The Georgetown Voice, April 15, 2010

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DIVERSITY REQUIREMENT IGNITES DEBATE PAGE 4

MENS LACROSSE GOES STREAKING PAGE 6

D.C. RECORD STORE DAY PAGE 10

Georgetown University’s Weekly Newsmagazine Since 1969 w April 15, 2010 w Volume 42, Issue 26 w georgetownvoice.com

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Voice Crossword “Relay for Life” by Mary Cass and Jaclyn Wright

ACROSS 1. In the style of 4. Knight’s game 9. Weep 12. Lends a hand 14. Main artery 15. He who shalt not

16. Parent 17. Restricting one’s style 18. Sledding spot 19. Colonial Americans 21. Frozen formation 23. Garden tool 24. Christmas mo.

25. Prefixed by check or soul

28. Useful with feathers 31. Acceptable 34. Canal-rhyming capital of Bahrain 36. Govt. agent 38. Star DiCaprio 40. Ogled 41. Treat like a god 43. Type of pickle 44. Compass point 45. Danish kroene (abbr.)

46. Safe to consume 48. Italian volcano 51. Brain scan, for short 53. Enterprise rival 54. Coolers, for short 56. Language of the deaf (Abbr.)

58. Surroundings 61. Mule driver 66. Voiced 67. Ragu’s competition 69. Central shaft 70. Rodents 71. 2003 Outkast hit 72. Prejudice 73. Compass point 74. Submerged 75. Explosive abbreviation

answers at georgetownvoice.com DOWN 1. Retired persons association 2. Place 3. 6th month in the Jewish calendar 4. Chocolate plant 5. Paper wasp 6. Ancient spans of time 7. Montreal’s Metro 8. Savory 9. Stylish 10. Bun 11. Kind of log 13. ___ Lanka 15. Through ___ and thin 20. Not us 22. Head honcho 25. Possibly 26. In regard to 27. A bit 29. In flames 30. Ump 32. Legal excuse

33. Calls 34. Kitten’s noise 35. Total 37. Color, as in hair 39. Matador’s cheer 42. Ooze out 43. Dept.

47. Chip’s buddy 49. Gets correct 50. Bandage brand 52. Measuring devices 55. Toyota model 57. Wintry mix 58. Oliver Twist’s request 59. Persia 60. Not on time 61. Mini plateau 62. Problem for frequent bargoers 63. Lighted sign above a door 64. Zest 65. What’s left over 68. Paddle a boat

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editorial

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VOICE the georgetown

Volume 42.26 April 15, 2010 Editor-in-Chief: Jeff Reger Managing Editor: Juliana Brint Publisher: Emily Voigtlander Editor-at-Large: Will Sommer Director of Technology: Alexander Pon Blog Editor: Molly Redden News Editor: Kara Brandeisky Sports Editor: Adam Rosenfeld Feature Editor: Tim Shine Cover Editor: Iris Kim Leisure Editor: Chris Heller Voices Editor: Emma Forster Photo Editor: Hilary Nakasone Design Editors: Richa Goyal, Ishita Kohli Literary Editor: James McGrory Crossword Editor: Cal Lee

RED, YELLOW, BLACK, & WHITE

Administration should spring for diversity At this week’s Georgetown University Student Association meeting, Senator Nick Troiano (COL ’11) objected to the Academic Diversity Working Group’s proposal requiring all students to take two courses on the grounds that “diversity can be fostered, [but] it can’t be mandated.” Criticisms such as his are disappointing, because they are a disingenuous and misleading way of describing the diversity requirement under consideration by the University.

Realistically, this new requirement will hardly burden the typical Georgetown student. As an overlay requirement, it does not necessarily force students to add another clAss to thier schedules.

They can choose from approximately 30 classes, and many courses that a student is taking for his or her other requirements or major can count toward the diversity requirement.

Contributing Editor: Daniel Cook, Dan Newman Assistant Blog Editors: Hunter Kaplan, Imani Tate Assistant News Editors: Cole Stangler, J. Galen Weber Assistant Sports Editors: Nick Berti, Rob Sapunor Assistant Cover Editor: Jin-ah Yang Assistant Leisure Editors: Brendan Baumgardner, Leigh Finnegan Assistant Photo Editors: Jackson Perry, Shira Saperstein Assistant Design Editors: Megan Berard, Robert Duffley

Associate Editors: Matthew Collins, Lexie Herman Staff Writers:

Jeff Bakkensen, Cyrus Bordbar, Tom Bosco, Aleta Greer, Victor Ho, Kate Imel, Satinder Kaur, Liz Kuebler, Kate Mays, Scott Munro, Katie Norton, Sean Quigley, Justin Hunter Scott, Sam Sweeney, Keenan Timko, Tim Wagner

Staff Photographers:

Keaton Bedell, Max Blodgett, Jue Chen, Matthew Funk, Lexie Herman, Lynn Kirshbaum

Staff Designers:

Marc Fichera, Kelsey McCullough, Dara Morano, Holly Ormseth, Marc Patterson, Miykaelah Sinclair

Copy Chief: Geoffrey Bible

Copy Editors: Aodhan Beirne, Caroline Garity, Keaton Hoffman, Matt Kerwin, Molly Redden

Editorial Board Chair: Eric Pilch Editorial Board:

Brendan Baumgardner, Juliana Brint, George D’Angelo, Emma Forster, Chris Heller, Dan Newman, Molly Redden, Will Sommer, Cole Stangler, Imani Tate, J. Galen Weber

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On this week’s cover ... Photo Contest Cover Photo: Daniel LaMagna

By suggesting a requirement that will not add to the number of core requirements students must take, the proposal makes it clear that the working group understands that many students are already taking classes that expose them to diverse opinions and worldviews.

Some students, however, inevitably fall through the cracks. Georgetown has the responsibility to make sure that students don’t neglect this vital element of their education.

If this new requirement is implemented, it is important that Georgetown works to expand the number of course offerings that will fulfill the requirement. While 30 classes per semester may seem at first glance like a sizeable number, given the eight semesters a typical student spends at Georgetown, students should not be compelled to choose between classes where they have a strong

academic interest and classes to fulfill the new requirements.

Those who emphasize that the University is “making” students embrace diversity by signing up for a class, as if that were the end of the process, are also misreading the requirement’s intention.

This is not a measure to “fix” the problem of bigotry at Georgetown, but rather one that will ensure that Georgetown students are exposed to diverse worldviews.

Yes, some students may find themselves enrolled in a class that they do not want to take. But a truly thorough and worthwhile education challenges students to think, discuss, and wrestle with subjects and viewpoints that take them outside their comfort zones. And at a university of Georgetown’s caliber, especially one that bills its core curriculum as “educating the whole person,” we shouldn’t demand anything less than that.

GU INVEST!

Misguided idealism of Georgetown, Divest!

While many of the concerns and grievances articulated by the new campus group Georgetown, Divest! are valid, its demand that the University divest its money from companies profiting from human rights violations in Israel is logistically impractical and ultimately unreasonable.

The string of reports coming from the Middle East appear to confirm the assertions aired by the newly formed coalition Georgetown, Divest! that the human rights situation in Gaza and the West Bank is deplorable and the University is obliged to take action. This past Sunday, the Israeli military issued an order that would force thousands of Palestinian West Bank residents from their homes, and a Human Rights Watch report recently concluded that Israel has done little to investigate potential war crimes perpe-

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trated during last year’s Gaza War. Yet as dire as the situation in Israel may be, Georgetown, Divest!’s argument that the University has an obligation to pull its investments in companies that profit from Israel’s poor policies is impractical. Georgetown’s seven-member investment team does not directly choose which companies to invest Georgetown’s endowment money in. Rather, they select a number of investment managers who independently invest Georgetown’s endowment, often putting money into complex funds and financial instruments. As a result, it is very difficult to draw up a list of the companies Georgetown has money invested in, and it would be exceedingly difficult for Georgetown to divest from a select list of specific companies. Complying with Georgetown, Divest!’s demands would potentially require a transforma-

tion of its investment process and the possible resumption of direct investment by the Investment Office, weakening Georgetown’s endowment.

While those involved in Georgetown, Divest! have done a good job of focusing campus attention on the problems in Israel, they would be better off focusing their energies on issues other than divestment. Instead of demanding that the University pursue the impractical policy of divestment from companies that profit from illegal Israeli settlement construction, it would be better for the coalition to push the University to use its resources in a more productive manner—to promote dialogue on the Israeli-Palestinian conflict, for example, and to follow through on its long-term proposal to build a Georgetown-sponsored hospital in Gaza.

RHEE-JECTED?

Don’t derail historic DCPS teacher raises It’s no secret that Marion Berry has seen some scandalous activity in his day.

So when the embattled councilmember describes anything as “the worst mess involving the city government that I’ve seen in my 31 years in city government,” it’s time to take notice.

Barry wasn’t far off base in his comments about the revelation by District of Columbia Public Schools Chancellor Michelle Rhee that erroneous budget calculations brought about the firing of 266 DCPS teachers in the fall. The revelations are even more damaging because Rhee rolled out a new contract proposal with the Washington Teachers Union that was three years in the making and provided for a more than 20 percent pay increase for teachers through 2012. The current situation gives the impression that dramatic teacher raises are being

funded with the windfall from wrongly fired colleagues.

As mayoral candidate and current D.C. Council Chair Vincent Grey explained to the Washington Examiner, “If I were one of the fired teachers, I would be ready to put my hands around someone’s throat ... At the end of the day, some people’s pay raises [would be] funded with someone else’s job.”

For DCPS to move from an estimated $40 million shortfall to a $35 million surplus in only a few months due to an accounting error is a staggering mistake.

Even more disconcerting was the offhand and dismissive manner in which Rhee revealed this huge miscalculation. Yet, after working for three years to unveil a contract that will give teachers significant raises, funded in large part by $65 million of private funding—a major part of Rhee’s re-

forms to retain and attract effective teachers—it would be a terrible waste for the Washington Teachers Union to back away from the agreement at this late stage.

Rhee pinned the blame for this embarrassing mistake on D.C.’s Chief Financial Officer Natwar Gandhi and former DCPS Chief Financial Officer Noah Wepman. If these individuals are to blame—and there is some speculation surrounding Gandhi’s silence through Wednesday—a serious investigation should be launched into how no one caught such a serious mistake.

