Knowing that you are enough builds confidence.

Knowing that there is a direct link between our thoughts and the way we feel, is it any wonder that these negative thoughts make us feel awful? Negative thoughts can really knock us back and wreak havoc on our confidence. Once confidence takes a blow, it can be difficult to get back out there and push past whatever the negative thought that is in your mind.

HOW DO I HURT MY SELFCONFIDENCE?

I might hear myself say things such as:

• ‘I can’t do this’

• ‘I’m hopeless’

• ‘I’m just stupid’

• ‘Everyone else is better than me’.

I MIGHT DO THINGS SUCH AS:

• Saying ‘no’ to potential opportunities because I fear I will fail

• Reject compliments

• Avoid looking for opportunities because ‘what’s the point’

• Stay in bed, over eat, under eat

• Addictive behaviours including drugs, alcohol, gambling and porn.

It is important to note that these behaviours undermine self-confidence. They are known as avoidance techniques and essentially lead to reinforcing the way we feel! These behaviours can create emotions like shame, guilt or unworthiness, which of course affects confidence.

SO HOW DO I STOP IT?

1. Be kind to yourself! If someone you know said to you, ‘You are hopeless, you might as well give up now’, would that person be your friend for much longer? Would you accept that kind of talk? This person is attacking you and impacting on your self-confidence.

2. Acknowledge your negative selftalk. You might simply say, ‘Oh, there is that mean self-talking again’ or ‘Thank you, mind, I don’t need that kind of talk right now’ or even just say, ‘oops’. The key here is NOT to then get upset with those thoughts, just notice them, give them no more attention and move on.

3. A positive mind is not just about your mindset. It is also about what you put in your body and how you treat it. Good food increases happiness. Healthy body, healthy mind. Exercise has been proven time and time again to help increase positivity and confidence and decrease depression and anxiety.

4. FEAR is a real confidence killer. It can be described as ‘False Evidence Appearing Real’. Why is your mind creating fear? Don’t let it hurt your self-confidence. You are enough.

5. If your confidence level is low, seek professional help. There are many reasons for this to occur. This can be resolved, you are enough.

WHY DOES YOUR CONFIDENCE MATTER?

Because you matter! You were not born lacking in confidence. This is something that is created over time. It could be our own internal wiring that is more geared to negative thinking. This can be changed! It could be because of the messages that you were given as a child. Some of these messages are obvious, others are overt and if one of your parents lacked confidence, you picked that up as your own beliefs.

Knowing that you are enough, whoever you are and whatever you do will increase your confidence. Even if you are a long way from where you want to be, keep building your confidence. By acknowledging you are enough right now, you are taking the step toward believing in yourself, which ultimately is what will help you take the steps to achieving what you want.

Leanne Kanzler (BA Psych(Hons)), Is the Principle Psychologist at Reconnect Wellness Centre. She has trained in Sandplay Therapy, NLP and CBT and has had extensive training in relationship therapy. Leanne has also completed training as a life coach. Her approach is to look forward whilst releasing the trauma of the past. Connect on Facebook or visit the Website. You can reach her office on 1300 132 252, or email