Find out how to be happy & healthy with your weight
Dr Kirsty Seward
What are the ‘Big 5’, & understand how they can impact your health for the better
Jane Kilkenny
Understand how to improve your posture to end aches & pains
Margarita Gurevich
Learn the many strategies to make running safe & comfortable
Yvonne McKenny
OVERWHELMED:
Hopper
Discover
Dr Suzanne Henwood
your
Terry Sidford
Dr Jenny Brockis
Realise how a
of
Mellita Bate
Understand
the ones they
Leanne Kanzler
Learn the five top ways to
a
Deb Hopper
space for
FOUNDER + EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
Kathryn Dodd
DEPUTY EDITORS
Dr Helen J. Dodd
Dr William A. Dodd
Oleksandra Zuieva
DESIGNERS
Belhamra Mehdi, Belinda Nelson
Mellita Bate, Dr Jenny Brockis, Margarita Gurevich, Dr Suzanne Henwood, Deb Hopper, Leanne Kanzler, Jane Kilkenny, Yvonne McKenny, Dr Kirsty Seward, Terry Sidford.
There is a great deal of information on how to maintain healthy bodies, covering a consistent exercise regime, eating fresh and wholesome foods, staying hydrated during the day, sleeping well and unplugging from mobile phones/ internet for mental rest. These points are discussed in detail in the article, The Big 5 for Health.
Another aspect of staying mentally healthy that is not often discussed is the value found in friendship. Good friendship is one of the most valuable influences in our lives. From our early beginnings, human beings have been a social species, living in groups to support and protect one another. This socialising nature of people has filled a specific need that provides the brain with a sense of belonging, safety and security. It is a shared experience with other people through friendship that allows us to thrive mentally, emotionally and maintain good health.
The article in this issue, Fully Thriving is Found in Friendship provides reasons why friendship is vital to a thriving life, by reducing the effect of anxiety, depression and loneliness. To stay healthy and truly thrive, our brains need socialisation.
This article discusses how nurturing friendships starts with you. Over the past three years COVID-19 pandemic has restricted the way that we usually interact, so it is important to increase ways to safely socialise. The author suggests connection by phone, zoom and facetime as well as sending a handwritten letter. Showing gratitude and kindness to friends and smiling more to strangers, helps to keep us thriving as well.
So, until next time, keep working on the Big 5 and be determined to develop good friendships to fully thrive.
© Antalya Developments Pty Ltd 2022
Any information made available in the Great Health Guide Magazine (electronic or hard copy formats), or from Antalya Developments Pty Limited or Kathryn Dodd, including by way of third party authored articles or discussions, is made available for readers’ interest only. The purpose of making the information available is to stimulate research, public discussion and debate. Readers are encouraged to undertake their own research and consult with professional advisors to form their own independent views about the topic/s discussed. The information made available in the Great Health Guide Magazine (electronic or hard copy formats) is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical advice, diagnosis, or treatment. Readers should seek the advice of a qualified health provider with any questions regarding a potential or actual medical condition or the proposed use or decision not to use any particular product. Readers should not disregard professional medical advice or delay in seeking it at any time, including because of the content of any information made available in the Great Health Guide Magazine (electronic or hard copy formats).
Each of Antalya Developments Pty Ltd and Kathryn Dodd do not warrant, guarantee or make any representation regarding the accuracy, veracity, adequacy, reliability, completeness or timeliness of any information available on, or arising in relation to, the Great Health Guide Magazine (electronic or hard copy formats). Neither Antalya Developments Pty Limited nor Kathryn Dodd endorses the views of any contributing authors to the Great Health Guide Magazine (electronic or hard copy formats).
You’re ambitious, highly skilled and focused, but perhaps that breakthrough seems to be just beyond you. What’s preventing you from making progress? Or perhaps you feel you’ve lost that flare you once had.
At Being All You Can Be, we believe that greatness is in every person. We specialize in human potential and delight in partnering with our clients to see them move beyond excellence.
Kathryn Dodd, Human Potential Consultant
Charles F. Kettering
Dr Kirsty Seward
IN the nutrition, fitness and wellness world, there is so much talk about weight and weight loss – and over my decade of coaching in this space I’ve seen too many women emotionally beat themselves up every time they fail to reach an unrealistic number on the scale – this is the true impact of diet culture.
So today I want to introduce you to the concept of your ‘happy weight’. According to the set-point theory, we each have our own ‘happy weight’ and it can be described as the weight our adult body functions most optimally (aka at its best!). You should be able to maintain your ‘happy weight’ with ease by enjoying a balanced lifestyle and feel great. It’s the weight where
your hormones are balanced, you feel grounded, you sleep well and your mood is generally stable.
