Godartet March 2015 by Godartet

EDITORIAL M

arch is here again and with it even us here in the north can enjoy that peculiar light in the sky! After the long and harsh and dark winter, we’re sometimes not even sure what that great orange ball in the sky even is. But one thing’s for certain, it surely isn’t Godartet’s social media post. Yes, we’ve been horribly lazy for the last month, not posting anything on Twitter or Facebook, Instagram or the blog. We know. And as modern days tend to lean towards a philosophy “I post, therefore I exist”, one might ask whether or not Godartet exists. And to that, the answer is yes and more and ever as we have now gained official status!

inland is in many ways a massively bureaucratic country, and it’s safe to say that if something doesn’t exist on paper, it doesn’t exist at all. Last week, we at Godartet got a message from our local registration office stating that our application for official association status had been approved and that now Godartet Association actually exist. From the reader’s perspective this doesn’t really change anything, but our new status as a non-profit organization allows us to do some things, such as accreditations, a bit easier and more confidently, most of all officially. Now we’re not just two bums with a lay-out software, but two bums on a mission. And that mission is to advance culture, far and wide. We have some amazing plans already for the future, but those shall remain shaded in the shadows of mystery for now.

nother interesting fact we learned during the past month was that making a magazine isn’t all that easy as we imagined (big surprise here). The first two issues went with such speed and ease that we may have got a bit cocky and figured we had everything under control with this magazine. When it was less than a week until publishing day and nothing had magically appeared to us, we realised we actually 2

need to do something and started writing like maniacs to bring you something of quality to read. Luckily, we can be fast when we want to. Or at least occasionally. When we have to. Anyway, like all things in life, Godartet is a process of learning by doing, and each issue we do, we face new issues (pun intended!) to solve. And hopefully with each issue we get better!

ll this leads up to one simple lesson: In order to be something, one has to do something. Not only in social media or in making a magazine, but everywhere and anything. This basic fact is also seen in many parts of this issue of Godartet: Our assistant went to see a festival devoted to new, young filmmakers (p.4), we have a visiting columnist talking about the process of writing (p.5) and we scientifically proved that if you don’t eat, you die (p.12). That is also the very point of Godartet, to inspire people to make something new, something interesting, something cool. We are always willing to promote you and your work on these pages, so if you have inspiration or something to promote, do contact us. Getting people to see your art is the greatest prize for us.

MARCH Editorial 2 Ambient temperature 4 Column Saara Henriksson 5 Short story Juha Heikkinen 8 Column Fanny Grazzo 11 Godartet Goes Gonzo 12 Essay Juha Heikkinen 22 The A r t i s t s Anu Kaelussoo 30 - 45 Listings 46 Comic 47 Bathroom Stall Wall 48

AMBIENT TEMPERATURE THE FESTIVAL FOR NEW AND FORGOTTEN CINEMA 21ST - 22ND FEBRUARY 2015 PIRITTA PYNNÖNEN Cinema Orion, Eerikinkatu 15, Helsinki

he Festival for New and Forgotten Cinema was held for the first time in Orion from February 21st to the 22nd 2015. The organizer was the association for motion picture, Risto Jarva association.

he festival focused on 3D and silent films. During the two days a total of 24 films by 20 directors were shown. The programme included short films, music films, silent films and forgotten treasures.

f the films screened on Saturday, Artturi Rostén’s Väkevä hiki (Strong Sweat) stood out. The film compares ancient Finnish mysticisim, the falling apart of an introverted mind and mental crippling. The colors glow beautifully and the brother’s drool drips down on the way to an inevitable solution. The themes are powerful and you can almost smell the sweat but you don’t want to look away.

he screenings were free of charge and they were presented before Orion’s programming started, beginning at nine in the morning and ending at four in the afternoon. The festival’s host for the entire weekend was Joonas Ranta. He presented the films and interviewed the guests in between screenings. Joonas Ranta directs films himself and his film Edgarin laulu (The Song of Edgar) was shown on Saturday as the first film of the last screening.

n Saturday February 21st, a total of 14 films were shown. The day was divided into four screenings: 9:00 – 11:30, 11:45 – 13:00, 13:15 – 14.30 and 14:45 – 16:00. Of these I took part in the last two. The films shown varied in atmosphere and technique and they were short films from animations to music videos. After the films, you could ask the makers about the execution. At times a number of people from the crew were present and they answered questions about the background and details about the technical execution.

he atmosphere in the theater for relaxed and immediate. Some of the audience was there from Saturday morning and they stayed on the benches un-

til the last screening. Short films are made with a nonexisting budget and through group effort and maybe this is why they showcase originality and a creative joy.

vents where you have the pleasure of experiencing film as art are in demand and they exist thanks to a small and enthusiastic group of people behind them. So be there the next time you are given the opportunity. A film is born again every time it is projected on the screen to a new audience.

Films I watched at the festival: 1. Vostok Zero (2014) (director Perttu Inkilä, Velda Parkkinen, Liis Mehine) documentary, animation, experimental, 6 min. 2. Orfeus (2014) (director Juho-Pekka Tanskanen) fiction – silent film, 7 min. First screening in Helsinki 3. Idiomatic: Lost Together (2013) (director Jani Ilomäki) music video, 3 min. 4. EDGARIN LAULU (2014) (director Joonas Ranta) fiction, music short film – neo-noir, dystopia, 4 min. First screening in Helsinki 5. Väkevä Hiki (2014) (director Artturi Rostén) fiction – drama, growth story, comedy, 33 min. First screening in Helsinki 6. TEPPO VAPAUS – RUNOILIJA ULOS! (2015) (director Herra Ylppö) music video, 4 min. Premiere. Source: uuef.fi

COLUMN

Saara Henriksson THE HARDEST LESSON

o be a writer is to slowly work away. One of the hardest lessons on my part has been to learn to be patient. I’ve always been hasty. I want everything and I want it now. During my studies, I wrote a lot and I wanted the texts to be ready as soon as I placed the last period after the last sentence. I thought a novel would just leak onto the paper by itself from my subconscious. It didn’t actually happen like that. I have only had the opportunity to learn the art of polishing in the past few years. It has been a separate process to learn to be patient and sit by a story and write one version after another. I have of course received great support from a community of writers. Before I came into contact with the scifi and fantasy circles, aka the fandom, writing was mostly a solitary dream for me, something I would not share with anyone. Writing doesn’t show. It isn’t a social activity and you don’t discuss it with friends who don’t write themselves. I realized there were others like me by accident, in the Finnish scifi convention Finncon in 2003. I participated in a writers’ meeting of the Finnish science fiction writers’ association and I went to listen to a panel of young scifi writers. At Finncon I realized that if these people could write short stories and send them to competitions, why couldn’t I give it a shot.

ore than anything, I got an idea of the writer’s way of life. These writers had found each other and were discussing writing with each other. They didn’t have to explain their complex ideas for novels to a friend who only listens to be polite or their yawning relatives. Also, they were struggling with the same issues as I was, like how to make time for writing from your other work and how to find the motivation to write.

