5 Ways to Love While Social Distancing Too Young to Share the Gospel?
Echoing Christ’s Love for Those with Special Needs
Jordan Feliz Rest, Reflect, and Relinquish Control
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SHARING THE GOSPEL Are teenagers qualified and obligated to fulfill the Great Commission? EXPRESSING LOVE WHILE SOCIAL DISTANCING Simple ways to continue communicating the “5 Love Languages” during the pandemic
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LET YOUR DREAM CHURCH DIE Don’t allow frustrations with people at church to destroy Christian community.
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NOT WIRED FOR THIS WORLD How kids with special needs are like the “sojourners” the Bible calls us to care for
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THE FRIENDS YOU NEED ARE WORTH THE WAIT Five things to consider while waiting for God to lead you to new friendships
FEATURED COVER: JORDAN FELIZ The singer-songwriter shares how the current pandemic and social unrest have led him to rest in God’s faithfulness. He urges believers to follow Jesus’s example for interacting with others and to allow the Lord, not culture or political views, to steer their lives.
Publisher
Kristen Bland
Editor-In-Chief Gabriel Bland
Assistant Editor Autumn Burr
Contributing Writer Sharita Hanley
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Raising Raising a World World Changer Changer
by Kate Hartley
During the COVID quarantine, 11-year-old Thalía Fung-A-Wing set a lofty goal. It wasn’t to increase her TikTok following or grow her Instagram likes. It was to help end human trafficking. Thalía, a sixth grader at North Cobb Christian School (NCCS) in Kennesaw, filmed and edited her own cooking shows, charging a small fee to view them online. Every penny she
photo credit Allison Mah
raised -- over $1,370 to date -- was donated to the END IT Movement. It’s undeniable that we need more young world changers like Thalía. So, how do we raise children with this selfless lens? When asked this, Gabrielle Fung-A-Wing, Thalía’s mom, is
The The Hidden Hid dde en Curriculum Curric cullum at at North Nortth Cobb Cobb b Christian Ch hristia an School Scchoo ol Every school has a “hidden curriculum” -- the informal yet unforgettable interactions and influences that determine what students actually “learn” at school. “The ‘hidden curriculum’ at NCCS is our teachers and coaches, who feel called to live out their lives in front of our students, mentoring and modeling what it looks like to be authentic and sincere in your Christian faith,” says Todd Clingman, Head of School at North Cobb Christian School. “That’s the DNA of NCCS. We’re not just a private school; we’re an authentically Christian school.”
quick to dismiss any credit for herself or her husband, Dean. “We cannot take credit for Thalía’s passion to be a light in dark places,” asserts Fung-A-Wing. “Honestly, it was planted within her at an early age as a 4-year-old in PreK at North Cobb Christian School. She learned to ‘love others as you love yourself,’ and her teachers have beautifully modeled that for Thalía. Having the lessons she’s learned at home and church reinforced and deepened at school has shaped who Thalía is and how she views the world.” What Fung-A-Wing is describing -- the early shaping of her daughter’s worldview by lessons at home, church and school -- is actually supported by research. The Barna Research Group has found that a child’s spiritual framework crystallizes by age 13. This includes morals, justice, integrity, and the personal significance of God and Jesus. Researcher George Barna says, “In essence … most people’s minds are made up, and they believe they know what they need to know spiritually by age 13.” Barna’s research also found that children who are raised in the context of a consistent faithbased community -- where biblical principles are synchronously learned at home, church and school -- experience “security, belonging and lasting spiritual and moral development.” The takeaway? If you want children to grow up as spiritual world changers, the early years of their education are critical in equipping them with that lens. To Thalía’s mom, it all comes down to her teachers. “Whoever spends the most time with your child’s mind wins,” says Fung-a-Wing. “We send our children to school for seven hours a day, 5 days a week. School shapes who our children become. The message students at NCCS get in surround sound from their teachers, coaches, peers, weekly chapels, retreats and more is that 'Jesus loves you, so now go love others!' Everything under that roof creates a tide around children that encourages them to do what Thalía is doing -- to use their gifts and talents to shine God’s love into the darkness, as brightly as they can.”
photo credit Allison Mah SOURCES: 1.Transforming Children Into Spiritual Champions (Barna, 2003). 2.Worldview is Formed by Age 13: Who's Shaping Your Kid's? (www.oshmanodyssey.com, 2017).
