Tour de France 2012 Coverage

O T E D I U G D E T A R T S U L L I AN E C N A R F E D R U O T 2 1 0 THE 2 TEN, CLAIRE

E BAT WORDS BY LUK

EVER

NS ILLUSTRATIO

BY

R

ATHON SADLE

RTS AND JON ETT, RIA ROBE LING

BECCA GOES

PROLOGUE: FABIAN “SPARTACUS” CANCELLARA WE DON’T PACE LIKE THE STARS The Heroes write this post from a small, dark room at Hero Headquarters in Chicago. We say dark because we turned off all the lights and just let the coverage illuminate the studio to protect our communally held hangovers . Last night we rallied at our local bar, the Publican, and imbibed 9% Belgian beers. In between shouts of “just one more” we talked favorites, dark horses, no chances and redemption. General consensus among us Heroes, Bradley Wiggins is our sentimental favorite. He races for victory all year and his efforts this Spring have been inspiring. By the end of the night we were drunk and this morning thirsty and looking for some codeine laced cold medicine we picked up in France. It works.

THE GAME PLAN For the first time in three years we have decided to do our tour coverage stateside and our next European race coverage will have to wait to until the World Championships. The scene will be played out thusly, Becca, Luke, Ria, Todd, Jonathan, and Claire will gather at Hero HQ at our big white table. Coffee will be served, tables pounded, and live feeds watched. Becca Goesling will be working on magical illustrations for race coverage. Ria will be researching Tour start and finish towns, big and small. Todd will be looking for the human drama . Jonathan will be studying geography, birds and the geology of France. Claire will be thinking about perspective and challenging us to write something to elucidate the race in a Heroic way.

So our first tip of the hat this year goes to Fabian Cancellara. We look forward to sifting through his tweets later today to further develop our understanding of Fabianese. Let us speak his name one more time, FABIAN CANCELLARA, the king has returned and will be wearing yellow tomorrow. All is right at the TDF, the Radio Shack Bus, and the little suburb of Wohlen bei Bern in Switzerland. Bring on the kisses, the Alps, the Caravan, the uphill finishes and maybe some last minute cheap tickets to France (You Never Know). The next three weeks will be beautiful.

STAGE 1: PETER “THE CANNIBAL” SAGAN LIEGE TO SERAING (198 KM) LIKE A CHAMPION ROOSTER COMING INTO HIS PRIME While the heroes take pleasure in a great many things– kittens, the Barney’s winter sale, oyster bars, terrariums– there are few that rival the joy of the Tour de France. As you know, we have immense appreciation for all species of bike race, but there is no denying the spectacle that is the Tour. We know it is looming when the heat has become unbearable and even the short walk to the post office becomes an act of masochism. Heroes become martyrs. During this time of year we can think of little else other than freeze pop rations and how to befriend a lucky pool owner.

Conversation becomes terminally insipid– “It’s so hot out.” “Yeah. I can’t believe how hot it is.”

In the midst of this languidness, it is only the TDF that can throttle us from our heat strokes. It is something we look forward to, a particular time of year with a singular aura. The tour always finds a quorum of heroes at headquarters in Chicago. Watching the race becomes integral to our daily routine.

We gather each morning, with a poised French Press on the table and a still lazy pug at our feet (the pug is eternally lazy, regardless of the weather) and via the transportive magic of flat screen TV we embark upon this psychogeographic journey we have so anxiously awaited. Together we will move from Liege to Seraing, to Vise, Tournai, Metz, and so on and so forth. Together we will laugh, cry, explain the polka dot jersey to interns and speculate as to Gilbert’s next hairdo. When it is all over for the day, we will turn off the TV and cheerfully embark on our various hero duties– building frames, packing tee shirts, designing water bottles, making tacos– with a sense of vigor and comaradery not seen since the first time the temperature rose above 80 F many, many weeks ago. As Guy Debord says “the spectacle is not a collection of images, but a social relation among people mediated by images.” Tenspeed Hero concurs and would like to add that the spectacle is what revives us from our midsummer malaise.

STAGE 2: MARK “THE MISSILE” CAVENDISH VISÉ TO TOURNAI (207.5 KM) LET’S TALK MANX MISSILE HERE If you follow Tenspeed Hero you will remember Todd Hero’s post in September of 2011 teasing, or celebrating, the nicknames and useful monikers of the World Champion, Mark. It is a helpful guide when referencing Cavendish. We also would like to point you to the comments from Fabian Cancellara: “he’s shown off his jersey very well today. Usually he comes here with a sprint train but this year it’s very difficult for him so that was really some performance. He’s pulled off a real big number here today.”

