Incognito Music, Models, and More Vol. 8 (November 2012) by Groovy Rutabaga Publications

INCOGNITO Rock With A Hockey Twist

music, models, and more Vol. 8, November 2012

music, models, and more

CHIEF WRITER Gary Schwind LAYOUT Rachel “Rae” Park COPY EDITOR Bob Brower CONTRIBUTORS Jason Bowman John Kessler Carin Merritt Shannon Latting Rachel “Rae” Park Eric Scranton George Swar

SUBMISSIONS Models, Music, Artists, Writers: incognitomusicmag@gmail.com OR PO Box 2070 Mission Viejo, CA 92690

VISIT US! www.incognitomusicmagazine.com Follow us on Twitter! Like us on Facebook!

FEATURED ON OUR COVERS (front cover)

The Zambonis photo illustration by Rachel “Rae” Park Photo courtesy of The Zambonis band.

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(back cover)

Barbie Bre Gallegos photo Photo courtesy of George Swar.

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

CONTENTS Incognito / November 2012

FEATURES

2 The Zambonis Incognito’s feature artist 4 Bre Gallegos This month’s feature model 19 Peachfuzz Second music feature

PEACHFUZZ Peachfuzz’s guitarist talks new album, music style, and more!

IN EVERY ISSUE 1

Letter

from

the

Editor 27 The Flashback

1 Who We Are 8

28 Cinephile Monthly movie reviews

Beer Reviews

17 The Merritts of Mixology

30 Don’t Be That Guy

21 Have You Heard?

31 Ask Uncle Sal

23 Album Reviews

33 In Our Next Issue

26 The Guest List 5 songs for learning the upright bass ii

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

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Get your Incognito gear! (shirts, panties, pint glasses, etc.)

at cafepress.com/incognitomusicmagazine

EDITOR’S LETTER

Yes, loyal reader, we did get the memo that the NHL season is on hold. We can’t worry about things like that. We’re more concerned with featuring worthwhile bands. Hockey season or not, I think you’ll agree that the interview with Dave Zamboni is a good one. And really, what would you have us do? Not only do we have an interview with Dave Zamboni, but we also have our featured model Barbie Bre Gallegos in a hockey jersey. Would you have us retract that simply because the hockey season may not happen? If you vote for that, you have not seen how good Barbie makes a hockey jersey look. But it’s not just the time where hockey season would ordinarily start. It’s also time for Thanksgiving and our resident mixologist has a drink that will go great with that apple pie on your table at Thanksgiving. Also, our beer panel took the time and effort to research apple pie moonshine (yes, you read that correctly) for your Thanksgiving guests. And we liked the guest column idea so much that we have made it a permanent part of the magazine. We call it The Guest List. This month, our Guest List column is by Setra, Daughter of the Sun (@setra). If you haven’t heard her music, you should check it out. She is a soulful singer who brings to mind Joni Mitchell and Tracy Chapman. We think this magazine has gotten better with every issue, and that is largely due to the tireless efforts of our Cinephile and layout designer Rae Park (@raesblog). However, this issue would not be what it is without our beer panel, including Adam (@3guys1movie) and Shannon (Facebook: shannon.latting), our mixologist Carin, and our resident photographer George (georgeswar.com). As always, thanks for reading. Your loyal melomaniac, Gary Schwind

Incognito: for the musical omnivore

WHO WE ARE

Who are we and what is Incognito, you ask? Well, we are a collection of music lovers that gets by on irresponsibly few hours of sleep, Guayaki energy shots, and power naps. Unhealthy? Maybe, but this isn’t a magazine about health...unless you mean the mental health music gives. Incognito is a magazine for the musical omnivore - the person who loves good music no matter what genre. Take this issue, for instance. We have interviews with a hockey rock band and a rock and roll trio from Los Angeles. We also cover psycho surf, punk-ska, and an acoustic singer-songwriter. That’s pretty good range if I do say so myself. Why do we do this? For several reasons. First, we love music. Music is a constant at Incognito HQ and we put this magazine out for all those people out there who wouldn’t know what to do with themselves if they didn’t have music, particularly music that you’ll never find on your radio or maybe even at your local music store. We do this because a lot of bands have a big budget for publicity. But for every band that is backed by a good amount of money, there are hundreds more that make music because it’s what they love to do. We also do this for every person who has ever been in a bar and thought “I’ll puke if that jukebox plays The Eagles one more time.” In short, we publish this magazine for every musician and music fan that has ever been in a dark club in a nowhere town on a Tuesday night for one reason only: good music. We celebrate the bands that live in tour vans eating crappy food, swilling cheap beer, and making just enough money to get to the next gig. In other words, no matter how you classify the music, we celebrate the rock and roll ethos and we hope you do too. incognitomusicmagazine.com

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

Photo courtesy of The Zambonis. www.thezambonis.com

A collaboration by Gary Schwind & Carin Merritt

hat you do when you’re a musician and a giant hockey fan? You start your own genre: hockey rock. By phone, Dave Zamboni discussed the band’s origin, playing events like the NHL All-Star Game, and who in the band is most likely to end up in the “penalty box.”

way and he said I’m a genius so we went with his opinion. That was the beginning. We wrote a couple songs in a flat in England. That was it. When was the first time you realized you were onto something with this band?

