5 SIMPLE WAYS TO
Express Love
DURING A PANDEMIC By Gary D. Chapman, Ph.D.
Most people agree that the deepest emotional need we have is the need to feel loved by the significant people in our lives. The difficulty in meeting this need is that we have assumed that what makes one person feel loved will also make another person feel loved. That is a false assumption. In my research, I discovered five fundamental “love languages” and that each of us has a primary love language. If we don’t receive love in our love language, we are not likely to feel loved, even though someone may be speaking some of the other love languages. The five love languages are: 1 2 3 4 5
Words of Affirmation Acts of Service Receiving Gifts Quality Time
Physical Touch.
This simple concept has helped many people connect or reconnect emotionally with the significant people in their lives. However, our world has suddenly changed with the COVID-19 crisis. Many are currently living with considerable restrictions on their means of relating to others. To be sure, we are not all affected equally. Some couples with children are all living in the same house 24/7. Others find themselves geographically separated from those whom they love. Adult children may not be able to visit their parents, and friends who saw each other daily at work or socially are now confined to separate homes. So, how do we speak the love languages with such social restrictions? For families who are living together, the problem is not geographical separation but adapting to new rhythms and responsibilities. The children are home instead of at school. The parents are working
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from home or have lost their jobs. They are dealing with stress they had not known before. For these families, understanding and speaking each other’s love language can greatly reduce stress. When family members feel loved, it is much easier to process the challenges of life. For these families, the key is reminding themselves that love heals hurts and restores relationships. A family conference in which everyone agrees that the priority is keeping love alive may be a good starting point. If you don’t know the primary love language of each family member, you may want to take the free profile at 5lovelanguges. com. For those relationships in which the rules of confinement have geographically separated us, the challenge is different. This calls for creativity if we want to stay emotionally connected. Words of Affirmation are fairly easy to express with phone calls, e-mails, texts, and other social media. “I miss you. I love you. I can’t wait until we can be together again,” speak deeply to the Words of Affirmation person. Affirming the individual for some personality trait that you appreciate also communicates love strongly. Whether the words are written, spoken, or sung, they speak love when they affirm the other person. Acts of Service my be a bit more difficult, depending on the situation. I know of adult children who are grocery shopping for their parents, a huge act of service. Or, if you are not close enough to deliver groceries, you can order them and have them delivered. Either way you have communicated love, especially if their love language is acts of service. Remembering something that your friend did for you in the past and thanking them also speaks love. The person who performs acts of service usually feels loved when someone expresses gratitude for their service. “Is there anything I can do for you while we are apart?” This question expresses the desire to serve them. They may indeed have a suggestion, but if not, your offer speaks of your love to them.
