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Paloma Faith APRIL 2018

Talks gender neutrality with DIVA’s Jordan Gray EUROPE'S LEADING MAGAZINE FOR LESBIANS & BI WOMEN

THE WELLBEING ISSUE

A life of Pride Remembering Tove Jansson

MARCELLA’S

Victoria Broom “If we got rid of labels, life would be so much easier”

Adele Roberts “I’ve always been out on air” Belinda Blinked My Dad Wrote A Feminist Icon?

Queers without beers Cheers to mindful drinking

Award-Winning River Cruises Ɨljŏŀ ck kc eX)

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Emerald Waterways Best Value For Money, River Cruise

| WELCOME |

Contents On the cover

UP FRONT

06 08

DICTUM DIVA editor Carrie Lyell asks, what does wellbeing mean to you?

YOUR SHOUT You tell us what you think of DIVA

TRENDS

10 11 12 14 16

10

VOICES What is equality in the eyes of the media?

VIEWS

18 20 22 24

PICK ’N’ MIX

Can embracing tiredness be a radical act?

26

REETA LOI My journey to rewrite the voice in my head

CERIAN JENKINS How to spot, and change, your toxic relationships

ELEANOR MARGOLIS Why I’m mastering the art of sleeping well

FEATURES

26 36 38 40

Stuf that’s caught DIVA’s eye this month

WHY WE LOVE...

Pride’s Got Talent

SHE SAID Notable quotables from women to listen to

STYLE DIVA peeks inside Amber’s Closet

14

PHYLL OPOKU-GYIMAH

44

56

VICTORIA BROOM “I’ve always been interested in women”

ROAD TO RECOVERY Louise V Taylor breaks down eating disorders

QI GONG How can it help our mind, body and soul?

BEYOND YOGA How time on the mat heals trauma and quietens the mind

64 3

| WELCOME |

CULTURE

44 48 49 50 52 56 59 60 62

ADELE ROBERTS

74 76 80

Being out on the airwaves

TV REVIEWS It’s all happening on the small screen this month

BOOK REVIEWS Top reads from our books editor Kaite Welsh

TOVE JANSSON

MY DAD WROTE… A Porno: Alice Levine on trashing tropes

PALOMA FAITH Motherhood, The Architect, and why relationships are like pies

MUSIC REVIEWS Heather Peace’s musical loves of the month

LUCY DACUS In conversation with the singer-songwriter

FILM REVIEWS DIVA’s lowdown on the hottest new releases

WELLBEING AT WORK Are you caring for your needs amidst the nine-to-five?

LEZ BOSS This month, Kate Barker shares her tips for beating stress

WHAT’S IT LIKE TO BE A...

Mindfulness therapist?

Danielle Mustarde finds out

TRAVEL

Uncovering queer stories in Moominland

COMMUNITY

64

WOMEN ON TOP

Throughout the issue you will see this symbol, which indicates that there is digital content available related to that particular feature. You will be able to access this complementary content when you purchase our digital edition from divadigital.co.uk or directly through the DIVA branded app, available on the App Store, Google Play, Kindle Newsstand and Windows Store.

(Please note that additional content may not be available via all of our third-party digital suppliers.

However, buying the issue using one of the methods above will give you access to this content.)

FAMILY

68 72

CLUB SODA The woman behind the mindful drinking movement

82 84 85

ATLANTA PRIDE An LGBT paradise with Southern charm

MALLORCA An authentic taste of Mallorquin life

MARGATE Sun, fun and fairgrounds on the Kent coast

LIFESTYLE

QUEER CHILDREN’S BOOKS The authors creating a more inclusive world for families

MY FAMILY Why the church is my chosen LGBT family

88 90 92 95 98

ESCAPE TO THE COUNTRY Finding a queer community in the sticks

DIARY DIVA’s monthly pick of the best events

HOW TO LOSE A GIRLFRIEND What’s in a relationship role? We switch things up to find out…

HOROSCOPE What have the stars got in store for you?

COMPATIBILITY QUIZ Is your bae up to scratch?

Take our test…

78 72

74 4 APRIL 2018

82

SUBSCRIBE Get DIVA delivered to your door before it hits the shops and save money!

90

| WELCOME |

DICTUM

Editor Carrie Lyell Deputy editor Roxy Bourdillon Staff writer Danielle Mustarde Sub-editor Ellen Tout Designer Fernando Safont Music editor Heather Peace Books editor Kaite Welsh Big thanks to: Joanna Whitehead, Jonathan Phang, Jo Blanket, Katy Mason, Victoria Wedderburn, Noam Klar Commercial director Robert Harkavy +44 (0)20 3735 7872 & +44 (0)7805 614 471 robert@twinmediagroup.co.uk Advertising manager Raj Valentino 020 3735 7871 raj@twinmediagroup.co.uk Social and events manager Kat Stephens kat@twinmediagroup.co.uk Editorial 020 3735 7873 Sales 020 3735 7871 Subscriptions 01202 586 848 For UK prices see advert p78-79 Subscriptions help contact@selectps.co.uk

If you need a back issue to complete your set, email fiona@divamag.co.uk. If you have difficulty reading the printed word, you can get DIVA on audio cassette on subscription. Contact Feminist Audio Books on 0161 273 8038 or email books@feministaudiobooks.org.uk

EDITOR’S LETTER

THE MAY ISSUE OF DIVA IS ON SALE FROM 20 APRIL (DIGITAL) AND 26 APRIL (PRINT).

Putting together this month’s issue has made me reflect on my wellbeing, and what that often loaded word means.

There was a time in my life I might have scofed at the idea. In my mind, wellbeing was something only rich people had the luxury of worrying about while the rest of us were busy contending with trivial matters like, you know, staying alive under a government hell bent on cutting the welfare state and public services to shreds.

But wellbeing isn’t trademarked by Gwynethsteam-your-vagina-Paltrow and I want this issue to be a way for you to reclaim wellbeing from the elite and see it for what it is – taking care of your physical and mental health.

For me, that means going for a swim, or spending time with my pals. It’s laughing, gorging myself silly on Korean fried chicken and staying in bed watching The Crown on Netflix until my eyes bleed.

See, wellbeing doesn’t have to be fancy 6 APRIL 2018

or grandiose. All of these small things are important ways of looking after my body and staying sane.

I also find myself thinking about wellbeing in a wider context. We can be so individualistic, sometimes, and yet no (wo)man is an island.

How can we take care of ourselves if we don’t take care of each other? So I’m on a mission to do just that. I’m going to listen more, and check in with friends and family regularly. I’ll be kind to my fellow commuters, even the dickbags, and to people online – especially the ones who don’t deserve it. They need it most of all.

But enough about me – what does wellbeing mean to you? How do you take care of yourself and others? Drop me an email, or find me on Twitter. I’d love to hear your tips for staying happy and healthy!

Carrie Lyell carrie@divamag.co.uk @Seej

Postal address DIVA, Twin Media Group, Room 32, Spectrum House, 32-34 Gordon House Road, London NW5 1LP Email editorial@divamag.co.uk Website divamag.co.uk Newstrade distribution Select Publisher Services Ltd, PO BOX 6337, Bournemouth, BH1 9EH Distribution help steve@magazineworkshop.co.uk Printed in UK by CPUK Print Publishing (cp-uk.co.uk) PUBLISHED BY TWIN MEDIA GROUP LTD CEO Linda Riley

All rights reserved © TMG 2016 ISSN 1353 4912 DIVA is published monthly in the UK by Twin Media Group Ltd. The mention or appearance or likeness of any person or organisation in articles or advertising in DIVA is not to be taken as any indication of sexual, social or political orientation of such persons or organisations. No responsibility can be assumed for unsolicited materials and submission is construed as permission to publish without further correspondence at the fee payable at our usual rates. Advertisers are advised that all copy is their sole responsibility under the Trade Protection Act. No part of this publication may be reproduced, stored in a retrieval system, or transmitted in any form or by any means, electronic, mechanical, photocopying, recording or otherwise, without prior permission of the publishers.

PHOTO TALIE EIGELAND

WHAT DOES WELLBEING MEAN TO YOU?

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CEFN TILLA COURT is a privately owned Grade II* listed country estate located 4 miles from the picturesque village of Usk in Monmouthshire.

| MAIL | YOUR SHOUT |

WRITE TO US GROWING TOGETHER My partner and I are both in our 50s and have been together for 25 years. Old age has always been part of our planning, and we’ve made provisions for being able to pay for care when we might need it. Still, we were chatting recently and found ourselves wondering – where would we go if we needed to go into a care home? To our shock, we discovered we wouldn’t have a lot of choice in terms of LGBT-specific care homes or LGBT-specific care. I think what we all want in our old age is security, closeness, to be loved and not to be lonely. We should be able to express our feelings openly and live our lives without fear of offending others – whatever our age.

I believe we should be campaigning, as a wider community, for more LGBT-friendly care homes AGAZINE /DIVAM and retirement villages. In fact, K OK.COM O B E C G A F A .CO.U @DIVAM we have visions of setting up a L E T T ER S / M O .C TWITTEARGAZINE charity to raise funds towards DIVAM just this, but we just don’t know where to start...

JOIN Z THE BUZ

MARIUS G Ed: Tonic Housing is a community interest company looking to open the UK’s first residential home for older LGBT people. Find out more at tonichousing.org.uk.

NON-BINARY PARENTING DIVA, I don’t know if you can help me but I am curious if there are any non-binary parents out there and what names they have asked their children to refer to them as instead of mummy or daddy. Can you ask your readers?

RAI H

Opinions expressed by correspondents and contributors do not necessarily reflect the views of the editors of DIVA magazine or its publishers.

letters@divamag.co.uk or use the old-fashioned method and drop us a line at

DIVA MAGAZINE Spectrum House, Room 32 32-34 Gordon House Road London NW5 1LP United Kingdom

TWITTER

JOIN US TODAY!

@DIVAmagazine @HannahB4LiviMP Fantastic to see #RainDove appearing on both @DIVAmagazine and @gaytimesmag on the same day. A major first @raindovemodel @LindaRiley8 well done!! @frightdyke Thanks for the inspiration in your new issue @DIVAmagazine from @raindovemodel Sometimes as a young butch dandy it’s hard to navigate this world but y’all give me such determination and hope. @sophiearmishaw Feeling even more pride, if that’s possible, to have this month’s copy of @DIVAmagazine in my hands! Thank you again for this incredible and #LGBTQhistory making and changing issue! @raindovemodel you’re an inspiration to me and so many people, thank you for everything you do! @Kitanda962 Please thank #joannawhitehead for the article on armchair activism. I’m #disabled

twitter.com/divamagazine in a number of ways so going to marches and protests is so, so diicult that it’s almost impossible. Thank you for seeing the value and eforts of others. @JustineSmithies When your granddaughter starts reading your @DIVAmagazine #SundayMorning @RosalindGillLdn @CerianJenkins thanks for the great article in @DIVAmagazine January issue.

Really important argument about pointscoring in the LGBTQ community. @decenthumanbean @suzirufell @DIVAmagazine I loved your article, Little Acts Of Defiance. Really struck a chord. Thank you x @freejazzhands @DIVAmagazine front and centre in WHSmith Victoria. Nice one. #nomoretopshelf @Andro_Eve We’re in @DIVAmagazine YASS! Thank you! So proud to be making space for LGBTQ+ people to celebrate our culture.

CALL OUTS QUEER ON SCREEN Are you a fan of lez/bi/queer-focused films?

(Mmm, YES!) Then two female researchers in gender, sexuality and diversity studies at La Trobe University in Melbourne need YOU. “We began this study by observing our own frustration with the content of films with lesbian characters,” senior lecturer Carolyn D’Cruz told DIVA. “Now, we want to know what others think.” To find out more, visit surveymonkey. com/r/whatdolesbiansdo.

8 APRIL 2018

DOCUMENTING YOUR STORIES Were you a teenager or young adult under Section 28? Would you be happy to share your experiences? If so, email Adriana at papercliptheatre@gmail. com who is collecting people’s experiences for creative research.

Individual stories will not be used and you will remain anonymous.

GIRLS DON’T CRY Girls are often encouraged to show emotion, yet diferent expectations are placed on masculine-identifying women.

Assumptions and pressures to adhere to “masculine” traits and roles abound. Girls Don’t Cry is a brand new photography series setting out to explore and profile the people hiding behind the brave faces that they have been asked to wear. Strike a chord? Visit dollarcofeeuk.com to get involved.

Instagram: @girlsdontcryproject.

What is equality in the eyes of the media?

TRENDS

PHOTO DAVE NASH

10

VOICES

11

PICK’N’MIX Stuf that caught DIVA’s eye this month

14

SHE SAID Notable quotables from women to listen to

12

16

STYLE DIVA peeks inside Amber’s Closet

Pride’s Got Talent: “a platform for anybody”

9

| TRENDS | VOICES |

MEDIAWATCH with Carrie Lyell

CARE IN THE COMMUNITY?

PERSON OF THE MONTH

ELLIOT HUNTER Give it up for drag royalty Elliot Hunter, who was crowned king of kings at The Glory’s legendary drag competition Man Up earlier this month, taking home a cool £1,000 in cash. Easy-on-the-eyes Elliot brought the house down at a packed and rather sweaty Styx in north London with a sexy spoken word piece full of swag that left hearts throbbing and knees weak. Described as a triple threat, Elliot is drag as you’ve never seen it before, and we predict great things for this gorgeous king.

10 APRIL 2018

If for some reason you were in any doubt about the right wing media’s disdain for trans people, have a look at the way Munroe Bergdorf has been treated these past few weeks. It’s nothing short of monstering.

The social activist and model was one of several high-profile people invited to informally advise Labour MP Dawn Butler, shadow secretary of state for women and equalities, on LGBTQI issues, but was forced to stand down after a prolonged and vicious character assassination, largely led by our good friends at the Daily Mail who published no less than five pieces about Bergdorf in the week following her appointment.

Bergdorf is a controversial figure, and not everyone’s cup of tea, granted. I’m sure some people were genuinely upset by the language used in her old tweets, which she has apologised for. But the reaction has been wildly disproportionate, and needs to be seen in the wider context of appalling attacks on trans people in some of the tabloid press.

I don’t believe for a second that the Mail – who just a few weeks previous published a disgusting piece by Richard Littlejohn about same-sex parents – give two hoots about the “hairy lesbians” they claim to be defending. This was only ever about bringing down Bergdorf, which they did, with glee.

No more. We cannot stand by and watch a member of our community be treated like this. As Helen Belcher of Trans Media Watch says: “The degree of monstering of trans people, reductive arguments, and downright misinformation in the press over the past few months is something to be condemned. It’s time we stopped treating trans people as freaks for our media entertainment and started treating trans people as equals”. @Seej

| TRENDS | PICK’N’MIX |

2 S AY

HELLO

TO

OUR

TO

OBSESSIONS

HELLO

L AT E S T

S AY

WORDS ROXY BOURDILLON

7

OUR

1

3

L AT E S T

4

OBSESSIONS

1 2 3 4

BEAT IT CREEP Retro style with modern attitude michelinepitt.com, £25

FLAPPER ART Sweet, sapphic charm to adorn your walls etsy.com/uk/shop/felixdeon, £45

TRANS-FRIENDLY MAKE-UP #MakeUpHasNoGender jecca-makeup.com, £20

ECO-FRIENDLY FEMCARE

5 6 7

FEMINIST COASTERS Protect your rights and your surfaces munkymake.com, £3

GENDER FREE WORLD SHIRT DIVA ed Carrie is a big fan! genderfreeworld.com, £53

PLOTTING THE END OF PATRIARCHY… …is thirsty work etsy.com/uk/shop/Academugs, £9.99

Monthly subscription box for your monthlies myfreda.com, from £8

11

| TRENDS | WHY WE LOVE |

Mzz Kimberley at the Pride’s Got Talent launch, and (inset) contestant Matilda Wood

Why we love...

Pride’s Got Talent

“Pride’s Got Talent is a platform to give anybody an opportunity,” explains cabaret legend and Pride’s Got Talent head judge Mzz Kimberley. “It’s not like one of those Simon Cowell shows where they’re just trying to get ratings.

No one’s mean. We want to appeal to everyone and we want everyone to come into this space and feel welcome.

That’s what it’s all about.”

If you’ve not yet encountered the wonder that is Pride’s Got Talent, just imagine Britain’s Got Talent, only friendlier, queerer, and with way more sapphic singer-songwriters. Every year the competition gives entrants the chance to wow a celeb-studded roster of judges, including Pride’s Got Talent Godmother and pop sensation Sinitta.

MZZ KIMBERLEY’S WORDS OF WISDOM • Don’t come onstage unless your act is 100% • Try to be creative and do something a little bit diferent • We don’t want any homophobic jokes, racist jokes, or fat shaming • I can’t stress this enough: stage presence is so important 12 APRIL 2018

There are two main categories: Pride’s Got Talent for budding pop stars and Pride’s Got Talent Cabaret for everything else, from dance troupes to drag kings to K-Stew impersonators.

The winners each get a once-in-alifetime almost-too-good-to-be-true performance slot on stage at Pride In London 2018.

While Pride certainly has a whole lotta talent, it also has huge amounts of love and support, creating a nurturing environment for emerging artists to flourish. Natalie Gray, 2016 runner-up, is full of praise for the team behind the contest. “Honestly, they are the nicest humans I’ve ever met in my life. They are so lovely that even if you went wrong in your audition, even if you fell over or your boob popped out, they are there for you and they will still tell you that you’re great.”

Her passion for PGT is so enormous, she can’t help but rave about how much it’s transformed her life. “Pride’s Got Talent is so great at bringing people together – any ethnicity, any gender, any sexual orientation.

Everyone’s just like, ‘Be who you are!’

And I love that.”

The Pride’s Got Talent final takes place on 29 April, and the Cabaret Final on 22 April. Find out more at tinyurl.com/PridesGotTalent.

PHOTO DAVE NASH

FEEL-GOOD, FABULOUS AND FULL OF RAINBOW FUN WORDS ROXY BOURDILLON

| ADVERTORIAL |

The road to motherhood – decision making For lesbian couples the road to motherhood is more possible today than ever. More and more resources are now available to help same-sex couples overcome the challenges in the process of having a child.

One of the upsides of using a sperm bank, like Cryos, is that the sperm bank requires donors to waive their parental rights to their sperm, so you risk no legal issues there.

here are a lot of important questions to which same-sex couples need to ind an answer before trying to conceive a baby. Cryos International is the world’s largest sperm bank and has over 30 years of experience in the world of fertility treatment. In this article, we outline some of the important questions.

Another beneit of using a sperm donor is that the sperm bank tests the donors for various transmitted and genetic diseases.

1. Who will carry the baby? he irst step is to determine who will be carrying the baby. Maybe one of you is more interested in carrying the baby? Or maybe there are other factors that can help make the decision, such as age and medical history.

Couples, who want more than one child, choose to switch who is getting pregnant, so they both get the experience at one point. At Cryos you have the possibility to reserve donor sperm for future siblings so that the children will be biologically related.

2. Where will the sperm come from?

Some couples have someone they know to donate sperm, and this is beneicial in the way that you know the donor’s personality and physical appearance.

On the other hand, the relationship with a known donor can be challenging in the future if there is some kind of disagreement of involvement and parental rights.

More and more same-sex couples choose to use a sperm donor.

At Cryos you have free access to all the information you need about the sperm donor so even though you do not know the donor personally you can get a lot of information about his medical history, personality, physical appearance, and see childhood photos of the donor.

3. What kind of fertility treatment to choose? here are three options when it comes to methods of insemination: 1. Home insemination: Sperm is deposited in the vagina using a syringe at home.

2. ICI: Sperm is deposited in the vagina using a catheter at a doctor’s office.

3. IUI: Sperm is deposited in the vagina using catheter that is passed through the cervix. his is also done at a doctor’s office.

If you choose to use a sperm donor, you can learn more about fertility treatment with donor sperm at Cryos’ webpage: dk.cryosinternational.com.

| TRENDS | SHE SAID |

THE WOKE WORD

Ilene Chaiken on the Nerdette podcast, revealing what to expect from The L Word reboot

SHE

SAID

“My nascent representation of trans experience, my flawed and not-quite-enough representation of diferent cultures, all of that will be more well realised and fully realised in the new L Word.”

NOTABLE QUOTABLES SELECTED BY ROXY BOURDILLON

CHERRY CHAPSTICK REGRETS

“Bisexuality wasn’t as talked about back then, or any type of fluidity. If I had to write that song again, I probably would make an edit on it. Lyrically, it has a couple of stereotypes in it.”

Katy Perry looking back at her breakthrough single, I Kissed A Girl, in an interview with Glamour

WOMAN POWER

“I’m about women’s empowerment. I’m about agency. I’m about being in control of your narrative and your body.”

Janelle Monáe discussing feminism with the Guardian 14 APRIL 2018

“I’m long overdue losing my lesbian virginity… I would never discount the idea that I could have a relationship with a woman at some point.”

Alexa Chung talking to Porter magazine about sexuality

PHOTOS WIKIMEDIA COMMONS/INSTAGRAM

ALEXA ON ATTRACTION

It’s your journey...

...we just help you get there!

At the Agora Clinic we work with alternative families and have helped hundreds of lesbian and bisexual women to become mothers. We offer bespoke fertility services to all our patients within a uniquely caring and supportive environment.

Our success rates for fertility treatments are among the best in the country. We now offer surrogacy, alongside our same sex treatments using donor sperm.

Come and meet us at one of our same sex open evenings. See our website for details.

www.agoraclinic.co.uk For information about booking a consultation call 01273 229410 The Agora, Ellen Street, Brighton BN3 3LN

Donor sperm insemination (DI) • IVF using donor sperm • Fertility Preservation • Egg donation between partners • Surrogacy

| TRENDS | STYLE |

Describe your look Androgynous. I wear men’s clothes, but I like a European feel. I like my things to be fitted and look like they’re custom.

Sometimes I throw in some streetwear.

I also wear make-up, so that’s where my femininity comes out.

Style and sexuality – discuss I came into my style when I finally decided to come out. I loved when I was playing basketball, because I was able to be in baggier clothes. That was where I felt comfortable. But then I would feel I had to switch and be as feminine as possible, so people wouldn’t suspect something of me. It wasn’t until I came out that I was like, I can wear my pants and shirts like this if I want to.

Best fashion advice It’s all about finding the right clothes that fit your style and body type – the right cut of jeans or a certain length of shirt depending on your height. A lot of the time my outfit is more simple, but with little unique touches, like studs on my jeans or a really cool design on the jacket. My biggest thing is to be comfortable, because when you’re comfortable in what you’re wearing you automatically exude self-confidence. When you exude that, you’re gonna stand out.

Go-to outfit for… …a first date Jeans that you can dress up, leather Chelsea boots, a really nice shirt and a cool jacket. I want to show that I can dress up and be stylish. …a job interview I would definitely put on a suit, but maybe add a little flair with a pocket square to show my personality, even though my hair will probably show my personality already! …just chilling Sweats, but like cool sweats.

Fave shops I wear a lot of European brands like Boohoo (boohoo.com) and Zara (zara. com). I like men’s European lines. They look more custom, like you’re For more flawless paying attention to what you’re fashion and wearing. And my friend owns a fantastic content, clothing line I wear a lot called follow Amber on Damn Pigeon (damnpigeonny.com).

Instagram Dream outfit for your bae @amberscloset Anything. Ava looks great in literally and subscribe everything. She’s just so beautiful to her YouTube and elegant at all times.

channel, Amber’s Closet.

16 APRIL 2018

WORDS ROXY BOURDILLON. PHOTOS INSTAGRAM

WE TAKE A PEEK INSIDE AMBER’S CLOSET FOR SOME SERIOUS STYLE INSPO

Can embracing tiredness be a radical act?

VIEWS

18

PHYLL OPOKUGYIMAH

20

REETA LOI Rewriting the voice in my head

22

CERIAN JENKINS Spotting and changing toxic relationships

20

24

ELEANOR MARGOLIS Mastering the art of sleeping well

“now is perfect. by being here, I’m no longer in the past”

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PHYLL OPOKUGYIMAH ASKS: IS TIREDNESS A RADICAL ACT? 18 APRIL 2018

I’m tired. I’ve come to understand this feeling intimately. It’s not exhaustion, which leaves me bedridden, but rather an anxiety through which my self tells my mind that I need to slow down, that the pace at which I’m running my marathon is not sustainable. My tiredness is, paradoxically, a motivator, as it pushes me to focus more energy on self-care, on ensuring I have a full tank.

