Grapeshot Magazine | 'DIY' by Grapeshot Magazine

ISSUE 2: DIY

CAMPUS NEWS & LIFE | ARTS & CULTURE | STYLE & SUSTAINABILITY | REVIEWS | & MORE

CALENDUH MARCH/APRIL MONDAY

TUESDAY

WEDNESDAY

Easter Monday (Public holiday)

Student Elections nominations close

Fables fromt he Threshold at The Mechanic (Redfern) 12-7pm

Session 1 break

GRAPESHOT ISSUE 3 RELREASED

24 Critical Art Writing Workshop at MCA 6-8pm

GRAPESHOT ISSUE 2 RELEASED

THURSDAY

31 Student Election Ballot draw with Scrutineers

FRIDAY

Good Friday (Public holiday)

April Fools

Matt Corby at Enmore Theatre 8.15pm

Easter Saturday Census date for Session 1

SUNDAY

Easter Sunday (Public holiday)

Gang of Youths at Enmore Theatre 8pm

City and Colour at Enmore Theatre 7.30pm

SATURDAY

Terrarium workshop - 282 Wyndham St, Alexandria

Oh Pep! at OAF 8pm

22 Earth Day

Do you have an upcoming event? Let us know and weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll do our best to include it in our calendar. Email grapeshot@mq.edu.au

We are doing it all ourselves with study, work, interning, side projects and just general life. In keeping with the theme we have a little zine for your reading and creative pleasure on page 38 that you can carry around with you for the stressful semester. We have an art therapy colouring in activity on page 36 AND some little bookmarks in the back.

EDITOR’S LETTER Regina Featherstone

Hey Uni babes and boiz, welcome to our second issue, DIY. If you read our first issue then you can understand the pressure we were under to deliver a banger (ew) for issue 2. I think it’s like when Nelly Furtado had that annoyingly catchy ‘I’m like a bird I’ll only fly awayyyyy’ song and had boho, chill gal vibes then came back 6 years later with that Promiscuous album and everyone was like, ‘Ok Nelly, I feel like you have changed but I am liking the Timbaland influence’. Both good but different, y’know? We chose DIY because as a general theme it lends itself to so many topics but more than that I think it reflects the life of the uni student in 2016. While I know a lot of people think we aren’t in the ‘real world’ because we are studying, we have a lot of expectations to graduate with more than just a piece of paper.

We sent our Deputy Editor, Amy, to the Keep Sydney Open rally which you can read about on page 14. We spoke with political satirist FriendlyJordies and got his perspective on just about everything (p. 26). I feel like our team has really bonded over the last couple of months to the point where our discussions on the upcoming Challenge are borderline pornographic. As a compromise we encouraged our Regulars Editor, Phil, to not masturbate for four weeks and see how that went. Geddit, he DIDN’T do it himself #jernalizm. Sorry, Ann (Phil’s mum). (p. 18) Our advice is from Ron Swanson (p. 24) which I recommend reading after Newsflash for a laugh (p.6). So there’s plenty of good reads and pretty things to have a look at. Please direct all fanmail to grapeshot@mq.edu. au - I’ll do my best to reply to you all.

EDITORIAL & CREATIVE PRODUCTION EDITOR IN CHIEF Regina Featherstone DEPUTY EDITOR Amy Hadley FEATURES EDITOR Yehuda Aharon NEWS EDITOR Anna Glen REGULARS EDITOR Phillip Leason COPY EDITOR Rebecca McMartin WEB EDITOR Angela Heathcote WEB DEVELOPER Andrew Rasheed CREATIVE DIRECTORS Hussein Nabeel and Caitlin Thom MARKETING TEAM ADVERTISING MANAGER Ellen Barrett MARKETING MANAGER Aura Lee OUR AWESOME CONTRIBUTORS Shannon Abberton, Saed Batshon, Vanessa Capito, Cameron Colwell, Jessica Dinh, Elia Dokos, Josphine Fenn, Emma Harvey, Nikita Jones, Geoffrey Major, Natasha Michels, Ben O’Donnell, Greta Quealy, Hugh Rigney, Alicia Scott, Jessica Sheridan, Nick Wasiliev, Jack Wills, Charbel Zada, Timothy Zhang EDITORIAL REVIEW BOARD STUDENT MEMBERS Sarah Basford, Shantell Bailey, Sarah Cameron, Natalie Dainer, Kris Gilmour, Sarah Li Lee Lien, Yi Wong, Timothy Zhang COORDINATOR Melroy Rodrigues PUBLISHER Kim Guerin

Grapeshot would like to acknowledge the Darug people as the traditional custodians of the land on which we work, and pay our respects to their elders, past and present.

Macquarie University Law Society magazine Edition 1, 2016 (Volume 22)

Edition 1, 2016 | 1

S ta yrao nt tthoef f o r e f la w th e www.muls.org/ the-brief

onFindlinuse

www.facebook.com/ thebriefmagazine www.issuu.com/ muls

ISSUE 2: DIY

CONTENTS 5 NEWS & OPINION

15 REGULARS

25 FEATURES

37 CREATIVE

16 I MADE IT

26 FRIENDLY JORDIES

38 THE LITTLE BOOK OF

6 NEWS FLASH

18 THE CHALLENGE: STOP

GUIDE TO THE MEDIA (AND

CALM ZINE

8 HIGH COURT DECISION

DOING IT TO YOURSELF

EVERYTHING ELSE)

40 BAD WINE

PUSHES AUSTRALIANS

20 EATING ON A STUDENT

28 IT’S ACTUALLY HE

41 A COWARD WITH

TO TAKE ACTION AND

BUDGET

30 LIPSTICK AND LOGIC

PRINCIPLES (AN EXTRACT)

#LETTHEMSTAY

22 BUILDING A DIY

32 BE A HERO: THE

42 UNEXPECTED

10 OUT-OF-BODY POLITICS:

SKATEPARK

WORLD OF COSPLAY WITH

EXPERIENCE WITH

‘DO IT YOURSELF’ PILL

24 ADVICE FROM FAKE RON

ARDELLA

CAMPUS WELLBEING

TESTING DEBATE HEATS UP

SWANSON

34 THAMUS’ FAIL

43 REPEAT OFFENDERS

12 AMERICAN POLITICS EXPLAINED 14 KEEP SYDNEY OPEN RALLY

36 ART THERAPY

44 THE STEW 46 REVIEWS 50 HOROSCOPES

NEWS & OPINION

NEWS FLASH MACQUARIE UNIVERSITY HOSPITAL DOCTORS TO TEACH MQ STUDENTS IN NEW ‘US SYSTEM’ WORDS || SHANNON ABBERTON

The Macquarie University Hospital is trialling a US health care system that will change the traditional medical care in Australian hospitals. This US system will directly employ doctors who will research, teach and treat patients. Bruce Dowton, a former Harvard Medical School Professor and current Vice-Chancellor, told the Australian Financial Review “this new model would better integrate clinical care and research leading to improved patient care”. Macquarie University has established a new company (Macquarie University Clinical Associates) to employ medical specialists who will treat patients in hospitals as well as teach and conduct research. The US system is well suited to new or young doctors who want to do both clinical medicine and research, as it will enable doctors to see their patients and teach and research on one single site. Dowton says “this new plan would attract doctors at the beginning of their career” because they are spared the responsibility and cost of establishing a private practice and “do not need to worry about support staff and are directly responsible for their own information systems”. Macquarie University is the only university in Australia that owns its own hospital and is therefore ideal for the new US system. Other universities usually work amongst private

hospitals and need to co-manage specialist medical staff who split their time between caring for patients, teaching and conducting research. Dowton says the current system has frequently worked in a balanced manner but concedes there are conflicting priorities. When this conflict occurs the hospital will rightly put patient care ahead of any teaching or research requirements. The aim is to create an environment at Macquarie University Hospital where clinical care was amplified by the latest advances in research. In particular, motor neurone research, neurology, cancer care and orthopaedic surgery. This is largely due to Macquarie University having strengths in these areas. “Some doctors at Macquarie University Hospital have already decided to transfer to the new US system” Dowton says. He also acknowledges that many doctors would want to stay in private practice but strongly believes that this new system would be the “vehicle that new folks will come through”. And once the US system has shown success more doctors will consider moving to this system. Like every new system there are things that will need to be tweaked and discussed however the program is expected to be implemented within the next 12 months.

NEWS FLASH STUDENT TELLS OF ‘DISMISSIVE’ SECURITY AS COURT CASE COMMENCES OVER ALLEGED INDECENT ASSAULT IN MACQUARIE STUDENT VILLAGE WORDS || ANNA GLEN

A Macquarie University student has told the Downing Centre District Court that security staff were “dismissive” and “disbelieving” when she reported being indecently assaulted at the Macquarie Student Village in 2013. The woman described being awoken around 3:30am to a “cold hand” rubbing her thigh and genitals on 21 February. She immediately notified security and told the court “[The security] were just very unhelpful in their response, they just said to keep the doors and windows shut and pull the blinds down.” The Village is privately run by Transfield Holdings and the University has subsequently distanced itself from the incident, telling Grapeshot the Village “is owned and operated by the independent Campus Living Villages (CLV) Pty Ltd, part of Transfield Holdings” adding that “while the facility concerned provides accommodation for students of the University, the facilities are independent of Macquarie University in terms of their ownership, security and management.” The event attracted widespread media attention back in 2013 after it came to light that the Village accommodation was part of a Red Cross program to house asylum seekers on bridging visas, along with Western Sydney University. The Department of Immigration and Citizenship later confirmed that while the individual arrested was a refugee on a bridging

visa, he was not a Campus Living resident or a client of the Red Cross. Incidentally, Transfield Holdings held shares in Transfield Services in 2013, which is the same company that holds contracts with detention centres on Manus Island. These shares were formally withdrawn in September 2014. Since the incident, the University says “significant steps” have been taken to improve the safety and security of students living in the Village and other accommodation surrounding the University. This includes fencing around the Village, installation of security screens on windows, improved reporting procedures, accommodation and mental health training for residential advisors, and regular meetings with key university staff to discuss student engagement and security matters. The perpetrator is being heard before a jury and has admitted to entering the student’s apartment but is pleading not guilty to aggravated break and enter with indecent assault. The University has provided ongoing counselling and support to the student as the court process has progressed, including during the current hearing in the Downing Centre. If this article raises any concerns with you please contact Campus Wellbeing at campuswellbeing@mq.edu.au or phone +61 2 9850 7497.

High Court Decision Pushes Australians to Take Action and #LetThemStay

WORDS || ALICIA SCOTT

A recent High Court case that challenged the legality of the Federal Government’s offshore detention centres has led to a groundswell of public opposition to Australia’s immigration policies. After a ninemonth legal battle, the High Court ruled in February that Australia’s offshore detention camps at Nauru and Manus Island are constitutionally valid, crushing the hopes of 267 asylum seekers in Australia who face deportation to Nauru.

innocent people on Nauru despite it being unauthorised under Australian law (not to mention international law).

The challenge was initiated by a Bangladeshi woman who was detained at Nauru for the first seven months of 2014 after seeking asylum in Australia via boat in October 2013. The woman’s lawyers claimed that the Australian Government was responsible for funding, operating and controlling the detention of

The Refugee Council of Australia’s Media and Campaigns Officer, Laura Stacey, said “the outcome is supremely disappointing for all Australians who do not think we should be financing and running prison camps for innocent people on remote islands.”