Ultimately, it would be tragic for this mistake to derail the multiyear process that led to a groundbreaking contract with significant benefits for DCPS teachers. It is clear that someone must take a serious look at the cause of DCPS financial troubles to ensure such a costly accounting error is never repeated.

news

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april 15, 2010

Proposed diversity requirement sparks debate

by J. Galen Weber Georgetown University’s Academic Working Group, which was formed last year as part of the school’s Diversity Initiative, has divided students and faculty alike with its recommendation that the University institute a diversity requirement. Some students and faculty believe the requirement will help spur dialogue and expose students to ideas they wouldn’t otherwise encounter, but others argue it would limit students’ academic freedom and further burden students struggling to fulfill their core requirements.

While none of the Academic Working Group’s other recommendations, which include hiring more

minority faculty and creating an African-American Studies major, have caused as much debate as the diversity requirement, they received a great deal of attention at the open forum hosted by the Academic Working Group on Wednesday.

The students who attended the forum urged the working group to push for the quick implementation of its recommendations. All the students who spoke at the forum made statements in favor of the working group’s recommendations.

What wasn’t as evident at the forum was the level of criticism the diversity requirement has sparked from both students and faculty.

At an earlier open forum held last week, several professors questioned whether the requirement would

Max blodgett

Faculty discuss the Academic Working Group’s recommendations at forum.

limit students’ academic freedom, and at last week’s meeting of the Georgetown University Student Association Senate, two senators called for a vote to endorse some of the working group’s recommendations but not the diversity requirement.

Critics of the proposed requirement argued that it could limit students’ academic freedom, directing them into classes that dealt with diversity issues while preventing them from pursuing other classes that might interest them more.

Dean James Reardon-Anderson, a School of Foreign Service senior associate dean and director of undergraduate programs, said he opposes the diversity requirement as it has been presented by the Academic Working Group.

“I do not think the curriculum should include any required course designed to convey or promote any particular social value,” ReardonAnderson wrote in an e-mail.

Reardon-Anderson said that there were dozens of values worth promoting and celebrating, such as honesty, justice, and individual rights, but that he saw no reason to include any of them as part of the required curriculum.

Professor George Shambaugh, who attended the first open forum,

Neighbors fundraise against Campus Plan

by Thaddeus Bell Although the final draft of the University’s 2010 Campus Plan will not be presented until April 26, local neighborhood organizations have already initiated fund raising campaigns to organize their opposition to certain proposals.

The Citizens Association of Georgetown has progressed the furthest in its fundraising efforts.

According to CAG President Jennifer Altemus (COL ’88), CAG has already raised “a few thousand dollars, at least” for its Save Our Neighborhood Fund.

The CAG announced its Save Our Neighborhood Fund in an open letter, with the objective of “restor[ing] the peaceful, civilized nature of our wonderful historic neighborhoods.”

The webpage for Save Our Neighborhood donations encourage residents to donate an amount of their choice, or make a donation at one of five levels. The first level donation is $300. The fifth level donation is $5,000.

Altemus said these funds will go toward hiring experts to support CAG’s case at the Zoning Commission, but she said she does not yet know exactly what types of experts they plan to hire.

CAG is particularly concerned about the initiative to increase graduate student enrollment by 3,200 without making substantial increases in on-campus housing.

CAG believes that the increase in graduate students will cause undergraduates to move deeper into the Georgetown neighborhood.

Altemus said she sees increased problems from drunken students “if they’re walking an extra six or seven blocks from 27th Street [NW].”

The Burleith Citizens Association announced a fundraising campaign this month which is still in its beginning stages. BCA President Lenore Rubino would not disclose how much has been raised so far.

The University must make campus plan proposals to the Zoning Commission every ten years. The 2000 Campus Plan was particularly

contentious, and the citizens associations of Georgetown, Burleith, the Cloisters, Hillandale, and Foxhall collaborated to oppose the University’s 2000 Campus Plan chiefly on the grounds that it would increase undergraduate enrollment.

Rubino said this year the communities are working together again. However, though Rubino was aware of CAG’s efforts to fund raise, the funds remain separate.

Citizens associations farther from campus have yet to engage with either the University or with their counterparts in Burleith and Georgetown.

William Spencer, president of the Palisades Citizens Association, said he hasn’t heard anything about the plan other than one email from the BCA. Given that Palisades does not have a significant Georgetown student population, Spencer said he was not concerned about the slow development of neighborhood coalitions.

“I’m sure we’ll hear from them,” he said. “That’s just how these things go.”

said that while he supported efforts to bring diversity into the classroom, he has doubts about the efficacy of a diversity requirement.

“I think the idea of increasing the diversity of the faculty is a good idea, but its not clear to me that a diversity requirement is the best way to accomplish the working group’s goals,” Shambaugh said.

Brian Kesten (COL ’10), who served on the working group, argued that compared to its competitors, Georgetown lags behind in encouraging students to take classes that deal with diversity issues. He noted that schools like the University of Pennsylvania, Columbia University, and Dartmouth University, already have general education diversity requirements and also offer majors in Latino and African-American Studies.

Asked about the potential burden on students this requirement could entail, members of the working group said the idea of an additional burden was a misconception.

Jheanelle Brown (SFS ’10), who served on the working group, said that as an overlay requirement, the diversity requirement would not actually force students to take any additional classes. For example, one class could fill both

the diversity requirement and an English requirement.

Supporters of the requirement feel that while it may not necessarily change students’ views, it will at least expose students to new ideas and perspectives.

“It will cause you to think differently,” GUSA Senator Jon-Matthew Hopkins (COL’13) said. “Not to change how you feel but to cause you to look at things in a different way.”

Hopkins said he had spoken with some of his constituents and found that many of them were actually excited about the prospect of a diversity requirement.

The Academic Working Group’s recommendations still have a long way to go before they become University policy. According to Kesten, the recommendations will first have to be reviewed by the Main Campus Faculty Executive, and then the Curriculum Committees of all four schools before being recommended to the deans. The recommendations would then be reviewed by the provost and then the university president, who has the power to enact the recommended changes to the curriculum.

“We haven’t changed the [core] curriculum in 40 years,” Kesten said. “This is a long process.”

Jackson Perry

Congresswoman Eleanor Holmes Norton (D-DC), hosted by the College Democrats, argued for her keystone issue, D.C. voting rights, at her speech on Tuesday in the ICC Auditorium.

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Georgetown business district looks to rebrand

by Matt Kerwin After a year of financial difficulty in Georgetown, the Georgetown Business Improvement District has recently embarked on a “brand review” of Georgetown’s commercial area. The goal of the brand review process is to discover what Georgetown BID’s marketing director Nancy Miyahira calls “the essence of the Georgetown brand.” With that information, the Georgetown BID plans to help its members better target customers.

The Georgetown BID has brought in The Roan Group, an Arlington-based consulting firm, to help with the brand review.

Neil Archer Roan, a principal of The Roan Group, said the firm wants to discover Georgetown’s brand, not create it.

“People who invent a brand don’t really understand branding,” Roan said.

As a result, Miyahira said the BID is currently interviewing a “cross section of over 40 key community stakeholders” to find out what residents already think of Georgetown.

Jennifer Altemus, president of the Citizens Association of Georgetown, said the group asked her, “’What sort of animal do you see Georgetown as?’”

They also interviewed Carol

Joynt, a Georgetown resident and the former owner of Nathan’s restaurant. She wrote on her blog, Swimming in Quicksand, that the interviewer asked, “’If Georgetown were a color scheme, what would be the colors?’”

Roan hopes to incorporate Georgetown’s importance to the community, something he remembers from when he lived in Georgetown.

“Georgetown itself was like another room in my house that I loved to go be in,” Roan said.

The brand review comes after a year in which many businesses left Georgetown. The Georgetown Metropolitan reported in March that approximately one in ten businesses left Georgetown in 2009. The number of businesses in Georgetown that opened in 2009 was about half the number that closed.

According to a recent Washington Post article, the Shops at Georgetown Park will be put up for auction on May 5. Since the beginning of 2009, 56 percent of the property in the Shops at Georgetown Park has been vacated. After purchasing the property for $84 million, the current owner, Herb Miller of the Western Development Corp., defaulted on a loan worth at least $70 million.

Rokas Beresniovas, the vice president of the Georgetown Business Association, believes the re-

Immoral investments There’s a new group of student activists at Georgetown and their demands—in the name of human rights and international law—deserve to be taken seriously.

Georgetown, Divest! is part of a growing movement of students across the U.S. demanding that their universities divest from corporations that profit from violations of human rights and international law in Israel and the Palestinian territories.

At a Tuesday meeting, Georgetown, Divest! spokesperson Jackson Perry (COL ‘12) (who is also an assistant photo editor for the Voice) presented a very clear and coherent argument for divestment from eight multinational corporations that operate in Israel and the Palestinian territories and that aid the Israeli government in perpetrating human rights abuses and disregarding international law in pursuit of profit.

Since the entrenched power structure of the United States prohibits a serious change in American policy toward Israel and the United Nations is unable to pressure Israel effectively, solutions are limited. Divestment is a focused form of nonviolent resistance that could very well cut to the core of the Israeli occupation.

Mark Lance, director of the Justice and Peace Department, noted the urgency of divestment.

“A strategy of boycotting companies that support these illegal policies and pushing for legal sanctions against the state of Israel is a coercive strategy,” Lance said at the meeting on Tuesday. “It’s not just talking to people. It’s forcing people to do the right thing … The situation in Israel and the Gaza Strip can’t go on like this. The question is whether it’s going to change with massive bloodshed and suffering on both sides, or whether it’s

cent rebranding efforts can help revive Georgetown’s economy.

“Georgetown has lots of vacancies, and ‘rebranding’ efforts would likely help Georgetown not only to bring new businesses into the scene, but also more visitors and customers for the current businesses,” Beresniovas said.

Business leaders are glad to see the brand review begin. Since the Georgetown BID caters to a diverse group of people, it is difficult to establish a brand, according to Susan Calloway of the Susan Calloway Fine Arts gallery. Georgetown has bars and late-night eateries, but also art galleries and antique shops.

“It’s a confused brand,” Calloway said.

James Packard-Gomez, CEO of Erwin-Gomez Salon and Spa, said he hopes the brand review portrays Georgetown in a way that will appeal to a changing consumer base.

“We really do need to set our brand as unique rather than historic,” Packard-Gomez said. “The emphasis needs to be on the uniqueness of each store.”

Some Georgetown residents are concerned about what the brand review means for them though. Joynt stressed the importance of including residents in the brand review process.

“I was a member of the BID going to change with a nonviolent movement.”

Unfortunately when the group met with members of the Investment Office, Chief Investment Officer Larry Kochard told Georgetown, Divest! that divestment is impossible because Georgetown doesn’t directly invest in individual companies. Furthermore, Kochard made the bold claim that there is no

saxa Politica

by Cole Stangler

A bi-weekly column on campus news and politics ethical oversight of the investments made by fund managers.