Your ‘happy weight’ doesn’t require you to jump on the wagon of the next fad diet, eliminate your favourite foods or punish your body with endless HITT sessions. Your happy weight is reached and maintained by tuning into your natural hunger and fullness cues, enjoying nourishing foods 80% of the time and indulging 20% of the time and engaging in exercise or movement that brings you joy.
Here are my tips to find your happy weight:
1. Throw away the scales – put them in the bin. Your health is not defined by the exact number on the scale. Choose to no longer let the number on the scale define your progress, mood for the day or your self-worth.
2. Work on your relationship with food – if you’re someone who finds themselves constantly yo-yo dieting, eliminating food groups or feeling stressed about food, I suggest taking some time to reflect on your relationship with food. You can work with a dietitian to support you to heal your relationship with food.
3. Practice mindful eating and tune into your natural hunger and fullness cues.
4. Start engaging in movement and exercise you enjoy – if you’ve always viewed exercise as punishment, it’s time to flip your mindset and start exploring new ways to exercise which you actually enjoy. Try new activities, join new sporting groups or sign up to that online yoga app you’ve been wanting to try. Rediscover the joy in moving your body.
5. Work on your body image and selfesteem – reflection journaling can be very powerful to explore your body image, use prompts such as:
• How do I view myself?
• How do I talk about myself and my body?
• How does my body support me each day?
• What is my definition of ‘beauty’ and where did it come from?
• Who influenced my definition?
In summary, when you’re at your happy weight you feel great, confident and present in life. You have a healthy relationship with food, you enjoy the foods you love and you don’t stress about tracking every gram you eat. You also have so much more mental space to invest in your hobbies and the things you genuinely enjoy – but most of all you no longer allow the scales to dictate your worth and happiness.
Dr Kirsty Seward is a Behavioural Scientist, Dietitian and Body Image Coach, with degrees in BNutr.Diet (2012) & PhD Behav.Sci. (2019). Founder of ‘Dr Kirsty Seward’, located in Newcastle, NSW. Almost 10 years’ experience in the nutrition and fitness industry. Kirsty offers online 1:1 and group coaching services. Kirsty may be contacted here.
Jane Kilkenny
Having just returned from an amazing adventure in Africa to run the Big 5 Marathon, it highlighted just how important the key factors of wellbeing are in our lives. Now running a marathon in a South African game reserve may sound a little extreme to many people, but the important message remains the same. When we prioritise our health by looking after the five key factors of exercise, nutrition, hydration, sleep and mental health, the rewards are truly amazing. I consider these factors the Big 5 for our health.
We are all living our lives at a frenetic pace, driven by our 24/7 economy and technology bombarding us with information and noise. When you throw in a pandemic, wild weather conditions, political unrest and social change, it’s no wonder why stress and anxiety are at record levels around the world.
Here are the Big 5 to focus on to maximize our health:
1. Exercise routine. Leading up to the trip, my marathon training was the focus of my exercise routine. Even on the days when I was super busy, I knew that I had to make the time for training, because you did not fly halfway around the world for a race and not be prepared. I had a few injury setbacks, but like any challenges you must remain focused on the big
picture and work your way towards the goal.
2. Eating fresh wholesome foods and limiting processed foods. Nutrition for good health and sporting performance is about eating fresh wholesome foods and limiting processed foods. Now whilst that sounds very simplistic, we also need to factor in portion sizes, snacking, food availability and preparation. During my trip we had set mealtimes and great healthy food options available. But we were also out in the middle of nowhere so there were no trips to the shop for some extra snacks. Often, we eat out of boredom or stress, or we allow ourselves to get so hungry we over-consume without thinking. If you struggle with nutrition, get some help to reset your eating habits..
3. Stay hydrated. Running a marathon is simply not possible without paying serious attention to hydration. Dehydration is the quickest way to derail your event so you must ensure you are well hydrated before, during and after the run. Mild dehydration is so common, and we often overlook our fluid intake when we feel tired or hungry, when we might simply need some water instead of reaching for a sugary treat for a quick pick-up.
4. Prioritise sleep. Sleep is one of the most essential factors for good health
and we often forget to prioritise it. Being away from your regular routine always gives you the chance to get more rest. However, the biggest wakeup call on this trip, was that I had no access to TV, internet or other media channels so going to bed early was simple, and very refreshing. Digital devices are a constant source of entertainment and interaction in our lives. I did have limited access to a Wi-Fi network, if necessary, but it was a much simpler option to ignore it, and therefore much easier to choose sleep.