The plaintiff’s claim was ultimately defeated by fast-tracked Government legislation that upheld the Government’s powers to fund regional immigration centres. These changes to the Migration Act, which set a dangerous precedent for future resettlement cases, had full support from the Federal Labor Party.

While the High Court ruled Australia’s offshore detention centres to be legally and constitutionally valid, the decision itself does not force the Government to send the 267 people back to Nauru or Manus Island. Rather, the responsibility for these inhumane camps lies directly with the Australian Government. Prime Minister Malcolm Turnbull must decide whether the fate of 267 asylum seekers, including 37 babies and 50 children, will be determined by morality or legality. When he was Communications Minister in the Abbott Government, Turnbull showed compassion on this issue when he said, “One child in detention is one child too many. Everyone is anguished by having children locked up in detention.” Yet now his words are indistinguishable from his predecessor, stating last month that “the people smugglers will not prevail … the line has to be drawn somewhere and it is drawn at our border.” The silver lining is that the High Court decision catalysed a groundswell across the country, which saw people from all walks of life coming together to take a stand against the deportation of asylum seekers. The #LetThemStay campaign brought the fate of these 267 asylum seekers to the forefront of national issues and built an unprecedented level of public pressure against the Government’s immigration policies. For the first time ever, state and territory ministers went against the hardline policies of Federal Labor and Liberal parties by publicly welcoming additional intakes of refugees and offering food, shelter and education. Over 80 churches pledged to provide sanctuary for those facing deportation, not to mention the tireless efforts of unions, NGOs and ordinary people who attended vigils and protests around the country in support of the humane treatment of refugees. The Federal Government has yet to demonstrate strong leadership over this topical issue. Stacey asserts,

“Ultimately, a government needs to represent the views and wishes of its people. The #LetThemStay campaign is demonstrating that the current government is not only out of touch with the Australian people in general, but with state governments, religious leaders and businesses both across the country and overseas.”

“One child in detention is one child too many. Everyone is anguished by having children locked up in detention.” Yet now his words are indistinguishable from his predecessor.” After weeks of public pressure, Immigration Minister Peter Dutton offered a temporary reprieve for Baby Asha in community detention in Brisbane – an announcement some refugee advocates claimed as a victory. Doctors at Brisbane’s Lady Cilento Children’s Hospital refused to discharge Asha from their care in fear of her return to Nauru, a display of moral defiance. Speaking on behalf of The Refugee Council of Australia, Stacey was relieved by the Dutton’s arrangement. She claimed, “This is a clear victory for community action and shows that committed action can shift a government that knows that the cruelty these policies are incurring on innocent people are of great concern to all decent Australians. The doctors, nurses and medical professionals who put themselves on the line to protect their patient are simple examples of people saying they have had enough of this cruelty.” The last month of public momentum has gone to show that the government cannot make decisions against the wishes of their citizens. While Baby Asha is safe for now, the fight must continue for the resettlement of asylum seekers in Australia and a humane refugee policy that recognises hat 60 million people are displaced worldwide due to conflict. 9

OUT-OF-BODY POLITICS: ‘DO IT YOURSELF’ PILL TESTING DEBATE HEATS UP WORDS || SHANNON ABBERTON

Recreational drugs have been around for centuries. Yet today they are causing an increasing amount of deaths. The latest source of controversy has arisen from Australian music festivals.

that the solution put forward by NSW Deputy Premier Tory Grant is the “ideological equivalent to climate change denialism”.

Caldicott says festivals will go ahead “they just won’t go ahead in any sort of supervised At one News Year’s Day festival, Field Day, a environment”. If we learned from past woman was rushed to hospital after suffering attempts at policing drug use, this could be from an overdose. This follows three drug a mistake: “You’ll get what happened in the related deaths at similar events in the past United States in the nineteen-eighties which year. NSW government officials, in response was a wide variety of unsupervised raves and a to these tragic fatalities, have threatened vast number of people getting hurt and killed”. to shut down some festivals—however, the effectiveness of this solution remains to be As an alternative, Caldicott has fervently seen. advocated for pill testing at music festivals in Australia. However, this requires an arduous Dr David Caldicott—a highly recognised battle with Government and police officials to emergency doctor who specialises in abandon their current ‘no tolerance’ approach minimising the acute health effects of illicit to drugs. drugs—remains sceptical. He is concerned that shutting down festivals will only serve Caldicott is not alone in this respect, The to drive them underground, reducing the Australian Drug Foundation national policy potential for emergency care and ultimately manager Geoff Munro has also suggested a resulting in more deaths. He has analogised trial of pill testing in Australia. Will Tregoning,

the founder of drug harm minimisation group Unharmed has stated that Australia is one of the leading users of ecstasy per capita, yet lacks the pill testing that has begun taking place in the US, UK and Europe. In these countries, pill testing has been an effective process where festivalgoers have a drug testing service but also an opportunity to safely dispose of drugs that they deem too harmful to take. Tregoning plans to launch a pilot pill testing program by parking vans equipped with laboratory grade equipment and toxicologists outside music festivals. Barriers to the shield the van would also be used to protect people from prosecution. The vigilante program has been criticised by NSW Deputy Premier, Troy Grant, who said organisers could be charged with drug supply and manslaughter. NSW Premier, Mike Baird, said the government would not use “tax payer funded dollars” towards “supporting illegal drug dealers”. The Greens political party on the other hand has responded by launching a new policy advocating pill testing. According to Greens leader, Richard Di Natale, there needs to be a shift in focus from enforcing a ‘no tolerance’ policy, to readily accessible healthcare for those affected by drugs when they need it. Di Natale has suggested that Australia follow Portugal’s example of not prosecuting the individuals but redirecting the money spent on law enforcement into treatment and the individual’s healthcare needs. In Portugal, this has resulted in more people coming forward requesting treatment and more families and friends supporting the individual into finding treatment, as the individual is not treated like a criminal but like someone who is in need of care.

testing, are effective in testing the quality and reliability of the drug. The process not only takes a sample of the drug to gain the chemical composition, but also captures an image of the drug and provides this image to other festivalgoers. This is an effective tool as there is a high possibility that other drugs came from the same batch, and knowing the look and markings of a potentially dangerous pill can strongly deter users from making illinformed decisions. Dr Martin also explained that other drug procedures in place at music festivals are less effective than we may believe. An example of this includes sniffer dogs where three-quarters of searches are inaccurate. The threat of sniffer dogs can also result in festivalgoers ingesting a potentially fatal quantity of illicit substances to avoid detection. The police have been warned about these dangers, yet due to their ‘no tolerance’ policies, sniffer dogs remain present. That the current drug regulations are ineffective suggests that pill testing services may be a worthwhile alternative for discouraging the consumption of drugs that may result in death. These services are more about precaution and education than promoting drug use. Amanda Roxburgh, a researcher on methamphetamine-related deaths has commented: “Often what happens is people are buying what they think is ecstasy and it’s something much more toxic”. The questions the NSW Government needs to ask itself are: Is clinging to the hope of a completely drug-free society worth isolating and endangering illicit drug users? And, if pill testing can help prevent deaths, isn’t it at least worth a trial?

I spoke to Dr James Martin of Macquarie University who completed his PhD in Criminology and is currently researching online drug distribution. He explained that harm reduction measures, for example pill

OPINION PIECE

AMERICAN POLITICS EXPLAINED WORDS || CHARBEL ZADA Every four years, America holds the US presidential race. It is an interesting phenomenon and this year is proving to be no different. For those who confused by US politics (who can blame you?), it can appear to be a perplexing process. In a nutshell, the US presidential race is a popularity contest of biblical proportions between the Republicans and the Democrats. The Republican Party is Right wing; essentially they are an extreme group of highly religious, gun-toting individuals whose party name is now synonymous with American conservatism. Its historical rival, the Democratic Party, is now widely considered to be Left wing with strong roots in modern liberalism. At the time of this writing, the major candidates from the Democratic Party are Hillary Clinton and Bernie Sanders. Opposing them are members of the Republican Party; Donald Trump, Ben Carson, Ted Cruz, Marco Rubio and John Kasich. Donald Trump represents the worst of America. With no political background, his rise in the political field is a perfect example of money doing the talking. Offering no real and tangible policies, he panders to the lowest common denominator shouting policies such as building an actual physical wall to keep people from Mexico from entering America as well as deporting all Muslims. His dangerous rhetoric has earned him an apt comparison to Adolf Hitler, and for good reasons. Just like Hitler, Trump’s xenophobia, racism, sexism and showmanship is winning

him votes, especially across White America. Just like Hitler, Trump’s rise is indicative of wider spread problems in the nation. Just like Hitler, he’s doomed to fail, but he’s also doomed to destroy a lot of things on the way down. Just due to his rhetoric, there’s been a rise in racism, sexism and most importantly Islamophobia have increased. A person who brings out the worst in his people is not worthy of being a leader. If Donald Trump was all style and no substance, his Republican peer and competitor, Ted Cruz, is the opposite: no style and some substance. Unlike Trump, he offers policies, most of which are actually quite terrifying. His policies would see a wall erected to keep people from Mexico coming in (Republicans are fond of walls to keep people out), women’s reproductive rights be thrown back to the stone ages and the right to bear arms strengthened. Unfortunately for him, his appeal to the voters, especially young voters, is waning. Next to the opulent and very extravagant and loud Donald Trump who appeals to the worst in people, the awkward and bumbling politician is failing to strike a chord with voters in the same way that Trump unfortunately is. A third Republican competitor is Ben Carson. Ben Carson is essentially a carbon copy of Ted Cruz and Donald Trump who hasn’t quite reached the same public level as them. His policies mirror Cruz’s policies but as is the norm with most Republicans, his views have alienated most young voters. Furthermore, he’s black and in America where issues such as racism have become a focal point, he is unlikely to attain the Republican nomination

especially against the behemoth that is the Donald Trump machine. The two even lesser known, less radical Republican candidates, Marco Rubio and John Kasich, share the same policies with the other Republican candidates with a few marked differences. Kasich himself is highly critical of Trump’s plan to build a wall, arguing the Republican party needs to redefine themselves as more caring. He’s one of the very few Republicans to not advocate repealing Obama care, however his stance on women’s reproductive rights remains conservative. Rubio had the same view against deporting immigrants, however is a typical Republican, promising to undo changes done to their rights to bear arms and undo Planned Parenthood. Opposing the Republican side are democrats Bernie Sanders and Hillary Clinton. Bernie Sanders is widely considered the next Barack Obama. His appeal to the voters can be summed up in two words: common sense. His policies are not extreme but rather borne out of a pragmatic approach to current problems. His policies would see better immigration reforms happen, women’s reproductive rights protected, a concrete plan designed to curb gun violence (something that unfortunately happens on a daily basis in America) be implemented and issues such as racism and sexism addressed. He is widely viewed as the “little guy” and unlike other candidates, does not get funding from corporations and has managed to successfully voice his candidacy through the donations of his supporters. His candidacy has often been referred to

as the “grassroots movement”, so if Donald Trump represents the worst of America, Sanders, by all logic, represents the best. Bernie Sanders faces stiff competition from his peer and competitor, Hillary Clinton. Clinton and Sanders have almost similar policies with a few marked differences. Clinton has drawn criticism for her tendency to swap positions. This is exemplified in the Trans-Pacific Partnership deal; she was publicly in support of the deal, but after her candidacy was announced, she opposed the deal. There is an argument being made, she’s switched in order to appease corporations that are funding her candidacy, which begs the question: Is she simply saying whatever she needs to say safeguard the endorsements from these corporations and to be elected? As this article is being written, Donald Trump leads the republican nomination for the US presidency and Hillary Clinton has just defeated Bernie Sanders in South Carolina in the polls. However, it is worth noting there’s more to US politics than simply voting for a President. Barack Obama made plenty of promises, most of which he was unable to fulfil and for which he got severely blamed for, but there is another player in this game: Congress. Congress is now primarily Republican, and have consistently blocked Obama’s policies and then have turned around and blamed Obama for being unable to fulfil his promises. If either Sanders or Clinton win the presidency, they face an uphill battle. If Republicans win the presidency, a lot of damage could ensue.

