Singapore Sojourn - Part 8

HDB Moon

Roger Smith

SINGAPORE SOJOURN PART EIGHT January – April 25 2009 Roger Smith

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Queenstown Bowl Saturday, 3 January 2009 There is an old building that is due for demotion in our neighbourhood - Queenstown Bowl.

As the name suggests it was once a bowling alley.

I find a lot of beauty and interest in old buildings such as these with their rusty textures and muted colours of past glory.

Singapore reportedly has 20 bowling centres and although this one is now derelict, it used to have a KTV Lounge, a Kentucky Fried Chicken outlet, a cybercafé, and arcade games centre, pool & snooker and a cinema.

Yellow Heart, Queenstown

Roger Smith

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Tricycle, Queenstown

Roger Smith

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Pink Palace, Queenstown

Roger Smith

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The Great Rubber Band Crab Scam Saturday, 10 January 2009 It is very difficult to match the cunning of Chinese vendors.

There is a delightful story in today's China Post that I am reading in Hong Kong, about an old man whose son bought him some Portunus crabs as a treat.

These delicacies are sold by weight and so it was with consternation that when the rubber band that bound the crabs together was removed, the man discovered another 42 rubber bands underneath the first.

The total weight of the additional rubber bands was more than 200 grams and therefore the recipient of the gift had been the subject of a scam to increase the weight at point of sale.

In a more positive vein comes the news that an enterprising bag seller in Beijing has invented a handbag that keeps you warm. One side of the bag has a pocket that can be filled with hot water; the only disadvantage being that it needs frequent refilling to maintain its effectiveness.

Such are the joys of visiting Hong Kong

Street Scene Monday, 12 January 2009 This is a typical street scene in Singapore. The man on the left is wheeling his carrier/trolley down to the local supermarket. Once opened up these aids hold a surprising amount of groceries and other household items.

The use of umbrellas to shield the face from the ravages of sunlight is widely adopted in Singapore.

To be pale in skin is to be beautiful and harks back to earlier days, where those who were suntanned clearly worked in the fields and the lucky few with porcelain complexions were ladies of leisure and privilege.

Nowadays pale complexions come in a cosmetic bottle and skin whitening agents are applied with zeal.

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The One Eyed Dragon Comes Good?

Monday, 12 January 2009 There is news this week of the execution of a notorious triad member with strong gang connections in Malaysia.

Known to friends and foes alike as the One Eyed Dragon this gentleman reportedly had a violent temper and was so named because he was blind in one eye.

He was extradited from Malaysia where violence is unfortunately rife and the gang problem is immense. His crime, the cold blooded killing of another man and for this he paid the price. Singapore retains capital punishment for such offences.

While there is media interest in capital punishment the real story was that at the last minute this murderer donated his organs and one of the reported recipients was from a very wealthy Singapore family - the Tangs (of Tangs Department Store fame).

Mr. Tang captured the headlines himself a few months ago when he was prosecuted and convicted for attempting to purchase a replacement kidney.

I expect there is a moral to this story but for now it escapes me.

A Passing Wind Friday, 16 January 2009 It has been cool in Singapore this past fortnight. Cool being a comparative term.

Usually the temperature flat lines around 31 degrees and the television weather forecasts only record wind difference and likely thunderstorms.

For the past two weeks though we have been enjoying cooling trade winds. The temperature has plummeted to a balmy 24 degrees much to the consternation of the locals who can now been seen wearing shawls and track suit tops.

The real relief comes from the lack of humidity rather than temperature variation. The rainy season seems to have come and gone and the gardens of our condominium are looking distinctly parched.

The frangipani is shedding its leaves and flowers.

The Straits Time reports that the cool snap has been far more severe in Thailand where "temperatures have fallen to 2 degrees Celsius in the north, killing five people and prompting the authorities to declare an emergency zone across half the country".

Considering that Singapore was hotter last year than the average for the last 50 years the current respite is most welcome.

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Farewell Rattus Rattus Saturday, 24 January 2009 We are on the cusp of the Year of the Ox and are saying goodbye to a hairy friend who has been the harbinger of bad business tidings in the latter part of the year.

