Trigger Warning: A Literary Folio

Trigger Warning

VOL 1. NO. 1 © 2018

All Rights Reserved.

No part of this publication may be reproduced or utilized in any form or by any means, electronic or mechanical, including photocopying, recording, or by any information storage and retrieval system, without permission in writing from the respective copyright owners.

Dedication This is for the ones who feel everything so very deeply – your journey in this lifetime would no doubt cause a lot of stubborn stains, but know that there is respite in between stops.

Air your weary souls out and let each stain dry.

The sun will rise, and we will try again.

Editor’s Note Probably one thing that every person has in common with everyone else is struggles – struggles in oneself, struggles in the family, struggles in friends, struggles in school, love, jobs, dreams – and life in general, perhaps. There are people who have something that makes them get up in the morning, there are people who don’t. There are people who can hide these shortcomings well, some more so than others, and there are people who wear it like a second skin for all the whole world to see.

Pain is a common denominator. Physical, mental, or emotional it may be, when laid down on a table, it all bleeds the same angry hue.

Pain – a concept experienced many times over, a feeling that lingers in the deepest recesses of the heart, a thought you try so hard to muster the courage to cover up, a word that simply cannot be associated with “forget”. Pain is everyone’s dear, old friend whose memories continue to haunt you at night, remnants of its presence still as clear and vivid as the day you last tasted its bitterness.

This portfolio is an intimate collection of pain and despair, subdued with restless, hungry hope; a testimony of survival from people who carry their own share of anguish everyday – who live with it, sleep with it, walk around the streets with, give a huge chunk of their lives to it – and still manage to look forward to seeing every sunset and sunrise despite each staggering step backward their struggles pull them to. Lo and behold, the uncanny, ironic pair of struggling and hoping.

It is of absolute importance that I warn you: this portfolio would no doubt call to your own experiences. The words and photographs contain mild to graphic descriptions of each and every contributor’s personal affiliation, perception, and expression of pain. Each page has a story, every space in between weeps its own brand of being. It may evoke strong and uncontrollable reactions – hence, Trigger Warning.

Let me end this foreword with an apt quote from David Jones: “It is both a blessing And a curse To feel everything So very deeply.”

Feel away, readers. But – feel with caution.

Sophia Eugenio Editor-in-chief

TRIGGER WARNING Cover Art: HUMAN ANCHOR

by Justine Kyle Tamayo VOL. 1 NO. 1 MARCH 2018

I

Struggles

RHONA MAE STREBEL

2|

RAEVIEN PINTANG

Untitled Remember her.

Remember the kid who didn't have scars.

Remember the girl without the bruises.

Remember the one who wasn't burnt.

She wasn't broken She wasn't sad.

She is who you needed.

She is who you need.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 3

JAN ALLEN CHAVEZ

The Well of Persona I am Self-Denial, I am altruistic, I am the reason for others’ happiness and the reason for my own sadness I

am Panic, the reason why you’re always in a hurry, the reason for your lack of confidence, the reason for your mistakes

I am Guilt, the reason you remember, the reason for your embarrassment and the feeling you always needed to forget I am Imprisonment, the one that locks you up every night in punishment, the reason you try to escape your very own reality I am Paranoia, the reason you don’t trust, the reason behind doubt I am Suppression, the reason you are numb, no feelings, no emotions, nothing— like everything that makes you human fades away

I am Decay, I am the effect of your patience, you’ve waited for so long yet they did not wait for you I am Self Loathing, I am the effect of your failures, the reason you are lonely I am Hopelessness, I am the reason why you gave up, I am your fallen hopes and dreams, but it doesn’t matter now because all you see is nothing I am Addiction, the reason you are happy right now and the reason why you are starting to die slowly, I am not the answer and I am a danger and yet you chose to come to me I am Neurotic, I am everything you needed to be perfect, a lie that you tell to yourself, because in reality I am the one who brings chaos into your own world I am Burden, I am a great pretender, I always feel that I mean something but in reality I am nothing, I always feel something heavy even with empty arms, it turns out that it was just my mind and my heart, all I needed to do was

4|

take them off my body and finally I will be free I am Resignation, I am the one thing that you needed to sign, the key to ending all of this, because I know that you are tired I am Regret, I am every decision you made, I am every mistake you’ve learned from, every chance you’ve wasted, I know that the pain is still there But most of all I am a failure, I am the reason why I deny myself Why I panic Why I feel guilty Why I am imprisoned Why I am paranoid Why I am suppressed Why I am decaying

Why I loathe myself Why I am losing hope Why I am an addict Why I am neurotic Why I am a burden Why I chose to resign Why I regret my actions

Why am I still here?

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 5

MATTHEW JOSHUA SOSITO

Fight Fight.

I will fight,

Even if defeated I will fight, Fight •

6|

Pagpag

ALEXA JAY AURELLANO

TRIGGER WARNING | 7

MARCO CAPACIO

What is my purpose in this world?

Previously, I asked myself that… who am I? Who am I, really?

Why am I here?

What should I be doing right now? What is my purpose in this world?

I believe that there’s a reason why I’m here, but I am still trying to find out what those reasons are.

So, I asked God for help… I asked Him, God what is your plan for me?

I am ready— just tell me, give me a sign. God what is the gift that You gave me?

The gift that I could share to everybody.

I realized that I can be anybody, equipping children to have a better future, or share the word of God and make disciples, or play instruments for those who love it, to entertain to inspire, or teach others how to play instruments, those who want and are willing to learn, Should I help others by making places safer to live in, or will I speak in front, teaching entrepreneurs?

Or be a businessman, giving my best at work?

God, are any of these Your plan for me? Help me, because I’m still confused What is my purpose in this world?

• 8|

CHARLES DOMINIC MANEJABLE

Mulat Pumikit, lumuha, iniwan;

Sa aking pagmulat ay wala na Umalis na at nag-iba ng daan Ngayon ako’y naiwan na nagdurusa

Sumakit ang dibdib, naghahabol ng hininga Biglang nagdilim ang aking mundo, Noong ako’y iniwan mo na Iniwan mo pati ang pangako

Pangakong ‘di tayo maghihiwalay Pangakong aking pinanghawakan Pangakong ‘di mamamatay Pangakong nakalimutan

“Pumikit, Lumuha, Nagdurugo ang puso, Bakit ako’y bilang nagtiwala?

Nagtiwala sa iyong pangako, Ngayon ako’y nahihirapan na.”

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 9

I love her

JOHN JULIUS LEYES

10 |

VICTOR CHRISTIAN DONCERAS

En route Dreams,

A coveted priceless gold for many But has it always been what it seems to be?

Dreams, A disastrous journey if I were to take Inevitable tempests and downpours Am I ready to be hurt and to be broken?

I started the beginning of something that never ends Took the uphill battle with myself, family and friends Thinking it will be worth it when the time arrives

Thinking I will be worth it if I myself would survive The beginning, as expected, was very tough Tough enough to say enough Climbing on steep sides called risks and chances Hurting with bruises called consequences Then there was a moment for me to breathe Breathing as if I had strong lungs to start with The strength to keep going The strength to keep moving I was in the middle of the trail when Everything seemed to be beyond what I could take Thinking of the all the decisions I had to make I took a turn away from the trail and started another one

TRIGGER WARNING | 11

As if I didn’t run out of chances, as if I had already won I began to walk on air not knowing how Feeling like I’m on a faster pace now Not on the mountain that I’ve done before But on the clouds called ambitions now I am opting for more The little walks turned into little sprints

The little defeats turned into little wins Now I realized how the bruises made me understand That dreams are not the peak of a mountain land For dreams are not paths to be taken But are doors in plain sight that are always open Darling, remember to not let go of yourself in the process I know it’s tough but you already have the progress Just believe in yourself and you’re halfway there You aren’t only for the mountains, for you are for everywhere Dreams, Are worth it when you are happy You are maybe A feeble guy in a tight green sweater

Hoping someday things will be better Filled with ‘what-ifs’ and ‘when will I evers’ But remember you are a dream of your own It is time to wake up and begin another milestone Don’t just fly, soar.

•

12 |

KEILAH ISABEL GARCIA

Not a Happy Poem This is not a happy poem.

If it were, I would be talking about what a blessing it was that I woke up this morning.

Not how I wished I didn’t.

I would be cracking this joke my friend told us the other day that made everyone laugh their asses off.

And leave out the part where I just fell silent mid-conversation.

I would have written about the people around me; how they offer help.

And save ‘why I keep declining’ for another.

This is not a happy poem.

I am not a happy person.

But I try.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 13

That gloomy air filled the night.

I remember his hand, his chest.

I could hear him breathing.

I took a blanket and came back holding his smell from his body. •

ATHENA NAYOMI AMIGO

14 |

Risking everything on one bold move.

I aimed straight for the crash, going full speed.

Everything fainted. •

BIANCA MORAN

TRIGGER WARNING | 15

STEVEN KYLE POBLETE

Pursuit It seems like whenever I pick up the pieces Life comes crashing like a plane, Messing up my puzzle, I cannot figure it out Checkmate, in the game of life Losing my friends, I am losing my pride I have to figure it out, What is my purpose? •

16 |

SOPHIA EUGENIO

Epiphany Disclaimer: this poem would be the first piece of writing I dragged out of my hibernating muse for such a long time, probably in a span of four to five months, or even much longer than that. I could barely finish a paragraph, much less a sentence, while writing this. However, I hope all the frustrations and countless inner monologues I’ve said and done prior to writing this, pays off.

Lost: A simple, four-letter word, described by the Merriam-Webster dictionary as “not knowing where you are or how to get to where you want to go; unable to find your way”.

Lost: A complex, overwhelming tangle comprised of my thoughts and feelings, my wants and needs, my present and my future. I don’t know where this poem is going honestly, but I’m glad I used “lost” as an intro. At least to whomever is listening or reading this, they had been warned – sort of.

There isn’t any word close enough to describe how I feel. My thoughts are a mess, as cliché as that sounds, and my feelings are as desolate as the aftermath of a long, violent war.

I am as lost as a single grain of sand amidst a desert storm.

I am as lost as a ripple among high and proud waves somewhere along the Pacific Ocean.

I am as lost as a lone, travelling star in the milky way.

I am as lost as Kevin McCallister during Christmas season in New York (but with a lonelier connotation)

TRIGGER WARNING | 17

I am as lost as my words, and as pretentious as I am when it comes to writing, I am so afraid they’ll never find me again.

In short, I don’t know where to find myself.

Because I’ve grown tired of living up to the expectations of others, wanting and needing their validation so much that I neglected my own.

Because I’ve grown tired of slipping on the thick skin I’ve made just to

hide from the world – it’s getting thinner and thinner everyday, by the way.

Because I’ve grown tired of mimicking the sun when it comes to the moon - lowering myself so the other could rise up.

Because I’ve grown tired of finding comfort in being hidden, mistaking how the dark acts as my friend, mistaking how running away was my one and only true confidant.

