INCOGNITO
music, models, and more
Blarney Rock
Vol. 12, March 2013
music, models, and more
CHIEF WRITER Gary Schwind LAYOUT Rachel “Rae” Park COPY EDITOR Arshi Khan STAFF WRITERS Carin Merritt Rachel “Rae” Park PHOTOGRAPHER George Swar CONTRIBUTORS Jens Forster Jen Griffith Shannon Latting Matt Maulding Heather O’Hare Rachel “Rae” Park Navin Upamaka
SUBMISSIONS Models, Music, Artists, Writers: incognitomusicmag@gmail.com OR PO Box 2070 Mission Viejo, CA 92690
VISIT US! www.incognitomusicmagazine.com Follow us on Twitter! Like us on Facebook!
FEATURED ON OUR COVERS (front cover)
Katie, accordionist of The Mahones band photo Photo courtesy of The Mahones.
© 2013 Groovy Rutabaga Publications. All Rights Reserved. Reproduction in whole or in part is prohibited.
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(back cover)
Carin Merritt photo
Photo courtesy of George Swar.
Incognito Music, Models, and More (March 2013)
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CONTENTS Incognito / March 2013
FEATURES
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2 The Mahones Incognito’s feature artist 5 Carin Merritt This month’s feature model 18 St. Alvia Second music feature
ST. ALVIA Our second music feature this month!
IN EVERY ISSUE 1
Letter
from
8
Beer Reviews
the
Editor 26 The Flashback
15 Mama Jen’s De-lush-ous Grub 28 Cinephile 16 The Merritts of Mixology
Monthly movie reviews
20 Have You Heard?
30 Don’t Be That Guy
22 Album Reviews
31 Ask Uncle Sal
24 The Guest List
32 In Our Next Issue
Top 5 Irish Whiskeys Worth Giving a shot incognitomusicmagazine.com
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EDITOR’S LETTER
Welcome to the St. Patrick’s Day edition of Incognito. We like St. Patrick’s Day as much as anyone, and really what’s not to love? (Except for cheap beer with green food coloring in it. That is one part of St. Patrick’s Day that we can absolutely do without.) St. Patrick’s Day is a time to celebrate regardless of whether you have any Irish heritage. And of course it is a time to break out not only the Celtic punk songs, but also all the traditional Irish drinking songs. One of the Celtic punk bands you might want to listen to is the Canadian stalwart The Mahones. Katie and Finny McConnell give you a glimpse into the history of this band that formed in the early 90s and is still going strong. While it is a celebration of St. Patrick’s Day, this issue is also a celebration of Canadian rock bands. Our other featured band (also from Ontario) is St. Alvia. As for our model, you’ve known of her for months and finally got to see her in our previous issue. Well, if you liked that, you’ll like this issue. She showed that she is just as comfortable in front of a camera as she is at a keyboard giving you band interviews and cocktail recipes. Speaking of cocktail recipes, she’s got another good one for you this month with some Irish whiskey. And if you think that sounds good, check out The Guest List by Matt Maulding of southern California Celtic punk band Brick Top Blaggers. He tells you just which Irish whiskeys might be worth trying in Carin’s cocktail of the month. We also have a new column this month. Jen Griffith will take one of the beers from our beer panel and use it in a recipe. Trust me, this woman can cook. You should try any recipe she gives you. Plus, what could be bad about cooking with beer? As always, our CinePhile (and all-around dynamo) Rae proved to be the glue that holds this whole operation together. Whatever good things I can say about her (and trust me, there are plenty), it’s never quite enough. Also, many thanks to the good folks at The Harp Inn (www.harpinn.com) in Costa Mesa, CA, for allowing us to hold Carin’s photo shoot there. In closing, I want to send out condolences to the family and friends of Ray Kelly. He was the singer and guitarist of The Mickey Finns, the band that was slated to be our other music feature this month. Ray was injured in a work accident and passed away on January 9th. It was a loss not only to his family and friends, but to the entire community of Celtic rock. As long as you’re raising a glass on St. Patrick’s Day, raise one in Ray’s memory.
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The Mahones T
he Mahones is a Celtic punk band from Toronto that formed in 1990. By phone, Katie and Finny McConnell discuss the new album Angels and Devils, the key to the band’s longevity, and the importance of lots of socks and underwear when touring.
How has your approach to recording and touring changed over time?
KM: In terms of the approach to touring... it seems like we’re constantly on the road. In reality, we’re a family band. We all have families, pets, and kids. We definitely make How is Angels and Devils different from enough time to go home between tours. We previous recordings you’ve done? have a rule of three to five weeks. After that, you need to get home so you don’t want to kill one KM: For one, we switched studios. We had been another. In terms of the approach to recording, recording in the same studio in Toronto for a I think that might be a question best suited for while. It’s a great place. We really wanted to top Finny, who’s right here. the last album The Black Irish. We wanted to come out with a bigger sound so we switched FM: My recording technique is that I don’t do studios and recorded in Montreal, Red Rhino demos anymore...ever since Take No PrisonStudios. Finny produced the album alongside ers. I ended up liking the demos better than the our good friend Rene Dell’amorte. It’s a louder albums. Now I just go in and start recording right album, bigger sound, bigger songs. It’s away. I get it in the first two takes. If it doesn’t go definitely my favorite album so far. down in the first two takes, I move on and come back to it another time. It’s really fast, exciting, The band’s been around since 1990. What do you and fresh. I get the most powerful performances think is the key to your longevity? that way. I find that if you record over and over, it loses energy every time you do it. Stupidity and stubbornness, I don’t know. Finny started it. It’s all him. The rest of us came in later I wish more bands took that approach. on. When you do something you love so much, it’s easy to keep going. FM: A lot of bands think it’s too risky to do that kind of thing. I disagree. I think you have to go 2
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Photos courtesy of The Mahones.
in there and make sure everyone is on the edge of their seats. People think it’s crazy the way I produce, but it’s how we do it. I don’t play the songs to the musicians before they get to the studio. When they get there, they rehearse it a few times, then they drop the tracks. It’s really fresh. The day they record is the day they hear the song. It’s gives us high-energy explosive performances. People think we’re crazy but this is what we’ve done for the last three albums. It works. They get better every time.
I was looking at your website and noticed the variety of artists you’ve played with, from punk to country to pop. Why do you feel you fit in so well with such a variety of acts?