Being New Years Eve, Chinatown in Singapore will be packed with people looking for last minute bargains. The smell of bak kwa (grilled pork meat) will be in the air and the streets should be packed.

Accordingly to a colleague of mine, if I am prepared to wait until 1:30 am tomorrow morning as the hawkers are preparing to close down I will get even better deals. I don't think I shall be doing so.

Normally we leave Singapore at this time and go to a country that does not have Chinese New Year as a feature of its calendar year. I hasten to add that we do the same at Christmas time and for similar reasons the ability to shop, eat and relax away from crowds of festive shoppers.

Like its western Yuletide equivalent, Chinese New Year is all about families - a time for reunions and celebrations. It is the one time of the year when for at least two days all of the Chinese shops and eateries take a well deserved break. Thankfully we do not starve as the Malay and Indian vendors seize the opportunity and do roaring business without the competition of the industrious Chinese.

It is also a time for children to learn about their customs and receive their hong bao (red packets) which contain money. A lot of the local banks and large businesses in Singapore give out packets of the hong bao envelopes emblazoned with the character of the celebratory year.

Ice-cream seller – Pasar Malam Chinatown

Another custom is to give out oranges at this time of year as a symbol of good fortune for the year ahead. I received mine at work and naturally was hesitant as to whether to showcase it on my desk until mould morphed it into something unimaginable, or to eat it? I chose the latter and have no doubt devoured my year's worth of luck in the space of a couple of mouthfuls.

Most of the fashion floors of Robinsons department store were a sea of red this past fortnight as this is an auspicious colour to wear for New Year. The same applied to other department stores while the supermarkets have all of the traditional goodies displayed - miniature prawn rolls, pineapple tarts, confectionery carp and the like.

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The filling for the prawn rolls is called Hae Bee Hiam, a pungent concoction of dried prawns, shallots and chilies.

The Strait Times ran a very good story yesterday about the celebration's cultural & dialect variations and various journalists have been recounting what the celebration means to them.

The government too is getting into the spirit and has spent $1.4 million on River Hong Bao decorations in the Marina Bay area. Seven thousand firecrackers will be let off every night for nine nights to increase the chances of returning prosperity.

On the eve of Chinese New Year we paid a visit to Chinatown to see the pasar malam (night market) and enjoy the festivities.

The place was packed, shoulder to shoulder and the bargains were few. In fact most of the prices for nuts and sweetmeats were dearer than the same varieties in the local supermarket.

There were lots of Taiwanese-style sweets on sale, sacks of pumpkin seeds and stacks of 'cutprice' Chinese New Year goodies. All in all a sweaty feast of red and gold This year we are staying put in Singapore as my employment sees me travelling through Asia on a regular basis. As I write, my camera battery is charging and for the first time since we arrived almost three years ago we shall brave the crowds of Chinatown this evening and immerse ourselves in the festivities.

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River Sculpture, Singapore

Roger Smith

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Making Compost And The Full Monty Sunday, 1 February 2009 The news from Singapore this week has been a mixed bag. The most scandalous headline has been the revelation that an expatriate male and his "Japanese looking" woman partner divested themselves of their clothes and walked unencumbered through the expat enclave of Holland Village.

Whatever drove them to think that their fellow diners would enjoy such 'entertainment' is beyond me. However the act clearly had its novelty value, as on the return journey (yes, not content with walking one way they then decided to retrace their steps) many of the local were ready with their cell phone and digital cameras to catch the action.

Quite apart from the fact that to doing the "Full Monty" in a public space in Singapore is regarded as lewd act and carries a court appearance with it, the couple in question clearly had not read the second article that caught my eye in this week's Straits Times - the increasingly prevalence of skin cancer.

New Zealanders and Australians do not need to be reminded of this deadly skin disease but many Singaporeans are blissfully unaware of the consequences even though more and more of them are falling victim to it.

While on the subject of victims, the Sunday paper today covered do-it-yourself tips to help locals weather the worst effects of the recession.

At first glance several of these DIY activities provide tremendous possibilities.

