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P.A.C. Systems is recognized as the premier service provider of fire and life safety solutions in Dallas-Fort Worth. For over 20 years, the company has grown to a position as the leading innovator in the most advanced data collection systems to provide customers with inspection reports and analytical data that far exceed industry norms. From fully integrated systems comprised of fire detection, sprinkler installation/control, extinguisher services, to full service repair to any system, P.A.C. has the technical expertise that can accommodate any imaginable need of any commercial property anywhere, regardless of complexity.

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The P.A.C. Systems team is a disciplined group of engineers, service technicians, and solution providers committed to excellence. While providing an extensive list of services, our key focus is turnkey solutions that are unmatched. Services include such innovations as real time response, PSS â&#x20AC;&#x201C; (Phone Solution Service), web access to inspection data, and a one stop provider for any set of pyrotechnic solutions.

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IT’S FINALLY DOVE SEASON!

HERE ARE SOME TIPS TO MAKE YOUR HUNT MORE PRODUCTIVE THIS YEAR There’s something amazing about hunting on that first day of dove season. For most of us, the day can’t get here fast enough. Opening day brings back memories. It could be of family members who used to join in the fun but are now gone. Maybe it was teaching your son or daughter how to lead a bird. Or, it could be of surreal days when for some unknown reason you couldn’t miss! For most wing shooters, it’s been a long, hot summer and the opening of dove season begins a period of hunting that can last through the spring. Dove hunting can be frustrating. The aerodynamic challenge of hitting a dove in flight with some shotgun pellets is like trying to hit a bottle rocket in flight with a stream of water from a garden hose. It can be done, but it takes some serious skill. With the help of a light tailwind, this small bird can typically fly by a hapless hunter at a speed of 50 to 60 miles per hour. To the casual observer, it appears that doves revel in mid-air acrobatics which are designed to frustrate and ultimately defeat all but the most skillful and mentally tough hunter. Did we mention that these small bodies can streak through the autumn sky at a mind boggling rate? They’re so fast and so agile in flight that the ammunition companies estimate the average hunter harvested an abysmal 3 birds for every box of 25 shells.

One of the best parts of dove hunting is the ambiance of the sport. Dove hunting is very much a social event and this means part of the fun is getting out with a bunch of buddies and swapping lies. However, no matter what anybody says, taking home more doves is much more fun than missing every one that flies by. Here are 5 ways to down more doves.

#1: PLAN THE HUNT AND HUNT THE PLAN Most people grab their shotgun, shells and gear, throw them in a vehicle and head out to the hunting lease or property the day before a hunt. The next morning, they get up early and get in the field and start waiting for the skies to open with thousands of doves, all eager to be shot and all flying directly into range. Unfortunately, most hunters are disappointed on the first day of a hunt because there was no reconnaissance before hitting the field. This is a mistake. Let’s face it, most people hate to plan – it sounds like work. However a dove hunt can be more productive and more fun with some preparation. The easiest, but no less important task before opening day, is to get over to the skeet shooting range and get used to swinging your shotgun. Even practicing with one box of shells can result in eye-to-hand coordination improvement and make a big difference on the first few doves that come into range. Another important preparation tactic involves getting the lay of the land. Scouting the fields for doves before the hunt will pay enormous dividends when you come back with your shotgun. Use binoculars to find where pockets of birds are feeding. Look for birds in trees and telephone wires. Watch the flight patterns of birds from feeding field to water. This can enable a hunter to place himself between the feeding field and water. Especially in the early season, doves are known to take recurring flight patterns down fence rows and tree lines. With proper “recon” the hunting party can be placed at strategic positions that ensure getting a steady stream of doves. #2: CHOOSE THE RIGHT GUN AND SHELLS FOR YOU Contrary to some self-proclaimed experts, there is really no right or wrong shotgun for hunting doves. Some really great marksmen can get their daily limit with a 410 shotgun. However, most hunters find the small pattern of a 410 requires superior marksmanship and they prefer the wider pattern of a 20 or 12-gauge shotgun.

When selecting a dove-hunting shotgun, a good allaround choice is a 20 or 12-gauge autoloader with screw-in choke tubes. Pumps, double-barrels and overand-unders work fine, but because doves are fast and difficult to hit, many hunters prefer autoloaders, which allow three quick shots before a bird gets out of range. It is important to remember that repeating shotguns must be limited to holding only three shells (“plugged”) while dove hunting. This federal regulation also applies to pump action shotguns. A 20 gauge gun is lighter to carry and has a little less power than the heavier 12 gauge and after 4 or 5 hours in the sun, the weight of a gun becomes a serious consideration. The 20 has less recoil or “kick” than a 12 gauge but the larger gun allows the hunter to reach out a little farther to knock down a high-flyer. Some parents start kids out using a single shot 410 because it is lighter and the single shot is a safety consideration. However, as noted above, the 410 can be frustrating to a young hunter because the tight shot pattern is not very forgiving and requires more skill than say a 20 gauge would. A smaller, youth-sized 20 gauge gun is a better bet for kids. As for shells, the best advice for dove hunting is to stick to smaller shot sizes – 7 ½ , 8, or 9. It takes only a few small pellets to down a dove and smaller shot sizes offer more pellets per charge. For instance, an ounce of No. 8 shot has 186 more pellets than an ounce of No. 6. One Texas hunting guide opines that the best all-round shot shell is a 1- or 1- 1/8 ounce load of 7 ½ s, 8s or 9s. Heavier loads allow somewhat longer shots, but you may go through several boxes of shot shells during a single hunt. Your accuracy could suffer if you start flinching due to a sore shoulder. #3: HIDE AND WATCH Where a hunter chooses to position himself in the field has a big impact on his success in getting birds. It’s critical to find a spot that allows for some cover. Doves have incredible eyesight and from way up there they have a great view of any guys with shotguns in their hands.