What was the genesis behind starting a hockey It’s kind of the most pure moment. Before you rock band? think “Maybe we can make some money.” We wrote a song for the Colorado Avalanche and a We like other sports. We like food. We like many station started playing it. They were in the things but we love hockey. That’s part of the running for the playoffs. The station and the reason. We were in England, my two buddies Avalanche said “We want you to play a couple and I, and we wanted to watch hockey. That was games when we play the Red Wings in the playoffs. very hard to do in 1991. It’s probably still hard to What do you want for that trip?” I looked at the do. Back then it was BBC 1 2, 3, or 4. The chances guy from Yale again, my genius partner, and I said, of hockey being on one of four channels in “Four worn practice jerseys.” That’s what we got. London was not good. That’s how it all began. I said, “Why don’t we just write some songs about It was McNichols Arena before it was the Pepsi hockey?” One guy called me an idiot. The other Center and we played in the parking lot. We guy called me a genius. We went with the other were in heaven. We also got to play The Bluebird guy’s opinion. The other guy went to Yale by the 2

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Theater on that same run. We got to play the radio station. That’s when we realized we should start asking for more than jerseys and ask for a little money. I think they did throw in 500 bucks just for our pure naivete. We were dumb fellas. Did you guys get championship rings for helping the Avalanche win the Cup?

huge fan. Could you please punch me in the face?” The guy next to me said, “What are you, an idiot?” O’Reilly gave me a little jab. It was awesome. His hands are huge...big ham hocks. I’ve used that line again, but that was the original. They get a kick out of it most of the time. Sometimes they look really excited.

No. We got the plastic mugs that the pretzels came in. You had to buy it. I’m moving and I just found the plastic mugs we bought at those games. No rings.

Let’s say the band has a penalty box. Who’s the first guy in the box and for what?

That would be John for playing too loud. Also John for not returning e-mails or phone calls. You’ve played some pretty big events...All-Star That’s not a team player. That’s a problem. But games, playoff games. Which one means the he’s so talented in so many ways, we let him most to you and why? slide. There have been incidents where people get by with many things in the NHL. (under his It’s really strange. The big events do mean a lot breath) Theo Fleury. I was a big Theo Fleury fan, to us. The small events do too. It sounds like but he slid by for many things he did wrong for I’m writing a press kit. Playing a peewee benefit a while. in Vermont is just, in a weird way, as thrilling as some of the big things. Obviously playing What would you be doing if you weren’t making Staples Center for the 2002 All-Star Game music? was outrageous. All our dressing rooms were right next to each other so it was just strange Probably sleeping or in a coma. to ask Patrick Roy and Mario Lemieux to move a little bit so we could open the door. It The Zambonis have a video for the song was just bizarre. I never did drugs, but if I did, “Captain” available on the band’s homepage. that was a pretty fun trip. Three bands were Also, the song “I’m a Puck” will be played at playing: Jewel, Five for Fighting, and us. Next Anaheim Ducks games...provided the NHL to our door was a curtain and there’s Jewel season takes place. with her dog. From a hockey standpoint, that was it. The smaller events are really cool too. There’s so many, it’s hard to remember. We played two weddings. One was on the ice in Boston at Cam Neely’s hockey joint. If I told you, you’d say “No way!” but it happened. There are pictures. The priest was a ref and the bride and groom’s families went up against each other and we were the band. It was pretty perfect. What was it like playing Ray Bourque night in Boston? That was awesome. We got involved with that by working with the Bruins on some benefits. We played in the parking lot. I’ve said many dumb things, but probably one of the best things I’ve ever said was that night. Terry O’Reilly (legendary Boston Bruins brawler) came up to us and said, “Hey you guys are fun. I like your stuff. I looked at him and said, “I’m a incognitomusicmagazine.com

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

B arbie Bre Gallegos is a

pin-up model from Los Angeles, who ably stepped into a very different role for us. She discusses being a pinup, trucks (she might know more about trucks than you), and taking particular pleasure in "pretending" to beat up the head honcho of Incognito in her photo shoot.

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Photos courtesy of George Swar & George Swar Photography & Film. georgeswar.com

your shoot for Incognito? Looking like Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m really punching Gary (laughs) Everything was fun and George made it very easy to do what they were asking for. What are three bands you will see whenever you get the chance? Rage Against the Machine, Dramarama, The Quakes What are three bands you could absolutely do without? I don't think I have any. You pose in front of a lot of cars. What car would you most like to have in your garage? Why? I would say a 1955 Chevy pickup. The car runs crazy fast if you work on it well enough. Believe it or not this truck has 123 horsepower at 3800 rpm. It has a standard three-speed transmission. I love standard trucks! And it just has such has an amazing look.

Give us the elevator bio of Barbie Gallegos. I am Mexican American. Born in East LA. I currently live in LA and I am a total California girl. I started modeling at 18 and I have loved it since. I told myself since I was little I would work hard to be a model and here I am. I started working with my good friend Jason Espat and we had one shoot and from there we blew up. I started getting calls and messages about other gigs. I've always loved pinup but I wasn't sure if I could pull off the look and sure enough with no doubt I tried it and I've been doing that and glamour modeling. I hope to keep moving up and learning the tricks of the trade for being a great model.

Tell us something that people find surprising about you. That I'm a goofball and I play around alot (laughs). I love laughing at everything. What is the next item on your bucket list? I need to get my mechanic license and go sky diving.

You're normally a pinup model. What is the most challenging thing about being a pinup? I would have to say that perfect face. You need to look cute sassy and classy all at the same time. What was the most challenging thing about

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Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

Grateful

(For) Red

How it works Gary provides five beers of a certain style for everyone to taste with the general guideline that he has not tasted these particular beers. He pours everyone a sample. As the panelists drink, they make notes about the characteristics 8

of the beer you see in this article. When all the panelists have finished rating the beer, Gary reveals what it is and the panelists discuss their notes on the beer. That's it. Now on to our reviews of red ales.

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Note: In this edition of the beer panel, Adam was unable to join us and our previous panelist Eric ably filled Adam's chair.

