A Simple Guide to Wholehearted Living

Inspired by Dr. Brene Brown’s research and Patrick Buggy MindfulAmbition.net/wholehearted

Dr. Brené Brown knows the quickest way to shut down unwanted conversations with nosy strangers on an airplane.

In her talks on The Power of Vulnerability, Brown jokes that telling people “I’m a shame researcher” tends to shut them up pretty quickly.

Brown is a researcher, professor, and prolific author who launched into the spotlight with her smash-hit TED talk on The Power of Vulnerability.

Since then, Brown’s research has explored powerful questions like:

“What do wholehearted people have in common? ”

Most people are held back by shame and let a fear of vulnerability limit their potential. But after studying these topics for years, Brown began to notice outliers. There was a group of people who did things differently.

Brown called these outliers “the wholehearted.”

As she began studying what made the wholehearted unique, Brown was “looking for women and men living and loving with their whole hearts despite the risks and uncertainty.”

Where others approach life halfheartedly, wholehearted people have the courage to bring their full selves to the table.

But despite these descriptions, “wholeheartedness” remains an intangible aim. How do you actually start living wholeheartedly?

To answer that question, we need to simplify wholehearted living by deconstructing it into its component parts. Fortunately, Brown’s research revealed what she calls the 10 Guideposts for Wholehearted Living.

HOW TO START PRACTICING THE GUIDEPOSTS TODAY

1. Cultivating Authenticity and Letting Go of What Other People Think

Identify who you are when you’re at your best. Make a list. (“When I’m at my best, I am ______.”) Then, make it a habit to show up in that way. Celebrate your best moments with a “That’s like me!”

Notice when you’re trying to please others, or get caught in worrying about what others think. Note these moments with a “Needs work” and shift back to your authentic self.

2. Cultivating Self-Compassion and Letting Go of Perfectionism

Adopt the Platinum Rule from Tal Ben-Shahar “Do not do unto yourself what you would not do unto others.” Be kind to yourself. Know you’re human like everyone else. And accept what you’re feeling without judgment.

Pay attention to when your perfectionist tendencies kick in. Choose instead to be an optimalist. This means maintaining sincere effort on the things you can control, while embracing the constraints of reality. If it’s out of your control, it’s not worth your energy.

3. Cultivating Your Resilient Spirit, Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness

Recognize that resilience is a skill you can build through intentional practice.

Bring awareness to your go-to numbing strategies. Is it food? TV? Your smartphone? Pornography? Alcohol? Awareness of these moments creates a fork-in-the-road, where you can choose a new path. Ask yourself: “Would I like to step forward into courage? Or step back into comfort?”

4. Cultivating Gratitude and Joy, Letting go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark

Reframe your expectations about the level of joy you’re capable of experiencing in life. What if you expected to bring joy into each day?

Make noticing what you’re grateful a part of your daily life. (Like keeping a gratitude journal.) There’s always something you can be grateful for. And therefore, always a reason to feel joy.

When you feel fear or scarcity, use it as an opportunity to practice gratitude. For example, if you fear losing something, connect with the reasons you’re grateful to have that thing/person/opportunity in your life in this moment.

5. Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith, Letting Go of the Need for Certainty

When you find yourself in uncertainty, check in with your intuition. Find stillness and consider: What’s your gut telling you to do? What would you do if you had no fear?

Create open space in your life to foster your internal connection. If you’re constantly bombarded by media and events and the thoughts of others, you lose track of what’s true for you. Make time for meditation, journaling, movement, and other alone-time to keep your internal connection strong.

6. Cultivating Creativity and Letting Go of Comparison

Get in the habit of making things. What’s your favorite way to be creative? What’s a way you used to love being creative, but haven’t practiced in a while? What’s a creative class you’ve always wanted to take? Get creating, and share your gifts with the world!

Bring awareness to when you fall into the trap of comparison. Note this without judgment. Pay attention to the sensations you feel in your body while you’re in comparison. Then, return your focus within to clarify your intentions. What do you value? What do you want to create? What’s important for you right now in your current situation?

7. Cultivating Play and Rest, Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth

Create regular time for unstructured play. Get physical. Dance. Play games. Throw a ball. Be with others, and let your inner child free! (Recommended reading: Play it Away by Charlie Hoehn.)