After I have finished making my own muesli bars I may wish to shave my head. To do this I need to but a set of hair clippers priced between $45 and $119 - which rather defeats the purpose really as I could buy a packet of muesli bars on special at NTUC for $4 and my hairdresser would gladly shave my head (what's left of it to shave) for $20.

Other practical advice included 'how to make a cake' and in the section below it, 'how to make compost', presumably using the cake in question after it fails to rise in the oven.

Jesting aside, it is revealing that such advice is needed as I learn to make a cake by age six and the compost heap at the bottom of my childhood garden was a source of mystery, earth worms and pungent odours.

I realise of course that many Singaporeans rarely cook and making their own cakes and muesli bars is something they would not have considered before these hard economic times set in.

As for the compost making, I just hope my condo neighbours haven't been reading the same article and are not out measuring our common access way for a plastic bin.

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An Ant-i-Climax Tuesday, 3 February 2009 Alighting from the bus this morning at the bottom of Tanglin Road I stood inadvertently on a column of industrious ants.

I couldn't help that this action was a rather compressed metaphor for the futility of modern economics and impact of the world wide recession currently being felt by Singaporeans.

Singapore has been very diligent and prudent in its economic management in past decades, building up huge reserves in the process. Now through fault of their own, but largely as a result of greedy financiers and major countries living well beyond their means, this country finds itself facing very challenging times.

There is no doubt in mind that Singapore will weather the storm and given its continued investment in research and top talent will survive and thrive in the years ahead.

The government here is fast-tracking many public development schemes to keep the economy ticking over and there has been a significant increase in social welfare spending, although it is not directly termed as such and should not be confused with the Western model of the nanny welfare state.

The Thaipusam festival was celebrated this past weekend and to outsiders is best remembered for its devotee’s predilection for sticking sharp metal skewers through their skin and walking lengthy distances supporting highly colourful structures called Kavadis.

This Hindu religious festival reminds me of another revelation in the local media during the week.

More and more Singaporeans are seeking solace in religion as the recession bites. Evidently the same trend has emerged in the USA where the occupancy of church pews has taken a sharp turn for the better.

This search for answers draws me back to my encounter with the ants. No matter how many are stood on, they collectively keep on going for the welfare of all. There's a lesson to be learnt there.

Jackie's Gift & Purple Haze Friday, 13 February 2009 When Jimmy Hendrix wrote Purple Haze I am sure he had Singapore in mind. We have been mercifully free from this form of pollution in recent months, but over the past two weeks the smudged ring around the sun has signalled the return of the haze.

I have written about this problem before so will not burden the reader with another rendition.

Suffice to say, the Indonesians take the money and run. They gladly accept foreign aid to tackle the 11

problem of their farmers and plantation companies having massive burn-offs of vegetation but very little progress is made in actually combating this problem.

Jackie Chan is well known to movie fans around the world for his action films. He is a man with an interesting life story and I remember reading his biography when I first came to Singapore. While not a native of this country he has a huge following here, as well as in Hong Kong and China. Jackie in turn really enjoys Singapore and has significant property investments here. This week has made the country a very generous donation of heritage houses which he has stored in a Hong Kong warehouse and they are purportedly worth more than $S100 million.

The gift hasn't gone down well with the Hong Kong'ers (or "honkies" as they often referred to in Singapore) who perceive Singapore as having taken what should be rightfully theirs to display.

This is a wonderful gift to the new university that the government is planning to open here, ironically on the very site of the failed UNSW Asia campus in Changi. Coming as I did to Singapore in 2006 to work for this defunct operation (which turned out to be a great Australian con job), I am delighted to see that the new university will have Jackie's heritage gift at its cultural heart.

Wonder of Wonders Friday, 27 February 2009 It was 28 years ago that I last made a visit to Bangkok but here I was, cocooned inside an airconditioned limousine, proceeding at pace down the freeway between the airport and the city centre.

In the early 80's this trip would have taken a good two hours, bumper to bumper, sweating and swearing at the never ending traffic jams. By comparison today's journey is a breeze, albeit a fairly sticky breeze, as the sun in Thailand is intense and manages to infiltrate into the passenger compartment despite the tinted glass.

