Issue 4 - Love in Learning by Grafted Magazine

GRAFTED MAGAZINE l o v e in lea rn in g

T he r e i s n o fe ar i n l o v e , b ut pe r f ec t love c a sts ou t f ea r . For f ea r ha s to d o wi t h p un i shme nt , and who e v er f ea r s ha s not been p er f ec ted in love.

1 JOHN 4:18

P H OTO BY J O H A N N A G R A C E - COVER P H OTO BY LO UIS HIN TZ

Editor in Chief - Johanna Schnakenberg Creative Director - Catherine Marsh Managing Editor - Jessica Rackley Business Director - Noble Nimmons Editorial Assisstant - Joannah Zimmerman Submissions Manager - Sky Walden Photography Editor - Louis Hintz

Amanda is a third-year English major at Marymount University. On a normal day, you’ll probably find her drinking far too much coffee and

AMANDA BOURNE

reading Virginia Woolf as she tries to procrastinate on non-Woolf homework. She can be reached at amanda@farmgirlwrites.com or at www.farmgirlwrites.com

Rachel Allison is a nineteen year old writer and photographer, living with Adrenal Fatigue (Chronic Fatigue Syndrome) and Dysautonomia since November 2010. She's a lover of details, creativity, truth, understated elegance, words, and cheesy humor. She lives life with a passion for learning and a deep need for the God who cre-

RACHEL ALLISON

ated and cares for her. She blogs about life, faith, and photography at rachelallisonartist.com. Her book, The Reality Of Chronic Illness, is scheduled to be published in February 2015 and will be available for pre-order on her website at the beginning of the year. You can see her on Facebook at www.facebook.com/rachelallisonrtist

Hello! My name is Nela Holmes, and I'm a writer over at “Beloved Star”. I'm a country-girl over at the cornfields of Iowa, and I enjoy baking, cooking, photogra-

NELA HOLMES

phy, Taekwondo, writing, reading, and exercising. I'm also a sinner saved by the grace of God, through faith in the work of His Son, Jesus Christ. It's a pleasure to meet you! You can read her blog at http://www.desiringgodsdesires.blogspot.com/

P H OTO BY J O H A N N A GRACE

L E T T E R FRO M T H E E D I TO R jo ha n n a s chn a ken b erg

Dear readers,

We did it! 11 whole months have flown by at some times and crawled by at others, but we’re here. Every issue when I sit down to write this letter, I ask God to give me His voice so that others may hear Him through me. In everything I do, I want to direct all eyes to our Father’s incredible glory so that He may be worshiped as He so deserves.

This year has been a crazy one for the magazine and myself. You’ll hear more from the rest of the team later on in this issue, what’s going on in their lives.

This year, I said hello to new faces on the team, and goodbye to some others and wished that humanity already had teleporters so that I could give everyone big hugs and mugs of hot cocoa and unicorn stickers to help them through their rough patches. Someday, everyone… someday. We had late night Skype meetings and prayer talks that got me through the months and we laughed. A lot.

I graduated high school and started a relationship with my dearest friend. I traveled to Chicago in 7

the summer and launched issue 2 and met up with Louis Hintz and took a lot of pictures and we declared each other long lost siblings. I finished writing a book. I came home and ate waffles at 1 A.M. I started work on issue 3, and hugged my mom a lot, hugged my little brother a lot, hugge d my sisters a lot, marveled at how much I’d grown in only a few weeks, then hugged some more. I turned 18 and in what seemed l ike a few minutes, I was on another airplane headed to Mexico with my sister and cousin by my side. I took a lot of pictures, tried to dance like Napoleon Dynamite, (failed), watched a city move lazily from the top of a cliff, tr ied to pet every dog I saw (almost succeeded). I came home again, breathed in deep. Started a new job, talked about Jesus and His amazing love for us in the passenger seat of my sweetheart’s car while the sun set and everything felt perfect. Decided to spend my Wednesday evenings an hour away from my bed in a classroom hearing about God’s power and mission from the start with Perspectives on the World Christian Movement (HIGHLY recommending it to ev eryone I meet. If you love Jesus and want to do His will, look into this class: www.perspectives.org).

I got on another plane and took pictures for a great person (yay cousins!) in the state of Mississippi, fell in love with Austen Land. I wrote a lot of papers, penned a few articles, read a lot of books. Mostly, I just talked about Jesus with anyone who’d listen with both of our eyes bright and unblinking. I bought a lot of books on Amazon and in thrift stores and ran out of room on my shelves for them. P H OTO BY J O H A N N A GRACE

I painted my room (mostly), worked in my garden until my hands were soaked in earthy loam and I smell ed like sunshine and turned ground. Most recently, I got on another plane and flew to red Arizona with it’s burning hot sun and the most wonderful people in the world. I hugged my best friend Jessica Rackley a lot, and danced to Taylor Swift and got lost close to home and almost got hit by a truck in a parking lot and ate Greek food two days in a row and discussed scripture and theology and kissed her baby enough times to (hopefully) last until next time.

