Heart Hopes Poetry Compilation

Heart Hopes A collection of emotions, poems, and inspirations Poetry by Glorianne Kada Design by Kate Orth 2014 Prelude Inspirations from the Universe, or perhaps more or less just senseless ramblings of an idealistic, independent woman of the early 21st Century.

Enjoy and hopefully... be inspired.

Table Of Contents: A Lantern In The Dark Sunshine New Day Rise Come Back Together In The Morning Where Does The Sun Go When The Day Is Done?

I Am Everywhere Just Before The Sun Goes Down Big Blue Sea

Moonlight Full Moon Night Ride Calm Moon I Want To Be Your Friday Night Night Sunshine On The Night Of The Full Moon I Will Ask You One Question Stella Is That You? Stars As I Fall Scream Listen For The Callback

Skylines The City Speaks Sacred Skyline Fall Dangles From This Window

Hope Where Is It? Flashes I Know A Secret Try Something Different For A Change Tepid - Today is a Blessing Existence Tell Me What You Believe Floodgates Heaven’s Gate Wandered To The Edge Of Reason Echo Evo Me Broken Child My God Is Wild Heart Hopes Even Hope Has An Aftertaste Better Now

Love Daughter Spontaneous Poetry High Hopes To The World I Love Unclimactic The Age of Forgotten The Four Directions Of My Heart North Wind Northbound East: Pondering The Possibility Westbound. Love. And Loss South From Disappointments Bones Honey Grenville Bridge Poem for a Best Friend Nothing Less Yesterday’s Nail Polish Static In Our Kiss Love Junkie Recklessness and Self Destruction Want Knots Everything Is Elusive Like My Love Burned

Winter Winter Cold Runs Deep Snow Smile Frost Mountains

Summer Sounds Like Summer Nights Summer Dirt Road Blue Isn’t Really A Colour, Is It? August’s Curse I Picked A Bouquet For You Just Before The Rain Falling Away

Self Righteous Alive Inside This Is my Best Fake Smile It’s All Been Said Taking My Joy Take A Sabbatical I’ve Got My Rocker Stance Are You Here With Me? Helloooo Moto Up In Smoke Cruel r u better now?

I Am Beautiful Without Your Cosmetic Grin Take This Red Flag Apology - To Run Against the Wind

A Lantern In The Dark There were empty places in their hearts where they didn't let the light shine.

How far into the darkness would you go?

To find the ones you love.

The ones who are lost.

I would go there again.

I will always find you.

Where is my sunshine?

I can't deal without it.

Sunshine

I woke up from a dream this morning, and I kept on living it

New Day I woke up this morning and decided I am going to enjoy this day

Rise Today I rise With hope That this is the day I will find in me the peace I have been looking for, The love I need to keep me going strong, and the happiness to face another day with an honest smile.

Come Back Together in the Morning I swear every night my body bursts into a thousand pieces It's all I can do to keep myself together during the day can barely be contained thousands of pieces ride along slipstreams and supernovas along the milky way somewhere beyond I come back together sparkles reconvene floating gently back each stream of light in anticipation shining glints of stardust in the air when I come back together in the morning

Where Does the Sun Go When the Day is Done?

One time, I imagined that I was liquid sunshine and I scaled the sides of city buildings and skipped along the brick corridors Puddles formed at my feet of golden droplets that was once me of an ever changing burning sunrise and sunset and daybreak all in one

I Am Everywhere Just Before The Sun Goes Down There's that time in the evening just before the sun goes down and your driving in your car downtown streets in lots of traffic straight into the sunset and you can't see a damn thing the sun is shining so bright in your eyes it's like that time of the day just before twilight, you know maybe an hour before the day is dimming this vibrant light penetrates so deep into the iris suddenly the air is alive and the entire day is suspended while you become connected a feeling of being everywhere I am everywhere just before the sun goes down

Big Blue Sea I am floating in the ocean in the big blue sea. It's amazing to see the sunshine and clouds roll by. I am floating in the ocean in the big blue sea.

I wish were a pirate and I sailed the seven seas. Life was for the taking. Mine!

I would steal from the rich and I would steal from the poor.

