Chapter 7: 30 Ways to Assist a Person with Autism

1. Let them decompress in quiet areas when they need to. Their desire to be alone is not judgement on you, It is simple self-preservation.

2. If you need them to do something, give them very clear, unambiguous instruction. Do not feel like you are being rude doing this, but do not sound irritated or patronizing!

3. Do not expect them to react to things in a way you would expect. That way lies disappointment. They often show their emotions in very different ways to what you might expect.

4. Do not assume they are not capable of thought and feeling if they are non-verbal. Do not assume they are incapable of communicating in other ways either.

5. Do not expect autistic children to ‘grow out of’ being autistic. They will not. That does not happen.

6. Do not force them to wear particular clothing if they have a visceral negative reaction to it – its texture or fit might be causing significant discomfort and unhappiness.

7. Do not be upset if they do not wish to socialize with you, as they often have considerable limits in their capacity. However, do ask, as generally it is nice to get the opportunity.

8. Check in on autistic people from time to time. Do not be upset if they do not respond quickly – all socializing is stressful and many of them are very forgetful and disorganized!

9. Do not use banter or negative insulting humor to autistic people, unless you know they are OK with it from you specifically.

10. Remember all autistic people have a very different experience of autism – it is a huge, varied grab bag of traits, so any list like this has to be taken carefully.

11. Do not force them to make phone calls. Phone phobia is common for many autistic people and it can be very serious. If there is an alternative let them use if without judgement.

12. Do not force eye contact. Many autistic people find eye contact way too intimate and emotionally draining so they are not going to want to do it with their boss or a stranger. They are still listening.

13. Let them stim! These movements, sounds of activities are great for regulating our stress levels and are absolutely vital. Unless they’re hurting themselves or others, let them be.

14. Talk to them and listen to them about their special interests. It may be a bit of an information dump but believe me, be a safe listener and they’ll appreciate it so much.

15. Let autistic people play with their toys however they want.

16. If an autistic person forgets something, do not be too harsh on them please. It is hard to remember stuff when just surviving is tricky.

17. Remember that many autistic people have comorbid conditions – from depression to intellectual disabilities. Be sensitive and assume nothing.

18. Do not infantilize autistic people – they are not big kids or babies, they are adults with agency and minds of their own.

19. Do not spread misinformation about autism and call it out when you see it – e.g. autistic people having no empathy and so on.

20. Pay attention to their pronouns and language. Many autistic people are in some ways non-binary, trans, queer or asexual, or more. Again, assume nothing and *listen*.

21. Do not assume they’re ‘high functioning’. That language can go in the bin. They may well be good at some stuff but behind the scenes you do not know how difficult they find life.

22. Do not treat ‘autism’ or ‘autistic’ as if it’s a dirty word, avoiding it with euphemism. It’s really can be annoying.

23. Give opportunities to autistic people, if you are in the position to. They are frequently in the creative arts thanks to our brains, and being given chances can change everything.

24. If you want autistic people to do stuff for you, pay them as you would non-autistic people.

25. Do not force an autistic person into a situation they are uncomfortable with unless you know they would rather you help push them. You have no idea how scared they may be.

26. Let autistic people follow their routine as much as you possibly can. It helps lots of them immeasurably most of the time and does not usually cost anything.

27. If an autistic person has a meltdown or shutdown, give them space and do not judge them. Be kind. Let them rest afterwards.

28. Do not tell anyone who identifies as autistic that they are not autistic. First, you have no idea, second, your objection is probably based on incorrect stereotypes. Third, it is rude.

29. Give them processing time to answer when you ask them things. Even if it seems an easy question.

30. Above all, follow loads of autistic accounts on Facebook, YouTube etc. and see what they have to say.