Gary - The substitute teacher (he's nominally in charge but no one listens)

Meet the panel:

John - The raconteur

Jason - The jock

Shannon - The Food and Eric - The engineer with a beverage expert, and coconut thirst for beer oil enthusiast

The prize of the panel

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Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

Bear Republic Red Rocket Ale Technical Stuff

Eric: Smells like the alcohol content is on the lighter end of the scale. It's reddish in color, but not dramatically so. Smells more malty than hoppy. Gary: Ruby color, not a bad head. I has a malty, kind of nutty nose. Jason: It's a light golden brown with a good nose and nice head retention. John: She be red like a hound. I love the caramel-colored head. It has a nice nose. Shannon: It's golden brown at the core fading to a light gold rim. Good effervescence. It has light caramel undertones on the nose and a bitter almond skin note and orange rind on the nose.

Taste Eric: The malt just drops away at the finish, leaving the hop bitterness. Gary: It has a nice hop character. It's very clean and a little dry at the finish. It has a sort of vinuous feel. Jason: It's clean, balanced, and goes down the hatch easy. John: Nutty, creamy, delicate. Shannon: It has a round body with slight creaminess. The nuttiness continues on the palate.

I would drink this... Eric: With something heavy. Gary: While watching football all day...if I ever got that opportunity. Jason: Occasionally. John: Almost anytime but in a snowstorm.

Overall impression

Shannon: With mature cheeses: bleus and ched- Eric: It's OK. It's not flawed, but I don't like much dars. malt in my beer.

I would recommend this to...

Gary: This goes down real nice. I could session this and pay for it later.

Eric: Other people. (The editor says: "Other Jason: It's a good beer, easy drinking with a nice people? That's helpful. You would recommend finish. this to everyone but yourself.") John: I like this as a red overall. Gary: Anyone who enjoys an amber or Irish ale. Shannon: It's great! Jason: Someone who is trying a red ale for the first time.

Food pairing suggestions

John: My friends to keep them close and my enEric: Greasy stuff - burgers. emies to keep them closer. Gary: Cajun sausage. Shannon: A house party crowd. 10

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Jason: Grilled cheese. John: Anything that starts with p: pork chops, pretzels, pizza, pepperoncinis. Shannon: Mature cheeses.

Score (out of 10) Eric: 5 Gary: 7.5 Jason: 7.4 John: 8 Shannon: 7

Heretic Brewing Company Evil Twin Technical Stuff Eric: A bit more head retention than the Bear Republic although the color is the same. Gary: It's cloudy and unfiltered. The color is very ruddy - reddishbrown. It has a floral hoppy nose. Jason: It's brown and has good head retention. John: It's a little dark. It has a caramel odor and good head retention, but the dark color of the head is unappealing. Shannon: Medium brown at the core with a good concentration of color and a golden brown rim.

Taste Eric: I like this better than the Bear Republic. It seems better integrated. Gary: It's earthy with a little spice at the finish. Jason: Again. It's very clean and balanced and finishes pretty John: When a friend buys the round. dry. Shannon: At the end of a meal with dessert. Jason: It's smooth, malty, toasty. It tastes nice. John: It's a caramel and sugar overload. It doesn't I would recommend this to... feel broken down with malts and sugars, but you Gary: Adventurous beer drinkers. can taste the alcohol. Jason: Someone who is not a fan of red ales, but Shannon: It's complex. I taste chocolate malt likes a smooth, malty beer. balls with bittersweet chocolate. John: A bartender just to see what they think of the swill they serve. I would drink this... Eric: After my fourth or fifth good aromatic hoppy beer.

Shannon: A diner in a good restaurant. This is a great food beer.

Gary: After work, with dinner, as a nightcap.

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Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

Overall impression

Eric: Burgers, pizza.

Eric: This is pretty nice if you are a fan of this sort of beer.

Gary: Chicken mole.

Gary: It's complex, but it goes down real easy and burps well. I could easily take another one of these. Jason: It's a good red ale - something I would recommend. John: Meh.

Jason: Jalapeno sausage and fries. John: A Stone IPA to give it flavor. Shannon: Desserts or a steak crusted with coffee or rubbed with espresso.

Score (out of 10) Eric: 7 Gary: 7.2 Jason: 7.2 John: 4 Shannon: 8

Shannon: Good and weighty.

Food pairing suggestions

The Bruery Loakal Red Technical Stuff Eric: Good head retention. The nose has some odd chemical/cleaner aspect to it. The color is toward the brown. Gary: It's more brown than red. It has a good head and an herbal nose. Jason: You can smell the alcohol. Good head retention. Dark brown and carbonated. John: The head retention is great - looks like a snow plow went right through it. The color is like creme brulee. Shannon: It's orange-copper with a medium concentration of color and a straw-colored rim. It's cloudy (unfiltered).

Taste Eric: It has a short finish. The malt is less prominent than the previous beers. Gary: It's floral and herbal with a unique flavor. Jason: It's complex and tangy. John: Jagermeister tones, but not the licorice part. It has malt overtones with herbal undertones. It's a little heavy. Shannon: It's light, tangy, and herbal.

I would drink this... Eric: If I had to. Gary: With food. I wouldn't just pour a pint and drink it. Jason: On occasion. John: After a barbecue and before dessert.

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Shannon: On a summer afternoon. It's light and refreshing.

I would recommend this to... Eric: Folks who like ESBs. Gary: People who are open to trying different things. Jason: Someone looking for a light, fruity red ale. Shannon: All the ladies.

Overall impression Eric: It's lighter, but has a prominent hop profile. I probably wouldn't buy this. Gary: It's well done, but it's so unique I don't know how frequently I would drink it. Jason: It's a solid and unique red ale. I enjoyed it. John: Good. Shannon: Nice and light.

Food pairing suggestions Eric: Meat pies. Gary: Chicken tarragon. Jason: Halibut. John: Herb-crusted chicken, rosemary-based light meats.

thyme-

Shannon: Beet salad with arugula and goat cheese.