And because I’ve grown tired of looking at myself in the mirror and checking for the cracks, checking if all the chaos and destruction I harbor within me has finally seeped outside, seeped outside for all the world to see, proclaiming how big of a fraud I really am.

I remember answering a question in one of our quizzes in Philosophy, wherein I was faced with one of my most dreaded questions: Who are you?

Who am I, really?

Besides this girl trying to find herself within the company of a sea of other people?

Besides this girl trying to create an identity after the likeness of another’s?

18 |

Besides this girl trying. Trying.

This lost, stranger of a girl, is trying. That was what I answered. I answered trying. I wanted to define myself but not limit myself to a word - in this case, an adjective. An adjective constricts you to a single characteristic, you see. It cages you to this lone character for so long – it’s like your entire being is frozen, forced to stay still just to preserve one moment wherein you have to live up to this one particular description, forever. But I can never be caged, contained, or tied to anything at all, because as lost as I may be at the moment, I wander. I falter, I commit mistakes, a myriad of them, but I still go on.

I change everyday, in an effort to commit to the journey of finding myself, the journey of making sure that I still haven’t lost all that makes of me, all that builds my identity, flaws and all, along the way of wanting to fit in and belong. But nevertheless, I am determined to learn and try to be real, one step at a time.

And maybe that is my philosophy, that there is beauty in trying. There is beauty in finding the strength to get up every single day to try

again. That despite the horrors of yesterday, despite all the tears you’ve shed prior to today, you still go on. That despite the hopelessness of the moment, despite how bleak or empty the road ahead is, you still go on. You still stand up and try. Maybe one day, I’ll find my way, and hopefully, that way is forward. I may be tired, perpetually, and sickeningly, but I won’t cry uncle just yet.

Napapagod, pero hindi susuko.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 19

Dalamhati

LANNCE KELLY DE GUZMAN

20 |

Obnoxious

PATRICIA BEATRICE RONIDEL

TRIGGER WARNING | 21

EraQui Such a tragedy.

No one would have thought she would.

She had pale blue eyes, often on the verge of tears, and fine fair hair.

I blamed my self •

PAULA BIANCA CAYABYAB 22 |

LYRIS JAM PAGUIO

Not Your Fault It is not your fault It was never your fault

It was mine It was my decision right from the start I took the knife for you It was the only way that I could think of That’s why it was never your fault I’m sorry. I really am Stop crying, everything is going to be fine now •

TRIGGER WARNING | 23

DANIELLE TRESMANIO

Untitled She was happy and carefree Though, it changed as time went by Her smile turned fake, so fake that not even her friends could tell Tears streamed down her face every night Wishing for the pain to stop

She tried to go back, back to the time where everything was fine.

But in the end, she can't She wants her old self to come back The girl who always smiles The girl who does not care about what other people say about her The girl who is not afraid of anything The girl who is brave and strong The girl who could conquer all the problems thrown at her.

She likes that girl But not this girl This girl is weak This girl smiles but you could only see the pain in her eyes, if only you would look hard enough This girl is a coward This girl is afraid, she is afraid of everything around her.

She did not like the girl that she had become

She may look fine, strong, and happy But in the end, it’s only a facade to let people know that she is fine That she is not hurting That she is happy She is so good at fooling other people That sometimes she even fooled herself Day by day she is drowning in the darkness

24 |

Waiting for someone to save her Her friends tried Her family tried But their efforts were futile Maybe because she had been in the darkness for so long Sinking deeper each day That the idea of pure happiness seemed impossible to achieve As days passed by, she began to love the darkness “It’s a scary thought,” she once said to herself It scared her that she actually liked the idea of being in the dark It scared her to think that maybe, Just maybe she would never see the light The light that she craves so much The light that she wishes to see everyday She wanted somebody to help her

But there is this voice A voice that is telling her that she doesn’t need someone who will save her Because deep down She does not want to be saved Deep down, she wants to stay in the dark It’s kind of ironic, don't you think?

How in the very beginning she was so desperate to leave But now, she doesn't even want to Don’t waste your time trying to save her For she decided to stay Stay in that dark place, she now calls her home.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 25

CHRISIEL CABANTOG

Wasted I came to school, hoping for a shipwreck among faces Different faces with different smiles, different life cases, Different tears and different races I knew a walk through the souls isn’t a shotgun among paces But I believe I am a bright spark among those spaces And with millions of people thinking that they have no purpose It’s easy to say mediocrity is something I never chose I was born in a hearth of warmth and acceptance Growing up bubbly, I gave happiness its only chance And in every step forward, I’d hope to see my past with a glance Trying to make improvements every time I make a life stance But all of a sudden, I felt dismayed Because all I can see is a step from where I’ve started A step that seemed to be a lifetime that was just wasted

Feeling like a sore loser, I stopped on the sadness I created I knew from the start that I wanted to become someone So I tried to make a journey, starting from a step, one by one But why do I end up with a distance of none?

Did I lack something that successful people have?

• 26 |

GINO CABILATAZAN

Loves

he’s a raven in a flock of doves All that they hate, he truly loves.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 27

CECILIA MARIZ MUNSOD

On Women and Humanity I would like to tell a few things about my childhood, to start. I grew up in a family where women are not treated as lesser beings. My mother, grandmothers, and aunts are strong women and they are all treated with respect by the men in our family. In our household, my father is the only one working; he is an overseas Filipino worker. My mother is a housewife. And even if Papa is the man of the house and the only source of our income, I never heard or saw him belittle my mother just because she’s not working. He never discredited the work and effort she is doing in our home. My mother was never treated as an inferior. The truth is sometimes, she is the boss in our house, and in turn, my father also gets to say his piece. In the end, they are equals. They make decisions together. They value each other’s opinions. The same applies to the other women in our clan. They are all regarded with esteem. But even if this is the situation, I still grew up hearing ideologies about women’s inferiority. I still grew up seeing women being treated as

subordinates.

The women in my family are all tough and they don’t take nonsense from men or from anyone around them. They taught me to fight back and to stand up for myself. Unfortunately, they also told me that I should be quiet and meek and docile. I am a woman and I shouldn’t dress provocatively or speak candidly or act freely because those are not the things expected of me as a woman. Apparently, a girl cannot escape such expectations even if she grows up in a familial setting such as mine. It seems that no matter how balanced a family’s views are, it will still come down to women being classified as lowerranking individuals.

There will always be teachings that undermine and confine women.

I have neither a brother nor a sister and I find myself wondering if my mother, who taught me all those things about bravery and fighting back, would tell my sister the same yet excuse my brother for his reckless behaviour because he is a man and women are supposed to just take it and smile.

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As a girl who grew up in a family where there is no dominance or submission exhibited by either gender, my exposure to prejudices against women was minimal compared to what my other peers are experiencing. But as I step out into society, the extent of such discriminations became more evident to me. I was appalled to see how deeply ingrained in our culture misogyny and patriarchy is that even the women who rebelled against these concepts are the ones now obeying and propagating them.

In the news, when there is a report about a woman who has been violated, I can hear people whispering things about how maybe it was the woman’s fault. The most distressing thing is that some of these people are women—women who should be uplifting and supporting her fellow woman. Sometimes, when I walk by a group of men in a store, I get catcalled and the women around me just stand there and do nothing. To make things worse, some of them even say that I am not that pretty to get catcalled and that I should be thankful because finally, I caught men’s attention. These mistreatments do not only happen to me outside. Everywhere I look—everywhere you look—there are injustices against women.

The problem with our culture and society is that we teach our daughters not to get raped. Shouldn’t we be teaching our sons to take no for an answer and to understand that even if the answer is silence it does not mean that it’s a yes? Shouldn’t our sons learn to respect boundaries and to accept that just because a woman is comfortable in her own skin it does not mean that he has the right to it? The prominence of this thinking does not make men powerful or women desirable. Instead, this poses unrealistic expectations for both genders.

Misogyny and patriarchy in our culture is not just a women’s rights issue; it is a human rights issue. It does not only affect people with two X chromosomes. It affects our sons, who would grow up believing that he should always be aggressors and that showing softness would make them less of a man. They wouldn’t be able to showcase their true abilities. Their humanity would be confined.

TRIGGER WARNING | 29

It affects our fathers, who would be shamed when they let their wives be their equal because accepting help would signal that they are not the man in the family. Their relationship with their wives would be strained.

It affects our brothers, husbands, grandfathers, and uncles—men who have so much love and kindness to give yet they choose not to because doing so would make them less of a man. Just like women, they will be forced to live up to patriarchal expectations that do not empower them but restricts their full potential.

Most of all, misogyny and patriarchy affects our daughters, who would grow up thinking that they are undeserving and unworthy and that they do not have the ability to do what they want. Their dreams would be shattered, their lives forever tainted as they imagine themselves better off as men when in truth, they can be so much more as women.

It affects our mothers, who would be forced into bleak lives because women should stay at home and take care of the household. All the hard work they have put into their lives would be thrown away because a

working woman brings dishonor to her family.

If this doesn’t end now, I can see a future where all these injustices are still thriving and it scares me. Above all, I’m terrified that in the future, no matter how educated I become, no matter how hard I stand up and fight, I will still look at my daughter and say that it’s her fault.

It will not end if you and I and everyone else around us will not take action. Feminism is a marvelous cause, but we do not really need to

embrace it or any other ideas for us to achieve a world where both women and men are equal and free. We only need to embrace our humanity. We only need to be human.

Once again, ladies and gentlemen, a pleasant morning to us all.

•

This piece was presented and had won the championship at the 2017 Southern Luzon College and Universities Athletic Association (SLCUAA) Original Oratory Competition 30 |

Running I

screamed.

I

guess being scared gives you

strength. •

JULES RYSA CALIDA

TRIGGER WARNING | 31

The

captain gave his

announcement His country shut its doors.

Some looked, but all were late.

We do not remember such powers.

The country upon the arm, the worthy can boast of this permanent status quo to the great abstracted mortal upon the progress of age. •

REGINALD LUNAR

32 |

CATHERINE NICOLE SAN GABRIEL

Pakiramdam Akala, akala natin madali lang ang lahat Akala natin iisa lang ang ating pinapasan Akala natin lahat tayo iisa lang ang pinagdaraanan Akala natin iisa ang ating karanasan

Akala natin iisa lang ating pinanggagalingan Akala natin iisa lang ang ating pinanghuhugutan Akala, akala lang.

Subalit tama bang diktahan natin ang iba base sa ating karanasan?

Tama bang ihulma natin ang ating sarili sa ibang tao?

Tama bang imulat natin ang kanilang mga mata sa ating nakikita?

Tama bang buksan natin ang kanilang tainga sa ating naririnig?

Tama bang ilakad natin ang kanilang mga paa sa ating magandang nakikita para sa ikabubuti nila?

Ngunit, tama ba?

Ang alam lang kasi natin ito ang tama at mali Ito ang masama at mabuti Ito ang maganda at pangit Ito ang itim at puti

Ito ang bulag, pipi, at bingi At ito ang nakakakita, nakaka pag salita at nakaka rinig Ngunit, sapat nga ba ang kaalaman natin?