A word about the new Suvarnabhumi airport in Bangkok; according to one report, visitors still flock to marvel at its "airy and futuristic structure designed by German architect Helmut Jahn, featuring an oval-shaped concourse, energy-efficient temperature control systems, and several superlatives in airport construction".

Futuristic it may be but the hard Teutonic steel walkways reminds me of looking under the hood of a Volkswagen Beetle - very efficient without any endearing warmth at all.

Yes, there are now automated walkways which the old airport never had, but you need to move quickly as one feels like a hot house tomato and the cloth 'sails' that sheath sections of the roof do little to dissipate the noon day sun.

For my money Singapore's Changi airport still wins hands down. It seems more welcoming and less severe than the Thai pretender.

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The final section into the city was chaotic as the main arterial routes converged and tuk tuks and scooters weaved their way and forth through the traffic.

My abiding memory from my first visit to Bangkok was the warmth and friendliness of the Thai people and they have retained this attribute. Their service ethic is faultless and they go out of their way to make the visitor welcome.

I stayed at the Pathumwan Princess Hotel at 444 Phayathai Road, Wangmai, Pathumwan. With number '444' I expect many Chinese think twice about staying as '4' is regarded as an unlucky number, but I had no such qualms. It proved to be an excellent place all round and I would strongly recommend it to any business or private traveler. The hotel is completely non smoking - thank goodness!

As ASEAN was meeting in Bangkok at the time of my visit security was tight with a gauntlet of metal detecting devices, people with mirrors on poles looking at the underneath of every car and frequent bag searches.

On the day of my departure I noticed the hotel security staff where keeping a close eye on a large group of young people crowding the entrance, all wearing mauve T shirts. Given that down the road red shirted, anti government protesters wear laying siege to Government House I mistook this group as a splinter group of the same movement.

Not so. It transpired that a South Korean girl pop group, the Wonder Girls (where do they get these titles?) where about to arrive at my hotel and this welcoming party was the Thailand fan club.

I was tempted to say them "I was a drummer in a rock band a decade or so ago would you like my autograph while you are waiting" although I very much doubt there would have been any takers. So rather than making any comment at all I dragged my small suitcase through the throng and departed, by the same limousine that had brought me to the hotel the day before.

Boozy Bassoonists Saturday, 28 February 2009 "The charge M'Lud is that on August 31st, the accused was drunk in charge of his instrument" An unlikely scenario? Perhaps not, according to the revelation this week that binge drinking amongst members of Britain's leading orchestras is a serious problem. Reportedly things have got so bad that there was "an incident in which a percussionist had fallen off the back of a high stage while drunk".

Now I know that in a recession the arts are almost amongst the first to suffer but up until now I thought it was only rock bands that took to the stage inebriated.

For some reason it appears that brass players drink more than other sections of the orchestra.

Having tried to master the trombone as a teenager I can understand the frustrations endured by this section of the orchestra but it didn't turn me into a raging alcoholic.

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There has no doubt been a corresponding rise in sales in strong mints wherever British orchestras are located. A bass player with the Orchestra of the Age of Enlightenment (a fitting title, in the context of this story) tells of a fellow musician who attempted to mask his habit with this confectionery and whose playing got "worse and worse".

To the best of my knowledge this affliction has yet to strike Singapore's classical music scene. I shall however be listening carefully for the sounds of Mozart on Speed.

My Kingdom For A Thong Saturday, 7 March 2009 Mine is not a delicate foot. Nor it is in Ang Mo terms an overly large one.

I like to think of it as an appendage befitting my yeoman ancestry - sturdy and well proportioned.

This perception makes not a jot of difference when it comes to buying shoes in Singapore. My shoe size is 45 which translates to 10 1/2 in New Zealand terms.

Almost without exception every make and model of footwear in Robinsons and nearby stores stops at size 44. The salesgirls smile politely and suggest squeezing into their largest size, a scene reminiscent of one an Ugly Sister trying on the glass slipper in Cinderella.