DOVE HUNTING SPECIAL ISSUE Every veteran hunter has stories about times when a group of doves were flying directly toward the area where he was stationed – in a direct path for a perfect shot – and for no apparent reason, at the last second the birds veer off and go out of range. Even though the frustrated wing shooter might think he hears the sound of doves laughing as they dart away, doves can’t laugh. However, they might giggle…just a little. This last second change in flight path suggests that the doves saw the hunter, recognized the imminent danger and changed direction to avoid it. When a hunter dresses in clothing that blends in with the natural surroundings – perhaps camo or maybe just drab colors – and makes a point to position himself under a tree or around high grain stalks, the odds of doves changing paths are reduced. Having a camo billed cap or drab hat that covers the naturally shiny forehead also helps the shooter to avoid detection from the oncoming birds. A dove hunter can also improve odds when his position takes advantage of the dove feeding patterns. Doves tend to have breakfast at daybreak so if a hunter hopes to take advantage of a sleepy-eyed doves, he needs to be in place between the birds roosting areas and feeding field. Typically doves will feed, and then beat a path to water and after this; they tend to nap during the heat of the day. A well-hidden hunter who has positioned himself between feeding field, water source and the trees where the doves roost will realize more success. As for the evening hunt, guides note that doves tend to eat their evening meal as late as possible. As light begins to dim or clouds move in about an hour or two before sunset the doves start moving to water. A good hunting intercept position for this time is the underbrush around the water source. #4: THE BEST SHOOTING TECHNIQUE FOR DOVES Out in the field on opening day, even veteran upland bird hunters forget about good technique. Good ones correct this after about 5 or 6 misses, but a hunter who hasn’t held a shotgun in about 9 months is likely to miss most of his/her early shots unless proper technique is used. The most important concept to remember for shooting doves is to point and not aim the shotgun. There is a circular pattern of shot coming out the end of the gun and any one of those little pellets can bring down a dove. Many opportunities to shoot a dove will be crossing shots – where a dove flies from left to right or vice versa. In this scenario, the odds of hitting this little bottle rocket are dramatically improved when the hunter uses the “water hose” shooting method. The objective is to think of the shotgun as a water hose and to spray the bird with shot.

DOVE HUNTING SPECIAL ISSUE A simple method of leading a dove involves lining up the crossing bird with the sight of the gun then starting the shotgun swing from behind the bird, swinging through the tail and then the head. When a little daylight can be seen, the trigger can be pulled while continuing to swing past the bird along his trajectory. Itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s important to keep eyes on the bird during this process and continue to focus as he falls. When the hunter is property camouflaged and covered by bushes or trees, doves will also fly directly into blind where the hunter is waiting. The best strategy for these straight on shots is to wait until the absolute last second to shoulder the gun and when the bird is within 20 yards, take the first shot. Be prepared to take the second shot if this first shot misses and the dove veers dramatically left or right. If the first shot misses there is a moment of confusion when there is a good opportunity to make that second shot. #5: STAY MOBILE AND LISTEN CAREFULLY As noted above, doves have distinct flight patterns. By watching them over the course of a hunt, or preferably before the hunt starts, hunters can position themselves to intercept the birds and get a better shot. This can only happen if the hunter remains mobile. If the birds are moving down a fence row or tree line, out of range, its time to move over to where they are flying (when possible). With multiple hunters in a party, this might be difficult however, the hunter who watches the flight pattern and adjusts accordingly will bring back more birds than someone who sets up under a nice shady tree and never leaves this spot. Hunters who know what to listen for can also improve their kill ratio. Doves in flight make a distinct sound. The sound of a dove in flight is a high-pitched whistle or squeaking sound. The mourning doves rapidly beating feathers also create a soft whistle when they are in flight. It may take a few times, but eventually a wise hunter will recognize that sound of doves flying and will be prepared to see one or more doves come out of nowhere. Many times a group of doves will approach a hunter from his backside with very little advance warning except for that very distinctive dove squeak. When they come into view, usually over the backside of the camo tree or bush, a going-away shot is possible. OUT STANDING IN A FIELD Nothing compares to an opening day of dove season. The smell of gunpowder, the rush of adrenaline when a tough shot is made and camaraderie of friends all make this an outstanding sport. If youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re lucky enough to go hunting this year, stay hydrated, follow these tips and have a great hunt.

Dove Hunt Checklist The number one rule of dove hunting is that you can never have too much gear or too many shotguns! In the rush to get the latest gear and guns, you can sometimes forget the basics. Here’s a checklist to print out and make sure you don’t forget things like: (1) A valid hunting license with a migratory bird stamp – It’s amazing how many people forget to get a new license. Game wardens, however, never forget to ask for one when they stop hunters for a friendly chat about the weather. (2) A favorite shotgun or two – Pick one that you’re prepared to lug around for several hours in the sun and (if possible) bring a backup that can be used if the primary gun malfunctions or you happen to accidentally smash it against a tree when you miss the 15th straight crossing shot. (3) Appropriate shotgun shells – In most cases for dove hunting, this will be number 8 shot with 7 ½ a second choice. Be sure to bring enough for you and your hunting party. The ammo companies estimate 3 birds are shot for every box of 25 shells. Do the math and don’t run out of shells just when a hundred doves are flying into your area. (4) Camouflage or drab-colored clothing – Even though that torn sleeveless white Lynyrd Skynrd t-shirt makes your muscles look bigger, doves can see a white or bright color from a mile away. Wear something that helps you blend into the natural setting and wear a hat or gimme cap to cover that shiny, receding hairline and forehead. (5) Sunscreen – Skin cancer is not macho and early September can be brutal.

(6) Insect repellent – Look for something with DEET and something that repels mosquitoes, chiggers and ticks. Put this stuff on your clothes and on directly on your skin. There have been many cases of West Nile Fever and Lyme disease. Don’t tempt fate. Put on some repellant. (7) A light-weight game vest or belt with big pockets – In the heat of shotgunning, it’s nice to have a quick place to store the downed birds…so you can keep on shooting. (8) Water bottle – Did we mention the heat could be brutal. Try and get a bottle that will fit in your game vest. (9) An ice chest with lots of ice for the birds and beverages (10) A set of large, re-sealable plastic bags to store birds in the ice chest (11) A shotgun cleaning kit (12) Game sheers or a good knife to field dress the birds (13) A light-weight hunting stool for when you’re waiting for the birds to fly by If you have all of these items, you’re good to go. Oh wait. Don’t forget the dog. She’s been waiting for dove season since winter!

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Woods & Water: RECIPES SOME GREAT WAYS TO PREPARE DOVE FOR DINNER That don’t involve jalapenos, onions and bacon How many times have you had a well-meaning host announce that he’s had a great dove hunt is going to share this bounty with you, his lucky guests? He then trots out the tried-and-true dove breast/jalapeno/onion/bacon concoction that we’ve all tasted…a million times before. Boring. This recipe is always good and perfect for an appetizer but wouldn’t it be nice to enjoy the fruits of your dove field labors with some new recipes. Well, we’ve got you covered. Here are five tasty new ways to prepare those doves.

TERIYAKI GRILLED DOVE AND PEARL ONIONS Here’s what you need: ~ dove breasts (as many as you can get…they’re small) ~ pearl onions

~ favorite teriyaki sauce ~ pepper

In a large bowl, place the dove. Cover with teriyaki sauce. Cover a refrigerate for at least 20 minutes. Remove the breasts and alternate them with the onions on skewers. Lightly sprinkle with pepper. Grill over high heat for 4 -5 minutes. Turn and cook another 3 - 4 minutes or until done. Serve and enjoy.

