Gay Weddings and Marriage Magazine Winter 2015 by Gay Weddings and Marriage Magazine

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from the editor

get to read love stories every day. I read about how couples met, how they fell in love and how they married. What job could be better? But in this edition, we decided to go beyond the wedding day bliss and blur. We heard from couples that have been together from 1 to 27 years. In this edition, we feature their love and their life stories. Their advice is invaluable, and I hope every couple takes the time to read their words.

I’m also excited to introduce our new interns to you. Bri and Jay have been married a year, and they bring fresh ideas and creativity to the GWM team. Welcome!

EDITOR’S PICK

I can get lost in the isles of an antique store. There is an adorable location near me called Merchant Square, and over 200 merchants display their items there. I make sure I have plenty of time and some good music to listen to while I meander among the trinkets, books, art and clothes. This is where I found the two small tin pots for our succulent themed shoot. I know teacups are often used with succulents, but not every wedding will lean towards the flowers and delicacy that a teacup provides. I fell in love with the small pouring tins, because I thought they maintained masculinity while still being delicate. I hope you enjoy searching for these small finds while preparing for your event!

ON THE COVER

Grecia and Julieta have known each other since childhood. They were married on March 21st, 2015. Photographer: Efraín Arcadia O’Connor

PUBLISHER/ EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Renee Clancy

CREATIVE DIRECTOR Misty Voitovski

WEBSITE/ SOCIAL MEDIA Scott Rogers

WRITERS

Michael Eric Brown, Donna Capodelupo, Megan Chase, Jonel Waldrup

ADVISORS

Jennifer Babbitt, Erik Earl, Wendy Clancy, Jennifer Ekern

CONTRIBUTORS

Boojum Tree, Z Gallerie

GWM INTERNS

Bri Messamore, Jay Wilkinson

COMMENTS OR QUESTIONS? Contact Renee at: renee@gayweddingsmag.com www.gayweddingsandmarriage.com

Correction from Fall 2015: Fizelwink Photography (www.fizelwink.com) photographed the beautiful wedding of Alesha and Lindsey on May 23, 2015 at the Hotel Albuquerque.

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Gay Weddings & Marriage Magazine is published four times a year. © 2015, all rights reserved. Reproduction or use of content in any manner without permission by the publisher is strictly prohibited. Opinions expressed in columns and articles do not necessarily reflect the views of the publisher. Printed at Publication Printers Corporation.

In this issue Gay Weddings and Marriage Magazine / Winter 2015

Relationship Tips Must Have Conversations Before Your Vows

DIY Tips Writing Your Wedding Vows

Real Weddings Grecia & Julieta

Married Life In Sickness and In Health

Real Weddings

Meet the Interns Newlywed Questionnaire

DIY Tips Unique Guest Memory Table

Real Engagements Joshua & Carlo

Etiquette Tips Wedding Jewelry

Real Weddings Sarah & Kathrin

Not So Newlywed Advice from Real Couples

DIY Tips Succulent Themed Wedding Ideas

Venue Tips The “Backyard” Wedding

Janna & Blanca

DIY Checklist The One and Only Real DIY Wedding Checklist

Featured Vendor Dynamic DIY Design

Real Weddings Derrick & Mike

Tip of the Month Z Gallerie Table Settings

Real Weddings Philip & Ryan

Transgender Times Cameron & Melanie Whitley

Have Love... Will Travel Brian & Winston

Real Weddings Jesse & Nick

Real Weddings Walleska & Johanna

Real Weddings Gabriel & Pavana

Cake Consultation Tips Your Wedding Cake Should Reflect Your Personality

Real Weddings Suzy & Charlene

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meet the interns NEWLYWED QUESTIONNAIRE

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? We were married on May 8th, 2015, so about 4 months but started dating March 1st, 2011.

WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELVES OPPOSITES? OR MORE SIMILAR? Definitely opposites. We think so much alike, but our personalities are different even though we act completely silly together.

WHAT HAS CHANGED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP SINCE YOU GOT MARRIED? Not much has changed in our relationship, we have always been happy, but we have undoubtedly become closer.

WHAT ARE THE BIGGEST OBSTACLES YOU HAVE HAD TO OVERCOME IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? Communication for sure. Figuring out what was on each other’s mind was the hardest when we first started getting serious.

HOW DO YOU KEEP AN OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION? Being best friends. We are always around one another, getting on nerves, and talking. We do everything together so it is always easy to figure out what’s going on.

WHAT IS YOUR THEORY ON ARGUING? A NECESSARY EVIL OR SOMETHING TO BE AVOIDED? A necessary evil. Lol; If arguments are avoided, the frustration builds up. It is never okay to avoid something you are involved in everyday.

WHAT IS THE BEST PART ABOUT BEING MARRIED? Spending the rest of our lives together, learning together, growing together, laughing and crying together. Not every part is laughter but is always worth getting through.

DO YOU PLAN TO START A FAMILY? WHY OR WHY NOT? ABSOLUTELY. We are wanting to adopt at least one and Bri is wanting to carry at least one. Having children is something we are extremely certain about and is important. If we were in a position to have them now, we would.

WHEN LIFE GETS BUSY, WHAT DO YOU DO TO STAY FOCUSED ON EACH OTHER? Making time for your spouse is very important. Let’s be honest, if you aren’t, who is? We always try to watch a movie together before we go to sleep if we cant go out. If we are able to go out, we do. Going to clubs with each other has actually been a good bonding experience for us, though it may seem odd.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO A COUPLE THAT IS JUST ENGAGED? Always make sure you are giving attention to one another. Put your phone away at dinner, open the door for them, cook breakfast together, and laugh together. Also, keep a healthy sex life. That is just as important as anything else, but remember, it’s the little things that count the most.

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DIY tips

POLAROID INSTANT CAMERA + BRANCHES

= UNIQUE GUEST MEMORY TABLE Don’t forget small clips and a marker for guests to sign their picture and clip it to your tree. 1 POLAROID: PIC-300P: $79.99 (Amazon) 2 ORNAMENTAL BRANCHES: $4.99 (Michaels) 3 MINI CLOTHESPINS: $3.99 (Michaels) 4 OVAL GALVANIZED CONTAINER: $12.99 (Michaels)

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Real engagements

JOSHUA & CARLO October 22, 2015 / Something Blue Wedding Photography

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Real engagements

HOW DID YOU MEET? We met in December of 2011 through an online, gay singles social network. Josh introduced himself and gave me his number, and we had our first dinner date at Mr. Chow’s in midtown Manhattan. We’ve been together ever since. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOGETHER? We’ve been together for four years, and have been living together in Jersey City for a year and a half. WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELVES OPPOSITES? OR MORE SIMILAR? At our core, we have the same values and goals in life, which is probably why we do well together in a relationship. But, there are subtle personality differences that complement each other. What one of us isn’t good at, the other typically is and together we feel we make great team. WHY DID YOU CHOOSE TO DO ENGAGEMENT PICTURES? This is a very special time not only in our relationship, but in the context of tolerance and acceptance in our country and many parts of the world. It’s important to remember that not long ago, our union wouldn’t have been possible. So, we wanted to capture this special moment in our lives and in history, so that it can be celebrated and won’t be forgotten. WHAT ARE THE BIGGEST OBSTACLES YOU HAVE HAD TO OVERCOME IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? In the beginning of our relationship, both of us were not completely out to everyone. We wouldn’t necessarily call the process of coming out an “obstacle”, but it certainly wasn’t without its challenges, and we’ve grown as individuals and as a couple from that process. We’re much freer now and more comfortable in our own skin.

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Real engagements

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TELL US ABOUT THE PLANS FOR YOUR WEDDING. WILL IT BE BIG, SMALL? WHY? We’ve always dreamed of having our wedding on the water, so we picked a venue we both love on the Long Island Sound and in the month of June. Hopefully it doesn’t rain, since we want to have our ceremony on the beach! We’re expecting anywhere between 150 and 200 guests. We still need to finalize our guest list- the hardest part of planning! DO YOU PLAN TO START A FAMILY AFTER YOU ARE MARRIED? WHY OR WHY NOT? This is something that we’ve been discussing more and more. We both agree that being parents is an experience we would like, but haven’t put a strict timetable on making that decision. We want to enjoy each other and experience as much as we can together before we take that step. We’re also fortunate to have a beautiful niece and nephew, so we’re enjoying being uncles and are taking in that experience, too.

WHEN LIFE GETS BUSY, WHAT DO YOU DO TO STAY FOCUSED ON EACH OTHER? We have an agreement that every month, one of us surprises the other with a weekend getaway or activity. That helps keep things interesting but also gives us an opportunity to spend quality time together. We also do our best to go to bed at the same time, and while it isn’t always possible, it’s a good goal to aim for. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO A COUPLE THAT IS NEWLY ENGAGED? Enjoy it! Celebrate your life and love together in any way you can because it really can be the “honeymoon” stage that so many people talk about. Also, be aware that engagements and weddings can be a cause of stress or strain on a relationship or family- it’s just a reality. Accept it, allow space for it, and try not to lose sight of the big picture. Try not to unnecessarily complicate the process more than it needs to be, and focus on enjoying how special a time it is in your relationship.

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etiquette tips

RONY TALKS: WEDDING JEWELRY ETIQUETTE

“The New Etiquettes of the Rainbow” By Rony Tennenbaum he institution of marriage has been around for generations, while the legalization of same sex marriages has only been around for one decade. It is no surprise that with the Supreme Court’s ruling on June 26 of this year to legalize same sex marriage on a national platform, that we as a community are still playing catch up with our protocols and etiquettes to marriage traditions. Not that couples have not been getting married, or proposing, or even getting engaged over the past decade, but with federal law recognizing our marriage as equal, the concept of “getting married” suddenly becomes more relevant. The interesting fact is that with no precedent to tell us how previous generations took the plunge (a gay man can’t ask himself “how did dad propose”), many couples struggle with the simplest of questions: Do we get engaged? Do we propose to one another? Do we have to wear matching rings? As a jeweler who interacts firsthand with both young (and old) same sex couples in search of engagement and wedding rings, I can honestly say many couples are still unclear as to what the emerging protocols are when approaching a topic as “proposing” or “seeking rings”. One of the most classic questions I get all the time is “Who proposes to

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whom?”. Consider this: our knowledge of each individual’s role in a couple has been etched in our mind as: man meets woman, man and woman fall in love, man proposes to woman with diamond ring, woman wears diamond, man and woman get gold bands at wedding and live happily ever after. Today’s dynamic is different. The new landscape of relationships includes two men or two women as a couple, or a transwoman and man, or transwoman and woman and so on. How do we accommodate rules of engagement when no “one” person has a defined role yet for being the proposer or proposee. We are finding out as we go along. As marriage became a reality, new sets of questions developed: How to propose, Who does it first, Should we both get engagement rings, Does protocol dictate I kneel on one knee, Do I ask the father of the bride, Do we wear matching rings, and the list goes on. These are relevant questions we never needed to consider till we were faced with the reality of legal marriage. Add to that complexity the combination of younger couples growing up with modern family values as a norm vs. older couples that have been together ten or twenty years already and now laws have been established around them. My partner and I have been together 22 years. Do we now get engaged after 22 years of being together? Do we get married? Do we exchange wedding vows? The social issues

are endless. And we are slowly beginning to understand and embrace them with enthusiasm as we see traditions evolving around us. One interesting component is that since the LGBT community has been fighting for so many years for the right to marry, we as a community kind of skipped over that beautiful right of passage in our relationship called: the engagement! So many couples I know never considered getting engaged and went straight for the wedding hall. This is finally beginning to change. I love seeing couples “proposing” more frequently now. While there is no right or wrong answer to who proposes to whom, I have witnessed trends within couples I have made rings for in recent years. While there are many gay or lesbian individuals who still want to surprise their loved one with a ring and a proposal, I have found more couples wishing each to propose to the other and in turn hear those magical words, “Yes I will marry you”. As for rings, while the romantic who secretly seeks out that engagement ring to propose to their loved one exists, I find most couples discuss marriage openly first, and then go searching for their perfect rings together. Some couples

etiquette tips get matching rings, though I find the norm and perhaps the more commonly practiced path is to get unique rings to match each one’s personality. I am a strong believer that a couple “maintain their individuality within their couplehood”. Someone asked me recently where I believe marriage is headed. I answered that: “We have lived for centuries with only one scenario for engagement and wedding etiquettes: man, woman, one engagement ring and a walk down the aisle. That one scenario is going to morph and evolve into countless scenarios of man/man, woman/woman, transwoman/transwoman, of entire

families with children getting married and so on. The combinations are going to be endless, and with them the “love” will be stronger than ever. So as we continue forward with new laws established to protect our modern day families, we will find more traditions evolve to suit our lifestyles, our personalities, and our individuality better. I say embrace them. Share them. Create traditions that suit your family. And above all always live happily ever after. Someday. Somewhere. Is here and now.