Learn more or schedule a tour of North Cobb Christian School: 770-975-0252 or info@ncchristian.org. Virtual + On-Campus Options for 2020-2021. 4500 Eagle Drive, Kennesaw, 30144. ncchristian.org | Sponsored content from North Cobb Christian School
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nqualified. Do you ever feel that way? That’s how the world viewed the men Jesus chose to be his disciples. But that didn’t stop him from calling them and empowering them to change the world with the spread of the gospel. Their experience with Jesus made it impossible for them to be silent and compelled them to share. The Great Commission (Matthew 28:18-20), while a direct command from Jesus, was also a natural response to an encounter with Jesus.
UNQUALIFIED
TO SHARE THE
GOSPEL DOES AGE CHANGE YOUR ROLE IN THE GREAT COMMISSION? BY JEREMY MORRIS
Students are usually treated the way the disciples had been before their call to follow Jesus. In my experience, though, these so-called unqualified youngsters are some of the most effective disciple-makers. I was led to Jesus by the faithful prayers of a group of teenagers when I was a high school teacher. There are few things in our faith more humbling than being led to the Savior by someone that, in the world’s eyes, is not qualified to lead. Jesus says in Matthew 28:18-19: “All authority in heaven and on earth has been given to me. Therefore go and make disciples of all nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father and of the Son and of the Holy Spirit.” The most exciting part of this scripture is the inference that Jesus makes: because he has been given all authority on heaven and earth and since he lives in us, we then have the same authority. When we realize that includes teenagers and children, that is when I think we see revival. Young people will step up to the plate as disciple-makers when we give them a chance and we empower them to do so. It is important that teens realize the Great Commission isn’t just for adults. The sphere of influence of our students is so much greater than that of most adults. When students carry the presence of the Holy Spirit into their community, not only is the community transformed but also the individuals themselves. A teenager who radically obeys the Great Commission will see his or her own relationship with Jesus grow exponentially. Luke 6:38 says, “Give, and it will be given to you. A good measure, pressed down, shaken together and running over, will be poured into your lap. For with the measure you use, it will be measured you.” When we give away what we’ve been given from the Lord, he returns it to us in great abundance. When our faith is given away to others, God gives us faith back—pressed down, shaken together, and running over. Our motivation for sharing is because we have encountered the truth of the gospel, and the result is more truth. As we engage in disciple-making, I believe we become more connected to Jesus, and as we give away, in turn, we are drawn closer to him. Is the Great Commission optional? Absolutely not. We are called to go to our “Jerusalem” and to the ends of the earth. For students, Jerusalem may be their neighborhoods, and the ends of the earth may be their schools, especially as schools become more and more diverse. The nations are coming to us, and our students are on the front line of the greatest mission field. Partnering with the Holy Spirit to make disciples is both their challenge and responsibility. Paul writes in Romans 1:16: “For I am not ashamed of the gospel, because it is the power of God that brings salvation to everyone who believes: first to the Jew, then to the Gentiles.” When our students are unashamed of sharing the gospel, they obey the Great Commission. I believe when our teenagers become disciple-makers, we will see amazing revival in our communities and in our nation. Jeremy Morris is a former high school teacher who was led to Jesus by students. In 2016, he was called to the assosciate pastor role at Stonebridge Church, in Marietta, Georgia, and has since been led by God to accept the youth pastor position at Stonebridge. september/october 2020
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5 SIMPLE WAYS TO
Express Love
DURING A PANDEMIC By Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D.
Most people agree that the deepest emotional need we have is the need to feel loved by the significant people in our lives. The difficulty in meeting this need is that we have assumed that what makes one person feel loved will also make another person feel loved. That is a false assumption. In my research, I discovered five fundamental “love languages” and that each of us has a primary love language. If we don’t receive love in our love language, we are not likely to feel loved, even though someone may be speaking some of the other love languages. The five love languages are: 1 2 3 4 5
Words of Affirmation Acts of Service Receiving Gifts Quality Time
Physical Touch.
