully resting atop silken pillows, delicate fingers embracing a lovely white cigarette, raising it to parted red-painted lips. This is not something to celebrate. It is a horror story.

HERE’S A CAUTIONARY TALE “Find your voice” by Phillip Morris, producer of poison.

CELEBRATING A WOMYN Theorist

MARIE SALOMEA SKLODOWSKA CURIE First womyn to win a Nobel Prize.

First person and only womyn to win twice.

Only person to win a Nobel in two different sciences (chemistry and physics).

Awarded four prestigious medals.

1968: Virginia Slims developed narrower, longer, more elegant Suicide Sticks.

First womyn to become a professor at the University of Paris.

1984: Slims test site, Rochester, N.Y. Target: young professional women. Mantra: “You’ve come a long way, baby.” Voluntary advertisement transport: white sweaters with “You’ve come a long way, baby” embroidered across the front.

Founded two medical research institutes.

1990: Seduction Slogan “It’s a woman thing.”

Trojan Horse: Virginia Super Slims inside a small ‘Purse Pack.’

We must persist. The Equal Rights Amendment, birthed by Alice Paul in 1923, is still-born.

Equal pay for equal work is still fantasy. And, still, silence permits the unrelenting abuse of wommin. WWWWWW Story time. We must. Please pass the ‘Lady Doritos’.

First womyn to be entombed, on her own merits, in the Paris Pantheon.

22 | March 2018 | E M P T Y

C L O S E T

RAINBOW DIALOGUES: st to the Present A Bridge From the Pa n Grant Receives $5,000 Actio The Out Alliance Sh oulders To Stand O n Program received a $5,000 Grant from the NYS Humanities for the Rainbow Dialo gues: A Bridge From the Past to the Present. The Ra inbow Dialogues is a series of community buildin g conversations de monstrating how LG BTQ history an d archival documen ts from the past ar relevant for people e today. The Dialogu es will reference and contextualize LG BTQ life in Roch ester against the backdrop of local and national socia l justice issues.

will Rochester Public Library and ImageOut The Out Alliance in partnership with the d on Saturday, March 24, 2018. We are prou present a two in one educational event ony Anth the of the Out Alliance to present to partner together under the leadership r ony Mascioli, 1930 – 2013. As benefacto Mascioli Rainbow Dialogues, in legacy of Anth s cioli Rainbow Dialogues continues Anthony’ to our collaborative work, the Anthony Mas ity and community-at-large. support of the Rochester LGBTQ commun

The Rochester Public Library will host the Anthony Mascioli Rainbow Community Dialogues from 9:30am–4:30pm. There will be six dialogues throughout the day, three dialogues in the morning, and 3 in the afternoon. The Dialogue topics are: Transgender - An Evolutionary Process For TVA’s Past to Present; Marriage Equality: What it Takes to Create Change; Cinema Makes Gay Culture Visible & Vital; Influence of Gay Liberation on Faith Communities in Rochester, NY; Community Response: A Recurring Crisis - HIV/AIDS; The Liberation Movements: Where Are They Today in Rochester, NY. The Dialogues will use the archival collection deeded to the Alliance over the past 4 years for content and focus.

The e ry will b rt Galle scioli Rainbow ion A l ia r o Mem elebrat ony Ma he Anth l Recognition C erforming t r o f e u the ven anities Archiva mas Warfield p Kilbourne o H s e um s by Th Day and Sarah unded, Dialogu l performance S ef orld AID those who hav enting the sica u W t m s h ir it F ll w the s. A docum ns from avender Blue llections e recognized. o c L d selectio e e t h u will b ing t ntrib perform served, and co BT Community on, Archivist, /pre r LG obins archived f the Rocheste l be Franklin R tory o ican His r wil r e e k m a history e A p f s o Keynote tional Museum onian. h Na it Sm s

For more information and to register: RAINBOWDIALOGUES.com Follow us on Facebook: www.facebook.com/RainbowDialogue

E M P T Y

GNAW ROCS: IT’S THE SIMPLE THINGS

C L O S E T | March 2018 | 23

OUT AND ABOUT:

By REILLY HIRST

Brooklyn Ramen has few frills. Everything is packaged to go, though there is seating. It’s clean and simple. In other words, it is my kind of place and feels like ramen/to go shops in other cities. It is also a family affair: besides his Japanese mother, owner Michael Goode’s 15 and 16-year-old sons also work in the restaurant. So, there is constant bantering: lunch and a show.

