12 minute read
Let's Talk About Sex
Art by Sadie Paczosa
Skin on skin, the air pockets between bodies make farting noises. We know this moment, we become extremely self aware. There’s an awkward silence that fills the air accompanied by heavy breathing. There is nothing on our minds other than “Should I say something? Do I moan now? I wonder if they’re enjoying this...” This moment is way too familiar. How do we transition into having sex? Is it implied? Did you or did they ask?
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SEX is us at our most vulnerable. In the nude.Maybe in the dark.With. Someone. Else.
What’s so great about sex anyways.... why do we crave it? Does it bring us validation? Why does the attitude shift the second it becomes an act of penetration ? Why do we become even more silent? Why do we become mute? Why can’t we think properly? Why don’t we know what to do, and tense up in our state of awkward indecisiveness?
What did I just experience.
Also, why the fuck do we leave our socks on.
Sex is an experience. An indulgence in intimacy, a way to foster self-love and confidence, and make meaning of your humanity through the physical experience of each another.
Sex can mean a variety of definitions for any and all types of people. It’s important to understand that everyone has their own perspective on sex, how it affects them, and what it means to them. Sex is not solely penetration, it can mean a host of different things, including body parts flowing together in a number of ways, forms and positions.
Sex is a controversial subject to a lot of people, and the fact is, is that without sex, you wouldn’t be here today. #fact.
However, according to “The share of Americans not having sex has reached a record high,” an article in the Washington Post (published March 2019), the portion of Americans ages 18 to 29 reporting having no sex in the past year more than doubled between 2008 and 2018, to 23%. Specifically, young men are having less sex; since 2008, the share of men younger than age 30 reporting no sex has nearly tripled, to 28%.
Being in college, this might seem backwards. It seems like everyone around us is having sex, and having a lot of it. But the numbers don’t lie. People are having less sex. This could be attributed to a number of things; the pervasiveness of sex as a taboo, lack of education, an increase in other activities due to a rise in technology, or an increase in the unhealthy mindset behind hook up culture. It’s interesting that although sex seems to be everywhere we turn in college that, in reality, sex is becoming less common amongst our age group to have.
We crafted a series of questions to formulate a general hypothesis on SEX in order to cultivate a deeper understanding on who Generation Z is today, and the role sex has in their lives.
Utilizing social media platforms, we conducted polls and questions through the GEN-ZiNE Instagram and our personal Instagram accounts to ask our followers a series of 6 questions. Those who wanted to contribute with the knowledge that we could see their answers voluntarily responded. For those who wanted to answer confidentially, we offered a survey that included 12 questions that kept their answers completely anonymous.
These questions, with overlap on both platforms, garnered a huge array of responses with varying answers and opinions. It gave us a lot of insight into the minds of Generation Z and their thoughts on Sex.
Six Questions
ONE: Is talking about sex an uncomfortable topic? TWO: Who are you most comfortable talking about sex with? THREE: If you are uncomfortable talking about sex, why? FOUR: What does hook up culture mean to you? FIVE: Have you ever felt pressured to have sex? SIX: What are your issues with sex?
Twelve Questions
ONE: How do you identify- what is your sexual orientation? TWO: Is talking about SEX an uncomfortable topic? THREE: Who are you most comfortable talking about SEX with? FOUR: If you are uncomfortable talking about SEX, why? FIVE: On a scale of 1 - 10 (10 being most valued), How do you value sex? *meaning* SIX: Does the meaning of sex change for you depend on who it’s with? Please explain. SEVEN: How do you establish trust and intimacy between a new partner or random hookup? ––– How does that affect you after the hookup? EIGHT: What does hook up culture mean to you? — Do you participate? Why or why not? Does it validate you? Does it make you feel like shit? NINE: What does it mean to have casual sex? TEN: Have you ever felt like you were abnormal because of a common sex problem that isn’t talked about? ELEVEN: Have you ever felt pressured to have sex? **If you are comfortable answering this, can you please explain why you felt pressured. TWELVE: What are YOUR issues with SEX?
Art by Maddy Ledger
GENZiNE’s Q&A with the “Voices of Generation Z”
The following statements are a compilation of responses received from our surveys answering the various questions asked. Each sentence represents an unfiltered voice from a member of Gen Z.
What does hook up culture mean to you? Do you participate? Why or Why not? Does it validate you? Does it make you feel like shit?