OPINION PIECE

Keep Sydney Open Rally: The fight against ‘Nanageddon’ WORDS || AMY HADLEY

On Sunday 21 February, Sydney’s CBD saw around 15,000 people take to the streets in a peaceful protest against lockout laws. It may have been a happy coincidence that the Keep Sydney Open Rally was on the same weekend as the Mardi Gras Fair Day; the lively event brought together people from all walks of life. The Keep Sydney Open protest encouraged people to take a stand against the ‘nanny state’ lockout laws, which have been decimating local businesses, live music, and Sydney’s nightlife. When the rally began congregating at Belmore Park, it became so apparent that these blanket laws have sadly affected our city and its communities. Oxford Street veterans, rave grandmas, metal heads, local business owners, musicians, hospitality workers, and straight up party animals (dogs and people included) all marched towards Hyde Park with a sense of frustration. The masses who took part understand that the problem is not in being locked out of a club by 1.30am. They also understand that the problem is not having final drinks at 3.00am. The problem lies in Sydney’s late night economy. Or rather, the lack of late night economy. Senseless violence is not ok. Ever. It is impossible to understand the trauma which affected families have experienced without personally going through it. However, when the likes of Mike Baird & Co. decide to punish the majority for the acts of a minority, it’s difficult to feel any sense of justice or achievement. Without going into the statistics (which is just a big ol’ can of worms at this point), businesses have been forced to close, musicians have lost opportunities to showcase their talents, workers have lost incomes,

and the city is an eerie, uninspiring ghost town soon after the clock strikes midnight. As Nina Las Vegas so astutely said, “You can’t expect Olympic swimmers to win gold without a pool.” Without live music venues or patrons, how can musicians, hospitality workers, or late night businesses be expected to provide a meaningful contribution to our “vibrant” city? (Mikey B., 2016) When the rally hit Hyde Park, protesters were ready to celebrate. Artists such as Royal Headache and Art vs. Science provided tunes. A diverse line-up of speakers addressed their fellow Sydney-siders that day. The likes of Isabella Manfredi (The Preatures), Nina Las Vegas (producer, DJ), Bernard Keane (journalist), and Tyson Koh (the man behind Keep Sydney Open) all spoke passionately. Each speech encouraged healthy discussion and solutions, rather than blaming or finger pointing. Keep Sydney Open is proudly supported by huge names in Sydney’s live music scene. Prominent artists such as Flight Facilities, Hayden James, Flume, Natalie Imbruglia, Marcia Hines, Seekae, Claude VonStroke, Alison Wonderland and many others are proud supporters. Equally as valued are supporters such as Future Classic, Oxford Art Factory, FBi Radio, inthemix, Music NSW, and plenty more. At the end of the day, the Keep Sydney Open Rally provided a space for people to share their experiences, and ideally, their solutions. The rally loudly and proudly conveyed its message: “We support safe nights in a global city. We support live music. Our mission is to keep Sydney open!”

REGULARS

Grapeshot Fashion: “I Made It” WORDS || ANGELA HEATHCOTE

“Do it yourself ” the proverbial rhetoric of the twenty-first century, has a lighter side in that creative labour hardly seems a struggle. We’ve all, at one time or another, dipped our fingers in a bucket of homemade dye for a shirt tight in elastic bands, or at least we’ve amassed a sizeable amount of black tea leaves to soak crocheted yarns. One step at a time, rather than understanding DIY fashion as a fine art meant for the more creatively capable, it becomes an alternative; an interruptive force to the buying cycle. Rather than seeing something as it stands, dusty on racks and falling to pieces, we are given the ability to envision how it could be, gratified by knowing “I made it”.

Tailored and Trimmed A lack of patience and relatively bad hand-eye coordination hasn’t allowed me to advance very far in the field of textiles and design, however despite these setbacks, knowing how to hem a skirt or a dress is the absolute bare minimum: almost an imperative. The sixties, A-line shifts, the all-too-lengthy hems of nineties skater dresses, as well as the ideally baggy, protruding edges of maternity wear pieces from the farther corners of recycling depots demands you grasp this. Regularly I hear of grandmothers who tentatively pass down these skills to their kin, but whom that prefer to enlist skilled family members to their

personal sweatshops (me), fret no more. Slip on the garment, and catch a drift. Fold and pin at your discretion, but a sizeable amount, almost an inch, must remain. Whipstitch, the one method I can remember, is the least complicated, or the more appropriately named ‘Hemming Stitch’ for those at an intermediate stage. With the addition of invisible thread, changes go unnoticed. The ultimate falter on behalf of beginners is perhaps if the garment is decorated with pleats, layers or underwire. If you’re feeling utterly inept tailoring is not costly, and hemming often ranges between 15 to 20 dollars. Be inspired to mend, re-style, patch, shorten or lengthen exhausted clothing. Un-pick the threads detatching a petticoat from its shell, hem and parade.

Homemade Hardware Lime, violet and shades of hot magenta: colours we, for the most part, lament, are reimagined as a mélange of early 2000s trends manifest our more superficial selves. As folklore says of magpies, nest contently surrounded by the reflective light of quasi-diamantes, sequins and semi-precious nothings. Hi-vis tracksuits of the “Juicy Couture” variety and melodramatic slogan tees from “Deal with IT” to “It’s all about ME” emblazoned in glitter and stone, regardless of the cheese, has me dipping my fingers into tins of glitter (arts and crafts’ adults-only edition). Embellishment is a gift to the relatively unhandy. Certainly, ‘The Unabridged Functionalities of Faux Gems and Stones’ is in the making, however we’ll keep it close to home, skin tight even. Sequinned spanks and homemade pasties are my personal pleasure. Nude spanks are best decorated with either pale pink 30 mm palettes, or the crystal opaque kind of a smaller variation, for extra sheen. Pasties require more concentration, and if you’re making them from scratch the ideal material is buckram. It’s sturdy but not

uncomfortable; cheap, and with an added layer of felt, it’s ready to be garnished in whatever kitschy way you choose. Body glue or double-sided tape is equally effective for secure placement (‘Free the Nipple’ has been temporarily interrupted for creative purposes).

Re-Fabricate A chaotic, more futile sewing box has always remained a necessary part of my own home. Equipped with tattered white thread, an empty pallet of assorted needles and a pincushion, I’m mostly left to my own devices. When I felt something required shortening, I resorted to one tool: scissors (plus additional time to pick out loose fibres, hiding them in clefts of furniture). Regardless of many eager attempts to improve myself, I still tend to go for the easy way out: for the sake of short cuts and the road more travelled it’s best to elucidate. Spandex, fleece, velvet, faux suede, and pleather are a few fabrics that do not fray. So fashioning a thin scarf from velvet materials, in creamy soft white or shades of black for a licorice-like finish, rather than opting for a less inventive version made with harsher fabrics is optimal. Vinyl clothing, tokens of a GlamGoth, fashion erotica, more popular now than ever, is also totally at the mercy of your scissors. Given most of us don’t exactly dip into the fashion occult, preferring cotton and polyester to PVC, velvet and leathers, there are more, although less effective methods of “beating around the bush”. Hems made of polyester can be singed. So retrieve a candle, and bring the fabric just close enough to the flame that it melts the edges, assuring that it doesn’t catch fire. If you can’t exactly wield a needle or pin, then you most likely can’t be trusted to concentrate on not burning your house down. For you, there is Fray Stop: whilst being less efficient than other methods, the thick glue with hold your hems tight. 17

The Challenge:

Stop Doing it to Yourself WORDS || PHILLIP LEASON

There was a lot of deliberation in the Grapeshot office over what the challenge for this issue should be. Given the DIY theme we immediately decided it had to be about masturbating, because we’re very funny and sex is top-shelf humour. The problem is, there isn’t much that’s challenging about handto-gland combat. Masturbating is great and pretty much everybody does it (no hate to those who don’t ‘bate). We decided that a real challenge would be not masturbating, and I was assigned to go a month without putting on a solo performance of much a-goo about nothing. Now I’m far from a psychology expert, but to simplify all that I know about Freud and the id, ego, and superego: it’s all sex, right? That’s how the psyche operates, and that’s how we’re biologically programmed. Upon considering my own life and actions, and extrapolating all of my motivations, that’s always made sense to me. I work hard to build knowledge, so I can gain success and earn money (delusional though that may be as a media student). Why? Ultimately, so that I can have sex. I devote time to learning and playing music, why? So I can have sex. I exercise (or at least entertain the idea of exercising), why? You guessed it, sex. So along with giving up on wrist aerobics I decided I had to try giving up on the idea of sex entirely. This is when the prospect of a month without became genuinely daunting. What would happen, given that sex is my end game for everything, if I tried 18

to entirely remove it as a factor of my existence? Would I lose all motivation, give up on my duties and hobbies and become a ghost? Well, if so, at the very least cold showers are meant to be way better for your skin, a month of those and I should be looking like a Nivea model. During the preliminary days I started doing some research. Masturbation enthusiasts whom I discussed my challenge with were outraged. They preached of its health benefits, and the serious risks of not getting off, especially if you’re a guy. From memory, the warnings compounded to suggest that come the end of the month, my entire downstairs would explode and I would be neurologically incapable of experiencing happiness again. But it turns out medical experts (or, rather the people at WebMD) are pretty divided over whether or not masturbating is a good or bad thing, it’s contextspecific and shouldn’t be confused with sex, which does have genuine health benefits. Overall though, it seems like there are just as many risks attached to playing uno, and no real physical consequences to giving it up. This was reassuring, ‘cause by this point the challenge was getting very difficult. I was chewing my nails down to stubs, I started having trouble getting to sleep and at one point I got mildly aroused while reading Pygmalion; I had to find an outlet. So after about a week I began fastidiously planning my days on paper to devote my energy to other things. A run in the morning and push-ups before sleep replaced the ‘I’m in bed,

I might as well’ opportunities, and the rest of my time was scrupulously divided between working, reading, and socialising. In this three week period of desperately avoiding any opportunity to masturbate, I felt better than I ever had in my life, and pretty soon I forgot about doing it entirely. I’m pleased to say my previous assumptions of the human psyche were wrong (no surprise really, I based them off an incredibly shallow understanding of the writings of a widely refuted cocaine addict who died 75 years ago). I was reminded why I genuinely love the things I do, and that they aren’t all simply a means to the end of getting laid. Moreover, my relationships with other people improved and I was more confident. Maybe it’s just me, but God, thinking about sex can be a

burden. Without that in the equation I found it much easier to speak to other people. So, despite my initial fears, a month of sexlessness didn’t turn me into some deviant, brimming with pent-up angst, who licks their lips when somebody bends to tie up a shoe; it was, frankly, liberating. It gave me an opportunity to re-evaluate my goals and values. It turns out that exercise is great, not because it gives me a bangable beach-bod, but because the endorphin kick from a run lasts much longer than a self-induced orgasm. And it turns out that I like working because I get genuine pleasure from learning and creating things. That said, my month is up, I’ve learned my lesson, and I’m pretty eager to get back into the swing of things.

