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Chapter 12 - Human Sexual Wellness _______________________________________________________

Protecting Sexual Wellness Monogamy ___________________________________________

The term monogamy literally means one women. The prefix “mono” means one and “ogamy” means women. As previously mentioned, this maybe a good time to find someone that you would like to develop and cultivate a relationship with. You know, fall in love with. Whatever else is said of love, it has the potential to be one of the most beautiful and forceful emotions in our lives. It can have enormous power over us and at the same time provide us with feelings of security, warmth and meaning. It is truly tough to understand, let alone figure out how it works and shapes our lives. We use it freely; we can do things with it and for it. However, the true test of love is the test of time, for to love is to make an investment in time. Although, contrary to the well known expression, one does not “fall in” love, you actually “grow in” love. The more you learn about someone, the more you learn that love is a dynamic thing constantly changing. It changes as you change, as the relationship changes and as circumstances change. To grow in love means to be willing to constantly adapt to the changing landscape of life‟s experiences with another person.

Still, to love another first requires a deep sense of love for oneself. The Bible statement, “You shall love your neighbor as yourself,” presupposes self-love and suggests that individuals “shall” love others to the extent that they love themselves. Suffice it to say that only to the depth and the extent to which one is capable of loving oneself is that depth to be reached in another. The ability to truly love someone else signifies the ability to love oneself.

Although being single is increasingly accepted as a positive lifestyle, ours is still a “married” society, geared to the needs and wants of the married. Fortunately, this is changing, for not everyone should be or wants to be married. Marriage is not right for everyone. In reality, fewer marriages may mean a higher percentage of successful marriages. Many people are single today by choice, enjoying the freedom of a single lifestyle. Moreover, whether one is single by choice or not, there are certain problems to be faced in this lifestyle; among them, fulfilling sexual needs.

In recreational sex, the two people involved usually are determined to remain removed from both procreation and any expression of emotional commitment. Their main interest is in sex and sexual release.

Recreational sex may include swinging, one night stands, or regular sex with the same partner without any attachments. Recreational sex is not for the emotionally insecure. People who are involved in this form of sex should carefully evaluate their feelings about themselves and others. The value of any relationship is directly related to how sensitively and delicately it treats you.

Asexual Behavior…Celibacy and Abstinence ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Anytime you see an “a” in front of a word it means without. Sooooo, asexual behavior means without sex. Truly asexual individuals are celibate. They have no sex at all. They don‟t engage in coitus, para-genital sex, meta-genital sex, or masturbation. On the other hand, abstinence is generally defined as an individual who masturbates but does not have any sexual contact with another individual. There is a number of good reasons for choosing to be celibate and/or abstinence as a way of life prior to marriage. First of all, if you are asexual, you are not going to get pregnant or get anyone pregnant. No form of birth control, save having surgical interventions, tubular ligation, or a vasectomy, (and even

Chapter 12 - Human Sexual Wellness _______________________________________________________

then, believe it or not, things can get botched) is 100% effective. Asexual behavior is 100% effective. It is also 100% effective against most sexually transmitted disease. Public lice and a few other little buggers withstanding…these STDs can be contracted just by sitting or lying in the wrong place. There is also the very real possibility that you may not be ready at this time and point to have sexual relationship with someone else. You may have other priorities. You may be evaluating your relationship, or you just might not want sex prior to marriage. There is also the possibility that your religion or belief system does not encourage or permit either premarital sex or sex for any purpose other than procreation. All these are good reasons to be asexual and you could probably add few hundred other reasons too.

Auto-Sexual Behavior ________________________________________________________________

Okay, it is time to talk about auto-sexual behavior. Contrary to what our students think, autosexual behavior is not having sex in your automobile. The prefix “auto” means self. Now, can you figure out what we are going to talk about? If you said something like masturbation you get a red star. Hey, don‟t knock masturbation it is having sex with someone you are in love with…hopefully. Actually, masturbation is a rather popular activity. It has been said that 99% of the men in American masturbate and the other one percent is lying. Well, that is a little bit of an exaggeration. According to research, approximately 92% of men and 73% of women masturbate. Why is there such a difference between man and women when it comes to masturbation? Obviously, women are better liars. We are just kidding. It is probably due to social condition. As previously indicated, men are taught to be sexually liberated while women are generally conditioned to be sexually inhibited. Western society has been burdened since the nineteenth century with fear, self-recrimination and guilt about masturbation. Priests preached against masturbation and physicians pontificated on its horrifying results. The saying was that if you masturbated you would go blind.

Consequently, we just did it until we need glass…then we stopped. Of course, doctors and sexologists now know that masturbation is a natural means of sexual expression. Masturbation does not lead to physical or psychological abnormalities, nor is it harmful to general health.

What masturbation does lead to is a freeing of one‟s sexual feelings and a release of one‟s sexual energy and needs. According to sexologists, masturbate without guilt is to say, “I accept and enjoy my sexual feelings.” Masturbation is a way of learning more about one‟s sexual self. Masturbation has a very self validating effect. It says that it‟s Okay, to feel sexual and to act on those feelings. As mentioned, that is what sexologists believe.