Madaling sabihin Madaling iutos Madaling magbigay ng payo, Magbigay ng rason sa tao,

Mag-sabi ng mga kung anu-ano TRIGGER WARNING | 33

Madali, lahat madali Pero tama na!

Tama na.

Tama na, pagod na sila Pagod na siya Pagod na ako Oo, ako pagod na ko makibilang sa “sila” Makisama sa “nila” Ikaw, hindi ka pa ba pagod o hindi ka napapagod?

Kahit kailan hindi mo maaring sabihin sa tao na “naranasan ko na ‘yan”, “napag daanan ko na ‘yan” Kasi hindi ikaw ako at hindi ako ikaw Maaring oo, ganun din ang binato sayo Subalit magkaiba tayo kung paano natin tinanggap at sinalo Kung kaya mo, matapang ka

Mabuti Ngunit ipagpatawad mo ito lang ako Mahinang tao para ipaglaban ang sarili ko Oo, aminado ako hindi ko kayang ipaglaban ang sarili ko Kasi hindi ako kagaya mo Mo, na may kamay Mo, na may boses Mo, na may mata Mo, na may tainga Mo, na may paa At ako, ito lang ako Ito lang, ako Ako na walang kamay para isangga sa mga masasama Ako na pipi, na hindi makapag abi ng saloobin Ako na bulag, hindi ko makita ang iyong sinasabing “nakaka buti para sa akin” 34 |

Bulag na hindi mulat ang aking mga mata sa katotohanan na mali Ako na bingi, bingi sa mga sinasabi ng ibang tao na may mali kaya lumaban ka Ako na pilay, hindi kayang tumayo para sa sarili at ipaglaban ang hindi tama Subalit tinanong mo ba ang iyong sarili kung tama ka?

Tamang diktahan mo ako?

Tamang ihulma mo ang sarili mo sakin?

Tamang sabihan ako ng payo?

Tamang husgahan ako?

Tamang husgahan ang pamilya ko?

Tinanong mo ba?

Tinanong mo sa sarili mo kung tama pa ba ang iyong mga akala Akala? Ito ba ay tama?

Pasensya ka na, ako lang ito Kaya ipagpatawad mo kung di ako kasinglakas mo Para ipaglaban ang mga karapatan mo Ako lang ito, Huwag mo kong ikumpara sa kanila na kaya nila Sapagkat ako hindi ko kaya Kasi kung kaya ko di mo kailangan sabihin pa sa akin na “lumaban ka�

Kasi ako mismo lalaban ako, magpapakatatag ako Ngunit ipagpatawad mo ako lang ulit ito

Kaya sana maramdaman mo kung ano lang yung kaya ko Unawain niyo din ang aking nararamdaman Unawain mo ang aking nararamdaman Kasi may pakiramdam din ako, Paki, paki-ramdam. •

TRIGGER WARNING | 35

CARLO MEDINA

Struggle When things go wrong, as they sometimes will When the road you’re trudging seems all uphill When the funds are low and the debts are high And you want to smile, but you have to sigh When care is pressing you down a bit Rest if you must, but don’t you quit

Life is queer with its twists and turns As everyone of us sometimes learns And many a failure turns about When they might have won, had they stuck it out Don’t give up though the pace seems slow You may succeed with another blow •

36 |

ALEAH KATRINA VISPERAS

Tenga at Mata Ikaw!

Oo ikaw bakit ang hilig mong manahimik kahit nahihirapan ka na Bakit ang hilig mong manahimik kahit nasasaktan ka na

Pilit nakikinig sa mga sinasabi nila Na tila ba ayos lang na hinuhusgahan ka Na tila ba wala kang ka alam alam na pinaguusapan ka Na tila ba ayos lang masaktan ka Sa mundong pilit kang binaba Wala kang masabi kahit isang salita Tinatanggap lang ang mga pagpupuna nila Sinasabi na wala kang kwenta Pilit sayo idinidiin na mas magaling sila Pilit sayo idinidiin na mas maganda siya Na mas payat siya Na dapat maging tularan mo siya Sa mundong wala namang may karapatan Karapatang ibaba ka sa kalupaan Karapatang itapon ang maliit mong panaginip Ang mga mata ay ipikit

TRIGGER WARNING | 37

Wag nang makinig at tenga ay ipilipit Walang kwenta ang sinasabi nila Maganda ka maging sino o ano ka Wag nang makinig O kahit man lang sumilip Dahil kun wala kang kwenta sa kanila Mas higit na wala silang alam sa kung ano ang iyong nadarama Maganda ka Malakas ka Matalino ka Wala ka nang kailangan baguhin pa •

38 |

JADE ANN VILLASIN

Untitled There are a number of accidents that almost costed my life But what got stuck on my head the most was the moment I almost drowned.

I still remember what it felt like.

As soon as I jumped, I immediately tried to pull myself up But the water was slowly swallowing me.

I tried to fight my way up, But I couldn’t.

I forgot how to swim, How to breathe.

I couldn’t keep myself up above the water.

I thought, I am going to die.

And if it wasn’t for my dad, I would have probably died.

It would be hard to pull me up, Because the water was deep and there was no light passing through it.

It was dark.

The water itself looked scary enough yet it looked so beautiful.

Because you don’t know how deep it is, TRIGGER WARNING | 39

you don’t know what’s underneath it, and that is what drew me near.

I don’t even know why I decided to swim in the first place.

I don’t even know why I tried to pull myself up.

It was the chance I was wishing for.

Death has finally picked up the phone

and answered my call.

Up until now, I still wonder Why did I fight my way up?

Why didn’t I just let myself submerge and disappear?

Wasn’t it something I wanted?

So, why did you?

Why did you keep trying to get up, when all you want is to give up?

•

40 |

You are born alone in this world.

You are made to live this world alone.

Eventually, you will die alone, even if you are surrounded by the things that you thought will make you live. •

MELBOURNE VINCENT REALUBIT

TRIGGER WARNING | 41

unti-unti nang nilalamon ng kadiliman ngunit patuloy na lumalaban sa hamon ni kamatayan kahit pa hindi mawari kung may kakapitan pa. •

JOHANNAH CHRISTINE LARANGJO

42 |

GIELARMI JULIE REQUINA

S-Curve I’ve got miles and miles of skin stretching over my muscles and bones, they stick to me like satin on my muscles, my bones who boast their years of growth They keep my feet stable, keep me grounded to the soil Like blueprints, my body is built on their outline I am a construction site never ending, or at least until one of the bricks break down My mother would tell me I am growing like a flower, I had the color of my father’s eyes, deep hazel brown They’d both tell me to keep myself stable Else, I’ll be picked from the soil I’ve got tons and tons of bones They are there to hold me together for when the nights keep tying stones down my feet and when my bed is a river, there is at least one foundation that keeps me from breaking apart My lungs would contest against the waves, my ribs would help keep them warm

But they are not strong, TRIGGER WARNING | 43

No, not for long.

Like metal, they rust over time The doctors tell me to stretch, to keep their shine But my feet keep getting tied with stones, and I am left in a river

No, in an ocean, and I am losing the things that keep me together My lungs fight for breath, but my shoulders are uneven one rib pokes through the heart, it says, “I could not be more weaker,”

One hip is higher than the other, it prides itself for being longer than its brother my feet contests otherwise.

I’ve got miles of clay-like skin, They follow the S-curve embedded on boastful bones

who remind me how I cannot hold it all by myself together •

44 |

Gun I’d

fire a gun

and

wouldn’t want to be

watched.

I’d come from the town where I lived.

I knew I wouldn’t be out alone.

•

MA. STEPHANIE NOCUM TRIGGER WARNING | 45

Let herself hide.

Her eyes leaving last night, around

their blankets long time into the darkness asks for more •

ARA NICOLE PULIDO

46 |

NICKA ANGELAE NOELLE SILVA

TRIGGER WARNING | 47

JANELLE RAINA RONDAEL

Never Wrong

People always wanted to pursue purpose in their lives The purpose that makes us live even after being by a million knives The purpose that forms us into the persons we are now The purpose that is beyond question, beyond why, and how Philosophy has always tried unraveling the truths behind purpose Thinking it is a concept that everyone knows But for a person like me whose emotions are as sensitive as soft dandelions, Risk for mistake is only something for the lions My heart has been tired of all the tricks and treats it had Thinking that it might as well do both the good and the bad

To show love that I am the best thing it never had Don’t be afraid to do things, to live and to love Because, remember, you are always, always enough.

Enough for Him who is there above Enough for them who you’ll always love Don’t let mistakes define you Nor tell you what to do For in every mistake that they will do For in every mistake that you will do None will ever go wrong.

•

48 |

I already I

was upset

would do it all wrong but

it’s best I’ll take

and try to undo the damage •

CLARE TERESE ZAPATA

TRIGGER WARNING | 49

A monster laughs loud.

I’m afraid my hands have begun to shake I trust myself to speak I try to stay calm Smile One day, the fear [will] stop.

•

KYLA DELOS SANTOS 50 |

JOSHUA EMMANUEL GAROBO

Blood

Thy sword that slashes metal and meat The sword a smith’s forged treat

Thy warrior’s instrument to greet The fire from the scalding depths of hell Thy flame that casted like a spell Burns all wee and weak shell What is more painful: thy sword or thy fire?

One thing is certain either one can release…

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 51

SOPHIA EUGENIO

Still

It was a dreary morning. The roads were slippery since it rained all night and the remnants of its downpour were still very much present in the small village.

The women were out washing mud off their pavement, the men hoisting buckets filled with rain water collected from the roofs, while the children were busy making paper boats and watching them float in puddles.

A small distance away from the village, there stood a modest bungalow. It used to be painted a light canary color, but over the years it has turned into a gloomy gray, the paint having been peeled or washed off by time. Inside the bungalow, very little furniture can be found. There was a sofa, two rocking chairs, a dining table, and a small, broken cabinet somewhat hidden from view in the darkest corner of the house. Along the bare walls of the bungalow, several photos hung.

One was of a young girl, with a bright, crooked smile. The other was of a boy, with overlong hair and mysterious eyes. Then followed a photo of a young couple, tinged yellow with obvious age.

The door of the bungalow suddenly opened with a loud bang, which echoed throughout the whole house. Muttered oaths and wailing sounds were heard, as a middle-aged woman entered, carrying a baby in one arm while grabbing a young boy’s ear in the other. The woman angrily shut the door and went to the sofa, where she hastily put the baby down, all the while maintaining her fierce grip on the young boy’s now reddening ear. The young boy’s eyes swam with tears as the woman slapped him, his cheek now marred with a vicious handprint. He tried to stop the woman’s hurtful hands, but he was too weak.

"Mother, please..."

"You disobedient, ungrateful boy! All you will ever be is a burden! I curse the day I gave you life!"

"Mother, it hurts. Please stop!"