This is a life to enjoy so live it and pretend I am a ship floating in the ocean on the big blue sea

Moonlight

Last night under the stars I looked up to the endless sky

Full Moon Night Ride I want to be somewhere far outside of myself as of right now I am locked inside this pack of cigarettes just another chain smoker lit up far outside of myself walking my bike up this hill because I'm too damn lazy to pedal up with a smoke in my lips damning the darkness and cursing the full moon that has driven me mad at midnight craving for a pack of smokes and for another nights embrace sometimes I want to be somewhere far outside of myself leaving behind the

holds this life has caught me up in attacking day break from this hill top knowing that no matter how fast I ride I can never hide from myself sometimes I want to be far outside of myself

Calm Moon The night is calm, the moon is full enough to light my walk home from downtown I try to leave it behind with each step forward and I breathe in summer and be grateful for my life and home here The night is calm the moon is full enough and all I can think about is love

I Want To Be Your Friday Night I want to be your Friday night like the kind where the day fell away and we were lost inside ourselves unlocking hidden doors and compartments where all the misplaced joy and desire settled into while the rest of them were too busy trying to live out our lives for us with incomprehensible demands of our time and pleasure Yes pleasure I want to be your friday night far out there on some jungle beat with a hint of a spin on your fingertips lost inside ourselves free from all the rest of the world

Night Sunshine Looked back in retrospect missed the sky tonight the sky is still raining bits of fire She’s off to la la land night sunshine

my darling star horizon is somewhere out there shining black in the darkness where there is a love that cannot be contained where there is a love that cannot be It is here where I am beginning to find forever

On The Night Of The Full Moon I Will Ask You One Question The moon kept waking me up last night to ask me questions like "do I look pretty?"

Then even the night before that! when lost deep to sleep the moon beckoned me to gaze upon the lovely golden hue it was dazzling in the sky like I had never seen before.

Yes moon you do.... you look very pretty tonight!

I murmured I even glanced twice

sitting up to look Yes moon you do... you look very pretty tonight!

Stella is that you?

My eyes looked to the sky that night Turquoise dimming day pouring up from the dimming horizon into a blue blue blue dark blue sky with a waxing crescent moon like a sliver All the air around me breathe, the fresh cold air took hold My eyes looked to the sky that night I was the blue night sky dazzle star crescent moon “Yes that was me�

****STARS**** We were chasing stars as trust held our hands and ran away with us down snowflake sidewalks All of our doubts were falling out of our pockets like loose change and smiles and giggles echoed in the night I remember you I was yours and You were mine we were chasing ****STARS****

As I Fall As I fall asleep at night the universe whispers in my ear.

In between restlessness and surrender, As I fall asleep.

Reciting words I've always known.

As I fall asleep at night the universe whispers in my ear telling me, "Don't let go."

Consider love And all the betrayals But the universe holds no place for these anyways...

Consider love So is it even a decision.

So what is there to question.

Why wonder at all?

So that I can know, this is something I can hold onto.

How did I know.

Don't let go.

Love took design inside.

Sleep comes easy.

Somehow through the night the universe finds a way to whisper love and lullabies, scattered across my pillow.

Scream Listen For The Callback Heard across the distance of the universe from no further than the space inside each one of our own hearts where this breath comes forth from and gives voice to the collective thoughts Heard across the distance of the universe The same hope echos across the clouds that soften the sharpest most piercing screams of broken hearts without a dream Because in these city streets all spare change goes towards our own denial no time to dream when your only thinking of survival It was heard across the distance of the universe shouted from the most broken place inside and with every heart it fell upon the voice of our everything vulnerable ripped through us to make new a thousand voices sing out to call back I hear you

Skylines

I dreamt of some distant city's skyline

The City Speaks Sound of the sirens blasting from each and every single downtown building, scraping out panic from our core we don't have to see the accident to know the the fall out chaos ensues in the gathered metropolis . . . yet no one, seems to mind

Sacred Skyline We are the last generations born before the Fukushima incident.

Are we the last of our kind?