Whatever their age, sex, or lifestyle, the reality is that people masturbate. They masturbate for a number of reasons, including a need for sexual release, unmet sexual needs and pent up sexual energy. The truth is the reasons for masturbation are endless. Interestingly, few young people are told by their parents about masturbation or sex for that matter. Many times parents are ignorant when it comes to human sexuality. Schools believe that sexuality should be taught in the home. The question is, “Who is going to educate the parents if it is not taught in school?” As a result, what you have many times is the ignorant teaching the ignorant…a not so good thing. There is also the fact that parents are many times too embarrassed to talk to their children about sex. Masturbation is definitely one topic that seldom parts their lips. Thus, most people learn about masturbation from sources such as books, older brothers or sisters and peers. Such sources can lead to considerable misinterpretation and noncomprehension, and it is putting it mildly.

Regardless of the source, what usually evolves is the message that it‟s not “normal” to masturbate, that nice girls and boys don‟t masturbate, and that it is sick and unhealthy. The result of these negative attitudes is that few people feel good about masturbating.

Now, we are not advocating one way or another that you masturbate.

Obviously, that is a person choice…one you have to make for yourself. The only

Chapter 12 - Human Sexual Wellness _______________________________________________________

thing we are saying is that masturbation is normal and safe. You are not going to go blind, insane, or demented if you masturbate. Need we say masturbation is safe? You are not going to get pregnant, or come down with an STD if you masturbate. This might help you a little. The actor and director Woody Allen is the king of sexual one liners. In one of his movies, a woman asks him, “How did you ever become such a wonderful lover?” He replies, “I practice a lot when I‟m alone.” Just something to think about.

How Sexually Active are College Students? ___________________________________________________________________________________________________________

The reality is most college students are or have been sexually active and many have had multiple partners.

About 20% of college students ages 18-24 are not yet sexually active. That leaves 80% who are or have been sexually active. And how about this statistic: by 12th grade, 65% of youth are sexually active and 20% have had four or more sexual partners. Of college students 18-24 years old, about 80% have had sexual intercourse. Of these, just over 25% have had six or more sex partners in their lifetime.

Among recently sexually active college students ages 18-24, 36.5% reported using a condom “always” or “most of the time”. That leaves 65% who are not using them. Not surprisingly, more than 1 in 7 college students (15.1%) reported having been pregnant or gotten a partner pregnant. If that doesn‟t give you a moment of pause, this should, a survey conducted by the University of North Carolina states that one of two sexually active college-age students will contract a sexually transmitted disease by age 25. Still, not concerned? How about this: less than 1/3 of college students who say they are sexually active have been tested for HIV. The other two thirds have not been tested. Just in case you are not into math, we‟ve figured that out for you. Scientists believe about 40,000 new HIV infections will occur in U.S. every year and more than half of these cases will be among those individuals 15 to 24 years of age.

The first question is, “Why are college students so sexually active?” Besides the obvious reason that it feels soooooooo good, college students see sexual activity as a normal behavior for their peer group.

There is also the alcohol factor. College students who binge drink tend to be more promiscuous. Both men and women report being taken advantage of sexually when they were too drunk to give consent. They also reported that when they were under the influence of alcohol they were more apt to engage in sexuality than when they were sober.

Also as mentioned, teenagers and college students aren‟t very good contraceptive users. They aren‟t consistent with their contraceptive use and they‟re less likely to use contraceptives if they have sex repeatedly. That brings up the next question, “Why don‟t college students practice safe sex?” Contrary to popular belief, college students who don‟t protect themselves against pregnancy or STDs do so not from ignorance, but because of laziness, embarrassment, or lack of communication with their partners. The survey results revealed that the average perceived risk of pregnancy was 15 percent, indicating the students‟ idea of their risk is fairly accurate. On the other hand, survey respondents also indicated that the risk of their peers getting pregnant was more than twice as high as their own risk, a concept known as optimistic bias or illusion of invulnerability. This is similar to thinking that your chances of getting in a car accident or another bad situation are less than those of somebody else. Researchers have typically thought that this optimistic bias undermines precautionary behavior.

There is also the matter of false trust. Men tend to trust women who look good to be healthy and safe. We know men are so stupid. Actually, women tend to think the same way. They are

Chapter 12 - Human Sexual Wellness _______________________________________________________

stupid too. Just because something looks good does not mean that it is good. When you start basing your trust on a person‟s looks you could be in big trouble…especially when it comes to sexuality. We don‟t have any research to back it up, but we suspect that there might be an inverse relationship between good looks and promiscuity. Also, both men and women who are in long term relationship tend to trust each other because they believe that their partner would never cheat on them…you know ego. Consequently, they don‟t believe that they need protection. Did we mention that men and women are stupid?