215 ALEXANDER ST. ROCHESTER, NEW YORK 14607

Brooklyn Ramen is run by folks from here but with ties originally in the Bay Area (San Leandro and Oakland); not Brooklyn.

The story is simple: the owner and his mother went to a ramen shop in Brooklyn where his mother fell in love and they went back multiple times. The broth was the pork bone broth and miso paste, appearing on the menu as the Spicy Ramen. The name was not just an inspiration but the result of an 8-month apprenticeship with the Brooklyn chain.

Michael commuted during this time between NYC and Roc, while sharing custody of his sons as a single parent. Each week there, he would spend 4 days in a row working 16-20 hour days, learning to make the pork bone broth. Ramen is serious business. In Japan, apprenticeships stretch for years. It’s worth it: that broth is lovely. My favorite of the soups, Spicy Ramen, includes an amazing pork bone oil that provides depth.

All the non-ramen items on the lower half of the menu are Michael’s mother’s realm. You can feel the ease of their relationship as she makes dumplings, and he jokes “go faster.” He also reminds her that she can disown him anytime. Right now, they run out of the dumplings at lunch often. They are worth having, though nothing fancy.

The beef curry is good. However, it reminds me of S&B Golden Curry, which is available for purchase at Asian markets.

For those with vegan sensibilities and gluten issues, Michael trades the noodles for wood ear mushrooms; vegans should ask for extra spice to be added to the Vegan Miso, as it can be bland. By March, vegetarian/vegan sushi should also be available.

There are other Asian soups in town, but no classic ramen shops. During the cold winter months, soup comes easily to mind, but Ramen’s spice is also a great trick to cool off during the summer. The only other downside for me of this Ramen shop is that the noodles are packaged. This is traditionally done in lots of small to-go noodle shops.

Han Noodle Bar makes their own noodles, but they are doing a much more extensive business and have the space and facilities to do so.

Final thought? I hope more places like this pop up: doing a few items well with little fanfare.

DOWNTON ABBEY EXHIBITION:

Relives the Historic PBS Series in Manhattan

By MERLE

EXIT

Are you still yearning for Mrs. Potmore’s hectic kitchen, Lady Mary’s bedroom, and the glamourous Crawley’s dining room? Fans of Downton Abbey can now immerse themselves in the British series through an awe-inspiring exhibition in midtown Manhattan through authentic set recreations, costumes and video.

Enter the facility to view a mural of the cast: a perfect photo op. Can you name all of them? Upon entering the exhibition, you will be transported on an incredible journey through the grand home of Downton Abbey, peering into the world of the Crawleys and those that served them below the stairs.

You’ll be taken to the first of three floors of artifacts from the show that include the bell board from the servants’ dining room, telegrams informing Lord Grantham of the sinking of the Titanic and outbreak of war in Germany.

History buffs will also be able to get a better glance into British society, culture and fashion from WWI to the Roaring 20’s. For those who have viewed the DA costume exhibit, this exhibition is totally different and includes 50 official costumes worn by the staff.

As this is a multi-media event, some great video is involved as well with some never before seen clips of the cast. Some of the videos can be seen flashing across an exhibit while you may want to take a seat for a few others.

It’s “hands-on” in various locations as you listen to some important parts of the exhibit. Don’t miss out on the one where you answer questions to see if the servants will hire you.

It doesn’t end here: the exhibit is paired with the British Whitby Hotel, where you can indulge in Afternoon Tea in their beautifully decorated Orangery with its displays of plates, chandeliers and cushiony high backed upholstered chairs.

Delights come to your table on a three tier silver platter. The top layer: iced fruit cake and house made mince pie; sticky toffee pudding; chocolate and peppermint opera cake; spiced orange and chestnut mousse buche de Noel.

Tea sandwiches fill up the middle layer: Smoked salmon with mustard cream; turkey sandwich, cranberry, radish sprouts; cucumber sandwich (of course), sweet butter, white balsamic; chickpea hummus; roasted eggplant; gruyere gougene. Scones with preserves and clotted cream line the bottom layer.

As for the tea itself – my choice was to go for the gold; marigold. Just watching the flower bloom is entertaining alone.