We just live with breathing as We sit underneath the sky as it falls Watching the sunset across the city streets We are kings and queens of skyscrapers who bow down at the grace and mercy of the Earth Spirit Gaia Just live with breathing as We sit underneath the radioactive sky as it falls

Fall She says to me, Sometimes you get so sad It’s like you are falling off of The Empire State Building I never could understand that Why you felt that way, She says to me But now I get it And it’s like I am falling And all I need is for someone, Anyone to catch me Or break my fall

Dangles From This Window Young woman and a windowsill That looks out to a blue sky and hot city In Mexico In my mind I am sitting There with my leg stretched out in the sun as it dangles from this window I escape to the freedom of this imagined view Even if I was dirt poor and alone I feel I would still be happy here Looking out over the heat rising up from these city streets

Hope

We clung to whatever hope we could cling to

Where Is It? We will always carry around that hope in the Bottom of our pockets, purses, backpacks Hearts? Memories?

Sometimes we won't be able to find it anywhere we look and the frustrated tears will barely find a way to escape from our eyes.

But it's still there.

Mostly hidden so far underneath the devastation of loss.

But it's still there. I know it is

Flashes life is just brief flashes of inspiration

I Know A Secret The way to perceive the whispers of the hearts desires is to quiet down the world around and just listen to the sound of your own heart beating watch as the whirlwinds of emotions once wildly locked inside are now trailing off into the distance thoughts fall away too and I envision just this space where therein lives my smile

Try something differeNT for a cHANge! An entire world is out there of all the hopes ever imagined Yet we stay here complacent in the same days we've come to know Of Tim Horton’s Drive Thru Idling Cars Dance Floor Pick Up Lines

Grocery Stores In the meantime keep sight and believe in the truth That love will guide us through these times that have come to be oh so typical An entire world is out there of all the hopes ever known

Tepid - Today is a Blessing This is all that life will ever be lackluster lukewarm moderate and halfway in between passion and indifference but if this is all that life will ever be I count myself as one of the more fortunate ones I am of sound mind and body and soul this is life and it will ever be

Existence I keep looking for hints of you I find them scattered here and there parts of this charmed existence

Tell Me What You Believe I believe, she said in a quiet whisper so that no one could hear her, I could be GOD! There, in that sacred space just between the palms of her hands before they meet to pray she bowed her head to close her eyes and felt GOD ...saY Live See Speak Feel Drown Love Regret Forget Ever Mind Hate

Connect Unite Hug Kiss Miss Die Experience this love experience this life and discover then when you get what you want give it all away and love will come and go and maybe one day the love you prayed to find will perhaps decide to stay I believe, she said in a quiet whisper so that no one could hear her, I could be GOD!

Floodgates The floodgates of my heart have been opened and the water is rushing through each molecule inside of me now

I am all surrounded Water washing through me past dark tunnels underground the waters that carry us through what could be called life I stood water rushing past at the edge staring straight down into this bottomless void and be not afraid was I to stand at the edge of it and let the waves carry me down into it all it feels so good falling in love again with life

Heaven’s Gate

Meet me at Heaven’s Gate at dusk when the day is dimming I went for a walk at dusk yesterday.

As I made my way down the sidewalk, I could see it rise up into the horizon ahead of me towards downtown The traffic lights turning from green, to yellow, to red Blurry in the distance.

The trees that lined the residential street With their grand branches still full of green leaves in early autumn.

They hid the sky, making me feel as though I was walking towards the light at the end of the tunnel.

It's difficult to not be distracted by sorrow, doubt, and fear along the way.

I am trying to keep my eye on the light, sometimes it's not so easy.

I realized we don't only walk towards the light when we die, We are walking towards the light our entire life.

Always searching and aiming towards the highest purest form of ourself.

Wandered to the Edge of Reason I let go of a few things becoming more present and experiencing more to life than I had known to experience before...

I became aware of a constant craving for the need of love and companionship it has always been there

It wasn't so bad to discover my fear and short-comings Wandered to the edge of reason and found the only sane thing there is left in this life....

Awareness and experience of life itself.