FRUGAL AND FAMISHED WORDS || HUGH RIGNEY

Eating well in our convenience-oriented food system is no easy task, particularly on a student’s budget. These six tips are here to guide you towards a more delicious, nutritious, and economical lifestyle.

DO IT YOURSELF, START COOKING! The most important thing that any hungry student can do to eat well on a budget is to cook! Cooking is always going to be cheaper than eating out, and being in control of what goes into your body is an empowering process. THE PANTRY IS YOUR FRIEND Stocking your dry store with cheap pantry staples like rice, pasta, bread, tinned pulses, vegetables, grains, and spices is a great way to build easy meals to fuel your study. GIVE MEAT A MISS Do the planet and your body a favour by adding meat-free dishes to your repertoire. Reducing your meat consumption is one of the best ways to save money at the checkout.

BULK IT OUT WITH SEASONAL VEGETABLES Seasonal vegetables are not only abundant, cheap and healthy, but their seasonality means you are purchasing the produce at its best. Seasonal produce is at its freshest and most sustainable because it hasn’t been stored for months or imported from overseas. WASTE NOTHING Waste not want not! With a bit of thriftiness and lateral thinking, you can utilise commonly overlooked products like vegetable stems, roots, peels and leaves to add flavour and texture to your meals. LOVE THE LEFTOVERS A bit of planning goes a long way in the kitchen, and cooking large batches lets you save time and money by purchasing in bulk and generating leftovers. Cook tonight and tomorrow’s lunch is sorted!

ITALIAN PANZANELLA SALAD COST: $2.16 PER SERVE

Got an old loaf of bread that’s well past stale? This classic salad is the perfect way to avoid wasting it. Showcasing the best of late summer produce by making a hero of the tomato, complimented by a punchy balsamic dressing, this fundamentally bread-based salad presents something different with every mouthful as some of the bread soaks up the dressing and some remains deliciously crunchy. PANZANELLA (STALE BREAD) SALAD SERVES 2 100g (approximately 4 slices) stale white bread, torn into rough bite-size pieces 1 tablespoon balsamic vinegar 2 tablespoons olive oil 1 teaspoon seeded mustard 1 teaspoon brown sugar 1 level teaspoon salt ½ teaspoon pepper 1 small clove garlic, smashed and minced 300g ripe tomatoes, roughly chopped 100g bocconcini cheese, roughly torn ½ bunch fresh basil, roughly torn

Preheat the oven to 160 degrees. Place bread pieces in an oven tray and bake for around 10 minutes until dry and slightly coloured. In the meantime whisk the mustard, salt, pepper, brown sugar, minced garlic, balsamic, and oil in a mixing bowl for the dressing. When the bread is ready, transfer straight into the dressing and mix to coat, letting the bread soak up the dressing slightly. Add the tomatoes, bocconcini and basil, and toss thoroughly to combine. Serve immediately.

COSTS 4 slices white bread = $0.20 15ml balsamic vinegar = $0.07 30ml olive oil = $0.18 3g seeded mustard = $0.03 3g brown sugar = $0.03 salt and pepper = $0.03 1 clove garlic = $0.06 300g tomatoes @ 2.00kg = $0.60 100g boconcini = $1.62 ½ bunch basil = $1.50

Building a DIY Skatepark WORDS || JACK WILLS

The amorphous world of skateboarding is maintained by the equally evolving cultures and industries that are a part of it. From the involvement of grimy street-styles of delinquent hood rats, to high end fashion’s appropriation of jeans with blown knees and tattered tees, or corporate giants like Red Bull honing in on our cash cow of a sport, it’s a safe bet that we will see our four-wheeled friend making an appearance in most settings.

shreadable curbs and dodgy homemade obstacles were the norm, but most populated areas now have skateparks dotted all over. Some of them appear to have been designed by a blind person who thinks a skateboard is a place to hang up a pair of roller skates, but others are wonder parks designed and funded by skater-owned companies. Still, skateboarders have maintained a need to invest themselves into the places they skate. Wonder park or woeful park, skaters have always brought things to the park to mix it up, or found an abandoned lot and concreted to it basically anything they can get their hands on. The DIY skatepark truly exhibits the way that skaters can utilise and ultimately enjoy anything and everything around them.

Since coming to fruition in California circa the fifties, skateboarding has done nothing but grow and flourish, and now it’s as if the modern day is skateboarding’s 21st birthday. Skating is finally a full grown adult and our century is it’s rowdy party, but we all know you can’t turn 21 without having some of the naughtier stories from your younger years being read out. A big DIY skateparks tend to have recurring story for our good old friend skateboarding is elements, and they’re all a must-have for your the notion of the DIY skatepark. little piece of personalised heaven. Here a few to get you started on the construction your DIY skating is the industry doubling back on own dream skate spot. itself. Originally, for the lack of alternative, 22

is opened. A challenge for everybody to ollie over, with some slight amateur engineering, a ramp option is a certain possibility from the front or the back (or longways for you gnarlier people out there). Otherwise the couch also serves as the perfect object to position in the shade for beer sippin’ with your homies.

THE LEDGE THE POLE JAM If there’s one thing skaters love it’s a pole concreted into the ground at a 45 degree angle (give or take). The pole jam graces most DIY skateparks, and they’re always a treat. Not only fun, but quite easily made: just snag a bit of pole, add a cheap bag of concrete and you’re set.

THE COUCH Another stock standard item DIY skateparks are usually dotted with is the faithful couch. Couches are hardly sought after, take a quick minute drive around your suburb and you’ll find plenty of eyesore armchairs from the eighties and nineties sitting on the roadside awaiting council collection as their flamboyant prints fade. Any DIY skatepark builder should be more than happy to whisk these derelict chairs away to turn them into something beautiful. To a mere human the couch is simply a seating option, but to a skater a world of possibilities

The ledge requires the least creative effort, all you have to do is collect a pile of evenly placed junk and pour old mate concrete over it. Literally anything will do, as long as it makes an even surface. Use quick-set concrete and maybe involve one of those concrete trowels to keep it smooth. Boom, you just solved a lengthy process for the local council. The whole point of the DIY is to have fun with it. Putting a part of yourself (not literally, please don’t sacrifice any limbs for your DIY park) into something as malleable as the DIY skatepark makes skating more than just a fuck about with mates. Create something crazy, nab that abandoned trolley, buy yourself some easy mix concrete and Robert is your fathers’ brother – you could have yourself one hell of a session. To create is a beautiful thing, and skateboarding has always been about creating. Whether its board graphics, photographs, or places to skate, doing it yourself defines skating. So surround yourself with friends and create shabby, skateable bits for that perfect little personal park to call your own. You never know, it could go far further than the sketchy halfarsed parks you often see and become a giant self-constructed dreamland.

Fake Advice from Ron Swanson WORDS || NIKITA JONES & EMMA HARVEY

Dear Ron, I’m in my last year of a Banking and Finance Degree and I’m having trouble studying because my roommate keeps having loud, distracting sex. What should I do? Kyle Hi Kyle, First of all, if your roommate’s name is Tammy, what you’re going to want to do is run. Very fast. Very far. I recommend a forest. Forests are good for timber which you can use to build a small log cabin. Spend your days fishing, hunting and sitting in a pinewood chair with a whiskey and a large flank steak, pan fried with salted butter. Never leave. If however, your roommate isn’t a sex-crazed librarian, programmed by someone from the future to come back and destroy all happiness, then music can be an effective way to drown out coitus. For example, I have a friend of a friend of a friend who plays the saxophone. If you’re not much of a musician then I recommend

a set of headphones and MouseRat’s moving tribute, Bye, Bye Li’l Sebastian. If this isn’t enough, it’s probably time to look to more structural solutions. If you think bedsprings are your problem, it’s simply a matter of removing the mattress and flipping the box spring over to make a number of incisions in the felt covering. Once you’ve done this, treat the springs with your choice of heavy duty lubricant and then reattach the felt backing with a furniture staple gun. Anyone who knows what he’s doing could get the job done in the time it takes for your roommate to have a bathroom break. At the end of the day, I’m a firm believer in privacy. Private government, private business and most importantly, a private personal life. The best way to maintain a friendship is to not know anything about one another. So the wisest thing to do is to soundproof your walls. Never mind your student budget, insulation is a relatively easy and cheap process if you know what you’re doing. They’ll usually make you pay upwards of $50 a bag at a hardware store for something you can make at home with just some newspapers, cardboard, and your industrial hammermill. Also, ditch the degree, banks are Ponzi schemes run by morons. - Ron

FEATURES

FRIENDLY JORDIES WORDS II NICHOLAS WASILIEV

f you’re one of the 11 people in Australia who haven’t seen FriendlyJordies in their news feed, I recommend YouTubing Schoolies! Da tyme of ur lyf or People who vote Liberal before reading any more. Jordan Shanks set up his political satire YouTube channel FriendlyJordies during the 2013 Federal election, when it suddenly dawned on him what exactly Australian media needs: real, biting, cutting-through-the-crap satire. “Some television shows have it, but it’s not the same as political satire that you get in the US (e.g. Jon Stewart or John Oliver), because we don’t have the avenues for it.Everything you get in Australia is very watered down, very mild, very careful. Our media is controlled either by the government or media moguls, and if you are saying things against their interest, they are not going to put you on television. There are lots of people saying exactly the same things that I’m saying, but they can’t get a wider audience because it’s just not accessible.” Yet, accessibility is one of FriendlyJordies’ greatest assets, having developed a diehard fan base since inception. Shanks’ videos have racked over 12 million views on YouTube

alone, as well as close to 100,000 subscribers. His style of satire appeals to many politically aware viewers, particularly younger Australian adults. “Satire is an extremely important tenet of democracy, it breaches something that most people think is a very difficult political message, and puts it into terms that make people realise it’s not difficult at all – just the same bullshit over and over again.” Jordan attracted new fans with his recent recent Lock-out laws video, where he launched a scathing, satirical equivalent of a smack down on Premier Mike Baird. The video has amassed over 1.5 million hits on Facebook; cutting through many shady statistics and moral opinions Baird has used to defend the laws, as well as showcasing how the new Barangaroo Casino and Star City casino, have been exempt from the new laws. “Once you have seen something, laughed at it and realised it is ridiculous,

that neoconservative argument loses all of its power; and everybody looks behind the veil, no matter what they say on top of it. It’s like with Mike Baird saying, ‘this will protect lives’ – bullshit!” “The biggest motivation for me, is just seeing how tired the system is. How it is so obvious that people are trying to push through damaging policies, and nobody in the media can speak about it? That is just startling to me. Thousands of journalists say the same dotpoint shit you hear from the Canberra Press Gallery, they must know what they are saying is regressive, particularly if your manager is Rupert Murdoch”. This is what makes satire so important, both for democracy and entertainment although he describes his obsession with the flaws as ‘almost sickly’. “While many people prefer to look at open meadows and flowing rivers, satirists get real pleasure out of seeing a rat eating garbage”. There is no denying the passion and work ethic he has for it: “for [the Sydney lockout laws], that alone required two days of research, four days to a week of writing, one day of filming and three days of editing.I’ve got editors who do that, then I look at it and make final changes.” All for a seven-minute video. FriendlyJordies reaches the viewer with concentrated information wrapped in sharp satire. “Useless information is constantly inundated into your life. You are drenched with it! Just heaps of factoids, not anything with any real substance is ever really delivered in the media. Whenever you watch the news, it’s just five murders and Prince Charles visiting a zoo; stupid stories that have no real impact on the direction of society. It’s just a constant stream of titillation. “YouTube is an incredible avenue. In the past,with television, if you jumped through all the hoops and got enough sheer dumb luck to make it onto the television screen, you could become extremely wealthy. But now with YouTube, there’s the outliers who have become extremely wealthy and famous, but most just become comfortable and recognisable. “But again, that’s still a good thing for art. I pull a big audience if I ever do a show or say I’m going to be somewhere. That’s great. Without YouTube, I would not be able to do what I’m

doing right now.I owe my career to YouTube and Facebook. This career wouldn’t have existed seven years ago, and it’s so weird to think about that. Someone like me or even Bernie Sanders, who say things just outside of the mainstream narrative, would not have been able to attract a huge audience until 2008! That’s remarkable.”