This claim fairly clearly contradicts Georgetown’s guiding principles of social and ethical responsibility. Perhaps the most upsetting aspect is that the University appears to be selectively invoking and ignoring its Catholic and Jesuit rhetoric based on convenience.

The University referenced Jesuit values multiple times over the last

HIlary nakasone

Searching for identity: BID hires consulting firm to “rebrand” business district. board for a couple of years, and during that time I found very little connection between the BID point of view and the needs of residents and small businesses,” Joynt said.

Business owners and residents acknowledge that the University will be important in the brand review and in the future of Georgetown’s economy. They said Georgetown University students are important customers.

The Roan Group has been considering the opinions of Georgetown students and faculty. Linda month when responding to Plan A: Hoyas for Reproductive Justice’s demands for access to condoms on campus, but refuses to consider divesting from corporations that violate human rights.

While divestment is non-negotiable to administrators, it appears that Georgetown’s Jesuit and Catholic identity is. The University’s failure to explain how it ensures that its practices are socially responsible could potentially pose some serious problems down the road.

As Father Raymond Kemp, S.T.L. noted at the meeting, Georgetown’s insistence that the ethical consequences of its investments are impossible to monitor appear to directly contradict the mission of the Association of Jesuit Colleges and Universities.

Indeed, AJCU writes on its web site, “Jesuit education seeks to integrate academic excellence with social responsibility. Fundamental to that responsibility is a consistent concern for the ethical implications of

Greenan, associate vice president for external relations at Georgetown, sits on the Georgetown BID’s board and has put The Roan Group in touch with students and faculty they could interview.

“Georgetown University is one of the village’s principal assets,” Joynt said. “It’s a quality component of the neighborhood and attracts not only the vast student body, but also parents and tourists ... not to mention the many academic and other staff, many of whom live in Georgetown.” every field of endeavor, so that contemporary issues of social ethics, business ethics, and bioethics become increasingly important in the curriculum.”

To end this contradiction between its mission and its actions, the University should immediately correct its profound strategic error in denying any ethical oversight over investments with such serious moral consequences.

Kemp—well aware of President John DeGioia’s role in the successful 1986 campaign that resulted in the University divesting from apartheid-era South Africa—kept the crowd optimistic at Tuesday night’s meeting.

“You’re in a great tradition,” Kemp told the crowd. “Jack DeGioia was right there. He gets this, he understands this. And you’re going to help him get it even more.”

Invest responsibly with Cole.

Contact Cole at cstangler@george townvoice.com

sports

6 the georgetown voice

april 15, 2010

Potent O and tenacious D aid Hoya win streak

by Tim Shine Before the season started, the Georgetown men’s lacrosse team had a clear goal in mind: Return to the NCAA Tournament for the first time since 2007. With only four games left in the regular season, they know now is the time when they can fulfill those expectations.

“They bottom line is—and the players understand this—is that you can play your way in and you can play your way out,” head coach David Urick said. “We’ve dropped some games, but we were competitive in all of them … and I think the games have played out pretty much the way we have fully anticipated.”

A 7-3 record may not gel with the Hoyas lofty aspirations, but Urick is probably thankful to have only three losses considering Georgetown’s schedule. All three defeats have come at the hands of teams currently ranked in the top five in the country.

The Hoyas are also in good position to contend for the first-ever Big East men’s lacrosse championship.

Georgetown is in second place in the conference, which formed this season, with its only loss coming to Syracuse, a 15-12 defeat in early March. “[We’ve had] a number of close games, something to be expected I guess with the type of teams that we play,” Urick said. “We’re on the road three out of the last four games so that’s an element that’s going to come into play.”

Two of those games are Big East matchups, against Rutgers and at Villanova in the regular season finale. But before the Hoyas can make their push for the inaugural Big East title, they must first travel to face No. 8 Loyola (MD) this Saturday in a game that could have important NCAA Tournament implications.

“In the upcoming game it’s going to be a very tough opponent,” Urick said. “We haven’t beaten them in a couple years, so we’re going to need to play well.”

The key to breaking out of the Hoyas’ two year slump against the Greyhounds will be negating their stifling defense. Loyola ranks second in the nation in scoring defense, allowing fewer than seven goals per game.

Georgetown, however, features a potent offensive attack that has yet to be held under nine goals in a game.

“We’re not looking to do too much different offensively,” Urick said. “This year we’ve simplified the offense and focused on execution. We’ve got an inside presence too with Travis Comeau. He’s an off ball guy that plays around the crease that the defense has to be aware of, and that helps our perimeter players because the defense has to focus on the guy inside in front of the goalie.”

Comeau, a freshman attacker, is the Hoyas’ leading goal scorer, an impressive feat considering he has started only three games this sea-

Courtesy sports information

Fist pumpin’ like champs: the Hoyas look to win the Big East Championship.

son. The newcomer has opened up an already formidable Georgetown attack led by senior Craig Dowd.

The Georgetown attackers will only be able to do so much against the Loyola defense, though. The outcome will hinge on the Hoyas’ ability to control the nitty-gritty aspects of the game.

“There’s a couple things that we need,” Urick said. “The ground ball part of the game is something we’ve focused on and we’ve been largely successful at it. And obviously the face off and being able to clear the ball is a part of that.”

Indeed, the Hoyas rank second in the country in ground balls per game. A ground ball is simply when a player picks up a loose ball from the ground, a skill Urick compares to rebounding in basketball.

Junior midfielder Brian Tabb leads the Hoyas in ground balls, and is also their face-off specialist.

Thankfully for Georgetown, they’ll have a hot hand controlling the most important aspects of Saturday’s game—Tabb was named Big East Defensive Player of the Week for his work in wins against Mount St. Mary’s and Notre Dame.

“Brian’s done a very, very good job,” Urick said. “A lot of that can be attributed to our volunteer assistant who works a lot with him one on one. He’s done everything that we’ve expected of him and maybe a little bit more.”

Thanks to the play of Tabb and his teammates, the Hoyas are on pace for an NCAA tournament berth. And if Urick can get that “little bit more” from all his players, they may even have a shot at their ultimate goal—a national championship.

The Sports Sermon

“Ruth did point to the centerfield scoreboard. And he did hit the ball out of the park ... so it really happened ”— Justice Stevens on the Babe’s called shot in a 1929 game, which Stevens attended. the sport again. His mother, Mary, had been diagnosed with breast cancer, and would be treated at Last Sunday, on a warm the same hospital as his wife. spring day in Augusta, GeorMickelson missed the British gia, Phil Mickelson stood on the Open, but eventually returned 18th green after The Masters to to win the Tour Championship, accept his third green jacket. the final FedEx Cup event of the Mickelson was the most consisseason. tently great player throughout So, Woods and Mickelson enthe week, proving he was wortered The Masters under wildly thy of his fourth major title. Aldifferent circumstances. though Mickelson dominated Woods was returning to comthe headlines after the tournapetitive golf after well over 100 ment, another golfer was the days in self-imposed exile. He is center of attention coming into now the poster boy for scandal, Augusta: Tiger Woods. As Tiger infidelity, and the and Phil became the Pete Rose Central abuse of privilege. central figures of Mickelson came Da bettin’ line the weekend, sports into Augusta as the fans were remindMargin Dookies Hoyas sentimental favorite, ed of the contrasts (duh!) (underdogs) with a heavy heart between the two (favorites) and lofty expectaathletes in terms of Broncos Marshall law Dolphins tions. As the tournatheir lives and caParcells Yes Man ment progressed, it reers, all set against Jerry Jones Chemistry Ratings Hard Knocks became clear that the difficult year Tiger and Phil would be major Mere months before Woods they had both endured. contenders into the final round. took an extended leave of absence Tiger’s troubles were of his On Sunday, Woods could not from golf, Mickelson declared he own making. Early on Thanksrecover from a poor start, and would be taking an indefinite giving morning, Tiger Woods Mickelson played a nearly flawleave of absence from the game. crashed his car into a tree in his less round to win the title. Seeing Mickelson’s wife, Amy, had been Florida suburb. Soon after, Tiger’s Mickelson embrace his wife after diagnosed with breast cancer, world crashed down around him. winning the tournament is a scene and he decided to spend his time Tiger’s problems first started sports fans will not soon forget. with her and their children inwhen details about the accident Had Woods won, it would have stead of competing on the PGA were neither confirmed nor debeen a celebrated accomplishTour. After doctors confirmed nied, but instead left to fester ment, but his wife would not have Amy’s cancer was treatable and in the pages of tabloids. Woods been there on the 18th. Phil and that they had detected it early, he eventually came out with a statehis wife deserved that victory. returned to golf. ment that alluded to “personal With his win, Mickelson Just over a month after retransgressions.” What followed showed us that nice guys don’t turning to the tour, Mickelson was a cascade of confessions, as always finish last. Sorry Tiger, but received more devastating news, mistress after mistress came out, last Sunday, the better man won. causing him to withdraw from claiming that they had all been

by Adam Rosenfeld

with Tiger at some point in the past three years.

Following a lengthy exile, photos were released showing that Woods was at a sex-rehab center. Woods was soon seen jogging and preparing his golf game for a return to the sport.

On February 19, Tiger gave his first press conference in front of a select group of reporters, one more PR mistake in a long line of them since the scandal. Tiger then announced he was returning to golf at the Masters, and the media awaited his arrival at Augusta.

sports

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the georgetown voice 7

Hoyas score another comeback win Following an unsuccessful weekend at the University of South Florida that saw a Bull’s sweep of the Hoyas, the Georgetown University men’s baseball team bounced back this week with two hard-fought victories against Mount St. Mary’s and George Washington.

In the three game series against USF, the Hoyas were able to mount hits off the strong USF pitching staff, but they couldn’t convert enough of those hits into runs scored. Tuesday’ game against Mount St. Mary’s was a different story, in which Georgetown returned to the high level

Courtesy sports information

Tommy Lee has been the catalyst behind Georgetown’s offense all year.

America’s favorite pastime It’s spring again and the cherry trees have blossomed. Like underclassmen picking the most skip-worthy of lectures or seniors looking forward to their parents’ couch after a long career of academic mediocrity, America has slowly turned its head from the blunders of winter and refocused its energy on the national pastime: baseball—or, more properly, going to baseball games. There’s really nothing better.

There’s something about a baseball game, beginning with— I don’t know—the sun, wind, the smell of the grass, ball boys in tight pants, which you just don’t get watching ten Canadians chase a rubberized disk or Shaquille O’Neal smiling goofily as he

tweets from the bench. “Football has drives,” wrote sports journalist Dave Kindred, “basketball has runs … baseball has moments.”