Tickets, available through April 2, 2018, are timed so expect to stand outside on a line. www.downtonexhibition.com

Join us the 2nd Thursday of every month. Locations vary.

EMAIL HRCSecondThursday@gmail.com or follow us on FB @HRCSecondThursday for details on upcoming events.

24 | March 2018 | E M P T Y

C L O S E T

MARCH EVENTS THURSDAY, MARCH 1

MONDAY, MARCH 19

FRIDAY, MARCH 2

TUESDAY, MARCH 20

LGBTQ+ HEALTH MONTH EVENT “Stand Up to Stigma – Let’s Talk About Mental Health” with Mental Health Association, 6–8pm

LESBIANS WHO TECH SUMMIT LIVESTREAM/CO-WORK EVENT 11am–5pm, watch the livestream of LWT’s annual summit and work with likeminded lesbians, queer women, and allies, free and open to all

Q-MANNITY – 4–5pm, open to all LGBTQ+ youth 13–20, open discussion and support

SAGE SOCIAL WORKER SUPPORT – 11am–3pm, Kat Carr, LMSW, is available on-site to consult on issues around aging; housing options, home care, caregiving, benefits, etc.

LGBTQ+ HEALTH MONTH EVENT “Trans Talk: Healthy Bodies, Safer Sex” with Trillium Health, 7–9pm

WEDNESDAY, FEBRUARY 7

INQUEERY PRESENTS: ‘GENDER & THE MEDIA CLASS 5: THE CODES OF GENDER’ – 6–8pm, all are welcome!

WEDNESDAY, MARCH 21

INQUEERY PRESENTS: ‘THE INTERSECTION OF QUEER & DISABLED’ 7–8pm, with Ericka Jones of Center for Disability Rights

THURSDAY, MARCH 8

LGBTQ+ HEALTH MONTH EVENT – “Addictions” with Kavod & Action for a Better Community, 6–8pm

THURSDAY, MARCH 22

LGBTQ+ HEALTH MONTH EVENT “Let’s Talk PrEP and PEP” with Trillium Health, 6–8pm

FRIDAY, MARCH 9

SENIOR SERVICES PROVIDER SAFEZONE TRAINING, 11am–4pm.

Register at: http://bit.ly/2mo3oXF

SATURDAY, MARCH 10

SAGE’S 2ND ANNUAL REMEMBRANCE MEMORIAL – for people from our LGBTQ+ community that passed in 2017. Rev. John Hogan to preside at celebration and light refreshments and fellowship to follow. Contact Bill Camp: 244. 8640 x23

SUNDAY, MARCH 11

HEALTH QUEST PLANT-BASED POT LUCK – 5–7pm, $3, “Exploring Leafy Greens”, bring a dish to pass

WEDNESDAY MARCH 14

SATURDAY, MARCH 24

RAINBOW DIALOGUES: A BRIDGE FROM PAST TO PRESENT 9:30am–4:30pm, Rochester Public Library Downtown, community conversation & archival collections, free ANTHONY MASCIOLI RAINBOW DIALOGUES HUMANITIES ARCHIVAL RECOGNITION CELEBRATION – 6–10pm, M&T Ballroom-Cutler Union: Memorial Art Gallery, $50, tickets at: http://bit.ly/RDCelebration

TUESDAY, MARCH 27

LGBTQ+ HEALTH MONTH EVENT “Breast Cancer & the LGBTQ+ Community” with Gilda’s Club, 12:30–1:30pm

OUT IN THE STICKS: DANSVILLE MEETUP – 5–7pm, Jack’s Gaslight Inn, good food good company – contact annet@outalliance.org

THURSDAY, MARCH 29

INQUEERY MOVIE NIGHT OUT: “WHAT EVER HAPPENED TO BABY JANE?” 7-9pm, free, drinks and snacks provided

SUNDAY, MARCH 31

THURSDAY, MARCH 15

MONDAY, MARCH 26

LGBTQ+ HEALTH FAIR – 10am–2pm

LGBTQ+ HEALTH MONTH EVENT “Hep C – Know the Facts” with Jordan Health, 6–8pm

For weekly, monthly, and ongoing events, see our ongoing calendar!

