4 Reasons we Stay in Relationships that Suck

Written by Delilah Escobar

Have you ever found yourself feeling like your significant other is a ball and chain? Wondering why you’re still there, and feeling completely disconnected. Reading that you must think “uhhh no, I’d just leave,” but some people find themselves unable to make that break. It’s easier said than done in some situations. We all have our reasons, but if you find yourself unable to reach a conclusion as to why you’re stuck in a miserable relationship, maybe we can help you align your thoughts and provide some clarity. Let’s begin.

Stability

Let’s face it, even if you don’t want to admit it, some people don’t care who they are in a relationship with as long as they’re in a relationship. Relationships offer comfort. Even when things are bad, you’re not going through the bad alone. Sometimes, the good days seem to outshine the bad... until the bad days come more frequently than they should. The thought of marriage--not having to date anymore and never having to be alone is more important than actually being happy to some people. That’s no way to live. You don’t need to lean on someone else for stability, you can create it on your own, but it takes work. Relationships (whether you’re happy or not) offer the illusion for stability you don’t have to try to attain.

Time

I’d say this is the most common reason a lot of people stay in mediocre relationships. We feel like we’ve sacrificed so much to be with someone, or even that we’ve built them to be a better version of themselves that suited the lifestyle we imagined. You think, “I invested so much time in this person so they can go and make someone else happy? Absolutely not.” It’s the narcissistic nature embedded inside of us. “I made them the way they are, I taught them to be this way, I recreated them to love me correctly.” The thought of them taking all your time and being better for someone else can bring you to blinded rage. Have a seat. If you aren’t happy, you don’t get to keep someone around because of the time you invested in them.

Another issue with time, is age. We set these timelines on our lives: “I want to be married by 26” or “I want to have kids before I’m 30.” There’s so much life to live and setting a timestamp to meet for every major life event is only going to corrupt your thinking process when choosing your ideal partner. You will settle for living a life being content instead of being happy if every decision you make is to meet this imaginary timeline you have set for yourself. Age is fluid, you’re only as old as you feel. All in all, you’re just wasting time when you take deadlines into consideration for your life decisions.

Obligation

This is the most terrible reason to stay with someone. As a single mother, I find it’s more common among people with families. A few years back, I found myself in a lost marriage for the sake of my daughter. I told myself every time I wanted to leave, “Give her a fair chance at a normal family.” In the same moment, I’d be constantly reminded of life in a broken home. I didn’t want that for her, so I stuck it out because I felt I had an obligation as a mother to give it my best shot. As I matured, I realized I was setting a terrible example for my daughter. I was teaching her that it was okay to be half-ass loved and I wanted more for her than that. Some people feel they have an obligation as a wife, husband, woman, or man to the person they’re with because they’ve done nothing to warrant the feeling of emptiness they have. It’s just not there anymore. As someone who has been on both sides of that coin, no one wants to be kept because of an obligation.

There is always someone who can be better, treat you better, or make you happier if you’re already unsatisfied...

Fear

Last, but certainly not least, is fear. Whatever it is that they are scared of, a lot of people don’t leave dying relationships simply because they are scared. They’re scared that they’ll realize it was a mistake, and then it’ll be too late to come back. They’re scared they won’t find someone better. They’re scared of what friends and family will think. They’re scared of ending up alone. Fear cannot be a motivating factor in a relationship. There are over 7 billion people on this planet, and one is bound to be the person you’re meant to be with. These fears are irrational. There is always someone who can be better, treat you better, or make you happier if you’re already unsatisfied in your relationship.

No matter what your excuse is, do your partner and yourself a favor and let it go. Relationships, well people, are supposed to add happiness to your life. You’re better off being alone if they can’t provide that for you. Using a human-being as a crutch, a filler, or a box to check off in a timeline of how you feel your life should be going is not only unfair to them, it’s unfair to you. Give the both of you the opportunity to find a true and meaningful love by going your separate ways if you can’t find it in each other.

Delilah Escobar is embarking on a new writing journey with the Goddess Column brand. She is Puerto Rican and Cuban. Dealing with the dilemmas of her twenty something life, Delilah is sure to bring us great content on life, love, and parenting.