“Thousands of journalists say the same dot-point shit you hear from the Canberra Press Gallery, they must know what they are saying is regressive.” Jordan has big plans to continue into the future, with his sights set on gaining a mainstream media-sized audience. “I’m aiming to have a YouTube channel that has the same viewership as the Channel 7 nightly news. I’m not quite there, but I’m on my way. I’m on 200,000 and Channel 7 is on about 770,000 a night; give me a couple more years and I will be competing with Melissa Doyle! That’s really my only goal, to get as many eyeballs as a national broadcaster can get.” For those hoping to jump onto social media, Jordan has some very simple advice. “The key to massive success in life is to just go low, I reckon. Do some really base shit. There’s a very easily trodden path in social media. But there must be a ‘why’ to what you are doing. “You can rise up but you may quickly simmer because there is some dickhead doing exactly the same thing as you, and you won’t get that exact same traction. You need an underlying purpose for what your content is trying to deliver. When you hit that niche of you conveying something that you actually believe in, other people start getting attracted to that, and believe that as well. That’s when they start actually helping and believing in you; which will help to propagate your message, give you the funding and the avenues that you need. As long as you are true to your niche.” Channels like FriendlyJordies enable us to look beyond the veil of agenda-driven mainstream media and see it for the ridiculous mess that it is. And isn’t that the whole point of democracy? And isn’t that the *cough* media’s *cough* job? Satire and open criticism means one voice changes many.

Y L L A U T C A S ’ T I “ HE” THY ZHANG WORDS II TIMO

STAYING OUT IN EVERY CONVERSATION I

n mid-January, I flew to China for a four week family visit. My flight home was one of the best flights I have ever had partly because of a conversation I had with the lady sitting next to me who is coincidently a Macquarie Alumnus. She is quite an extroverted charater and as our conversation built up along the way, she became more than willing to share her journey living down under. We touched on various topics, from our favourite brunch place to more serious topics such as skill migration and employment prospectus for international students. Just like many other International Students, our exchange eventually led to the most frequently asked question, “Do you want to stay in Australia?” The answer is a “Yes” for both of us. I told her I chose to stay in Australia for my career and my partner whom I’ve spent the last three years with. I was never comfortable using the word ‘boyfriend’ to describe my other half since I always see him more than just my boyfriend. Indeed, after three years of relationship, I tend to use terms like ‘other half’ or ‘partner’ to describe

him. Perhaps intrigued by my commitment to a long-term relationship at a young age, she pursued further and asked, “Where is she from?” I thought she would have realised I was gay after all those conversations about brunch. Without a second of hesitation, I responded, “It’s actually ‘he’.” Immediately, she apologised for her hasty assumption and said, “I had a feeling that you might be into guys but I didn’t want to offend you if you are not. Honestly, I’m so surprised but at the same time amazed that you would tell me about your sexuality.” I told her not to apologise as I was not offended whatsoever. Being gay is not something that we need to broadcast but if you do bring it up then I would be open and honest with you. She then went on and said:”Exactly, I feel in a sense, honoured, that you are willing to share such a huge part of your life with me. You don’t have a problem. It’s us, the straight people, that often have a problem with your community” That moment, her words just hit on my heart, but they also triggered my thoughts.

“If you want to live in a world where it’s okay for two guys to hold hands on the street, then starting holding your boyfriend’s hand while you’re walking down the street. Then, you live in that world.” I have always been very outspoken about my sexuality and LGBT Rights through my role as the GLBTIQ Representative at Macquarie University Student Representative Committee (previously, Student Advisory Board). I spoke a lot about my experience growing up as a gay man in a conservative country, I shared my struggles of coming out in various occasions, and I have done a lot of work trying to advance the study experience of LGBT students at Macquarie University. The whole time, my focus was to deliver tangible benefits for other people who identify themselves as LGBT. I never really thought about how much impact my honesty and openness can have on people outside of the LGBT community. In fact, I just learned that our conversation does not even need to be supported by frontier scientific research or state-of-art arguments. Just a simple statement, It’s actually HE, can create such a power in building trust and

understanding between LGBT and non-LGBT individuals. My partner once said to me, “If you want to live in a world where it’s okay for two guys to hold hands on the street, then starting holding your boyfriend’s hand while you’re walking down the street. Then, you live in that world.” If we want to live in a world where LGBT individuals are perceived as equal, then be comfortable in your own skin. I know coming out is a very personal choice and I am not here to urge everyone to come out. However, if you do come out then do stay out in every conversation you have, especially amongst people who know so little about our community. Nine hours of flight gave us plenty of time to discuss further. I think I have opened up her mind about the LGBT community and she said she will be joining us at Sydney Mardi Gras this year for the first time. For me, every time I get to say, It’s actually HE, I feel loved. That love comes from an open and honest exchange, that love comes from supportive allies, and best of all, that love comes from the person who you fall in love with. I hope you will feel the same. After all, love is the same.

LIPSTICK AND LOGIC WORDS II AMY HADLEY

Amy Hadley sits down with the brains behind Lab Muffin, a science-based beauty blog.

hen you use a skincare or beauty product for the first time, you accept a certain level of vulnerability. You’ve consented to potential future breakouts. You’re aware that your skin’s precious balance is at risk. You have accepted that your face might burn off. Or if you have your regimen sorted, how do you troubleshoot? Where do you turn to when you have a pimple redder than a baboon’s butt? Your best instincts will probably tell you to find someone or something which isn’t affiliated with any particular cosmetic brand. It could be a wellgroomed friend, a trusted beautician, online forums, or our old pal Google. As helpful as this

can sometimes be, where’s the logic behind their anecdotes? Where’s the science behind the skin you’re in? That’s where Lab Muffin comes in. It is a science-based beauty blog run solely by Michelle. She is not your average beauty blogger, and certainly not your average PhD qualified scientist. When she was completing her PhD, her fellow scientists found it bizarre that she would wear lipstick to labs, let alone run a beauty blog. Michelle has a PhD in chemistry, and uses her science communication background to explain the many hows and whys of beauty and skincare.

Her blog is as much an educational tool, as it is a place to discuss the quality of pigmentation in a lipstick or how your skin feels after using a buzzed-about moisturiser. Her blogs are a mixture of non-affiliated reviews, testing trends, and the science behind skincare and beauty. Lab Muffin began in late 2011, when the online discussion of beauty and science was either oversimplified, or filled with incomprehensible jargon. During this time, one big mamma of science-based beauty blogs (who shall not be named) misinformed the masses, as Michelle pointed out “... [she] explains things well, but she has the science wrong. She is not a trained scientist. Her interpretations are a little bit shifty.” Beauty and science are intrinsically linked. Unfortunately, so is beauty and marketing. When it comes to selling beauty, Michelle says, “Phrases like ‘chemical free’ really annoy me. Everything is chemicals, so it’s preying on people’s ignorance.” If you’re like me and have no scientific knowledge beyond compulsory Year 10 science, it’s nearly impossible to discern the difference between science and bold claims. “Part of the reason I started my blog is because my mum is a sucker for everything.” Michelle realised that there must be people of similar levels of scientific knowledge (or gullibility), as her mum. When it comes to cosmetic companies and their claims, Michelle isn’t shy to disprove their bullshit. “The claims are often really dodgy... For instance, skincare companies are allowed to say their product reduces the appearance of wrinkles, but they can’t say it reduces your wrinkles, even though it’s practically the same claim. They’re legally bound to stay out of the pharmaceutical area.” Using her research and practical skills, she has been able to prove (and disprove) the claims of some skincare and beauty products. This isn’t based on subjectivity or personal experience - just logic and science. This is something very unique to Lab Muffin, “In these forums, it’s experience that is recognised as correct. That tends to get a lot of cred compared to here’s what happens, here’s the logic, here’s the proof.”

Through the interview, Michelle speaks very warmly of other bloggers; scientists and beauty enthusiasts alike. “Lots of people have written fantastic science articles who don’t have any science background, and it’s all perfectly correct.” Beauty bloggers cop plenty of flack for being the pawns of cosmetic companies. Although, Michelle acknowledges with a laugh, “...beauty bloggers do get sent a lot of stuff.” When she chooses products to review or test for Lab Muffin, it largely comes down to popularity. “If there’s a lot of buzz, or a product I really like I’ll test it. If there’s something with science, or the chance to test the science behind it, I can tackle that.” Michelle’s content emphasises that ‘one size fits all’ isn’t useful when choosing and using products, and she recommends that you ignore the claims and test them on yourself to see how ingredients work for you. “I’m quite aware that if it’s a really popular product and I don’t like it, it just doesn’t work for me.” She is able to test makeup products in about one day to see results such as longevity and colour pay off. For skincare, she will trial products for about three weeks, as her skin breaks out from some products.

“One of the problems with reading an ingredients list is that sometimes there is a lot of variation in the ingredient itself, especially with natural products. If you think about bananas, you can have a really unripe banana versus a really ripe banana. If it was in an ingredients list, it would be listed as ‘banana’ or ‘banana extract’. But they don’t say which extract of the banana. It could be the skin, it could be something really volatile, it could be powdery, it could be a random oil… It’s always best to test the product to see the result, as you can’t just tell from the ingredients list.” Above all, Michelle is an advocate for honesty and logic - values which the beauty industry could be more heavy-handed with. So what’s next for Lab Muffin? “Those lip stain peel things.” Michelle adds with a laugh, “I’m not sure if you have to take off the peel-y thing before you leave the house or not. We’ll see.”

BE A HERO:

THE WORLD OF COSPLAY WITH ARDELLA WORDS II JESSICA SHERIDAN

o you ever get really bummed out that most of your favourite people aren’t real? That the Winchesters, the Avengers, even Rick Grimes are just figments of the imagination that you can watch on your television screens but never meet in person? Believe it or not, there is something that comes close to a solution. Enter the world of cosplay, where characters from all kinds of popular culture come to life. Heroes, villains, side characters that eventually get killed off – for every character you can think of there has probably been someone, somewhere, who cosplayed as them. Cosplay, or costume play, is now a household term throughout the world. Diehard fans create or buy their costumes, usually to wear at pop-

culture conventions. For many cosplayers, its not just about the costume, but about presenting and acting out that character. Anyone who has ever been to a convention where someone was cosplaying as Deadpool will know exactly what I’m talking about. Cosplay has quickly become a popular hobby for many hardcore fans. And who can blame them? You can actually become the characters you love so dearly. Who doesn’t want to be Batman? I spoke with Ardella, a well known and passionate Australian cosplayer, and asked for some insight into getting started with cosplay. With 10 years of experience, Ardella lives and breathes cosplay, and has since a young age. “I

have been dressing up like most people do since I was a very small child, and I never really grew out of it.” Her love of dressing up was what first led her to investigate the world of cosplay after she saw some fellow cosplayers at the popular Supanova convention in 2005. “I saw this whole world of people who had also failed to grow up! I went and Googled these crazy people called cosplayers and became a part of it.” The internet has played a major role in popularising cosplay. From online forums dedicated to working with worbla (a flexible material valued by cosplayers), YouTube tutorials showing you how to make the perfect fitting corset, and social media pages with portfolios of cosplay photos - the internet has done wonders for the cosplay community. And it is an extensive community at that, with Ardella noting that there is something for everyone.