This simple concept has helped many people connect or reconnect emotionally with the significant people in their lives. However, our world has suddenly changed with the COVID-19 crisis. Many are currently living with considerable restrictions on their means of relating to others. To be sure, we are not all affected equally. Some couples with children are all living in the same house 24/7. Others find themselves geographically separated from those whom they love. Adult children may not be able to visit their parents, and friends who saw each other daily at work or socially are now confined to separate homes. So, how do we speak the love languages with such social restrictions? For families who are living together, the problem is not geographical separation but adapting to new rhythms and responsibilities. The children are home instead of at school. The parents are working
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from home or have lost their jobs. They are dealing with stress they had not known before. For these families, understanding and speaking each other’s love language can greatly reduce stress. When family members feel loved, it is much easier to process the challenges of life. For these families, the key is reminding themselves that love heals hurts and restores relationships. A family conference in which everyone agrees that the priority is keeping love alive may be a good starting point. If you don’t know the primary love language of each family member, you may want to take the free profile at 5lovelanguges. com. For those relationships in which the rules of confinement have geographically separated us, the challenge is different. This calls for creativity if we want to stay emotionally connected. Words of Affirmation are fairly easy to express with phone calls, e-mails, texts, and other social media. “I miss you. I love you. I can’t wait until we can be together again,” speak deeply to the Words of Affirmation person. Affirming the individual for some personality trait that you appreciate also communicates love strongly. Whether the words are written, spoken, or sung, they speak love when they affirm the other person. Acts of Service my be a bit more difficult, depending on the situation. I know of adult children who are grocery shopping for their parents, a huge act of service. Or, if you are not close enough to deliver groceries, you can order them and have them delivered. Either way you have communicated love, especially if their love language is acts of service. Remembering something that your friend did for you in the past and thanking them also speaks love. The person who performs acts of service usually feels loved when someone expresses gratitude for their service. “Is there anything I can do for you while we are apart?” This question expresses the desire to serve them. They may indeed have a suggestion, but if not, your offer speaks of your love to them.
The Receiving Gifts language might seem more difficult to speak when many stores are closed. However, Amazon is still shipping, and some local stores may be delivering purchases. Or, if you are in a situation where you can take a nature walk, you might just pick up a bird feather and say to that special someone, “I found a bird feather today, and I thought of you. You are the wind beneath my wings.” Wow! If you are talking on Facetime, you can even show the person the feather. “I am going to keep this feather and give it to you when we can get together.” You have given a gift and spoken words of affirmation. If you have an older parent or relative, you might order and even pay for their medication and have it delivered by the pharmacy. Quality Time may at first seem impossible, but it is not. You can both watch the same movie and then discuss it on a digital platform. It is not the same as actually going to the movie theatre, but the sharing of your thoughts and feelings after the movie is a quality time experience. Or you can both read an online article and then set up a time to share your opinions. The important thing about quality time is that you have the undivided attention of the other person. One dating couple agreed to meet for dinner online. Each prepared their meal, placed it on a nicely decorated table, and shared dinner via Zoom. Likely neither of them will ever forget that evening.
verses. The more time we invest in our spiritual life, the more we will see and understand how God displays the love languages to us personally. As we respond to the love of God and begin to identify the variety of languages He uses to speak to us, it will create a desire in us to speak those languages to others we love. During this time of confinement or separation from your loved ones, may you find ever deeper satisfaction in using the love languages in your relationship with God and allow Him to prepare you to love others more deeply. Yes, challenging times call for creativity, but when we choose to love, we will find ways to stay emotionally connected to those we love. Sincerely loving others in our sphere of influence is extremely important in times of crisis. I’m certain the five love languages and a little creativity can help you do it.
Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D.
New York Times best-selling author of The 5 Love Languages: The Secret to Love that Lasts® and 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage: When You’re Stuck at Home.
Physical Touch also might seem unachievable, but creativity can do wonders. A military wife said to me, “My husband was deployed. I knew his love language was physical touch. So, I traced my hand on a sheet of paper and mailed it to him with a note that said, ‘Put your hand on my hand. I want to hold your hand.’” Later, when he returned home, he told me, “Every time I put my hand on that paper, I felt her.” It is not a literal touch but an emotional touch, and that is what we are talking about. One creative guy said to his girlfriend, “I am going to mail you one of my shirts. When you need a hug, you put it on, and I’ll hug you.” She later shared, “Every time I put that shirt on, I felt his arms around me.” Do you realize that the God of the universe speaks your love language, and your expressions of love for Him are shaped by your love language? Many people have told me that they are using the time they have during this crisis to learn how to give and receive God’s love through the five love languages. Things I’ve been doing include setting aside time to read God’s Word, praying for others, and memorizing
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Jordan Feliz:
A Time to Rest, Reflect, & Relinquish Control
By Sharita Hanley
“T
here’s a lot of chaos in the world right now,” singer and songwriter Jordan Feliz admits. “It’s been such a crazy season… We’re going through so many—I don’t even know how to describe it—political issues, I guess. And on top of that, we’re all living through a pandemic,” he expounds. “There’s just so much going on.” But since returning home in March after his tour was canceled, the Lord put two words on his heart: rest and dream. With nearly all his plans postponed or interrupted, that’s exactly what Jordan did. “I’ve been finding so much rest in him,” he shares, “and I’ve been saying to the Lord, ‘Even though I haven’t been able to tour or, you know, do anything like that, I’m giving all of this to you. This is yours. Our house, our home, our car, everything we have is yours. And whether we have it or lose it, it’s whatever.’” Since adopting that mindset, Jordan has noticed that God has blessed him and his family. “I’ve finished my third record album, and
there are so many things in this season that I feel like the Lord’s shown me as preparation for the next season,” Jordan adds. “I think to really move past this [season], to move forward, what it comes down to is just being the church right now. You know what I mean? Like, we need to hunker down and be in the Word. We need to not be on social media. We need to be in our Word every day. I think that’s how we truly move past this: we put our focus on the Lord.” We must rest in God’s faithfulness, look to Jesus for guidance on how to interact with others, and allow the Holy Spirit to lead our lives.