If I were to sum up this entire year with one word, I’d say full. The dictionary defines the word as “containing or holding as much or as many as possible; having no empty space” and that’s exactly how I feel. God has done such a magnificent work in my heart this year so that I could see His joy and love in everything. Not just the good times, the travel, the hand holding, the sunny smiles, the mountains of books. But in the sore mouth times, you know, those days that stick to the roof of your mouth like a sore that won’t fade away. There’s been a handful of those days, and some times that were confusing, and stressful and hard to handle. But His love for us? It fills us so that we have no empty space, so that even now I can’t remember the exact times that were hard for me without looking back in my journal. Because His love is great and it overcomes any hardship we have in this world in our earthen vessels.

With issue 4, I hope you too can see the power of His love working in your life. I hope the articles touch your heart, so you can Him, His light, His glory, His everlasting joy that fills us when we humble ourselves enough to ask.

1 John 4:7-11 says,

“Beloved, lets us love one another: for love is of God; and every one that liveth is born of God, and know eth God. He that loveth not knoweth not God; for God is love. In this was manifested the love of God toward us, because that God sent his only begotten Son into the world, that we might live through him. Herein is love, not that we loved God, but that he loved us, and sent his Son to be t he propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we ought also to love one another.”

Love, because He loves us, Johanna Schnakenberg, Editor in Chief

P H OTO BY J O H A N N A GRACE

My grandmother has the disease of forgetfulness dementia, if you’re looking for the medical term. I wrote this piece when I was processing an encounter with my grandmother where she thought I was still in high school (“what colleges are you looking at? you should be thinking about college.”) Although I had to deal with the fact that we will never have the same kind of relationship we once had, there’s a certain peace in thankfulness - in being thankful that she is still alive. That she still knows your name, and loves you. And with this thankfulness came a sense of acceptance - for each day that she is alive and able to admire flowers outside the window and rejoice in her relationship with Christ. For this, I am thankful.

GRAN D DAU G HT E R b y a ma n da b o ur n e

----------------You walk through the door to be greeted with: “Look at you, you’re so pretty. You look just like your mother.” You’ve heard these words a thousand, a million times even, but they still make you blush just a little. You bow your head a little, murmuring a thank you that she can’t hear, even with the hearing aid buzzing in her ear. You know that she’ll just keep talking anyways, so you answer her “How are you?” with a trivial, “good, but busy”. “How are you?”, you ask, knowing that the answer is always the same, always the same stories, anecdotes from the past that are just as crisp and clear as the first time you heard them fifteen years ago. This doesn’t hide the fact, however, that the fifteen years now meld with the past. There is no present, you know, just the past. Just the North

Carolina farm and running barefoot outdoors in

my heart, you know. You were my first grand-

the wet dew in the springtime - seven brothers

daughter, and let me tell you, I was so happy to

and sisters who lived before “all this modern tech-

be your grandma.” There are other absolutes. She

nology”. The wedding day is as clear as the blue

knows her faith, she knows that “He loves me, and

sky on that horizon, but you know that the funeral

when it’s time for me to go, then I’m gonna go

and casket and the white butterflies that covered

home. I’m not scared of death. Girl, I know where

P HOTO BY JOH A N N A G R A C E

the flowers aren’t real anymore. Or at least she

I’m going”. She loves her family. “Five beautiful

doesn’t talk about them. She used to refer to it as

grandchildren”, she tells you proudly, like you’re

“the day that your grandaddy died”, but now she

a church lady who just happened to drop by with

only tells the story of the ten-hour wedding drive

book - one of those Amish dramas that just seem

from North Carolina to Maryland, each retelling

to repeat themselves over and over.

as if she’d never told anyone before.

“I’m so lucky to have a son who puts up with me.

You know that her memory is going, the result

Let me tell you girl, your daddy goes through a

of the sickness that your family began to suspect

lot!” You know that there’s more to it than that.

three long years ago, but sometimes you wonder

There’s the nursing home debate, there’s the

why this has to happen when she asks you what

caretaker debate, there’s the exhaustion of daily

grade you’re in for the second, third or fourth

battles like money and driving and small things

time. You’re grateful that she doesn’t realize it,

like diets and bathtime. “I’m so thankful that I

that she’s still happy. She is. She tells you about

can live on my own. You know, most people my

the “sermon this morning on loving your neigh-

age are in a nursing home or six feet under!” She

bor” and finishe s with the refrain of “I’m not

chuckles, and you laugh too because you’ve heard

scared of death. Girl, I know where I’m going”.