5. Being unplugged is also the best option for a mental health reset. This was further enhanced by the incredible nature experiences on offer, seeing animals such as elephants, lions, giraffe and zebra all in their natural habitat was truly awe inspiring. Now it’s not every day that we get to experience these creatures but time in nature is something we can all choose to do on a regular basis. Living life in 3D, instead of via a screen, allows us to truly experience our surroundings. This includes interacting with nature but also the special people in our lives because face to face human connection can never be replaced. So, my experience at the Big 5 Marathon was an amazing reminder of how good we can feel when we simplify our lives. Making good choices on a daily basis,
focusing on health, and taking time out each day can change our perspective. Don’t be dragged down and become overwhelmed by the chaos in the world, keep things in balance and enjoy living the best life.
Jane Kilkenny has over 25 years’ experience in health and fitness. She specialises in exercise for kids and teenagers having trained at the Children’s Hospital Institute of Sports Medicine (CHISM) Westmead, NSW in 2004. She is also a High-Performance specialist and a Level 4 IAAF athletics coach. Jane can be contacted via her website.
Margarita Gurevich
ISthere a one size fits all for ‘perfect posture’? You might recall being told by your parents, when you were a child, not to slouch, to sit up straight, to hold your head up as you walk. While these reminders are good, there is much more involved when it comes to postural correction. The main thing to remember is that no two individuals are the same, hence it’s logical that there won’t be a ‘generic’ perfect posture.
Our posture has a great impact on our physical and emotional health. It affects not only our appearance, walking style, balance and sports performance, but also respiratory and digestive functions and other health parameters.
As physiotherapists we deal with postural issues on a daily basis. Interestingly, when people think of the term ‘postural correction’, many believe that the areas which need to be focused on are the neck, shoulders, and back. Yet when we assess a patient’s posture, we thoroughly examine not only the neck position, spinal curvature and shoulder height, but also the patient’s leg position (e.g. bow knees) and the arch position of the feet (e.g. flat feet). The reason is that if there are issues in the joints of the lower half of the body (e.g. in the hips/knees/ankles) this can have a bearing on the person’s upper body posture.
Some common issues which are often identified during the postural assessment are:
• scoliosis
• excessive kyphosis - increased curvature of the thoracic spine (upper back)
• insufficient lordosis – reduced curvature of the lumbar spine (lower back)
• excessive neck protraction – forward head posture
• winging of the scapulae (shoulder blades)
• downward rotation of the scapulae
• others.
It’s really important for the assessment to be functional. For example, when a patient comes in with lower back pain, we assume that incorrect posture is the main factor causing pain, or at the least a big contributing factor. If this hypothesis is correct then the person’s pain should start to decrease once we correct his/ her posture. This is why the assessment mentioned above is so important. Having done the assessment it becomes obvious what needs to be done in order to help that particular individual attain and maintain the right posture. If there is in fact a significant postural component to the person’s pain, then it will start to decrease fairly quickly once the posture is corrected.
Once again it is because all people are unique. In fact, you can take two people who both have upper back pain, for example, give them the same postural exercises, but while one person will start feeling better in the corrected posture, the other one might start to feel worse. Let’s focus on this point in a bit more detail.
A common postural exercise which is often prescribed by some physios is to take the shoulder blades down and back, hold for a few seconds, then relax. Yet will this exercise always be helpful?
Two common postural issues listed above were ‘winging’ and ‘downward rotation’ of the shoulder blades. One special test which many physios use is the ‘single arm wall push up’ test. During this test, the patient places one hand on the wall and performs ‘the single arm wall push up’. As the person does this, two movements indicate what is happening to their shoulder blade on that side.
1. Often the shoulder blade will go out to the side and rotate up. This would be caused by weakness of the muscles between and below the shoulder blades, primarily the rhomboids and lower trapezius muscles.
2. On the contrary, sometimes the shoulder blade will go out to the side and rotate downwardly rather than up. This would be caused by weakness of the muscles between and above the shoulder blades, primarily the serratus anterior and levator scapula muscles.
Hence, the exercise of taking the shoulder blades down and back will be very helpful
So why is there no one ‘perfect‘ posture?
if, the patient has weak muscles between and BELOW the shoulder blades.
It will have limited benefit if the patient has weak muscles between and ABOVE the shoulder blade. For that individual the correct exercise would be to bring the shoulder blades back and do a small shrug. This will help to slightly lift the shoulder blades.
In summary, there is no one ‘perfect posture’. There are, however, specific exercises which will help each individual attain and maintain the ‘perfect posture’ for them. Clinical Pilates is an efficient approach to correct your posture.
It could be used as monotherapy or in combination with other prescription exercises. Talk to your physiotherapist about which exercises will be best for you.
Margarita Gurevich is senior physiotherapist and uses Clinical Pilates, SCEAR Therapy & other evidencebased techniques, including Real Time Ultrasound and McKenzie Treatment. Margarita specialises in sports injuries, women’s health (including incontinence) and gastrointestinal issues. She may be contacted at Health Point Physiotherapy website.