“One of the great things about cosplay, to me at least, is that it brings people from all different walks of life, all different experiences, and all different age groups together.” With so many different people now joining the cosplay world and bringing their own ideas to cosplay, it can be daunting deciding what kind of cosplay to start with. Ardella emphasised that fun was the most important aspect of cosplay. “The only thing that matters in cosplay is that you’re having fun.” But of course you’re all thinking: I can’t sew, how am I supposed to be a Disney Princess if I can’t make Belle’s ballgown perfectly? Fear not! According to Ardella, cosplay can be way less complicated than patterns, wire and heat guns. “There are people out there that say accuracy is the be all and end all of cosplay... But to me as long as you’re having fun with your cosplay and you’re really happy and proud of it then that’s all that really matters.” This is also good news for my fellow students worried about blowing their bank accounts with such a hobby. Ardella noted that “It can be as expensive or inexpensive as you like ... But if you just want to have fun then you don’t even have to sew your own costume.” For those of us who are feeling particularly bold and do want to sew our costumes, Ardella has some pointers. Creative license can be used at any time, but it becomes more of a necessity when replicating the cartoon world, where physics doesn’t seem to exist. “There’s often not a lot of hints as to what the material may be... You

really have to look at the way that the fabric is animated to move.” Ardella has created almost all of her cosplays from scratch, and for her it has been a rigorous and constant learning process. “I’m completely self taught in everything that I do... It takes a lot of trial and error and mistake making.” But there are other things to consider beyond just the basic appearance of the costume. “I like to incorporate different textures that you may not actually see in a cartoon just to add a little interest.” If you do plan on making your costumes, it’s important not to feel discouraged by others. Ardella spoke of the quasi-celebrity status of some cosplayers who have made careers out of their craft. “These incredible cosplayers... who create these amazing works of art that they wear and you just look at them and go, ‘That’s fucking insane’ ... I feel like that could be very off-putting to people who have never made anything in their life.” People like Jessica Nigri and Yaya Han are well known amongst the cosplay community, and have been promoted to celebrity status for the kinds of cosplays they produce. Ardella encourages people not to compare their costumes with the work of these cosplay giants. “You really need to remember that even if your first cosplay is not up to scratch with the Yayas of the world, it’s still perfectly acceptable as a cosplay and you still have just as much of a right to call yourself a cosplayer and to have fun with it.” Her biggest piece of advice for anyone looking to try out cosplay for the first time? “Cosplay as a character that you love. Because even then when your costume is falling apart at the seams and everything is coming to pieces and you look like a hot mess, you’re still going to be having fun because you’ll be cosplaying as a character that you adore.” And as for those of us who dare to dream and want to create our own costumes? Ardella concluded with this final note: “Make the mistakes, make all of the mistakes, I am still making mistakes... eventually if you get to something wearable in the end, you’re good.” So what are you waiting for? Go out there and be the best damn hero - or villain, or side character, or any character! - that you can be. For those looking to join the cosplay community but who are still unsure where to start, check out Macquarie’s own Costume Guild where students can meet and chat with fellow cosplayers.

THAMUS’ FAIL

IS THE INTERNET A RESOURCE OR DISTRACTION? WORDS II ELIA DOKOS

he internet: a source of learning, entertainment and fetishes you couldn’t even imagine, right at our fingertips. We literally have pocket access to this incredible collection of pretty much all human knowledge, and people still look down their noses. They pine for simpler times, like when we had to write something on a piece of paper, buy a stamp, walk to the post box and wait a week for a reply.

others, most notably writing. When Thoth tries to defend his discovery Thamus accuses him of being too attached to his ideas, saying: “This discovery of yours will create forgetfulness in the learners’ souls, because they will not use their memories ... they will be hearers of many things and will have learned nothing; they will appear to be omniscient and will generally know nothing; they will be tiresome company, having the show of wisdom without the reality.”

We have everything at our disposal. Actual free speech, with the choice of anonymity. Free resources and paid resources. Games, movies, e-books. The option to illegally download things. The option to download illegal things.

We now scoff at Thamus. Writing makes nearly everything possible, from building on the thoughts and discoveries of old to simple, everyday and necessary communications to works of literary art. Did Thamus have a point? Sure he did. What he said was true; writing makes memory less important in the same way that cars make walking less important. As an argument, it falls into the same trap I often see people fall into when arguing against any specific technology - it makes life too

Plato once told a story - the Egyptian god Thoth approaches King Thamus to showcase his new inventions, among them arithmetic, geometry, astronomy, writing, even dice. Thamus approves of some and disapproves of

easy. When I used to complain about having to memorise times tables, my teacher would tell me, “You won’t have a calculator with you everywhere you go.” The new millennium brought with it the most influential means of communication since the invention of writing, and that’s just the tip of the gradually melting iceberg. On our computers we have access to almost anything we feel like. Remember that band you loved five years ago? They’re a few keystrokes away. Forgot how to make meringues? It’s all right there. And it’s fantastic. When Edison said “genius is 1% inspiration and 99% perspiration”, how much of that 99% involved labouring through giant, dusty old tomes to hunt down a snippet of crucial information that we can now find in the blink of an eye? The truth is that memory is important. The internet (and, indeed, writing) don’t supplant memory, they add to it. Back in the days of innocence, as I like to call them, if you were doing something and you came across an insurmountable problem, you were screwed. Maybe the answer was out there, already found by someone clever, but you didn’t have the right book or the right teacher. What if we could teach ourselves to solve almost anything, given an internet connection and enough determination? If you’ve ever used Yahoo Answers for anything, you’ll understand better than anyone that this convenience of information comes with a downside - reliability. If anyone can add anything to the mass of data, useful information grows and useless nonsense grows faster. I still remember the endless, droning mantra of my teachers: “Don’t cite Wikipedia!” There is at least one area where the net is probably a more reliable source. In a world where Fox News is actually a thing, people are turning to social media as a news outlet. TV news is, after all, depressing as hell. There’s nothing quite like hearing of one or more of the inevitable thousands of daily deaths from a fake-sad reporter who then turns to a different camera with a sudden hollow smile to talk

about a mouse which had a pointless brain surgery. TV’s truthful interpretation of events is also questionable; 64% of Australian media is owned by Murdoch, I’d rather hear it straight from the people’s mouths (or fingers). And newspapers are hardly better. A section on the refugee crisis is next to piece about a celebrity boob job. You might have heard that there actually exist people who abstain from social media. People who are doomed to have their thoughts and feelings die along with them. We the many have all the thoughts we choose to share put online forever. You’d hope that those with strong angsty ideas about the universe would think twice before sharing with the rest of us. Sadly not the case. Some say we use the internet for the wrong reasons. As that old meme says: “I possess a device, in my pocket, that is capable of accessing the entirety of information known to man. I use it to look at pictures of cats and get in arguments with strangers.” I don’t think that’s entirely fair. In the eighties, were people constantly checking their vol IV of the Encyclopaedia Britannica, or were they playing guitar, reading fiction and watching movies with terrible special effects? Only the most determined self-improvement enthusiasts spend all their time learning. Sometimes I just want to look at a fucking cat on the internet, ok? What I’m trying to say is, don’t be a Thamus. You might feel that your reasons are correct, and they may well be. That said, the only way that the internet will affect our knowledge and memory is if you use it as a crutch rather than a resource. If you’re googling the same formula for the fifth time in an hour, that might be a problem. If you can’t stand the company of your own mind for five minutes, that’s definitely a problem. But these problems are people related, not web related. As for me, I’ll carry on making full use of this marvelous repository of cats, anger and honesty.

ART THERAPY COLOUR IN THE IMAGE ILLUSTRATION II HUSSEIN NABEEL

CREATIVES

go for a walk

look at the stars by natasha michels

(please do not swallow this book)

have no chill lately? itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s okay, happens to the best of us! time to make some time for yourself ...

take a bath

love thy self

ZINE MAKING WORDS || NATASHA MICHELS

Making zines is one of my favourite pastimes and goes hand in hand with my other beloved hobbies of hoarding vintage paper and weird kitsch craft items. Zines (pronounced zeens) can be pretty much anything, there are no hard and fast rules on content or even how they are made, embodying the DIY ethos and making them a great medium for creative output. Generally, zines are described as self-published, small-circulation books, papers or websites that can deal with any subject matter. I got into them during my Kathleen Hanna phase back in high school which, alongside me listening to all things Riot Gwrrrl, was coupled by me sporting a self-cut mullet and combat boots. Yes, I was a dork. But that’s the best thing about zines – they’re dorky. They’re non-pretentious and can say whatever the hell you want, whether it be political message that is bursting out of your very being or something a little

silly. I recently received a zine titled A Brief But Intense Infatuation and included inside the book was a little envelope filled with questions and blank spaces for me to fill concerning my crushes from over the years, and the creator’s address attached. It might seem a little crazy but I filled out those two A4-pages and I love the fact that a complete stranger now knows some intimate details about me, and that a connection has been created all through the use of a A6 booklet filled with poetry and collages. On the previous page you’ll find a little zine I’ve created titled The Little Book of Calm (Black Books reference intended). I made it pocket sized so you can take it around with you whenever you are feeling stressed or anxious. Below I’ve included some instructions on how to make the booklet (I promise it will be fun) but if you’re having any problems feel free to hit me up.

BAD WINE WORDS || EMMA HARVEY

“Lisa?” He’s been pronouncing it wrong this whole time. Leeza, he says. Leez. “Do you want to share a dessert?” “I’m sure I can handle a whole slice of mud cake,” I reply. The idea of being unironically spoon-fed dessert horrifies me. “Piece of cake, huh?” he grabs triumphantly at the joke. Good for him. He’s tall, something most girls would appreciate; tippy-toe kisses and hands big enough to hold you together. But I don’t want to be looked after. And I want to tell the jokes. When the plates arrive, the cake is everything I hoped it wouldn’t be. Sickly sweet and too dense. I pick at the glossy icing. “This has been great,” he says when he finishes.Our feet are touching under the table. “Too sugary,” I reply, still picking. “I didn’t mean the cake.” “Yeah.” I signal to the waiter with my left hand, deliberately, because I mucked up the nail polish on my right. “My shout,” I tell him. … “It was a nightmare,” I groan to Marnie, 40

my roommate, whose attentive sighs and headshakes feed my recount of the evening. What was tired acceptance in the taxi home is now fervent resentment of the “cyclical small talk and bad wine. I don’t know anything about wine but this one was terrible.” “Awful!” she says and in her affirmation I relearn what I already know: that I appreciate Marnie not for her ability to entertain me, but for mine to entertain her. “My results came in earlier,” she puts forward when I finish. “I got distinctions in everything.” “Well then maybe you could give my date some tips,” I say. “What a failure that was.” … Alone in my bed the quiet is disconcerting. It throbs in my ears and pushes at my temples. I kick off my sheets and lie on my back. My stomach sloshes with the movement – too much to drink and not enough to eat. I wish somebody was here so that they could soothe me, spoon me. So that I could tell them not to.