Though it is true that Mark has relied on the Highroad Train for most of his career, we are surprised if anyone seriously doubted he had the abilities of that most prolific privateer, Robbie McKewen. After all holding onto your own sprint train is not as easy as it looks. This is evidenced daily during sprint stages when lead-outs look around for their sprinter to find them boxed in, swallowed up by the rush and fifteen places back! So we can offer that Mark knows his rivals as good as he knew Mark Renshaw’s wheel.

A WORD FROM MARK “I was alone in the last kilometre. I told Edvald with five kilometres to go just do your own thing. We haven’t worked enough together when it’s so hectic like that. If it had just been the sprinters then it would have been okay but there were climbers and gc riders at the finish. I’d rather just go alone.”

STAGE 3: PETER “FORREST” SAGAN ORCHIES TO BOULOGNE-SUR-MER (197 KM) TO START If the early stages of this tour are about one thing, it is Peter Sagan and his celebrations across the line. The blogs, the cycling news websites and Paul and Phil have been tossing and turning his moves and asking questions of what will come next, because surely they shout, Sagan will win again! After his first move of conjuring up the ballet of Bolero and a Olympic weight lifter, Sagan offered his “Forest Gump” on stage three.

RUN FORREST RUN! If you remember the scene from the movie, Sagan er Forrest, is to be found running away from three bullies on bicycles when his paramour shouts those famous words, “Run Forest Run!” At Hero headquarters we note Sagan as the protagonist channels himself as the runner crossing the finish line, being chased by bike riding bullies no less. Though we often think of cyclists around here as the innocent suffering wrath by motorists etc, we do remember a few days in our youth being chased down by an unknown gang of older BMX hellions. Their specialty was rubbing their front tire alongside our rear tire in order to knock us down; sometimes it worked and sometimes it did not.

After watching the bumping, pushing and crashes at the front of the peloton it maybe suitable to think of your fellow cyclists as bullies. Though in Sagan’s own interpretation of this act he stated, “It’s a thing I’d discussed with my teammates about what kind of gesture I’d do on the line. “Everybody said, `Do a Forrest Gump’ because when he was told to run, he ran. And when I’m told to win, I win.”

Sagan may recall this image of Forrest Gump but we believe it is a miscast metaphor as Forest was an aimless and innocent drifter across historical American moments, and to the Heroes, Mr. Sagan appears to be in the driver’s seat of his exploits across France and his contributions to the history of the Tour.

STAGE 4: ANDRE “THE GORILLA” GREIPEL ABBEVILLE TO ROUEN (214.5 KM) INDEPENDENCE DAY BLUES Stage four of the tour fell upon Independence Day for us American-born heroes. While our fair country exists in a state short of perfection, we joyfully celebrated the abstract concepts of democracy, social mobility, and domestic tranquility. We consumed various grilled meats and several types of beer in seasonal red, white and blue cans. We discussed what the country might be like if A$AP Rocky and Lana Del Rey were the presidential couple (general consensus is positive as far as the Cognac market is concerned, but we’re on the fence about the outlook for Syrian relations).

And now, we are back at TSH headquarters and our minds are back in the hills of Northern France, particularly those cat 4s –Mont Huon, Dieppe, Pourville-sue-Mer, and Toussaint– which made up stage four. Stage four is the fourth longest of the tour and runs mostly along the coast. Its 214.5 km span begins in Abbeville, near where Edward III’s army crossed the Somme in 1346, and ends in Rouen, which was overrun by the Vikings in 841.

As though the riders were channeling our patriotic relaxation, the peloton kept a rather slow pace for the majority of the stage. Excitement, even sheer mayhem, was saved for the very end. In keeping with the region’s warring history, a salute to the Vikings perhaps, this stage would not remain a peaceful one. In a breathtaking sprint for the finish, a tremendous crash claimed our beloved Mark and a slew of other riders. Just 2.5 km from the finish, a massive tangle lay on the ground. Our hero in this stage rode on unscathed, unconcerned. In a display of impeccable teamwork, Lotto-Belisol delivered Andre Greipel, the Gorilla, Cavendish’s great rival, to victory. Greipel’s remark– “It was perfect.”