Score (out of 10) Eric: 6 Gary: 7 Jason: 7.6 John: 7 Shannon: 8

Ballast Point Tongue Buckler Technical Stuff Eric: Good head retention. It's brown - no red here. The nose says imperial red but in a couple minutes has dropped to sweet and malty. Gary: I can smell the alcohol in it. It's rustcolored with a good head and a very sweet nose. Jason: It's golden brown with strong head retention.

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Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

John: Awesome head retention and really nice cloudy color. Shannon: It's golden-copper with a medium concentration of color and a light gold rim.

Taste

Jason: It's complex and strong. John: Very nice and complex. Shannon: It's OK, but driven by bitterness. (The editor says, "If I had a nickel for every time I heard that about me...")

Eric: The first taste tells me with a vengeance Food pairing suggestions that it's an imperial red. Quite a lot of hop Eric: Food? bitterness and it finishes surprisingly dry. Gary: A creamy dessert. Gary: Wow! The first sip kicks like a Missouri mule. It's toasty and malty up front with a nice, Jason: Ice cream. dry hop finish. John: Arugula salad, barbecued peaches with Jason: It's complex, high in alcohol, and heavy. goat cheese, bacon-wrapped scallops. John: Happy happy happy mouth! This is a rollercoaster of flavors from bitter to malty to Score (out of 10) herbal to citrus to burnt caramel, then back to Eric: 6.6 Gary: 8.2 bitter. Repeat. Jason: 7.8 Shannon: Sweet citrus undertones (orange, John: 8.7 marmalade). It's malty in the middle and finishes bitter.

Coronado Brewing Company Red Devil

I would drink this... Eric: To get fucked up. Gary: By a fire when I don't have to go anywhere. Jason: As a nightcap after a nice hearty meal.

Technical Stuff Eric: This one here is red. The head is not much. The nose is red roasted malt and alcohol but it doesn't scream imperial.

John: When I feel I need to start challenging my Gary: It has a deep, opaque ruby color. Some palate and start my session beer. piney and floral hoppy notes in the nose. When I Shannon: Only if I had to. swirl it around and smell it, I get pumpkin flesh.

I would recommend this to...

Jason: It's brown with a good head.

Gary: A newly-paroled prisoner. No better taste John: Light head and a dark red color (Pantone 578). The nose has anise, freshly-carved pumpkin of freedom. guts, malts. Jason: Someone looking for a complex, tasty Shannon: Great graduation of color from a beer. subtle red at the core to bronze to a yellow rim. John: A mature palate. Shannon: Someone with a more developed palate.

Taste

Overall impression

Gary: It has a weighty mouthfeel with some woody notes. It's well-balanced with a dry finish.

Eric: The alcohol is present. It has plenty of hops to counter the malt. Gary: It's really good but would be better at cellar temperature.

Eric: The finish is short with limited bitterness.

Jason: Coconut and pumpkin. It's bold and heavy-bodied. John: It's hearty and tastes like fall with some

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maple syrup flavor. Shannon: The guys said it and I concur: pumpkin flesh.

I would drink this... Eric: Rarely. Gary: Right before driving go-karts. Jason: For dessert. John: When watching leaves turn color and fall from the trees. Shannon: In a pumpkin patch. It's fall in a glass.

I would recommend this to... Gary: Pirates, poets, longshoremen. Jason: Fans of red ales. John: Anyone in Maine during fall. Shannon: Adventurous beer drinkers who are interested in trying different flavors.

Overall impression Eric: It's kind of an average higher-alcohol red. I don't see anything here I need to try again. Gary: It's incredibly complex. It's very heavy but man is it good. Jason: It's an interesting beer with a complex taste and a vibrant finish.

Score (out of 10)

John: I like it. Shannon: Good.

Food pairing suggestions Gary: Pumpkin soup, pumpkin pie.

Eric: 3 Gary: 8 Jason: 8.1 John: 8 Shannon: 7

Jason: Waffles. John: Pancakes, pork chops, goat cheese. Shannon: A Thanksgiving-inspired turkey and cranberry sandwich.

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Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

Old Smoky Apple Pie Moonshine

Loyal reader, since this is the Thanksgiving issue, I thought I would provide a little treat for our beer panel and consequently for you. After finishing our beer panel where we rated red ales, we had communion with a jar of Old Smoky Apple Pie Moonshine. Of course we had communion with it. It comes in a Mason jar, so attempting to pour it into a glass will only mean spillage and we can't have that. Why Old Smoky? Well, there are plenty of dessert drinks you could have with your Thanksgiving dinner, one of which is described by our own mixologist Carin (and a fine drink it is). But what if you don't want something in a fancy glass? What if you would just like whiskey? Well, that's where this moonshine comes in. When you take the lid off the jar, you’ll notice that Old Smoky smells just like apple pie, sweet and spicy. Then you taste it and you realize you are drinking apple pie. I’m not kidding. This stuff is dessert in a jar. It is called moonshine, but it goes down real easy not only because it tastes like apple pie, but also because it’s only 40 proof. And therein lies the danger of this beverage. It’s only 40 proof, it tastes like apple pie, and it comes in a container that invites drinking directly. It doesn’t take Steven Hawking (obviously...look who’s writing this piece) to do the math on that one. All that adds up to feeling real good real quick and then looking down and seeing only the bottom of the empty jar. That’s when you realize that this drink is good and evil in the same container. This Thanksgiving, if you really want to treat those at your Thanksgiving dinner, pick up a jar of Old Smoky and have your own communion with it as you eat your dessert. (Nothing quite like having liquid dessert as you consume a solid dessert.) As a friend of mine once said, “You haven’t lived until your uncle brings you moonshine for the holidays. Here is your chance to be that uncle.