Yvonne McKenny
Pelvic organ prolapse is one of the most common conditions in Australia. It is said to affect 75% of ALL women at some point of their lifestyle. This is not an uncommon issue! What exactly is pelvic organ prolapse? Prolapse is the dropping of one of the pelvic organs, namely the bladder, uterus or rectum toward the vagina.
If you’ve been diagnosed or concerned that you have a prolapse, you may already be feeling a sense of heaviness or dragging with low impact activities like standing or walking. You may feel apprehensive at best, or scared at worst, at the idea of running with a prolapse for the implications that high impact might have on worsening your prolapse. Your concerns are understandable but know there are many strategies and things you can try to make running a safe and a comfortable part of your life once more.
Tips for running with prolapse:
1. Reduce stride length, increase cadence: That is, aim for quicker and shorter steps. Cadence should be >170bpm and this can be measured on many tracking devices but a simple metronome can be set on your phone/ headphones to help set the pace. Alternatively, you can find playlists on
Spotify that fit the appropriate cadence so you can run along to some fun and fast paced beats instead of listening to the monotonous tap of the metronome. Whichever suits you!
2. Avoid running downhill: Downhill running means far great ground reaction forces and therefore greater impact to be absorbed by the body. Flat surfaces or uphills are much better (albeit much harder!).
3. Wear support garments with specific perineal support: We often recommend tights from SRC Health. This can provide an external pressure at the perineum that can improve comfort and support with impact activities like running.
4. Run on softer surfaces: Mixing up your training surfaces from hard, unforgiving concrete, to the softer grass or dirt track may be slightly gentler on the impact forces passed on to the pelvic organs.
5. Cushioning your landing: Wearing well cushioned shoes is likened to running on a softer surface and should also be considered. Also, a move from a heavy heel strike to a more midfoot running style may also help cushion your landing.
6. Manage training loads: The longer you run, the more impact on your pelvic floor. Start with small, manageable distances,
monitor the time to onset of symptoms and work within those limitations.
7. Consider a vaginal pessary: These are silicon devices inserted inside the vagina to support the pelvic organs. There are many different shapes and sizes and these would need to be fitted by a pelvic floor physiotherapist in order to get the best fit for you. Note, that not all types of prolapse are suitable for pessary use. What can I try right now? You may want to try inserting a tampon first, before running. This MAY mimic the support of a pessary and may be helpful in reducing some of your symptoms. Don’t worry, if this does not work, that does not mean that the appropriately fitted pessary for you wont work.
Preparation for running with prolapse:
If you’re still symptomatic with running it’s important that you consider the following to further improve your ability to manage your pelvic floor loads.
1. Improve your hip and pelvic floor strength: Hip stability, leg strength, knee/ankle/hip mobility and pelvic floor strength and endurance are very important areas for consideration in preparation for running
2. Learn to breathe properly: When we inhale with our diaphragm, our pelvic floor relaxes, and when we exhale
our pelvic floor lightly activates. We do not want a rigid and over tensed pelvic floor - this is unsustainable and does not allow for impact to be appropriately absorbed.
3. Managing body weight: More weight means greater downward forces on the pelvic floor and their organs. Reducing bodyweight (if overweight) may greatly improve symptoms. If you find you’re still quite symptomatic, unsure, or seeking further clarity, it is best to seek the personalised advice from a pelvic floor or women’s health physiotherapist.
Yvonne McKenny has B. App Sci (Physiotherapy) USYD and APPI Certified Pilates Instructor. She is a musculoskeletal and women’s health physiotherapist and a certified Pilates instructor who works at Evoker Premium Physiotherapy in Sydney’s CBD.
Dr Suzanne Henwood
re there any habits that you would like to break? Are there any new habits you would like to adopt?
A habit is a pattern of behaviour. It is a triggered response to an environmental or contextual cue. An example might be, turning on the radio when you get into your car, or reaching out for a biscuit when you make a cup of tea.
Habits create a neural pathway, in the basal ganglia of the mid brain, which becomes the easiest (least energy requiring behaviour) to get the action done, eliminating the thinking through of options in the prefrontal cortex. What
is interesting is that when the habit has been actioned, dopamine gets released, which reinforces the pathway, creating a self-fulfilling spiral of activity over time. The response becomes ‘automatic’. To create a new habit, we have to override the old neural pathway and create a new one – that takes awareness, intention, energy and repeated practice. Ideally the new habit offers more benefit than the old one and is more desirable to us. Maybe, for example, you have had a health scare and the desire to return to excellent health becomes a new driver for habit change that maximises action (initially by will power) until the new habit is in place.
