091611 Chicago Maroon

U of C Dictionary - Page 12 • Campus Dining - Page 18 • Student Groups Page - 26 • Town & Gown Page - 44

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

2011 / 2012 CONCERT SEASON Single tickets now on sale! $5-$10 Student Tickets; $15-$40 General Admission Tickets.

Visit chicagopresents.uchicago.edu Call 773.702.8068

Borodin Quartet

Isabel Bayrakdarian

FRIDAY / OCTOBER 14, 2011 / 7:30 PM SEASON OPENING! English Concert Harry Bicket, conductor/harpsichord FRIDAY / OCTOBER 21, 2011 / 7:30 PM Borodin Quartet FRIDAY / OCTOBER 28, 2011 / 7:30 PM Irish Chamber Orchestra Gerard Korsten, conductor Leon Fleisher, piano SUNDAY / OCTOBER 30, 2011 / 3 PM Artist-in-Residence: Pacifica Quartet FRIDAY / NOVEMBER 4, 2011 / 7:30 PM Sergey Khachatryan, violin Lusine Khachatryan, piano TUESDAY / NOVEMBER 15, 2011 / 7 PM Harris Theater for Music and Dance Contempo Double-Bill with HIROMI: THE TRIO PROJECT featuring Anthony Jackson (bass) and Simon Phillips (drums) eighth blackbird Pacifica Quartet FRIDAY / NOVEMBER 18, 2011 / 7:30 PM Discovery Concert: Morgenstern Trio FRIDAY / DECEMBER 9, 2011 / 7:30 PM Rockefeller Memorial Chapel Tallis Scholars SUNDAY / JANUARY 22, 2012 / 3 PM Artist-in-Residence: Pacifica Quartet with Jorge Federico Osorio, piano

Leon Fleisher

Gretchen Parlato

FRIDAY / JANUARY 27, 2012 / 7:30 PM Miró Quartet with Anton Nel, piano FRIDAY / FEBRUARY 3, 2012 / 7:30 PM Peter Serkin, piano WEDNESDAY / FEBRUARY 15, 2012 / 7:30 PM Harris Theater for Music and Dance Contempo: Celebrating Sofia Gubaidulina FRIDAY / FEBRUARY 17, 2012 / 7:30 PM Fauré Quartett FRIDAY / MARCH 2, 2012 / 7:30 PM Isabel Bayrakdarian, soprano Serouj Kradjian, piano FRIDAY / APRIL 13, 2012 / 7:30 PM Rebel Ensemble SUNDAY / APRIL 15, 2012 / 6 PM Gretchen Parlato Quartet SUNDAY / APRIL 22, 2012 / 3 PM Artist-in-Residence: Pacifica Quartet FRIDAY / MAY 11, 2012 / 7:30 PM Fulton Recital Hall Contempo: Tomorrow’s Music Today I FRIDAY / MAY 18, 2012 / 7:30 PM Ganz Hall, Roosevelt University Contempo: Tomorrow’s Music Today II All concerts are at Mandel Hall unless otherwise noted.

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

P. 4

Welcome Home

P. 23

Top of the Ivory Tower

P. 26

The U of C Dictionary

P. 32

Whining and Dining

P. 38

Dating and Relating

P. 44

Familiarize yourself with our campus traditions before fourth years convince you that skinny dipping in the Law School’s reflecting pool is one of them.

P. 8

It’s inevitable: Someone in your house is going to find an O-mance by the end of the week. College makes for interesting interactions, and this section explains why.

Back to the Stacks

We’ll take you through the day of a scholar: morning coffee, classes, lunch coffee, meetings with professors, afternoon coffee, library time, dinner coffee...

The unlimited meal plan sounds like paradise now, but in two weeks you’ll be avoiding Bartlett at all cost. Here’s the details to get the most out of campus dining.

P. 20

RSOs (Really Strange Opportunities)

What do a movie theater, a radio station, a newspaper, a circus, and a scavenger hunt have in common? They’re all run completely by students at the U of C.

Before you can walk the walk, you have to learn how to talk the talk – and the University of Chicago runs on some interesting lingo.

P. 18

CHICAGO MAROON: Exposed

Interested in writing, editing, reviewing, photographing, designing, cartooning, etc. for us? Take a look at a day in the life at The Chicago Maroon.

As far as University hierarchy goes, you’re entering at the bottom and these people are at the top. Hear their words of wisdom to the class of 2015.

P. 12

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Sport Report

Did you know that the Maroons were once a sports powerhouse, helping found the Big Ten and home to the first Heisman Trophy? See how we’ve fared since then.

Town & Gown

Not many top colleges can call a city like Chicago home. Here’s some ideas to make the most out of what’s in your backyard.

Editor’s Note The student newspaper of the University of Chicago since 1892.

Editor-in-Chief

Adam Janofsky Managing Editor

Camille van Horne Head Designer

Douglas Everson, Jr. Web

Kevin Wang Photo

Alex Gleckman Art

Nia Sotto

Editing

Sharan Shetty Jordan Larson Christina Pillsbury Mahmoud Bahrani Copy Editing

Monika Lagaard Business

Tyronald Jordan

Based on what you’re now reading, you probably just picked up a copy of the Maroon, one of about twenty student publications on campus. You might be skimming it in one of the University’s three dining halls, six libraries, twelve residence halls, or thirty-two academic buildings on the main quads. Or you might be wondering what I’m getting at as you sip coffee in one of the dozen cafés that serve students and professors their daily caffeine fix among Gothic halls. Although the numbers have changed over time, tens of thousands of students have gone through the same things, in the same places, for the past 120 years, as you – and 1,413 other first years – are going through now.

The numbers can be daunting. Since applying, you’ve probably only been told the light figures – 85 Nobel laureates, 20 Pulitzer Prize winners, 1 professor that was elected President. But now that you’re here, you’re told to keep in mind the 49 majors, 29 minors, 45 study abroad programs, 15 Core class requirements, and so on. Suddenly, this little old school doesn’t seem so small anymore, does it? For an entering student it’s natural to get lost in the numbers, to feel like there’s too many groups to join, too many places to visit, too many friends to make. But, as cliché as it may sound, our University is one of character.

For instance, of the 5,134 students in the college last year, only one wore a completely tie-dyed outfit every day of the week. Of the 2,168 academics that teach here, only one walks around on two prosthetic legs, has an eye patch, and is referred to fondly as “The Math Pirate.” Among the 300 (or so) student organizations, there’s the longest running student film society in America, a group that devotes every Mother’s Day to organizing the largest scavenger hunt in the world, and – my personal favorite – a newspaper that has been printed since the University’s first Orientation Week in 1892.

Once you start to situate yourself, things begin to show their distinctions on campus and, to an extent, that’s where we step in. For years, the Orientation Issue has served as a condensed guide for entering students and a reminder to upperclassmen of the places, groups, and activities that they should visit, join, and do before graduating. In these pages, you’ll find the names of some of the most popular organizations, the best places restaurants, the teams to cheer for, and much more. As you explore Hyde Park and Chicago this week, think of these stories as tips from people who were once in your shoes (you’ll regret it if you don’t go to Valois and order the Obama Special this quarter). And as you begin to settle into your new home, remember that we’ll still be with you every Tuesday and Friday, reporting the big news that goes on in this little old school.

Adam Janofsky Editor-in-Chief

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Courtesy of the UChicago Archives

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

WELCOME HOME UNIVERSITY HISTORY Don’t know much about history? Here’s an accelerated class on 120 years of bomb making and Core creating

1892

First classes held on October 1st.

The Adventures of Sherlock Holmes is published later that month.

1935

Jay Berwanger wins the firstever Heisman Trophy. Four years later, Chicago discontinues varsity football and Berwanger uses his trophy as a doorstop.

1942

On December 2nd, Enrico Fermi and a team of scientists create the first nuclear chain reaction underneath Stagg Field.

1976

Milton Friedman wins the Nobel Memorial Prize in Economics for his contributions to monetary theory. He retires one year later.

1999

During Mother’s Day weekend, a team of students construct a nuclear reactor from scratch in the name of Scav and Fermi.

2004

Barack Obama leaves his 12year post at the Law School to successfully run for Senate.

The Early Years 255 years younger than Harvard (that school) and 190 years younger than Yale (that other school), the University of Chicago has worked tirelessly throughout its relatively short history to put itself in the same league (practically, not nominally– although we have plenty of ivy) with the stalwarts of American education. Founded about 100 years before you were born, the U of C has already left an unmistakable mark on a multitude of academic fields and commands a special reverence in the intellectual and cultural world. It is home to Milton Friedman and freshwater economics, improv comedy, the Core, Carl Sagan, the nuclear bomb (sort of ), Kurt Vonnegut, Millikan and his oil-drop experiment, Agent Orange (of Vietnam fame), and Barack Obama.

Needless to say, the University of Chicago has a rich but certainly controversial history.

It rose from the ashes of the “Old” University of Chicago (note the phoenix mascot – possibly a coincidence), a failed attempt by Stephen A. Douglas and a group of wealthy Chicagoans to create a Baptist institution of higher education in the Midwest. This early attempt was plagued by difficulties from its very conception: Douglas’ politics scared off many would-be investors (think KansasNebraska Act), debt mounted rapidly, the City of Chicago had the audacity to burn down and precipitate a financial panic, etc.

After 30 tumultuous years, the school closed its doors in 1886.

But as circumstance would have it, you all are currently attending the University of Chicago. The Baptists persisted after the first U of C met hellfire until they happened upon a Mr. John D. Rockefeller (Standard Oil magnate and philanthropist extraordinaire) and his money (see again: Standard Oil) to support the new effort. Together they attracted the University’s first president, the educational visionary and Hebrew professor William Rainey Harper (the “Harper Memorial Library” Harper), who in turn attracted even more money from Rockefeller. Soon thereafter, the University of Chicago you know and love (or will come to love, maybe) was up and running.

Hutchins Era The new U of C was founded primarily as a higher level research institution with a very small undergraduate population cast in more of a supporting role, i.e. as a

breeding ground for more graduate students (for more on breeding, see the “Dating” article on page 20). Since then the relative population sizes of the College and graduate schools have been the focus of an ongoing debate.

Enter Robert Maynard Hutchins. Only 30 years old at the time, Hutchins ascended to the presidency in 1929, a year marked by philosophical uncertainty regarding the University’s future course. An adamant supporter of a strong undergraduate program, he took steps to build ours into one of the best in the nation. First, amidst a comprehensive restructuring effort, Hutchins created an official administrative division for the College. He also oversaw curricula reforms that laid the groundwork for what is today the subject of a love-hate relationship in every undergraduate’s heart: the Core (see page 32). Incidentally, we also have Hutchins to blame – or praise – for shutting down the U of C’s Big Ten football program (see page 38). He once famously pronounced: “Whenever I feel the urge to exercise, I lie down until it passes,” a prevailing sentiment in Hyde Park.

Yet he undertook another controversial endeavor which, though intended to increase the talent of the undergraduate population, is today largely held responsible for its decline over the next several decades.

He created a program which allowed rising high-school juniors to begin their B.A. program at the U of C, essentially intending to poach the best and brightest from around the Midwest. It backfired. Hutchins discovered a fundamental problem: high school juniors are not usually ready for college. He also managed to alienate most college counselors, who stopped sending their students to the U of C. It was also around this time that the University developed a reputation for having a watered-down undergraduate curriculum because students only had to take Core classes. After that debacle, undergraduate admissions plummeted.

Writing On The Walls It is possible with a little imagination to trace the U of C’s history, from its very beginning, through its architecture. The main quad, chiefly built when the University was founded, reflects its lofty aspirations: a “German institution with an English campus”. The Neo-Gothic buildings across campus scream “ACADEMIA!” but are also

remarkably beautiful and inviting (Cobb, Bond Chapel, Ryerson). In 1931, under Hutchins’ pro-undergraduate reign, we get Burton-Judson – another impressive but welcoming structure, this time specifically intended to house undergraduate students; it says, “Come to the U of C – pretend you’re Goethe or C.S. Lewis!” There was originally a plan to create a whole complex of B-J look-alikes south of the Midway, but that was nixed as too strong an endorsement of undergraduates.

Now fast forward about 40 years; undergraduate enrollment goes down and the Brutalist Joseph Regenstein Library goes up. Though perhaps your reluctant best friend during weeks 3-10, the Reg is decidedly undergraduate unfriendly. This is also around the same time we get the venerable Henry Hinds Laboratory (that Kafkaesque beehive on Ellis), built primarily for the purpose of trapping unwary undergraduates in its Anarctitorium (sic).

Modern Living But in the early ’90s a biking bandit (alias: John W. Boyer) burst on to the scene brandishing a beacon of redevelopment for the undergraduate body (see page 9). Boyer’s tenure as Dean of the College has seen more than just the construction of the (disturbingly colorful) Max Palevsky and (yet-tobe-named) South Campus dormitories. He has also revamped the study abroad program and greatly expanded the Metcalf Fellowship program – all with an eye towards insulating the undergraduate population in the warm embrace of academic paternalism.

And so this is where you enter the tale of the University of Chicago, in the midst of an undergraduate explosion aided largely by the efforts of Dean Boyer, James Nondorf (the University’s new admissions/marketing guru, but you probably know that by now), and the Common Application. You’ve probably already defended your acceptance here with the stats on admissions rates and number of applicants – both record breaking harbingers of the new era for the College.

Yet you will certainly come across arguments that this is a double-edged sword; that the undergraduate population is growing at the expense of its “character.” Take heed. If the “Uncommon Era” at the U of C is endangered, the Class of 2015 may likely serve as the fulcrum of revolution.

– By Colin Bradley

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

TRADITIONS

After your first quarter at the University of Chicago, most of your friends will ask you the age-old question: “Is it really where fun goes to die?” Although the early morning trips in the freezing cold after an all-nighter at the Reg might make you want to transfer to that school in Southern California you declined, here are some of the traditions the U of C has cooked up to make campus life a little hotter.

SCAV HUNT

Overheard while stepping on the seal: “Just because I won’t graduate in four years doesn’t mean I won’t graduate in three.”

SUMMER BREEZE

from cramming a proof in, they might leave a lingering image for the rest of finals week.

Overheard during streaking in the Reg: “ Did he seriously just ask for her number? While he was streaking?”

KUVIASUNGNERK KANGEIKO (KUVIA)

the shirts make parents think twice before sending their children to the U of C. Some of the most famous slogans are “Where fun goes to die,” “Hell does freeze over,” and, “Where the only thing that goes down on you is your GPA.” But, as you’ll hear over and over again, don’t take them seriously; the only thing the slogans signify is the wit of the student body.

Overheard while selling self-deprecating T-Shirts: “It’s funny because it’s true.”

LASCIVIOUS BALL

For the past 25 years, hundreds of students have spent four days in May working together to build anything from a nuclear reactor to a hot dog catapult in a campuswide scavenger hunt. The weekend can be polarizing – die-hard scavvies are known for skipping classes, showers, and sleep while other students try to ditch campus that weekend. Teams generally consist of houses banded together in an effort to find or construct as many items from a top-secret list compiled by a team of mysterious Scav judges. Last year, Scav officially took the Guinness World Record for the world’s largest scavenger hunt, snatching the title from a few hundred Canadian school children. This happened the same year Burton-Judson dethroned Snell-Hitchcock as Scav champions, ending the four year Snitchcock Dynasty.

Highlights from last year’s list included placing a pair of crater-sized googly eyes on the doorway of a prominent campus building, getting a flag bearing the team logo flown at the South Pole, and bringing a lion, tiger, or bear to campus.

Overheard during Scav: “If we forge the sword using the toilet as the furnace, will we get bonus points?”

SHAKE DAY Legend has it that Einstein Bros. was only able to move into the Reynolds Club on the condition that they sold $1 milkshakes each week, a tradition established in the coffee shop that came before it. Years of inflation later, there’s a line of students consistently stretching out the door every Wednesday – more commonly referred to as Shake Day. Different flavors are served from morning to night, so it’s best to schedule your whole day around when they’ll be giving out cookies and cream shakes and not the green-tea monstrosities.

Overheard at Shake Day: “They can keep it at $1 because of the ingredients: lard, Hershey cocoa powder, and crack.”

DON’T STEP ON THE SEAL In the Reynolds Club lobby sits a gold version of the University Seal. The legend goes that if you step on the seal, you won’t graduate from the University in four years.

While it might seem annoying to avoid the seal at first, you’ll soon find yourself snickering at the hundreds of prospective students who step on the seal during their tours, dooming their fate at the University.

Spoiler alert: The tradition was started by faculty who didn’t want students to wear away the engraving.

After months of hibernation, students celebrate the arrival of spring with the Summer Breeze festival. Hosted by the Major Activities Board and the Council on University Programming in May, the festival consists of a carnival with tons of free food, rides, and games, and a huge concert. Last year The Walkmen, Milkman, Wale, and Crystal Castles performed, and Chicago Bulls MVP Derrick Rose stopped by. Nas, Broken Social Scene, Run DMC, and U2 have headlined the concert in the past. Unless you live in a frat, there’s no other way to get free cotton candy, go to a beer garden on campus, and ride a mechanical bull in one day.

Overheard during Summer Breeze: “I just crowd surfed next to the That Kid from my Hum class.”

BONANZA Hosted by the wrestling team on the day of Summer Breeze, students drink so much that they have absolutely no idea where they are by the time they show up for the concert. If you have yet to drink vodka from a mini ice luge, Bonanza is your chance.

Overheard at Bonanza: “Where am I?”

POLAR BEAR RUN On the last day of Kuvia, in the freezing cold, a group of students gather in Harper and take off all of their clothes.

No, they aren’t University Theater performers experimenting with existential performance art, they are getting ready to run from Harper to Hull Gate in nothing but their birthday suits. Students line the walkway and cheer on their friends in a gauntlet of speed, bravery, and shrinkage.

Overheard during Polar Bear Run: “I’ll never look at him the same way again.”

STREAKING IN THE REG (REG RUN) You aren’t hallucinating if it’s the Sunday before finals week and you think you see someone run past you naked in the library. Yes, U of C students love to toe the fine line of public indecency. Each quarter, the track team helps de-stress students by streaking around the Reg just before finals begin. Be careful; while the track team might temporarily distract you

To be considered a U of C student it’s almost a requirement to be so sleep deprived, over-exhausted, and mentally checked-out that you end up worshiping pagan gods. If you’re not quite there yet, Kuvia is ORCSA’s helping hand. Held at Henry Crown Field House for a week in January, students wake up before sunrise to brave the cold and dance, do yoga, and martial arts together. The exercises have their roots in an Inuit festival, and are supposed to help students keep their mind sharp in the dead of winter. The weeklong festival concludes with a bitter walk to the point – which has been cancelled in past years due to extreme cold. Assuming you survive, you are rewarded with a chic Kuvia t-shirt, a hot beverage and donuts.

Overheard during Kuvia: “I woke up at 5 o’clock, which is usually close to my bedtime.”

LOVING/HATING THE CORE You knew about it when you applied here, and you knew about it when you decided to attend, but you won’t really understand what the Core is truly about until you’re up at 3 a.m. writing a Sosc paper on Durkheim while surviving on a sugar rush from Bart Mart gummy bears and Red Bull. The Core can be what you make of it; writing seminars can be used as an opportunity to work one-on-one with your Hum TA, or as an opportunity to peer-edit the work of that cute classmate that sits across from you. Before it’s all over, you will have six classes in the humanities, six in math and sciences, and three in social science under your belt. That, added to the language and physical education requirements, instills in you UChicago’s main values: over education and pretentiousness.

Overheard while love/hating the Core: “My mom and dad have never heard of any of the writers I’m reading.”

T-SHIRT SLOGANS Houses often raise money for bonding events by selling t-shirts with the University of Chicago logo on the front and a selfdeprecating slogan on the back. Regularly sold during prospective students weekends,

Originally founded in the 1960s as a less-you-wear-less-you pay event, the Lascivious Ball is an opportunity to wear as little as you want and get away with it.

While the event was dropped by University administrators in the 1980s over concerns of lewd behavior and alcohol use, it was reinstated three years ago with one set price for admission and a rule against genitalia exposure. The ball offers a lingerie fashion show and an opportunity to celebrate sexuality on campus.

Overheard during Lascivious Ball: “What should I wear tonight ? Is this feather and some cute socks good enough?”

HEAVEN AND HELL Hosted by the Delta Upsilon (DU) fraternity, and called one of the best college parties in the country by The New York Times , the Heaven and Hell party is no Dante’s Inferno . DU divides the three different floors in their house into heaven, purgatory, and hell for the party, decorating each level accordingly. Apparently, the $10 that students shell out for the party does not cover alcohol; a DU spokesperson said in an interview last year that the fraternity has a zero-tolerance policy for underage drinking.

Overheard at Heaven and Hell: “I heard that there’s a long line for the bathroom in heaven, so I’m just going to hang out in purgatory and see how things shake out.”

BAR NIGHT Every Wednesday night, students rush to finish their homework early so that they can go to Bar Night at Alpha Delta Phi. Held in the fraternity’s basement, students can enjoy beer and other drinks for less than $5. Bar Night is also the reason why no one will show up to your 8:30 class on Thursday morning.

Overheard at Bar Night: “Was that my TA?” – By Sam Levine

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Rivalries While it may resemble Freaks & Geeks more than Biggie & Tupac, we still have our share of heated competition

THIS MEANS WAR

Campus Controversies

Blood can still boil when it’s 10 degrees below – here’s just a few things that worked students up last year From delivering fake report cards to hosting a finals week study-in at the president’s office, U of C students proved their dedication to social change, and a flair for the dramatic, during last year’s many protests.

Two major issues drew student ire Spring quarter – the firing of University housekeepers and the push for a Socially Responsible Investment Committee (SRIC).

The administration announced a department merger between the housekeeping and facilities staff last year, which meant the outsourcing of residential housekeeping jobs. Students formed The Student Solidarity March for Housekeepers and Dining Hall Workers and launched savethehousekeepers.com.

Weeks of protests followed, culminating in a sit-in at Zimmer’s office that ended when administrators threatened to call the police.

Details on how many housekeepers got the axe this summer are forthcoming and leaders from Students Organized Uniting with Labor (SOUL) plan to continue their protests at the start of the school year.

A referendum during Student Government elections also had students at the president’s door last year. The recommendation to create a Socially Responsible Investment Committee (SRIC) passed by a large majority on the April ballot.

Fourth-year and undergraduate liaison to the Board of Trustees Nakul Singh was the ambassador to the administration, asking that University to think more closely about where it puts its money.

Investments in companies like Arch Coal whose mining practices in West Virginia have drawn national criticism, inspired the referendum.

SRIC Supporters charged into President Zimmer’s office to deliver a letter – but Zimmer was out of the office for the day. During a meeting, Zimmer called the creation of the proposed committee “unlikely.� The U of C’s commitment to political neutrality, outlined in a guiding document called the Kalven Report, makes the SRIC doubtful next year despite student interest.

On the west end of campus, the ongoing call for an adult trauma center and a heated nurses strike kept the University of Chicago Medical Center (UCMC) at the forefront of student interest.

Young people from the South Side staged

a mock funeral during a ceremony honoring Martin Luther King, Jr. in Rockefeller Chapel in February to draw attention to UCMC’s lack of a trauma center.

The death of one teenage activist last August underscored the need. Eighteenyear-old Damian Turner, who persistently led the call for a UCMC trauma center, was shot three blocks from the UCMC. He died in the ambulance while being taken to the Northwestern Memorial Hospital’s trauma center, nearly a half hour away.

Community groups like Fearless Leading by the Youth (FLY), which Turner cofounded, use the center’s shutdown in 1988 as evidence of poor relations between the U of C and the surrounding neighborhoods.

The UCMC was again the center of controversy when over a thousand nurses voted to strike as their contract ended. The UCMC nurses say they are overworked and now ask for more shift rotations to improve patient care, but the hospital maintains budget problems are limiting their options.

The tarnished image of the UCMC could get an overhaul this year. Michelle Obama’s former Chief of Staff Susan Sher left the White House for Hyde Park in August to become Executive Vice President for Corporate Strateg y and Public Affairs.

Still, not all protests snowballed to yearlong outrage.

After a large and public outcry by professors over the creation of a Milton Friedman Institute in 2008 that included the convening of the Faculty Senate and a name change, the controversy has simmered down even as big changes continue to shape the center. In June, the Institute quietly merged with Becker Center on Chicago Price Theory to form the Gary Becker Milton Friedman Institute for Research in Economics.

Additionally, last November a Facebook petition criticizing some of SafeRide’s practices gained 500 student signatures in just days. Four graduate students created the petition to complain about the shuttle’s long wait times and unpredictable service.

Campus administrators responded to the outcry and organized a public forum with transportation leaders to talk out the issues with concerned students. However, only four students showed up for the forum and winter cooled the anger of student riders, proving that the ride on the bandwagon is sometimes a quick trip. – By Amy Myers

Everyone loves a good match-up: Edward versus Jacob, ketchup versus mustard, skinny jeans versus boot-cut.

The University of Chicago and the city of Chicago itself are no different – there are plenty of rivalries, both athletic and non-athletic, to fuel an entertaining fight.

Although there are “two sides to every argument,� we suggest you pick a team to root for early – it makes watching the games a lot more fun.

One of the first rivalries you’ll encounter is between the University of Chicago and Northwestern. While it may seem that the Big Ten Wildcats would squash our D-III Maroons, there are quite a few offseason encounters. The varsity Swimming and Baseballs teams have each faced Northwestern in pre-season games, and both came awfully close to taking down their D-1 opponents. Additionally, nonathletic match-ups against Northwestern have come in the form of the college rankings, where the Maroons typically crush the inhabitants of Evanston.

Northwestern is known for their Journalism school, Greek life, and suburbia while the U of C is known for rigorous academics, awkwardness, and actually being in the city of Chicago.

The U of C’s most heated sports rivalry, however, is against Washington University.

