How to Reset when Parenting Gets Hard AF

I've only been ‘momming’ for two years now and I feel like I’ve had to hit the reset button 100,000 times. It’s extremely important to understand that as a parent, whether single or married, you’re going to have some moments when you feel like you just “can’t.” Its normal, it’s natural, and it’s nothing to be afraid of. What’s important is knowing what to do when this moment arises so that you don’t take it out on your little one or let it negatively affect your parenting methods. This is how to reset yourself when parenting gets hard AF--because it does!

Tell a confidant ASAP.

The minute you feel yourself getting progressively angry when you start to feel overwhelmed by parenting, tell someone you trust. A husband, a best friend, a parent… tell someone you trust with such fragile information and your child. Tell someone who will not take on a judgmental heart when you share your truth with them. In my experience, telling a confidant does two things that help me reset without fail. When I call that confidant, they are usually able to show me love and support that reminds me that it’s okay for me to feel the way I feel. They also remind me that I am doing a great job as a parent even though I have gotten a little tired. On top of all that, they usually come over to help me with my daughter so that I can take time to myself. This kind of love and support from a confidant is extremely necessary to resetting when you’re overwhelmed with being a parent.

Figure out the exact cause of stress.

Usually the feeling of being overwhelmed as a parent comes from stress, not the child(ren). Identify what is triggering your emotions as soon as possible because the longer you wait the more difficulty you’ll have determining what’s really causing you to feel this way. Once you figure out the cause of stress, write it down and reflect on it. Most times you’ll find that it had nothing to do with the child at all. The reason I say write it down is because usually writing things out helps us to hear our emotions better than just ‘thinking’ about how we feel. When you read those frustrations out loud, you will be able to really hear, feel, and see where the problems lie within you and around you.

Plan actions to prevent the cause of stress.

After writing everything out, write down a plan of action to prevent these things from happening again. You have to deal with the feeling of being overwhelmed the way you would any type of psychological issue--because that’s what it is. Don’t feel bad or silly about writing down and initiating your plan. That’s what any successful parent should do!

Plan personal time.

In the beginning of my parenting journey I would constantly feel guilty for feeling like I needed a “break” from my daughter. Even if I just wanted my mom to watch her so I could take a bubble bath, I felt like I was neglecting her. If this is you, I want you to know that you’re not doing anything wrong by needing some alone time away from your child(ren); especially if not receiving that personal time is affecting your relationship with them. Take some time to reset yourself so that you can continue to give your child(ren) the very best version of you because that’s what all of you deserve!

Some ideas to further reset yourself during ‘me time’:

Find a relaxing place outside to meditate or pray.

Take a drive alone to clear your mind.

Take a bubble bath.

Engage in your favorite hobby or pastime.

Send the child(ren) to their grandparents for a few hours of peace and quiet at home.

Spend uninterrupted quality time with your significant other.

Indulge in your favorite bottle of wine, chocolate, or ‘feel-good’ food.

Pamper yourself.

Read a good book.

Spend some time out with friends.

Hug your baby.

When all is said and done and you’ve taken the time to fully reset yourself, hug your baby. Let them know that you didn’t mean anything you said (if you talk out of anger). Let them know that you love them and you’re proud to be their parent. Let the tightness of their little arms around your neck fill your heart with the strength you need to push forward for them even for just one more day. You got this, mama bear.