A-Z of Banishing the Impostor Syndrome A simple guide to understanding why you feel like a fraud. (Sometimes!) Gill Donnell MBE - Successful Women Ltd
Studies suggest that the Impostor Syndrome affects up to 70% of us at sometime in our lives. Long believed to be a particular issue for women, this A-Z guide explains more about the psychological phenomenon and provides advice on how to banish it from your life!
Arrogance. Believe me when I say, overcoming these feelings and becoming confident in yourself, does not mean that you will instantly become a number one candidate for The Apprentice! The first step to dealing with the impostor syndrome is to be AWARE of it. (Another A)
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Believe in you! Listen, if really famous, clever, talented people get this sometimes, then you and I are allowed to feel it too.
“I still think people will find out that I’m really not very talented. I’m really not very good. It’s all been a big sham.” – Michelle Pfeifer
“I have written eleven books, but each time I think, ‘uh oh, they’re going to find out now. I’ve run a game on everybody, and they’re going to find me out.’ “ – Maya Angelou
Celebrate your success. My book Celebr8 Success (How to be a successful working Mum without the guilt) outlines the Celebr8 Success personal development model and is aimed at helping women (and men) increase their confidence and self-esteem, lose their personal guilt and set achievable goals. It provides a framework of attitudes to adopt and steps to take to ensure that you learn to celebrate your many achievements on the way to personal success. “Celebrate your small successes on the way to great ones.” - Gill Donnell
Do something brave. How to increase your self-confidence? If you’ve been invited to give a presentation, apply for a job or something equally scary, remember that the person who has invited you believes you can do it and that you are suitably qualified. Making an assumption that their judgement is flawed by asking you, is as bad as brushing off heartfelt compliments. (Oh - you do that too?) Feel that fear and do it anyway!
Effects of Impostor Syndrome. Those experiencing impostor syndrome may be less willing to put themselves forward for opportunities, believing they lack the qualifications. e.g. ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪ ▪
not applying for jobs, promotions, and other employment opportunities not submitting papers to conferences or journals disclaiming or understating their experience/skill when speaking or writing feeling nervous about talking to others, especially if those others are perceived as highly skilled/experienced feeling like a fraud
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▪ ▪ ▪
worrying that someone will discover their lack of qualifications/ knowledge/ expertise and dismiss them from their job over-preparing for tasks attributing their successes to chance or luck
Focus on something else. Researchers say that the Impostor Syndrome is the domain of the high achiever, those that aim low rarely fall victim. So give yourself a high-five and concentrate on the fact that you are amazing, talented, gifted, but grounded. Stay away from perfection and focus on the value you bring; don’t spend your time striving for the unattainable that just leaves you feeling inadequate.
Get off the pedestal. Too often we can feel like a fake when we think that what we are doing is so really important. If you are aiming for perfection all the time, give yourself a break. Forget the self-importance and you’ll feel less like a fraud.
Have a plan. Winging it will make you feel like a fraud, no matter how tempting it may be. Most importantly, not planning right up to the very end will not ease the pressure - it will only make it worse. So people like me need to make sure there is an end plan. If you are great at starting things, make sure you become one of those who follows through to the end. People who don’t finish projects feel even more fake than normal, because they don’t take the time to actually understand and become great at what they do.
It’s very common. Psychological research done in the early 1980s estimated that two out of five successful people consider themselves frauds and other studies have found that 70 percent of all people feel like impostors at one time or another. I don’t know about you, but that definitely makes me feel better.
Just fake it. Faking things, really can work and doesn’t necessarily make you a fraud. When talking about increasing confidence, I often suggest smiling, whether you feel happy or not. I don’t mean walking about grinning inanely at everyone - that is more likely to get a less than helpful response from the local law enforcement agency. Endorphins are released
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when you smile. They are triggered by the movements of the muscles in your face, which is interpreted by your brain, which in turn releases these chemicals. Endorphins are responsible for making us feel happy, and they also help lower stress levels. Faking a smile or laugh works as well as the real thing—the brain doesn’t differentiate between real or fake as it interprets the positioning of the facial muscles in the same way.
Keep a box of affirmations. I have been doing this for some time now, whenever someone sends me a card, an email or note, thanking me for my help, I pop it into my ‘blues box’. The box isn’t blue, as in this picture, but the contents are there to be read at any time that I might feel a little ‘blue’ or in need of a pick me up. These affirmations keep me doing what I do and help keep the impostor feelings at bay.