Echo An echo is caught inside me I cautiously tilt my head, cast my gaze to the blue skies and listen as the sound fades off into the distance all thoughts race after it while I face the present moment stillness rests here in my own contemplation I become grounded more firmly to this day the pace is slower here and I can breathe an echo is caught inside of me as the sound fades off into the distance a delicate smile of sweet satisfaction comes to rest

Evo Me There are no urgencies in these voices no no no their hope sits perched upon the highest branches then floats off on the breeze like a melody so so so melancholy with heart ached stained memories they close their eyes to dream and recite stoic prayers into the mourning

BROken child, my God is wiLD For days on end waking up with this broken feeling inside now fading into mornings embrace and thoughts tangled up inside my head I would tell them BROKen child, my God is wiLD you won’t be the last to know that it's you who starts my day now with a smile

Heart Hopes My soul waits in this tired body lies on this hardwood floor my heart hopes because I'm tired my soul waits in this worn out world for a moment for a realization that its about giving your contribution my heart hopes

Even Hope Has An Aftertaste Hope is gone cause I ate it I no longer place too much hope in expectations anticipations I no longer place too much hope here or there in written traces of my mind

I am just saying all hope is gone cause I ate it

Better Now Tomorrow morning will be better.

Maybe the solution is to forget about everything.

Nothing from the past matters.

All there is. Is now. And Tomorrow.

Love

I love you like there’s no tomorrow

Daughter Honey girl could you bring me a spot of tea with a spoon of sugar?

Spontaneous Poetry I realize that no one loves perfectly exactly just the way

that I need it to be I will forget this by tomorrow just for this second though I realize the perfectness of what this idea means I let go of the resentment of why no one seems to be able to love me to that ideally hopeful perfect way I always dreamed it would be Everyone of my friends loves me enough to hold that ideal together for me long enough so I can see the picture of what it should look like Then the picture fades I will forget this by tomorrow

High Hopes To The World I Love To the world I finally love There is no distance between my heart and yours As lovers part and reunite There is not an end to the love I have for you world

Unclimactic I used to believe in a love that was so much different than the love I know now. It's not as hopeful as I thought it would be. It's not as honest. Not as romantic. It's just there. Steady like a heartbeat. Necessary, like blood in these veins to keep me alive. I thought it would be so much more thrilling.

Love doesn't take my breathe away. It's not what I wanted it to be, but I know it's there.

The Age Of Forgotten An old woman says to an old man sitting beside her on the couch "We should get married" “Well we already are!” he tells her holding her hand and smiling at her.

She has permed orange graying hair, red lipstick, flower print dresses, pretty jewelry, nail polish and Alzheimer's. The years have taken away her memory.

He has a beaming smile, rosy round cheeks, glasses, suspenders over a button up collar shirt and dress pants. He is 86 years old, humorous and healthy. Patiently repeating to her all the things she has forgotten.

Together on the couch, husband and wife sit.

In the age of forgotten, this is how I will remember you.

The Four Directions Of My Heart North Wind Winter cold runs deep at night she lies awake as the north wind envelops her as her bones ache with a loneliness that just won’t let up

Northbound Magnetic forces draw me towards home, towards him To northern Saskatchewan “It’s beautiful,” he tells me, “come” In that instant, everything inside of me felt the pull I never had to make the choice My heart is already there Now iamnorthbound

East: Pondering the Possibility There is that chance that small chance that glimmer of hope AND SHE IS GOING TO TAKE IT while the day dims on the Western Hemisphere she is flying into the dawn all the colours of the day explode violently inside of her heart all the possibilities of second chances reveal themselves too much anticipation to express in words the love clings desperately inside for him to steal it from her all these thoughts and more when love returns there is that chance there is that small chance he still loves her...

Westbound Love And Loss The most amazing adventures are traveled inside our hearts When we dare to open them wide to the chance of feeling Even if it’s only for a day The sun carries on always to the West But we know it will rise again

South. From Disappointments Bones She scrapes along the inside of her ribs as she lays in bed tonight. To tear away to find a cavern into her heart. The only form of release is to tear it all away. Every last muscle from the bones, legs, knees, ankles, neck, spine, collarbone, scalp, cheekbone, skull, exposed. It’s all coming off now.

She is still in bed. It is quite painless. So after all the flesh is cut through off from disappointments bones, she gets up. Walking through the apartment to the front door, she opens it. Thanks God it’s night and the whole city doesn’t see her standing there, all bones. Skeleton hands reach inside, tears out her own heart and throws it to the stars. She doesn’t need it anyways, and it never falls back down. Maybe she will finally get some rest tonight; but these bones will never rest.

So she smashes them all to pieces. She wonders what people are going to say in the morning when they find this mess all over the concrete steps outside this apartment building.