The baby’s wailing still hasn’t ceased, its agonizing cries almost 52 |

mirroring the young boy’s. The woman shouted for the baby to stay quiet, before slapping the young boy again, making him fall to the hardwood floors with a loud thud, effectively rendering him unconscious.

Somewhere across the room, something fragile shattered and fell to the ground.

It was a quiet night. The moon casted eerie shadows in between houses and trees. Almost the entire village was asleep, aside from a young girl who was slowly tiptoeing from her bedroom. Her small, careful feet made very little noise as she went to the other room, where a young boy was sleeping. Everything was silent, only the low ticking of the wall clock in the living room disturbing the stillness of the house. The door to the young boy’s room was unlocked, and the young girl hurriedly went in after making sure no one else was awake.

She whispered in the darkness, urging the small, unmoving form bunched in the bed to whisper back. It was completely pitch black, the young girl’s eyes unseeingly roaming the room. When the moonlight pierced the thick clouds and appeared into view, the young girl saw the form move. Its small, pale hand emerged from a tightly clutched blanket and grasped hers. It was shaking, and the young girl worriedly turned to look at the young boy – only to hold back a gasp as she saw the myriad of bruises coloring his face.

Strong, stomping steps were all the warning both the young girl and boy got before the bedroom door was kicked open. In the now open doorway, there stood a middle-aged man. His eyes were red and sunken with drink and in his hand he held a gleaming knife. The young boy weakly pushed the young girl away, telling her to run, but it was too late.

"Father, no!"

"Came to check on your brother? Do you want to end up like him? Do you want to have your pretty face ruined?"

A sob.

"She didn't do it. I called her in here. She was asleep!"

TRIGGER WARNING | 53

More frantic begging.

The haunting hiss of a sharp blade swishing through the air was the reply.

A muffled, pain-filled scream reverberated throughout the once soundless night, before another fragile object shattered.

The sun has long been risen when the village started bustling with activity. Wet markets were filled to overflowing, bellowing calls from vendors resonating the crowded establishments. In almost in perfect tune with the vendors, a blood-curdling scream echoed throughout a quiet house, much farther away from the commotions of the village, followed by a baby's distressed cries. Hard thuds were heard, and the sickening sound of bones breaking added to all the harshness of events.

Numerous glass broke.

In a dark, desolate, and frighteningly still bungalow, very little furniture can be found. There was a sofa, which was close to tatters and had reddish stains. There were two broken rocking chairs, their wood badly split into two. There was a dining table, unused but neglected. And there was a small, broken cabinet. The walls were bare, but it bore tiny holes, like nails used to be embedded in them, and faint outlines of square objects were visible, like picture frames used to adorn them.

The bungalow was empty. The furniture was broken, stained, and neglected. The walls were bare but tampered with.

But the cabinet was all but barren. Inside were several broken pieces of glass. Crumpled photos were present, as well as torn frames. Memories thrown and forgotten. Pain, bitterness, and anguish kept. •

54 |

The thing is,

I don’t know.

But this time, I got through.

I forgot how.

And then I was back to fear.

•

FATIMA CASTILLO TRIGGER WARNING | 55

NICHOLAS SALAZAR

Struggles You test my patience and perseverance To the challenges you put me to do,

But you only make me stronger And felt more motivated to push forward.

You are the reason I still hold Because you made me a more competitive man, You are the one who pushed me to my limits To do the things I doubt myself to do.

To all the battles I lost in the past That also gave me a reason to fight back, Because that’s the reason I win today To learn from the formula of my failures. •

56 |

A journey To Find Happiness Had us to Swim across the river No one know(s) perhaps that we are lost.

Nothing could stop us Well, you are wrong.

I was afraid happiness •

ELLYSZA LASIG

TRIGGER WARNING | 57

II

Looking Forward

ARA NICOLE PULIDO

60 |

CATHERINE NICOLE SAN GABRIEL

Malaya Wala akong magawa ang hirap kumawala

nakakulong ako sa apat na sulok walang nakikitang liwanag kung hindi dilim wala na kong ibang kulay na alam kung hindi itim nabulag na ata ako at nakalimutan na ang histura ng puti hindi ako katulad nila na kayang lumaban sa iba at ipaglaban ang karapatan at mga kaalaman mahina lang akong tao ngunit nasasaktan din ako at napapagod

palayain niyo na ko hayaan niyo kong lumipad ibuka ang mga pakpak galugarin ang mundo matuto sa bawat pagbagsak at maging matatag sa panibagong paglipad •

TRIGGER WARNING | 61

ATHENA NAOMI AMIGO

Isang Tagay

looking forward for more memories and expecting friends to not forget these memories; moving forward in life Kanya-kanyang pagtaas ng kanya-kanya ring mga baso Kung ayaw ng isa’y, ang isa nama’y aako Nakangiti pa ang araw ngunit mamaya’y unti’unti na rin tayong yayakapin ng gabi Hindi namamalayan, basta’t kasiyahan lamang ang nakapinta sa ating mga labi Hawak ko’y bote ng ating alaala Tatagayan ang baso ng paglisan bago ito ipasa Kakampay para sa huli nating pagkikita Sana’y makita kayong masaya at hindi ang inyong pagluha Sino nga ba ang nag-akala Tayo pala ang magkakasama sa huling term na ’to ng pagiging senior high school natin Grabe, ako lang ba ang nakakaisip nito Na laging nagpaparamdaman ang kasiyahan Kung kailan malapit na tayong lumisan Bakit ngayon pa ipapatikim ang tamis ng unang pagsasama Kung kalian tayo’y magkakahiwa-hiwalay na?

Nakakatuwang isipin, hindi ba?

Na unang naglapit sa’tin ay ang problema Kung saan tadhana na ang nagbuo sa pundasyon ng ating pagkakaibigan.

Kaya problema, salamat sa iyo May mga magagandang kaibigan akong paniguradong iiyakan ko sa araw ng graduation.

Bilis ng panahon, nahiya yung humaharurot na motorista sa kalye sa sobrang tulin nito.

62 |

Bilis ng panahon, parang kailan lang nagpapakilala palang ako sa harap ninyo bilang isang Pilipino at hindi isang Hapon.

Ngunit heto na nga at magsisimula na ang ika-labing walong kabanata ng istorya ng aking buhay.

Sisimulan ko ang kabanatang ito sa unang pagpasok ko bilang nag iisang galling sa school sa Batangas.

Walang kakilala.

Walang kasama.

Bagong buhay ang ganapan.

Takot akong mag-isa pero minsa’y masaya rin pala.

Aaminin ko, hirap akong makibagay, ‘pagkat ilan sainyo’y may mga kaibigan na.

Dalawang taon na tayong magkakaklase, Pero ngayon lang naging buo ang pagsasama nating lahat.

Wala nang naiiwan, Kilala na ang isa’t isa, Komportable, Nagkokopyahan; at Nagsasaya na kahit hindi naman talaga.

Maraming alaala ang pumapasok sa isipan ko ngayon.

Mga kalokohang pinaggagagawa natin sa loob ng dalawang taon.

Mga araling tinawid nang pilit, Pumapasok kahit na may sakit.

Saludo ako sa inyo, mga kaibigan.

Konting araw na lang ang tatahakin at nasa PICC na tayong lahat.

Konting pagbe-breakdown pa, Ilang pagpupunas pa ng luha, Ilang pag-flush ng sariling suka; at Konting inuman sessions na lang ang natitira.

Inuman sessions.

Ito ata ang highlight ng pagiging legal ko.

TRIGGER WARNING | 63

Dito rin nagsimula ang lahat, kung saan una tayong nagkalat.

Naaalala ko noong unang pagsasama natin.

Tagong-tago ang mga bote ng alak sa kanya-kanyang bag, Takot mahuli, Pero nandun ang sabik.

Sabik sa di malamang dahilan, ngunit ang pakiramdam ay umaapaw sa dibdib.

Naaalala ko noong unang pagsasama natin.

Unang pagtulog sa iisang sapin, Unang pagtagay ng alak sa basong nasa kamay; at Doon lumabas ang tunay na kulay.

Hindi sa masamang paraan na iniisip niyo, Ngunit mga sikretong kay tagal nilang tinatago.

Tulad ng alin, kamo?

Hirap?

Kalungkutan?

Pagpanggap?

Pagtanggap?

Hiya?

Sakit?

Oo, lahat yan nasaksihan ko, Nasaksihan ng dalawang mata kong singkit.

Natutunan kong may mga bagay na tanging alak lang ang magpapalabas,

Tulad ng lakas ng loob na ipinapakita nila kapag kaharap na ang karamihan.

Umiiyak sa harap ko ang nakikitang tumatawa nang madalas.

Madalas na nangyayakap, ay hindi man lang mayakap ang realidad.

Realidad na di matanggap kaya’t isinisigaw ang nararamdaman.

Maraming pagkakataon ang gusto kong isulat sa isang kuwaderno.

Mga pagkakataong kasama ko kayo, Mga pagkakataong sumaya, at sumasaya ako.

64 |

Tinitignan ko ang ating mga litrato, Mapapaisip na ang swerte ko pala sa mga taong ito, Kahit pagsasama nami’y alam kong limitado. Grabe, dami na nating napagdaanan.

Tumatanda na rin tayo.

Dalawang taon pa lang pero parang buong buhay ko na kayong kasama.

Nakakainis lang kasi bakit ngayon lang tayo nagkakilala,

Kung kailan desidido na tayong lahat kung saan magkokolehiyo.

Karamiha’y sa lugar pa na malayo.

Maraming alaala ang pumapasok sa isipan ko ngayon.

Mga kalokohang pinaggagagawa natin sa loob ng dalawang taon.

Mga araling tinawid nang pilit, Pumapasok kahit na may sakit.

Saludo ako sainyo, mga kaibigan.

Konting araw na lang ang tatahakin at nasa PICC na tayong lahat.

Konting pagbe-breakdown pa, Ilang pagpupunas pa ng luha, Ilang pag-flush ng sariling suka; at Konting inuman sessions na lang ang natitira.

Inuman sessions.

Ito ata ang highlight ng pagiging legal ko.

Dito rin nagsimula ang lahat, kung saan una tayong nagkalat.

Naaalala ko noong unang pagsasama natin.

Tagong-tago ang mga bote ng alak sa kanya-kanyang bag, Takot mahuli, Pero nandun ang sabik.

Sabik sa di malamang dahilan, ngunit ang pakiramdam ay umaapaw sa dibdib.

Naaalala ko noong unang pagsasama natin.

TRIGGER WARNING | 65

Unang pagtulog sa iisang sapin, Unang pagtagay ng alak sa basong nasa kamay; at Doon lumabas ang tunay na kulay.

Hindi sa masamang paraan na iniisip niyo, Ngunit mga sikretong kay tagal nilang tinatago.

Tulad ng alin, kamo?

Hirap?

Kalungkutan?

Pagpanggap?

Pagtanggap?

Hiya?

Sakit?

Oo, lahat yan na-saksihan ko, Nasaksihan ng dalawang mata kong singkit.