FM: It’s kind of interesting with our band. We’ve always been a band that can play in any genre. We’ve played hardcore festivals, the Punk and Disorderly festival, country shows. We can can look at the audience and decide how we’re going to perform for them. We like Blue Rodeo, but then we like Sick of It All and Suicidal Tendencies. A lot of times I get an album and the one-sheet We love The Pogues, The Clash, and The Who. says the band spent six months recording the We shape-shift all the time but we still keep our album, and there’s no feeling in it. sound with our instrumentation. It keeps it fun and fresh. If I was playing the same songs over FM: They’ve sucked the life out of the record and over, I wouldn’t be doing this anymore. just like Axl Rose with Chinese Democracy. They probably did Appetite (for Destruction) You mentioned being on the road a lot. What’s in about two weeks. We went in August and it the best advice you can give to a band about was done in September. The same with the Black touring? Irish...we went in August and it was finished by September. I don’t know why we go in August. KM: Pack all of your socks and underwear. All It’s so hot in the studio. I gotta go in January of them. You might think you’ve packed enough, one year. That’s how we do it and it works but you haven’t. Take a deep breath because it really well. We’re the fastest Irish punk band will be over eventually. A lot of people climb in the business. We like to do things really fast into a van and think they’re stuck. Enjoy it. Try and fresh. We don’t water anything down. With to enjoy it and meet as many people as you can this album we went with bigger sounds, bigger because it will be over before you know it. It guitars, more layers, and just made it huge. We goes by so quickly. And bring a lot of socks and won an award for best independent album and undies. then we got our song in the movie The Fighter. We had to go into the studio and do something What are some of your favorite places to visit? special. I try to take Celtic punk to a different level. One of my favorite albums is London KM: Ireland is definitely at the top of my list. We Calling. I tried to follow that lead a little bit and have a lot of family there. It’s always wonderful venture into different genres. I hadn’t done that going there. We’ve been to so many places, it’s in a while. Instead of every song being an Irish really hard to pick one. punk song, we incorporated everything from Husker Du, Stiff Little Fingers, rockabilly, punk, What would you be doing if you weren’t making ballads. We went all over the shop. Nothing got music? left aside on this album. KM: I used to be in the corporate world. I was
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in a cubicle in my early 20s. I’d probably still be and I like to make things. I just got a new there. All I seem to do is cook and crafts. Maybe sewing machine so maybe I’ll be the punk Martha I’ll start some sort of weird punk Martha Stewart Stewart...without the insider trading. magazine someday (laughs). I live in my kitchen
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Y
ou know Carin as our very own resident mixologist. Well, when she was doing some promo shots for Incognito gear, our makeup artist suggested that Carin be our St. Paddy’s Day model. Frankly we didn’t see any reason why we shouldn’t make that happen. She discusses the one thing that gives her trouble, the favorite music acts since she started writing for us, and her favorite beverage to celebrate St. Patrick’s Day. You’re a writer, mixologist, and student, and you’re obviously very comfortable in front of a camera. Is there anything you can’t do? CM: Equilibrium is my downfall. I love to dance and have great rhythm, but when it comes to walking, I cannot move around my house without running into corners, tables, and doors… sober.
jured. Unfortunately, I do not have a lot of free time to raise animals now, so my only pet is an ostentatious red betta fish named Alpha. What are the three favorite bands you’ve found since you started writing for Incognito? CM: This may be slightly biased, but the ones I’ve had an opportunity to interview are amazing. I cannot get over Hannah Williams’ incredible voice. The Mickey Finns are after my Irish heart as well. I enjoy them as much as the Dropkick Murphys. My newest find, who immediately won my heart, is Lana Del Rey. We haven’t worked with her, but Incognito has helped inspire me to open up to new genres. I love her tone and her lyrics are simply boss. She’s definitely a little gangster in a sweet package.
You’re getting a drink for yourself on St. Paddy’s Tell us something that people find surprising Day. What’s your poison? about you. CM: There is no way I would ever celebrate a CM: I really love animals. As a kid, I owned dogs, St. Patrick’s Day without a little Jameson straight hermit crabs, gerbils, rats, and pygmy goats, up. and I also raised a baby crow who we found in6
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Photos courtesy of George Swar. GeorgeSwar.com
What is your favorite drink to mix for your friends? CM: It’s hard to please everyone at once, so for a shooter that both guys and girls will approve of, I like to make a Wet Pussy shot or mix it on the rocks as a cocktail. It has vodka, peach schnapps, apple pucker, cranberry and sprite. It is easy to drink but still not too sweet. Plus, when I am given free rein to make it, there is always a lot of vodka and a tiny bit of everything else. If anything, the boys enjoy the name. What was your favorite thing about shooting for the magazine? CM: It is always a pleasure working for everyone at Incognito. I want to thank John Lyons and The Harp for opening up their fabulous Irish bar for us and Heather O’Hare for coming through with makeup. My favorite part was posing with the guitar. The photographer, George Swar was amazing to work with, his vision is great and he made it fun. Being able to drink the props didn’t hurt either. What is the next thing to cross off your bucket list? CM: I have a few main goals for this year: skydiving, carving a six-pack, learning how to morph my Spanglish abilities into a somewhat fluent form of Spanish, and getting started on a novel. Oh, and my Chi, I’ve been working on my Chi. Namaste.
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Why Irish Eyes Are Smiling March Beer Reviews
How it works
Forster. Moonshine cherries made another appearance at this beer panel, and we started our panel with Gary provides five beers of a certain category some Feckin’ Irish Whiskey (sipped, not shot...you’ll (in this case, Irish ales or Irish-style ales) for want to take your time with that). You’ll see why I everyone to taste with the general guideline mention that. that he has not tasted these particular beers. He pours everyone a sample. As the panelists Meet the panel drink, they make notes about the characteristics of the beer you see in this article. When all the Gary - aka Seamus Self-Promoter panelists have finished rating the beer, Gary reveals what it is and the panelists discuss Jason - aka Aedan Abet their notes on the beer. That’s it. Now on to our reviews of Irish ales. Jens - aka Paddy Hamburger Note: Adam and Ian were unable to join us for this panel. Ably filling in for both was return panelist Jens 8
Shannon - aka Maura Lee Questionable
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Beer bottle photos courtesy of our very own Gary Scwind.
Taste Gary: It definitely is creamy and very European in that it goes heavier on the malt and has a mild hop character. It’s very yeasty and bready. Jason: It’s light and yeast. I get a little nutmeg. Jens: It’s light and sweet - brown sugar, molasses. It’s yeasty too. Shannon. It’s bready, like a brioche. On the palate,a cooked caramel flavor comes through. I would drink this... Gary: Probably to excess. Jason: When I want to drink a lot of beer and not get bogged down...maybe tailgating for a few hours. Jens: With a red-headed Irish lass named Maura. Shannon: In the afternoon, probably outside on a warm day. I would recommend this to... Gary: Anyone needing a good session beer. Jason: Someone looking for a light beer option. Jens: People who don’t want to drink Guinness on St. Paddy’s Day. Shannon: A foodie looking for something easygoing with a nice lunch. Overall impression Gary: This goes down super easy. I can see racking up about three too many of this one and paying for it the next day. Jason: It’s a decent beer. It’s very light and not going to knock your socks off. Jens: It’s a very good Irish cream ale. Shannon: It’s very approachable and refreshing with a little complexity to hit some notes with some good food.