hat same fall I joined a writers’ circle and participated in the scifi writers’ association’s activities in other ways as well. I also got feedback from an outsider for the first time through the society’s critique service. I got familiar with the concept of genre writing. Griffins and agents had featured in my stories earlier without much analysis of the style of the text.

ow it had found its place. Discussions with other writers have brought with them a sense of proportion both for the good moments and the bad. A text sometimes fails to express what was originally intended. The entire idea of polishing a text is that it makes the message even clearer to the reader. If I were to write only for myself, no polishing would be necessary. 5

made my debut in the Novellit (short stories) 2005 anthology and my first own book was published in the spring of 2011. There have been many disappointments in between. I think that the rejection letters and disappointments are an essential part of learning the writer’s profession. First of all it builds character, not getting what you want right away: Winning in a writing competition, the green light from a publisher, a grant. Second of all, the fear of rejection and the nervous anticipation are clear signs that the writer takes his/her work seriously. I’m moved by what people say about my writing. My heart starts pounding everytime.

diting my second novel, the tools were on the one hand closer, but on the other there was a different kind of pressure regarding the writing. I didn’t really expect anything with the first one, because I didn’t know what would happen after publishing the book.You have to be able to push the pressure aside every time you write. As of today, I am writing my third novel, which is scheduled to come out in the fall of 2015. I have decided that I would rather risk failure than go with what is safe. Rather be off by a mile than tread carefully.

am constantly learning new skills and I am always starting fresh. I guess the whole point is to be faithful to yourself. Or to at least give it a shot.

A short story by the writer can be read in the February issue.

INSTRUCTIONS FOR ARTISTS Wish to promote your beautiful work on Godartet? Well then, we congratulate you on making such a brilliant decision! Here are the few easy steps how to do it!

1 HAVE SOME ART MADE From sculptures to stage performances and dadaistic photography, all sorts of visual art goes with us. Choose what you wish to present on our pages and write a small presentation text about yourself.

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For those who don’t necessarily know or care about technicalities, relax and let us do the work.

4 SEND THE STUFF TO US

On the very basic level, all you need to know is to send us some big-ass pictures (JPEG, PDF or TIFF preferred, no GIFs please!) and the texts with possible instructions regarding the order of photos etc…

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5 EXCHANGE OPINIONS

When the pages are ready in our opinion, we send a version for you to check out and accept. We’ll keep doing this until you are happy and won’t publish anything without your consent.

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When the magazine is out, do read it and share with your friends, family and enemies! And if you know more talented people who make art, tip them about us, we’re always open! If you have any more questions or comments, don’t hesitate to ask us at godartetmagazine@gmail.com, we’ll answer all your questions (except math problems, math sucks).

SHORT STORY Juha Heikkinen

THE WRITER

e looks out of the window and all he can see is the gray surface of the neighboring buiding. He sees the reflection of a bird in a window across the yard and the occasional neighbor coming out for a smoke on the balcony. He gets uncomfortable when they come out. It bothers him that they can see right into his apartment. Maybe they laugh at him and whatever he is doing at the time or maybe the way he is is worth a chuckle. They laughed at him back in school for some reason and who knows, they might do it still. Fuck them. He has been fine without them until this day and he will continue to be so in the future. He feels a certain strength when he sits on his window sill, taking notes of people passing by, oblivious to the man observing their every move from the moment they enter his vision to when they disappear around the corner. For that small moment they are his property, not their own and he does with their actions what he pleases.

e lives on welfare and makes some money on the side by translating literature. Usually he gets to decide what he wants to translate. He does it for a few months at a time and gets a small compensation for his trouble. Having completed his work, he returns to his isolation and will not return until another piece of literature needs his attention. The publishers are happy to not hear from him during this time. They find him unbearable, one of those people whose name on the screen of your phone causes a headache. This is because he finds fault in other people and is not afraid to speak his mind and he does this with the first words that come to his mind. Those words are always unfiltered, which means he insults people on a regular basis.

is work allows him to stay at home and he doesn’t have to worry about the pressures of working life and the every day shit of dynamic colleagues. He considers himself to be reasonably intelligent. He reads constantly, mostly literature. He thinks that through reading he has gained a rather deep and broad knowledge of people even though he does not encounter anyone in his day-to-day life. He has always been most comfortable by himself and he doesn’t feel the need for personal experiences with his peers, not that he has any. What he has read and experienced first hand in his youth is that people are pointless creatures that should be avoided. Whatever he could have experienced as an adult had he allowed anyone the opportunity to get near would surely not have changed his impression, an impression he has cultivated over the years and found to be an endless well of anger and inspiration.

e’s writing a novel. It will be praised as a masterpiece whose writer truly understands human nature. The humanists will analyze it and he will be made a part of the literary canon of his native country. He will be interviewed and a biography will be written. His hatred for people will not be noticed or it will be seen as something humorous, something to be ignored in light of his accomplishments. This is what he sees as the only possible outcome for his creative work and even though it is not what truly drives him to write, he can’t help allowing a hint of a smile reach his lips. However, when he finds himself lost in his

dreams, he finds it difficult to write anything that doesn’t get thrown away. He throws the bad material away, the pieces of paper he writes with a typewriter. He has a computer because you need one to be able to work these days but he wants his creative work be completely free of modern influence. They speak of computer viruses. Nothing like that can ever touch his typewriter, at least he thinks so. Having lost himself in the positive, he needs only to spot his neighbor’s dog taking a shit on the lawn beside the sign that clearly says ”no dogs allowed” and he is back on track. Having recently finished a large translation, he is free to spend his time writing. He cannot help being almost possessed by his pages. A blank page makes his head hurt and he must fill it, but anything less than perfect makes him feel even worse. He is consumed by his writing, sometimes to the point that he would like nothing else than the ability to walk away. But he always sits there, at his desk, typing until the sun shines a light through the window. Then he knows he has done enough fot the time being and he can rest. It has been like this for years and it will continue to go on like this for a couple more, until he can finally read his work with ease, without any weakness in the story forcing him to get back to work. One morning, when he has taken the page he just wrote from the typewriter and placed it on the stack that forms his manuscript, he knows this could be it. He does not feel the need to rest, but what he needs is to read his work through and for it to be finished. As he reads on, his heart races faster with each page until, having finished the last page, he sits there, panting, sweaty. He feels relief, as it’s finally done. He will send it to the publisher and they will publish it. And they do. The book is sold in bookstores accross the country and once the book is reviewed, everyone wants a copy. The critics cannot get enough of it and what the critics say is good, so the public cannot help being at least intrigued about. Time passes and he finds himself in the spotlight.