Knowing that so much of my self-care is in the quiet moments that I allow myself to spend with Audre Lorde, I run my finger over my collection of her books, waiting for the universe to

say “this one”. I slide out Your Silence Will Not Protect You, and start at the beginning: “I have come to believe over and over again that what is important to me must be spoken, made verbal and shared, even at the risk of having it bruised or misunderstood”.

Ah – UK Black Pride; my pride and joy. A mission I understand, a movement I helped create and about which I must make verbal and share, even though it’s consistently misunderstood. It used to bruise me, this misunderstanding, though it doesn’t anymore. Instead, I feel more empowered by the misunderstanding because the misunderstanding means there is still more work to do. (It is par for the course that community organisers find misunderstandings motivational!) The bruises now come from the rolled eyes that accompany misunderstanding – “Are we still banging on about racism?”

We not only have to remind those

within our community that racism and misogynoir are still a thing, we must constantly remind those outside our community that being queer and black is still a thing (and the rest!), and so tending to those bruises makes me tired. Sometimes I feel the world shrugs as we navigate this emotional and mental assault course parading as “the way it is”.

These moments with Audre are respite. She sees me. I feel like I can breathe. It’s ok to get bruised, to put my feet up, to say “not today”. It’s ok to shrug of the cloak of silence and speak up and say, “I’m tired”, if only to myself and the universe. And so I luxuriate in Audre’s words. I let her remind me that I am powerful, beautiful and necessary; and that my worth isn’t diminished by the misunderstandings nor the size of my bruises.

I let her remind me that the work I’m doing is important, that it’s essential

PHOTO AJAMU

World-weary and waging war

| VIEWS | PHYLL OPOKU-GYIMAH |

that I speak up, that my role as a black lesbian activist, community organiser, mum, girlfriend, sister, sibling, editor, contributor and creator is to continue in the spirit of those who came before me. There’s a wonderful Ghanaian aphorism that roughly translates to: “We don’t inherit this land from our parents, we borrow it from our children”. That’s how I feel about UK Black Pride. I’m borrowing it, looking ater it, tending to it, because it belongs to the next generation. The kids, if you will. If they don’t know it’s ok to be tired – that tiredness can be a way of reclaiming time for yourself – then they’ll burn out. So I’m speaking up: I’m tired.

In reading Audre, I’m reminded of Maya Angelou too, who – to paraphrase – says she feels the responsibility to pave the way, to create space for others to move forward in the world more easily. She also spoke of the 10,000, that when she walks into a room as one woman, she’s standing with all those who came before her.

It’s such a beautiful reminder to invoke our ancestors. It reconnects me to the spiritual, the numinous, in which I also find quiet moments of self-care. And whether you think of the divine as a singular omniscient and omnipotent being or the Vodun goddesses of West Africa or all those who came before you, there is power in connecting to the generative energy of the divine – whatever “the divine” means to you.

In any case, books serve as a wonderful and enduring channel for the vitalising efects of representation.

I’m so proud to have edited, with Rikki Beadle-Blair, the recently released book, Sista!, an anthology of short stories, poetry and essays, featuring 31 women-loving-women from the African and Caribbean diaspora with a connection to the UK. This book was also borne out of tiredness: being tired

“My tiredness pushes me to focus more energy on self-care”

of not seeing enough books about us, of not having a space to convene our voices, and of not having our experiences deemed worthy enough to centre in any conversation. The result is an energising collection of experiences that serve as a nourishing reminder that there are women (and I use “women” in the most inclusive and expansive form) like me, who are passionate, resilient and loving, who are getting to know themselves more intimately and doing so with the help of other women. At our launch event, PJ Samuels delivered a resonant and tear-inducing “sermon” to queer black girls everywhere, during which she implored us to embrace our multiplicities, to reject gender roles, and to look ater ourselves. It seems so much in life is pointing, over and over again, to self-care, this most radical and essential act.

Tiredness has also compelled me to get involved with Time’s Up, here in the UK. Like the rest of the world, I was electrified when Oprah gave her speech at the Golden Globes, but I’m also so inspired by the countless women who are not able to speak up, who cannot say with confidence, “time’s up”. Much of our conversation around sexual assault revolves around asking people to say something, but we must acknowledge that it is not always safe to do so, and that justice should not be predicated on someone’s ability to stand up and speak up when it might put their life in jeopardy.

While I was honoured to walk the red carpet at the BAFTAs, I couldn’t help but think of the trans women of colour (and queer people of colour at-large) who statistically sufer much higher instances of sexual and domestic violence. Solidarity and unity are wonderful, we need them, but we must keep in mind those who can’t speak and those who are no longer here to

speak. It makes our solidarity, unity and celebration that much stronger when we remember those who cannot stand next to us or whose lives were taken far too soon and in ways they should never be taken.

Acknowledging I’m tired has also helped me in continuing to assemble a powerhouse team at UK Black Pride.

That acknowledgement, oten just between me and the universe, means I’m surrounding myself with people who understand and identify with our mission. So this act of self-care continues. If tiredness is a nudge for me to focus on self-care and self-care means I’ve found more support in delivering UK Black Pride, then is tiredness a radical act? I’m reaching, but you get the point: there is much to be said for the acknowledgement of our tiredness. In my case, it’s become an act of declaring more loudly that I can’t do this on my own, and watching many raise their hands and say, “We’re here”.

This year, our Pride theme is “shades of the diaspora”, which is our way of saying that no matter which diasporic community you descend from, you’re welcome and have a family in UK Black Pride. You know, if I’ve learned anything over the past 13 years (and I’ve learned lots!), it’s that this tiredness I feel is so much less so when I see our community coming together, sharing knowledge and experience, comforting each other and standing in solidarity. It lessens when I acknowledge and call upon my ancestors, when I acknowledge those who are no longer here, and when I’m reading Audre’s words.

Yes, I’m tired, but in this tiredness I find strength, moments for self-care and moments to reflect with gratitude that I’m part of this community.

In love and unity…

@MsLadyPhyll 19

| VIEWS | REETA LOI |

Practising kindness REETA LOI IS ON A JOURNEY TO PUT A PAINFUL PAST BEHIND HER

“One of my hardest battles is to hear my own voice and for it to be kind” 20 APRIL 2018

Firstly, apologies to my editor, whom I adore, but who I seem to have in tears every month with my column submissions. I’d planned to make this month’s piece more light-hearted, but the thought that’s been pulling at me for weeks now just has to be put to paper…

I’ve always managed to take care of myself, albeit not always the type of self-care that gets talked about on social media these days. I’ve leaned on smoking and drinking for too long now to think it won’t have impacted my long-term health. This type of behaviour sits at odds with so much of my belief system that I have to question why I still do it. Do I do it so I can feel crappy about myself? So I can perpetually beat myself up for being weak and stupid? Because I’m a failure?

My upbringing was violent. I received beatings from my father on a weekly basis, oten more frequently, and for no particular reason. This went on from around the age of six until I was 16, when I eventually hit him back.

My younger siblings sufered by seeing the beatings, but they were never hit themselves.

I thought I was protecting them.

The cuts to my head, the pounding concussions, the broken ribs; I thought I needed to go through all of this in order to protect them and my mum. I

began to believe I deserved the beatings. I deserved to be singled out and told that I was worthless and stupid, whilst being hit around the head over and over again. I deserved being dragged around and shaken violently on the floor by my hair until clumps of it and pieces of my scalp littered the carpet.

Ater the incident when I hit him back – or rather, pushed him away with my foot as he drunkenly lunged at me – he never hit me again. But he became increasingly verbally abusive. I wished he would just hit me, as it hurt less, and bruises healed faster than the emotional pain caused by his words.

Those words have informed my sense of self – self-perception and self-worth – and one of my hardest battles to this day is to hear my own voice in my head and for it to be kind.

I displayed much anger myself as a teenager and young adult. It was a default response; a defence mechanism that my loved ones would have to bear witness to, or worse: be a recipient of. However, over many years of working on my healing through regular practices including writing, meditation, yoga and therapy, the cloud of anger started liting. I found channels through which I would redirect my energy, such as LGBT and female activism, which I’m passionate

about. But it’s a journey and I’m still learning and growing. I continue to seek and to be open to ways in which I can treat myself with care and show kindness to myself and others. I hope to never stop.

We don’t always have the examples and role models around us that we wish we had or that we feel we need most. We don’t always experience the love and kindness that we deserve when we’re growing up. So isn’t it all the more amazing when we not only feel this from someone, but are able to receive it? Receiving love from people around us can feel like a difficult task. But we need to let those people know that we need them.

These are powerful acts of self-love, where we show ourselves the care we truly deserve.

Alongside this, showing kindness to another person allows us to powerfully transform our own pain into beauty – as long as our boundaries for ourselves are clear and we are prioritising our own wellbeing too.

Currently, being present is something I’m practising. Because right now is perfect and by being here I’m no longer in the past – I’m creating happy memories to look back on in the future.

@r_e_e_t_a_

| VIEWS | CERIAN JENKINS |

Friend or foe?

CERIAN JENKINS REALISES IT’S TIME TO UNLEARN SOME OF THEIR TOXIC BEHAVIOURS

“It’s hard to look in the mirror and see what we’re doing wrong” 22 APRIL 2018

As I’ve grown older, and especially since hitting 30 this year, I’ve started to take careful stock of my life. Getting a good night’s sleep has become an honoured priority in my household, and I can oten be found curled up under the duvet by 9.30pm. My diet has changed dramatically, much to the chagrin of my still-fragile bank account. I’ve even been spending more time at the gym than I’m totally comfortable with – though in all honesty, that counts any time spent there. These formulaic life improvements have been relatively painless, and a complete walk in the park compared to some of the more intricate habits I’m finally confronting; namely, personal relationships.

See, I’ve never been much good at people. No, let me rephrase that. I’ve never been much good at staying close to people. Though I’m a self-confessed introvert, socialising comes naturally to me in many ways. I’ve got a large network of gal pals who I can chat to about unspecific, general life. The problem is, and always has been, intimacy – I’m either downright unable to share those little secrets and ugly tears or, conversely, I’m far too intense and over-invested – which leads eventually to friendship burnout and has a detrimental efect on their wellbeing.

It’s taken me a long time to be able to admit it to myself, let alone to be able to write about it, but I’m afraid that I’ve consistently been a toxic friend or partner, inadvertently trapping those around me in a dysfunctional and exhausting relationship.

Toxic relationships are ones that can negatively efect one or both people

in the situation – not because of one-of dramas, but usually thanks to a consistent and repeated pattern of damaging behaviour.

Now, nobody wants to admit that they’re a bad friend – but I’ve come to realise that it’s part of becoming a better one in the future. I also hope that it might be useful for readers who think their friendships are a little bit rocky but can’t quite put their finger on the source. Here’s my rundown of four signs that you’re being a toxic friend without realising it…

1. Needing constant reassurance Part of friendship is providing a shoulder to cry on when needed, but there’s a fine line between needing support and being overly dependent.

It can be a stark telltale sign for others when, ater they spend some time with other people, they realise that they feel lighter around them than when they’re with you. If you find yourself constantly seeking validation, or re-hashing problems over and over without problem-solving, this might be an issue you want to consider.

2. Me, me, me Like most good things, relationships require an element of balance, moderation and reciprocity. Take a moment to scroll through your text conversations with your friends – who do the conversations tend to revolve around? If the answer is you, then try to be mindful of it next time you’re chatting – even if you’ve got a story you’re just dying to share.

3. Unrealistic expectations and standards This is one I personally struggle

with. If you’re a particularly driven person, or someone who contends with perfectionism, then you’re well aware of the pressure we can place upon ourselves. Sometimes, however, those expectations can bleed into our interpersonal relationships and we end up holding our loved ones to the same ridiculous (and totally unfeasible) standards to which we hold ourselves.

4. Being a bit of a flake Oh god, this one is me; so much me.

Because I tend to be in a constant whirl of busyness, I oten neglect to let my friends know until the last minute that I won’t be able to make a certain event. I’m also atrocious at responding to messages or calling anyone back in a timely manner. While this might not seem like a big deal to me, I’m becoming more and more aware (thanks to some, ahem, vocal friends) just how undervalued this can make others in my life feel. I’m working on it guys, I promise.

Sometimes, when we’re the toxic friend in a relationship, it’s hard to look in the mirror and see what we’re doing wrong. If reading this list has made you uncomfortable (writing it certainly was) then do what I’m doing – sit with that emotion for a while. Mull it over and give it time to process.

Remember that it’s not the whole person that is toxic, but the behaviour – and taking responsibility for that is the first step to a better sense of wellbeing for you and your friends.

@CerianJenkins

A CELEBRATION OF LGBTQ LIVES, FRIENDS AND ALLIES 40 YEARS OF THE RAINBOW FLAG

3RD - 5TH AUGUST

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Saturday 4th August, 12noon • Preston Park

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| VIEWS | ELEANOR MARGOLIS |

The science of sleep IT’S 3AM, AND ELEANOR MARGOLIS IS STILL AWAKE…

“The idea of being left in the dark with nothing but my thoughts is terrifying” 24 APRIL 2018

“Hey, HEY!” says my girlfriend. “No more screen time.”

Leo is on a mission to fix something that’s been broken in me pretty much since birth: my sleeping pattern.

It’s 11.30pm and I’m scrolling through images of crêpes. My eyes have basically caramelised and I haven’t blinked in at least a minute.

“Five more minutes,” I say.

I have a crêpe craving, and while – technically – I could just go downstairs and make some, I’m attempting to “feed” myself with lush, highly-staged photos of crêpes.

“You said that five minutes ago,” replies Leo. I pretend not to hear her. I’m gone. I exist to look at crêpes now.

But screen addiction is both a symptom and a cause of my inability to sleep. It goes like this: every night at pretty much 11pm on the dot, I begin to think about every mistake I’ve ever made, right down to my bad tweets.

This intravenous shot of anxiety fuels my need for mind-dulling screen time.

So out comes the phone or laptop (sometimes both at the same time) to fill my eyes with sleep-stealing blue light and my brain with highly stimulating images of crêpes, jellyfish, oddly shaped vegetables, or whatever it is my heart desires. And so, sleep becomes even less attainable.

Leo, on the other hand, is

practically narcoleptic. When it comes to falling asleep, she’s an artist. She can do it anywhere, at any time, within minutes. She’s the best sleep coach I could hope for, but I’m starting to think I might be a lost cause. Before Leo, I’d regularly fall asleep at around 5am, spooning my laptop. And that was when I was lucky enough to fall asleep at all. I once read (somewhere entirely non-reputable, I’m sure) that a nocturnal existence like mine could turn your pupils into slits – like a cat’s.

And I still catch myself checking my pupils from time to time, just in case.

Normal sleeping patterns are for straight people, I somehow reason.

Apart from Leo, of course. But isn’t there something boob-achingly heteronormative about, you know, falling asleep at 11pm and getting up at eight? Well no, of course not. But this is definitely something that’s occurred to me in the form of a “revelation” at 3am, having just spent four hours watching episodes of Most Haunted on YouTube. That part of the whole queer experience is a vampiric relationship with the night. This was validated, in a way, back when I was online dating and always used to notice the disproportionate number of queer women on OKCupid who were, like me, online at 3am. Ah, three in the morning; the witching hour, slash, when all the lesbians come out

to play. Online at least.

Perhaps, now that I’m in a relationship, the 3am internet has nothing to ofer me. And perhaps even more, I should stop demanding “five more minutes” of screen time every time my girlfriend slash wellness guru tells me enough is enough. But the idea of being let, in the dark, with nothing but my thoughts is still so terrifying. It’s nothing short of a front row seat in a cinema where the only film playing is a dystopian version of my own future.

Starring me and a thousand extras dressed as failure.

People, I’ve found, absolutely love to hand out advice on how to sleep: “Give up cofee”, “meditate”, “crystals”. I’ve actually found myself, during one of my early hours panic banquets, stressing out about just how many sleep remedies there are.

At any given time, at least seven of the open tabs on my browser are articles about supposedly revolutionary ways of getting the fuck to sleep. All of which I’m bound to read in the dead of night, while certified jammy bastard Leo sleeps next to me like a tranquillised rug.

The cat jumps up on the bed.

“It’s just you and me, buddy,” I say, as he nuzzles my sleep-deprived face.

I am still looking at crêpes.

@EleanorMargolis

“I’ve always been interested in women”

FEATURES

PHOTO DIAMOND BRAGANZA PHOTOGRAPHY

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VICTORIA BROOM

36

ROAD TO RECOVERY Louise V Taylor breaks down eating disorders

38

QI GONG How can it help our mind, body and soul?

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40

BEYOND YOGA How time on the mat heals trauma

“CONNECT TO YOURSELF & THE ENERGY OF NATURE”

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| COVER STORY | VICTORIA BROOM |

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26 APRIL 2018

ACTRESS VICTORIA BROOM CHATS TO ROXY BOURDILLON ABOUT LGBT REPRESENTATION, MARCELLA AND #METOO

It’s a scorching day at Pride In London and feminist rock legends BETTY are playing Leicester Square. When the crowd recognises the opening bars of The L Word’s theme song (“talking, laughing, loving, breathing” – feel free to sing along) they lose their collective minds. Then Victoria Broom starts dancing onstage with Rachel Shelley, aka Helena freaking Peabody, and it’s clear; the party has officially started.

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““II ’VE ALWAYS BEEN INTERESTED IN WOMEN” Looking back now, it seems fitting that Victoria was involved in such an instantly iconic, spectacularly queer moment. Flash-forward seven months and her acting career is in ascendence.

She’s winning plum roles and coveted awards let, right and centre-stage. You may know her best as wild child Fran in the much-lauded lesbian web series, Diferent For Girls – the part which earned her the title of Diversity In Media Rising Star and the DIVA Choice Award. “I had a lot of really lovely responses. People really cared for Fran,” she smiles fondly when we meet for our cover shoot at a cosy members’ club in Soho. The glamorous starlet is in her element as she peruses the rack of vintage treasures, pondering which ensemble will best set of her dramatic, Pre-Raphaelite hair.

If the first thing you notice about Victoria is that flame-red mane, the second is her indomitable drive. You can see it in the glint in her eye as she poses like a Vogue model in front of the camera, and when she opens up about how hard she’s had to work to make it in the competitive world of acting. “I always wanted to be in the theatre, but I’m from a very working class background so I had to fight for scholarships all the way – to get to drama school, to get to stage school.

28 APRIL 2018

My parents just simply couldn’t aford it.” The child of a carpenter and a factory worker, Victoria grew up in Shropshire, where she snagged a scholarship to a local stage school before attending the prestigious Carlton Television Workshops in Birmingham with the likes of Felicity Jones and Samantha Morton. Ater landing a part on Crossroads aged 15, more screen and stage work followed, and her parents were cheering her on every step of the way.

Her mum sounds like a total legend.

“She’s an awesome darts player. She was sponsored by Phil Taylor.” Victoria doesn’t share the family trait. “I’m terrible!” she yelps. “My mum gets really embarrassed when we play.

They keep hitting the wall and she’s like, ‘Right, we’ve just had it painted.

Don’t play!’ So I don’t.” I wonder what the darts pro makes of her daughter’s flourishing career. “My mum texted me yesterday and said, ‘Just so you know, I’m really proud and I love you’. I thought that was so cute.”

Her mum’s feeling particularly overjoyed right now as Victoria is currently playing Sascha in nail-biting ITV crime drama, Marcella, alongside thespian royalty Anna Friel. “My parents are very excited because they loved the first series.” Victoria’s

| COVER STORY | VICTORIA BROOM |

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pretty chufed too, and not just because of the high-profile gig and her celeb co-star, but also because of the show’s thoughtful representation of her lesbian character. “What I find really interesting is that it’s showing a very wide ITV audience how a lesbian couple is trying for a child through IVF. It shows how it’s not always successful.

It’s a financial burden; it’s an emotional burden. The stresses that a woman goes through, I mean, you’re getting pumped with hormones. There’s a strain on your relationship.” I’m curious about how much she relates to Sascha.

“Wanting to make your partner happy, I can relate to that. She’s ambitious, which I can relate to. The having a child… I can’t relate to that!” So motherhood doesn’t hold much allure?

“No. I like dogs,” she laughs, before telling me all about her labrador, Milo.

“He’s so cute. He’s nearly three.”

But enough about pooches; back to the programme. What Victoria loves most about Marcella is the way that queer characters aren’t treated any diferently to straight ones. “It doesn’t make a big deal about it. It’s just integrated into the storyline. There’s no big hoo-ha.” She’s similarly laidback about her own sexuality. “I’m in a relationship with a woman who I love very much,” she says matter-of-factly.

“I’m just who I am. I think if we got rid

30 APRIL 2018

| COVER STORY | VICTORIA BROOM |

“ T ACTING WORLD IS CHANGING, AND IT NEEDS TO” 31

““II ’VE BEEN IN THE INDUSTRY A LONG TIME SO THERE ARE THINGS THAT YOU SEE, THINGS THAT YOU KNOW ABOUT” of labels, life would be so much easier.”

Of course, while we’re on the subject of sexuality onscreen, we have to talk about Diferent For Girls. The first series was an online hit, racking up over 350,000 views on YouTube. Ever the professional, Victoria doesn’t give much away about the second series, but she does reveal, “Fran goes on a bit of a self-discovery journey. The script is very funny. It talks about LOLs – later onset lesbians. So it’s women that have been married and had children, that are in their 50s and 60s, and go, ‘Actually, this is what I’ve always been and, for some reason, now is the time to come out.’”

Making work that shines a spotlight on LGBT stories has always been important to Victoria. In 2015 she picked up a Lesbian Oscar for Life In Colours, the stunning short drama which she produced, wrote and starred in. “It was set in the 1940s and it was about two women that had to conform to society and marry men, but had developed a relationship. I’m sure it’s based on many people’s true stories from that time.” She was inspired to make the film because she didn’t think that “feminine lesbians were represented much, especially in a period piece”.

She’s pleased to note that “things have changed massively” since then. “I don’t think we realise that. We’ve still got a long way to go, but I remember going to LGBT film festivals and watching all the films and I was like, ‘There are no feminine lesbians represented at all’.

32 APRIL 2018

It’s not a happy movie, but it represents a moment in time, and it wasn’t talked about.”

With her Lesbian Oscar, her starring role in DFG and her stint on Marcella, Victoria is thrilled to be part of the evolving landscape of LGBT representation onscreen. She knows first-hand the diference it can make and remembers how significant it was for her when Ellen DeGeneres’ character came out on her self-titled sitcom. “It was amazing, just incredible.

I watched Ellen all the time when I was growing up. I used to stay up. I’ve always been interested in women.”

We discuss how circumstances have improved in recent years for TV actresses of all sexualities. “I was talking to Rachel Shelley about this.

When I first started, there were a lot of breakdowns and castings where a guy could be any age, but a woman had to be under 25 and gorgeous. But now, especially in British TV, there are some incredible parts for women. I mean, look at Marcella. Look at Bancrot. It’s changed dramatically.” Sadly, the same can’t be said for the film industry.

Victoria laments, “It’s still very much a male-dominated world. Except for Wonder Woman, the interesting roles and the characters with depth are still male.”

I bring up the topic of #MeToo. “I’ve been in this industry a long time so there are things that you see, there are things that you know about. If you’re

an attractive woman, people think that they can treat you in a certain way, and it’s not just men either. It’s happened to me. I’ve been in some very uncomfortable situations where I’ve just gone, ‘Ok, right, I’m leaving now’. But it’s amazing what’s happening. Things are going to change and they have to.

They should have changed 40, 50 years ago.” She looks contemplative before observing, “I think because I’ve been so open about being in relationships with women, people have kind of stepped back. I was having an interesting conversation with an actress friend who said that when she came out she had a lot of people saying, ‘Oh, because she won’t sleep with such-and-such, she’s a difficult woman’. She’s not difficult, she’s a lesbian. That’s not being difficult; she’s just not going to sleep with you. I found that quite upsetting.

But I think it’s changing, I really do, and it needs to.”

Victoria has come such a long way, from fighting for a place at stage school in Shropshire to appearing on prime time TV to an audience of millions. The girl’s done great. And now, not only is she lighting up our screens, she’s playing parts that matter, roles that help to change the way queer women are seen by society. You can feel the momentum building with Victoria. She’s a star very much on the rise and this is only the beginning of her story. No wonder her darts champ mum is proud as punch.

| COVER STORY | VICTORIA BROOM |

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ROAD TO

RECOVERY

Recent years have seen an alarming rise in the number of people sufering from eating disorders. Research on the topic among LGBT people is mixed, but there is a consensus that we are significantly afected.