Woods & Water: RECIPES CROCK POT DOVE Here’s what you need: ~ 6-8 dove breasts, skinned ~ 1 medium chopped onion ~ 1 can cream of mushroom soup ~ 1 can diced tomatoes and chilis ~ 1 clove garlic, chopped ~ Salt and pepper to taste Soak the breasts in salt water solution for 20-30 minutes (1 Tbsp salt to 4 cups water.) Rinse the birds and set aside. Place all ingredients in the crockpot. Stir and cover. Turn crockpot on low. Cook time approximately 6-8 hours. Follow manufacturer’s instructions for your crockpot. Serve with mashed potatoes, rice, or noodles.

DOVE LOUISIANA STYLE Here’s what you need: ~ 8 doves ~ 1 stick melted butter & some to rub on doves inside and out. ~ 2-3 cups cooked rice ~ seasoning salt and pepper to taste ~ 1 tsp ground sage ~ 1 tsp onion salt ~ 1/4 tsp cayenne pepper ~ 1 stick sweet butter ~ 4 cups white wine ~ 3 ounces brandy ~ 2 tsp cornstarch; dissolved in 1/4 cup cold water Rub doves inside and out with butter, then season with seasoning salt and pepper. Mix rice with melted butter, sage, onion salt, and cayenne. Stuff birds with rice mixture. Melt sweet butter in a large pot, and saute the birds until brown. Add wine and brandy. Cover and simmer slowly for 1 hour. Add dissolved cornstarch to thicken pan juices.

Enjoy! Serve and Enjoy!

DOVE HUNTING WITH A DOG

Dove hunting with a dog can either be the most rewarding or most exasperating experience you’ve ever had. The goal of this piece is to ensure the former and eliminate the latter. Professional hunting dog breeders and trainers know that the experience in the field is the direct result of the time spent in training. However, even dogs that excel at retrievals need some time to become acclimated to the noise and excitement of shotguns going off and feathers flying.

GETTING YOUR DOG READY FOR DOVE HUNTING

Here are some suggestions for having a better time with your canine buddy on your dove hunt…especially if it’s his first hunt. BEFORE THE HUNT Get some professional help from a dog trainer or at the very least go online and do some research on proper training techniques for teaching retrieval techniques to your dog. There are any number of great sites to get this type of information and one of the best is Gun Dog Broker. This site offers links to qualified trainers, throughout the United States. It is also undated regularly with blog posts about all issues related to hunting dogs. www.gundogbroker.com

REMEMBER THE HEAT Just about anywhere you plan on hunting doves in the early part of the season it’s going to be hot. This means that the most important thing to remember is to keep yourself and your dog hydrated! One cool suggestion is to carry a couple of bottles of frozen water for the dogs. As the ice melts you have fresh cold water for your hunting helper. It’s also advisable to keep a collapsible water bowl in your gear bag. You should also find a full shade tree to sit under. This helps keep you out of the sight of the incoming birds and it will be 20 or 30 degrees cooler than in the blazing September sun. Once you get set up in the shade, you can put up a ground blind for you pooch. This keeps him/her cool and reminds them to stay put until you say “hunt ‘em up.”

W W W. PA C - S Y S T E M S . C O M

Woods & Water: SPECIAL DOVE HUNTING ISSUE YUCK. I GOT SOME FEATHERS IN MY MOUTH! Even a dog that is well-trained on retrieval will likely have a problem with those nasty dove feathers in his mouth. Dog trainers say this is pretty common, especially among dogs that are on their first hunt. The dog will do the intelligent thing and spit out the feathers. Unfortunately, this means he will also have a tendency to spit out the dead bird, putting a little crimp in the concept of bringing back to the shooter! The feathers on a dove come out very easily and will fill a dog’s mouth causing them to spit out the bird to try and clean all the feathers out of their mouth. When this happens, dog experts suggest that the hunter be patient and tease the dog into (re) fetching the bird. After a few times, the dog should eventually realize that he can spit out the feathers AFTER the bird is in the bag.

PANTING CAN AFFECT SMELLING Running after the birds and bringing them back in pristine condition tires a pup out. As a dog’s body temp increases, they will pant more and this results in a decreasing of their sense of smell. Since a dove has very little scent to begin with, when a dog is panting heavily it can run right over a downed dove in the field. This is especially true in a heavily vegetated field such as a recently cut corn or milo field. Dog trainers again recommend patience with this situation It can be hard on a dog in the dove field on opening day. Your canine buddy WANTS to find all of the birds. However, like you, he gets excited, hot and tired and will sometimes overlook a few. Anyone who’s hunted doves for any period of time has lost lots and lots of birds in the vegetation, so your dog is in good company. The best way to handle this “lost bird” scenario is to look at your four-legged buddy and say something like, “Well, the varmints have to eat too. Let’s shoot another one!”

www.gundogbroker.com

GE AR

The Best Dove Decoy on the Planet We’ve all been there. The first groups of doves that you saw about sunrise are long gone and the rest of the late-risers are feeding somewhere just out of your gun range. It’s mid-morning in the dove field and all is quiet. Boringly, deathly, make-you-wanna-shoot-atthe-windmill kind of quiet!

As a result of this interruption in the action, the group of dove hunters who were in the field at dawn’s first light begins to get restless. The only sound is that of safeties being clicked on and off and on and off and maybe a couple of yawns. No shotgun blasts and no whooping and hollering that usually accompanies a dove hunt. A Mechanical Dove That Speaks Their Lingo The best insurance policy for those times when the birds are either not flying, or they’re flying just out of the range of your shotgun costs about $40. It’s a battery-operated dove decoy whose wings constantly spin and is irresistible to the real doves who would normally not give your field a second glance. One of the best mechanized dove decoys is made by “Mojo Outdoors” a company based in Monroe, Louisiana. The design of The Mojo Dove Decoy ™ is so simple, it’s ingenious.

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P.A.C. Systems, Inc 751 109th Street, Arlington, TX 76011 (817) 640-2223

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GE AR

How to Set it Up This decoy has a very realistic dove body that sits on a pole. The wings are run by a dual shaft, direct drive system and four AA batteries are housed inside the decoy body. Unlike some, this model has not external wires. These four batteries will run the wings for about 24 hours of continuous use.

Basically, the steel spike of the pole with the decoy attached is placed in an area that is visible to doves that are flying over the area while hunters are hidden in either a blind or other area that affords camouflage. The constant wing motion has an uncanny ability to get the high-flyers’ attention and lure them in. This dove decoy system is available wherever hunting equipment is sold and you can get more info at the company’s website www.mojooutdoors.com. While you probably don’t need this dove decoy on every hunt, it’s a great piece of equipment to have available when things get slow.