But it doesn’t matter, because she will be long gone before then. She leaves it all behind. Drops the hammer on the front lawn. Watches for a moment as the spirit escapes in tiny orbs from her bones into the sky and then she walks away into the dark night. She travels South. She has been North, East, and West. But never South. Maybe she will go all the way to Mexico, or even further. Someplace where it’s never winter. She flies along the highways and she never looks back.

Maybe now these bones will finally rest.

Honey She had a love that was thick like honey I watched her pour it out all over her lovers One at a time, one by one She had a love that was thick like honey It drowned each one of her lovers out Sugar sickening sweet

Grenville Bridge - Love Smells Like Roses The ocean two blocks down from the bridge in a corner street coffee shop sipping on Royal Assam tea made with rose petals Just let me smile here in my denial while the hint of what once was fades into sweet memories

Poem for a Best Friend I envisioned myself writing you a poem or a letter to tell you how much I love you but the words I meant to tell you when I last saw you were nowhere to be found until that moment when you had already walked out through my door.

By the next time I see you I will have already forgotten what I felt so badly I needed to tell you.

You see there are not many moments of inspiration that hit me this hard these days, what I meant to say was It’s such a blessing to have your love in my life.

I envisioned myself writing you a....

Nothing Less There are times when expectations are met and there is nothing more than a quick kiss and then he left When a kiss is just a kiss a date is just a date and there is nothing more or nothing less

Yesterday’s Nail polish It was like a kiss that meant something In my mind of the memory of our time All the disappointments became someone else's problem They all got

tossed aside It was like yesterdays nail polish All the colours are still there

Static In Our Kiss He is thinking i just want for there to be you and me and for everything else to just disappear the day closes in on two lovers she says tell me if you felt this the st... st... static in our kiss

lovE junkIE What would it be like for my perfume to seep from my skin onto his All day he said he could

breathe that scent that was me on his arm from the night before "I want to see you in a cab late at night on the way to your place" But these arms don't keep me safe keep me warm at night it doesn't take away This empty space that is beside me so what do you even care these are the thoughts that live inside my head Late at night after the bar looking for something more than just a one night stand

Recklessness and Self Destruction My dearest love long gone how I miss you so recklessness and self destruction mark our time together leaving me scarred and desperate for a chance to make it all right and to love you once again God, it's been so long since I saw you my dearest love long gone how I miss you so recklessness and self destruction are just below the surface of my now stable existence void of the love and the raw power of life that we faced together through darkness my dearest love long gone how I miss you so you will be the last breath and memory I take on the day I die I swear my dear

Want Want more than anything more than anything more than anything more than anything

I just wanted him and that song and that breeze and sunset rays across the urban horizon more than anything i wanted to chase down that strangers face and trace back the night we first met had just asked him for his number so that now I wouldn't be going crazy in wonder of what it could have been I just wanted him in his leather jacket and that song and that moment back in time for another chance I just wanted him I just wanted him more than anything more than anything more than anything

kNoTs Sometimes I imagined that the arguments we got into were like kNoTs We would just keep getting

tangled up in each other and every time when we tried to work things out we'd sit down heads bowed together watching our hands unravel the things that got between us I wondered that if someday you'd just walk away cut yourself free and leave me here with this mess now there's pieces of you that come loose inside me where do I put this? this love I hold for you still?

Everything is Elusive Like My Love Fingers trace along the edge if it felt like anything at all it might be cold like stone whatever it was, it's gone and I only have the stinging trembling sensation along my fingertips, like wisps of wind echoed inside a hollow heart, to remember what it felt like

burned fist holding a cigarette sunlight on nail polished fingertips smoke curling up & out the car window thoughts focused on all that was lost with him nothing now but smoke and ash

Winter

I will miss the snow when it’s gone

Winter Cold Runs Deep At night she lies awake As her bones ache with loneliness

Snow Smile In the parking lot tonight, as I walk to my car there are snowflakes falling I am watching them in the street lamps I think to myself... I don't mind the snow in May because I know it'll be warm enough tomorrow and the trace of it will be gone So I smile in the chill fresh feeling I am snowflakes floating across the parking lot as it catches on my eyelashes watching this snow fall reminds me of the mountains and wintertime and of a memory of you and I I smile because there's a part of you that will always be here in my heart and nothing will ever melt this feeling away