Occasionally I do find something that fits and a nice pair of Florsheims is a recent purchase. My problem in recent times has been finding a pair of rubber jandals (or flip-flops or thongs depending on your country of origin).

My wife carried a paper cut out traced from the sole of my jandals in her handbag for several months, on the off chance that she might stumble across something suitable. Alas she did not and I have resorted in recent times to cloth slippers of the Japanese variety, purloined from various hotels I have stayed at.

Today however I was in luck which just shows that perseverance pays.

On one of the higher levels in Centrepoint mall I came across a temporary stall that was retailing warehouse overruns. Rising like a periscope out of a pile of odds and sods was a biliously coloured pair of what seemed to be rubber jandals.

A closer inspection revealed that this was so and I had hit the jackpot - two pairs of size 45's for a mere $5. Being the Hang Ten brand they are reasonably well constructed.

There is of course always a drawback with such bargains. The jandals are remnants of the last soccer world cup purchased by patriotic Spaniards (the red and yellow design) and Englishman (the embellished Union Jack design). There is further challenge with the British version as the flag in question is red, pink and blue - rather than the official red, white and blue.

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One can only surmise that the dye ran during manufacture which probably goes a long way to explaining why few of them sold. No self respecting British soccer fan would be seen dead in jandals of this hue.

Beggars cannot be choosers and at least I can now shuffle around our condo in my new footwear muttering "Ole!" or singing "Swing Low Sweet Chariot" -I am a rugby follower - depending on how the mood takes me.

The IT Crush Saturday, 14 March 2009 "Colon Cleanse in Thailand. Cleanse your colon, lose weight, look beautiful" So said the Google advert that popped up on my Facebook site this morning. Not that having an internal sluice holds any appeal at all, but I couldn't help musing on the clever intrusiveness of today's advertising.

I have a feeling that my advert profile in someone's marketing system is seriously awry and the reason I am getting this menu of medical misfortune is that I have a policy of lying about my age when subscribing online!

As befits my senectitude the online medicos are quite obviously rubbing their hands at the prospect of signing me up to pills, potions and procedures.

In the real world medical tourism is big business, especially in neighbouring Thailand and increasingly in Singapore although I suspect that the current economic slump is translating into less business for the companies who have invested in private hospitals.

There has been no such slump when it comes to the annual Singapore IT Show. On Friday the cash register rang to the tune of more than $21 million of sales. We went yesterday which being a Saturday meant that there were even more people and at times the sea of humanity came to a dead halt, unable to move in direction.

It got so congested that the PA announcements began extolling the virtues of delaying one's visit for a further hour - a bit late when wedged in the middle of several thousand people!

After being jostled for half an hour we made our way to the upper levels and I managed to purchase a 500 Gigabyte portable hard drive for $S179, which was about $60 less than the normal retail price.

My mission is to progressively transform all my digital files currently housed on CD's and DVD's into this drive thereby reducing the volume of plastic CD holders that are cluttering up our drawers.

We hadn't actually gone to Suntec Mall with the idea of the IT show in mind. We were on a far more mundane mission to purchase several packets of their house brand #1 Muesli. The stocking of this product is piecemeal which means that when you find it on the shelves it is advisable to grab as many packets as possible.

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I recall from my days in Papua New Guinea that we did a similar thing when a shipment of something arrived from the Antipodes. Occasionally the supermarket freezers in PNG would breakdown or there would be a two-day regional power cut which meant that the local supermarket was forced to de-stock their freezers and giveaway prices. There is of course only so much ice cream that one can eat at one sitting.

The situation is Singapore is of course nowhere near as primitive as Papua New Guinea was in the late '70's but there are other similarities. For example, it is rarely possible to consume the finest export produce in one's own country but come to Singapore and the meat, fish and variety of produce available is, in the main, of excellent quality.

Manchu Munchies and Copper Calculators Saturday, 21 March 2009 It been what I might describe as a typical "Singapore Saturday" After some online work and housekeeping we took the MRT to see one of the special exhibitions staged by the Asian Civilisations Museum.

Five stops from our station brought us to Raffles Place and then it was a pleasant stroll across the river to the Museum. The exhibition in question is entitled "The Kangxi Emperor - Treasures from the Forbidden City".