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THE DEBUTANTE

HUNTERS The synopsis of the documentary “Debutante Hunters” is succinct. “In the Lowcountry of South Carolina, a group of true Southern Belles reveal their more rugged side, providing a glimpse into what drives them to hunt in the wild.” However, the brevity of this blurb belies a very complicated and even fascinating story. The producer/director of this amazing film, which was the winner of the Audience Award for the 2012 Sundance Film Festival, is Maria White. She was able to accomplish this (obvious) labor of love, with the help of grant from the South Carolina Film Commission. Before bowing the Debutante Hunters, Maria produced the award winning short films: Tackle Box and Down and Out. She was born in Las Vegas but grew up in South Carolina, studied art at Winthrop University and is also a ceramic artist. “Debutante Hunters” should be seen by every hunter – both men and women – outdoor enthusiast and conservationist. In less than 15-minutes, it provides a deep understanding of what it means to love the great outdoors and the tradition of hunting. After viewing the documentary, we had an opportunity to visit with the producer/director of “Debutante Hunters” and, even with a new baby to take care of, she was nice enough to make the time to give Woods & Water readers some insights into this very cool film.

Woods & Water: How did this project come about? Did the featured hunters seek you out or did you find them and ask them to be a part of the documentary? Maria White: It all started when my best friend and "lead" in the documentary, Kristy Olson Cuthbert, sent me some of her kill, venison for Christmas. I have been living in LA for over a decade and literally have no friends who hunt out here so this inspired me to learn more about her passion for hunting. When I was doing initial research for the project and she took me out for a turkey hunt---I literally spent the whole day with her---watched the woods wake up for the first time in my life. I thought "ohhhh! now I'm starting to get why you do this!" and wanted to learn more. TO: Are you a hunter or outdoor sports enthusiast? MW: I'm a neither a hunter nor a real outdoor sports fan. While I respect and admire the outdoors and hunting---I am by no means an outdoorsy kind of girl (terrified of bugs and not the most coordinated person you'd ever meet!) But after my experience, I am intrigued and hope to go on some hunts with the girls when I'm back in SC. TO: How to the women who are featured in the documentary know each other? Are they friends, work colleagues, former classmates? MW: Kristy Olson Cuthbert, has been my best friend since high school. Her passion for hunting and the outdoors is what inspired me to make this film. The other women are friends with her and each other and another cast member is my husband's first cousin. TO: After shooting and editing this film, did you come away with different thoughts about hunting or did the documentary simply galvanize the way you feel about the sport/lifestyle? MW: Absolutely. As someone who did not grow up in hunting and very much just as a spectator of this culture, being immersed in it while interviewing and shooting it certainly challenged any preconceived notions I had about hunting and I have a deep respect for these women and their passion for hunting.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=djU34WqiO_s

TO: How has the public received the documentary? MW: We have been fortunate to receive many positive reviews. The film has screened internationally and won the Audience Award at the Sundance Film Festival in 2012. TO: How has the movie industry received the documentary? MW: It has been well received. It has been creened competitively in the international film festival circuit and recently has been distributed on iTunes so now anyone can watch it!

MARIA WHITE

TO: What type of business model does a short feature like Debutante Hunters use? Does it generate money from ticket sales or is revenue even a consideration?

MW: I made this film in part from an Indie grant awarded by the South Carolina Film Commission and independently raised additional financing for this film on Kickstarter. My intention was to first create a short film that could serve as hopefully a work that could lead to a docu-series or longer film. TO: What's next for you? Do you have other movie/documentary projects upcoming? MW: I do. I am currently working on a project about post-partum depression and have a narrative feature length project in the works. TO: What about these Debutante Hunters...what's next for them? Obviously, Duck Dynasty has dramatically changed the landscape for hunting/outdoor lifestyle shows. Are these women thinking about some other TV projects? MW: We are hopeful that they will have the opportunity to be on TV as well. These women have so many great stories and rich, warm, personalities---I believe there is a much wider audience for them. If you would like to download your copy of “Debutante Hunters,” it’s available on iTunes. Here’s the link: https://itunes.apple.com/us/movie/the-debutante-hunters/id643853383 Do it. You won’t regret it. After seeing “Debutante Hunters” you will never again think of men as the hunters and women as strictly the gatherers. Sporting goods manufacturers have taken noticed that women are the fastest growing group of new hunters. They’re no longer content to sit at home while husbands and boyfriends have all the fun in the field. While some still feel that a woman’s place is at home (or at least somewhere, gathering up something!), most of us welcome women to the glorious experience of getting outside and harvesting nature’s bounty. And there are some side benefits to men. If your wife or girlfriend is involved in hunting, it’s very difficult for them to argue about the necessity of you buying that new rifle or rangefinder. Just be ready to share it with her!

Get into Shooting Shape with Run 2 Gun

Put Some Muscle Into It! Jordan Miller has succeeded in combining his two passions – hunting and physical fitness training – into one company. It’s called Run2Gun and judging by all those overweight guys we’ve all seen sitting around the deer camp, he’s definitely chosen a growth industry to pursue! “Growing up in South Dakota, I always hunted with my parents and grandparents and I loved it. When I was old enough to participate in athletics, I also really enjoyed participating in sports too,” Jordan noted during an interview with Woods & Water. “In college, I got my degree in Sports Exercise and Wellness and Run2Gun is a logical progression, I guess. I kept noticing that many hunters were so out of shape that they were unable to get out and hunt anymore. This is a truly sad state of affairs and I decided see if I could make a dent in this problem.”

INDIVIDUALIZED TRAINING FOR HUNTERS Run2Gun is a health and fitness company devoted specifically to hunters and outdoorsmen. It provides individualized training, nutrition and accountability programs that are designed to prepare clients for hunting and outdoor adventures.

Miller notes, “We want to put the ‘personal’ back into personal training with a commitment to build highly customized fitness plans to meet your specific goals. Programs are focused around the importance of strength, endurance, agility and flexibility. Plus, there is a special focus on healthy eating and nutrition to further prepare our clients for the challenge of the hunt.”

RUN2GUN SOLUTIONS The Run2Gun website (www.run2gun.com) is the hub for this individualized training. The training focuses on building a strong core, leg strength and lower back muscles. It’s no coincidence that these muscles are the same ones that hunters use for pursuing wild game in rough terrain. The Run2Gun training packages include: The 6 Point Buck and the 12 Point Buck programs. Both are 12-week training packages which offer different amenities and pricing options. The complete breakdowns and pricing are available on the company’s website.