One interesting component is that since the LGBT community has been fighting for so many years for the right to marry, we as a community kind of skipped over that beautiful right of passage in our relationship called: the engagement! ABOUT THE DESIGNER Rony Tennenbaum is a fine jewelry designer specializing in contemporary wedding jewelry. In 2008 Tennenbaum introduced his own brand label of wedding jewelry targeting the same sex community, an untapped market at the time. While his designs were marketed in his early years primarily to an LGBT audience, Tennenbaum reminds us “there is no such thing as gay jewelry”. His lectures “The NEW Etiquettes of the Rainbow” and “Buying Diamonds in the Age of Equality”, are an important educating tool he uses to address the growing demand for protocols from the LGBT community. His wedding jewelry is designed with fashion

forward thinking, a trend far exceeding just the LGBT customer. With millennial consumers arriving at engagement and marriage age, Tennenbaum believes contemporary wedding jewelry like his will be in even greater demand over the next decade. Based in NYC, Tennenbaum continues to develop modern, contemporary wedding jewelry for trend setting couples. Featured in countless articles as well as selected as one of INSTORE’s top 10 innovators of 2015. He writes columns for several LGBT publications on the growing etiquettes in the same sex community and continues to inspire youth on becoming successful in the age of Equality.

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Real Weddings

SARAH & KATHRIN August 15, 2015 / Photography by Sascha Reinking

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Real Weddings

HOW DID YOU MEET? We first met at a party almost eight years ago already. At the time it was only a very superficial acquaintance and since then we have been together for four years. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE YOUâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;VE HAD TO OVERCOME AS A COUPLE? The hardest part was the journey to find each other. That took some time. WHAT DO YOU LOVE THE MOST ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE? What I love the most is that I can rely on Katrin. No matter what time, I know that she would catch me. And that I can trust her 100%. I love it but I just always know what she thinks, and we have so incredibly much fun together and constantly make nonsense. I also love that I can rely on Sarah 100% of the time, her affectionate nature and that she is always the pillar of strength for me. DESCRIBE YOUR WEDDING DAY. Our wedding day was very emotional. We were up early on the wedding morning and could not sleep because of nervousness. Of course, we also were a little scared because this is not so commonplace, to be married and photograph in front of so many people. At 10 oâ&#x20AC;&#x2DC;clock in the morning came our stylist Amy Klewitz. They then took away all our concerns and they were so funny and cute. We talked so well with her and she also helped us loosen up. After we were made up and styled, we quickly sent a picture of us to our family. Then we went from the hotel to Ladies Pavilion in Central Park by taxi. They still had a small Action cam there and they attached it to the Pavilion, so that we could hold the ceremony and have a little reminder. Then a band started to play in the background. The moment on the spot was so beautiful, great weather, a beautiful view of the lake and the skyscrapers. Jackie made our speech so emotional that we started to cry right at the first word. The ceremony was so beautiful and Jackie is so incredibly warm.

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After the ceremony we started walking with Sascha and had a few pictures taken in Central Park. Then we took a few pictures on the street and in the subway. We ended our day then in Brooklyn Bridge Park. Although Kathrin and I do not like to be so bold in public, Sascha took away our fear. We felt so comfortable with him. He does it in such a sweet and easy-going nature that we were totally self-confident. We were suddenly in the middle of people posing for pictures, although you could never imagine otherwise. We really forgot everything around us and were able to enjoy it to the fullest. The fact that so many people in New York have congratulated us and shouted and cheered us really touched us. As a surprise, there was still a wedding gift from the family. We got a helicopter flight over Manhattan. The day was really amazing. Unforgettable and beautifully. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART? I think we have no favorite part. The day was great and everything worked great. Every moment was so beautiful that we can only say that the whole day was so memorable. WERE THERE ANY SURPRISES (GOOD OR BAD) THAT HAPPENED? I (Sarah) only found out on the wedding

day that I got the helicopter ride, which was a huge surprise! IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT THAT DAY, WHAT WOULD IT BE? WHY? Wholeheartedly absolutely nothing. Really nothing. We enjoyed it, everything worked great. All three (Amy, Jackie, Sascha) we would not want to miss, because it was with them just a very great day. NOW THAT THE WEDDING IS OVER, WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS OR FUTURE PLANS AS A MARRIED COUPLE? I think we have no specific goals now that we are married. I think honesty is always the most important. And otherwise we think almost always exactly the same, which makes planning for the future quite pleasant. In a few years we want children. Perhaps someday even a home. But this is all still in the stars. And the most important thing is that you have each other. Everything else will be seen where the road takes you. Officiant: Jackie Reinking Ceremony Site: Ladies Pavilion, Central Park New York Hair: Kathrin: Amy Klewits Makeup: Amy Klewitz Note: This questionnaire was translated from German; the coupleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s original language.

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Real Weddings

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not so newlywed

ADVICE FROM REAL COUPLES Oscar & Gary scar de las Salas and Gary Jackson experienced a heartbreaking event on their wedding day. A heckler shouted homophobic slurs throughout their ceremony. This one hateful person destroyed their moment of happiness. Luckily, the City of Coronado stepped in to give Oscar and Gary the wedding of their dreams soon after. Friends and family celebrated their union in an elegant wedding on Coronado Island. We

visited with Oscar and Gary a year after their San Diego ceremony to see if the newlyweds have any advice for other couples preparing to tie the knot. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOGETHER? Oscar: We have been together as a couple for nearly 8 years, one year married, but we were friends about 5 years before getting together. WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELVES OPPOSITES? OR MORE SIMILAR? Oscar: We are opposite in many ways, starting from our cultures and backgrounds (I am Hispanic, while Gary is Anglo). We have different styles, points of view and careers, but we are very similar within our family and relationship values. We share our love for the world of arts, music and healthy living; we value our family, our friends and coworkers. We

respect our political points of view and love our community. Gary: We are very different on many levels in our approach to life, but it has provided a balance for both of us. I call Oscar fearless on many levels and he is relentlessly willing to put himself into new situations without wavering. My nature to analyze first can often provide a perspective he does not consider, while his courage inspires me to be more adventurous. DO YOU THINK THIS MAKES FOR A HAPPIER MARRIAGE? Oscar: The fact that we are different in many aspects allows us to keep discovering each other, bringing new reactions and different points of view when we are in front of situations, but also allowing us to know what would be our reactions on any given time.

PHOTO BY CARL SCHULTZ / LOCATION: THE CROFT, DOWNTOWN PHOENIX

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not so newlywed Gary: Opposites can be, well, opposing, but I think happiness in marriage, whether opposite or similar, comes from unconditional acceptance of who your spouse is. It doesn’t mean everything we do is perfect or that we do not negotiate on some issues, but there are no deal breakers when you love them for who they are at their core. The rest is just the stuff surrounding the wonderful key parts of the person you chose to spend your life with. WAS THE FIRST YEAR JUST LIKE YOU IMAGED IT WOULD BE? OR WERE THERE ANY SURPRISES THAT CAME YOUR WAY? Oscar: While the start of our wedding had a very intense emotional charge due to our very public story, it allowed us to be stronger. Starting with so much awareness and support of our wedding day situation, from messages from all over the world with much support, to the opposite emotions. Our lives are the same as they were, but it amazed us how those not directly involved with our day rallied in support of our marriage, and united around our community. The recognition of our union, first of all by our friends, and then politically and constitutionally has been my biggest surprise in our first year together. Gary: I think that the biggest surprise to me, after years of not even considering marriage – and mostly dismissing it as unneeded – I was truly surprised at how much it meant to me as it happened. And more so, as I realized I was a married man! It actually stunned me how that expression of our commitment as well as the legal marriage meant so much to me. It provided a security in relationship that I had not ever experienced. My husband stood there in front of our friends and me and chose to spend his life with me. That alone is the most important and relevant gift anyone has ever given me. HOW DO YOU KEEP AN OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION? Oscar: Since our friendship days, we have kept a very open book when it comes to conversations, from whom we were, to where we are in life and our expectations. Our key is to talk about any subject at any level and without any censorship, and it allows us to react accordingly and address any alarm or red flag.

Gary: I think it is about prioritizing, as weird as that sounds. Spouses could be absolutely honest about every little thing in our world, but how many of those things are really important? Nitpicking and criticism can be categorized as ‘honest’, but is it really doing anything for anyone but letting the nitpicker vent about the toothpaste tube? I try to avoid the irrelevant criticisms and focus on dealing openly on the things that matter to us. That seems to work for us. WHAT IS YOUR THEORY ON ARGUING; A NECESSARY EVIL, OR SOMETHING TO BE AVOIDED? Oscar: We believe that arguing is the result of lack of communication, or lack of honesty. We do argue pacifically when the moment comes, knowing that there are different positions, but respect each other’s positions and spaces. With me being the Latino, I am the hotter blooded, one, but it is not a matter of temperament but is a cultural matter. For better or worse, Gary understands that I come from an emotionally driven culture. Gary: I just listen and say, “Si, Papi.” That seems to work well. WHAT IS THE BEST PART ABOUT BEING MARRIED? Oscar: Have you heard of “wedding bliss”? Well, that is it. There is not one thing; it is all of it. It is a very strong connection with each other, it is the ability to face life together, to know each other’s strengths and disappointments, and it is to be able to open your heart and say what is happening with no hesitation. Perhaps for us it is simply the ability to be married like any other human being in our society and have the guarantees and responsibilities of marriage. Gary: The fact that we are married. Our relationship prior to marriage has always been something that I feel very lucky to have found. But that beautiful wedding ring brought a level of connection that is immeasurable. Just knowing that we are on the same path together is remarkable. I now have someone who has made the same commitment to me as I made to them. I actually feel a freedom in having someone that is exclusively mine.

DO YOU PLAN TO START A FAMILY? WHY OR WHY NOT? Oscar: We have talked about the matter, from IVF, to adoption (which we tried), to guardian, but the opportunities have slipped between paperwork and desk to desk. We are at an age where it might be better to sponsor someone or care for an adult in formation rather that starting from a newborn or a toddler. We both are family men. Gary: I would love to provide love and support to a family. I never thought that would be an option for me, but I actually surprised Oscar a year or so back stating I wanted to have kids. Ever want to experience the most amazing wonder and innocence in life? Take a child to Disneyland. We spent one day with his four-year-old nephew and it changed my perspective on children forever. WHEN LIFE GETS BUSY, WHAT DO YOU DO TO STAY FOCUSED ON EACH OTHER? Oscar: Dinnertime, a coffee together, a Skype call, a text message to know that the other one is there is enough. We both are professionals and both have a very active public life, so we understand that limitation. When time and funds permit, we simply leave the city and take time for us, and even 24 hours is enough. Gary: You have to make for one-on-one time – no television, no social media – just the two of you. And be sure to get some laughs. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO A COUPLE THAT IS NEWLY ENGAGED? Oscar: The intensity of your time together will allow you to know the projection of who you are as a couple, as an item, or as one; do not rush, never rush, into marriage. The firm idea of living with someone is not necessarily marriage; it goes beyond living in one space. Spend time together, experience life together, learn from each other all reactions, and talk about the future, always help to know what expectations are traced for each individual. Gary: As you plan the wedding, tensions will rise. Understand that the wedding will never be perfect, things will go wrong, and not every friend or family member can be pleased – but you can keep the focus continued on page 64

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DIY tips

UNIQUE WAYS TO USE SUCCULENTS

IN YOUR WEDDING

1 GUEST GIFTS: Your guests will remember your wedding every day when they look at the potted succulent they were gifted at your event. 2 INVITATIONS: Use succulents in your invitations for a consistent and elegant theme. (Invitations by White Lace Stylists, whitelacestylists.com) 3 VINTAGE CENTERPIECE: Incorporate vintage tin pots in your dĂŠcor for a natural and personalized feel. Location: Boojum Tree, www.boojumtree.com / Clay Pots: $1.29 (Michaels) / Succulents: $2.95 (Home Depot) / Flags: $3.99 (Michaels) / Vintage Pots: $7.95 (Local antique market) / Invitations: $1.85 (White Lace Stylists)

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venue tips

TO VENUE OR NOT TO VENUE The “Backyard” Wedding By Karen Podrasky, KDP Events o away with your preconceived notion that having a backyard celebration is a simple and less expensive way to wedding. By “backyard wedding,” we mean a space that does not have the inventory, staff, amenities (per se), that a venue may offer. This could include a stately state park, mountain meadow, or brilliant beach. Venues often offer package or bundled vendors and may take much of the work and time out of the wedding planning and execution process. Backyard weddings, however, lend themselves to an intimate atmosphere. They are often selected due to the personal meaning the space has to the marrying couple. These spaces can be a canvas for DIY touches. The rules for bringing in your own decor, food, entertainment, are typically eased up considerably. Some ideas to personalize are: • Seating could be bales of hay or tree stumps from the surrounding forest.