Practice bringing a playful mindset to the activities of each day. Ask: “How would I approach this if I were having fun?” Or “What would I do next if this were just a big game?”

Notice when the thought that “play and rest are luxuries” shows up in your mind. That’s like a warning-sign that you’re in need of rejuvenation. Use it as an opportunity to recommit to your top self-care practices.

8. Cultivating Calm and Stillness and Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle

Start a daily meditation practice. Even as little as 2 minutes every day makes a big difference. Not sure where to begin? I assembled a free guided meditation bundle pack you can download here. Put them on your smartphone, and you’ll be a few taps away from your practice at all times.

Create space for introspection via solitude and journaling. Give yourself the opportunity to understand yourself more deeply. What patterns of behavior are serving you in life? Which ones aren’t?

Not sure where to begin a meditation practice - Free meditation can be download here mindfulambition.net/ guided-meditation-bundle/

9. Cultivating Meaningful Work, Letting Go of Self-Doubt and Supposed-To

Reflect on what your unique gifts are, and start sharing them with the world. As Howard Thurman instructs: “Don’t ask what the world needs. Ask what makes you come alive, and go do it. Because what the world needs is people who have come alive.”

When you notice that you’re should-ing on yourself, pause and switch directions. Drop “should” and “supposed-to” from your vocabulary and replace it with “want.” (So “I should do X” becomes “I want to do X/Y/Z.”)

10. Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance. And Letting Go of Cool and Always in Control

When you notice that you’re low on your ladder of consciousness, take some LSD: Laughter, Singing, and Dancing!

Next time you have the thought “But what if people think I’m weird…” Remember that fitting in is far less important than making authentic connections with others. Don’t let a fear of looking weird prevent you from doing the things that serve you.

REFLECTING ON THE GUIDEPOSTS

1. Cultivating Authenticity and Letting Go of What Other People Think

Where have I been authentic recently? Where could I be better at letting go of what other people think? What qualities I express when I’m at my best, most authentic self?

2. Cultivating Self-Compassion and Letting Go of Perfectionism

Where have I practiced selfcompassion recently?

Where could I improve at letting go of perfectionism?

What am I like when I fully practice this guidepost?

3. Cultivating Your Resilient Spirit, Letting Go of Numbing and Powerlessness

Where have I practiced resilience lately? What are my go-to numbing strategies? How might I let go of them? What would be needed for me to fully embody this guidepost?

4. Cultivating Gratitude and Joy, Letting go of Scarcity and Fear of the Dark

• Where have I practiced gratitude and joy recently? • Where do scarcity and fear of the dark show up for me? How might

I get just 5% better at letting go of them? • How does life feel different when I lean into gratitude and joy?

5. Cultivating Intuition and Trusting Faith, Letting Go of the Need for Certainty

• Where have I practiced listening to my intuition and trusting faith? • Where could I be better at letting go of the need for certainty? What would that look like? • How do I show up when I listen completely to my intuition?

6. Cultivating Creativity and Letting Go of Comparison

Where have I practiced creativity recently?

What are my comparison traps? How might I improve at letting go of comparison? What happens when I’m fully tuned-in to my inner creativity?

7. Cultivating Play and Rest, Letting Go of Exhaustion as a Status Symbol and Productivity as Self-Worth

Where have I practiced cultivating play and rest recently?

Where can I be better at letting go of exhaustion as a status symbol?

What might happen if I fully embraced this guidepost? What would that look like?

8. Cultivating Calm and Stillness and Letting Go of Anxiety as a Lifestyle

Where have I practiced cultivating calm and stillness recently?

Where can I be better at letting go of anxiety as a lifestyle?

What am I capable of when I’m my most calm and least anxious?

9. Cultivating Meaningful Work, Letting Go of Self-Doubt and Supposed-To

Where have I practiced cultivating meaningful work recently?

Where can I get better at letting go of self-doubt and supposed-to?

Who am I when I fully embody this guidepost?

10. Cultivating Laughter, Song, and Dance. And Letting Go of Cool and Always in Control

When’s the last time I laughed, sang, and danced?

Where can I improve at letting go of being cool and in control? How does life change when I lean all the way into this guidepost?