Wexford Cream Ale Technical Stuff
Food-pairing suggestion
Gary: It’s an amber-copper color with a half-inch cream-colored head. The nose is malty and a little earthy. Jason: It has a light nose. It’s tan-brown with a decent head. Jens: The head is small but sticks around. It’s a clear copper color and smells like brown sugar. Shannon: It’s clear, medium concentration amber with light head retention. It has aromas of orange pulp and baking spices (nutmeg and cardamom).
Gary: Pancakes and sausage Jason: Sausage and fries Jens: Corned beef and cabbage - it would help cut an overpowering corned beef. Shannon: A well-composed chicken sandwich with aioli or a mayonnaise sauce, and a salad of arugula or a bitter green.
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Score: Gary: 8 Jason: 7.5
Jens: 5 Shannon: 7
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Taste Gary: It’s very dry. I get some pear flavor. It’s clean and tastes way better than it smells. Jason: It has a champagne-like quality with pear and apple. Jens: Tastes like a sweet, crisp Granny Smith apple. Shannon. It’s sour and tangy. It tastes like rotten or macerated apples and pears. I would drink this... Gary: Excessively on a hot day. Jason: With friends on St. Patrick’s Day. Jens: With two Finnish lesbians in the Temple Bar in Dublin. Oh wait! I did in 2010. Shannon: In the afternoon, with food. I would recommend this to... Gary: Girls, girls, girls. Jason: Champagne lovers everywhere. Jens: Girls who drink American peach or pear cider and want to try something new. Shannon: Someone who is OK with light, sour beers and who likes it a little bit funky. Overall impression Gary: This goes down real easy even if you don’t drink a lot of ciders. Jason: It’s interesting. The nose is pretty strong and smells a bit like urine, but the sweet, clean Taste makes up for it. Jens: I love Irish ciders. They are the only acceptable ciders for me. This is a good beer for a hot day. Shannon: It’s pretty funky for my taste. It’s sour and needs food to balance it.
Magner’s Cider
Food-pairing suggestion
Technical Stuff Gary: It has a funky smell - musty and earthy. It’s a hazy gold color with no head. Jason: The nose is harsh and earthy. It’s golden with a slight head. Jens: The head is almost gone. It’s a clear golden hue. Shannon: It’s clear, day-bright medium concentration of gold with low head retention. It has an almost offputting volatile acidity. It smells musty, like rotten Fuji apples and cooked pears.
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Gary: Pork tenderloin Jason: Pork chops Jens: BBQ pork loin or chop, any pig or chicken dish. Shannon: This is like applesauce with any dish. Pork chops would be perfect for this. Score: Gary: 6.3 Jason: 8 Jens: 9 for the style Shannon: 4 without food, 9 with food
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It’s very dry and good, but doesn’t linger on the palate very long. Jason: I taste chocolate. It’s complete and fullbodied, very carbonated, and has a smooth finish. Jens: Tastes like a Euro red with smoky malt flavor. Shannon. The fig, molasses, coffee, and bittersweet chocolate carry through to the palate. I would drink this... Gary: When I’m awake. Jason: As a nightcap. Jens: While punching a guy named Seamus. Shannon: Toward the evening. I would recommend this to... Gary: The Pope, the President, etc. Jason: Any beer drinker with a sweet tooth. Jens: Seamus, after I’ve punched him. Shannon: Someone willing to take on a more complex beer. Overall impression Gary: I didn’t care for it at first, but it grew on me. It’s dry but it goes down easy. Jason: It’s a very enjoyable beer. I would drink it again and again. Jens: It’s a solid Irish red. Shannon: Great! I really enjoy this style. Food-pairing suggestion Gary: Red velvet cake Jason: Coffee cake Jens: Burgers and curly fries O’Hara’s Irish Red Shannon: Mole (a complex dish with chocolate, Technical Stuff nuts, and spices), sea salt caramels, or chocolateGary: I smell cocoa. It’s the color of muddy wa- covered bacon. ter with red at the rim. Jason: It smells like chocolate and coffee. It’s Score: dark red with a slight head. Gary: 7.4 Jens: It has no head. It’s a burnt brown color and Jason: 9 clear, with a traditional Irish smell. Jens: 7 Shannon: It’s clear, day-bright medium-plus Shannon: 10 concentration of deep brown with a yellow-orange rim. It smells like figs brulee, molasses, coffee, and bittersweet chocolate. Taste Gary: I get caramel and chocolate, roasty flavors. incognitomusicmagazine.com
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Jens: It is copper colored. I smell Christmas spices. The head sticks around Shannon: It’s clear, day-bright medium-plus concentration of amber with low head retention. It smells slightly floral. I also smell plump orange and sweet citrus, cinnamon stick, and pumpkin. Taste Gary: It tastes like it has a good alcohol content. It’s very dry and warms me up. Jason: It has an enjoyable citrus-sweet flavor. Jens: I taste gingerbread and nutmeg. Shannon: The same sweet citrus quality on the nose carries through to the palate. I would drink this... Gary: On my lunch break from work. Jens: On Christmas in Dublin. Shannon: In the fall. I would recommend this to... Gary: People everywhere that hate their job. Jason: A true beer advocate who enjoys citrus flavors in his beer. Jens: Santa O’Claus. Overall impression Gary: Man, this is good! I can see this as a Thanksgiving beer. Jason: It’s a good beer and I definitely recommend it. Jens: This is a spicy meatball! Shannon: This is so good! This is a fall, harvesttime beer. Food-pairing suggestion
Knee Deep Immigration Irishstyle Red Technical Stuff
Gary: Pecan pie Jason: Bratwurst and fries Jens: Pumpkin pie, Thanksgiving or Christmas dinner, sweet potatoes. Shannon: Yams, pecan pie, sweet potatoes, pumpkin dishes. Score:
Gary: 7.8 Gary: It’s deep copper at the core with a half- Jason: 8.5 inch head. It smells sweet and sugary, but also a Jens: 8.2 bit like plastic. Shannon: 9 Jason: I smell citrus: orange. It’s tan and has very little head retention.