Natutunan kong may mga bagay na tanging alak lang ang magpapalabas, Tulad ng lakas ng loob na ipinapakita nila kapag kaharap na ang karamihan.

Umiiyak sa harap ko ang nakikitang tumatawa nang madalas.

Madalas na nangyayakap, ay hindi man lang mayakap ang realidad.

Realidad na di matanggap kaya’t isinisigaw ang nararamdaman.

Maraming pagkakataon ang gusto kong isulat sa isang kuwaderno.

Mga pagkakataong kasama ko kayo, Mga pagkakataong sumaya, at sumasaya ako.

Tinitignan ko ang ating mga litrato, Mapapaisip na ang swerte ko pala sa mga taong ito, Kahit pagsasama nami’y alam kong limitado.

Grabe, dami na nating napagdaanan.

Tumatanda na rin tayo.

Dalawang taon palang pero parang buong buhay ko na kayong kasama.

Nakakainis lang kasi bakit ngayon lang tayo nagkakilala, 66 |

Kung kalian desidido na tayong lahat kung saan magkokolehiyo.

Karamiha’y sa lugar pa na malayo.

Isang tagay para sa mga feelings na in-invest natin sa mga taong hindi marunong mag-reciprocate, Kung sa halip ay binalewala iyon at sa iba’y patuloy kumakapit.

Isang tagay para sa attachments natin sa mga taong walang pake sa atin.

Tipong tayo na lang ang nahihirapan

Dahil tayo na lang ang mag-isang lumalaban Sa nararamdamang hindi naman kayang suklian.

Isang tagay hanggang sa maubos na ang laman ng ‘yong baso Kesa sa nararamdaman mo.

Isang tagay para sa lahat ng sakit Na kahit saglit, kahit saglit Malipat ang pait sa bote ng alak kong kapit-kapit.

Isang tagay para sa mga alaalang dapat nang iwanan.

Dinulot ng nakaraang manliligaw, kasintahan, kaibigan, o hinahangaan.

Isang tagay para sa paghihiwa-hiwalay natin.

Nawa’y walang mawaglit na pagsasamahan dahil lang sa distansyang pumapagitan sa atin.

Isang tagay, at isang tagay pa.

Isang tagay muli, at isa para sa huli.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 67

PAULA BIANCA CAYABYAB

Sit Tight

Tomorrow, next week, next year You will wake up Realizing everything, every single thing Will have made sense.

It will be so clear now.

All of the worries that seemed to be tangled Were actually wrapped tightly In the hands of the master.

It was all schemed.

A concoction devised to let Everything that was supposed to happen, Happen.

And You are exactly where you are supposed to be.

You are... okay.

No. You have... won. •

68 |

CHARLES DOMINIC MANEJABLE

TRIGGER WARNING | 69

LANNCE KELLY DE GUZMAN

70 |

CLARE TERESE ZAPATA

From Me to Me Look around you All the applause All the cheers They’re all directed at you Did you deserve it?

Have you done enough?

Is it really for you?

The answer is YES, All the tears you shed, All the worries you felt All words you screamed every night, Thinking you’ll never make it..

I’m here to tell you…YES you made it

So get up now, tilt your head high, Wipe those tears, conquer your fears, Put those worries aside, get inside the battle field, For one last time…

Be the person you want to be, be the warrior they never expect, Be the leader of your own, be better than you are yesterday Be stronger than you are before, be a survivor, Because in the end, you’ll get that reward, Not the gold one everyone desires but, the phrase a fighter only utters in the end “I made it” •

TRIGGER WARNING | 71

ELLYSZA LASIG

Missing You I once met a blissful girl. Her smiles were always the brightest and genuine amongst my friends; though her teeth weren't perfect at all, there were crooked like "disarrayed classroom seats", as she describes them. I have always admired her confidence; she kept her head up in a crowd that continued to bring her down. She kept doing what she loved the most, which were dancing, acting, singing, dressing up and trying her best to help those who are in need.

Never has she missed one step when our dance instructor taught us a new piece. Gracefully, she oscillated her body to the beat of “The Little Prince” and “I”, her two favorite songs. And when she acts, her emotions were clearly seen through her eyes, her mesmerizing hazel brown eyes; her words were spoken with great passion. She never believed me when I tell her that I have adored her voice. "I like singing but it wasn't for me" and "I want to become an artist but my voice isn't born for it", were her clichés when I ask her to sing. She also expresses her emotions through her clothing, for example: she will wear a pastel colored top or blouse whenever she feels cheerful about her day or she’ll put up her favorite outfit, which was an A-line skirt paired with any light-colored blouse, a mismatched earrings, her black velvet choker and her brown Jack Purcell Converse. And when she’s in a gloomy mood, she often dresses up with sad looking colors like gray, dark blue, lilac, and her favorite

color, black.

She had always inspired people around her. Her positivity had brought light to those who weren't able to see it. I can still remember how she had saved this person from committing a suicide, it was the bravest thing she did. She did not hesitate to talk to this person every single day just to make sure that this person will continue to appreciate the beauty of life. Since then, they have started their special friendship. Her goal was to help and save those who were losing hope and the will to live.

Frequently, she encouraged them to love themselves and told them 72 |

how important it is to be strong and to keep on fighting. Whenever I am with her, she often told me stories about her day:

how she

conquered her fears and how she managed to go to school despite of her illness.

Her peculiar personality had been her asset. She wasn't one of those pretty girls that our society often delineates. Her skin wasn't flawless; there were pimples and pimple marks on her face, random cuts, bruises, scars on her long white arms and legs. Cosmetics were her

companion to make herself feel and look pretty. She has this rounded and quite pointy nose and chapped lips stained with her favorite soft pink Korean lip tint. She was often called as "an unaesthetic" and "average looking" girl. But, whenever we were together and she started speaking these diverting words that brought laughter and broad smiles to my life; I perpetually say to myself that, I am with the most ravishing being in the world.

I started to miss her when she was taken away from me. She was taken away from me when she started to care too much about what others might think of her towards her actions, words and even how she dresses herself. She was taken away from me when she started listening to the voices in her head. Voices that kept her caged. Voices that kept her tongue tied. Voices that kept her up all night thinking she wasn't good enough. She wasn’t able to see her inner beauty, for the voices had kept her blindfolded. I tried to save her though, but she refused to be saved. It looked like she was entirely eaten by this agitating monster. So, she started wearing a roguishly charming mask

to cover up everything; for she did not want to be a burden to others other than herself.

I looked into the mirror and then there she was, the erstwhile blissful girl that I knew and met, was staring straight back at me •

TRIGGER WARNING | 73

DON CARLO MIGUEL MEDINA

Untitled

You can miss more than a million opportunities in life.

You can lose in almost every game in your life.

You can be even defeated in every challenge you've conquered.

Fail over and over and over again in life, but never ever give up on it.

Some people want it to happen.

Some wish it would happen.

Others make it happen.

Its never too late for anything you've missed.

There is always time for anything else.

And you will never know what you can accomplish until you try. •

74 |

ALEXA JAY AURELLANO

TRIGGER WARNING | 75

REGINALD LUNAR

Abakada ng Pagod na mag-aaral Pangarap. Pangarap ang puhunan Lalakad, Tatakbo, Tatalon para sa pangarap Luha, pawis ang ibinubuwis para sa pagbihis ng togang asul sa Mayo na hindi mo naman alam kung tatapak ka man lang sa mala pang-palasyong hagdanan na pinipipilit ipilit sa utak mo ang mga salitang sinasabi sayo Kaya mo yan! Para sa pangarap.

Sa buhay na ito, tanging misyon mo lang ay mangarap.

Maniwala sa pinanghahawakan mong salita sa mga taong nagsasabi sayo na lumaban ka kahit kathang isip mo lang sila dahil wala naman talaga diba? Ikaw, ang magpapalakas sa sarili mo sa gerang ito maraming sundalo pero lahat sila ay anino. anino na nag uunahan sa medalyang pansamantala lang naman Pinagpapalit ang mga tunay na kaibigan para lang sa kasikatan.

Lapis, papel at ballpen – mga tanging kaibigan sa mundo ng mga bato at mga statwang gumagalaw at nagsasalita kaya isinulat ko gamit sila ang ABaKaDa ng Pagod na mag-aaral.

A - ang sakit ng kamay sa kakasulat, naninikip na ang dibdib sa dami ng pinapagawa.

Ba - Basagin ng mundong ito, na hindi man sabihin na wala kang kwenta pero mas masakit dahil itoy ipinapakita.

Ka—kantahan ka ng mga tao kapag may kailangan kapag ikaw ang lumapit wala pakikinggan Da—dalhin ka sa ibang planeta, na ipipilit sayong maniwala sa pinaniniwalaan nila, hindi ka mali pero sila ang tama E—ewan ko sayo, mga tugon ng taong akala mo noon ay tunay ngunit ni oras at atensyon hindi maibigay.

Ga-gapang ka sa sakit at hirap ng mga pinapagawa 76 |

ngunit wala ka namang magagawa, wala talaga silang awa

Ha—hataw ang sabi nila, sa dami ng nakapila may lakad pa ka ba?

I—Ilaw nag kailangan mo, sa dumidilim na daanan para maabot mo ang pangarap La - Laman dapat ng puso mo ang lakas para ipagpatuloy kahit nauubos, itutuloy ang daloy Ma—Masakit mang isipin na malayo pa ang lalakbayin ngunit makakahinga ka na dahil sira na ang kadena na pumupulupot sa leeg mo dahil tapos na ang dalawang taong sabi nila masaya, totoo ba?

Na—Nandito ako para sayo, mga salitang gusto mong marinig mula sa mga inaasahan mong magsasabi. Sa mga mangakong hindi ka iiwan pero hindi nagtagumpay sa laban.

Pa—para sayo to ‘Nay ‘tay sa mga pawis nyong pumatak. Sa mga dugo at pagtitiis nyng inialay kaya..

Ra - Ragasa ang pasasalamat ng anak nyong tamad, sa inyong sakripisyon at oras na inialay. Kahit na pagod ay magpapatuloy sa laban Sa - sabihin ko sa sarili ko na kaya ko pa, para hindi masayang ang lahat ng ginawa, lahat ng sinimulan.

Ta - tawanan ko nalang sila, sa mga hindi nila pagtugon, sa hindi nila pag sama nung ako’y nagiisa Wa - wasakin ko ang mga tanikalang pumipigil sa aking para magpatuloy. Lalangoy sa daloy ng buhay, gagawin ang lahat.

Gagawin ang lahat. Gagawin ko ang lahat. at Ya - yan ang pagod ko, na sakabila ng pag-iisa sa laban, kung hindi ka titingin sa iba at dadaretcho lang sa pagtakbo, maaabot mo ang Pangarap, paragap na puhunan, lumakad, tumakbo, tumalon. Para sa pangarap, para sa bayan, para sa Diyos, para sa pamilya.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 77

CECILIA MARIZ MUNSOD

78 |

MA. STEPHANIE NOCUM

Live Been living the life of failures With the worries of expectations 'Cause deviant is me when I do my leisure That unfortunately turn into helpless situations However, I’ve got reasons to hold on I've got many reasons to stand independently I've got family and friends to cry on And even my special someone to be with happily With all these, I’ve always looked upon the good and the

bad And end up dancing with the leaves of faith Downs may be truly drowning, I tell myself But I’ve always been living, continue living •

TRIGGER WARNING | 79

CHRISIEL CABANTOG

Onward It was a long, rusty silver chain that continues to bind me from moving forward.