I have always enjoyed these mini-blockbusters that show off the culture and opulence of the Imperial Court.

The Emperor was no slug - a man of intellect, a warrior of some distinction and clearly a diplomat par excellence, at a time when the minority Manchu were greatly outnumbered by the ethnic Han Chinese. He ascended to the throne at the tender age of 14 and was the longest reigning of all the Emperors.

Interestingly, the influence of Western culture was encouraged under his reign. A twelve digit copper calculator from the imperial collections was modeled on the 15th century invention of a Frenchman, Pascal.

He had three wives who all predeceased him and according to the headcount, some 64 consorts in total (if one counts his concubines). He fathered 36 children. This number is probably higher as many of his offspring died early.

Despite all of this conjugal activity has still had time for the finer things of life and was the first Emperor to play a western instrument - the piano.

After viewing the exhibition we adjourned to the attached Indochine restaurant for a lunch of duck curry (my favourite at this eatery) and beef ragout.

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To walk off the dietary effects of the lunch we strolled down the Esplanade Walk towards the "Durian" the Esplanade's theatre and convention centre. In so doing, we had to run a gauntlet of Falun Gong activists who were staging a mini-exhibit and protest against China, under the traffic overpass.

I found this rather surprising as the authorities don't take kindly to unauthorised activities of this kind.

Next we scaled the steps into the Marina Mall and walked across to SunTec, which last week was filled with IT bargain hunters.

This week it is the turn of the "foodies" as it is the Singapore Food fair that is drawing the crowds. One can nibble one's way around the exhibits, sampling many of the delicacies from this part of the world. Unfortunately being filled with curry and ragout I was not overly inclined to do so.

We did however buy something back for an evening snack. Here I must give an enthusiastic ‘thumbs up’ for Pie-Kia's product. There small pies are only one dollar apiece and generous in their filling, with a good buttery crust to boot (not to be confused with tasting like an old boot).

They are part of the Old Chang Kee Group which is renowned in Singapore for their curry puffs, fried sotong (squid) on a stick and similar delights. So far I have only tried Pie-Kia's savoury pies but given the chance I wouldn't mind nibbling on a jackfruit or mango version!

I have a feeling that such fare would not have been acceptable in Kangxi's court, even if he suffered an attack of the 'Manchu munchies' following strenuous evening exercise and was craving for western sustenance.

Esplanade Siesta

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Bee Hoon, Be Careful Friday, 10 April 2009 It's Good Friday, the weather is hot and humid and we have just returned from a lunch at Redhill market - satay bee hoon from the best purveyor of this fine cuisine in Singapore. There are some who claim that a stall on the East Coast is better, but for my money Redhill is best and it is only one stop down the MRT line from where we live.

On the subject of food (is there any other subject in Singapore?), not such good news regarding the deaths of two people and the hospitalisation of nearly 150 others from food poisoning at a hawkers stall.

The Indian Rojak stall at the Geylang Temporary Market was the offender and from the accounts coming out in the media the hygiene standards in the market have been simply appalling - surely an indictment on the levels of supervision from the inspectors who are meant to be monitoring these eateries.

According to the Straits Times it is the Vibro parahaemolyticus bacteria caused by the crosscontamination of rojak and raw seafood ingredients that caused the outbreak. It probably does not help that the market is also rat infested - 51 caught in just one night.

Speaking personally, I will not eat from any Indian hawker stalls, based on my observations of their food handling (and I mean handling) and the upset stomachs that result. Most Chinese stalls have reasonable standards as do the Malay, although in the case of the latter I have had a bad dose of "Delhi Belly" during my time here from eating at a Malay stall.

Even the Health Minister has come out and bewailed the deteriorating standards in Singapore, although this belated commentary will be of little comfort to the families who suffered and are continuing to suffer from this food poisoning outbreak.

It goes without saying that we have never had any such problems with the Redhill satay bee hoon stall.

Spam Montage

Roger Smith

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Cramping One's Style Saturday, 18 April 2009 Here in Singapore the sport of choice is soccer, or football as it is termed by all concerned. Coming as I do from a rugby loving nation, the term 'football' applies to the New Zealand national game and that is not soccer.