• Sweet treats made from a family recipe could be given to guests as favors, or an addition to the desserts of the evening • Decor may have the couple’s logo or initials • Signage can be created to be one of a kind pieces of art. When planning a backyard wedding ceremony and reception these are a few of the details that need to be considered in addition to making the event look and taste beautiful: • Ceremony seating • Access for guests who may have physical disabilities or challenges • Prep kitchen (dependent upon caterer needs) • Bathrooms • Adequate electricity and water • Ability to store/haul trash • Reception furniture (tables, chairs, linens, etc.) • Access for vendors to deliver, set up, clean up • Alternate plan if weather doesn’t permit outdoor celebrating • Parking

Obtaining liability insurance to cover the host(s) can easily be done through a variety of avenues. Especially when alcohol is served, this is a good idea. Check with your personal insurer (the company who carries your homeowners, renters, vehicle, etc.) is a good place to start. Search the internet for ratings from other brides and grooms on their preferred insurance companies. If you have always dreamed of having a backyard wedding, just be mindful that it may be a bit more work than it presents itself to be. Go where your heart connects most deeply, but plan accordingly. Avid lover of the Southwest, Karen Podrasky spends her free time hiking, running, and trail journeying in her home state of Arizona. She is the owner and lead consultant for KDP Events, a wedding and event planning firm devoted to creating memorable and well-executed occasions. Karen has worked in the events realm for nearly 8 years, loving every moment with the teams of people and clients she has been privileged to serve.

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relationship tips

12 MUST HAVE CONVERSATIONS BEFORE YOU MAKE YOUR VOWS By Dr. Jim Walkup ave ever wondered what you need to talk about before you get married? As a marriage counselor for 40 years, I have selected these as the most important topics along with questions for you to explore before you say, “I do.”

H 1

MEANING OF YOUR MARRIAGE COMMITMENT A. Describe what commitment means to you as you make plans to walk down the aisle. Of all of the persons in your life that you have met and could have married, why are you choosing your partner? What attracted you to your partner initially and what do you believe your partner will help you become?

YOUR LIFE LONG GOALS A. What do you hope to achieve in the near future and the distant future in terms of your career? How do you plan to care for your community alone or separately? Do you hope to leave a legacy after you die?

YOUR MUTUAL EXPECTATIONS What do you expect of a marital partner in terms of emotional support during exciting times, depressed times, periods of illness and job loss? Is it important that you set aside one night just to be together alone to catch up with each other and have fun? Are you both clear how much alone time the other needs? How much time does your partner need to spend with friends separately and together? Agree on how much time is appropriate to give to work. How will you deal with times when one or both of you has reached a midlife career point and you need to change some aspects about your life?

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YOUR LIVING ARRANGEMENTS What kind of home will you feel comfortable in at the various stages of your life. How do you determine if a new career path or job is reason enough to move? Will you need to be close to your parents either now or as they get older?

WILL YOU HAVE CHILDREN AND IF SO HOW MANY? When do you plan to start a family? What kinds of philosophies did your parents have about child raising and do you agree or disagree? How does each of you intend to shape your children’s values? What kinds of punishment are appropriate or not appropriate?

HOW WILL YOU DEAL WITH YOUR MONEY? Brainstorm about your image of joint checking account or single accounts. Have a time for full disclosure about all past debt. Identify what savings your future plans will need. Who will pay for different expenses? Who will pay the bills? What amount of available money does each of you need to have to feel comfortable?

PARENTS AND IN-LAWS Anticipate how much time each of you will want to spend with your parents. Do you expect the other to be present? What do you expect of your partner when the parents are frustrated with the other?

HOW WILL YOU BALANCE THE HOME RESPONSIBILITIES? Share what you love to do around the house and what you hate and find a balance. Find ways to deal with the preferences for messy versus neat.

DO YOU AGREE ON ISSUES AROUND EROTIC MOMENTS TOGETHER? Talk openly about your expectations about frequency and types of sexual intimacy you desire. What is off limits? Explore what you expect when the other is not “in the mood.” HOW WILL YOU RESOLVE HEATED CONFLICTS? Reflect on how each of your parents resolved conflict. Promise to grant the other a ceasefire, if you are slipping into the “you always and you never” battle. Pick a time when your heartbeat settles down so that you can hear each other and look for win-wins.

SPIRITUAL LIFE Explore with each other how you find meaning and purpose in life and what supports that. If you enjoy a spiritual community, will you expect your partner to attend or the children?

AGREEMENT ABOUT EXTRAMARITAL RELATIONSHIPS Couples thrive when they maintain an exclusive bond. Explore what an outside relationship would mean to you. Covenant not to talk with someone who is not safe about your relationship with your partner since this opens the door to intimacy with someone else. Agree to seek relationship counseling if either of you begin to feel distant, or your conflicts keep you from enjoying each other. Dr. Walkup, licensed marriage and family therapist for over forty years and has been married for about the same amount of time. This article has been excerpted from his website at dr-jim. com, which includes many other articles on making relationships work. He has offices in NYC and White Plains. His email is jimwalkup@gmail.com. You can reach him at 914 548 8645.

DIY tips

HOW TO WRITE YOUR WEDDING VOWS By Megan Chase riting your wedding vows can be challenging. By the time you get around to marrying someone, hopefully you’ve already told him or her how much you love them – even possibly doing it everyday! Your vows are a much more public setting than your living room couch, so it’s understandable if the right words are escaping you in the process. These intimidating circumstances can be overcome, and with what you say being entirely up to you, there are a few tricks that can be used to make this experience what it’s meant to be – a truly wonderful privilege, not a daunting task.

RELAX. Take a shower or bath, go for a walk, enjoy a cup of tea or coffee – whatever it is that brings you to a Zen place. It’s easier to be inspired here. TAKE NOTES. Have you ever noticed that your writer friend carries around a notebook at all times? This isn’t a throwback to pre-technology oldfashioned journalism, but rather a key tool in catching ideas and inspiration as it comes to you throughout the day. It’s been proven that once you’ve begun writing, your brain subconsciously works on it, therefore giving you those, “Eureka!” moments experienced when doing things completely unrelated to your vows.

GO ON A DATE. This may sound silly, but as with anything in marriage, collaboration is key. Going on a date or evening stroll to discuss what you each have in mind will help ease the tension of the experience for you both. This doesn’t mean you should discuss what you plan to say to one another specifically, but rather the logistics of how your vows will be delivered. Some people are comfortable with the traditional exchange of minispeeches, while there are others who are more on the shy side and would perhaps be more comfortable with a back-andforth format. This would also give both of you the chance to catch your breath and keep a pace together, lessening the stress of having to keep a tempo on your own. CREATE AN OUTLINE. Don’t sit down and create an outline for a five paragraph essay, this isn’t an exercise your English teacher used to make you do but rather something to help guide your train of thought. There’s the option to trade outlines with your partner to see if you’re on the same page, but most couples prefer to keep their vows a secret until the big day. You can outline some questions to answer that may help, some examples being: • When did you know you were in love/ knew this was the person you wanted to marry? • What is your favourite memory of your partner?

• What does marriage mean to you? • What would you like the world to know about your partner? • Another tactic is to create three statements of what you love about your partner (declarations of love), and three statements of what you want to promise to your partner (vows). CHILDREN. If you and/or your partner have one child or multiple children, you may consider including them in your vows. You’re blending your families and they are the best parts of you, therefore you are sharing in a love bigger than just you and your fiancé – you’re sharing and celebrating the love of many beautiful souls. READ. Look for inspiration where few seem to travel these days, the classics. Traditional vows, classic writings, contemporary lines in books or online, popular culture, music lyrics, love letters exchanged between you and your partner, poetry or prose, can all be used as examples of where inspiration can be hiding. The personal touches will add authenticity and quality to your words, inside jokes are also adored – your guest will appreciate the connection you share. Try these steps to help guide your writing so that you are more apt to come out with something truly unique to both you and your relationship for your big day.

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Real Weddings

28 GWM / Winter 2015

GRECIA & JULIETA March 21, 2015 / Efraín Arcadia O’Connor fotografía

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Real Weddings

HOW DID YOU MEET? We met when, we were in middle school, I (Grecia) was 12 and she (Julieta) was 13. We got our first kiss in the sport class. We entered high school and we didn’t connect that often. When we entered the university we started to see each other more frequently, and finally, when I turned 26 I asked her out again. The love of my life, we started dating. That was two years ago, and in March of 2014, I invited Julieta to go skydiving, and I asked her the big question when we landed. We prepared the wedding over 12 months, and finally we got married on March, 21st, 2015. In an amazing wedding with all our family and friends, we had 200 guests, and everybody was dressed so nice. Today we have a home together. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOGETHER? Formally 2 years, but we’ve known each other for 17 years. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE YOU’VE HAD TO OVERCOME AS A COUPLE? Only the legal part, here in Mexico, it’s a little difficult to get married, so we had to do so many steps more than straight couples to get married. However we have so many friends and family who support us. WHAT DO YOU LOVE THE MOST ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE? Grecia: I love Julieta because she is so funny, and she is an actress so she is always making a lot of funny voices, and I love her because she is always so chill! Julieta: I love her intelligence, and her ability to make people follow their dream, because she inspires me to grow everyday professionally and emotionally. DESCRIBE YOUR WEDDING DAY: The wedding day was the most amazing day of our life; we had a massage the day before in some cabins we rented near the wedding location. We woke up at 8 am and we had breakfast, after that, the makeup guy, who is also our friend started to do my hair and makeup, and then Julieta’s hair. We ate a lot of things, we were so nervous. Finally the time arrived, it was 5 pm, the time of the reception, the driver arrived and we got into the truck, we were dying, we were so nervous, and sweating. When we arrived, all our family and friends were there. I almost ruined my flowers. When I walked to the Officiant, I saw all my family and friends, then Julieta came down from the truck, and the

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civil ceremony started. It was amazing, gathering our lives forever, in front of that amazing lake. We received some words from Julieta’s father and we danced our first dance, and some fireworks appeared at the end. After that, the mariachi arrived and we danced our favorite song called “Amaneci otra vez” from Jose Alfredo Jimenez, we listened to the mariachi for one hour. Then the party went until 12 am. Ho! And we both threw the bouquet. WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART? Grecia: When I came down from the truck and I saw all my family crying of happiness looking at me and clapping, and when we danced. Julieta: When we said our vows, and when we threw the bouquets. WERE THERE ANY SURPRISES (GOOD OR BAD) THAT HAPPENED? Our friends brought us a cake, and we didn’t know from where, but a dog appeared and ate the cake! But there was no problem, because we had a dessert table, and there was a tower of cupcakes in the dessert table, so we ate cupcakes! IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT THAT DAY, WHAT WOULD IT BE? WHY? Hum, that it ended so soon! We wanted to have another wedding of our dreams. NOW THAT THE WEDDING IS OVER, WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS OR FUTURE PLANS AS A MARRIED COUPLE? We have a language school together so we want it to grow, travel the world, and maybe in two years have a baby, Julieta first.

Location: Tepic, Nayarit, Mexico. Ceremony Music: The Soprano Carmina Tovar Lopez and her musicianas. Wedding Consultant: Grecia and Julieta, the brides Entertainment/DJ: Audio conceptos karma Ceremony Site: Santa Marias del Oro Lake. “La Nogalera” Linens: Mint-green bellow and white lace covers and the brides table cover made of white crochet and rattan Chairs Officiant: German Macedo and we also needed a lawyer his name is Alfonso Nambo. Rentals: Avantgarde chairs, and rounded tables. Reception Site: Santa Marias del Oro Lake. “La Nogalera” Lighting: Audio conceptos karma Reception Site Coordinator: Yaret Soltero and Brayan Vicencio

Invitations: Pad invitaciones Caterer: Santa Marias del Oro Lake, “La Nogalera” Wedding Cake: Claudio Valle and Tonny Garcia Alterations: We got the dresses from a designer made according to our sizes, Sergio Castro, Indumentaria Clothing/Gowns/Suits: Sergio Castro, Indumentaria Accessories: Zevach Florist: Ricardo Grano and Raul Arce. Bartenders: From Santa Marias del Oro Lake. “La Nogalera”, the place offers all the services you need for a wedding. Unusual Rentals: We had fireworks, Mariachi “El Quevedeño” Hair: Ulises Mercado Hair and make up. Videographer: The Wedding Film Crew Makeup: Ulises Mercado Hair and make up.

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married life

IN SICKNESS AND IN HEALTH

Circumstances change; love is constant By Donna Capodelupo hen we married in May 2004, my wife and I didn’t recite the words above. We felt they belonged to other couples -- generations of brides and grooms whose marriages bore little to no similarity to ours. Instead, we promised each other to live “secure in the certainty of enduring love,” and to “double each other’s joys and divide each other’s sorrows.” We meant every word we said, and I’m glad we made our ceremony unique and special. We were wrong about one

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thing, though. We were just like all those brides and grooms who came before us. The ones we thought were so different from us, simply by virtue of the fact that they loved someone of a different gender? It turns out that we could have used their vows and they would have fit us just fine. Because no matter how they say it, every couple that marries wants the same thing: someone to share the good times with and someone to lean on when the bad times come. Sharing the good times is easy. Romance is easy. Discovering all the

things you agree about is easy. Celebrating all the special milestones -- children, anniversaries, holidays, new jobs, retirement -- those things are easy. Good thing, too. Because there’s nothing easy about the bad times. It’s not easy to take on someone else’s burdens when you’re trying to carry your own. It’s not easy to admit mistakes and failures to the person in whose eyes you want to be perfect. It’s not easy to watch the person you love suffer in pain or in sadness. It’s not easy to find understanding on issues where you have deep and fundamental disagreement.

married life

…to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer or poorer, in sickness and in health … until death do us part. {Traditional wedding vows} One of the toughest things to remember is that the person you’re disagreeing with, suffering beside, being angered or hurt by (or angering and hurting) and burdening with your fears and worries is the person who loves you the most in this world. And is the person you love most in the world. By the very nature of their being human, they’re going to make mistakes. They’re going to be thoughtless sometimes. Quick to anger and slow to apologize. And you are, too. But because you expect them to act every day like the person who loves you most in this world, you will anticipate that they will always be pleasant, never say or do hurtful or thoughtless things, never lash out in anger, and always apologize the very second they commit their misdeeds. If you’re like Pam and me, you will have decades of togetherness in your rearview mirror before you stand up and say whatever vows you choose. You’ll already be acquainted with disappointments, arguments that have gone on too long and painful life experiences. You will also know that arguments end, disappointments are easier to bear when they are shared, and painful life experiences can draw you closer as you support each other through them. You also will know that whatever expectations you had will have been demolished long ago. As this edition arrives in your inbox or on your newsstand, we have begun our 33rd year together. A lot has changed since my 20-year-old self met and fell in love with Pam, who was then 25. If you’re newly in love and considering marriage already, our story may help you adjust your expectations.