LGBTQ+ HEALTH MONTH EVENT “HIV Testing” with MOCHA, 6–8pm

INQUEERY PRESENTS ‘ALOHA BINGO: Luau at Lanai’ Drag Queen Bingo with Vivian Darling & Ortensia deLoren - Doors 6:30pm, games begin 7pm, Lanai, 21+ event, $5 suggested donation

Keep up to date with new events follow us on Facebook @OutAllianceRoc

(all events at LGBTQ Resource Center unless otherwise noted)

|

See our online community calendar at: bit.ly/RocLGBTQCal

See page 16 for ongoing SAGE event information

E M P T Y

C L O S E T | March 2018 | 25

ONGOING EVENTS MONDAYS

ROC YOUTH HANGOUT – 4:30-6:30pm, chill and do homework in a safe space

2ND MONDAYS

LORA PLANNING MEETING – 7-8pm, Equal Grounds Coffee Shop, help plan LORA programs, contact Cindy cindymarshall14424@gmail.com

LORA WOMEN’S COFFEE – 6-8pm, Equal Grounds Coffee Shop, contact Regina regina.altizer@gmail.com

TUESDAYS

2ND FRIDAYS

MULTILEVEL MAT YOGA WITH TOM – 5:30-6:30pm, $15

ROC YOUTH DRAG MOVIE CLUB – 6-8pm, free and open to youth 13-20

WEDNESDAYS

LORA WOMEN’S MEETUP AT AMBUSH – 6-9pm, locations vary, check @AmbushRochester on FB

MOVE(MEANT) BOOTCAMP WITH ANDREAS GABRIEL 5:30-6:30pm, $15, open to all fitness levels

THURSDAYS

ROC YOUTH HANGOUT – 4:30-6:30pm EUCHRE THROWDOWN – 6-9pm, $5, snacks and drinks, open to all player levels

3RD SUNDAY

LORA WOMEN’S BRUNCH – 10am-12pm, locations vary, ontact Kerry dressyfemme@aol.com

1ST MONDAYS

TRANS 35+ WORKING GROUP – 7-8:30pm, help plan programming for 35+ trans community

1ST TUESDAYS

TANGENT YOUTH GROUP – 5:30-6:30pm, open to all trans & non-binary youth 13-20

1ST WEDNESDAYS

OUT IN THE STICKS: BATAVIA MEETUP – 6-8pm, GoArt! in Batavia, food and conversation, contact Anne annet@outalliance.org

1ST FRIDAYS

GALLERY Q FIRST FRIDAY OPENING – 6-9pm, exhibits vary, snacks and drinks, open to public

1ST SATURDAYS

TRANS 35+ COFFEE SOCIAL – 11am-1pm, Equal Grounds Coffee Shop REPAIR SHOP AA MEETINGS – 5-6:30pm, open AA meeting in a safe space for all

LAST FRIDAYS

ROC YOUTH U DJ DANCE – 7-10pm, free and open to youth 13-20, you bring the music!

26 | March 2018 | E M P T Y

C L O S E T

GILDA’S CLUB ROCHESTER: So No One Faces Cancer Alone

Known until 2000 as Cancer Action, Inc., Gilda’s Club Rochester is one of Monroe County’s leading non-profit cancer support service facilities. Located at the crux of Alexander and Park (255 Alexander St., Rochester, NY 14607), it’s bright red door stands out as a welcoming beacon to all who enter.

Gilda’s Club, named after the legendary Saturday Night Live comedienne Gilda Radner, was founded by Radner’s husband, Gene Wilder, and doctor, Joanna Bull after Radner passed away from ovarian cancer. Radner wanted a place for people in treatment for, or affected by, cancer could go and be in community – away from hospitals and medical offices.

Gilda’s Club Rochester takes that responsibility seriously. The Empty Closet spoke with two GCR staff by email: Johanna Lester, Director of Events & Communications, and Mary Casselman-Collazo, Program Director.

“Our mission is to create welcoming communities of free support for everyone living with cancer, along with their families and friends. Our innovative program is an essential complement to medical care, providing networking and support groups, workshops, education and social activities. We help ensure that all people impacted by cancer are empowered by knowledge, strengthened by action, and sustained by community,” said Lester.

Currently, GCR provides approximately 1,100 programs each year. Programs can range from traditional support groups, to wellness programming, to social support.

“All of our programs are free, open, and welcoming,” added Casselman-Collazo.

“Gilda’s club has individuals of every background, identity, and experience taking part in all of our programs.”