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Shannon: Deep concentration of black. It smells like chocolate-covered espresso beans, molasses, and syrup. Taste Gary: It is a fine example of a stout and has a nice, dry hop finish. Jason: It has roasted flavors like espresso. Jens: Roasty malt and chocolate. Shannon. I taste cocoa, coffee, and syrup. I would drink this... Gary: 8 AM, 8 PM, we’re splitting hairs. Jason: On special occasions and in small doses. Jens: Because it’s beer. Shannon: At night. I would recommend this to... Gary: Werewolves, welders, witches. Jason: Someone looking for a nightcap. Jens: Humans who like stuff. Shannon: A New Yorker getting off work at 4 AM. Overall impression Gary: This could be trouble for sure. Jason: This is enjoyable and tasty. It tastes like dark chocolate and coffee. I recommend it to everyone. Jens: It’s feckin’ good! Shannon: This is really deep. Food-pairing suggestion Gary: Molten chocolate cake Jason: Chocolate cake Jens: Chocolate cake; I’d add moonshine cherries to make an alcoholic Cherry Coke. Shannon: Chocolate cake
O’Hara’s Irish Stout
Score:
Gary: 8 Jason: 9 Gary: It’s as dark as Satan’s cigar smoke and Jens: A bazillion out of 10 opaque. I smell molasses and a little smoke on Shannon: 10 the nose. Jason: It’s black with slight head retention. It smells like molasses. Jens: It has a nice head until it’s disturbed. It’s et black and smells roasty with a big malt characteristic. Technical Stuff
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Movies rated by beers! We review movies by beers, not stars. We give bad movies more beer, it actually makes them better. Movie reviews for beer drinkers. Beer > Tomatoes.
MovieBoozer.com’s ratings always start with A Toast. If you’re like us, then you like a cold one in your hand anytime you’re watching a movie. You’re no alcoholic, but you like a good beer whenever you are seated and watching for example: a daughter’s ballet recital, a Nascar race, a tennis match, a baseball game, strippers… you get the idea. As the movie gets tougher to watch, adding beers make what you’re watching better, hopefully. The worst possible rating is a Six Pack. We know that some of you need more than that to start forgetting things, and some of you start heading for the fat chicks when somebody opens a beer in the room. Adjust accordingly.
MovieBoozer Movies Measured by the Pint! A Toast! Great Movie! Movies Rated One Beer:
127 Hours, 500 Days of Summer, A Christmas Story, Bad Santa, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Black Swan, Caddyshack, Dead Man, Die Hard, Drive, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, , Finding Nemo (2003) Game Change, Hanna, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, Hobo With a Shotgun, Jaws, Kung Fu Panda 2, Martha Marcy May Marlene, Middle Men, Moneyball, Moonrise Kingdom, National Lampoon’s Animal House, Pan’s Labyrinth, Papillon, ParaNorman, Paris is Burning, Quills, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Restrepo, Return Of The Living Dead, Ted, The Artist, The Avengers, The Cabin in the Woods, The Fighter, The Getaway, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The Goonies, The Kid, The King’s Speech, The Muppets, The Social Network, The Thing (1982), The Tillman Story, Titanic, Toy Story 3, True Grit, Warrior (2011) We Are What We Are, Where the Wild Things Are, White Dog, White Heat, Working Girl, Young Einstein
Six-Pack! Do not be sober for these movies! 6 Beers:
2-Headed Shark Attack, A Thousand Words, Alvin and the Chipmunks in Chipwrecked, Atlas Shrugged: Part 1, Bad Biology, Beastly, Blubberella, Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, Eegah! (1962), Flash Gordon, Freddy Got Fingered, Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance, Grimm’s Snow White, Gulliver’s Travels, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Hop, How Do You Know, Jack and Jill, Labor Pains, Madea’s Big Happy Family, Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, Motherhood, New Year’s Eve, One for the Money, Prom, Reindeer Games, Rubber, Season of the Witch, Skyline, Somebody Help Me, Strange Brew, Take Me Home Tonight, ThanksKilling, The Almighty Thor, The Amityville Haunting, The Apparition, The Beast of Yucca Flats, The Change-Up, The Dilemma, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, The Happening, The Lucky One, The Nutcracker in 3D, The Oregonian, The Possession, The Room, The Roommate, The Sitter, The Square, The Three Musketeers, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part One, The Ultimate Ultimate, Thomas Kinkade’s Christmas Cottage, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Troll 2, Twilight, Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection, What To Expect When You’re Expecting, Yogi Bear, Zombie Apocalypse
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Mama Jen’s De-lush-ous Grub Here at Incognito, we are always looking for ways to make this publication better. We've got you covered on the beverages, so the logical next step is to give you some food made with one of the beers from our very own beer panel. Now, I can tell you from personal experience that Mama Jen's grub is some good stuff. Even my son, who is almost four, will only eat meatballs if they are made by Mama Jen. So without any further ado, I give you the first food recipe to grace these pages.
1 cup of Magner's Hard Cider (you can drink the remaining 3.2 ounces) 1/4 teaspoon vanilla extract 8 canned buttermilk biscuits (I used Pillsbury) 4 teaspoons ground cinnamon
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In a medium saucepan, mix the cider, 1/4 cup of the sugar, the butter and vanilla. Bring the sugar mixture to a boil over medium heat.
When my buddy Gary asked me to contribute to his magazine by concocting recipes infused with booze, I couldn't refuse. My mission in combining my two favorite pastimes is quite simple: to inspire other booze hounds to go beyond the norm in their epicurean endeavors. I hope that you enjoy this first recipe. It should be the cure to what "ales" you. Drunken Apple Dumplings Ingredients 2 Granny Smith apples (the green kind--they are nice and bitter) 1/2 cup sugar 1/2 cup (1 stick) butter incognitomusicmagazine.com
Directions lPreheat the oven to 375 degrees F. lPeel, core and slice the apples vertically into 8 slices each.
Separate each biscuit into 2 layers. Wrap a biscuit layer around a slice of apple, stretching the biscuit slightly to overlap, and seal on the bottom. Place the wrapped slices, sealed-side down, in a medium sized casserole dish. They should be right next to each other. Pour the hot cider concoction over the dumplings. Next sprinkle the remaining 1/4 cup sugar mixed with the cinnamon over the top and get these tasty bad boys in the oven! Bake until golden brown, 35 minutes. Allow them to cool for a bit (5-10 minutes) and then dig in and enjoy. These would be great for brunch or even as a dessert.
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Photo courtesy of Carin Merritt.