Some healthy habits you might like to invest in include:
• healthy dietary changes
• regular safe exercise
• flossing your teeth daily
• closer connection and relationship with partners, children and family
• finding ‘me time’ to rest and restore energy and focus
• regulating your nervous system.
How long does it take to create a habit? It is different for each individual, and is probably impacted by:
• the strength of the desire or need
• the values associated with the change (whether it is important to you)
• whether or not you have others supporting you.
Reported statistics suggest that a habit takes anything from 18 to 254 days (with the average quoted as 66 days) to create. I would argue it is not just about the number of days, it is also about the number of times you fire up the neural pathway, and whether or not you complete the process.
The old saying of ‘Practice makes Perfect’ may be better worded as ‘Practice makes Permanent’. It requires attention to detail and reflecting on effectiveness to create a new neural pathway which actually does what you want it to do.
What are the steps to creating a new healthy habit?
1. Be aware of your habit currently and why it is no longer serving you.
2. Reflect on any gains from having that habit and build in a way to ensure those gains are met differently.
3. Identify a new habit that you would prefer and break it into bite sized chunks, then revising it as the habit develops, building up to the total action over time.
4. Identify any possible obstacles and prepare for finding a way to get around them.
5. Develop the new practice to install a successful habit.
6. Commit to repeated practice (a routine scheduled into your day) until the habit is established. This might involve:
• Make yourself accountable to someone else, who can motivate you when you bump into resistance or apathy.
• Set alarms and place visible reminders around your environment; reward yourself for successes. The first few days are especially important for the new routine.
Other considerations are the possibility of creating change while on vacation, or in a new environment, when the previously triggering contexts and cues are not present. Set up a reward for successful
completion of your action plan. If the change is not something you deeply desire, rather it is something you feel obligated to change, consider ‘bundling’ it together with something you do easily. For example, if you love having coffee and you want to walk more, build in a walk to a café so that you achieve both, one becoming the reward for the other. Finally, be compassionate to yourself. You may have days when you don’t stick to your new plan. You may fall back into an old habit (without even realising). That is OK.
Start with being aware and work your way back through the list 1-6 above, editing anything that needs revision. And build in extra support if this happens more than twice. Stay focused on reaching the end goal, with the new habit being automatic and effortless.
Enjoy creating the habits that will keep you healthy.
Dr Suzanne Henwood is the Director and Lead Coach and Trainer of mBraining4Success. She is also the CEO of The Healthy Workplace and a Master Trainer and Master Coach of mBIT (Multiple Brain Integration Techniques) and can be contacted via her website.
Terry Sidford
Opening your ability to use your mind to envision something not yet created is the magic of life and where all possibilities live. Our aliveness lies in using our creativity and imagination to manifest something new. We are limited if we think the only real thing is what we see, touch, and feel. You've heard of the artist or engineer that creates something only from a thought or vision of what is possible. Great inventors, artists, and writers have changed the world by starting with the idea of imagining something they had never seen.
Unleashing your imagination is the key to innovation. You can also use imagination to help you understand another person’s point of view, to help you to problem solve and to be creative.
We are meant to use this unleashed imagination to express our abilities and purpose. We are much more capable than we think we can be. Our imagination and creativity are limitless.
Let's take it a step further. We create energy when we have active, unlimited imagination. That energy can get the ideas flowing, and more information will come to you, and before you know it, you have created something you never thought possible. Think about it; It is important to visualize a goal or outcome to make it happen. Professional athletes
imagine winning and making it happen when they are in a race.
One of my favorite quotes from Norman Vincent Peel is: "Shoot for the moon! Even if you miss, you will land among the stars!"
Unleashing your imagination means envisioning what is possible beyond any limits of your thinking or perceived ideas from life, people, or experiences. You can rewrite the outcome and possibilities of your life.
Here are a few questions you can ask yourself:
• What is holding me back from unleashed imagination?
• What would happen if I imagined the impossible to be possible?
• What am I capable of creating?
• How do I go beyond what I can see or touch?
• What if………….?
We all can be creative and resourceful. Technology has created the resources that we can use to stimulate our imaginations.
Everything you want to learn or gain more information about is at our fingertips.
Imagination builds curiosity and gives you the motivation to think outside the box. Envision a new reality, and you will create it. When using your imagination for manifesting, always imagine yourself already being, doing or having what outcome you want to experience now. It will train your mind to create a new mental image and the more you use your imagination in this way, the more it will feel real to you.
If you are sick, in pain or not where you want to be, use your mind to create a vision or feeling that is better than the circumstance you find yourself in. Visualize yourself being healthy and active in the present moment. Use a first-person perspective. Our minds are powerful tools to see and feel something new and different. If you want to see yourself as a successful actor, imagine yourself on stage acting out your favorite role. How does that feel? Could it be the first step in taking actions toward that dream? What is stopping you from using your unleashed imagination? Nothing!