LGBTQ+ people are at an elevated risk for many types of cancer. According to the CDC, LGBT Healthlink, and the National LGBT Cancer Network, members of the LGBTQ+ communities get less routine health care than their straight and/or cisgender counterparts – including colon, breast, cervical, lung, anal, HPV, and skin cancer screening tests. Cancer treatment and survivorship are often impacted by the discrimination and stress that LGBTQ+ patients may experience within and outside of the healthcare system.

This makes GCR’s work all the more valuable for the Rochester area. Support and networking groups are offered across specific types of cancer, backgrounds, and identities – including women of color, Deaf individuals, and children – as well as general support. Lectures from area experts are held monthly along with healthy activities like spinning, QiGong, and nutrition classes.

Casselman-Collazo said their art classes are the most popular and can range from painting to jewelry making to quilting and beyond.

“We are truly dedicated to providing a welcoming environment to anyone impacted by cancer and try to provide not only support and activities, but fun social events as well,” she added.

Teen nights, holidays parties, the famous “Diner for Men” and more allow members to celebrate life and interact with each other outside of a support group setting.

With a staff of 8, an executive and associate board, and a dedicated volunteer base, Lester explained that GCR fundraises everything to provide all programming free of charge. Heroes Ball (annual gala); Surviving in Style (fashion show featuring survivors and caregivers as models); Gilda’s Gang (14week training program for the Rochester half marathon; Comics Against Cancer; Crosscheck Cancer (charity hockey game); and Gilda’s Guys Bachelor Auction -- along with multiple partnerships with St. John Fisher’s PRIMA, Amerks, Roc Brewing, Swiftwater Brewing, and Rochester Cocktail Revival – provide funds to ensure programming continues to meet member needs.

“I think that one of the best parts about Gilda’s Club is our inclusivity. Our whole mission of “so no one faces cancer alone” really does drive what we do, and that extends to everyone.”

Visit GILDASCLUBROCHESTER.ORG for more information and up-to-date events

620 South Ave. Rochester, NY 14620 (585)461-2556

What’s come between you?

Maybe it’s poor communication, a lack of trust, a loveless or sexless relationship, infidelity, or the excessive use of porn and social media.

Trust Kavod Center to help you get past the struggle and on to the healing.

KavodRecovery.com | 585.546.5180

28 | March 2018 | E M P T Y

C L O S E T

By LUCY BEHR

E M P T Y

C L O S E T | March 2018 | 29

FINANCIAL HEALTH:

Ten Questions to Ask When Planning for Financial Security

When thinking about how to build the financial resources you need to live life as desired, it starts with clarifying what you want to achieve, what you value, and how uncertainties can affect plans and aspirations.

What is important to me?

Clarify what’s truly important to you – the people you care about, the aspirations you have, the things you want to protect, and the support you’d like to give to others. Whether you reflect on this question by yourself, with family members, or alongside a financial professional – answer this first, as it will create the framework around which your financial strategy can be built.

Provided by MARLENE DATTILO, CFP, CLTC, CFBS, courtesy of Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company (MassMutual)

1

Who depends on me today and who might tomorrow?

This question should be at the core of your decision-making process. Spouses, partners and children are thought of as the most obvious dependents; however, there can be others – for example, parents, in-laws or siblings who, due to age, disability, or other circumstances, may be unable to care for themselves.

2

Who is providing for my dependents now?

Does someone in your family provide valuable non-financial support to those you care about? Think of the stay-at-home parent – the support they provide is just as valuable as any paycheck. Account for all who provide essential financial or non-financial support to your dependents.

3

What risks have I overlooked or not fully considered?

People may concentrate on the risk of death and overlook other risks to their well-being and livelihood (inability to work due to illness, an aging parent unable to care for themselves, a retiree confronting rising healthcare costs). Think broadly about what you face today or may face in the future.

4

Are my plans flexible enough?

There are ways that financial product solutions can be structured to provide flexibility and adjust with your evolving needs. When speaking with your financial professional, ask about flexible solutions that can be upgraded (or downsized) as events in your life unfold.

5

How do I pick the right financial professional?

When choosing a financial professional, work with someone who is not only competent, but inspires your trust and confidence. The best financial professionals are good listeners who seek to fully understand your circumstances and financial objectives before proposing possible solutions.

6

How do I pick the right financial services company?