it again and again and again and you wonder when

You know that this morning’s sermon is just as

- if - it will change.

clear as the car full of kids in a rural town bun-

“I’m just so thankful for every day the Lord has

dled off to church on a snowy morning, but give

given me.” She breathes a contented sigh, and you

her an hour and she’ll only remember the drive to

smile as you realize that, yes - you are thankful

church and replace the young, clean-shaven pas-

too.

tor w ith the Bible-banging evangelist who spoke in a southern drawl. Some things though, she doesn’t forget. You know this because every time you see her (not as often now), she says how happy she is that you’re her granddaughter. “You hold a special place in P H OTO BY J O H A N N A GRACE

P H OTO BY J O H A N N A GRACE

1 0 T HI N G S NOT TO SAY TO A C HRO N I CAL LY I L L FR I E N D by rachel allison hoffman

1. "I WISH I COULD STAY IN BED ALL DAY. I HAVE TO GO TO WORK/SCHOOL. " I'm so blessed to be able to rest as needed and to have parents who can care for me, but if I could be up cleaning the house, getting a job, or going to college I would. It's difficult to remember that I still have worth even though I can't provide for myself financially, get my drivers license, or keep the house clean; I've learned just how precious energy is because most days I have none.

Instead, tell us where we're making a difference and what we do that helps. Help us to realize the things we can do and how important those things are.

2. “YOU DON'T LOOK SICK.” I don't look sick, but I am. And while it's nice that I can still look normal (I know that if I couldn't I'd struggle), it's also frustrating because I want people to understand what I'm enduring and they can't just by looking at me. To them I'm a normal, smiling young woman.

Instead, focus on the positive aspects with encouragements like, “I know you probably don't feel like it today, but you really do look beautiful.”

P H OTO BY J O H A N N A GRACE

3. “I DIDN'T INVITE YOU BECAUSE I FIGURED YOU WOULDN'T HAVE BEEN ABLE TO MAKE IT ANYWAY.” It can be frustrating to receive an invitation only to miss it because of your illness, but it's far more hurtful to not even receive the invitation. Loneliness is a big part of chronic illness and it easily feels as though you're stuck at home while everyone in your friend group is out seeing the latest movie or celebrating a milestone in life. It doesn't take long to feel forgotten and out of the loop. Invitations are a simple way of saying, “Hey, we still want you here and we're still thinking about you.”

Instead, send the invitation along with a note saying something like, “It would be so great to see you here, but I completely understand if you end up not being able to make it. Don't stress over it, just come if you're able. Thinking of and praying for you often!”

4. “YOU'RE SO LUCKY. I NEED TO LOSE ___LBS. I WISH I NEEDED TO GAIN WEIGHT.” When you're nauseated 24/7, struggling through severe depression, on medication that affects your appetite, and have a plethora of food allergies, your relationship with food becomes very strained. I've been at the point where my mother said hugging me was like hugging a skeleton. Right now I'm finally at a reasonable weight, but I have to continually watch the scale to be sure I'm getting enough calories each day and keeping my weight from falling back into an unhealthy range. I respect anyone who i s fighting the battle to lose weight; it is a legitimately difficult battle that I haven't h ad much experience with personally. However, being underweight isn't a situation to envy. When I have to force myself to eat because I'm not hungry but my body needs food, I don't feel very lucky.

Instead, remind us that beauty and worth isn't restricted to the number on the scale and listen to our struggles with care. When we finally do begin gaining weight, help us to remember that body fat is okay and healthy. Chances are we're so used to being underweight that our mind is telling us we're getting fat as soon as we start to put weight back on (happens to me every time). 17

5. “SOMETIMES I GET SAD, TOO.” Depression is not a mood; you cannot just decide to be happy and it goes away. Depression is a condition that eats away at the foundation of your heart and steals joy from every moment. It doesn't mean you will never smile or laugh, but that when you're done smiling and laughing it will still be there. It taints every joy, plays into every fear, and increases every pain, as if your eyes have been permanently altered to see the world differently. For many with chronic illness, our depression is twofold; while the difficulty of our circumstances can easily depress us, the affects of our illness often includes chemical imbalances which cause depression.

Instead, admit w hen you don't understand and ask for direction. It's okay to say, “I'm here for you, but I know I can't fully understand what you're going through. How can I better support and encourage you?” Sometimes we may not know exactly what we need, but these words alone let's us know that you're there, you care, and if we need something we can tell you.