What might your life be, and what is possible? Envision it. Create it in your heart and mind, and then start building it. Never allow your thinking to be limited by what you see as a possibility. Unleash your imagination, free your mind to consider what could be, and breathe life into it.
In the everyday lives of women, challenges such as relationships, money, health, and family often keep us from becoming all we imagine. One Hundred Hearts shares the deeply introspective responses to questions answered by one hundred women. You’ve probably faced adversity that made you question your ability to go on. But you did go on, and since then:
• How would you define courage?
• Was there a defining moment that made you who you are today?
• What do you want other women to know?
Through their answers, these women and their extraordinary courage come to life. The women you meet in this book display incredible courage and will inspire you to demonstrate courage in your own life on a daily basis
Terry Sidford is has been a certified life coach in the United States for the past 15 years and has assisted scores of people in achieving their dreams. More information is available from Terry’s website.
Dr Jenny Brockis
You choose to eat healthily. You incorporate physical activity into your daily routine, and you endeavour to get a good night’s sleep. But the one thing that makes the biggest difference to how well you live are your friends. Back in 1938 the world’s longest longitudinal study began to answer the question, “What makes for a good life?” The school of adult development followed two different groups of men over the course of their lives. The first group were all Harvard sophomores. The second, young men from the lowest socioeconomic areas of Boston. What the researchers found over the course of the study (which is continuing today) is that it doesn’t matter where you are born, which school you went to, whether you went to college, or how much money you earned.
The single factor for your success in life is the strength of your closest relationships. Having friends helps you to be more resilient, brings you greater happiness and joy and enables you to get the most out of life
Social connection keeps you healthy and happy.
We are social creatures. We have a strong desire to belong, to be part of a group, a tribe, or a family. Social connection keeps us safe, firstly from an evolutionary
perspective we were less likely to get picked off by a predator and today our friendships act as a buffer against all the trials and tribulations we encounter daily, and reduces the risk of loneliness or developing anxiety or depression.
Your need to be seen, heard, and understood.
It’s good to be noticed. Not necessarily in a narcissistic way but in a way that demonstrates that you matter and are seen as the glorious unique human being you are. In every social interaction whether with someone you know well, or a stranger you pass in the street, that moment of eye contact, a warm smile and a cheery hello shows the other person they have been seen. In her TED talk, psychologist Susan David shares the Zulu greeting for ‘hello’. ‘Sawubona’. It translates into, “I see you; you are important to me, and I value you.” Wow, does that feel a little more potent than, ‘hi’!
Oxytocin is the hormone released by the brain signalling it is safe to proceed and stay with this other person or group. It’s the first step towards establishing trust. The greatest amount of oxytocin released is not surprisingly when you are with the people you love the most. In addition, giving your full and undivided attention to the other person helps them
to know, not only that they matter, but that they are significant, have valuable things to share and they are better understood. This builds confidence and self-esteem, you’re now ready to conquer the world. Nurturing friendships starts with you.
Like everyone else, you are busy and it can be so easy to slip out of the routine of staying in contact with your friends. Living through a global pandemic with all its restrictions and requirements to stay at home, stay physically distanced, and not travel have made it harder to stay in touch.
Coupled to the high levels of stress, uncertainty, and anxiety, you may have been less willing to venture out to be with others, preferring to keep your own company to stay safe. While
understandable, this is not helpful to your wellbeing or your friends.
What if you determined to be more social, whether face-to-face or virtually?
This could take the form of:
• Scheduling a regular phone call, zoom or facetime session with a family member or friend.
• Using an app like WhatsApp to quickly share ideas and events.
• Sending a letter. Yes, by snail mail rather than online. There’s something far more meaningful in receiving a hand-written note or card.
• Show your gratitude to your friends. Thank them more often for being there for you and for bringing more light into your life.
• Smile more. In a genuine way. Your positive emotion is infectious and will impact others even if they can’t physically see you, they will hear it in your voice.
• Being proactive in arranging catch ups. Yes, you’re way too busy and often very tired but spending time with family and good friends is energising and makes you and them feel good.
• Just spending time in each other’s company. Speaking isn’t necessary to share a wonderful moment in nature or listening to music.
By Dr Jenny Brockis.
Best-selling author Dr. Jenny Brockis draws on over thirty years’ experience as a medical practitioner & board-certified lifestyle medicine physician. It covers common issues such as:
• Loneliness, stress, relationship breakdowns
• Loss of social connection & mental health issues.
By cherishing the time with those who mean the most and by seeking more micro moments of connection with fellow human beings, you get the full benefit that friendship brings and that is surely the most precious thing any of us can ever have.