The Merritts of Mixology Dubliner Donkey by Carin Merritt Irish bars are my favorites, no question. Call me predictable. Call me typical, call me whatever you want, but it is the truth. I love the wooden floors, counters, and walls that are the base of these fine establishments and provide a cozy and classy feel. That in itself is necessary. No lush that I know wants to be under a microscope in a bright, pretentious bar. There are usually a few good soccer jerseys and old-school Guinness signs plastered on the walls, and that is good enough for me. Irish bars tend to have live bands, and they tend to have great live bands, the ones that make you want to dance or drink 16
more and not punch someone in the face. Most importantly, I’m guaranteed to find great beers on tap and great liquor selections, especially the whiskey. It’s the whiskey that should get you to punch someone in the face, not the music. What makes me even more ecstatic is when I run into an Irish bartender working in an Irish bar. I love their attitude. Some may take it as angry and pompous, but all I see is a take-no-shit attitude intermingled with a love for getting others drunk. The best sayings you’ll ever hear come out of an Irish bartender’s mouth: crude
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enough to make any sailor blush, and just a great mixer with any whiskey. The Dubliner ridiculous enough to keep me laughing all night. Donkey is best enjoyed in a copper cup, but any rocks glass will do. Likewise, Jameson does not Yet, even above all that, the most precious thing have to be your Irish whiskey of choice, but I these Irish bars provide, is tradition and fam- highly recommend it. As the Jameson motto ily. These pubs are the epitome of carrying on a goes, “Sine Metu,” an Irish saying for ‘without tradition; they’ve been keeping the Irish spirit fear,’ a motto which everyone should live and alive for years. My father and I partake in the drink by. Cheers. traditions as well whenever we get to see each other, which is never as often as we’d like. Directions We celebrate by taking a shot of Jameson and drinking a Smithwick’s, a great Irish beer. Fill a rocks glass with ice and top with: Consistently I’ve found that regulars at Irish establishments are treated like family and new 2 oz Irish whiskey patrons are welcomed with open arms as long as 2 oz lime juice they are respectful. 8 oz ginger beer It is in my favorite local Irish pub, The Auld Dubliner, where I was introduced to a drink that without question had to be the cocktail of the month. I was enjoying a traditional chicken boxty, sitting at the bar top, and these magical copper/gold tins came out of nowhere. The bartender set them on the counter, filled them with ice, Jameson, ginger beer, and a few squeezes of lime. What? All I could think was, “THAT is the pot of gold I want to own, and what a brilliant drink for St. Patrick’s Day!” The bartender told me that he and his fellow employees came up with the drink - essentially a Moscow Mule with whiskey instead of vodka. They coined it the Dubliner Donkey. I ordered one of my own to try, and found it to be very refreshing. The Jameson (one of my favorite whiskeys) was still present in the Taste, but toned down with the slight hint of lime and bubbles from the ginger beer, which has a more robust Taste than ginger ale, which is also
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A Different Beast An Interview with Ben Rispin of St. Alvia
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t. Alvia is a rock band from Hamilton, Ontario whose new album Static Psalms was released in March. By phone, Ben Rispin discussed the evolution of the band, the lessons he’s learned from being on the road, and his graphic novel, due out later this year. Finish the sentence. St. Alvia is... A workingman’s band from southern Ontario comprising various members of different punk and hardcore bands that have grown up playing together. Bands like Rage, Boys Night Out. We’re trying to do something different with this band. It’s a different beast altogether. It’s more of a rock sort of thing. It’s a hard question to answer. You mentioned trying to do something different. How does the new album differ from previous recordings?
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We’ve had some lineup changes. Our keyboard player went to the band Monster Truck. They were doing really well in Canada and I think they’re doing some stuff in the States. One of our songwriters left. The sound is more cohesive. We’ve tried to stay open to writing any song, really being open to anybody’s input and not turning away any ideas. We did that, but made a cohesive-sounding album. There’s influences from all over the place but now we finally fit it into one sound that’s kind of hard for us to place. How has the band itself evolved? Aside from certain member changes, we’ve gotten to know each other’s strengths and weaknesses. We’ve figured out how to fit into our own skin. I’m in charge of writing lyrics and a lot of the melodies. Greg brings all the production efforts to the table and really helps with the structure of a song. That would be our biggest asset. It was kind of a clusterfuck. Now we all have our jobs and I think that’s what makes a cohesive sound for us. We’re all comfortable in our positions in
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Photo courtesy of St. Alvia.
the band. You like to think that you grow as you practice and tour a lot more.
it’s about being alive and living to the fullest, recognizing your mistakes and accepting your mistakes. I know it’s sort of a long-winded What are some of the best lessons you’ve learned answer, but I think anyone can get into that about being on the road? mentality. Don’t drink your face off constantly (laughs). That’s the biggest one. I’ve recently quit drinking. As we get older, it’s just the bounceback. No one wants to be around a drunk idiot all the time. For me, it tapered down. We’re all getting older and we can’t live those wild lifestyles anymore. That’s what I’ve learned. I can’t speak for the other guys. It keeps you healthy on the road, helps you have a healthy mind and avoid rock n roll trappings that are abundant.
What would you be doing if you weren’t making music?
You mentioned the recovery time. Once you hit 30, that recovery time is longer.
Tell me about the graphic novel.
(laughs) The way I drank, it’s like three days. It’s brutal. That’s one of the biggest things for self-improvement. You’re out there to put on a show and you can only give half of what you have if you’re hungover. Or you can just get drunk and do it again. Then you’re just going to spiral downward. I think everybody would have their own lessons. That’s the biggest one I’ve learned. I used to go on the road and party my face off. That was fun and you build friendships in that world. My constitution can’t handle that. When you’re younger you don’t care how people are going to look at you. But when you’re older and have families, you don’t want to be known as the drunk idiot. That’s a younger punk’s game. Giving the finger and chugging a bottle of whiskey is not for people our age. We like to have a good time, but I’m trying to be healthy of mind and body and it doesn’t work for me anymore. Why should I add your new album to my collection?
A few years ago, I might have said I’d be partying in the gutter. To be honest, I have a passion for film and videos. I like telling stories. I’m really into comic books and I have a graphic novel coming out later this year. I like to think I’d be doing something else creative. I’d like to further my career in video and comic book work.
It’s called Strike the Dead, written by me and my brother. We recently signed to an independent Canadian company called Dusk Leaf. They’re going to be distributing the book. It’s about a paranoid-schizophrenic alcoholic who prophesies the zombie apocalypse and decides to make the first tactical strike against the slumbering zombie army. You don’t know if he’s crazy or if the zombie war is actually coming. He takes out dead people before they reanimate. We’re going to announce the release date in the spring. My brother will be doing the convention circuit. I’m hoping that the record is doing well and we’re out on the road and I can sell it at merch tables. We’ve been trying to get this done for about three years now and we finally signed some contracts. The next step is getting a new artist and they have someone signed to do it. Everything’s there. We just have to do the production. It’s a pretty dark comedy. For a while we were calling it Requiem for a Dream meets Weekend at Bernie’s. We got a kick out of that.