It was 16 years long and 18 chances thick, and it was fear of change with all its avant-garde I was born with it, and it made me think twice whenever I try to improve at something I can see and feel some bruises and bleeding abrasions under the rusts.

And I can see now why.

So, for the first time in my life.

I tried to run the race, Trying to break the porous rusty chain that binds me to strife It didn’t turn out to be easy as I got bruises from every try But it became all worth it as I broke the 16-year long chain that bounded me to cry I felt change.

I felt like I’m someone.

And for the first time, I felt like I won.

So, as I stepped my first foot of victory to fear, I started to convalesce To convalesce breaking away.

from

the

sickness

of

mediocrity

and

fear

of

And as I stood here in front of you, I can preach that I’m still running away From the broken chain that stayed 16 years long, and never more. I’m 17 now, and still running.

80 |

And I can tell you, improvement, in any ways, is a process A process which involves courage and the bravery to convalesce A process which includes “I believe in myself”, “I believe in Him” and the word “Yes” For everyone has the chance to be someone Everyone can be someone.

For the only impossible thing in this world is impossibility itself.

Believing in oneself doesn’t just involve confidence and courage But of kindness and acceptance to do change.

Remember your comfort zone is just a dandelion among a garden of roses.

And the exit to it is just right under our noses Because a dream will remain a dream unless you wake yourself up and do something about it.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 81

JOSE JULUIS LEYES

82 |

JULES RYSA CALIDA

Untitled It’s been a long time since I’ve written about myself (because it was always about you). But who cares?

You don’t matter to me anymore. This will be the last time that I write to you.

I am happy. God, it feels so good to say that — especially when you mean it. I am happy. Really. A lot of people have noticed and some even feel the happiness radiating from my body. It’s sublime and I want to stay this way. I am currently on my journey to find something I lost in you. I wish I did it earlier because I am definitely loving this hike. It feels so good to see the world in color again. Please don’t go looking for me.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 83

ALEAH KATRINA VISPERAS

Bata

Naalala mo pa ba nung bata ka pa?

Yung mga panahon na pwede ka pang madapa at hindi ka huhusgahan ng iba?

Na imbis na pagalitan ka ay lalapitan ka nila at tatanungin “ayos ka lang ba?�

Yung mga panahon na maari mo pang isuot ang kahit na anong gusto mo Mag gown ka man sa kalye masasabihan ka pang ang cute cute mo Yung mga panahon na simple lang ang bagay bagay para sayo Na laging may nandyan handang umagapay sayo Naalala mo pa ba?

Kung gaano kadali ang buhay ng isang pagiging bata?

Labing pitong taon na akong humihinga sa mundong ito Limang taon na magmula nang mamulat ako

Magmula nang magbago ang mundo ko Magmula nang makarinig ako ng unang masakit na salita sa pagbagsak ko Nang mapagalitan ako dahil sa suot ko Nang masabihan ako na ang tanga tanga mo Lahat yun tumatak sa akin Lahat yun naalala ko Lahat yun.

Limang taon na nang isampal sakin na ang mundo ay hindi kasing ganda ng mundo ni Barbie Na hindi kasing makulay katulad ng kay Barney Na hindi lahat ay I love you, you love me, Limang taon na Limang taon ko nang sinusubukan mabuhay sa mundong ito Limang taon na kong patuloy na napapagod Napapagod sumubok maging magaling sa lahat ng bagay

Napapagod sumubok subukan ang lahat ng sabay sabay 84 |

Kasi sa mundong ito dapat kaya mong sumabay Sumabay sa lahat Maging kasing galing o mas magaling pa sa iba Kasi yun ang tinuro nila Yun ang alam nila Yun yung alam ko Yun yung alam mo Yun yung sinabi nila

Yun yung tumatak sa akin, sa kanya Unti unti kang hinuhulma Hinuhulma ayon sa gusto ng iba Hinuhulma nang naayon sa paligid na meron ka Nakakapagod sundan sila Patawad.

Patawad kasi ang hirap Patawad kasi nasanay ako maging bata

Na hanggang ngayon hindi ko parin matanggap na ako ay tatanda Patawad kasi hindi ako kasing galing ninyo Patawad kasi hindi ako kasing talino mo Patawad kasi wala akong maipagmamayabang na talento Patawad patawad kasi Pagod na akong humingi ng patawad Eto na ang huling patawad ko sa inyo Dahil ang sunod na patawad ko ay para na sa sarili ko Patawad Aleah Patawad at sinubukan kitang gawing iba Patawad kasi pinipilit kitang maging katulad nila Patawad dahil hindi na naging sapat na maging ikaw lang Sa labing pitong taong kong pagtira sa mundo ito Kung hindi man ako maaksidente bukas Wala pa ako sa kalahati ng buhay na sa akin ay ibinigay Kung kaya’t hindi ko na paaabutin pa sa kalahati TRIGGER WARNING | 85

Sisimulan ko na ngayon Sisimulan ko na Sisimulan ko nang maging ako Sisimulan ko nang hayaan naman ang tao ang tumanggap sa kung ano ako Dahil pagod na ako sumubok na matanggap ng ibang tao Hindi na ito bago.

Lagi natin itong naririnig pero bakit ba ang iba’y hirap padin?

Mamamatay tayong lahat. ‘Yun ang alam ko, hindi mo ba alam yun?

Kaya sa maikling panahon na binigay sa atin Lubus-lubusin natin ito Dahil sa mundong ‘to hindi mo kailangan maging kasing galing ng iba Hindi mo kailngan makipagsabayan sa kanila Mabuhay ka nang ayon sa iyong gusto At maging masaya ka nang hindi nakakapanakit ng ibang tao

Paalala na lang yan Para sayo Dahil hindi mo na kailangan maging magaling sa lahat Kailangan mo lang intindihin ang mundo At tignan ito nang parang isang bata Dahil sa mata nila laging may mas pinadaling paraan Sa mata ng bata lahat ay kaya nya.

Sa mata ng bata ang mundo ay simpleng bilog Na patuloy iikot sa araw

Dahl sa mata ng bata wala nang bukas kung kaya’t magbunyi at ngayon ay magsaya Gawin ang lahat ng kaya Dahil bukas possibleng wala ka ng chansa ‘Wag intindihin ang iba ang importante ay masaya ka ng hindi ka nakakapanakit ng kapwa.

•

86 |

Home was rarely home.

Open

the front door, turn away soundlessly.

Hurry

Retreat

to

my

space

Of all the moments I would most like to have. •

GIELARMI JULIE REQUINA

TRIGGER WARNING | 87

his

He leaves physical shell;

releasing all fear and doubt.

He

let go

Then, it was over. his pain and felt himself •

RHONA MAE STREBEL

88 |

JADE ANN ISABEL VILLASIN

Untitled I am falling deeper into the water and it was then I realized how dark it is, how heavy it is, how much easier it is for me to breathe

where the sun shines, where the clouds form, where the air blows.

I finally thought maybe, just maybe, it’s not bad to fight once more.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 89

SOPHIA EUGENIO

Static

I am at an impasse, The horizon in front of me stretching to wide, Open fields of green, And endless, bountiful blue My feet itch to take one step forward – But seemed to never want to stop its journey backward The ground feels so rough, The path even more so I see yards and yards of barren land, An infinite number of opportunities planted somewhere Deep underneath each square inch Buried so far from the surface I wonder If it could ever reach the open again Feel the warm, heady air

Bask in the sunlight Or wallow under the moon’s lonely gaze The pain of uncertainty is indescribable – It makes my very ribs rattle, My lungs turning brittle with every breath I try so hard to gasp My skin threatening to crawl its way out of its shell, My hands grasping, grasping, and grasping; Feet in constant movement, But never enough movement

That it actually gets somewhere But there is an end to all this despair, surely?

There is relief waiting at the far of the curb, A void I can sink into, An empty space I could fill my frustrations with, A moment I can call a respite.

Soon, perhaps?

Soon, I hope.

• 90 |

MATTHEW JOSHUA SOSITO

Sunshine

Of all the struggles on this world,

When I see the sunshine in my window, I see new hope, Hope that courages me to not give up. •

TRIGGER WARNING | 91

GINO CABILATAZAN

Untitled It will get better, darling You matter, you always will.

Live.

Said the blade; •

92 |

JUSTIN KYLE TAMAYO

Stronger This time, I’m going to be stronger, I’m not giving in!

Release the beautiful beast from within.

Let that beast be beautiful and let it leave the dark.

Neglect those fools; like dogs, they bark.

Let them eat their words, Let yourself triumph with the help of the Lord.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 93

JANELLE RAINA RONDAEL

94 |

KYLA DELOS SANTOS

Risk A four letter word that means getting across the line, getting out, doing it.

Getting halfway there, saying “Yes, I did it.”

Risk is never a mistake, although doing it wrong causes you all.

Risk is when you are running through a flood of bullets firing against the wall.

Risk is when you dive from a cliff that’s a hundred feet tall Risk is when you reach the Everest’s summit and make a loud call Risk is when you decide that he’s not the one at all Risk is when you’re still the “umiibig,” and never the “inii-small” Risk is when you love without receiving the same love at all We are airplanes without destinations yet flying without limitations We seek and we define, we bound and build the borderline We stress ourselves thinking the chance will never be mine We live in the darkness as if we were never given a chance to shine Stop believing in the impossible Rather, start declaring “I’m possible.”

Never be afraid to swim in a ten-mile deep ocean and drown in a two-inch puddle of decision Never be afraid to skydive from thirty feet above and see the right person, and fall in love.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 95

Risk

NICKA ANGELAE NOELLE SILVA

96 |

Go to sleep. Stop crying. Get some rest. You’re just tired.

•

LYRIS JAM PAGUIO

TRIGGER WARNING | 97

FATIMA CASTILLO

Dead Leaves “And, do you, Louisa, take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband?” the priest smiled at me, waiting for my obvious reply.

I stared at the man in front of me, my husband-to-be. He held my hands, the feeling of security engulfed me. It helped me breathe, making me look deeply into his eyes—those eyes that would always make me fall for him every time they sparkle at my sight.

“I do.”

That day had been the most regretful day I have ever encountered in my whole life. The most regretful words that had ever escaped from my mouth. The most dangerous commitment I’ve entered in this world.

Sometimes, I would look up the sky at night, see the stars and would always close my eyes to wish I forget the thought of marriage—to escape from this dreadful life I got myself into.

While he was upstairs, bathing, the food I prepared had already been served at out dining table. He walked down the stairs, fixing his hair in the mirror, then placed himself in front of the food without taking a glance at me nor a warm greeting.

