IT’S OKAY TO CRY A time to work, a time

Cr y It’s OK to

Susie Flashman Jarvis

hese are the strangest of days. The entire globe has a common invisible enemy–COVID-19. Do we need permission to cry during this devastation? No, it really is okay to cry. We are all grieved by what is happening. Videos of strangers dying, the heroes in our health system and front-line workers, will bring you to tears. Tears of loss. T

It , s all about balance, a time to work, a time to relax and a time to cry.

COVID-19 has not only unleashed an often-deadly virus into our world, it has brought in its wake, volatility, uncertainty, complexity and ambiguity. Everything has become unpredictable and frightening. We have no idea what will happen next and as such, we can suffer with chronic stress. Our systems are overloaded with cortisol and it can be hard to breathe. It is only by trial and error that we can create a good empowering and safe way to live.

We know all about social distancing and hand washing now. But what about day to day life?

It is vital that we have connection with others. After all we have a primary need to belong. The internet now has an important role to play. It provides us with the connection that we may not have in any other way.

But it comes with a caveat:

Beware of comparison.

Beware of overload.

How can we manage this going forward?

Try to learn some new coping mechanisms.

Discovering that it is vital to own your feelings.

Not every day will be the same.

In the same house with the same people, your feelings fluctuate.

It is important to allow yourself the luxury of space to feel.

How can you ensure that the days are balanced?

One of the most important things you can do is create a rhythm, with a gentle approach to your days. One where you can look back and see what you have achieved. This is not necessarily getting jobs done, although it is true that there is great satisfaction in tackling a task that has been outstanding for a long time. But that will not be enough on its own. It needs to be part of a bigger picture.

These days are challenging with the limitations that they present. Work with these limitations and reframe them to say, ‘I am working at home, rather than I am stuck at home’. Words can make a difference to how we approach these situations.

We all live such different lives some of us living alone and others with apparently no room to move because of family members. Both present with unique dilemmas.

In the end, it is down to the small things that can make all the difference.

1. What can you add into your day to give you space to breathe? How about breathing itself? Breathe slowly in and hold for 6 counts, then breathe slowly out. Repeat six times. You can do this standing or sitting. Alone or with family. It is a very grounding exercise that relaxes.

2. There is a plethora of on-line exercise classes which are free. Exercise will increase feel good chemicals in your brain and basically make you feel better.

3. What about that bookshelf groaning with stories and facts you always wanted to read?

4. Creating space in your day for relaxation will mean you are more likely to achieve it. What will you learn or what lives will you affect cheerfully in these times?

5. Food is often used for solace, but in these uncertain times, that is not a good preoccupation to have. However, good quality food can be an arsenal, a weapon against low immunity. It is vital to have enough vitamins to ensure that we are robust. You don’t need to spend lots of money, frozen vegetables and fruit that have masses of vitamins, are great too. So, dig deep, scour the internet for recipes

that are easy with fewer ingredients and you never know, you may come out the other side a changed person, for the better.

And one day the virus will die. Until that day, allow laughter in your days. Allow tears, allow yourself to succeed and learn something new. Allow yourself to love and be loved. We are in it together.

Susie Flashman Jarvis is an accredited executive coach and counsellor. Based in the UK she works with individuals and businesses. Susie can be contacted via www.thebespokecoach.com