Diary of a political candidate

North Shore independent candidate Victoria Walker shares with us her musings on how she came to enter the state election race. We publish this not as advocacy for her candidacy but for the insights it provides into the modern political process.

On 18 November last year, uncertain but resolved, I registered to stand as an independent for the lower house on 25 March. Though fairly definite about my platform and what I wanted to achieve, I had really no clear idea of how to go about getting there.

The first puzzle was how to launch a campaign. When I noticed Elizabeth Farrelly advertising her launch for a Legislative Council seat as an independent, I headed to the Rocks to check it out.

A lot of people were strolling nonchalantly around the park opposite the Abraham Mott Hall. A pair of men in sharp dark suits sat on one park bench, keeping half-closed eyes on the door. When someone called time, the doors opened and the bunny was away. Crowds appeared from every quarter, we were signed in and soon seated facing the stage.

A host of speakers demanded all sort of actions, then Quentin Dempster conducted a faux 7.30 Report interview with Ms Farrelly, probing her on her reasons for standing. Soon after the party started, with the audience invited to help themselves to the food and drink loaded on tables around the walls, and a jolly time was had by all.

What a great idea I thought, and I set off to find halls for hire in my electorate. No easy task, my local Councils appeared to be totally opposed to hosting political meetings on their premises or displaying posters advertising them on their noticeboards.

I discreetly enquired about the cost of hiring a small upstairs room in a local community centre and learnt I was required to insure a two hour event for $20 million public liability, incroyable!

This must explain, I reasoned, why campaigns taking off in local electorates all seemed to be launched outdoors, even those by local bands of teals, with plenty of brass. Last May, our federal electorate sent a teal off to Canberra, thanks, we are assured, to the efforts of two teal PR persons, who discovered, launched and trained her rigorously for the job.

Her two handlers, flushed with success, were armed with their list of local, enthusiastic teal supporters and considerable teal funds left over from the federal campaign. They decided to give it another burl and put out calls for women interested to stand in any of the three State electorates within the Federal seat they had bagged. They advertised launches in two electorates and curious, I went to both.

The first was held in a grassy park on a sunny afternoon, with a table piled high with T-shirts and corflutes and a register to take down the details of interested parties. Everyone, even passerbys walking their dogs, was handed a teal t-shirt with Vote 1, the candidate’s name, motto and QR code emblazoned on it, and invited to try it on. If it fitted, they were to keep it, if not, try another!

They milled around in their new garb, reading each other’s mottos. Doubtless, the candidate was a clear choice for something, no one knew quite what, and no one at the tables was saying. After a time the numbers were sufficient to record, they were herded up a nearby hill, placed in formation, a few tall corflutes were handed out. The PR directors instructed everyone to take a selfie and send it to all their Facebook friends. They were readied for a group photo: the cameraman took up his position at the bottom of the hill, the PR ladies instructed everyone to cheer, to shout the candidate’s name, wave their hands, raise their arms and corflutes.

And that was it, they had done all that was necessary and could go. Campaign HQ had their contact details & would let them know when they were next required. No mention of any purpose or a policy, they had their Tshirts, they would make NSW great again! I recalled Uncle Mungo’s quote from the author of Treasure Island: Politics is perhaps the only profession for which no preparation is thought necessary.

The second teal launch I observed was held in a nearby electorate on a windy day, a week before Christmas. Once more, people drifted in, were kitted up in the second candidate’s Tshirt, same colour but a different motto, this one signalled the candidate was a virtuous woman rather than a good choice.

The PR people lined up a small windswept group for the obligatory photo, with eyes on Twitter or another site of influence. No mention of any policy or commitment from them or the candidate, the photo was what counted, bunched up on a couple of steps, smiling, waving, positive, proud to identify with anything. It all seemed very American, an Antipodean Trump rally. I pondered if this was how the brownshirts of the 1930s were mustered, then the black, the yellow, the red shirts.

For my campaign, I decided, I’m wont be tickling up a crowd, dressing them in uniform and packing them off back home. My launch needs something seeking attention and getting it! A procession down the main street of the electorate, with trumpets, big animals and plenty of big ideas!

I headed back to the drawing board and called on the best advice I could think of. It was late when I heard back from Uncle Mungo: I note with interest your plans for your election campaign and of course wish you all the best; but with all the goodwill in the world, I feel they may be just a touch extravagant. I have no desire to be a wet blanket, but perhaps you should reconsider your idea for a gala opening in which you ride down the main street on a highly decorated circus elephant while the local high school band attempts the grand march from Aida. You are correct in assuming that such an event would attract attention – from the police, among others, but it really seems a little flamboyant for the first-timer.

Chastened, I reverted to pen and paper, remembering the secret ballot and that who you vote for is your own and no one else’s business; and hoping for the best.

Where to find a copy of the Sun

Neutral Bay Community Centre

190-192 Military Road, Neutral Bay

Kirribilli Neighbourhood Centre 16-18 Fitzroy St

Nimba Bakery 4 Ennis Rd, Milsons Point

James Milson Village 4 Clark Rd, North Sydney

Kirribilli Hotel 35-37 Broughton St, Milsons Point

The Flying Bear 76 McDougall St, Kirribilli

Altitude Cafe Shop 3/48 Alfred St S, Milsons Point

Rustic Charm Cafe 2/102 Alfred St S, Milsons Point

Latitude Cafe 55 Lavender St, Milsons Point

Kirribilli Club 11 Harbourview Cres, Lavender Bay

Blues Point Hotel 116 Blues Point Rd, McMahons Point

Waverton Community Bookshelf 94A Bay Rd, Waverton

1st Sipzz Cafe 157 Walker St, North Sydney

North Sydney Council Chambers 200 Miller St

Stanton Library 234 Miller St, North Sydney

North Sydney Community Centre 220 Miller St

Crows Nest Community Centre 2 Ernest Pl, Crows Nest

North Sydney Indoor Sport Centre 36 Hume St, Crows Nest

Bean Drinking Shop 1/13 Ernest Pl, Crows Nest

Fresh Crows Nest Cafe 13 Ernest St, Crows Nest

Woolworths Crows Nest 10 Falcon St, Crows Nest

Galleria Cafe 66 Pacific Hwy, St Leonards

Norths Cammeray 12 Abbott St, Cammeray

Orpheum Theatre 380 Military Rd, Cremorne

Cremorne Paradise SP Cafe 7/332 Military Rd

Bridgepoint Shopping Centre 1/3 Brady St. Mosman

Mosman Library 605 Military Rd

Mosman Council Chambers 573 Military Rd