Rest in God’s Faithfulness Like most of us, Jordan knows that resting in God’s faithfulness isn’t always as easy as it sounds. But that’s been the key to the singer’s success. “Since I was probably like twelve, I’ve been writing music,” he recalls. “I started out in my church youth worship band and ended up joining a metal band when I was a senior in high school. We were all believers, and I know it sounds crazy, but we were making Christian metal music.” It was a dream come true. Jordan toured the country with the band for five years before life threw a curveball at him. “Our band broke up,” he remembers. But Jordan wasn’t fazed. He landed a position as a worship leader which was a stable job with a decent income. He wasn’t there long, though, before God started tugging on his heart. “I quickly felt like the Lord was calling me and my wife to move to Nashville. We were both kind of like, ‘Oh my gosh.’ I had just actually gotten a ‘real job,’ and all of a sudden, it’s like, ‘Nope, you’re going to
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Nashville.’ It was scary. It was like the Lord was calling us into that uncomfortable state of just really relying on and trusting him.” They prayed about it for a year, received confirmation that it was God’s plan, and made the decision to move. “It was so crazy,” Jordan emphasizes. “We couldn’t afford any of it. I say that because we drove for two weeks across the country trying to barely scrape by and pay for gas.” But as they trusted God’s plan and rested in his care, they experienced his faithfulness. “Five hours after we got to Nashville, I met the lady who was the reason why I got a record deal.” He signed with Centricity, released The River, and says he’s been consistently blessed since then.
which is Jesus, not in how we feel politically or socially. I feel like there’s this competitive nature in what we do, but that’s one of the reasons why I love singing Christian music so much because it’s not about me. The only thing that you need to be worried about is your God-given assignment. The assignment is for you to follow [Jesus], right, but the thing is, right now, we’re being told what to follow, especially on social media.”
“It’s all about if you’re a Democrat or Republican or a liberal or conservative or libertarian. I’ve got friends that don’t even talk to each other because they see some things differently. And I’m like, man, how destructive is it that we can’t even communicate together because we see things from different views? That is not what following Jesus looks like,” Jordan points out. “I mean, think about where Jesus went and who he talked to, who he spoke with. I mean, he was hanging out with all these people Thinking again about this current season of rest and that [other] people thought were this scum of the earth. slowing down, Jordan has also realized the church should Yet, because of who he was and who he was following, be as loving and faithful with others as God is with us. he was able to break through these massive walls with “We have to stop focusing on whichever political party people.” we agree with. We have to all unify in the ‘believer party,’ “I feel like if we can get back to that kind of faith, if we can get Jesus back to the forefront of the church, then we will see walls break. We’ll see all this division crumble,” Jordan asserts, as he shares his hope for his third record album. “God’s shown me that the outreach is going to get bigger.
Reflect on Jesus’s Interactions with Others
”I’ve been finding so much rest in him [God].“ When we get through this thing, we’re going to be able to minister to even more people…These songs are really going to grab ahold of people’s hearts,” he proclaims. “I’m just really excited to see what the Lord does.” But we’ve got to remember to let God lead us.
Relinquish Control to God “A very good friend who is a massive producer in LA told me some advice a couple years ago...and it literally changed my life,” Jordan insists. “I’m talking about healing from anxiety, healing from so much stuff in this one statement. He said, ‘The people that are telling you to stay in your lane, you need to rip them out of your life like a weed. The reason why is because you should not be in a lane, because then you’d be driving.’ Then he asked me, 12
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‘Are you truly driving your life? If you are, then you are in the wrong.’ He said, ‘There is no driving. You have free will, but the propulsion of your life has to come from the Lord. By staying in your lane, you are driving, you are leading.’” No matter how experienced, wealthy, trained, or certified we are, trying to lead our own lives causes a whirlwind of trouble. “If you were on a private jet,” Jordan continues, “and Jesus is flying the plane, imagine if you are up in that cockpit and decide to take over. You don’t know how to fly a plane. So, your plane is going to start crashing, falling. Things are going to get crazy. They’re going to get chaotic. You’re going to get scared. There’s going to be fear. There’s some stress. If you just let Jesus take over, and you go in the back, and you sit down and read [the Word], you’ll find rest,” Jordan advises. “So, let’s put Jesus back in the cockpit. That’s how we move forward right now. We put Jesus back in the cockpit—not our political party, our views, not our anything, not even our religion.” Now, more than ever, we need to be led by the Spirit of God. That’s where unity is. That’s where we’ll find peace, compassion, purpose, mission, and everything else we’re looking for.