STAGE 5: ANDRE “THE GORILLA” GREIPEL ROUEN TO SAINT-QUENTIN (196.5 KM) TWO-PEAT REPEAT From a distance, stage 5 sounds quite like stage 4. On this mostly flat road another crash mere kilometers from the finish claimed several riders and the Gorilla won again. However, it is here at the gates of Saint-Quentin where we begin to see emotions running high and the personality of this race emerging. Thus, we would like to leave you with just a few quotes– thoughts on victory from our verbally austere German, words of humility bordering on heartbreak from the great Cancellara (who still wears the yellow jersey), and utter pissed-off-ness from the lately crash cursed Tyler Farrar.

GREIPEL ON VICTORY “I’m happy because I won another stage in the Tour de France.”

GREIPEL ON HIS STRATEGY FOR SUCCESS “Somehow I stayed on my bike.”

CANCELLARA ON DETERMINATION “Everything is possible in life if you believe in it. However, in my opinion, from what I’ve seen of the Planche des Belles Filles climb and what I’ve heard about it, it’s a little bit too hard for me.”

FARRAR YELLING AT TOM VEELERS OUTSIDE OF THE ARGOS-SHIMANO BUS “YOU DON’T DO THAT TO SOMEONE.”

STAGE 6: PETER “THE TOURMINATOR” SAGAN ÉPERNAY TO METZ (207.5 KM) THE TOURMINATOR Stage six starts in the heart of Champagne country and ends in the hometown of Charlemagne. It is a rather easy route, the last before the climbs begin, but never fear, Heroes!

Despite the lack of geographic difficulty, the riders did not bore us. An epic crash occurred 26 KM from the finish that left half the peloton in tatters. Jerseys were torn, frames battered, and most of all, egos wounded. Among the fallen lay Schleck, Rolland, Hesjdal, and Cavendish.

Andre Griepel, our champion as of late, suffered two crashes early in this stage and was not in full gorilla force. Maybe chimpanzee, sure, but not gorilla. Victory this time went to Peter Sagan, the Velvet Samurai. We like our cyclists like we like our coffee, whiskey and pate– smooth and deadly.

Pete, the twenty two year old Slovak is known not only as the Velvet Samurai, but Rambo, the Terminator, the Tourminator, and Cannibal. As you may recall, he referenced Forrest Gump upon winning stage three. This time he did what in the heat of the moment looked like a gorilla impression, perhaps a cavalier jab to the second-placing Greipel. In post-race commentary, however, Sagan told the press “Another win and I called this one ‘The Hulk.’” What we have here is not an antagonistic youngster, but a born performer raised on a steady diet of classic American media.

TSH is now taking bets on Sagan’s next move– The Graduate? Radio Raheem? Only time will tell.

STAGE 7: CHRIS “DOG” FROOME TOMBLAINE TO LA PLANCHE DES BELLES FILLES (199 KM) SEVEN The seventh day of the seventh month saw the seventh stage of the Tour de France. That’s three sevenths, or put more succinctly, 3/7ths. The first day in the hills and the grating of the cheese has begun. A friend just made that one up. After wearing the yellow jersey for six days, with panache we might add, Fabian Cancellara gave it up to Bradley Wiggins. Seemingly, this was what Wiggo wanted all along.

PLEASE INDULGE US FOR A BRIEF DIGRESSION For you geography buffs, some of the Heroes are in Chicago while others reside in the dry hills of southwestern Idaho. Those of us in Idaho are watching Le Tour from the comfort of our air conditioned kitchen on a laptop computer. Conveniently, we can push the pause button while we feed the animals, move sprinklers, plant fruit trees or clean the bike shed. Sometimes it takes all day to watch a stage. That said, somewhere between feeding chickens and planting an asian pear, Pyrus Pyrifolia, Kenyan born (insert Obama joke here) Chris Froome won in a hilltop finish at La Planche des Belles Filles, or in English, Board of the pretty girls. Cadel Evans was there too, between Froome and Wiggins. Some of us would love to see Wiggo in Yellow for a couple more weeks. A fortnight if you will.

STAGE 8: THIBAUT “LE BEBE” PINOT BELFORT TO PORRENTRUY (157.5 KM) PLAYLIST FOR BRADLEY WIGGINS FROM TENSPEED HERO American TV viewers must miss the behind the scenes moments of French TV. Sure, If you have been watching NBC’s coverage there are certainly “Olympic” like human interest montages of an US sort but there is nothing like watching Mark Madiot scream at the troops like a mid-western high school basketball coach. No, we are not talking about the exultant Madiot in the back of the team car during Pinot’s victory on stage eight but rather Madiot’s abashed moments during the 2011 Tour.