It’s a great record. We’re really proud of it. It has a unique blend of piano classic rock, lo-fi punk. From the feedback we’ve gotten, it satisfies multiple urges. The album has a heavy variety. There’s something for everyone. If it comes on in a shuffle, it’s going to fit somewhere positive. It’s a good reflection record. It’s positive. Positive records always fit anywhere. It’s not without its dark moments, but for the most part incognitomusicmagazine.com
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Have You Heard?
The Bootheel (Springfield, Missouri) thebootheel.bandcamp.com The Bootheel is a band I found doing a random search for alt-country on Bandcamp. My first impression is that this band reminds me a lot of Lucero. The vocals are more gruff and less reedy than Lucero, but this band plays a similarly solid brand of midwestern rock. At times, the band reminds me of Grand Champeen too. Here’s the thing though. This band is a good example of why I don’t like the term alt-country. Why? Because somehow calling it alt-country de-emphasizes the rock component. This band rocks for sure with some serious guitar licks and vocals that come across almost like a howl at times. If you like Grand Champeen and Lucero, give The Bootheel a try. The Fatty Farmers (Toledo, Spain) reverbnation.com/thefattyfarmers When you think about Celtic punk, you probably don’t think about Spain. And yet, The Fatty Farmers is a Celtic punk band from Spain. And these guys are legit too. OK, so the accent on the vocals is obviously not Irish. However, these guys get the sound right for sure. If anything, this is a band that goes heavier on the Celtic than the punk. Don’t get me wrong. There is a punk sound to this band (not quite like Dropkick Murphys), but it seems to take a backseat to the Celtic side of things. If you’ve been looking for a new Celtic punk band in your collection, check out The Fatty Farmers.
Juggernaught (Pretoria, South Africa) juggernaughtsa.bandcamp.com If I were to tell you that fans of Juggernaught refer to the band’s sound as man rock, you would probably have a good idea of what it sounds like. And you wouldn’t be wrong.
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This is a band that believes in loud and heavy guitars and rhythms that perfectly compliment the heavy guitar riffs. Oh, and this band has songs about meat and sex (not together, mind you). If you like guitar-driven rock bands like Sasquatch, I think Juggernaught will fit right into your collection.
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A Hound Ensemble (Copenhagen) ahoundensemble.com It’s not often that I hear a band and can’t think of a good comparison. On the band’s Soundcloud page, the album is labeled Postpunk. Frankly, I’m not sure what that means. This is a band that is one part psychedelia, one part heavy rock, one part garage, and an assortment of things I’m not really sure I can place. In any case, the band records with a furious energy that comes through as you listen. If you like a little challenge in the music you listen to, check out A Hound Ensemble.
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album reviews
Alfa World Go Blue! alfamusic.bandcamp.com
The Snails The River thesnails.bandcamp.com
Alfa is an artist I discovered randomly on Bandcamp one day. Admittedly, this is pretty poppy and it’s not the sort of thing I normally write about in these pages. The reason I’m writing about her is simple. I was drawn in by Alfa’s voice. What can I say? I am an all-day sucker for sweet-voiced female vocalists. The thing that’s really interesting about this singer is that it is hard to pin down who she sounds like. At times, she reminds me of Norah Jones (“War!” “First Sight of Land”). She has that same jazzy sort of delivery. At other times, she reminds me of Harriet from The Sundays or Leigh from Sixpence None the Richer (“Blue”). Leaving comparisons aside, Alfa has the kind of voice that makes you want to hear her sing everything including phone conversations and orders for French fries. This is an album of eight songs that are catchy and sweet. Alfa shows that she is not only a good singer but also an accomplished musician. If you’re like me and love sweet-voiced singers, check out World Go Blue!
If you’ve never randomly searched for bands on Bandcamp, you’re missing out. You might just find a band like The Snails, an interesting blend of gritty east coast rock and reggae. One of the tags the band uses is rocksteady and roll. That’s a pretty good description. Here’s how I will explain it. If Micah Schnabel of Two Cow Garage sang for a reggae rock band, it would sound something like this. This EP is only four tunes, but those four tunes will get your head moving. “Where I’m Bound” is a particularly catchy tune that will get you swaying from side to side. If you want some tunes that are easy to groove to, but also have a little grit in them, check out The Snails.
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Teenage Gluesniffers Chinese Demography teenagegluesniffers.bandcamp.com
Blondstone EP #1 blondstone.bandcamp.com
I’ll admit that one of the cool things about doing this is that we get music from all over the world. Like punk rock from Milan. It helps when the band introduces its EP like this: “Time has come for some new TGS stuff you can annoy your neighbours with.” You can annoy your neighbors with this if they don’t like punk rock. This is old-style punk rock: three guys playing songs that are loud, fast, and short. The longest track on this album is virtually a marathon at 4:02. The vocalist also manages to get that snotty sort of sound of early British punk. The best thing to do with this album is: open your windows, crank the volume on your stereo, and blast this out the windows for everyone in earshot. Maybe they’ll be annoyed. That just means you won’t have to speak to them.
Blondstone reinvigorates the fuzz and distortion of 90’s grunge and rock with their latest release, ‘EP - #1’. The trio hailing from Nancy, France evokes a playful nostalgia of the sounds that eased our teenage angst in the post-Nirvana era. The opening song, “Rare and Strong”, touches on feelings that we’ve all had before, “I don’t know why you’re still in the dark/ I only wish you’ll understand/ that we have something rare and strong”. These words seem to acknowledge the melancholy that sets in when love becomes stale and routine, although you still know that the bond you share is special and can’t be casually discarded. “Shoot, Shoot, Shoot” is one of those powerful songs that can snap you out of a funk and remind you to set your worries aside and enjoy living in the moment. “Look at this spark/ in the dark side of my eyes/ I promise you’ll forget your fears/ go out on a limb/ lose track of time/ deaf to every sound”. ‘EP - #1’ is a high-energy, adrenaline-pumping album that you should crank up to 11. We expect to hear more great things from these guys in the future. Navin Upamaka
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The Guest List: Top 5 Irish Whiskeys Worth Giving a Shot by Matt Maulding Matt Maulding is the piper and accordion player for southern California Celtic punk band Brick Top Blaggers (bricktopblaggers.com). Oh, and he is also a whiskey enthusiast. I know... surprising for a musician. He gives you five Irish whiskeys you might want to try this St. Patrick’s Day. wwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww Redbreast 12 Year (80 proof) County Cork This whiskey has a flavor that hovers somewhere between hazelnut and vanilla. Some people have described it as “fruity” but I don’t feel that’s accurate. There’s a definite nutty flavor. I think all of us have at least one uncle who is nuttier than squirrel poop, right? So yeah, this whiskey is pretty nutty. It’s the kind of whiskey that your great uncle would wax nostalgic about while retelling tales of past glories, about how Matt Maulding (above), accordionist for Brick Top Blaggers. he single-handedly fought off an entire battalion of Krauts in the winter of ‘44 - armed only with Photo courtesy of Matt Maulding. his trusty Colt .45 in one hand and a broken Redbreast bottle in the other. Jameson 18 Year Old Limited Reserve (80 proof) County Cork Midleton Very Rare (80 proof) County Cork This is top-shelf Irish whiskey at it’s best. The Only 50 casks are made each year. I repeat, only flavors are complex. On first Taste there is an 50 casks are made each year! Definite sweet obvious caramel or toffee flavor that washes fruit flavor, somewhat orange-like, with hints over the tongue, followed by hints of nutmeg. of spice and a smooth finish. Remember how Because this spirit reaches maturation in bourbon James Bond would always ask for a martini, and sherry oak casks, it has a subtle woodiness shaken, not stirred? He was lying. This was his to it. I was given a bottle of this most excellent secret nod and wink to the man tending bar that spirit by my lead singer one Christmas. I made what he really wanted was a double shot of Mid- the mistake of bringing a small flask to share at a leton Very Rare. Don’t let that word “shot” fool venue on a pier that rhymes with “The Nixon.” you. This whiskey is to be sipped very slowly, I gave some to our just-turned-21 guitarist, who especially considering most pubs will charge then began hitting on the herd of drag queens you $40 for the privilege of drinking a single who were in great and scary numbers that pour. Who knows, you may find your way into evening. We don’t really know what ever became bed with Pussy Galore or Miss Moneypenny if of him after that, but rumor has it he’s living you’re intelligent enough to impress them by or- happily with “Brenda” somewhere on the dering this fine whiskey. outskirts of Las Vegas in a trailer raising
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cats and dressing all of them like miniature Liberace clones. Caveat emptor!