”Let’s put Jesus back in the cockpit. That’s how we move forward right now.“
Despite the Chaos, Glorify His Name You gave a heavenly breath Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that there’s a time for everything And now it’s air in our chests and a season for every action under the heavens. We’re That’s why we’re singing it back to you living in uncertain, troubling, confusing, and chaotic For every battle you’ve won times. But this isn’t the time to lose hope and abandon For everything that you’ve done our faith. Nor is it the time to draw lines in the sand And everything that you’re gonna do and separate ourselves from people that see the world Seen too much to ever doubt it differently from us. This isn’t the season to try to figure Feels so good, I wanna shout it it all out on our own. This is a time to rest because our Yeah, when I really think about it God is faithful. This is the time to reflect on how our All I wanna do, all is wanna do is Lord and Savior interacted with others and do the same. Glorify your name This is a time to relinquish control and let God lead every facet of our lives. Despite the chaos, this is a time Despite everything that’s going on, choose to rest, to be the church and glorify God. reflect, and relinquish control. Live out your purpose Jordan intends to do just that, as he uses his God- of glorifying God’s name. given talent to compose songs like his latest single, appropriately named Glorify. The lyrics read: september/october 2020
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LET YOUR DREAM
CHURCH DIE
How Discontentment Destroys Community
By Scott Hubbard
“Lord, I just want to pray for Kevin right now. . . .” Who’s Kevin? I thought, eyes closed, head bowed. I rehearsed the names of the new small-group members in my head, wondering how I had missed Kevin. After a few more moments, I realized that Kevin’s prayer needs were much like my own. Then it registered: He was praying for me. I was Kevin. Anyone who has been part of Christian community for long can testify to such awkward moments. The moment you invest in a church, you surround yourself with people who can, at times, grate on your nerves. People who clap precisely on the offbeat. People who say, “We should get together,” and then apparently forget all about it. People who call you Kevin.
“If our church body does not regularly challenge our patience, then we may not be close enough to our church body.”
Most of us, of course, can chuckle away such trivial frustrations. The real trouble comes when the trivial turns genuinely tiresome. Remain in a Christian community long enough, and you may find yourself underappreciated and overlooked. You may receive all manner of unasked-for “counsel.” You may become tangled in the pettiest of conflicts. And much worse. If we meet with enough of these provocations, the mists of disillusionment may begin to settle upon us. We may begin to wonder if we are in the wrong community.
Life in the Body Now, to be sure, sometimes we are in the wrong community. Perhaps you joined a church that appeared healthy on the outside, only to discover advanced disease within. In such cases, your best course of action may not be to patiently endure but graciously depart. But for every ten disillusioned church members, perhaps only one should consider leaving. Meanwhile, the other nine of us need to remember that even the healthiest bodies have strange ticks and unseemly features: an unusual tapping of the foot, a frustrating tone of the voice. In fact, if our church body does not regularly try our patience and oppose our preferences, then we may not be close enough to our church body. This observation comes not mainly from experience (though experience heartily testifies) but from Scripture. Although the apostles give us a picture of the New Testament church that is exalted indeed, their descriptions of everyday life in that church are far from romantic. The head of this body may dwell in the heavens, but the feet still stand in the dust.
Chastened Expectations In the apostle Paul’s letter to the Ephesians, we find both the lofty vision and the everyday, earthy reality. The church is nothing less than the Father’s chosen children, the body and bride of Christ, the Spirit’s dwelling place (Ephesians 1:5; 2:22; 4:15–16; 5:25–27). But then we come to a command like the one in Ephesians 4:1–3: Walk in a manner worthy of the calling to which you have been called, with all humility and gentleness, with patience, bearing with 14
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one another in love, eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace. Consider what Paul implies with such a command. Why would he call us to walk “with patience,” for example, if he did not assume that we would regularly provoke each other to impatience? Such provoking may come in the form of an insensitive joke or an oblivious insult. We may listen helplessly as a small-group member carries the discussion down into the deepest of rabbit holes. If such friction were no part of our life together, we would have no need for patience. Or why does Paul bid us to “[bear] with one another in love”? Surely because we will, at times, feel burdensome to each other. We may find ourselves confronted with odd opinions and mystifying decisions. We may sit next to people with whom we struggle to make small talk. And unless we have joined a remarkably homogeneous church, we will find ourselves surrounded by people we never would have associated with—if not for the love of Christ (Ephesians 3:17–19).