So while many spent the winter satisfying their most base impulses with rink jobs and random dome, a few of us have sat at our computers refreshing ESPN.com over and over again, obsessing over signing bonuses, rehab progress, and the difference between VORP and WAR. In a nation where most of us would rather receive regular enemas from a veterinarian than do a little mental math, thousands of grown men spend sunny afternoons filling out sheet after sheet of diamond diagrams, recording every strike, ball, and run. If boxing is the

Polus held the Mount scoreless for five innings before giving up two in the sixth. He finished after 5.1 innings pitched, allowing only three hits and two walks, striking out five.

Uncharacteristically, Georgetown let the Mount back into the game in the eighth inning. The Hoyas allowed the first three men to reach base, and all three scored on a hit to right field that slipped past a diving Rand Ravnaas, tying the game at 5-5. Mount St. Mary’s took the lead later in the inning on an error, making the score 7-5.

Fortunately, Georgetown answered back with two runs in the bottom of the eighth, setting the stage for yet another walk-off win for the Hoyas this year.

Junior first baseman Dan Capeless led off the ninth with a single up the middle. After a sacrifice bunt moved Capeless to second, the Mount reliever walked two straight batters to load the bases. Sophomore catcher Kevin Johnson fell down 0-2 in the count, but worked back to eventually draw a walk, winning the game for the Hoyas.

Junior reliever Jared Cohen was credited with the win for the Hoyas, pitching 1.2 innings of scoreless relief in the eighth and ninth.

The Hoyas let their momentum carry them through their game last night against George Washington, which Georgetown won 9-5.

Georgetown returns to the field 7 p.m. this Friday against Connecticut at Shirley Povich Field. sweet science, baseball is the awesome astrophysics. Not even Joe Buck’s condescending monotone can turn us away.

I have a theory about all of this love for baseball, and it has to do with relatability. We look at a basketball player like Lebron “I <3 New York” James or Geico spokesman Ed “Too Tall” Jones

Backdoor Cuts

by Jeff Bakkensen

a rotating column on sports and we’re awed by their sheer physical presence. I don’t know how many of you saw the ESPN the Magazine Body Issue featuring athletes in various shades of undress, but, as a straight man with a firm belief in the explanatory powers of science, Adrian Peterson is better proof of God’s

Brian Dorfman

What Rocks

by Tim Wagner

of offense from which they have benefited all year.

Georgetown quickly jumped ahead early in the game. In the second inning, senior second baseman Chip Malt drove in shortstop Tommy Elliot with a single to center field after Elliot was hit by a pitch and stole second base.

In the fourth inning, junior catcher Erick Fernandez fired a shot over the fence in center field for a two-run homerun. The Hoyas increased their early lead to 4-0 in the fifth off of a sacrifice fly by senior left fielder Billy Cupelo.

As has been the norm this year, the Hoyas benefited from a very strong performance by their starting pitcher. Freshman Tommy

Courtesy sports information

As Tiger and Phil were competing at the Masters last weekend, sophomore Brian Dorfman was leading the Hoyas in the Princeton Invitational with a 4-under par score of 67, the best single round score of the tournament. The Hoyas went on to finish in seventh place out of 15 teams.

Dorfman credits his extensive practice and work ethic for his improved game on the course.

“I have matured a lot after I worked hard and played golf everyday during the summer and every nice day during the school year,” Dorfman said.

He needed that determination last weekend after entering the tournament in a slump.

His underwhelming perfor-

plan than any YouTube video of a man holding a banana could ever be. Baseball players, on the other hand, are more like you and me.

We all have friends who look like John Kruk. We see Dustin Pedroia and think, “Yeah, I could totally take that guy in a fight.”

The boys of summer wear pajama pants all day and (as far as I know) rarely, if ever, bring loaded guns into the locker room. Feeling fat and lazy? A new study found that fifty-five percent of baseball players are overweight. Ever had an embarrassing drunken fall? David Wells once earned a spot on the 15-day disabled list after kicking a bar stool, falling down, and cutting his hand on his glass (which was presumably filled with pure ethanol). Yes, baseball players, like Sarah Palin, are just like you and me, and that’s why we love them.

mance continued through the first 36 holes of the tournament, but fortunately for the Hoyas, Dorfman was able to turn it around as he delivered the low-round of the tournament on the final day.

Dorfman said that he believes the team has a good shot in this weekend’s Big East Tournament in Tampa, but that he won’t be the only one responsible for the team’s performance.

“College golf is not an individual sport, and for us to perform well at the Big East Championships, we all need to be playing well,” Dorfman said. “We’ll go in and play the game we all love to play and see what happens.”

—Rob Sapunor

On a recent sunny day, a group of about 40 intrepid Georgetowners boarded a chartered bus bound for downtown. They spent the early evening grilling and drinking smooth Keystone Light, and as the sun went down, they headed over to the park. As for the game itself, a choice showdown between the hometown disappointments formerly known as the Expos and the defending also-ran Phillies, I have no idea who won or what the score was.

But one friend ended up spending the night in jail and another threw out his back. Yes, he threw out his back watching baseball.

That’s how much we suffer for the national pastime.

Reminisce those hot summer nights with Jeff at jbakkensen@ georgetownvoice.com

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8 the georgetown voice

april 15, 2010

1 Jasmine Wee (SFS ‘13) “Women with baskets”

feature

georgetownvoice.com

b&w

1

Elizabeth Watkins (COL ‘11) “Skateboard”

Yunnan, China. A scene from an outdoor theater performance.

Freedom Plaza, downtown D.C.

photo contest 2010

2

On the cover:

Samhir Vasdev (COL ‘11) “Some kid in India”

Photo Contest Winner

India: December 2003.

2

Daniel LaMagna (COL ‘13) “Last train (don’t miss it)” Rome, Italy. Around one in the morning.

Stephanie Grant (COL ‘10) “6. St. Nicholas”

3 3 Anam Raheem (COL ‘11) “Scarred for life” Salonica, Greece.

color

Danielle LoVallo (SFS ‘11) “Broken windows on a Russian Lada” St. Petersburg, Russia.

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Hot wax and vinyl: Record Store Day

by Brendan Baumgardner Valentine’s Day is a manufactured holiday created by the Hallmark Corporation. The “Christmas Season” pushes further into November every year.

Arbor Day exists solely at the behest of a mysterious multinational pine tree conglomerate.

Jesus rose again on the third day for Cadbury.

We have all heard the cynical among us decry the commercialization of holidays. They argue that unabashed capitalist vigor detracts from the meaning of the celebration. But what if the holiday exists solely to celebrate capitalism and consumer culture? That just may be the case this Saturday, as April 17 marks the third-annual Record Store Day. Conceived in 2007, the idea behind Record Store Day was to celebrate local, independent, brick-and-mortar record stores, which are increasingly rare in the age of chain stores, online retailers, and file sharing. The first Record Store Day caught the eye of a few artists and labels, which put together 10 special releases that could only be bought in the participating mom-and-pop shops. Then, the holiday blew up. More major labels jumped on board, and the next year saw more than 80 exclusive releases from artists like Bob Dylan, The Stooges, and Talib Kweli.

Josh Harkavy, owner of Red Onion Records & Books, remembers last year’s remarkable turnout.

“It was the busiest day of the year,” Harkavy said. “People were lined up down the block.”

With more than 150 exclusive releases offered for this year’s Record Store Day, the event is shaping up to be even bigger and better than previous years.

Despite the promise of big business, some storeowners are not too excited. Matt Moffatt, owner of the punk and alternative music store Smash! Records, is among the unenthused.

“When I sell somebody a record,” said Moffatt, “I hope it’s because they’re into it and it becomes a part of their collection.”

Moffant claims that some Record Store Day customers’ motives are questionable. Because all of the exclusive releases are pressed in very limited quantities, patrons come in and often

buy as many copies as possible.

“And it’s not because they love those records, it’s simply because they think they can flip it for more,” Moffant said.

Harkavy saw the same thing last year, spotting a number of exclusive Record Store Days titles up for sale on eBay the next day—a trend that, as he notes, completely goes against the idea of the holiday.

Bill Daly, owner of Crooked Beat records, recalled an even more extreme example.

“People last year were buying stuff from us and walking outside and selling to people on the line,” he said. “There’s just nothing I can do about it.

They’d buy Jesus Lizard in here for 35 bucks and go outside and sell it for 70.”

Owners are also frustrated with the way the labels distribute the goods. The size of each Record Store Day pressing is decided in advance. But, record stores receive no guarantees of how much merchandise they will receive. When I first met Daly, in fact, he brushed me aside—he said he didn’t have time to talk to reporters because he was too busy battling with record labels. Of the twenty Of Montreal seven inches Daly ordered for Crooked Beat, the store was only getting two.

What about Wilco? Zip. And The Flaming Lips? Nada.

Not only does this policy limit what stores can stock, but it also makes it impossible for customers to plan their shopping.

“I have no fucking idea what we’re getting,” Moffatt said, when asked about his Record Store Day merchandise. Leaning back in his chair, sighing, he admitted that he was at a loss for what to tell potential customers.

But for all the frustration with organizing and the suspicion over motives, last year’s Record Store Day was far and away the busiest day of the year for many stores, meaning that owners act accordingly. Crooked Beat will offer gift bags to the store’s first seventy-five customers. Smash! will roll Record Store Day together with the store’s anniversary, offering PBR for the 21+ crowd and good tunes for patrons of any age. And Harkavy said that Red Onion will may to bring in some live music.

Maybe the biggest problem

is that, for the most part, record store owners tend to be the biggest music fans. They want to share and encourage that kind of enthusiasm with their customers. So while an event like Record Store Day may have started with its heart in the right place, once it got co-opted by big labels

and marred by exclusivity, it became easy to condemn.

But in the end, even Moffatt—who was among the most skeptical of owners—looks forward to Saturday’s event.

Last year, Dischord Records discounted its entire catalogue for Record Store Day, and this

year the store will host a benefit concert for Fort Reno at St. Stephen’s Church.

“I think there are good points to the whole deal,” Moffat said. “I mean, if people love the music you can take the cause and do whatever the hell you want with it.”

Let’s tame! That! Shrew!

by Sean Quigley There’s little subtlety to be found in The Taming of the Shrew, Mask and Bauble’s last production of the semester, which opens in Poulton Hall on Thursday night. Director Tyler-Marie Walker’s (SFS ’12) take on Shakespeare’s convoluted farce pulls no punches from curtain to curtain, squeezing every ounce of comedy out of the text.