We are talking two time Paris-Roubaix winner on French TV as he berated his FDJ team aboard the bus. Madiot screamed at his men, not for riding but for “just riding.” He wanted panache. This is the only thing he could demand of his cyclists and they would not give it. Some of the riders looked upon Madiot with disdain, perceiving his performance as nothing more than TV time for the Directeur Sportif. Sensing that he was losing his audience on the bus and more importantly those of France as they sipped their pastis, he launched into a seething, tragicomic wrecking ball. YOU HAVE NO GLORY! YOU HAVE NO COURAGE! Riders sat up in their seats and listened a bit more attentively and some 12 months later one of his rider’s, Pinot, responded with a glittering attack on the last climb!

“THOSE WERE THE LONG 10 KM OF MY LIFE. WHEN I SAW 10KM TO GO AND THE PELOTON WAS COMING BACK, I WAS REALLY AFRAID.” THIBAUT PINOT This is the kind of thing we expect from a stage winner. Vulnerability, courage, fear, joy, and triumph ringing loudly in 22 year old Pinot’s post-race comments. They are not surprising words and yet they seem freshly spoken. Other comments of note come from Bradley Wiggins during the Q & A. He was tired of the lame-stream media constantly living in a time-warped FESTINA-US POSTAL parallel universe and thereby incapable of believing in the beauty of sport. Bradley is so Post-Lance that we believe he is going to win just to establish a new epoch. But back to word usage, if you are reading cycling news you will see they used the resourceful asterisk when discussing his use of the C-Word as in “C**t”, or as we like to type, cunt. Chapeau Wiggo, your verbal assaults are getting us closer to Post-Festina-US Postal universe we all wish to live in.

STAGE 9: BRADLEY “THE BRAH” WIGGINS ARC-ET-SENANS TO BESANÇON (41.5KM) PLAYLIST FOR BRADLEY WIGGINS FROM TENSPEED HERO 1) Down In Bermuda by Jonathan Richman 2) Maps by Yeah Yeah Yeahs 3) Femme Fatale by Velvet Underground 4) Comfy In Nautica by Panda Bear 5) Some Enchanted Evening by South Pacific 6) Set Em’ Free by Akron/Family 7) Let’s Move To The Country by Smog 8) True Affections by The Blow 9) Nowhere Near by Yo La Tengo 10) Whale by Yellow Ostrich 11) Headlights Look Like Diamonds by Arcade Fire 12) So Far Away by Carole King 13) The Roller Coaster Ride by Belle & Sebastian 14) Ceremony by Galaxie 500 15) Wait. Wait. Wait. by Hanni el Khatib 16) Hall Of Mirrors by Kraftwerk 17) Dancehall Queen

by Robyn 18) 3 Rounds And A Sound by Blind Pilot 19) Stand By Me by Ben E. King 20) Our Deal by Best Coast WE LIVE AND DIE BY GREAT ACTS BORN OF LOSS Due to a rough start Sunday for Great Britain at Wimbledon we thought we’d share a story. Chicago sports fans (Heroes) suffered a couple hard blows this year. The city launched itself into a state of panic at the sight of Blackhawk’s dear Marian Hossa carried out on a stretcher after being knocked unconscious by the brutal Raffi Torres. Basketball fans everywhere watched in terror as Watson dislocated his elbow in early January, then as Rose tore his ACL in late April, then as Noah sprained his ankle in the beginning of May, and finally as Deng declared he would need surgery on his wrist the following season. And then there are the Cubs. To say the least, we have struggled, cried and screamed all year long for near win after near win (OK, sometimes they were far from near but we can still hope).

However on one shining day in the spring of 2012 Chicago experienced unmatched beauty in the world of sports. Our beloved Cubs, Sox, Bulls, Blackhawks and Fire all won on the same day. All rivalries were momentarily forgotten and all hugged and cheered for this grand city of dreams. It is rare that a single home can boast such success.