6. “IT'S ALL IN YOUR HEAD.” I've been told by both doctors and friends that perhaps my illness is just all in my head. For the first year and a half of my illness I did not have a diagnosis and test after test came back normal. Here I was feeling beyond miserable every moment and hearing doctors tell me, “You're healthier than I am!”. Illnesses like mine are often diagnosed as a mental illness because testing can be so misleading if your doctor doesn't don't know what to look for. There came a time where I wondered, “Is this really all in my h ead like some people say? Am I doing this to myself? Did I make this happen?” and it pushed me further and further into my depression. If there is one thing you should never say to someone living with chronic illness, it is this.

Instead, realize t hat what we need is someone who actually believes and supports us.

7. “I GOOGLED YOUR ILLNESS AND [INSERT OPINION HERE].” You cannot Google my condition and know my life. Even if you read the symptoms of my illness, you won't know which I have and how severely or what it's like to live each day with them. I'm not saying you shouldn't research questions that you have about chronic illness. Awareness is a goo d thing. But don't expect a short search to tell you what you need to know.

Instead, pair your research with talking to a friend who is actually chronically ill or has been. Be grace-filled in your inquiries about their life and let your motivation be a desire to encourage and help them day to day.

8. “GET WELL SOON.” Unlike a case of pneumonia or a surgery , chronic illness is... well... chronic. If recovery is possible (and sometimes it's not), it's very likely t o be a slow and difficult journey. So while the well-meaning of the giver is appreciated, Get Well Soon cards and chronic illness just don't go together. As someone in the recovery process, it's hard to respond to something like a Get Well Soon card or to inquiries of, “Are you feeling better?”. Sometimes you just want to express the stark reality that you aren't better yet and you won't be for a while. Recover ing from chronic illness can take years and it's a two-stepsforward-one-step-back kind of journey. For those who don't yet have a diagnosis or who are living with a permanent illness, these things are even more difficult and frustrating.

Instead, try a Thinking Of You card or a generic, blank card filled with encouragements like a written prayer, some good Bible verses or quotes, and a heartfelt expression of your love, admiration, and support. Some of the most encouraging cards I receive are Thank You cards, expressing thankfulness for who I am as a person and the encouragement or testimony that my journey has been. P H OTO BY J O H A N N A GRACE

9. “YOU NEED TO TRY [I NSERT DIET/MEDICATION/SUPPLEMENT/TREATMENT].” This is a delicate area and I fully understand the desire to offer up any information that might help. However, so many people I know have a “miracle” treatment that worked wonders for their sister-inlaw's cousin's niece. In the beginning of my illness I was completely and totally overwhelmed by the possibilities of what I could be ill with and how I could treat it. It was a whirlwind of tests, treatments, and decisions, made twice as stressful by the countless suggestions. Was I making the right decision? What if this other diet/special treatment was actually the answer? How could I possibly know which one is the right one? While I realize that these suggestions come from a caring heart, it's so important to understand what it's like to be on the other side of this. Most of the time I just have to shut out all of the suggestions and focus on the treatment plan my doctor and I have decided on.

Instead, if you have a suggestion, avoid saying things like, “You need to...” or “This will help you...”. Reali ze that just because something worked for one person doesn't mean it will work for someone else. Present you r suggestions more like, “Hey, here's some information that I have. I'm hopeful it will be useful, but I know it might not work for everyone.”

10. “GOD WILL NEVER GIVE YOU MORE THAN YOU CAN HANDLE.” In my four years of chronic illness, I’ve heard this phrase more times than I can count. It sounds sweetly innocent and encouraging and yet one must ask, “is it biblical?” Was Job given only what he could handle? Was Esther given only wha t she could handle? How can we say that God will never give you more than you can handle when the bible gives us a plethora of examples that contradict that statement? Truly, this statement hurts far more than it will ever help. When you’re facing an illness that has overwhelmed you to the point of despair, a saying like this sounds more like, “You’re just not trying hard enough. Your strength is not depleted, you just need to work harder.”

Instead, help us focus on the reality that God is strength in our weakness and that He is working good through the pain we are enduring (2 Corinthians 12:9-11).

P H OTO BY J O H A N N A GRACE

TEAM FAV

JOHANNA Books: Passion and Purity by Elisabeth Elliot. “Some intentional, deep words words if you’re single, or in a relationship and just need some good wisdom from a wise lady who loves the Lord. I really needed it this year!” Music: 1989 by Taylor Swift

CATHERINE Shows: Arrow and Scorpion Music: 1989 by Taylor Swift and Youngblood Hawke Activities/Hobbies: Sleeping, Bonfires with friends, and traveling by herself.