The St. Louis-based school plays in the same conference as the Maroons, and the games and meets against the Bears draw the largest crowds on campus. The Phoenix Phanatix, a school spirit RSO, even print shirts that simply say, “BEAT WASH U.� Women’s basketball defeated Wash U in regular season play but fell to them in conference finals. The football team beat Wash U in 2012, earning the Founder’s Cup. The next, and arguably the largest rivalry in the city, is between the White Sox and the Cubs. The two Major League Baseball teams in Chicago each have proud fans all

over the city, though the Sox draw more fans from the South Side of Chicago while Cub fans are generally from the North Side. The Cubs have been known for their rocky performances: George Will, a Pulitzer Prize-winning sports columnist, once noted, “Cub fans are 90 percent scar tissue.� Though the Sox won the World Series in 2005, the Cubs have made twice as many appearances in the series throughout the years.

There are also plenty of campus rivalries that are off the playing field. One lopsided battle is the maroon vs. the Weekly. As the two campus publications on newsprint, the maroon prints Tuesdays and Fridays as the “Independent Student Newspaper,� while the Weekly is printed by Newcity every Thursday as the “Independent Voice� (full disclosure: We’re Chicago Maroon fans). Then there’s the battle of the brew between the Pub vs. Jimmy’s. The Pub is a University club, where students pay a $10 membership fee to enjoy billiards, sports, 24 different taps, and food from the Medici. Jimmy’s Woodlawn Tap is a favorite of graduate students, faculty, and scruffy undergraduates. With a halfcentury history that includes a disgusting Tucker Max story (fondly called “My 21st Birthday�), Jimmy’s has gained a character stronger than almost any Hyde Park institution.

Then there’s MUNUC vs. ChoMUN, the two Model United Nations RSOs. Although you might think they overlap, each one dominates their respective realms – MUNUC hosts a national high school conference while ChoMUN competes with other college teams. And, finally, what might be considered the weekend of the most grueling U of C rivalries takes place during Scav Hunt, when Non-Scavvies do everything in their power to evade the Scavvies, and teams like B-J, Snitchcock, and Max Palevsky feverishly compete. – By Jessica Sheft-Ason

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

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8

Courtesy of the UChicago Archives

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

TOP OF THE IVORY TOWER MEET THE ADMINISTRATION While RHs and professors may facilitate some of your day-to-day activities, the U of C administrators are at the top of the food chain when it comes to both your life at the University and the life of the University itself With the Board of Trustees in charge of broad, long-term issues, the President, Vice Presidents, and Deans are the ones in charge of the actual running of the University of Chicago. They have a lot of power – your professor can’t expel you, but administrators, through a formal process, can – and a lot of it is discretionary. While administrators don’t flout any laws or rules, Dean of Students Susan Art might, for example, let you off with a stern warning but no further action if you’re taken to the ER for alcohol poisoning.

In the U of C kingdom, President Robert Zimmer is the reigning monarch, having assumed the throne in 2006 to become the thirteenth president of the university. Under Zimmer’s tenure, the University has seen a $100 million donation for undergraduate financial aid, a $300 million donation to the Booth School of Business, the opening of the Center in Beijing, the construction of Mansueto Library, and the start of work the Logan Center for the Arts.

Zimmer also rode out a firestorm of controversy over what was initially the Milton Friedman Institute, which has since merged with the pre-existing Becker Center on Chicago Price Theory to become the Becker Friedman Institute for Research in Economics. Zimmer has focused on issues of academic freedom, and on expanding the University’s reach both globally (with the Beijing center and a proposed center in New Delhi) and at home (with a recent agreement with the city of Chicago to develop the area surrounding the University).

On the academic side of things,

Provost Thomas Rosenbaum is Zimmer’s right-hand man, broadly in charge of academic programs including the College, all the schools and divisions, the library, Urban Education Institute, and the Smart Museum. All deans on campus ultimately report to Rosenbaum – whether it be Dean of the Law School Michael Schill or Dean of the Humanities division Martha Roth – and his office is also tasked with efforts to increase diversity and improve campus childcare. Rosenbaum additionally oversees a five-year plan to increase the size of the faculty, adding 60 professors to grow the academic departments by one percent each year as part of a larger expansion of the University.

One of the administrators reporting directly to Rosenbaum is also one of the most visible, Dean of the College John Boyer. Much-beloved by students, Boyer makes sure the Core is up to par and that, generally, undergraduate students get the best academic education possible.

He’s also responsible for study abroad programs, a responsibility which took on added importance last year when he, along with Study Abroad director Martha Merritt, had to decide about evacuating the Cairo and Jerusalem programs (Cairo did, Jerusalem did not). Currently on his fourth five-year term, Boyer is the longestserving dean of the College and is also the Martin A. Ryerson Distinguished Service Professor in History. As the University’s unofficial historian, Boyer has written a series of essays and monographs on different facets of U of C history, and occasionally lectures on the topic of the University’s development. Often seen sporting a tweed cap riding around

campus on his bike, Boyer leads an annual bicycle tour of Chicago, which is often well attended. His appreciation for the University of Chicago knows no bounds – and the students love him for it.

As for student well-being, the two top administrators closest to students’ everyday lives are Vice President for Campus Life Kimberly Goff-Crews, responsible for essentially everything outside the classroom, and Dean of Students Susan Art, responsible for general health and happiness of students.

Art works closely with Goff-Crews and Boyer, and is in charge of the academic advising program. Goff-Crews is in charge of everything from class registration to RSOs. Last year, Goff-Crews continued to reform the student health care system, merging the Student Care Center and the Student Counseling and Resource Service into Student Health and Counseling Services. Goff-Crews is also one of the most visible administrators, sending out e-mails to the student body and often attending open forum events alongside or in place of President Zimmer. She even occasionally writes op-ed contributions for the M AROON .

Although they’re not the most approachable members of the U of C faculty, administrators have tried to put a stronger focus on communication with students in recent years. If you want to learn about the newest updates on campus, don’t be shy to attend their quarterly coffee and donut meetings. Because after all, the only thing better than having a conversation with President Zimmer is a French cruller and cup of joe.

– By Jonathan Lai

9

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

It is a great pleasure for me to welcome you to the University of Chicago. You have chosen to attend the University at a dynamic juncture in our history. During the coming academic year, you can enjoy the striking architecture of the new Mansueto Library and know that the vast materials of the library system are available to you. From the Mansueto Library, you will be able to observe the construction of the Eckhardt Research Center, which will house the University’s new Institute for Molecular Engineering and contain laboratories and space for astrophysics, cosmology, and theoretical physics. You can join the campus’s anticipation of the opening of the Logan Arts Center and celebrate the event in March. All of these new buildings

support the University’s enduring values of rigorous inquiry, engaged discourse, and discovery.

Most of us who have spent time here – I arrived at the University 34 years ago as a junior faculty member in the mathematics department – believe that there is no place more exciting, more challenging, or more enriching, and no university that plays a more important role in the landscape of American higher education.

During your first weeks on campus, there will be opportunities for discussing and debating the aims of education, and I hope that you will participate in that ongoing conversation.

The University is truly a university of Chicago and one of the benefits of attending

the University is being able to live in and explore the city of Chicago. You can start nearby with the Hyde Park Jazz Festival on September 24 and 25 and continue in the directions your interests draw you. I hope that when your time at the University draws to an end, you will find that living in such a diverse and dynamic American city has enriched you personally and professionally.

Now, however, most of you are new to campus as first year students. I wish you all the best as you begin this adventure and hope your relationship with the University and the city is rewarding and filled with discovery.

Welcome to the new academic year.

Whether you are arriving on campus for the first time or returning for another year, I hope that this will be a time of exploration and adventure for you in the enormous range of opportunities available at UChicago. You will have much to plan for and much to do this year in our classrooms, laboratories, libraries, study groups and private study spaces. Along with the entire faculty, I wish you many fruitful hours of satisfying work. We will do all we can to support you in pursuit of the education that in the end you will give to yourself, through your own creative energy.

Remember as the year progresses that the international metropolis in which we live is as much a part of your education as the campus. The city of Chicago offers you social,

cultural, and intellectual resources that will enrich all that you do. Don’t miss our city and it neighborhoods. Your experience of Chicago can begin, but will not end, with the Community Service Center, the Chicago Studies Program, the Office of the Reynolds Club and Student Activities, your House, and your many new and old friends.

And while you are at it, explore the possibilities open to you in the many programs that the College has created to provide additional resources for pursuing your academic and your career goals. The long list includes the Civilization abroad courses, the Foreign Language Acquisition Grants, the office of Career Advising and Planning Services (CAPS), the Metcalf internships, support for student research and entrepreneurship, and

numerous scholarly and cultural publications, conferences, concerts, and lecturers.

Talk to your teachers, your advisers, your Resident Heads, your friends and fellow students. There are numerous pathways to forge, to discover, to pursue. The University of Chicago is a very special community devoted to learning and to discovery as a way of life. It is a community that believes that knowledge is of fundamental value in guiding human action, and it sees the deeply enriching education in the liberal arts offered to you as a compelling social necessity. I invite you to take advantage of what is here and to enjoy your adventure.

I join my colleagues in Campus and Student Life in welcoming you to the University of Chicago, a community of scholars united by our love of learning.

While diverse in our backgrounds, interests and perspectives, we share a singular focus – a commitment to learning as a process to create new knowledge and tackle with confidence some of society’s greatest problems. The education you will receive here is one of the best in the world, and we know you will take full advantage of it in a way that is unique to you.

The next few years will be a time of extraordinary personal growth. Our division, Campus and Student Life, is committed to providing a transformative educational experience both inside and

outside the classroom. I often describe our programs and services as the places on campus where you eat, sleep, play and pray. While catchy, these words mean that Campus and Student Life is committed to providing all students with a sense of community, a place for growth and experimentation with ideas and, perhaps most importantly, a home.

From the dining halls and academic cafes where you start your day to the residence halls and graduate housing where you rest at night, and from the organizations you join to the social, athletic and community events you attend, my staff and I welcome your expression, your reflection, and even your mistakes. More information about how Campus and Student Life can assist

you is available on our website.

The University of Chicago campus community will empower you to experience the depth of your intellectual curiosity and the breadth of your humanity. The questions you will learn to ask, the knowledge you will come to master, and the connections between what you learn inside the classroom and what you experience outside of it will serve you well.

It is our greatest honor to welcome you and embrace the beginning of your journey.

Robert J. Zimmer President of the University of Chicago

John W. Boyer Dean of the College

Kim Goff-Crews Vice President for Campus Life and Dean of Students in the University

10

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Courtesy of the UChicago Archives

FROM THE PAST

Alumni B-list celebrities only the U of C could produce If Wikipedia is good for one thing (your professor will say that’s an overestimate), it’s self-affirmation. Take, for example, the “List of notable University of Chicago alumni.” What an article.

It’s a long list, certainly, cataloguing the brightest luminaries to have ever called that scrap of Hyde Park between 55th and the Midway home.

Included are Tucker Max (A.B. ’98) – author of Assholes Finish First – and a selection of the finest economists, statesmen, and academics to have ever donned a cap and gown.

And then there’s you, young first-year.

Putting aside that dirty word that starts with “N” and ends with “obel,” the word that makes its way onto each and every pamphlet the University puts out, the WikiList actually offers some valuable insight into the caliber of person that has stalked the University’s Brutalist fluorescent bookstacks and neo-Gothic quads, and with whom all Chicago students now share something in common.

But the Internet is nothing if not accessible; the site is always available for your perusal.

Alumni themselves, on the other hand, are not so available, which is a shame, since, as it turns out, they’re quite useful for things other than annual donations and self-serving pats on the back.

Rick Perlstein (A.B. ’92) graduated from the College with a degree in History. While he was here, he spent his time plunging into the Second City’s rich arts scene, writing for the Maroon’s Grey City Journal, which, apparently, was far more “alternative” than it is now, and generally living his life as “the prototypical University of Chicago student.”

At a tender 18 years-old, Perlstein wanted nothing more than to be a history professor.

He went through the Core enamored with the humanities classes of English Professor Lauren Berlant, who still teaches here. He loved jazz.

Today, Perlstein, 42, still loves jazz, and he and Professor Berlant are now good friends.

He also covered Washington as The Village Voice’s national correspondent, has been called upon to provide political analysis for The Washington Post and The New York Times, befriended the late William F. Buckley, and has

written two books, including Nixonland: The Rise of a President and the Fracturing of America, which, according to Time magazine, President Barack Obama is now reading for a few pointers.

Back in 1992, however, prototypical Perlstein found himself facing the prototypical collegiate dilemma. “I wasn’t too ready for genuine economic activities,” he said, in a champion example of understatement. So, instead of entering the job market, he went back to school.

Two years later, in a move he compares to “stepping off a cliff,” he set out for New York City to pursue a life in essay journalism. He spent six of the next eight years freelancing before covering the 2004 presidential election for the Voice and writing his first book, Before the Storm, about Barry Goldwater’s 1964 bid for the White House.

All the while, Perlstein was sure to keep one foot in academia – a priority he said was drummed into him at the U of C. Even then, career counseling was never much of a concern, despite the fact that in 1992 the economy was still convulsing in the throes of recession.

“The fact is that people who are coming to the University of Chicago have before them a tremendous opportunity,” he said. “It would be kind of a shame and a waste to turn your back on that and make this all about a career.”

If job hunters find that sentiment at all frightening, consider also that Perlstein regards musicians, with their long hair and slavish devotion to their own souls, to be his “vocational role models.”

However, at a time when every week seems to bring in another apocalyptic prognosis about the uselessness of a college degree, and U of C students are shattering records for careerism (more firstyears stopped by the University’s Career Advising and Planning Services in 2010 than ever before), it might not be a bad idea to take the example of a man – who apparently has the ear of the President – as a source of fuzzy reassurance when that unpaid summer internship in Paducah, KY falls through.

“I have a career because I wasn’t a careerist,” Perlstein said.

Now, take Dave Kehr (A.B. ’75), another

brainy humanities-type. Kehr has been a film critic for nearly 40 years, starting while he was at the College. From his workplace at Doc Films, he submitted regular movie reviews to the Maroon and interned at The Chicago Reader, offering his own take on the day’s films for the whopping sum of five dollars a pop.

As he would tell it, life has been easy for Kehr.

Perhaps another prototypical U of C student from the Chicago suburbs, Kehr pined for the professorial lifestyle as a first-year, hoping to teach English literature some day. Slowly, that idea melted away under the glimmer of the silver screen, and after graduation Kehr happily leapt into gainful employment virtually from day one, writing reviews full-time for the Reader. From there, it was the New York Daily News, and then onto The New York Times, where he has been a reviewer since 1999.

“I have had no difficulties at all, which is not what everyone wants to hear,” he said. No, it’s not.

But, of course, Kehr isn’t including his college days in that tidy summation of his professional career. “[College] was very demanding,” he said.

Apparently, U of C students are skilled at understatement. “You realized that you didn’t have weekends, and you didn’t have so much of a social life.”

It all worked out in the end though, even the parts that got dropped along the way – Kehr just took up a position teaching a graduate film criticism seminar at New York University.

But then, College couldn’t have been all modernist German cinema and Bunker Hill sieges in the Regenstein. Asked whether he had any regrets about his time at U of C, Kehr waxed smug.

“Not for publication,” he said. “It was the seventies, man.”

That it was. But for the here and now, firstyears, mind the 120 years of crash-test dummies that have preceded you, many moving on to great things, not all of them winning N—bel P—zes (gasp), but legions of them leading happy lives writing books that get read by the nation’s president.

And that isn’t so bad.

- By Harunobu Coryne

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

11

12

A CONCISE U OF C DICTIONARY A-level n. 1. First Basement of the Reg. 2. All- night study area where people are known to camp out (literally) during finals week. More like a zoo than a library.

Admin n. 1. Bureaucracy that runs the University. 2.

The building next to Cobb used to house pink slips and, presumably, other things.

Alpha Delt n. Fraternity that shares a building with the Chicago Theological Seminary in a marriage from hell.

Aramark n. Company that fills student stomachs and makes obscene profit margins.

B-level n. 1. The actual basement of the Reg. 2. The best place to go if you want to forget what sunlight looks like, or finish a Hum paper.

Bar Night n. A pay-per-drink frat party held in the basement of Alpha Delt every Wednesday night.

Can be used in conjunction with Shake Day to acquire a gnarly stomachache.

Bart Mart n. Overpriced Aramark-run convenience store located in Bartlett. The pluses: Stays open until 3 a.m., and you can buy Ben & Jerry’s ice cream with Maroon Dollars. Alias: Maroon Market.

B-J n. 1. Burton-Judson Court, a dorm containing the original Hogwarts Great Hall. 2. Not what you were thinking, perv.

Bursar n. Your least favorite administrative office.

C-Shop n. The Einstein Bros. Bagel shop on the first floor of the Reynolds Club. See Shake Day. Civ n. Core sequence known for being terribly boring on campus and extremely awesome abroad.

Cobb n. 1. The University’s oldest building and largest cluster of classrooms. Located on the west side of the quads and frequented by first-years, smokers, and bitter artists. 2. Student-run coffee shop in the basement of said building known for its dirt-cheap java.

Cobbroaches n. Hipsters who gather outside Cobb to create a tangible smokescreen from Camel Lights and discuss how cool they are.

Co-op n. 1. Be prepared to spend at least 12 hours of your four years here waiting in the labyrinthine line for Hum and Sosc books. Tips for tots: Buy a membership; it will be well worth it in the end.

Alias: Seminary Co-Op Bookstore.

Core n. Classes you must take, so stop whining and get it over with. This is what you came here for, right? Alias: Common Core.

Crerar n. The 24-hour science library where the med and wannabe-med students study. More sterile than an 80-year-old man with a vasectomy. Don’t expect to do so much as drop a pin without getting death stares from fellow students. Don’t even think about wearing flip-flops.

CTA n. Where you exchange a bit more than $2 for an hour long ride to a destination 20 minutes away.

Get the plus card or going downtown will be hell.

Alias: Chicago Transit Authority.

Doc n. The student film society that shows good movies for only $5. The drunken heckling usually begins while the poor volunteer they force up front before every movie is still rattling off the list of coming attractions. Guaranteed sound or visual errors or your money back.

Dorm n. Where you live. Unfortunately, also where your roommate lives.

Dormcest n. Realize that at least two people in your house are going to spend the rest of their lives together. Fear for the future of the planet. On the off chance that things don’t work out, expect everyone in the dorm to know within a half-an-hour.

Variation: housecest.

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Ex-Libris n. Late-night coffee shop in the A-Level run by angry hipsters and accessed only through an elaborate maze. Will be moving to the lobby.

Fiji n. 1. Island in the South Pacific. 2. Brand of bottled water. 3. Football fraternity.

Fifth-Year n. Who wouldn’t want a victory lap around the place where fun comes to die? Didn’t we warn you about stepping on that seal?

Financial Aid Office n. College is expensive. These people could help, were they so inclined. Fear them.

Fire Escape n. 1. Useful in event of fire. 2. Student film society.

First-Year n. The period during which you whine about your dorm, are expected to take Core classes, and hook up with the kid living down the hall.

building to read and tan simultaneously.

Maroon n. 1. The University’s only school color. 2.

Any member of a varsity sports team. 3. A newspaper you should write for.

Maroon Dollars n. Funny money redeemable at Aramark establishments. Paying this way gives you a 10-percent discount at Hutch, which magically transforms the food from obscenely overpriced to very overpriced. Alias: Flex Dollars.

Med n. 1. Medici on 57th Street. One of the only Hyde Park restaurants where you can take a date or your parents. 2. Beloved campus hangout. 3. Source of cheap coffee and excellent baked goods.

Fourth-Year n. The period during which you whine about your B.A., actually take Core classes, and avoid eye contact with said kid from first year.

Metra n. Commuter train that takes you downtown, or occasionally to Indiana or Wisconsin if you don’t watch out. Features conductors in oldtimey uniforms. Cheaper and faster than going downtown on the CTA, even though you’ll probably never use it.

Gargoyles n. Carved figures reminiscent of U of C students during finals week.

NeoCons n. Originated at the U of C. Now possibly control the universe.

Hallowed Grounds n. Superior student-run coffee shop on the second floor of the Reynold’s Club.

Known for its comfy chairs and as a hangout for local pool sharks. Alias for the cool kids: Uncle Joe’s.

Northwestern adj., n. 1. Compass direction. 2.

A crosstown university that is rumored to have Division I athletics and practical education. Lame.

Harold’s n. Harold’s Chicken Shack in Kimbark Plaza, where the kitchen consists of five deep-fat fryers and a sink. The soggy piece of Wonder Bread is key for absorbing grease, but who knows what the shot of coleslaw is for. Bulletproof glass protects the kitchen from sketchy customers.

Harper n. 1. A courtyard useful for eating in warm weather. 2. Convenience store on 57th Street with frequent two-for-one deals on cigarettes. 3. First president of the U of C. Henry Crown n. A dilapidated warehouse with a handful of weight lifting and exercise equipment.

The Valhalla for varsity athletes.

House n. The University’s way of fostering a sense of community. A good source for O-Week relationships you will not be allowed to forget about for the remainder of the year.

NSIT n. The department that keeps your e-mail clicking and picking, unless the server crashes during finals week. Also responsible for implementing such improvements in your life as cMore and Chalk.

Alias: IT Services. #171 n. 1. Bus. 2. Make-out mobile for irritating B-J and Broadview denizens.

ORCSA n. Student activities organization located in the bowels of the Reynolds Club. Will consume your hard-earned money for nebulous purposes in the form of the student activities fee. Alias: Office of the Reynolds Club and Student Activities.

Palevsky, Max n. 1. Billionaire philanthropist who died last year and helped found Intel. Subject of Hunter S. Thompson’s ire. 2. Home of Doc Films.

3. Horrifically ugly orange breeding shed for firstyears. Aliases: Max, Max P, Palevsky, Maxi Pad, Barbie’s Dream Dorm.

Hum n. First-year humanities sequence. Pretentious people (see That Kid) make themselves known in their Hum sections.

Point, the n. 1. Promontory Point Park. 2. Rallying point for neighborhood activists. 3. What that kid in your Hum class keeps missing. 4. Good make-out spot, if it’s not frigidly cold.

Hutch n. 1. Location of many O-Week and RSO events throughout the year (read: free food). 2.

Home to the worst Subway franchise in America.

Phi Delt n. Fraternity that lives in a tenement house across from Max Palevsky.

Hutchins, Robert Maynard n. Former president of the U of C who is largely responsible for making the Core what it is today. Also, got rid of the football team, took the U of C out of the Big Ten, and cemented Chicago’s reputation as the place where fun comes to die.

Psi U n. Fraternity with good dance floor and terrible selection of canned beers. Watch for the kindly elderly alumni filling bowls with chips during party nights.

Indeed adv. Word of choice for That Kids. Usage: “Indeed, Karl Marx is an utter buffoon.”

Pub, the n. University-run bar in the basement of Ida Noyes Hall, located a full 20 steps from the front door of the Maroon office. Check it out on Mondays.

Jimmy’s n. The best-known and most frequented student bar in Hyde Park. Recently banned games of “pass the pitcher.” Alias: Woodlawn Tap.

R.A. n. 1. Resident Head Assistant. 2. R.H.’s sublieutenant. 3. Paid to smile and get someone to come pump your stomach.

Kimbark n. 1. A street. 2. A shopping center. 3.

The official liquor store of the U of C. Will accept a crudely laminated fake I.D. with your picture drawn in crayon.

Reynolds Club n. The alleged “student union” of the U of C. There used to be two worthwhile establishments here, Taco Bell and Hallowed Grounds. Sadly, now only the latter remains.

Labbie n. Lab School student. Known for crossing 59th Street in massive swarms in their younger years and trying to get in to frat parties as they mature.

Rajun Cajun n. One-stop shop for soul food, Indian food, and Bollywood video rental.

MAB n. Organizes Summer Breeze concert, among other things. You are not cool enough to be part of this organization. Alias: Major Activities Board.

Maclab n. Computer lab on the A-level. Where comp sci majors go if they want to get a breath of fresh air.

Econ n. The U of C’s most popular concentration, as measured by percentage of pretentious sellouts.

Major n. Plebian replacement for concentrations.

Epistemology n. Overuse this word if you want to be a That Kid. For everyone else, avoid people who overuse this word.

Mansueto n. 1. Billionaire owner of Morningstar investment company. 2. A robot-controlled library where Megatron is actually being stored. 3. The best

Ratner n. New gym. The only place on campus capable of giving the illusion that you go to a state school.

Redeye n. Tabloid started by the Trib to appeal to a younger, hipper, dumber demographic.

Reg n. The library. Rumor has it there are books inside that may help when you have a 15-page research paper due tomorrow. There are people who have been wandering disoriented around the stacks for decades. Be forewarned that come finals week, you’ll start seeing the people who study near you more than your close friends.

R.H. n. Resident Head. No, you moron, those thirtysomethings in your dorm aren’t still in college.

Salonica n. Diner on 57th Street known for its breakfast offerings. Goes great with a hang over.

Scav Hunt n. The world’s largest scavenger hunt.

Every spring, it will make you either love or regret your decision to come to U of C. There is no middle ground.

SCC n. 1. Student Care Center. 2. No, you can’t get medical marijuana there. 3. Dispenser of free condoms. Alias: Primary Care Service.

Sexile v. To be exiled from your room by your roommate and his or her significant (or not-sosignificant) other. Usually signaled by a sock or other such random object slyly placed on the doorknob. You, on the other hand, will never sexile anyone. See also: dormcest.

SG n. Student Government. The elected representatives of the student body. SG is efficient, mature, free of infighting, and will affect your life in numerous positive ways.

Shake Day n. And the seventh day, which is deemed holy, God created Shake Day and rested… in C-Shop with a $1 shake. Only on Wednesdays and only if you enjoy waiting in a line that makes Depression-era bread lines look good.

