Barney Howells Treatment
Introduction. BOOTY! It’s Bingo and Footy combined at last. I consider it a stain on the history of human endeavour that we’ve taken this long to merge these two popular pursuits. I guess we’ve been busy. In this rollicking advert for Four ‘N’ Twenty’s Footy Bingo we see the effect of these two worlds coming together in a nail-biting race to the middle. The strain and struggle of the competitors using all their might, as they vie to be the first to the Four ‘N’ Twenty Footy Bingo Board. The setting is a remote testing facility, a hush-hush hanger where genius minds congregate to crash-test epic experiments and create this chimera challenge. In one corner we have the hulking mass of elite sporting athleticism, representing both codes of Footy, Jonathan Brown and Cam Smith. In the opposite corner, representing Bingo, we have Beryl. It’s a tense and hard-fought duel between the highly trained and physically imposing footy stars, and Beryl, the sinewy framed tenacious terrier; our octogenarian in the octagon.
Overall feel and approach. The comedy in this spot comes with the juxtaposition of Beryl to the big boys. On paper she is no match for them, but by god she’ll die trying (please God, not actually) Beryl has a streak of fierce competitive behaviour, honed by many hard years on the Bingo circuit. Where I feel we will score maximum ha-ha points, is by treating the action with all of the dramatic sensibility and film language of a performance/battle movie. By giving each character heroic moments that would make Leni Riefenstahl proud, we will ramp up the comedy to dizzying heights. There should be a visceral feel, a sense of urgency and determination to the performance which is represented in the atmosphere. I agree that we should feel like we are in a large testing space that is used for these sort of experimental shenanigans, but I think we should create an atmosphere that evokes the high drama of game-day, and bingo night. We should inject some light and shade, some contrast and grit in order to portray this struggle to its blockbuster best. I love the idea that we setup the spot with a couple of intense, focused shots of our athletes preparing themselves for this forthcoming struggle. From this I think we need to quickly visually establish the motive and rules of battle.
Using constructed pieces that incorporate a lighting element, we should see the pathway to the goal illuminate. My initial suggestion is to have large red and yellow chevrons constructed as a backdrop that build and light us towards the bingo board. These will have external globes fabricated in them so they become a practical lighting element. The aesthetic I propose is reminiscent of the sort of game-show or carnival look present in your reference. Without further ado, I’ll lay out a way I see this pitched turf war unfolding. The real polishing of this diamond will be in the edit. How the character’s are juxtaposed, how the action ramps between the quick cut ferocity and the slow-motion intensity; this will be the balancing act that gets us all laid leads to a successful execution. Actually, one final ado: There is obviously a need to balance the action with the V.O, and I think there is ample wriggle room for everything to cosy up snuggly. One presumptuous suggestion that I have, and please feel free to scoff accordingly, is to slightly re-jigger the opening line. I am of the opinion that we should set up the action with a tantalising drip-feed. Show the Ballers. Show the Goal. Show the Granny. MAYHEM! In order to not give too much away straight off the bat, could the V.O be something along the lines of “Finally, two worlds are set to collide: Footy.. and Bingo,” thus making Bingo the punchline. I assume these words have probably been put into the order they are in for bloody good reasons, if so please forgive my impertinent behaviour.
Action. We open in a dimly lit hanger. An overhead fluorescent light flickers. It shines onto two hulking bodies. In close up we see the shadowy figures are Jonathan Brown and Cam Smith. They step into focus with fierce and determined looks. Their faces are already sweaty from the exertions that have brought them this far. We see a close up shot as they hold their arms aloft, clutching the balls that have made them famous. THUNK THUNK THUNK the lights to their goal illuminate. We cut out wide and see a shadowy shape in the middle, a dark obelisk. The lights on the other side of the arena are illuminating in tandem with the ones in front of the footy players. We cut to the eyes of the other competitor, burning with desire but also strangely wrinkly. We cut out to see Beryl. Sat primed on her mobility scooter, which has been jerry-rigged to incorporate a bingo ball machine on the back. The coloured bingo balls rattle around in the background as we we cut in to see Beryl’s arm shoot up, clutching a Bingo card and flapping her Bingo wings.
Finally the worlds of Footy and Bingo are set to Collide. Back to the wide shot, we see the goal light up. The Bingo board is framed by a tri-post goal. On either side of the board are starburst shapes carrying the messages “Exclusive Footy Prizes” and “Ultimate Grand Final Packages” There is a large football shape in front of the board, it is on a mechanical arm which moves it around the squares of the board. A quick detail shot back at the guys shows Cam Smith putting in his mouth guard, maybe we split screen this with Beryl putting in her False teeth. We cut to Jonathan and Cam as they burst from their starting position with voracious speed. We see a slo-mo shot of their feet the pressure of their toes pushing off from the ground causing their calves to contract. We cut to a close up of the wheel of Beryl’s mobility scooter. The inner edge is painted with a white circle around the like a Mustang’s wheel, and as it spins, smoke pours forth. Beryl is off and racing, her face steeled, her gritted (false) teeth, her liver-spotted hand gripping the handle bars as she gives it full-throttle.
The guys are motoring along too, we see them in profile as their sprint to the bingo board reaches full exertion. We see Beryl on her scooter, she is clutching a vacuum cleaner nossle that has been gaffer taped to the Bingo Ball machine, mercilessly and with maniacal laughter she begins to fire the balls at the Footy players. We cut to Jonathan and Cam running in slo-mo, deflecting coloured balls away from their faces. IT’S WAR! Jonathan kicks his ball hard, we see Beryl duck as it just misses her. Cam dives for the line. We see they have made it to the board. The ball stops on a square, streamers and confetti fire. The big finale. The house lights come on. Cam gets up from the ground to stand next to Jonathan, the ends of the streamers continue to rain down, petering out quickly. The two guys look a little awkward as we cut out wide to reveal Beryl is nowhere near the end line, and travelling very very slowly. We cut to the end frame with the Four ‘N’ Twenty Footy Bingo Promo packs in the basket on the front of Beryl’s scooter.
What have we learnt? Footy and Bingo are a potent combination, and on that can bring much mirth. The above executional notes are my first stab at putting some filmic filling into this saucy script. There are many other comedy beats we can play with Beryl and her bitter rivals, and I’d be happy, née ecstatic to develop them further with you. A final nod goes to music. I’d like to leave this open to final interpretation when we start to edit, but I think there are a few routes to explore. The rambunctious classical score is one, the driving force of electronic sonics is another. Some early references are available here; http://cl.ly/3k2v411H0R0j I think a healthy bed of SFX will aid massively. I’m aware that all of these things will have to be achieved with modest resources, but where there’s a will... Finally, and gushingly, it has been a pleasure to write on such a ripper script. Thank you, and I hope we continue this dance. Barney