JESSICA Books: “A Timbered Choir” by Wendell Berry. “The aesthetic of Berry’s work is like a warm blanket being pulled over your shoulders on a winter day, like taking a deep, cleansing breath and resting tired feet. His poetry is a comfort to the wandering soul and he is a kindred spirit to those who long for simple living.” Music: 1989 by Taylor Swift

VOURITES

JOANNAH Movies: Decoy Bride B ooks: Bible; 1 Kings Music: Youth of the nation by P.O.D., Go the Distance from Hercules, 1989 by Taylor Swift Activities: Long walks, reading in depth from the bible

LOUIS Music: Hillsong Activities/Hobbies: Enjoying adventures in his jeep, and weekly bible studies

NOBLE Activities/Hobbies: Pringle Circles

SKY TV show: Once Upon a Time Movie: Momsâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; Night Out Music: Florence + the Machine, Gabrielle Aplin

P H OTO BY CAT H E RIN E GRACE

C H ANG E by nela holmes

There are things that happen in life. Things we want to remember and others we want to bury away. For me, it was a year when I learned to value myself as a young lady created in God's beautiful image. These past months was my recovery journey from an eating disorder that I had developed the previous year. There are times I would be angry at God for bringing me through that, and often would wonder what would my life be like if certain things from my past never happened. I was angry, I will admit, and grew bitter and frustrated in the depths of my soul, and it showed in the outside world. Thinking more thoroughly about it I knew I had to change. This wasn't making my family happy or even me happy. Change is such a difficult part in life, and I often struggle with it. But it is possible. With God all things are possible. I need to learn to put my trust in Him, and to let Him guide me through life that He wants me to go. I'm here writing this to you to let you know that change is inevitable. We all change. Nothing stays the same forever (thankfully!) otherwise, how boring would our lives be if everything happe ned the same way over and over again? How else would we grow more and more like Christ if we don't change our attitudes today? 25

...

Everything changes, but there is one person who never does and that is Jesus Christ. He will always be there, even when it seems like He isn't. He hears. He listens. But most importantly He cares. Why else would He die on the cross in my place if He didn't care. Like me, you probably are wondering what to do with your life. How you can best serve others and God through the talents and experiences He has given you. You can start by letting go of the past for it is finished and can never be changed, and embracing what tomorrow may bring. Look to Christ for fulfillment and security. Even at your darkest hour know that this earth is not your home. Your eternal home is with Jesus, and we are here preparing for that day when we will be with Him. Let go of your anger and breathe deep. You had a bad day, not a bad life. His mercies are new every morning, and that is something that I have reflected and learn this past year. The Lord can use your darkest times, and make it into something beautiful. Let go, and let God take control of your situation. You'll be a lot happier and free if you do.

Nela Holmes P H OTO BY J O H A N N A GRACE

At the end of t he year, ev eryone from the Graft ed M ag t eam has writ te n a sum mary about t he year, t heir exp e r i ences and working wit h t he tea m . The t it le for eac h of t he summ a r i es i s th e one word t hey used to d esc ribe t his year.

P H OTO BY CAT H E RIN E GRACE

“ C H AOT I C” catherine marsh

2014 was a year of choas, sleep deprevation and growth and I wish I could say it had being easy. Right now I’m struggling to comprehend how quickly this year has gone, how much has changed since January, and how much happened. I’m not a fan of writing, and I struggle to recap events, and collate my thoughts into comphrensible sentences. So much has happened this year and I honestly don’t know where to start but here goes.

2014 consistented of: lots of schoolwork, sleepless nights, frustation with the schooling system, lots of photos, 1000’s of lines of code, sleeping on the floor on my mattress for 5 months, bonfires with friends and late night talks, long chats with friends over facebook, an amazing birthday cake (pictured on the left), travelling, good music, lots of sugar, buying my own computer and DSLR Camera (HAPPPY MEEEE !!!), planning for next year, crazy and often weird late night google hangouts with the G rafted Mag team, long skype calls with friends, comfy socks, evening walks to clear my head, finishing school, running my business, working with friends, lots of debates about ethics at Bible study and beach holidays with lifelong friends. Amongst the pain and hurt of this year there has also being some good bits, which I have being incredibly grateful for.

When I was a little kid I always told myself I would not be the teenager that listened to music loudly in her room, well I broke that promise to myself, and some of favourites songs from this year were: The Wolves and the Ravens by Rogue Valley, Birthday by Jillian Edwards, Who’s Looking Out by Twin Forks, Back to the Start by The Summer Set, Oceans and Scandal of Grace by Hillsong United, Bad Blood and This Love by Taylor Swift, Dust to Dust by The Civil Wars, Come as You Are by Daivd Croweder Band, To Build a Home by The Cinematic Orchrestra, We Come RUnning by Youngblood Hawke and Breathing Underwater by Metric. Yes I listen to a lot of music.

At the end of the year though I’m incredibly thankful for the unending grace of Jesus, because without it this year would have being very different.