aving become the official interpreter of people’s innermost feelings, he finds himself reconsidering his original stance. He now realizes he sees something in people that he did not think was possible to see, something positive, lovable. Having found an entirely new side in his muse, he starts to write in a completely different way. He handles his material with respect and tries to see people as a positive, optimistic, constructive force whose story he, their scribe, will tell, inpired by the love he has felt. Comes a phase that will be known as the most prolific time in his career. He writes three novels in six years, all of them succesful. When the first comes out, the critics are unanimous: It’s shit. The writer has lost something that made his first novel so significant. However, the critics’ opinion does not scare away the people, who buy the book with great enthusiasm. They say the book is clearer and more approachable than the first one. He seems to have become a writer of fluff whose positive outlook has made him create something flat and soulless. He wrote his new work feeling happy and his prose has become shallow and predictable. The critics loved the clear and sharp vision that was characteristic of the first novel. We are what we are: Stupid, selfish, weak and fragile. When the critique of humankind is turned into its appraisal, the critics don’t know what to do with him. Their own hatred for people doesn’t have a release and their weakness does not have a hero who would justify their own existence. A happy person is not only boring, he is also a threat to the justification of them being around. If everyone was happy reading the shit, excuse me, waste of potential and sadly pointless dribble that came from the very pen that wrote the extremely promising debut, it is clear that there is no market for honest literature.

he writer himself is confused about this divided reception. He has finally joined humankind and he thought that as a result he had gained an insight into people’s hearts unlike any other in the history of European literature. If the critics are right, he was dead wrong. Granted, he is succesful but he is no longer certain if that success was achieved through losing his credibility. The jolly fellow he has eagerly turned into apparently is not able to create on the level his debut had made people accustomed to.

e looks out of the window. He sees the reflection of a bird in the window accross the yard and remembers an earlier time when he felt like this. He wasn’t anyone. Only a lonely man who looked at a bird flying past his window. Now he is someone but nothing he achieved is as significant as that bird. He starts to write and does not think about people. His mind is fixated on that bird whose reflection will not leave him be. He writes day and night and finishes his work in a few months. Having written his last words, he reads them and the hint of a smile reaches his lips.

e sends the manuscript to his publisher who is happy to receive the new work of an author who has proven to be worth a lot. The hardback novel hits the shelves of every bookshop and the general public is quite happy but not overly excited. The critics on the other hand are thrilled. The writer seems to have taken what made the first novel so important and polished it to perfection. Both the critics and the public are however left confused about the last words: ”I don’t need you anymore. Keep your books and your critique. He sat down on his window sill and let a stream of blood smear the window. A bird was reflected in the window opposite the yard, a sign that everything would be as it was before.”

Juha is the senior editor at Godartet Magazine and co-founder of Godartet Association.

COLUMN

Whatever this is, it’s seriously getting out of hand. Please, we beg you, if you know something, do something! Make him stop!

Fanny Grazzo

H T

ello lovelies! It’s me again, Fanny!

oday, as I’m tipping my trusty old beast in ink, is 11th March, which is the day Mary Shelley published her documentary about Dr. Frankenstein, and boy was he a man of action! That friend he hanged with was a bit strange but, he did learn to read with Paradise Lost. Now that thing does not have a for dummies edition let me tell you! But the doctor, oh my loordie lordie! What an emo, he was, oh dear me! Crying and whining about creating a monster that killed his loved ones, I mean please. Grow up! Such a little fella had so much tears, I cannot even imagine… But then again, we all have tears. Some of us just cry on the inside. I never cry, because why should I? Marvellous as I find myself to be, sorrow is just a bore.

yron was there too when Mary Shelley read us her writings. He couldn’t stand that somebody wrote something he could never have come up with. He just talked about oppression and liberty. YAAWN! What a bore he was, I mean have a drink and teach me how to dougie, that’s more like it. But I must say, his poems were marvellous, and who doesn’t love poetry right? It’s like words in places, forming mazes, did you notice my neat little trick there? I bet you do, I learned it from Dr Seuss. Now that was a poet, my god! But what a pervert, he was. Did not leave me be. I have to say, I was flattered, but even I have my standards.

rom castles to cars, as quickly as we can, we shall sore through the sky! I enjoy I road trip as much as anyone else. In fact, I road a van even before one was invented. How, you ask? I just did, that’s how! Trust me, I am a magical individual who doesn’t share absolutely everything, HIHII! The one big downside of vans is that there’s never any poems in the van, never! How can one

be expected to survive without the morning dew of a beautiful word, put after another so elegantly that it simply turns my stomach upside down.

h Billie boy, oh Billie boy, where art thou now! Billie was a scoundrel, a beggar and a looter, but he was a dear friend. They don’t make them like him anymore nowadays. Now it’s just puff and dynamite. He really was out there, old Billie. Loved his potatoes, he did. So I said to him, Billie, you can’t just eat the potatoes and save the sauce, man, you can’t do that. He just laughed at me and grinned with his one good tooth and smacked his lips on the last potato. I really feel like having some potatoes now, I’m not sure why.

ites sure are wonderful things, and money is a funny thing. Did you know that kites ones saved the economy, like Fifty Shades of Grey, that boring attempt at making a porno? Well, I had a factory for making kites and so I sold them to the whole world and paid so much taxes and that’ how we fixed that nasty business with the devaluation; those kites sure were irreplaceable. No need to check the story. It’s all true. I know economy. The kites never got the appreciation from history they deserved, they did everything. Still gives me the creeps to think about it. I love crepes.

ut now I have to, again, off and running as they say, to rise and shine, so to speak, be the early worm catching the bird, as the saying goes, better late and never! So, keep up with my stories, or else I won’t show up in your dreams. Tally-ho!

GODARTET GOES GONZO THE SIMS EQUATION

INTRODUCTION

or more than quarter of a century, a single question has confused scientists, mathematicians, humanists and cosmologists all alike without any clear answer. What seemed like an easy task, has year by year added puzzles and variables in itself and little by little turning into a great of mind; who would outlive who, Ville or Juha? At the setup, Ville seemed destined to lose by dying in some peculiar way while Juha would stroll along the path of old age, but Ville has vigorously kept living while Juha has moved to Poland. Also, the dull people at Amnesty and United Nations have created rules that forbid Stephen Hawking of just tossing the two in a ring to battle to death. But now, we at Godartet have gained access to a top-secret, state of the art machine that lets us settle this question scientifically once and for all. The hypothesis and equations behind this machine are too complicated to open up here, but in short we can add the existing variables into it and it calculates the solution to the problem. The machine is known along the scientific circles as “The Sims 3” with the added “Night Life”-expansion. The results were eerily accurate.