Lean In. I confess that Sheryl Sandberg, the chief operating officer of Facebook is a hero of mine. In her book Lean In, she shares her personal stories, using research to shine a light on gender differences, and offers practical advice to help women achieve their goals. The book offers an explanation of what women can do to help themselves, and make the small changes in their life that can effect change on a more universal scale. She also talks about her own experience of the impostor syndrome - my favourite quote is: "Fear is at the root of so many barriers that women face. Fear of not being liked. Fear of making
the wrong choice. Fear of drawing negative attention. Fear of overreaching. Fear of being judged. Fear of failure." Learning to 'lean in' is about tackling the anxieties and preconceptions that stop women reaching the top – take a place at the table, and make yourself a part of the debate.
Men can feel it too. Although the first article coining the term Impostor Syndrome referred to women (See #Research) many psychologists suggest that it is pretty common in men too, it’s just that they are much better at hiding it! However, impostor syndrome does not affect people equally and people within minorities are more likely to feel that they reached their position by some sort of fluke. Researchers suggested that being a member of a stereotyped minority group can cause someone to feel self-doubts when they experience success and, thus, contribute to experiencing impostor phenomenon.
Never suggest your success is down to luck So often I hear women, when talking about their achievements, attributing
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luck to their success. That’s if they have accepted their success in the first place! Much like #Do something brave, the inability to internalise success is a root cause of the impostor syndrome and this separates it from everyday self-doubt. Yes, you may have had some luck, you may have had help, but you were there in the first place. You took the opportunity, applied for the job and without you - it wouldn’t have happened. Now is the time to own your achievements and start to internalise and be them.
Overcome the need to compare yourself to others. This really is a monumental waste of your time and energy. You are never going to be that person, and besides you are better and more amazing as you. Instead, concentrate on appreciating your awesomeness. (Is that a word? If not, it should be!) You were put here to do your thing, not be someone else.
Practice accepting compliments. I mentioned this in #Do something brave; when someone compliments you on a job you did well, resist your normal negative response, accept their words with gratitude and absorb them. Reflect on what was said and preferably write it down. It can also be helpful to make a note of your talents and gifts. This is something that is fundamental to our Celebr8 Success development programmes; keeping a record of what makes you special.
Quit suffering in silence. Rather than holding onto secret fears, speak about how you feel with a friend, relative, coach, mentor or other person you trust. It can often help to express your feelings in a journal or diary. Find one person you can say, “I feel like a fake” to. Having the ability to say that out loud to someone else can be a huge help. Even better you may be able to laugh at yourself and get some perspective.
Research The actual term impostor syndrome first appeared in an article written by Pauline R. Clance and Suzanne A. Imes who noted that many high-achieving women tended to believe they were not intelligent, and that they were over-evaluated by others. Imes and Clance identified several behaviours in high-achieving women. •
Diligence: Gifted women often work hard in order to prevent people from discovering that she is an "impostor". This hard work often leads to more praise and success, which perpetuates the impostor feelings and fears of being "found out". The “impostor”
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women may feel they need to work two or three times as hard, so over-prepare, tinker and obsess over details. This can lead to burn-out and sleep deprivation. Feeling of being phony: A woman with impostor feelings often attempts to give supervisors and professors the answers that she believes they want, which often leads to an increase in feeling like she is "being a fake”. Use of charm: Connected to this, gifted women often use their intuitive perceptiveness and charm to gain approval and praise from supervisors and seek out relationships with supervisors in order to help her increase her abilities intellectually and creatively. However, when the supervisor gives her praise or recognition, she feels that this praise is based on her charm and not on ability. Avoiding display of confidence: Another way that a woman can perpetuate her impostor feelings is to avoid showing any confidence in her abilities. A woman dealing with impostor feelings may believe that if she actually believes in her intelligence and abilities she may be rejected by others. Therefore, she may convince herself that she is not intelligent or does not deserve success to avoid this.
Slowdown. If your body triggers anxiety when you feel “I’m a fake!”, try to keep as calm as possible. Take time to breathe slowly - preferably three times, through your nose. This anxiety is a reaction to particular situations, not a personality trait and you can control it, with practice.