SOSC n. Social Sciences Core sequence.

Pretentiousness levels are second only to Hum. Student Life Fee n. Money paid to cover student activities, health, and lab fees. May or may not be used for corrupt purposes. You’d think $40,000 per year would pretty much cover it.

Study Break n. The archetypal U of C social experience: It’s the 15 minutes in your day when you’re actually around other people, and that’s only because it involves free food.

Subway n. 1. Sandwich chain with 10,000 locations in Hyde Park. 2. Not to be confused with the El. Sun-Times n. 1. Chicago newspaper. 2. May or may not actually contain news.

T.A. n. A graduate student who must balance helping undergraduates and perfecting a sickening obsequiousness to the professor.

That Kid n. Universally loathed person. Generally finishes all the reading and spends an hour and 20 minutes twice a week proving that to the rest of the class.

Trib n. 1. The Chicago Tribune. 2. A real newspaper. 3. Allegedly responsible for RedEye. UCID n. The most valuable item in your wallet.

UIC n. 1. The University of Illinois at Chicago, with sports teams known as “the Flames.” 2. Where half of your relatives think you go to school.

U of C goggles n. Sort of like beer goggles. After four years at the University, some members of the opposite sex who made you wince your first year begin to look pretty good. You think we’re joking.

We’re not.

USITE n. Campus computer labs. Your choice of three flavors: cool ranch (Crerar), code red (Harper), and McShamrock (Regenstein).

UT n. University Theater. Artistic outlet for hipsters.

WHPK n. University/community radio station.

Motto: “The pride of the South Side.” It is possible to go four years without realizing WHPK exists.

This is a crying shame.

Z&H n. 1. Store on 57th Street. Great sandwiches, sometimes served on pretzel bread. 2. Store on 47th Street. Great coffee, possibly the best outside of the loop.

Zimmer n. 1. Our president. He’s a mathematician.

2. Lots of activists on campus don’t like him very much.

13

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

THE DORMS

Don’t bother comparing your new digs with the others; they’re all pretty miserable

BLACKSTONE

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BROADVIEW

BURTON-JUDSON

INTERNATIONAL HOUSE

MACLEAN

Welcome to the place where students learn the true meaning of the phrase “peace and quiet,” where great non-dining hall food is just around the corner. A dorm with a prime Hyde Park location on a quiet residential street that is steps away from one of the neighborhood’s most bustling areas, Blackstone is the perfect place.

Located on South Blackstone Avenue, the dorm is about a 10-minute walk from campus.

Though the distance is certainly a disadvan-

tage for some, Blackstone claims proximity to 57th Street, home to coffee shops, restaurants, bookstores, and more. Campus buses pass by Blackstone, and residents will soon discover the #6 bus a few blocks east on South Stony Island Avenue.

Blackstone itself is a six-story dorm composed primarily of apartment-style suites. The quirky planning of the building means that not all floor plans are exactly alike, but all suites have two large singles with a shared kitchen

and bathroom. The first floor houses a grand piano (more-or-less in tune), a working fireplace, a big-screen TV, a computer lounge, and the ever-important laundry room.

The house environment is one of privacy and quiet, so it isn’t uncommon to share the ancient (yet beloved) elevator with another Blackstone resident whom you’ve never seen before. The dorm has become more social since it opened to first-years three years ago.

– By Steve Trubac

Imagine you’re peacefully eating dinner in the dining hall. Suddenly your attention is stripped away from your mushy scalloped potatoes by a choir of guttural sounds. You look across the room and are shocked to see the occupants of two tables standing on their chairs grunting loudly while wildly waving their arms in the air. Either endearment or extreme annoyance should fill your heart as you realize that this is the infamous end-of-theyear Entmoot of Breckinridge.

Even when they’re not staging scenes from Tolkien, Breckies, as they are lovingly called, are a lively

bunch. Known for their spontaneous absurdity and general lack of shame, Breckies are both loved and hated on campus. It is telling that in 2009, the B-J Scav team’s shirt proclaimed, “Damn you, Breckinridge!” Many Breckies mark this infamy as a badge of honor.

As one of the dorms that is farthest away from the main campus (Breck is located on 59th and Blackstone), Breck is a tightly knit community.

Housing around 90 students each year, Breck holds a wide variety of house activities. “Dinner and Star Trek Night” has it all in the name. And

if you’re still hungry for home cooking, there’s also “Southern Food Night,” featuring sweet tea and fried green tomatoes.

One of the more unusual events that Breck holds is Sophie Day, a cocktail party of sorts where Breckies host their professors. Like many of Breck’s various activities, Sophie Day is known as somewhat awkward, but uniquely fun. Where else would you be able to hobnob with your friends and profs all at once? Now everyone can see for themselves how awesome or crazy your Sosc professors really are.

– By Ben Sigrist

If living outside the U of C bubble on the quads sounds appealing, then Broadview may well be the dorm for you. Nestled on the corner of South Hyde Park Boulevard and East 56th Street, the Broadview dorm houses about 200 people and is about a 15 to 20 minute walk from the main quads.

A former hotel, Broadview boasts a large ballroom, a library, music rooms, and a community kitchen. The dorm consists almost

entirely of singles with private bathrooms, and room sizes vary considerably. The Broadview house tables are in Pierce, which provides an all-you-can-eat buffet for hungry students but will turn up the noses of pickier eaters.

At such a great distance from campus, Broadviewers are known to keep to themselves and stay in their dorm. If you want to meet lots of people, this isn’t the place to do it. On

the other hand, if you’re looking for a tightknit community in a quiet, calm atmosphere, Broadview is a good bet.

Broadview’s best attribute is its great access to downtown, since the #6 bus stops right in front of the dorm. The nearby restaurants are a draw, especially if you have a predilection for Thai food, with three Thai restaurants in a row within quick walking distance.

– By Sara Jerome

Vaulted ceilings, arched walkways, vines of ivy climbing the limestone, wood detailing in the rooms, a tower—Burton-Judson is an old dorm that looks even older.

The dorm consists of six houses arranged around two grassy courtyards. The houses are some of the smallest in the residential system: Most have between 40 and 50 students, for a total of just over 300 in B-J. Rooms are mostly singles and decently sized at about 10×12; as a point of reference, doubles in Pierce are 9×11. B-J’s doubles are two-room suites, with the larger room having a bay window and, in some cases, a functional fireplace.

Each house has a small lounge where housemates gather for meetings, episodes of The Office, or Smash Brothers sessions. The lounges

are popular spots, but that can have drawbacks.

Students rarely hang out in other houses, and the combination of smaller houses and extreme house bonding makes for an atmosphere that is alternately intimate and claustrophobic, depending on whom you ask.

The distance between B-J and anywhere you want to be will be an annoyance. The academic quads are close, but restaurants, stores, and CTA stops aren’t. And as with everything at the University of Chicago, you have to consider the winter factor. During the colder months, the Midway, which separates B-J from everything else, is essentially a highway for blistering ice-wind headed from the lakefront directly into your face.

Luckily, when you opt to stay indoors, B-J has a variety of common areas: a TV lounge, a library,

several study rooms, two Steinway-equipped reading rooms for the musically inclined, and a mercifully air-conditioned computer lab that’s perfect for typing papers once the June heat hits.

There’s also the Pit, a basement area with pingpong, pool, arcade games, vending machines, and the new kitchen.

B-J residents have the pleasure of using community (and in some cases, co-ed) bathrooms, which are better than they sound. They don’t afford much privacy, and it’s no fun walking back to your room wearing a damp towel in February, but someone else buys the TP and keeps them spick and span. On balance, most folks like the convenience. Hey, more time reading Schmitt, less time scrubbing…tiles.

– By Jordan Holliday

For those familiar with the Internatonal House’s Assembly Hall—and the Library, Courtyard, Board Room, for that matter—it should come as no surprise that it was picked to host U of C professor Yoichiro Nambu’s simulcast 2008 Physics Nobel Prize acceptance speech. I-House, as it is known to those who live and work there, is one of the grandest buildings on campus, and it is a choice venue for respected speakers and large events.

The space often hosts performances by student groups and talks by prominent figures, including Tariq Ali, Naomi Klein, and the Guerrilla Girls.

But I-House, at 59th Street between Dorchester and Blackstone, is more than a venue; it’s also a dormitory, holding up to 486 students. It has a

reputation for being one of the most scholarly dormitories, and some nonresidents take advantage of the atmosphere and head there to study.

It has been home to four other Nobel Prize winners while they worked at the U of C, including Enrico Fermi from 1940 to 1942.

After implementing a housing program last year, I-House will introduce a new Phoenix House this year. Home to 75 transfer and returning students, Phoenix will be similar in all respects to other College Houses.

Prospective residents must apply to live at IHouse, and the admissions team strives to maintain “a balanced ratio of U.S. to international applicants” for the sake of diversity, according to the

admissions Web page. The dorm houses graduate and undergraduate students, as well as students from other Chicago institutions, a key feature for an institution that considers itself a part of the greater Chicago community.

The residence also offers fellowships to help bring in exceptional students. Separate awards are given to College students, graduate students, and non-University returning residents.

I-House was built in 1932 and founded by John D. Rockefeller. Home to the University’s English Language Institute, it has 15 sister institutions in the U.S., Australia, Paris, London, and Taiwan.

– By Asher Klein

First, let’s dispense with those rumors you’ve heard: Maclean wasn’t once an insane asylum— just a retirement home. Its residents are no more or less bizarre than anyone else. In fact, Maclean is inhabited by about 100 charming students, almost all of whom get comfortably sized single rooms.

Many enjoy using the ample common area to stage poker tournaments or build art projects. The huge communal kitchen is also a major plus of living here, but watch out for your food getting snatched

from the gigantic refrigerators. (They have enough room to easily store a chopped-up body.) Thanks to the culinary amenities, study breaks at Maclean are almost always worth attending.

Maclean’s location just north of 55th Street is a short walk from Ratner, and you can still make your 9 a.m. class if you oversleep. But in the winter, even those two blocks to campus are trying, and the cold forces close quarters. Then, consider the fact that Maclean is one of the largest stand-alone

houses in the system, and you’ll realize why its rate of “dormcest” is exceedingly high. In other words, get to know your housemates because you’ll likely be seeing a lot of them. Maclean has great movie nights almost every week (and a room with a projector that you can reserve, just in case you feel like watching Firefly, super big). Maclean’s staff and R.H.s are nice, and the IM soccer team is hardcore.

– By Rose Schapiro

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

With 712 beds, eight houses, three buildings, and at least six officially registered cats, Max Palevsky Residential Commons is the second-largest and most visible dorm on campus. It opened in 2001 as one of the earlier developments of the decade-long building spree that also produced Ratner Athletics Center and a restored Bartlett Dining Commons.

Max P, as it’s known, was designed by Mexican architect Ricardo Legorreta, whose earlier projects conspicuously include a children’s museum and a Wal-Mart Supercenter, making it unsurprising that Max P could be mistaken for a postmodern juvie.

The dorm rooms are divvied up in suite formation, with two- and four-person setups around a central

foyer that’s just big enough for a mini-fridge. One of the pluses of a Max suite is that each comes with its own bathroom; the downside is that anything more frequent than the routine end-of-quarter cleaning is up to residents, so about two-thirds of suites look like petri dishes by eighth week. Each house lounge is equipped with a small kitchen.

The three buildings, West, Central, and East, are connected by an eerie basement tunnel system that looks like it’s controlled by HAL 9000. The subterranean level contains storage rooms, music rooms, laundry rooms, and many rooms with doors that are always locked; the silence is broken only by echoes from the dryers and the occasional “Ahnk!” from one of the belabored elevators.

As for the color scheme, it’s hard to say whether the paint job encourages or assumes psychedelic drug use. The building’s coloration has been such a source of angst among students that U of C graduates tend to sort themselves into pre- and post-orange groups, as though remembering a particularly traumatic episode.

Regardless, the block that Max Palevsky inhabits is well on its way to architectural infamy. Close neighbors include the daunting, unapologetically ugly Regenstein Library and the beautiful UFOshaped Mansueto Library. Poor Bartlett Hall, older than all three, is dwarfed; but fans of Lego and Star Trek should feel quite at home in the area.

– By Claire McNear

Tucked away on the third floor of what previously was a graduate student-only dormitory is Midway House, the newest and most unique member of the housing system. Although its 60 undergraduate residents will be living in an untraditional residence space, the size is bound to make for a tight-knit community.

Additionally, because the dormitory was built

to serve graduate students (let’s face it, the older you get the better living space you need), the digs are nothing to complain about. Located on 60th Street next to the new Chicago Theological Seminary, the New Graduate Residence Hall has excercise, music, and media rooms. Plus, both singles and doubles have private bathrooms.

Although Midway House had to spontan-

iously emerge over the summer—when administrators discovered that more students wanted to live in housing than could be accomodated—two veteran Resident Heads will be available in the building, helping to turn the fledgling Midway House into one that will mimic other Houses in the College.

– By Adam Janofsky

Ask Pierce residents for an assessment of their dorm, and you will probably hear a litany of complaints: leaking pipes, broken dryers, flickering fluorescent lights, and frequent sirens from the nearby fire station. But without missing a beat, they’ll next claim, with fierce pride, that Pierce is the best dorm on campus. What inspires such loathing and unwavering loyalty, a mixture perhaps best expressed by the popular Facebook group: “[Expletive] you Pierce, you piece of [expletive]”?

Located next to Henry Crown and a five-minute

walk from the main quads, Pierce has a reputation as the most social of the U of C dorms. Because the singles and doubles size up to a mere 9×11 feet, students often prefer to spend time in the centrally located house lounges or study rooms. Each of the houses—Tufts, Henderson, Thompson, and Shorey—sponsors frequent trips, study breaks, and movie nights. Residents also participate in inter-house activities like paintball, the Pierce Sports Frolic, and Midnight Soccer.

Although older and less shiny than nearby Max

Palevsky, Pierce does offer a surprising array of amenities, including music practice rooms, house kitchens, a darkroom, and the Pierce Tower Library for late night studying. It also houses the studentrun snack shop TANSTAAFL. And of course, the dining hall on the first floor lets you amble down to Sunday brunch in your pajamas.

For those who crave a typical college dorm experience—complete with co-ed bathrooms and partying in the halls—you’ve come to the right dorm.

– By Aviva Rosman

The South Campus Residence Hall (South Campus) is the newest dorm here—it’s the monstrous complex just south of the Midway.

It’s also the largest, with over 800 students split into the two halves, East and West. The dorm was still working its kinks out two years ago when it opened; heating, air conditioning, Wi-Fi and other utilities were finicky in some places and not all the safety features were in place on opening day. But despite its baby nature, South Campus has grown into one of the most enjoyable dorms for college students.

Most students, are happy with South Campus

and the large house lounges and kitchens. Some rooms are on the small side, but each house has “goal rooms,” spacious apartments with floor-toceiling glass walls, private bathrooms, and kitchens. Be warned though: there’s only a handful of goal rooms per house, and with 100 residents to a house, you’ll have to stay in South Campus until at least your third year to have shot.

It’s hard to complain about the proximity to campus, and there’s a late-night snack mart on the ground floor. If that’s not enough for you, your nextdoor dining hall is implementing a full-time fourth meal program that’s bound to satisfy your

snacking needs. There’s also a large study room with great views of campus, and it’s a short walk to the 24-hour Harper study space.

Of course, there’s the name, perhaps the most generic title for a dorm yet. Rumor has it the University is still shopping around for a donor willing to put up the cash for naming privileges, but in the meantime they’ve given smaller donors the chance to name their own rooms. Most are just named after the donor or their family, but some are downright quirky; “Room of Requirement,” anyone?

– By Michael Lipkin

What could be better than living in beautiful neo-Gothic and Prairie style dorm buildings, one of which (Hitchcock) is listed in the National Record of Historic Places? Maybe living directly on the main quads? Well, Snell-Hitchcock boasts that as well.

And while residents walk home for a 25-minute nap in the half hour before their next class, SnellHitchcock’s century of service as a dorm provides many more perks. Although residents can’t legally use the fireplaces in their rooms, they make great bookshelves. The desks might be the same ones at which Carl Sagan (room 116) or Thornton Wilder (room 523) studied years ago. And the “Fermi

Room” normally goes to the fourth-year with the highest slot in the lottery; rumor has it that he lived there while working on the Manhattan Project.

Like a fine wine, Snitchcock’s character is wellaged, strong, and makes some people vomit. The dorm’s mascot is an armadillo, a reference to its Latin motto which translates as “ugly but useful.”

The dorm has won 12 of the 25 Scav Hunts to date, and the common room (“The Green Room”) turns into a glorious catastrophe of wood, electronics, and replicas of ancient chariots during Mother’s Day weekend, when Scav is held annually.

Other traditions include SnoBQ, which celebrates the first snow with hamburgers and hot

dogs, the Tea Room lectures held in Snell’s common room, and a winter jello wrestling competition that features hairy chested men instead of topless women. House meetings top Schindler’s List in length, magnitude, and, according to the House president, bloodshed.

The two houses, Snell and Hitchcock, have their own kitchens and laundry rooms, and share a recreation room with pool and ping-pong. There is also a TV that’s guaranteed to be in use for either Super Smash Brothers or Bad Movie Night, where people gather to watch some of the worst movies ever filmed.

– By Adam Janofsky

This small, comfortable dorm on 57th Street, right next to the Museum of Science and Industry, is mostly for upperclassmen and transfer students (however, it has recently tatken on a fare share of underclassmen), making it a quieter place to live even by U of C standards. And with its spacious apartments and balconies, it is also one of the comfiest dorms the University offers.

“Stony” is essentially a University-owned apartment complex. Each “dorm room” has a large living room, kitchen, and bathroom. This means that residents mainly keep to themselves, making Stony Island much more relaxed and homey than a dorm filled with small rooms like Burton-Judson or South

Campus. But here’s a word of caution: Bedrooms in the B- and C-lettered apartments are small and oddly-shaped, which makes decorating a hassle.

Built in 1988, Stony is one of the University’s newer housing options. Because of this, it boasts some pretty nice amenities, chief among them air conditioning. But where Stony Island really shines is in its balconies. The outstanding view they provide of the grounds of the Museum of Science and Industry and the lake is almost unmatched by any other University building.

However, these picturesque views mean one other thing: Stony is about as far from campus as dorms get—at least a mile. Certainly this can be a

downside (walking a mile to school in the snow is never fun, after all), but the location also means it’s one of the closest dorms to the CTA. The Metra, along with the #X28 and #6 buses—all of which go straight downtown—are only steps away, and Promontory Point on the lake is only a bit farther.

Stony Island is perfect for students who want the independence and lifestyle of living off-campus in an apartment, plus the structure and familiarity of dorm life. It isn’t the life of the party, and the walk to school can be grueling, but its amenities make it on par with many of Hyde Park’s nicer apartment buildings.

– By Hayley Lamberson

MAX PALEVSKY

NEW GRADUATE

PIERCE

SOUTH CAMPUS

SNELL-HITCHCOCK

STONY ISLAND

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

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THE NEW MEAL PLAN: This year, there will be five separate meal plans available for students to choose unlimited residential dining or as few as 10 residential meals per quarter.

Maroon Dollars are a new program which replaces the Flex Dollar program. Much like Flex Dollars, students may use their University IDs to purchase items from retail venues, student-run cafés, and entries into the residential dining halls.

One Maroon Dollar translates as $1 in these locations.

All first year students are required to enroll in the Unlimited Meal Plan at a cost of $1,677 per quarter. The plan allows students to access the residential dining facilities as many times as they wish as well as 100 Maroon Dollars each quarter. It also comes with three meal exchanges and five guest swipes per quarter. Meal Exchanges allow students to exchange one meal plan swipe for a combo meal at any of the retail operations.

Guest swipes allow students to have guests enter the dining hall for free.

Upperclassmen on campus are allowed to choose between the Unlimited Meal Plan and the Phoenix Meal Plan. The latter, at a cost of $1,677 per quarter, allows students 150 entries into the dining commons per quarter (about two meals per day) and 150 Maroon Dollars each quarter. This plan also comes with fifteen meal exchanges and five guest swipes per quarter.

For upperclassmen in on-campus apartments, they can choose to enroll in the Apartment Meal Plan at a cost of $1,297 per quarter, which allows students 90 entries into the dining commons (about one meal per day) and 200 Maroon Dollars per quarter. The plan also comes with eight meal exchanges and five guest swipes per quarter.

In addition to the three above plans, students in the International House are required to enroll in one, or opt for the I-House Meal Plan at a cost of $880 per quarter. The I-House plan allows students 40 entries into the dining commons and 500 Maroon Dollars per quarter. After Autumn Quarter, students in the International House may choose to enroll in the Off Campus Meal plan, at a cost of $95 per quarter. This last plan allows students 10 entries into the dining hall per quarter.

Students living off campus may choose to enroll in any of the five residential meal plans.

– By Douglas Everson

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Campus Dining With a new dining plan in place, students have a chance to explore more options on campus without it eating into wallets As a first year, chances are you’ll be eating in one of the campus’s three dining halls a lot. Their proximity to campus and the dorms makes them convenient, and House tables mean you’re likely to always have company when eating. Plus first-years have unlimited meal swipes, which might as well be taken advantage of. The only question is which dining hall to choose? Piece, Bartlett, and South Campus all have very different reputations and specialties, and it’s worth your time to learn the ins and outs of each.

Bartlett Dining Commons Bartlett easily has the best reputation of all the dining halls. It’s centrally located on campus, its various meal stations are easy to navigate, and there’s usually more than enough seating to go around.

Although many upperclassmen complain that the quality of food has gone down since the introduction of the unlimited meal plan, the sheer number of options is yet to be beat. Everything from deli sandwiches to eggrolls can be found there on a daily basis, and the meal stations are good about rotating their selections from day to day.

ing stations and non-house tables are in the shiny new section just opened last year, the house tables are technically still located in the antique-style Burton-Judson. The food here is pretty standard, but it does accommodate to Kosher, Halal, vegan, and vegetarian diets. What really makes this dining hall stand out is the newlyrelaunched Late Night Dining Program.

South Campus, along with Pierce, are now open until midnight on weeknights.

Offering grilled food, breakfast fare, and smoothies, this makes it a perfect stop after a late night study session.

Even with three entirely separate dining halls to choose from, eating at them can get a little dull and repetitive. Luckily, your Maroon Dollars can be used anywhere on campus, including student-run coffee shops. Hutchison Commons in the Reynold’s Club offers everything from sushi to sandwiches, and the Einstein Brothers nearby is great for coffee or a bagel. If you’re really short on time, you can pick up a snack at the Starbucks in the campus bookstore or at the convenience stores near Max Pavelesky and South Campus Residence Hall. Here’s a selection of campus eateries, for any occasion:

Pierce Dining Commons

Cobb Coffee Shop

Originally the black sheep of dining halls, the switch to universal dining was kind to Pierce, and it’s up in the air whether it will stay that way with the new meal plan system. Although it still eerily resembles a high school cafeteria, the dining hall has expanded its dining options during the past year. Nowadays Pierce has many stations to choose from, including a grill, custom stir fry station, and dessert bar.

Some even say it’s become the best dining hall on campus.

Cobb Coffee Shop, located in the lower level of Cobb Hall, is a well-lit, spacious spot that sells the cheapest bagels and coffee on campus—making it a nice breakfast stop before your first class of the morning.

Cobb employees are well known for broadcasting their music tastes; the newest indie rock outfit can often be heard throbbing down there. There’s ample seating, which is handy during the lunchtime rush, when students, faculty, and hospital employees stream in. Accepts credit cards.

South Campus Dining Commons Convenience is key at South Campus.

Since South Campus Residence Hall is the largest dorm on campus, this dining hall is a short walk away for most. While the din-

Ex Libris For the bookish types who prefer to spend their time in the Reg, Ex Libris offers snacks and meals to those too busy studying to leave the library. After renovations from Mansueto Library construction, Ex Libris

is preparing to locate on the first floor of the Reg, still as a student run café.

Hallowed Grounds Another dining option in the Reynolds Club is Hallowed Grounds, styled as a coffee bar and offering not only specialty coffee drinks and pastries, but also a spread-out study area and a pool lounge.

The shop boasts cable television, and during happy hour (5:30 to 6:30 p.m. every weekday) sodas are 30 cents and coffee is just 50 cents. Accepts credit cards.

Classics Café The Classics Café, on the second floor of the Classics building, features soups, salads, pastries, and a comfortable setting for those who want to do a little reading between classes. Visit in the afternoon; the sun slanting through the windows bordered by wood-paneled walls creates a wonderfully academic atmosphere.

Grounds of Being Ever wonder where God drinks coffee? Well, the Div School coffee shop, Grounds of Being (located in the basement of Swift Hall), can boast that particular VIP. Usually crowded, it’s best to make your purchase—the coffee shop provides a great selection of tea and many entrées—and head outside to eat on the quad, weather permitting, of course.

Law School and Business School Cafés First-years with high aspirations and sophisticated taste might want to trek over to the Law School Café, a small shop with paninis and other made-to-order sandwiches. The Harper Center of the Booth School sports a larger cafeteria— the Everett Kovler Café, officially—with a grill, a fresh sandwich and panini station, sushi, salads, and continental breakfast.

Both the Law School and Booth accept credit cards.

– Hayley Lamberson, Ben Sigrist & Emily Gao

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

DATING & RELATING Roommates

How to make the next nine months work

Everyone knows that to a certain degree, college is one big social experiment. Hence the decision to pair two virtual strangers in one 8 x 11 foot room and ask them to cohabit peacefully for a year. But whether you end up best friends with your roommate or leave with horror stories to write Cosmo about, here are some survival tips you can use to at least try to make it work.