Frost Forgetfulness is my saving grace I am staring blankly out of car windows At the cold winter sky and white frosted trees A world of sun rays sparkling off snowflakes and branches While the distance widens between our hearts I am staring blankly out at this cold world Not even thinking about You

Mountains Feel Like Home I want to fly down mountain sides and know the taste of the clouds as they freeze on my eyelashes get lost in powdered snowbanks gliding through the evergreens awaken to views of sunrise bursting all the colours of the day cresting off the boulder peaks of The Three Sisters, Mount Fernie, and Blackcomb These mountains know me by name This is where my spirit will always remain

Summer

Shape me into a summer day hot with just a hint of rain

Sounds like summer nights Sounds of vehicles driving fast on distant highways late at night float in the open window on a cool summer breeze. It’s orange orange street lights, yellow yellow headlights lighting up the blackness. Hum of tires on the asphalt whirring in the night driving off into nowhere at 2 am. Sounds like summer nights fading into train whistles and iron wheels rattling on railroad tracks.

Screaming, moaning wind against emptiness of another night without the sound of anyone else’s heartbeat, but mine.

Summer Dirt Road I remember those days past of child wonder and curiosity searching for pictures in the shapes cast by the clouds and the stars discovering in them what it meant to really live, which was too far beyond us to understand When the thrill seekers stole the truck to drive around the farm, we were ten those rides never beat the back of the grain truck, dangerous as it was no one ever got swallowed up by the wheat Fires with the family always ended soon after us kids went crazy with the willow sticks waving the hot ends madly, sent sparkles in the air Now when fun means earnest talks over coffee, pre-planned evenings, purchased activities; I yearn for the time when the smell of grain dust in the air my banana seat bike with an old summer dirt road were enough

Blue Isn't Really A Colour, is iT? Heaven on my lips, Just another day.

If I blew a bubble, from a wand and watched it drift off on the air into the sky.

The kind of day it would be would see heaven rise up into the air.

And then it would burst open.

The shape lost.

Until it formed from my lips once more.

August’s Curse Necessity binds us together but we imagine that it's (a-hem) love I am closing down to all the hopeless promises Because there was nothing ever there to offer August's curse rises upon me now to wipe the smile from my face Here with days of motionless silence the last remaining days of summer Was where it found me, and all I could do was watch The color as it drained from the sky to stream down my face

I Picked A Bouquet For You Walking into sunset along the ridge with shadows tracing long across the valley bottom Green grass is lush in the air where wild roses bloom In the distance my nephew (*holy terror to his sister all day long*) stops to admire wild rose flower This is a sacred moment of sunset and summer scents of flowers too beautiful to be taken instead become a moment to experience He realized some things are too beautiful to be taken "That's why God put thorns on it."

Just Before the Rain Under the influence of natures pull we ventured outside into the sound of thunder and the smell of summer rain just before it falls

small town back alleys have a magnificent desolate kind of feel to them of overlapping trees arching the grey brown dirt tracks My niece and I made our way like children do through back yards and back alleys and overcast green lush paths to find a hint of that essence only found just before the rain

Falling Away We hang onto the last days of summer like we held onto each other but the seasons change and I am already falling away from you

Self Righteous

Remember to smile as you recall the lessons of discovering yourself

Alive Inside I want to be intense and cause a riot in their souls that refuses to be smothered I want to be intense like I once was before the dullness of everyone surrounding me convinced me otherwise wish I could just sparkle without fading out

dare to be as open to all they can watch it burst from my fists I will scatter my desires and build my fires into the day where everyone else is hiding out and scream that I AM DONE WAITING FOR THE WORLD TO LET ME I want to be intense and cause a riot in their souls that refuses to be smothered I want to be intense like I once was wish I could just sparkle

This is My Best Fake Smile grin that teethy lip parted grin grin and bear it kind of grin jaw clenched saying I'm so happy for you!