“Good morning, dear,” I greeted him as I always did.

“Morning,” he doesn’t even look up, not even hesitating to do so. He just took the utensils and ate in peace as if I wasn’t standing there beside him.

With my feelings bottled up inside of me, I sighed, taking a seat in front of him, then took my part of the food and started eating. His gaze never once landed on me, his eyes had never set upon me—no matter how many times my peripheral vision was used.

But, alas, those thoughts are called ‘dreams’.

The thought of daydreaming gave me hope, but it didn’t l ast long. He doesn’t even speak a word whenever we’re together.

Right now, as he was about to finish his breakfast, he took the newspaper lying beside him and started reading.

The moment he placed the paper on top of the table, my hand grabbed on to the hem of my skirt, mustering up my courage to do something to try and fix the situation.

98 |

I stood up in a hurry to help him wear his coat; and he seemed to go with the flow.

“Will you be home for supper, dear?” I asked, trying to give him a hint that I was missing his sweet words, our flirtatious conversations that would always leave him smirking or chuckling, at least.

“I’m not quite sure of myself but, we shall see, won’t we?” he turns around, wearing his hat on as he left home with the door slamming in front of me. I got weak-kneed by his tone and the aura he was creating between us.

A tear came running straight from my eye, running down to my puffy cheeks.

We spent the first night together as a newly wed couple—in our own home, cuddled in each other’s arms under the sky, watching the stars twinkle at our sight. There I was, my head resting on his shoulder, our fingers intertwined, not even thinking twice of letting go of the other.

I requested we do our honeymoon once I’m ready—and as the gentleman he was, he kept his promise. It was about two to three days when I knew I was prepared. The moment we made love to each other, I felt refreshed and more loved. I already gave him my whole body and soul—and he did the same. What more could I ask from him?

He was warm and caring; the moment I woke up the next day, he was there by my side, his arm wrapped around me, keeping me safe under the sheets. I sat up and looked at him from a new view— the view after becoming one. I planted a kiss on his lips and smiled as he kissed me back.

But, this was where the problem had started.

About two months had passed since that happened. I found myself vomiting frequently after eating, even just a smidge. And, that, the doctor concluded, it was already a sign of procreation.

We went tested out whether I was really carrying our future or not.

Surely enough, the test results were positive about it. We were both excited for the coming of our first born. He was so delighted with the news, he had bragged about it to his co-workers at his company. He couldn’t contain his excitement and excessive happiness, he just had to run out of the house giddily, announcing he was about to become a father.

But the happiness didn’t last so long as I thought. I was just doing the dishes one night and he came home, stressed from TRIGGER WARNING | 99

overworking; I made sure to give him warm water and made him lie down on the couch to make him some coffee. Into my arms, the cauldron was carried but, I was startled when he suddenly came up from behind me.

“Oh, dear, you’re awake! Please, go back to sleep; I can handle this-“ He snatched the cauldron from my grip and placed it somewhere else, his eyes widened at me; “W-What did you do?” he asked, sounding nervously.

It furrowed my eyebrows at his shaking body, “I was heating water for you,” I replied shortly. But, his wide eyes scared me, he couldn’t take it off from my womb. I looked down and saw blood running down on my leg.

“Oh, no,” It was my fault—it was all my fault our future was gone. It vanished in an instant. The moment of our baby’s demise, the moment our married life disappeared, as well. The romance between us became a taboo. He refused to touch me and started working harder than before—pushing himself to the limit of even panting on his way home.

Dragging my feet upstairs, I pulled the sheets over me, the same sheets we were covered with on the first night of being newly-weds. The sheets may have been washed a couple of times but, the warmth of my memories of our times spent together would never fade away. That night, I cried, pouring all of my soul into that one cottony soft fabric mixed with the love and passion we had created together.

Please, don’t let my tears wash away these memories—let it be an addition to it, instead.

The door to our room suddenly clicked itself open, only to realize it was my husband, home earlier than I thought. My hands gripped themselves tightly on to the sheets, refusing to let go. Tears streaming down smoothly down to my cheeks. It doesn’t matter if he sees me like this now; I just don’t want to see how he’ll avoid me again; The weight of the bed was tilted; I felt his warm back pressed against me. And to my surprise, an arm was wrapped around my shoulders, his head resting on top of mine, his lips planting a soft, deep kiss on the back of my head. “I’m…home…” he muttered before I felt tears dripping down my neck.

As a reply, my hand ran against his hair, how I missed him so. My hand pulling him closer ‘til our noses touched, “…welcome back, dear.”

• 100 |

I am slowly accepting that some people are not good

for my growth, no matter how much I love them. •

PATRICIA BEATRICE RONIDEL

TRIGGER WARNING | 101

We are all just in a constant state of turning. Keep going.

There is something in the end for all of us. •

VICTOR CHRISTIAN DONCERAS

102 |

I had a part unsettled all along.

I have known.

But I see someone that terms with something unbeknownst, what I want.

And this time, I light up •

MELBOURNE REALUBIT

TRIGGER WARNING | 103

BIANCA MORAN

Sparrows I wish to be like them

I wish to be free I envy the sparrows that float through the air Like a light, weightless strand of hair Fluttering their wings like they don’t even care.

I used to stare at them, hoping they’d be aware That there’s a girl right here wanting to be right there •

104 |

RAEVIEN PINTANG

Versions I feel like I lost myself.

But I look back and find so many identities I realize that yes, I lost them.

The curious toddler.

The trusting 6 year old.

The headstrong girl of 11.

I lost them.

There was no point In keeping them, No point in holding on To old versions of me.

So I kept some parts, hopefully the best parts.

And put them in the girl Who was writing this poem. •

TRIGGER WARNING | 105

JAN ALLEN CHAVEZ

Jean Agustin Jean is a good girl Everyone wants to be like her Astonishing, smart, and compassionate No other woman was like her A great friend and an even greater artist Greatest gift of humanity Until on a rainy evening Sad as we were That something happened to her It is time to move on No Jean, no smiles, yet we still live in an unwanted world •

106 |

MA. DANIELLE TRESMANIO

Untitled I will rise again Just like how the sun Rises every morning.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 107

MARCO CAPACIO

108 |

NICHOLAS SALAZAR

What Lies Ahead Looking forward to my life ahead, The road looks long and hard, But I’ll be ready no matter what, For my life thus far has made me ready.

So many paths to take, So many possibilities, My life thus far has made me ready, For whatever lies ahead.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 109

JOSHUA GAROBO

Deep, Dark, Ocean I went to the beach to look for something I look at rocks lying in the sands like dumplings I look at the sand like a trail of brown sugar I look at the coast sway gracefully‌water I look at myself and at the sea I look inside my heart and see It was just like the deep dark ocean Concoctions of ideas sprout like potion There is fear, doubt, and hatred But the ocean also has happiness, love and hope. •

110 |

The world may turn it’s back on us But remember, you have us.

We’ll stay and hold your hands As we set sail to far lands.

Let’s wait for the sunrise For it has many surprises.

Smile dear, you are not alone

Because believe me, no one is a stone.

•

JOHANNAH LARANGJO

TRIGGER WARNING | 111

KEILAH ISABEL GARCIA

For the Humanitarian Next time others call you out for 'playing it safe' and 'taking the easy way out’; tell them the profession you're leaning towards is a gamble.

Remember, you are the heart of society where everything else is machine work and digits.

You fight to sustain the essence of humanity, at a time when the word "human" loosely means profitmeans workforce.

You fight for art.

For beauty amidst societal discord.

For preservation of what was, so that we may learn from past mistakes written in blood; so that no more will be shed.

You are the next world leaders.

The next revolutionary artists.

History will soon be written by those of you "who always had a lot to say" They can't blame you for recognizing that you have a voice.

They can't blame you for trying to use it.

You fight for peace.

For equal rights.

You work for a cause not many people believe in anymore.

I don't think it gets any more dangerous than that. •

*This is a spoken word poem.

112 |

STEVEN KYLE POBLETE

TRIGGER WARNING | 113

III

External Contributions

Akrasia

CYMMER RAMIREZ

116 |

KYLE FREDRIC ALOJADO

Signs of a Time Long Gone Stains on the bed sheets The warmth that once was you And the once dimly lit streets That owed us what we were due Frisky handwriting on a wrinkled piece of paper Drifting down slowly and gently like a feather Forgotten and written away Everlasting, rotting, fading each day The dredges of time eat away at my sanity An abstraction not worth the glance for even a second Relishing in my own, singular vanity The call of profanity endlessly beckoned

For life will keep on moving, never pause Its grasp from which we will never be free And we will remain as ghosts of once was And evidence of what never will be •

TRIGGER WARNING | 117

MARIA VICTORIA DIVINA

Landas

Nakadungaw sa bintana Malayo ang tingin Ang sanggol na buhat ni Nena Naghihikahos at walang makain Naipong mga upos ng sigarilyo

Nagkalat sa paanan ni Bea Gintong katawa’y siniphayo Saka na lamang sisingilin ng tadhana Nakakarinding mga hiyawan Wala na nga bang katapusan?

Utal ni Gela sa makukulay na larawan Pagsapit ng hatinggabi, marahan siyang lilisan

Di na mabilang kung ilan na nga ba Ang panandalian lamang at nagsamantala Hindi sampaguita o kandila ang binebenta Ang mga gabi’y sumpa kay Magdalena Hindi huhupa ang uhaw ni Ana Sa lahat ng bawal nahanap ang ligaya Duguan ang kaniyang mga mata Nakatitig sa dingding ngunit ang isip ay wala na Minadali ang takdang oras Nang mapagod sa paghahanap ng lunas Pasan ang daigdig sa balikat niya Bumitaw si Pia sa salitang pag-asa Ang bawat tao may kanya kanyang istorya Binuo ng mga desisyon at tadhana Ngunit sa tadhana lamang ay wag umasa Nakasalalay padin sa landas na tinahak niya.

• 118 |

Sunflower in the Field

KATHLEEN ANNE GUERRERO

TRIGGER WARNING | 119

Public opinion does not like... exclude desexualized, deverilized, like making the man from without.

What if one sees it as illusion of misunderstood ideas?

We see one and the same idea

falls precisely where it was not expected to •

DAN HENRY GONZALES

120 |

MARIA VICTORIA DIVINA

Left Behind A 50-year-old man who is very workaholic went out on a vacation to eat at his favorite restaurant. He sat on the nearest chair where he can see the panoramic view of Potomac River. The restaurant embodies his most unforgettable memories with his wife, as well as the worst of them.

“This is our place, Leny.”

He wore the dusty old brown boots which she gave on their last day.

He never took them off ever since.

“This is the last one,” he said. It is her last gift before she left him.

As he dozed off while reflecting, he found himself in an isolated

countryside farm in West Virginia. He wandered around to ask for help but no one heard him. Instead, he heard a woman’s voice calling out for him. He followed the voice but when he turned around, his wife was standing from a distance. He walked across the path to reunite with his wife but as he moved closer, the woman slowly started to disappear.