Just as you would align yourself with a strong financial professional, you will want to do the same with financial services companies. Work with strong, stable companies that have received high marks from independent ratings agencies.

7 8

What if I already have a plan?

Even the best financial strategies should be revisited and updated regularly. Common life events like marriage, having children, changing jobs, or even moving, can affect your approach – even a milestone birthday. Regularly review your strategy with an advisor to ensure it is aligned with your objectives and appropriate for your circumstances.

What is the downside of putting this off?

Developing a financial strategy is a critically important activity that should not be rushed. However, by putting this off, we expose ourselves and our families to unnecessary risks and lost opportunities. By actively focusing on this process, you can help protect and shape your future.

9

What am I waiting for?

You should now know what to consider as you develop your financial strategy and how to secure the best resources to turn it into a reality. Take the next step by doing additional research on your own or seeking guidance from an experienced financial professional.

10

30 | March 2018 | E M P T Y

A MAN FOR ALL SEASONS: Whether it’s painted windows, steel sculptures, dragons, photography, jewelry, or tee shirts artist Mark Groaning has created them all. Mark recently spoke with the EC about his work, career, and what it takes to be an established artist.

C L O S E T

By RON COOK

EC: You work in so many media, metal, glass, paint, jewelry. Why so many?

MG: I’m what I call functional Attention Deficit Disordered. It’s difficult for me to focus on one thing for very long. I have lots of things to say and one medium just doesn’t express what I want to say. There’s a lot of different ways to say something. I’ve got a lot of things I want to say and just painting doesn’t do it. I have to do it in steel; I have to do it in glass. Different media present different obstacles and challenges but also express themselves in a variety of ways.

Once I get comfortable with a medium it doesn’t challenge me anymore and I have to move on.

EC: What haven’t you tried that you would like to try?

MG: I haven’t tried blown glass. I haven’t tried hot glass. I work with cold glass or warm glass.

Where I’m headed is simplifying how I showcase my work. In the past couple of years I’ve been scaling back on small things and letting the people who carry my work represent the smaller things. Now I’m showcasing mostly high end. The next time you see me in a show you’ll see me with like a maximum of five objects that I will bring with me, a portfolio, and plenty of time to talk to what you are seeing. I want to focus on my newer, more challenging pieces -- soundscapes that go with my metal sculptures, things that guys can get into, things women can get for their guys, things guys can get for their guys.

EC: What are your plans for 2018?

MG: Large format wall sculptures, prints on steel, prints on acrylic as a background and the foreground will be metal landscapes sculptures.

Minimalism. Simplify. Let some of the materials I have been working with speak. I just got back from a seven thousand mile trip around the west and took thousands of photographs. I want to translate those images into steel and glass.

EC: What’s you work schedule like?

Do you work set hours every day?

MARK GROANING

MG: No. I would have to say I’m always working.

It just depends on where I happen to be. If I’m at the metal shop a metal piece is going to come out; at home it’s going to be digital illustrations or glass. It’s based on commissions too. Definitely not a set schedule.

EC: Talk a little bit about the business side.

Do you enjoy it?

EC: How do you know when a piece is done?

MG: When the piece stops talking to me.

Every design from a drawing to any sculpture, jewelry, whatever there’s a conversation that’s happening. When it stops saying ‘grind me more’ or ‘paint me.’ It’s basically a conversation.

When the conversation stops, or we are both happy, it’s done.

MG: No. I would rather just be left alone to create my work and have someone else take care of the business side of it. I’d rather be in a little seaside shack in Portugal creating my stuff and have somebody come by and drop off a check with some food and liquor and take my artwork away and come back in a month.

(Laughs.)

EC: When you sell one of your pieces how do you feel? Regrets?

MG: With most pieces I’m just happy the person found it…the person it was supposed to go to. That it’s found its right home. They are all my children. I believe that everything that I create I’m creating for someone. Hopefully I’m creating it for someone who just hasn’t found it yet. Sometimes they find it right away; sometimes it takes years and years.

EC: You’re able to make a living making art.

MG: Not alone! Not alone! Having a partner, always having a partner that can help during some of the slower times. Constantly reinventing myself, constantly listening to what people want.

I keep coming back; I keep showing up, I keep trying different things.

EC: Any advice for young artists?

EC: What’s the best part of being an artist?