I am sending out my copy and pasted blessings and hoping it will be well received and your life will be happy life could never be better and I will continue to find contentment contempt or whatever comes from

pretending that this is my best fake smile and I hope you think it's pretty

It’s All Been Said I can smile that sweet girl smile that lights up the room yeah i can smile that same smile that you want me to but it wouldn't be true it's always gotta come down to this the joy and light has faded it’s gone it's gone so don't ask for me to smile for you I don’t want to anymore because the life I was once promised like the kind told to me on the pages of glossy magazines that kind of life has all been said and believe me its all been its all been done

Taking My Joy There isn’t much that moves me anymore Joy has lost its light where I once followed it to no end I will not be here when you come looking because I have given up on all of you each and every single last one

Take a Sabbatical So occupied with defending my space so occupied by others who use my time invade my mind take my heart as if it was only made to beat for them I feel so occupied with defending my heart Leave Me Alone Leave Me Alone Leave Me Alone Not you

but all the rest of them who have taken up residence get the fuck out I feel so occupied

I’ve Got My Rocker Stance I've got my rocker stance and fuck you attitude I'm not going to stand here quietly I would rather have a revolution than complacency But no, they are all fighting between themselves Instead of for a greater cause I stand here in my own Self Righteousness, it's true But at least I’ve got my rocker stance and meaningless words That would never have made a difference anyways

Are You Here With Me? I drew a line in the sand and very few dared cared to cross it

Helloooo Moto Any woman knows, when their cell phone starts ringing and it's in their purse... it will be a miracle if they can find it in time.

I found mine in time just now. And you know what I did? I just stayed calm.

I didn't jump and lurch at the first ring, I didn't make a mad dash across the living room to my purse, and i didn't proceed to ransack wildly and dump out all the contents onto the floor and rifle through them while on my hands and knees as my phone rang out at me to answer it in a breathless frantic 'hELLO?!'

I just stayed calm.

Up in Smoke I am smoking in my room tonight I'll burn some incense, a candle...

I am smoking in my room tonight.

I'm smoking in my room.

I feel I just might die tonight and let this body descend out through the hell it's been living in to finally find the freedom it's been looking for away from this smothering bliss When the threads have fallen from this wedding dress the rings from our fingers and the tears from too many wasted years I will forgive you and move on to find love remains buried there where my body lies dying tonight when we finally said it's over So she says...

I am smoking in my room tonight I'll burn some incense, a candle...

I am smoking in my room tonight.

I'm smoking in my room.

Cruel Somewhere out there There are people Living my life

The life I've always wanted It's no wonder No wonder at all Why I am left Standing here Staring at the Pictures on the wall Whispering to myself Is this my life?

Somewhere out there There are people Living My life And so I stand here In all the blessings I have been given And all the blessings That have been taken It's no wonder Why I just let the day Pass through me

r u better now? hung over mornings black out nights what is it about this that you call life?

I Am Beautiful Without Your Cosmetic Grin I repeat I am beautiful without your cosmetic grin Worlds gone wild, while my eternal pure flame stares out at life through these mascara stained eyes To witness all the events of this time we are living that promise to go down in history The hope for change is growing dim I am beautiful without your cosmetic grin That deep end of the reality we are in Where dreams reveal the call of our soul and remind us of our hearts pure flame and I wake to realize my body is still here just a step behind a life drenched in true sunshine I want to laugh at the world in turmoil around me And say, I told you so...

When you get what you want, you should give it away I am beautiful Without your cosmetic grin I REPEAT I AM BEAUTIFUL WITHOUT YOUR COSMETIC GRIN

Take This Red Flag It didn't matter that no one knew exactly what they were doing the stereo typical, egotistical, procedures of the day soon outweighed any solid intention that was holding the door open between our miscommunications They all claim red flags were raised the moment we didn't follow their way I claim to be a rebel with a cause whose patterns play way too far outside the lines It seems to me I am the one who has had to learn how to sacrifice and so what if I have some secrets of my own use them against me if you choose to justify why I am not deserving Tried to be professional, found it just got me painted in the corner of satisfied grown up smiles content to have me pinned down But I realize my sacrifice was always my choice it has taken me closer to a true reality and penance of a deeper sense I am only human, for what it's worth if I hurt anyone in my own intentions red flag me for speaking red flag me for writing red flag me for trying Whatever take this red flag you think I am waving and place it in your databank of all the things I've done wrong in your eyes Take this red flag I'm done with these masquerades

to prove myself to everyone that I can be everything you imagined me to be

Apology - To Run Against The Wind The wind has a way of grasping onto my carelessness Now I am that girl chasing endlessly after windswept papers A hundred sheets blown with reckless abandon to the heavens Wisdom sails with the wind and time Perchance, no apology is ever too late

end poem. end love.