The cast sells every joke with unrestrained abandon, pausing to accentuate every last innuendo and double-entendre—and since this is Shakespeare, they’re everywhere. Intentional overacting abounds, earning laughs through both straight comedy and ironically intense drama. This amped up style makes the stilted Elizabethan dialogue punchy and easier to follow, but sacrifices a bit of the sly cleverness that’s central to Shakespearean productions.

Sometimes, the production just comes on a bit too strong.

Still, the tendency to keep tongue just barely in cheek makes for some truly hysterical moments—when an impostor’s disguise is ruined by the arrival of the man he was imitating, or when the characters verbally spar with one another, the cast sails. A few performances are particularly memorable: Dan Hrebenak’s (SFS ’12) Hortensio is boorish and gaudy, swapping an ostentatious gold jacket for thick, scholarly glasses in a disguised attempt to woo Bianca, and John Tosetti’s (COL ’10) Tranio makes an entertaining mockery of a pretentious merchant.

Although the dialogue is straight from the text, Walker sets the show in the 1950s, giving the characters cigars and snappy Mad Men suits, and putting them inside a neat, orderly living room. It’s a funny and fit-

ting choice for a play in which women are viewed as objects to be won, conquered, and tamed, and the Bard’s 17th-century witticisms feel right at home within the oppressive confines of a postwar household.

For all of its twisted hilarity, the play hinges on Katherine, a fiery, rebellious woman who must be married before her younger sister, the beautiful Bianca, can be courted. Maria Edmundson (COL ’12) gives Katherine an in-

to sort out what Shakespeare meant by turning this terrifying, fiercely independent woman into an obedient, model housewife.

This metamorphosis is believable due to Shawn Summers’s (SFS ’12) convincing Petruchio, the only character brave enough to attempt to tame Katherine. In the end, we can rationalize Katherine’s stunning change only by realizing that she truly loves Petruchio, and is willing to sacrifice her rebellious independence to

LEXIE HERMAN

“Did you see that Heath Ledger movie? No, not Brokeback Mountain.” triguing range of emotions—at times she’s volcanically angry, but shows genuine hurt when she thinks her husband has stood her up on her wedding day. Initially unwilling to become the loving housewife she’s expected to be, Katherine’s constant, acerbic eruptions and violent outbursts intimidate the cast and audience alike. Her ultimate transformation, however, leaves everyone dumbfounded. The end of the play finds the fiery Katherine morphed into a loving, subservient lady. Her ending monologue leaves the audience

satisfy him. The alternately angry and caring dynamic between the two gives the play its legs and makes the story compelling.

If The Taming of the Shrew feels familiar, it’s because its plot is the blueprint for every romantic comedy… ever. What sets it apart is the fascinating evolution of Katherine, whose complexities are far greater than those of contemporary rom-com heroines. Mask and Bauble’s interpretation of the Bard’s classic play is rambunctious, over the top, sometimes messy, but ultimately a good time.

georgetownvoice.com

“Looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue.”—Airplane!

Nic Cage can still Kick-Ass

by Daniel Newman Alan Moore’s Watchmen was arguably the first post-modern superhero comic book, looking at the neuroses and psychology of the men and women who choose to don the capes and tights. It was groundbreaking when it was published way back in 1986. Zack Snyder’s nearly shot-for-panel 2009 film was decidedly less so.

As comic-based films have sprung up over the last decade, they have developed their own ironic asides and commentaries on the inherent outlandishness of the form. Snyder’s attempt to bring Watchmen to life flopped partly because in the 24 years since its publication, everyone has picked up on and internalized Moore’s critiques.

Enter Kick-Ass. Based on the comic by Mark Millar and John Romita Jr. and directed by Matthew Vaughn (Layer Cake), Kick-Ass is the culmination of the last decade’s superhero renaissance. Whereas Moore played off of the tropes of the Golden Age of comics and Cold War paranoia, Kick-Ass takes off of comic book-based films and the Obama era’s appropriate sense of optimism and can-do spirit.

The film follows Dave Lizewski (Aaron Johnson), a nobody in a school of nobodies in a city full of nobodies, who one day asks, “Why do you think nobody’s ever tried to be a superhero before?” He then

takes it upon himself to don a green wetsuit, a mask, and rid the streets of crime as a superhero named Kick-Ass. The first half of the film is one long wink and nod to Sam Raimi’s Spider-Man. Peter Parker tried to jump apartment rooftops as a naïve, young superhero. So, Lizewski gives it a shot. He also lives in a house that strongly resembles the Parker abode (on a street that strongly resembles the one where Parker and Mary Jane Watson grew up in the movie). Vaughn pays homage to his predecessors in the genre—the elders that paved the way for him—but doesn’t forget to throw in a few masturbation jokes for good measure.

As entertaining as it is to watch Dave flop and flail trying to beat up

CONCERT CALENDAR THURSDAY 4/15

Owen Pallett with Snowblink Black Cat, 8 p.m., $15 Aloha with Pomegranates DC9, 8:30 p.m., $12 Trans Am with Nice and Jonas Reinhardt Rock & Roll Hotel, 8 p.m., $15 Title Tracks Crooked Beat Records, 7 p.m., Free

FRIDAY 4/16

Shortstack with Birds of Avalon Black Cat, 9 p.m., $20 Pissed Jeans with Cloak/Dagger Roack & Roll Hotel, 8:30 p.m., $12

SATURDAY 4/17

Real Estate with City Folk Bulldog Alley, 9 p.m., $3 Francis and the Lights with Ryan Holladay of Bluebrain DC9, 6 p.m., $10

SUNDAY 4/18

IMDB

If I had a nickel for every night I spent cruising in a tight leather suit ...

Rethinking the “T” in G.T.L. With the weather in D.C. finally beginning to warm up, many of us will be bringing our books and our bikinis to the front lawn to sunbathe and study. I won’t be joining the masses since, though, I am embedded in a culture that still favors the bleached look over the bronzed one. While this seems odd to many of my friends, Americans were hiding behind their parasols too until the 1920s, when fashion designer and icon Coco Chanel spent a little too much time in the sun on a cruise through the French Riviera and inadvertently started a trend.

While most of our fashion choices come with a price tag attached, sun rays are free. Their real price, however, comes in the form of health risks and medical disclaimers. Lying out in the sun

the bad guys, the real fun in KickAss comes from a father-daughter superhero duo, dubbed Hit-Girl (Chloe Moretz) and Big Daddy (Nicolas Cage). Hit-Girl is an eloquently profane eleven-year-old girl who was raised to love butterfly knives and sub-automatic weapons the way most girls love Barbie dolls.

And as Big Daddy, Cage gets the chance to try out his own variation on Christian Bale’s grizzled Batman voice, often to hilarious effect.

Vaughn ably dips his fingers into all of the major comic book films of the last decade, pulling out pieces to craft a tapestry that illustrates modern comic book culture.

I cannot predict if Kick-Ass will be entertaining 24 years from now, but right now and right here, it’s a damn good time.

seems fairly harmless, or even beneficial thanks to all of that vitamin D your skin will be generating. And yet, cultivating that coffee color this summer could cause serious skin problems— like skin cancer and premature skin aging—for the future. Unfortunately, tanning booths aren’t any safer, since they emit the same radiation as the sun.

The light that the sun emits contains two types of ultraviolet radiation: UVA and UVB. UVB is the stuff that burns the upper layer of skin, causing sunburns.

UVA is what gives you that auburn glow. It penetrates the lower layers of skin, and activates cells that produce melanin, the brown pigment that we refer to as a tan.

Those of us with naturally dark skin will tan more easily, since

our cells are capable of producing more melanin in a shorter time period. UVA also damages the skin’s cellular DNA by producing genetic mutations that can lead to skin cancer. UVA is also responsible for breaking up collagen, which leads to early wrinkles, reduced elasticity, and firmness of the skin.

Rub Some Dirt On It

by Sadaf Qureshi

a bi-weekly column about health Many of us still won’t be able to resist the appeal of soaking in the sun, so we’ll need some SPF (Sun Protection Factor) to help us out. How does SPF work, and how much do you need? If it normally takes you five minutes of sun exposure to begin getting a burn, and you apply an SPF 15, it will take you 15 times longer to develop a burn. You can lounge

the georgetown voice 11

Unwed Sailor with Common Loon DC9, 8:30 p.m., $10

in the sun for 75 minutes before beginning to burn. Most individuals need an SPF with a strength of about 30-45.

Sunscreen, unlike sun block, needs to be reapplied throughout the day. Sun block and sunscreen are not synonymous. Sunblock, the stronger and opaque option, blocks almost all of the UVA and UVB radiation that would normally reach your skin, and its ingredients are not easily broken down or disintegrated.

This means that, normally, it only needs to be applied once during the day. Sunscreen, on the other hand, is transparent, but its ingredients break down faster once exposed to sunlight, and not all of the radiation is blocked out.

Other options to consider, especially if you don’t have the time to lie out in the sun anyway, are sunless tanning products

The Apples in Stereo with Generationals Rock & Roll Hotel, 7:30 p.m., $15

SUNDAY 4/18

Harlem with Tennis System DC9, 8:30 p.m., $10

TUESDAY 4/20

The Disco Biscuits with Jason Fraticelli and the Wet Dreams 9:30 Club, 7 p.m., $30 See-I with Fort Knox Five Rock & Roll Hotel, 8 p.m., $10 The Mary Onettes with The Finish DC9, 8:30 p.m., $8

SUNDAY 4/18

The Coathangers with Sick Sick Birds and (Stop Worrying and) Love the Bomb Black Cat, 9 p.m., $10

FRIDAY 4/23

The Tallest Man on Earth with Nurses Black Cat, 9 p.m., $12

SATURDAY 4/24

The Hood Internet with Stout Cortez Bulldog Alley, 8:30 p.m., $3

and self-tanners. Self-tanners avoid exposure to radiation, and contain, instead, an ingredient called dihydroxyacetone (DHA).

Dihydroxyacetone definitely sounds more threatening than some good old sunshine. But, in fact, it is innocuous. DNA reacts with dead cells on the surface layer of skin to temporarily darken the skin’s pigmentation.

The coloring gradually fades away, as dead skin cells shed and drop away from the skin. It won’t be authentic, but for once, the artificial stuff is safer and healthier than the natural stuff.

So you don’t have to sacrifice fashion for health or health for fashion. You can have both at once, as long as you remember to keep SPFs and DHA nearby.

Sadaf can’t rub the sunscreen into her back, so give her a hand at squreshi@georgetownvoice.com

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C r i t i c a l V o i ces

Method Man, Ghostface Killah, and Raekwon, Wu-Massacre, Def Jam At first glance, it’s tough to tell whether Wu-Massacre is a triumph or a half-baked disappointment. On the one hand, it’s a concise reiteration of everything that made these three artists legends.