I grew up thinking that I’d never marry, but knowing that I wanted a very stable, monogamous relationship. It was the 1970s, and I was proud of my mother’s success in the work world. However, I idolized my grandmother and wanted more than anything to be what she was: a wife. Or my idea of what a wife was at that time. I wanted a real partnership, but I was happy to be in the passenger’s seat, both literally and figuratively. Fast forward a decade, and there was Pam, who had the same traditional views as I. She, too, wanted a stable, monogamous relationship. The things I loved about her then are the things I still love about her today. She makes me feel safe. She’s intelligent and funny, compassionate and ethical, loves animals and children, and is a champion for the powerless. She was strong and athletic (me, not so much), practical and disciplined (again, not my strongest traits), and enjoyed driving the car, both literally and figuratively. I expected that she’d take care of me (you know, things like getting my inspection sticker when it was time, assembling my breakfast while I brushed my teeth, and shoveling the path to the mailbox), and that her self-assurance would insulate her from being hurt or offended by the slights and rejections we all inflict on each other. Pam enjoyed being my go-to person. She, too, had expected that our relationship would be defined, in part, by my great happiness at finding someone whose natural inclination was to be the one to “take care” of her partner. But then life happened. Pam’s athletic nature and physical strength were stolen by chronic illnesses that now prevent her from driving a car or even lifting a full pot of coffee. Stripped of the ability to

work and to function fully in the world, the self-assurance so evident when we first met has understandably and heartbreakingly diminished. For years, I have been the one driving the car. Increasingly, I’ve been the one taking care of her. I understand the lure of the arrangement. I can’t make Pam better, can’t cure her of the life-changing conditions she deals with daily, but when I’m powerless to do anything else, I can still demonstrate my love by getting her an ice cream cone or planting flowers in the yard. Except when I can’t. After years of being the healthy one, I’ve been diagnosed with a medical condition that limits my ability to work and to get around. Now that we’ve become accustomed to the complete about-face in the roles we’ve assumed in our relationship, things are changing again. Neither of us is ready. Pam very gracefully accepted being the patient. One of the ways she has dealt with the limits of her illness—and how they have impacted her instinct to take care of me— has been to adopt the “better me than Donna” philosophy. As long as she was experiencing the illness and I was the one “safe” in the waiting room, she was, in a sense, protecting me from harm. And I’ve grown accustomed to being a caretaker. I’m not sure I’ll be very good at giving up control with the same grace my wife has exhibited. What will happen next? We’ll let you know. I can tell you one thing, though. Whatever it is, we’ll be figuring it out together, secure in the certainty of enduring love … doubling each other’s joys and dividing each other’s sorrows. We promised. gayweddingsmag.com / GWM 33

Real Weddings

ame sex couple Blanca & Janna came all the way from San Antonio, TX to have their courthouse elopement ceremony followed by a marvelous portrait session with us in the New Orleans, French Quarter. With DIY bouquets and classic adornments to their tea length white gowns this turned out to be a beautifully classic session. The perfectly placed and unplanned bubbles at sunset are the peak to this session.

HOW DID YOU MEET? It’s a little cliché, but we met at a gay bar in San Antonio more than 5 years ago. Blanca says that she noticed me on several occasions before we actually met, but the timing was not right. Luckily we actually met at the perfect time in each other’s lives. DESCRIBE YOUR WEDDING DAY: Emotional and a bit hectic. Who knew an elopement could be so stressful? It all started in disbelief, the day we had been talking about for over 5 years was finally here! It was a little hard not having family or friends with us, but we were also elated to be able to make our commitment to each other legal. WERE THERE ANY SURPRISES (GOOD OR BAD) THAT HAPPENED? It rained ALL day, but rain is supposed to be good luck so we welcomed it and worked around it. Our photographers from M&A Photography did a great job capturing our special moments even through wet lenses. IF YOU COULD CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT THAT DAY, WHAT WOULD IT BE? WHY? We wouldn’t change a thing. The day was beautiful, fun and full of emotions. Location: Private Residence, Louisiana

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JANNA & BLANCA August 18, 2015 / M&A Photography

gayweddingsmag.com / GWM 35

DIY checklist

THE ONE AND ONLY Real DIY Wedding Checklist By Jonel Waldrup ost ‘Wedding Checklists’ contain items like “call the caterer” or “book the venue”. But what if your wedding is truly DIY, and you are the caterer? This list breaks down the major items to tackle before your wedding and gives you real DIY tips.

8 MONTHS

Choose your date. Don’t forget to take into account any other important dates (holidays, relatives’ birthdays and anniversaries, etc). Consider your wedding budget. How much can you afford to spend on your wedding? Build your guest list. Keep your budget in mind and calculate food costs. Choose your wedding party and notify them of your date. Venue. If you have a small budget or timeline, you might look at local parks or friends’ homes. Keep in mind where your guests will park, and don’t forget to consider any elderly or disabled guests’ needs. Can they walk through the park without assistance? Assign strong friends to assist anyone who may need help getting to your location if you don’t have another option. If you’re having your wedding outdoors, you might need to rent a tent in case of bad weather, or simply for comfort during the reception. For an indoor wedding, you’d be surprised that guests don’t mind standing during a short ceremony. If you are in a private home, there may not be a need for a large place for people to sit.

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Book your officiant. Who’s going to perform the ceremony? If you’re having a close friend become ordained for your wedding, give them plenty of time to obtain their credentials. Otherwise, be sure your officiant is available on your date. Photographer. If you’re hiring a photographer, now is the time to book them! Ask to see previous wedding portfolios to see if your styles mesh. If you’re having a friend take your photos, show them examples of the kinds of photos you want for your wedding. Have your friend take some pictures as an engagement session to give them some practice. Out of town guests. If you have a lot of people coming in from out of town, it’s a good idea to get in touch with some local hotels and see if you can hold some rooms for your guests. If this isn’t an option, talk to friends that might have guest rooms for some of your out of town visitors. Purchase or order your rings. If you need to order them, it could take time, so check with your jeweler to see how long it takes to get special orders in, and then add a few weeks “just in case.”

6 MONTHS

Food. Decide on your reception menu. If you’re having family or friends help out, get yourself on their calendars right away! Meet with them a month or two before the wedding to hammer down the details. Schedule plenty of time in the day or two before to do any

prep work. Perhaps you want a mix of homemade and catered food. Many restaurants will prepare a large batch of your favorite dish and let you pick it up. This way those chicken enchiladas from the restaurant on Main Street can live happily on a plate with your mother’s famous fruit salad. Décor is a big part of your wedding. You need to choose colors and start making your decorations as soon as possible so you’ll have plenty of time to finish them all. Assemble a group of friends to help you mass-produce anything you’re making by yourself. Schedule an appointment with a dress or tux shop to choose your look. If you want to surprise your bride or groom, you might need two appointments, but many stores have separate areas where you can’t see each other. If you’re foregoing the “fancy” entirely, then simply choose the color scheme you like. Choose your wedding party’s ensemble. If you’re keeping costs low, this can be as easy as giving them some pieces of fabric and letting them choose based on those colors. Choose a style and kind of cake you want. If you’re making your own, you’ll need to purchase any décor pieces that will adorn the cake. Check with friends to see if they know someone who is great at baking or decorating. Be unique: Cheesecakes or other specialty cakes from a local fine food vendor are a great substitute for the traditional wedding cake.

DIY checklist

THE ONE AND ONLY Real DIY Wedding Checklist Entertainment. Are you hiring a musician or do you have some talented friends? Talk with your soon-to-be spouse about music preferences. Then get together with your performers and relay your ideas. Will your playlist be the DJ? Test out the speakers you will be using to make sure they can be heard by everyone.

4 MONTHS

Create your invitations. This should be done after everything and everyone has been booked. If any of the other things can’t be done on your date, you might need to change the date, and you definitely don’t want to have to reprint whole new batch of invitations. Search online for invitation making programs if you aren’t too savvy with graphic design. Flowers! If you’re using flowers, now is the time to decide if you want to hire a florist or make the displays yourself. If you live in a large city, you likely have a flower market where you can buy the flowers, and then assemble the bouquets yourself. Look online for local florists and see if they deliver. If you’re having fresh flowers, you may need an empty fridge to keep them in if they’re delivered the day before. Do you need someone to do your hair or makeup? Grab a talented friend, or check with a local salon. Is there a cosmetology school in your area? Students will often charge less for services than an already licensed professional.

Buy or make your wedding party gifts. It’s also a good time to think about wedding favors for all of your guests. You’ll find a lot of great ideas for every budget. Consider making a donation to your favorite local charity in place of wedding party gifts.

2 MONTHS

Music. Choose any music you want to play during the ceremony or reception. If you’re not putting anyone else in charge of this, make a playlist on your MP3 player. Chances are, you or a friend also has speakers that will project the music louder. Transportation. Does the wedding or reception venue have adequate parking? If not, consider having friends transport guests from another parking area. If parking is very limited, save the closest parking spaces for elderly or disabled guests.

1 MONTH

Reception prep. How big is your reception area? If you’re having it at someone’s home, you may need to rent some tables and chairs. Don’t forget tablecloths, dish-ware, cutlery, glasses, and napkins. Write your vows if you’re planning to write your own. This process can take longer for some people, so start sooner if you need to. Obtain your marriage license! Check locally to see how far in advance your license needs to be purchased.

Plan your rehearsal dinner. Perhaps you’re having an intimate dinner at a friend’s home, or a back yard barbecue. Take into account the size of the wedding party plus any family members that will be in attendance. Take note of dietary restrictions among your guests. Do they have food allergies? Vegetarian or vegan diets? Don’t go overboard, but make sure to offer something that everyone can eat. Perhaps a “make your own salad bar” can go a long way.

1 WEEK

Enlist your wedding party to help you set up and decorate the venue(s) the day before your wedding. This can be followed up by the rehearsal and dinner. Check that your arriving flowers have a location to live in before the ceremony. If you are assembling them at one location, how are they getting to the ceremony site? Meet with the family or friends that are helping with food. Check that your venue has the required utensils and trash receptacles.

A DIY wedding is a lot of work. Don’t let it be too stressful, ask family and friends to help you with the pieces of the process. With enough time, helpful friends, and careful planning, Your wedding will be everything that you and your partner dream of.

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featured vendor

DYNAMIC DIY DESIGN

By David Twigger

odern, rustic, classic, chevron, romantic, organic chic – so many styles these days to choose from. What do wedding planners and designers say? Make it your own. As our community grows more accustomed to getting married, the onslaught of information can sometimes be overwhelming. The overwhelming look at planning your wedding can be made a bit simpler by looking at your design. To do this I always suggest to my couples to look around the house, artwork, furniture, and decor and get a feel for your aesthetic. It could be simplistic, it could be modern, mid-century modern, outdoorsy, or even sporty. Always remember that there is no right or wrong way to describe the design of your day.

card invitation and maybe the drawer from a card catalog as the container for the centerpiece. Pinterest when it first arrived was a nightmare for professionals in the industry. Every couple had access to every Martha Stewart creation and wanted that exact item. It has since evolved into an incredible tool that helps couples, friends, family and designers come together. All those ideas, and I mean all of them, can be collected in one spot. Amazing pictures can be combined to create your own style. Again, style is all about you. Not some prefabricated idea. The internet is an incredible tool for inspiration and ideas. Most couples think they don’t have a style, or it’s not important. We aren’t saying that you HAVE to have some sort of theme. But our recommendation is to make sure you incorporate some part of you into your

PHOTOGRAPHS BY 3D PHOTOGRAPHY & DESIGN

There is a simple activity I ask of my couples that is fun and helps so much with this task. Before we meet, I have each of them pick out three items that describes them. It could be a piece of clothing, jewelry, power tool, plant, picture, travel item – any three items that shows who you are as a person and a couple. From this you start to get a feel for your style, which then grows into your aesthetic. From this you can start to create what your day is going to look like. Will it be a formal wedding, in a ballroom, or will it be a small intimate celebration at an art gallery. From these items we start to develop specific ideas for the wedding. A couple who travels may want to use a passport looking invitation. Instead of flowers maybe they use pictures or items from their favorite destinations. A couple who likes to read would use a library

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featured vendor

day. It could be what you wear, what you eat or our favorite what you drink. So many times people over look a simple signature cocktail. Whether it be a custom recipe, with the hottest trend of craft cocktails, or even a simple favorite like a vodka-cran but with a fun name like our couple David and Emmanuel who created the “D&E”. Simple drink, but kept the fun throughout the whole evening. As DIY is all the rage, one thing we do

recommend is not to discard the idea of a wedding planner or designer too fast. You can do all the DIY you want beforehand but at the very least trying to coordinate all of that coming together while trying to enjoy your day can be too much. A planner is less expensive than you think and more valuable then you know. My message throughout all of this article, is again, make it your own. Never feel you “have to” or “should do”

something. The thrilling part of our newly found freedom and rights, is that it is ours. Ours to create traditions, and create memories. Congratulations to all couples in love, and I look forward to seeing your special moments. David Twigger, a wedding planner and designer who lives in Phoenix, AZ is married to his husband Emmanuel and is Creative Director and Owner of Vermilion Events and T Weddings.