STAGE 10: THOMAS “THE TONGUE” VOECKLER BELLEGARDE TO SUR-VALSERINE (148KM) THE TONGUE OF A HUMBLE YOUNG MAN For a guy who has “no talent” – he’s not a climber, not a time-trialist, and not a sprinter – he sure does well in the Tour de France. Thomas Voekler has a total of 20 days in the Maillot Jaune, 15 days in the Maillot Blanc, three stages of the Tour de France (including one today), and a lowly 4th in last year’s Tour de France. How does Voekler manage to get 4th in the Tour and not have visions or delusions (choose one) of winning the race? There are some riders with less potential (worse) than Thomas Voekler who, in the back of their minds, think they can win the Tour de France.

Yet it is a long way from 4th to 1st. Voekler does not consider himself a threat for the overall victory.

He never has. He knows he cannot out-climb the likes of Contador, or Andy Schleck. What? Contador and Andy Schleck are not in this years Tour? In that case maybe Voekler should consider the overall victory. Not this year’s but why not next year’s?

Jens Voigt heroically chased and caught the Voekler group, illustrating why Jens is a favorite of so many fans. And then even more heroically, Voekler won the stage after so much time in a break, illustrating why he is the favorite of so many fans.

STAGE 11: PIERRE “THE ROCKSTAR” ROLLAND ALBERTVILLE TO LA TOUSSUIRE – LES SYBELLES (148 KM) IN BRIEF Baseball is a game of inches or so said legendary baseball man, Branch Rickey. It may be defining description of the game. It is so accurate it is hard to believe that the statement can be credited to only one man. It is operable on defense, offense and the nuances of the game. The Heroes remember when Chicago Cubs pitcher Jon Lieber illustrated this when he constantly threw inside to the infamous slugger Barry Bonds about 10 years ago. The pitches were not just thrown to move Barry Bonds off the plate but within an inch of Mr. Bonds’ protective knee brace. Not once but twice and Bonds could feel the “inches” to the point that he screamed at Lieber and later protested to the umpire in vain. Cycling is a bit more difficult to pin down in such a succinct way but after stage eleven we can settle on this statment: CYCLING IS A SPORT OF METERS, HUNGER AND SIGNIFICANT OTHERS Since we are a day late on discussing Mr. Rolland, you may have already heard about the wonderful back and forth between Wiggo’s wife and Froome’s girlfriend on Twitter. In case you have not please follow this LINK to the NY TIMES. Robert Mackey does a nice job of describing the tension emerging from surprising and passionate quarters.

BUTTERFLIES AND PIERRE ROLLAND For today’s stage we celebrate with tricolor butterflies. Yes, we reference the climber’s ability to float up the cols, but we also use this image to reference man’s fragility as Rolland’s slow motion crash left him with clipped wings for much of the stage. A beautiful victory it was.

STAGE 12: DAVID “TAKE A KNEE” MILLER SAINT-JEAN-DE-MAURIENNE TO ANNONAY DAVÉZIEUX (226 KM) TSH PRESENTS SELECTED Q&A BETWEEN REBECCA GATES AND JEREMY DUNN Jeremy Dunn: “What has been your favorite tertiary video that you’ve discovered from this year’s Tour de France?”

Rebecca Gates: Peter Sagan child Red Bull drinker mountain bike trickster.

Rebecca Gates: There have been several notable victory salutes this year. What is your preferred move when you cross the finish line before the rest of the field?

Jeremy Dunn: Well, seeing as how I haven’t crossed the line first in a while (like, ever) I can easily say I wouldn’t know what to do. But, I was always a fan of J. Antonio Flecha’s bow and arrow… So I think mine (which would start before the sprint) would be me shooting an arrow from behind the peloton – sprinting by them – and then catching the proverbial arrow as I crossed the line. You dig?

Sagan take note!

Jeremy Dunn: David Millar won the other day. But, people were talking about the possibility that he bought out the win because no one contested him. (A crazy thing to say about anyone who stayed in a break all day) but nevertheless an important question. With the yellow jersey all but locked up, do you think more of this is going to happen? And who’s going to be the next big name up there? (Ed note: I was pulling hard for vino the other day).

Rebecca Gates: One of the great pleasures of stage race fandom is learning the many aspects of the competition available for scrutiny and strategy. Points, teams, respecting el patron, alliances. Sewed up? Hmmmm. Is a tour ever sewed up until a few days before Paris? That said, yes, the race is getting nervy and gossipy! Would today’s stage winner have been in the breakaway if Hesjedal was still in the race? Mayhem and col climbs cracking! The next big name? The youngsters are creeping.