THE RESEARCH The International Journal Of Eating Disorders shows that lesbians who describe themselves as feminine have roughly the same risk of developing an eating disorder as their heterosexual peers. However, it found that those who consider their gender expression as masculine are on average less likely to develop eating disorders. It suggests

36 APRIL 2018

LOUISE V TAYLOR EXAMINES THE RISE OF EATING DISORDERS IN THE LGBT COMMUNITY AND ASKS WHAT WE CAN DO

that, overall, lesbians are more likely to reject western body image ideals than heterosexual women, and also tend to experience less body dissatisfaction.

However, there’s statistically a higher risk of binge eating and purging among LGBT young people, even from the age of 12, perhaps in a response to puberty, anxiety or low self-esteem.

What’s more, a study by Drexel University found that bisexual women, or those who are exploring their sexuality, may have a higher risk of developing eating disorder symptoms than women who are either straight or gay. The researchers added that, in their study, there was no significant

diference in the risk between gay or straight women – contradicting earlier research. Research in The International Journal Of Eating Disorders also suggests that trans people – who oten experience body dysmorphia – are particularly vulnerable and at risk.

A troubled background and mental health problems have been shown to increase the risk of someone developing an eating disorder. Anxiety, depression, self-doubt and shame can also oten trigger eating disorders.

For LGBT people, we may experience a fear of rejection when coming out and negative messages surrounding our sexual orientation, gender and

| FEATURE | EATING DISORDERS |

NEED TO SPEAK TO SOMEONE? BEAT beateatingdisorders.org.uk Anorexia Bulimia Care anorexiabulimiacare.org.uk Anorexia Bulimia Care Forum healthunlocked.com/anorexiabulimiacare Why Eat whyeat.net Mental Health Forum mentalhealthforum.net/forum Overeaters Anonymous oagb.org.uk It Gets Better Project itgetsbetter.org National Association for People Abused in Childhood napac.org.uk identity. Exposure to bullying and violence, harassment, oppression or discrimination can also play a role, combined with a lack of access to suitable treatment or support.

While scholars can’t always agree on the stats, one thing is clear from their research: eating disorders do significantly afect the LGBT community and they’re on the increase.

So what can we do about it?

SUPPORT NETWORKS LGBT people who feel connected to a community are less likely to have an eating disorder, so a sense of belonging can have a protective efect.

People with eating disorders oten feel anxious and depressed, so having supportive friends and loved ones can help. Suferers shouldn’t be afraid to seek professional support, which may improve recovery outcomes and provide tools for dealing with difficult feelings in the future.

If you’re trying to help someone with an eating disorder, don’t judge them. Try to understand their challenges and help them find a support group and professional help to feel less alone. Make them feel valued and worthwhile.

If you’re a suferer, make sure you

“If you’re trying to help someone with an eating disorder, don’t judge them”

understand the risks to your health, as this may help you find the strength to break free. Permanent health problems include serious bowel and digestive troubles, a ruptured stomach, osteoporosis, eye damage including blindness, rotten teeth, and even death – all avoidable through recovery.

One of the most efective and widely available therapies for eating disorders is cognitive behavioural therapy, which challenges negative thought patterns, helps you to stop assuming the worst, and questions the validity of the thoughts that make you feel this way.

If trauma is part of the problem then counselling can provide emotional release, helping you find clarity, greater understanding and a way forward. It can help you come to terms with the past, let go and move on to a brighter future.

Work with a dietician to devise a meal plan for healthy recovery. If everyone at home is willing to follow the same healthy eating plan (and banish “binge foods” from the house) then that can provide amazing support during recovery.

Medication can reduce anxiety, but it’s rarely enough on its own. There are many diferent talking therapies available, including individual or family therapies. New and emerging treatments include courses or group programmes. Brain stimulation techniques are even being developed for when other treatments fail.

Complementary therapies may reduce anxiety, but they don’t ofer a cure. Some therapies, however, may help you to find healthier ways of coping with painful emotions.

Many people with eating disorders feel they have no control over their lives, so if you’re a carer or friend then

guiding them to feel more in control can help. Positive goals and ambitions can provide a new focus and purpose in life – having something positive to focus on is important. You can’t change the past, but you can work to build a better future.

LGBT CHALLENGES Coming out can be so stressful that some lesbians and bi women hide their true feelings for years, keeping secrets, feeling badly about their sexual orientation, and ending up isolated and alone. This negative sense of self and lack of support can cause mental health problems, so when they do come out the situation may improve. The LGBT community can be very supportive and help individuals establish a positive sense of self, increasing confidence – an important part of recovery.

Lesbians and bi women in recovery should try to mix with body confident people – those who love their bodies, rather than people who aspire to be thinner. The attitudes of people you spend time with will afect your own self-worth, so avoid people who make you feel inadequate and seek out peers who make you feel good about yourself.

When seeking therapy, do your research and ask for a sensitive therapist who understands the challenges faced by LGBT people. Then focus on meeting your own needs so you stand the best possible chance of successful recovery.

Find out more about eating disorders, treatments and recovery in Louise’s new book, How To Overcome Eating Disorders: Breaking Free For A Better Life.

COPING STRATEGIES Get help: find a therapist or support group – preferably both.

Write about your feelings if it helps release negative emotions.

Take up healthy new interests. Anything positive will help.

Focus on the present, keep busy and try not to dwell on painful experiences.

Get out into the countryside; it’s good

for your mental health. A long walk may relieve a compulsion to binge.

Consult a dietician and adopt a healthy eating plan. Give yourself permission to eat without fear or panic. Food is essential for life.

Nourish and respect your body. Fight the rising panic after eating. Do not purge.

Tomorrow is another day. If you’ve eaten too much, just let it go down naturally. You

can start again tomorrow.

Find the strength to say “no” to body image pressures.

Talk through diicult feelings about relationships, sexuality or gender identity with a counsellor or trusted friend.

Be kind to yourself and remember recovery takes time. The future is so much brighter without an eating disorder.

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What is qi gong?

38 APRIL 2018

| FEATURES | QI GONG |

“The moving meditation helps you feel connected to yourself”

PHOTO BEN THOMPSON

CERTIFIED TEACHER CLAUDIA CAHALANE EXPLAINS… Look on the itinerary of many a wellbeing retreat these days and you’ll see the words “qi gong” or “chi kung” pop up (diferent pronunciations for the same thing). This is what happened five years ago when I went on a silent meditation retreat.

Every day ater our first meditation we were led in a session which involved getting on our feet, throwing our arms in big circles, shaking our ankles out, circling our hips and more. At the time I found it a bit cringe-worthy but I had to admit that I also found it massively energising.

As a burgeoning wellbeing geek, I was excited to be able to do some simple moves which felt amazing physically and made me feel quite upbeat mentally. The routine released any stif bits, felt strengthening and gave me a buzz.

On return, I investigated and found that qi gong is part of traditional Chinese medicine. In China, doctors might prescribe it as part of a patient’s health plan or recovery from illness. If you’ve been to China, maybe you’ve passed through a park in the morning where hundreds of people are doing qi gong in unison.

The philosophy is that it works on harmonising the cells in our body to lead to greater wellness, and it’s even more harmonising when done in a group.

If you don’t know what it is, it looks a bit like tai chi, and there is a connection between the two, but qi gong has less history in the martial arts and is seen more as an energy art. Shaolin monks practise it between meditation to improve physical and mental fitness. By doing it you are said to be cultivating energy for body, mind and soul.

There are many styles and variations, but my regular practice involves a fast qi gong warm-up (which you’ll find on my Facebook page), followed

by the really simple slow 18 movement form called Shibashi One. The Shibashi is designed to work your whole energy body, meridian lines, acupressure points and organs. One of my other favourites is the Eight Brocades. If you feel a bit stif in the morning, this short routine will sort you out. There are loads of YouTube videos, so explore and see what you like.

I tried tai chi when I was 18. In fact, I became secretary of the tai chi society for a few weeks (spot the closet gay trying to find somewhere to fit in), but I found the set routines too complicated and boring and I didn’t understand the point of it all.

It wasn’t until I got to my mid-thirties and felt frazzled and tired that I sought out things to help me feel more chilled and balanced.

The free-flowing nature of qi gong, and the fact that it can be practised by pretty much anyone regardless of their state of health or mobility, is a big attraction for an increasing number of people in the west.

Movements aren’t complicated to follow in a way you sometimes find in tai chi and it’ll give you some of the great benefits of yoga, with very little efort. When you get in the zone, the sense of calmness is great. It’s especially ideal if you’d like to meditate but struggle with sitting still. Qi gong is really a moving meditation which will help you feel connected to yourself and the energy of nature while giving you something to focus on. You might even find that sitting down to meditate ater a session becomes a natural addition to your practice.

Claudia Cahalane is a qi gong teacher certified

by The Shiatsu College London. She runs sessions in Brighton and London and at festivals and retreats. See facebook.com/ qigongwithclaudia to find out more.

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Three years ago, my long-term relationship ended; I felt lost and didn’t know where to turn or how to cope. In the pub ater work, my manager mentioned that she practised yoga and joked that the stress of the office would have turned her into an alcoholic if she hadn’t found yoga. Desperate to try something, I timidly ordered a DVD online, and a few days later tried yoga for the first time.

Lying on my mat, following the breathing patterns and tuning into things I didn’t realise my body could do, I felt normal for the first time in weeks. Since then, yoga has been a constant in my life – it’s helped me to manage stress, boost my self-esteem, find a supportive community and understand how strong my body, and mind, really are.

I’ve experienced first-hand how powerful yoga can be, and studies also show this. Boston University found that practising yoga twice a week can reduce symptoms of depression. A study by the University of Utah supports this, explaining that yoga’s combination of breathwork

ELLEN TOUT DISCOVERS WHY YOGA IS REALLY A PRACTICE OF QUIETENING THE MIND, AND HOW THIS CAN HELP US OVERCOME TRAUMA AND OBSTACLES

and movement helps ease stress, anxiety and depression by “reducing the impact of our stress response”.

And the University of Waterloo also found that just 25 minutes of yoga a day can significantly improve our brain function and energy levels, helping us to control stress and knee-jerk emotional responses.

Although yoga is now quite mainstream, it originated in ancient India based upon an in-depth understanding of the body and mind, with practitioners learning about the “eight limbs of yoga”. But only one of those focusses on bending yourself into the downward dog, headstands and postures we typically associate with yoga – the other seven “limbs” are tailored around helping the mind and achieving self-acceptance, balance and control in your life.

Josetta Malcolm first tried yoga 17 years ago and for the last decade has taught queer and trans yoga classes, as well as sessions on NHS wards. “I came to yoga sufering from anxiety and depression, having experienced various forms of trauma. I found being queer and of colour in a heteronormative, white supremacist society to be

very damaging. Talking therapy is useful and the support of good friends is crucial, but yoga has been central to my continuing recovery,” she tells me. “On tough days, just getting on my mat for my yoga practice and sitting meditating for half an hour will see me through. I know how much it helps, and am pretty evangelical about its powerful ability to improve mental health.”

When Josetta studied yoga, she decided to teach her friends and within the queer community. “My friends encouraged me to set up my first LGBTQ class – I think they just wanted a queer class to attend!” She tailors her groups to be inclusive and empowering, taking into consideration people’s individual circumstances. “Many of my students don’t have anywhere else like it to go and be themselves, and be at ease with their bodies and sexual and gender identities. Queer yoga is a great way for us to find a supportive queer and trans community, which is crucial to wellbeing,” she says.

Like me, she’s felt a change since practising. “I do believe it is the most fun and powerful antidote to life’s traumas and stress. It has given me

| FEATURES | YOGA |

“Yoga helped me reconnect with a very troubled body. It really is for anybody and everybody”

a more positive relationship with my body and mind, and has made me fitter, stronger and more flexible, which has vastly improved my self-esteem.

You can’t avoid life traumas, but I have found my daily practice bufers me against events that previously would have had me hiding under the duvet,” she shares.

I’m interested why exactly yoga has this efect. “Through the focus on the breath and moving the body, we become more aware of being in our bodies, something queer and particularly trans people can be dissociated from,” Josetta explains.

“When we consciously breathe more deeply, we create a positive feedback loop to the brain, saying that we are safe and relaxed. Yoga can also release and bring up a lot of emotion, and I try to hold a space for that in my classes.

One of my students calls my yoga class his ‘therapy’. I teach lots of people who are new to yoga, so I get to see many wonderful recovery journeys.”

Alex Johnson first attended Josetta’s classes last year. “I was somebody who felt yoga would do nothing for me, but I was going through a very rough patch in my transition. I went

through what I consider a mental breakdown. I questioned everything I had done up to that point. Physically, I was developing horrible side efects to my medication, as well as stress. I had no way of coping,” they remember.

“Yoga helped me reconnect with a very troubled body. It went beyond physically challenging myself, but mentally retuning my body. Yoga really is for anybody and everybody. I would recommend it to anyone who has ever thought to themselves: ‘No I can’t do this, I’m too fat, I’m too shy to be around people doing all sorts of silly poses’. Yoga has taught me to love my body, and to challenge my body; to challenge my own mental thoughts. To block out negativity and focus only on what is important in that room for that one hour – yourself!”

But classes like this might not suit everybody. Jess Geddis tried yoga four years ago ater a knee injury. “Initially the physical elements of yoga really appealed to me, it was a way I could gain strength and get fitter,” she says.

“As I learned more, I became aware of the mind-body connection. Having struggled with depression and anxiety, I was desperate to find a way to help

me manage and live my life. Yoga gives me distance between my thoughts – for me, it’s a natural anti-depressant.

Being on the mat gives me clarity and helps me regain control of my thoughts. Through yoga, I learned to be kinder, soter and more loving and accepting of myself – yoga allows me to create the headspace I need to do this.

“I practise yoga at home in a tiny space with my mat. YouTuber ‘Yoga with Adriene’ is my teacher and is so inspirational. There’s lots of great, free material on YouTube so you don’t need to go to costly yoga studios with crowds of people – especially if, like me, the social aspect is something that heightens anxiety. Although we can’t control the complications of life, we can control how we react to situations and yoga has really helped me with this.”

At 19 years old, Robin Watkins is the youngest qualified yoga instructor in the UK and is also a youth ambassador campaigning for yoga to feature on the national curriculum. Robin first tried yoga and meditation aged 12 ater being bullied at school. “I had little belief in my ability academically, as

| FEATURES | YOGA |

well as finding relationships with family frustrating and difficult as I went through puberty,” she remembers. “In school we are expected to mentally perform but we are not being taught how to care for and train our minds for optimum health and function.”

Yoga helped Robin overcome challenges, and she now teaches in Gloucestershire, with classes and retreats specifically designed with young people in mind. “Yoga brought my awareness to the impact thoughts have on our emotions and behaviour. I noticed that all of my angry thoughts ended up only hurting me. The more I held onto anger, the more I was dragged back down into a depressive state,” she says. “With that awareness, I decided that life was too short to hold onto hurt. I chose to focus on creating peace. If I forgave and let go of the bullying, I could feel happy and take back what had got hidden away.”

Robin says the first time she tried yoga she “felt like a child again”. “Being able to just focus on the breath and

42 APRIL 2018

“Yoga provides a natural high to shift my mood”

move my body took away many of my worries. It felt refreshing to be able to play again and be in my body, which in my early teens I felt very separated from.” She says “yoga provides a natural high – the movement and relaxation shited my mood and got me out of my head and into the present, focusing on gratitude. As you become aware of your body, you feel strong and healthy. It makes you feel empowered and amazed by the magnificence of the body’s mechanics. You also start to focus on developing the person inside; you learn how to take care and be compassionate and loving to yourself and how to do the same to others, which builds your relationships and improves self-esteem.”

Based on her training, she describes why yoga is so powerful: “The hips are where we oten store emotional stress and trauma to do with safety, sexuality, creativity and our basic needs.

And when people get stressed, they oten hunch up, resulting in tension in the shoulders and back. We can focus

on these areas in yoga and gently stretch out and breathe into areas of tightness to shit tension, which oten has emotion and trauma at the root of its cause. Sometimes when practising yoga, past events and emotions can surface. This presents an opportunity to release it and create some space in the body and mind – to find a new healing perspective.

“My hope for the future is that we see a more diverse range of people promoting yoga so that people from diferent backgrounds, sexes, minorities and faiths all feel welcome,” Robin concludes. And Josetta agrees: “You can’t easily put into words what yoga is about and how or why it makes you feel so good. It is very much a practice you need to experience and learn about.”

To find out about Josetta Malcolm see yogaeastlondon.com. Robin Watkins is running a youth yoga retreat in Scotland 6 to 10 August. Find out about her at blissbyrobin.com and @blissbyrobin.

IMAGES NIM RALPH, NAOMI COSTANTINO, ROBIN WATKINS, BEN WATKINS-DAVIS AND GRACE DELNEVO, GRACEDELNEVO.COM.

Clockwise (from top): Josetta teaching at L Fest, Robin on retreat in Scotland, Robin teaching and Josetta in the studio

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ADELE ROBERTS Being out on the airwaves

50

TOVE JANSSON Uncovering queer stories in Moominland

52

MY DAD WROTE… A Porno: Alice Levine on trashing tropes

60

LUCY DACUS In conversation with the singer-songwriter

CULTURE

Books Film TV Music

56

Paloma Faith: The truth or something beautiful?

43

| CULTURE | ADELE ROBERTS | BBC RADIO 1’S RESIDENT DJ TALKS TO ROXY BOURDILLON ABOUT BIG BROTHER, EXERCISING WITH HER GIRLFRIEND, AND BEING OUT ON THE AIRWAVES

More information on p4 divadigital.co.uk

Waking up with Adele Roberts 44 APRIL 2018

“Ok, so I get up at two in the morning,” Adele Roberts casually informs me, as if she’s not relaying truly horrifying information. “Then breakfast, in the taxi by three, into work by half three.” I’m so gobsmacked, my jaw nearly makes direct contact with the floor of the BBC canteen. Still calm, still matter-of-fact, she explains, “I try to sleep at least twice a day and get at least six hours across the two sleeps”.

Now I knew she’d be an early riser, what with her four to 6.30am slot on Radio 1, but I can’t help being equal parts fascinated and appalled by this gruelling nap schedule.

But then, Adele’s dedication, to both her career and the causes closest to her heart, is abundant. As we sit together at Broadcasting House, overlooking the buzzing 24-hour newsroom below, she tells me: “Sometimes you get up, it’s cold, it’s dark, and you haven’t seen the sun for ages, and it does feel tough. I know it sounds really cheesy, but as soon as I get into the studio and start speaking to the listeners, they always make me feel happy. They really do.” She’s not cheesy, she’s heartfelt, and her sense of duty to her loyal listeners is so great, she even turned down an invite to this year’s Brits. “I am such a sad effort,” she laughs. “I feel very lucky that I got invited, but I just didn’t want to chance it. The listeners come first.” But come on, this is the Brits we’re talking about. Wasn’t she in the slightest bit tempted to pull a cheeky all-nighter and head straight from aterparty to studio? “No, because I’ve learned from people that have done it before. It doesn’t end well!”

I can’t believe my luck when Adele ofers me an impromptu tour of BBC HQ. We stroll through the EastEnders themed floor (complete with a Queen Vic meeting room and an Albert Square hot-desking area), the artists’ entrance (where the swankiest VIP guests arrive), and right past Scott Mills presenting his show (he waves at Adele and we both wave back, me slightly too enthusiastically considering we’ve never actually met). Everyone

Adele’s ultimate workout playlist Robin S Show Me Love Lethal Bizzle Rari Workout CamelPhat & Elderbrook Cola Swedish House Mafia Greyhound Daft Punk One More Time Sandy B Make The World Go Round Yeah Yeah Yeahs Heads Will Roll (A-Trak Remix) Eric Prydz Pjanoo Arctic Monkeys I Bet That You Look Good On The Dancefloor AC/DC Back In Black (“A bit random, but I LOVE running to this!”)

In training for the London Marathon

we pass seems to adore Adele and it’s easy to see why. She’s warm, humble and genuine. And she swears she hasn’t paid them of to make her look popular!

Adele’s had this dream gig at Radio 1 since 2015, following stints at stations including BBC 1Xtra and Galaxy. But it was way back in 2002 when she was first thrust into the public spotlight, appearing on Big Brother alongside legendary housemates Jade Goody and Kate Lawler. “I didn’t realise what I was getting myself into. We didn’t know it was going to blow up like that.” Her time in the house was tumultuous, but as I’m talking to Adele now, she seems so far apart from the forthright 23-year-old we saw on that show.

She reveals she had lost her aunt just before entering the house. “I was still grieving. I don’t think I gave myself enough time to process that loss. It’s not an excuse or anything, but I think I was sort of angry.”

Being on the country’s biggest reality TV show was the catalyst Adele

“Representation matters so much”

needed to come out fully, not just to the public, but to her own family. “My friends knew that I was gay, but my mum and dad didn’t. That’s the only thing I regret about Big Brother – the fact that I didn’t have that conversation with them before I went on the show.

They’ve always taught me never to apologise for being mixed-race so I thought, ‘Well, this is who I am too so they shouldn’t have a problem with it’.

And they didn’t. I think they were just upset that I didn’t feel I could tell them.”

Adele has certainly matured since her time on the hit reality series. “I didn’t realise that being in that house, I wasn’t just in there for myself. I was representing mixed-race people, maybe black people, gay people, and I didn’t respect that enough. Since then, and definitely since I’ve joined the BBC, I make it my mission to show anybody who feels like they’ve had things put in their way, you can do it.”

Ater being evicted from BB, her confidence was at an all-time low, but it was important to Adele to build a career on her own merit, rather than cash in on the instant fame. “You get ofers to do things, but I just wanted to go straight back home to my family in Southport, and be a club DJ again. I got a job at my local radio station, but I

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46 APRIL 2018

she’s gearing up to run the London Marathon for the second year in a row. As someone who has previously, during a feeble attempt at a jog, been overtaken by a slightly smug OAP, I’m interested to know what motivated Adele to sign up for her first marathon. “In 2016, I did a documentary with Radio 1 about training with a female bodybuilder for 30 days, and that completely changed my life.”

It was just ater the documentary (Get Muscly In A Month, available on YouTube) that she was approached to run the London marathon. “Talking through it now, 26.2 miles is a long way to go!” But it was the cause she decided to run for that kept her on track. Her charity of choice? Leading mental health organisation, Heads Together (headstogether.org.uk). “It really connects with me because I was scared when I was younger, with being gay. I wouldn’t want a young person to feel scared with having mental health problems.” There’s another reason this charity resonates deeply with Adele.

“In 2012, my cousin took his own life.

He was a young lad, a teenager, and I just thought, ‘Do you know what? I’m gonna do this for his family’. As soon as my uncle gave me his blessing, I knew that if I had to crawl round this marathon, I was gonna do it.”

I can see the tears pricking at her eyes. “Sorry, I feel a bit emotional talking about it. Um, yeah. I just wanted to get that medal for him.”

On the day of last year’s marathon, Heads Together patrons Wills and Kate surprised Adele by popping into the Radio 1 studio to wish her

luck. “There was a bit of a weird atmosphere. I did notice that a lot of people were dressed smartly. Somebody had hoovered up and I thought, ‘Hang on’.

But I just thought our boss must be coming. Obviously, you don’t think the future king’s gonna come into your work!” Scott Mills had invited Adele onto his show and told her there was someone else joining them. “He mentioned Bobby Norris so I thought it was someone of TOWIE. Then the door opened and I just remember his teeth being immaculate. Biggest smile.

As I zoomed out, I was like, ‘Oh my god, that’s William!’ And then Kate seemed to float in behind him like a beautiful swan and I was just like, ‘Don’t swear’.

Because I sleep twice a day, I actually thought, ‘Is this a dream?’” She was still in a state of shock as she took her seat, her friends and relatives texting her frantically, having seen what was happening on the news. “My phone was buzzing on my knee so my leg was shaking. I was vibrating, sat next to William! It meant a lot. First of all, that they came to do that, but also them talking about mental health and sharing their own story about their mum. It shows how much they believe in what they’re doing.”