e conducted this experiment in two (2) separate occasions; both Ville and Juha would create their own versions of the situation and report the happenings throughout the test. Both followed the same method in feeding the variables to The Sims 3. The method was that both would create a realistic version of themselves and a satirical version of the other. We also both added a person called Fanny Grazzo in the game, due to the fact that we received an enigma-crypted message from him that stated that he had kidnapped some dude named Steve and wouldn’t let him go unless we added mr. Grazzo to the game as well. So we did, the best we could. Secondly, we chose that after furnishing their house they should have about 2,000 simoleons cash for food and possible other uses. Thirdly, and most importantly, we would in no circumstance intervene with the Sim’s lives and let the simulation roll on, thereby giving us reliable results on who of the three lives longer. If the simulation would ask us anything relating to the Sims, we would always answer yes. So, with these rules in mind, here are the reports of the experiment! 12

TEST LABORATORY VILLE:

TEST LABORATORY JUHA:

irst off, I started by having to create all the test subjects 5 times due to my computer freezing every time (whoever said gaming on a Mac isn’t fun? He was right.) but finally the Sims let me through with the creations. Making myself was easy, made a skinny, pale, amazingly handsome dude with a hat and a long-sleeved shirt and black jeans. In The Sims 3, the characters can have up to 5 different traits that represent the persona of the character. For my virtual version, I gave neurotic, hot-head (ladies), hydrophobic, bookworm (nerds) and never nude (ladies) due to the facts that I have the tendency to boil over and be neurotic about some things, I love books and hate swimming. The naked part is a personal matter (even LED-lights give me melanoma). I gave myself a favourite food of hamburgers, classical as my favourite music and a lifetime wish of becoming an author, because alcoholic pancreatitis wasn’t on the list of options. Then, Ville was ready.

irst of all, I have a confession: I only got the original Sims 3 without the expansions, because Origin wouldn’t take my money. It shouldn’t matter that much, since all we’re doing is killing of these poor bastards, I mean conducting an experiment to see who lives the longest.

As any sink is good enough for this.

I think any version is good enough for that.

T Ready for what is another question alltogether.

ith Juha, I started with the basic human being that I then turned into Juha by taking a model from a photo I have of him on my phone (this is, of course, after asking myself once again why have a collection of Juha’s nudes on my phone). However, at this point I must reveal one of Juha’s dark secrets, as it affects the simulation; behind that intelligent-looking face and thoughtful mind lies a man who has visited… a gym. And not only once, but several times has he committed this crime against intelligence and wisdom by actively trying to make himself a knucklehead in some of these pantheons of illiteracy. This is why I added Juha’s character

he last time I played the Sims, it was the first one of the series and some of its expansions. I do not remember the character creation being this detailed back then, which I’m sure it wasn’t. However, I really didn’t find dabbling with eye shapes and nose sizes all too interesting. The clothes make the man! And also, the personality of the sim could be modified in a nice way, so I could make Ville what he is: A lone wolf artist (this mysterious, chain smoking enigma leaves you puzzled and wanting for more). I also made him tidy, because well, you should see his place. This guy puts serious thought into how he decorates his place (old, heavy wooden stuff) and the place is always livable, unlike my place usually if there is nobody to keep my filth in check. The last perk I added to Ville was a bit of a wild card. I could be 13

with massive muscles and gave him a trait of athleticism. Luckily, he probably doesn’t do it anymore, but visiting a gym is a crime that never gets old. Or at least not in couple of years. Anyhow, the other traits I gave Juha after some analyzing of the man’s mind were excitable (because he joined Godartet without hesitation), slob (I saw his apartment when his girlfriend had moved to Poland), loser (because he hangs around with me) and technophobe (because of his fond words towards technology every time we publish Godartet). And since Juha has actively lived in three countries during his life-span so far, I figured that “the leader of the free world” would suit his humble being as a lifetime wish.

way off but I would like to think that I’m not. Ville should be a great kisser, at least in video game land. So this one’s for you, buddy. When making my own character, I was consulted by my girlfriend, so the attributes of this particular sim should be accurate. My guy is a book worm, athletic, a slob, has a sense of humor (of sorts) and is also a great kisser. This final one has a witness, so no one can deny that it is true. Fanny’s character was given the following characteristics: Party animal, lunatic, easily excited, flirty, overly emotional. I think these are the makings of a truly interesting, a bit unstable character, who should bring a nice addition to the house. Now that the characters are ready, let’s get ready to rumble!

This is actually a screenshot of our real-life Skype-meetings.

ince neither of us have ever seen mr. Fanny Grazzo, but he insisted to join this experiment, I had to be a bit creative with his looks. I assume his uses alcohol relatively much, so I turned his skin a bit to the yellow side and gave him traits based on the columns he writes for us: ambitious, charismatic, childish, insane and party-animal. His lifetime wish is international super-spy, because that’s the most logical thing about the whole person. After creating this trio from hell, I moved them into a small cabin next to a bridge, which seemed optimal for our experiment as no one could hear their screams. The place was furnished with the cheapest of all basic commodities (TV, fridge, toilet) and I bought them a gym machine, radio, guitar, bar and some fire thing to the back yard. This was all they would get, this was

And behold; rumble they did.

he house that the guys are supposed to live in, is the cheapest and smallest one I could find, because why would I want to make them comfortable? This is a fight to the death! Having bought the house, there was still some money left over in the budget, so I placed a chess board and a treadmill on the lawn, as well as a crappy car. Also, some nice balloons for the living room. In the beginning, Ville walks to the house by himself and helps himself to a book in the bookshelf. Meanwhile, Juha and Fanny are engaged in conversation that does not however end well. Juha

all they have to survive. I released the test subjects.

t the very first day the subject’s showed qualities that I assumed would label them all through the experiment. Juha immediately started working out to techno-music near the radio while Ville just stared blankly to a TV. Fanny started by taking a drink, immediately vomiting and then proceeding into a weird dance. I felt genuinely sorry for test subject Ville in the middle of those two. Juha also played his cards well for the rest of the evening as he was the first to take a bath, made himself a nice dinner and reserved the only bed for a good night sleep before anyone else. Ville spent the night washing the bath and staring out the window, until Juha woke up and Ville made it to bed. Fanny’s night consisted of shouting with a guitar, burning his food and passing out to the kitchen floor before going to sleep next to Ville (without his consent). The first day seemed to indicate that test subject Juha might just outlive us all.

Might.

uckily for others, the next few days proved otherwise. When Juha woke up the next morning, Ville and Fanny went to bed (Fanny just following VIlle without his consent) he immediately went to have a drink. And another. Eventually Juha ended up spending literally the whole day just drinking alone, while Ville neurotically checked sinks, made the bed and had small nervous breakdowns. Fanny played some guitar and then the whole guitar vanished. During the next few days the test subjects started to get used to their home and actually compensate to the situation, which gave us the opportunity to observe our own behaviour through these persons. Apparently, if Ville would ever watch

finds Fanny to be a bit creepy.After this, Juha gets excited about the treadmill and starts running for hours, falling down surprisingly often, considering he should be athletic. He just laughs and gets back on. Back in the house, Fanny has prepared a meal and because for some reason he leaves it on the table for a while, perhaps to let it cool, Ville cleans it up. He doesn’t give the others a chance to make a mess. While Fanny is having loud conversations by himself and admiring the balloons, Ville and Juha have finally got to talking. It does not end well, because after a very short talk, Ville finds Juha boring. When the day draws to a close, Juha

and Ville get the beds while Fanny is stuck on the couch. On a side note, Ville is the only one to have washed his hands after the bathroom.

Sinks are hard.

TV in the living room, Juha would immediately rage and shout to him about it. Also noteworthy is that the simulation itself gives us notes about how Fanny Grazzo “creeps Juha out” and therefore lowers his mood. Juha is clearly showing symptoms of a survivor, he is the only one reacting to the situation with rage and fear, some of the most primal human emotions, but also copes by succumbing to alcoholism and eating rotten left-over food for reasons unclear. Ville, on the other hand, only reacts by escapism, he tries to control his environment by constantly cleaning things and watching TV, but his small nervous breakdowns indicate that deep down he knows his misery. Fanny is essentially being Fanny, dancing nakedly and talking to himself.

ay 2. Following Ville’s strategy, I took the bathtub and the bathroom away, because nothing would happen if they were allowed to just live in a fully furnished house. Fanny and Ville piss themselves and Ville, having pissed himself, decides it’s time to read a book. Fanny is stuck with the cleaning. Juha shows his slobbish nature by licking the leftovers off of other people’s plates. Other than that, it is a slow day.

s some days went on, I realised 2 things; first of all, the mystery of the lost guitar was solved as Fanny pulled it out of his …. back pocket and started jamming; he had just stolen it for his own use. The other notion I made was that the simulation let the sims eat freely from the fridge without ever losing money or food. This meant I had to in16

Classic Ville.

ay 3. This time I decide it is time to see who is the toughest by taking out the fridge. A

tervene, for the sake of the experiment, and sell the fridge in order the test to succeed. After this, the TV broke and Fanny clogged the toilet, which I consider as clear signs of the sims rebelling against my will by destroying their own habitat. As scientist, I remained cool about this little rebellion and only took away their bar as revenge. After this, the three stooges had no chance to feed their alcoholism and therefore started mostly communicating with each other leading into interesting social grouping.

Emphasis on “interesting”.

fter removing their food source, Fanny Grazzo was the first to express hunger by yelling and waving his hands. After Fanny the famine struck Juha and lastly Ville, which at this point could be seen as an indication on who shall die first. When all the subjects had gained hunger, it was interesting to see how each of them adapted into the new situation. Ville and Juha clearly started bonding a more deeper relationship, apparently as a plot to survive. Fanny in the other hand just started losing it and kept offending and humiliating Juha and Ville, which lead to epic mood drops in both gentlemen. All three started talking and dreaming only about food at that point, so I chose intervene again by removing the toilet for scientific reasons. That was also the moment when I realised a flaw in our simulation; these poor subjects had no possibility whatsoever to end their own lives if they wished so. Time to build a swimming pool it was! After I built the classic “pool without ladders”, I saw Juha immediately jumping in. It was a shocker that broke my heart, so soon, dude, so soon? But these virtual bastards tricked me once again; they climbed out of the pool even without ladder, an eerie rebellion

sim cannot pee him/herself to death, but they do need food. As far as peeing goes, Fanny seemed to be the only one cleaning. Juha and Ville talked again, and even though they have similar interests in literature, Juha keeps bringing up sports, which is a total deal breaker to Ville. He doesn’t even try to hide his annoyance, but ends up insulting Juha. Fanny gets an invitation to a cooking contest, which he gladly accepts. Nothing happens, however, because there is no more fridge. He could have been something. Ville starts to feel hungry, a promising sign in the eyes of the evil creator. Since there’s no food, he just cleans a lot.

ay 4. The pipes burst and something about a bill is mentioned. Even though I accept paying the bills, nothing happens and the taps in the kitchen and the bathroom keep spilling water 17

on the floor. The sims do nothing else but clean up the water. Actually, it’s mostly just Fanny and Ville doing the cleaning. Ville feels he’ll be unlucky

against their masters. My counter-strike was to remove the bathtub, which lead hydrophobic Ville into an interesting situation with his personal hygiene.

s the test continued, Juha and Fanny showed some interesting traits considering their situation. I noticed that despite the lack of a proper toilet, they never pissed themselves like Ville and their hygiene levels were high all the time. I soon realised they peed in the pool, in which they also bathed. Juha, being an athletic dude, also gained some happiness points from this. This was a a clear indication that they might just win this, since Ville had no possibilities to take control the situation, although he did recycle the newspapers and brushed his teeth for fun. Surprisingly, Fanny was on the top of the situation, as he also gained some social points for talking to himself, so he was generally happy despite the hunger. For a while, it seemed that Juha and Ville were about to have a romance between them, as the first thing Juha did when we woke up was to run and hug Ville (while still in speedos) and I witnessed Ville check out Juha’s ass a couple of time. They also shared common fear of Fanny, who was acting crazier and crazier because of the hunger. The end was near.

today, since he is an unlucky person. Meanwhile, even Fanny finds Juha boring, which is sad, since he’s the only one who tries to talk to the others and what does he get for it? Insults. Juha is invited to

Where other see an awkward private moment, Juha sees a chance to make friends.

a fitness competition, which he accepts. Nothing happens for some reason. Ville keeps cleaning even though he is starving. What a guy! At the end of the day, Juha is most miserable and they

he end, however, wasn’t as near as I expected as the test subjects somehow survived for way longer than expected. But eventually, came the day that Ville went out, recycled the paper with his last strenght and returned inside to the last hobby that gave him some comfort; brushing his teeth. With joy he scrubbed his eating hole, enjoyed the moment of freshness, then quickly bent his back back

and forth, yelled and fell to the ground. Exit Ville. Juha happened to be in the toilet while all this happened and reacted accordingly; weeping, yelling and crying in his speedos. Fanny on the other hand, had the expression of someone watching a

are all starving. Could the next day be the one?

ay 5. Fanny, wearing nothing but boxer shorts, pees on the front lawn and starts shouting by himself. This must be nice for the neighbours. Juha keeps getting humiliated and so Ville and Juha are no longer friends. At this point everyone has gone off the rails and they are all laughing by themselves. In the middle of the living room, Ville is the first to die. The grim reaper comes and

pompous art performance that has merely shallow cliches and obvious statements. After Ville’s death, Juha wept in the toilet for a few minutes, while Fanny seemed annoyed by losing Juhas attention to the tragedy. However, the situation lasted only those few minutes when Juha took his turn in dying. spares him, as he thinks watching Ville’s screwups is amusing. In the middle of the night, with Fanny 19

‘O Death, made proud with pure and princely beauty!’

t was a shocking twist in the experiment; the book smarts and hygienic tendencies of Ville and athleticism and brains of Juha had no advantage against Fanny’s insanity, madness and overall indifference toward his surroundings. It is but a little comfort of knowing Fanny beat Juha for just seconds, for he died almost immediately after Juha. So the result of Ville’s laboratory was that Fanny lived longest, Juha came in second and Ville died first.

sleeping in the single bed and Juha and Ville in the double bed, Fanny dies. As Juha and Ville are watching, Juha dies as well beside the bed. He just lies there for a while, unnoticed by Ville, who is busy grieving Fanny. When Fanny’s ghost is gone, Ville notices Juha, who is also taken away. Ville is said to have inherited everything and so he goes to sleep. Was this all fixed, I wonder…

Even in death, Juha needs to pee.