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Real Weddings

40 GWM / Winter 2015

ick a theme, and really bring it to life. We decided our theme would be “Travel”, as that is a huge shared passion between both of us. Boarding pass invites for the Wedding Parties, passport wedding invitations, lounge access passes for table cards, and all of our flowers were made out of road maps. Instead of table 1, 2, 3, etc. - everyone sat at a table simply named after one of the places that we had travelled together. New York City, Chicago, Bermuda, Disney World. Instead of a seating chart, we called it the Airport Terminal map. Our centerpieces were hot air balloons floating throughout the room. For our thank you cards, we sent authentic postcards from our honeymoon! We really wanted to ensure our day felt personal and authentic to us. Even though our wedding had over 200 people in attendance, we wanted everyone to know how much it meant to us and find a moment with each of them during the evening. We took the concept of a receiving line, and made it into a photo line before the dinner and dance. All guests got a professional photo with both of us (no sweaty selfies at the end of the night). We designed a media wall, like the ones you see actors on when they walk down the red carpet. We have a great photo with every one of our guests. As part of their thank you cards, we mailed a copy of the photo to our guests. Nametags for guests, the idea sounded silly at first, but we made nametags for all of our guests to wear during the Cocktail Hour, and we’re so glad we did. We included their name, and a line about how we knew them. We wanted to create a space consisting of true family and friends - no “What’s your name again? I’m too afraid to ask”, or “I’m just going to stick with who I know”. Having the one line about our relationship with the

DERRICK & MIKE October 11, 2014 / Julius and James Photography

person gave guests something to talk about. Guests mentioned how special it made all of them feel, and again brought a personal touch to everything. At dinner, the nametag came out of the holder, and became the table card - one side with the name (and line again, building connections at the table), and the side facing the guest had their name and dietary needs. TELL US HOW YOU MET. We met for the first time at a conference in 2008. Although we have a picture together, we were both in different places in life, and we didn’t really have a connection. Derrick doesn’t even remember it! As love sometimes goes, a year later, on January 9, 2009, we met again at a friend’s birthday party. There was a radiating connection this time- we ended up staying up later than the birthday girl, and went on our official “first date” the following day. 18 months later we moved in together. A year later after that, we got a kitten. In the summer of 2012, Derrick totally surprised Mike when he proposed to him at a farmhouse bed and breakfast, Cwmtylo, in Bala, Wales. It was magic for both of us, kind of like our first date. gayweddingsmag.com / GWM 41

Real Weddings

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Location: One King West Hotel & Residence Design and Decor: Balloonatrix Event Planner: C 5 Events Ring Designer: Corona Jewelry Cake Designer: City Custom Cakes and Catering By Holly Mathews, Custom Cake Toppers By Mini Me Dress Store: Davidâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Bridal Tuxedo and Mens Attire: Empire Customs Design and Decor: Helix Candle Makeup Artist: Maureen Greenstein Hair Stylist: Monique Bisson Floral Designer: Paper Possibilities Officiant: Rev. Ralph Wushke DJ: Sole Power Productions

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BRIAN & WINSTON May 16, 2015 / Chrisman Studios; Photography by Ryan Zhang

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LOCATION: Wedding Ceremony was held in our back yard. The reception was held at The Box SF. PHOTOGRAPHER: Ryan Zhang. Ryan was simply amazing to work with. He is so incredibly patient and sweet. He really knows how to work with his clients to get the shots that he needs to document the special. I, for one, am painfully shy. I am probably the worst subject to work with, ever! But, Ryan was very patient with me and worked within my comfort zone (which he pushed many times). The outcome was an amazing set of photos that documented one the most important days of our lives. I believe you have seen the photos, so you know what I am talking about. He did a wonderful job capturing the emotion and the beauty of the day. The photos are just stunning! CEREMONY MUSIC: We created a playlist on Rdio featuring many of our favorite artists. We mainly wanted the reception to feel like our guests were in a very comfortable lounge type setting, so we chose music that was light beat and “loungy”. Artists included Frank Sinatra, Etta James, Pink Martini, Shirley Bassey, Ella Fitzgerald, Dean Martin, etc. Funny little story about the playlist. Without it being planned, one of the most romantic songs played just after toasts were made, “At Last” by Etta James. Although we did not plan a “First Dance”, the timing was perfect and we danced our first Dance at the reception. WEDDING CONSULTANT: We only consulted with the onsite consultant at “The Box SF”. Courtney was very nice, and did a great job helping us implement our vision. The venue was absolutely gorgeous! ENTERTAINMENT/DJ: Just Rdio CEREMONY SITE: Our back yard in San Francisco. It was a very small wedding, with only our two best friends from Chicago, Brian’s sister and brother in-law, and Brian’s twin brother.

LINENS: The linens were provided by JJardine. They were a very cool shimmering Royal Purple that had a hint of gold under certain light. OFFICIANT: Maria Caruana RENTALS: Royal Purple and Blue were the colors we worked with at the location. Many of the up lights we rented were blue as well as purple and white. We also rented lounge type furniture as well as plants to give the space a loungy feel. RECEPTION SITE: The Box SF LIGHTING: In the main room, we rented LED up lights. I believe there were approximately 20 lights in all accenting columns and walls. The lights completely transformed the space. The Box also has a room with a huge table that we used to set up food stations for our guests. That room is strung with lights. RECEPTION SITE COORDINATOR: Courtney Maskell INVITATIONS: Evite (we kept it simple). We had about 80 guests at the reception. CATERER: JJardine (amazing food!) WEDDING CAKE: No wedding cake. I have never been a big fan of wedding cakes. Let’s face it, much of the cake is left to waste. We decided to have a dessert station instead from JJardine. The desserts were also passed to make it easier for our guests to enjoy. BARTENDERS: Provided by The Box SF. They did a fantastic job. We received numerous compliments from our guests. Both bartenders did a great job mixing drinks. FYI – we had an open bar and ordered all “Top Shelf” from the Box. Believe me, our guests took full advantage of the bar and enjoyed themselves immensely!

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FLORIST: James Jardine’s (owner and Chef) husband just happens to be a florist. He created some beautiful small center pieces for the bar tables. Additionally, he created arrangements that were placed with the food stations. He did an amazing job of creating centerpieces that fit into our “East meets West” catering theme. CLOTHING/GOWNS/SUITS: We rented tuxes from Men’s Warehouse. REHEARSAL DINNER SITE: No actual rehearsal dinner, however I did throw a nice BBQ for all of our out of town guests

extremely fun loving and it is rare when his friends see him without a smile on his face. DESCRIBE YOUR WEDDING DAY: Brian and I discussed our plans for a wedding at length. Brian would have been completely happy going to the City Hall to be married by the Justice if the Peace. I wanted something more formal and with my Pastor. We decided on a compromise. I agreed to a small ceremony with my pastor in the back yard of our home in San Francisco, with a nice party to celebrate that evening. The ceremony was perfect, and we celebrated with our friends that evening at The Box SF.

LIMOUSINE COMPANY: Uber A LITTLE ABOUT OUR WEDDING DAY: Winston and I moved to Hong Kong this past July. We are in the process of applying for a “Spousal Visa”. Hong Kong does not recognize Same Sex marriages, and thus has never granted a Spousal Visa to a same sex couple. We have provided them with a narrative describing our relationship, and we are awaiting their decision. HOW DID YOU MEET? Winston and I met on a “dating website” back in 2007. I use the term “dating” very lightly. HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOGETHER? Winston and I went on our first date on November 17, 2007. WHAT IS THE BIGGEST OBSTACLE YOU’VE HAD TO OVERCOME AS A COUPLE? There have been many. The initial, and probably the biggest obstacle we faced, was the fact that for the first two and a half years of our relationship, Winston lived in Buffalo NY, while I lived in Chicago. WHAT DO YOU LOVE THE MOST ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE? Winston is the absolute sweetest and kindest man you will ever meet. He is

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART? Aside from finally getting to marry the man of my dreams? The party! The reception was everything we could have hoped for and more. The venue looked amazing and the food was phenomenal. But most importantly, our closest friends were there with us to celebrate our special day and they all had a blast! I wish I could relive that day over and over again. One of the happiest days of my life. WERE THERE ANY SURPRISES? Winston and I were very lucky that everything went so smoothly that day. The weather was beautiful and the ceremony was very short, yet very sweet. We did not hire a planner. We simply worked with the caterer and venue to create and implement our vision. Truly, everything went off without a hitch. NOW THAT THE WEDDING IS OVER, WHAT ARE YOUR GOALS OR FUTURE PLANS AS A MARRIED COUPLE? Winston and I hope to have kid(s) someday. We are looking into surrogacy and hope that the stars align and we are able to have a baby by the end of next year. But, we have a lot of work ahead of us as we are just now starting to engage clinics. gayweddingsmag.com / GWM 49

tip of the month Why rent your tableware and dĂŠcor or purchase a temporary style only to throw it away or return it after your wedding? If you are planning an intimate event of 20 people or less, then purchase your settings from a local vendor like Z Gallerie. They will help you create the perfect look for your day, and you can reuse the items for the rest of your life. Thank you to Z Gallerie for providing the items and styling. You can view and purchase any of the items in this feature along with a lot more for your event at www.zgallerie.com

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tip of the month

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Real Weddings

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PHILIP & RYAN March 14, 2015 / Christine Arnold Photography

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Real Weddings

HOW DID YOU FALL IN LOVE AND BECOME ENGAGED? Our love story is quite cute. We had known each other for about two years before we started dating, but we were in two different places in life, but then time aligned, and we were inseparable. We went on one date and that was it. We completed each other in such a way that was exactly what the other needed. It was perfect and our fondness of each other has turned into the love we have today. We got engaged in Malibu on the 3rd anniversary of our first date. Philip has an obsession with the number three, so he felt it was appropriate to propose on the bluffs of Malibu overlooking the Pacific Ocean. WHAT INSPIRED YOUR WEDDING? We wanted a sophisticated classic event. We really wanted to throw a grand party for all the people we love. We wanted elements of glamour and grace, and beauty in the details.

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WHAT COLORS/THEMES/DIY/HANDMADE ELEMENTS DID YOU INCLUDE ON YOUR WEDDING DAY? HOW DID ARTISAN HELP? Our color pallet was grey, cream, white, ivory, tan and a pop of yellow. Our wedding party wore outfits that evoked their own wedding style and personality. We had all the ladies in the wedding party wear birdcage veils. Being that we were two grooms, we loved the idea of them looking like brides. It was our way of paying homage to a traditional wedding. All of the guest menus were personalized with the guest’s names or nicknames, which turned out to be a great touch for our guests. The most important handmade elements from the wedding were the men’s pocket squares as well as the bouquet ribbons. They were created from the satin and lace of Philip’s mothers wedding dress. She passed away last July. It was a way to keep her spirit present during the wedding day. Artisan Event Floral Decor was an amazing addition to our wedding. Not only did they plan a flawless wedding tailored to our needs, they created the most gorgeous table scape and flower arrangements.

WHAT WAS YOUR FAVORITE PART OF YOUR WEDDING DAY? Philip: My favorite part of the day was hearing Ryan say his vows. His words were so perfect and exactly what you want to hear on your wedding day. Ryan: I can’t pick just one, so I am giving two. I really enjoyed walking out of the ceremony, to see all of our friends and family supporting us was incredible. The next was walking into the reception. To walk into such an amazing setting filled with so much love and happiness was surreal. WHY DID YOU CHOOSE PALM SPRINGS AS YOUR WEDDING DESTINATION? We visit Palm Springs often. It is a nice place for us to escape and relax. Also, being in the field of interior design, we love the inspiration Palm Springs has to offer. We would love to eventually have a home in Palm Springs. WHAT ADVISE DO YOU HAVE FOR FUTURE GROOMS? Make your wedding the way you want it to be. Don’t get caught up in the clichés of what you are told to do. Make it your own and have fun with it.

