Caring for Your Loved One

Scripture verses in Exodus 20, Deuteronomy 5, and Ephesians 6 tell us to, "Honor your father and your mother that your days may be long in the land that the Lord your God is giving you." Many adult children are faced with honoring their parents by providing care for them as their physical capabilities and mental functions decline. Over 65 million people (29%) of the US population give care to chronically ill, disabled, or elderly family members and friends. Those providing family support spend an estimated 20 hours a week delivering care. On average, adult women are more likely than men to care for aging parents.

Assuming care for a parent may not be easy. Being a caregiver is a significant responsibility, requiring much work, sacrifice, and time. You are confronted with the reality that a parent's level of independence has changed. Subtle signs may appear that your parent's ability to drive, pay bills, and fix meals is declining. Studies show that most caregiving for aging parents is not in the form of financial support or personal care. Adult children often helped their aging parents with errands, housework, and home repairs.

Emotional support is a big part of caregiving. Many adults say they provide emotional support for their aging parents by engaging in reassuring conversations by phone or through frequent visits.

Adults who help an aging parent generally see the task as rewarding. Financial stability and adequate time to support a parent contribute to feeling comfortable providing for aging parents. However, adult caregivers often feel stressed and experience caregiver role strain while caring for parents. Balancing caring for elderly parents while maintaining a career and caring for their families can be stressful. Caregiver role strain is when the caregiver feels unable to provide care to parents because of financial burdens, increased responsibility, a change in family life, or a role change.

Symptoms of caregiver role strain can manifest both physically and emotionally. Physical signs of role strain can include periods of insomnia, body aches, and loss of appetite and libido. Crying, mood swings, inappropriate anger, feeling guilty, and alcohol abuse are frequent signs of emotional strain.

Adult caregivers must take steps to care for themselves to stay emotionally and physically healthy. Be intentional in finding ways to support yourself. Self-care can be as simple as setting aside time to put yourself first. Let go of those worries, and do things not because they need to be done but because they make you feel good. Resist the urge to feel guilty for spending quality time with yourself. Separating from social media, going for a walk, participating in a bible study, and keeping a journal are ways to support your wellbeing.

The Spirit of God is a solid presence to help you cope with caring for a parent. Matthew 11:28-30 says, "Come to me, all who labor and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you, and learn from me, for I am gentle and lowly in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy, and my burden is light." Caring for a parent can be a blessing. Cast your cares on God, and take time to relax and decrease role strain. Remember, you deserve it.

Dr. Denyce Watties-Daniels Assistant Professor at Coppin State University DWatties-Daniels@coppin.edu

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