The Custom Package is available at a higher rate, for those who have a big hunt planned and are woefully out of shape. This program is customized for each hunter. The company also offers a Members Only section of the website which is packed with more than 100 demonstrational videos and nutrition tips. The price for this membership is $9.99 per month.

A GREAT PLACE TO HUNT So, what does someone who grew up in South Dakota like to hunt? Jordan enthusiastically says, â&#x20AC;&#x153;Just about everything! This part of the world is known for its pheasant hunting and I get in as many days in the field as possible. We also have grouse, duck, geese and of course deer hunting. This is a wonderful place to live if your enjoy hunting and fishing.â&#x20AC;? If you want more information about getting into shape before that big hunt this year, you can find more information on Run2Gun at: www.run2gun.com www.facebook.com/Run2Gun

Woods & Water: FACTS ABOUT WHITE TAIL

Did You Know? While the season for whitetail deer is a couple of months away, it’s never too early to get your brain focused on this most popular of wild game. With a few clicks of the mouse, we’ve found some “research” online about whitetail deer and you can feel free to use it for your own purposes. Wagering with your buddies on these facts is always an option. WHY ARE THEY CALLED WHITETAIL DEER AND HOW DO THEY USE THIS? We’re starting with an easy one. The white tail deer get its name from the white hair growing on the underside of its tail. (Heck, if algebra had been this simple, we could have graduated with our class!) It uses its tail to communicate with other deer and if a deer senses danger it will raise its tail as well as stomp the ground and snort by blowing air through its nostrils. As for the rest of its appearance, a deer's coat will change from reddish brown in the summer to grayish brown in the winter to help the deer stay camouflage all year long. During a cold snap, they can make the hairs of their fur coat stand erect, which traps air near the skin and increases the insulation value of their winter coat. This is similar to birds fluffing their feathers. WILD TURKEYS HAVE GREAT VISION, HOW ABOUT WHITETAIL DEER? Fortunately, for those of us who try to hunt them, deer don’t have the laser vision that turkeys enjoy. The deer's eyes which are located on the side of its head give it 310 degrees of vision without moving its head. However this position of the eyes also makes it hard for a deer to focus on objects. Whitetail deer are believed to be completely color blind and have very poor depth perception. IF THEY DON’T SEE WELL, HOW DO THEY KNOW WHEN GUYS WITH GUNS ARE AROUND? The muscles in a deer's head allow the deer to turn its ears in any direction without moving its head. Experts believe that a deer's hearing is so sensi-

tive that it can determine how far away a sound was made. A deer can detect the odors and scents several hundred yards away. A deer licks its nose to help keep it moist. The moist nose allows scent partials to stick to it helping the deer to smell better. LET’S TALK ANTLERS. Only male deer or bucks grow antlers and deer are the only animals on the planet with antlers. Antlers are the fastest growing tissue on earth. A whitetail bucks antlers can grow up to a ½ inch per day. The size mass and number of points on a buck’s rack or antlers is determined by nutrition, age and genetics of the buck. This partially explains the popularity of “deer farming” where nutritional supplements and breeding techniques are being used to produce huge deer with even bigger racks. A buck will use its antlers to establish dominance over other male deer and the right to mate with female deer or does. Bucks mark their territory by removing bark from trees with their antlers this is called a buck rub HOW FAST AND FAR CAN WHITETAIL DEER RUN, JUMP OR SWIM? A deer's powerful legs allow it to run at speeds of up to 40 Miles per hour and jump fences up to 9 feet tall. A deer at a run can broad jump 30 feet. Deer are also powerful swimmers and will often swim to cross bodies of water. A deer can swim at up to 13 miles per hour.

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WHAT’S UP WITH THOSE DEER TEETH? The deer's teeth are designed to chew tough foods. Deer have incisors in the lower jaw for biting and molars for grinding up plants. Deer age can be determined by checking it's teeth. Deer have baby teeth just like people and lose their baby teeth by 18 months old. Deer can live up to 11 years in the wild. If they don't fall victim to a predator or hunter at this age their teeth start to wear out and they can no longer eat. HOW ARE THEY WITH THE LADIES? When free of predators and hunting pressure deer can double in population every year. Just 2 deer when left alone can produce up to 35 deer in just 7 years. WHAT ON THE MENU FOR WHITETAILS? Deer are herbivores. They eat grass, leaves, stems, shoots, berries, herbs, acorns, mushrooms, wild fruit and agriculture crops like corn and soy beans. Deer have a four chambered stomach that allows them to digest tough plant foods. Deer eat quickly without much chewing of food. Later as they rest, they cough up their food and chew it. Deer store most of their fat reserves during the summer months because the twigs they eat in the winter lack the nutritional value of green vegetation. HOW DID THE MALE DEER GET ITS NAME? The term buck comes from the American frontier when the skin of a male deer was worth one dollar or a “buck.” So, is it November yet? I’m ready to start chasing these bad boys!

Try These Soft Plastics for Late Season Bass Fishing As summer comes to an end and fall approaches, savvy anglers know that the fish have gotten smarter. Either that or we’ve gotten dumber. Whatever the case may be, in some highly fished lakes the fish have been tossed everything but the kitchen sink. They’ve seen everything and they’re not amused. Serious bass fisherman feel that September should be just as productive as say May or June and they usually fall back on a tried and true tactic – using soft plastic baits. Hit any fishing website or watch any fishing show and the guys who are pulling up giant lunkers are usually using soft plastic lures. Why? For the best reason, fish love ‘em.

THE TOP TEN SOFT PLASTICS If you’re thinking about getting in a few more bass fishing trips before it gets too cold, here are the top-10 producing soft plastic lures as ranked by Fishhound – an online fishing community found at www.fishhound.com. This site aggregates fishing reports from 2,800 waters across the U.S. and has put together a network of more than 2,200 pro staff members. More than 200,000 anglers have joined this community and they have graciously allowed us to share their recommendations with you. Here are the soft plastic lures that Fishhound.com suggests you have in your tackle box. Berkley Havoc Devil Spear This lure is 4-inches long and has a ridged, spear-shaped tail that flaps and vibrates wildly on the fall. It also has a streamlined body that allows it to avoid vegetation cover. It can also be rigged sideways as a swimbait. Berkley Powerbait Power Worm This baby is big – 12 inches long. This monster trails a long, sickle-shaped tail, which produces a lot of racket which turns the head of lots of monster bass. It’s perfect for catching big bass that are swimming in muddy water. Bruiser Baits Intruder The 4 ¼ inch Intruder is designed with wispy, supple arms and flexible pinchers which tremble and flutter when the rod tips is twitched. The Fishhhound experts say this craw-style bait is one of the best in class.