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

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Photo courtesy of Manny Medrano. mmimagery.com

The Merritts of Mixology

Spiced Apple Pie Martini by Carin Merritt

After moving away from home at the ripe age of 18, any excuse to be surrounded by people who are inherently as crazy as I am has become ironically refreshing. Something about a family unit which possesses the same type of crazy makes me feel all warm and fuzzy inside. Family is the number one reason the month of November is so dear to me, probably because this is when Thanksgiving occurs and our whole extended family gets together. Let the games begin. incognitomusicmagazine.com

Allow me to share a few tame facts about my eccentric family. Dad has a photo wall in his shop named â&#x20AC;&#x2DC;the flip-offâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; wall. Every photo is of a family member or friend flipping the camera off. I love it. Family gossip has included, who is adopted, who has gotten the latest plastic surgery, which marriage is failing, or who has a secret pregnancy. Even my dog barks at her stuffed animals for hours straight for no apparent reason. When someone throws it, she stops barking, runs to it, and then continues to bark at

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

it…forever. Predictable chaos thus is the source alluring color of the martini represents the fall of my entertainment. season well. I like to garnish it with an apple slice and whipped cream because if you are But there is something else so alluring about going to make a liquid apple pie, you have to do November. The senses of taste and smell are the it correctly! Making this martini is very simple greatest trigger for memories. Nothing can ever and all the products can be found at any local compare to the cooking you grow up with and store. I’ll suggest specific brands, but any the warm inviting feelings those senses revive. ingredient can be substituted for a different Tradition has stood the test of time and in no brand of your choice: way has my life away from home ever steered me from sticking to the customs I was raised Ingredients: with. My Thanksgivings will always consist of succulent oven-roasted turkey, cinnamon-spiced 2 oz. Bernheim wheat whiskey sweet potatoes, dinner rolls slathered with ½ oz. sour apple schnapps butter and honey, green bean casserole infused ½ oz. Goldschlager cinnamon liquor with fried onions, sweet sliced ham, juicy roast 1 oz. apple juice beef, bacon topped deviled eggs, green salad (extra croutons please), three versions of potato Garnishes: salad, a smattering of pies: pumpkin pie, warm Lime juice apple pie, tangy lemon pie, patriotic strawberry, Cinnamon blueberry and cream pie, sparkling cider for One thin apple slice the kids’ table, and an assortment of alcohol for Whipped cream everyone else, always including a signature cocktail.

Tools:

Once the meal is started, there is one rule: the meal isn’t finished until you can no longer breathe and you are unable to button your pants. Thanksgiving is not an occasion for pansies. Many members drop out. Before all is done, someone is asleep: in a corner on the floor, on the couch, or in a chair, we’re not particular. When it is acceptably time to dig into dessert, most of us couldn’t fathom trying to squeeze in a bite. My sister’s solution is to allow her meal only to consist of desert items; she’s creative like that. I on the other hand, have found a better trick to solve this dilemma. Why not take my favorite drink, alcohol, and mix it to taste like desert? Genius. A perfect pairing with these dishes is the Spiced Apple Pie Martini. Martinis are always a great choice because they typically contain the highest ratio of alcohol to mixers (if there are any mixers at all). For those who fear a dessert drink is too thick and heavy, let me assure you the ingredients keep it light. The Spiced Apple Pie Martini has a sweetly warming and appealing smell. When sipped, the taste buds are awakened with a layer of flavors, starting with the spice of cinnamon, followed by fresh apple, and finished with a hint of whiskey. The 18

Martini glass Cocktail shaker Strainer

Instructions: 1. Cut a lime into wedges and pour a little bit of cinnamon onto a plate. Take one lime wedge and run it along the rim of the martini glass in order to create a sticky surface. Take the martini glass and evenly dip it into the cinnamon until the entire rim is covered evenly. 2. Grab a mixing tin with ice and pour in Bernheim whiskey, sour apple schnapps, Goldschlager, and apple juice. Cover the mixing tin and shake well. 3. Strain the mixture into the martini glass while avoiding touching the rim. 4. Cut a thin apple slice and float it on the top of your martini. 5. Next add whipped cream to the top of your apple slice and sprinkle cinnamon over the whipped cream. Enjoy.

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Photos courtesy of Peachfuzz. www.peachfuzz.bandcamp.com

eachfuzz is a three-piece band described by Whore-hay of Radio Free Bakersfield as “the best band in L.A.” According to the band’s Facebook page, it plays both kinds of music: rock and roll. Right up our alley. Via email, guitarist Andrew discussed the band’s new album, who he’d like to collaborate with, and what he’d be doing if he weren’t making music. Complete the sentence. Peachfuzz is... Y'know, that thing when every hair on your body is tingling, you've got goose bumps so big they're more like goose lumps, while you jump up and down on your bed like a 5 year old with your best friend until you both fall down dreaming. Every Peachfuzz song feels like that. Tell me about the new album and why I should have the album in my collection.

did 13 songs, 10 of which will end up on the vinyl release. It's been several years since we've made a record and this new album is a basically a collection of rockers from our live set that seemed to stick around and got good audience response. The sound of this record is very true to our live sound. No acoustic guitars or keyboards were harmed during the making of this album. We also recorded a single called "Zuma Girl" with a surf guitar instrumental "Drainpipes" as the b-side. All of which which will be released on vinyl and digitally on bandcamp.com.peachfuzzrocks on the Outstanding Unit Record label aka OURecords. Everyone should have this new Peachfuzz record or any Peachfuzz record in their collection because it will actually destroy, disintegrate, and eradicate that first Pearl Jam record you put it next to. Peachfuzz records will not, however, bring harm to your Partridge Family, Parliament, or Teddy Pendergrass albums.