Lots of love to yo u all, from your friendly Creative Director Catherine

P H OTO BY CAT H E RIN E GRACE

“L I F E-AFFI R MI NG ” jessica rackley

Hey there, folks! It is I, your eccentric yet love-

ed Magazine, and I celebrated one year of being

able managing editor.

married to my loving husband, with out whom I surely would never have known so much happi-

As I write this, I’m shaking my head at the calen-

ness. (I also took a roadtrip up to Silver City, NM,

dar. The end of the year already? Where did the

and while I was there, have the best cup of coffee

time fly to? Seems like just yesterday it was Sep-

I’ve ever tasted.)

tember, but in a couple of weeks we’ll be getting ready to celebrate the new year.

In May, my husband, sister-in-law and I took a day trip up to the mountains, where we hiked

I know for me, 2014 was amazing -- life-affirm-

amid the pine trees and found a lit tle creek to

ing, to be more specific. As far as years go, this

soak our feet in. I celebrated my first Mothers’

one makes the top three on my list of favorites.

Day as a mom, and later on in the month, I got

Here’s a recap:

to meet and have coffee with one of my fabulous internet friends. It was rad.

In January, we launched the Grafted Magazine

website and blog, and embarked on this incred-

June and July were hot and dry. Being in my third

ible journey of growth and sharing our love for

trimester of pregnancy, I didn’t accomplish much

Messiah with the world.

besides swimming every day (and growing a wee

In Ap ril, we published the very first issue of Graft-

bairn). But the rest of the Grafted Team did an

...

amazing job of publishing Issue 2 of this here

is Hintz. Good times were had all around.

magazine. In November (also known to many as “National In August, I wrestled with God for three days and

Novel Writing Month”) I penned my first ever

three nights and came out the other end of it with

novel. It was hard! And fun! And terrifying! And

the littlest love of my life. Being a mother has

I couldn’t have done it without lots and lots of

taught me so many lessons and brought me so

caffeine! (Which in case you couldn’t tell, hasn’t

much joy already. I am exceptionally excited to

quite worn off yet). I also started blogging again,

know that the best is yet to come.

which felt so good. I’ve decided that one of my

New Year’s resolutions is to try and be more con-

In Oc tober, I cele brated my 21st birthday with my

sistent at it.

best friend who flew all the way from the state of

All in all, 2014 did not leave me disappointed. I’m

Texas to come an d see me. (You guys know her --

holding my breath for 2015 and excited for what’s

our dazzlingly beautiful editor in chief.) We had

in store.

a week of good talking and picture-taking and lunch dates that I will never forget, as well as an

Shalom and love!

almost-run-in with a pick-up truck, an emotion-

Jessica Rackley

al night of watching period dramas, and a coffee date with our good friend (and photo edit or) LouP H OTO BY CAT H E RIN E GRACE

“ B U SY” joannah zimmerman

When I heard that I had to write a reflective thingy on my view of this past year, I kinda freaked out (quietly, in my bedroom, not saying anything to anyone about it).

So much has happened this year, is an understatement for me! I started the year as a contributing writer of Grafted, we finished unpacking the house, my little sister was born, I got into the middle of High school, I became the editorial assistant of Grafted (which means writing a lot more articles, but also knowing so many awesomely talented people!), along with talk and plan 2015 of Grafted, and now I’m working on launching my own business and keep up with school! Busy is an everyday understatement for me. If I didn’t have God in mind at the beginning of the day, I wouldn’t make it very far into the day without crashing hard.

This month Grafted is focusing on Forms of Love, but this issue I think we’re focusing more on where we have come from and where we see God leading us to!

I personally feel where God is leading me to in my future as an adult, but what to do in between now and then?! I mean I’m ONLYa teenager! No. If we we’re only people then we wouldn’t have been born with a mission, WE are people who are filled with the Holy Spirit. People who have a new beginning, Grafted into the body of Christ, planted into his plan for the future, breaking spiritual darkness, but yet have personal relationship with Christ and his body, and are filled with his grace, ho pe and love. I have learned so much about God this year looking up verses for my articles, reading my team mates articles, and just talking with Him.

One thing I think everyone can agree on is that God is a God of love, I mean he loves us enough to correct, disciplin e, and tell us no. Any and every parent knows they have to tell their kid(s) no, you don’t want them playing with the kitchen knives, they’ll hurt themselves. So God is with us, and as children, we get older and have new revelations of God’s glory or what he’s really done for us. No matter how old we get, God is always correcting us in His loving kindness, He’s always showing me faults that he wants to help me overcome. There’s no such thing as a ‘perfect’ Christian, we all have faults and problems that God’s still working on. Christ’s love is something that pulls us from our self filled past and leads us to a redeemed, Christ glorifying future.

Looking back this year has just shown me how much I’ve changed and matured in Christ. I can’t wait to see what this new year brings both in my relationship with Christ and for Grafted Magazine. P H OTO BY J O H A N N A GRACE

“AW E S O ME ” noble nimmons

*thanks to joha nna who supplied Noble’s word to describe the year as he was sleeping!