Best-selling author Dr. Jenny Brockis draws on over thirty
• Achieve happiness by engaging emotions & mindfulness
• Harness your biology for better energy, resilience & mood
• Enrich your relationships with compassion, respect & courage
• Allows you to take full control of your life.
Thriving Mind empowers readers with the tools & strategies to reclaim humanity & happiness.
Dr Jenny Brockis is a workplace-based health consultant, lifestyle medicine physician and author of Thriving Mind – How to Cultivate a Good Life (Wiley) is now available via her website.
The start of a new relationship brings with it many varied emotions. It is a time of excitement, hope, joy, and sometimes a little fear. Your new partner can seem to be just what you’ve been looking for. It may feel as if the stars have aligned to create this new and wonderful connection in your life. A new relationship can feel like a breath of fresh air. Emotionally, it can stir up feelings and make you feel all kinds of things, while physically your brain is releasing plenty of serotonin (the love hormone) that has you buzzing with excitement. So, what do you do with all these new feelings, and how can you make sure you are building a relationship that prioritises you and the other person?
Here are seven areas that are important in relationship building:
The ‘honeymoon’ or ‘courtship’ phase is when you are drawn to spend more time with one another and less time with family and friends. It is common during this phase to lose some sense of self as you merge to create a common bond and start to identify more as a couple. The new surge of serotonin means you are more focused on your similarities rather than your differences, leading to a strong sense of connection with your partner, and the release of more oxytocin. This
supports further bonding with your new partner, often leading to spending more and more time with them.
In those first few months when the hormones are firing, it can be easy to get swept up in the romance of it all and lose sight of the other people and important things in your life. Being mindful to balance time together and time apart, will provide both you, and the relationship, with a healthier foundation to go the distance.
During the early stages it is important to discuss your values, beliefs, life goals and intentions. Make note of the similarities and enjoy the self-confidence and enthusiasm that sharing these with your partner creates. Allow these feelings to reinforce the connection in your relationship. Inevitably there will be differences and that’s OK. Being considerate to acknowledge and negotiate these differences is all part of building a strong relationship that can last.
Yes, it’s wonderful that you’ve met someone who you want to spend all your time with, but it’s important to have your own things going on too. Keep your
identity grounded by balancing your activities together with things you enjoy doing apart. This will prevent you from forming an unhealthy dependency on each other and on the relationship.
Keep an active self-care regime and nurture your relationship with yourself and with others. You will feel great for it and you’ll be your best self when you and your partner do get together. Compromise with your time, but don’t let your self-care rituals, exercise routines, or personal activities slip completely – this will give you the energy and support a healthy attitude to enjoy each other.
Be curious and keep an open mind when it comes to getting to know one another more deeply. Be mindful of all the new things you appreciate about your new partner and all the ways you complement each other. Allow the self-assurance that comes with knowing, and being known deeply, to strengthen both you as an individual and in your relationship.
One lesson that is hard to accept in a new relationship is to ask for what you need. Sometimes this is because you don’t know what it is that you need. This is where planning your own schedule including
time for your relationship is so important. Considering the needs of someone else can be difficult, which is why allowing yourself and the other person time to work out what you need, is important. This will support you both in being healthy and secure individuals together and in your relationship. Be intentional about your planning to meet the needs of yourself as well as supporting those of the other person.
Introducing these habits into your relationship early on will have profound benefits in the short and long-term. Continuing to prioritise yourself, while making space for someone special and all the give and take that comes with this, will be one of the greatest investments you can make. So, enjoy your love hormones, your new partner, and celebrate yourself in this new context.
MellitaBate holds degrees in B.A.Soc.Sc. & Master of Counselling & Psychotherapy. She has worked for 25 years with couples to improve relationships. More recently she has focused on supporting people through their separation journey as the Regional Manager for Interrelate, in Greater Sydney. Interrelate is a statewide not for profit organization that offers education, counselling, and separation support to individuals and families in person and online
There is an abundance of information on ‘Toxic Relationships’ on the internet. If you don’t know what that means, type in Toxic Relationship and you will see what I mean!
A toxic relationship: a relationship described as one person being the victim and the other person being the bully, or the toxic partner.
But what if you are the bully and the toxic partner? So, let us examine what that means. If you are the person causing a lot of grief in your relationship, it is time to change. It is time to own up to the fact that you are manipulating, coercive, guilting or just plain bullying your partner to do things your way!
Why does this happen?
The reason people bully is normally not because they are mean-hearted and are
driven to make their partner’s life hell. The reason this happens is because people are operating from their own wounds. From their own desperate need to be loved, to be held, to be listened to.