READER ADVISORY: SUICIDAL THEMES

A COWARD WITH PRINCIPLES: AN EXTRACT WORDS || GEOFFREY MAJOR

As I make my way to the counter I have a sudden frightful thought, I’m only buying rope, they’ll know what this is for. I look around in a panic, it’s the end of the aisle. A few bolts and screws on my left, on the right, pot plants. Small plastic buckets of dirt with a packet of seeds stapled to the side. I grab two of the buckets without any thought, Hyacinths and Orchids, and with the rope I place them on the conveyor. The cashier, a young woman in her late twenties – seemingly unaffected. She looks up at me with her big sorrowful blue eyes, or maybe I just want them to be mourning me - perhaps she just has sad eyes. I prefer to think they’re sorrowful for me, that a quiet beauty would feel for me, that she’s reaching out to me. That she would tell me to not to buy this rope but the only thing stopping her is company policy, and maybe she’ll think of me for the next week, maybe she’ll yell my name out by mistake in the dark of night, fall in love with me as I do with every stranger who passes me, create a backstory to who I am; a nice young man who works in an office, low executive position for PR, and I was just in raggy clothes because I was doing some home construction, maybe she sees through it all and knows from her heart of hearts that I’m getting a promotion, and that I help children and animals incapable of helping themselves every weekend, and that I visit my parents and discuss our lives, calling my mother on the phone every other day. She knows that I paint in my free time, and as

If this article raises any concerns with you please contact Lifeline on 13 11 14.

my brush flies across the canvas in a mad rush of passion, I create something that isn’t just pretty to look at, maybe I create the physical manifestation of significance, and meaning, and my whole made sense because of it, but I continued to work my job and helped the sick and poor because I derived something from it, no, it wasn’t about me, she knew that, she and her brown curly locks and doleful features knew that I did it because I was a good person, and nothing more. She knows that we’re going to have fights, she wants to argue with me, yell about the petty cleaning, and about her mother. She wants to get into a heated discussion over politics, where we both fall asleep angry, and snipe at one another for the next fortnight, she wants to go through the awkward means of saying sorry to one another, and laughing years later about how silly all of our little tantrums were. She pushes the rope and the several pot plants over the barcode reader and bags them up for me. Before I know it I’m exiting the way I came in with the rope in my bag, and throw the plants in the trash can a block away from the store.

Unexpected Experience with Campus Wellbeing WORDS || BEN O’DONNELL The therapy room was pale white but otherwise bland with little furnishings. Impersonal. He sat, quivering and shaking. After some time, she looked up from her notes. “So what can I do for you today, Wilson?” she began. He sensed a probing tone. Was she one of them? “I’m being chased” he spluttered, his body convulsing in a wave as the words left his mouth. She looked down at her notes; he was on seroquel 150mg. They’d have to increase the dosage. He calmed slightly, looking at the pot plant – the only decoration in an austere room. Maybe she wasn’t like the others, maybe she was different. Still, she scrawled on the notepad just the same; studying his every behaviour like a prized specimen. He convulsed again. “Wilson, what have I told you before? No one is after you... rationally, why would they be? Have you been taking your meds?”. That’s exactly what the last one had said. “You, you don’t understand. You don’t know what I know”. “And what’s that?” she responded. He sighed, preparing to let go of a secret he’d held onto for a long time. “It’s the men in the grey suits. I see them talking to each other...looking at me. Staring. Tracking me with their eyes. Following and analysing my every move”. He paused for a breath. “I’ve seen them at night, seen them for what they really are. Their oddly

shaped skulls, their long pronged tongues. Harvesting humans. Harvesting...us!” Considering this, she flicked her hair. He saw indents on the side of her head. She opened her mouth to speak and he glimpsed her tongue. Pronged, like the grey suits. Instead of speaking she let out a low guttural noise. It wasn’t human. A noise she’d made before that he’d ignored in their sessions. He turned, grabbing his jacket and hurried towards the door. “Wait, Wilson! Let’s, let’s talk.” He looked back and saw her take off her face. He scrambled away, shrieking. He was quick but not quick enough. A long translucent tongue shot out between his legs, curled, then tightened. He fell with his back to the floor. He looked back to see her top in tatters revealing the reptilian body underneath. Instead of her left breast, there resided a fleshy sack which contained what looked to be a face. It was still but was caught in a moment of agony. Slowly, he was dragged back by the pull of her tongue. He struggled, screamed and kicked but to no avail. He saw her salivating, eager for her next meal. Saw the severed head, the dread and torment written into his face. A similar look shot across his face. He screamed as he was consumed head first by his therapist, black ichor and blood spraying across the room. A minute later there was a sloshing thud. Two heads.

REPEAT OFFENDERS

The Stew REVIEW || PHILLIP LEASON Have you worked up an appetite with all the ‘doing it yourself’ you’ve been at lately? Well then it’s time to treat yo’ self, kick back and let somebody else do it for you. When it comes to forking out the extra dollars to have a meal prepared for you, you want to know you’re getting your money’s worth. Here are a few places I’ve tenuously attached ‘DIY’ to that are worth (or not worth) your hard-earned stacks.

LENTIL AS ANYTHING 391 KING ST, NEWTOWN Mon - Fri: 12PM - 9PM Sat & Sun: 10AM - 9PM The implied guilt of a ‘pay what you want’ restaurant seems daunting but don’t let it put you off a trip to this vego spot, it’s one of the best meal experiences in Newtown. Volunteer-operated with live music and good vibes, this place bustles with positivity. The lengthy lineups are off-putting, but their quick service and cosy seating see you eating in no time. The food is hearty and delicious, and there’s no pressure to fork out big bucks: a simple donations box by the door is where you pay. Leaving a few extra dollars if you can will leave you feeling like you’ve done some good after your meal. Plus, you can always volunteer if you want to give a little extra back. 5/5

IKEA RESTAURANT RHODES SHOPPING CENTRE, RHODES Mon-Fri: 10AM - 9PM Sat: 9AM - 9PM Sun: 9AM - 7PM If, during your shop for affordable homewares, you find yourself considering a visit to Ikea’s restaurant, think twice. There’s already something inherently unappetising about meatballs, and Ikea’s presumably ‘traditional Swedish’ presentation of compacted nuggets of beast-flesh only go to damage the foods’ already sordid reputation. The appearance and taste of these meatballs, sweaty and congealed, equates to my idea of prison food. The dessert tarts are significantly more enjoyable, but still taste manufactured. By contrast, their Ikea cider (or ekologisk) is quite tasty and apparently organic to boot, but the alcohol content is 0.1%, so what’s really the point? Unless you’re particularly hungry on your furniture shop I recommend waiting until you’re elsewhere to grab food, and I advise strongly against trekking to their warehouse for the sole purpose of a meal. 1/5

MCDONALDS ‘CREATE YOUR TASTE’ BASICALLY EVERYWHERE Mon-Sun: 10:30AM - 10PM “How very un-McDonalds.” The most un-McDonalds thing about CYT burger building is how slow it is. While it’s not exceedingly expensive, with waits over 25 minutes you might as well buy ingredients and cook your own burger. Perks like free extra cheese are great, but when it comes to the patties (the most integral part of a burger) you’re reminded that it’s still just McDonalds. The chicken is particularly dubious, and pares apart like fish. It’s an improvement on regular McDonalds, but the overall ‘taste creation’ experience is daft and, frankly, unpleasant. Let Maccas be what it is, garbage that you know and love, and stick to the menu. 2/5

FILMS BROOKLYN

REVIEW || SAED BATSHON

Brooklyn tells the story of Eilis (Saoirse Ronan), a young Irish immigrant’s journey to Brooklyn, America, and the struggles she faces as she tries to fit into her new home while connecting with her old one. Nonetheless, Eilis endures, as she corresponds with her sister through mail, and tells her about the adventures she’s had and the people she’s met in Brooklyn, including handsome Italian plumber, Tony. Their story is engaging, as we see the repressed Irish Catholic connect with the charming Italian. Their relationship feels genuine, and it’s fun to watch them develop together over the course of the film. Ronan delivers an amazing performance and captivates you with every interaction. We get to see this scared young woman grow before our very eyes into an independent woman. We see how she deals with pain and happiness, and even though I am not an Irish woman living in the 1950s I could empathise. Overall, this was a fantastic period piece that was entertaining and engaging from start to finish. 4.5/5

SISTERS

REVIEW || GRETA QUEALY

After watching the trailer for director Jason Moore’s Sisters I was left with low expectations and no desire to see the film. It looked like a scrappy, ‘wanna be funny’ pastiche of comedy 101. But I was surprised to find that I quite liked it...with reservations. It follows sisters Kate (Tina Fey) and Maura Ellis (Amy Poehler), as they return to their recently auctioned childhood home to clean out their rooms. In the process, they reflect on the past, their present and what could have been. They decide to say goodbye to their family home with a part. Consequently, it should be known that if you mix a group of middle-aged adults, disgruntled about how their lives have turned out, with alcohol and drugs, things are bound to come crashing down. It’s a fun premise, and much of the humour stems from everyday situations that most of us can relate to. At times I was

laughing so hard I had to gasp for air, but there were way too many flat moments with jokes that didn’t quite land. The storyline lacked consistent comedic flow that propelled films like Bridesmaids and Trainwreck with the sheer number of dick jokes made me feel like I was watching an adult version of Wild Child. Sisters is designed to give the audience a good time and it sort of succeeds, but it lacks the depth and fresh humour of other recent comedies with female protagonists. 2.5/5

THE LADY IN THE VAN

REVIEW || CAMERON COLWELL

Unfunny, dreary and utterly charmless, The Lady In the Van fails to make any use of its excellent cast and, rather like a lot of films caught in between wanting to be a drama and a comedy, it fails magnificently in being either. The plot is simple: Maggie Smith plays an eccentric homeless woman, Miss Shepherd, with a mysterious, educated past, who takes refuge from living in her street-based van in the driveway of Alan Bennett, played by a stiff Alex Jennings. Rather than stay for a few months, she stays for the next 15 years. Now, Alan Bennett is a real author, and Mary Shepherd, the eponymous lady, was a real homeless woman who did live in his driveway. While this might’ve excused the plotless, unrewarding script, the director seems determined to make his film as unappealing as possible. Full disclosure: on watching, I found it ethically difficult to enjoy a piece of media which has at its central joke an addled, elderly homeless woman. Even with moral quandaries ignored, there’s precious little to like about The Lady In the Van. Maggie Smith’s performance, while good, is dampened by her character’s eccentricities serving as a joke that isn’t even funny the first time around, and remains consistently dull through the next hour and a half. For whatever reason, in writing the script, Alan Bennett has elected to make himself the most cold, boring and generally unlikeable protagonist imaginable. Although the film tries to generate intrigue by slowly unravelling the mystery of who Miss Shepherd is, the antics that come in between the little reveals are so tedious one stops caring about 20 minutes in. If, for whatever reason, you’re dead-set on seeing a film based on a true story about an eccentric older British woman haunted by her past, go watch Philomena again instead. 0.5/5

BOOKS THE HEART GOES LAST MARGARET ATWOOD REVIEW || JOSEPHINE FENN Many authors produce just one or two great novels across the course of their literary careers, yet Margaret Atwood, in all of her brilliance, has somehow managed to write over 10. While it seems impossible to live up to the likes of The Handmaid’s Tale or The Edible Woman, she manages to do it every single time. Her latest release, The Heart Goes Last, is a work of speculative fiction, following a couple existing in a terrifyingly believable dystopian world. The novel commences in a post-apocalyptic setting, characterised by financial collapse, crime, and extreme poverty. The protagonists, Stan and Charmaine, are in constant fear of being killed, dirt poor and living out of their car, when Charmaine comes across a television advertisement while working at a dive bar. The alluring offer was for the dual towns of Consilience and Positron: Consilience was a suburban haven, reminiscent of the fifties, promising jobs, a house, and safety, concepts so unfamiliar to Stan and Charmaine in their desperate state. The catch? They had to spend every second month in a prison, known as Positron, whilst their “alters” took over their life in the town. The dual town system advertised as a “social experiment” initially seems like a utopia, and the protagonists are quick to sign a lifelong contract. As the novel progresses, a far more sinister agenda of the experiment becomes clear, and Stan and Charmaine are separately involved in a series of rather zany conspiracies to disassemble the experiment from the inside.