There has been so much going on this year in my life it has been absolutely crazy! Crazy in the very best way possible of course but still very crazy. Looking back I can hardly recognize myself at the beginning of the year and it’s amazing to see just how much I have changed. This year has gotten me to realize just how true the quote from Charlie Jones is when he said, “You will be the same person in five years as you are today except for the people you meet and the books you read.” I started a relationship with my best friend and I have to say that I never could have imagined something better. She is so very sweet and really understands so much about me. She actually introduced me to my favorite book “Blue Like Jazz” which really taugh t me a lot about life and accepting those around me. One of the most important things I learned this year was actually from the book. I learned the true value of giving and you are really missing out if you don’t do it constantly.

Of course I didn’t goof around the entire year and had most of my time spent on studies. I have gained quite a bit of experience in the subject of accounting through various classes and it’s really helped me a lot in seeing how the business world works. Naturally I can’t study to well without some good music and have been really helped by some new music I have found this year. Some of the artists include Lana Del Rey, Andy Mineo, Mindy Gledhill, KB, and Lorde. Also listening to rap has inspired me to learn how to circular breathe so I’ll probably have a video of me doing that at some point. One thing did stand out this year and really was the cause of so much of what happened to me. I learned the true power words have to create the future. A friend of mine described words as the seeds we sow to the garden of our future and I really think they were super right about that. Since this realization I have been trying to use the words that describe who I want to be, what I want to do, and what I want to be able to have. This alon e has changed so much about me and I think it is by far the most important thing I have learned this year.

P H OTO BY J O H A N N A GRACE

“ S P E C I AL “ louis hintz

This past year for me has sure been a crazy one! God in His own little way has opened my eyes to so much! Being a part of Grafted has blessed me in so many ways. I am constantly amazed by all the amazing young people out there doing what God has called them to do at such a young age. Looking back at the year, I still remember Johanna first asking me to be a part of Grafted… Around that time let's just say it wasn't one of my brighter times. I was bitter towards my parents for moving me half way across the country, missing friends badly, scheming how I could move in with friends down there, and all sorts of other drama! I originally agreed to join in the hopes that it would help get my mind off of the move, but as the year moved on I realized God had me here for a reason! God had my family move half way across the nation to change lives for the better, to inspire others, to be in a place where He had called us to be! Honestly, without Grafted and friends praying for me I don’t think I would have been ready for what life threw at me this past year! I love thinking that even before we were born God knew every detail of our lives, and carried this year according to His plan. Looking back I’m sure glad He hand picked every detail of this year of my life… sure it has had its downs, but overall God has shown me a lot! I’m looking forward to another exciting year on this earth as well as at Grafted! I love y’all so much and God bless! -LH

P H OTO BY CAT H E RIN E GRACE

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“B I T T E R S W E E T ” sky walden

As I l ook back on the past year, it’s hard to find exactly the right words to sum up my experiences of 2014. I can honestly say it’s been one of the hardest years I’ve ever experienced, but it has also been filled with lots of growth and beautiful things.

The first four months of 2014 were fantas tic. I got published in Grafted for the first time and received my first mobile d evice as a gift (at 18 years old, this was a big deal for me). I’m so grateful for those months, as they were the calm before the storm. 41

Unfortunately, in May, my Grandma Ruth started showing unusual symptoms, such as forgetfulness and c onfusion. One night, we got the call that she was at the hospital. I still remember staying down there with her as we waited to see what was going on. I was sitting on a biohazard container in a tiny E.R. room with my family, half-heartedly watching Ice Road Truckers to keep my mind off of everything.

The next few days were difficult as we found out my grandma had four brain tumors in various parts of her brain. Some of them could be operated on, but Grandma made the decision not to put herself through more difficulty and chose to ac cept her death with grace. She went into hospice, and my whole summer was spent soaking up every moment with her that I had left. On July 30th , she passed away into Glory, which is the word she used often when referring to eternity.

Obviously, it’s been incredibly important to lose someone that mattered to me so much. Missing her is the hardest, because I’ll get the urge to see her and then it hits me all over again that she’s gone. It’s especially hard to consider that this Christmas, we won’t have someone around who has been an anchor for us all throughout the majority of our lives. It’s hard to pick up the pieces and move on.