I like how Pinot rides. No prediction for final podium three though.

STAGE 13: ANDRE “THE GORILLA” GREIPEL SAINT-PAUL-TROIS-CHÂTEAUX TO LE CAP D’AGDE (217 KM) GOOD GOD MR. GREIPEL! Where do we start? How do we absorb this Tour de France? Yes Greipel wins his third stage and we ask ourselves around the table if this means anything. Does this herald a new era or the middling end of another? We seek a native guide to look at the broken twigs and bent blades of grass, so they can guide our way. Since it is the Tour de France maybe we should be reading the bent antennas atop the RV’s and the painted and smudged names of today’s riders upon the steep and narrow roads.

And by the way, we also know that Phillippe Gilbert is slower this year and Thor, who is also not at the TDF, has something growing inside of him that does not allow him to go fast. These things we know.

However, we do not know whether Sagan is better than Greipel or if Froome is capable of committing the greatest coup d’état since Hinault & Lemond. Lets hope for great things!

A SHOUT-OUT, BECAUSE WHY NOT And lest we forget, we celebrate another illustration from the talented Rebecca Goesling (@thefutureisok-follow her!). The man is transformed. The Gorilla pounds his chest. Lots of gold for lots of bannanas. If he wins a fourth stage he will be able to fill a container ship with his tossed peels.

STAGE 14: LUIS LEON “SABOTAGE” SANCHEZ LIMOUX TO FOIX (191 KM) ACKNOWLEDGING OUR LACK OF ACKNOWLEDGEMENT It is sort of a bummer for Luis León Sánchez that his stage win was overshadowed by sabotage! Yes, that is an exclamation point – or exclamation mark for our friends in England, Australia and probably Canada. We agree that that punctuation should not be used lightly but the word “sabotage!” looks good with and exclamation point and sabotage! at the Tour de France makes us want to yell, so there you have it. As you probably have heard by now, someone or some group, Wile E. Coyote perhaps, spread tacks on the course. It is probably best to ignore the event thus denying the perpetrators the satisfaction, but Becca made such an awesome illustration that there was no way we were not going to use it. So, we hope you are satisfied and maybe you will buy the print inspired by your dirty work and hang it on a wall in your hideout.

If you go back and look at your race video you will see that clever Sanchez attacked when inexperienced Sagan was attempting to unwrap an energy bar. The old, “attack when your opponent is occupied with a delicious snack” ploy. I for one have been dropped when my opponent employed the similar “attack while Jonathan is occupied trying to identify a bird” ploy. From now on we bet Sagan will do like veteran riders and eat the wrapper.

STAGE 15: PIERRICK “LE NEZ” FEDRIGO SAMATAN TO PAU (159 KM) A WORD FROM TOMMY With all the excitement around the Twilight Criterium in Boise Idaho, (more on this soon) we had almost forgotten about the Tour de France. But the Tour de France did not forget about us.

We were on the edge of our couch watching Chicago local Christian Vande Velde in the break today – he deserved a break today after yesterday. But the winner by a hair or two was a Frenchman, Pierrick Fedridgo. He won in Pau today and two years ago. Way to go Pau, I mean Pierrick.

Incidentally, Pau is the most visited town IN the Tour de France next to Paris. Even more incidentally, Mary Todd (Hero) Lincoln stayed in Pau toward the end of her life.

Unfortunately, Mary died 21 years before the Tour de France was born. And another thing: Mrs. Lincoln lived with her son Tad (Tad Todd?) in Chicago’s West Loop, home to Tenspeed Hero headquarters. That was of course years before we moved in, and even before J.P. Graziano.

And what’s this we hear about oil on the course? It is starting to look like a Warner Brothers cartoon except a bike rider does not recover as quickly as a cartoon coyote.

POST SCRIPT Our colleague Paul Sherwen said, and not for the first time, that after riding the tour for three weeks one becomes a different kind of bike rider. I for one have noticed the same thing after sitting on the couch for three weeks watching the Tour. I have become a different kind of bike rider.

STAGE 16: THOMAS “LE CHOU CHOU” VOECKLER PAU TO BAGNÈRES-DE-LUCHON (197 KM) A WORD FROM TOMMY “I can’t really figure out what I’ve done. It’s the kind of thing I watched on television as a kid, and today it was me who did it.