“Daily patience, daily bearing, daily maintaining—this is the everyday life of God’s glorious church.” Or why must we be “eager to maintain the unity of the Spirit in the bond of peace”? Doubtlessly because the temptations to divide from one another in the church are legion. We may, at times, find ourselves so vexed by our brothers and sisters, or perhaps so deeply grieved by them, that unity will come only at the cost of painful conversations, and humbling confessions, and extended conflict resolution. Daily patience, daily bearing, daily maintaining—this is the everyday life of God’s glorious church. And it’s enough to disillusion even the most realistic among us.
Community Destroyers Whenever we discover new dark spots in our community— blemishes that demand our patience, our bearing with, and our maintaining of unity—two paths lie before us. On the one hand, we can run from the distressing realities of our church body, clinging all the while to an idealized vision of what community should be like. But if we do, we will inevitably flee into the trap identified by Dietrich Bonhoeffer: we will become “destroyers of community.” Those who love their dream of a Christian community more than the Christian community itself become destroyers of that Christian community even though their personal intentions may be ever so honest, earnest, and sacrificial. (Life Together, 10) Sometimes the destroyers of community look obvious. They are the agitators, the complainers, the everlasting faultfinders. Like Korah of old, they may gather a cadre of fellow grumblers around them. Or perhaps they just always find a way to share how they would do things differently if it were up to them. Far more often, the destruction is subtler. We become passive rather than active destroyers. Frustrated by those in our community,
we gradually stop trying so hard. We neglect the uncomfortable conversations, leaving others’ sins unaddressed and our own concerns unmentioned. Our relationships begin to look more formal than familial. Instead of patiently bearing with others, we nurse grievances, replay offenses, and find ways to keep our distance. Such apathy is as much of an enemy of the Christian community as antagonism. We need not burn bridges in order to weaken the beauty and unity of God’s church; we just need to quietly withdraw. Some destroy by fire, and some by ice—but both can leave a community in ruins.
Beautiful Burdens The other path is the one Paul lays before us in Ephesians 4:1–3. This path is far narrower, far more burdensome, than the path of the destroyers. But it is also far more beautiful. For if we are willing to enter into our disillusionment fully, allowing it to clear away every unbiblical community ideal, we may gain something on the other side that we would not trade for the world.
“Apathy is as much of an enemy of the Christian community as antagonism.” We will not finally escape the need for patience, of course. Nor will we discover, to our astonishment, that others’ oddities no longer seem odd, or that unity comes easily. Rather, we will find deeper fellowship and closer conformity with the one whose patience is perfect (1 Timothy 1:16), whose shoulders bore the burdens of the world (Isaiah 53:4), and whose zeal for unity brought him from heaven to earth, and from earth to the cross (Ephesians 2:14). As long as we value a dream community over Christlikeness, we will unwittingly work to destroy whatever community we join. But if we value Christlikeness over even our dearest dreams of community, then every slight, every peculiarity, every conflict, and every sin will become an opportunity to become more like the glorious head of this body (Ephesians 4:32–5:2). Only then will God’s children rise up into maturity. Only then will the body grow strong. Only then will the bride become resplendent. Because only then will our communities look more like Jesus Christ. Scott Hubbard is a graduate of Bethlehem College & Seminary and an editor for desiringGod.org. He and his wife, Bethany, live with their son in Minneapolis.
Not Wired for This World
Making a Home for Special Needs B Y K AT H RY N BU T L E R
Excitement was palpable on the first day of Sunday school this year. A table featured notebooks lovingly assembled by hand with verses for children to memorize. Teachers chatted with parents about new songs on the agenda, new curricula, new dramas to unfold over the year. As my kids and I waited in line at the registration table, I glanced at my six-year-old and prayed he could share some of the day’s joy. Yet, as I watched, his enthusiasm ceded to anxiety. He stared at a box of name tags as if they were decayed things. A teacher cheered him hello, but he only blurted, “I don’t want a name tag, please.” Then he glimpsed the television in the room. “Please, I don’t want to watch a video!” he suddenly cried. He started to backpedal, dragging his sister and me with him. “I can’t watch a video! Mum, I need to go home!” I placed my hand on his shoulder, but he shrank away, as if my light touch induced pain. Other parents stared in alarm. To anyone watching, the scene was bizarre. But to my family, this was just another moment—just another day when our brilliant, compassionate, sweet boy, who loves Jesus even more than he does Legos, fought to cope with a world he isn’t wired to handle.