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Real Weddings

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Location: Viceroy Palm Springs Event Planner: Artisan Event Floral Decor Floral Designer: Artisan Event Floral Decor Invitation Designer: Champagne Press DJ: Music Media Entertainment Tuxedo and Mens Attire: Suitsupply

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transgender times

Cameron & Melanie Whitley ameron and Melanie met during the early stages of Cam’s transition from female to male. He had not yet changed his name or had surgery, so those around them assumed they were a lesbian couple. Cam had long been involved in the LGBT community, so this was both “challenging and affirming” to him. Melanie, however, came from a different place. “I identified as straight prior to dating Cam and had little experience with the GLBT community,” she says. “Through my own identity exploration and my relationship with Cam I now have many more queer friends and positive interactions with people I likely wouldn’t have otherwise known.” The two met at an interfaith campus ministry, and according to Melanie, “It was not love at first sight; in fact, we didn’t get along at all.” A couple of months later, however, they both spent a week together on an environmental restoration project. Cam shares his memories, “We began to chat. I instantly fell in love with her soft voice, radiant smile and beautiful green eyes.” Melanie then continues and tells about their time hauling rocks and dirt during that Colorado summer. “This gave us a lot of time to chat and an affinity and attraction began to grow. Cam was coy though, and not sure of my intentions. I had to pursue him a little bit. I suggested he come with me while I got a tattoo and the rest, as they say, is history. After the tattoo we talked and laughed all night and he basically never left my house.” As Cam’s transition journey continued with hormones and surgery, he was able to look and feel like his authentic male self. He recounts about the changes in the perception of their relationship, “As I began to be read as male, we started to be read as a straight couple, which to us did not necessarily capture the complexity and beauty of our relationship.”

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I FELT LIKE I WAS ON TOP OF THE WORLD The two spent the next year learning more about each other and life. Cameron knew early in the relationship that Mel was the woman he’d marry, and had a custom engagement ring crafted months before he proposed. A year after they met, they were doing Hurricane Katrina relief work in Mississippi, and he tells the story of his proposal during this time, “We were seated as a group at in the courtyard of the Alpine in New Orleans. Live jazz was playing. The courtyard with a fountain in the center was filled with flowers and soft evening lighting. Only a handful of people knew about the plan. As I stood up from the table I looked down at Mel. She was holding a red crayon and coloring a flower on piece of paper. I said her name and she looked up. I saw her eyes follow down to my hand and the small box I was holding. She dropped her crayon. I got down on one knee and asked if she would marry me. I could barely get out the words before she said ‘yes.’ I felt like I was on top of the world.”

DECIDING WHERE TO HOLD THE CEREMONY PROVED TO BE A CHALLENGE, AND BECAME A POWERFUL STATEMENT. They decided for various reasons to hold off the marriage until a time they felt was right. During that time they had many adventures, moving to the Caribbean and then to New York City. While they were living in New York, they planned their wedding, which was to be held in Colorado. Cam relates their thoughts about choosing the location, “We decided to get married in Colorado, which at the time did not allow for same-sex marriage. At that point, I had already had surgery and changed all of my documentation to male, so we could have been legally married in Colorado. However, we decided that in honor of our fellow LGBT friends and family members we would write a statement in our program about marriage inequality and we would not sign marriage documents in Colorado. So, we had a ceremony and reception and did not sign documents. We were “legally” married in Connecticut, where

PHOTO BY BARB COLUMBO, 11-11 PRODUCTION PHOTOGRAPHY

by Michael Eric Brown

transgender times

Love your partner with every laugh and tear. Make time to hold hands, to steal a subtle glance across the room and to date. same-sex marriage was legal at the time. For some people at our wedding the statement was meaningful and powerful for others it was educational.” THE NUPTIALS The wedding was held at the First Congregational Church in Boulder, Colorado, and Melanie shares, “Our wedding was small and perfect, though it was not without hiccups.” She tells of having a fabulous dress, but the seamstress ruined it. With her mother’s help, she was able to find another dress a week before the wedding. Many of the decorations were handmade to save on the cost of flowers. They made paper pomanders and repurposed pink and green Christmas tree toppers to use as vases. Pink, green and orange were the theme colors, and Melanie tells us “My bridesmaids wore lime green dresses. It sounds horrendous, but it turned out beautifully.” Perhaps the most astonishing and thoughtful decorations were the ones that came from what Mel describes as “a year-long wedding practice that followed the Japanese tradition of having a couple work together to fold 1,000 origami cranes. It is said that if you can find the patience and dedication to fold the cranes you will also find the patience and dedication to sustain marriage”

In the end, I simply decided to identify as queer and acknowledge that I am attracted to masculinity in both female and male form. With both Cameron and Melanie being vegetarians, the celebration reflected diverse palates when it came to the food. “Not every guest could appreciate tofu skewers...We decided to do a mix of serving styles, with passed appetizers (sweet potato tempura sushi, potato croquets, and bruschetta), a family style salad with heart of palm and avocado, and a buffet with three world stations: Asian, Latin and American. Our guests dined on mushroom ceviche, empanadas, tofu and kimchi, macaroni and cheese, veggie burgers and more. They sipped signature mocktails and we were able to enjoy our time knowing that the day reflected our values. HOW DOES CAMERON BEING TRANSGENDER FIT INTO THINGS? Melanie answers with honesty, “Cam was early in transition when we began dating and that meant that his brain and body were not in the place they would end up. As he transitioned, the way we interacted changed and so did our physical interactions. In the end though, we changed and grew together…I knew going into the relationship, but I had always dated cisgender men and identified as straight. I didn’t understand what my attraction to Cam meant for my own sexual orientation and struggled for several years to put a name to it.

LOVE MAKES IT PERFECT When asked if they had any words of advice to share with others, Cameron and Melanie had this to say: “Love your partner with every laugh and tear. Make time to hold hands, to steal a subtle glance across the room and to date.” Cameron shares in closing, “Mel and I enjoy traveling, seeing new things, and laughter. I was drawn to Mel for her whimsical personality and her passion for serving others. She is kind, generous, witty and outspoken…We love and fight with passion in all endeavors…Since we have been married life has been amazing. I could never imagine loving someone as much as I love Mel. Each day I fall more and more in love with her.” Melanie also mentions that she would not change anything about their wedding, despite the small inconveniences that preceded it. She affirms, “Because the truth is that the little imperfections could not change the fact that I was marrying my soulmate. I didn’t need it to be problem free; my husband, the love of my life, made it perfect.”

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Real Weddings

esse and Nick were married this past June in Orange County, California. They didn’t have a professional wedding photographer at their courthouse wedding, so I flew out to Las Vegas, where they live, to take some belated wedding photos for the couple. We started at Apex Sand Dunes first, for the sunrise portion of the day. Later on in the evening, we reconvened at Fremont Street, which is a part of downtown Las Vegas, for some evening shots with the stunning backdrop of colorful casinos and architecture as the backdrop. Jesse proposed to Nick at Disneyland, where he of course said yes. The two live in Las Vegas with their dog Bailey.

HOW DID YOU MEET? We met through mutual friends. HOW LONG DID YOU DATE BEFORE GETTING ENGAGED? We dated a little over 3 years before getting engaged. We were engaged on May 22, 2014. WHEN DID YOU KNOW THEY WERE “THE ONE?” I knew Jesse was the one the night after he left my house after our first date. TELL US ABOUT THE PROPOSAL. We had just finished having dinner at Steakhouse 55 inside the Disneyland Hotel. The park closed in 30 minutes, but Jesse insisted that we go back and ride one more ride. We were making our way through the park, but stopped to get a picture of the castle. When I turned around there was Jesse down on one knee holding the ring in his hand and asked if I would marry him.

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JESSE & NICK February 19, 2015 / Urban Safari Photography

WHAT WAS YOUR IMMEDIATE THOUGHT WHEN HE ASKED FOR YOUR HAND IN MARRIAGE? My immediate thought when Jesse proposed to me was he was making me the happiest man at the happiest place on earth. WHAT WAS THE MOST MEMORABLE PART OF THE PROPOSAL? The most memorable part of the proposal was the BIG smile on Jesseâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s face as he got down on his knee and asked me to marry him, along with being at Disneyland. WHY DID YOU CHOOSE THIS PARTICULAR LOCATION FOR YOUR PHOTO SHOOT? We chose the Apex Sand Dunes because we thought it would be a great location to catch the sunrise. Since we live in Las Vegas we thought it would be nice to get some pictures at night with all of the lights. Location: Private Residence, Colorado

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Real Weddings

HOW AND WHERE THE TWO OF YOU MET? We met in graduate school in 2011 while we were earning our Masters Degrees in Education. I made the first move by asking Jo to borrow a pencil- cliché, I know! But it got the conversation going and we realized that we had a lot in common. I watched Jo perform in an Improvisation show shortly after, and we have been inseparable ever since. WHAT SILLY LITTLE THING MADE YOU FALL IN LOVE OR WHAT WAS YOUR IMPRESSION OF EACH OTHER AT FIRST SIGHT? Jo: Wally and I have the same eye prescription, so I knew she was the one when I realized my glasses collection could double in size. We see the world in the same way... Literally. Really though, I fell in love with Wally over a spontaneous trip to Puerto Rico after only dating for about two weeks. The traveling, adventure, and spontaneity continues to this day. Wally: I was immediately drawn to Jo’s welcoming smile and warm spirit. Before we started dating, I gushed about her constantly to close friends, referring to her as “the girl with the beautiful smile.” Through our initial interactions, I learned that she is kind-hearted, extremely caring of others, and can make me laugh for hours. I knew right away that we would one day be here. THE PROPOSAL, WHO POPPED THE QUESTION, WHERE AND WHEN? We had been secretly planning to propose to one another for months, telling our family and friends to keep the information from each another. Jo beat me to the magical event. On June 28, 2013, Jo shared a short movie that chronicled our life together, with the final scene asking me to look out of the window of our apartment. On the

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WALLESKA & JOHANNA August 1, 2015 / Stroudsmoor Photography Studio and Krista Herst

sidewalk, in chalk, were directions to find our cat, Noah. When I found him, he wore a collar that read, “Will You Marry Me?” Jo got down on one knee, pulled out the most beautiful ring, and asked me to be her wife in Spanish! We incoherently cried at one another for quite some time. I proposed later that day using the Red String of Fate, our idea of how we came to be. As part of the day, Jo had planned a surprise engagement party (with the help of our mothers) at a restaurant in my childhood neighborhood. The night ended with the support of family, friends, tres leches cake, and champagne. WHY YOU CHOSE STROUDSMOOR FOR YOUR WEDDING CELEBRATION? Ironically, Wally found the Stroudsmoor Country Inn in an article on TheKnot.com. She saw pictures of a wedding held at the Woodsgate Chapel and fell in love with the scenery. When we visited, we felt that it was a very spiritual place, and knew that it would be a memorable experience for our families escape the city for a weekend. When same-sex marriage became legalized in Pennsylvania three days after our visit, we knew it was a sure thing.

Reception Venue: Woodsgate at Stroudsmoor Country Inn Ceremony Music: Penn Strings Duo, violin and cello Wedding Consultant: Linda Pirone-Forte Entertainment/DJ: Nick Salanger DJ Ceremony Site: The Woodland Chapel at Woodsgate Linens: Champagne under cloth/white top cloth/champagne napkin Officiant: Becca Asaki, friend of the couple Rentals: Jessica Hammill photo booth Reception Site: Woodsgate at Stroudsmoor Lighting: Stroudsmoor Floral Team provided the grapevine and white lights at the Reception Reception Site Coordinator: Linda Forte and Ryan Compher Invitations: Judy Grady, Stroudsmoor Bridal Registry Coordinator Caterer: Stroudsmoor Country Inn Wedding Cake: Stroudsmoor Inn Towne Bakery, Chocolate covered berries to match Jo’s suit were made to complement the pastries served after cake Florist: Family Member Bartenders: Anna Spangler and Kevin Huber Unusual Rentals: Coffee and Donut Station with the message “Cup of Jo and a Donut to go” for the end of the reception Rehearsal Dinner Site: The Stone Room Garden at Stroudsmoor Videographer: Adam Richlin

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not so newlywed continued from page 23

on the issue at hand: your commitment to this person for life. Engagement is a wonderful time to get to know more about your fiancé, learn what is important to them, and what makes them happy. Take the time in the rush of your planning to sit and hold hands and remember why you are doing all of this. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE A COUPLE THAT IS STRUGGLING DURING THE FIRST YEAR OF MARRIAGE? Oscar: Give time to understand the other. Be patient and allow for mistakes and solve them with heart to heart talks. Think of the road you traveled together to be where you are. Keep patient and humble reactions in any matter that is unknown, and work together, after all you have promised to be together in every circumstance. Be strong! Gary: Try to realize that the high of the marriage does wear off, but what you are left with is the reason you got married. It wasn’t the wedding; it was how your spouse completes you. Step back and go to that reason you proposed or said yes. And then look to the future of what you both can do together to reach your dreams.