The new album is called "Fall Down Dreaming" and it was engineered, produced, mixed, and mastered by Shane Smith at Estudio What does it mean to you when someone calls International in Lincoln Heights, California. We you "the best band in L.A."? incognitomusicmagazine.com

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

It means that that person needs to get out more or is on the Peachfuzz propaganda payroll. Or it's my mom. Seriously though, I think we're a good, fun little band. We're not the best band in LA, but definitely one of the best bands you can still see for under $10 bucks. What are some L.A. bands that you are a fan of? The Knack, The Quick, Van Halen('78-'84), The GoGos, The Beach Boys, The Carpenters, The Mothers Of Invention, The Runaways, The Byrds, Sonny and Cher, all the hot new acts the kids are into these days. I've always loved Redd Kross, and they have a new album out which is really fucking good. And old Silverlake pal from the band Threeway, Jason Shapiro, is in the band now, and they sound better than ever.

Because he's Sir Paul Fucking McCartney. If you were going to go off the board and record a song in some completely different style, what style would it be? Why? Funny you ask, because I recently went to Greensboro North Carolina and did just that.I recorded some country songs with some brand new friends. I'm from Texas and I just thought it was time to mix it up. Slept on a couch in the studio for seven days and the musicians I worked with were mostly from a new band called Jack Carter and The Armory who are amazing. The studio is called On Pop Of The World and it's run by Randy Seals, original drummer for Peachfuzz. The stuff I did there sounds nothing like the peachfuzz you know and love. What would you be doing if you weren't making music?

Also check out Casino 66, Babies On Acid, The Black Mambas, and anything on Burger Records. I'd be doing hard labor up in Folsom. Music both saved my life and ruined it. Like all If you could collaborate with one band or artist relationships, it has it's ups and downs. Love (living), who would you choose? Why? and hate. But mostly love. I would love to work with Producer Roy Thomas Baker in an all analog studio (preferably in a castle somewhere in Scotland) with Jeff Lynne and Jon Brion co producing. And George Martin. Oh sorry, you said just one band or artist. Then it would have to be Sir Paul McCartney. Why?

When I was a kid I wanted to be an architect. or a soccer player. or a hairdresser. But seriously, if I wasn't making music, I'd be making my lunch. Which reminds me. I'm hungry.

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

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Have You Heard? Demon Waffle facebook.com/demonwaffle I'll admit it. I think Demon Waffle is a great name for a band. Why? Because it's hard to ignore a name like that. Let's face it. A band's name is a great way to draw potential listeners before they even hear a note of the music. This Chicago band plays an upbeat brand of punk-ska (with a healthy infusion of funk...especially in the guitar) that brings Mighty Mighty Bosstones to mine (minus Dicky Barrett's raspy vocals). You'll want to have your dancing shoes on when you listen to this band because Demon Waffle will get you moving.

The Black Lantern theblacklantern.bandcamp.com My introduction to The Black Lantern went something like this: "Here we are. We're a new band (1 year), we play loud music, and enjoy beer, food, effect pedals, and vinyl." I don't know about you, but that seems like a fine howdy-do to me. And I'll tell you something. Jesse (drums) who wrote that was not lying. This band does play loud music that involves a lot of effect pedals, feedback, distortion, and shouting. If you like Rage Against the Machine, The Black Lantern will fit pretty well into your collection.

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One Fathom Down reverbnation.com/onefathomdown This band from London advertises itself as Psycho Surf, a label I have to admit I've never seen on any other band. To take it one step further, the band declares it is "the psychosurf love child of a dirty three way between Dick Dale, Poison Ivy and Link Wray." How is that for a band description? Psycho Surf is as good as any term as I could come up with for this band. You can definitely hear some elements of surf in this, although these guys have swapped reverb for sheer volume. Not that I'm complaining. The band also does a cover of "Train Kept a-Rollin'" that is most definitely not like the Aerosmith version you know. If you like your rock loud and fast, get to know One Fathom Down.

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

Macatier facebook.com/macatier Macatier is a solo acoustic singer-songwriter from Bristol, UK. His playing style reminds me of Micah Schnabel of Two Cow Garage. His vocals are clean enough to allow you to hear his accent when he sings. He has pretty solid songwriting chops for a 21-year-old, and when you listen to him, you realize he's only going to get better at his craft. If you've been looking for a new singer-songwriter in your collection, Macatier is a good choice.

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

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album reviews

Gentle Will and the Settlers Deep Pull gentlewillandthesettlers.bandcamp.com/

Rosie Flores Working Girl's Guitar (Bloodshot Records, 2012) rosieflores.com

I don't know about you, loyal reader, but I am an all-day sucker for female vocalists who sound both sweet and tough. Rosie Flores certainly is both. The sweetness in her voice comes through in her sad songs like "Yeah, Yeah" and "Love Must Have Passed Me By." In these songs, she really conveys the hurt with her voice, much like the country singers of the past. With these sad The music of Gentle Will and the Settlers is list- songs, it's easy to imagine Flores on stage at The ed as folk and Americana. I certainly can't ar- Big D Jamboree. But then, it's not just the sad gue with that. Will Yang has a songwriting style songs. The old-time rockabilly sound of "Drugthat is steeped in the folk music of America. If I store Rock and Roll" is easy to imagine on one of had to guess, I'd say that Yang listened to a lot those Big D Jamboree compilations. of Ramblin' Jack Elliott, Townes Van Zandt, and On the other hand, when she wants to sound The Jayhawks. tough, she does. She channels the spitfire attiIf you look at the notes on the band's Bandcamp tude of Wanda Jackson with songs like "I'm Little page, you will see that a real DIY approach was but I'm Loud," a rocking number whose sound taken in recording this, with different musicians is closer to Led Zeppelin than the country/rockabeing plugged into different roles depending on billy you'd expect from her. In fact, the entire althe song. We applaud the DIY approach in gen- bum is a little more rock than country and Flores eral and I definitely applaud this self-relased al- has the perfect voice for it. If you're already a bum from Gentle Will and the Settlers. If you like fan, this album will not disappoint you. If you mellow melodic alt-country, this is a good band don't know Rosie Flores already and you like roots rock, this is a good album to check out. to check out. Deep Pull begins with a song that has a real oldtime feel to it and it's not just the sound of the guitar. The song itself sounds like it was recorded on some vintage equipment, something we'll never complain about. William Yang's voice reminds me a bit of Brett Dennen. It is in the higher registers and it never strains.