The Knot (100 proof) County Cavan
The first time I tried The Knot I was handed a Kilbeggan Whiskey (80 proof) County flask, cloaked in mystery, by my bassist. It was accompanied by a mischievous grin and an Westmeath encouraging nod. I took a sip and was This whiskey comes from one of the oldest immediately hit by the very rich and buttery distilleries in Ireland, founded in 1757. The fact caramel flavor. It’s sweet and smooth, but at 100 we’re still talking about it and enjoying it is proof proof this is certainly a whiskey that will get you positive they’ve been doing it right all this time. hammered quickly. But wait! Is it even whiskey? This is a great first whiskey for the non-whiskey Nowhere on the bottle does the word appear. drinker. Your first Taste of it will be a blend of All I know is the more I drank it, the more it felt vanilla, caramel, and butter. The only flavor that like tiny, redheaded Irish girls were dancing jigs would make this whiskey even better would and reels on my tongue. I immediately had the be bacon. Preferably uncured, applewood inclination to pack my bags, move to Ireland, smoked bacon. Damn, now I’m hungry. Anyway, jump into a vat of this stuff and happily drown if you’ve got friends who are afraid of whiskey, myself. tell them to grow the hell up and try it the next time they’re about to order one of those namby-pamby, fruit-filled girly drinks. They will thank you and more importantly, you’ll no longer be ashamed to be seen at a pub with them.
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The Flashback Blood or Whiskey No Time to Explain (2000)
When you think about Celtic punk, you probably think of The Pogues, Flogging Molly, and Dropkick Murphys. All of them are fine bands, but what sound do you think about with all of those bands? Loud electric guitar, right? Well, this album from Blood or Whiskey does rock (most of the rock comes from the rhythm section and rough vocals), but the prominent sounds on this album are banjo and mandolin. My favorite song on this album is “Sober Again.” It’s a pretty mellow tune, but the lyrics are outstanding. The narrator of this song has just had his moment of clarity and realized that he no longer wants to hang with “the usual morons” in places where “the posing was rife.” If you like The Pogues, Flogging Molly, or Dropkick Murphys, chances are pretty good you’ll like this album. Just don’t think about venues that have a capacity of a couple thousand when you listen to this one. This is a band that is better suited to an Irish pub. I know one thing. If I were ever walking by a pub and heard this band, I would duck in to hear it.
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Cinephile
Movie Reviews
This is a film that I never really intended to go see, but only did so because a friend of mine really wanted to go. One of my main problems with this movie is all the twisted morals that This has been a pretty busy month for me.. So it teaches. Even though the filmmakers could much so that I was actually kind of scrambling say that since it’s part of the “comedy” genre, to watch movies for this month. It’s not that anything goes, I actually beg to differ here. I didn’t have anything I wanted to see; I’m There’s comedy that’s actually funny and then actually pretty behind. And if I’m behind here, there’s comedy that’s trying way too hard to be then you know that I’m definitely behind on my funny that the whole thing becomes hit-or-miss. blog. In this case, Identity Thief missed the bulls-eye mark a significant amount of times. Anyhow, we’ve got an interesting selection this month, mostly because for the first time If you’re into raunchy, outrageous humor like since I’ve started writing this column for this Superbad or the Hangover movies, then it’s magazine, I’ve actually run into a movie that likely you’ll enjoy this one as well. For the more I absolutely detested so much that had I not conservative movie-goer, you’ll probably want needed it for this article, I would have walked to take a pass on this one. out of the theater. That being said, here’s my three for the month!
By Rachel “Rae” Park
Identity Thief
Side Effects
Starring: Jason Bateman, Melissa McCarthy, Starring: Jude Law, Rooney Mara, Catherine Jon Favreau, Amanda Peet, T.I., Genesis Zeta-Jones, Channing Tatum Runtime: 106 minutes Rodriguez, John Cho Runtime: 111 minutes 28
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This was actually a pretty solid movie. I was surprised, because I don’t tend to be on board for the movies that garner the most buzz or attention. For this one though, I’m definitely on the bandwagon. Some of the parts fell a little short of expectations and a few of the plot twists seemed forced and not entirely necessary, but overall I think this was a good movie. At the same time, this isn’t something that I see myself watching again or owning personally. However, I do think that I can see people enjoying this one. So if you have the time, I’d check it out in theaters.
The Ratings 5 Stars: A great movie that can be considered timeless or classic. (Equivalent to an A+) 4.5 Stars: Solid story, but may leave a few plot ends loose or there may be inconsistencies. (Equivalent to an A, A-) 4 Stars: Good story, but there’s clear room for improvement in some areas. (Equivalent to a B+, B) 3.5 Stars: A movie lacking in “wow” factor. (Equivalent to a B-) 3 Stars: Flat average viewing experience; not great, but not horrible either. (Equivalent to a C+) 2.5 Stars: A movie that passes the time; watch in theaters if you have an itch to see a movie. (Equivalent to a C) 2 Stars: More of a DVD rental type of movie. (Equivalent to a C-)
Safe Haven Starring: Josh Duhamel, Julianne Hough Runtime: 115 minutes I found so much wrong with this movie that it wouldn’t fit into this column, so for more on this film, please do check out the entry on my blog, which went live on the 28th of February. Had I not needed to write this column, I would have walked out of the theater for this one. As far as quick reviews go, I think that in itself says enough.
