EXPRESSING LOVE WHILE SOCIAL DISTANCING

5 SIMPLE WAYS TO Express Love

Most people agree that the deepest emotional need we have is the need to feel loved by the signi cant people in our lives.  e di culty in meeting this need is that we have assumed that what makes one person feel loved will also make another person feel loved.  at is a false assumption. In my research, I discovered  ve fundamental “love languages” and that each of us has a primary love language. If we don’t receive love in our love language, we are not likely to feel loved, even though someone may be speaking some of the other love languages.

 e  ve love languages are: 1 Words of Affirmation 2 Acts of Service 3 Receiving Gifts 4 Quality Time 5 Physical Touch.  is simple concept has helped many people connect or reconnect emotionally with the signi cant people in their lives.

However, our world has suddenly changed with the COVID-19 crisis. Many are currently living with considerable restrictions on their means of relating to others. To be sure, we are not all a ected equally. Some couples with children are all living in the same house 24/7. Others  nd themselves geographically separated from those whom they love. Adult children may not be able to visit their parents, and friends who saw each other daily at work or socially are now con ned to separate homes. So, how do we speak the love languages with such social restrictions?

For families who are living together, the problem is not geographical separation but adapting to new rhythms and responsibilities.  e children are home instead of at school.  e parents are working

DURING A PANDEMIC By Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D.

from home or have lost their jobs.  ey are dealing with stress they had not known before. For these families, understanding and speaking each other’s love language can greatly reduce stress. When family members feel loved, it is much easier to process the challenges of life. For these families, the key is reminding themselves that love heals hurts and restores relationships. A family conference in which everyone agrees that the priority is keeping love alive may be a good starting point. If you don’t know the primary love language of each family member, you may want to take the free pro le at 5lovelanguges. com.

For those relationships in which the rules of con nement have geographically separated us, the challenge is di erent.  is calls for creativity if we want to stay emotionally connected. Words of Affirmation are fairly easy to express with phone calls, e-mails, texts, and other social media. “I miss you. I love you. I can’t wait until we can be together again,” speak deeply to the Words of A rmation person. A rming the individual for some personality trait that you appreciate also communicates love strongly. Whether the words are written, spoken, or sung, they speak love when they a rm the other person. Acts of Service my be a bit more di cult, depending on the situation. I know of adult children who are grocery shopping for their parents, a huge act of service. Or, if you are not close enough to deliver groceries, you can order them and have them delivered. Either way you have communicated love, especially if their love language is acts of service. Remembering something that your friend did for you in the past and thanking them also speaks love.  e person who performs acts of service usually feels loved when someone expresses gratitude for their service. “Is there anything I can do for you while we are apart?”  is question expresses the desire to serve them.  ey may indeed have a suggestion, but if not, your o er speaks of your love to them.

 e Receiving Gifts language might seem more di cult to speak when many stores are closed. However, Amazon is still shipping, and some local stores may be delivering purchases. Or, if you are in a situation where you can take a nature walk, you might just pick up a bird feather and say to that special someone, “I found a bird feather today, and I thought of you. You are the wind beneath my wings.” Wow! If you are talking on Facetime, you can even show the person the feather. “I am going to keep this feather and give it to you when we can get together.” You have given a gi and spoken words of a rmation. If you have an older parent or relative, you might order and even pay for their medication and have it delivered by the pharmacy. Quality Time may at  rst seem impossible, but it is not. You can both watch the same movie and then discuss it on a digital platform. It is not the same as actually going to the movie theatre, but the sharing of your thoughts and feelings a er the movie is a quality time experience. Or you can both read an online article and then set up a time to share your opinions.  e important thing about quality time is that you have the undivided attention of the other person. One dating couple agreed to meet for dinner online. Each prepared their meal, placed it on a nicely decorated table, and shared dinner via Zoom. Likely neither of them will ever forget that evening. Physical Touch also might seem unachievable, but creativity can do wonders. A military wife said to me, “My husband was deployed. I knew his love language was physical touch. So, I traced my hand on a sheet of paper and mailed it to him with a note that said, ‘Put your hand on my hand. I want to hold your hand.’” Later, when he returned home, he told me, “Every time I put my hand on that paper, I felt her.” It is not a literal touch but an emotional touch, and that is what we are talking about. One creative guy said to his girlfriend, “I am going to mail you one of my shirts. When you need a hug, you put it on, and I’ll hug you.” She later shared, “Every time I put that shirt on, I felt his arms around me.”