Woods & Water: SOFT PLASTICS Jackall Clone Gill This lure mimics a deep-bodied bait fish. It’s 2 ½ inches long and has 8 color options, including 4 realistic renditions of juvenile sunfish, baby bass, black crappie and 2 shad patterns. It’s best used in clear water because the colors are so vibrant and is best rigged by nose-hooking either on a drop-shot rig with light wire hook or pinned on small jighead. Trigger X Hodad This soft plastic lure is designed to work in heavy cover. It’s used for flipping, pitching and Carolina-rigging, but is especially recommended for drop-shotting for post-spawn bass on a VMC SpinShot hook. When it’s kept moving, the lure stretches horizontally with its appendages flickering in the wake. Yamamoto Senko This well-regarded soft plastic lure has a unique design and density that allows it to fall slowly, yielding subtle movements – shimmies and flutters – that drive bass nuts. It’s perfect for use around cover and other ambush points. YUM F2 Dinger The Dinger is infused with F2 attractant which studies have shown fish dig more than any other formula. Aside from the attractant, this lures success has been attributed to its unique action on the fall. YUM Money Minnow This swimbait lure is available in 2 ½ , 3 ½ ,5 and 6 ½ inch sizes and comes in 14 color patterns for almost any bass forage and fishing condition. This lure works great in clear-water.

Z-Man ElaZtech Toobz This lure wins the longest name award! The 4-inch Toobz has a buoyancy that allows it to float, horizontally so they can be fished as topwaters. This means they can be used to crawl over weeds and paused in open pockets. When one is placed on a jig or rigged Texas-style, you get a head-down, tail-up orientation which looks like an agitated crayfish. Zoom Baby Brush Hog This 4-inch zoom bait is extremely soft and appears as a craw-lizard-worm creature to bass. It’s best when it rigged Carolina-style, weightless on a small weedless hook and as a jig trailer. The curly tail of this lure corkscrews through the water at even slow speeds and is perfect for skittish bass. Catching fish that have been teased and taunted for the past 3 or 4 months takes a special touch and any advantage such as these soft plastic lures is welcome. If you’ve never used one of these, give them a try and let us know what happened. For more information on any of these lures click on www.fishhound.com. For up-to-the-minute fishing reports, you can log on to www.facebook.com/FishingReports.

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Our annual machine gun shoot saw twelve marksmen all get to shoot some of the most famous automatic weapons. Our customers all enjoyed the belt-fed machine guns and several enjoyed the AK 74. All in all the Bar-b-que was great and the shooting was even better.

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Whatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s so Funny Shark Face?

Now that we’ve survived “Shark Week” for another year, it might be fun to speculate on the emotions of these fierce fish. So, is this shark smiling? If so, what’s he smiling about? We humans have an annoying habit of attributing human emotions to animals and inanimate objects. Psychologists, linguists and other smart people whose job title ends with the letters: “i-s-t-s” even have a term for this tendency. It’s called anthropomorphizing. Feel free to use this word the next time one of your buddies says something like: “The firing pin on this gun is acting like it wants to come out every time is use it.” A firing pin is a piece of metal and it can’t act or want anything. Your buddy is guilty of anthropomorphizing again! But we digress. What about that shark’s expression? The folks at www.EarthSky.com note, “Sharks might look as if they can smile (and) some animals do seem to show happiness, anger, fear, and other feelings. Dogs, cats, dolphins, and monkeys can be especially expressive and do show facial expressions akin to human smiles. Scientists have traced intelligence in mammals like these to certain parts of the brain, related to the cerebral cortex – which is also highly developed in people. But smiling sharks? Not likely.” Experts who study sharks and fish note that these menacing motor scooters do communicate by twisting their bodies into certain positions. “They act differently from day to day, depending on how much food they’ve eaten or how cold the water is. But those are probably behaviors, not emotions. Scientists call this learning – reacting to the environment with changes in behavior.” We’ve been conditioned to see a smile and think all is well. While this is true when we’re seeing a human, it’s not necessarily true when we’re observing a dog, cat or canary (Tweetie Bird being the obvious exception). Smiles on the faces of humans suggests happiness, good times and approachability. What looks like a smile on a Doberman, or Samatra tiger or Great White Shark might be – and probably is – something completely different. So can sharks smile? Scientists say: probably not. However, just because we don’t understand the expressions and emotions of animals and fish yet does not mean they don’t have them. It would be great if sharks and other mysterious creatures would take a lesson from dogs. A dog’s tail never lies.

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VINCE GILL AND PAUL FRANKLIN ON THE STREETS OF BAKERSFIELD The first time I saw Buck Owens was on TV the mid – 60’s. He was already a big star and he and his lead guitar player/harmony singer, Don Rich would tear it up every Saturday evening. We had a brand new, RCA color TV on which my dad had uncharacteristically splurged some of his hard-earned cash so he could watch the dozen or so country TV shows that he loved, in living color. The guest on Buck’s show that evening was another singer who I found out later came from the same working class town that produced Buck Owens (Bakersfield, California): Merle Haggard. You might say these two West coast boys had a successful run of country hits. Buck Owens and Merle Haggard have had so many hits between them that it’s a shame to try and list them all because some great song will be left out. They also opened the door for many other West coast singers such as Dwight Yoakam and Alt country groups such as the Derailers who have more than a few Buck and Merle songs on their nightly set list.

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Spring forward to 2013 when one of the most successful country singers and musicians in history, Vince Gill and steel guitarist Paul Franklin, on the A-list of Nashville studio musicians, decided that these songs and the “Bakersfield Sound” that they represent would likely be loved by a new generation. They were right. Vince and Paul doing songs made famous by Buck and Merle kill it on the new collection of vintage tunes called “Bakersfield.” WHAT’S THAT SOUND? You don’t have to be T. Bone Burnett or another successful music producer to hear the difference of songs and singers that have that Bakersfield sound, particularly as it was rendered in the 60’s and 70’s. As Gill noted in an interview with National Public Radio, “The Bakersfield sound grew out of musicians moving west in the hope of scratching out a living. They seemed to take that music with them: very honky-tonk driven, very beer-joint driven,” Vince Gill continued, “It just was unabashed; it wasn’t smooth, it wasn’t croonish. I think what you have to do is compare it with the country music that was being made primarily in Nashville, which was a lot smoother: string arrangements and kind of cosmopolitan. And along comes Buck and Merle, and they got these twangy Telecasters and Ralph Mooney playing a singing steel guitar. In a way, it’s like the Rolling Stones of country music.” THE BEST PLAYERS IN NASHVILLE DIAL IN BAKERSFIELD Most people, outside the Nashville music industry, don’t know the two men who are the driving force on Bakersfield – Gill and Franklin – also play weekly gigs in small venues under the band name of The Time Jumpers. This collaboration led to the two men to experiment with the songs of Owens and Haggard. The rest is now musical history.