Communication, otherwise known as speaking Even if you have nothing in common with your new roommate, nine months of awkward silence will not be fun. O-Week is probably a good time to start talking to your roommate if you want to avoid a year of monastic silence. Practice small talk like, “How was your day?” and, “Where are you from?” You’re going to be getting and asking questions like that a lot during the first few weeks of college, so you might as well start with your roommate. This might even lead to more productive discussions like what time you want lights out, what your class schedules are, and if you share a bathroom, who’s going to buy the toilet paper. Figuring this stuff out early will help avoid conflict later.

Compromise makes you the bigger person Does your roommate wake you up with a blaring alarm at 6:30 a.m. everyday when you’d like nothing more than to sleep ‘til noon? Sound like a Snorlax with asthma at night? Study with a lamp until sunrise? You can ask them to get a less offensive alarm or

use a flashlight, but you can’t ask them to miss 8 a.m. Chinese class or get nasal surgery. Say hello to your new friends: sleeping mask and earplugs. They are cheap and easily available from Walgreen’s, and they will save your life.

Or at least save the approximately four hours of sleep you are going to get nightly during your college career.

Sometimes privacy issues arise: A lot of people complain that their roommates are always skyping loudly in the room with their boyfriend/girlfriend from back home.

In this situation, it’s important to lay down the rules right away before it becomes an issue. Tell them, as politely as possible, (and as soon as possible, before they make a habit of it) that you’re not comfortable listening to them whisper sweet nothings to their significant other all night long. Not getting the point? Lend them your headphones, or maybe a helpful pillow for them to rest their back on while they Skype outside in the hallway. They’ll catch on pretty quickly.

The Default Rule is “Hands Off ” Some of you will be sharing a room for the first time in your life, but you know basic common courtesy, and that means no touching your roommate’s stuff unless they give you explicit permission. Maybe their parents send them economy-size packs of Kit Kats every month. They haven’t eaten a single one and you’re starving. They’ll never notice if you take one, right? Still, don’t do it without asking. You never know what they will notice, and something like that could easily destroy the trust in a relationship. If you ask, chances are they’ll say yes. Now,

apply that rule to everything in their half of the room. If you respect their possessions, they will likely respect yours.

The Dreaded Sexile It happens. The best you can do is try to let your roommate know ahead of time that you’re going to want the room to yourself and ask that they do the same. Sometimes things get a little spontaneous, though, and for that it’s best to have an escape plan.

Arrange to sleep in a friend’s room down the hall in those situations. Don’t make a big deal about leaving the room if your roommate springs a surprise need for some alone time on you, and try not to get too mad or resentful. When your day comes you’ll want them to extend you the same courtesy.

If you really, really can’t make it work Try talking to an RA or RH. They might be able to give some helpful tips or mediate a really tough situation with your roommate.

If you absolutely cannot live with your roommate for the next nine months, you can apply to switch rooms. Contact the Office of Undergraduate Housing (located at 6030 S. Ellis Avenue, 773-702-7366).

Switching rooms isn’t too difficult, but there is a three week housing freeze at the beginning of autumn quarter when no one can move. After that, switching depends on your location, preferences, and vacancies in the housing system. While many students do make it work, no one should feel stuck in a bad situation.

– By Charna Albert

Dating Though the slogans might have some truth to them, students here don’t actually date squirrels

Some day soon you will be relaxing on the quad, trying to read Foucault in peace, but some asshole and his girlfriend next to you won’t stop canoodling. Looking at their faces mushed together, you’ll wonder how did this adorable hipster couple fall in love at the school where the squirrels are better looking than the girls and more aggressive than the guys?

It’s quite possible that the Internet played a part in their relationship. Last year a little website popped up, and then it blew up across media desks. It started out as UChicagoHookups, which required a Uchicago.edu email address to sign up. At that time, it was a bunch of pretentious posts looking to hook up in the stacks.

Then the website expanded, and became Eduhookups. Suddenly, the possibility of hooking up in Columbia College’s stacks increased exponentially.

If you are not looking for an Internetsanctioned hookup, there are several places to meet someone of the opposite—or same,

or unidentified—gender with whom to enjoy some intimate time. Surprisingly, the dating scene at the U of C is actually quite diverse.

First, there’s the frat scene. Assuredly, most first-years will end up at least one frat party during O-Week, and end up with a short fling, commonly referred to as an O-mance. It’s highly unlikely that you will find a soul mate during this time period.

Although there are success stories, more often than not it will end with one party waiting outside Max for Safe Ride at 2 a.m.

Be careful though—some graduate students come to frat parties and lie about their age to naive first-years just for a hook up. True story.

Second, there’s Hum (or Sosc, or Bio) class, because there are few things hotter than talking about the Illiad in Cobb Coffee Shop. Tread lightly though, because if things go awry, the next 10 weeks will be even more awkward than usual. Perhaps waiting until seventh or eighth week might

be best before striking up an epic poetrybased relationship.

Another rich source of dating is to find your niche within the U of C culture.

Perhaps you’re a theater geek, or you’re a varsity athlete, or you’re a bio nerd, or perhaps you fit into the LGBTQ scene.

There’s probably some clique-cest going on, but it’s a convenient way to find someone cut from the same cloth. This may seem old hat, but with a small campus and so many avenues, there’s a lot to choose from, so look for the one with the most attractive people.

And finally, arriving at the worst possible place to find a mate: in your own House.

There are people who will say this is a perfectly fine venue. Don’t listen. Don’t do it. Sitting next to that person in House meetings, in Bartlett, and bumping into him or her every day will be the most awkward and painful event ever. As if you aren’t awkward enough already.

– By Christina Pillsbury

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

BODY & SOUL

Student Health

New and improved health care can’t cure That Kids

Before enrolling at the U of C, you have to provide immunization records. Before classes start, you have to prove your physical fitness (or lack thereof ). And before you can call yourself a real U of C student, you have to pay a large student health and wellness fee – all of this so that before you ask for an extension on that hellish paper, you can prove that you’re sick.

But what are you really paying for when you fork over that quarterly fee? It’s not just for a doctors who will provide birth control pills and extra-strength cough medicine—the Primary Care Ser vice (PCS) and Student Counseling Service (SCS) offer more resources than most students know.

To help relieve some of your anxiety associated with your inability to leave the Reg, many of the resources at the PCS, hidden deep inside the Wyler Pavillion across from DCAM in the Medical Center, are geared towards stress relief. Besides your basic clinic services—STD testing, pap smears, routine checkups, and some free lab services—the PCS offers a sports medicine doctor, a massage therapist, a stress-management movement therapist, a

nutritionist, and eating disorder specialists. There’s also smoking-cessation information and treatment, but that may or may not reduce stress.

The SCS, located next to the Chicago Theological Seminary (home of the Seminary Co-Op), is your gateway into the world of mental clarity. Services include short term individual and couples psychotherapy, medication management, emergency intervention, and a variety of support groups. Generally SCS staff provide referrals if a student needs more long-term support. The service also hosts wellness events, offering relief from day to day life in the form of art projects, massages, and healthy snacks.

Access to the PCS and SCS has come under scrutiny in the past few years: in a 2009 survey conducted by SG showed that about half of the student respondents were unhappy with the timeliness of appointments. There were also concerns regarding appointments that were cancelled or rescheduled without notice.

Interim Assistant Vice President for Student Health and Counseling Alex Lickerman (M.D. ’92) addressed these com-

plaints in a February forum hosted by SG. He announced four goals for improving student health services on campus: offering the best quality of care to students—which he said is available currently—improve customer service to make students feel welcome, implement a more timely way to schedule appointments, and create a health promotion and wellness system.

At the same forum, Lickerman acknowledged that the spatial division between the SCS and the PCS is problematic, but realistically bringing the two centers closer (and the PCS to campus) could take two years. Lucky for you, member of the class of 2015, you may be witness to a new building, meaning you might actually be able to find the PCS instead of wandering around aimlessly in the massive hospital complex. Lickerman said it best: “Those of you who have been to Student Care know that it’s basically a dungeon,” To make an appointment at the PCS—if you can get one, that is—the phone number is (773) 702-4156. The front desk of the SCS can be reached at (773) 7029800.

– By Christina Pillsbury

Religion

FAITH AT A GLANCE

Who will save your soul? Have faith in campus groups

Religious persuasions on campus range from A to Z: Atheist to Zoroastrian What falls in between is just as diverse: In addition to 37 religious groups that include strong Christian, Jewish, Muslim, and Buddhist communities, there are also less traditional networks on campus, including a secular alliance, an interfaith dialogue group, and QueeReligious, a forum and support group for students who are both homosexual and religious.

Students can take part in these networks— or build new ones—regardless of their background, Dean of Rockefeller Chapel Elizabeth Davenport says.

“Some undergraduates, particularly leaving home for the first time, may find themselves either questioning religious beliefs they inherited from their families or questioning what spirituality is about,” she said.

While its name may suggest primarily Christian offerings, Rockefeller Chapel also contains prayer rooms used by Muslim and Hindu students. The Chapel

hosts a number of interreligious events as well; one of its most popular events is the interreligious Thanksgiving Day service, now in its 96th year. A Hyde Park mainstay, the service fills the Chapel to its capacity of 1,800 people each year.

For the musically inclined, a choral worship is offered at Rockefeller. You can also stop by on a Tuesdays at 4 p.m. for Tea and Pipes, which offers free tea and biscuits while University organist Thomas Weisflog plays on the chapel’s E.M. Skinner pipe organ. Or, de-stress with the Chapel’s weekly yoga, Zen meditation, and drumming circles.

The Divinity School, the University’s graduate school of religious studies, also hosts events open to undergraduates.

Wednesdays at noon, the Divinity School holds lunches ($4 with a student ID) with a speaker in Swift Hall. And on October 14, the School will host a lecture by Jean Bethke Elshtain, a professor in the Divinity School, titled, “Between Heaven

ROCKEFELLER CHAPEL

and Hell: Politics Before the End Time.”

Davenport says the University’s religious offerings let students engage with spiritual issues the same way they approach their academics.

“We bring to it the same rigor and inquiry that we bring to everything else at the University,” Davenport said.

Such a wide array of religious and spiritual perspectives will likely be new for any student, regardless of their background. Davenport encourages students to take advantage of the opportunity to learn about the experiences of their peers.

“Be open to all the new experiences that you find placed in your path here. Talk to people of different traditions; don’t be afraid when people ask about your tradition.

Always be willing to ask the tough questions about what you believe and why,” she said.

– By Ella Christoph

5850 South Woodlawn Avenue rockefeller.uchicago.edu

DIVINITY SCHOOL 1025 East 58th Street divinity.uchicago.edu

CALVERT HOUSE (CATHOLIC) 5735 South University Avenue calvert.uchicago.edu

HINDU STUDENT SANGAM hindu.uchicago.edu MUSLIM STUDENTS ASSOCIATION msa.uchicago.edu/new_students.html NEWBERGER HILLEL CENTER 5715 South Woodlawn Avenue uchicagohillel.org

U OF C BUDDHIST ASSOCIATION buddhist.uchicago.edu

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

STUDENT GROUPS JOURNALISM ON CAMPUS Writing your heart out has never been easier. Here’s a list of some (other) notable publications

Chances are, once you get settled on campus you’ll occasionally be interested in what’s going on in the Administration Building, what play you should go see this weekend, where the best food is. Luckily there are campus publications to fill you in.

Of course, besides the regular newspapers you’d find on any other campus, the U of C has some rather uncommon publications as well.

There are campus organizations for intellectual critics, fashionistas, future Carrie Bradshaws, and wannabe Stephen Colberts,.

Although the University doesn’t have a journalism major, there is no dearth of opportunities for budding reporters, creative writers, or photographers. If you want to be the one that your friends go to for all the campus information, or if you just want to know which paper to read for what purpose, here’s the lowdown.

The Chicago Weekly is the “Independent Voice of the University of Chicago,” and focuses on arts and culture of Chicago’s South Side. The weekly paper contains coverage and previews of local events, and news that doesn’t get the attention of many other organizations.

Alongside the news stories are art criticisms, essays, and narratives. The coverage isn’t limited to the South Side though—reporters frequently venture outside of the Hyde Park bubble to events all over the city. The Weekly is printed

by Newcity communications, and appears with that paper inserted into it every week.

The Midway Review is a quarterly magazine of intellectual, cultural, and political commentary and criticism, founded in 2005. The magazine prides itself on being a non-partisan platform for civil discourse that spans several academic disciplines. The editorial board accepts essays from students, faculty and community members who wish to engage in the campus dialogue at the beginning of each quarter. The magazine is funded by the Student Government Finance Committee, the Evan Behrens Fund, and the Collegiate Network.

Vita Excolatur explores and plays with sexuality artfully. Not without controversy, the magazine was first published in 2004. Since then it has been

featured in The New York Times for fighting against “where fun comes to die” stereotypes.

Each issue comes with a theme, and accepts relevant proposals for essays, journalistic pieces, photography shoots, and poetry at the beginning of the quarter.

The Shady Dealer, the “Intentional Humor Publication of the University of Chicago,” is a campus favorite for its hilarious, satirical articles. From pieces discussing the vegetable rights activists’ outrage that Vita used a carrot in an unconventional fashion to breaking news announcing that Harold’s Chicken Shack will be the new supplier for the dining halls, The Shady Dealer is perfect for an all-nighter perusing break.

Sliced Bread, founded in 2007, is an annual magazine that publishes the material left out of other campus periodicals. Described as an outlet for any form of two dimensional art, Sliced Bread publishes all types of written and visually creative pieces: short stories, poetry, non-fiction, and dramatic texts, as well as photography, drawings, and cartoons. The magazine periodically holds writing contests and awards monetary prizes to winners.

If these publications don’t fill that hole in you your heart that you’ve reserved for a writing position, there’s still more: • The Art Journal is annual publication funded by the Department of Art History and the Division of the Humanities run by graduate students.

• Blacklight Magazine began as an offshoot of the Organization of Black Students, publishing views and beliefs of black students and Hyde Park community members.

• The Chicago Studies Annual Journal publishes original research conducted by undergraduate students, a part of the Chicago Studies program.

• Students help run the College Website, which contains all information about campus life for students, from first years to grad students.

• Counterpoint is the campus quarterly conservative magazine, touching on topics both on the quads and beyond.

• Diskord is a campus website that serves as an outlet for progressive students to shed light on their causes and provide in-depth analysis on current events.

• The Euphony Journal is a biannual literary magazine that publishes some work from students, but most of the content is submitted from outside the University from domestic and international authors, both professional and amature.

• Hercampus.com is an online magazine that serves as a guide to campus life. The magazine is just one branch of the national organization aimed at female students.

• MODA Magazine is the fashion magazine produced by the RSO of the same name.

It is published twice annually and features student writers, models, designers, and photographers.

• Noyes Magazine is a twice-quarterly publication targeted at the stylish student looking for the next big thing in Chicago.

Each issue has a different trendy theme.

• The Platypus Review is a monthly publication that is a branch of the Platypus Affiliated Society—an international marxist leftist group that originated at the U of C. • The Triple Helix at the University of Chicago is just one branch of the international science, business, policy, ethics, and law society. Each edition is separated into two parts: half is internationally recognized papers, the other half are papers written solely by U of C members.

• The University Community Service Center accepts articles that take recent national events into a local perspective as a part of its Civic Journalism program.

Now that you’ve gotten your hands dirty in the on-campus publications, you’re probably thirsty for the big time. That’s where the Chicago Careers in Journalism (CCIJ) program comes in handy. Part of the program involves meeting with the director, Kathy Anderson, who can help jazz up any writing resume. She also coordinates events throughout the year. From seasoned journalists delivering on-campus lectures to day-long workshops, CCIJ events always provide insight to the industry and usually allow for serious networking. Also available through the CCIJ program are fancy journalism and writing-specific internships waiting for U of C students.

– By Christina Pillsbury

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

STUDENT GOVERNMENT Meet our student leaders, the least corrupt politicians in the city of Chicago

As one of the biggest power brokers on campus, Student Government (SG) has a wide role in improving student life at the U of C. SG is led by an executive slate, composed of a President, Vice President for Student Affairs, and a Vice President for Administration. The slate, along with the undergraduate and graduate liaison to the Board of Trustees, are elected by the entire College in April. Underneath the executive slate is the college and graduate council, consisting of four members elected by their peers each year. SG is then broken into an assembly, executive cabinet, executive committee, and other committees. The assembly allocates funding to RSOs, while the executive cabinet advises the University on issues of student concern, and the executive committee sets the agenda for assembly meeting.

Often criticized as an overly-ambitious organization that serves as resume fodder for students, recent executive slates have worked to shed that reputation and expand the authority of SG. Last year, for example, the slate worked to bring free daily copies of The New York Times and USA Today to campus, and expanded the use of the student-run uBazaar online marketplace.

Fourth-year and incoming SG President

Youssef Kalad and his executive slate will try and use a pragmatic approach to continue to create a more active SG. Kalad told the Maroon that while both students and administrators have good ideas on how to improve the University, they often miscommunicate with each other, resulting in a lack of collaboration.

“The role of SG is pretty simple,” Kalad said. “The role of SG is to give students and administrators a context in which they can understand each other.”

Kalad’s slate, called LIVEChicago, is rounded out by second-year and Vice President for Administration Forrest Scofield and third-year and Vice President for Student Affairs Meher Kairon. Kalad said that Scofield will oversee the Student Government Finance Committee (SGFC) —a committee that he served on last year as a member of the College Council. Kairon will work on improving student social life, including the creation of a restaurant crawl in Chicago for all students, modeled on the pub crawl for students over 21.

Kalad said that one of the strong points of his slate is that each member has been involved with different campus organizations. “We all have a diversity of backgrounds,” he said, adding that Kairon, who has not previously served on SG,

offered a perspective that complements the SG experience he and Scofield already have. Kalad also said he hoped that having Kairon on his slate would encourage more women in the College to get involved in SG. During SG elections last April, LIVEChicago campaigned as a pragmatic slate, emphasizing specific projects that they felt they could accomplish. These projects included streaming SG forums live through Facebook, creating a single registration interface calendars and course listings, as well as expanding the Uncommon Fund—grants given to student projects that meet the requirements of the Uncommon Fund board for being unique and enriching —to over $150,000, up from $40,000 in previous years.

“Get the low hanging fruit first,” Kairon said in an April interview with the Maroon.

After a record 20 members of the class of 2014 ran for SG last year, Kalad said he hoped that the class of 2015 would be just as enthusiastic about improving student life.

“I don’t want people on SG who are just looking to add something to their resume,” Kalad said. “I want people who are passionate.”

– By Sam Levine

Youssef Kalad President of Student Government

A Politician In Your First Year Lessons on representing your class, from a student who spent two years doing just that

At some point during this hectic, sleepless, yet hopefully exciting week, a member of our Student Government (SG) might approach you with an almost suspiciously wide grin, shake your hand with the firm grip of an aspiring politician, and pitch you on the many opportunities that SG offers the student body. You may politely nod or uncomfortably look at the ground as this enthusiastic upperclassman tells you about student organization funding, sustainability initiatives, and the upcoming Class of 2015 elections, or you may listen with genuine interest, surprised to learn that SG in college is different than in high school, with bigger issues to tackle than prom themes and pep rally logistics.

In fact, SG deals with many—if not all—student life issues. Administrators frequently draw on SG for advice on matters such as dining, transportation, and security,

to name a few. SG also pursues initiatives of its own to improve the student experience here at the U of C. For example, SG runs free shuttles to both Chicago airports at the end of every quarter, and some SG members recently took vocal roles in a multi-year student movement to pressure the University to establish ethical standards for University investments. There’s a niche in SG for a person with almost any interest and a need for innovative people with unique skills and passions.

And persistence.

Change happens slowly here, and sometimes a shocking amount of obstacles obstruct progress on even simple matters related to student life. That’s why the student body needs elected leaders willing to put in the time to take on those obstacles.

Your first opportunity to get involved in

Forrest Scofield Vice President for Administration SG is quickly approaching. Elections for the Class of 2015’s four College Council seats will be held Tuesday through Thursday of third week, and petitions are due Monday of second week (visit sg.uchicago.edu for details). The campaign is sure to be hardfought, and unless you’re an unblushing extrovert, you’ll have to step out of your comfort zone and introduce yourself to enough of your classmates to make the top four. Two years into college, the best advice I can give a new first year is just that: step out of your comfort zone. Whether you win or lose the election, you’ll learn and grow as a result.

Frank Alarcon was a Class of 2013 representative in ’09-’10 and undergraduate liaison to the Board of Trustees in ’10-’11.

He will be writing a blog covering Student Government for the Maroon this year.

Meher Kairon Vice President for Student Affairs

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

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CH IC A GO PU B LIC L IB R ARY For a full list of One Book, One Chicago events, pick up a guide at your local library or bookstore, visit onebookonechicago.org or call (312) 747-8191.

Featured events include: • Staged readings with Chicago theatre ensembles • Authors Martin Amis, John Green, Stuart Dybek and more • Book discussion on Twitter @1book1chicago

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Cinema on Campus

CAMPUS

What’s up, Doc? At the U of C the pictures may move, but you don’t really have to—there are plenty of excellent resources for the collegiate cinephile right on campus. If you’re not looking to stray too far from the Midway, Doc Films is an exceptional choice. Doc began in 1932 as a student-run film club, which exclusively screened documentaries (or as its founders called them, “the realist study of our time via nonfiction film”).

In 1940, the organization became firmly established as the International House Documentary Film Group. Since that time, Doc has switched its focus and now plays just about every kind of film under the sun. Many esteemed directors from Woody Allen to Alfred Hitchcock and even, more recently, Darren Aronofsky, have graced Max Pavlesky Cinema with their presence and lead discussions about their films.

Roger Ebert, an Illinois native and brief U of C student himself, once called Doc Films “cinephile heaven,” and at $5 per ticket or $30 for a quarterly pass, it’s hard to disagree. Films play every night throughout the entire quarter (besides the dreaded 11 th week of exams). During the week Doc plays five series (one for each day of the week), most of which cover extremely interesting cinematic ground, or, at the very least, are wittily named.

Some recent series include such gems as Stanley Kubrick Films, Iranian New Wave, and Underground Cinema (that would be films that take place underground).

On the weekends Doc plays more recent releases, usually ones that made a killing at the box office, or classic, established crowd-pleasers—just about anything you could think of from Easy A to Casablanca.

Doc is still run exclusively by U of C students whose encyclopedic knowledge of the moving picture is awe-inspiring. It is worth noting for the benefit of the thrifty film-buff that Doc volunteers may enter through the gates of heaven free of charge during their down time.

The Max Pavlesky Cinema is also often used to play movies produced by Fire Escape, the student filmmaking group at the U of C. Upon becoming involved with Fire Escape, new members make their first project with the help of a more seasoned member. These projects are played at the beginning of each quarter, and those who have completed these introductory works are allowed to propose projects of their own, subject to approval by the Fire Escape Committee.

If you’re not too keen on making your own film, but would like to watch as many as your heart desires—free of charge—the

Film Studies Center is an excellent option.

Located on the third floor of Cobb, the FSC, boasts a wide variety of films, from the highly decorated to the relatively obscure, and you don’t have to be a Film Studies major to borrow from their cinematic archives. The FSC also conducts events and film screenings, including those produced by members of Fire Escape.

If all that wasn’t enough, a new movie theater is being built as part of Harper Court (located at 53rd and Harper), and is slated to open in Fall 2012. It will be run

by The New 400 Theaters, an independent movie theater company with only one other location in Chicago (Rogers Park), which features alternative, children’s, and widerelease films. There will be five screens, and one of the theaters will have tables between the seats so that audience members can lunch, dine, or even just snack while soaking up the silver screen. Their current theater also offers special deals if you want to use their space (and screens) for a birthday party. No word yet on whether the Harper Court theater will feature similar celebratory perks.

In short, there is no need to fear a cinematic dry spell at the U of C. Your next great flick is not as far off as you may think.

– By Hannah Gold

Theater on Campus Pretend not to be a U of C student for a while My first orientation week was a whirlwind. Between introducing myself to hundreds of new people and being shuttled to and from informational meetings, I barely had time to sit down and relax.

When a few friends suggested we enjoy our night by seeing something called Off-Off Campus in Mandel Hall, I jumped at the idea of relaxing in my seat while some sort of performance played out in front of me.

What I didn’t realize was that Off-Off Campus was, in fact, an improvisational comedy troupe, one of the first and longest running in the country, and that you’re usually not just relaxing during their show because you’re having trouble breathing in between the laughs. By the end of the performance my sides hurt, and the rest of the night my friends and I joked back and forth about how we were so “shark angry” and doing our best Nelson Rockefeller impersonations.

Off-Off Campus is just one of the many theatre groups here at the University of Chicago, and illustrates the wide range that University Theatre encompasses. Theatre doesn’t just have to be dramatically acting out Shakespeare on a stage, although it can be. According to University Theatre, approximately 500 students a year take part in campus performances, whether it be through designing, producing, acting, or

even directing.

However, theatre doesn’t just have to be a hobby. The TAPS (Theatre and Performance Studies) program allows students to major in their passion for acting. Like other Chicago majors, there is a healthy dose of the theoretical involved. TAPS majors have to take six classes in theory and analysis, and by the time they’ve completed the major, students are should have developed “a nuanced and sophisticated vocabulary with which to analyze creativity.” Unlike some other majors at the University of Chicago, TAPS also introduces practical application of theory into its program as well, and students conclude their major with a B.A., which includes a performance of original work.

Complaints that the University was not receptive enough to the career aspirations of students involved in the arts were responded to in full by the construction of the Logan Center for the Arts. The center recently celebrated it’s ‘topping off,’ a milestone indicating that the tower has reached its intended height, and is scheduled to open on March 26th, 2012. When completed, the center, which is located just south of the Midway on the corner of Inglside and 60th street, is expected to be “a new foundation for the arts at the University of Chicago and will inspire creativity and collaboration

across the artistic spectrum,” according to President Robert Zimmer. University Theatre even has a ‘Life Beyond’ link on their website, complete with internship opportunities, as well as strategies and resources to finding jobs.