Hookup culture is in some cases toxic and some cases helpful. It is toxic in the sense that it can make someone feel lonely, less attractive, and pressured to be like others. But in another case, it could be helpful for some who feels ashamed discussing things to become more comfortable expressing themselves, and can also help them find the courage to talk to the person that they are interested in. Hookups are healthy. They allow you to learn more about yourself, which to me is the sole purpose of meaningless sex. I participate for that reason and would encourage others to.
A culture in which fast, quick, and less emotional sexual encounters are favored. I think it means putting less value on sex. I've been on both sides of the spectrum. It is hard to not participate in it because this is what everyone does. It can validate me in the moment but usually I’m left feeling shitty when I think back to it. Hookup culture does not validate anything but someone’s ego. It does not validate you. The insight about yourself that you gain from hookups may validate you. You validate you. If it makes you feel like shit, you are the problem. Learn from it. Grow. That’s the point.
I think people are so scared of commitment and are constantly living in a state of fear of getting to comfortable with someone. I get too attached to people and know that if I just hooked up with someone random I would feel like shit.. I want a relationship but I will participate in the culture because I feel like that is the only option. I do participate because I’m in college and I’m exploring my sexuality. The worst part about hookup culture is that more often than not, if the guy wants a relationship the girl does too, but if the guy doesn’t and the girl does she’ll just suppress those feelings and hope it will eventually turn into a relationship. Hookup culture means people don’t have strong boundaries in regards to hooking up with strangers/newer people.
I value sex in a committed relationship so I do not participate. I need to know and trust the person. Honestly, not something I want to be a part of. I also don’t want to show a stranger an intimate side of me. To me it means being able to have power over my body and my actions.
Who are you most comfortable talking about sex with?
An overwhelming amount of responses said that they were most comfortable talking about sex with their friends. Some people specified; gay friends, friends of the same gender, close friends. Some people said they are most comfortable talking about sex with their significant other/sexual partner. And some people said they were most comfortable talking about sex with family, mainly siblings but a few said their mom and/or dad.
If you are uncomfortable talking about sex, why?
We all have different experiences sopeople feel nervous to reveal… it’s likea stigma. It is because society treats itas a ‘behind closed doors’ sort ofthing, with no real discussion. Humansare LAYERED. Sex is complex andsuper fragile. Sometimes I wish I hadmore to say. Because some things arebetter left unsaid. Growing up I feltlike women weren’t supposed to, I alsowent to Catholic school. I don’t wantto get judged. It’s not uncomfortable,but it’s personal. Because I am a virginand I feel pressure that I’m still one.
How do you establish trust and intimacy between a new partner or a random hook up? How does that affect you after the hook up?
I honestly don't know how trust and intimacy is established. I think it just takes time for that to be established, which I guess is not a good thing because how much trust can you establish when you meet a random guy at a party? This can often be difficult and can negatively affect people after the hook up. Trust cannot exist with a random hookup, unless this is an already trusted friend. Trust is granted far too frequently. Trust is earned after a long period of loyalty. You can have loyalty without trust but you can’t have trust without loyalty. Trust also causes intimacy. Intimacy and trust give meaning and value. I think it’s a legitimate algorithm. I only have sex with people I’m in a relationship with BECAUSE trust and intimacy are already there. I think that’s what should be created first. I think one main source of trust is not having a bad track record. If you’ve slept around and are known for that, it’s almost impossible to gain another individuals trust. I think another important aspect is talking beforehand and making sure both parties are on the same page. If it’s a one time thing, both sides should agree on that before somebody is mislead and hurt. Get to know each other in a non-sexual context.
What are your issues with sex?
Sex has become something that often times means nothing. It’s a little too casual in our culture, and can define relationships too much. our generation grew up learning sex from porn. Pretty problematic. Only sex with penetration is considered sex a lot of the time. There is so much more to a relationship than sex. We don’t talk about it enough. It should be normalized. Not enough sex education. Not enough communication between genders, like I feel comfortable talking to girls about sex but not necessarily boys. You’ve got to talk about what you want with your partner. They won’t know unless you speak up! I have an issue with how taboo it is. My issue is the double standard as men are praised while women are labeled as sluts. Raise girls and boys the same way. Essentially, sex is expected by many.
None. Love it, natural human nature and intimacy in the right place and with consent is amazing.
Everything. Feeling dominated without consent.
Too many people assume that everyone is STD free and casually hook up with birth control but not condoms and they don’t realize how many people they are actually sleeping with. Only one guy I have been with offered to use a condom. That’s fucked up. Not enough communication/we need to promote consent and talking about desires as sexy! I usually don’t find it all that fulfilling unless there’s a level of emotional connection. This is a bit annoying since, I find, sex is easier to come by than a relationship.