As noted on the backgrounders of the CD, Gill and Franklin share the producing duties on the ten song set that makes up Bakersfield. It was tracked in two days at Gill’s home studio, backed by a stellar band made up of John Hobbs, piano; Greg Morrow, drums; Willie Weeks and Brad Albin, bass; J. T. Corenflos, electric rhythm guitar; and Time Jumpers Kenny Sears, Larry Franklin, Joe Spivey, fiddles and Dawn Sears on harmony vocals. Gill played all the acoustic and electric guitar fills and solos. He also sings lead on every song and manages to capture the magic of the two, very distinct singing styles of Owens and Haggard. Fans of Buck Owens will no doubt be nodding their heads on Bakersfield songs such as the classics: Fooling Around and Together Again. Haggard fans will immediately recognize great Hag songs such as: Branded Man and Tonight the Bottle Let me Down. In addition to these well-known songs, Gill and Franklin included some lesser known but knocked out songs such as: He Don’t Deserve you Anymore, first cut by Owens in 1961 as an LP album cut. Recording Bakersfield was clearly a labor of love for Vince Gill, Paul Franklin and the all-star musicians and singers who participated. They have captured that blue-collar, chicken pickin’, beer-joint feel of songs that made millions of people sing along. And all they had to do was Act Naturally!

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DAWES: STORIES DON’T END The third CD of Dawes represents a departure from the previous two. Not a radical departure, but fans will definitely note a little different vibe on their latest work: Stories Don’t End. Part of this due to a new producer – Jacquire King – who has helped Tom Waits, Norah Jones and the Kings of Lean (among others) and part of the new sound comes from the place where they chose to record: the Blue Ridge Mountains of Ashville, North Carolina. After opening for Mumford and Son’s on a European tour, why did this LA-based group, aka The Troubadours of Laurel Canyon, hunker down in North Carolina to record their latest? There are probably many reasons (lack of distractions, beautiful scenery), but the effect has been to give Dawes more focus and it definitely shows in this collection. This CD is not a laid back as the previous two and will likely help Dawes get a lot more fans in those very expensive concert seats. The Stories That Don’t End Dawes is composed of brothers Taylor (guitars and vocals) and Griffin Goldsmith (drums), along with Wylie Gelber (bass) and Tay Strathairn (keyboards). For better or worse, they have been categorized by the music industry as a being a part of the Laurel Canyon sound, which is influenced by such artists as Jackson Brown, Crosby, Stills and Nash, Neil Young and others. As with most arbitrary categorizations,

there is some truth and some fiction to this. Dawes is much more than a re-hash of CSN&Y and Jackson Brown as they prove again on Stories Don’t End. There are several interesting cuts on Stories Don’t End, one of which did not come from the usual writers – the Goldsmiths. The country rock cover of “Hey Lover,” which is written by former Dawes member Blake Mills, is highenergy and more than a little twisted. The band obviously loves this tune and they make it their own. The opening track, “Just Beneath the Surface,” is kick-butt anthem that many have compared to Jackson Brown’s California rock - Running on Empty and others. This is a great choice to get listeners ready for the new, bigger production values that are about to fill their speakers and ear buds. The band (producer?) cleverly adds a slower, acoustic version of this song as the final cut. This bookends the CD nicely. The first single from the CD is “From a Window Seat” and is a melodic rocker. This song has a very subtle hook that is not that obvious from the first listen, but after listening to the rest of the collection and coming back around to it, it really starts to grows on you. Taken as a group, the songs on Stories Don’t End measure up nicely with the best of the Eagles, Jackson Brown and others who have obviously influenced the band. In many ways, this is an excellent CD and should introduce Dawes music to the masses.

GARTER SNAKES CAN BE DANGEROUS... Snakes also known as Garter Snakes (Thamnophissirtalis) can be dangerous Yes, grass snakes, not rattlesnakes. HERE'S WHY. A couple in Sweetwater, Texas, had a lot of potted plants. During a cold spell, the wife was bringing a lot of them indoors to protect them from a possible freeze. It turned out that a little green garden grass snake was hidden in one of the plants. When it had warmed up, it slithered out and the wife saw it go under the sofa. She let out a very loud SCREAM. The husband (who was taking a shower) ran out into the living room naked to see what the problem was. She told him there was a snake under the sofa. He got down on the floor on his hands and knees to look for it. About that time the family dog came and cold-nosed him on the behind. He thought the snake had bitten him, so he screamed and fell over on the floor. His wife thought he had had a heart attack, so she covered him up, told him to lie still and called an ambulance. The attendants rushed in, would not listen to his protests, loaded him on the stretcher, and started carrying him out.

About that time, the snake came out from under the sofa and the Emergency Medical Technician saw it and dropped his end of the stretcher. That's when the man broke his leg and why he is still in the hospital. The wife still had the problem of the snake in the house, so she called on a neighbor who volunteered to capture the snake. He armed himself with a rolled-up newspaper and began poking under the couch.. Soon he decided it was gone and told the woman, who sat down on the sofa in relief. But while relaxing, her hand dangled in between the cushions, where she felt the snake wriggling around. She screamed and fainted, the snake rushed back under the sofa. The neighbor man, seeing her lying there passed out, tried to use CPR to revive her. The neighbor's wife, who had just returned from shopping at the grocery store, saw her husband's mouth on the woman's mouth and slammed her husband in the back of the head with a bag of canned goods, knocking him out and cutting his scalp to a point where it needed stitches. The noise woke the woman from her dead faint and she saw her neighbor lying on the floor with his wife bending over him, so she assumed that the snake had bitten him. She went to the kitchen and got a small bottle of whiskey, and began pouring it down the man's throat. By now, the police had arrived. BREATHE HERE... They saw the unconscious man, smelled the whiskey, and assumed that a drunken fight had occurred. They were about to arrest them all, when the women tried to explain how it all happened over a little garden snake! The police called an ambulance, which took away the neighbor and his sobbing wife. Now, the little snake again crawled out from under the sofa and one of the policemen drew his gun and fired at it. He missed the snake and hit the leg of the end table. The table fell over, the lamp on it shattered and, as the bulb broke, it started a fire in the drapes.

The other policeman tried to beat out the flames, and fell through the window into the yard on top of the family dog who, startled, jumped out and raced into the street, where an oncoming car swerved to avoid it and smashed into the parked police car. Meanwhile, neighbors saw the burning drapes and called in the fire department. The firemen had started raising the fire ladder when they were halfway down the street. The rising ladder tore out the overhead wires, put out the power, and disconnected the telephones in a ten-square city block area (but they did get the house fire out). Time passed! Both men were discharged from the hospital, the house was repaired, the dog came home, the police acquired a new car and all was right with their world. A while later they were watching TV and the weatherman announced a cold snap for that night. The wife asked her husband if he thought they should bring in their plants for the night. And that's when he shot her.