On the other, it’s an unnecessary reprise of an aesthetic that needs no repeating. The album flies by in barely half an hour—there’s a couple Method Man weed verses, a hazy Ghostface robbery story, some gully wordplay from Raekwon, a skit with Tracy Morgan, and well, that’s it.

It’s short and straight to the point, but that’s the problem: Part of what made those old Wu-Tang releases so great was their sprawling self-indulgence—without the kung-fu movie dialogue interludes and drawn out posse cuts, it doesn’t feel quite right. It’s not that the MCs are mailing in their verses,

or that their swords aren’t as sharp after 17 years in the game. “Meth vs. Chef, Pt. 2” has Rae and Meth trading lyrical barbs in a reprise of the Tical original, while “Pimpin’ Chipp” finds Ghostface rapping from the perspective of a prostitute giving Ray Charles a blowjob in his car (“he was quick/I spit the nut on his ’74 wallos”). But when Wu-Massacre ends, it’s hard not to wonder: What, exactly, was the point? While “Our Dreams” and “Youngstown Heist” fit nicely into the rest of the canon, they don’t really add anything to it. Taken in its underwhelming entirety, it’s difficult not to see the album as an attempt to cash in on Raekwon’s momentum from last year’s stellar Only Built for Cuban Linx II. Wu-Massacre is fun but forgettable, regrettable only because it falls just short of being the classic it could have been. It’s just the clan’s three biggest, most marketable personalities cruising over Scram Jones and Mathematics beats, reminding us that the WuTang Clan is still not to be fucked wit’. It’s not Cuban Linx III, or even Iron Flag, but who are we to complain? It’s still one of the best cashgrabs you’ll hear all year.

Voice’s Choices: “Meth vs.

Chef, Pt. 2,” “Pimpin’ Chipp” —Sean Quigley

Bud Light’s slogan In-ability “Drinkability” is dead. All I can say is, it’s about time.

You know what I’m talking about—at least you do if you’ve watched TV or opened a magazine in the past three years. If you have, you inevitably found yourself staring at an ad touting Bud Light’s “Drinkability” and thought to yourself, “What the hell is that supposed to mean?”

It seems that the folks over at Anheuser-Busch InBev finally asked themselves that very question too, leading them to pull the plug on their “Drinkability” campaign, almost four years and countless millions of dollars after it began.

It was a long time coming.

The inane slogan was first intro-

duced at the end of 2007 with advertisements touting Bud Light’s “Superior Drinkability,” which at least conceded that other beers might be, you know, drinkable.

Bud Light kicked it up a notch in the fall of 2008 with a $50 million advertising campaign bragging, “The Difference is Drinkability,” which I suppose rescinded their previous implicit admission of the liquid, non-toxic nature of other beers.

Then 2009 happened. Anticipating a year of negative sales growth for the first time in Bud Light’s 27-year history, AB InBev gave up trying to explain the meaning of drinkability.

(Perhaps the oft-repeated “Not too heavy, not too light” tagline

The Tallest Man on Earth, The Wild Hunt, Dead Oceans Listening to The Wild Hunt, the sophomore release from indiefolk artist Kristian Matsson’s solo project The Tallest Man on Earth, is puzzling. Matsson sings with a pleasant, hickory-flavored twang that could make you want to up and move to Alabama. Yet this familiar Southern drawl is coming from the mouth of a Swede.

How does a Scandinavian come to acquire such a distinct Southern accent? The answer isn’t clear, but it must’ve taken a lot of hard work and focus.

Maybe that’s why—with the exception of the final track— all thirty-one minutes of The Wild Hunt sound like one song, played over and over. It’s a good song, to be sure, but giving it eight different titles and changing the lyrics doesn’t do much to mask the lack of variety.

uncomfortably reminded people of Goldilocks, who is most definitely underage.)

But, like a junkie who just can’t give up the rock, Bud Light kept plastering “Drinkability” on their ads, until the projections came true and sales of America’s most popular light beer declined

Bottoms Up

by Sam Sweeney

a bi-weekly column about drinking in 2009 for the first time ever.

And, early in 2010, Bud Light finally saw the writing on the wall and ditched “Drinkability.”

So what can be learned from what Advertising Age referred to as “the ‘Drinkability’ debacle?”

Well, don’t choose a slogan that first confuses (“Huh?”) and then

The album’s opener, “The Wild Hunt,” does a thoroughly enjoyable job of introducing the sound that listeners will become very familiar with during the subsequent half-hour.

The song structure is simple— acoustic guitar and bluesy vocals with a slight swing. It’s happily minimalist, but Matsson’s Bob Dylan-esque voice and tendency to vocally tug at the guitar ’s unwavering tempo keep the listener interested.

Unfortunately, that interest fades quickly. The second track, “Burden of Tomorrow,” sounds like a lengthy, oddly-placed bridge of the previous song.

The same acoustic instrumentation, coupled with the same vocal styling, remains easy listening at first, but becomes dull background noise in the songs that follow. By the time Matsson gets through a few more tracks, the music’s swaying sounds serve as an effective lullaby for the weary listener. It’s a shame, because the rest of the songs could really hold their own if the album were reordered. “The Drying of the Lawns” shows off a little more of Matsson’s vocal range, with intermittent climbs in pitch and a few strategicallyplaced falsettos in the middles of lines, but the listener has long since tuned out, and can’t

offends (“Am I supposed to be dumb enough to be impressed that a beer is drinkable?”) your intended audience. I shudder to think of the tongue-lashing Don Draper would give the hapless copywriter with the gall to pitch him such meaningless copy.

Worse yet, though, is the unintended accuracy of “Drinkability.” The blandness of the slogan reflects the blandness of the beer, and that’s the last thing you want on people’s minds as they’re watching a Bud Light ad.

Successful advertisements for light beer are the ones that really don’t focus on the beer at all. The most viewed Bud Light ad on YouTube involves a gentleman who sold a sextape of himself and his girlfriend to a porno company. He apologizes using Apology-Bot 3000, whose

give the song the attention it needs to be appreciated.

The main problem with The Wild Hunt’s repetitive nature, however, isn’t its soporific effect, but rather its strange lyricism. In the first few songs it’s easy to ignore the actual words that Matsson so pleasantly croons to his audience. As the album continues, however, he trips over the English language as a non-native speaker.

In “You’re Going Back,” Matsson sweetly muses, “But you dry me to tears/Like I cry from your laughter.” Maybe he’s too deep for us to understand, but more likely it’s a case of Phoenix Disease—plain old, confusing European songwriting.

But for all its flaws, Matsson offers evidence that he might be more than just a one-trick Scandinavian on the album’s final track, “Kids on the Run.” A slower song backed by an echoing piano, the track fits with the others on the album but with a twist. When the song fades to close the album, the listener is wide-awake again, ready for the album’s true third track. Too bad it never comes.

Voice’s Choices: “The Wild Hunt,” “Kids on the Run” —Leigh Finnegan

belly opens up to reveal a Bud Light and a pink “My Bad!” balloon. Beer! All is forgiven! (The misogyny and objectification of women in this ad, it should be noted, is unfortunately par for the course for light beer advertising—and wildly successful.)

Some funny shit happens, in other words, and Bud Light is along for the ride.

This isn’t to say that I’m a huge fan of non-“Drinkability” Bud Light ads myself. The most successful beer advertisement I’ve ever seen is in Wagner’s Liquor over on Wisconsin Ave. “Keystone Light,” it reads. “Two 30 packs for $22.99.” In college, it seems, some things trump all else.

Sam goes down smooth everytime at ssweeney@georgetownvoice.com

georgetownvoice.com

TheVictims

By Matthew Collins

I wait in line at Fabiannes and read a Vice Magazine article on Bushwick. I walk out with an Americano and a half eaten organic oat muffin that costs $6.85. I give change to a homeless man.

I’m wearing $70 slacks from Urban Outfitters and a Hanes t-shirt with “Pariah” written on it in script. The cardigan was my father’s. I smile at Martin near Nassau. He doesn’t see me.

I throw out the empty coffee cup.

I jog up two flights of stairs. There are thirty steps and two landings. I take a Hello Kitty thermos out of the refrigerator and text Nate “where are you.” The television plays The Lockridge Report on XM Radio. Evan is interviewing Jerry Moyes about union breaking. Moyes laughs too often. My iPhone buzzes.

Nate says “at Buffalo be back soon.”

“What do you know about union breaking” I say.

“My dad always tried to do it.”

“What a dick.”

“Yea.” “Where are we going tonight.”

“Zach and Janelle want to meet at Shachis then Duff’s to meet Lisa.”

“I love their arepas.”

“Can we go to Drigg’s instead.”

“Don’t you mean San Loco.”

“Do they serve beer there.”

“At Drigg’s.”

“What no.”

“Wait is that the place Tom recommended.”

“No that’s Delmano. You’re thinking of Delmano.”

“The guy or the bar.”

“When will you be home.”

“Near McCarren now.”

I put on rubies and spray febreze. Nate and Caroline walk in. Nate is wearing light blue Levi’s skinnies and a sleeveless hoodie from American Apparel. His hair covers his right eye.

Caroline is wearing a dress I saw at Beacon’s and Ray-Bans.

Caroline asks me how my day was. I tell her it was fine and ask about hers. “It was fine” she says.

“Any news on health care” Nate says.

“Not that I’ve heard” I say.

Caroline says, “We need reform.” We nod in agreement. I say something. Nate fills a bowl and takes a hit. Caroline and I take hits. I think about how desperate dealers must be and laugh.

“Why are you laughing” someone says.

“Our kids don’t stand a chance” I say.

“I don’t know if we stand a chance.”

“We’ve hit it. We’ve hit the wall. Nothing’s left.”

“Everything’s left.”

“Don’t put strawberry jam on the stereo” I say. Nate laughs and I say, “Put on grammar’s ashes.”

“We’ve got it all but we have nothing,” Caroline says.

“Like, our parents had everything but we know that’s not really everything.”

“I don’t want to force my kids to read Lin. Listen to Spoon.

Watch Lynch. I don’t want to give them this burden.”

“Do you want granola?” I say.

I set a bowl of organic strawberries and granola on the table. I take the bowl from Nate. Nate is watching MSNBC. “Is your brother still at Yale?” Nate says. He reaches for the bowl. An ad for Always is on the television and I tell him yes.

Caroline makes salad and puts the bowl on the table. We watch a film like the others and Nate says we’re already late.

We turn it off and bike down to Washington Plaza. Zach is wearing teal Vans and an angry facial expression. Lisa is wearing a $60 sundress from Urban Outfitters and American

fiction

Apparel leggings. My hair is beautifully messy. I hand her the dream of a ridiculous man.