I’ve done a lot of things this year, but Grandma’s death is the one thing that sticks out like a dark, bold brushstroke across 2014’s canvas. But I also turned 18. I finished a novel, almost finished another novel, and wrote a ton of both non fiction and fiction. I joined Grafted in June and got settled into my new role as Submissions Manager. I also momentarily conquered my fear of water and jumped into a swimming pool. I made new friends and grew much closer to old ones. I purchased some stuffed animals as a sign that I will never fully grow up. After needing to get my wisdom teeth out for two years , I finally got them out (and I got the ever-dreaded dry socket, but that’s another story). I grew closer to my family this year, and got to renew connections with my great aunts and great uncle at my grandma’s memorial service. Getting to know them better helped bring great comfort. The bonds I formed with my family are one good thing that came out of Grandma’s death. I have a greater appreciation and love for my immediate and extended family. We’ve become more close-knit because of what we went through together.

Now, it’s the last part of the year, and I’m going to have to say goodbye to two more people very close to me. We have two wonderful kids from our home daycare who are moving to other states in the next 42

two months. I will miss them so much. Some days, the grief seems too much to carry, and I’m trying to let myself process the pain and sadness when I need to, instead of bottling it all up inside like I’ve done in the past. It’s going to be rough, and 2014 may not go down in the history books as the best year of all time. However, while it was difficult, it was still good in many ways.

During 2014, while dealing with tragedy, I’ve noted a lot of personal growth in myself in the way I’ve handled it this time around compared to things I’ve gone through in the past. I learned that while we can’t stop what time and change do to us in life, we can make the best of the time that is given to us, as Gandalf said in The Fellowship of t he Ring. The following quote defined my entire summer as I tried to make the best of the time given to my grandma and me, and it’s a quote I try to live by now.

“I would rather b e ashes than dust! I would rather that my spark should burn out in a brilliant blaze than it should be stifled by dry-rot. I would rather be a superb meteor, every atom of me in magnificent glow, than a sleepy and permanent planet. The function of man is to live, not to exist. I shall not waste my days trying to prolong them. I shall use my time.” ― Jack London

When bad things have happened to me in the past, I’ve questioned God and doubted Him. This summer, I did my fair share of that. But this time, it was different. I realized that even if God and my entire faith end up not being real, knowing that Jesus is with me has been such a comfort for me that I wouldn’t trade it for anything. It’s like Puddleglum says in The Silver Chair, when the evil Lady of the Green Kirtle is tr ying to convince him that Narnia is all a dream, and that her world is the only one:

“Suppose we have only dreamed, or made up, all those things-trees and grass and sun and moon and stars and Aslan h imself. Suppose we have. Then all I can say is that, in that case, the made-up things seem a good deal more important than the real ones. Suppose this black pit of a kingdom of yours is the only world. Well, it strikes me as a pretty poor one. And that’s a funny thing, when you come to think of it. We’re just babies making up a game, if you’re right. But four babies playing a game can make a play-world which licks your real world hollow. That’s why I’m going to stand by the play world. 43

I’m on Aslan’s side even if there isn’t any Aslan to lead it. I’m going to live as like a Narnian as I can even if there isn’t any Narnia.” -- The Silver Chair by C.S. Lewis

The peace I have in knowing there is an eternal home for me out there somewhere, where I’ll see Grandma again and everyone I’ve lost, is an immense comfort to me. In my worst moments, sometimes Jesus’ peace feels like a hug. I’ve learned about the Comforter side of God this year, and I’m so grateful for His peace.

So I think that’s what I’m trying to say: 2014 was almost impossible, but through it all, I’ve found a little bit more peace than I had in past years. And that’s definitely worth something.

Thank you to all the Grafted readers for their support over the past year of Grafted Magazine’s existence. I hope that wherever you are, you discover the comforting presence of Jesus, as well. Grace and peace be with you all, and Happy New Year! Be courageous as you face 2015. And as Jack London said: live, don’t exist. Don’t worry about anything--this is the time you’ve been given. Enjoy it fully, and use it well.

“Whe n you get to the end of all the light you know and it’s time to step into the darkness of the unknow n, faith is knowing that one of two things shall happen: either you will be given something solid to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly.” ― Edward Teller

THE G R A F T E D TE AM TH I S YE AR H AV E : TRAVEL ED ON 15+ AEROPLANES HUGGED, TOO MANY PEOPLE TO COUNT HAD A BABY, (WELL JESS DID..) FINISHED SCHOOL: CONGRATULATIONS TO JOHANNA AND CATHERINE ! HAD LOTS OF LATE NIGHT GOOGLE HANGOUTS DRANK NUMEROUS CUPS OF COFFEE (LOTS OF COFFEE) CONSUMED LARGE AMOUNTS OF SUGAR PUBLISHED 4 ISSUES OF GRAFTED ! AND LOVED SEEING THE GRAFTED MAG COMMUNITY GROW

T HA N K YO U FO R A WO N D E R FU L YE AR E V E RYB O DY !

P H OTO BY J O H A NN A GRACE

P H OTO BY CAT H E RIN E GRACE