Already planning the garden he’ll build with the insurance money.

THE CONCLUSION

n conclusion, we found that the Sims followed their predesignated characteristics quite faithfully. A surprising discovery was the fact that the food the Sims consumed did not have an effect on their budget. We realized that this was simply out of the question, as the entire idea of the experiment was to test who would win in a living competition. As expected, the results vary, and there was an incident where death himself intervened, somewhat distorting the results. However, we had no choice but to accept this sudden turn of events, as we had not forbidden it beforehand. This experiment can be executed on an even larger scale and the amount of data on Sim behavioral patterns that could be gathered is extremely high.

We at Godartet hope that this article inspires future generations to always strive for the scientific, objective truth beyond the microscope and therefore making us a lighthouse of wisdom and the creepy house nobody visits of cultural world.

ESSAY

Juha Heikkinen EPIC

national epic is an important part of a nation’s identity, something to be memorized at school along with the national composer, writer, anthem and such. An epic should capture the spirit of a people, not necessarily of a state, because a state is merely formed by the people living in it and is basically just a gathering of people in order to secure financial and personal security. A state is not the expression of the character of the people living in it, whereas an epic can be just that. Perhaps the epic is a distillation of the spirit of its creators. After all, the stories we enjoy tells quite a bit about us as individuals. What we consider beautiful or ugly, worth telling and retelling is in a sense a part of who we are and when certain themes keep popping up on a national scale, you could argue that you have gotten a glimpse, no matter how small, of a people’s soul. In this case I am referring to a soul in a purely poetic fashion and any literal interpretations of the word should be made by everyone individually.

e need a story to have a beginning and an end. That is why our most brilliant minds are constantly searching for the answer to probably the biggest questions of all: How did it all begin and how will it end? There have been countless creation myths and what these stories and the scientific theories have in common is the underlying need to make sense of it all, no matter how impossible finding the answer seems to be. A story in which anthromorphic creatures build the world carries in itself a problem: Fabricating a story may create a false sense of accomplishment, which is to say that the need for further explanation and research may be considered pointless. You have the person named so-and-so, who did this-and-that in said time, end of discussion. The discussion or rather lack thereof may be guarded by an authority who does not tolerate questioning, a form of organized religion. On the other hand, a scientific explanation is never satisfied, but always challenged. In fact, the challenging of an explanation is built into the scientific method so strongly that the entire process moderates itself. We can see the effects of the abovementioned false sense of accomplishment in the way organized religions have at their worst denied a scientific explanation of the world completely. To use a modern example, intelligent design is being pushed as a scientific explanation next to evolution in many American states. However, this fundamentalist approach is by no means limited to Christianity. All you need is a story and the iron will to ignore any explanation other than your own.

o return to the stories we make up in order to explain everything around us, I’d like to discuss the creation myth of Kalevala, Finland’s national epic, whose commemorative day is held in Finland on 28th February. The day is also considered to be a celebration of the entire Finnish culture. In the beginning of Kalevala, the world is pretty much nothing but water. A goddess, Ilmatar, is bathing in the water when a bird, a scaup, lays its eggs on her knee. As the goddess finally moves, the eggs are broken and so the earth, the sky, the sun, the stars and the clouds are formed. The main protagonist of the epic, if you can name one, is Väinämöinen, the son of the goddess whose birth is apparently a time consuming process. Väinämöinen is a shaman and old geezer from the start. Apparently the oral tradition has different versions, one of which includes Väinämöi-

nen being the one on whose knee the eggs are layed. One thing is for sure: Väinämöinen is a big deal. His adventures vary from a sing-off against a pompous youngster and an epic battle against the northern folk for Sampo, a device of sorts that can produce riches of all types (it was a wedding endowement to the northern folk, which the nice people of Kalevala end up wanting back. Nice folks, really. Sampo ends up sinking into the ocean, which is why seas are salty etc.). Perhaps the most disturbing example of Väinämöinen’s disfunctional character is how he stalks a young woman to her death. The young woman, Aino, was promised as his wife by her brother after losing the sing-off and being stuck in a swamp. The young lad, Joukahainen, ends up promising her sister to Väinämöinen in exchange for his life. Having been constantly followed by the old man and not seeing any other way out, Aino decides to take her own life by drowning herself. The men of Kalevala are truly a heart warming bunch. The thing about Väinämöinen’s story that bothers me, apart from his not understanding that no does not mean yes, is the way his story ends. In the end of the epic he decides to leave Kalevala because a boy whose birth was basically a virgin birth (something about the mother, Marjatta, getting pregnant after eating a lingonberry). The child is eventually made king of Kalevala, which does not leave room for Väinämöinen. The story of the new king has startling resemblance with the story of Jesus and to make Väinämöinen leave on his account is a way for the old beliefs to make way for the new. Here the pagan beliefs are made subordinate to Christianity, something to be abandoned when a true faith emerges.

ven though Kalevala is the story of the old ways, the world before Finland as a whole was little more than a primal gathering of people, it is quite sad that it all ends in a way that leaves no room for the old ways. Giving the old gods a sunset to walk towards is in a sense abandoning what has been truly Finnish and truly our own invention. Whether the this Christ-like character was an addition by Elias Lönnrot, the man who collected the epic by walking across Finland and gathering the oral tradition of Finnish folklore or something that was actually a part of the tradition is actually quite an intriguing question, because for a large part of its history, Finland has been a country of pagans, if you can even consider a random piece of land inhabited by hunter gatherers a nation. The most likely scenario is that the rise of Christianity has influenced the folklore and so the old gods are given a way out of the picture. Without a widespread government-run religion, the stories could possibly have had a very different ending.

n a different note, what is common with any pagan belief systems is the enormous respect for nature, in fact so much so that the entire world around us is deified. Different aspects of nature are given guardians and it is perhaps this respect that made us wary of angering nature. Thinking about our modern industrial society, I cannot help thinking that the sense of entitlement brought by the belief that the almighty has given us this land has been detrimental to us. Perhaps an honest fear that a god-ish creature with anger issues would punish us if we don’t fly right and leave this place in good shape for our children to enjoy is exactly what we need. Let’s bring back the days of the homicidal dickhead gods. At least we were wise enough to respect them.