Do you realize that the God of the universe speaks your love language, and your expressions of love for Him are shaped by your love language? Many people have told me that they are using the time they have during this crisis to learn how to give and receive God’s love through the  ve love languages.  ings I’ve been doing include setting aside time to read God’s Word, praying for others, and memorizing verses.  e more time we invest in our spiritual life, the more we will see and understand how God displays the love languages to us personally.

As we respond to the love of God and begin to identify the variety of languages He uses to speak to us, it will create a desire in us to speak those languages to others we love. During this time of con nement or separation from your loved ones, may you  nd ever deeper satisfaction in using the love languages in your relationship with God and allow Him to prepare you to love others more deeply.

Yes, challenging times call for creativity, but when we choose to love, we will  nd ways to stay emotionally connected to those we love. Sincerely loving others in our sphere of in uence is extremely important in times of crisis. I’m certain the  ve love languages and a little creativity can help you do it.

Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D.

New York Times best-selling author of  e 5 Love Languages:  e Secret to Love that Lasts® and 5 Simple Ways to Strengthen Your Marriage: When You’re Stuck at Home.

Jordan Feliz: A Time to Rest, Reflect, & Relinquish Control & Relinquish Control

“T here’s a lot of chaos in the world right now,” singer and songwriter Jordan Feliz admits. “It’s been such a crazy season… We’re going through so many—I don’t even know how to describe it—political issues, I guess. And on top of that, we’re all living through a pandemic,” he expounds. “ ere’s just so much going on.” But since returning home in March a er his tour was canceled, the Lord put two words on his heart: rest and dream. With nearly all his plans postponed or interrupted, that’s exactly what Jordan did. “I’ve been  nding so much rest in him,” he shares,

“and I’ve been saying to the Lord, ‘Even though I haven’t been able to tour or, you know, do anything like that, I’m giving all of this to you.  is is yours. Our house, our home, our car, everything we have is yours. And whether we have it or lose it, it’s whatever.’” Since adopting that mindset, Jordan has noticed that God has blessed him and his family. “I’ve f i n i s h e d my third r e c o r d album, a n d

By Sharita Hanley

there are so many things in this season that I feel like the Lord’s shown me as preparation for the next season,” Jordan adds. “I think to really move past this [season], to move forward, what it comes down to is just being the church right now. You know what I mean? Like, we need to hunker down and be in the Word. We need to not be on social media. We need to be in our Word every day. I think that’s how we truly move past this: we put our focus on the Lord.” We must rest in God’s faithfulness, look to Jesus for guidance on how to interact with others, and allow the Holy Spirit to lead our lives. Rest in God’s Faithfulness Like most of us, Jordan knows that resting in God’s faithfulness isn’t always as easy as it sounds. But that’s been the key to the singer’s success. “Since I was probably like twelve, I’ve been writing music,” he recalls. “I started out in my church youth worship band and ended up joining a metal band when I was a senior in high school. We were all believers, and I know it sounds crazy, but we were making Christian metal music.” It was a dream come true. Jordan toured the country with the band for  ve years before life threw a curveball at him. “Our band broke up,” he remembers. But Jordan wasn’t fazed. He landed a position as a worship leader which was a stable job with a decent income. He wasn’t there long, though, before God started tugging on his heart. “I quickly felt like the Lord was calling me and my wife to move to Nashville. We were both kind of like, ‘Oh my gosh.’ I had just actually gotten a ‘real job,’ and all of a sudden, it’s like, ‘Nope, you’re going to