Love the Sojourner
God has special concern for those who wander in strange lands. He first commanded the Israelites to care for sojourners in the wilderness during the exodus (Exodus 22:21; 23:9). In the book of Deuteronomy, Moses reiterated God’s instruction before his people entered the Promised Land: “[God] executes justice for 16
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the fatherless and the widow, and loves the sojourner, giving him food and clothing. Love the sojourner, therefore, for you were sojourners in the land of Egypt” (Deuteronomy 10:18–19). The Hebrew word for sojourner, sometimes translated stranger, denotes anyone who resides in a country apart from his native home. The Bible includes sojourners among three other groups who are especially needy and vulnerable: orphans, the poor, and widows (Leviticus 19:10; Deuteronomy 10:18). Like those without father or husband, sojourners had little defense against persecution in ancient times. Those who strayed through foreign dwellings found themselves without support, alone in a land where the language and customs abraded their own, where surroundings offered little comfort, and where their unfamiliarity exposed them to attacks by criminals. Home meant safety, identity, and grounding. To be a stranger was to drift, wrenched from your roots.
Sojourners in Our Midst
In our modern era, sojourners still desperately need care. The lilt of a foreign accent should prompt us to pause, to inquire, and to offer hope and help. Christian love guides us to support refugees and to open our homes to those traveling from overseas. Yet sojourners who share our accents also dwell in our midst. They sit beside us in familiar clothes each week and speak our same language. Yet they live like strangers, because every day they wander through a world that their nervous systems can’t manage. In their struggles with autism, sensory processing disorder, and
God has special concern for those who wander in strange lands. He first commanded the Israelites to care for sojourners in the wilderness during the exodus (Exodus 22:21; 23:9).
other neurodevelopmental differences, they experience life as though perpetually uprooted. They aren’t journeying from faraway lands, but they often feel just as scared and alone. My son is one of these sojourners. He wasn’t misbehaving on that first day of Sunday school. Rather, he was struggling with yet another mundane experience that felt impossible. The sticky adhesive on the name tags made his skin crawl. His jammed brain couldn’t distinguish speech from the din of the crowd. Television threatened flashes and sounds he couldn’t control. Even a mother’s touch—from birth, the very definition of comfort— seemed menacing in that moment. He was just a startle away from a sensory meltdown. The routine stuff of life can feel strange, even hostile to special-needs kids. Hypervigilance and anxiety are the norm. In their own towns, their own churches, even in their own rooms, they can scarcely let down their guard. They seldom enjoy the ease of belonging. As with those who navigate unknown countries, they seldom feel at home.
Special Love for Special Needs An hour before panic overtook my son in church, he beamed with the peace of Christ. His love for the Lord and for others in the sanctuary overflowed so briskly that I couldn’t keep up with him. Even when he can’t differentiate between a human voice and a bugle blast, he loves and needs Jesus. Kids who find daily life a struggle need gospel hope. They need to draw deep, vital nourishment from God’s love. They need to know that even though getting dressed and eating and going to supermarkets is hard, God designed their every spark and curve. They must cleave tight to the truth that while birthday parties are too much and other kids don’t understand their struggles, they belong to Jesus. In Christ,
they are home. In him, they are loved. Parents, as you find yourself becoming an island, progressively isolated from a world that doesn’t understand your kids, know that in Christ, God sees you. He sees you awake in the early morning hours, trying to soothe your child to sleep. He sees you turn down opportunities for fellowship because your little one can’t handle it. He sees you wandering, stumbling, striving to nurture the tender sojourner with whom he’s blessed you. Know that in the messiness and the weakness and your failings, God draws near (Psalm 34:18; 2 Corinthians 12:9). Know that the cross covers even the worst moments, when the meltdowns rage and you crumple to your knees. Throughout it all, you are fulfilling a calling that God laid down millennia ago, in the wilds of Arabia.
Echoing a Perfect Love In Leviticus, the Lord tells us the following: “You shall treat the stranger who sojourns with you as the native among you, and you shall love him as yourself, for you were strangers in the land of Egypt” (Leviticus 19:34). Uphold this calling by seeing the kids in your midst who wander as if homeless. Withhold judgment from the child who bolts from a crowded room. Have empathy for the one who shrinks from a worship song. Their disabilities are invisible to our eyes but complicate their every waking minute. As sojourners in a world that seems too bright, too loud, too harsh— too much—they need our love, as an echo of the perfect love they’ll find in Christ. Kathryn Butler is a trauma and critical care surgeon turned writer and homeschooling mom. She is author of Between Life and Death: A Gospel-Centered Guide to End-of-Life Medical Care. She lives north of Boston, and writes at Oceans Rise (blog). september/october 2020
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THE FRIENDS YOU NEED ARE WORTH THE WAIT By Liz Holst
“Take the initiative to be friendlike to someone else even before they are friend-like toward you.”