n essay about Scandestonian mythology would not be complete without mentioning the vikings. As far as mythologies go, the viking mythos is world famous for its old gods, Odin, Thor, Loki and pals. They are the topic of film and comic book adaptations in a way that must make our guys quite bitter. Even though Norse mythology has its roots in Germanic pagan tradition and was spread to Scandinavia when the people widely known as vikings moved to these latitudes, the myths have been a well-known part of the viking tradition for centuries, so for the purpose of this essay, I will refer to the Norse mythology as a part of the Scandinavian vikings’ tradition and leave any references to their roots aside. The myths in question were not written down until 1000 – 1300 C.E in Iceland in the form a collection called The Poetic Eddas, which consist of 34 poems in total. The value of this collection is that the Norse mythology, an oral tradition, has been preserved and so we are able to appreciate them even today, whether it be in the form of Wagner’s operas, which apparently drew inspiration from these stories, or J.R.R. Tolkiens writings, which, no surprises here, were also influenced by the stories in the Eddas. 23

ollywood tends to have a nose for stories that lend themselves well for box office rumbles. Considering the amount of action and excitement in epics such as Iliad and Odyssey or the abovementioned viking tales, it is no wonder that numerous film adaptations have been made, even though the stories must surely have been simplified into ‘for dummies’ versions of the actual thing. The problem with filming something as large as an epic is that there is such a large volume of work to choose from that a couple of hours won’t do the story justice. The best way would be to get an HBO executive on board and create a TV series in the spirit of Game of Thrones. Were that to happen with Kalevala, I am sure all of Finland would tune in and it would be something everyone would consider the greatest Finnish achievement since Nokia. One could argue that Finnish folklore has already received the attention of a larger audience, because J.R.R. Tolkien, the writer of The Lord of the Rings and The Hobbit among others, not only used Finnish language in creating elvish, but also took inspiration from Kalevala in his own writing. A clear example of this can be seen in Silmarillion, the epicesque book that has its own creation myth, the birth of evil and different species such as elves and humans, as well as the battle between good and evil. If you now your Kalevala, you will be familiar with Kullervo, a tragic character who was orphaned as a child and, to make a long story short, unknowingly sleeps with his sister who he did not know was alive and ends up killing himself because, well, finding out you slept with your sister is a bit of a bummer. In Silmarillion, Tolkien has not even attempted to hide his influences in the story of Turin Turambar as the core of the story is exactly the same. So here we have the collection of a people’s folklore and poetry influencing an artificial mythology created by one brilliant individual. Not being much of a reader of fantasy, I am not quite sure how unique Silmarillion is in the fantasy genre, but I am confident that the scale and precision of Tolkien’s work will remain unparalelled. Many have criticised Silmarillion for being confusing and perhaps even boring, as it does not follow a straight narrative path, but rather tells the larger than life tales of different individuals over a large timescale, exactly like an epic. One thing even those not too hot for the book can surely agree on is that at least Peter Jackson won’t be able to turn it into a trilogy any time soon.

t doesn’t matter if you consider an epic such as Kalevala or Estonia’s Kalevipoeg something worth reading yourself. It is the significance of these volumes with regards to a people and their collective consciousness that is the true value of them. We humans love to tell stories and listen to them. Given the context, a story might be considered a lie, which brings up another interesting question about the myths that these stories present. How much of it was ever considered as anything but just stories? Did people truly believe what they were talking about when they were passing on these stories and if they did, what is the difference with believing what a holy book with better PR tells you? Not to make this an attack against religion, I want to bring the focus back to the value of these stories as what they are, stories. Stories are something that we never grow tired of hearing, no matter that their basic building blocks have been recycled ever since the first ones were told. Through stories, we learn of the human nature by observing others, which is a precious thing.

The writer enjoys EPIC stories with EPIC battles, monsters and other EPIC stuff. He dreams of a day when someone creates a font called EPIC.

TH 26

ARTIS

STS

ANU KAELUSSO DESIGNER MY

DESK is big and old-fashioned and on that table you can find almost everything - pearls, colors, sewing machines, a box with threads, a pile of fabrics and even Legos. All of this is in harmony with my daily routine and it even describes my work â&#x20AC;&#x201C; diverse, chaotic and abundant. I have studied leather design but these days I rarely practice it. Currently my interests vary according to the season: In the autumn and winter I do embroidery and decorate gloves knitted by my mother, in the spring and summer embroidered collars, jewellery and home textiles decorated with silk-screen print are in high demand. However, this is not all â&#x20AC;&#x201C; my activities get interrupted by contributions to magazines on clothing, fashion and DIY ideas. So, I am an artist with a rather practical mind who loves colors, skeletons and items of natural history, wool, linen and silk and a variety of textures and meticulously invented details.

Photos: Anu Kaelussoo & Ago Pelisaar

Photos: Anu Kaelussoo

Photo: Anu Kaelussoo & Ago Pelisaar

Photo: Anu Kaelussoo

Photo: Anne-Mai Anim채gi

Photo: Anu Kaelussoo

Photos: Anu Kaelussoo

facebook.com/anukaelussoodesign

LISTINGS 17 March - 15 April FINLAND Helsinki City Museum; Music! Echoes from the past of a city Villa Hakasalmi Helsinki The always beautiful and always free museum at Villa Hakasalmi starts its latest exhibiiton, this time focusing on the musical side of Helsinki, from the point of view of music diggers. As usual, the museum also has some interactive parts where you can try your luck in an elementary-school singing test and learn minuet! Definitely worth your time. Harlot, Hag, Maiden Varjo Gallery, Rovakatu 40, 96200 Rovaniemi 3.4.2015-24.4.2015 Our exhibition introduces the 21st century the untold tales of the Nordic young female artists and the experiences we relate to womanhood. Our artists include Tessa Astre and Aila Price from Rovaniemi and Hanni Haapaniemi from Haukipudas. The artworks of Tessa Astre follow the story of a female couple Malla and Saana, the fictional characters of the Arctic Wedding, who fight their battle in conservative Lapland. Malla and Saana are superheroines in the world ruled by The Bear of Russia expressing their tenacious and wilful sexuality. The esthetic icon paintings of Hanni Haapaniemi are painted with archaic materials and they combine the classical Christian imagery with the old Finnish mythology, ways of obscene. Aila Price deals with the feminist typifications and brings to light the shared human experience behind the feminist caricature. The artist combines irony with love of craft to illustrate everyday epiphanies. The name of our exhibition tells about different evaluations of women. The Hag (Akka) is a Finnish goddess but it also refers to Louhi, the evil female antagonist of the Kalevala – our shared inspiration. Harlot means a prostitute but the term can also be used of a ”satanicly evil-spirited woman”, a stigma easily given to a female artist bravely using her own voice. The Maiden is an unpolluted muse from the world of ideas, a mythical depiction of virginity and an ideal of a young woman.