BEWARE OF THE DEAD ZONE Although it sounds like science fiction, this summer the Gulf of Mexico has had a “Dead Zone” that extended for 8,561 square miles. This area, which stretches from South Texas to Alabama, is one of the world’s richest breeding ground for fish, oysters, shrimp and crab and this summer they won’t be nearly as plentiful. What is causing this dead zone? Another oil spill? No. Pollution? In a way yes. This problem is a classic case of the unintended consequences that often occur when man tries to manipulate nature. The dead zone in the Gulf is the result of farmers in the Midwest U.S. To be more specific, it’s the result of corn growers who are realizing outstanding prices for their crops due to the demand for corn to be used to make ethanol and for feeding livestock throughout the world. As we know from our diligent study in Economics 101, when demand increases, prices rise and farmers/manufacturers/entrepreneurs of all stripes increase their production. This is the basis of the market economy that has made America one of the richest countries on the planet. So, what does the price of corn have to do with availability of seafood from the Gulf? MAN-MADE FERTILIZER MAKES EVERYTHING GROW MORE The dead zone, which scientists also call hypoxia zones, is caused when nitrogen-based fertilizer washes off farm fields, in the Midwest corn-belt, and ends up in the Mississippi River, which flows into the Gulf. Just as nitrogen-based fertilizer makes corn grow; it also stimulates the growth of plants in the water, mainly algae. The algae bloom and eventually die and decay. This process removes oxygen from the water, resulting in oxygen-depleted water where marine life can’t live. Even though prices are trending down now, the price for corn has been high for about a year. So, farmers are planting more of it. The USDA estimates as much as 40 percent of last year’s corn crop was used to make ethanol. While many crops can be grown without fertilizer, corn requires it.

GET AN EARLIER START FOR A LONGER TRIP What does this dead zone mean to recreational anglers who spend millions of dollars on their passion – fishing off the Gulf coast? Dr. Paul Montagna who is the Chair and Professor for the Harte Research Institute for Gulf of Mexico Studies (HRI) at Texas A&M (Corpus Christi) notes, “The hypoxia zones are not dangerous to fish, but cannot support bottom-dwelling life such as clams, crabs and shrimp. Because fish avoid these areas, commercial shrimp boats and recreational fisherman must go further out, to open water, to make their catch.” Last year’s drought in the Midwest led to less run-off of fertilizer. However, that will not be the case this year. Heavy rainfall in the Midwest this spring led to flood conditions, with states like Minnesota and Illinois experiencing one of the wettest springs on record. All of that flooding, along with bigger corn crops, means more fertilizer flowing into the Gulf. If you’re planning a fishing trip to the Gulf of Mexico in September or October, be aware that dead zone peaked in July and August, and is starting to break up in the fall. The only thing that would change the situation sooner is a tropical storm or a hurricane to stir up the water and re-oxygenate the area. Unfortunately, the environmental and economic consequences of a major hurricane are likely to be worse than those of the dead zone.

Woods & Water Fiction by: Art Young I asked my best friend Kyle how long it would be before we got to Bingo City and he just opened another cold one and mumbled, “Not long.” It had been about 2 hours since we had stolen the car and Kyle was still at the wheel. His casual posture, with one hand on the steering wheel and the other elbow resting on the open window, gave him an air of luxury vehicle ownership. In addition to being my best friend since we were 5 years old, Kyle was also my cousin, the son of my Aunt Flora and uncle Ren. He knew his way around cars. He knew how to fix ‘em and he knew how to steal ‘em. Kyle also had another little peccadillo. He was addicted to Bingo. Without betraying my panic of being in the car with a convicted felon who had just stolen a 2005 Lincoln Continental, I said, “Tell me again why we’re hell bent for leather?”

“I have a new theory on winning at bingo, they open up at 6 pm and my pickup was in the shop,” he said, just as casual as if he was fixing to order from the drive-up at Kentucky Fried Chicken. Kyle’s incarceration had given him a lot of time to contemplate random numbers. Where most people saw a jumbled mess of chaos – in numbers, the weather, and gibberish of all kinds - somehow he saw patterns. This coming from a guy who dropped out of school in the 10th grade after failing every subject but shop. In spite of the miserable grades, he could do long division in his head and scored off the charts on the math sections of those tests that require a number 2 pencil that everyone has to take. However sitting in a class and dealing with the mind-numbing memorizing that “the square of the hypotenuse in a right triangle equaled the sum of the squares of the other two sides” was not something that Kyle felt was worth his time.

So he thought about things he called algorithms that rendered the rules for calculating weird crap like pi the number needed to calculate the circumference of a circle, not the pastry. It took a while, but when we finally got to Bingo City the parking lot was packed. You have never seen so many old people smoking cigarettes in your life. They were everywhere! About a hundred of them were riding on those little scooters that you see advertised on TV (“we’ll get Medicare to pay for your very own ‘ScootAround’ so there’s absolutely no charge to you”) and there were quite a few scooter smash-ups. I wanted to see if one of these aging baby boomers would let me try out his ride, but Kyle was on a frickin’ mission. He pulled out the little memo pad that he had written his mathematical calculations and began inspecting each Bingo card as if they were the Topps Mickey Mantle rookie card. After about 10 minutes of intense inspection of the cards, we were ready to rock and roll (or whatever old people do when they play bingo for 6 hours). Turns out, Kyle’s theory of random numbers proved to be right on the money. We killed ‘em at Bingo City. After the 10th or 11th time that one of us screamed “BINGO,” the scooter people sitting around us got a

little freaked out. Everyone thought we were cheating, but how the hell do you cheat at bingo. They knew we were playing with the same cards they were playing with and they knew that the bingo lady upfront was pulling out letters and numbers out of a circulating container, so there was no chance to cheat. These denizens of Bingo City were being skunked by a couple of teenagers wearing gimme caps. At the end of the evening, we had amassed a small fortune playing bingo. Since he was the brains of the operation, I insisted that Kyle keep most of the money in spite of his offer to give me half. I felt guilty about taking the money because all I did was watch 5 or 6 cards and scream BINGO every few minutes. I was also surprised by what happened after the bingo lady reluctantly gave us our cash. Kyle gave me $2,000, drove me to the bus station for an early morning trip home and said that he was taking the Lincoln and going the other direction. In twenty-three years, I haven’t seen him since. I did get a postcard from him about 15 years ago with a picture of one of those cheesy Vegas nightlife scenes. He had written on the back: Howdy, from Bingo City!

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