In my opinion, there won’t really be anything good to watch in theaters until at least April, but we do have some things to look forward to, Oblivion, Iron Man 3, and Star Trek Into Darkness, just to name a few. Stay tuned! incognitomusicmagazine.com
1.5 Stars: Very difficult to stay interested; at times seems to drag or go on too long. (Equivalent to a D+) 1 Star: Very little perks; consider as a rainy day movie. (Equivalent to a D) 1/2 Star: A very select few may enjoy this movie. (Equivalent to a D-) 0 Stars: Boring; great movie to catch your Z’s in–may have been a pain to finish or impossible to finish–possibly even a movie someone would walk out on. (Equivalent to an F) Ratings scale based on, but differs slightly from cuttingedgecreativity.wordpress.com. Visit CEC for more extensive reviews of each of these movies, including those not featured in Incognito due to space limitations.
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Don’t Be That Guy You see him when he bellies up to the bar if not next to you, then close enough that you can hear what he’s saying. Before he orders a drink, he asks the buxom bartender’s name. A classy move. It will be the last classy thing he does while he’s in the bar. He immediately starts asking the bartender all sorts of questions: what kind of guys she’s interested in, what she does for fun. He sees himself as a shark and the bartender is the prey he’s circling.
dropping down the list as he goes - before his friends finally rescue him from his own silliness. You know him. You’d feel sorry for him if he weren’t so hilarious. He is the guy who thinks he’s going home with the bartender. Don’t be that guy.
She serves him his drink then moves on to other patrons. He can’t stop staring at her and he says to you, “She’s freakin’ hot, isn’t she?” You can’t disagree. It’s part of the reason you patronize this bar. He immediately starts musing that she’s probably a total freak in the sack. You close your eyes and take another sip of your drink, wondering if this poor sap is really that stupid. When she comes back into earshot of this guy, he says, “Hey Honey!” (So much for learning her name.) She smiles at him. After all, it’s not the first time she’s been called Honey...or worse. “You need a boyfriend?” “Sure,” she tells him. He grins and is about to lay some more of his rap on her when she says, “You can be number 15.” You chuckle as the smile vanishes from his face. “Fifteen? You have 14 guys ahead of me?” “Sorry.” She smiles again as she goes back to waiting on other customers. He realizes now that he needs to step up his game. So every time she comes within earshot of her he either tells her something he finds impressive about himself or asks what he can do to move up her list of boyfriends. “You know something? You’re right. You shouldn’t be number 15. Now you’re number 16. That guy,” she points right at you. “Is number 15 now.” Now the guy is wearing a sad bulldog expression, but he’s not licked yet. He sticks around for a couple more drinks - only 30
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ASK UNCLE SAL
solution to yer problem is a simple one: sardine sandwiches with extra grilled onions. Ya pack a couple of those in yer cooler and ya offer him one. Chances are he ain’t gonna accept. You however are gonna eat more than one. After a while, he’s gonna have to make a choice about whether he’s gonna put up with the smell in yer shanty from both the sardines and the enevitable after-effects. All you have done is offer him a sandwich. And if he’s gonna bump up yer rates because of what you eat and the effects it has on ya, then ya need to find a new insurance agent.
Hey Uncle Sal, The NCAA basketball tournament is right around the corner. What can I do to ensure that I win my office Winter is probably my favorite time of the year pool? because of the ice fishing. It’s winding down now, but I still got a couple trips left before Hoopster in Hibbing everything thaws. I usually like to sit in my shanty all day downing brews and bobbing for perch. Hoopster, thanks for writing. First off, I gotta tell I have a friend though who likes to talk. He’s my car ya that I love the NCAA basketball tournament. insurance salesman and did me a favor keeping my Ain’t nothin’ like them first two days of the NCAA rates down after a fender bender that I had. He invited tournament. I remember playin’ in the tournahimself in a couple weeks ago to have a look inside my ment back when I was a forward at Fordham. shanty and now he thinks he’s a regular and that I’m Lemme tell ya sump’n. Kareem Abdul-Jabbar is credited with creating the sky hook. That guy running an open bar. learned it from me. No foolin’. I was unstopThe thing is, my shanty is my inner sanctum. I go out pable with it until I fractured my radius in my there to forget yucks like him exist. The quarters are sophomore year. Anywho, on to yer question. close enough without being trapped for hours while he Ya ready for this? The best way to win yer office pool is to admit ya know nothin’ about colgoes on the hard sell. lege basketball. I know. That ain’t easy, but it’s How do I tell him tactfully to get his own shanty and essential. Next thing ya do is give yer bracket to his own lake as well without losing my insurance pre- yer wife or girlfriend. Better yet, give it to some four-year-old kid and let him pick the games mium? for ya. All ya gotta do is tell ‘im the team’s nickname and colors. He’ll tell ya right there who’s Signed, gonna win. Yeah, I know. What’s a four-year-old In Debt to a Salesman know about basketball? Ask yerself this quesWell In Debt, that’s a heckuva problem ya got tion, Hoopster. How many times you won yer there. But before I get to yer question, I gotta say, office pool with yer picks? Prolly none, right? Or ice fishin’ is one of the best things in this here else ya wouldn’t need advice on how to win the crazy world of ours. I get out there with a pint thing. So find some four-year-old kid to make of whiskey (it’s like a sweater that ya wear on yer picks for ya and this just might be the year the inside) and my pole and it’s like the rest of that you beat Marge the receptionist in the ofthe world don’t exist. Course ya gotta pace yer- fice pool. And if ya do, make sure ya buy sump’n self. Ya don’t wanna pass out right there on the nice for the kid who’s better at predicting than ice cuz who knows how long it’s gonna take you are.
Dear Uncle Sal:
someone to find ya in yer shanty. Anywho, the incognitomusicmagazine.com
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In Our Next Issue... New York is in the spotlight with interviews of members of Celtic rock band The Mickey Finns and instrumental rock-fusion band TAUK.
Plus: •Our model Kitana get you ready for baseball season •Reviews of spring ales •Another killer cocktail recipe and another dee-lush-ous recipe from Mama Jen •Film reviews by our indefatigable Cinephile Rae •A rock n soul musician from southern California provides The Guest List AND MORE!
l l a u o y See 32
in n i aga
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INCOGNITO Blarney Rock
music, models, and more Vol. 12, March 2013