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Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

The Bonnevilles Folk Art and the Death of Electric Jesus thebonnevilles.co.uk

Wo Fat The Black Code (Small Stone, 2012) facebook.com/pages/Wo-Fat/127735577283067

Blues purists will tell you there's no such thing as garage blues. They will tell you that a band that calls itself garage blues is just playing you some rock and roll. Well, loyal reader, I don't care what the purists say. I know there is such a thing as garage blues...and I dig it. I love when someone plays a greasy slide guitar and pairs it with a drummer and nothing more.

Small Stone is a record label that I really enjoy because this is a label that specializes in heavy rock. There is just no other way to classify the sound. It's not quite metal. It's just a beefy brand of rock. The Black Code is one of the latest releases from Small Stone, and it delivers exactly what I've come to expect from the label. Wo Fat believes in big, heavy guitar sounds, and drums that sound like they are being pounded into And you get a healthy dose of slide guitar submission. This is excellent music for a road with The Bonnevilles. If the slide guitar in "Get trip because it just begs to be blared out of car Myself a Gun" doesn't get you grooving, I don't windows. If you like heavy guitar riffs and know what will. And if you think that's good, music you can pump your fist to, check out Wo just check out the slide work in "By the Time Fat. November Comes." But wait! There's more! The guitar at the beginning of "Hell" brings to mind both Stevie Ray Vaughan and ZZ Top. If you like what The Black Keys used to do (you know, before the arena tours and the appearances on late-night talk shows), you will like The Bonnevilles. More to the point, if you like Left Lane Cruiser, you will like this band. This is gritty, greasy blues at its finest. Maybe it doesn't come from the Mississippi Delta, but who's to say you can't have the blues in your garage?

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

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Movies rated by beers! We review movies by beers, not stars. We give bad movies more beer, it actually makes them better. Movie reviews for beer drinkers. Beer > Tomatoes.

MovieBoozer.com’s ratings always start with A Toast. If you’re like us, then you like a cold one in your hand anytime you’re watching a movie. You’re no alcoholic, but you like a good beer whenever you are seated and watching for example: a daughter’s ballet recital, a Nascar race, a tennis match, a baseball game, strippers… you get the idea. As the movie gets tougher to watch, adding beers make what you’re watching better, hopefully. The worst possible rating is a Six Pack. We know that some of you need more than that to start forgetting things, and some of you start heading for the fat chicks when somebody opens a beer in the room. Adjust accordingly.

MovieBoozer Movies Measured by the Pint! A Toast! Great Movie! Movies Rated One Beer:

127 Hours, 500 Days of Summer, A Christmas Story, Bad Santa, Beasts of the Southern Wild, Black Swan, Caddyshack, Dead Man, Die Hard, Drive, Eternal Sunshine Of The Spotless Mind, , Finding Nemo (2003) Game Change, Hanna, Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2, Hobo With a Shotgun, Jaws, Kung Fu Panda 2, Martha Marcy May Marlene, Middle Men, Moneyball, Moonrise Kingdom, National Lampoon’s Animal House, Pan’s Labyrinth, Papillon, ParaNorman, Paris is Burning, Quills, Raiders of the Lost Ark, Restrepo, Return Of The Living Dead, Ted, The Artist, The Avengers, The Cabin in the Woods, The Fighter, The Getaway, The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo, The Goonies, The Kid, The King’s Speech, The Muppets, The Social Network, The Thing (1982), The Tillman Story, Titanic, Toy Story 3, True Grit, Warrior (2011) We Are What We Are, Where the Wild Things Are, White Dog, White Heat, Working Girl, Young Einstein

Six-Pack! Do not be sober for these movies! 6 Beers:

2-Headed Shark Attack, A Thousand Words, Alvin and the Chipmunks in Chipwrecked, Atlas Shrugged: Part 1, Bad Biology, Beastly, Blubberella, Bucky Larson: Born To Be A Star, Dylan Dog: Dead of Night, Eegah! (1962), Flash Gordon, Freddy Got Fingered, Ghost Rider 2: Spirit of Vengeance, Grimm’s Snow White, Gulliver’s Travels, Hoodwinked Too! Hood vs. Evil, Hop, How Do You Know, Jack and Jill, Labor Pains, Madea’s Big Happy Family, Mega Shark vs. Crocosaurus, Motherhood, New Year’s Eve, One for the Money, Prom, Reindeer Games, Rubber, Season of the Witch, Skyline, Somebody Help Me, Strange Brew, Take Me Home Tonight, ThanksKilling, The Almighty Thor, The Amityville Haunting, The Apparition, The Beast of Yucca Flats, The Change-Up, The Dilemma, The Garbage Pail Kids Movie, The Happening, The Lucky One, The Nutcracker in 3D, The Oregonian, The Possession, The Room, The Roommate, The Sitter, The Square, The Three Musketeers, The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part One, The Ultimate Ultimate, Thomas Kinkade’s Christmas Cottage, Transformers: Dark of the Moon, Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen, Troll 2, Twilight, Tyler Perry’s Madea’s Witness Protection, What To Expect When You’re Expecting, Yogi Bear, Zombie Apocalypse

movieboozer.com | Twitter: @MovieBoozer

The Guest List: 5 Songs for Learning the Upright Bass by Setra, Daughter of the Sun I just bought an upright bass (also known as double bass) and am learning to play it. When I was a child, I traveled the world with my mother, never stopping in any one place long enough to lay down roots, let alone go to school. As a consequence, I never developed the patience for a classroom environment, opting instead for on-the-job training. So, when it came to learning to play bass, I did what any music junkie would do: I created a playlist of songs to play along with. Here are five of those songs:

of my songs, Who Do You Love. We wound up not doing the song together (and I wound up not signing with Columbia), but I became a huge fan of Andrew Levy, the group's bassist/producer. And who couldn't use a little more funk in their bass playing? 4. Sade - Siempre Hay Esperanza (Stronger Than Pride) Playing bass along with Paul S. Denman is great for nailing down my tempo and rhythm. Plus it's just such a sexy song!