Whether theatre is a hobby or a lifelong passion, the University of Chicago has some pretty good options. Auditions for plays always take place on Tuesday and Wednesday of first week on the third floor of Cobb, so be sure to be on the lookout for which works you might be interested in joining. Plays range anywhere from full feature length productions to forty five minute projects with just a few actors, so don’t feel pigeonholed into any particular kind of play. Also, remember that you don’t have to be an actor to get involved in theatre. Plays are always in need of people to fill stage crews, direct, or help with lighting and set creation. If you’ve never done theatre before, don’t be intimated— there are a lot of other first timers there who are just as nervous as you. So if you’re interested, go forth and make some art.

Between your all-night study sessions in the Reg and the hours you spend in class, it’ll provide an opportunity to meet new people, relieve stress, and of course, make theatre jokes.

– By Mahmoud Bahrani

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

ENTERTAINMENT Campus Art

Even the museums here are Smart While you may think the kids walking around this campus are only posing as art students, the U of C’s visual arts offerings, both in the classroom and extracurricular, are gaining steam. With a brand-new arts center opening next year and a slew of museums and RSOs on campus, there’s much more art at the U of C than just that authentic Chagall hanging in your dorm.

The Smart Museum of Art, home to the likes of Rothko, Matisse, and Rodin, is one of the University’s main attractions. Created in 1974 as a branch of the U of C’s art department, the now independent Museum still maintains a close relationship with the University and greatly benefits from the close proximity to its art history scholars.

Now on display at the Smart is Process and Artistry in the Soviet Vanguard, an exhibition on the avant-garde creative processes that led to some of the movement’s most famous propaganda pieces, and opening September 29 is Vision and Communism, a collection of propaganda posters by artist and designer Viktor Koretsky. And if that’s not enough Soviet Russia for you, the University’s Film Studies Center will also be showing the militant films of Chris Marker and Aleksandr Medvedkin, in true interdisciplinary fashion. Your reward for seeing them all? A profound understanding

of Marx and brutal winters that far surpasses your peers’. Admission to the Smart is free, as is admission to the Film Studies Center screenings.

While the Smart Museum offers more classic fare, the Renaissance Society, sneakily tucked into the fourth floor of Cobb Hall, hosts more contemporary exhibits.

Born out of modernism’s introduction to the States, the Society’s long-standing mission is to make available to the Midwest the finest and most avant-garde culture found in New York and Europe. Past exhibits have featured Gertrude Stein, Mies van der Rohe and Alexander Calder. Admission to the Society is free.

Or, if you prefer ancient stone horses to video installations of dog puppets, The Oriental Institute might be more your style. Though unfortunately not founded

by Indiana Jones, the Institute runs a worldrenowned museum, conducts research, and organizes archaeological expeditions.

Opening September 28 is Visible Language: Inventions of Writing in the Ancient Middle East, which includes cuneiform tablets never before shown in the States. Admission to the Institute is free, but a $7 donation is suggested.

If you’re down for a brief foray off campus, the Hyde Park Art Center (HPAC) gives

a look into the culture of Chicago and community-based art. The oldest alternative exhibition space in Chicago, HPAC is focused on educational outreach and the promotion of local artists, and the Center frequently hosts discussions, classes, and workshops in tangent with their exhibitions.

Past exhibits have included work by recent MFA graduates, selections from classes taught at the Center, as well as pieces from more nationally known artists like Betsy Odom and Maddie Leach. No Place Like Home, opening September 25, examines the concept of home through a political and economic lens. Admission to all exhibits is free.

Creative opportunities for students also abound, with RSOs ranging from the Festival of the Arts, a weeklong, campuswide display of students’ work, to Outside the Lines, a student group that promotes artistic expression and hosts weekly figure-drawing sessions. Other student organizations include Japanese Animation Society and The Glass Eyeball, the U of C’s photography club. Whether you want to create art or merely contemplate it, you will always be able to get your fix, no matter what style, medium or species you most enjoy looking at.

– By Jordan Larson

Campus Music

Inside A Capella

From broadcasting to bands, there’s something for all musicians

There’s more behind the clever names

Although the U of C doesn’t have a conservatory, it offers something for everyone interested in pursuing music. The music department is home to 14 different ensembles, spanning musical genres from orchestral to jazz to Javanese Gamelon (a traditional Indonesian performance group whose instruments sound something like falling rainwater). Anyone who successfully completes the audition process can participate in any of the ensembles.

If the Smith Westerns sound more enticing to you than Sibelius, you might be interested in joining WHPK, the campus radio station. DJs come from the student body, the surrounding community, and even a few from other areas of the city.

Besides broadcasting music 24 hours a day, the station hosts a show called Pure Hype with live musicians from Chicago every Friday night from 7-9 p.m. Tune in at 88.5 FM or apply for your own show by visiting whpk.org. The station also hosts an annual concert on campus called WHPK Summer Breeze, which occurs alongside the annual Summer Breeze concert hosted by the Major Activities Board (MAB).

MAB brings big name bands and performers to campus every autumn and spring quarter at the fall show and Summer Breeze Concert. With help from the University, they guarantee affordable ticket

Many University of Chicago a capella groups are making a mark on campus— not only does each group put on concerts throughout the year, but many record and release albums as well. There are seven groups to choose from, and each has its own characteristics. To find out how to audition, visit the University of Chicago A Capella Council web site at acapella. uchicago.edu. Here’s a short guide to what you can expect from each: Voices in Your Head is the most prolific group on campus, having recorded four albums and performed at international a capella competitions. They also arrange and write some of their own music.

Voices is a large group, accepting both graduate and undergraduate students, so if you’re serious about singing, this is one organization to check out.

Men in Drag is one of two all-female a cappella groups. Not only does its repertoire span a variety of genres, but the group is also very active in fundraisers and other activities, making it a fun choice for all. This year, Men is Drag plans to embark on its third tour and release an album.

The group also holds an annual pie/date auction every spring called “Want Love?

Buy Pie!” The Ransom Notes takes a more traditional approach to a capella. This

prices, too. Recent acts include Crystal Castles, Big Boi and Kid Sister, and Nas with Damian Marley. Any student can get involved by e-mailing suggestions of what groups they would like to see on campus to board members. To learn about joining the board, visit mab1.uchicago.edu. You could end up meeting a favorite performer—last year, a MAB board member scored the Maroon an interview with comedian Donald Glover.

The University has also inspired the creation of several student bands now enjoying success throughout the city.

If you’re interested in seeing current or former students perform off campus, check out Squat the Condos or Lakesigns, both of which have performed at classic Chicago venues like the Empty Bottle and Subterranean. Grab Squat the Condos’ recent EP, We Should Be Together at squatthecondos.bandcamp.com and Lakesigns album Good Person at myspace. com/lakesigns.

If singing under arches and bouncing along to perfectly choreographed movement is more your thing, a cappella might be what you’re looking for. If you’re interested in joining one, the University is home to seven groups, which are listed on the right.

– By Charna Albert

small co-ed group performs each quarter and tours in the winter and spring.

Rhythm & Jews is easily the most eccentric group of the bunch. Despite its name, this co-ed group accepts students from all walks of life and is open to singing everything from contemporary pop to television themes. They also go on tour every winter.

Unaccompanied Women is the second of the two all-female a capella groups. The group is known for the many performances it puts on throughout the year, as well as its matching costumes. They also hold two Valentine’s Day events each year: Singing Valentines, where they sing to the recipient of your choosing, and a Speed Dating event. Check them out if you enjoy being involved in campus life.

Make a Joyful Noise is one of the smaller a capella groups on campus. As a Christian-based organization, it primarily sings Christian music, although it does branch out some. If faith and community are your thing, this is the group to see.

Finally, Run For Cover is an all-male a capella group that covers a wide range of music. Founded in 2008, it is one of the newer, more casual groups on campus.

According to their website, they plan on recording an album this year.

– By Hayley Lamberson

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Classes

ACADEMICS

How to pick the winners, which ironically includes one class called “Losers” Last year I was visiting a friend at Brown University and staying in one of the dorms.

Standing in the hall, I casually rested my hand atop a fire extinguisher case only to find—much to my surprise—an Adderall.

This exact same thing happened about an hour later. The walls were literally lined with Adderall. This made me think: If the students in Providence need stimulants to survive their classes, what about us South Siders? If the students at Brown need to do lines off their Moleskines in order to make it through Drum Circles 201, everybody at the U of C must do an eight ball before breakfast and make Keith Richards look like an amateur just to get through the Core!

Right?

Wrong. Welcome to “Surviving Classes at the U of C 10100.” Please leave your bennies and other amphetamines at the door—you probably won’t end up needing them.

The work load at the U of C is notoriously daunting. It is important to admit it—there is a lot of work, so much that sometimes you want to dig a little igloo in the snow on your way to the library and go to sleep, not caring whether or not you wake up. There’s no way to get around that 300-page reading assignment or that 12-page paper, but here are a few alms of friendly advice: Study Alone. Yes, it can sometimes be helpful to go to the library with a friend so that you can motivate each other to get your work done. But this rarely happens.

More often than not you will hear your friends complaining about how their four hour night at Harper produced only twenty pages of reading, and then see the record of how they actually spent the night with witty Facebook posts to their friends across the table. Don’t make that mistake.

Go to office hours. GO TO OFFICE

HOURS! U of C professors are interesting people. Skip the shake at C-Shop (come on, it’s not that good anyway) and GO TO OFFICE HOURS! Don’t be afraid to take three classes.

Practice this speech: “I’m not a slacker; I just see other opportunities, outside the classroom, where I can learn things and enrich myself.”

Take electives. The Core isn’t going anywhere. Having to take classes you don’t really get to choose can be a real downer and seriously curtail your productivity, so save a Core class for later and take an interesting elective. It will be good for your soul and you won’t feel so bad about having to take Hum. Shop around. Pink slip period can be exciting (yes, exciting). Even if you think you’re happy with your schedule, sit in on a few extra classes your first couple of weeks.

– By Colin Bradley

The Core The U of C’s Great Doorstops— er, Books— program By now I am sure you have heard of a little thing called, “The Core Curriculum,” and probably enough trite commentary on it to match the incessant ramblings of Homer.

Some popular platitudes about the Core include that it sets the U of C curriculum in complete opposition with that of Brown (which hardly requires anything), that it is actually worthwhile, and that it gets in the way of your education. However, if you chose the U of C out of your own free will, or even if you didn’t, you have probably already mustered up the gumption to take this sometimes tortuous, often rewarding path through survey-sized academia.

Former President of the University Robert Maynard Hutchins founded the Core in the 1930s with the intention of giving every undergrad who passed through Hull Gate, the chance (not to mention obligation) to immerse his or herself in an interdisciplinary education.

This means that not only do students get to take a wide variety of courses, but they also can do so alongside classmates with broad and often differing fields of interest.

The only sequence you will have to take during your first year is Hum (short for Humanities, and, of course, you’re probably going to want to take more than just that). For Hum, as with Sosc (that’s Social Sciences), you’ll have six fairly varied options ranging from Philosophical Perspectives to Greek Thought and Literature to Media Aesthetics, the last in

which, besides reading literature, you also learn a great deal about the nuances of sound and will probably watch The Matrix.

Marx, Plato, and Smith, among others, are the exegetical bread and butter of the Sosc department, although, as with Hum, the required readings vary quite a bit among sequences. For example, in Power, Identity, and Resistance, classes discuss dialectical materialism, the oceanic feeling, the invisible hand and a hodgepodge of other theories and sentiments, but dishing on the personal lives of these great social philosophers is not off-limits. That includes Rousseau’s many titillating sexual escapades and Kant’s lack thereof, not to mention Nietzsche’s hellish sister. This is all to say that social sciences at the U of C can actually be fun for a variety of reasons, and certainly not something to fret over.

For Mathematics, select one of many yearlong calculus series, or if you don’t want to take so many classes, an introductory statistics or math theory class will also suffice, provided you take five courses in the sciences. For physical science, there are a wide array of classes ranging from Astronomy to Environmental Science. In order to satisfy your natural science requirement you will need to take Core Biology (learn about the Golgi Apparatus, birth rates of copulating cheetahs, telomeres, etc.) along with either one or two Bio topics courses, depending how many math and physical science classes you plan on taking.

In addition to all of this, you will also be required to complete a Civilizations (Civ) series for two or three quarters. Many students do Civ abroad and rave about

their experience—which is to be expected considering that classes are offered in cities such as Barcelona, Beijing, Cape Town, and Paris. There is also an art requirement, which can be fulfilled by taking classes in Theater and Performance Studies, Art History, and, as of last year, Creative Writing. And don’t forget the language requirement— completion of any of the University’s level– 100 language series or the equivalent (high AP scores, adequate placement tests, and so on).

A friendly note concerning the Physical Education test: Try to eat a decent breakfast and don’t be feverish. Bleachers are involved, along with back flexibility and, possibly, minor blows to your ego. Still, don’t sweat it. Even if you are not able to place out of the Physical Education requirement entirely, that only sentences you to a relatively relaxing class or two that you might have taken anyway. Anyone for swing dancing, yoga, or racquetball? The athletics department has you covered, and will even ensure that you can swim come graduation.

Finally, to return to my clichés, you have to take the good with the bad—this is the price you pay for a top-notch Great Books education. Choose your classes wisely; don’t squander the opportunity and simply pick the series with the best ring to it. If you follow where your interests—and horoscope—lead you probably will not fail (and if Mars is in the second house, please, opt out of Readings in World Literature). Let knowledge grow from more to more; and so be human life enriched. This above all: to thine own self be true and, if you please, to the very core.

– By Hannah Gold

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Majors Taking a break from writing a Core paper means writing one for your major The U of C offers fifty majors, twenty-eight minors, and seemingly infinite combinations of concentrations to its coterie of knowledgehungry undergrads. To be exact, that is one hundred percent satiation for an academic appetite.

Technically speaking, choosing a major at the U of C is a very simple thing to do. Most students do not have to declare their major (or any potential minors) until spring of their third year. This usually involves submitting an online request and informing your college advisor. Of course, every major has their own rules and exceptions—certain ones have more stringent prerequisites that will need to be fulfilled before that time, or require an application.

It is prudent to take a quick glance at all that your future vocation requires of you. A major may require that you take twelve courses or it may require eighteen—it varies greatly, and the numbers may be different for two people in the same major, depending on their further specified area of focus. Minors usually require about half as many credits.

As to the personal, anxiety-ridden side of the matter, the University website brightly remarks that, “With very few exceptions, the major will assume more importance to you than to the outside world.” Most students arrive at the university not knowing what they want to major in, and of the lucky few who do, many change their minds. This sudden indecision where once there was a fervent desire to be a Physics, Philosophy, or English major may be brought on by a multitude of factors (the Core Curriculum, bitterly cold weather, the pitfalls of organic chemistry, and actual philosophy classes, to name a few) but it is certainly nothing to worry about.

A favorite U of C pastime worth mentioning is the phenomenon of majoring in multiples.

Every year many students decide to double major. The University’s official spiel on this tradition is that, professionally speaking, it usually does not make a difference, but it certainly can be helpful for one with conflicting or varied academic passions. Of course such a student might also consider focusing singularly and indulge in many enticing electives on the side. Also, two distinct majors will often involve courses that overlap considerably, and so it is possible to double major and still have some electives to spare. An even smaller collegiate clique opts to try their hands at the masochistic rigors of a triple major, and often find it to be an uphill battle. Still, we must imagine the triple-major to be happy.

The U of C has a smattering of unexpected and idiosyncratic majors as well, two of which, Fundamentals and Law, Letters, and Society, you have to apply for early—during Spring quarter of your first year.

Fundamentals majors seek to answer one deceptively basic question (i.e. “How does one love?” or “What is desperation?”) by focusing intensely on a few central texts. These texts may be philosophical, sociological, religious, literary, historical or scientific in nature.

Mostly, though, they are literary. The courses could cover many works of one author, or focus on a single book, for example Pale Fire, The Brothers Karamazov, Ulysses—most of which are read an excruciating (but theoretically rewarding) minimum of three times. Opinions on this major are diverse—some focus on the “fun,” others on the “mental.”

Law, Letters and Society is also meant to be an interdisciplinary major and draws heavily

from the political science, public policy, philosophy, and sociology departments, among others. All second years who have been admitted into the major are required to take an introductory class, “Legal Reasoning”, taught by famed professor and program director Dennis Hutchinson during the Fall. Additionally, students must take two “Letters”, two “Society”, and six complementary courses at some point during their undergraduate experience.

Next up, we have ISHum (Interdisciplinary studies in the Humanities). Students in this program focus on the humanities, but allow their interests to wander relevantly elsewhere, and incorporate interests from other disciplines.

Students who wish to major in ISHum should apply by the end of their second year, although rare exceptions are made for those applying at the beginning of their third.

Finally, there is a major with a winning name, and even more impressive, interdisciplinary attitude—HIPS (History, Philosophy, and Social Sciences of Medicine). This major is pretty self-explanatory, and there isn’t anything quite like it in the country. In order to fulfill one’s academic requirements, all HIPSters must cultivate a foundational knowledge of the natural sciences, and then immerse themselves in such topics as the history of medicine, its social, psychological, philosophical ramifications, and so on.

Again, this is just something to keep in the back of your head, not to drive you out of your mind. You’ve got at least three years in this place, so eat your heart out.

– By Hannah Gold

Professors More doctors than you can find in a hospital Whether they’ve won a Nobel Prize, write for The New Republic, or have a curriculum vitae the size of a small book, scores of notable faculty at the University of Chicago are at your disposal. You might as well see for yourself— their names often appear as the attributions of quotes in national newspapers, and it’s hard to talk politics without mentioning someone who taught here. If you’re a regular first year, excited to learn from some of the greatest minds in America, you’ve probably already looked up the well-known faculty teaching here.

So instead of reiterating what the University’s website has to say, here are a few pieces of advice for dealing with professors, based largely on my own experiences.

Go to office hours and have lots of questions ready with you. If you have gotten the chance to take a class with a famous professor (this, from my experience, is likelier to happen in humanities classes than in others), then it’s like trying to date Ryan Gosling: Odds are the class will be a large lecture and you won’g get very much time, if any, to talk to the professor one-on-one in the classroom. Face time will allow you to interact meaningfully and maybe even develop a relationship with the professor.

Don’t be too nervous when talking to him or her; the professor will seem intimidatingly brilliant, but if he or she is teaching a class, you have every right to ask questions and discuss the material. In every class I’ve taken here, professors have been more than willing

to answer questions and explain material. So don’t be shy or nervous. For the more cynical among you, here is one final reason to go to office hours and ask the professors questions: Anecdotal evidence suggests that professors will look on those who attend office hours favorably when it’s time for grades (But only if you have actual questions to ask and issues to discuss. It’s an awful idea to just show up to talk about the weather).

Do not rely too heavily on course evaluations. They are certainly worth checking out and reading, but you shouldn’t take them very seriously. Half the time someone will write something along the lines of, “This professor was completely apathetic about the class and did not care about the students,” only to be followed by another’s account which will boldly declare, “This was the best professor I’ve ever had at the University of Chicago; he was just really excited about the material and really concerned with making sure students understood what he was talking about.” At the very least, it remains an open question how much extraneous factors—like being an easy grader—can contribute to getting outstanding reviews. So be skeptical of evaluations.

Shop for classes. You have the opportunity, at the start of every quarter, to attend a lecture or two in order to decide whether you want to sign up for a course; take advantage of this.

It’s a more reliable way of telling whether you will like a professor than reading evaluations.

Try not to focus too much on the big names. It does not follow that just because a professor is really famous, his or her class will be edifying. In many cases, that simply will not be the case, and all you’ll end up doing is paying for the privilege of being able to say, “I took a class with famous professor X.” Being a well-known academic does not imply being a great teacher, and you should always keep this in mind whenever you hear yourself saying, “I want to take Professor Y’s class—she is really famous.”

Sometimes though, many of the most famous faculty members at the U of C probably won’t have anything to do with you. The odds are high that an economics major will never actually see Gary Becker or Robert Lucas, let alone take a class with them. I am a math major, and I will never have a conversation with either of the two Fields medalists in the department. This isn’t a big deal: Often the award-winning faculty members are just to brilliant to interact with people of lower intelligence. Odds are the professors you take classes with will be terrific teachers. Just don’t expect to always be surrounded by Nobel laureates while at the U of C. Take advantage of the opportunities you are provided with, and I can guarantee you that, come graduation, you will be able to look back and say that you made the most of your college experience.

– By Peter Iankiev

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Bookstores

READING

When an 8 million-volume library system won’t cut it To successfully live the “Life of the Mind,” a student must seek out sources of nutrition beyond ramen noodles and Red Bull. A steady diet of thoughtful conversation, contemplative silences, and, perhaps most crucially, teetering stacks of books is prescribed for the fledgling Maroon.

Luckily, Hyde Park houses a mind-boggling number of bookstores per capita, making it simple to come by your recommended daily serving of the printed word. However, if your bibliophilia remains unquenched by the South Side’s offerings, fear not: The Chicago landscape is lush with second-hand bookshops. Here’s your guide to the Windy City’s literary scene:

In Hyde Park: University of Chicago Bookstore A Barnes and Nobles in disguise, the “official” campus bookstore carries a very limited selection of reading material. Science and math students can’t really avoid the place, since the second floor stocks their course books. But for everyone else, except for the ritual purchase of the branded sweatshirt, you’re better off at another Hyde Park establishment. Unless, of course, you desperately need a U of C rocking chair. 970 East 58th Street.

Seminary Co-Op Though not owned by the Chicago Theological Seminary (CTS), this underground labyrinth occupies the basement of the CTS and stocks all the required reading for courses in the humanities and most of the social sciences. You’ll find an excellent selection of scholarly books, but even if you only ever buy required reading here, the 10-percent discount you get for joining the Co-Op ($30 for

a lifetime membership, cash or check only) will pay for itself in no time. 5757 South University Avenue.

57th Street Books The less intimidating sister to the Sem Co-Op, this charming shop is nestled in a shady corner of its eponymous street. The front table features new and local books, whose authors often drop in for a book signing. There’s an adorable children’s section in the back of the store, complete with colorful carpeting and tiny tables. 1301 East 57th Street.

Powell’s You can browse to the strains of NPR and Bob Dylan at Hyde Park’s most popular bookseller.

Inventory tends to turn over quickly, so if you spot something amazing, it’s best not to wait to buy.

Sometimes you can even find advance copies of recently published books. Check out the oft-overlooked basement, which houses a wide selection of fantasy and mystery novels, as well as a quirky and well-priced selection of overstock. 1501 East 57th Street.

O’Gara and Wilson Whether vintage Playboys or Depression-era agricultural pamphlets strike your fancy, there is likely some treasure hidden on the tall shelves of this antiquarian bookstore. A sculpture of Jerome, patron saint of books, watches over the appropriately dusty shop. Don’t be intimidated by the classiness of the place: There are bargains to be found, and the staff even puts a cart with $1 specials in front of the window. 1448 East 57th Street

Outside Hyde Park:

Selected Works Used Books & Sheet Music A uniformed elevator man will take you to this cozy emporium on the second floor of the Fine Arts Building. The shelves may not be particularly organized, but digging through the out-of-print novels, unusual history books, and antique sheet music is part of the fun. A playful bookshop cat roams the store, adorably demanding the attention of every customer. 410 South Michigan Avenue.

Myopic Books The three-story shop is a Wicker Park institution, complete with disaffected hipsters behind the counter and a similarly aloof cat. The front of the store is dominated by a relatively large poetry section and an attention-grabbing occult shelf, but the real treasure is the vast and winding collection of (mostly) contemporary fiction. Be sure to tidy up after yourself, though: The staff mark up the price of every unshelved book by $1. 1564 North Milwaukee Avenue.

Unabridged Books Handwritten reviews on index cards direct customers to the books that employees at this Lakeview bookseller think are special. The giant travel section in the basement can inspire wanderlust among even the most committed homebodies. Unusual in that it sells both new and used books, the shop also provides benches so that you can comfortably peruse your selections before schlepping them back to Hyde Park. 3521 North Broadway Street.

– By Dani Bretscher

Libraries For the next four years, you’ll study, sleep, eat and play here. Welcome home Of the six (physical) libraries making up the U of C Library (institution), the Regenstein is far-and-away used most often, the focal point of the so-called central system. Opposed to the earlier departmental model where resources were divided according to academic division, resources today are largely centralized at the Reg and Crerar.

The Eckhart and SSA libraries are essentially small satellite branches of the Reg, and the D’Angelo Law library has moved to what the Provost’s Task Force calls “a purely departmental model, shifting much of its research collection to the central system.” And with Crerar focused on science, the Reg stands at the center of the library system.

In 2006, the Provost’s Task Force published the results of its review of the library system and made specific recommendations. Since then, most of the major changes to the system have been in response to those recommendations, such as the acknowledgement that other schools were moving more and more resources into off-site storage.

Instead, the committee recommended, the U of C has been applauded for its decision to build what is now the Mansueto Library.

Attached to the Regenstein—enter through a long corridor passing Special Collections in the Reg—is what appears to be a giant bubble emerging from the ground. This huge glass dome houses Mansueto’s Reading Room, carefully designed by architect Helmut Jahn to provide a bright, open space for students to study. Instead of housing books above ground, Mansueto stores materials underground in a computerized robotic system. To check out books, users make requests on the library website and the book is retrieved in about five minutes.

Students concerned with the sun’s rays and the public nature of studying in Mansueto can opt

instead for the Regenstein, which has multiple spaces for individual or cooperative studying.

In the A-Level basement, for example, people studying in groups have led to a more festive atmosphere. In the B-Level, on the other hand, silence is revered; drop a pencil and prepare for dirty looks that will make your ancestors roll in their graves. Given its traffic, it’s no surprise that the first floor is also relatively noisy and social. The other floors all mix different study spaces, from group study rooms with white boards to work stations in the bookstacks where people silently ponder alone. If you’re ever unsure, check out the posters that have been placed throughout the library buildings, designed to tell you where you can talk, eat, and use your phone.