“Every Mexican dish is the same thing in a different shape,” Lisa says.

“Most aren’t even Mexican,” Nate says and orders arepas for the table. The waiter brings two Pabsts, a water, and three vodka cokes. I text Marilyn “where are you.” Nate comments on Zach’s “Legalize L.A.” t-shirt.

“We need immigration reform now,” Zach’s shirt says.

“We need health care reform now,” Caroline says.

“Why can’t we have both?” Lisa says.

“Political suicide.”

“Too much at once.”

“America can’t handle that much change.”

“Seeing drunkdriver at Silent Barn with Jeremy.”

“I just don’t understand why this comes first,” says Zach.

“It’s one of the biggest human rights issues in America.”

“Yes but so is five million uninsured.”

“I heard it was seven.”

“No, it’s less than that.”

“Isn’t that the guy accused of rape.”

“Either way.” Everyone nods. Zach makes a frustrated face.

The waitress brings two enchiladas a vegan tostada and two vegetarian burritos. Zach asks her about immigration. She doesn’t understand him. I tell Zach I would cook and eat him if I wasn’t vegan. Lisa says we all have the same things on our plates but in different shapes. “Is that Todd at the bar?” Nate says. Todd is wearing a keffiyeh, a thermal from The Gap, and $80 Lucky jeans. No one waves.

“Have you heard The Sounds?” Caroline says.

“They sucked on Fallon,” Zach says.

“I hate tostadas,” I say. “Why did I order a tostada?”

“I hope the producer fixed the vocals.”

“Jeremy? No.” “I thought it was the dream.”

“Yeah, he made it really crisp.”

“You could try cutting it up.”

“Wait, is this the band that sounds like High Places?”

“No, more like Girls.”

“Nick said they sucked live.”

“Is that Greg” Lisa says.

“I was there they were fine.”

“No that’s Paul.”

“I am done with this tostada, can we go?” I say.

“It is not. Definitely Greg.”

Greg comes over and says, “Hi Henry.” He is wearing a flannel from Urban Outfitters, a Ron Jon fanny pack, and acid washed skinnies from American Apparel. He tells me he saw my article in Time Out and he doesn’t agree with me. I apologize and he leaves.

“You write for Time Out?” says Lisa.

“No,” I say. “Can we go?”

We walk to Duff’s and Lisa holds my hand. She tells me I wear nice clothes. I say her hair looks nice. She asks me if I think there’s any point. I ask her to what. She laughs. I tell her I have a knife collection.

She tells me she collects vinyl records. I tell her I have a Crosley player and Advent speakers. She looks impressed.

I sit at the bar alone. I drink three Red Stripes and text Marilyn “how is the show.” My hair is beautifully messy.

Nate tells me they are going to Rockabilly Psychosis. Caroline laughs when she falls off her bike. Nate rolls his eyes. I swallow a pill of ecstasy. Zach says, “Without Mexicans who would pick cotton?” Lisa tells him to be quiet. I give a homeless man change.

Nate orders two Sparks. He tells me the bartender is heroin-chic. I tell him I will get the next round. The DJ is playing

the georgetown voice 13

a remix of a Robert Gordon song. Nate goes to check on Caroline. A girl wearing jeans a blouse and bangles all from H&M says hi and tells me her name. I tell her my name is Zach and ask her where she lives. She looks down and tells me she lives on Kent. I say, “What do you do?”

“I work in Midtown for American Express,” she says.

“Marketing?” I say.

“No, I work in legal” she says. “Well, really, for the collection agency.”

“Oh,” I say.

Jaime pats me on the shoulder. I tell him I loved the show. He is wearing a thrift shop cardigan a $25 t-shirt from American Apparel and jeans from Urban Outfitters. He offers me organic potato chips. I tell him they taste good.

She grabs my arm as we walk out of the bathroom and says she loves my glasses. I tell her to brush her nose. She tells me her glasses aren’t real. I tell her mine are. She says that she puts in contacts and then puts fake glasses on. I tell her people like her are why I want to move to Queens. She says, “I’m glad America isn’t a monarchy.”

“I support health care reform,” I say.

“I’m glad Scott Brown was elected,” she says. “I don’t think socialized health care is right for America at all.”

“Why not?” I say.

“I think it’s not potable financially for our country” she says. “We’re already in too much debt.”

“Tenable.”

“The bill reduces government spending.”

“You know that’s just a party line,” she says.

“Let’s talk about something else.”

I tell her I like her pink leggings. She tells me she has lamé leggings in ten colors. I order two Pabsts at the bar. I remind myself to tell Nate he has bad taste. She tells me she loves Pabst. I tell her American beer is bad. I tell her I wish I lived in Europe. She tells me it’s just like that Pulp song. I think about how she would look as a lampshade. I say I never liked Pulp.

She gets very close to me. Nate goes home with Caroline.

I count only twenty-eight steps. I spray Febreze and tell her to pack a bowl. She puts Monoliths & Dimensions on the stereo. My hair is beautifully messy. I fill two cups with tremens. I think about how nice the metric system is. She asks if she can have a bowl of organic pistachios. I think about how nice clean lines are. Jonesey’s on XM Radio and two men are arguing over a dog. I cut her up and keep my favorite body parts under my bed. Clean divisions. I think about the sale at Beacon’s tomorrow. Forty percent off.

I wait for Orel at Second Stop and read a Time Out article on gentrification. I am wearing Levi’s skinnies and a $40 sweater I got at Beacon’s. Orel orders a macchiato and two scones. He is wearing a vest from Urban Outfitters and jeans from American Apparel. I hand him a bowl of jam. He sees the article and says, “I hate gentrification.”

JIN-AH YANG

voices

14 the georgetown voice

april 15, 2010

The nanny diaries: From Mexico, with love

by Keaton Hoffman Both economically and politically, illegal immigration is a thorny issue. On the one hand, immigrant labor provides the backbone for border state economies like Arizona, California, and Texas, boosting GDP and overall quality of life. On the other hand, illegal immigrants don’t pay taxes other than excise taxes, yet utilize all of the same infrastructure, schools, and hospitals as the rest of us.

Their presence ultimately takes away resources from impoverished citizens of our nation.

The cause of the crisis—and yes, the situation is clearly a crisis—is twofold. Flaws in the current process of naturalization, such as automatic citizenship for people born on U.S. soil, prove problematic in dealing with families in which the children are legal citizens but their parents are not. Other flaws are economic. The free market drives immigration in response largely to institutions

contrary to free market principles such as the minimum wage and the black market for illicit drugs. Everyone needs to take a stance on these issues and fight for a balance between benefitting the U.S. and benefitting humanity.

In a speech to his constituents in Las Vegas this past weekend Senator Harry Reid (D-Nev) promised that “we’re going to come back, we’re going to have immigration reform now.” This proposition was most likely politically motivated—as the 2010 census will confirm, over a fifth of the Nevada electorate is Hispanic. In San Diego, my hometown, nearly a third of the population is Hispanic. Needless to say, their vote and their issues are too great for any successful politician to ignore. While it can be easy to think about immigration as a purely political issue, the personal impact of immigration policy deserves attention, too.

When Alejandra Cruz lost her husband in a fatal car ac-

cident in Oaxaca, Mexico, she thought her life was over.

With five beautiful children, the youngest less than a year old, and no means to provide for their needs, Alejandra did the only thing she could—she left her family behind and immigrated, illegally, into the United States. She worked as a nanny, devoting her new life in the states to caring for others, all the while sending remittances back home to buy food, clothes, and school supplies for her family. She lived in the United States for over a decade, during which time she missed her youngest son’s first day of school, her daughter ’s quinseañera, and the birth of her first grandchild. She’s a prime example of the American dream, and I was blessed to have her in my life.

With both parents working full time, we were in desperate need of a nanny. Alejandra filled that role, raising me from ages 5 to 15. She didn’t simply watch me and my sister

while my parents were away, she lived with us, ate with us, and became part of our family.

From an early age she was my greatest teacher. Through her I learned the words to “De Colores,” how to make mole tamales, and how to catch flies with my bare hands (this skill is still pretty useful). She also taught me intangible things, like how to be a responsible son, how to respect another culture and language, and how to look past nationality and race to see the beauty of every human being.

Was Alejandra a citizen?

No. But was her presence in the United States equally as legitimate and important as mine? Absolutely. I could hear her some nights, after she read me a story and helped me get ready for bed, weeping for her children and the life she had left behind. She was not here to reap the rewards of a taxfree education system or to benefit from improved access to healthcare. She was here to work, to contribute, and to ful-

fill her role as a mother to her children, in the exact same way that my parents do those things for me. So when local politicians call for a stronger boundaries, I call for more open lines of communication. When sociologists beckon us to gaze at impersonal statistics, I beckon you to look at the humble individual. And when the federal government proposes immigration reform, I propose that Americans reform their skewed and incomplete views of immigration. Alejandra may not be the norm, but her story is important for both policymakers and citizens to consider, especially those who prescribe mass deportations and care little for the real impact that such policies would have on all of us.

Keaton Hoffman is a freshman in the School of Foreign Service and a copy editor for the Voice.

Yeah, his nanny was an alien.

Let me know, Monroe: Will you stay or will you go?

by Tim Shine I love college, but if someone offered me a $2 million-ayear job, I wouldn’t hesitate for a second—I’d be gone.

Sadly, that job offer isn’t coming my way any time soon.

It’s absurd to consider it even a possibility. None of my sophomore classmates have any kind of skills that valuable. That is, except for one.

Greg Monroe must love college more than Asher Roth, because that job offer has been in his hands for weeks now, and he’s still sitting in class. Professional basketball and its riches await the 6-foot-11-inch center, who has until April 25 to declare for the NBA draft.

If Monroe were to enter the NBA this year, he would in all likelihood be taken in the draft lottery, which is comprised of the first 14 picks, and certainly in the first round. That’s important, because every player chosen in the first round is guaranteed a two-year contract.

He would make no less than $850,000 in his first year out of college.

Monroe’s in line for a lot more than that, though. ESPN has the big man ranked as the tenth-best draft prospect.

NBADraft.net has him going sixth in its latest mock draft.

Assuming he was selected with the tenth overall pick, Monroe would be guaranteed $3.8 million over two years. The average American with a bachelor’s degree makes $2.1 million over the course of their entire career, according to a recent Census Bureau report.

So Monroe doesn’t need a Georgetown degree. By leaving for the NBA now, he could be set for a comfortable life by the time his classmates are picking up their diplomas. If it’s all about the money, Monroe should and would declare for the draft today.

But in this case, it’s clearly not all about the money. If it were, Monroe would have left after his freshman season, when his stock was just as high.