He paced further to get a clearer picture until the figure was two meters away from him. As he moved closer and closer, he found out that it was just a scarecrow. He was taken aback when the scarecrow came to life and it started to chase him. He ran fast, but on his 45th step, he was suddenly in a vast glass-walled room with a desk in the middle surrounded by crumpled scratch papers on the floor.

•

TRIGGER WARNING | 121

KRISSY VILLAFUERTE

Be Careful of the Man with the Iron Fist Be careful of The Man with the iron fist, he who meticulously keeps a list

of those who have wronged his flawed sense of justice.

Be careful of the man with the loaded gun, he who is merciful to no one, he is right hand to The Man with the iron fist you best take care, lest you be on their list.

Be careful of the woman with silk for spit, she who weaves tall tales for the fun of it, preying on those who deserve it the least, she is The Man's mouthpiece Be careful of the palace on the riverbank, the cesspool of evil and sin runs rank, Where serpents slither and hiss, Where your worth is either hit or miss. •

122 |

MARK GERARD AUSTRIA

What Death Teaches us Dogs butchered in a series of moving pictures.

Outlanders strangled by claws of 'law' near the chief's citadel.

Men shot with dashing teardrops of metal, of course, polished with no rue.

Brothers, white and brown, from being night's cutthroats, turned into crowned kings of daylight.

We were told that life is THE teacher.

It seems to me that it is DEATH. What did we learn from it?

Every breakfast and dinner, the meals we eat are nobly salted, because we now have a taste of our tears, as our eyes deliberately witness bloodbath on the public's plates. More so, carnage has TRIGGER WARNING | 123

become a reporter's further write about.

daily

delicacy

that

he

wishes

not

to

The candles we lit before their cold tombs, still fresh with the aroma of a sagging family, as we despair, become our streetlights—yet the streets got even darker even under the peak of our only sun.

The fable was wrong.

It is the black sheep who feigned to be a white wolf to steal a higgledypiggledy recipe of conscience and justice. Now, we got served of the sour grape pie which we so stupidly ordered. Then, we dined with a sly fox.

Tickling ourselves does not really tickle; we need hardcore comedy, so we started putting clowns in the higher hierarchy though we know that the young are scared of them. In a deck of cards, a fool may ask, “Why does the joker card appear to be a mirror?” Things have been detrimental and hilarious recently. The nude emperor would not be able to contain his amusement.

We are asked to kiss the golden shroud of a mass murderer so he can finally rest in peace in his embellished coffin, buried in a land where 'glory' was once all about glory. The mass murderer's wife, with her glass slippers, schemes to follow.

Darwinism also happens when witless commoners become great alchemists and philosophers, and heralds just because of fame. Before, they were just people who marketed cheap flesh in a dirty market—sin of the flesh be satisfied. Now, they are our golden calves. Truly, popularity triggers evolution.

We thought that death was a cloaked angel with a scythe and a gasping, ticking clock—a penalty to those whom a BLINDFOLDED woman with a rusty balance hanging on her hand deems guilty. Likewise, the public ponders on when this lovely being will see things with her eyes uncovered.

The survivors lose heart on the departed sinners, giving us the irony of ironies. We defend our beloved sinners, while the innocent are 124 |

murdered. We prosecute our defenders, while our twisted heroes, like a fair lady on a falling bridge, winks at the assassins. We rant about laughable things, and then we weep on quips told by blasphemers.

We then pray to God with the left eye open, the right, shut.

Death is an equally competent mentor.

It teaches us to see things in its light. It teaches us to wonder not only about dusk and dawn, but also about the things that take place in between. It teaches us the tales that cannot be found in text or in

print, but in the graveyard where the dead is awake while the living seem asleep.

While this list is just a teeny tiny pebble in a chasm, I think death is burdened to teach us more than this, so we wait. Maybe in this way, we can finally remember the names that echoed when the trigger was pulled, and the names that were whispered when the bullets flew. •

TRIGGER WARNING | 125

contributors

Internal Contributors

AMIGO, Athena Nayomi Untitled, 14 Isang Tagay, 62-67 AURELLANO, Alexa Jay Pagpag, 7 Untitled, 75

CABANTOG, Chrisiel Wasted, 26 Onward, 80-81 CABILATAZAN, Gino Loves, 27 Untitled, 92 CALIDA, Jules Rysa Untitled, 31 Untitled, 83

DELOS SANTOS, Kyla Untitled, 50 Conclusion, 95 DONCERAS, Victor Christian En Route, 11 Untitled, 102 EUGENIO, Sophia Epiphany, 17-19 Still, 52-54 Static, 90 GARCIA, Keilah Isabel Not a Happy Poem, 13 For the Humanitarian, 112 GAROBO, Joshua Emmanuel Blood, 51 Deep, Dark, Ocean, 110

LARANGJO, Johannah Christine CAPACIO, Marco Untitled, 42 What is my purpose in this world?, 8 Untitled, 111 Untitled, 108 LASIG, Ellysza CASTILLO, Ma. Fatima Clare Untitled, 58 Untitled, 55 Missing You, 72-73 Dead Leaves, 98-100 LEYES JR, Jose Julius CAYABYAB, Paula Bianca I love her, 10 EraQui, 22 Untitled, 82 Sit Tight, 68 LUNAR, Reginald CHAVEZ, Jan Allen Untitled, 32 The Well of Persona, 4-5 Abakada ng Pagod na Mag-aaral, Jean Agustin, 106 76-77 DE GUZMAN, Lannce Kelly MANEJABLE, Charles Dominic Dalamhati, 20 Mulat, 9 Untitled, 70 Untitled, 69

MEDINA, Don Carlo Miguel Untitled, 36 Untitled, 74

RONIDEL, Patricia Beatrice Obnoxious, 21 Untitled, 101

MORAN, Bianca Untitled, 15 Sparrows, 104

SALAZAR, Nicholas Untitled, 56 What Lies Ahead, 109

MUNSOD, Cecilia Mariz On Women and Humanity, 28-30 Untitled, 78

SAN GABRIEL, Catherine Nicole Pakiramdam, 33 Malaya, 61

NOCUM, Ma. Stephanie Gun, 45 Live, 79

SILVA, Nicka Angelae Noelle Untitled, 47 Untitled, 96

PAGUIO, Lyris Jam Not Your Fault, 23 Untitled, 97

SOSITO, Matthew Joshua Untitled, 6 Sunshine, 91

PINTANG, Raevien Remember Her, 3 Versions, 105

STREBEL, Rhona Mae Untitled, 2 Moving Forward, 88

POBLETE, Steven Kyle Pursuit, 16 Untitled, 113

TAMAYO, Justine Kyle Stronger, 93

PULIDO, Ara Nicole Untitled, 46 Untitled, 60 REALUBIT, Melbourne Vincent Untitled, 41 Finally, 103 REQUINA, Gielarmi Julie The S-Curve, 43 Untitled, 87 RONDAEL, Janelle Raina Never Wrong, 48 Believe in Love, 94

TRESMANIO, Ma. Danielle Untitled, 24-25 Untitled, 107 VILLASIN, Jade Ann Isabel Untitled, 39-40 Untitled, 89 VISPERAS, Aleah Katrina Bata, 37-38 Tenga at Mata,84-86 ZAPATA, Clare Terese Untitled, 49 From Me to Me, 71

External Contributors

ALOJADO, Kyle Fredric Signs of A Time Long Gone, 117 Austria, Mark Gerard What Death Teaches Us , 123-125 DIVINA, Maria Victoria Landas, 118 Left Behind, 121 GONZALES, Dan Henry Untitled, 120 GUERRERO, Katherine Anne Sunflower in the Field, 110 RAMIREZ , Cymmer Akrasia, 116 VILLAFUERTE, Krissy Be Careful of the Man with the Iron fist, 122

All uncredited images are licensed under Creative Commons Zero.

Special Thanks

The editorial board and the entire HUM01 class would like to express their deepest gratitude and indebtedness to the following vital people who helped make Trigger Warning a success – without their contribution and aid, the publishing of this literary portfolio would not have been possible.

To Sir Mark Gerard Austria, for his endless encouragement and guidance as our dedicated and proficient course instructor; his direction and wisdom enabled the class to perform to the very best of each and every one’s abilities, especially in regards to the making of this literary portfolio and not only within the field of literature.

To the external contributors, for their selfless support in sharing their very own creations; it was an honor publishing their works alongside

ours.

To Iced Design and Prints, for their assistance and excellent service in publishing Trigger Warning.

To all the families, friends, and relatives who have shared their own brand of support and encouragement, either morally, financially, or physically.

Thank you for making Trigger Warning possible.

Editorial Board Sophia Eugenio EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Raevien Pintang ASSOCIATE EDITOR-IN-CHIEF Cecilia Mariz Munsod MANAGING EDITOR Gielarmi Julie Requina HEAD LAYOUT EDITOR Victor Christian Donceras LAYOUT ARTIST Reginald Lunar LAYOUT ARTIST Patricia Beatrice Ronidel LAYOUT ARTIST Alexa Jay Aurellano PUBLISHING DIRECTOR Sir Mark Gerard Austria COURSE INSTRUCTOR

Presented by HUMSS A46

Malayan Colleges Laguna CLASS OF 2017-2018 AMIGO, Athena Nayomi

MORAN, Bianca

AURELLANO, Alexa Jay

MUNSOD, Cecilia Mariz

CABANTOG, Chrisiel

NOCUM, Ma. Stephanie

CABILATAZAN, Gino

PAGUIO, Lyris Jam

CALIDA, Jules Rysa

PINTANG, Raevien

CAPACIO, Marco

POBLETE, Steven Kyle

CASTILLO, Ma. Fatima Clare

PULIDO, Ara Nicole

CAYABYAB, Paula Bianca

REALUBIT, Melbourne Vincent

CHAVEZ, Jan Allen

REQUINA, Gielarmi Julie

DE GUZMAN, Lannce Kelly

RONDAEL, Janelle Raina

DELOS SANTOS, Kyla

RONIDEL, Patricia Beatrice

DONCERAS, Victor Christian

SALAZAR, Nicholas

EUGENIO, Sophia

SAN GABRIEL, Catherine Nicole

GARCIA, Keilah Isabel

SILVA, Nicka Angelae Noelle

GAROBO, Joshua Emmanuel

SOSITO, Matthew Joshua

LARANGJO, Johannah Christine

STREBEL, Rhona Mae

LASIG, Ellysza

TAMAYO, Justine Kyle

LEYES JR, Jose Julius

TRESMANIO, Ma. Danielle

LUNAR, Reginald

VILLASIN, Jade Ann Isabel

MANEJABLE, Charles Dominic

VISPERAS, Aleah Katrina

MEDINA, Don Carlo Miguel

ZAPATA, Clare Terese

in partial fulfillment of

HUM01:

21st Century Literature from the Philippines and the World

Trigger Warning VOL 1. NO. 1 © 2018