MG: Living the dream. The best part is having people who have been following you. I have been in the Rochester area for over thirty years so I’ve had people who came to me and bought things from me when they were kids, when they were teenagers, who are now coming back to me and saying we bought something from you for fifteen dollars thirty years ago and now we just got our first house and our kids have left the house and we want you to make this. I like that people remember me and follow me so many years.

MG: Yeah. Get a second job. Absolutely. That’s not even a joke. It’s radically difficult to be an artist, to be a self-supporting artist. This is what happens, when you’re young you decide you like art. You see other artists who are making it.

You rarely know the back story. Who’s helping with the bills? What have they done to get to where they are? What other jobs do they have that you don’t know about? Do a job that pays the bills and do your art on the side. If you want to be a full-time artist it’s going to take an incredible amount of work. You have to be very adaptable. Sometimes you have to take commissions you don’t want to do just to survive. It’s a luxury to be able to turn down work.

EC: Many, many, many years from now what do you want your epitaph to say?

EC: What’s your favorite place to visit?

What place inspires you?

MG: (Laughter) “Here lies a man who tried everything and stuck with the best.” That’s weird!

MG: From Joshua Tree, California to Portugal.

Our trip to Portugal was tremendous.

Consequently so was several thousand miles of driving from here to Texas though California and up to Boulder. That was inspirational.

EC: The worst thing about being an artist?

MG: Poverty! (Laughs). Artist block and poverty.

Not having enough money in the beginning to do anything. Knowing it takes money to make money and having no money.

EC: What do you dislike about the “art world”?

MG: Art shows used to be more about “Hey this is what I do”. Like I do now: “hey this is what I do and here’s my portfolio.” Now it’s “look at all the stuff I have for twenty bucks and here’s a thousand of them and they’re everywhere and this is what my booth is all about.” It’s become less about showing art and more about making a living.

Introducing SHORTS: fun art classes for kids, adults and families that only meet once or twice at MAG! For families and kids: Try Start with Art for an adult and a little one. It’s Fabulous for kids (ages 6 to 10) to take alone, and our Tour & Activity for any size group of kids. We also offer Kids Create Date every Saturday from 12 to 2.

For adults: Try stained glass, drawing (drop & draw!), and jewelry making! Or our always fun Art Social program every Thursday night!

Contact the Creative Workshop for more information and registration details.

500 University Ave., Rochester 14607 | 585.276.8959 mag.rochester.edu/creativeworkshop

FEARLESS IS BREAKING DOWN BARRIERS Meet Meredith and Sady - our faces of fearless for our LGBTQ employees. They are leading our employees and our community by providing a voice for those who may not have one. They honor the women they admire by being fierce advocates of diversity.

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CHRISTOPHER WHEELDON Illustration: Don Oehl; Logo: Esther Wu

MARCH 20-25, 2018

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34 | March 2018 | E M P T Y

THE SCENE:

C L O S E T

@OUTALLIANCEROC

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4 1 By Their Side reception for Center for Youth, Feb. 4 2 Ambush Rochester @ The Spirit Room, Feb. 9 3 Drag Brunch @ Edibles Restaurant, Feb. 11 4 Drag Bingo @ Three Heads Brewing, Jan. 29

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5

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5 The Red Ball: Red Carpet Glam, Feb. 10 6 Out Alliance Major Donor Reception @ The Brainery, Feb 16 7 Black Crowned Entertainment Vogue Masterclass, Feb. 9

Let’s make his future one that you’ll be proud of.

At MassMutual New York State, we understand the unique financial needs of the LGBTQ community and can help you build financial strategies to ensure your loved ones are protected. For more than 165 years, MassMutual has helped policyowners on their quest for financial freedom.

Marlene Dattilo, Financial Professional MassMutual New York State 585-485-0194 madattilo@financialguide.com • www.ny-state.massmutual.com

Insurance Representative of Massachusetts Mutual Life Insurance Company (MassMutual), Springfield, MA 01111-0001, and its affiliated US Insurance companies. Local sales agencies are not subsidiaries of MassMutual or its affiliated companies. Insurance products issued by MassMutual, Springfield, MA 01111, and its subsidiaries, C.M. Life Insurance Co. and MML Bay State Life Insurance Co., Enfield, CT 06082. Marlene Dattilo is a registered representative of and securities offered through MML Investors Services, LLC, Member SIPC and a MassMutual subsidiary. Supervisory Office: 300 Corporate Parkway, Suite 216N, Amherst, NY 14226. 716-852-1321. As of November 2017, the Human Rights Commission announced that MassMutual scored 100 percent on its Corporate Equality Index (CEI), and was named a Best Places to Work. CRN202012-219051

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ROCHACHA CITY HOMOSCOPES: TAURUS

APRIL 20 – MAY 20 Whatever you do this month, you must tip a drag queen. And it must be a big tip. Fortune will smile on you if you do so. Fortune is the name of the drag queen.