It always relates back to childhood trauma. By trauma, I do not necessarily mean abuse, it could be as insidious as parental neglect. And that might just mean ‘Mummy and Daddy where too busy working to give me any attention and now I am desperate for it’.
Consider the following questions and if you answer yes to any of these, then you may want to seriously consider obtaining some professional help:
• Do you have tantrums (yell and scream) and then blame your partner for your behaviour – even if it feels totally justified?
• Do you lie to get your own way?
• Are you having an affair?
• Are you engaged in any activity that your partner does not know about and could possibly be changing your attitude in the relationship?
• Are you engaged in any activity that your partner does know about or that harms your partner, physically or emotionally?
• If they have complained about any behaviour or activity that you are engaged in, then it IS harming them and your relationship
• Have you ever hit or pushed or forced yourself onto, or otherwise physically hurt your partner?
• Do you constantly bad-mouth your partner to your friends, family or children? Note that bad-mouthing your partner to your children is a big mistake and causes your children harm too.
• Have you been diagnosed with a mental health condition that affects your mood and you are not being treated at all for this with medication or therapy?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, then there is one more very serious question you need to ask yourself. Do you love your partner enough to get
help for yourself?
If the answer is no, then you are just continuing to abuse yourself and your partner and anyone else in the household, especially children.
If you are think this is just directed at men, then think again. There are many toxic women, or wounded women, who are struggling to maintain a deep and loving relationship. You can be a loving partner, so start by seeking help.
Leanne Kanzler (BA Psych(Hons)), is the Principle Psychologist at Reconnect Wellness Centre. She has trained in Sandplay Therapy, NLP and CBT and has had extensive training in relationship therapy. Leanne has also completed training as a life coach. Her approach is to look forward whilst releasing the trauma of the past. Connect with Leanne via email, website or at her office on 1300 132 252.
Deb Hopper
Navigating through the day as a child can be an exhilarating, yet daunting process. There is the fun and joy of play, friends and family. There is also the challenge of meeting new people, the social challenges of interaction with play, the environmental challenge of coping with noise, lights and movement at preschool or school or at the supermarkets. Just as adults, if the challenges outweigh our capacity, children can experience stress and overwhelm.
The signs of overwhelm are exhibited differently between different children and include:
• needing to take control of situations that may be seen as being bossy or dominant in play
• meltdowns and crying
• ‘behavioural’ issues, whining, clinginess or oppositional behaviour.
These signs or clues that your child may be overwhelmed may be shown more at home, at school or both. Many children can ‘hold it together’ at preschool or school, but once safe at home, they feel safe and their emotions overflow. Other children find the preschool/school environment overwhelming and their stress cues/ signs are more pronounced at school. So, notice the signs of overwhelm and once identified, put a plan of reducing this
stress before it escalates.
It is also important to be aware that overwhelm may come from a combination of at least two sources. Mental or emotional overwhelm – feeling that the demands of a task are way too difficult, or sensory overwhelm – with factors of the environment being too much to handle. Examples of sensory overwhelm might include too much noise, glare or too much light, not liking the feeling of touch of some objects such as tags in shirts, seams in socks or messy glue.
Five top ways to create a safe space when your child is overwhelmed:
1. Create a physical space in a corner of a room at home or in the classroom such as a small tent. A safe space could include cushions, fidget toys, favourite books, a bean bag half-filled so they can nestle in and feel safe, a heavy blanket, calm music and fairy lights or oil timers or oil toys. This can be called the safe space that your child owns.
2. Have a conversation about the reason why they may feel overwhelmed. Tell them you want to help them, but that you need some clues as to why they feel this way and then tell them you can help think of some ways to make things easier.
3. Use a visual chart such as the Just Right Kids Technique Model (see link below) to help kids map and point out how they are feeling. A visual map helps them to identify how they feel and having them being able to communicate about this, can relieve some stress and worry.
4. Give them verbal permission that if they are feeling sad, overwhelmed, angry or mad that they can come and tell you, or that they can take themselves straight to the safe place.
5. Empower your child or the children you work with to know that having feelings and emotion, including being overwhelmed is normal, but that there are ways that we can help change how we feel, including using a safe space as in point 1 above.
As parents, carers and teachers, we tune in to the needs of the children in our life. Creating a sensory safe space is one strategy that can be used to help children cope with overwhelm. Teaching a child to have more independence in knowing their emotions and experimenting with strategies to reduce stress, is a great life skill that will be well used through to adulthood.
Deb Hopper is an Occupational Therapist, author and workshop presenter. She is passionate about empowering parents and educators to understand the underlying reasons of why children struggle with behaviour, self-esteem and sensory processing difficulties. Deb is author of Reducing Meltdowns and Improving Concentration: The Just Right Kids Technique Model. Contact via her website.
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