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t all started when my husband and I sensed God’s call to move away from where we were living, to a new city and a new church. The excitement, expectation, and allure of something new overshadowed the fear of the unknown. We eagerly looked forward to what God had in store for us as a family. When there were moments of doubt, we would rehearse Mark 10:29–30 to each other: “Truly, I say to you, there is no one who has left house or brothers or sisters or mother or father or children or lands, for my sake and for the gospel, who will not receive a hundredfold now in this time, houses and brothers and sisters and mothers and children and lands, with persecutions, and in the age to come eternal life.” These words from Jesus helped to remind us of the promises of God to those who were faithful to his call.
What About Friends? Then one day, in the midst of the excitement of selling our home, packing boxes, and looking for a new home, it hit me: I can’t pack my girlfriends into a box and move them with me. I would be lying if I said I didn’t have second thoughts at this point. These were women who watched my children, women who would sit at the park with me for hours as our children ran and played together, women who drank coffee and played Scrabble with me. These women were my friends! Did the promises found in Mark 10 apply to friends too? After all, I am a woman, and I long for friendship. Did God care about the longing in my heart for close female companionship? 18
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I can honestly say that yes, God did and does care about my need for female companionship, but those friends didn’t come along right away. There was a long, lonely season after we moved. My husband traveled frequently, women at our new church were busy, and I questioned whether I would ever have dear friends again. I remember asking God if there might be even one woman who would want to have a cup of coffee together once in a while. The answer seemed to be, “Not yet.” Oh, the waiting was so hard—and yet, so worth it.
When the Call Came It did feel like I waited forever. Thankfully, I had a dear friend from our previous home that, in spite of the distance, checked in with me. She was a lifeline, an ever-present reminder that my friends did not have to be in the same place. To this day, we are still friends, upholding one another in prayer, rejoicing and weeping together, even drinking an occasional cup of coffee together, plus getting that game of Scrabble played. That helped but certainly didn’t feel like a long-term answer to my prayers. Then one day the call came. “Would you like to be a part of our birthday group? We don’t get together often, but we do celebrate birthdays and were just wondering if you would like to join us?” Would I like to join them? I remember holding the phone and feeling the tears drip down my cheek. Who knew that this would be the beginning of a group of women that, to this day, I drink coffee with twice a month? Such a sweet providence of God!
In all of this, what have I learned about friendship? How has God encouraged me? Here are five gleanings from my season of waiting for friendship that I’ve found apply in less dramatic circumstances as well.
“GOD BRING PEOPL S NEW E INTO AT JU OU R L ST THE 1. Take a Risk IVES RIGHT Many times, I haven’t wanted to walk into that coffee shop, but as I walked TIME.” out afterwards, I was so thankful that I did. God brings new people into our lives at just the right time. It may be a lifelong friend with whom you discover new depths, or it may just be a one-time coffee date. Either way, God chooses to put women in our lives to enrich us, both to challenge and encourage us. Without taking that risk, we may miss some sweet fellowship.
2. Forget Age Limits Multigenerational friends are a great gift. I am thankful for all of the women in my life, whether they are my age or not. I need the insights shared with me from the younger generation as well as those more seasoned women in life.
3. Think Outside the Box We all are prone to developing set ideas about where we will find our friends. My challenge to you is this: keep your eyes and heart open. The library. School. Church. Homeschool co-ops. How about the grocery store or the neighborhood park? These are just a few examples of places where God has been gracious in my life to bring me dear friends. Where might he do the same for you?
4. Be a Friend Someone once said to me, “Having friends is such hard work!” That might be true, but it is so worth it. Of course, the age-old counsel is that in order to have a friend, you need to be a be a friend. Often, we need to take the initiative to be friend-like to someone else before they are friend-like toward us; someone has to go first. And besides, the joy that comes from being a friend to someone is priceless.
5. Trust God Trusting that God has a good and perfect plan for you in friendship is the bottom line. He has created us in such a way that we long for fellowship, so will we trust that he will provide that female companionship that we desire? I believe he will—even though it may not come when we want it or how we want it. That friend you long for may be praying for you right now, asking that God would bring a new friend into her life. Don’t despair. Trust that God will do a work in your life by supplying just the right person, or people, in his perfect timing. Liz Holst lives in the Twin Cities with her husband, Dan, and their youngest, Anders. They have three other children and a grandson. Dan serves as a pastor at Bethlehem Baptist Church. september/october 2020
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