ARIES

MARCH 21 – APRIL 19 If you’re single, you’re going to have a threesome this month. If you’re part of a couple, you will forget your partner’s birthday which means they will break up with you, so now you’re single and can partake in that threesome. This is the circle of life.

CANCER

JUNE 21 – JULY 22 Chew your food carefully this month. And make sure all your friends and relatives know how to perform the Heimlich maneuver.

Don’t want to see you choke on a breadstick at Olive Garden again.

LEO

JULY 23 – AUG. 22 You’re going to enter into a new Sub/Dom relationship this month.

It’s hard to tell if you’re going to be the master, so be prepared to be on your knees a lot just in case.

VIRGO

GEMINI

MAY 21 – JUNE 20 People like you because you are bisexual. Don’t be too fickle or the right guy or gal may pass you by.

No one likes a fickle bisexual.

AUG. 23 – SEPT. 22 This month stay away from all new people who claim to be Leos unless you’re okay with being a submissive and like to do other people’s laundry.

LIBRA

SEPT. 23 – OCT. 22 There is light at the end of the tunnel. Schedule an appointment with a proctologist right now!

SCORPIO

OCT. 23 – NOV. 21 Big, furry bears will surround you this month. Good luck in your new sales position at the Build-A-Bear Workshop at the mall!

CAPRICORN

DEC. 22 – JAN. 19 That rash is going to clear up this month. So go out and celebrate.

The dance floor is yours to reign.

AQUARIUS

JAN. 20 – FEB. 18 Some call you a lone wolf. But you’re going to have a good time with some dirty little piggies in the very near future. Don’t be afraid to play in the mud. Oink Oink!

SAGITTARIUS

NOV. 22 – DEC. 21 If you identify as male, this is a good month for you to grow a beard. If you identify as female, this is a good month for you to shave your beard.

PISCES

FEB. 19 – MARCH 20 Don’t confuse love with loneliness this month. YOU’RE LONELY!!!

You’re not in love! Don’t be fooled.

There is always next month.

By TROY ROBINSON

CALL FOR SUBMISSIONS: Amanda & Katharina’s Interview Series

WHERE THE IDEA FOR AN INTERVIEW SERIES CAME FROM: Amanda Cole and Katharina Jackson will bring you monthly interviews of kickass LGBTQ+ community members, starting in April. They both work in the service industry in Rochester and are frequently seen behind the bar. Here’s what they had to say, and how you can get involved.

Unfortunately, the two of us have never had the privilege of working together. We frequently find ourselves getting together after our shifts and talking about the inspiring LGBTQ+ people we get to meet in our highly public line of work. We can’t wait to tell each other about our favorite patron of the night and we’ll end up talking for hours about the LGBTQ+ community we wish we could do more with and for. We knew we wanted to contribute our own sass and queerness to the EC and we found our answer.

WHAT WE HOPE TO DO WITH OUR INTERVIEW SERIES:

Our interviews will be female/femme LGBTQ+ focused but certainly not exclusively so. While everyone we interview will be comfortably “out” of the closet we do want to send our love and respect to everyone worthy of an interview that’s not able to be “out.” Please nominate other out members of the community you would like to see interviewed. We LOVE to meet new folks! Each month’s interview will have a slightly different focus i.e. health, artists, activists, performers, and businesses.

We are presently looking to interview anyone in the community who works in the wedding business!

Please email us at AKInterviews@outalliance.org with any nominations of folks to interview!

Martha M. Howden, LCSW, CASAC: Anxiety Depression Alcohol Stress Grief Relationships Family Plan Rectification Work Holotropic Breathwork Specializes in work with individuals and families in the coming out process 945 E Henrietta Road, Suite A6 Rochester, NY 14623 T: 585. 272. 1760 F: 585. 272. 8986 Most insurances accepted

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