Besides the opening of Mansueto and an updated space for the Special Collections Research Center—where anyone can request and directly handle materials like Albert Michelson’s handwritten notes on the speed of light or Enrico Fermi’s letters to the Nobel Prize committee—the Reg this year is unveiling a new first-floor cafe space. Student-run coffee shop Ex Libris will move from its current location in the basement, another recommendation from the Task Force.

The science-focused Crerar is all split between books and study spaces, though the library as a whole is much more focused on silent studying.

There are group study rooms throughout the building, but the general atmosphere is much more focused. This is the place to go if you need peer pressure to stay on the ball–it’s often frequented by graduate students in the Biological Science Division who can put your studying skills to shame. Like the B-Level, the majority of Crerar’s studying space is deathly silent, so don’t wear flip-flops or high-heels to this library.

Attached to the Law School, the D’Angelo Law Library is designed for use by students in the law school but is open to all, and is especially helpful if you live south of the Midway and don’t want to make the trek to the Reg. Undergrads can enter the building at any time during the day; at night, show the guard your UCID and sign in at the desk. The second floor of D’Angelo has an open reading room that is similar in atmosphere to the first floor of the Reg, while the other floors are again silent. Don’t be that undergrad who makes too much noise and attracts everyone’s angry attention—unless you’re Tucker Max, who tells the story of how he and his friends once streaked through multiple floors. D’Angelo also has a magazine room stocked with the current and back issues of dozens of popular magazines, from Time to Wired. Careful though, although the beautiful view from the window seats overlooks the law quads, it can also be distracting.

The library at the School of Social Service Administration is similar to D’Angelo in terms of materials. The SSA Library mainly holds materials for its graduate students, though College students sometimes find themselves checking out a book for class when the Reg copy has already been taken. The SSA Library is small and can be hard to find, but it’s there—and if you’re looking for items such as psychology books, it’s a good resource.

Last but not least, Eckhart is an intimate, cozy library located in Eckhart Hall, featuring a collection of materials focused on the world of mathematics. Outside of math majors, the main reason for students to visit Eckhart is to check out a textbook. For math majors, though, Eckhart contains all sorts of materials in a convenient spot.

– By Jonathan Lai

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

PARTICIPANTS NEEDED FOR RESEARCH STUDY Healthy men and women aged 18-35 are needed to participate in research studies. Some projects may involve administration of a drug. Pay is between $75 and $235, depending on the time commitment involved. These studies are being conducted by Dr. de Wit in the Dept. of Psychiatry at the University of Chicago. To see if you qualify, please email dewitlab@yoda.bsd.uchicago.edu, or call 773.702.3560.

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

DRINKING COFFEE Coffee Shops

No one sleeps here. Blame it on rigorous academics or undergraduate insomnia, but a more plausible reason is the campus-wide coffee addiction. There may be Marx-Engels readers and Indian epics bundled in the arms of select students, but the sight of a hand glued to a steaming paper cup—whether in class or on the quads—is much more likely. Coffee shops, therefore, are as critical to the community as any glass-domed library or Gothic classroom. It’s not rare to stumble upon a café in the musty basement or upper levels of an unexplored building, the murmur of conversation and clatter of cups revealing a hidden hangout. The best of these concealed shops, however, is really dependent on what you seek: ambiance, prices, and convenience all factor in just as much as the quality of the caffeine fix. In any case, here are some of the best places to start your morning–or afternoon, or late-night study session–without leaving campus:

C-Shop The most visible café on campus, the C-Shop is really an Einstein Bros. situated in a corner of the Reynold’s Club, therefore placing it at the center of campus activity.

The menu is standard fare, with a notable selection of bagel and breakfast items. More importantly, Wednesdays are dollar-shake day, a tradition which has students snaking out into the courtyard waiting to trade a buck for the beverage.

Grounds of Being (Div School) Grounds of Being, more than any other café, lives up to its reputation: “Where God Drinks Coffee.” A cup of joe here is almost undoubtedly the best on campus. As part of the Divinity School, the quiet and subdued shop is located in the basement of Swift Hall, and it includes, along with Cobb, an incomparable range of entrees from restaurants around Hyde Park—Rajun Cajun, The Snail, and Cedars all deliver their lunches daily, making it a convenient place to grab a bite to eat between classes.

Hallowed Grounds Hallowed Grounds is, well, hip. It’s cool, it’s buzzing with student chatter and the clack of billiard balls, and its low lighting and eccentric decor make it an offbeat favorite. Located on the second floor of the Reynold’s Club, its unique menu of student specialty drinks and Intelligentsia coffee provides numerous options for those who want to stay and socialize or study with indie music in the background. The comfy armchairs and couches also make it a frequent haven for both office hours, and between-class naps.

Cobb Coffee Shop While Hallowed Grounds exudes a scene vibe, Cobb bases its appeal on another student preference: cheap food. The prices here are rockbottom, just like its location in the basement of Cobb Hall. The coffee is more than passable, and the unusually large assortment of Thai food makes for a great impulse buy. Vinyl records, student artwork, and a sassy staff give life to this popular café, and you’re guaranteed to walk out with your stomach satisfied and your wallet just as full (or empty) as it was before.

Classics Café Intellectuals and pseudo-intellectuals, you have found your home. The Classics Café is less about the coffee (Seattle’s Best, which is fairly average) and more about the grandeur of drinking anything among scowling gargoyles, elaborate arches, and intricate stone stairs.

Rachmaninoff and other classical masters echo in the space, and a variety of newspapers are provided. A perfect place to (unintentionally) stalk your professor, daydream about Hogwarts, or get that final page of your Sosc essay done.

Common Knowledge Café Also widely known as Harper Café, Common Knowledge gets most of its business from the late-night crowd, as it remains open longer than any other shop on campus. Located adjacent to the ever-popular Harper Reading Room, the multiple chairs and tables are filled with more study groups and cram sessions than social gatherings. Singular in its exotic stock of Italian sodas and Rishi teas, Common Knowledge is also the newest café on campus, and its laid-back layout is a refreshing break from the ancient and foreboding architecture of most other coffeshops.

Ex Libris The U of C as a whole isn’t where fun goes to die: the Regenstein Library, however, can comfortably claim that title.

In the A-Level of this dreaded concrete block is the spacious Ex Libris, a studentrun coffeshop with piles of sugary candy and a row of vending machines for those students nodding off in the dark corners of the bookstacks. The coffee isn’t bad, either.

But the real rush begins at closing hours: that’s when the staff puts out excess coffee, donuts, and snacks for general consumption.

For free. With the Mansueto rennovations, Ex Libris will be moving to higher ground this year in the lobby’s northeast corner, and is still staying student run.

Bart Mart Last, and maybe least, is “Maroon Market”, commonly known as Bart Mart, the student convenience store in Bartlett.

Along with its South Campus sibling, Midway Market, Bart Mart offers a good selection of Java City coffee along with the aisles of overpriced chips and microwaveable dinners that line its walls. All is not gloom and doom, though: the coffee tastes much better at three a.m., when red-eyed, pajamaclothed students alongside party-goers just returning from a night of revelrie creep in the door in search of some sort of energy source.

Other places to explore: Gargoyle Café, Law School Café, Sam and Elaine’s Café, Everett Kovler Café, the Booth School coffee shop–complete with a full food court–and the Starbucks inside Barnes and Noble.

– By Sharan Shetty

The Best Beans Around Town Third-year Patrick Ip has a taste for fine coffee. When he’s not studying political science, working with the United Nations, or helping out with Student Government, he’s busy finding the best cups of joe in the country. As a trained barista, he knows a thing or two about a quality brew—last year he started a café out of his Stony Island dorm room using a rare form of coffee brewing called the syphon method.

We sat down with him to get the scoop on the top 5 coffee shops near campus.

Café 57 Blended into the scenery of the Metra tracks, Café 57’s small coffee shop offers the best lattes and espresso-based drinks in Hyde Park. What’s the key to their amazingly tasty coffee? They have the best baristas and their own unique Café 57 blend of Intelligentsia beans.

57th Street & S. Lake Park Ave.

Istria Café When you walk into Istria, you’ll notice that this isn’t your typical Hyde Park Coffee Shop. With a selection of microbrews that taste like “honeysuckle & tangerine resolve into buttery caramel,” you’ll want to try

their pourover and other great offerings.

Between 49 th St. & East End Ave.

Zaleski & Horvath MarketCafe Two words: Clover Brew. The Clover machine is the only coffee machine to be equipped with a PID algorithm that uses programmable workflow modes to brew its single cup of coffee. Since Starbucks bought out the Clover in 2008, only a handful of companies own the machine – and this is the only place to try it in Hyde Park.

47 th & S. Indiana Ave.

Robust Coffee Lounge Striving to showcase the best of the local

area, Robust Coffee Lounge is only one of two coffee shops in Hyde Park to offer Alterra beans. Its spacious environment and food options makes it a great place to grab lunch or study.

63 rd & Woodlawn Ave.

Grounds of Being: The Divinity School Coffee Shop Hidden away in the basement of Swift Hall, entering Grounds of Being is like discovering one of the best-kept secrets at the University of Chicago. Also offering Alterra beans, Grounds of Being offers the best tasting coffee on campus to get you through your day.

Swift Hall

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

ATHLETICS

Sports History

No, seriously, the U of C used to be a football powerhouse The sports history of the University of Chicago reads something like a pagan creation myth.

The saga begins eons ago, as the very idea of hurling pigskin was just dragging itself out of the primordial muck of the 19th century: On a cool October day in 1892, an over-the-hump baseball star named Amos Alonzo Stagg marched onto a Midway still untouched by the World’s Columbian Exposition. He decided that a veritable football dynasty was something the University couldn’t do without.

In the Big Ten—the Division I power conference that the University of Michigan, Penn State, Ohio State, and Northwestern compete in—his Maroons won six championships over a 40-plus-year stretch that predated jazz, Soviets, and Robert Zimmer.

It might as well have been the Dawn of Man. But the Maroons gave up football in 1939, and when they returned 20 years later, it was for Division III ball. They sojourned in the Midwest Athletic Conference until 1987, when they settled into a league not-so-affectionately dubbed “The Nerdy Nine,” of which now only four—including Washington University, Maroon’s arch rivals—play football.

Nonetheless, as murky as that truly bygone era of bare-knuckled leatherheads might be, theirs is the story that gets passed down annually, often to doe-eyed first-years rifling this paper’s OrientationIssue.

The highlight reel runs like this: First are the Stagg Years, with those six Big Ten championships. Later comes Gertrude Dudley’s pioneering work in the establishment of female collegiate sports. The big finish is the first-ever Heisman Trophy presented to Maroon halfback Jay Berwanger in 1935 (awarded annually since then to “outstanding” college

football players like hall-of-famers OJ Simpson and Paul Hornung). Close after that are nuclear fission and a gaggle of Nobel prizes.

In the words of one 1962 Sports Illustrated piece celebrating the man’s 100th birthday, “The story of Stagg has been told so often that some people would like to ignore it.”

And yet, here it comes again. Why? Admissions pitches and self-trumpeting alone seem unlikely, since the fossilized halcyon days of Chicago sports have long taken a back seat to tallies of Rhodes Scholars and the like (see: “studentathlete”).

This cling to history could just be a bit of selfconsciousness about the University’s self-sustaining culture of intellectualism, its relative newcomerstatus among the nation’s elite (and Ivy League) institutions, and its notoriously anemic turnout for major sporting events—one Maroon editorial last year practically begged students to show up for Homecoming, reminding them of enticements like free food and t-shirts.

But that possibility is dreadfully cynical. And it does a disservice to something far simpler, and perhaps far truer.

Maybe it is that, when Dudley, Stagg-ish in her own right, decided in 1901 that the perfect tools for shattering a glass ceiling were a heavy, ashwood baseball bat and a dirty catcher’s mitt, it was actually a moment that justified perennial pride, even through 2011.

Or that, when halfback Jay “The One Man Gang” Berwanger finally succumbed to lung cancer in June of 2002 at the age of 88, his legacy wasn’t just the Heisman Trophy that now glistens in the lobby of the Ratner Athletic Center, but a winking reminder that incredible things have happened in

a Maroon uniform, and that they continue to do so today.

In basketball, for example, the men’s team has clinched six conference titles since 1997, while last year the women’s squad plowed their way to a second UAA championship in three years with a white-hot 17-game winning streak.

Stagg Field has also come alive again, being the home turf of the 2010 women’s track and field team that fought to a top four spot in the Division III finals, as well as the five runners and jumpers who competed for national titles at the end of last season.

Maroon football continues to be a big fish in a tide pool, but Stagg’s successors have been climbing as of late. As recently as 2009, former quarterback Marshall Oium (A.B. ’11) made records for the post-1969 Maroons in yards passed (472 in one game, 2,605 in one season), completions (33 in one game), and touchdowns thrown (six in one game, 21 in one season), while just last year, during a 6122 rout of Carnegie Mellon, rising star wideout Dee Brizzolara, a third-year, scored more touchdowns in one game than any Maroon in over 40 years.

In all likelihood, the old highlight reel will keep rolling, maybe forever, or at least until either a Maroon wins another Heisman, or [insert obligatory Cubs-Never-Win joke]. Still, it’s worth watching, at least once, at least before checking out the fireworks that have in recent years been hissing, sparking, and occasionally exploding at Maroons games around the country.

So keep watching, if only for the perspective.

The real show is happening right now, and there might be a new reel to grumble about in the coming years.

– By Harunobu Coryne

McLoraine pool in Ratner is your only option, although an excellent one at that. Rumor has it that when Michael Phelps visited Chicago, our pool was the only one up to his standards.

The other gym on campus is Henry Crown.

Less popular and a little bit “vintage”, Crown is definitely the more rugged of the two gyms. The machines have no televisions, so exercisers are often more serious than the gal-pals and fratties at Ratner. You’re less likely to run into anyone you know and more than likely to run into a wrestler or track team member. Crown is an excellent place to go when Ratner overflows, or if you care more about working out and less about people seeing you work out.

The University also offers students the FitChicago program- a series of exercise classes offered each quarter. The classes cost $5 each, or $40 for a 10-pass card. Most people buy the 10pass card, which gets punched by the instructor when you take the class (no need to sign-up, just show up). The most popular and talked about class is by-far 7 a.m. Cardio Kickboxing with

Sidra. A favorite amongst sorority girls and athletes alike, this hour long cardio workout will really kick your butt, and the class is always packed at the beginning of every quarter. The class has some hard core devotees, but don’t feel lost if you jab left when your really supposed to jab-kick-drop right–it takes some getting used to. Other class favorites include the newly added Zumba (a dance exercise) and Yoga.

Outside the gyms, the options for exercise in Chicago are bounded strictly by the weather.

Runners and bikers are common on campus and along the lakefront until the winter kicks in and forces those people inside. Free yoga is sometimes held in Ida Noyes, and various clubs also offer interesting opportunities to stay fit, like Bhangra and Krav Maga. Recently, dining halls have begun to list the nutritional information for what’s being served, and if you really want to keep a healthy body and mind, there University even offers classes in the Biology department on nutrition.

– By Jessica Sheft-Ason

Fitness For those looking to steer clear of the dreaded “freshman 15”, your best bets are the two gyms on campus: Ratner and Henry Crown. The more popular of the two is Ratner, which looks a giant sailboat on the corner of 55th Street and Ellis Ave. It boasts an impressive number of facilities and equipment. The cardio rotunda has treadmills, ellipticals, and other machines designed to get your heart pumping, each equipped with a personal television set. The downstairs weight room can often be a gathering spot for frat stars looking to pump some iron, but is also home to Hyde Parkers and off-season athletes who are serious about staying in shape. The rotunda is busiest during the first few weeks of every quarter (New Year’s resolutions anyone?), and it’s best to allot at least 30 minutes to secure for your desired machine–don’t forget to sign up for your machine or you will undoubtedly be kicked off. Fights are common in the rotunda as the sign-up sheet is a mess, but the cable TVs and unparalleled opportunities for people watching are worth it. If your looking to take a dip, Meyer’s

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Varsity Sports The fastest way to meet who competes they might not get the same attention as the recruited, they will have many more cracks at competing than if they were at a D-I institution. So if you played a sport in high school and thought you weren’t good enough to play in college, think again; many of Chicago’s greatest athletes are the ones who came unheralded out of high school.

Alumnus Chris Peverada (A.B. ’09) was a five-minute-miler when he joined the cross country team his first year, but left with the fifth fastest time in school history.

But let’s say competing isn’t your thing.

That’s cool, too. Going to games and rooting for the team is often just as exciting as being on the field. Although our football stadium might not be the towering stone behemoth it once was, it’s still fun to go out and pack the stands, especially when our team wins in dramatic fashion against our Wash U rivals for the Founder’s Cup. Chicago is part of the University Athletic Association, one of the most competitive conferences across all sports, and our opponents hail from all across the country, from Rochester, New York, to Atlanta, Georgia. The UAA also has a policy where

home games are balanced amongst members, so there’s guaranteed to be at least one crucial home game each season. For example, a home game against Wash U. determines whether or not the women’s basketball team will win the conference outright and earn an automatic NCAA championship berth (yeah, we won that game too).

There’s a common misconception around campus that our teams aren’t very good, and this conception feeds into a cycle of people not paying attention to the very strong sports teams we have here. Don’t fall into this trap. Get excited about our football team, our basketball team, our volleyball team. Even if you don’t have the time or desire to come out to games, the athletes still really appreciate it when you know how they’re doing. Even if you don’t play a sport, we’re all still just students at the U of C, and the athletes that you see on the playing field are the same students you’ll see in your classes and at the C-shop on Wednesday getting a shake (cookies and creme, please).

So bust out your maroon—we’ll see you at the game.

– By Mahmoud Bahrani

Women’s Volleyball

Women’s Soccer

Men’s Cross Country

Record: 9-0 National Rank: 18th

Record: 4-1-0 National Rank: 24th

Regional Rank: 7th National Rank: 21st

The women started the season on a tear, ripping off nine straight wins. The team returns several seniors, including fourth-year All Region outside hitter Isis Smalls. A strong freshman class has given the Maroons a deeper roster than ever, which has made for intense practices. Second-year Washington and Lee transfer Nikki DelZenero has been a crucial addition to the team, and loves her new squad. “The team has been like family,” said DelZenero.

Women’s soccer is one of the perennially powerful teams at Chicago, and this year is no exception.

The girls only loss this year came to another ranked squad, #23 St. Thomas. The girls are coming off a ten day trip in Italy, a team bonding experience which has proven all the more relevant in the wake of a summer injury to second-year center back Liz Doman. “We’re reworking our entire defensive system,” said second year defender Kelsey Ryan. The girls will have to adjust quickly, as UAA competition is just around the corner.

It took two races for the Maroons to gain national recognition. After coming into the season unranked, strong performances at the Elmhurst Invitational and Aurora Invitationals put the Maroons on the map. After a strong track season, third-year Bill Whitmore has picked up right where he left off, taking third at Elmhurst and winning the Aurora Invite outright in a course record-setting time. The team hopes to do something they haven’t done since 2005: qualify for the NCAA’s.

Men’s Soccer

Football

Women’s Cross Country

Record: 3-1-1 National Rank: Unranked

Record: 1-1 National Rank: Unranked

Regional Rank: 5th National Rank: Receiving Votes

Chicago has bounced back strong after falling in their first game to Dominican. A scoreless tie against one of the strongest teams in the country, Wheaton, could be a harbinger of good things to come. First-year goalkeeper Elek Lane has been seemingly impervious to first year nerves and hasn’t allowed a goal in four games. The strength of the Maroon’s bench will be key as they progress through the season. “This is the most depth we’ve had [since 2008],” said fourth-year defender Ryan McPherson.

Last year was a heartbreaker for the Maroons. After finishing the season with the Founder’s Cup in hand and an 8-2 record to boot, the Maroons were the last team out of post season play. The graduation of quarterback Marshall Oium has also created a quarterback controversy between third-year Kevin Shelton and second-year Vincent Cortina. The Maroons will have to find their rhythm, and quickly, because the next portion of their season against strong opponents is crucial to keep their post-season chances alive. “These will be our toughest games,” said four-year wide receiver Keigan Cisneros.

Liz Lawton. Last year, she took sixth in the country, and won or nearly won every meet. While having a strong front runner like Lawton undoubtedly helped, the Maroons are confident that they can still be a strong team now that she and others have graduated. “Our returners have put in solid summers,” said fourth year and captain Sonia Khan. “Everyone is improved and our depth is incredible this year.”

The national rankers don’t seem to have the same confidence, as Chicago is currently unranked. That doesn’t bother the Maroons though. “I’d rather be the underdogs,” said Khan.

Ah, varsity athletics. With our letterman jackets, blankets adorned with stars, and a sporting history so long and distinguished it makes Harvard look young, the University of Chicago is positively steeped in tradition.

From the Heisman trophy that stands like a beacon of past dominance in the Ratner foyer, to the massive book that contains the signatures of every male varsity athlete in the school’s history (included Jay Berwanger and Edwin Hubble), student-athletes are representing a lot more than just their school when they put on uniforms with the Maroon ‘C’ emblazoned across the front.

Chicago is a D-III institution, which differentiates it from D-I schools in that we don’t grant athletic scholarships. At D-I schools, athletic scholarships contractually bind the sports stars to follow a multitude of rules, like mandatory study times and rigorous practice schedules. Although being a varsity athlete at a D-III school may not have the same glamour, athletes here have a lot more room to explore other interests.

It also means that athletes don’t have to be recruited to participate. Many coaches allow walk-ons to compete, and even though

Sidebar

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Welcome back University of Chicago students, faculty and staff!

ANIMAL HOSPITAL 6937 S. Stony Island Avenue MONDAY-FRIDAY 9am-12pm & 3pm-7pm SATURDAYS 8am-12pm & 1pm-4pm Closed SUNDAYS

– and –

ANIMAL CLINIC 1363 E. 53rd Street MON, TUES and THURS, FRI 9am-12pm & 1pm-5pm SATURDAYS 8am-12pm & 1pm-4pm CLOSED Wednesdays and Sundays Dr. Thomas Wake Dr. Marcia Hutchings Dr. Andrea Baley Dr. Jeremy Williams Dr. Gail Henry

We invite you to visit us at our Clinic on 53rd Street or at our new state-of-the-art Animal Hospital and boarding facility on Stony Island Avenue. Whether you come to our Clinic or our Hospital – which has free on-site parking – we provide comprehensive care for cats, dogs and exotics too!

We offer complete boarding services for cats at both facilities, and boarding for dogs at the Stony Island location.

For an appointment or information, contact us at: 773-324-4484

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

★★★★BRILLIANT.”

“

– Peter Travers, ROLLING STONE

“GOSLING ... IS A JOY TO WATCH.” – Stephanie Zacharek, MOVIELINE

All students interested in writing for the MAROON should come to our meeting on September 22nd from 3 to 4 p.m. in Hallowed Grounds, on Friday, September 23rd from 11:30 to 3 p.m. in Ida Noyes, or on Friday, September 30th from 3 to 5:30 p.m. on the Main Quad during the RSO fair.

NEWS

R YAN GOSLING

WANTS

YOU

THERE

ARE

NO

CLEAN

GETAWAYS

LOCAL LISTINGS THEATERS AND SHOWTIMES SEPTEMBER 16 IN THEATERS EVERYWHERE FOR CHECK

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

CLUB & IM SPORTS Club Sports

You can find me in the club With over 35 different sports clubs, there is plenty of opportunity for those looking to join a competitive team without the varsity commitment. The club sports teams include everything from Asian martial arts to bicycling, and many of them compete not only throughout the Midwest but nationally as well.

Watch out for flying frisbees on the main quads–that’s where the Ultimate Frisbee team likes to hold informal practices.

One of the largest clubs on campus, the Ultimate team has an impressive roster of both men and women, undergraduates and graduates. The men’s team is “Junk” and the women’s team is “Super Snatch.” The men have both an A team and a B team, one for more experienced players and one for novices. The teams play against schools in the Midwest, but have also traveled as far away as Las Vegas and Georgia in the past.

Both men’s and women’s teams welcome newbies.

And if you’re seeking an intense, physically demanding club experience, you can join rugby. Known just as much for their “drink-ups” as they are for their games, the rugby team is both a fun and athletic group. Not just for boys, there is also a women’s team, and both teams hold weekend match-ups on the Midway. One of the most notable games each year is “Prom Dress Rugby”, where the women’s team don thrifted dresses and play a muddy game in evening wear.

Another grueling sport, made infamous for their early morning practices and relentless recruiting, is the crew team.

Popular amongst freshman, almost everyone knows someone who was on the crew team their first quarter. While the team dwindles in size by Winter Quarter, the die hards are hard at work on the rowing machines in Crown. The team holds practices on the Chicago River, and an annual row-athon in Hutch, where students continuously

exercise on rowing machines throughout the day.

As you probably noticed by now, some of the most vicious sports at the U of C are clubs–not varsity. And these teams definitely capitalize on the exotic. The sailing team, for instance, takes boats out on Lake Michigan during the warm months, rigging for races early in the morning. Then there’s the lacrosse team, decking each other in full armor (there’s a women’s team too, less armor included) and a women’s ice hockey team doing the same (no male counterpart).

And don’t get us started on fencing...

Joining a sports club is as easy as going to the University’s athletics website and contacting the advisor of whatever club you’re interested in. And if the club doesn’t exist, you can just create it. All you need is nine friends to be your teammates, a written constitution, and the appropriate paperwork to fill out.

– By Jessica Sheft-Ason

euchre, spades, and hearts. Not only are intramurals a great way to make friends, they’re a great way to find people with similar interests, so once the intramural season is over you can still meet up with people to play the games you love.