Kody & Cameron

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOGETHER? MARRIED? We have been together for 4 years on Nov 20th 2015. We have been engaged since June 2014 so just over a year. We recently purchased a condo in Downtown Chicago together and are in the process of fully remodeling it. Once the dust settles we plan to get married and possibly have a few small parties with family and close friends later in the year. 64 GWM / Winter 2015

HOW DID YOU KNOW YOUR SPOUSE WAS RIGHT FOR YOU? I knew Cameron was the right one mainly because he was the one person I wanted to tell everything to and wasn’t afraid to share my true self with. Also, while we have some different ideas of what we want right now, we both had a very similar vision of the life and relationship we wanted in 10, 20… 50 years. Oh also he’s gorgeous so that helped! I knew that Kody was the one from the very first date. At dinner there was something about the way he talked and looked at me that just caught me. From there the spark just kept growing, and the more I got to know him the more I knew he was the one. We have our differences and arguments, but he is the one I always come back to and want to share everything with. WHAT HAS CHANGED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP SINCE THE BEGINNING OF YOUR COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER? I think there was a fundamental change in our relationship around the second year. When we first started dating he was the guy I wanted to be with always, then something changed and we went from the guy I was dating to the person I was building a life with. WHAT ARE THE BIGGEST OBSTACLES YOU HAVE HAD TO OVERCOME IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? To be honest we both come from very religious backgrounds, and after about a year I knew that full monogamy wasn’t going to work for me however he could not understand the idea of being more open. After years of talking and arguing and crying we are figuring out what works for us in our relationship, and most importantly I think the biggest learning was that this is OUR relationship and it doesn’t matter how it looks to other people or what they think but it’s about what truly makes us happy together. For me the biggest challenge has been learning how to be in a relationship without worrying about what other people think. It has been liberating to find what makes us happy and works for us instead of what our family or church had in mind.

HOW DO YOU KEEP AN OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION? We are both wasps so sometime fighting is a lot of silence. We have learned to always just talk about what is on your mind even if that means via text message. Holding it in or waiting to be honest only makes it worse. When we fight it is mostly silence as we are far too much in our heads. We have learned to communicate in different ways whether it is texting, talking, or anything else. WHAT IS YOUR THEORY ON ARGUING? A NECESSARY EVIL OR SOMETHING TO BE AVOIDED? It’s not a necessary evil but I think it’s required. Keep it private but let it out. Keeping things inside only makes it worse and usually becomes a bigger issue than if you would have just yelled at each other in the first place, don’t be afraid to be honest, if this is truly the person you want to spend the rest of your life with honesty and communication is key. WHAT ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT ATTRIBUTES OF A GOOD SPOUSE? Willingness to listen, being open to your thoughts and ideas, honesty and trust! Humility, willingness to compromise, being open to express your thoughts and feelings even if they aren’t the same. DID YOU RAISE A FAMILY? WHY OR WHY NOT? Nope, I don’t think kids are our thing… maybe a dog. First it’s wildly expensive for two men to have a kid. Second, we love travel and nice things so maybe we are a bit too selfish right now to think about kids… maybe one day. We are great uncles, but not too sure about the father thing. We will definitely parent a dog though! WHEN LIFE GETS BUSY, WHAT DO YOU DO TO STAY FOCUSED ON EACH OTHER? We are always texting each other throughout the whole day. Always connected, it’s never been a problem. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO A COUPLE THAT IS JUST ENGAGED? Always talk, constant open dialogs about everything is important. Make sure you both feel and provide the environment for the other to tell you anything even if

not so newlywed you don’t want to hear it. Also it’s your relationship, no one else’s, so make it whatever makes you two the most happy!

Joe & Jimmy

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOGETHER? MARRIED? 8.5 years. We will be married for two years on November 1st HOW DID YOU KNOW YOUR SPOUSE WAS RIGHT FOR YOU? For us, we felt comfortable with each other almost from the beginning. Because we had so much in common, it just felt like we had been together for a long time. The kind of comfort couples get to after being with each other for many years. WHAT HAS CHANGED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP SINCE THE BEGINNING OF YOUR COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER? We both agree that making a commitment to each other has given us a greater sense of security about the strength of our relationship. My husband had been in a few long-term relationships prior to us meeting. He had always told his family that he would never get married. So, taking this step of committing our lives to each other was something that took many by surprise. WHAT ARE THE BIGGEST OBSTACLES YOU HAVE HAD TO OVERCOME IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? We feel very fortunate that we have had no big obstacles that we needed to overcome. Of course, there are the challenges of getting to know one another in the beginning, but those are normal obstacles that all couples deal with in a relationship.

HOW DO YOU KEEP AN OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION? We talk to each other about what’s going on for either of us. WHAT IS YOUR THEORY ON ARGUING? A NECESSARY EVIL OR SOMETHING TO BE AVOIDED? It’s a necessary evil. Our theory on arguing is, it will happen. When it does, we have agreed that it is something that needs to have closure; don’t let it carry on for hours or days without any resolve. We will discuss the issue and be done with it. As always, there can only be one “winner” as it were. One of us may not be happy with the outcome, but that is the give and take of any relationship. And of course, making up is always fun, but we don’t need to argue for that to happen! WHAT ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT ATTRIBUTES OF A GOOD SPOUSE? Someone who knows your likes and dislikes. Someone who understands what you’re feeling, even without any words being said. Someone who is compassionate and caring and not always thinking about themselves. Also, someone who loves dogs! DID YOU RAISE A FAMILY? WHY OR WHY NOT? When we met, I already had a son from a previous relationship. My son was 10 at the time. I had a shared custody, so Christian, my son, would come to stay with us. But, the only family we have raised together is our family of dogs! They are our babies. WHEN LIFE GETS BUSY, WHAT DO YOU DO TO STAY FOCUSED ON EACH OTHER? Never forget who loves you! We spend a lot of time with each other and truly are each other’s best friends! Even when we spend time apart due to work or travel, picking up the phone to say hi or I love you, helps to keep us grounded. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO A COUPLE THAT IS JUST ENGAGED? Never give up! The old saying is true, “Relationships take a lot of work” You have two different people with differing opinions on things, so there will always be some disagreement. This doesn’t mean it’s

the end. Talk through the difference and learn about each other. Your relationship will strengthen and you will get to know your partner on a level that takes the love you have for each other to a higher level. You will have the relationship that others will look at and say, “I wish I had that kind of relationship”.

Vanita & Nikita

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN TOGETHER? MARRIED? We have known one another since the age of 14. We started dating 8 years ago. We have been married since May, 14, 2011. HOW DID YOU KNOW YOUR SPOUSE WAS RIGHT FOR YOU? We started off as friends. There was no love connection at first. Then from word of mouth, I heard she had a crush on me. I was going through a break up and ran into her at the bar. She gave me a ride home. We talked, I cried, we bonded for that 20 min. drive to my house. She asked for a hug when I arrived home. At that moment when her arms went around my waist, I felt butterflies, sparks and fireworks. It was just a hug but something happened. I guess you can say love happened. We have been together since that day. She moved in with me a week later, we planned a baby 6 months later and were married within a year. That one magical hug changed my life.

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not so newlywed WHAT HAS CHANGED IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP SINCE THE BEGINNING OF YOUR COMMITMENT TO EACH OTHER? Our relationship has changed with time. In the beginning we argued all the time. We had very bad communication. Now we listen to one another more. Now we put each other first. We have pushed one another to do better, be better, and love better. Our love has gotten stronger with time. Our living situation has changed. We changed states to better us as individuals and build a stronger foundation for our family. Since we have been in a new state there are no ex’s to worry about, no side issues. It’s just us and our kids growing as a team. WHAT ARE THE BIGGEST OBSTACLES YOU HAVE HAD TO OVERCOME IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? There have been many obstacles in our relationship. In the beginning we both saw other people on the side. We had to rebuild our trust and follow our hearts in order to progress and build on what we have. Moving from one state to another was hard. We took a chance on life and love. We packed our kids up, our belongings and hit the road. From NC to GA, we drove with our savings that we knew would only last for about 6 months. The move was very stressful but worth it. We didn’t have any friends, or family, not even enemies in GA. Just us. The 6 months of savings ended up lasting for 13 months. By the grace of God, when we were down to our last 100 dollars she had a job lined up. During this time our car broke down and everything was hitting us at once. But we worked it out, we had one another’s back, we did not give up. We really took a leap of faith, and it turn out being the biggest jump and smartest thing we could have done for our family. HOW DO YOU KEEP AN OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION? You know how people say “I date my best friend” well this statement is true for us. Since the move we are all we got. So keeping an open and honest line of communication is all we know. Now trust me, it has not always been this way and nothing about it is easy. But marriage is

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about that fight, that struggle and life line you got to hold on to real tight. Obtaining and keeping an open and honest line of communication is like raising a child. It’s something only experience and time can help improve. I use to think telling the truth hurts. But lying hurts just as bad. So we decided that when the two are put on a scale, the truth is always better. So what we do is never to do anything that you would not want the other person to do to you. This way the truth wont hurt as bad and lying is impossible. We are best friends, so when something is really upsetting one of us, we say “Can we have a best friend moment”. This means, don’t look at me like your wife, look at me as your BFF. It works for us. I’m not saying it always works, but most of the time it does. We also use “I messaging” (therapeutic strategy) to help better express our thoughts and feelings. WHAT IS YOUR THEORY ON ARGUING? A NECESSARY EVIL OR SOMETHING TO BE AVOIDED? We feel that arguing is healthy for any relationship. No body is perfect. Using healthy, open dialog to express your feelings or anger is good. It’s never okay to keep everything inside. Expressing yourself honestly to us, is the best way to carry on a truthful relationship. You should be able to tell how you really feel to your mate, even if it hurts. Besides, we all know that sometimes the truth hurts. It’s how you recover from it that matters the most. WHAT ARE THE MOST IMPORTANT ATTRIBUTES OF A GOOD SPOUSE? The most important attributes of a good spouse is having a shared belief. This way your view on life is equal. You are able to party together and pray together. Trustworthiness is important. Who wants to give your all to someone you have no trust for or they have no trust for you. Someone who betters you as a whole and you better them. Encouragement and faith is very important as well. An individual who compromises and wants to see one another grow and be happy. A person who gives respect, is satisfactory in bed and out of bed. A person who appreciates who

you are, flaws and all, they just accept it and love it. Faithfulness, intelligence and demonstration of unconditional love puts the icing on the cake. DID YOU RAISE A FAMILY? WHY OR WHY NOT? We have four kids. Two boys, two girls and two cats. Family is everything. It makes the struggles worth beating and the possibilities worth reaching. Family brings light to the relationship. It gives us a reason to fight for the love. It makes every holiday a blessing and every vacation a blast. We thought of having more kids, but now that we are both looking at 40 in the eye, our mindset has changed. We are very excited to send each child off to college so we can travel the world in an RV. WHEN LIFE GETS BUSY, WHAT DO YOU DO TO STAY FOCUSED ON EACH OTHER? When life gets busy we relax. For example once a week we do date night. Either out on the town or in the house with take out, a good movie and let’s not forget a tasty drink. Having four kids makes it very easy to become busy, but when you really love someone and enjoy their company you always remember they are there and you make the time to spend together. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO A COUPLE THAT IS JUST ENGAGED? When the arguments get heated, just cool down and fix it. Think about the long term goals and not the now. Remember what does not kill you, only makes your stronger. True love is hard to find and even harder to keep. So when you find it, hold on to it tight, and don’t let it go. Sometimes you have to remember what made you get engaged in the first place and go to that moment so you can forever appreciate it, want it and strive to get and keep it.

not so newlywed

Dick & Kimble

HOW LONG HAVE YOU BEEN MARRIED? We were officially “married” on October 17, 2014, but we have been in a committed relationship since February 7, 1989, for nearly 27 years now. WOULD YOU CONSIDER YOURSELVES OPPOSITES? OR MORE SIMILAR? Well, as the husband keeps telling people (and me), he never got the gay “decorator” gene. I have the talent for that and space management. I also do all of the cooking in the house, but he keeps the house clean and vacuumed for us. However, we’re at that point in our marriage where we finish each other’s sentences or come up with the same ideas. DO YOU THINK THIS MAKES FOR A HAPPIER MARRIAGE? As in all things, it’s a matter of simply becoming comfortable in your particular role and strengths and honing them to the benefit of the relationship and not just one person. A marriage is a partnership. It’s important to never lose sight of that.