SWEDEN Sugar 15.3. 14:30 - 6.9. 14:30 Stockholm This exhibition is about “sweet things in Sweden from the Middle Ages to today’s mass consumption. It’s the story of how something that was rare and precious has become hard to avoid.” We don’t have any idea what this thing is about, but sounds too interesting to miss! Katinka and Bo Andersson at Studio L2 15.3.2015 17:00 - 4.4.2015 16:00 Two artists, a father and a daughter, join for this exhibition where the two distinct styles of the two are clear. Here is your chance to familiarize yourself with Swedish modern art or go take a look at these artists you already know.

ESTONIA Tartu’s Festival of World Film 14.03 - 21.03.2015 Tartu Based on the concept of visual anthropology, the Tartu festival of World Film is among the most in-depth documentary films festivals on the planet. Bringing films from all around the world, the festival screens some 70 films and also has special lectures about visual anthropology. Tallinn Music Week 25.-29.3. 2015 Tallinn A week filled with music in Tallinn! This event is celebrating its 7th year of promoting music from Eastern, Western and Southern Europe. And boy, does it cover everything! During the week one can go listen to some Danish jazz, Armenian death metal, Finno-Ugrian ancient ritual music and much, much more. Be there, or be someone whose taste in music is really, really before-it-was-cool.

NORWAY

Norwegian contemporary photography 29.1.2015 - 12.4.2015 Kristiansand S Here’s your chance for to go see what the current photographers are doing. The good thing is that the exhibition lasts for quite a long time, so even if you don’t have time to get there right now, you could plan a trip there later. The magical North: Finnish and Norwegian art around year 1900 Oslo This exhibition parallels the art of two different countries and compares the two by bringing up political and historical themes. How has the need for independence shown in the art of these two countries? For more information on the dates, which vary quite a bit, visit http://www.visitnorway.com/en/ product/?pid=232871.

After a long evening of playing tic-tac-toe against himself, Rufus wondered if there could be more to his life. He was already brilliant in tic-tac-toe, but could he be better as a person?

The next day Rufus asked his BFF and mentor, Simon the Sassy Salamander, about it. Luckily, Simon had just seen an inspiring and philosophical movie!

PAYS IT FORWARD.

“Pay it forward. Man, this made me think like, deep shit. Do a good deed, mine is to tell you about it, and you’re a good person. No, I won’t loan it to you.”

After Simon had left like a snake smoothly dipping into still water in the moonlight, Rufus wondered who he could do a good deed for, and remembered Mufford the Miserable Mouse!

Mufford was an old hobo, begging for money near the cigarette store where Rufus always bought his smokes. Rufus had never given the bum any money, but now he did! Mufford asked for five bucks, but Rufus only gave him three, so he wouldn’t support Mufford’s raging alcoholism too much. Feeling good about himself, Rufus beat himself in every game of tic-tac-toe that night.

However, the next morning Rufus saw a bunch of people near the smoke shop. He asked what was going on and a lady answered, sobbing: “Some monster gave poor old Mufford three dollars last night and he used it to buy window cleaner. He drank it and died a slow, agonizing death! Oh, if that someone would’ve just given him a whole five dollars to buy real alcohol, this would never have happened!”

Rufus never played tic-tac-toe again.

ONE MORE THING, JUST FOR YOU, OUR DEAR

NORWEGIAN/SWEDISH/FINNISH/ESTONIAN READER!

ARE YOU AN ARTIST, OR DO YOU KNOW ANY ARTISTS OR THOUGHTFUL PEOPLE IN SOME OTHER FIELDS? YES? WOW, THAT IS SO COOL! IF YOU OR YOUR FRIENDS WISH TO SEE THEIR NAMES IN THIS MAGAZINE, THAT CAN EASILY BE ARRANGED! HERE’S WHAT WE’RE LOOKING FOR: WRITERS!

ARTISTS!

Essays, short stories, poems. You name it, we’ll take it! If you have anything in your drawer just waiting to see the light of day, send it to us and we might just publish it. We’re not telling you how to write your stuff, but in essays we’re looking for something that’s related to Nordic arts or culture. Poems and short stories are of course a free-roam, but local point of view is preferred. We don’t have any word or character limitations like those silly professionals, but we hope that you remain in a maximum of 15 A4 pages with some basic size 12 font. Also, no politics, religion, sports or other unrelated boredom!

This is why we do this, to give visibility to amazing artists. Whatever is your medium, from painting to sculpture and photography to textile design, we’re willing to let you promote yourself. In each number we have room for 5 artists and each artist gets a total of 6 spreads to promote themselves (1 spread is a mandatory cover, so 5 is just for art) that you can use any way you wish. Not all of them have to be used, of course. We’ll take care of the lay-out and the end result will always be approved by you before publishing and all the copyrights remain with you.

TIPS!

READERS!

Do you have local knowledge of the best culture events in your town that nobody else knows? Or maybe you have a great idea for a feature story, Gonzo-concept or otherwise great ideas on how to make Godartet a better magazine? If so, do contact us! We’re eager to know what’s happening out there.

If you don’t have anything to contribute, but just like to read our nifty little paper, do share us with the world! We’re on Facebook, Twitter, Instagram and Issuu, we have our own webpage and a YouTube channel so there are many ways for spreading the word about Godartet. And for this, we salute you! Sharing is daring... Or something like that.

And just for all to know, we can’t compensate for your writings, as Godartet works purely on voluntary work (this includes Ville and Juha). However, we also won’t be charging you for anything, and we hope to help you in any way we can. Also, don’t worry about your English, because Godartet has a professional proofreader, who makes sure your words are solid. Hope to hear from you soon!

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LEGAL INFORMATION GODARTET IS A NON-COMMERCIAL, NON-PROFIT MAGAZINE AIMING TO SUPPORT, SPREAD AND ANALYSE ART AND CULTURE FROM NORWAY, SWEDEN, FINLAND AND ESTONIA. THE MAGAZINE IS BASED IN HELSINKI, FINLAND. EDITOR-IN-CHIEF: VILLE KOSKI. SENIOR EDITOR: JUHA HEIKKINEN. EVERYTHING PUBLISHED IN GODARTET IS PROTECTED BY COPYRIGHT AND ALL OF THE COPYRIGHTS BELONG TO THEIR RESPECTIVE MAKERS UNLESS SPECIFICALLY MARKED OTHERWISE. DO NOT COPY, ALTER, SHARE OR IN OTHER WAYS USE THE MATERIAL IN GODARTET WITHOUT THE PERMISSION OF THE SPECIFIC COPYRIGHT OWNER, WHOM YOU MAY CONTACT DIRECTLY OR THROUGH GODARTET MAGAZINE. ANYONE BREAKING THESE RULES WILL BE CAUGHT, FOUND AND - FOR YOUR INFORMATION - WE THINK LANNISTER IS THE COOLEST HOUSE IN GAME OF THRONES. ANY QUESTIONS OR COMMENTS CAN BE SENT TO GODARTETMAGAZINE@GMAIL.COM. HAPPY READINGS!