Spurred on by the royal visit, Adele totally smashed her marathon, achieving a time of three hours 37 minutes. She’s kept up running since, and somehow manages to fit it all in with her crazy sleep schedule. “It’s my mobile mediation. It helps me deal with the stress of living in London and being from Southport and being terrified all the time!” During some light Instagram stalking, I discover that Adele oten works out with her girlfriend, actress Kate Holderness.

Having experienced my own sweaty, sweary mid-workout fights with partners, I ask if she reckons it’s a good or a bad thing, exercising with your Mrs. “That is a great question. Sometimes it goes wrong,” she chuckles. “Kate’s got past the bit where she hates it, so she’s stopped swearing at me and now we’re friends again.”

I’m surprised to learn they’ve been together for an impressive 14 years.

They look so adorably loved-up on their Insta posts, I assumed they were a brand-new couple. “Oh, really? Oh, thank you! That means a lot. We really love each other and we’re best friends.

Aw, are we too soppy?” she asks,

PHOTO BBC RADIO 1

really did start at the bottom. I wanted to earn anything that I got. I didn’t want to be given it.”

She’s happy to report that her sexuality has never been an issue. “I’ve always been out on the radio. I get people saying ‘thank you for talking about your girlfriend’. Representation matters so much. I feel like I must do everything I can to fully represent who I am, so when I’m on the radio I will speak about my girlfriend. I will speak about my mum and dad’s heritage. I will just be an open book for people, because when I was younger, I didn’t have enough role models. I think I’ve got to do something about that now I’m lucky enough to be working somewhere like Radio 1. I don’t take it lightly. Let’s go and reach as many young girls as we can so they don’t ever feel like we did.”

While Adele’s experience as an openly gay DJ has been positive, she admits in the past she’s had colleagues who weren’t out on air, either because “they didn’t feel ready” or “the boss wouldn’t allow it”.

She remains optimistic about the future and firmly believes that things are improving. “The people who never felt they could be out are now out, so that’s a brilliant thing. I definitely feel like TV and radio’s getting much more representative.”

As well as being devoted to her listeners and to being a positive role model for the LGBT community, Adele is admirably committed to her training schedule. When we meet,

| CULTURE | ADELE ROBERTS | looking slightly self-conscious all of a sudden. I assure her they definitely aren’t and she relaxes again. “Alright, nice one. Yeah, she makes me laugh. I just love her.”

I get to meet Kate during my visit to Broadcasting House. She compliments me on my seamed stockings, I compliment her on her stylish beret, and our friendship is sealed. They’re a truly charming couple – friendly, chatty and clearly besotted with each other.

They met at a local radio station where Adele was working a couple of years ater Big Brother. “I remember seeing Kate and thinking she was beautiful, but I just thought she was straight.

And then she happened to mention that she was going on a date with a girl and I sat up straight away. I basically pestered her until she gave in! 14 years later, she’s my best friend. She’s everything. She’s been the person that’s been there for me through this whole experience.”

The creative duo have even started making content together and sharing it online. “We make little videos on our phones. The internet’s a brilliant thing.

We don’t need other people any more.

Those old gatekeepers have gone.

So why don’t we, while we’re lucky enough to be at Radio 1, make things together and see what happens? I hope we achieve really good things.”

In a moment of typical sincerity, Adele smiles and says simply, “I just feel so lucky. I’ve achieved more than I ever thought I would, so I’m buzzing.

It’s like, ‘Party!’ I love being here and I want it to last as long as forever, but I still feel like that girl that could go straight back to Southport. And do you know what? I’m happy.”

Listen to Adele’s show weekdays 4am to 6.30am on BBC Radio 1

Royal visitors: (from left) Greg James, Prince William, Catherine Middleton, Adele Roberts, Chris Stark and Scott Mills

“People thank me for talking about my girlfriend on Radio 1”

Adele’s top tips for mental and physical wellbeing

1

Have a goal. That definitely helped me, so think about training for a race or a challenge like Tough Mudder.

2

Be kind to yourself. If it doesn’t go well, just try again.

Somebody said to me once, “If you’ve got a phone and you drop your phone and the screen cracks, you don’t then stamp on the phone”. Sometimes you might fall of the wagon a bit, but just get back on it.

3

If you can push through and start enjoying the gym, it really does help your mental health. You get more energy and it definitely does give you more happiness.

It’s horrible at first, I’ll be honest with you. But if you come out the other side, you feel so much better for it.

4

I take my favourite podcasts when I’m running, or a TV show to the gym on an iPad, or my phone. You don’t even notice you’re working out. That’s a good way to get you through it!

47

| CULTURE | TV REVIEWS |

POFICTHKE MONTH

ON THE WEB

CLIMAXED

Treat yourself to this hilarious BBC Three short written by Tom Craine and starring comedic cuties Suzi Rufell and Camille Ucan. Cara and Bella aren’t together anymore, but they’re still hooking up.

It’s just sex, with absolutely no feelings involved whatsoever…. right? Relatable, and ridiculously funny, we’re big fans. Can we have a whole series now please?

Watch now at bbc.co.uk/bbcthree

EVERYTHING SUCKS! Like the rest of the world it seems, we’re big fans of this new comedydrama from Netflix causing something of a stir on that there internet.

Described as “groundbreaking” and “a milestone in LGBT representation”, Ben York Jones and Michael Mohan’s quirky coming-of-age story about a group of high school misfits makes our hearts sing – and the central lesbian romance between Kate (Peyton Kennedy) and Emaline (Sydney Sweeney) defies stereotypes and tropes. Set in the 90s, Everything Sucks! oozes nostalgia and will transport you back to your school days. Bonus points for its banging soundtrack.

ICYMI

GAYCATION

BY CARRIE LYELL

Streaming now on Netflix

If you missed Ellen Page’s travels on VICE, All 4 have picked up this fantastic web series. So join the pint-sized Canadian and BFF Ian Daniels as they discover LGBTQ life in countries such as Brazil and Japan.

Streaming now on All 4

WE CAN’T WAIT FOR

WHAT WE’RE WATCHING

THE BISEXUAL

DYKE CENTRAL

A series about bisexuality, written by a bisexual?

And starring Maxine “woman of our dreams” Peake?

DIVA HQ is positively giddy about Desiree Akhavan’s painfully funny comedy exploring the nuances of sex, relationships and identity. Peake, who will be playing Akhavan’s girlfriend Sadie, says: “Desiree is a really fresh, original and exciting voice, and dead cool to boot. It’s fun, heartbreaking and thought-provoking, and I get to ride a scooter. What’s not to like?”

Looking for something super queer to binge? Here you go. This 10-part series, set in Oakland, California, is certainly reminiscent of shows like The L Word and Lip Service, but with a charm all of its own. Centred around loveable butch women of colour, Gin (Giovanni Espiritu) and Alex (Tai Rockett), this diverse show ticks all of our boxes. In an age where the incidental LGBT character is king, it’s a joy to have something that is gloriously gay and unapologetically so.

Coming soon to Channel 4

Streaming now on Amazon Prime Video

48 APRIL 2018

Good news, nudity enthusiasts. Channel 4’s Naked Attraction has been picked up for a third season which means more bare bums and, more importantly, more Anna Richardson. She says: “Naked Attraction is such an important series. It’s not just about being naked, it’s about acceptance, individuality and confidence.”

Fancy naked dating? Visit channel4.com to find out how to apply

PHOTOS SCOTT PATRICK GREEN/NETFLIX, VICE/CHANNEL 4

NEWS

| CULTURE | BOOK REVIEWS |

FICTION

THE HOUSE ON HALF MOON STREET Alex Reeve

From the first page of Reeve’s masterful debut, we are plunged into murky Victorian London. This is a brilliantly gripping, unsettling Gothic tale of murder, identity and desire. Leo Stanhope is an assistant to a London coroner who was born Charlotte until he fled his family home to live as the man he knows he is.

Leo dreams of starting a life with Maria, the young prostitute he loves – until she is found murdered.

BY KAITE WELSH AND JANE CZYZSELSKA

Raven Books, £7.99 NON-FICTION FICTION

THE MUSIC AND THE MIRROR Lola Keeley

When Anna joins an elite ballet company, it’s her chance to work with her idol, the enigmatic Victoria Ford. Victoria is looking for a new star and to exorcise demons from her past, but neither woman is prepared for the tempest of emotion that follows. Keeley infuses her masterful debut novel with intricate detail about a world that looks beautiful onstage but where secrets lurk.

AFTERGLOW: A DOG MEMOIR Eileen Myles

Myles has long been a cult hero in the queer scene, exploding into mainstream success in the past two years with the reissuing of the semi-autobiographical novel Chelsea Girls and the publication of I Must Be Living Twice, a collection of new and selected poems spanning 1975-2014. It’s the perfect time, then, for Myles to produce a memoir – but Afterglow is life writing with a diference.

It traces the relationship between the poet and their dog, pit bull Rosie – one defined as “part discomfort and humiliation and part devotion”. There’s nothing cloying or cosy here – this is a story of love, loss and watching your canine companion have sex with another dog in front of you. Written in Myles’ trademark hungry, vivid prose, it tells the story of two lives intertwined. It’s a testament to their talent that Rosie’s is just as fascinating, funny and sad as Myles’ own.

Grove Press UK, £14.99

Ylva Publishing, coming soon FICTION

UP ON THE ROOF A.L Brooks

When a storm leaves Megan with nowhere to live, her introverted neighbour Lena reluctantly ofers her spare room. They’ve argued from the moment they met, but there’s an attraction that neither of them is willing to acknowledge – but will it be so easy when they’re sharing a flat?

NON-FICTION

CURATORIAL ACTIVISM: TOWARDS AN ETHICS OF CURATING Maura Reilly

Writer and founding curator for Brooklyn’s Sackler Centre for Feminist Art, Maura Reilly brilliantly and creatively responds to long-standing representational gender, race and sexuality disparities in the global art world. Citing groundbreaking examples of curatorial inclusivity, including artist and writer Harmony Hammond’s 1978 exhibition, A Lesbian Show, Reilly’s manifesto for change in the art world boldly illustrates why increasing art institutions’ representation of “othered” artists is so important. (JC) Thames & Hudson, £22.50

Ylva Publishing, £6

49

For the past seven decades, a family of Finnish trolls have captured the hearts of children and adults the world over. With their protruding bellies and penchant for adventure, these fairytale creatures have become firm favourites on our bookshelves, loved as much for their cheerful nature as their tight-knit family values. They are, of course, the Moomins.

Few could have foreseen that the pen and ink illustrations sketched during the tail end of a bleak war would inspire a global phenomenon, not least for their creator, the artist, writer and illustrator Tove Jansson. The idea was born one summer’s day in the 1930s, when the teenage Jansson was discussing philosophy with her brother Per Olov by their cottage in Pellinki. The siblings got into a disagreement about Immanuel Kant; and in a fit of irritation she drew the ugliest creature she could imagine on the outhouse’s wall.

What started as a hastily drawn doodle soon began to make a regular appearance in Jansson’s cover illustrations for satirical magazine Garm

50 APRIL 2018

in the early 1940s. The creature in question, a long-snouted troll dubbed Snork, could frequently be found hiding in the background of anti-Nazi cartoons, or peeking out from behind her signature. Over the next few years, Snork grew rounder, lighter, and with friendlier features. By 1945, an entire fictional family was introduced to the world in Jansson’s first children’s book, The Moomins And The Great Flood.

The rest, as they say, is history.

Today, the Moomins have lost none of the appeal that captivated readers in the post-war era. Children love the stories for their free-thinking characters and evocative Nordic landscapes, while adults can find deeper meaning in the wise philosophy and human shortcomings of the lovable roundnosed trolls. From navigating family disagreements and money troubles to discovering romance and overcoming grief, Jansson’s stories have the ability to transport readers to faraway lands, while perfectly expressing the challenges of everyday life.

It was this mixture of happiness

MOOMIN TALES HAVE BEEN DELIGHTING READERS FOR DECADES. NOW IT’S TIME TO PAY TRIBUTE TO THEIR CREATOR’S QUEER LEGACY, SAYS CHRISTOBEL HASTINGS

and melancholy that fascinated me as a child. Like many readers before me, I quickly realised that Moominvalley was quite unlike the once-upon-atimes I read at bedtime. Here was a world where personal freedom was the natural order; better yet, there was no moral resolution to tie up the tale when the characters returned home from their quest. Even so, it would take me almost two decades before I was to fully understand my childhood fascination with the Moomins. Though it had previously escaped my notice, the queer narratives were obvious to see the second time around. But when I turned to Google, I found to my surprise that little had been written about the sexual ambiguity of Moominvalley.

It’s not hard to understand how the queer undercurrent of the Moomin stories has been overlooked, given the way in which homophobia and patriarchy have played a great part in suppressing LGBT culture throughout history.

Unsurprisingly, this erasure does a huge disservice to Jansson and the rich queer nuances in her work, as well as

PHOTO MOOMIN CHARACTERS

Tove Jansson, Too-ticky and a life of pride

| CULTURE | TOVE JANSSON | to younger generations, who deserve to know that she purposefully created a world that celebrated diferences. To truly appreciate the Moomins, then, it is vital that we start to analyse her work through a queer lens.

A fresh perspective on the Moomins is possible simply by acknowledging the importance of Jansson’s sexual identity. The fact that Jansson was a lesbian is not widely known, thanks in part to earlier profiles that describe her living alone on the island of Klovharu, or having a “life companion”. In fact, she had several significant lesbian relationships throughout her life. By paying attention to her personal life, it becomes easier to spot the close ties between her lesbian love and the themes of freedom and tolerance in her work.

So how exactly did Jansson’s queerness manifest itself in the Moomins? While there are no openly queer characters in the series, much of Moominvalley is modelled on Jansson’s lesbian relationships. The Magician’s Hat, published in 1948, has been viewed by many as a declaration of love to the theatre director Vivica Bandler, with whom Jansson embarked on a passionate love afair in 1946.

Jansson immortalised the relationship in the characters Thingumy and Bob, (whose original names Tofslan and Vivslan were used in letters exchanged between the couple) two small creatures who hold hands everywhere they go, speaking their own secret language. Most notably, they carry a suitcase protecting a large ruby that they have stolen from the Groke, the archenemy of the Moomins – a symbol of their hidden love.

Jansson continued to centre the most intimate parts of her life in her stories; not a risk she took lightly, considering homosexuality was illegal in Finland until 1971. As historian Tuula Karjalainen asserts in her recent biography Work And Love, Jansson “had the courage to declare her political views in pictorial form”.

She was helped by a progressive circle of friends, who gave her strength in her convictions, even in the face of public hostility.

Jansson eventually found lasting love with Tuulikki Pietilä, a Finnish graphic artist, gallery owner and lecturer, who became the inspiration for Too-ticky. The cheerful character first

“Jansson’s stories transport readers to faraway lands”

makes an appearance in Moominland Midwinter, published one year ater the couple had started living together.

Dressed in her signature red-andwhite striped sweater, blue trousers and tassel cap, Too-ticky is a hugely positive influence on Moomintroll, whose “common sense oten restores order in the valley”. Jansson herself credited the book’s success to Pietilä, who gave her the strength to continue writing when she felt disillusioned by the Moomin empire; just as Too-ticky persuades Moomintroll to undertake new adventures in the story.

But it is arguably the extended Moomin family that holds the greatest resonance for queer readers. From feisty Little My, to the wandering artist Snufkin and the hardworking Hemulens, newcomers are welcomed into Moominvalley with open arms.

This concept of chosen family has great importance in queer communities, where traditional markers of marriage and children have historically excluded LGBT individuals from building a family. But in Moominvalley, the only bonds that matter are emotional.

So it doesn’t matter that Moomintroll’s girlfriend, the Snork Maiden, bears no resemblance to the Moomins, nor that the family formally adopts Little My. It goes without saying that this family unit creates plenty of space for growth and love. In Moominvalley, everyone

gets to express their true identity and queer inclinations without judgement.

Take Too-ticky, who defies gender stereotypes by hunting and carving in the forest, or the Hemulens, who are mostly male, though all wear skirts. Then there’s the timid Fillyjonk, who is liberated from her oppressive house by a great storm, leaving her free to embrace her true identity away from her family’s baggage.

Come what may, the strength of family has the power to conquer all.

By studying Jansson’s Moomin stories through a queer lens, we come to realise that her work is even greater than we originally thought. By defying the norms of the time, Jansson ensured that everyone could see themselves represented in her diverse cast of characters, regardless of what society held up as an acceptable identity. For this reason, the Moomin stories represent a source of sanctuary, where LGBT readers are safe in the knowledge that they are worthy of love, no matter what. “A theatre is the most important sort of house in the world,” Jansson wrote in Moominsummer Madness, “because that’s where people are shown what they could be if they wanted, and what they’d like to be if they dared to, and what they really are.” It’s time to follow their lead.

International Children’s Book Day takes place on 2 April 51

52 APRIL 2018

| CULTURE | MY DAD WROTE A PORNO |

Here at DIVA HQ, we’re big fans of My Dad Wrote A Porno, a smash hit comedy podcast which has grabbed more than 100 million of us by the cervix.

The premise is simple: three friends – Jamie Morton, James Cooper and Alice Levine – sit around a kitchen table reading terrible erotica written

by Jamie’s dad, a rather eccentric gentleman who goes by the nom de plume Rocky Flintstone. The results are hilarious – like, snorting at the self-service in Tesco, crying on the Circle line, a bit of wee just came out hilarious – winning MDWAP a massive and dedicated following. As well as three series of the podcast, Jamie, James and Alice have also written a book, launched their own merch, and are about to embark on a massive tour which sees them play a little known venue called the Royal Albert Hall.

Nah, never heard of it either...

Rocky’s writing is as shocking as his understanding of the female anatomy, but at the centre of the Belinda Blinked saga is an accidental icon; a high-powered sales executive in the famously hedonistic world of pots and pans and a sex-positive feminist who has no need for labels and turns the male gaze on its

head. But what can Belinda Blumenthal teach us mere mortals about feminism and sexuality? We had a chat with Porno co-host, writer, and BBC Radio 1 DJ Alice Levine to find out.

A FEMINIST ICON “Belinda is a businesswoman in the pots and pans industry which, as we know, is a very sexy industry. She’s quite innovative. She’s dedicated, she’s very driven. A lot of people say she’s avant-garde. She’s not to everyone’s tastes, the way she operates in business [laughs]. We really don’t know anything about her. We don’t know where she comes from, we’ve never met any of her friends. We know a bit about [her father] Bobby Blumenthal.

We know he likes his fine wines. She’s very independent and a lot of people have said she’s a bit of a feminist icon.

She’s doing things by her rules and she’s deciding what she wants and she’s making it happen. She’s up there with the best of them.”

A ROLE MODEL “Do I look up to Belinda? Well, look up to is a statement and a half, isn’t it?

[Laughs] No. I wouldn’t say I look up

AS MY DAD WROTE A PORNO EMBARKS ON A MASSIVE TOUR, WE ASK, IS BELINDA BLUMENTHAL A FEMINIST ICON?

WORDS CARRIE LYELL ILLUSTRATION SIAN BUTCHER

“Sexuality isn’t defined or labelled.

Everyone is fluid”

to her. I know it’s hard to remember that this is a formed book, but it is supposed to be – and at the heart of that we’ve got a really strong female character. Now, that is really rare.

Although she is a bit ridiculous and some of the stuf she’s done is downright ludicrous, that is quite exciting.

And there are a lot of female leading ladies in it as well. She is batshit crazy, but also I’m quite excited that she is the main event in it.”

TRASHING TROPES “Rocky is skewing stuf and he is spinning it on its head... the whole stereotype about men being carnal and having these desires and being all about the physical, and women having all these emotions and being concerned ater sex and placing loads of meaning on it. All of that stuf.

Belinda’s always on to the next thing, diarising in her head while she’s mid god-knows-what. She is not preoccupied with what are supposedly female concerns. I feel like in all traditional pornography, women are like, ‘But does he love me?’ Belinda is not worrying about that. She’s penciling in something next Thursday.”

| CULTURE | MY DAD WROTE A PORNO |

More information on p4 divadigital.co.uk

The minds behind the podcast: (from left) James Cooper, Jamie Morton and Alice Levine at The Royal Albert Hall, London

“Belinda’s work comes first. She is wed to the job, so just remember you’ll always be playing second fiddle to that... no pun intended. Her attention span is just terrible so you’re going to have to impress her pretty quickly. She’s also insatiable. She is at it at all hours of the day. I mean, she doesn’t stop. As we know, she doesn’t actually sleep. We presume she’s just running on a combustion engine of cafeine, business deals and adrenaline.

She likes to be in control… but sometimes she doesn’t. So don’t try to pigeonhole her.

She does love to fly international so if you could arrange that for the first date. She’s quite status orientated. She likes powerful people. I mean… what am I saying? There’s no story, there’s no logic. I’m just making this up as I go along. I mean, I was almost convincing myself there for a second.

Tomorrow she could be working in a florist or something, I really don’t know!”

54 APRIL 2018

POTS AND PANSEXUAL? “Rocky wouldn’t use the word pansexual because I feel like that’s quite contemporary and I wouldn’t think he knows about anything contemporary [laughs]. But then, actually, people’s sexuality isn’t defined or labelled.

Everyone is pretty fluid, or at least not pigeonholed into binary categories. I wouldn’t like to label Belinda because I don’t think we really have that defined, do we? She’s attracted to men and women, that’s what we’ve learned so far. She loves sex, we know that. She’s pretty good at it, it’s believed. I don’t know how she would label herself but I think that’s quite interesting because it would have been quite easy to fall into some clichés there too, wouldn’t it?”

AN ACCIDENTAL ICON “Obviously, I am cautious to call anything postmodern or even contemporary, or even 19th century about Rocky’s writing! But I do think it

is. Whether that’s because he’s trying hard or that just doesn’t come into his mind or I don’t know… I’m not sure where it comes from but I think it is really refreshing.”

LIFE LESSONS “Belinda does have an amazing time with her female lovers... I sometimes think the women in the book are more 3D than the men in terms of characterisation, so they are more interesting. I wouldn’t like to have to guess why she’s having the most fulfilling sexual encounters with women, but at least she’s having a lovely time.”

My Dad Wrote A Porno embarks on a nationwide tour on 16 April which culminates with the biggest podcast gig in history at the Royal Albert Hall on 21 June. More info and tickets available at mydadwroteaporno.com.

PHOTO ROYAL ALBERT HALL

HOW TO WOO BELINDA

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The release of Phase One of these stunning homes forms part of a three phase development within Woolwich Arsenal in the Royal Borough of Greenwich. These apartments are just a short stroll from Woolwich Town Centre, ofering high street retail outlets and a vibrant street market.

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South and South-East can be linked to the town centre via bus routes. We look forward to the Cross Rail in 2018.

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| CULTURE | PALOMA FAITH |

If not

More information on p4 divadigital.co.uk

Being around Paloma Faith, one is enriched with the feeling that everything is going to be alright.

She is undeterred by rejection. She is not dissuaded by intimidation.

Her art is self-aware. Her politics are self-evident.

We were talking once backstage about the #AllLivesMatter backlash to the #BlackLivesMatter movement.

Paloma told me: “If your kitchen’s on fire, you don’t throw water on the whole house… Of course all lives matter – but this is what’s happening right now.”

Paloma upholds a common sense approach to equality. The golden rule of reciprocity? “Do unto others”, etc. Job done. A proud feminist and passionate LGBT+ ally, Paloma is one of those active activists that actually actively acts – and always has been.

Literally protesting from the seat of her pram, Paloma is a secondgeneration revolutionary, attributing her passion for social justice to her mother Pam. Following the transmission of The Voice UK’s fith season, my fellow contestant Lydia and I are invited to dine with Paloma and her fellow coach George (comma, Boy)

56 APRIL 2018

JORDAN GRAY QUIZZES HER FORMER VOICE UK COACH PALOMA FAITH ON MOTHERHOOD, THE ARCHITECT, AND WHY RELATIONSHIPS ARE A BIT LIKE PIES

“Mention the phrase ‘genderneutral’ and the world falls apart”

in London. I arrive to find Paloma already deep in lively political banter with a stranger at the bar. Following a night of spirited revolutionary rhetoric, Paloma takes of across town in an Uber – in the classiest example of egalitarian nonchalance I’ve ever seen.

The Architect – Paloma’s fourth studio album and first number-one – is a blistering 15-track invitation to talk. Every song casts light on a different social issue. Guilty alludes to the Brexit vote; Warrior calls attention to the refugee crisis; Crybaby appertains to toxic masculinity. There are textures and colours at play far richer than those the pop world is used to being ofered. The album opens with a call-to-arms cameo from Samuel L. Jackson, and Pawns is a subversive commentary on voter apathy featuring spoken dialogue from Baby N’Sola, Janelle Martin and Naomi Miller of The Faithettes.

And yet the album retains that same lustful soul-pop energy that Paloma Faith fans know and love.

In fact, it would appear that it’s The Architect’s wider appeal that led a review from NME to claim that “the album’s glossy production and lyrical

vagueness mean these songs could just as easily be about relationships”.

Responding to said criticism, Paloma says: “It’s like they don’t understand – I did that on purpose.”

By her own acknowledgement, gone are the days of Dylan and Billy Bragg. So how does a popular artist deliver social commentary in 2018?

By modernising. By ofering a socially aware album that works for this generation. Roused by her recent appearance on Scroobius Pip’s popular Distraction Pieces podcast, I took the opportunity to reconnect.

Is there a dominating social issue that you think about all the time?

“A general loss of empathy and concern for others. Singular thinking.

They say ‘every man is an island’ – which makes it easier to deny responsibility as human beings that are part of a society, an ecosystem.”

Powered by insular thinking, it’s not surprising the British press could misinterpret Paloma’s decision to “withhold the sex of her newborn child” as a militant declaration of her intent to raise that child gender-neutral… in a grey prison, in a silver jumpsuit, with nothing but colourless blocks and genderless amorphous plushies for

PHOTO ALICE HAWKINS

now, then when?

57

| CULTURE | PALOMA FAITH |

“Acknowledge somebody who’s not being seen” toys and a name like “Beigeling”.

Is our obsession with gender politics getting in the way of more pressing social issues?

“It feels like individuals are more self-interested than ever before. It’s funny, I can talk to you now about us all being socially responsible humans as part of an ecosystem and it’s totally fine… but mention the phrase ‘genderneutral’ and the world falls apart.”

Paloma’s right. It’s 2018 and the world seems to have gone mad for pronouns. Who’d have thought a generation so abhorred by the school subject of English Language would suddenly take such an interest in its finer proponents? So what does gender-neutral mean to Paloma? “Without regard for gender stereotypes, encouraging

58 APRIL 2018

interaction with all kinds of toys and activities – irrespective of gender.”

Recalling my battle round duet on The Voice UK, I was faced with the daunting task, as a trans woman, of taking on a Kate Bush’s This Woman’s Work in its original key. Ater an emotional pow wow, pleading with her that I didn’t want to sound like “a parody of a woman”, Paloma implored me to “stop worrying about gender” – and even encouraged me to embrace my lower register for the rest of the season.

Previously mislabelled by the press as a “co-breadwinner” (Paloma’s bringing home 100% of that sweet vegan bacon!), I ask about her partner Leyman Lahcine, father to her child, and the dynamics of raising a baby with a platinum-selling recording artist.

“For my generation, it’s a rare thing to experience a kind father. A present father. A relationship is like a pie. All the pieces count. You’ve got your financial, emotional, practical… In this case, I do provide most of the financial side but I feel like he supplies more of the emotional side. He’s so empathic, passionate, selfless…” she says, before adding (and context is oh-so-important here) “… so I’m happy to pay for it.”

Paloma’s advice to expectant parents? “Everything in childrearing feels like a phase. It’s all transient.

Whether it’s heaven or hell, don’t get comfortable.”

With albums and nappies flying of the shelves, palomafaith.com has been quietly reinvented. The site now operates like an interactive art installation, geared towards creating what Paloma calls an “epidemic of kindness”.

Four chambers – namely Empathy, Environment, Kindness and Revolution – each contain “five things you can do today” to propagate positive change.

From “switch of the lights before you leave a room” to “know what you’re voting for” and “ask ‘why?’ every day”.

What’s your favourite piece of advice from the site, I ask? “Acknowledge somebody who’s not being acknowledged. I met a homeless woman yesterday who told me I was the first person she’d spoken to all day. It was four o’clock!”

In 2009, Paloma’s first question to us – the all-consuming public – was “Do You Want The Truth Or Something Beautiful?” Is 2018’s The Architect an efort to come full circle and, in the spirit of the poet John Keats, ofer us some hybrid of the two? A “perfect contradiction” of sorts?

If you had to rephrase The Architect as a question, what would that question be? Tentatively, she replies: “If Not Now, Then When?”

True of motherhood. True of the choice to voice her sociopolitical concerns through music. True of the reclamation of empathy and kindness.

You’re probably not expecting me to round this feature of with a Batman reference… but it’s happening.

Because, for my money, existing as the antithesis to Christopher Nolan’s Dark Knight: Paloma Faith is an artist we simply don’t deserve – but we need her now more than ever.

The Architect is out now.

| CULTURE | MUSIC REVIEWS |

ARTIST OF THE MONTH

MARIEME Leave

Marieme is a presence as glamorous as she is brutally honest in her music.

Born amidst a war between Mauritania and Senegal, Marieme’s unique upbringing shaped her into a dynamic artist with a captivating and sociallyconscious voice. Her music explores themes of self-reliance, change and evolution. A bold and soulful voice, she’s influenced by the likes of Erykah Badu, Dusty Springfield, Billie Holiday and Lauryn Hill, and her experiences and sacrifices of leaving Senegal to start a new life in the US have been fundamental in shaping her sound.

BY HEATHER PEACE

DIVA DISCOVERS

DON’T MISS

HANNIE

HANNIE is the songwriting duo of multi-instrumentalists Hannah Koppenburg and Annie Wagstaf. Much like Disclosure and Clean Bandit, these guys write and co-produce their own tracks, handpicking different vocalists to collaborate with for each. The pair met at the Academy of Contemporary Music in Guildford, rare girls swimming in a male-dominated sea of aspiring guitarists and keyboard players. Within a year, they’ve gone from filming videos in their living room to more than 160,000 followers.

They say: “There doesn’t seem to be anyone doing what we are doing, which we find really exciting. We want to be a step towards putting more girls, as musicians, in the music industry… Your gender should never get in the way of doing what you love.”

PHOTOS NIKLAS HAZE, STEVEN TAYLOR

2-7 May 2018

If you’re looking for a fun, eclectic music festival then look no further than the Cheltenham Jazz Festival.

Friendly and relaxed, I’ve been a couple of times and it’s a great atmosphere for adults and kids, with so much to see, hear, eat and drink! Ofering an array of powerhouse talent and the brightest emerging stars, highlights from this year’s festival include Imelda May, Corinne Bailey Rae, Caro Emerald and more.

Get your tickets now at cheltenhamfestivals.com/jazz

VIDEO OF THE MONTH

NEW MUSIC

RUTH KOLEVA

LAOISE

What You Say To A Girl

Bother

The third single taken from the Bulgarian singer’s upcoming album, Confidence.Truth, What You Say To A Girl examines the troubled relationship of an abusive couple (Anastassiya Lyutova and Anastas Georgiev) at their worst. As a socially-engaged person in Bulgaria, Koleva uses music to raise awareness for various social issues and especially violence against women, and this track shines a light on this problem, in the hope of making change in Bulgarian society.

We featured 21-year-old Irish electro-pop artist LAOISE and her first track, Rich, on Radio DIVA at the beginning of the year, and now she’s back with her latest release, Bother. She explains: “Bother was probably the hardest song I’ve ever written, but also the quickest. I wrote it about a relationship that was ending. This feels like a massive cleanse for me, and I especially can’t wait to perform it live.” Glittering, yet gritty, electro-pop with a stunning vocal. Check it out.

59

“I guess I’ve been doing music since I was born or something,” muses Lucy Dacus in her contemplative, Virginian drawl. “My mum’s a pianist and my dad’s a guitarist so we would always sing and stuf, but I feel like I’ve never really tried to do music – it was just such an integral part of my growing up. It was just always there.”

The 22-year-old singer-songwriter has never taken music lessons. “Which should be evident when you see us play,” she butts in. She’s laughing, but you can tell a little part of her believes that.

“When I was in middle school, I bought a guitar online for a hundred bucks and basically used it as a toy.

I’d bring it to sleepovers and play with friends, and we’d write songs about the boys we had crushes on and things.

It’s funny to think about that now.”

Dacus grew up in Richmond, Virginia, a small city a six-hour drive south of New York. “Not a lot of people leave Richmond. It’s really supportive in terms of the music scene.

When people found out I wrote my own songs, they asked me to play. I didn’t have to elbow my way into the music community, they were already there with open arms. That definitely helped with my self-belief and confidence. I probably wouldn’t have booked my own shows, because I’ve never felt like I should take up space. I was in film school, I wasn’t trying to be a musician.”

Film school, she says, was a way to “figure it all out”. “I thought I could be some auteur and write, direct, edit – everything. The longer I studied though, it crystallised that I would probably have to take jobs that weren’t good, and by ‘good’ I mean morally good.”

60 APRIL 2018

DANIELLE MUSTARDE MEETS VIRGINIA-BORN SINGER-SONGWRITER LUCY DACUS

“Writing feels like giving words to vague emotions”

| CULTURE | LUCY DACUS |

More information on p4 divadigital.co.uk

Dacus found herself becoming more and more disenchanted with film school, eventually dropping out and getting a nine-to-five at a photo processing lab. And then came music. Her first album, No Burden, came out in 2016. Fast-forward two years, and she’s just released her second, Historian.

“I feel really good about this album, and I’m happy to say that because I was worried that my writing would change for the worse. I’ve never intentionally practised writing, and I worried that becoming a ‘professional musician’ might change that, but it still happens the same way. I still write at my own pace, and don’t begin with a goal.

Something just comes out and then I see what it is.”

Writing has always been a part of Dacus’ life – she’s the kid who’s journaled since primary school. “Whenever I feel like I’ve really been able to listen to myself, and understand something about myself, that almost feels like a victory, and writing feels like a huge part of giving words to vague emotions. During touring, it’s really hard to write. I used to write a song a day, naturally, now it feels more like once a week, once a month, or once every three months. But then, every song I’ve written, I’d be willing to share, where as I used to write all of these songs that I would never show to people.”

One way her writing has changed, though, is in her concept of how big a song can be. “Instrumentation-wise, my writing has expanded significantly.

Now I’ll be like, ‘Oh, clarinet should be there, or strings should go here’, or I’ll find myself writing a bass or drum part in my head, whereas I used to write for just me and my guitar because that’s all that I had.”

Historian, says Dacus, is the album she “needed to make”. “I just became very aware of my place in things.

Playing shows to so many people, looking into the faces of all of these strangers, it’s very afecting to realise that people are giving you their time.

And so I wanted to put together an album of songs that felt really integral to who I am, so that I could share the most basic part of who I am with people before I share anything else.”

One of biggest questions for Dacus, both personally and as an artist, is deciding how to live. “Especially in the face of fear and trauma and darkness,” she muses, “which is all pretty heavy,

but I think most people are centred around that question – whether they know it or not. I’ve always appreciated artists and writers who go there with grace and bring you with them gently.

I don’t know if that’s what the album has done, but I wanted to do what I could to provide that solace that I’ve felt in my own life.”

The first two singles on Historian might point to it being a break-up album, and it does start there, explains Dacus. “Break-up is a really relatable sorrow. It’s something that can happen early in life when maybe you haven’t yet lost someone, but you’ve lost a love, and that’s why I wanted to open the album with Night Shit. Addictions is more about circling back to somebody, romantically or otherwise.”

From there, the narrative of the album moves into one of identity crisis – loss of home, loss of loved ones, loss of your own life. “The album certainly deepens in intensity, but at the end there’s this thesis statement of, ‘Well, of course, and… ? Now. How can we enjoy life?’”

Spend 10 minutes stalking Lucy on Instagram (@lucydacus), and you’ll notice that one way she enjoys life is through books. And lots of them at that. “I read all the time. I have to feel like I’m interacting with the world the way I want to. I think I’m as afected by books as I am by music. Whenever someone can express something eloquently, concisely and beautifully, that’s so great to interact with and I always learn so much from that about the world and about myself. I would probably cite authors more than musicians when it comes to my inspiration.”

On asking who she’s most enjoyed reading recently, Dacus names film director, writer and collaborator Miranda July. “She seems to me to want to communicate understanding – especially to the oddballs out there.

Her work is really queer and odd, and I feel very understood by her. I also really enjoy Maggie Nelson. She writes in a way that feels really fluid and beautiful and concise and complex. I would read anything that she’s written just because I trust her judgement to tackle a subject with the upmost care.”

Another subject Dacus touches on in Historian is sexuality, though it’s certainly not overstated. One track on the album, Nonbeliever, is explicitly about coming out, but not necessarily in the

way you might think. “Nonbeliever is about talking to your parents about not sharing the same faith as them, or more generally, about defecting from a social norm or an expectation. I’ve had conversations with my parents about being queer too and… I don’t know if they get it. I think, because I’m in a heteronormative relationship right now, it’s that they haven’t had to see it.”

For a long time, Dacus felt that she couldn’t call herself queer because of her relationship. “It’s a feeling of, ‘I don’t deserve this because I haven’t done anything to affirm it’, or that there are people out there who have sufered for the title, or who wear it and are judged. I have friends who get called out to on the street holding hands with their girlfriends, which is so messed up, but then I think, it would be really wrong to deny that part of myself. Both to myself and other people.”

On top of this, is a sense of responsibility to identify as queer.

“There is something good about being like, ‘Yeah, I am attracted to women’, particularly when I think about my brother, who’s younger than me. If I can say that and show it’s normal, he then goes into the future carrying that with him.

“Again, I still have this voice inside of me that’s like, ‘You shouldn’t be the voice of this’, or, ‘Your voice isn’t as potent as people who’ve truly lived this’, and maybe that’s all true, but it doesn’t mean that I shouldn’t say what’s true about myself.”

Though just 22 years old, Dacus is wise beyond her years, and as the conversation draws to a close, it becomes apparent that at least a little of that is down to having a real sense of belonging, and of being grounded both in herself, and at home in Richmond.

What, then, does she hope for in the future? “I’m scared to want something more, because I already have more than I could have hoped for. What I do know is that, if everything falls apart, I will be able to land on my feet because I’m in a place that I love, with people that I love.

I guess the hope is that something better than that transpires, but even at base level – this is a good life.”

Lucy Dacus tours the UK from the 19-26 April 2018.

For dates and tickets visit lucydacus.com, or follow her on Twitter and Instagram @lucydacus.

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| CULTURE | FILM & ONLINE REVIEWS |

QUEERAMA Directed by Daisy Asquith

BY CARRIE LYELL (FILM) AND DANIELLE MUSTARDE (ONLINE)

YOU, ME AND HIM Directed by Daisy Aitkens

You, Me And Him is a rare thing – a British comedy about a same-sex couple that is actually quite good. Say what now!? Olivia (Lucy Punch) and Alex (Faye Marsay) are an adorable, if slightly odd, couple whose fledging relationship is tested when they both find themselves in the family way – Olivia via a sperm donor, and Alex accidentally, thanks to a drunken fumble with annoying neighbour John, played by David Tennant. Top notch guest stars, including Nina Sosanya, Sarah Parish and Sally Phillips, add weight to this charming first feature from director Daisy Aitkens which carefully avoids tropes to deliver – whisper it – a happy ending. Lovely stuf.

In cinemas 12 April

PONYBOI

Directed by Chloe Thomas

Directed by River Gallo

Remember back in August, we told you about virtual reality love story Keyed Alike, starring Gemma Whelan and Natacha Karam? If you didn’t manage to catch it on the festival circuit, you’ll be pleased to hear it’s licensed by Jaunt – “the Netflix of VR” – so you can watch it from the comfort of your own couch.

Ponyboi is an intersex runaway who works at a laundromat and also as a sex worker. But after a mysterious encounter with a man from his dreams, he learns that perhaps he is worthy of leaving his seedy life in New Jersey behind.

A groundbreaking queer film about redemption and love, Ponyboi needs your help to make it to the big screen.

Keyed Alike is available to watch as a mobile 360 experience at jntvr.co/ keyedalike, or download the Jaunt VR app and watch it in a VR headset for the full immersive experience.

Check out seedandspark.com/fund/ponyboi and pledge what you can.

online INSTAGRAM

APP

PODCAST

RECIPES FOR SELF-LOVE

JILLIAN MICHAELS

SHE’S IN RUSSIA

Health and wellness expert Jillian Michaels’ app is a fully customisable personal training and nutrition plan with interactive workout videos, meal plans and recipes. This app is all about helping people live their happiest, healthiest lives.

The Cold War ended in 1991. Now its looming spectre has returned to US and Russian politics and media. In this podcast, two best gal pals – one based in Saint Petersburg and one in Brooklyn – address the situation. Nuanced, thoughtful, emotional and funny.

jillianmichaels.com/app

shesinrussia.com

instagram.com/recipesforselflove

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Out 26 March

KISSING YOU Directed by Océane Michel and Cyprien Vial

KEYED ALIKE

A digital zine of intersectional illustrations, Recipes For Self-Love is just a bloody lovely Instagram feed made up of gorgeous illustrations and wise womanloving words. Brought to your palm by artist Alison Rachel.

Crafted from the treasure trove of the BFI National Archive, Daisy Asquith’s Queerama takes us on a journey through the gay experience – from persecution and prosecution through forbidden desire and sexual liberation, to Pride. Using forgotten newsreel, amateur film and 20th century cinema, set to a soundtrack featuring John Grant, Goldfrapp and Hercules And Love Afair, Asquith’s story of love, desire and fear is an incredible film about incredible change.

Magalie, Nadège, Samira, Françoise…

Océane has had her fair share of women (as her mother never tires of pointing out). And she’s loved every single one of them. But when she meets an enchanting photographer called Cécile (Alice Pol), she decides to put her womanising ways behind her and make this one last. But can she commit, when there are beautiful women around every corner? Or will she let the woman of her dreams slip through her fingers? Expect laughs aplenty in this charming French flick.

Out now on DVD

COMMUNITY

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time to join the mindful drinking movement?

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Laura Willoughby raises a glass to Club Soda

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| COMMUNITY | MINDFUL DRINKING |

Queers without beers A

s a Liberal Democrat councillor for 12 years, Laura Willoughby MBE brought Jeremy Corbyn down to his lowest majority in his Islington constituency on several occasions before leaving politics in 2010. Her job involved regularly frequenting political events, which happened to be well-stocked with cheap white wine. Extroverted, she fully immersed herself in the lifestyle.

Simultaneously, as a woman in her mid30s dating on the queer scene, alcohol became a growing fixture in her life.

When she moved to a less enjoyable job and became dissatisfied, her drinking increased and days became unfulfilling and boring. She felt depressed. In the back of Willoughby’s mind was the fact that her father had died of liver failure at 56 years old.

In January 2012, much to the relief of her friends, she decided she wanted to give up drinking for good and started turning up to events “buzzing on matcha tea”. Two years later, still sober, she set up Club Soda, a group for those who want to drink more mindfully. To date it has 15,000 members of all ages and is quickly growing. It runs mindful pub crawls, a monthly LGBT pop-up dry bar in London called Queers

CLAUDIA CAHALANE MEETS THE WOMAN BEHIND THE MINDFUL DRINKING MOVEMENT, CLUB SODA

“I connected with my values and felt like the person I was in my 20s again”

Without Beers and a mindful pubs guide – made possible by a growing list of pubs stocking more low-alcohol and alcohol-free beers and drinks – as well as various support programmes.

“The day I decided to give up,” Willoughby tells us, “I met another woman and went out and got really pissed with her.” She was shocked when, the next morning, the woman suggested that perhaps they both had a drinking problem. They dated for a while and decided to give up together.

“Doing it with someone else was a key part of giving up, as was telling friends.

It was amazing because we were both on this journey. It was a fortuitous meeting which made a big diference to my life and for which I’m grateful,” she recalls.

“I think, for gay and bi women, it is already difficult carving a self identity outside of the social norms. Add to that the awkwardness of social and intimate encounters which we are taught can be helped with alcohol (gay or not), and a lot of alcohol can seep into your life. My of-switch broke when I was 35, which is common amongst women generally, especially within our community,” she explains.

Every single emotional situation Willoughby had been through since

Laura’s top tips FOR GIVING UP OR REDUCING YOUR ALCOHOL INTAKE

1

Have a plan. There’s no point whiteknuckling it. Find alternative things to do. Know what you’re going to drink and how you will say you are not drinking with confidence. Meet the triggers head-on!

2

Do it with others. One in five adults are looking to cut down, so you are bound to have a friend wanting to do the same. Find some role models a little further down the line than you.

3

Don’t be upset if you smash through packs of Haribo at first because you’re craving the sugar you’re missing from alcohol – you can deal with that later.

You need to be kind to yourself. It is harder than people think, but it will get easier the longer you do it.

4

If and when you fail, the important thing is how quickly you can get back on it the next day. It will eventually stick.

5

Plan treats and rewards that are not alcohol and remind yourself that if you say “yes” to a drink, what are you saying no to?

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| COMMUNITY | MINDFUL DRINKING |

the age of 14 had been dealt with using alcohol, because that’s what she felt society dictated as normal behaviour.

“You then become used to it and use it more as you get older. So giving up is about years and years of unwiring. I didn’t drink every day but when I did, I couldn’t stop,” she explains.

Willoughby says she’s gained so much, and only very occasionally has a small pang for a sip of wine at intimate dinner parties. Setting up Club Soda, she says, was about giving people like herself, and anyone into general wellbeing who also loves socialising, alternative options. “When I gave up, my face quickly lost its puffiness. I slept a lot the first three months, drinking lots of water and relying on Red Bull for a short while. Ater three months, my energy came back, ater six months, my brain was back. It was great because I’m an activist and every day campaigning became possible again without a hangover. I reconnected with my values and felt like the person I was in my early 20s again.”

She says that living in high definition without the fog of alcohol and hangovers is a challenge. “But it’s amazing to find yourself ater years of being in a fog,” beams Willoughby.

“I’m learning to deal with emotions I should have dealt with when I was in my teens, but of course, you don’t learn any emotional resilience when you

use alcohol as the answer. I love that I now have the energy to do the things I’ve always wanted to do, but also the resilience to cope with the knocks. Life isn’t a bed of roses – even people who haven’t drunk before have down days and it’s accepting that those things are normal.”

When she gave up, lots of people asked how she managed it. “People say stuf like: ‘I really enjoy drinking, I don’t want to give it up’. But there’s this little part of them that wants to know, is it easy? I decided I was so good at it that it was time everyone else had a chance,” she jokes. And thus, Club Soda was born.

The club campaigns for bars to stock more interesting non-alcoholic drinks and runs programmes such as “sober sprint” for those who want to try a month without drinking, and “eight weeks to change your drinking”, as well as Saturday workshops and Sunday webinars.

“The less you drink, the more you rewire your brain so that alcohol isn’t the only stimulus it understands,” Willoughby explains. “I’ve trained myself to be a beer drinker too (alcoholfree or 0.5 alcohol beer) because it’s the healthiest thing you can drink in a pub, next to water. It’s got lots of vitamins, and these days, some taste better than alcoholic beers.

“Our aim is to help people through

“My liver was functioning at 30%” “I began teaching ex-ofenders in probation oices in my early 20s and the drinking habit I’d picked up at university increased. I met some really strange characters and used to drink each evening to block out the knowledge and stories of the crimes they’d committed.

I put on loads of weight from drinking and not eating well and had severe IBS. It was when I met my long-term partner at 24 that I started to reduce my intake and improve my diet. Then, when I was 28, there was a drinking-related death in the family and I literally stopped overnight. More recently, I’ve become really interested in my health and had a Vega test which showed my liver was working at around 30%. For the last six months I’ve been on an intense detox – which involves drinking a garlic drink each morning – to get my liver function back up. Last time I had it checked it was at 55%.”

Gina Battye, 36, LGBT self-help coach

the pain or discomfort of reducing or giving up; there are plenty of role models in the club – people who are living it. We want to create a world where no one feels out of place not drinking, whether you’re mindfully drinking because you’re driving, or you’re going to the gym tomorrow, or are looking to give up, we think you should still be able to enjoy socialising.”

The Queers Without Beers pop-up alcohol-free bar runs every third Wednesday of the month at Syrup of Soot, London. The January event saw 60 guests of a variety of ages, genders and sexualities. Teetotalers and mindful drinkers welcome. Find out more at joinclubsoda.co.uk.

Six low and non-alcoholic drinks... ...AS RECOMMENDED BY LAURA. USE CLUBSODAVIP FOR A DISCOUNT ON ANY OF THESE DRINKS AT DRYDRINKER.COM.

SCAVI AND RAY SPARKLING Great for making an alcohol-free version of an Aperol Spritz with Crodino.

66 APRIL 2018

SHRB The old prohibition drink reinvented and made in Walthamstow.

My absolute favourite.

FITBEER Artisan larger with only 66 calories a bottle and packed full of vitamin B12.

REAL KOMBUCHA A fermented health drink flavoured using diferent types of tea – my alcoholfree version of cider!

BIG DROP BREWING An award-winning craft beer that just happens to be 0.5%. This brewery also do ales, lager and a stout.

HEINEKEN 0.0 Quite widely available now, and they’ve worked hard to get the taste right.

The authors creating a more inclusive world for families

FAMILY

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QUEER CHILDREN’S BOOKS

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MY FAMILY Why my church is my chosen LGBT family

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The children’s books set on rainbow street

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| FAMILY | LGBTQ+ BOOKS FOR KIDS |

As we approach the 30th anniversary of the enactment of Section 28, the 1988 amendment which stated that a local authority should not “intentionally promote the teaching in any maintained school of the acceptability of homosexuality as a pretended family relationship”, many of us are still feeling the efects of that legislation.

And while the UK government reviews its recent consultation on sex and relationship education in schools, we thought it a good time to celebrate the everyday people who are writing their own stories. Whether parents, teachers, carers or organisations, as the mainstream conversation around gender, sexuality, and young people struggles to gain traction, let’s get behind those working to create a more inclusive and diverse world for children and young people now.

68 APRIL 2018

CELEBRATING THE “GROWN UPS” CREATING A MORE INCLUSIVE WORLD FOR LGBTQ+ CHILDREN AND FAMILIES

WORDS DANIELLE MUSTARDE

RAINBOWSTREET NICK ROLFE, PARENT AND TEACHER “One of my earliest memories of Charlie is at Christmas; Charlie was three and we had gone to visit Santa.

Charlie asked for a Barbie, but Santa hid his surprise well, instead ofering Charlie a present from the ‘boy’s sack’. Charlie looked up at me and asked to pick from the girl’s sack, knowing that any of the presents in the pink sack would be a better choice…

This was typical of Charlie – always choosing the more ‘girly’ toys, books and films. All of Charlie’s friends were girls, and on toy day at school, they would take in dolls and dressing up clothes. Charlie was a maternal, caring, sensitive and dramatic child – which I had no problem with. Charlie was free to be whatever they wanted. I just thought Charlie was probably going to be gay.

Looking back, I feel a bit silly that I never even considered they might be transgender.

It was in August 2016 that Charlie told me she thought she was transgender. She had been asking lots of questions about people’s lifestyles and sexualities over the summer and had been building up to this big announcement, one I’d still not expected. Following a meeting with a trans girl called Ciera who was around the same age, Charlie confirmed that she was transgender.

We contacted our local LGBTQ centre where they run a teen transgender group. Charlie felt supported and validated at the group, and through them we were referred to The Tavistock Gender Identity Clinic.

Charlie’s school was amazing, supportive and caring, giving an assembly to explain what being transgender meant before Charlie transitioned fully.

Though I never felt a sense of loss for a son at all – Charlie was still very much Charlie – it was a tricky time explaining to family and friends what was happening. Some

family members struggled to accept it – often through fear and misunderstanding. We lost some old friends, but most people were open and supportive.

Charlie has a younger sister, Tab. It was difficult explaining to her what was happening with her sister. I had been a primary school teacher for 21 years and knew there weren’t any stories or resources which would help explain. So, I took things into my own hands and decided to write a little story about a cat called Fred, who was born a boy but was a girl on the inside. Tab loved the story, and through it, readily accepted what was happening with her sister.

After writing Fred, it got me thinking about other diverse families I had met over my teaching career. It is so important that children recognise themselves and others in books. I created a street where all kinds of families could live and be accepted, and so Rainbow Street was born. All the stories are very gentle and set in a foundation of love and acceptance. I also created over 300 collage illustrations to accompany the stories. I have already written the next seven stories, including one about a step family and a young mum. The wonderful Your Stories Matter promote those breaking down barriers for children and celebrate diversity, and published my books in December 2017.

Charlie has a tricky path ahead of her and I am going to support her in any way I can.

I am hoping through Rainbow Street I can do my little bit to make the world a more accepting and tolerant place for all LGBTQ children and their families.” rainbowstreetbooks.com

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TROY JENKINSON, TEACHER

“I fell into writing by accident.

When I started as a teacher at my new school, I was informed by a governor that a pupil had been picked on for having two mums. At the same time, I found some children were still using the word ‘gay’ as an insult. Attitudes have changed since I was at school myself, and for the better, but I think we are still working in the shadows of Section 28.

It was then that I decided to do something about it. Having searched for a book with

OLLY PIKE, LGBT+ ADVOCATE “I came up with the idea of writing LGBT+ inclusive fairytales after my own experience with homophobia. I often thought, ‘Where does homophobia come from? Has it been learned... or is it that acceptance has not been taught?’

That’s where Pop’n’Olly came in! My website is full of LGBT+ educational resources, books and videos for children, teachers, parents and carers. My newest book, The Prince And The Frog, is a reimagining of a classic fairytale which helps children understand that love isn’t always between a boy and a girl.

My resources are already being used in many UK schools, but I want to ensure that every school in the UK is using LGBT+ inclusive material as part of its teachings.

It’s crucial that the importance of equality and diversity is introduced to children from a young age.” popnolly.com

two animals playing the part of mums in a same-sex relationship – as the kids love books about animals – I found there was nothing out there. And so, I went away and wrote The Best Mummy Snails In The Whole Wide World for one of my teachers to share in an assembly – and she loved it.

She was the one to suggest I try and get it published, and so the journey began!

When I shared my book in one assembly, I asked the children to think about the moral of the story. A year six boy put his hand up and said, ‘It’s easy to explain the moral of the story.

Love is love. It doesn’t matter

if you have two parents of the same sex, or parents of diferent sexes, they still give you love’. I thought this was very profound.

Since publishing the book, I’ve had some lovely feedback from parents and grandparents alike who have bought it for their children. One parent that sticks in my mind commented that her little ones loved it, and she thought it sent out a great message of both peace and love.” troyjenkinson.com

A DIFFERENT POINT OF VIEW THE KIDS BY GABRIELA HERMAN “My mum is gay – but it took me a long time to say those words out loud.”

Gabriela Herman’s mum came out nearly 20 years ago, when she was in high school.

Her parents separated and eventually her mum married her longtime partner in one of Massachusetts’ first legal unions. “It was a raw and difficult time,” explains Gabriela. Then, seven years ago, aged 29, she embarked on a project to meet, photograph and interview people with similar stories. “Despite living around the world, I had never encountered anyone else raised by a gay parent. When I mentioned the idea to my sister in San Francisco, she connected me with the non-profit group, COLAGE, the only US organisation focused on supporting children with LGBTQ parents. Since then, I’ve documented the stories of dozens of children and have met many, many more.” Read their stories in Gabriela’s book The Kids: The Children Of LGBTQ Parents In The USA. thekids.gabrielaherman.com

THE PROUD TRUST Based in Manchester, The Proud Trust helps young LGBTQ+ people to make a positive change for themselves and their communities. Their storybook, Alien Nation, developed in conjunction with trans and non-binary young people, is aimed at primary-aged children, and explores gender roles, gender expectations and gender identity. Why not pick up a copy for your school?

theproudtrust.org/shop 70 APRIL 2018

LGBT HISTORY MONTH LGBT charity Stonewall has an entire section on its website dedicated to educational resources, including an inclusive curriculum guide, anti-bullying week resources and activities for both primary and secondary school children.

The ultimate aim of LGBT History Month?

To make LGBT people visible. Although lots of its activity revolves around February, the website also ofers a whole host of resources for teachers, parents, carers and those who want to brush up on their LGBT history knowledge. Make sure you also check out their sister site, School’s Out.

stonewall.org.uk/our-work

lgbthistorymonth.org.uk and schools-out.org.uk

STONEWALL

| FAMILY | LGBTQ+ BOOKS FOR KIDS |

CAROLYN ROBERTSON, PARENT AND TEACHER

“After some deliberation, my partner and I decided that adoption would be our favoured route to parenthood. We came to this conclusion because we wanted things to be as equitable as possible between us, and because we were aware of the huge amount of children languishing in the care system.

Adoption has changed immensely over the past 20 years. Almost all adopted children have been removed from their birth families, spent time in foster care and many have suffered early neglect, trauma or abuse.

This means that parenting adopted children is much harder as the trauma manifests itself through behaviours. We adopted our first son aged 10 months, and three years later we adopted our youngest son, who came to us at two years old. Our boys are wonderful – challenging, but an utter joy.

On top of that, I taught for over 20 years in London primary schools and have always loved bright, bold and funny picture books that engage children.

When I became a mum, however, I was very underwhelmed by the lack of choice with regard to books that reflected our type of family, and so, I decided to have a go at writing my own.

I wanted to create fun, colourful children’s books that reflected just how normal diferent types of families really are. I wrote the stories and then drew appalling stick people and scrawled ideas of what type of illustrations I thought would match the text. Finally I found someone who could actually draw and suddenly, my books came to life!

I had several publishers interested in the beginning, but was told that my books were ‘too niche’ and that they couldn’t see them selling globally. Turns out they were wrong!

In the end, I set up my own publishing company and I’m now selling in bookshops all over the world. Reviews have been terrific and the books make children (and adults) giggle.

Above all, I hope they are affirming. Our children need to see their family lives in books, and it’s so empowering to have done this myself.” sparklypoo.com

Bespoke British Underwear

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| FAMILY | READER FAMILIES |

Victoria and friend Jonathan at Pride Edinburgh

My family I originally joined Old Saint Paul’s to sing in their choir. I’d been a passionate lifelong choral singer and had heard how great their choir was.

I’ve always gone to church and, while I considered myself a liberal Christian, the fact that it was also gay-friendly didn’t seem particularly relevant at the time. Still, the welcome I found went far beyond polite conversation over cofee and biscuits ater service. In its sermons, and in the way people treat one another, I found a place in which all are loved – regardless of what gender or sexuality you happen to be.

The people I came to know and love at the church reflected this; some were gay, some were straight. Some had a history of mental health problems, others didn’t, but we had all felt like outsiders in one way or another, and somehow, through all our diferences, imperfections and irritations, we were able to love each other.

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VICTORIA STOCK NEVER IMAGINED THE PIVOTAL ROLE THE CHURCH WOULD PLAY IN HER COMING OUT STORY

AS TOLD TO DANIELLE MUSTARDE

Still, while I was happy for others to fully embrace their sexuality, I had real problems with it. In my 20s, I’d made half-hearted attempts at coming out, before quickly running away again.

Being told at the time that there was something psychologically wrong with me, that it was a phase, or against God’s created order, confirmed all of my underlying beliefs growing up.

It was a sin – and it was disgusting. I made the decision to avoid my samesex desires, as it was far less complicated than properly facing them. It was simply too dangerous for my psyche to cope with. Then came the night of my 30th birthday.

Ater a few too many drinks, I got chatting to a girl who confessed that she too was attracted to girls.

As the drink-fuelled conversation progressed into flirting, she slowly but firmly stroked my back up and down.

In my mind, this was really not good.

Except… it felt really good. Things

didn’t go any further that evening, but I knew on a profound level that I could no longer hide from myself.

I met with a friend from church for cofee to try and make sense of it. A gay woman from our young adults’ group, she did not appear remotely fazed as I reluctantly whispered the unutterable and shameful truth: “I… I… like women”. There. I’d said it. Still, it took a lot of time and many similar conversations with people from church for me to feel even remotely comfortable. With each passing sermon about God’s love for all – including those in same-sex relationships – it began to sink in. I eventually began to feel “normal”.

My family at Old Saint Paul’s saw me through my attempts at dating women, welcomed my first girlfriend, and were there to pick up the pieces when it came to an end. I joined other Scottish Episcopalians at my first Pride, and went with church friends on trips to gay bars. As I became more open about my sexuality, I more passionately felt that people should not have to face conflict between their faith and their sexuality.

Last year, an opening came up to become a member of the General Synod, the Scottish Episcopal Church’s national decision-making body. It was also the year that the final vote took place to allow same-sex marriage in our churches. As I prepared an incredibly personal speech for the debate, I realised that the only way we could move forward as a church was through unity in our diversity. This was not a unity where all were in unanimous agreement, but rather a unity which accepts diference.

As I gave my speech – heart racing and legs wobbling – my eyes darted across the room. I saw so many faces looking on of those I knew and loved, people who had walked with me throughout my journey. The vote went through, but I know I couldn’t have stood there that day and given that speech without the continued love and support of my family at Old Saint Paul’s.

They are my LGBT family – but they’re also more than that. Whether straight or gay, young or old, grumpy or not so grumpy, we see each other at our best and worst, and we’re still there for one another. They’re friends for life, and they’re my family.

Are you caring for your needs amidst the nine-to-five?

WOMENONTOP

74

WELLBEING AT WORK

76

LEZ BOSS This month, Kate Barker shares her tips for beating stress

74

80

WHAT’S IT LIKE TO BE A...

Mindfulness therapist?

Danielle Mustarde finds out

Zayna Ratty: “Time to just breathe is really important”

73

“A passionate person enjoys their work, where as a workaholic is more likely to feel guilty when they’re not at work,” explains hypnotherapist, psychotherapist and Stonewall BAME role model, Zayna Ratty. “Workaholics are more likely to be worried, anxious or stressed. It’s this martyr-like syndrome that we have here in the UK. It may be achievement driven, but it’s materialistic achievement. It’s oten about what car you drive or what house you live in and there’s no sustainability in that. When you’re gone, you leave only memories – that’s what’s important.”

RULE NUMBER-ONE? LEAVE WORK AT WORK If you’re working from seven to seven, that’s half of your day gone. When are you relaxing? When are you sleeping?

When are you enjoying your life?

As a culture, we don’t like admitting that we’re having trouble keeping up.

74 APRIL 2018

DANIELLE MUSTARDE FINDS OUT HOW TO PRACTISE BETTER WELLBEING AT WORK

It’s oten seen as a sign of weakness, but as Zayna explains, it’s actually a sign of strength. “It’s someone saying, ‘I know myself enough, and no, actually I can’t do that’, and that’s ok.”

“Unfortunately, people who can’t stick to a work schedule oten also have real trouble setting boundaries.

As a therapist, I sometimes have to be the one that says, ‘Ok, do you think you should set a boundary here, and say that you’re not going to work until nine o’clock every day of the week?’

Because if that person starts work an hour early, then maybe they don’t go to yoga. And if they haven’t exercised at all that week, then they may begin to feel bad about themselves. They also haven’t had that time within their own head. And so, maybe making time for yoga on a Wednesday is more important than squeezing in an extra hour’s work. It sounds like such a little thing, but it’s so important to not miss

out on the things that keep us healthy – physically and emotionally.”

THINK LONG-TERM Did you eat your lunch at your desk today? You’re not the only one…

“It’s amazing how many of my clients come to see me and they’ll say, ‘Oh no, I don’t leave my desk. I don’t have the time.’ But you have to consider the long-term efects. If you’re eating at your desk, then you haven’t really paid attention to the fact that you’ve eaten that sandwich, so you’ll get home and you’ll be starving.

Or maybe you’ll pick up a takeaway on the way home and then find yourself overeating, and so you end up feeling bad about yourself. It’s paranoia, it’s pressure, and it’s such a modern curse – but it is a cycle that can be broken.

And having that view of the long-term efects of overworking can really help motivate you to do so.”

| WOMEN ON TOP | WELLBEING AT WORK | KICK THE LEAVES

A LITTLE BIT OF LAGOM “Something else I introduce to people is the idea of ’lagom’, a Scandinavian way of working, and the Swedish term for ‘just the right amount’, ‘in balance’, or ‘in moderation’. This is something that I think is so important because we’ve kind of lost the ability to think in balance here in the UK. And it’s not just your work-life balance, it’s your family life and your social life. I have clients and their space in my therapy room is their hour for themselves, because

otherwise, they’re commuting, or in the office, or with their family…

They don’t get any other time to just breathe, and that’s really, really important.”

CONSIDER YOURSELF Have you heard of Maslow’s Hierarchy Of Needs? “It’s not perfect, but what it is useful for is considering yourself, and considering what you need,” explains Zayna. “At the bottom, it’s all physiological needs – air, water, food and shelter. Then you work your way up, and slowly figure out what’s most important for you. Is there something more important than getting that piece of work done, or buying a new car? Have you got a roof over your head? Yes. Have you got a job? Yes? Fantastic. It’s about starting to look at the next level up, and beginning to devote some time and energy towards those things.”

YOU ARE ENOUGH

“Better wellbeing comes with creating little breaks in our patterns”

“Mobile phones are fantastic, and it’s brilliant that we have all of these methods of communication, but ironically, it also means that we oten don’t really talk to people anymore. On top of that, there’s the pressure of social media, or the ‘Instagram efect’, the idea that your career, house and family should all be perfect. It’s that age-old pursuit of perfection – but it’s entirely unrealistic. It’s about being able to accept being competent. And that also goes for our views of others. If you can do your job, and you’re a decent human being, that is enough.”

TO THE BOSSES “Employers need to reward productivity – they shouldn’t be rewarding someone working themselves into the

TOP TIPS FOR HEALTHY WORKING THREE THINGS YOU CAN START DOING RIGHT NOW TO IMPROVE YOUR WORK-LIFE BALANCE

1

Using “self-hypnosis” can be very helpful. Give yourself five minutes to take yourself out of a working situation. Whether that’s taking yourself to the kitchen and imagining that you’re on a beach somewhere, or just stepping outside of the oice. It’s simple, and with practise, efective.

2

ground because then they’re perpetuating that myth and glorifying burnout.

People shouldn’t be afraid to email in and say, ‘You know what, I need a couple of self-care days here. I feel a bit

If you’re popping to the bathroom, or you’re using the oice kitchen to prepare your lunch – just do that.

Don’t work on the way there by checking emails on your phone. Take that time for yourself.

3

Exercise is GOOD. The gym, cycling, walking, running… whatever you like to do, find somewhere in your working week to fit it in. Not only can it provide social support, it’s also fantastic for alleviating poor mood. If you can, you could even exercise at work.

In short, it’s all about having the ability to really consider yourself and know what you need to do in order to make boundaries and stick to them. And lastly, don’t ever be afraid to say “no”. If you can’t do something, then you can’t do it.

run down’. But oten people feel that they can’t – millennials especially, I think are particularly vulnerable to this mode of thinking. It is getting better, but people still feel that they cannot be honest and open about their mental health at work. What some employers don’t realise is that taking care of employees and promoting health and wellbeing in the workplace is good for overall productivity – again, it’s thinking in the long-term.” (TOP TIP: Stealthily leave your copy of DIVA on your boss’ desk. Open at this page… with this paragraph furiously circled with a Sharpie).

Zayna is a UK Council For Psychotherapy (UKCP) accredited therapist and was recommended to DIVA by the UKCP. Visit her website at zrtherapy. co.uk or follow her on Twitter @zrtherapy.

WHO WORKS THE MOST IN THE EU?

“One of the things I say to my clients is, ‘kick the leaves’. And basically that translates as – get outside. Sitting at your desk for eight hours a day isn’t good for you. Most people are free to have an hour for lunch, so instead of thinking, ‘Oh, I’ll just work through…’

Don’t! Don’t work through your lunch.

Say you’re going out for a walk, even if it’s just to walk to the sandwich bar.

Go and see the sky. I oten see people who sufer with seasonal afective disorder (SAD), and half of what causes that is a lack of sunlight. It’s almost an emotional vitamin D deficiency.

On top of that, offices in the UK are under quite a strong, synthetic light, as well as air-conditioning or central heating. We’re in this little bubble, and people go from that bubble to their car or to the train, which is another little bubble, and then to their home, another bubble – and some days nothing comes inbetween. There’s nothing to break up that monotony. Better wellbeing comes with creating little breaks in that pattern.”

Weekly working hours: Greece 44.6 UK 42.8 (the same as Austria)

Denmark 38.7 (That means people living and working in Denmark have on average almost one extra day each month, and 12 extra days per year than those living and working in Greece!)

Stats provided by Eurostat, the statistical office of the European Union (2016).

75

| WOMEN ON TOP | THE LESBIAN BOSS |

KATE BARKER SHARES HER TIPS FOR BEATING THE BURDEN OF STRESS AT WORK

How to

cope with stress 76 APRIL 2018

Who hasn’t felt stressed at work? It’s almost a badge of honour to show that you’re busy, under pressure and justifying your salary. It’s meant to be stressful, right? Because in today’s workplace, being stressed has become a sign of being important.

We’re stressed by the commute, the workload, the deadlines, the performance reviews, the customers, the boss and that friend who keeps helping themselves to our very expensive Lurpak spread.

In simpler times we’d have been scared to death of wolf attacks, weevils in the barley, and suspicious looking boils.

But today our fears are more wrapped up in the opinions and perceptions that others may have of us. Do they think we’re important, likeable and successful? Do they?

And that’s a lot harder to control than even the hungriest wolf.

The health and safety executive body defines stress as a “state” rather than an illness in its own right.

But it’s a state that, if prolonged, can lead to serious physical and mental ill health. They estimate that 11 million days a year are lost from work because of it.

That’s 11 million days of jittery, overstretched nerves and tension headaches and a hot, sick knot in the pit of your stomach. It’s 11 million days of a thick dread seeping into your limbs and dulled, foggy thoughts and, eventually, despair.

As a community, we sufer disproportionately.

It’s partly about the reality of the world of work for us.

Stonewall reports that 26% of lesbian, gay and bi staf say they have personally experienced bullying or poor treatment from colleagues in the last five years as a result of their sexual orientation.

But it’s partly, I believe, to do with having to absorb a relentlessly

negative commentary on our abilities and achievements.

Studies worldwide indicate that lesbians, bisexuals and trans people report a higher prevalence of poor mental health overall than heterosexuals and cisgender folks. In a phenomenon known as “minority stress”, a hostile social and work environment, coupled with an expectancy of negativity builds to create intolerable pressures on the suferer.

Don’t wait until your stress levels tip over into illness before doing something about it. Ask yourself some questions about how you’re coping.

Have you ever laid awake, consumed with dread about a meeting where you feel you will be judged?

Have you ever cried in the toilets ater being bullied by a colleague or your manager? (One of the benefits of home working being that if you do need a good splotchy faced, runny nosed weep, you can just go for it big time – right where you are!)

Have you ever had a drink or used a drug to help you face a negative colleague or situation?

If you routinely do one, or all three of these, then speak to your boss now.

It is their responsibility, by law, to provide a work environment which does not negatively impact your health and wellbeing. And trust me, unless they’re a monster, they’d hate the idea of you sufering like that. They might just be so caught up in their own anxieties that they haven’t noticed.

Accept that we can’t always control what people think of us. It’s exhausting to spend all of our time trying. But know that we can shape a workplace where negative comments, bigoted responses and a critical atmosphere are never acceptable.

If you want to stay well – stress that to your boss today.

Kate Barker is a writer, political activist and parent. She is the founder and owner of the award-winning London creative agency Dekko.

DIVA E V E N T S Coming up in 2018 8 JUNE

DIVA Awards 7 JULY

DIVA at Pride In London 30 NOVEMBER-2 DECEMBER

DIVA Music Festival 21 DECEMBER

DIVA Power List And in 2019 15-17 MARCH

DIVA Literary Festival

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| WOMEN ON TOP | WHAT’S IT LIKE TO BE | How long have you been in this job?

I’ve worked in coaching and mentoring for more than 15 years. Now, I have the luxury of applying that knowledge and experience to my new career.

How would you describe an average day in five words?

Mindful, fulfilling, inspiring, rewarding, and fun!

What’s the most ridiculous thing that’s happened to you at work?

Before changing careers, I worked with a charity which I absolutely loved, and through What did you want to be when you that, found myself at several star-studded were growing up? events. At one, I embarrassingly requested At four or five, a lorry driver. After a photograph with a celeb, but as I bent that, Wonder Woman. And then? An actress. In particular, the part of Nancy down to have my picture taken, my handbag slipped off my shoulder and smacked our in Oliver Twist.

CEO in the face. I panicked – and as I did – dropped my drink into another person’s lap!

What’s the best thing about your job?

Being able to make a meaningful, sustainable difference to people’s lives.

Has your sexuality or gender identity ever been an issue?

Only for me – in my head, and through my eyes. I was fixated on finding the right time to drop it into conversation, but in the end I learned that it was always going to be ok.

What’s the worst thing about your job?

The reminder every day of the serious mental health issues that we have in our society. I feel privileged to have a job that I love, but at times, I wish it didn’t have to exist.

How do you measure success?

By the change that I see in my clients as they learn to lead a more peaceful, mindful life.

What has been the biggest challenge in your professional life, and how did you overcome it?

Taking a position at an inward-looking business while living away from home. I felt isolated, no matter how hard I tried to integrate myself.

Still, I overcame those challenges by being tenacious and, most importantly, by recognising it just wasn’t the right environment for me.

Did you ever have any doubts about being out at work?

After coming out, never. I was totally supported by my colleagues. I just wish I had told them sooner.

What’s it like to be a…

mindfulness therapist?

STEPHANIE UNTHANK TELLS DIVA WHY MINDFULNESS IS HER SUPERPOWER WORDS DANIELLE MUSTARDE “Being a therapist is about supporting people to become the best possible version of themselves – no matter where in the world you are”, explains Stephanie Unthank, a mindfulness therapist. But just what is mindful therapy?

To find out more visit stephanieunthankmct.co.uk.

What advice would you give someone pursuing a similar career?

It’s important to surround yourself with people who will support and encourage you in your career.

What’s the best career advice you’ve been given?

YOLO: you only live once – so go for it.

80 APRIL 2018

Where do you see yourself in five years?

Five years from now, I would like to be able to reflect on how many people I’ve been able to help and support. And personally, I would like to think that my partner Sam and I will be living overseas – France, maybe? (…nudge, nudge).

Who inspires you professionally?

Ruby Wax, because of her honesty and approach to mindfulness. Also, my old boss Megan, for her integrity and trust; and Karren Brady and Joe Wicks for their success, approach and acumen.

What one superpower would make your job easier?

Mindfulness is my superpower!

An LGBT paradise with Southern charm

TRAVEL

PHOTO CREATIVE COMMONS

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ATLANTA PRIDE

84

85

MALLORCA An authentic taste of Mallorquin life

85

MARGATE Vintage fairground, beach babes and alternative art

diva does margate: Kent’s charming coast

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Love and Pride in

ATLANTA Pride weekend (clockwise from top): Atlanta Pride main stage, Roxy on the Delta float, dyke march sign and crowds, Roxy with Tonie, and Lorraine

“Since the dawn of time, man has dreamed of air travel, and so we embark upon our voyage aboard this silver bird of flight.” I’ve never heard a captain’s message quite like it. His voice is so rich and fruity, he could be the lovechild of Ian McKellen and Brian Blessed. “Perhaps the most important member of the crew is your flight manager. Believe me, he has earned his silver wings. Now, sit back and enjoy the miracle of flight.” Everyone bursts into applause, while I silently pray this guy knows how to steer this thing and he’s not just an out-of-work actor craving a captive audience.

We land safely in Atlanta (turns out he was a real pilot, ater all) and I’m feeling pumped. America’s Deep South may be historically known for segregation and old-fashioned (read: prejudiced) values, but Atlanta embraces diversity, so much so it’s been dubbed the New York of the South. The birthplace of Martin Luther King, it’s vibrant and eclectic with a

82 APRIL 2018

ROXY BOURDILLON VISITS ATLANTA PRIDE AND DISCOVERS AN LGBT PARADISE WITH SOUTHERN CHARM

thoroughly modern mindset. I can’t wait to experience Pride, Atlanta style.

Putting my jet lag to one side, I make my way to the official Pride kick-of party at The Aquarium (georgiaaquarium.org) and discover that this isn’t, as I first thought, a nightclub with a fun name. It’s an actual aquarium.

The largest in the world, to be precise.

So there I am, sipping my cocktail and mingling with Atlanta’s queer glitterati, as sharks – ACTUAL SHARKS – swim past my face. I breathe deeply, trying to concentrate on making small talk and not being too distracted by the humungous whale – WHALE – that’s just appeared in front of me. It’s true what they say; everything’s bigger in America. Especially Pride parties.

The next day I set about exploring the festival (atlantapride.org), which sprawls across the extensive lawns of Piedmont Park. It’s almost as jaw-droppingly massive as that whale from last night. This is Pride on steroids. I spot a cheerful chap

profering a bucket and grab a “Dyke” sticker, just in case anyone in Atlanta is unsure. My label firmly in place, I stroll along, browsing the plethora of food stalls and community stands, and end up at the rainbow zebra crossing.

Originally installed for Pride, it became a permanent fixture to mark the oneyear anniversary of the Pulse shooting in Orlando.

Another must on my to-do list is the dyke march, which has been a staple here since the 80s. Traffic stops as we stride through the streets in all our dykey glory. We’re a colourful bunch, with rainbow flags worn as capes, tit tape barely masking nips, and queer mums marching hand-in-hand with their kids. There’s lots of enthusiastic chanting: “What do we want? Pussy!

When do we want it? Now!” On the march, I meet Lorraine Fontana. She’s 70 years old, a founding member of ALFA, the Atlanta Lesbian Feminist Alliance, and has an encyclopedic knowledge of the city’s queer

| TRAVEL | ATLANTA | history. She looks incredibly cool in a flamingo pink t-shirt emblazoned with the slogan, “This is what an old lesbian looks like” and a straw hat covered in badges for all sorts of causes, from the Georgian Gay Liberation Front to Black Lives Matter. Her final statement accessory is a homemade sign proclaiming, “Dykes in resistance to end sexism, Islamophobia, homophobia, transphobia and racism”.

I ask my new shero what she thinks makes Atlanta Pride so special. “The energy. There’s people here that want to connect. Even if you don’t agree on certain politics, they’re still gonna be loving and smiling and waving. It’s almost like the vision of what society could be.” She explains that, “In a lot of cases, the South is a more conservative area, but being in Atlanta is like being in San Francisco or California.

You’re in Never Never Land!”

Ater I’ve helped Lorraine find her taxi home, I locate the main stage and check out the line-up. The Pointer Sisters are on, and I’m so excited, I just can’t hide it. Then I see Rita Ora’s name and assume it must be some kind of drag queen tribute act, because surely our Reets is way too much of an A-lister to play at Pride. Turns out, Atlanta pulls in the big guns. I sing along to her set and grin at her parting words: “Stay positive. Look ater each other. Have fun and have sex!” Steady on, Rita. I’m mainly here for sightseeing and hanging out with inspiring queer elders.

I decide it’s my journalistic duty to track down the city’s leading lesbian bar, My Sister’s Room (mysistersroom. com). This all-American, gay girl playground is run by wives, Chad and Jamie. It’s being going for 21 years and is situated in Midtown, the city’s LGBT hub. The best way to describe it is super dykey, in the best way possible. There’s a pool table, thumping hip-hop, soccer on the TV screens, and an endless supply of cheap beer. Every single barmaid is rocking a backwards baseball cap, a sleeve tattoo and a buzzcut. Hallelujah, I’ve stumbled across a lesbian paradise!

A few drinks later, I head to the official women’s aterparty, hosted by My Sister’s Room, but taking place at Opera (operaatlanta.com), a luxe club adorned with chandeliers, gold seats and velvet curtains. The theme is “electric circus” and entertainment includes

aerial artists, fire-breathers and a lady dressed as a skeleton-pirate who just wanders around menacingly. But that’s not the freakiest thing. Suddenly, a troupe of dancers busts out a hip-hop routine. They’re dressed as the Suicide Squad. This place is so massive, and this party is so queer, I think to myself that I could easily get lost in this lezzy underworld.

The next day is the parade and, jammy bugger that I am, I’ve somehow nabbed a spot on the lead Delta Air Lines float. I think they took pity on me having to walk the whole thing in my stilettos. I feel pretty darn fabulous, being right at the front of the action, along with two married drag queens done up as air hostesses.

I see a woman in the crowd with “My wife got me preggo” scrawled across her bare tummy in rainbow pens and cheer her on heartily.

It’s on the float that I meet the brilliant Tonie Triplett-Tobias. She was president of Delta’s LGBT business resource group for four years, and has been to every single Atlanta Pride since 2001. She’s full of useful travel tips and informs me that Downtown Decatur is a particularly popular neighbourhood for lesbians and bi women. But the best thing she tells me is the story of how Delta helped her now-wife Ebonee pull of a surprise flash mob proposal at HartsfieldJackson Atlanta International Airport.

“All of a sudden, I see people I know holding signs that say ‘Will you’.

Ebonee comes down the concourse in this beautiful blue gown and runs into my arms. Then I see a sign saying ‘Marry’ and she has one saying ‘Me?’ She gets down on one knee and I’m about ready to faint!”

During my all-too-brief weekend visit, I stay at the Renaissance Atlanta Airport Gateway Hotel (marriott. com/hotels/travel/atlag-renaissanceatlanta-airport-gateway-hotel). That’s where I meet bartender Neiva Green.

When I tell her I’ve flown in especially for Pride, she responds that she too is “in the LGBT club” with a conspiratorial wink. Nicknamed Sunshine Buttercup by one of her customers, she’s efervescent and talkative. “I’m a Chatty Cathy,” she confesses in her syrupy drawl. Our newfound friendship is cemented over

Roxy flew with Virgin Atlantic from London Heathrow to HartsfieldJackson Atlanta International.

Return flights start from £800 (virginatlantic. com). The trip was made possible with help from Delta Air Lines (delta.com) and Atlanta Pride (atlantapride. org). Atlanta Pride 2018 takes place 12–14 October.

“I think to myself that I could easily get lost in this lezzy underworld”

our shared love of pink and hatred of femme invisibility. She raves about Atlanta Pride. “Oh, it’s just a big love fest. Not a nasty love fest. Unification.

So much freedom. So much diversity.

Yes ma’am.” I ask if she feels comfortable being out in Atlanta even when it’s not Pride season. “Pur-lease, honey.

Yes! You see a lot of PDA here, and that’s one of the things I require. If you can’t hold my hand in public, you can’t hold my hand in private.”

As well as being terrific company, Neiva is a fountain of queer girl knowledge. Her recommendations include The Pretty Girl Hangout on Thursday nights at Soul Bar (soul-bar-at-pals. business.site), a soul food restaurant that transforms into an intimate drinking spot in the evenings. Neiva says that while Soul Bar and My Sister’s Room are the main lesbian venues, women oten visit regular gay bars like Bulldogs (tinyurl.com/DIVABulldogs) and Blakes (blakesontheparkatlanta. com). If you’re ater a night out with a diference, she suggests scoping out the events calendar at My Sister’s Room, where there’s everything from comedy shows to game nights and speed dating.

Before I catch my flight home, I meet Travis Currie from the Atlanta Convention and Visitors Bureau (atlanta.net/acvb) at the bustling Ponce City Market (poncecitymarket.com).

“For the South especially, Atlanta Pride is extremely important,” he tells me over our traditional Southern lunch of fried chicken and mac and cheese.

“Elsewhere, these people might not be able to comfortably walk down the street and hold their partner’s hand or wave a rainbow flag.”

As my silver bird of flight takes of for Heathrow, I think about Atlanta.

That majestic city skyline, the delicious comfort food, the glorious Pride parade. But most of all, I think about the extraordinary characters I’ve met during my brief time there, from the living legend that is Lorraine to my new bezzie, “Chatty Cathy” Neiva. It’s a big city with a big heart. Just because Atlanta’s progressive and LGBT-friendly, that doesn’t mean it’s lacking that famous Southern hospitality.

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| TRAVEL | MALLORCA |

Enchanted April Mallorca first captured my heart in the 1970s, during a family holiday.

The capital island of the Spanish, Balearic archipelago, it is a destination of many contrasts. Although famed for its glamorous ports and romantic coves, it is much more than just a coastal resort.

Low season in Mallorca is between November and April – real life continues, the sun still shines and the island is largely devoid of tourists, making it the ideal time to gain an authentic taste of Mallorquin life.

I took advantage of the of season in April and headed to the charming mountainside village of Deià, to stay at Belmond La Residencia.

Situated on the dramatic north west coast, nestled under the shelter of the Serra de Tramuntana mountain range, Deià is 50km from Palma and has long attracted a host of authors and creatives.

Arriving, my taxi turns of the motorway and heads towards the Tramuntana foothills. I'm met by a landscape of rugged beauty, with breathtaking views across valleys and ravines.

As the sun falls, the mountains glow with a pink hue – precariously perched ancient villages, illuminated. I arrive at

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JONATHAN PHANG VISITS A BALEARIC FAVOURITE, BELMOND LA RESIDENCIA

“An authentic taste of Mallorquin life”

Belmond La Residencia with seconds to spare, and I'm escorted to the best seat in the house – the terrace of my hotel room – which faces the sea. From there, I witness a vista of flaming beauty.

Belmond La Residencia blends seamlessly into the mountain scenery.

Originally two manor houses, dating back to the 16th and 17th centuries, the buildings have been lovingly restored. Set amongst citrus and olive groves, the buildings are embedded over several levels in the hillside. Each bedroom is individually decorated with art, from Deià’s community.

My room is full of character, perfectly fitting with the environment.

Luxury bedding of the highest count, silent air-conditioning, a cosy fireplace, and a bathroom the size of my home, complete with “his and his” bathrobes.

My terrace enjoys uninterrupted views of the mountains to my let, the pool below, Deià opposite and the Mediterranean Sea to my right.

Deià has a plethora of great restaurants and bars, namely the Michelinstarred Es Racó d’es Teix and the family-run Sebastian, but a visit to the two restaurants at La Residencia are a must. Cafe Miró is the more casual of

the two, serving lunch, aternoon tea and dinner, overlooking the property’s pretty gardens and the village of Deià.

The elegant bistro boasts 33 original works by Joan Miró, the largest exhibition of Miró paintings on display in a hotel anywhere in the world, on display until September 2020.

The El Olivo restaurant is considered to be one of the best restaurants on the island and it is easy to see why.

Housed in an adjacent building, it is slightly more formal and has one of the most romantic candlelit terraces that I have ever seen. The beautifully lit interior has a delightful ambience, ofset with unique artisan pieces that celebrate the region and its history.

Both restaurants embrace local ingredients and serve traditional Mallorquin dishes, as well as staple Mediterranean favourites, with an emphasis on fresh fish and seafood.

In April, Belmond La Residencia launches a new suite, Suite 67, designed by British fashion designer Matthew Williamson. It features Williamson’s signature vibrant colours, mixed with rich botanicals and luxury textures to create an interior aesthetic that honours Mallorca’s heritage, combined with rustic decadence. Plus it has an outdoor snug and private pool with garden.

The Belmond group is a proud member of IGLTA, (the International Gay and Lesbian Travel Association) and is dedicated to welcoming and helping LGBT+ travellers to create memorable experiences across the globe, in a safe and supportive environment. In 2015 Belmond appointed its first director of LGBT+ sales, to look ater our community and to ensure that its product is as tailor-made for us, as for any other group.

La Residencia is the beating heart of enchanting Deià and a perfect place to escape, unwind, relax and be inspired by the spectacular views.

Although on the tourist trail, Deià’s narrow roads make it impossible for coaches to navigate, thus alleviating some of the stresses that the coach loads inflict upon neighbouring Valldemossa and Port de Soller during high season. The accommodation, service, food and location are exemplary. One day, I’d like to check in to La Residencia and never leave.

Find out more at belmond.com.

| TRAVEL | DIVA DOES… |

DIVA does...

Margate SOPHIE BROWN EXPLORES THE TOWN DUBBED BY MANY AS “SHOREDITCH ON SEA” Standing on the sandy beach, gazing towards the sea into a cerise pink and burning orange sunset, you’d be forgiven for thinking you were catching the last hours of light in Mauritius (or Magaluf, at the very least). Surprisingly, though, you’ll find this view in an unassuming town in the east of Kent – Margate.

Tempted by the slower pace of life (or as the locals call it, the “Margate minute”), afordable property prices and tight-knit community feel, Londonders are flocking to this seaside town, labeled “Shoreditch on sea”.

But what is it that makes Margate so magical? Even a fleeting visit to this vibrant and eclectic coastal town will give you all the answers you need.

BEACH BABES Whatever the weather, the best place to start when you touch down in Margate is the beach. Lined with old-school arcades, you can hit the penny slot machines and soak up the electric atmosphere.

High on nostalgia, it’s time to head to Dreamland. The UK’s oldest amusement park; it has all the charm of a traditional British funfair with added cool. Expect fairground rides galore and a retro roller disco with American food to tuck into.

With a pocket full of pennies from the arcades and your head spinning from the rides, venture in the direction of the Harbour Arm, towards the Turner Contemporary standing proud on the coast – its crisp, clean architecture a stark contrast with the mismatch of modern and Victorian buildings on the seafront.

EAT UP While exploring the Old Town, join the queue at Peter’s Fish Factory. No trip to the seaside would be complete without tucking into fish and chips on the beach, and these are the best in town (if not, the world). Peter’s is best enjoyed open on the steps in front of the shop while looking out to sea.

Hankering for something a little diferent? Margate’s enviable food scene goes well beyond classic seaside joints. On the seafront, you’ll find (lesbian owned) Great British Pizza Company – noticeable by the glaring, pink neon “You wanna pizza me?” sign. Book window seats for sunset views and tuck into perfectly crispy, thin-based pizzas topped with the best local produce.

For something a little more sophisticated, grab a table at Hantverk & Found. This tiny seafood cafe has an ever-changing menu that reflects what’s in season, and most importantly – what’s been caught.

ART ATTACK The Turner Contemporary is Margate’s pièce de résistance – celebrating the town’s connection with some of Britain’s most influential artists. Tracey Emin and JMW Turner (the gallery’s namesake) both call Margate home.

The gallery holds a small but inspiring permanent collection, but it’s Turner’s temporary exhibitions that are really worth the trip.

The small town’s flourishing art scene doesn’t end at the Turner though. Venture into the cobbled streets of the Old Town and you’ll stumble across a handful of small, independent galleries with everchanging collections.

Dotted among the galleries in the charming streets are clusters of boutiques and treasure troves of vintage and antique interiors. Firm favourites for shoppers are Artisans & Adventurers – a haven of bright, ethically produced accessories and homeware – and Peony Vintage – a tiny shop with an incredible selection of pre-loved clothing.

NIGHT OWLS It’s not just the food scene in Margate that’s booming; the nightlife is on the up too. With LGBT bar and club Sundowners a weekend hotspot, you could well find yourself staggering back to your Airbnb at 3am. For a more chilled out evening, head to Fez – a tiny pub where retro circus signs, a selection of ukuleles and a crocodile’s head are among some of the most ordinary objects knocking around.

While it’s magic in itself that this tiny seaside town can harbour so much creativity and life, what really gives Margate its sparkle is the Shell Grotto.

Discovered in 1835, this subterranean cave is adorned with over 4.6 million shells. What makes this so special is that its origins are still unknown – the perfect talking point for the journey home.

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Introducing the latest addition to the DIVA family

| Flights | Hotels | Self-catering | City breaks | Car rental | | Beach holidays | Last minute specials | Resort transfers | divatravel.co.uk ABTA LICENSED

ly. i m a f e h t n Keep it i vel! a r t a v i D k Boo

Finding a queer community in the sticks

LIFESTYLE

PHOTO THE OTHER RICHARD

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ESCAPE TO THE COUNTRY

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DIARY DIVA’s monthly pick of the best events

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HOROSCOPE What have the stars got in store for you?

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COMPATIBILITY QUIZ Is your bae up to scratch?

Escape to the country Listings Freaky Frigay Horoscopes DIVA’s compatibility quiz

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dollyWOOD COMES TO the soho theatre

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ith approximately 81% of UK residents living in an urban area, the fantasy of fleeing to the countryside may be a familiar one.

The prospect of swapping the pollution, public transport and frosty attitudes of city folk for fresh air, community spirit and wholesome country walks can be appealing.

Since time immemorial, however, LGBT folks have flocked to cities seeking community and the freedom to be who they want to be, away from the judgements and gossip that are oten assumed to characterise small towns and settlements. Concerns about “fitting in” in the countryside may be further amplified for those with multiple identities, for example BAME women. Is this portrayal accurate, however? We spoke with two women living the good life to find out more.

JULIA IS A QUEER WOMAN WHO LIVES IN SUFFOLK WITH HER WIFE “Community is what I’m missing.”

“Until last year, my partner and I lived in a small flat in London, but began looking for a bigger property because we wanted to care for my father and for him to have his own space in our home. We were also looking at adoption.

We knew that culturally, we wanted our children and my father to be in London, but

space and cost issues meant we had to move somewhere. That ended up being Sufolk.

Where we live now, we have two gardens, a big house with four bedrooms and the space for my father. However, plans then changed.

Dad decided that he was ok where he was and we also decided not to have children.

We live in a small village with one shop, a garage, a pub and a very small high street. We live in a close, and I feel like I live in a palace; I have riches, but I feel isolated within it. It’s not filled with people that I love, apart from my wife. For me, community is really important.

We’ve lived here for over a year now and I’ve really tried to engage with my local community who are majority white, Tory voters.

I really thrive on multiculturalism and being around people who are diferent to (and the same as!) me and I don’t feel like I have that here. I’m white, but I’m queer. Where I live, there are a lot of families who are very inward looking; they look inwards into their homes and families. I’m more outward looking; I seek connections with the people around me.

When we made the decision to move here, I was very afraid. What I was afraid of was hate: that I would be hated because of my diference – my queerness and being Polish.

Even though I haven’t experienced any hate crimes here, I was afraid that I would and the fear was alive in me.

As a queer woman, apparently I have ‘boyish’ looks. I have short hair. I apparently wear

‘men’s clothes’ and trainers. I know this about myself. When I walk the streets, I am visibly out. Part of my fear is that I would be attacked because of the way I look, which has been my experience in the past. This has censored me.

I recently decided that I’d like to start wearing bow ties. But I’m too scared to here.

I wouldn’t do it because I’d be afraid that I would be attacked. I feel like I am tolerated for my level of queerness, and to put on a bow tie would push people over the edge and I would be attacked.

I started to feel very isolated. My wife and I really reached out to our local community and started a meet-up group for lesbians, bisexual and trans women. Through this, we met many queer women and it really felt that many of the people had an unmet need for queerness in their lives.

The thing is – it’s such a small place that everyone will know, ‘That’s where the two lesbians live’. Everybody knows we’re moving.

Strangers I’ve never seen before say, ‘Oh, you’re leaving us, are you?’ and I’m like, ‘Oh my god, yes we are. Hello!’

My exit strategy was realising how isolated I was and, subsequently, becoming depressed, albeit only for a short period. I’m very lucky to have a very supportive partner and we have decided to move to a very queer place and somewhere that spoke to us: Brighton! We have friends there, but it’s also about the community, which is very vibrant. I feel like I can talk to people in the street. I know I can carry

E SCAPE C OUNTRY? JOANNA WHITEHEAD SPEAKS TO TWO WOMEN TO FIND OUT IF THE RURAL DREAM IS JUST THAT

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| LIFESTYLE | ESCAPE TO THE COUNTRY | my queerness; I can hold my wife’s hand in the street without feeling intimidated or stared at… it’s not an issue that we’re together.

We’ve had the beautiful countryside, which has been a tonic, but now we’re moving somewhere where we have the South Downs, the sea, the beautiful surrounding area – but we also have queerness and freedom and community. Community is what I’m missing.”

JO, A LESBIAN, RENTS A COTTAGE ON A FARM IN RURAL SOMERSET “Stereotypes do a lot of damage.”

“I can’t see any other houses or the road. All I can see are trees and a field.

I’ve been here for about seven years.

I’ve moved about a lot, but I grew up in the countryside. During my 20s I lived in Oxford and Cardif before moving back out to the countryside. Living here suits my personality to a tee… I’m a country bumpkin. I wouldn’t want to look out and see my neighbours and see the road and hear all the traffic.

It was very difficult for me at first. I felt like if I wanted to make any connections with the gay community, I was going to have to go up to Bristol or down to Exeter. And then, purely by chance, I found a member of the group, Somerset Lesbian Network, (somersetlesbiannetwork.org.uk) and they’re absolutely fantastic. There’s just stuf going on – we had a fundraising party for Macmillan Cancer recently, meals, cinema trips, walks, bowling, anything – and it’s just a chance for women to get together and network, which is great. The only problem is that Somerset’s

an absolutely massive county and there aren’t great public transport links. I don’t drive, so it can be quite difficult meeting up with people if the infrastructure doesn’t exist.

What I like most about where I live is the solitude. I like going to cities and the convenience of having everything there, but I like coming home better than going anywhere.

When I wake up in the morning, I hear the dawn chorus. It isn’t idyllic – it’s half an hour’s walk to the nearest bus stop, for example, but those are the sacrifices you make when you choose to live out in the sticks. When you choose to live in the city, you also make sacrifices.

What do I like least? The lack of choice. I’ve got a lot of friends in London and they say, ‘Oh, I’m going to this talk’ or ‘This speaker’s coming over and I’ve got a ticket, does anyone want to come?’ I still want to hear these talks and go on the comedy circuit. Susan Calman came to Bridgwater earlier this year and the arts theatre was filled with predominantly lesbians and bisexual women. It was just fantastic!

Anyone who was there who was straight was in the minority. I haven’t felt that kind of power since I let the city. That’s what I miss.

Attitudes have changed, hugely. I’m in my late 30s now – I’ve been out longer than I haven’t – and there is a massive diference. I’m seeing somebody now and we walk the dog holding hands and no one’s said anything. I’ve had quite a few health problems over the years and the local health services have always been absolutely fantastic. I don’t know what the NHS are doing with their diversity training, but it’s spot on!

People constantly surprise me. I think that there’s an idea of country life vs. city life and that if you live in the city it’s going to be really open and liberal and accepting, and if you live in the countryside it’s going to be conservative and closed-minded. I’ve experienced homophobia in both and I’ve known lovely people in both. I’ve been sort of adopted by one of my friends and her family; I get invited to Christmas every year and this year my girlfriend’s been invited. No one bats an eyelid. They accept me for who I am and they’re as stereotypically ‘country’ as you can possibly get! I think stereotypes do a lot of damage.”

While both perspectives are unique and personal to each individual, it’s interesting to note the similarities that both women identify as being important to them: community. It’s also important to remember that, sadly, hate crime and prejudice can occur anywhere and that this shouldn’t necessarily be a barrier to finding a home in the sticks.

When planning a move, research is key. Try and find out as much as possible about the place you’re considering moving to. Do some research online and see if there are any groups that already exist that may provide an inroad to establishing new relationships in the area. Keep an open mind. As Jo says, people have the ability to surprise you, so try to avoid stereotyping new people you may meet. Everyone has their own story and you may end up finding common ground closer to home than you might think.

Some names have been changed

“There’s an idea of country life as conservative and closed-minded”

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DIARY

March / April

29.03 BUTCH IS BEAUTIFUL RVT, London

Let’s celebrate all that is butch and beautiful. A night for lesbians and their friends of all genders and sexualities. (Plus, late closing for the bank holiday, YASSS!) butchplease.co.uk

29.03 ALIENS OF ART

BY DANIELLE MUSTARDE

WITH THE BEAST FROM THE EAST NOW THOROUGHLY THAWED, IT’S FINALLY TIME FOR SOME SPRINGSHAPED SHENANIGANS

Centrespace, Bristol

Bringing together queer artists, Aliens Of Art draws on themes of space and science fiction to explore our realities. Think: artists on a mission to create their own home planet, galaxy and new constellations. tinyurl.com/DIVAALIEN

30.03 RESISDANCE Five Miles, London

Resisdance’s fundraiser of the year will be going to JENGbA: Joint Enterprise: Not Guilty

by Association. A grassroots, non-profit campaign challenging the joint enterprise doctrine convicting innocent people. Good cause + safe space + late night disco den. resisdancelondon.com

05.04 BOOK CLUB Blackwells, Liverpool

This month’s topic, resurrection, is inspired

by Easter – and Cher. A safe space reading group for LGBTQ people and their friends.

Book lovers, assemble. tinyurl.com/DIVABOOKCLUB

DOLLYWOULD Soho Theatre, London

Award-winning comedy duo Sh!t Theatre, (aka Louise Mothersole and Rebecca Biscuit) fucking love Dolly Parton and this is the story of their trip to the first lady of country’s theme park – Dollywood. Taking you on an adventure into the heartland of country music, Tennessee and beyond, Dollywould explores the real and the plastic, mortality and immortality, the original and clone. sohotheatre.com

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Know of a soirée outside of London?

Get in touch! We’re dead keen on featuring more events outside of the capital. Send your listings to us via email or tweet @daniellejournal

05.04 BASIC INSTINCT Robert Gordon Uni, Aberdeen

A free screening of Basic Instinct as part of the monthly LGBT+ Staf Network Rainbow Film Nights. Doors open at five, film at half past. Grab a bag of popcorn on your way. tinyurl.com/DIVAINSTINCT

PHOTO FIELD AND MCGLYNN

19.03-14.04

WHAT’S ON WHERE YOU ARE?

| DIARY | LISTINGS |

THAT’S WHAT SHE SAID Tribeca, Manchester

Following their sold out International Women’s Day special at the Royal Albert Hall, For Book’s Sake are bringing their fierce, fabulous, feminist spoken word showcase back to the north at legendary queer haven Tribeca. Worth a look. forbookssake.net

08.04 TRANS CLIMBING Redpoint, Birmingham

A taster session specifically for people who are trans, non-binary or gender non-conforming. Suitable for total beginners – make sure you wear your most comfortable garbs! tinyurl.com/DIVACLIMBING

10.04 ART IS NOT ENOUGH

06.04 MACBETH Theatre Deli, Sheffield

This reworking of the infamous tragedy sees the murderous Macbeth as a woman in the corporate world of the 1980s. Watch as Macbeth and her wife kill of boorish men to take control of the Scot Land Ltd corporation. Imagine Dynasty, but with more murder and lesbianism… buttersideuptheatre.com

06.04

Guildhall, Northampton

Art in the public sphere denotes discussion and openness, a need to be active, a need to command a space – not just to exist, but to live. But when is art not enough? Bringing together queer communities to contemplate their individual experiences, Art Is Not Enough considers what it means to be “actively” queer in 2018. tinyurl.com/DIVAART

13.04 GET IN HER EARS

BEHIND THE EYES

The Finsbury, London

Central Library, Stockton-on-Tees

Feminist punk witches Dream Nails return to headline for GIHE at The Finsbury pub in north London. On top of that, expect an absolute dream of a lineup with The Franklys, Madame So and Gold Baby! thefinsbury.co.uk

Come along for the full three hours, or call in for 20 minutes. Either way, you’ll be helping local organisations to address and provide wellbeing support for LGBT+ young people in Stockton-on-Tees. Tea, cofee and cake provided. Yum. tinyurl.com/DIVABTE

13.04

07.04

FMAS

STAYING OUT

The Female Masculinity Appreciation Society is back. For all who are, or want, or live, breathe and play with female masculinity. Dress to impress. Arm wrestle. Enjoy the light entertainment. Show of your dance moves.

Interact. Admire the setting and each other. And celebrate your history, present and future. tinyurl.com/FMASLONDON

PHM, Manchester

Join the People’s History Museum as they reflect on the impact of Section 28, 30 years after it was first passed into law.

Includes a screening of docu-short, We Have Rather Been Invaded, followed by a discussion on Section 28’s efect on the young people who grew up under it, and the ongoing role of queer activism and solidarity. phm.org.uk

RVT, London

31.03 BFI FLARE: CLOSING NIGHT BOP BFI Southbank, London

Join the BFI Flare folk on the dance floor for the LGBTQ+ film festival’s fun-filled closing night party! The now legendary Unskinny Bop duo will have you dancing until your feet beg you to stop with their eclectic mix of pop, rock, girl groups, RnB, disco, punk, country, indie and camp classics. We’re in. whatson.bfi.org.uk

14.04 PINK GLOVE The Victoria, London

Your favourite queer indie disco for common people returns! Head down to the scuzzy back room of The Victoria for camp indie, post punk and new wave. For beatniks, dirtbags and lumberjacks. tinyurl.com/DIVAGLOVEPINK

7-8.04 PRINTEMPS DES ASSOCES

Halle Des Blancs Manteaux, Paris Organised by long-standing, Paris-based group Inter-LGBT, and involving over 100 other LGBT+ organisations, Printemps des Assoces is the largest LGBTQI+ fair in France.

Running over two days and made up of workshops, debates, activities, exhibitions, food and drink, this unique, family-friendly and free event is open to everyone. inter-lgbt.org

WE STILL LOVE EU

05.04

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How to lose a girlfriend in one day It’s a typical Saturday morning. My girlfriend is cosy in a hoodie and joggers, studying a hety hardback written by an SAS soldier: How To Stay Safe In A Dangerous World. I’m in a silk kimono and some frivolous but fabulous flufy slippers, flicking through The History Of The Little Black Dress. I’m sipping the latte she lovingly made me and snuggling right up into her nook. Bliss.

Some people might find our butch/ femme dynamic old-fashioned; I find it hot as hell. My butcher half enjoys being, as she calls it, “protector, provider”. “I do the cooking, I do the driving. I’m the head of security. I make sure you haven’t got odd shoes on.”

Steady on, love. As if I’d take fashion

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WHAT’S IN A RELATIONSHIP ROLE? A BUTCH/FEMME COUPLE SWAP LIVES FOR 24 HOURS TO FIND OUT

WORDS ROXY BOURDILLON

advice from you and anyway, you’re my girlfriend, not my carer! “Same diference.” I ask what she thinks I bring to the relationship and there’s a pause.

An ofensively long pause. “You’re very sweet,” she eventually ofers. “And you’re easy on the eye.” I’d slap her, but I’ve just had my nails done.

Before you write me of as a goodfor-sod-all pillow princess, I’d like to point out that although I prefer to be the little spoon, I actually do pull my considerable weight around the house.

I’m in charge of tidying, titivating and tackling laundry (I can’t trust her with my delicates, they’re from Paris). And if she falls ill, I’ll wave my femme fairy wand and instantly transform into

Florence Dykingale. But if our life was the classic lesbo flick Bound, there’s no denying she’d be Corky and I’d be Violet. I’m all ruby lips, lace-framed décolletage and the Marilyn Monroe boo-boo-bee-doo school of seduction.

She likes fixing stuf, has a mighty fine tank top collection and a questionable tattoo on her bicep. According to her, the biggest diference between us is practicality. When it snows, she laces up her walking boots, packs a survival kit, and preps a week’s worth of emergency supplies. I touch up my manicure: “Ooh, the snow will really make my red nail varnish pop!”

Now I’m going to be honest with you. I fucking love the way our

| LIFESTYLE | FREAKY FRIGAY |

relationship works. Being with a butch only magnifies the pleasure I feel in my own femme superpowers.

Plus I never have to worry about her raiding my precious wardrobe or what we’d do in a zombie apocalypse. I’m aware that not everyone feels a deep affinity with labels like lipstick lesbian or bulldagger-daddy-dyke. And even for those who do choose a neat little name for our particular brand of queer awesomeness, love isn’t formulaic. It’s not a case of stone butch + hard femme = lezlationship nirvana.

Butches can totally buzz of other butches, just as femmes can fall head over high heels for fellow femmes.

It’s about who you vibe with and who gets you gooey. And in my case, the one who gets me gooey happens to ID as a butch lez with a penchant for buxom bombshells.

But I am curious… what would it be like to swap our clearly defined relationship roles? Could I survive walking a mile in her knock-of Converse and she in my designer stilettos? Could our relationship? Feeling adventurous one evening and, I’ll be honest, pissed, we strike a deal. For 24 hours, we’ll have our very own body-swapping Freaky Frigay. At the very least, it’ll be a laugh seeing her try to stay upright in heels.

The next day, our morning routine is flip-reversed. That means I’m on cofee duty. And food duty. And bath duty. God, I’m a lucky bitch. I’m wearing my girlfriend’s at home go-to of baggy PJ trews and a hoodie. I feel fugly and I’m pining for frou frou, but I must admit, this getup does make lunging a lot easier. I demonstrate my newfound acrobatic prowess for her entertainment, but she’s distracted.

Glam but self-conscious in a clingy nightie, she’s tottering about in my bedroom mules (yes, they’re a thing, what of it?). In truth, her strut is more of a stagger. She looks like Bambi attempting to walk for the first time… on ice… wearing stilts.

“It’s invasion of the butch snatchers!” she moans. I endeavour to cheer her up with a suave stud speciality

“There’s a strength in my softness and a softness in her strength”

– breakfast in bed. She’s a killer cook and in our normal life (ah, normal life, how I miss thee) she conjures up culinary masterpieces with ease. On Freaky Frigay, I manage some burnt toast with a pathetic smear of peanut butter. In my defence, the knife kept crumbling the bread. “Apologies, Sugar Tits,” I drawl with my best 1950s mobster-butch swagger. Her reply is blunt: “I don’t talk like that. Stop trying to make Sugar Tits a thing.”

I persuade Li’l Dollface Cutie Pie that in order to fully embrace her inner femme fatale, she simply must try burlesque dancing. It always makes me feel like a goddess from the planet Nipple Tassels. Ater watching a handful of YouTube tutorials, she reluctantly swishes along, swivelling her hips, her brow furrowed in concentration.

When she tries to shimmy her tatas, it’s the final straw. I suppress my giggles as she jerks her shoulders robotically.

Rent-A-Femme is not impressed. “This is the least sexy I have ever felt!” she declares in a most unladylike fashion.

I interrogate her in the name of research. When does she feel sexiest?

“Being tough. Bench-pressing you!”

Blimey. If anything, burlesque seems to be amplifying her alpha tendencies.

I decide I need to woo her by upping my butch game. Perhaps my fair femme would appreciate a bunch of pink roses? “I don’t want to be a flower,” she grumbles. Not sure what she means exactly, but at least she’s cultivating that elusive femme mystique. Ok, how about a git? Some jewellery for my jewel? “I could use a new hammer.” Hmph. Would m’lady care to be wined and dined? “I refuse to be seen in public in a flowery dress.”

It’s becoming increasingly clear that the adornments and activities that make me feel most myself make her feel more sideshow freak than femme extraordinaire. And while you can bet your sweet ass I’m relishing the throwback butch persona I’ve randomly created for myself (think Big Boo meets Frank Sinatra), I do feel more caricature than love machine.

Our girlfriend experiment proves that identity is about so much more than clobber. Put me in a sweater and jeans and I’m still a femme. A crying femme with a deep sense of shame, but a femme nonetheless. Likewise, trussed up in my boudoir chic attire, my beloved looks even butcher, not to mention bolshier, than usual. Think The L Word’s Shane in that ill-fitting white dress, only considerably more annoyed that she ever agreed to this ridiculous charade in the first place. The things a butch will do for her femme!

This whole palaver makes me realise that our identities are in no way represented by some basic bitch gender stereotypes. It’s way more complicated than that. There’s a strength in my sotness and a sotness in her strength. She may do more of the manual labour, but that display of brawn comes from a tender place of wanting to take care of me. I may look fluffier, but my sensuality holds a devastating power, which I can wield with just one strategic, smouldering glance. And for the record, my butch girlfriend is sooooo not trying to be a man. She’s just being her gorgeous, authentic, lesbian self. And she must be doing a good job because all my straight mates have asked where on earth they can find a guy like my girl.

Probably nowhere and certainly not where I met mine – loitering on the message boards of gaydargirls.com searching for a red-lipsticked lover to call her own.

The extent to which, as a butch/ femme couple, we’re not just roleplaying is only highlighted when we turn it all on its head. Suddenly, everything does feel forced, like we’re reciting lines in some terrible, twisted lezzy panto. For us, it’s not about replicating a set of supposed societal norms. It’s about making our own rules and finding the glorious, gay girl groove that feels like home. Now if only I could get her to agree that Sugar Tits should totally be a thing, our lezlationship would be pretty much perfect.

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CELEBRATING INSPIRATIONAL LESBIAN, BISEXUAL, TRANS AND QUEER PEOPLE IN OUR COMMUNITY Winners will be crowned at the awards ceremony at Walfdorf Hilton in London.

There will be glitz, glamour and celebrity guests, hosted by the incredible Rachel Shelley.

CATEGORIES | Activist/Campaigner | Community Initiative | Musician | Outstanding Impact on LGBT Life | | Sports Personality | Broadcaster/Presenter | Rising Star | Corporate Ally | Ally | | Diversity Champion | Author | Journalist | Inspirational Role Model | Lifetime Achievement | #DIVAawards

Find out more at divaawards.co.uk

| LIFESTYLE | STARS |

ARIES (21 MARCH-20 APRIL) Wordsmith Mercury is in your sign, but he’s going backwards. Be very careful what you commit to. An ex-bae gets in touch, and it’s not your first time at this rodeo. Think about what you desire before you snuggle up and reconnect. From the 15th your words are magic and kerching! The 16th is a spanking new start.

TAURUS (21 APRIL-21 MAY) Love gets serious this month as Venus, your ruler, mixes with serious Saturn.

Once you invest your heart, it’s job done so don’t forget to get all the terms straight. Mercury is causing communication confusion until the 15th though, so talk to her about the details. Awesome sauce – the Sun goes into your sign on the 20th bringing all sorts of badassery!

GEMINI (22 MAY-21 JUNE) Your ruler is retro, causing potential hiccups with pals. Don’t get involved in any drama, it will resolve after the 15th. Single? A casual fling quickly gets intoxicating. Loved up? Expect a lusty boost, but make sure you aren’t getting too obsessed! Venus enters your sign on the 24th making you a goddess of all things love. Oh, and money!

CANCER (22 JUNE-23 JULY) After last month’s double Full Moon you are enjoying a change of pace.

Gone is the emotional bungee jumping and wild happenings. Your career hits a high as you get your Girl Boss on.

A New Moon brings a fresh cycle and the chance to dazzle someone powerful. A hot saucy minx could tease and please you on the 30th.

APRIL

MICHELE KNIGHT READS THE QUEER STARS FOR YOU

LEO (24 JULY-23 AUG) Gurrl, you need to remember your power! It’s time to wake up the queen within you and swagger towards success. Yes, your confidence might have taken a knock, BUT the New Moon on the 16th gets your game back on. A hottie loves you when you strut your stuf, and she’ll remind you after the 15th. Just remember doubting yourself is as useful as nail polish to a snake!

VIRGO (24 AUG-23 SEPT) Are you ready for a daring adventure?

Mercury is plunging you into intense conversations, and your desire is of the scale as a babe flirts up a frenzy.

An ex is finding it hard to let go so be careful she’s not manipulating you.

Love or lust? You decide. Is it time to confess and make a stand?

LIBRA (24 SEPT-23 OCT) Your love life is on the upturn, but sort out pesky boundary issues. Do you have diferences with a pal or lover over messiness? Don’t let it be a dealbreaker. Use your Libra balance to see that it isn’t personal and create some ground rules. The New Moon on the 16th may feel a bit “Bye Felicia” BUT could it be a fresh start?

SCORPIO (24 OCT-22 NOV) Yoga bunnies and vegan queens influence you all month. You’re determined to get in shape, sort your shit out and hang with gals that are going places. Avoid being a control freak; the key is balance. Love gets smooth and smoochy after the 20th.

Your ruler goes retro on the 22nd, bringing a mysterious call from the past.

SAGITTARIUS (23 NOV-22 DEC) Yes, it’s time to fight for what you believe in, but best to wait until after the 15th when Mercury goes direct.

Your pleasure centres are lit up as you discover new ways to have a good time. A babe who is hilarious AF could laugh you into bed. What do you want to create this month? Anything is possible.

CAPRICORN (23 DEC-20 JAN) Stubborn, you? Surely not. You are a million times more tenacious than usual. Expect a power struggle until mid-month. Snarky old Saturn goes retro making you face the past, but when Mars and Pluto join forces in your sign on the 26th, you’re unstoppable.

A hot attraction could stop you in your tracks on the 20th.

AQUARIUS (21 JAN-19 FEB) Your life is like a remake of Charmed this month as you’re a witch of intuition. Listen to your inner goddess and act on her advice. If you’ve been squabbling with a lover or friend, expect to kiss and make up on the 24th. As the Sun and crazy Uranus connect on the 18th, you burst with life-changing ideas. Follow through.

PISCES (20 FEB-20 MARCH) Hello genius, it’s time to get started on those life goals. Yes, Mercury is causing problems until the 15th but you can still get planning. An inspiring babe is more than happy to help you on the 12th. A thrilling and unusual woman tempts you. Break out of your comfort zone and take a delicious risk.

Michele Knight is a queer psychic, astrologer, broadcaster, TV personality and best-selling author.

She lives in a castle with her Gemini gal, parrot, pigs, dogs and donkeys. micheleknight.com 95

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96 APRIL 2018

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97

| LIFESTYLE | THE DIVA COMPATIBILITY QUIZ |

IS SHE THE ONE? TAKE OUR COMPLETELY UNSCIENTIFIC, EXTREMELY SILLY QUIZ TO POSSIBLY JEOPARDISE YOUR FEELINGS OF RELATIONSHIP SECURITY FOREVER! WORDS ROXY BOURDILLON

How often do you laugh together?

a) We laugh so much we frequently pee our pants. But that’s ok because we find mild incontinence hilarious! b) Once a month we have a really hearty chuckle. c) I laugh at her all the time. She’s such a moron.

Be honest. Is she the best nookie you’ve ever had?

Do you know the password for her phone?

a) When we make love it’s like a rainbow unicorn paradise party in our pants. b) That’s what I tell her, while I’m thinking about getting it on with hot YouTubers. c) I’m not sure. My long-term memory isn’t great.

a) Of course. I like to surprise her by changing the screensaver to couple selfies of us kissing. b) I know it, but I don’t need to use it. I trust her.

Plus, it’s mainly cat memes and Instagram snaps of last night’s dinner. c) Which one? She has five phones and keeps them in a locked safe next to all her fake passports.

Do you get on with her family?

a) They’re lovely, but I’d rather be with just her. b) Of course. Actually, I have a crush on her sister! c) No. A lot of them remind me of her.

What does she smell like?

a) Heaven on Earth. b) Lynx For Women. c) Disappointment.

If you had to compare your relationship to a TV couple, who would you be?

a) Ellen and Portia – queens of the queers. b) Clarke and Lexa – ultimately doomed. c) Alex and Piper – our ship name is Betrayal.

What’s your fighting style?

How would you describe your communication?

a) We read each other’s minds, finish each other’s sentences, and give each other telepathic orgasms. b) Sad face emojis and passive aggressive notes on the fridge. c) We don’t talk. We just send messages through the cat.

a) The only thing we argue about is who loves the other one more. b) We only fight in IKEA. c) WE ARE FIGHTING RIGHT NOW. ABOUT THIS QUIZ. THANKS FOR ASKING.

How affectionate are you together?

a) I’m sorry, I’ll have to answer this later. I’m too busy snogging her perfect face of. b) A cheeky cuddle once a week, and when we’re feeling frisky… a tickle fight. c) When she touches me, my skin crawls.

Which song title best sums up your relationship?

a) K.D. Lang’s Constant Craving b) Whitney Houston’s It’s Not Right But It’s OK c) Green Day’s Boulevard Of Broken Dreams

results Mostly As

Mostly Bs

Mostly Cs

Congrats on being as perfectly matched as Alex Vause’s eyebrows. Long may your beautiful love story continue.

You two are hot and then cold, like water when the boiler’s on the blink or a hit Katy Perry song circa 2008.

Why are you even together? She grates on you more than being asked who’s the man in your relationship.

DIVA Disclaimer: This quiz is for entertainment purposes only. Please do not end an otherwise promising relationship based on your results.

98 APRIL 2018

e fun h t n i n i o J Peace, r e h t a e H with by Rosie W i l ests! u g g n i z a m and a

Tune in every Tuesday at 6.30pm (104.4FM and DAB in London) or stream the show online at player.resonancefm.com Catch up will be available at mixcloud.com/resonance Roving Reporter Rachel Shelley Lesbro Newsreader Jonathan Phang

radiodiva.uk @radiodiva104_4 Radio Diva is co-produced and co-hosted

by Heather Peace and Rosie Wilby

DIVA

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Unsigned artists: send your tracks to heather@radiodiva.uk for a chance to hear them on Radio DIVA!

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