WHAT ARE THE BIGGEST OBSTACLES YOU HAVE HAD TO OVERCOME IN YOUR RELATIONSHIP? Well, he was coming directly from his family home and I was coming out of a seven-year relationship with a man who was quite abusive and controlling. It took some time to decompress from those situations and come to terms with the idea of working together for “our” common good. HOW DO YOU KEEP AN OPEN AND HONEST COMMUNICATION? The best way to keep an open and honest communication is to have an open and honest form of communication! Don’t expect your partner to read your mind or smell what you’re thinking. That’s game playing and you only set yourself up for upset and anger if they can’t automatically know what you’re thinking. Marriage takes a great deal of commitment and hard work. Far too many seem to get bunged up at the slightest snag or the first sign of a problem, at which point, they throw their hands in the air and walk away. If that’s how you think, then you shouldn’t be in a relationship of any kind. A marriage is two people working “together”, not one working for both. WHAT IS YOUR THEORY ON ARGUING? A NECESSARY EVIL OR SOMETHING TO BE AVOIDED? No two people are going to agree on every single issue every single time. BUT, you need to keep an open mind and be willing to compromise with one another. Your partner may have ideas that never occurred to you and they may work better than those you had. And vice versa. But this is all part of that open and honest communication thing again. Who knows?! Perhaps pooling your different ideas will bring a third possibility that is even better than the two individual ideas!! WHAT IS THE BEST PART ABOUT BEING MARRIED? We’ve considered ourselves “married” long before we took the formal vows. But

the best thing for us now is the security of knowing that when the time comes that I die, he will be OK with my social security. We have the peace of mind in knowing that if either one of us goes into the hospital, we have the law on our side and no family members will keep us from each other at such a trying time. DO YOU PLAN TO START A FAMILY? WHY OR WHY NOT? The only family we’ve had and will continue to have is the parenting of our fur babies! They take up all of our love and attention and they want for nothing!! We gain much satisfaction and fulfillment and they truly ARE our babies!! We even maintain a major medical insurance policy for each of them! WHEN LIFE GETS BUSY, WHAT DO YOU DO TO STAY FOCUSED ON EACH OTHER? No matter how busy we get with various aspects in our lives, we make a point of shutting all of that out in the evenings and just spending time together, whether that be napping on the sofa together, just watching some mindless movie from our collection or in the simple pleasure of walking through a Barnes & Noble store. We both adore the coast and taking long walks along the beach is a special treat for us. WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO A COUPLE THAT IS JUST ENGAGED? Plan together. Even if you decide to divide various preparations between you, keep each other informed of your choices. Again, you just never know what another pair of eyes will offer to benefit you both. Spend time together, alone. Having friends over or going to the bars is all well and good, but you need to devote time to just HIM as well. It helps you to keep focused on each other’s importance in your lives and that you’re no longer operating alone, but exploring life together as a couple, not as an individual. Once again, the open and honest communication. Once you’ve developed that as a solid base, you’re assured of success!! It’s worked for us for nearly 27 years now!!

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Real Weddings

GABRIEL & PAVANA September 6, 2015 / Thuy Pham Photography

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Real Weddings

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n September 6, 2015, Pavana Tiriveedhi, a physician from California, and Gabriel Willey, a native Vermonter tied the knot at the prestigious Taj Hotel facing the beautiful gardens of Boston Commons. Gabriel grew up in rural Vermont, and is a student of music and comparative religions and now works as a Paralegal in California. Pavana was born in South India and moved to the United States at the age of 12. He studied biology and anthropology and now works as a Family Medicine doctor. The couple met online at a dating website, on a free weekend before Valentine’s Day, and have been jet-setting together around the world for the last 5 years. After the reversal of Prop 8 in California, Gabriel proposed to Pavana in Quebec City – and he accepted. Pavana’s immersion in Indian culture as a child learning Bharatanatyam (a classical South Indian dance form) and his interest in Vedanta philosophy made him lean towards a Hindu wedding ceremony. Gabriel’s appreciation of Indian culture and his love of the vibrancy and gaiety of Indian weddings also drove the couple to seek out a traditional Indian ceremony.

For their wedding, the couple booked the Taj Boston Hotel as itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s not only a fine luxury hotel but a place that can accommodate Indian traditions such as having an open fire, an integral part of the traditional wedding ceremony. To ease the difficulties of coordinating a Boston wedding from California, they looked to secure the expertise of a wedding planning service. After hearing from many sources they chose Mint To Be Events, a subsidiary of Boston Sound and Light Company LLC, a popular wedding vendor in the Indian wedding circuit within New England. The goal was simple. Get married in a traditional Hindu ceremony, have Indian music and culture be prominent throughout the event and allow everyone to have as much fun as they possibly can without just a â&#x20AC;&#x153;Gayâ&#x20AC;? theme. Easy, right? Unfortunately the first obstacle was to find an Indian priest willing to perform a Hindu ceremony for a gay couple. Despite being rejected 6 times, the planners were able to procure an Indian priest to perform the ceremony, a welcome sign of the changing Indian culture. The second difficulty lay in coordinating the ceremony itself as many of the traditions are not designed for two grooms. After consultations with the priest, parents and planners, they were able to come up with gender neutral versions of all the main ceremonies. gayweddingsmag.com / GWM 71

Real Weddings

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To give the event a further Indian touch, the planners brought in a dancer to perform Bharatanatyam during the dinner reception. As a recognition of the mixed union, the cocktail hour featured a blend of western Jazz and Indian Classical music performed by Phil Scarf of Natraj Entertainment. The dance reception converted the Taj hotel’s rooftop to a nightclub scene decorated with lit up furniture and music DJed by Boston Sound and Light Company. With the help of Mint To Be Events, the pieces fell in place for a beautiful, extravagant wedding. The happy couple was joined by guests from across the country and in a wonderful surprise even extended family from India. This is especially impressive considering recognition and support for gay life is still not great in traditional India. Many of Pavana’s extended family were moved when his father showed them the couple’s love story on their wedding website, and decided to join them at their celebration. We all celebrated a unique gay Indian wedding! Submitted by Vandana Rana, *The Girls* @ www.Mint2BEvents.com, www.facebook. com/mint2bevents Location: Taj Hotel, Boston, MA Music: Boston Sound & Light Wedding Consultant: Mint To Be Events Ceremony Site: Taj Hotel Linens: Taj Hotel, Rentals Unlimited Officiant: Dr. Anand Shukla Rentals: Chirari Chairs/ Mandap Reception Site: Rooftop – Taj Hotel Lighting: Boston Sound & Light Reception Site Coordinator: Mint To Be Events Invitations: Allure Invitations Caterer: Taj Hotel Wedding Cake: Taj Hotel Florist: Dogwood Floral Bartenders: Taj Hotel Unusual Rentals: Mandap - Alankar Hair: Demiche Beaute Makeup: Demiche Beaute Classical Dancer: Tyothi Khawani Live Music: Phil Scarff (Natraj Music) Barber: Tyler Aylward

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ICY DREAMS

(Beach / Island Weddings) Elegance and class are depicted when you combine sparkle with a blunt color and finish off with a bold beauty. Sandy tones, abstract edible glass, gold bamboo and the bold prettiness of the sugar teal smile orchids on top of a frosty tier make this cake icy and dreamy.

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By Candace Chand, Beau Petit Cupcakes he cake is one of the wedding’s most important icons alongside your attire and venue. Whether you desire a traditional multi-tiered confection, a mini novelty design like the Eiffel Tower or a cupcake/macaron tower, your wedding cake should reflect your personality. When evaluating a potential cake designer, the following are some important factors to consider and look into at your cake consultation. • Do they have your wedding date available? • How many wedding cakes do they schedule on the same day? You must feel comfortable that your designer is well staffed to handle the number of cakes they schedule to deliver and set up. • How are their cakes priced? By the slice/ design / flavor? • What is their minimum order value? • Can they recommend ideas to maximize your budget? • Do they have a menu of flavors that you can look at or take home with you? • What is the cost of delivery and setup of the cake? Are there options for the decoration of the cake table too? • What does the decorator do if the cake gets damaged in transit to or at your reception site? • Do they provide or rent a cake cutting knife, cake stand, etc.? If so, what is the cost? Is there a charge if they cut and serve the cake? • How far in advance do they require you to order the cake? • How much is the deposit and when is it due? • When is the final payment due? • Are there any additional fees that you should be aware of?

TIPS

• What is their refund policy if for some reason you need to cancel your order or are not happy with the cake for various reasons? • When can you expect to receive your cake contract?

You may also consider doing a little background check of your cake designer: • How long have they been in business and are they licensed and insured? • How many wedding cakes have they done? • Where did they receive their training if any? • Can they provide you with some recent couples that you can contact for references? Coming to the cake itself, one has to look into whether the cake artist has a portfolio of their work that you can view, and did they make all the cakes they show you? • What are their specialties? Towers / tiers / novelty etc. • Can they design a custom cake to match your theme, attire or color scheme? Or do they select from set designs? • If you provide them with a picture of what you’d like, can they recreate it? Are they okay with replicating someone else’s design? How much extra does it cost for a custom design? • If you don’t have a clear vision of what you would like, can they offer some design ideas based on your theme and budget? • What are the different ingredients they typically use? Do they offer organic or vegan options if you require? • Do they have cake tastings and if so, what is the charge if any? • Do they work with both fondant and buttercream icing?

• Can they create gumpaste flowers? If you decide to have fresh flowers on your cake, will they work with your florist or will they obtain and arrange the flowers themselves from their own preferred florist? • Will they preserve the top tier of your cake for your first wedding anniversary or do they provide a special cake for the occasion? • How much in advance of the wedding is the cake actually made? Do they freeze cakes? Please keep in mind wedding cakes usually take a few of days to make depending on size. I highly recommend that you arrange a consultation, even if there is a fee, with your potential cake designer in person, and do a tasting before you sign a contract.

Candace Chand is the face, cake designer and owner of Beau Petit Cupcakes. Born and raised on the beautiful Islands of Fiji, she moved to Vancouver, BC, Canada in 2001 and pursued her studies in Business Administration and Marketing. Though always having worked in the corporate world, her love of baking and crafting started in her early teens. Through the love and support of her better half and two sons, she took her cake decorating hobby to the next level. Her vision with her cakes that she portrays is natural and simple, yet sophisticated. Her collection of cakes are luxe, ethereal, and an interesting blend of modern and embellished designs. Candace believes in effortless designs that are not lazy. Candace is a proudly recognized “Artist of Excellence” by Satin Ice Fine Foods. She is an international cake decorating instructor and has many projects/classes coming up. She has also been featured in the DIY Weddings Magazine USA, Mehendi Weddings Magazine Chennai India, American Cake Decorating Magazine, Cake Central Magazine, Cake Masters Magazine UK, Sweet Magazine of Australia, Cake Craft Magazine UK, Pretty Witty Cakes Magazine UK and The Hindu National Newspaper of Chennai India.

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WINTER SKIES (Winter Weddings)

Crisp air rippling up to the winter skies shows us that the simplicity of the cold weather has a deep moral. Marbled effects and frosted berries and twigs adorn this simple wintering beauty.

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ETHEREAL CHAOS (Rustic Outdoor Weddings)

Winter foliage and whites with a touch of gold brought to life in an ethereal chaotic textured edible art. Sugar succulents, berries, dusty millers and leaves enhance the top tiers while making the painted stone look of the bottom tier more handsome.

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Real Weddings

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SUZY & CHARLENE March 21, 2015 / Photography by Castaldo Studio

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Real Weddings

HOW DID YOU MEET? Charlene and Suzy met in 2005 on South Beach, at a fundraiser for the Juvenile Diabetes Fund held by the City of Miami Beach Fire Department. Charlene was there with a friend whose boyfriend worked with Suzy, and who had been trying to set them up for a while. They hit it off and spent the next nine years building a life together. After all those years they decided it was time to have a wedding. Setting the date for their 10-year anniversary, they planned and planned, despite knowing their marriage would not be legal in Florida. But as luck would have it, same-sex marriage was legalized in Florida in January of 2015. Adding legal legitimacy to something their friends and families already knew to be otherwise legitimate was the icing on the proverbial wedding cake.

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DESCRIBE YOUR WEDDING DAY: In one word, our wedding day was perfect. Skies were blue, the sun was bright, temps were mild, and guests came from all over the U.S. to celebrate with us. We could not have asked for a more flawless day. We started the day with a walk around the Ritz-Carlton property, taking it all in. Later that morning the chaotic schedule began with manicures and pedicures, then to the ad hoc meetings with the wedding planner, family members, and then finally to hair and makeup. Wedding time crept up on us so quickly, before we knew it we were walking up to the gazebo, each flanked by our parents, on our way to â&#x20AC;&#x153;I doâ&#x20AC;?. After a beautiful ceremony, the guests attended an outdoor cocktail hour followed by a raucous ballroom reception, which featured toasts given by each of our best friends, great food, non-stop dancing, and a photo booth experience for the ages.

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Real Weddings

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Location: The Ritz-Carlton, Grande Lakes, Orlando Florida Ceremony Music: White Rose Entertainment Wedding Consultant: Party with Bells On (Wedding Planner) Entertainment/DJ: White Rose Entertainment Ceremony Site: Gazebo at the Ritz-Carlton, Grande Lakes Linens: Lee Forrest Officiant: Aisling McAllister, Esq. Reception Site: Tuscany Ballroom, Ritz-Carlton Lighting: White Rose Entertainment Reception Site Coordinator: Tim Blunk, Ritz-Carlton Invitations: The Invitation Lounge Caterer: Ritz-Carlton Wedding Cake: Ritz-Carlton Florist: Lee Forrest Florist Clothing/Gowns/Suits: Allure Bridals (Suzy) Brides by Demetrios (Charlene) Calvin Klein (Groomsmen) Rehearsal Dinner Site: Buca di Beppo Hair: Kerrie Drew, Str8 Endz Salon Makeup: Stayc St. Onge

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Efraín Arcadia O’Connor fotografía