LE CHOU CHOU Thomas Voeckler’s exploits across the Pyrenees yesterday prompted us to illustrate Le Chou Chou as the Le Roi de France looking upon the cycling public and his fellow racers with his very own Pyrenean Crown perched upon his head. Yes, his visage is a bit bumptious but we must remember to win a stage is grand, two grand-er but to make such a late surge to capture the polka dot jersey across the toughest of Pyrenean peaks is arguably grand-est!

To the Heroes, he deserves such a coronation. Yes he climbs every mountain, including the first of the day, like a man wrestling with a machine that he can barely propel, but propel the bike he does. Try to name another 150 lb cyclist from France who has dominated the headlines of the Tour since his yellow jersey exploits in 2004. Few come to mind. We are not so sure the real Le Chou Chou would wear a crown of gold celebrating the Circle of Death, as Mr. Voeckler still seems like a 10 year old kid watching the tour on a fuzzy television set in Martinique.

Of course Mr. Voeckler is not ten but 33 years old and riding out his prime with panache that we want and expect from the Tour de France’s toughes stages. So we pardon his tongue and his physical protestations, for when he steps off the bike his boyish enthusiasm and earnest surprise are a joy to watch.

STAGE 17: ALEJANDO “THE GREEN BULLET” VALVERDE BAGNÈRES-DE-LUCHON TO PEYRAGUDES (143.5 KM) SYMPATHY PAINS Watching these gentlemen in France riding bikes everyday for the last three weeks has been hell on my lower back. The soreness associated with television watching is considerably more debilitating than the soreness associated with exercise. That is why I rode in 101 degree weather, climbing over 4000 feet instead of watching live coverage of the Tour. Besides some painful cramps in the quads, it really did feel better.

So, the Tour is almost over. We can only assume that the riders are feeling better than ever after three weeks of not sitting on couches. Alejandro Valverde looks great. Maybe he read that he is the most popular rider in the peleton – despite not having won a stage or otherwise achieved glory in this addition of the Tour – because he won the stage after an impressive solo break.

And another thing: was Froome held back by Wiggins? Of course he was. More than once Froome ended the day looking spry only to be called back by his captain. Denied glory, or is the glory of being a loyal leftenant glorious enough? We are reminded of all the swell glory George Hincape has received by helping with eight tour wins. Or was it Nine? Of course George has a few wins of his own.

Unfortunately the word “few” is not an understatement. Perhaps Froome will lead a team of his own soon. Whatever happens, it looks like Wiggins will be the first to win the Tour but he certainly won’t be the last.

STAGE 18: MARK “THE CAT?” CAVENDISH BLAGNAC TO BRIVE-LA-GAILLARDE (222.5 KM) A WORD FROM MARK “I don’t know how much I won by, but I had to go early. I haven’t done anything this tour because I saved so much energy. I knew I’d be able to go long. I knew I’d get it. I felt really good today,” DOUBTERS WILL DOUBT Watching Mark Cavendish outpace his adversaries such as Sagan and Greipel does not diminish their own achievements in the Tour de France but the way he wins certainly distinguishes his achievements. Where as Sagan Stomps like a Slovakian folk dancer and Greipel calls upon his Paleolithic self as a Lycra wrapped primate, Mark Cavendish’s burst for the line is simply preternatural.

The world may have began to doubt Mark’s future as a sprinter, not so much based on his ability but because his place on Team SKY meant his ambitions will be seconded during the Grand Tours. Stage 18’s dominance at the line proves this to be false. “Tschussy Mr. Gorilla-Man. Bye Bye Mr. Tourminator-Hulkster. I will see you on the Champs-Élysées!” (Spoiler Alert-Mark Cavendish wins on the Champs!)

STAGE 19: BRADLEY “WIGGO” WIGGINS BONNEVAL TO CHARTRES (53.5 KM) THE PARALLELITY OF ONE MAN’S BACK Bradley Wiggins was the strongest man to ride a bike during the 2012 Tour de France. Yes, His teammate, Chris Froome on Team Sky had that extra kick in the mountains but one only had to spy Bradley Wiggins position on the time trial bike to understand his class; the parallelity of the man’s back to his top tube is/was beautiful. Providence bequeaths your legs, environment buttresses your willpower, parents can teach you love, but only your Yogi and hours of practice allowed the man named Bradley Wiggins to dominate Stage 19. Chapeau!