For all the millions of reasons Monroe has to go pro, there are equally compelling (if less numerous) arguments for staying in school. Barring catastrophic injury, that NBA payday will still be there in a year or two. In the meantime, Monroe can return to a completely intact team with the talent to compete for a national championship and try to avenge this season’s embarrassing first round NCAA tournament exit.

Coming back could also be the wiser long-term career

move for Monroe. An extra year of collegiate seasoning could make the big man—who, it must be said, was not always dominant this season—a better NBA prospect. He can look to the example of Evan Turner, the Ohio State guard whose breakout junior season propelled him to the consensus number two pick in this year’s draft.

And then there’s that glorious college life, which by all accounts Monroe loves. He gets to enjoy being the literal and figurative big man on campus, and he has teammates he seems to really get along with, at least if Twitter interactions can be used as a window into team chemistry.

Last fall before the season started, head coach John Thompson III rattled off similar reasons explaining Monroe’s decision to return.

“He likes the collegiate experience,” he said. “He has goals and desires not just to be in the [NBA], not just to be a professional basketball player, but to be a good one ... He cares about his education.”

There’s no reason to think that Monroe’s feelings have changed. That is a hopeful sign for all the Hoya fans rooting for one more season of the man they call Moose. More hopeful might be the sophomore’s

LYNN KIRSHBAUM

Whoop, there it is! Greg Monroe doin’ his dance at the Space Jam. own comment on the issue after Georgetown’s first round NCAA loss to Ohio.

When asked if that had been his last game in a Hoya uniform, Monroe replied, “No, it wasn’t.”

Of course, 30 minutes after what must rank as one of the most disappointing losses of his basketball career is hardly the time for Monroe to make a reasoned, rational decision.

And that’s exactly what his decision needs to be—going pro will be one of the biggest choices Monroe ever makes.

That is why, as much as Georgetown fans—myself included—would like to see Monroe back in blue and grey

next year, our opinion is completely irrelevant. There are strong arguments for both staying and declaring, and ultimately Monroe will decide what is best for him and his family, not anyone else.

If he goes pro, I can’t blame him—I would have done the same thing.

Otherwise, hang tight Hoya fans. Just ten days until you can exhale.

Tim Shine is a sophomore in the Business School and feature editor for the Voice.

Tons of love @G_Monroe10!

voices

georgetownvoice.com

the georgetown voice

15

The Love Song of Maxwell Q. Maxwell (and biceps)

by David Benedetto The one question that people ask me more than anything else is “How do you get your biceps all firm yet billowy like that?”

The second question that people ask me more than anything else is “What is your biggest weakness?”

Let’s focus on that second one.

I have a horrible addiction: I am addicted to serenading women.

It all began in first grade, when our class learned how to (roughly) translate the English alphabet into Egyptian hieroglyphs. I wrote a poem for a girl named Alphonsine* in Egyptian hieroglyphs. Sure, I got sick of writing hieroglyphs after the first two lines (the little eagle things are hard, man), and eventually decided to finish the last two lines in plain-old English, but hey! I was hot stuff—four lines of panty-melting, swoon-inducing, first-grade creativity. Mentally, ladies were putty in my ink-stained, boogerladen hands.

Ten years and 37 awkward poems later (32 if you don’t count haikus), two more addiction-enabling events occurred.

First, I was introduced to the guitar. Suddenly, getting a woman’s attention was as easy as learning how to play “Smoke on the Water”.

Second, I met Maxwell Q. Max-

well (the Q. standing for “Maxwell”).

After working together to prevent a speeding bus full of orphans (and a few puppies) from careening off Northeastern Ohio’s only and highest cliff, we got smoothies and realized that we had both been turned down as potential prom dates by the same woman, Blanchefleur!

And so the band was formed.

Everything was organic. We played to our strengths: Maxwell fell into the role as sex appeal and music writer, and I fell into the role of all things motility-related. A lot of folks get down on Maxwell for being an immotile man made of pillows, but that’s always inspired him to write as powerfully as he can.

And then the addiction seriously began. It started small, with ditties describing a particularly fun date, or a tune describing how sorry I am that I can’t kiss any better (it’s tough to get feedback, you know).

Each song was heard. That was the rule. If it was written, it was heard.

The problem grew. I fell passionately in love with a girl at Panera who took my application for a summer job. A song was written, and that song was heard. Maxwell and I are no longer allowed to eat at that particular dining location.

The addiction got more complicated. Soon, kazoos and accordions were added to the mix.

Most recently, Maxwell and I wrote a song for a girl named Dieudonnee who turned out to have a boyfriend. Since hearing the song, Dieudonnee has spoken roughly six sentences to us, and they have all involved some variation of, “OK, see you later ...”

Just like a man who learns about the issues and loses his ability to be patient with Bill O’Reilly, Maxwell and I learned the ways of melody and eventually lost our ability to express feelings without the aid of music. We are now simply unable to emotionally connect without the help of a musical instrument. It’s made intimate conversation very difficult, with the exception of a kazoo fetishist whom Maxwell dated during my senior year.

If we encounter a good-looking girl, we simply cannot focus until we’ve composed and performed a song in an awkward, public location.

Why are we telling all of this to you, an astute reader? Because music has always been there for Maxwell and me. When the world turns its cruel back on us, we find solace in the fact that we can write a song about it that will irritate a woman.

Where can a person find hope when rejected by the world? Maxwell and I find comfort in being rejected by women.

Great Britain: Greatest Hits

It is a long-standing tradition that as a columnist studying abroad, I am permitted one column per semester to devote to the foreign land where I live. Since I used up all of my armchair sociology on essays for the Berkley Center, I’ve decided to take a slightly less selfindulgent route with this column.

Having spent the past fortnight on a road trip around Britain with my uncle, I’m going to provide you with some more useful insight than “Why I think Catholics and Protestants still don’t get along in Glasgow.” I’m going to try my hand at travel writing.

British cities can, more or less, be divided into two categories: historic and post-industrial. Both categories have much to offer, and no trip to the island would be complete without visits to towns that show both sides of Britain.

London, the island’s only true metropolis, is a great place to visit because it stands on both sides of this

divide. But there are many smaller towns on each side that provide a less hackneyed—and, I’m inclined to believe, more genuine (or at the least, more diverse)—look into a country so rich in history.

On the older side, towns like York and Canterbury have reputations as epicenters of antiquity.

Although each town’s architecture looks as though it hasn’t changed since the 1300s, an unfortunate proliferation of in-costume street performers and souvenir shops gives these towns a bit of a Disneyland feel. Go to Bath, then, for a more genuine experience. In addition to showing the often overlooked Roman influence on English culture, its only obscenely touristy attraction—the baths themselves—are presented in a surprisingly tasteful way. And, unlike some of the other older towns, it has a great club/pub scene that boasts cheaper prices than even working-class Glasgow.

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With that said, pretty much every one of these working-class, post-industrial towns—Leeds, Liverpool, Sheffield, Newcastle, really anywhere with a “Millennium Bridge”—has excellent arts and club scenes. These gigantic Brooklynesque cities, where the most troublesome people you’ll run into are

Carrying On

by Matthew Collins A rotating column by Voice senior staffers

high schoolers with tracksuits (okay, and knives, but still). Although your uncle will be disappointed by the uninteresting architecture, he’ll eventually notice the myriad new constructions and take the opportunity to explain to you every facet of construction work. Do not expect him to go to any of the wonderful art galleries in each of these towns, but he’ll gladly question the usefulness of a liberal arts education any time you suggest a visit to the excellent Tate Liverpool.

The other two nations that make up the United Kingdom— thanks in no small part to their generally poorer histories—have

Courtesy DAVID BENEDETTO

A Million Shetland Ponies: Contemplative yet available.

Without the creative outlet of getting “Politely Turned Down,” we’d pretty much die.

Without those gentle soprano tones informing us that “She Very Much Likes The Song, But It’s Not Really A Good Time,” we would be lost and alone.

Without those lovely ladies describing how “It’s Not You It’s Me Now Please Leave Me Alone,” we would be totally adrift.

‘Tis the lot of a performer.

Also, we wanted to use the Voice as a platform to serenade yet another woman. The message is in secret code: just start reading at the beginning, selecting successive letters of the chorus to Elton John’s some of the finest cities in the postindustrial category. Both Glasgow and Cardiff have gentrified nearly as well as Liverpool (and far better than any of their other British counterparts), and each are rich in culture and nightlife. Your uncle will likely disapprove of the tight pants so popular in Glasgow (and question why you have so readily adopted this trend—don’t you have the good ol’ Collins genes?) but become enamored with (in a strictly bromantic way) the squarejawed men that populate Cardiff.

Although you may be frightened by the football-fueled violence in the town, your uncle will nonetheless want to go to the rowdiest bar during the fiercest rivalry game.

Thankfully, Cardiff is also the home of Brains Brewery, whose SA bitter is one of the few beers you’ll actually enjoy in two weeks of avoiding mixed drinks.

The real beauty of Scotland and Wales, however, is in the beautiful scenery in their northern regions.

Although the chalk cliffs along England’s south coast are lovely (insider’s note: Brighton’s Seven Sisters Cliffs are more impressive than the famous Cliffs of Dover) and the Lake District inspired many of England’s romantic poets, England came out on the short end of the AONB stick. (AONB is an acronym seriously used by

“Your Song,” and the resulting message is the chorus of Elton John’s “Your Song,” which describes our feelings for a young lady whose name’s component letters appear scrambled throughout this letter.

And as far as the biceps go, I do push-ups. *All names of females referenced in this article have been changed to protect these females’ dignity

David Benedetto is a freshman in the School of Foreign Service. You are the holes in his sizetwelve Crocs and the argyle in his socks. the UK government for “Area of Outstanding Natural Beauty”).

Instead, Wales’s Snowdonia and especially Scotland’s Highlands should make your itinerary. Although each has plenty of sheep, they lie on opposite ends of the island’s scenic continuum. Snowdonia is full of lush greenery and misty mountaintops, while the Scottish Highlands—(namely, the beautiful Glen Coe)—are rough, jagged, and barren. Much like references to Wordsworth in the Lake District, attempts to describe the scenery to your uncle in any way other than “that looks nice” should be avoided.

Although public transit in the UK is well-maintained, a rental car is recommended in order to enjoy the country’s scenery. Although driving on the left side can be tricky, rest assured that your uncle will do all of the driving, lest he be upstaged. Be sure to sharpen your navigation skills, however, as you are likely to get lost every time your uncle decides he knows better than the street signs.

Matthew Collins is a junior in the College and an associate editor for the Voice. He tried haggis but prefers Dan Newman.

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