It is the S league that dominates in these parts and it is about the only thing worth watching on local television.

There has been a bevy of scantily clad young women that have recently appeared on our small screens mid week, but I expect their tenure will be short lived as their 'show' S factor has been universally panned.

I digress. The S league is lively and it is noticeable that there are large numbers of imports in all teams; aging Europeans, wiry Koreans and the odd Australian (and I do not mean this in the literal sense). There is a good smattering of Malay and Indian players but very few Singaporean Chinese.

Inter country rivalry is also to the fore when Singapore plays other countries such as Myanmar or Indonesia. It is not uncommon for players from the opposing team to violently object to a refereeing decision, manhandle the Ref and watch off the pitch en masse.

Playing at altitude is not a problem in Singapore, although the same cannot be said for a local Brazilian team. Their team doctor has decided to prescribe Viagra for all players in the belief that the little blue pill will improve blood circulation.

One can only imagine that this well meaning prescription would very much cramp their style and their stride.

The other thing that is cramping everyone's style here in Singapore at the moment is the return of the heat. The past week has brought brain-curdling heat with little respite. We must just hope for a refreshing thunder storm or two to drop the temperatures a couple of degrees.

The Chicken's Revenge Saturday, 25 April 2009 "Don't finish all of the gravy" These where the instructions I received last Saturday as we sat in SUNTEC's food court finishing a meal of Vietnamese chicken curry.

As the shard of bone embedded itself in my throat my wife's instruction was still ringing in my ears.

There are few words to describe the feeling when you instantly know that you have ignored sensible advice and are about to suffer the consequences.

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So began my week. For the first couple of days I was of the opinion that the offending shard would make its own timely exit. By Tuesday I was not so sure and on Wednesday I took myself off to the company-designated doctor.

Waiting in a Singaporean doctor's is an interesting experience - very efficient and if you have three hours to spare you could try for a walk-in appointment (which isn't an appointment at all).

My first visit resulted in the classic probing by spatula and a packet of strong medicinal lozenges. I have been anticipating that the medico might assault my larynx with a length of flexible tubing but this was not to be. An X-ray was suggested but I declined.

The next day I returned saw another doctor at the same clinic and took the X-ray. No bone fragments were in evidence but just to be sure you recommended I visit an Ear, Nose and Throat specialist at Mt Elizabeth hospital.

As this second consultation had taken most of the morning I decided to press on with the specialist appointment mid afternoon. At least I would have peace of mind.

Punctually at three o'clock I arrived at the E&T clinic. One can always spot the difference between a doctor's and a specialist clinic.

The doctor usually has one online machine to extract payment from your credit card, whereas the specialist will often have up to four at reception to make sure that they can extract their fee from whatever card you choose to use.

The other thing about specialists' clinics is that they are often small and have their walls festooned with graphic charts and diagrams of the body parts that are about to examine. My specialist had these illustrations in 3D extruded plastic.

The half hour examination was nowhere near as unpleasant as colleagues had predicted it would be.

The laryngoscope is a miniature camera attached to a very fine cable which was fed down my nose.

As the patient in the chair you are able to watch this 'Journey to the Bottom Of My Throat" on a large screen at the same time as the specialist soothingly describes the procedure. I have to say that normally the last thing I want to see on any screen is an operation. I prefer to channels but this was not going to happen.

No chicken bone was in evidence so we can assume that what I was feeling was the after effects of the bone - a phantom effect which is not uncommon.

Having carefully extracted the wafer thin tube the good doctor then proceeded to burn me a disk of the investigation for my personal record. Thus far I have resisted the temptation to share it with others on YouTube. $300 poorer I made my way to the surgery door. Full of assurance he said that it would appear the offending object had departed, but he couldn't be totally sure as sometimes small bones get covered by skin very quickly.

I could always come back and see him if need be........

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Raffles before Durian

Roger Smith

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Neon, Orchard Road

Roger Smith

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Schoolboy

Roger Smith

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Queenstown

Roger Smith

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