COLONEL WELBORN BARTON GRIFFITH The Heroes do not know much about the American officer Colonel Welborn Barton Griffith but he was killed in action on August 16, 1944 not too far from the finish of the Stage 19 Time Trial. Some days before he and another soldier volunteered to go behind enemy lines to see if the Chartes Cathedral was being used as a sniper’s den and staging area for German troops. It was not and so the order calling for its destruction was withdrawn. In 1939, even before the Germans invaded many heroic men and women carefully removed the stained glass of the great cathedral. By all reports this was not the easiest of tasks nor done without risk. With these acts of heroism in mind, Tenspeed Hero illustrator Becca Goesling spent hours dropping in pane after pane on this multi-colored backdrop in today’s illustration. We thought it fitting to place such human achievements side by side. So as we honor Bradley avec le grand perruque we also honor Colonel Welborn Barton Griffith and the dozens of men and women who hung by rope and ladder to save such treasures.

STAGE 20: MARK “THE CAT?” CAVENDISH RAMBOUILLET TO PARIS CHAMPS-ÉLYSÉES (130 KM) Cavendish wins his fourth Champs Elysees stage. Temporarily without Internet here so the statistics are from the encyclopedic Tenspeed Hero vault we call “My head,” or “Jonathan’s head.”

No one in the history of Le Tour has won the stage in Paris so many times. And no one in the World Champion Jersey has ever won on the Champs Elysees.

Credit must be shared with Cav’s lanky lead-out man, Bradley Wiggins (more on him elsewhere).

Cavendish comma Mark started his sprint 400 meters from the finish – a feat on its own that should cement his reputation as the world’s fastest man – and won the stage by a Horse chestnut. The tree not the nut – the length of the tree, not the width. If you have ever been on the Champs Elysees, you know that the avenue is lined with Conker trees, also known as Horse chestnuts, but we usually call them Aesculus hippocastanum for simplicity sake.

In 1974 the Champs Elysees was relatively quiet on the last day of the Tour but not for lack of interest. The Tour spectators were at the Cipale velodrome that year as they were every year since 1968. Back then a favorite pastime was to watch Eddy Merckx win.

A WORD ON MANX CATS The Isle of Man is of course the home of Mark Cavendish but the Isle is also where the tailless (sometimes stubby tailed) Manx cat hails from. The cat has other distinguishing characteristics aside from the short or absent tail. They are prized for their hunting abilities and in fact there is a particularly deft Manx hunter that frequents Tenspeed Hero HQ West in Idaho. Her name is Mop, so named because, until she moves, one would think they were looking at the business end of a mop. Manx cats were favorites for sailors to keep the ship’s rodent population in check. This may have worked to keep rats in check enough for the scurvy dogs aboard the ship but as any city resident knows, a few rats made it to shore. The Manx cat’s rear legs are longer that its forelegs making it an excellent sprinter. Only half of that sentence is made up. The part about sprinting.

THE WIN: BRADLEY “ALL IN MODERATION” WIGGINS DEBUT UN Beginning with Becca, her computer is busting with heroic illustrations that have encapsulated highlights of the Tour through and through. The ever-lurking pinwheel on her screen does not stop the excessive use of illustrator that all began with the mock drawings of Hero Headquaters. And although summer is begninng to end (yet we are still in denial of this), Becca’s fingers have not stopped clicking and creating with the rhythm of the races as we have watched Brits beat and be beat this past week.

DEBUT DEUX As for the Brits, the beginning comes with Bradley’s win at the 2012 Tour de France. After 75 years with no Britsh representation, the podium was honourned by the presence of Wiggins and his counterpart Froome. “Cheers, have a safe journey home, don’t get too drunk” Wiggings remarked, a clever quip from the otherwise determined man.

DEBUT TROIS Les femmes. The women! Here is to them. After weeks of the Tour de France seeing the Olympic Women road race brought a most powerful transition. The rain seeped through the womens’ jerseys, the wet material rubbing against their skin, making every move more uncomfortable than the next.

The miserable conditions made what happened next all the more impressive. Marianne Vos of the Netherlands, Lizze Armitstead of Great Britan, and Olga Zebelinskaya of Russia broke away from the peloton and pushed each other to victory in an enthralling race to the finish. Marrianne Vos won the first medal for the Netherlands, and thus ends this rant of beginnings. Except, beginning now, the heroes will conclude a day filled with cats, coffee, and cheese to go to the corner for ice cream. A perfect celebration to wait for the next Olympic cycling event.