Lack of respect for female orgasm. Men think women don’t orgasm. WRONG. Repression. Faking orgasms, painful sex, hookup pressure. Dirty, awkward, unsanitary, worthless, meaningful, beautiful, contradicting. Vaginas aren’t as straightforward as dicks, so even if a guy is trying to make you cum and doing all of the right things, it still might not work and that can be frustrating and uncomfortable for both parties.
What does it mean to have casual sex?
To hook up, but no risk of emotional attachment. No strings attached. No text afterward. Just sex. To fuck someone for your own pleasure. It means ya better be using protection! Like you are interested in each other but not realllly interested. Someone you don’t mind leaving the next day and never seeing again. Casual sex, to me, is a period where the partner you are sleeping with is someone Who you'd potentially date. Most of the time, this happens due to hookup culture, and you don't get to know the person too well from the beginning. Freedom of choice. Be comfortable enough with yourself to do what the fuck you want.
Does the meaning of sex change for you depending on who it is with?
No. I think having the meaning of sex change depending on partner can be a dangerous road. I believe not all sex has the same value, but it does have the same meaning. I haven’t had—and don’t plan on having—sex before I’m married... that being said, the meaning of sex will always remain pure and valuable in that relationship. I don’t think that sex before marriage is beneficial or smart, and I do think that it leads to a lot of heartbreak and feelings of inadequacy. When it's with a girl you met on a night out it's different than when you're in a relationship. A 'random' hook-up isn't necessarily intimate even though you're being intimate. But when it's with your partner it's much more intense and there is more feeling and, well, passion. So yeah, there's definitely a different definition. I don’t think it changes from person to person. It has a simple meaning to me (trust & connection) and the people I have sex with need to fit that meaning.
Yes, with a partner, much more human connection. With a hook up, simply a mutual transaction. I think if it’s not with someone you love it’s essentially masturbation. I think I want it to mean something different, but I've never been in love and some people I've had sex with were based on my vulnerability. It's harder for one to be more special than another because it's all the same without "real love" or at least the illusion of it.
Sexual Violence
It would be irresponsible to discuss hook-up culture without acknowledging sexual violence and assault. In college, 1 in 4 female undergraduates report sexual assault on campus. At USC, it’s nearly 1 in 3. Sexual violence is sexual activity when consent is not obtained or not freely given. It includes harassment, cat calling, pressure while drunk to hook up with someone, or even simply a lingering hand that creeps a little too close. here is a disproportionate number of young women experiencing sexual violence on college campuses. There are trained respondents and reporting parties available to confidentially counsel you at USC and they are not required to share this information with Title IX, unless there is a serious threat of serious harm to self or others is suspected.
Have you felt pressured to have sex?
Yes. Someone abused me because I tried saying no.(Female, 22, Los Angeles)
Yes. I think it has a lot to do with drinking and theassumption that if you make out with someone or talk tothem, they feel as if you’re going to have sex with them.I also have dealt with assault where I was blacked outand don’t remember doing certain things (so in themoment I guess I wasn’t pressured?) but the next morningI would feel incredibly uncomfortable and not reallyknow how to bring it up to the partner that I wasn't reallyin control of my body. (Female, 20, Los Angeles).
Yes. You want to make your partner feel good and theyguilt / coerce you into getting rid of their blue balls andinto making them feel good. (Female, 20, Los Angeles)
SEX is in the eye of the beholder.
It can be a fun, pleasurable experience, while simultaneously being an uncomfortable, scary moment too. The voices of Gen-Z spoke, and they have a lot of thoughts and emotions regarding sex. Sex isn’t perfect for anyone. You are not alone in your worries, stresses, or embarrassments. You are not alone in your confusion, frustration, or anger. You are not alone in being happy, comfortable, and pleasured.
If you decide to have sex, in any capacity, make sure you’re doing it in a safe and clean way. We’ve concluded that sexual encounters are most successful when there is clear communication, and a feeling of safety and security. Please take what you’ve read here, and use it to change your approach, perceptions, and conversations about sex.
If you feel like having sex with a random person, GO FOR IT. If you feellike never having sex again, YOU DON’T HAVE TO! Please, don’t letother people’s pressures or personal opinions affect your choices, ever.
Get out there, and have sex – or don’t!And, if you ever need someone to talk to – we are here for you.
By Eden Burkow and Sam Gibbs