Nashville.’ It was scary. It was like the Lord was calling us into that uncomfortable state of just really relying on and trusting him.”  ey prayed about it for a year, received con rmation that it was God’s plan, and made the decision to move. “It was so crazy,” Jordan emphasizes. “We couldn’t a ord any of it. I say that because we drove for two weeks across the country trying to barely scrape by and pay for gas.” But as they trusted God’s plan and rested in his care, they experienced his faithfulness. “Five hours a er we got to Nashville, I met the lady who was the reason why I got a record deal.” He signed with Centricity, released  e River, and says he’s been consistently blessed since then. Reflect on Jesus’s Interactions with Others  inking again about this current season of rest and slowing down, Jordan has also realized the church should be as loving and faithful with others as God is with us. “We have to stop focusing on whichever political party we agree with. We have to all unify in the ‘believer party,’ which is Jesus, not in how we feel politically or socially. I feel like there’s this competitive nature in what we do, but that’s one of the reasons why I love singing Christian music so much because it’s not about me.  e only thing that you need to be worried about is your God-given assignment.  e assignment is for you to follow [Jesus], right, but the thing is, right now, we’re being told what to follow, especially on social media.” “It’s all about if you’re a Democrat or Republican or a liberal or conservative or libertarian. I’ve got friends that don’t even talk to each other because they see some things di erently. And I’m like, man, how destructive is it that we can’t even communicate together because we see things from di erent views?  at is not what following Jesus looks like,” Jordan points out. “I mean, think about where Jesus went and who he talked to, who he spoke with. I mean, he was hanging out with all these people that [other] people thought were this scum of the earth. Yet, because of who he was and who he was following, he was able to break through these massive walls with people.” “I feel like if we can get back to that kind of faith, if we can get Jesus back to the forefront of the church, then we will see walls break. We’ll see all this division crumble,” Jordan asserts, as he shares his hope for his third record album. “God’s shown me that the outreach is going to get bigger.

”I’ve been finding so much rest in him [God].“

When we get through this thing, we’re going to be able to minister to even more people… ese songs are really going to grab ahold of people’s hearts,” he proclaims. “I’m just really excited to see what the Lord does.” But we’ve got to remember to let God lead us. Relinquish Control to God “A very good friend who is a massive producer in LA told me some advice a couple years ago...and it literally changed my life,” Jordan insists. “I’m talking about healing from anxiety, healing from so much stu in this one statement. He said, ‘ e people that are telling you to stay in your lane, you need to rip them out of your life like a weed.  e reason why is because you should not be in a lane, because then you’d be driving.’  en he asked me,

‘Are you truly driving your life? If you are, then you are in the wrong.’ He said, ‘ ere is no driving. You have free will, but the propulsion of your life has to come from the Lord. By staying in your lane, you are driving, you are leading.’” No matter how experienced, wealthy, trained, or certi ed we are, trying to lead our own lives causes a whirlwind of trouble. “If you were on a private jet,” Jordan continues, “and Jesus is  ying the plane, imagine if you are up in that cockpit and decide to take over. You don’t know how to  y a plane. So, your plane is going to start crashing, falling.  ings are going to get crazy.  ey’re going to get chaotic. You’re going to get scared.  ere’s going to be fear. ”Let’s put Jesus back in the  ere’s some stress. If you just let Jesus cockpit. That’s how we move forward right now. “ take over, and you go in the back, and you sit down and read [the Word], you’ll  nd rest,” Jordan advises. “So, let’s put Jesus back in the cockpit.  at’s how we move forward right now. We put Jesus back in the cockpit—not our political party, our views, not our anything, not even our religion.” Now, more than ever, we need to be led by the Spirit of God.  at’s where unity is.  at’s where we’ll  nd peace, compassion, purpose, mission, and everything else we’re looking for. Despite the Chaos, Glorify His Name Ecclesiastes 3:1 says that there’s a time for everything You gave a heavenly breath and a season for every action under the heavens. We’re And now it’s air in our chests living in uncertain, troubling, confusing, and chaotic  at’s why we’re singing it back to you times. But this isn’t the time to lose hope and abandon For every battle you’ve won our faith. Nor is it the time to draw lines in the sand For everything that you’ve done and separate ourselves from people that see the world And everything that you’re gonna do di erently from us.  is isn’t the season to try to  gure Seen too much to ever doubt it it all out on our own.  is is a time to rest because our Feels so good, I wanna shout it God is faithful.  is is the time to re ect on how our Yeah, when I really think about it Lord and Savior interacted with others and do the same. All I wanna do, all is wanna do is  is is a time to relinquish control and let God lead Glorify your name every facet of our lives. Despite the chaos, this is a time to be the church and glorify God. Despite everything that’s going on, choose to rest, re ect, and relinquish control. Live out your purpose Jordan intends to do just that, as he uses his Godof glorifying God’s name. given talent to compose songs like his latest single, appropriately named Glorify.  e lyrics read: