Labyrinth - Loreto Clonmel by Griffith College Dublin

LORETO SECONDARY SCHOOL, CLONMEL

Labyrinth

Labyrinth Team

Deputy Editors’ Message

Wait what? - Its time to write an editorial a feels like only yesterday we were debating for the magazine. Labyrinth has lived up to it has been full of twists and turns with new challenges, we’ve had our share of bumps an road along the way.

As deputy editors, we didn’t realize what a of work this magazine would actually be, it m of late nights in front of the computer dist between your and you’re, stressed W evenings attempting to finish articles for the deadline and chaotic hours spent learning h Photo Shop and Quark Express. In saying wouldn’t change this time for anything, and grateful for the opportunity.

Niamh Whelan

We came into Art class in September countless ideas but no experience with the software that we would require to cr magazine - not a great combination. Howev but surely we got our head around the bas brilliant Photo Shop and Quark Xpress, and ( we will leave the class with more know expertise (ahem) than before.

Our magazine, like any other was sure to enc share of hiccups. But what we didn’t expec the most difficult thing the editorial team h was cutting articles that were sent in suc and quality. Although we lost a bit of motiv drive at some stage or another, I know t worked so hard and did everything we coul this magazine as best we could.

Muireann Joyce Hearne

‘Wit beyond measure is a man’s greatest How better to describe our zany yet endear in Chief but by quoting one of the fore fo Hogwarts school of witchcraft and wizard hard work and sheer determination is the m that our magazine is what it is. She is one o talented and genuine people we have ever m were so glad to have been given the oppo work with her and become great friends.

All in all, only one word can possibly sum up our time as Deputy Editors, the work of our peers, the contributions from Mrs O Shea and the magazine itself - Ledgen, wait for it… DARY!!!

So now, seeing as we have nothing left to say we shall stop our rambling and let you enter THE LA

Murieann and

already? It on a name o its name w skills and nd smooth

a mountain meant a lot tinguishing Wednesday e Thursday how to use g that, we d we are so

Ellie Patterson

Sinead Pollard

Fenella Fox

Aisling Ryan

Daisy Sweetman

Niamh Murphy

Heather Hammond

Vikki Sullivan

Eimear Columby

2011 with complex reate this ver, slowly sics of the (hopefully) ledge and

counter its ct was that had to face h quantity vation and that we all ld to finish

t treasureâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; ring Editor ounders of dry. Aliceâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s main reason of the most met and we ortunity to

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ABYRINTH.

Niamh

Edit

Though I hate to admit it, I have procrastinated w unpleasantly in the back of my dawdling mind for eve will mark the end of the seven month journey that ha to get too sentimental on you, but it was probably th that I was given the opportunity to do so. I learned a (As it happens, I spent a bit of time procrastinating t made this happen. Labyrinth was a tremendous team

Niamh and Muireann: Whose confident, outgoing per to these socially stronger, extroverted girls and hon quickly proved themselves to be two of the kindest, sketched and edited with tireless, infectious enthusia and Muireann are Editors.

Ms. O’Shea: Of course, Labyrinth would not exist wit O’Shea for seven continuous months of encouragem door to the Art room is always open.” This assuring th for it.” Not that Ms. O’Shea is comparable to an elde The work Ms. O’Gorman did in checking over the gra think of the typos that would have slipped past us if Alice Barry O’Donovan Editor

The Art Class: Our class had as many different talen designers and artists. Absolutely everyone had some helped make this magazine happen. At the end of the

I don’t know what else to say to wrap up this cheesy-as-a-mozzerella-stick editorial but say tha

Nafisa Millat

Elizabeth Clutterbuck

Emma Collacott

Mary The

torial

writing this editorial for at least five days now. The thought of the editorial has been squatting en longer. The reason? Because this is probably the last piece I’ll write for our beloved magazine. This as taken us to this point; wrapping up the magazine and sending it to the printers. And I don’t mean he best seven months of my life. I learned more than I could ever imagine and I thank my lucky stars a lot about editing, a little about people and a surprising amount about photoshop, grids and fonts. this on identifont.com.) This magazine has meant a lot to me this year and so have the people who m effort and genuine thanks are in order for these people.

rsonalities at first seemed a little intimidating to a shy, reserved me. I wasn't quite sure how to react nestly, I was a little worried as to how well I’d gel with them. However, Niamh and Muireann both , most supportive people I know. They were always bursting with new ideas and constantly wrote, asm. I would never have been able to do all this on my own and I am truly lucky and grateful Niamh

thout the guidance and leadership of our magazine mentor. I think the most thanks is owed to Ms. ment, endless assistance and valuable advice. If I ever needed help or advice, I was always told “The hought reminds me of a Dumbledore quote “Help will always be given at Hogwarts to those who ask erly bearded wizard, though. But anyhow, sincere thanks is owed to our fantastic teacher. ammar and spelling of every single article in the magazine must also be acknowledged. I dread to it weren’t for her.

ts as a box of assorted chocolates. We had a great mix of poets, photographers, authors, graphic ething unique to give to the magazine and I am wholeheartedly grateful to every single person who e day, this is their magazine and I think it is something that they can truly be proud of.

ank you one more time to everyone involved.

Niamh Kenny

Charlotte Keane

Background Ilustration - Saoirse Duggan 3rd Year

eresa Glendon

--Alice

Opinion Nafisa Millat describes the infamous ‘like’ button, which has almost become a universal symbol. Facebook ‘likes’ are a common sight on the ever-popular ones. Of course, it depends on the person if they find social networking site. For people who are unfamiliar something funny or not, but for me, quotes like “There with Facebook, this is a button which you can press to is always that one perv who drives his tractors around ‘like’ something, for example, your friend’s status or looking at little girls” does not amuse me whatsoever, comments. In the virtual world of Facebook, any of its nor do I agree. Some (or a lot I must say) pages contain users may set up what they call pages or links, harmful stereotypes, swearing and name calling and promoting their business, a TV show or a brand, or inappropriate sexual subject matter. (No wonder they even a quote, a joke or even a paragraph about recommend thirteen being the minimum age for having something. a Facebook account!) ‘Liking’ pages, is merely an extra Facebook offers its Cyber-bullying is a huge issue, particularly on social users and is a great way of promoting and finding out networking sites such as Facebook. A most tragic what’s popular. In my opinion, the ‘like’ button is a nice incident, I’m sure you have probably have heard about, extra to have and it makes Facebook unique, in the is the Phoebe Prince case. Prince, a 15-year-old student sense that it has its own original button. It’s always nice who had moved from Ireland to America, killed herself to like a friend’s status or a comment someone made. in January 14, 2010 after being bullied by several It’s giving your opinion of agreement without actually students via texts and messages on Facebook, at a high saying anything, but expressing it with a ‘like’. school in South Hadley, Massachusetts. It was because Most pages these days are merely phrases or a of the beyond nasty and mean comments and abuse sentence or two about something. Whether it’s a joke she received that she found it intolerable and took her about science; "Hey, know any good jokes about own life. This is an example of an extreme situation of sodium?" "Na." or a quirky or relatable phrase; “I didn't cyber bullying. Pages or even statuses set up by bullies trip…I was testing gravity, it still works.” or “The sometimes target a certain person calling them fat, gay, awkward moment or something even when you don't meaner. If you ‘In my opinion, the ‘like’ button is a nice extra understand your found a page or a own handwriting.” to have and it makes Facebook unique, in the sense status that was I especially love trending, and it that it has its own original button.’ the ones that was about bring back something childhood memories; negative about you, “When I was younger I used to say a, b, c, d, e, f, g, h, i, how would you feel? Of course, you’d feel worse too if j, k, ELEMENO P!” or “Of course I believe in evolution – people started liking the page/status too. Cyberhow else would Charmander become Charizard!” bullying is one of the main disadvantages, I feel, to (Pokémon, if you were wondering!) It can be also fun pages and to the ‘like’ button. to like pages and links, at the same time you’re giving As you can see, Facebook is dangerous. But the truth your opinion and letting your friends or everyone is, so is the Internet. Anything and everything can be (depending on your privacy settings) what kind of found and uploaded by anyone on the internet, just use person you are by what you ‘like’. A lot of pages are your favourite search-engine. So therefore, we all need funny, some are serious and against discrimination or to be careful, stick together and most importantly, not racism, but there is a whole dark, bad side to these care about what others think. Stick to our own opinion. pages and the infamous ‘like’ button. So next time you like that page/status/comment or Nowadays, Facebook pages, such as phrases and whatever, ‘like’ it! sentences, are becoming more and more, let’s say inappropriate or even mean. I’m not saying that this --Nafisa Millat hasn’t been the case before. There have always been those few pages made by certain users that are not so….I guess, nice. Whether, it’s a mean “blonde” or “ginger” joke, or calling someone who does something a name, you’ll always find either an offensive, stereotypical or an inappropriate page on the site. But since Facebook has been set up, there has been a huge increase in pages on the site, especially these kind of

Little Bird Little bird sit in your tree, Safe from the wind that storms the sea Safe from the rain that would soak your feathers, Safe from the rope that tightly tethers. Little bird stay in your tree, Stay away from the jaws that are deadly, Stay away from the biting icy cold, Stay in the chains that tightly hold. Little bird stay where you are, You will be safe, But Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m afraid youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll never go far. Elizabeth Clutterbuck

Illustration Sinead pollard

Loud In a world where everyone screams, is anyone ever heard? Here I am lost in this maze, Stuck in a never ending search, I scream for someone to help me, But will someone hear? Or will I simply become one of the many lost? -Elizabeth Clutterbuck

Hudson Taylor

Niamh Whelan gives ten solid reasons as to what makes singers Hudson Taylor so fantastic.

Two words - Hudson Taylor. Haven’t heard of them? You don’t know what you’re missing! Well here are 10 reasons you must look them up RIGHT NOW! Numero Uno: They’re Irish - A bit o’ home grown talent never goes astray AND with the current climate aren’t we all meant to be doing our bit and shopping local? Two: They write all their own songs. With funny, charming, heart-breaking and clever lyrics they honestly are suited to everyone. You’ll be humming them all day! Three: They’re brothers - and their names are Harry and Alfie… how adorable! Four: They are only 17 and 19. So close in age with us - IT’S A SIGN?! Five: They began on YouTube and have since been featured on the WHATTHEBUCKSHOW, BalconyTV.com and RTE Radio 1 Six: They’re sooooo stylish! They dress like ‘London boys’ – Yum. They wear chinos and chunky granny jumpers! *swoon* Seven: There sound is a mixture of Mumford and sons, the Beatles and Fionn Regan… Perfection? I think so! Eight: They are tipped as one to watch for 2012 by the UK Sunday Mirror. Fame and fortune is on the cards! Nine: They are so nice! Really genuine and down to earth, I’m on a first name basis with them – I would know, just saying… And Finally TEN: They’re BEAUTIFUL! Like they are actually the most attractive brothers I have ever seen. Ever.

Q.1 What was the best gig you played in 2011?

Individually we all have different opinions on o some really fun ones. The gig in Danno’s Night C just unreal, our overall favourite for sure. Kyle – ‘The Button Factory’ in Dublin. Dylan – Supporting Miracle Bell in Dolans. James – Danno’s, All Ages Gig. David – Dannos’s, All Ages Gig. Alex – Danno’s, All Ages Gig. Q.2 Favourite album of last year? Kyle – Royseven ‘You Say, We Say’ Dylan – Foo Fighter’s ‘Wasting Light’ James – Bressie ‘Colourblind Stereo’ David – Royseven ‘You Say, We Say’ Alex – Bon Iver ‘Bon Iver’ Q.3 What was your first gig?

Our first proper gig was in Devanes at the ‘Clo years ago. Then we had a change of drummer in him was ‘Tipp’s Got Talent’ in O’Keeffe’s. Then a

Broken G

our best gig. We have had Clubwe played recently was

onmel Junction Festival’ 3 2010 and our first gig with couple of months later we

Interview

accumulated another guitar player and our first gig as the line up we are now was supporting Miracle Bell in Dolans last March. Q.4 Any plans for 2012? Yeah we hope to do loads this year. We plan to record some more songs, shoot a music video or two, do an Irish tour and hopefully get some good support slots along the way, as well as doing a Festival or two in the summer. Q.5 And finally, any weird facts about yourselves? Nothing out of the ordinary anyway. We all have a weird obsession with tea. But individually… Kyle – I own one of the very first Superman action figures ever

made. Dylan – Having a cat Called Smokie Joe (The Cowboy Pirate) James – If I sneeze once, I sneeze exactly 11 times after that, always. David – I've a hatred for pyjamas, dressing gowns and slippers. Alex – Having an abnormally large heart.

By Muireann Joyce H earne

Glass on Broadway

Opinion

The ages and stage

Muireann Joyce Hearne explores the ori music that is punk. What do you think of when I say punk music? Is it bright colours, rebellions against ‘the man’ and wild kids from suburbia? This is what punk music used to be about. Without bands like Green Day easing the transition into modern punk, punk may be engulfed by the overwhelming threat of ‘pop’ music today. Different people have different views on what ‘punk music’ is. But we know one thing for sure - it sparked from political protest.

suburbs, and you get Gree with catchy riffs, Green Da a ‘fan’s band’. They were sw Cobain and Nirvana and g colour at the time it despe 90s but in 2004 the punk r George W. Bush in the fir music they practise back England was going through some imm rough economic times when punk ‘‘England was going through some rough Broa perked up. Their youth was angry; they economic times when punk perked up. Their In ot had strong opinions and a lot of free youth was angry; they had strong opinions and a be t time. They became rebellious and rock lot of free time.’ wore brazen clothing. Things like toda safety pins, patches, new hairstyles, all lot o the bondage-style clothing etc were proudly worn and displayed. A now gems among the masses. infamous band called The Sex Pistols gathered a lot of fans back then, who soon realised they could do it themselves. Enter The Clash, The Slits and the first band to be called ‘punk’, American band The Ramones. New York had a big part to play in creating new punk bands of the 60s and 70s. We have famed night club CBGB’s to thank for The Stooges, The Who, Blondie and David Bowie - although he came from Glam Rock, it influenced the style of punk. So where is Ireland’s input in all of this? The Irish youth rode this wave of inspiration from Britain and the U.S and formed their own bands. The late 70s saw the pinnacle of the punk rock movement. Irish bands such as Northern Ireland's The Undertones as well as Dublin's The Boomtown Rats were in the midst of the new genre. Moving on a decade to the 80s; this defined pop-punk. Bands like The Undertones and Bad Religion started to change their sound to have more melodies and harmonies while keeping the edgy lyrics. In California, sports like skateboarding and surfing morphed with the music. Sum-41, The Offspring, Blink-182, etc, all are part of this scene. This genre is the most popular out of all the subgenres in the United States, and is still heard today. American politics in the 90s and early noughties had a big influence on my favourite punk-rock band; Green Day, so I’m just going to talk about them for a bit. We all know President George W. Bush’s errors and blunders, but their influence plus the jaded lives of kids from the

es of punk

What’s Hot!

igins of the fiery

Neil Patrick Harris…He’s legend..wait for it...DARY Harry and Alfie <3... They make you proud to be Irish.

en Day. From humble beginnings of ‘loud’ music y have seeped in to the charts as well as staying wept into the aftermath left by the death of Kurt gave the alternative music scene the splash of erately needed. They seemed to fade in the late rock trio put their name to American Idiot, put ring line and put themselves and the genre of k on the map. The success of this album is measurable and has even been made into a adway musical. ther words, although bands like Green Day may the remaining of the old punk scene, and punk k has pretty much been taken over by pop-punk ay, but I don't find that much of a bad thing. A of it sounds the same; but there are still some

Ed Sheeran.. Proof that gingers do have souls! Abbrevz Bbz… Totes orig yah nuh! Ag caint as Gaeilge… Mar taimid rang. Deathly Hallows Part Two... Hands up who cried?? SUMMER 2012...Last summer before we die; lets make it last! BRESSIE... Who knew Irish reality TV would be so worthwhile?

What’s Not! Electronic babies.... NEVER HAVING CHILDREN. EVER. Awkward Turtles...Come on, was it ever really THAT awkward?? Shows that should’ve ended 4 seasons ago. *cough* I’m a Celeb *cough* X Factor.

Illustration - Muireann Joyce Hearne

Xpose segment transitions... Cringe Paula Abdul on Xfactor... Actually scratch that. Paula Abdul in general... VOM. Deathly Hallows part 2 being over...What am I meant to do with my time now? Frapes... Unless they’re particularly abusive or original, DON’T DO THEM.

by Niamh Whelan

Top five most versatile nail varnishes

Anti ‘I’m a Celebrity.

Muireann Joyce Hearne ex the absurd television prog Me Out Of Here!’

Fashion guru Niamh Murphy lists her top nail varnishes which she believes every girl should have. Black Black Nail Varnish is a must have nail varnish this season. You can style up any ‘Night-Out’ outfit or make a ‘Day-to-Day’ outfit totes sophisticated.

Red Any girl will know that red nail varnish is always somewhere at the bottom of their makeup bag. Red nail varnish can be used as a trendy summer colour or to jazz up your LBD. Number 3 is the nude colour nail varnish. This colour can be worn with almost anything; it can be worn on a casual evening out to dinner or simply just lounging around on the beach. If you don’t have this colour, I suggest you make an investment and get it.

The time of year has come and gone (thankfully) for the most pointless T.V show, ‘I’m A Celebrity… Get Me Out Of Here!’ A brief description of the reality TV show is having 10 ‘celebrities’ flung into a jungle and compete in a series of challenges to win food, necessities and eventually, one is crowned ‘king ’ or ‘queen’ ‘Do something of the jungle.

Clear Coast Next is the popular clear coat. This shade of nail varnish is totes handy and versatile. It can be put on over any colour to make it last longer or just on its own to make your nails look healthy.

giving to the p Firstly, celebrities? I think Cheese gives y not. To be precise, a calcium, I’m A celebrity is ‘a famous or Couch Potato S

Pink

Photo by Emma Collacott

And finally, every girl has some sort of pink nail varnish .One shade of pink could be worn in the summer with fashionable denim shorts and another could be worn on a night out with a pair of killer black heels.

well-known person’. Pat who? The only people I would recognise would be Dougie, Antony and Sinitta. The rest seem to be D-list ‘celebrities’ that are clinging onto their last measly sliver of fame. Fair enough, maybe minor known comedians and actresses would have some audience, but the majority of the people who do watch it wouldn’t have a clue that Willie Carson was a former horse jockey - note that even the internet states it was ‘former’.

Olympic athlete Fatima Whitbread may have had her glory day back in 1988 when she won silver, but that was 23 years ago, and most of the people who watched I’m A Celebrity… may not have been alive, or can’t remember. Fatima

... Get Me Out of Here!

xpresses her frustration with gramme ‘I’m a Celebrity... Get

actually said in an interview: 'People remember me as Fatima the athlete, but I wanted them to see Fatima the woman.’ Ok. First of all - no one remembers you as Fatima the athlete or the woman! No offence, but I doubt they even care. Secondly, if you want to be known as ‘Fatima the woman’ g more productive, like don’t go onto a poor or eating cheese. pointless TV show! you protein and Do something more productive, like Celebrity… gives you giving to the poor, or Syndrome.’ eating cheese. Cheese gives you protein and calcium; I’m A Celebrity… gives you d Couch Potato Syndrome. ’ f Why do the less known celebrities attempt to n win anyway? It’s always the well-known ones e who always win. I mean, the audience are the o ones who vote them to because they know who e they are, not because they have a good heart t or stamina. They like watching people they know suffer. e So I leave you with a quote from JaakMaate n (YouTuber who likes to rant) that sums up my f opinion on this ridiculous show - ‘They’re Not y Celebrities… Get Them Out Of There!’ a

e , f 0 n s

Pro ‘I’m a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here’ Fenella Fox proclaims her love for the TV programme ‘I’m a Celebrity... Get Me Out Of Here!’ I watch too many Television programmes, but unfortunately my favourite one only lasts for three weeks each year, I do of course mean “I’m A Celebrity Get Me Out Of Here”! No matter how much some people complain about it, I can never understand what’s not to like. Not only is it presented by the most lovable pair of idiots on TV, Ant and Dec, by far Britain’s best comedy duo? , but the Bush tucker trials will have you either in fits of laughter or cringing into your seat every single night. And let’s not forget all the eye-candy they have in the competition makes it a little easier to watch. (The names Mark Wright, Dougie ‘For me, it’s on Poynter and Matt the same Willis may ring a bell for some addiction level as people) And let’s tea and is one of face it, it’s always the highlights of fun to watch my year.’ celebrities we don’t like eating various animal body parts and getting covered in slime (*cough* Katie Price). For me, it’s on the same addiction level as tea and is one of the highlights of my year. Whoever doesn’t like it mustn’t have a good sense of fun and immaturity because nothing will cheer you up more than watching a few random celebrities eating kangaroo testicles or falling out of canoes into sludge and in which case I feel sorry for you. And yes, fair enough, people may say they aren’t celebrities, and yes a lot of the names mightn’t be so familiar. But if you were born a few decades earlier they probably would be. Which means the show caters for every audience. For example to my parents, Freddie Starr is a big celebrity while my reaction was “eh Freddie who?!” I’m a celebrity is on for three weeks during the year, if you love it, like me then it’s great! But if you don’t, then keep your mouth shut for twenty one days and stop ruining it on everyone else. Just me who is totes buzzin’ for November 2kaii12? Fish eyes anyone?!

Model: Charlotte Keane Photographer: Niamh Whelan Outfit: Vest: Urban Outfitters Skirt: The Look for Less Charity Shop Belt: Amity Vintage Tights: Awear

Model: Niamh Whelan Photographer: Charlotte Keane Outfit: Blouse: New Look Skirt: River Island Belt: New Look Head Piece: Claire’s Accessories

Friendship is a sheltering tree. Samuel Taylor Coleridge

Model: Niamh Whelan Photographer: Charlotte Keane Outfit: Jumper: Look for Less Charity Shop Blouse: River Island Skirt: Penny’s Socks: Awear Shoes: New Look

“The road of life twists and turns and no two directions are ever the same. Yet our lessons come from the journey, not the destination.” Don Williams, Jr. (American Novelist and Poet, b.1968

Fa s h ion S h o ot

pring fashion shoot: Ah spring time, the baby lambs are taking their first steps in the fresh green meadows, brightly coloured petals open for the first time on blooming buds, Bees swarm and buzz and a light warm breeze fills the air. Elsewhere, layers are removed and girls are forced to shave their once cosy legs as the temperature raises five degrees. For our spring fashion shoot we used a collection of high street and vintage clothing in order to create an enchanting and mystical look. Vintage clothing can be hard to track down in smaller towns like Clonmel, so except for the rare occasions we find real vintage beauts, we can make do with searching through charity shops and typical high street shops to find "vintage" gems which can last a lifetime. by Niamh Whelan

Model: Charlotte Keane Photographer: Niamh Whelan Outfit: Hat: Dunnes Playsuit: River Island Socks: H&M Doc Martins: Schuh

"I took the road less traveled by, and that has made all the difference. "

Robert Frost

Opinion

particular sound. All I can say is my prediction was right. Awful. One music video in particular that I watched was entitled ‘Raining Blood’ by Slayer. To me, the name of this so called ‘song’ said it all. The video consisted of three ridiculous looking men, belting out about seventeen different notes on their electric guitars at the same time, while the lead singer howled into the microphone. Like I said, just awful. Another type of heavy metal music is known as Death Metal… Ask yourselves this question; does this specific type of music sound appealing to you? Would you buy an album entitled ‘Death Metal?’ I know I wouldn’t. An example of a Death Metal band would be ‘Possessed.’ I had never heard of this band before, so again, I took it upon myself to do a little research… I must say one thing that I noticed was, besides the lead singer roaring and shouting into the microphone, was the length of the entire band members’ hair! What is so attractive about their long, ragged hair as it flies wildly out of control while the guitarists and drummers thrash their heads in every direction during their performances!? It fails to attract me whatsoever. And the last type of Heavy Metal music I am going to talk about (I know what you’re thinking, yes, there are more types of this ‘music’) is Black Metal. Again this particular type of music does not grab me as such, but you have probably guessed by now that I am not a big fan of Heavy Metal music. Never the less, some Black Metal bands would include Venom and Hellhammer. Now if those bands don’t grab your attention, then I don’t know if anything ever will. I watched a music video called, ‘Welcome to Hell’ by Venom and just as I had expected, the whole video consisted of two buffoons leaping about on a dark, smoky stage barking into a microphone semi naked while playing about 20 different notes on their electric guitars at the same time. Dire. I could rant on for another five pages on why I can’t stand Heavy Metal music, but I think I have gotten my point ‘What is so attractive about their across by now. Basically, long, ragged hair as it flies wildly Heavy Metal would not be my out of control while the guitarists preferred choice of music.

A hatred of Heavy Metal

The infamous genre of Heavy Metal is under fire from Niamh Murphy.

Heavy Metal summed up in one word for me is noise. It and drummers thrash their heads is nothing but noise. I do every direction during their not see why these people, usually dressed in black performances?’ with ridiculous face paint smeared across their faces, dripping in metal chains and covered head to toe in tattoos, feel the need to scream the lyrics of their ‘songs’. Why can they not just say what they have to say and be done with it? I don’t know how, but there are different types of Heavy Metal music. Thrash Metal, which sounds a lot like trash metal, is one type. Some Thrash Metal bands would include ‘Nuclear Assault’, ’Slayer’ and ‘Megadeth’. These bands may sound interesting and appeal to some people, but to be honest, their names scare me. However you cannot judge a book by its cover, or in this case its name, so I took it upon myself to investigate these bands and their

Dream facts Discover more about your subconcious brain activity with Sinead Pollardâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s dream facts. 1. You forget 90% of your dreams. Five minutes after waking up you'll have forgotten half of your dream and after ten minutes you have forgotten 90%. 2. We can only dream about people we've seen before. When we dream we only see faces we've seen before while awake, whether or not we remember them. We see hundreds of thousands of faces throughout our lives, supplying our dreams with an endless supply of characters. 3. Some People Dream In Black And White. About 12% of people with sight dream only in black and white. Studies from 1915 through to the 1950s maintained that most dreams were in black and white, but in the 1960s these results began to change. Today 4.4% of the dreams of under-25 yearolds are in black and white. Recent research suggests that this change may be linked to the switch from black-and-white film and TV to colour media. 4. Blind People Dream. People who became blind during their life can see images when they dream. Whereas people who are born blind do not see any images, yet their dreams are just as vivid involving their other senses of sound, smell, touch and emotion. 5. Bad Dreams are More Common Than Good Dreams. The most common emotion experienced in dreams is anxiety. It is more common to have negative emotions than positive emotions in a dream. 6. Animals Dream. Studies carried out on many different animals have all shown the same brain waves during dreaming sleep as humans. That's why some dogs, for example, move their paws as though they are running and they make yipping sounds like they are chasing something in a dream. 7. Women and Men Dream Differently. About 70% of people in the dreams of men are other men, whereas women's dreams have an equal amount of men as women in them. Also men tend to have more aggressive emotions than women in their dreams.

8. Your Body Paralyses When You Dream. REM or Rapid Eye Movement is a normal stage in dreaming where your eyes move around quickly or as the name says; rapidly. For adults REM happens for about 90 to 120 minutes of a nightâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s sleep. During REM sleep the body is paralyzed by a mechanism in the brain in so as to stop the movements which occur in the dream from causing the physical body to move. 9. Dream Incorporation. Our mind interprets the external stimuli that our senses experience while we are asleep and makes them a part of our dreams. So sometimes in our dreams we hear a sound from reality and incorporate it in a way. So for example if you hear someone playing an instrument whilst you're dreaming, you might dream of playing the instrument or watching someone play it. 10. You have about 4 to 7 Dreams Per Night. Except in cases of extreme psychological disorder, even if you can't remember dreaming, you have four to seven dreams a night lasting anywhere from one to two hours.

Royseven

Niamh Whelan snags an interview with the fast rising band Royseven. You could say I was just a little bit excited when I found out I got to interview Paul Walsh, being the absolute babe he is. There were quite a lot of ‘OOOHHH EMMM GEEEEEEEs!!!” but I eventually calmed down enough to actually get some questions out.

Me: How did Royseven start? Paul: Eamonn (one of our guitarists), started the band as “Jove”, a long time ago. I joined two years into it and gradually we added people as we decided what sound we were going for. Me: What got you interested in music? Paul: It’s a genetic thing I think, my Dad was a musician, and my whole family is musical, so I started quite young. Me: When did you know you could be a singer? Paul: I never had a realization, I just always sang, from a young age. I joined a drama group in my teens and really got to test my voice out. Me: What’s your favourite song? Paul: Ah that’s a tough one. I love “Yes, the river knows” by the Doors… It’d be in my top five anyway. “Black” by Pearl Jam, “Thank you”, by Zeppelin also. Me: Any weird or quirky habits? Paul: I used to bite my nails, but stopped recently after being hypnotized by Keith Barry! Me: Do you prefer music or presenting Two Tube? Paul: Well, I’m not really a presenter, but I enjoy it. Music is my passion, so it has to be that! Me: Where did the name Royseven come from? Paul: We wanted to call the band “Roy” but as there were 4 other bands using it, we decided to keep it and add something to it. David Bowie said that a song is never complete until someone outside the writing process has heard it, so there are six of us in the band, plus the listener, and that’s Royseven. Me: What is your favourite thing about performing? Paul: Just the energy, excitement and buzz it creates in my head and body. It’s an addictive thrill. Me: Who are your biggest musical influences? Paul: I think that the world around me because people are the biggest influences. But musically, The Doors, Rufus Wainwright, Nirvana, Pearl Jam all come into it.

Me: Have you been in any previous bands? Paul: Yes, when I was in school, I was in a band called “Swerve”. We won a few battle of the bands competitions. Me: Who is your favourite band or singer at the moment? Paul: I’m enjoying Ed Sheeran’s album, and The Villagers are awesome too! Me: What is your guilty pleasure? Paul: It used to be Ben and Jerry’s but I gave up dairy, so I guess its sour jellies. Yum! Me: What are the future plans for Royseven? Paul: Promote the album overseas, do our best to make a market for ourselves in other countries and build on that. Easy, huh? Ha. Me: How you felt when you got to number 1 on iTunes? Paul: The album went to number 1 on iTunes, “Lovers” was a number 1 radio hit, and it felt pretty amazing… It happened quickly so I didn’t really take it in. Me: How do you feel when people recognize you on the street? Paul: It doesn’t happen that often, but when it does, it makes me happy that people know who the band is. Me: What’s your favourite movie? Paul: “Life is beautiful” is an amazing film... funny in parts but ultimately sad. The performances are outstanding. Me: Last person you texted? Paul: My cousin, Vinny. We were talking about college notes for our history lectures. Me: What was it like playing Oxegen? Paul: It was a great feeling. It’s such an awesome festival and the response we got was massive. Me: What did you always want to be when you grew up? Paul: I never knew. I never had a clue what I wanted to be... I think now, I wouldn’t mind being a school teacher, but hopefully the band will be too busy for that! Me: Funny fact nobody knows about you? Paul: I’m a qualified life guard, not very funny, I know, but interesting nonetheless.

The state of our musical aﬀairs

Music

Has modern day music gone down a slippery slope? Are all tunes just similar, monotonus, carbon copies of each other? Ellie Patterson writes on the state of our musical affairs. For some time now, the state of music and the music industry, has been keeping me up at night. I think of Bruno Mars. I think of The Saturdays. I think of One Direction. I think of *shudder!* The Wanted. I think of these manufactured and produced musical acts, and musical acts is what I will call them because by no stretch of my imagination can I call them musicians or artists. There is no art or musicianship in these hyper-processed pieces of eye-candy, plucked from street corners and talent

and ‘Wet’ is another example. ‘Well, Imma rip my clothes off/Take a leap and surf through the crowd’ need I say more? Women don’t need to take their clothes off to be noticed or thought cool; obviously Nicole and The Saturdays haven’t gotten the memo. Is this supposed to be music? It isn’t inspiring; I don’t even want to dance to it. Last time I looked, music wasn’t about the achievement of perfection, or a competition between girls to look more perfect and plastic than each other. Oh, and I can’t tell one Saturday’s voice from another.

By Ellie Patterson

#2: I know sex is little removed from clubbing these days, but I’ll make the point all the same. Example: The Wanted with ‘Glad You Came’. A song about getting wasted and sleeping together. Ah, romance is still alive I see. Good God, if I hear that song one more time on the radio I will burst. I know it’s club music, but isn’t the club where it belongs then? The song is crafted like an IKEA chair. Use the manual, put the components together and voilà, you have a song. Not a lovely one, but a usable one. This is an IKEA song, like many others of its generation. It is not a beautiful once-off, hand made song that took months to plan, prepare, make and polish? No offence meant to IKEA, half my house consists of it.

competitions without, I suspect, much real passion for music, or prior endeavours to succeed in music. The songs they produce as their own are often written by someone else. The beats and tunes are unimaginative and dull. And, my pet hate, the over-heavy use of auto-tune is simply staggering, giving each and every song a sameness and a fakeness that takes little effort to achieve. While some of the types of songs I am taking about have heartfelt undercurrents, the majority are about #1: clubbing. #2: sex. #3: infatuation (note: not love.) #1: The Saturdays are my prime example, with their song Notorious. While watching it my eyes actually glazed over. The way these girls objectify themselves is astounding to me. The whole video is verging on pornography. Lyrics include ‘I’ve been a bad girl/I’m a bad girl’ and ‘and everybody knows my name here/I’m the head of game here/Pleasure and the pain yeah’. These girls are making themselves as pieces of meat. Nicole Scherzinger

#3: Infatuation. I hate to say it, (primarily because I know I may get killed for doing so) but One Direction’s ‘What makes You Beautiful’ just doesn’t do it for me. Sure, it’s fluffy and cute but at the end of the day it’s purely based on looks and the tune and beat aren’t up to much. Please don’t kill me. ‘Don’t need makeup/To cover up/Being the way that you are is enough’. Who are these “There is no teenage boys kidding? For one art or musicianthing, they themselves are ship in these wearing more make up than I would on a Saturday, if I’m hyper-processed honest. It’s all about the image pieces of eyefor these boy bands, not the music. V-neck knitted top, candy.” expensive sneakers and tight jeans ring a bell? Thought so. Personally I prefer a less pretty look. Gimme Sébastien Chabal any day of the week. The same can be said for Bruno Mars’ ‘Just The Way You Are’. It’s pure fluff. I’ve nothing against harmless fluff really, but it’s simply not my thing, especially when those singing it are simultaneously trying to fix their hair in the reflection of the glass.

Decay

Model: Niamh Kenny Photographers: Ellie Patterson Muireann Joyce Hearne Nafisa Millat

A day in the life of a Bebo Stunnah Bebo Stunnahs; a common phenomenon that you can find almost anywhere you go. Don’t know how to recognise one? Fenella Foxiie babeey xoxo shows you how.

Average bebo stunnah… 1) Get up half an hour after your alarm goes off. 2) Put on your uniform (obviously roll up your skirt so it barely covers anything and makesure the tan on your legs is still really orange and streaky) 3) Straighten your hair so much that it has zero life left or take three hours to put it into a perfectly styled messy bun or have it in a ponytail sitting right on top of your head so your bleached blonde extensions look gorgeous. 4) Don’t wash your face, instead cover yesterdays make-up with more of it so that you achieve that fab layered dirt look! 5) Freshen your breath with chewing gum, ready for a long, hard day of shiftin’ down town and making teachers think you’re TUFF OU BAAH. 6) Eat breakfast. 7) Have a normal day at school which may include giving people abuse and throwing hundreds of daggers to passing individuals or it may be spent in the bath-

--Fenella Foxiie babeey xoxo

***

lla Fox

Still not sure? Well look at it like this - these are the differences in your daily life… Average teenage girl… 1) Get up half an hour after your alarm goes off. 2) Throw on your uniform. 3) Leave your hair however it wants to be that day (probably greasy or frizzy) 4) Wash your face. 5) Brush your teeth. 6) Eat your breakfast. 7) Have a normal day at school. 8) Go on Facebook. 9) Eat dinner. 10) Sleep.

Finally, I don’t mean to offend anyone but if you cannot recognise any of these signs as alien then the chances are, you are in fact a Bebo Stunnah.

y Fenne

You: Hey! Bebo Stunnah: Well gurley xoxoxo mwaah :* You: How are you? J x Bebo Stunnah: Nt 2 bad nw hUn buZziin ta see ya diz wEeKenD guna be sum session hehehehehe :* LY xoxoxoxoxox You: *Now slightly worried* Sounds fun! Sorry I have to go…talk soon J x Bebo Stunnah: AwhH nOo bbE txt mii soon Kk xOxO luv yhoo lots lioke jelly totz buh nO more deN VodKa ShoTs Hunnii BuNnii :* :* xxxxxxOxoxoOooxoxOxooxoxoXoxox

room reapplying foundation to your lips. 8) Go on bebo for a quick look to see if you have any new comments from your new bf who u tiink is da wan fawr yhoo :* :*, obviously give him all 3 of your luv’s to make sure you stay first in his top sixteen and hope he might add you as his other half. Then go on Facebook complaining about how you think Facebook is stupid or how you think your school is “sUm state” or how you’re “SicK of Diz twn, tis ReCkiin mii hEaD Lioke!” 9) Eat dinner. 10) Put on more tan and foundation before closing your eyes and dozing off after a long day of being a Bebo Stunnah.

nb Illustratio

I am not a ‘Bebo Stunnah’. Well, at least I don’t think I am. I may have once been, but hey lets face it, we all were once as young foolish children with little guidance from our peers. If you are unaware of what a Bebo Stunnah is then let me tell you. They may often appear as oranges walking the streets wearing an Adidas tracksuit or a belly top with a pair of ridiculously tight leggings or an almost non-existent skirt. Still not able to recognise them? Your average conversation with a Bebo Stunnah may go something like this…

Illustratuion by Katie O始Grady

How to write a song

How to Write a Chart Topping, Brain Rocking, Mind Blowing, Head Banging Modern Pop Song that Will Make You Rich. Are YOU feeling a little strapped of cash? Need a sure fire way to earn some quick, easy money? Are the mundane activities like car washing, babysitting and minor theft just not providing you with the cash you want? If this is your dilemma, then this simple ‘how to’ guide is the God-send you are looking for! This helpful three step guide will lead you to that pot of gold at the end of the musical rainbow! Learn how to become grotesquely rich through the magic of music and the willingness of the public to buy atrocious mainstream songs. Step One; The Change. Never try to be individual / unique / yourself. It’s too wholesome for the likes of the media. They only want carbon copies; the typical dumbed down, size zero, self centred drama queen. So, how do you achieve this look? Invest some of the money you earned from your previous jobs in plastic surgery. Freeze your face, blow up your lips like balloons, suck the fat out of your stomach and store it in your brain, like all the other famous people. Don’t keep your regular ‘common’ name. Spice it up with something exotic or simply change it to Justin. It is common knowledge that all singers named Justin are renowned, even if they have no musical talent. And if you're a girl, just slap an ‘e’ onto the end of Justin, and voila! The female version. Step Two; The Lyrics.

Find the perfect lyrics for your chart topping, brain rocking, mind blowing, head banging song. This is quite a simple step, because it only needs to be a sentence or two and does not require any sense of meaning. Modern songs do not need any soulful, meaningful lyrics anymore. Just write about peeling oranges or checking out guys. Alternatively, you could write a complete lie of a song and sing about how you love the sound of laughing children or how perfect your life is. Now that you have your meaningless sentence or two of lyrics, you use repetition, repetition, repetition. Most popular songs just repeat one line countless times during a song. Most popular songs just repeat one line countless times during a song. See how catchy that is? Also, sprinkle the word ‘baby’ into the song as frequently as possible. A fast beat is required to accompany your song. Preferably a dizzy, high pitched beat, akin to the sound of a fly buzzing around a room. Step Three; The Singing. You're almost on your way to being able to bathe in a pile of your own money! You have the look, the lyrics and the beat; now all that’s left is the actual singing. If you cannot sing; do not fear! Auto tune will save you! This adds a lovely, mechanical air to the songs, which listeners absolutely lap up. If the use of auto tune some how doesn’t appeal to you, you can also go down the ‘chipmunk’ route. A growing sound heard in modern pop songs are the high pitched

melodies of a rapid, squeaky voice. By ‘chipmunkifying’ your voice, even terrible singing sounds great! Your actual voice is completely disguised by the high pitch! Remember; the higher pitched the better! Congratulations! You have come to the end of How to Write a Chart Topping, Brain Rocking, Mind Blowing, Head Banging Modern Pop Song that Will Make You Rich! I can almost guarantee* that this guide will work 100% for you! If you are not one of the millions of satisfied customers who are now world renowned celebrities, then you can not receive your money back. by Alice Barry-O’Donovan

Everyday I’m shuffling Charlotte Keane writes about the ever popular programme that is the X Factor.

revamp was a success. Why was this though? Was it because Louis’ consistent Irish presence was loved by all? Were we just enchanted by Kelly’s gleaming smile? Maybe Tulisa’s no-nonsense, brat-like attitude just brought new comedy to the talent show. Or maybe we all secretly dream of having Garry Barlow as our sugar daddy. Suddenly the drum in my head struck a beat. The Xfactor has improved due to the sincerity and passion in the judges and contestants who take part. For instance when has Cheryl Cole ever asked a contestant to hit a high A? Oh that’s right, she hasn’t. These judges are serious about the music industry and only want to work with pure and honest talent. The focus of this year’s talent show is on the contestants and their lives, and most importantly their love of music (Well except for the annual heart throb boy band). The X-factor has reached a surface deeper than before and it is really touching us viewers at home. I know that I will continue to tune into this twentyfirst century cult television show until the moment the lovely Mr O’Leary calls out this year’s X-factor winner. Also, I’m dying to know how Ollie Murs can wear his pants so tight.

The streets are silent and empty. Barry’s Tea Factory is working overtime and running low on supplies. Movies are screening to an empty mass of seats. Is the world about to end? No. It’s Saturday night and it’s autumn. Put that into an equation and you’ll end up with “The XFactor.” (Queue theme tune - da, da, da, etc.) This show has taken control of an entire generation’s social life. This must make parents feel really jealous. In fairness what else would keep you locked in your sitting room until half eleven on a Saturday night? This season has to be the most thrilling yet. The X-Factor has been through a huge make-over, causing many arguments in classrooms across the country. The topic which spurred the majority of arguments was of course the “shuffling” of judges. What would we do without our reliable Mr Nasty? Could we survive the winter without Cheryl and Danny’s weekly style wars? With anticipation we waited on our leather couches, in our ‘What would we do without our reliable Mr Nasty? Could we survive the winter without ‘onesies’ and expected the unexpected. I remember watching the first episode of Cheryl and Danny’s weekly style wars?’ this season as if it was yesterday. There was about ten of us squished into my couch, (we decided that we should be together as support in case the episode went horribly wrong) and we were all thinking the same thing; “If another person auditions with another Mariah Carey number I will scream!” However within the first ten minutes of the show we all gave each other a Simon Cowell taking over the world one song contented nod and a satisfied smirk. The X-factor’s at a time.

(^_^) Endearing Emoticons (*_*) :) A simple way to display emotion? :3 Because they’re so darn cute? |:( Just too lazy to actually type out how you feel? Whilst writing this article on the dinner table, my Dad passed by and caught a glimpse of what I was typing. He then leaned over my shoulder and promptly typed in two symbols; <3. “This is what I put at the end of some of my texts to Mum.” he beamed, seemingly proud of his astronomical symbol art skills. “Oh!” I replied sarcastically, “That’s less than three!” To my surprise, my dad mistook my sarcasm for ignorance and proceeded to pick up the computer and try turn it sideways, to show his unimaginative daughter that in fact it resembled a heart shape. Emoticons are used by millions of people in this widely technological age, even by people as old as my Dad. :P As I'm sure you know emoticons are facial expressions, used by punctuation, numbers and letters to portray the mood of the writer. :D Surprisingly, emoticons were born long before mobile phones and email. The first ever emoticons were published an American magazine; Puck on March 30th 1881. :P An emoticon was first used on the internet in September 1982 by a man named Scott Fahlman, who used it for the very important task of distinguishing serious posts from jokes. Scott is now known as ‘the father of the smiley.’ :D

East Happy Crying Wink Laugh Surprise

(^_^) (T_T) (^_~) (^o^) (*o*)

In 2007, Yahoo conducted a survey with 40,000 Yahoo Messegers concerning emoticon use. A whopping 82% of these people frequently use emoticons in their Instant Message conversations. 57% of these users also said that they would rather tell a ‘crush’ their true feelings through emoticons than words. No surprise there, really. :O In Eastern emoticons, eyes are the focus. In Western emoticons, the mouth is central and is what changes the most depending on the mood. Eastern emoticons can generally support a greater variety of emotions or feelings, like blushing; (#^.^#) or apologising; m(--)m. Not that it looks very apologetic to me. :| In Japan, mobile phones can be set up with hundreds of these emoticons, ready for you to pick out and pop into any conversation. But what I think is coolest about Oriental smileys are that you can have a little emoticon guy hand a waffle to another emoticon guy. :D Aww! (>^_^)># <(^.^<) I hope you learned something about one of the little things we generally take for granted in life. :) Thank you so much for reading. x) Remember guys; I love you. Less than three. by Alice Barry O’Donovan

West :) :’( ;) :D :O

Random

unabashedly honest when searching for all her You either love it or you hate it, but the Harry possessions she accepted that “apparently people Potter series is timeless, and not just for its clever have been hiding them… But its all good fun.” A storyline, but how it is packed with relatable idols memorable thing she said then was ‘my mum and strong characters. The books may surround a always said things we lose have a way of coming male protagonist, but there is an obvious amount back to us in the end, if not always in the way we of heroine power. expect.’ Before I get to the characters, just take a look at Mothers have a very the creator, J.K Rowling. ‘A proclaimed feminist who is a modest influential role in the A proclaimed feminist books too. The obvious, who is a modest and and amazing writer – because when Molly Weasley, who amazing writer – because you take away all of the fame and showed her generosity by when you take away all fortune that may come to mind when taking Harry under her of the fame and fortune you think of Harry Potter, the series is wing even if her big family that may come to mind still a brilliant piece of writing.’ were by no means well when you think of Harry off. Her care for another boy shows us that there is Potter, the series is still a brilliant piece of writing. nothing more important than having a family, Throughout the book she has threaded brilliant whether born into it or you adopt one. The same advice without fail and a journey that has affected maternal need is seen with the main character, readers worldwide. Some of my favorite quotes Harry Potter, as we are shown that whenever among the mass of inspiration are, ‘It does he is in distress or needs help he has not do to dwell on dreams and forget to either turned to his mother or a ghost live’ and ‘to the well-organized mind, of her. You see? Men need women. death is but the next great (We need them too, but that’s adventure.’ another story…) You could not write this article Then there is the not-sowithout mentioning Hermione obvious motherly figure, Granger. Not only has she Narcissa Malfoy. Despite her stood up for herself, but she associations with dark magic she has never wavered from who shows how she cares for nothing she really is. Despite her friend but her son, Draco. She risks her Ron and others mocking her and life for him on two occasions, calling her names, she showed saving Harry in the process of one. insecure girls worldwide that it’s ok Her sister on the other hand, who is still to be a bookworm. Speaking of ignoring comments, Luna a very strong female character, has a very different outlook on what love is. Her love is Lovegood is probably the epitome of being at solely for Voldemort, and she is prepared to die ease with oneself and as J.K herself put it, ‘not for him. This means she has no mercy or giving a damn about what anyone thinks compassion for others as she does about her’. First introduced to not take their love as right. (??) us as a very odd and airy (Ack, I’m stuck too >_0) character, throughout the So although many of other past series she proved how people famous stories have had a strong will still love you for who you male presence, recent years and are, as long as you love yourself and attitude changes have shone a light on women’s be yourself even if it means not following the equal significance, ‘Harry Potter’ being but one. crowds. Her blunt honesty ("I enjoyed the meetings too. It was like having friends") makes her a true friend and her dreamy personality makes you wonder how and why we have so many worries. For instance she was

Illustration Alice Barry OʼDonovan

T h e wo m e n o f H a rr y Po t t e r

Muireann Joyce Hearne writes on the undeniable presence of girl power in the world reknowned Harry Potter series.

Wa ys t o get ou t o f do ing spo r t

Is sport just one humiliating ordeal after another? Never fear; Elizabeth Clutterbuck describes the failproof method of avoiding sport.

A teenage lif

Very wise words on making the most by Mary Theresa Glendon.

VFootball. If you’re reading this then I assume that you are one of us not so athletic people and therefore have felt that embarrassing moment of shame when this round object comes flying through the air towards you. A long time ago, a child was born with nothing on her Suddenly you have lost all control of your arms mind. A child who gently slept in her mother’s arms and legs, you try to kick the ball but at that and always cried when she was hungry. This child moment your foot decides to have a spasm attack and instead of heading in the simple direction of forward the ball ‘Teenage life is an important chapter of our lives manages to end up somewhere in the bushes. If you have felt this feeling or where we teens should be meticulous in everythin something similar then read on. The we do! Grab every opportunity we can!’ most classic way of getting out of doing football has to be the fall and injure, but grew up to be a great kid. This kid grew up to be me. this must be done with precision and Since childhood, I was a happy kid. I never really believable, Oscar worthy acting .This technique bothered with anything except playing with my has been tried and tested around the world; you will often see professional football players friends. I was a cheerful and always thought employing this technique though it usually is positively. I loved spending time playing imaginary used to obtain penalties. However watching games with my friends. But my entire life changed one of these when I entered matches can be this critical stage extremely helpful The most classic way of getting out of doing in my life where in improving your believability and football has to be the fall and injure, but this everything should give you some must be done with precision and believable, be systemic. I left ideas on creative ’ Barney and the Oscar worthy acting. falls, just see how TellyTubbies if a player is even behind a long time touched they double over and roll across the ago and entered that stage where I was far too cool ground usually stopping after a couple of meters and continuing to squirm in an attempt for all that jazz! to look like they’re in pain. Once, a player took Teenage life is an important chapter of our lives a blood capsule so when he fell he could bite where we teens should be meticulous in everything down on it and appear to be spitting blood. we do! Grab every opportunity we can! This can be tried by the more adventurous of Have you imagined it? That as we go through this you but for now I will take you through the stage, practically EVERYTHING about us changes! simple steps to a convincing fall. Physically, mentally, socially and most of all Step One: Stay close to another player and emotionally! preferably get in their way so they eventually As we go through life, we meet many changes. must accidentally hit or even just tap you. Once Changes that will lay the foundation for our state in this happens quickly proceed onto step two. the future. For this short period we must try to make Step Two: Wherever they hit you has to be look this the exciting, enjoyable and memorable times in like it’s been hit hard, so react by pushing that part of your body back. our life. Something we can look back on and laugh Step Three: By creating a huge reaction in step two you when we’re sitting in a rocking chair in our twilight can then lose your footing and the fall occurs. For this years. fall I recommend landing on the ground face first to look As a teenager we are at that enviable stage where even more painful. A good leap in the air will everything is positioned to suit ourselves! So much also add to this effect. Once these steps are potential lies within arms reach! We are young and completed you have successfully mastered the fall and injure and the full of energy. We feel like we are invincible; totally only thing to do is writhe in pain carefree and becoming free and independent and until taken away. will ALWAYS feel the need to be rebellious! We will also have a thousand and one questions that must be --Elizabeth Clutterbuck answered! This is the time when we actually need the

t of your free teenage life written

guidance and support of our parents and older people! The company we keep will have a great effect on in our teenage life. Choosing the right circle of friends will save us a lot of troubles, could bring us heartbreaks and possibly life of regret. Enjoy the company of different kinds of people! ng As a sixteen year old I say... ENJOY YOUR TEENAGE YEARS FOR THEY WILL NOT LAST FOREVER!

Interview with Ms.Powell What would you do if a student fell asleep in class? Send her for a hearing test as quickly as possible! If you were a superhero, who would you be? Grainne Mhaol Ni Mhaille – Pirate Queen. Last book you read / T.V programme you watched? Queen Elizabeth the Second – The Diamond Queen. If you weren’t a teacher, what would you be? A royal correspondent. Best or worst excuse a student has given you? “I didn’t hear you.” Come on! If a movie was made of your life, who would you want to play the part of you? Highly unlikely to happen. Helen Mirren – if she’s good enough to play her Majesty she’s good enough for me. If Jesus or a god of your choice decided to spend a day with you, what would you do with them? Sit Jesus down and ask Him “What’s all this about?” What really happens in the staﬀ room? I don’t know – they won’t let me in! What did you eat for breakfast this morning? A kiwi, natural yoghurt and seeds. Pet hate? Questionnaires! Funniest thing that’s ever happen while teaching? Teaching P.E and Music as a young substitute teacher. (Not at the same time though!) Did you ever go through a phase in your life where you became obsessed with something? Permanent phase of Royal Mania! What annoys you most about teenagers these days? They ask too many questions? Any quirky habits? You tell me! Favourite time of day or night? 14:27. Team Edward or Team Jacob? Team Edward. By Alice Barry O’Donovan

An Abundance of Katherines

You chedda

Ellie Patterson reviews the acclaimed book ‘An Abundance of Katherines’ by John Green.

What do you think of when you hear the word sport? Do you think of football? Basketball? Or even hot rugby shadowed sports, the ones that people enjoy to hear unique. Reading this you probably wouldn’t even have thought the word sport I think of one thing and ONE thing alon CHEESE ROLLING Think about it. How many people can say that they ar involves cheese? Not that many people, what does th whether cheese rolling is a true sport or if it is just people rolling cheese down a hill? Well, one may also say that the only ‘It is a sp reason these people say this, is because strength the sport is too difficult for those who and mos question its place, that it is a sport that cheese.’ requires strength, determination, skill and most importantly a good cheese. Each year at Cooper’s Hill, the Cheese rolling competition is held. Are these people crazy? Well stop the numbers turning out to watch and participate mean dangerous. There have been numerous injuries in even broken bones. These people all turn up in the hop pay off. The prize? The winner gets to keep their Cheese. Food

‘An Abundance of Katherines’ is the story of teenaged Colin Singleton, a washed-up former child prodigy desperate to prove that he matters. Colin has an inexplicable habit – he only dates girls by the name of Katherine. In the wake of being dumped by his nineteenth (and favourite) Katherine, heartbroken Colin and his loyal (if a little vulgar) Muslim friend Hassan embark on a road-trip without a cause. However their journey is cut abruptly short upon meeting the intriguing Lindsey Lee Wells and being sucked into the dusty old town in which she grew up. This story could not be farther from your average American road-trip. It is told with constant wit and intelligence and surprising depth. It is not a boy-meets-

‘This story could not be farther from your average American road-trip. It is not a boy-meets-girl kind of book.’ girl kind of book. It is an account of friendship and life, told with a style of realism that is seldom seen anywhere anymore. It is more about human nature and relationships than action. It is not an adventure either, but an exploration. Though the writing is blunt and casual, there are deep and true emotions that catch you off guard and make the story real. Colin slowly realises that there is more to life than having a Katherine… and, in Lindsey’s long forgotten town of Gutshot, finally stumbles upon something that may make him matter like he hasn’t done since he was a child – but not without a twist or two before the end. I love this book. You don’t need the emotional energy that you need to read a book like ‘twilight’, yet somehow this book is still richer in feeling and in depth, perhaps due to the fact that the characters couldn’t be farther from perfect, polished and beautiful. No, instead, they are real.

Emma Collacott discovers more ab

Life and Laugh

Charlotte Keane reviews Michea

It is easy to feel sorry for twenty-first century chil below us or showing off their dentures during a g Tommy Cooper will be replacing his red fez for he late Orange to her twenty-six cats. However recently I read a book. A book which is s This book is called “Life and Laughing, “and the ti

Michael McIntyre shows extreme wit and humour barrassing and intriguing stories on his journey to Throughout the book I chuckled my way through tressing unrequited teenage romance, mortifying ashamedly, fantastic family feuding. I enjoy how this Asian looking English man takes s frequent events in life and turns it into a joke to b McIntyre’s story to fame is full of substance as he rejection and random lucky breaks. His style of co and original, and comes across superbly in this au So future youths fear not! You shall have a comed to, and his name is Michael McIntyre. -Charlotte Keane

ar believe it

Random

bout the grate (pun intended) sport of cheese rolling.

y players? I don’t. I think of the about, the ones that make us

it was a sport, but when I hear ne...

re a participant in a sport that hat say? It may be debated on

l, maybe they are but it doesn’t e in this dangerous sport and I this sport; sprains, bruises and pe that their training will finally for thought that is.

hing

al McIntyre’s autobiography;

ldren. By the time they grow up all the most well loved comedians of the twentieth century could either be six feet game of bridge. Billy Connolly will be eating blended haggis; earing aids; and Dawn French will be feeding Terry’s Choco-

so funny it has given me hope for comedy future. itle is self explanatory.

r as he retells his most emowards success. stories about distour mishaps and,

such simple and be remembered. e is faced with omedy is fresh utobiography. dy king to look up

‘His style of comedy is fresh and original, and comes across superbly in this autobiography.’

Illustration by Nafisa Millat

port that requires h, determination, skill st importantly a good ’

Short Story

An adaptation

A clever adaption of Christian Andersen’s beloved tale by Ellie Patt He had been up all night; he had almost sent a host Deep on the ocean’s floor, in a grand, sprawling of minions to search for her. But his rage didn’t castle lived the Little Mermaid. She had long, flowing reach the Little Mermaid. She retreated to her red hair the colour of autumn leaves, and eyes bright chamber, pulled her russet hair around her and let and green as emeralds. Her father was Emperor and her tears mix with the sea. Slowly a desperate plan the Little Mermaid was the youngest and most began to unfold in her mind. beautiful of his twelve daughters. The Emperor was After the passing of many days, the Little Mermaid protective, very protective indeed, of his Little emerged from her quarters. The Emperor had a Mermaid. However, she was fast approaching 15, the dominion to run and would not notice her passing. age at which he had allowed her eleven elder sisters She left through the front gates of the castle to swim to the surface and feel the sun on their faces. unhindered, and made her way to the caves. No The day came. The Little Mermaid’s only birthday sensible mermaid entered the caves, as deep in their wish was to be granted permission to swim to the bowels dwelled the Sea Witch, who ate alive any surface of the water. How could the Emperor resist creature that caught her in a temper, which was that sweet face, and even sweeter voice? The Little terribly often. Yet, the Little Mermaid was desperate Mermaid was off like a shot, her pearlescent tail and felt that the Sea Witch offered the only solution. rippling through the salt water. After a lengthy and Calling out, the Little Mermaid drifted deeper into exhilarating journey, she broke the surface in an the caves. A putrid smell filled her nostrils. When she explosion like a million tiny diamonds. The first sight reached the end of that met her eyes was of a the cave, the Sea handsome sailor with dark The Boy and the Little Mermaid gripped Witch was waiting hair and darker eyes on a each other tightly. As the sun sank, its last for her. Only the far-off ship. Very far-off, in dying ray glanced off the blade in the Sea sweetness of the fact; the Little Mermaid’s Witch’s hand. Little Mermaid’s vision was powerful and voice had kept her she could see clearly for from attacking. The Little Mermaid begged the Sea miles off. She floated, gazing, in the water until she Witch for a potion that would give her legs. Grinning noticed a storm cloud forming over the sailor’s a crooked grin, the Sea Witch agreed, but for a price. vessel. The tongue of the little Mermaid. Anything, said the Realising the danger the young man was in, the jewel-eyed Little Mermaid, Anything. And so the deal Little Mermaid launched herself into the water, was made. swimming with all her might, which was a The Little Mermaid returned to the sandy shore considerable amount. By the time she reached the where she had left the Boy. She took the potion and boat, thunder was clapping overhead and rain fell convulsed with the pain of a thousand knives. The from the heavens in needle-like darts. The ship was Boy found her where she lay, hours after, and sinking, and as the Little Mermaid looked up, her eyes brought her to the palace – for like her, his father caught the sailor falling through the air and being was king. There he had her cleaned, clothed and fed swallowed by the jade-coloured waves. Down she – he too had fallen in love at first sight. But no dived, and torpedoed towards his sinking body. She matter what he said to the girl, no matter what he caught him around his waist and drew him to the did, she would not speak to him. He did not surface, knowing from home tales that humans understand, but their relationship continued, as the couldn’t live without air. Boy could not bear to return her to the beach; for By the time she had brought him to land, dawn was fear that she would desert him. breaking, turning the water to gold. She knew she The Boy’s father, the King, grew angry. He had had to leave the boy; that humans cannot breathe is arranged a marriage with a neighbouring princess not the only wisdom she had gleaned from home. She and could see that his son’s attention was straying knew they were barbaric creatures that would only from his princely duty. He sat the Boy down, and had harm a creature like her. With a heart so heavy she a chat with him, man to man. He told his son that he could scarcely keep from sinking, the Little Mermaid would put a knife through his throat if he did not left the boy on the sand and slipped back into the make a good marriage with the princess. This water. conversation ended with the Boy storming out of the When she reached home, the Emperor was furious.

n of ‘The Little Mermaid’ room and slamming the door after him. The King was not so easily deterred. He forced the marriage upon his son. That evening, the Little Mermaid ran to the sea and threw herself waist-deep into the water. The Sea Witch’s voice whispered in her head. I will return you your fish’s tail, and your tongue, if you bring me the heart if the sailor boy. Make your choice, or it’s your heart I will take. The Little Mermaid was in a terrible state. Which could she choose? A life with her the people who loved her, but in exchange for the life of him whom she loved? Just then the Boy came running to the Little Mermaid. He was weeping. Wordlessly, they embraced, half submerged in the foamy saltwater. Both of their hearts were broken. Their spirits too, by the contracts binding them. As they stood entwined in the dusk, pink-hued water lapping around them, their contractors came upon them, looking for their ransoms. The Sea Witch rose from the waves and the King descended from the hilltop upon which his palace was perched. Both unsheathed their weapons and readied themselves for the kill. The King was to take his own son’s life, and the Sea Witch was come for the Little Mermaid’s. The Boy and the Little Mermaid gripped each other tightly. As the sun sank, its last dying ray glanced off the blade in the Sea Witch’s hand. The King, already crazy with rage, was blinded by the glare and lunged forward. The Little Mermaid pulled the Boy below the surface of the waves. The King’s dagger went straight through the Witch’s heart. And with her last breath, the witch cut the King’s head clean off. The water around the lovers blushed crimson. The Little Mermaid and her Boy resurfaced. Every spell was broken with the Sea Witch’s death. The mermaid regained her voice, and her tail. She finally spoke to the Boy. Here is where our story ends – and theirs continues. There was no magic to give the Boy

Photography by Ellie Patterson Model Sinead Pollard

terson.

a tail, or to give the Little Mermaid human legs. But their love was strong, and love so strong cannot be broken. The Little Mermaid returned to her ocean home, and of his twelve daughters, the King chose her to rule his Kingdom when he died. And the Boy returned to the palace, where he would grow to be a fine man, and King to his people. And though the duties they had to their people were many, the pair often found time to make the journey to the small, sandy beach where their story blossomed.

Discover your Patronus! Have you ever wondered, when you are face to ‘face’ with a Dementor (*warning: tends to suck out souls), who will be your trusty sidekick? FIND OUT! In this 75% accurate quiz! QUESTIONS

figures.

Q.1 – How far would you go to bring someone you love back from the dead? a) Maybe blow up some far away country, where I know no-one. b) I would be selfless and sacrifice myself to bring them back to life. c) I would have one person die who I don’t know, preferably an old person, they are going to die soon anyway. d) Kill as many people as necessary. e) Nothing. If someone is dead I know I shouldn’t mess with it and leave it the way it’s supposed to be. Q.2 – What qualities do you value most in a friend? a) Power and control. b) Adventurous and loyal. c) Wisdom and acceptance. d) Evil and mischievous. e) Honesty and fun-filled. Q.3 – How would you spend a free Sunday afternoon? a) Annoying people with practical jokes, creating havoc. b) Solving mysteries with your friends and playing outside. c) Hanging out and laughing with friends, eating sweets. d) Bullying younger people, planning world domination. “In order for e) Studying for school.

Q.5 – What annoys you the most? a) When I have no one to push me around. b) Selfish people and people who don’t stand up for themselves. c) If someone doesn’t understand a little thing, unrealistic people. d) All things good and nice, mudbloods. e) Condescending people and stress.

ANSWERS

MOSTLY As Rat – Cowardly and a traitor, selfish and weak. (Lousy!) MOSTLY Bs Stag - Courageous and adventurous and values others. MOSTLY Cs Phoenix – Wise and has a good grasp on reality, sees the truth of humanity. MOSTLY Ds Serpent – Basically you’re evil, have no limits, and should be Voldemort's runner-up. MOSTLY Es Otter- Intelligent and friendly and law-abiding, well-balanced.

it to work, you need to think of a memory. Not just any memory, a very happy memory, a very powerful memory... Allow it to fill you up... Lose yourself in it... And then speak the incantation “Expecto Patronum.”’

Q.4 – What/who are your influences? a) My condescending ‘friends’. b) My parents, but I try to be influenced by what I learn from experience. cOlder people/friends in my life and people who say wise things. d) Simple: The Dark Lord. e) Writers and some authority

--Remus Lupin

But, each patronus is different, depending on the actual person. So basically, you’ve just wasted 5 minutes of your life. You’re welcome.

Compiled by Muireann Joyce Hearne

Type of Life

part of Facebook life, brought on to the person themselves, who in the first place shouldn’t have given the password to every Tom, Dick and Harry. However it is now too late to turn back time, the damage has been done. At this stage, people are wise as to whether or not a chat is being brought on by a frapist. A clear indication is when it is the first time you have ever been messaged by this person and the message says “Hey babessss… hows yhooo xxx”. Personally, I love it when the unfraped do not realise that their conversation is from a frapist. This gives the frapist the opportunity to cause great awkwardness and damage to a person’s relationship and reputation. Let’s just say that it’s my guilty pleasure. The awkwardness begins when the victim has to inform the unfraped that they have just been fraped. The unfraped have to hilariously reply with “oh, no bother”. Both people are dying from mortification while the frapist remains anonymous and with a stomach ache from laughing. Our final icon is It’s eight o’clock on a Thursday night. That head notifications. We all feel like loners when there is no wrecking Irish essay has been written and your dinner magic red box popping out from this icon. There are so scoffed. What to do now is the next question. Before many possibilities as to what can lie behind even thinking twice you find yourself gazing at a square notifications. There are the annoying and nuisance bright light, while sitting on a wheely chair, with your notifications such as pokes and Farmville requests. The fingers typing a password you have already given to poke notification is a personal pet hate of mine. It half your class. It is now time for Facebook. This alarm brings your hopes up for some serious news and then is automatically set in a young adults mind to remind leaves you hanging. The most wished for notification is them to keep up to date with the social networking informing of how many world. So it begins this people “liked” your socialising research This alarm is automatically set in a young status. In recent years we activity. The first phase of adults mind to remind them to keep up to have began to think that this mass- network is full of date with the social networking world. the more people who like anticipation; as you wait to your status the more see how many numbers will be standing in the red popular, successful and basically sound you will be. boxes on the top left hand corner of the screen. These Let’s be honest. Can 90 clicks from a mouse really make are better known as; friends, messages and you happy? The answer is “yes”. Having an above notifications. Your day has been complete when you average amount of likes on your status makes you feel see red from these icons. Having a friend request like you own the whole Facebook nation, and that the makes you feel so loved, even better if it’s a (wait for world is waiting on your beck and call. For now I shall it)… boy. If it is a fellow school acquaintance however, have to carry on as a liking status supporter as I would you just feel used. It’s happened to us all. That girl from not be able to live up to records of over a hundred and second year whose face is familiar, but we all know that twenty-one. We can all admit that us Irish are naturally she is trying to up her “friend” numbers past four nosey. We only ask people if they’re okay if we know hundred. That’s just how it is on Facebook. Everyone is that they’ll say no and give us a long detailed there to promote what a good social life and craic they description of their depressing life. Facebook gives us have. Our wall is our canvas of life. We can make it as the opportunity to be nosey in silence. Yes, we can all colourful and attractive as we like, or leave it looking admit to doing it; Facebook stalking. Anyone who is on dark and gloomy with a status saying “I love chocolate Facebook is a stalker. When on Facebook, we can be on :D xxxxx”, followed by a like from your auntie. If there line for over an hour without one conversation, but just are no friend requests at all, we just feel unwanted and gawking at people’s pictures, walls and posts. Like forgotten; end of. As we move across the icon menu we anything, it’s an addiction. To overcome this addiction check our messages. Usual messages left are a waste we need to recognise our problem. We all know that of mouse clicking time as there lies a measly reply of, none of us will be putting our hands up anytime soon, “ttyl (:”. But wait. You suddenly see a random name on so it looks like this addiction will carry on for your chat list. A name you never dared speak to in real generations to come. I’m not too pushed. How else do life, never mind through a keyboard. Within seconds it you spend a Saturday afternoon? I must go now and dawns on you; you have been fraped. Fraping is now change my profile picture. I’ve changed a lot since last Illustration Alice Barry OʼDonovan

Are we slaves of Facebook? Charlotte Keane describes what an average Facebook user would experience beyond the alluring blue login screen.

Opinion Why I want to become a WAG

Fame Monster

Photo By Fenella Fox

Is Lady Gaga really the fountain of cr bizarre attempts to be original becom writes.

Let me just begin by noting that I am not against individualism and originality, I am in actual fact in total favour of them and love people who dress for themselves and wear what they like. These people have both a unique and creative fashion sense and in my books, are the coolest and most brilliant people when it comes to fashion. I’m talking about people like Tavi Gevinson, who at just 12 became famous for her outrageous fashion sense and extreme fashion blog. Now let me just state that Lady Gaga is not, nor has never been, nor will she ever be one of these people. Now before I get swamped by ‘Little Monsters’ screaming at me and telling me how wrong I am and that Lady Gaga is the “most inspiring and artistic creation that ever maybe walked this earth”, let me say that I haven’t always hated her, in the beginning I ‘If she is trying so ha found her music quite good and her personality the same as any oth Why I want to become a WAG. charming and refreshing. In the beginning she was I have an interest in many things, although sport has relatively normal and her music and fashion was never been one of them. To be quite honest, I would light and interesting. rather watch paint dry (which is probably why I I personally admire Avant Garde fashion and like always seem to be painting my nails when my whole when people are unique in how they dress. Lady family is watching a match). It is odd though, I hate Gaga, however, has not got one unique bone in her sport yet one of my biggest dreams probably is to body. In interviews, she spews a load of rubbish on become a WAG. Yes, it may seem unlikely, although how it’s important to be yourself and not to it is quite easily done: Go to a football match, wear conform to society. How is anyone meant to take massive designer sunglasses, pretend you have this advice when she herself takes all of her most experience in modelling and get chatting to a famous and controversial outfits have been taken footballer. I think the lifestyle would suit me straight from other artists? Sh e has taken ideas perfectly, that is as long as I don’t have to actually from Grace Jones, David Bowie, Freddie Mercury watch any matches, but I think by that stage I could and Roisin Murphy. From her trademark just dance lightning strike ‘It is odd though, I hate sport yet one of my (knock-off of David Bowies Aladdin biggest dreams probably is to become a WAG.’ sane album) to her Born This Way machine-gun bra (knock off of Madonna’s iconic bra.) afford not to go because everyone will know that I I also believe she has gone way over board with her have to keep up my ever fabulous appearance for ‘meat dress’ and ‘condom suit’ It appears that she the paparazzi which means I could easily spend everyday in the hairdressers or shopping with my celebrity friends. Usually people think I’m joking when I talk about my WAG dream, but I am quite serious, I can see a lot of jet setting off to the Bahamas in my future, whether it’s with my husband Cristiano Ronaldo or with my best friend, Victoria Beckham.

Fenella Fox on her quest for WAG-dom.

Falsification

reativity she claims to be? Has her me gruesome? Niamh Whelan has run out of ideas and just does anything to get the shock factor. She tries way too hard to be strange and different. But in my opinion, if she is trying so hard to be different, why does her music sound the same as any other pop songs you would hear on the radio? She said herself that she wanted to do rock music, but the music industry has made her do pop because they would earn more money. One thing comes to mind; "isn't her whole image about her standing up for what she believes in and not being a conformist?" Celebrities such as Grace Jones have come out and made a public statement about how she has stolen her ideas. "I'd just prefer to work with someone who is more original and someone who is not copying me,

ard to be different, why does her music sound her pop songs you would hear on the radio?’ actually. "I've seen some things she's worn that I've worn, and that does kind of p*** me off... I wouldn't go to see her." And not only are her outfits ridiculous and unoriginal they are also quite offensive and crude. An example is her meat dress. A statement from People for the Ethical Treatment of Animals, animal lovers and vegetarians alike were all horrified and disgusted to see her butchering and mauling animals for her use in fashion. Not to mention her whole song dedicated to making a mockery of the Catholic Church. Judas caused controversy as you wouldn’t believe in the Vatican as she paraded around virtually naked with the ‘disciples’.

Lady Gaga is

Does Lady Gaga recieve too much Fenella Fox writes on how Lady Ga figure.

One of the first words people generally associate with Lady Gaga is influence. Whether she’s influencing millions of people worldwide to be themselves or getting criticised for being a “bad” influence by her haters, she still is an influence. Another word for influence is inspiration. Sounds better now, doesn’t it? That’s because Lady Gaga is in fact an inspiration. She has been inspired by successful music artists before her and is now inspiring her Little Monsters. People frequently state how she supposedly copies Madonna. However, copy really isn’t the correct term to use. Lady Gaga has always been a huge Madonna fan, she stated that she is “the hugest fan, personally and professionally.” So before peo‘She’sple not sticking to what considered ‘no fight back thinking this is is extremely unfair, Madonna did in fact admit that she sees herself reproving that she is an inspiration.’ flected in Lady Gaga. If anything I think it’s fantastic that a girl with a talent can follow her dreams and be just like her inspiration because we all have inspirations and Lady Gaga is certainly mine. She’s living her dream; who wouldn’t want to? Her fashion may cause much controversy, but at the end of the day if people hate her that much, why do they even bother taking the time to complain about her? They clearly care so she has obviously made an impression on their lives, which shows us that her creativity has made an impact and she is being judged simply for thinking outside of the box. She’s not sticking to what is considered ‘normal’, further proving that she is an inspiration. She has had many memorable outfits but they all mean something special to her. Her ‘Meat Dress’ was not intended to of-

What did the g

"Breathe, idiot

Opinion an inspiration

bad press? A misunderstood genius? aga is a fresh, original and inspiring

fend anybody, it was in fact a political statement and her ‘Condom Suit’ was to raise awareness on HIV/AIDS prevention and to encourage safe sex which she states her mother taught her from a young age so she was aware of it. She sings about this in her song ‘Born This Way’. This sends out a positive message to her younger fans who will want to know the meaning behind her wacky outfits. Her music shows nothing but pure talent and this is lacking a lot in the music industry these days. Ever since 2008 Lady Gaga has brought back a much needed edge to the world of pop, giving it the energy boost it needed. Not everybody is Catholic and her song ‘Judas’ was not mocking the Catholic Church in any way. It was bringing something new to music, rather than the usual love and drugs scenario, ormal’, further and of course once again, she made an impact. If you don’t like the song, then don’t bother listening to it. Lady Gaga won’t let anybody put her down and she will stand up for the rights of others and of course her own. She is an incredible performer and will always put everything she has into making sure she puts on an amazing show. How does she manage to do it every single time? Because she’s different, she’s original. People want to see what she’s going to do next, regardless of whether you love her or if you hate her. You will always read about her or comment on her, because at the end of the day her creativity has affected millions of people in one way or another and to me she is an inspirational woman. She is my idol.

My top 5 favourite random websites Boredom is a disease; but with nothing more than a few mouse clicks you can entertain yourself. Muireann Joyce Hearne’s shares her top 5 websites. catsthatlooklikehitler.com The name explains it all - it’s a website where people can send in pictures of their cats that resemble the infamous German dictator, Adolf Hitler, named ‘kitlers’. omnomnomnom.com That’s OM NOM NOM NOM, the oddly hilarious website where you can look at pictures (example below) and say, ‘om nom nom nom!’ to. Another very funny website. wegetitsuri.com This website has many pictures of the adorable Suri Cruize and has captions about what she is doing. Example: ‘We get it, Suri. None of the shoes came in your size.’ ‘We Get It, Suri, Suri likes to show the world what she's got. We get it.’ crazythoughts.com Exactly what the name says. Hundreds and hundreds of unanswered ‘crazy’ thoughts that you may relate to. These are just a few: Why doesn't McDonald's sell hotdogs? At a movie theatre which arm rest is yours? What is Satan's last name? Where does the toe tag go on a dead person if they don't have toes? If a person dies and then springs back to life, do they get their money back for the coffin? If you are asked to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth and you’re the main witness, what if you say "no"? Do they bury people with their braces on? How far east can you go before you're heading west? howmanygoats.com

Joke

green grape say to the purple grape?

t! BREATHE!"

Not something you would wonder often, but you will now! This website gives a quiz and lets you know how many goats your life is worth!

’Don O y r r a B e c li A by

Illustration:- Emily OʼDwyer 6th Year

Life’s no fairytale

ovan

Short Story

ut of so m et h in g o ke n n th at w er e su h en d o e al l w o w ee ks o f th a sm l ra t ve sa se e se w h er e sh th at w it h in te r w o u ld lo h g au l d el er sm h in g p ro g ra m m e K n o w in g th at ta n ta lis t. h g ei e p w o y el d o d ev sh e h al f o f h er b en tl y o p p o se h ig h ly o b es e. A n d em h ly ve id u rb ld co o u o m ck s as G o ld ilo ck s w st ri ct io n s to G o ld ilo G o ld ilo ck s w ew it . ex er ci se o r re ti re w o rl d kn al e, la ce d en g ic e se zz id ys ri h rr Th en p . o yF m p it y an kn ew s h er im u ts , G re n is h m g is u d o d er g ly n lo d ai ed w it h Sh e co u ld n o as p u p p y fa t. h er te n e to fo rc e h er sp ri n kl av er h b b ld lu u b o er f w o e lls d sh b eg an to w at w ei g h t an d ro ec o m e so la rg e th at h er su sp ec te e. im g re e el th sp b to ad to d au g h te r o n u n d er th e G o ld ilo ck s h ap p ea re d in is d ad h lf k se ec er n ly at h le ti c , G re yF ri zz ro ll ed h o n ce sl en d er d h er fo rm er ry sa m e d ay an ve t. s u at h er s’ ze th d ld si ck u r lle o ilo in fi te La ed G o ld h er sh m s h ad in fl at u ce le af in to ar tt le g n a e ro ad ed st th h m t d e u o am cr le g s an tr u n ks . Sh d p u sh ed h er e fl es h y tr ee se U p o n h er ar ri v t th at st u n n ed m o u th an fa an m an d w er e lik u h tt ag e. B ec au f o co l r al b ei a th e f m o o a w o o d en sh ac k w fr o n t d o o r p ra ct ic al ly b ec w as se t at o p a w h ee lb ar ro in se u d o n h u o e tl ar lit d ie n at th th ei r q u ai n t h ad to b e ca rr ck s b ar re ll ed sh e ra as ke tb al l. ilo b a ld o e G lik d ill n h u o g h it , p r ve ry st ee p o r b o u n ce d ar d zo o m ed in to th ro u ly o b es e. id an d rb o ee m sp as h w ig s l ss b y h e d o w n it at h Ye s, G o ld ilo ck , sc re am in g al o f g la ill h e th w o el , st b a q u ic k sc an id d le o f Ju ly th e fo re m e th r in d ay u p a th e w h ile . ey es sp ie d th O n e su n n y ri zz , d re am t yF re G , e er eu th o qu d au g h te r’ s ro lli n g o ve r o n G o ld ilo ck s’ m lo m et re s o f o w n o n h er ki eo u d w an t y fe ly lt d cu p u a d m u m er si to si m ft A p la n ro u g h al l w ag es th sm d er an H t. g h n g u b ei an la rg e ta le , o u s ra cc o o n d m o n st ro u s w g ro u n d to ilo ck s’ en o rm s ld o ck G ilo e ld at o lit G ci g e, n o e st re am s, co u ld n o t fa sh e fi n is h ed p o rr id se t h er o b es to ce n O ed id t. ec al d h e se ev en tu al ce w as . Fo o d is ap p et it e. Sh fi er ce ex er ci re d s o f le tt u d sh an st t la ie e d th ct t ri rn o o n w al k sp it ti n g o u h er ta n g le d ch ild o n a st b y a lo n g af te u t le av es fr o m g o n g ti n ed ar lli p an d Ju st as th e u st o p h d e, zz an re g im w ly sa t u p . G re yF ri o sl ch n e lu r sh fo r, s le u ic kl y b o w ls cl ea n g o ld en h ai an d ve g et ab G o ld ilo ck s q . er h d n u o th e m ay h av e s lo o ke d ar d ee p w it h in as w e sh w as d o o r o f th e re al is ed an d th at sh e s el w o b y af w al k b ea rs w al k fo re st s le sh e w er e to If . st lo ly u rs . C h o ki n g in w el l an d tr an y lo n g h o u m ke ta ld u o ta b le , b u t h o m e it w n o ti ce d h er . G o ld ilo ck s Su d d en ly , A ro ar o f th re e w il fo o d . Th e an d fr en z a sm al l si le n t. d is co ve r A fu rr y p G o ld ilo c tr ie d to h er m o u

ey es o f h er g re en f th e co rn er w as e er ey fa ce . Th in to h er p u d g d h er se lf m o fr ru n o r d ef en lls aw ay to ro d w ie fe tr a s ly ck n ut o ld ilo es p er at el y st fl o o r. A A la s, G o te m p te d to d re at fo e Sh e . th ’t n n ld o d tu m b le d co u sh ac k to h er b u t sh e as to o fa t an e w th e m sh o t fr u b , ed d ri ft aw ay . ro b ab ly th e ti ve n o st ri ls w ad d le al le st b ea r, p si n sm se e d Th o . d fo n ed , an d fi re d a ed to th e g ro u h is sh o tg u n es h ly p re p ar fr ed b l b el ra g sm r, ld A s if in sl o w h o n ey an d B ab y B ea ilo ck s’ h ea d . t ld o ee G sw to in h t it h d ea d , h er ra ig d w . H er m o u th b u lle t st to th e fl o o r, ll es ri fe er s eb ck lu ilo b ld ri p e er e m o ti o n , G o h t. A s if sh e w in d h er . at th e th o u g ck s h ai r st re am in g b eh ilo ld o G s, at o G o ld ilo ck s’ ll o f co o ke d d n o f th e fo o h ap p en ed to o ti at h ec w ir d s w e o in th e m o ra l o f N o o n e kn e le ft is th av h e w ll re m ai n s. A d ta le . e e fi tt es t. th at G o ld ilo ck s’ sa su rv iv al o f th o ti ce d th n ’s s It ck e. al ilo ld yt o ir va l, G se lf , Li fe ’s n o fa . B ra ci n g h er k w as em p ty u rs t b w in d o w an d ds h e n ea re st ar sh th e d ea d ly er o te ct ed fr o m ft A s. al b o d y m as w ed ro er p h en o m en ar n ro o m , h er A s if o f th e em p ty e. g id in g p o rr m ea st f o ls w re e b o st o m ac h s si x s’ ck ilo ld o G to th e e, e ra ce d u p Sh . d le b m w ls o f sl y ru al l th re e b o n o ed rg o g an d r co ld ea ch by how hot o o t b o th er ed . d l fo o d is g o o s fo o d , an d al g th e s w as lic ki n ck ilo ld o G y at th at e g re ed st sc ra p o f o la y an ct lle o o d en n to co th e h ea vy w l, w o b e th ro ci o u s st u ck to an d th re e fe en p o g n u e h u t sw d er th e ke d in . s d u ck ed u n ck ilo ld o G t, ls w it h n fr ig h g in g th e b o w n ri b t u o h it t not w

as th e s’ ea rd ru m s ck ilo ld o G t rs f th ei r fu ry b u e ab se n ce o th d ce ti o n o f ra g e ld b ea rs d w it h ro ar s lle fi n o so as s le t o u t e ro o m w lin g , G o ld ilo ck b em Tr . ts n o m w as zi ed g ru d en ly th e ro d Su . ar fe f b ee n b el ch o e th ie f, h ad g id rr o p e Sh e, th g ra b b ed re d . th e ta b le an d er d n u ed h ai r. Sh e p aw re ac w co lo u re d h ra st y, tt o kn p ed o ve r ck s b y h er u g h p aw cl am ro a t u b , o sc re am f h er fa ce . in to th e fa t o u th an d su n k

John

2012.

No need to feel blue about the imminent desruction of the planet; Muireann Joyce Hearne has a handy list of things to look forward to in 2012. FORGET THE APOCOLYPSE! Here are things to look forward to in 2012… The London Olympics! Not far across the pond and we may even understand their accents… No offence Beijing… The Hunger Games Trilogy into a movie! A must read, and apparently it stays true to the books - bonus!

New album releases = tours! The Fray, Lana del Ray, The Killers and Mumford and Sons to name but a few are all releasing albums this coming year. Shrove Tuesday! Whoo! Pancakes! The James Joyce collection ownership expires! An odd one yes, but I guess if you love ‘em and have a fair bit of cash, this may be on your wish list MSL/Curiosity landing on Mars! May sound like boring old science, but wouldn’t it be cool to look for aliens and other life? Your birthday! Always welcome. Summer! Three months of peaceful bliss. Not to mention having no exams. HI 5 FOR NO STRESS!! Christmas Day! We WILL survive the possible ‘apocalypse’ and four days later stuff our faces with mince pies and chocolate pudding once again.

By Muireann Joyce Hearne Have you ever felt as if you were put on this earth by God for a purpose? That He called on you to carry out a mission for the greater good? God called me when I was 19. Up until then, it had felt as if my life had no meaning, always being demoralised my friends and family. But now I’ll show them. God chose me for a special purpose. And my purpose is to destroy evil. He gave me a sign of what I need to do and who I need to eliminate, and although it pains me to take the lives of loved ones, I know in the end it is right and I will be crowned a hero for my work. It was Monday four weeks ago that He showed me. It was my brother and sister who were no longer pure and good, that they were being possessed by an evil spirit most likely sent by Satan to inﬁltrate all that is good. When the ‘things’ living in their bodies realised I was told to destroy them. They locked me up, to get me out of their hair and to do their sinful bidding. But now I’m out. I do feel some remorse for the guards that resisted; they didn’t know any better, it was their job. But it’s not as if they showed me much mercy when I was detained. I at least had the humanity to send them out with a quick stab, unlike the drawn-out torture I was put through. No doubt others will search for me but by then my work will be complete. As I walk through the empty streets hidden beneath the cloak of night I end up at my family’s house, just in time

Sgt Miller We received a call at 11.00pm last night, by an alarmed young woman. She informed us what was happening right in front of her eyes; but she need not. We could hear the hand grenade explode as she shrieked and gave us the address. But of course, when we got there it was much too late. The guards of St. Dymphna’s Mental Health hospital made a similar complaint about a half an hour earlier, but had we known it was related, we would have acted much faster. Approximately four weeks ago John Williams began showing signs of paranoia and schizophrenia toward his siblings, claiming to have been given a message from God to, quote, ‘destroy the evil inhabiting their bodies’. He was sent to the mental health hospital as an emergency case, and was prescribed to treatment by therapeutic medicines immediately. Sources in the hospital say he repeatedly refused any treatment and was continually diﬃcult. After escaping from the hospital grounds at 10.30pm, John made his way to his family’s estate, where family members inside say Alex and Chloe Williams had gone outside to smoke. Neighbours outside at the time say he attempted to attack the pair with a knife, but when Alex defended himself and Chloe, John unclipped the hand grenade before they could stop him. John Blinding white noise faded to eternal darkness. And all for nothing.

Short Story

Illustration - Alice Barry-O’Donovan

to hear them. My ‘brother’ and ‘sister’ smoking a cigarette, whose toxic perfume couldn’t mask the hellish stench beneath. My urge to act fast was rising. To rid the Earth of not just the two nearby but all of them - if there are more. Those who walk the lands and deface her beauty, who graffiti civilisation with their evil deeds. My time as a prisoner gave me time to devise a plan. I would attack by my trusty silver tooth but if all else failed I would trigger my heart shaped grenade, finishing them off and I would die a happy martyr. I rounded the corner, confident, and kept tunnel vision as I charged towards them.

Gay Rights in Ru

A strong piece on the horrendous discrimination against members of the L Sinead Pollard.

This may not be enough, that's why Russia is calling on the world to speak up and tell Russian authorities to drop the bill. As if you can't tell by now I am strongly against this bill. I think it is a major step backwards for Russia. While others countries such as Ireland, are improving majorly in the legal treatment of the LGBT community, by introducing same sex civil partnership, same sex marriage, adoption for gay couples and generally creating a better, safer place for LGBT individuals to live in, for some reasons Russia decides to head backwards into the old ways of unnecessary censorship and homophobia. And that's exactly what I think this bill is; ‘I think Backward. a major Really what backward good is this going to do Russia for Russia? It's been said that the bill is to protect minors from "gay propaganda". Firstly I don't even believe such a thing even exists. Propaganda is biased or misleading information, ideas, or rumors deliberately spread widely to help or harm a person, group, movement, institution, nation, etc. or to persuade people about a certain idea or point of view. In this case some people think that having a Gay Pride parade or writing an article about LGBT topics is in some way going to cause harm to minors or thwart them into thinking differently about LGBT individuals. As Amnesty International Europe and Central Asia Director Nicola Duckworth put it ““The notion that LGBTI rights activists are somehow converting Russia’s youth through ‘propaganda’ would be laughable if the potential effects of this new law weren’t so dangerous and wide-reaching.” And of course this begs the question what about LGBT minors, the children of LGBT people and minors who have friends and relatives who are gay, bi or transgender? Illustration Sinead Pollard

The party led by Russian President Medvedev and Prime Minister Putin is pushing discriminatory legislation against lesbian, bisexual, gay and transgender people that could eliminate their freedom to speak publicly and assemble, under the pretext of protecting minors. Russia is a signatory to numerous international human rights treaties - including the European Convention on Human Rights. Political leaders in St. Petersburg are about to vote on a law that will make it illegal for Russians in St. Petersburg to write a book, publish an article or speak in public about being gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. The ruling party led by President Medvedev and Prime Minister Putin could silence Russia's Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual and Transgender community by signing in this law. So yes, basically decent Russian citizens will be denied the right to free expression, to speak publicly and to assemble. Homosexuality was decriminalized in Russia in 1993 but only taken of the list of mental disorders in 1999. Gay clubs operate in most large cities, but discrimination is still widespread. LGBTI activists’ attempts to organise Pride marches, cultural festivals and other events in major cities, including St Petersburg, have frequently been met with official red tape and violence from anti-gay groups, among them people associating themselves with Russia’s dominant Orthodox Church. Violent attacks against LGBTI activists often go unpunished. Human rights defenders around the country are doing everything they can to stop this law, risking their freedom to organize flash mobs and protests.

ss iia a

Japanese KitKats

LGBT community, written by

Really, I don't see the problem here. I knew what gay meant, I knew of LGBT individuals, both public figures and people in my locality when I was a child. I was as a child, and currently as a minor, exposed to "gay propaganda" and you know what it did to me? Nothing, other than make me the openminded accepting LBGT ally I am today. The LGBT community is not something to be censored or hidden, from any child. It did not cause me any harm or "turn me gay". It's there. It's part of society. It is not inappropriate, and it will not be ignored. This bill basically pretends that LGBT individuals don't exist. They do. They are just as much a Russian citizen as anyone else and thus deserve the same equal rights. It makes you wonder what this will do for the kid struggling with his it is sexuality, the teenager in the closet, to have no openly gay role models and to step feel that their country wants them to ds for disappear. Even if this bill is passed and no one can a.’ be openly LGBT, that doesn't stop them being LGBT, so what's the point? It's just going to oppress people, and really its 2011 aren't we past the whole oppression thing by now? Aren't we moving forward past homophobia by now? As Nicola Duckworth said “This bill is a thinly veiled attempt to legalize discrimination against lesbians, gays, bisexuals and transgender people,” If I could say one thing to Russia's leaders it would be that the LGBT Community is there. Also the international LGBT community and its allies are right by the LGBT Russians side. We are not going anywhere.

As of Saturday 28th of January 2012 at 9:13:37pm, a staggering total of 1,308,283,566 Kit Kats have been consumed. It’s not the figure that’s shocking; it’s the fact that I have nothing better to do on this Saturday night than to watch the number of Kit Kats eaten steadily rise. Kit Kats; a popular and trusty chocolate bar, loved by millions, but especially loved by the Japanese. In Japan you can purchase a mind blowing variety of Kit Kats, many being the most obscure and bizarre flavours on Earth. Here is a list of the more unusual flavours: 1. 2. 3. 4. 5. 6. 7. 8. 9. 10.

Cherry blossom Kit Kat. Pumpkin cheesecake Kit Kat. Green tea Kit Kat. Sweet potato Kit Kat. Tiramasu Kit Kat. Wasabi Kit Kat. Soybean Kit Kat. Apple vinegar Kit Kat. Corn Kit Kat. Sports drink flavour Kit Kat.

These Kit Kats are 100% authentic and available to buy in Japan and some available online. But what makes Kit Kats so huge in Japan? Part of the reason is that ‘Kit Kat’ coincidentally sounds like the Japanese for good luck; ‘kitto katsu!’ It literally translates to ‘you shall surely win!’ Kit Kats are generally a good luck charm, commonly given to students before exams. by Alice Barry O’Donovan

Joke What award did the inventor of the door knocker win? The No-Bell prize!”

Are they really just nursery ryhmes? Nursery rhymes aren’t really as they seem! Nafisa Millat writes about the secret messages and meanings hidden in much loved and well known nursery rhymes. “Ring around the rosy” Who doesn’t remember skipping in a circle, holding hands and singing this song? I especially enjoyed when everyone sat down for the last line “And we all fall down”. But this rhyme is actually about the Great Plague in London in 1665 or about before when the first outbreak of the Plague hit England in the 1300's. The symptoms included a rosy red rash in the shape of a ring on the skin (Ring around the rosy). Pockets and pouches were filled with sweet smelling herbs (or posies) which were carried due to a belief that the disease was transmitted by bad smells. The term "Ashes Ashes" refers to the cremation of the dead bodies! The English version of "Ring around the rosy" replaces Ashes with (Ah-tishoo, Ah-tishoo) as violent sneezing was another symptom of the disease. The last line (We all fall down) refers to the people dying. The death rate was over 60% and the plague was only stopped by the Great Fire of London in 1666 which killed the rats that carried the disease which was transmitting via water sources. Who knew the topic such as the bubonic plague would be picked to form children’s rhyme and game!

“Mary, Mary quite contrary”: The Mary mentioned in this traditional English nursery rhyme is actually Mary Tudor, or Bloody Mary, a daughter of King Henry VIII back in the 1500’s. Queen Mary was a very strict Catholic and the garden referred to is an allusion to graveyards which real Humpty Dumpty was a powerful cannon during th were increasing in size with those who dared to the King's men and overpowered the Parliament stro continue practicing the Protestant faith, (How does won the day - all thanks to his de your garden grow?). The tower of St Mary-at-the-Walls (H silver bells and cockle ‘’The silver bells and cockle shells keep away the attacking Roundh shells were common terms tower was blown away, s common terms for church for instruments of torture. were Dumpty had a great fall). The king The 'maids' were devices to instruments of torture.’ retrieve the cannon, but they cou behead people similar to of mass destruction they were so the guillotine! This 4 lined simple rhyme shows us what Mary did while she was Nursery rhymes have been passed down through ce in power, in a nutshell. children’s pleasure and learning. Whatever you do wi that “ring around the rosy” is about people being sick “Humpty Dumpty” dying…That’s just cruel. Oh yes, the classic! The infamous egg on the wall. In the fifteenth century, Humpty Dumpty was a colloquial term used to describe someone who was obese. In the rhyme, however, Humpty Dumpty was not a person or an egg for that matter. In fact, the

nturies, firstly for recording historical events and now for ith this knowledge, please don’t go around telling little kids k and

Terriﬁc poetry by budding writer Fenella Fox.

I’d love to be invisible, even for a day. Hide from people and places, watch my worries fade away. Or could I be a fairy and hide within the grass, Exploring new worlds as I wander, Watching other fairies as they pass. Even to be a bird, I could simply fly away, Avoiding tricky obstacles that are standing in my way, Or if only I could lock up all my troubles in a chest, This way I am less fluffy and there is no need to build a nest. Only I control the key, a part of what makes me, me. No one else can judge me for they have not walked in my shoes, They don’t have the key, its something I will never lose.

Illustration Emma Collacott

Must-See Videos on YouTube Paint-Harry Potter in 99 seconds Buffalax- Bennylava Cathy May 15 – Boom BoomBoom Copper-Gingers do have souls Starkid- A Very Potter musical/sequel Double Dream Hands Dancing with an iPod in public Christmas Edition Beck Bennet- Fresh perspectives 'Let's Just Be Friends' Music Video Lonely Island- Threw It on the Ground, We Like Sportz, Ka-Blamo! POKEMON THEME SONG BEATBOX Compiled by Niamh Whelan

Scanned image Nafisa Millat

he English Civil War. Sir Charles Lucas and Sir George Lisle led onghold of Colchester early in 1648. Charles I’s army almost efender, Humpty Dumpty. In position, on top of the church Humpty Dumpty sat on the wall) their gunners managed to head troops for 11 weeks. Eventually, though, the top of the sending Humpty Dumpty crashing to the ground. (Humpty g's cavalry (the horses) and the infantry (the men) hurried to uldn't put Humpty together again - and without their weapon oon overrun by Fairfax and his soldiers.

Conceal

Short Story

Paper Short Story

Behind closed doors and when human backs are turned, another side to paper is revealed. A story written from the point of view of paper, written by Alice Barry-O'Donovan. If all stationery supplies had a hierarchy, paper would be the ruling monarch. If all stationery supplies were on a marine food chain, paper would be the great white shark. Paper, even though one of the more common stationery supplies, is the head honcho. Where would the world be without paper? “Dude, when I get bound, I'm gonna be the hottest page in the stack. No girl will be able to resist these handsome fibres.” My brother’s familiar, conceited voice drifted over to me from the edge of the fawn coloured table on which we lay. I ignored him and turned my attention back to the small, flowing grains of the table. Countless years worth of signatures and scribbles were crudely etched into it with ball point pens. Blotches of dried and dirty TippEx were flecked along the scrawled surface. “...And since Jeremey got thrown in the recycling bin because of that hideous coffee stain, it leaves me in the prime position to get closer to that beautiful page; Eliza.” I rustled myself in contempt. Dale was always so self absorbed, even since he was a mashed pulp of cellulose, being manufactured into the aloof piece of paper he is today. Sometimes he gets too big for his plastic pocket and it’s up to me to put him in his place. “...Eliza will definitely dig me. I mean, look! I have a sub heading printed on me! My font is so gentle, yet it has masculine strength! My text is a pure, sharp obsidian black! My - -” “Dale!” I snapped, giving my pliable body a frustrated shuffle, “Shut your punch holes!” “I do not have any punch holes!” Dale hissed venomously, glaring over at me. “Punch holes are only for the lowly sub species, destined to waste

away in filthy ring binders!” “Would both of you just stop bickering?” another piece of paper cried, somewhere to my left. Dozens of other pages murmured assent. “Don’t you tell me what to do,” Dale spat back, “I was once part of the royal group ‘the A4 Fiends’. I could rip you in half without smudging a molecule of ink if I wanted to.” Before the page could fire back a sharp retort to my brother, I saw an unmistakable figure approaching out of the corner of my corner. “Human!” I hollered at my fellow stack of pages. Disbelieving gasps and shrieks of joy rippled through the pile. Large hands, dotted with several freckles and some patches of fine, dark hair swept a few odd pages to the top of the bundle. Excitement coursed through me as the hands grasped the bundle and lifted us of and away from the vandalised desk. I could just about see the wiry maroon carpet from where I was, towards the top of the pile, several feet off the ground. “Firm hand grip, but slightly apprehensive.” Dale called to me, his voice quivering with anticipation. “Male. Young, I’m guessing early to mid twenties?” We approached a small, grey machine in the corner of the room. A small, painted portrait of a girl hung above it on the cream coloured walls. A water cooler stood silently beside it, the odd air bubble floating to the surface. “Oh boy!” Dale cried excitedly. “I can’t believe I’m getting photocopied! Just wait; another twenty copies of me!” I pretended to groan at Dale’s comment, but I had butterflies in my fibres, and couldn’t wait to finally be photocopied. The hands flattened the bundle of us and pushed us into a dark opening in the machine. I hollered excitedly, but it quickly turned to a guttural shriek of horror when I saw the white teeth of the machine. “Paper shredder!” I screamed, “Paper shredder!”

Twelve Years of Lies.

Illustration Alice barry-OʼDonovan

We can all recall our primary school days which were highlighted by the magic of the Tooth Fairy, the delight of the Easter Bunny and the sheer excitement and joy of Santa Claus. But, despite the efforts of my parents, I could no longer be convinced after the age of twelve. Being one of those kids whose teeth fell out the whole time, the Tooth Fairy was my main source of income. One night, when my mam was at work, my tooth fell out. When I woke up the next morning, I was expecting to find the usual two euro under my pillow. But to my shock and disappointment, there was no money to be seen. That day was full of tantrums and a headache on my parent’s behalf. Evidently, my dad forgot to put the money under my pillow. A few weeks later, I was tucked up in my bed asleep and I was stirred awake by something moving under my pillow. My eyes shot open and there was my mam. That event caused me not to talk to my parents for a fortnight. Do you remember that excited feeling you used to get waking up on Easter Sunday to search for Easter eggs hidden around the house by the Easter Bunny? I can recall one Easter morning in particular very clearly. It all happened at the age of ten. I woke up extra early to begin my hunt before my family arose from their beds. To my surprise, there were no Easter eggs to be found anywhere around the house! My mam just said the Easter Bunny had forgotten the Glendon family and that was that. I wasn’t very fond of the Easter Bunny after that unforgivable mistake he made! My last hope was the man himself... Santa. Unfortunately, this quickly changed. I will never forget the day it finally hit me there was no such thing as Santa Claus. It was a terrible day. T’was donkey’s years back! I, being the good girl that I was, wrote my annual letter to Santa. One year, I got a reply back from Santa, but I noticed it said ‘An Post’ on the envelope and my name was handwritten instead of typed like the rest of the letter. Christmas day came, and I got what I wished from Santa and I got my presents from my parents. So I was delighted with my two presents, although I noticed my older brother and sister only had one present each. I began to question this, but got no answer so I dropped it. Christmas passed and I remember when I went into school my friend Aine and I were talking about the rumour that was going around our class about how Santa wasn’t real. It was just a ridiculous rumour! Then, it finally hit me, everything came together. It wasn’t just a rumour... Santa wasn’t real. ...Time stopped... All hope was lost in that moment... But obviously, it couldn’t have lasted forever and I'm glad I experienced these magical childhood memories while I could. And despite the twelve years of lies, I know I will definitely continue this deceiving tradition with my children!

Scanned image Nafisa Millat

Mary Theresa Glendon describes the soul shattering revelations she experienced as a young girl.

Entitled one What gets your goat? What grinds your gears? A pet hate rant by Alice Barry-O'Donovan. Thing One: Modern Art. I think it’s come to a ridiculous Whilst sitting in my chair on a cloudless Sunday stage at this point. There are hundreds of people who afternoon, I tried to visualise the scene that would be call themselves ‘artists’ and basically just make pieces folding out before me in about twenty one hours. I’d generally only being a simple shape on a blank page, be the tenth and final person to give their speech. I and display them proudly in museums as innovative, imagined that a lot of you would be growing tired of creative works of art. I may as well stick some spaghetti listening to speeches and by the time I have to face the on a canvas and pass it off as art. No wait, actually that audience and give my tuppence worth, you would was kind of hypocritical. I included a drawing in my probably be discreetly checking your phone or twisting Junior Cert involving watercolour paint and orange around to see the clock, counting down the minutes peels... Hmm. till you get to go home. I myself would probably be But seriously, if I just splashed some paint and pritt shaking and tearing this sheet to shreds in a fit of sticked a bright red square on my poster piece for the nerves. And even as I thought of this horrific scene, Leaving Cert and called it contemporary romanticism which would probably be my inevitable demise; I still abstract art with a touch of neo cubism, how many couldn’t think of what to write about. All I had was a marks do you think I’d get? Right. None. painfully blank sheet of paper and a pencil which I pared several times to a sharp point in an attempt to Thing Two: The Way Teachers Deal With ‘Naughty procrastinate this. I know; how irresponsible of me to People’ in the Class. leave a speech to the last day, but doesn’t last minute I’m sure you all remember how well behaved we were in panic usually spark some sort of mad inspiration? first year. Yeah. Unfortunately for me, this time around I was trying to And often times people who were a little bit too light a wet match in a dark cave. outspoken or went that little bit too far past the line And then it happened. My perfectly sharpened pencil got plucked from the seat beside their friend and were lead broke. Just pssht! Snapped right off. And two forced to sit beside another things came girl. The teacher would say; to my mind. ‘ I may as well stick some spaghetti on a canvas “Right! (Insert name here), go The first and pass it off as art.’ sit beside this ‘nice’ girl.” And thought was nice was basically code for ‘too ‘Hooray! I socially awkward to talk to the person and or too scared can procrastinate this for another thirty seconds while to talk in class’. And a lot of the time, the poor ‘naughty’ I top my pencil!’ and the other was ‘This is why pencils person had to sit beside me. And even though they annoy me.’ were always nice to me, there was always that little air And then, in a desperate attempt to get this stupid of resentment; they’d much rather be sitting beside speech written and out of the way, I decided what I’d their friends. Way to make a person feel uncomfortable, write about - things that annoy me. I know, it’s a selfish teacher. speech and I know some of you are thinking ‘Pssh, great, I have to listen to this moron go on about what Thing Three: A Line in Films/Programmes I Hear A Lot... she doesn’t like.’ And I'm sorry, but I was really It seems that most films and television programmes struggling for some topic to grasp onto. And I'm not these days weave in romance between two of its having much fun up here either, so we’re in this characters. Most times it’s inevitable. together. These romances usually follow a similar pattern. And also, for those of you who know me, this may be 1. Two people who have known each other since they a strange or surreal experience; like ‘Woah! Shy person were kids decided to get together. ‘shocking out’ and suddenly spurting out all her 2. Things are going great. *Queue the musical number freakish opinions that we’ve never before had to where they frolic joyfully through the park/streets/field endure before!’ But don’t worry. This will only happen of daisies together.* this once. 3. Suddenly things go wrong; in more cases than others,

Opinion B o o k s To R e a d B e f o r e Yo u D i e !

Illustration Charlotte Keane

There are so many amazing books out there, so here are some of our favourites …

a misunderstanding; one of them seems to have betrayed the other. 4. After thousand of shed tears and several litres of Ben and Jerry’s ice cream, both parties realise they can’t live without each other. 5. They get back together, blah blah blah, happy ending. This predictable cycle itself is pretty annoying, but what especially irritates me is something that is often said during part three; the break up. I didn’t pick up on this straight away, but after hearing it several times from different sources I realised how ridiculous the statement was. In the heat of a shouting match between the two romantics, one of them may shout at the other; “You'll never find someone like me again!” And I’m just sitting there thinking; ‘They’re breaking up with you. Why would they want to find someone like you again? If they wanted a partner who made them miserable and unhappy they would have stayed with you!’ Thing Four: People who complain too much! -Alice Barry-O’Donovan

Alice – ‘The Help’ by Kathryn Stockett Muireann – ‘Dracula’ by Bram Stoker Niamh – ‘Time Switch’ by Matt Chamings Charlotte – ‘The Silver Donkey’ by Sonya Harnett Sinead – ‘Looking For Alaska’ by John Green Fe - ‘Pride and Prejudice’ by Jane Austen Elizabeth - ‘The Fault In Our Stars’ by John Green Ellie - ‘The Lord Of The Rings’ Trilogy by J.R.R Tolkien Mary Teresa - Harry Potter Series by JK Rowling Nafisa - The Alchemyst (Secrets of the immortal Nicholas Flamel) by Michael Scott Niamh Murphy - The Hunger Games by Suzanne Collins Vikki Sullivan The Mortal Instruments by Cassandra Clare Eimear - A Thousand Splendid Suns by Khaled Hosseini Ms. O’Shea ‘If This is a Man’ by Primo Levi Emma - Handle with Care by Jodi Picoult Heather The Host by Stephanie Meyer Niamh - The Distant Hours by Kate Morton Aisling - The Great Gatsby by F. Scott Fitzgerald

JOKE A new employee is standing beside a paper shredder looking confused. A secretary passing by, noticing his befuddled expression, stops to help him. “Can I help you there?” she enquires kindly. The man smiles gratefully and replies; “I can’t figure out how to work this machine.” The woman takes the fat report from the man’s hands and pushes it into the paper shredder. “Thanks,” the man replies, “But where do the copies come out?”