The Heart Goes Last is a novel of diametric juxtapositions. The opposition between the alters and the protagonists is obsessive and hilariously twisted, accompanied by a provoking contrast between freedom and imprisonment, commenting on how quickly these two concepts can be inverted, how easily the lines between these two states can be blurred. It can be argued that Atwood’s greatest achievement in this work is the way in which she contrasts the most severe of human atrocity to the innate empathy and kindness

of humans, and our drive for community wellbeing. Further, her exploration into the roles of prisoner and prison guard is somewhat reminiscent of The Stanford Prison Experiment, noting the interchangeability of these two positions. This novel is sure to leave an eerie, lingering discomfort over mankind’s natural tendency to conform to authority. Whilst The Heart Goes Last was overall quite brilliant, there was a pretty disappointing aspect to the novel. There was a hell of a lot of sex, and not at all in a good way. At times superfluously salacious, it seems to involve a lot of weird, kinky sex for the sake of it, rather than as means to a greater understanding. Whilst the sex robots built in Positron/Consilience were interesting at first, their symbolism was no where near developed enough to warrant such a heavy role in the overall plot. What was especially disappointing to see from Atwood was the negative, fetishised depiction of female sexuality without any further commentary or analysis into the dangers of this. It’s as if she left a theme largely unfinished, and whether or not this was the intention, it seems damaging to any sort of 21st century move towards female sexual empowerment. This is even more disheartening to see from one of the most iconic living feminist authors. Despite these criticisms The Heart Goes Last was, for the most part, marvellous and absolutely wacky in the best way possible. The novel should linger with you for a while, making you constantly contemplate your own freedom, and whether or not you would have taken the same offer as Stan and Charmaine if you were in their situation. The unique plot, juxtapositions, and brilliant writing once again proves that Margaret Atwood is the pulse of literary fiction in a plot-dominant age so often devoid of symbolic or thematic meaning. 4/5

MUSIC KENDRICK LAMAR

UNTITLED UNMASTERED. (ALBUM) REVIEW || PHILLIP LEASON

Good lord, stop the world, there’s a new Kendrick Lamar album. untitled unmastered. (as it is stylised) made just as graceless an entry to our lives as its predecessor, To Pimp A Butterfly, appearing online with little-to-no notice, while global shit losing ensued. Running at just 34 minutes, it isn’t an actual ‘album’ but a compilation of eight demos which didn’t make it onto Butterfly, tied together by the neat hook, “Pimp pimp! Hooray!”. After a chillingly lecherous spoken word intro, ‘untitled 1 08.19.2014.’ kicks things off with a vintage ghetto thump and some straight up bars from Kendrick. It’s a welcome respite for those who weren’t a fan of the jazz rooted R’n’B grooves and hook-oriented raps on Butterfly. K Dot continues spitting serious flames over eerie and distinctly Good Kid, M.A.A.D City vibes on ‘untitled 02 06.23.2014’. Sporadic appearances of wailing saxophones, and some production work from Tribe’s Ali Shaheed Muhammad keep things rolling in the jazz pocket through the middle of the album to the closer ’untitled 09.06.2014’, a neo-soul/G-funk jam reminiscent of an understated ‘King Kunta’. All around the production is outstanding: the beats are punchy and well designed, and the hooks are irresistible. When it comes to the rapping performance, Kendrick delivers, vindicating his reputation as one of the most talented in the game. Moreover, his increasingly afrocentric content is cuttingly insightful and not only keeps the rest of the world engaged with America’s race issues, but provides a message to the privileged and a voice to the downtrodden. As exciting as an unannounced release from Kendrick Lamar is, untitled unmastered. is far from groundbreaking, especially in the wake of Butterfly. But then it doesn’t try to be groundbreaking, it just is what it is and this humility is the album’s redemption. 4/5

THE 1975

I LIKE IT WHEN YOU SLEEP, FOR YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL YET SO UNAWARE OF IT (ALBUM) REVIEW || VANESSA CAPITO

With a clumsy and pretentious sixteen-word title, The 1975 give us their latest album, an ambitious and magnificent rollercoaster ride into the brain of front man, Matty Healy. A combination of precise pop music reminiscent of the eighties, gospel epics and multiple lengthy ambient interludes, the album is by no means coherent, leaping from genre to genre. The entirety of I Like it When… grapples with fame, faith, family, fidelity, drugs and the impact of these on Healy’s mental health. The second track on the album, ‘Love Me’ is a celebration and admonishment of all things narcissistic, a superficial flamboyant slice of dance pop that is no doubt catchy as hell. I’ll let you decide if it’s ripping off, or paying homage to, Bowie’s ‘Fame’, which, surprise, was released in 1975. ‘UGH!’ and ‘The Sound’ both follow in that they’re the poppier tracks on the album, but as Healy dives into ‘If I Believe You’ and ‘Nana’, it’s heartrending. Lyrics like “and I know that God doesn’t exist ... but I like to think you hear me sometimes” give a gentler, more wholesome edge to I Like It When… and show another stream of emotions from Healy. Similar to the track ‘Sex’ off their debut album, ‘She Lays Down’ is a simple acoustic piece, and yet another example of how this album jumps between genres. Admittedly these slower tracks weren’t the initial reason I ever listened to The 1975, but they’ve certainly become favourites. It seems the messier this band gets, the better they become. Whether that makes I Like It When… a success or a failure depends on whose metric you use. For me, The 1975 have made one of the most creative pop albums in years and one that likens itself as a challenging work of art. 5/5

AFTERLIGHT: Spoiled for choice from a library of filters, a ridiculous

APPS

New apps are constantly flooding the market but here are a few I’d categorise as must haves (mostly free of course, because student life = povolife).

amount of effects and editing options? You really can’t go wrong with Afterlight. Love photography but still a rookie? This is for you. Bored of Instagram filters? This is for you. I’ve yet to see as many options at my disposal that allows me to be this creative with my photos. Also, it’s a total steal at $1.49. CAMSCANNER: There are few apps I use regularly, and this is one of them. Aside from the bonus of being free, this app turns your phone into a document scanner using your own camera and provides multiple options to either email, message, save to Google Drive or Dropbox. You simply photograph a document and it’ll automatically crop the edges so it doesn’t have a warping issue. And then… it gives your document a digital facelift, what’s not to love? STOCARD: Minimalism at its very best. As the name suggests, it stows your cards. If I were to have in my purse every single rewards card for every place I shopped at, I would need at least three purses. So, options are to prioritise the cards you need the most and leave the rest at home OR fumble through stacks for the one card at the counter. But no more! All you have to do is scan the barcode of your reward cards and all your card’s information is saved in the one free app, along with exclusive offers and coupons. Get rid of the clutter you don’t need.

THEATRE

REVIEW || AURA LEE

MUCH ADO ABOUT NOTHING Lighthouse Theatre Macquarie Uni March 30 - April 2

REVIEW || YEHUDA AHARON Set in Messina, a coastal town in southern Italy, Much Ado About Nothing is an outrageous comedy of love, sex and complete fuckwittery. For Leonato and his daughter Hero, everything seems to be working out perfectly. She is to marry Claudio, a respectable gentleman, and his niece has caught the loving eye of another. All looks positive until Don John, his bastard brother, lives up to his title and looks for devious means to ruin everybody’s fun. The chaos that ensues is hilarious. Don’t be dissuaded by the Shakespearean label, despite the romantic rollercoaster of absurdist humour and deadpan sexual innuendo, the play is easy to follow. The language does not require you to take up an extra degree in English, and this makes Much Ado one of Shakespeare’s easiest plays to enjoy. Directors Deanna Marie Coco and Joe Walsh have brought the play to the present, with eclectic but modern clothing and a vivid landscape. This is only heightened by the cast of gender swaptastic characters, who goofily express their lustful passions on stage. 4/5 boys in dresses.

HOROSCOPES WORDS || VANESSA CAPITO

ARIES

Are your allergies taking time away from your loved ones? Are you perhaps allergic to your own dog? Life can be rough sometimes, but this month the pollen is in your favour.

TAURUS

Sometimes we put too many berries in one smoothie. Or is it too many eggs in one basket? Who cares, things are heating up for you this month, don’t skimp on the saucy stuff.

GEMINI

When did you last check all the tools in your toolbox? It’s important to make sure all your goodies are in working order because otherwise you might end up with a nasty surprise.

CANCER

The birds might be squawking when you get home at 5am from a late night, but don’t let it bother you. Rest up, sleep tight and don’t regret the cheeseburger you had.

LEO

It’s time to hit the beach, because the heat is really starting to get you down. Be sure to cool off in the water this month Leo, otherwise you’ll end up fried and not in a good way.

VIRGO

Got nothing to say? Don’t worry about it man, Google ‘decent icebreakers’, read them, then watch yourself fail as they don’t work. Now, reflect on the lesson you’ve just taught yourself.

LIBRA

Remember when everyone hated Justin Bieber? You too can have a dramatic turn around if you put in the hard yards. I believe in you! Just don’t fuck over Gomez.

SCORPIO

Uni might be starting to get you all stressy. Maybe your hairs a little messy? You should buy yourself a pressie, but nothing too dressy. Perhaps something sexy, but not too scary, damn.

SAGITTARIUS

If you’re planning on buying crystals to heal your pain, don’t. That’s embarrassing, or is it? You tell me. Learn to own yourself Sagittarius. Have the confidence, godspeed!

CAPRICORN

Is One Direction’s break up still getting you down? Yes? Me too. But watching four hours worth of Harry Styles videos on YouTube isn’t going to bring them back. Cue the tears.

AQUARIUS

It’s not that your grandkids don’t love you, Aquarius. It’s just that you’re no longer the cool sibling. Take ‘em out for some Maccas Drive-Thru, but if they get sick, run.

PISCES

If you could simultaneously do a slow clap and a rapid, excited clap, you would. But you can’t. You only have two hands, Pisces. One mid-speed clap is going to have to do.

CUT OUT BOOKMARKS Student Representatives on Academic Senate Know your election dates

Nominations: OPEN: 26 April 2016 CLOSE: 10 May 2016

Voting: OPEN: 13 May 2016 CLOSE: 27 May 2016 For more information please visit: http://www.mq.edu.au/about/about-theuniversity/governance/elections/academic-senate

GOT SOMETHING TO CONTRIBUTE? SEND IT OUR WAY AT grapeshot@mq.edu.au Submissions for

ISSUE 3: BEAT close Friday 25 March, 2016

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