Now, some of you may be asking, this all sounds great, but will I have time to play intramurals with my hectic school schedule? The short answer is yes, you will, if you prioritize all your work correctly.

The long answer is that even if you don’t, you’re never going to remember the allnighter you had to pull to finish that sosc essay, but you’re definitely going to remember when you and your housemates became intramural kickball champions of the world (of the University of Chicago).

The level of competition at intramurals ranges anywhere from lighthearted to deathly serious. The house leagues are generally friendly, but when you get to the independent leagues for the fraternities and people living off campus, it tends to get a little more intense. Also, anyone can be a referee and get paid for each game this means that occasionally the refs either don’t care or aren’t very knowledgeable

about the sports that they’re refereeing, so be prepared for some questionable calls. Most of the time, though, this isn’t a problem, and they won’t get in the way of you enjoying yourself. If they do, feel free to go talk to the supervisor in charge.

Signing up for intramurals is also easy.

If its through your house then all you have to do is read the emails, sign up, and show up for the games. Individual sports are a little more complicated, but it’s still fairly easy. Just head on down to Ratner, pick up a form from the intramurals office, pay your two dollar registration fee, and you’re off. The intramural office is a also a great place to get additional information on all the sports that haven’t been listed here, which, if you can believe it, is quite a few more.

So get out there and have some fun.

Intramurals are a great way of keeping in shape and getting to know a bunch of different people, and at the end of the day, win or lose, you definitely won’t regret it.

That is, unless you break something. But don’t worry. We have world class doctors for that.

– By Mahmoud Bahrani

Intramurals Turning play time into game time If you don’t think intramural sports are a matter of life and death, then, well, you’re just wrong. We here at the University of Chicago take our intramurals seriously, whether it’s dodgeball, broomball, or perhaps most importantly, ping pong. And when I say seriously, we mean that we’re serious about having a good time.

One of the benefits of being at such a diverse school is that there’s seemingly no end to the wide variety of intramurals available. Of course you have the established sports, like basketball, football, and soccer, but you also have a lot of the quirky sports that U of C students love, like whiffleball, inner tube water polo, and ultimate frisbee.

Anyone can play, and the intramural office does a great job of dividing the leagues so that you’re never matched up with teams that will curbstomp you.

One of the more interesting parts about our intramurals is that they aren’t just bound of the world of athletics. If you love chess (and let’s face it, if you’re coming to the U of C, you probably do) there’s an intramural chess tournament every year where you can strut your stuff. Numerous card games are also offered, including

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

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CHOOSE HOUSTON LAW THEY TOOK IT TO THE SUPREME COURT AND WON!

The Hyde Park Language Program offers its 2010 - 2011 autumn/winter course in

Reading French Mondays evenings, 5:00 PM â&#x20AC;&#x201C; 8:00 PM, beginning October 3, 2011, and ending January 23, 2012 in time for students to take the U of C winter French exam.

Join the thousands of students who have taken this course to high-pass the U of C graduate French exam (even without any prior knowledge of French) or otherwise to advance their ability to read French. All adult learners welcome.

Our students shepherded a case through the lower courts and on to the nationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s highest, stunning the immigration world with a unanimous decision. Hands-on training is a large part of what we do at the University of Houston Law Center.

But itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s just part of what we offer. The Law Center combines the best of all worlds: t Excellence in education with multiple â&#x20AC;&#x153;Top Tenâ&#x20AC;? specialty programs t Reasonable tuition and fees t A campus recognized as one of the most diverse in the United States

â&#x20AC;&#x153;extraordinary in all respects, twelve sessions of rigor and enjoyment combined in a breathtakingly efficient program.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;the best and most effective encounter I have ever had with language learning.â&#x20AC;? â&#x20AC;&#x153;Take the course. Pass the test. Get on with your life.â&#x20AC;?

We are a Tier One law school in a Tier One university. In addition, our home is Houston: the nationâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s fourth largest city with a robust legal employment market and an affordable cost of living to make the most of your budget. Thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s a lot to like about our school. Find out more at www.law.uh.edu.

Cost: $1,000 www.hydeparklanguage.com cbrickma@sbcglobal.net

The University of Houston is an EEO/AA institution.

All students interested in photographing for the MAROON should come to our meeting on September 22nd from 3 to 4 p.m. in Hallowed Grounds, on Friday, September 23rd from 11:30 to 3 p.m. in Ida Noyes, or on Friday, September 30th from 3 to 5:30 p.m. on the Main Quad during the RSO fair.

PHOTO

WANTS

YOU

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Town vs. Gown

CHICAGO

Getting out of the campus community is almost as good as getting into Chicago Last year’s Vice President for Civic Engagement Ann Marie Lipinski ran her office with one major goal in sight—make the University of Chicago into the new model for how an urban research institution should interact with its community.

While the University has always dreamed big, the setting makes this new ambition different. How could the University of Chicago, the institution that sided with the tenant organizations of A Raisin in the Sun in supporting racially restrictive housing covenants, that bulldozed half of Hyde Park and a mile-long stretch of Woodlawn, become a model for civic engagement?

In Lipinski’s view, there are two conflicting legacies the University must build upon: The grand, outward-looking ambitions of its founding and the dark, insular legacy of urban renewal. The University can’t go forward without recognizing the lingering distrust of many in the community, nor can it look to revert back to the founding narrative that emerged at a time when the Cubs were still the National League’s dominant franchise.

“Both of those histories are real,” Lipinski said. “I had been here about a month when I had a conversation with somebody who said to me, ‘What we all have an opportunity to do now is create a third and new narrative for the University,’ or a third chapter.”

That third chapter has involved significant steps to bring more retail to Hyde Park, a neighborhood known for its dearth

of shops. This past year saw the opening of Five Guys, redevelopment plans for Harper Court, and a slated Whole Foods nearby.

Additionally, this summer saw the University create a Memorandum of Understanding with the city, effectively promising to invest $1.6 billion over the next five years to help improve Chicago’s South Side.

Nonetheless, there are consistently plenty of critics who claimed the University was moving too far, too fast. Yet Lipinski said bad publicity should not detract from the larger progress being made. “You always worry about good and important work being overshadowed, including by [these] issues,” Lipinski said. “I think that can be compounded by a lack of understanding— both within and outside of the University—of all the truly remarkable work going on.”

Just as significant as the perception that the University is disengaging on critical services are the suspicions that can swallow up goodwill. A couple years back, when it was reported that the University had bought up property west of Washington Park, Third Ward Alderman Pat Dowell raised a storm by warning against University encroachment on the community. Lipinski insisted that the Washington Park investment is just that, and not an act of land speculation ahead of the 2016 Olympics. The park is “one of the great jewels of the park system,” she said, but is seen by many as a boundary rather than a resource.

The question of what to do with existing

real estate can spark dissatisfaction as well, as it did two years ago when the University’s plan for a hotel at the site of the old Doctors’ Hospital on Stony Island Avenue was defeated by a referendum that banned alcohol sales in the precinct. Lipinski emphasized the need for communication on questions of retail and other development projects, pointing to the recent 53rd Street redevelopment and Harper Court process as indicative of an approach that constructively incorporates all viewpoints.

Openness and receptiveness, however, are not mutually inclusive.

David Hoyt, who contributes to the blog Hyde Park Progress under the name “Chicago Pop,” suggested that the administration and the community are both still stuck in a “grudge match” mentality over urban renewal.

“Its reflex response to many issues is to just kind of hunker down and get in a bunker,” Hoyt said of the University. “I think there’s a lingering legacy that results in the University not wanting to take [its] case out to [its] neighbors and lay it out there.”

As the University continues to plan developments south of the Midway and around Harper Court just one block from campus inches closer, the ghosts of community relations past will undoubtedly linger. How the University handles the practical challenges—as well as the continued growth of research-driven reform—will determine whether the new model creates a narrative worthy of the U of C’s big plans.

Getting out of Campus Maybe you’ve just finished your problem set; or, maybe you’re lying moaning in bed, feigning sickness to fool your R.A., and then hitting the town with your significant other and misanthropic roommate while your monotonic econ professor calls out your name over and over again. Point is, Bueller, some days you feel like going out on the town. No Ferrari? Here’s a rundown of your other options; for more guidance.

BUSSES

SUBWAY

OTHER

Cost: $2.25 one way without a CTA card, 25 cent transfers to trains

Cost: $2.25 one way without a CTA card, 25 cent transfers to busses

Cost: based on distance travelled

— 55 —

— 10 —

— Red Line —

— Metra —

Runs between the Museum of Science and Industry and Midway Airport along East 55th Street.

With stops at two El stations, it’s one of the major lifelines leading out of Hyde Park.

Starts at the Museum of Science and Industry, taking State once it gets to downtown. After reaching the river, the bus takes the small turn onto Michigan and continues north to make a loop a few blocks behind the John Hancock at Walton.

Take the #55 bus heading west on East 55th Street to make the transfer to the Red Line. The train stops at Sox–35th and Chinatown before becoming a straight shot to downtown and North Side neighborhoods like Belmont and Wrigleyville.

Another bus that runs express between East 47th Street and South Lake Park Avenue and Museum Campus. This one goes as far as Adams Street, where it turns west to Canal Street before heading back to Hyde Park. Not to be confused with the regular #28 that runs up and down Stony Island.

Makes a bunch of local stops through the South Side before reaching Roosevelt Avenue, the start of downtown, on Michigan Avenue. With a few stops along the Magnificent Mile, it goes as far north as Chicago Avenue.

The same #55 bus also has the Green Line on its route. Like the Red Line, this train heads for downtown, but it circles half of the Loop, while the Red Line cuts straight through the center.

Most students prefer taking the Red Line if they’re going somewhere downtown or northerly, but could the Green Line be the better option?

Maybe, if you need to eventually get on the Brown or Purple Lines; in the Loop, these share platforms and tracks with the Green, which makes catching your transfer quick and simple.

Metra is separate from the CTA and requires its own fare card. With a station at East 57th Street and South Lake Park Avenue, students can catch the tail end of the train from University Park to Chicago. Its stops aren’t as frequent downtown as a CTA train or bus, but Metra does offer the convenience of a set time schedule.

It’s also a good choice for heading out to the surrounding suburbs (or Indiana).

—6—

Picks up along South Stoney Island Avenue, South Hyde Park Boulevard, and South Lake Park Avenue before turning onto Lake Shore Drive and running express to the Loop. Occasionally it gets rerouted for special events in the city, but usually it’s a good bet for getting downtown in 30 minutes.

Heading back to Hyde Park, it goes south on State Street before merging onto Lake Shore Drive.

—2—

Heads for Navy Pier via State Street. It runs express from East 47th Street and South Lake Park Avenue to Museum Campus but has limited pickup stops in Hyde Park.

— X28 —

— Green Line —

— Taxi —

Occasionally there might be a taxi cruising in Hyde Park to flag down. If time is of the essence, the best thing is to call for one. Expect to pay about $30 with tip for trips to downtown and the near North Side.

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Chicago Politics The big names in the Windy City Notoriously rife with corruption, the Chicago political system is one of the most hard-nosed institutions in the nation and around the world.

Chicagoans elect a Mayor and a City Council every four years. The City Council, responsible for making the city’s laws, is comprised of 50 aldermen elected from 50 different wards across the city.

Chicago sits in Cook County, the second most populous county in the nation. Below are some of the major players on the Chicago political scene.

Rahm Emanuel: After a characteristically dramatic election process in May, Emanuel faces a daunting challenge in replacing Chicago’s longest serving Mayor, Richard M. Daley. While Emanuel has been careful not to publicly criticize Daley, one of the most powerful men in Chicago, he has had to find ways to deal with an inherited 30 million dollar budget deficit. Before serving as President Obama’s Chief of Staff, Emanuel represented several communities on Chicago’s Northwest side as a U.S. Congressman. Several Chicagoans have poked fun at the Mayor’s infamous potty mouth, though Emanuel has reportedly been on his best behavior since taking office. Emanuel’s children will reportedly begin attending the Lab School this fall.

Will Burns: A young face in Chicago politics, Burns (A.B. ’95, A.M. ’98) represents portions of Hyde Park, Kenwood, and Bronzeville in Chicago’s 4th Aldermanic Ward. Prior to being elected alderman in May, Burns served one term in the Illinois General Assembly. Burns also served as an aide on Barack Obama’s failed congressional bid.

Leslie Hairston: A Hyde Park native and Lab school graduate, Hairston has represented portions of Hyde Park in the 5th Ward since 1999. Hairston is a fierce opponent of gentrification, and has had a contentious relationship with the University.

Willie Cochran: 20th Ward Alderman Cochran

represents the western part of Hyde Park in Chicago’s legislative body. A former organizer of the Woodlawn New Communities Program, Cochran served as a police officer in the 20th Ward for 12 years before running for office.

Toni Preckwinkle: Preckwinkle (A.B. ’69, M.A.T. ’77) serves as the President of the Cook County Board of Commissioners. The Board is composed of 17 members and sets property, public health, and public safety policy for the county.

Preckwinkle previously served as the Alderman from the 4th Ward.

Barbara Flynn Currie: Currie (A.B ’68, M.A. ’73) serves as the Democratic Majority Leader in the Illinois General Assembly. Currie, who has served in the Assembly for 32 years, is one of the most powerful members of the Assembly, and the first woman to hold the position of majority leader.

Currie has maintained a close relationship with the University since graduating, and represents portions of Hyde Park, Kenwood, Woodlawn, and South Chicago.

Kwame Raoul: After Barack Obama was elected to the U.S. Senate in 2004, Raoul was tapped to fill Obama’s State Senate seat. Since taking office, Raoul has firmly cemented his own identity in Illinois politics. Raoul supported legislation, signed into law by Governor Pat Quinn last year, to abolish the death penalty in Illinois, and supported stricter gun regulations after the murder of U of C graduate student Amadou Cisse in 2007.

Bobby Rush: Rush has represented the Hyde Park community in the U.S. House of Representatives since 1993. Rush criticized the University’s decision to continue investments in Darfur, and called for a congressional investigation into the University of Chicago Medical Center’s treatment of minority patients. Rush held onto his seat against challenger

Barack Obama in 2000, a moment that has been called Obama’s “political education” and a turning point in the President’s career.

Rob Blagojevich: The former Governor and Celebrity Apprentice star was convicted by the Illinois House of Representatives on 17 of 20 different counts that he was accused of last June.

The counts that Blagojevich was convicted of included charges of corruption and misconduct while in office–because he tried to sell the U.S. Senate seat that Barack Obama previously held.

The trial captured the attention of the state and the country, as the 43rd Governor was initially acquitted on all counts, and then convicted in a re-trial. Blagojevich is in good company; his predeccessor, George Ryan, was also convicted on federal corruption charges.

Barack Obama: Hyde Park’s most famous resident–perhaps you’ve heard of him–used to eat pancakes, bacon, and eggs at Valois Cafeteria on 53rd Street. Obama represented Hyde Park in the Illinois State senate from 1997-2004, and Illinois in the United States Senate from 2005-2009. He also taught constitutional law at the Law School, and sent his children to the Lab School. His rise to the presidency has allowed him to cross paths with some of the most important Hyde Park elected officials who still continue to serve the neighborhood.

Register to Vote: To register to vote in Cook County you must be 18 years of age by election day, a U.S. citizen, and be a resident of your precinct at least 30 days prior to election day. You can register to vote by going in person to one of six locations of the Cook County Clerk’s office, or by sending in a mail-in application form. You can obtain a mail-in application by calling 312-603-0906.

the Modern Wing. The museum also has many exhibitions throughout the year that focus on a specific theme, era, or artist, so it’s always a good idea to check their website to see what they are offering.

If the Modern Wing doesn’t satisfy your taste for contemporary art, head to the Museum of Contemporary Art (MCA), for one of the world’s largest collections of modern art. The MCA features only art from after World War II to the present day. Special exhibits usually focus on up-and coming artists, such as its current exhibit titled UBS 12 × 12: New Artists/New Work: Dan Gunn. The MCA also houses the MCA Stage, where you can catch dance and performance art.

Many of Chicago’s neighborhoods feature specialized museums, the most notable being Pilsen’s National Museum of Mexican Art, which covers a wide breadth of Mexican and Mexican-American art and artifacts, as well as excellent Mexican food. The museum’s annual Día de los Muertos exhibit, featuring Chicago artists, is the nation’s largest. The Chicago

Cultural Center downtown also hosts many Chicago-related art exhibits throughout the year, usually for free. Last year the Center was the first to display a collection of photographs

by Chicagoan Vivian Maier, whose works were just recently discovered after being forgotten in storage for years.

Chicago is also home to many galleries. Stroll down the streets of nearly any neighborhood, and you’re guaranteed to run into a gallery housing a particular artist or group’s art. On the second Friday of every month, Pilsen hosts a gallery hop organized by the Chicago Arts District. The neighborhood’s galleries extend their hours late into the night, and many bring in live music and offer food and drinks. Many galleries also put on art shows or openings open to the public.

Chicago has always been known for its vibrant arts scene. Don’t remain confined in the interesting but limited Hyde Park bubble.

With a little exploring, you might come across the next artist to hit it big.

- By Sam Levine

Chicago Art Museums and museums of culture Although the University of Chicago campus offers many world-famous museums of its own, the city as a whole offers a bevy of galleries, museums, and everything in between. Last year the University created the Arts Pass, which gives students free admission to the Museum of Contemporary Art and the Art Institute, as well as discounts to several other museums, so that students will leave Hyde Park and explore the city. Work-light O-Week and first week provide the ideal time to hop on the CTA and take advantage of the Arts Pass and Chicago’s numerous cultural options.

First and foremost is the Art Institute of Chicago, the second largest museum in America, as well as one of the most famous.

Although it is most known for its collection of Impressionist and Post-Impressionist art, including Seurat’s Sunday Afternoon on the Island of La Grande Jatte, the museum holds everything from contemporary to ancient Indian art. Unless you plan on spending all day perusing its near one-million square feet, the Art Institute takes more than one visit to get through, especially with the recent addition of

- Hayley Lamberson

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

1

3

2

4

Last Year In Photos

(1) The University of Chicago opens a new academic year and, along side it, a host of traditions, projects, and groundbreaking innovations, which range from electronic concerts to the construction of academic buildings. From (2) Crystal Castles’ Summer Breeze performance in Mandel Hall in May to the highly renowned (3) Scav Hunt, which takes place on the quads and extends far beyond, U of C offers a gripping college experience. (4) The university also hosts renowned speakers, eager to share their stories, such as author Joyce Carol Oates. (5) This past winter brought us record-breaking snowfall, which resulted in the canceling of classes. Everyone took to the quads to defend their dorms’ honor. (6) The year’s end was marked by the opening of Mansueto Library, an avant-garde dome design by architect Helmut Jahn, which awaits its inauguration this fall.

5

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

CLASSIFIEDS Classified advertising in the CHICAGO MAROON is $3 for each line. Lines are 45 characters long including spaces and punctuation. Special headings are 20-character lines at $4 per line.

Classifieds are not accepted over the phone, and they must be paid in advance. Submit all ads in person, by e-mail, or by mail to the CHICAGO MAROON, Ida Noyes Hall, Lower Level Rm 026, 1212 E. 59th St., Chicago, IL 60637 attn: Classified Ads. Deadlines: Wednesdays and Fridays, 12 P.M., prior to publication. The CHICAGO MAROON accepts Mastercard & Visa. Call (773) 702-9555.

Large 4 bedroom, 2 bath apartment currently being completely renovated.

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For Rent.

Campus location 58th & Kenwood.

Spacious one bedroom garden apartment, for a University affiliate in architectâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s alumni home. Private entrance, modern kitchen, tile bath, well furnished. $ 550.00 a month heat and electricity included. By appointment. Kerman 773-288-3706

Excellent quality pet dog items for sale.

Designer beds; Car seat; folding stairs; various toys â&#x20AC;&#x201C; all like new so you must see. Dog clothing includes leather, shearling , cable knit outfits. Price range $2 - $75.

Call 773-852-7420

Furnishings will dress a dormitory room or family room. Chaise lounge ,chair, ottoman, neutral upholstery $250.

Storage wood cocktail table $100; small fridge.

Call 773-852-7420

Saturday September 24, from 3 to 4 p.m.

Rummage event at Saint Thomas the Apostle at 55th and Woodlawn (un-needed items from the school and parish, some small furniture). Items to be taken away. If you see something useful to you-take it, donations of cash will be accepted for the Society of St. Vincent de Paul, for their work with the poor. (Do not bring anything!)

YOUR AD HERE chicagomaroon.com

Welcome Students!

Visit the Oriental Institute Museum A world-renowned collection of artifacts from the ancient Middle East on the campus of the University of Chicago!

On view through December 31

B EFORE THE P YRAMIDS The Origins of Egyptian Civilization t 7JTJU UIF 4VR GPS B VOJRVF TFMFDUJPO PG CPPLT HJGUT BOE KFXFMSZ GSPN UIF .JEEMF &BTU t #FDPNF B 4UVEFOU .FNCFS PG UIF Oriental Institute for FREE! Join and receive the many beneďŹ ts of membership. oi.uchicago.edu/getinvolved t +PC PQQPSUVOJUJFT BU UIF 0SJFOUBM *OTUJUVUF (call 773-702-5112)

The Blessing of the Backpacks (and various & sundry implements of academic enterprise)

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Find us on Facebook @oimuseum Follow us on

The Oriental Institute 0QFO 5VFTEBZ UISPVHI 4VOEBZ 58th and University Ave. oi.uchicago.edu

Wednesday, September 28, 6:00 PM For centuries the church has blessed nearly everything.

Your time has come!

Bring your backpacks, laptops, cell and smart phones, iPods, iPads, calculators, planners, and other academic tools to this special service at the beginning of a new academic year.

Be our guest for a free vegetarian supper afterwards.

Worship and supper every Sunday during the academic quarter at 5:30 pm.

Afternoon Tea and evening programming most Wednesdays.

BRENT The Episcopal Center at the University of Chicago House 5540 South Woodlawn Avenue â&#x20AC;˘ Chicago, IL 60637 â&#x20AC;˘ 773/947-8744

Fall calendar at www.brenthouse.org.

All students interested in writing for the MAROON should come to our meeting on September 22nd from 3 to 4 p.m. in Hallowed Grounds, on Friday, September 23rd from 11:30 to 3 p.m. in Ida Noyes, or on Friday, September 30th from 3 to 5:30 p.m. on the Main Quad during the RSO fair.

VOICES

WANTS

YOU

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

GET OUT OF TOWN Chicago Theater

It’s not a matter of what to see, but what to see first

PHOTOS COURTESY OF STEPPENWOLF THEATER AND THE HYPOCRITES

Home to literally hundreds of theater companies, Chicago’s theater scene is regarded as one of the best in the world.

This is the home of improv troupe Second City, which birthed stars John Belushi, Tina Fey, and Amy Poehler, and the only city in the nation to have five theaters receive regional Tony awards.

Chicago theater has a vast array of styles to choose from, ranging from sketch improv to Broadway shows and ensembleled features. In addition to the flashing marquees and Tony-award winning plays, small independent theaters are tucked into every neighborhood in town, and you can find a performance playing any night of the week. Even if your theater knowledge doesn’t reach beyond The Phantom of the Opera (the movie), the huge variety of Chicago’s theater scene makes it impossible not to find something to suit your taste, be it philosophical burlesque or a touring Broadway musical.

For the most original, high-profile productions, look no further than Goodman Theatre and Steppenwolf Theatre. With alums including John Malkovich and Joan Allen, and many productions going on to other theaters across the country, these theaters are the pillars of Chicago’s theater scene. Victory Gardens Theater and the Lookingglass Theatre Company also boast impressive resumés; Victory Gardens has staged work

by Harold Pinter and sent on an original play to become a Pulitzer Prize finalist, while Lookingglass, founded in part by David Schwimmer, stages consistently eyecatching and entertaining productions, including both world premieres and literary adaptations.

Improv is also a strong part of the city’s scene, with the long-running Second City Theatre leading the way. Created by U of C alumni, Second City consistently churns out actors who go on to fame, fortune, and prime time television. Currently showing is South Side of Heaven, an irreverent take on Chicago culture and the universe whose characters consist of a president, a mayor, and a TSA agent. U of C student tickets are about $19 for shows on Tuesday through Thursday and Sunday. For smallerbudget and secretly theoretical sketch improv, try The Neo-Futurists, whose weekly show Too Much Light Makes the Baby Go Blind defies all laws of logic and

taste. Based on the premise of creating an illusion-free theater, the show consists of 30 individual plays in 60 minutes, all based on real stories and with all actors playing themselves. Most of the plays are obnoxiously funny, with a few serious and political stories thrown in the mix. Tickets run between $10 and $15.

For a more classical theater experience, try the Lyric Opera. A world-renowned opera house, the Lyric is known for its mixture of classic pieces with modern works, including Sweeney Todd. Currently playing is The Tales of Hoffmann, a tragic and humorous tale of a poet lost in the world of love. Student tickets can be obtained for $20 by registering with NExT Student, the Lyric’s student discount service. Touring Broadway plays and musicals are also frequent visitors to Chicago, and tickets can usually be found for around $20. Productions coming soon include Fiddler on the Roof, The Addams Family Musical, and Mary Poppins.

With a vast array of talent and styles, Chicago theater is not to be scoffed at, and new theater-goers will be just as impressed with the city’s offerings as even the most intense theater major. Chicago’s theater scene should be taken advantage of, so when the drama in your dorm becomes too much to handle, get off campus and find the real kind.

THE FAB FIVE As the recipients of regional Tony awards, giving Chicago the most of any city in the nation, these are the top five theater companies in Chicago.