Music

Tayl

Emma Collacott writes ab musician and idol. They say that your taste in music speaks volumes about you. So when people say to me, “Hey, Emma, who’s your favourite singer?” my answer is quick to fly from my lips. There is one American singer-songwriter who is beyond a shadow of a doubt my favourite artist. For those who know me, this is obviously no surprise! Art thou curious about this musical idol of mine? Allow me to introduce to you my favourite artist; Taylor Swift.

Taylor Swift is a country singer from Wyomissing, Pennsylvania who ‘In a strang moved to Nashville, Tennessee. Taylor was born on December 13th, like to believe 1989. Is it a coincidence that her a lot like my id lucky number is 13? I think not... “My lucky number always has been because sh and always will be 13. It pops up in inspiratio front of me in the most obvious and characte undeniable ways, but only when something good is about to happen.” In a strange way I like to believe that I’m a lot like my idol, Taylor, because she’s an inspirational character. Maybe it’s because we share similar appearances; we are both “gigantically tall and over-talkative,” we are both blonde and have bright blue eyes. But our similarities are not limited to looks; we both have a passion for playing guitar. I look up to Taylor because of her admirable upbeat, optimistic attitude. Taylor is not only known for her outstanding musical ability and performance skills, or even her bestselling albums. Since her rise to fame she has become a style icon, with her whimsical elegance and quirky country style. She isn’t afraid to be unique and stand out from the uniformal masses of other musicians, another redeeming feature which makes

lor

ift

her admirable. “My ideal outfit is a sundress and cowboy boots.” Taylor’s signature make-up look is long, thick lashes, a cat-wing eye and a bright lipstick for a colour pop. What really makes Taylor Swift different from other musicians is how she writes and performs her music. She evokes powerful emotion through her lyrics. Taylor is a songwriter and writes about how she feels, the good and bad times in her life and her friends’ lives such as falling in love, break-ups and even bullying. Her songs revolve around the valued and fragile relationships we make or break everyday. I, like many other people, have found that I can easily relate to her songs which makes e way I them that much more special. e that I’m Taylor’s work has been so dol, Taylor, appreciated and recognised. She has received the recognition she he’s an deserves. Taylor has been onal nominated for numerous prestigious awards and won countless more, er.’ including; Six CMT music awards, one MTV video music award, two people’s choice awards, thirteen Teen Choice awards (lucky number 13), ten BMI awards, eleven Billboard music awards, The Hal David Starlight award, six country music association awards, seven American music awards, five academy of country music awards and four GRAMMY awards. That’s an impressive total of sixty six awards and she’s still rising.

Illustration Free Embroidery by Katie Byrne.

bout her favourite

I have only one thing to suggest and that is go and listen to Taylor Swift. --Emma Collacott

The graceful sport of shin-kicking

Some sports are strategic and calculated. Others are loose and downright bizarre. One of these odd sports is shin kicking. Muireann Joyce Hearne describes this quirky sport

How rugb

First of all yes, this really is a sport. But no, I was kidding -It is in no way graceful. It may sound like a ridiculous ‘sport’, concocted by school-yard bullies who wanted to rationalize their pastime – but in The Cotswolds, England, this mind-boggling sport is part of their annual ‘Shin Kicking Championship’. Let me explain: There is seldom a sport that can be summed up by its title, but Shin Kicking is one of the rare few. Shin Kicking is a contest between two fighters as to who can knock the other down by the simple, honest method of kicking the hell out of each other’s shins. If you cause your opponent to fall, you earn a point. Games are won on a best-of-three basis and, thankfully, competitors are allowed to cram hay down the legs of their pants to try and protect their shins. This four hundred year old tournament (yes, 400 ) was created by a ‘clever’ Robert Dover who thought that if he organised this game it would be seen as a protest against the steady growth of Puritanism (a religion Shin Kicking is a contest between two years ago that believed that the Church of ﬁghters as to who can knock the other down England needed to by the simple, honest method of kicking the violently ‘purify’ itself of hell out of each other’s shins.’ Catholics). Because nothing would lighten those guys up like the breaking of shins (they didn’t have shin protection back then). Like I said; bright spark, Mr Dover. During the years, some shin-kickers wore steel boots, trying to get a ‘leg-up’ (pardon the pun) on their opponents. But of course, you will always find those wacky shin-kickers who would have attempted to build up a tolerance to the steel boots, by hitting their shins with hammers. If I were to take part in the games, and saw my opponent brandishing a pair of steel boots, my muscle-repellent legs would crumple before the game even began! So, since the 1600s Shin Kicking has been a successful traditional sport in The Cotswolds, managing to survive despite its odd nature. Even today it still attracts hordes of spectators who like to witness this utterly obscure sport.

by automatically makes you

Hotter

Sport

Niamh Whelan knows what she’s talking about in terms of rugby. Here’s why it automatically makes you hotter. “It is a truth universally acknowledged that a single man in possession of a good fortune must be in want of a wife.” The same can be said for women, but instead of a wife it is a rugby player. To be single and to have possession of a good fortune is not compulsory. Why does playing rugby automatically make you hotter? This is a question I often ask myself as I watch the Irish matches, well when I say watch I mean goggle at the TV as beauts Tommy Bowe , Gordan Darcy, Rob Kearney, Andrew Trimble, Luke Fitzgerald and the other insignificant, less hot players run around in tight shorts and chase the ball. It’s funny because I am actually quite a big fan of rugby not just of the attractive players. I love the game, I always have! I can vividly remember sitting on my dad’s lap watching the likes of Keith Wood and Syd Millar from the ripe old age of five or six, screaming when Ireland scored, giving out about something George Hook said and waking up at 6:30 to watch the Lion’s test matches in Eldon’s where we sat on the comfy chairs and drank orange juice. I didn’t of course understand the beauty of the players back then as much I do now, although I do remember telling my mother at age of nine that I was going to marry Ronan O’Gara. The body is probably the most significant attraction of these magnificent creatures. (It is after all scientifically proven that rugby players have the best bodies known to man.) The term statuesque comes to mind as I think about

those muscular arms, defined 6-pack, and amazing thighs. With the tallest players on the Irish team being 6”6 and the smallest being 5”11, they are by no means a small group of men, which increases their hotness level by at least 35%. Although the body is impressive it is by no means the only thing that makes these godly men captivating. No, they have the whole package; from fame, fortune and good looks not to mention the masculinity of the game. These men are real men and they aren’t bothered by fake tan and jewellery like the metrosexuals of the premiership. They aren’t afraid of getting their hands dirty, ‘breaking a nail’ – or a bone! And even though it is one of the most vicious and dangerous team sports they attack and fight like ‘true men’ should. I believe it is the primitive instinct in us that enjoys watching our big strong men fight to impress us while we women just sit and look pretty, It has happened throughout the ages, from Cave men wrestling dinosaurs to knights jousting in front of their fair maidens and to gladiators battling to the death and I for one do not object to -the anti feminism of it all. The final factor which contributes to the hotness of rugby players, is the fact that they are big, strong men that can protect their women. A girl can be safe in the knowledge that when her handsome, Herculean boyfriend is around, no other guy can touch her. …Like, in all fairness, who would be dumb enough to mess with Paul O’Connell or Donnacha O’Callaghan?

A Very Potter Musical Sinead Pollard reviews the world renowned musical-parody of the Harry Potter series. If you're a Harry Potter fan, one amazing part of the fandom you can't have missed is A Very Potter Musical. If you haven't been lucky enough to stumble across it, you're definitely missing out. A Very Potter Musical is directed by Matt Lang with music and Lyrics by Darren Criss (who many of you may know as Glee's Blaine Anderson) and A.J. Holmes. The musical tells of Harry' Potter’s (played by Darren Criss) second school year at Hogwarts with his best friends Ron, played by Joey Richter and Hermione, played by Bonnie Grueson. We experience many of Harry’s challenges and experiences taken from the different books, as he competes in the House Cup Championship, tries desperately to impress Cho Chang and find the final Horcrux to defeat the dark wizard Lord Voldemort. The musical is a hilarious parody of the novels and movies, with particular focus on The Philosopher's Stone, The Goblet of Fire, The Half Blood Prince and The Deathly Hallows. Every character is a parody or has ridiculously funny changes made to their character that makes us laugh hysterically. Hermione is portrayed as almost sadly unpopular and "frumpy". Cho Chang unexpectedly turns out not to be an Asian girl the name in the books suggest but actually turns out to have a strong Southern accent. Voldemort is a heart throb and Dumbledore is obsessed with High School Musical, and we are told of the bromance Snape and Ron have, the complete opposite to the books’ portrayal of their relationship. And then there is Draco Malfoy, who for me, along with many other fans, was the highlight of the production. Draco is played by the excellent Lauren Lopez who takes Malfoy's signature "swagger" to a whole new level, taking to literally rolling on the floor. And then of course there's the music, which is just amazing. The musical starts off with the dynamic and incredibly catchy "Gotta Get Back To Hogwarts" which does an excellent job of introducing us to the characters and bringing us straight into the story. Overall, A Very Potter Musical is immensely enjoyable and I highly recommended it to all Harry Potter fans. A Very Potter Musical and also A Very Potter Sequel can be both watched online and due to popular demand, A Very Potter Threequel is due to grace the stage and Youtube in summer 2012.

The Supreme Torture

“You know, I think this is the best moment of our friendship.” Perhaps it was for her, but leaning over a screaming, toy baby in the frigid bathrooms of the TaeKwon Do hall wasn’t exactly my definition of the pinnacle of our friendship.

I can assume that you’ve gathered that I was one of the oh-so lucky Transition Years who were graced with the presence of one of the infamous electronic babies. Yup, I suddenly became a single mother of a newborn African girl on a wet Friday afternoon. Nothing like being abruptly thrust into the world of parenthood to liven up your weekend, eh? Needless to say, I received more than a few strange and disgusted looks as I walked home with a baby who was being somewhat protected from the rain by a ‘I could really go on and on few of my old science cried over the next few day experiment copies. I'm sure how it wore my perseveran their impressions of me were either a poorly equipped teenage mother or an underage ‘woman of the street’ without morals. After the mortifying walk of shame back home, probably the worst event of the weekend occurred; the baby turned on. It screeched and cried like a banshee whilst I flapped around the place in a panic, trying to figure out what the hell was wrong with it. It wailed a few more times before it slipped into what

looked like a deep slumber. Which I was pretty happy about; I could leave it at home under the ‘loving’ care of my mum while I went away to go to TaeKwon Do training. However, my mum had other ideas. Despite my many protests and pleads she point blank refused to let it stay at home and insisted that I bring it training. And believe me, it’s my mother’s way or the high way. Thanks to my mum’s unyielding iron fist, one humiliated girl and one suspiciously quiet electronic baby were squatting in the training hall, waiting for the lesson to begin. There were snickers and jeers from the ‘mature’ teenage guys, bemused whispers amongst the parents and hoots of laughter from my friend. When training began, I tried to comfort myself with the foolish notion it would sleep through class. All I can say is; it didn’t. I’d scurry out of the hall to the bathroom n about how it continuously with the shrieking ys to the point where I cried, baby in my arms, away nce to a stub...’ from the barely suppressed snorts of laughter from the students and instructor alike and try to feed, burp or change the damned thing’s nappy. The baby’s howls would echo resoundingly through the bathroom, perfectly audible to all those training. Lucky me. Thankfully, my friend excused herself to the bathroom in order to help out her panicky and frustrated buddy who was practically hyperventilating over the child. After several hurried dashes to the

Illustration by Niamh Whelan

of Electronic Babies

bathroom to sort out the stupid toy, we basically stayed in the training hall and swapped the baby between us as we each did the kicking drills individually. So I’d be up against the wall doing 100 turning kicks while my friend sat on the floor feeding the child and my instructor split his sides laughing. I seemed to be the only person who was relieved when the lesson finally ended. For the rest of the evening, the baby cried. And cried. And just when you thought it had finished drowning in its wails, it cried some more. I was awake every hour of Friday night except for 12am and 5am. During that long, hard night, I learned a thing or two about the baby and I created a name for it. The baby has three stages of crying; snivelling, wailing and full blown screaming. I don’t think it is possible for any human to shriek that loud. It was like the scream the dumb blonde who always dies first in horror movies emit, just in baby form. And in a desperate attempt to look on the positive side during one of its epic hollering bouts, I named it. Sunny Side Up. I could really go on and on about how it continuously cried over the next few days to the point where I cried, how it wore my perseverance to a stub, and how it slept peacefully like an angel through the day and shrieked like a possessed soul through the night. But what I really want to bring you to is the Monday morning at school. I scampered into school on Monday morning, Sunny pressed up against my chest to smother its screeching. I met up with a few of the other TYs who cared for one of the five babies over the weekend and we exchanged tales of what happened during that time. It was then I was informed of something that basically made my effort of minding Sunny a complete and utter waste of time. See, there’s two types of nappies required for caring for the baby correctly. One nappy has a yellow tag and the other has a green tag. When you change its nappy, it recognises the colour change, so therefore it recognises that you changed the nappy and stops crying. I HAD TWO YELLOW NAPPIES. So obviously, Sunny didn’t pick up a nappy change all weekend. That meant I basically failed the programme and Sunny cried unnecessarily for hours. I had endured the worst weekend of my life for absolutely nothing. I may as well have taped over the speaker and ignored it for the duration. It took the last scrap of self control I had not to fling Sunny over the balcony there and then. I received a healthy score of... (drum roll) ...36%. It deserves a round of applause, doesn’t it? Picking up on the bitter sarcasm? I assume we’ve all heard of the phrase ‘sleeping like a baby’. I think that is the most false saying I’ve ever heard in my short life. I'm sure the same applies to real babies, but I can unquestionably say that electronic babies don’t adhere to that phrase. At least Sunny didn’t anyway. by Alice Barry O’Donovan

A Struggle For Connection

On Sunday afternoon, both Nafisa and I never wanted to see the word ‘connect’ ever again. If I had a magical trident or something, I believe I would have blasted the scourge of a word out of the dictionary. But unfortunately, I did not possess such an item, so the word remained. After watching M s. O’Shea effortlessly Google the word ‘labyrinth’ and come up with an avalanche of ideas from mere pictures, we foolishly believed we could do the same. Guess what comes up when you Google the word ‘connect’. Lemme give you a few examples. Adult survivors of childhood trauma. A Microsoft programme. Internet dating. Yeah. Obviously, we didn’t get an avalanche of ideas, more like a pathetic sprinkling of snow like you get here in Ireland, where the weather stations hype up about a huge downpour of frozen fun and all it turns out to be is a smattering of dirty slush. So we ended up winging it, and going along with a few bizarre ideas, ranging from tree hugging to skeletons. I decided to include some of the pictures we took along the journey to our final image. I don’t really know why I did it; it is possibly a mixture of reasons, like for amusement, as a semi rant or perhaps procrastinating on my maths homework. Yuppers. I have no further comment. Don’t you hate that? When you're writing something and then BOOM! You realise there’s absolutely nothing left to say and the conversation/paragraph goes out like a light. Well that’s happened now. :( Umm... Yeah... *Face-desk* by Alice Barry O’Donovan

Joke

“A man with a salmon in his hands walked into a fish and chip shop. "Do you serve fish cakes here?" he asked the serverassistant-person thingy. "No." was the reply. The man sighed. "Shame," he replied, gesturing to his fish, "It's his birthday

Photographers Nafisa Millat & Alice Barry O

Oâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;Donovan

Random

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