Everyday Guide for Everyday Challenges: Validate-Appreciate-Refer

Alison Malmon founded the nonprofit organization Active Minds to support mental health awareness among college students after her brother, Brian, died by suicide in 2000. She launched the group at her school, the University of Pennsylvania, when she saw that there were no peer-to-peer mental health student groups on campus. The group’s number one goal was to spread the word that seeking help is a sign of strength and not something to be ashamed of.

“After my brother’s death, and knowing how preventable it was, I resolved — no matter what — to do something to change the way we approach mental health in this country,” Malmon writes on the organization’s website.

The group now exists on more than 700 college campuses around the United States and impacts about 600,000 students each year through campus awareness campaigns, events, advocacy, and outreach.

“Students have identified mental health as their social justice issue,” Malmon writes. “They are going to be the ones that change this for future generations.”

The organization has a tool called V-A-R — which stands for Validate-Appreciate-Refer — a three-step guide for listening and responding to a friend in a way that’s easy to understand, do, and remember.

It’s challenging at times to know how to best support someone who’s struggling. You don’t have to know all the answers, but using the elements of V-A-R shows someone that you are actively listening and that you care, which can be life-changing.

(This tool is helpful for everyday troubles. Remember that in crisis situations, it’s critical to seek professional help.)

For more information on V-A-R, visit activeminds.org.