Take more risks. One of my favourite Eleanor Roosevelt sayings is :
”Do one thing every day that scares you.” As in #Do something brave, taking calculated risks and just going for it, is much better for self-confidence than sitting on the sidelines worrying about what might happen. It even sounds more fun to be brave than scared.
Understand your true worth True sufferers of the Impostor Syndrome are said to be “unable to internalise their successes”. They have been given an opportunity that others haven’t - a particular job or promotion that someone else didn’t get and they don’t deserve it. If that’s you - realise that you did something to get where you are. You took that opportunity to say yes. Let’s face it, you could have said no, so appreciate yourself as others clearly do. Acknowledge your worth and be proud.
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Visualise Success Top performers in a variety of professions rely on their ability to visualise their success. Creating that winning mental image has long been employed by professional athletes to increase their strength, confidence and results and it can work for you too.
“Everyone can use imagery to prepare for all kinds of situations, including public presentations
and difficult interactions,” says Daniel Kadish, an American psychologist . When you repeatedly imagine performing a task, you can train your neural pathways so that the action feels familiar when you actually perform it for real. More familiar - more confidence. Finally, on a purely psychological level, imagining success can increase motivation as well as confidence.
Workplace Opportunities. One of the most common situations that people report the greatest impact, is during meetings, conferences and speaking opportunities. Those suffering from the syndrome often keep their opinions and experiences to themselves even though others present greatly value their insight and want them to share it. It’s important to understand that the success of most companies relies on the diversity of its employees’ ideas and opinions. If you are keeping yours inside, you could well be impacting on the bottom line of your company!
eXplode those limiting beliefs. (Sorry about the artistic license with X!) I’ve already mentioned those voices that speak to us in a negative way, parrots on our shoulders, head tapes continuing playing that act as a constraint on how we live our lives. They are often about our self belief or lack of it and are usually false. For example: • •
I a stupid. I am no good at Maths.
I will never succeed. Holding onto these beliefs keeps us below our true potential and whether they originate in our childhood, come from relatives, school, the media or in any other way; we can change them and free ourselves from the limitations they bring. Try these strategies. • Question the belief - where is the evidence or proof and who actually told you this? • Acknowledge that these are beliefs, not truths and can be changed for something more positive such as - I am my own unique self. • Once you have changed your belief, act as if it is true, try it on for size and live your life in this new way. •
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You can make mistakes. A philosophy of living that I love is Failing Brilliantly. It I have not failed. I've just is an attitude that we could found 10,000 ways that all benefit from practicing , won't work.
after all - to err is human. Thomas A. Edison But fear of failure can paralyse us from living our lives. Yes, failure is disappointing and discouraging and depending on the situation can be serious, but the most successful people manage failure well and treat it as a learning experience. Not just Thomas Edison, but probably one of the most quoted sportsman, the basketball player Michael Jordan: “ I've missed more than 9000 shots in my career. I've lost almost 300 games. 26 times, I've
been trusted to take the game winning shot and missed. I've failed over and over and over again in my life. And that is why I succeed.” No matter how badly you fail, there will always be another opportunity to try again and by failing brilliantly you will be able to spot that opportunity. Find the aspects of the situation that were successful – the final outcome may not be perfect, but failure doesn’t mean you always have to start again from the beginning. Use the small successes within a bigger ‘failure’ until you have a list of mini-successes from beginning to end.
Zone in on your language. Be careful and note the words that you use to describe yourself and your work. Avoid “It’s only… It was nothing…” These are phrases that minimise your achievements. As I said earlier about compliments, when someone praises a piece of your work don’t start your response with “It only…” Replace minimising words such as “I think”, “I believe”, and “I feel”, for stronger options such as “I’m confident”, “I’m convinced”, “I expect”. These simple replacements can make a difference in how your message is perceived . Finally, if there is one word to ban completely it is JUST! Recently there has been a storm of articles and correspondence on the disproportionate use of this four-letter word by women and the impact it has on how you are perceived. Let’s be honest, it sounds apologetic, self-deprecating, seeking permission? Check out how often you use the J word and then stop it. I hope that this guide assists you to banish the Impostor Syndrome from your daily life well until the next time it strikes - keep it safe. Find out more at www.successfulwomen.training. A - Z OF THE IMPOSTOR SYNDROME - GILL DONNELL
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