STEPPENWOLF THEATER With Gary Sinise and John Malkovich among its distinguished alumni, Steppenwolf is regarded as an actors’ theater. Often focusing on local issues, Steppenwolf ’s original, ensemble led productions often go on to stages in New York, Los Angeles, and London. This is the place to go for daring subject matter and high quality acting. Currently playing is Clybourne Park, an examination of racism set in Chicago’s northwest side, and opening October 11 is an adaptation of Carson McCuller’s classic novel The Heart is a Lonely Hunter. Student tickets are $15.

GOODMAN THEATER The Goodman Theatre is known for its directors, and classic or lesser-known plays are often adapted into theatrical gold under its direction. The Tony-award winning Red, the story of a passionate and somewhat maniacal painter working in 1960s Manhattan, is currently playing, and Goodman’s season also includes Tennessee Williams’ Camino Real and The Iceman Cometh, featuring Nathan Lane (yes, that Nathan Lane). Student tickets are $10 if purchased the day of the show.

CHICAGO SHAKESPEARE THEATRE A non-profit company with many family and youth oriented productions, Chicago Shakespeare Theatre plays its part in sprucing up Navy Pier. The company’s productions range from classic stagings of A Midsummer Night’s Dream to rapbased mash-ups of the Bard’s classics.

Currently playing is Murder for Two - A Killer Musical, and opening October 4 is Follies, with music and lyrics by Stephen Sondheim. Student tickets are $20.

VICTORY GARDENS THEATER Victory Gardens is primarily a writers’ theater, with productions dedicated to promoting the work of new artists. With the help of recently retired artistic director Dennis Zacek, original productions have run off-Broadway and garnered several Tony awards. Currently playing is In the Next Room, a play about the invention of the vibrator in Victorian England. Student tickets are $20.

LOOKINGGLASS THEATRE COMPANY A theater well-known for its novelty, Lookingglass Theatre Company is housed in the Water Tower Water Works on Michigan Avenue. Past productions have included Hillbilly Antigone and an adaptation of Studs Terkel’s Race.

Opening September 21 is The Great Fire, a rumination on the Great Fire of 1871, written and directed by ensemble member John Musial. Student tickets are $20 if purchased the day of the show.

- By Jordan Larson

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Chicago Sports For when the Maroons are off-season One of my favorite parties of the year is Psi U’s “Rep(resent) your city” party.

Walking around the frat’s house and seeing a rainbow of jerseys from all over the country is always interesting, because as a native Chicagoan, I sometimes forget that people are allowed to like teams that don’t play their home games in the Windy City.

However, no matter where your allegiances lie, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to make it out to Chicago sporting events, even if you are rooting against the home team.

Chicago is a major sports market, and has teams in all of the major professional leagues, and luckily most of the teams are pretty good. The Bulls feature Derrick Rose, who last year was named the NBA’s most valuable player. Rose grew up in Englewood, which is only a few miles from campus, and used to practice at our Ratner Athletic Center. The Bears made it to the NFC title game last year, falling to the eventual Superbowl Champions, the Green Bay Packers. Chicago has two baseball teams, the White Sox and the Cubs, and no,

you can’t root for both.

Seeing all these teams can be pricey, though. Bears tickets are some of the most expensive in the NFL, and will cost you somewhere around 80 dollars once all is said and done. Same holds true for the Bulls. A seat in the 300 level at the United Center, also known as the, ‘Hey! I can see my house from here!’ section, can set you back forty dollars. Baseball tickets aren’t nearly as bad – there are 81 home games after all – and you can usually get into the ballpark for a meager 10 dollars. The Cubs are out of the division race, so expect those prices to stay low, but if the White Sox continue to challenge for the top spot, those prices might start creeping up as October rolls around.

If paying these high prices isn’t exactly your thing, don’t worry. Almost all of the houses at the U of C take house trips to games, with significantly subsidized ticket prices and group rates. If you keep your eyes out, you can also find cheaper tickets being offered by the teams themselves.

For example, the Bulls have a ‘Family Fun’

night, where you can get a 300 level ticket, a hot dog, chips, and a drink, all for $25.

Once you’ve got your ticket, getting to all the different stadiums is actually pretty easy. Both Wrigley Field and Comiski – now officiallly U.S Cellular Field – are close to CTA red line stops. Soldier Field is close to the 18th street stop on the Metra Electric District, and even the Madhouse on Madison, the United Center, has several bus routes that stop right at the front door.

There are plenty of local spots to watch sporting events if you don’t want to travel.

Seven-ten, on 55th street, is always showing different local sporting events. The Pub in the basement of Ida Noyes is also a good place to catch a game, but you have to be 21 to enter. Sometimes the best place to watch a sporting event is just in your house lounge, but be sure to reserve the TV beforehand.

There’s nothing worse than walking into your house lounge to catch the Bulls game, only to find that the Bachelorette season finale is showing at the same time.

- By Mahmoud Bahrani

Chicago Cinema Movies aren’t just filmed in Chicago, we have silver screens While you can likely get your fill from Doc Films’ rich offerings, don’t be afraid to take a dip into Chicago’s film scene. The home of Gene Siskel, once half of the Siskel & Ebert team, the city is large enough to host its fair share of openings and festivals.

It also plays host to smaller and more independent venues, including the Music Box Theatre, home to cult classics and midnight screenings. So please, skip the Netflix instant view and watch something on a screen wider than 15 inches.

AMC River East, conveniently located just north of the Loop, delivers all the usual blockbuster fare, and usually gets the limited release films that didn’t make it to your hometown. But don’t pay the steep $12 ticket price - you can buy $6 passes to any AMC film that’s been released for two weeks at The Office of the Reynolds Club and Student Activities (ORCSA).

AMC also hosts the Chicago International Film Festival, running from October 6-20.

The longest-running film festival in the country, the CIFF presents independent and foreign films long before they’re

shown in regular theaters, with past entries including Black Swan, Slumdog Millionaire, and Synecdoche, New York, and the festival has helped discover such luminaries as Martin Scorsese and Wim Wenders. Tickets run around $20, so stick to the Cannes winners and Oscar bait.

Independent and foreign films can also be found on a more regular basis at the Landmark Century Cinema in Lakeview and at the Gene Siskel Film Center in the Loop. As part of the Art Institute, the Siskel Film Center takes a more academic approach to film, with festivals on national theater and underground movements constituting most of their programming.

U of C student tickets are $7. Facets Multimedia Cinematheque, a smaller venue in Lincoln Park, screens Sundance winners and other independent films. The Cinematheque also houses its own DVD library and offers film classes.

To experience true Chicago film, though, the Music Box Theatre is easily the most exciting and best loved theater in town. While the Theatre gets the

usual independent fare, it also plays older films like this winter’s Woody Allen retrospective. The Music Box hosts midnight movies every weekend, with special screenings of The Room and The Rocky Horror Picture Show, a full-blown Halloween event complete with a costume contest and fans screaming incoherently at the screen. Tickets are $10; plastic spoons and feather boas not included.

Chicago is also home to its own documentary film production company, Kartemquin Films, founded by U of C alumni. Celebrating its 45th anniversary this year, Kartemquin focuses a keen eye on Chicago politics and issues. The company received a MacArthur Award in 2007 and The Interrupters, the company’s most successful film yet, was released earlier this year.

With so many theaters and film events happening in Chicago, it’s difficult not to take advantage of the city’s size and prevalence in the country’s cinema scene.

- By Jordan Larson

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

The Lumen Christi Institute

Founded by Catholic scholars at the University of Chicago in 1997, the Lumen Christi Institute aims at enriching the intellectual community of the University of Chicago by cultivating the Catholic intellectual and spiritual traditions through on-campus lectures, non-credit courses, and conferences. Both Catholics and non-Catholics regularly participate and are encouraged to attend.

We are pleased to present a number of exciting events this Fall, including:

God, Freedom, and Public Life a symposium on Cardinal Georgeâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s latest book, God in Action.

Hans Joas, University of Chicago Martin Marty, University of Chicago Francis Cardinal George, OMI, Archbishop of Chicago chaired by

Jean Bethke Elshtain, University of Chicago Thursday, October 6, 4:00-6:00 pm, Mandel Hall Non-Credit Course

Campus Lectures

â&#x20AC;&#x153;The Church Fathersâ&#x20AC;?

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Humility in Bernard of Clairvaux and al-GhazÄ lÄŤ: A Christian and a Muslim Perspectiveâ&#x20AC;?

Jamie A. Schillinger, St. Olaf College

Thursday evening lecture series preceded by informal dinners

Thursdays, October ď&#x2122;&#x201E;ď&#x2122;&#x2020;-November ď&#x2122;&#x201E;ď&#x2122;&#x160;

Tuesday, October ď&#x2122;&#x2026;ď&#x2122;&#x2C6; Sacred Music Series A concert of sacred music featuring

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Platonism and Christianityâ&#x20AC;?

Carlos Steel, Catholic University of Leuven

Schola Antiqua of Chicago

Tuesday, November ď&#x2122;&#x2039;

â&#x20AC;&#x153;Josquin: Master of the Notesâ&#x20AC;?

October ď&#x2122;&#x2026;ď&#x2122;&#x201E;, ď&#x2122;&#x2026;ď&#x2122;&#x2026;, and ď&#x2122;&#x2026;ď&#x2122;&#x2020;

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

CITY DINING Billy Goat Tavern Bar 430 North Michigan Avenue, lower level (312) 222-1525 Entrées: $5–10

Few places embody Chicago—the tradition, the history, and the deep-seated love of greasy food and free-flowing beer—better than the legendary Billy Goat Tavern, a 75-year-old dive bar located on the subterranean level of North Michigan Avenue.

Founded by Chicago legend William Sianis in 1934, the Billy Goat gained citywide notoriety through a series of publicity stunts: Most famously, Sianis refused to serve Republican patrons during the 1944 Republican National Convention in Chicago. In 1945, Sianis tried to bring his pet goat to game four of the Cubs–Tigers World Series at Wrigley Field. (The Cubs refused to admit the goat and went on

to lose the game and the series; diehard locals rue the “Curse of the Billy Goat” to this day.) Later, the tavern was immortalized on Saturday Night Live, when John Belushi furiously shouted the signature dish (“Cheezborger! Cheezborger! No fries, cheeps! No Pepsi, Coke!”) at unsuspecting patrons. But no restaurant survives on publicity alone, and the Billy Goat still ranks among the best places in town to meet some friends, throw back a couple of Old Styles, mingle with disgruntled journalists who have escaped the nearby Tribune building, and catch the Cubs game.

Right off the Red Line Roosevelt stop,

caramel-covered pretzel pancakes. If that

foods so indulgent they’re practically the adult equivalent of Cocoa Puffs. And it’s an easy enough trip to the South Loop that, before the morning-after drunkenness turns into the morning-after hangover, you’ll have a cup of coffee and a glass of orange juice in your hands. So skip the Cocoa Puffs (don’t worry, we know you still eat them), and hit up the white-chocolate-and-

consumed thus far in your life, and you would prefer to keep it that way, check out the chicken and pear club sandwich, with gorgonzola, tomato, and cranberry-pecan aioli. It’ll be enough food to keep you going for a full day of downtown adventures—or a Sunday afternoon in the Reg.

Cafecito is Spanish for a shot of espresso with a teaspoon of sugar; literally, it means “little coffee.” It’s a misleading title, not because Cafecito’s cafecito isn’t superb, but because it doesn’t even begin to get at the delicious depths of their solid offerings.

It’s almost impossible to choose just one of their 19 pressed sandwiches—do you want to get the classic Cubans, with roasted pork, ham, swiss, pickles, and mustard, or feel like you’re skipping town for Cuba itself with the Ropa Vieja (slow roasted skirt steak, sweet plantains, black beans, tomato creole sauce)? The most expensive sandwich on the menu at $5.99, it’s a deliriously cheap getaway. The budget and vegetarian-friend-

ly Timba, with guava and swiss cheese, is just $3.59, making you wonder why anyone goes to Subway anymore. Even at lunchtime, when it’s packed to the brim, employees take your order in line and bring the food to you while you sit in one of their cozy chairs.

Despite their efficiency, Cafecito has the laid-back feel of Latin America, and you’ll be tempted to stay there as long as they’re open (7-9 Monday through Friday, and 10-6 on the weekends). Get started early — they stop serving the breakfast menu (huevos chimichurri, huevos chorizo, throw in a café con leche) at 11.

Captain’s Hard Time Dining does not cater to those with hang-ups about food sanitation. The paper napkin is likely to be the one piece of your place setting not encrusted with food from previous diners, but if you’re willing to call such oversights “charming” rather than “health code violations,” there’s something special in store.

While the offerings are mostly standard— eggs and sausage for breakfast, sandwiches for lunch, basic cuts of chicken and beef for dinner—Captain’s nonetheless operates at the outermost edge of the greasy spoon category, pressing the limits of what’s acceptable to fry, butter, or bread.

Sides of supposedly “fresh” broccoli and other greens invariably arrive sopping with

butter and oil, so instead of beating around the bush, just order the “fried and battered vegetables.” Breads, whether biscuits, pancakes, or rolls, come so thoroughly prebuttered you’ll want to wring them out.

Fried meats aren’t simply fried: They’re “butter fried.” In the Captain’s estimation, no dish is so refined that it wouldn’t benefit from a slice of bacon, a side of ranch, or a few onion rings—and mostly, he’s right. True, eat here regularly and you’ll follow up the freshman 15 with the sophomore coronary, but as an occasional treat, there’s no topping the delicious excess of Captain’s Hard Time Dining.

To say that the Epic Burger chose its eponymous adjective wisely would be an understatement. Its slogan, “A more mindful burger,” refers to the owner’s decision to use only ingredients that come with proper nouns and good eco-karma: Wisconsin aged cheddar and Kennebec potatoes, for example. The South Loop burger joint sits beneath a Columbia College dormitory on State and Harrison, which in U of C terms means it’s 63 feet from a #6 stop. Ordering is a bit like playing 20 Questions— Onions? Grilled onions? Extra grilled onions? Fried egg? Bacon? Smoothie?—but as long as you get the

fresh-cut fries, you should be fine. The prices make it hard to forget that every ingredient, including the milk in the smoothies, is organic (a burger, fries, and a smoothie will run you $11.99), but it’s worth it.

Plus, good karma: Everything from the wrappers to the forks is biodegradable. This restaurant should be of particular note to West Coasters jonesing for In-N-Out Burger: While Epic Burger doesn’t really compare—does anything?—it’s the best substitute the Windy City has to offer.

- By Justin Sink

Bongo Room this popular brunch spot serves breakfast sounds like slightly more sugar than you’ve Breakfast, Contemporary American 1152 South Wabash Avenue (312) 291-0100 Entrées: $9-15

Cafecito Contemporary Cuban 26 East Congress Parkway (312) 922-2233 Sandwiches: $4–6

Captain’s Hard Time Dining Diner 436 East 79th Street (773) 487-2900 Entrées: breakfast $5-8, lunch and dinner $8-20

Epic Burger Burgers, ice cream, and frozen yogurt 517 South State Street (312) 913-1373 Entrées: sandwiches and burgers $6

- By Ella Christoph

- By Ella Christoph

- By Jordan Holliday

- By Claire McNear

CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

Gino’s East offers classically filling Italian fare in generous portions. If you’re really hungry— or even if you’re not—try the deep-dish pizza.

While the pastas, lasagnas, and other menu items are mostly safe choices, Chicago-style pizza is what Gino’s East is known for. Even if you’re famished after the 45 minutes it takes for your pizza to cook, bets are you won’t be able to finish more than two of the intensely sloppy, cheesy, thick, brick-like slices—health considerations aside.

The waiters serve you your first slice to prevent the embarrassing struggle that would likely ensue from trying to wrangle one free on your own.

Salads are served family style and provide some much-needed organic relief after ingesting one of Gino’s slices. And don’t forget to bring a Sharpie.

Just about every inch of Gino’s walls is fair game for, er, artistic expression.

Ina’s has a lot working against it for the typical U of C student: It’s too far, it’s too expensive for breakfast, and the line is too long on weekends. But, man, is that some good breakfast. Ina’s also serves lunch and dinner, but the restaurant specializes in morning delights, including an array of signature pancakes and french toast “dredged in cinnamon and sugar” (as it was described during my first visit). The omelettes and and skillet-type dishes use high-

quality ingredients and are free of the grease you find at similar restaurants, and the place seems to go the extra mile with options like the Steel Cut Oatmeal. Ina’s just feels like an authentic breakfast—except better. Getting there on the CTA requires a bus and two train rides, but Ina’s truly occupies some rare air when it comes to breakfast cuisine.

Chow mein. Pad thai. Udon. Korean BBQ. Potstickers. Crab Rangoon. Rice baked in a bamboo pot. Everything you love about Asian cuisine, you can find at Joy Yee’s, from the astounding list of bubble teas to the epic menu, which is a veritable cornucopia of delicious pan-Asian dishes.

This is a dining establishment with enough variety for repeat visits. You might order Thai fish cakes, mango chicken, and a lychee and watermelon freeze on one trip, and then Vietnamese spring rolls, kimchi and pork noodles, and taro milk tea tapioca on the next visit. The possibilities are endless—think Choose Your Own (Asian Cuisine) Adventure, but without the risk of drowning in

quicksand. The only discomfort you’ll experience is from gorging on the massive portions.

The Chinatown location has recently been remodeled and expanded, and the brightly lit space is a happy clash of cafeteria-style seating and a Jamba Juice–esque corner where drinks emerge from a conveyor belt of blenders. Expect a wait for dinner, so go early or on a weeknight.

The popularity of the restaurant means that you can now also find Joy Yee’s on 1335 South Halsted Avenue and in Evanston (521 Davis Street).

It’s a bit ironic that one of the hippest new latenight eateries in Chicago is styled after European beer halls, which have gorged the unwashed masses for centuries. With some extra flair and upgraded ingredients, the Publican offers the ancient combination of beer, pork, and noise to Chicago’s young club-goers and gourmands.

Set amid the stark industrial architecture of the Fulton Market District, the Publican stands out with its 10-foot windows and huge glass vestibule. But most dining hall-frequenting students won’t find the interior too unfamiliar; the main dining room’s giant banquet table seats 100, side by side.

The restaurant features a wide selection of imported beers from Belgium and Germany; try the Trappist ales infused with honey or the

Flemish reds to complement the pork.

If there’s anywhere in Chicago to worship at the altar of the pig, it’s the Publican. Highlights include the fluffy spiced pork rinds, country ribs, and tender porchetta. It’s no surprise the Publican’s executive chef also owns the notoriously noisy Blackbird and Avec; the decibel level here falls somewhere between power saw and snowmobile. The restaurant must have been envisioned as a place to see and be seen—there’s no way to be heard.

The Publican is by no means inexpensive, although sharing a number of smaller dishes with your friends won’t set you back too badly.

But if you want a European beer hall experience, it’s cheaper than a ticket to Berlin.

As first years will soon discover, Hyde Parkers are spoiled when it comes to Thai food choices.

Unfortunately, most options adhere to the same monotonous and mediocre standard. UChicagoans on a quest for more interesting Thai cuisine must venture outside the neighborhood. The first stop of any such expedition has to be Sticky Rice.

The menu includes the standard Thai dishes, from spring rolls to pad Thai to satay, but it specializes in dishes from Northern Thailand that tend to have a bitter edge and sharp tang absent in Central Thai cuisine. Highlights include the Northern Thai sausages, grilled and homemade with red curry

paste and other spices, and the mouthwatering kow soy, a coconut soup with egg noodles and meat.

Getting to Sticky Rice takes a long trip on the El, and its home, the North Center neighborhood, is a bit desolate. Luckily, the Music Box Theatre is just a few stops away on the Brown Line, making the restaurant a viable option for a North Side dinnerand-a-movie trip. Regardless, anyone who’s been eating greasy Hyde Park Pad Thai for a while won’t need much of an excuse to hightail it up north for this one-of-a-kind dining experience.

There’s a lot to do in Pilsen, so it’s too bad that many outsiders’ experiences of the neighborhood begin and end at Nuevo Leon, Pilsen’s best known restaurant. For something different, go to Taqueria Los Comales, located on the same street as Nuevo Leon, about a block closer to the Pink Line. Los Comales has no lines out the door and a spare, stripped-down look. It’s simple, but that’s what sets apart Los Comales and its signature tacos. These tacos come without sour cream or cheese, meaning the burden is all on the meat, onions, and cilantro. Each of the eight meat offerings is wonderfully succulent, packed with

flavor, and perfectly coupled with the crunch of the onion and the citrusy zest of fresh cilantro.

They’re too good to have only one, and small enough to eat three or four if you’re hungry. For a heartier dish, order a burrito; they’re so big your arms grow weary while eating them, and a dollar or two cheaper than Chipotle. Whatever you order, you’ll rarely wait more than five minutes to get your food. Cheap, fast, and a terrific departure from the ordinary: There’s not a false note to be found at Taqueria Los Comales.

The quintessential greasy spoon diner, the White Palace Grill is only a brief CTA ride away from Hyde Park and is your best bet for round-the-clock servings of warm food and Chicago history. Founded in 1939, White Palace is on the eastern edge of the UIC campus, and has served many a local politician, athlete, or celebrity in need of the best 2 a.m. waffles in town. Breakfast is the specialty, but the menu is diverse (including vegetarian options), and the food is fast, hot, cheap, and delicious. While waiting for your food, you

can’t help but be entertained by the eccentric wall decorations commemorating the diner’s place in Chicago history (including a sprawling mural of famous Chicagoans) and the colorful customers who give White Palace its unique character. There are cleaner, healthier, and hipper late-night dining options in the city, but White Palace is perfect for those cold winter nights when all you want is a short trip, a fun time, and filling food.

- By Andrian Florido

Gino's East Italian 633 North Wells Street (312) 943-1124 Entrées: $9–12, more for pizza Ina's Breakfast, American 1235 West Randolph Street (312) 225-8227 Entrées: $5–10

- By Jake Grubman

Joy Yee Noodle Plus Pan-Asian 2159 South China Place (312) 842-8928 Entrées: $9–$12

- By Emerald Gao

The Publican Pub 837 West Fulton Market (312) 733-9555 Entrées: $10-20

- By Ben Rossi

Sticky Rice Thai 4018 North Western Avenue (773) 588-0133 Entrées: $5–7

- By Ben Rossi

Taqueria Los Comales Mexican 1544 West 18th Street (312) 666-2251 Entrées: $4 to $10

- By Jordan Holliday

- By Justin Sink

White Palace Grill Diner 1159 South Canal Street (312) 939-7167 Entrées: $5–10

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

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970 e 58th st (58th & Ellis) uchicago.bncollege.com acebook.com/UChicagoBookstore m-f 8-6 / sat 9-4 / sun closed

membership accepted

special quarter opening hours: sat 9/18 sun 9/19 m-f 9/20-24 sat 9/25 sun 9/26 m-t 9/27-28

9-5 10-4 8-7 9-5 10-4 8-7

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CHICAGO MAROON | ORIENTATION | September 16, 2011

MORE ENTERTAINMENT. FASTER INTERNET. HAPPIER YOU. Weeds available on SHOWTIME® True Blood® available on HBO® on XFINITY On Demand and xfi xfinityTV.com x nityTV.com

It’s fun to enjoy endless entertainment. Get more stuff you love when you sign up fo XFINITY® TV, with HBO® and SHOWTIME® for 9 months, and XFINITY Internet – with no minimum term contract!

BACK-TO-SCHOOL OFFER XFIN XF INIT IN ITY IT Y TV + XFINITY INTERNET

a month th for f 12 month ths

NO MIN MINIM IMUM UM TERM TE RM CON CONTR TRAC ACT! T!

XFINITY TV with ®

HBO + SHOWTIME® for 9 months

BEST ON DEMAND experience

LIGHTNING FAST speeds

All backed by the 30-Day Money-Back Comcast Customer Guarantee.

TV ON YOUR TERMS

Get access to over 60,000 On Demand TV shows and movies, on your TV and online at xfinityTV.com.

Or use the XFINITY™ TV app to watch your favorites on your iPhone®, iPad®, or iPod touch.®

INSANELY FAST INTERNET

You and your roommates can download HD movies, music and games faster than ever before. Watch TV online or just enjoy the Internet on all of your favorite devices – including your iPad, laptop and gaming console – so you can do more of what you want.

1-866-430-2225 | xfinity4college.com Offer ends 10/31/11 and is limited to new residential customers. XFINITY service not available in all areas. Offer limited to Digital Starter TV, HB0,® SHOWTIME and Performance Internet service. After 9 months, monthly service charge for HBO® and SHOWTIME goes to $10 each for months 10 – 12. After promotional period, or if any service is cancelled or downgraded, then regular rates apply. Comcast’s current monthly service charges for Digital Starter TV ranges from $39.95 – $62.95, depending on area, for HBO® ranges from $10.95 – $19.99, depending on area, for SHOWTIME ranges from $10.95 – $19.99, depending on area, and for Performance Internet ranges from $42.95 – $49.95 with subscription to XFINITY TV or XFINITY Voice. TV and Internet service limited to a single outlet. Equipment, installation, taxes and franchise fees extra. May not be combined with other offers. TV: Basic service subscription required to receive other levels of service. On Demand selections subject to charge indicated at time of purchase. Internet: Actual speeds vary and are not guaranteed. Money-Back Guarantee applies to one month recurring service charge and standard installation up to $500. Call for restrictions and complete details. Standard data charges may apply to use of QR code. Check with your carrier. © Comcast 2011. All rights reserved. HBO® and related channels and service marks are the property of Home Box Office, Inc. SHOWTIME and related marks are registered trademarks of Showtime Networks Inc., a CBS Company. You must be a subscriber of HBO® to receive HBO® On Demand. You must be a subscriber of SHOWTIME to receive SHOWTIME On Demand. Weeds © Lions Gate Television, Inc. Apple, iPad, iPhone, iPod touch, and iTunes are trademarks of Apple Inc., registered in the U.S. and other countries. App store is a service mark of Apple Inc. QR Code requires code reader and compatible mobile device. Data charges may apply. Check with your carrier.

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