1. Jeff Finlin - In My Masterpiece (Ballad of a 5. Gotan Project - Tango Cancion (Lunatico) Plain Man) I don't tango but playing bass along with Not only does Finlin have a voice that I could Christoph H. M端ller makes me want to. This (and do) listen to for hours on end, but the song is great for learning how to play a running simple minimalistic bass line is a great way to bass line, which is almost fun as tangoing, I'm learn how not to overplay on this type of song. sure! 2. Keane - Better Than This (Perfect Symmetry) Playing double bass is... Well it's just plain physical. Sometimes I feel like I'm running my fingers up and down a person and not a 6 feet tall hollowed out hunk of wood. My tall brown lover dances with me as I caress his strings, not playing all the right notes yet, but getting closer every day. 3. The Brand New Heavies - Never Stop (The Brand New Heavies) I was already a fan of these guys when Columbia Records enlisted them to demo one

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

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The Flashback The Woggles Soul-Sizzling 7â&#x20AC;? Meltdown One thing is clear as soon as you put this album on. The Woggles have masterfully put together two of our favorite genres: garage and soul. The guitar is pretty much pure 60s garage, but then to make the sound even more amazing you add in some soulful and funky basslines and some amazing rock and roll screams. (I will always have a place in my heart and my ears for a wellplaced rock and roll scream.) Now, I know I have mentioned my three-yearold son more than a few times in the pages of this magazine. He obviously hasn't started a career as a music writer yet, but that doesn't mean the kid has no knowledge. Now, I could sit here and talk about my son and his love for music, but I will limit myself to this. He loves this album. He discovered it one day while scrolling through the iPod and immediately liked both "Soul Sister, Brown Sugar" and "Knock "Her Down." So what? you say. Well, if you've never seen how a kid that young connects with music it's really something. If a song has a good beat that is easy to move to, a kid can be drawn into it. And it doesn't hurt if there are some lyrics that are easy to sing along with, and a few places where the kid can let loose with his own rock and roll scream. This collection is a masterful blend of garage rock and soul that will have your head moving even if you're listening to it in your beige cubicle at work. (Frankly, I can't think of anything better to help you through your day of drudgery.) If you like modern garage rock and classic soul, this is a great album for your collection.

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Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

Cinephile

Movie Reviews

By Rachel “Rae” Park

Here Comes The Boom is no exception, and I think this is one of his funniest films yet. While part of the plot seems like it stole some ideas It’s been an extremely busy couple of months—I from Edgerton & Hardy’s Warrior, the story is haven’t had the time to update my website at all, completely different and much more lighthearted. so all you loyal Incognito readers are going to be I wouldn’t go so far as to say it’s DVD-shelf in for a bit of a treat this month. You all will be worthy—I think it depends on one’s personal the first to read my thoughts on my three movie preferences—but I do think it’s one that can be picks for the month. I’m sure I’ll get around watched a few times over. to the more extensive reviews on my website eventually, but at the moment I can’t say an exact date when that’s going to happen. It’s also a wonder that I even have three movies to talk about at all, since my schedule has been so chaotic, I haven’t really had the time or energy to go to the theater as well. Anyway, without further ado, here’s what I have for you all this month.

The Perks of Being a Wallflower

Here Comes The Boom

Starring: Logan Lerman, Emma Watson, Ezra Miller, Mae Whitman, Paul Rudd, Nina Dobrev Runtime: 102 minutes

Starring: Kevin James, Salma Hayek, Henry Winkler, Greg Germann, Bas Rutten Runtime: 105 minutes

This is one of those rare instances where I think I enjoyed the movie a lot more than the book. I tried reading the book when I first heard some buzz about it, and for some odd reason I just This review is going to sound a little biased couldn’t get into it. The movie, however, made because I just love Kevin James. I feel like he’s me appreciate the book so much more, and I pretty naturally funny in just about everything enjoyed it so much that I think I’ll probably be I’ve seen him in, both movies and television. purchasing it when it becomes available on DVD.

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It’s got a bittersweet flavor to it. I don’t think everyone will be able to relate to the characters or the situations they go through, and some of the parts seem a little over the top; however, despite all that I think that this is a film people might enjoy.

The Ratings 5 Stars: A great movie that can be considered timeless or classic. (Equivalent to an A+) 4.5 Stars: Solid story, but may leave a few plot ends loose or there may be inconsistencies. (Equivalent to an A, A-) 4 Stars: Good story, but there’s clear room for improvement in some areas. (Equivalent to a B+, B) 3.5 Stars: A movie lacking in “wow” factor. (Equivalent to a B-) 3 Stars: Flat average viewing experience; not great, but not horrible either. (Equivalent to a C+)

Chasing Mavericks

2.5 Stars: A movie that passes the time; watch Starring: John Weston, Gerard Butler, Elisabeth in theaters if you have an itch to see a movie. Shue, Abigail Spencer (Equivalent to a C) Runtime: 115 minutes I had no idea this was based on a real person until after I had watched it. After finding that out, it made more sense to me why most of the movie seemed to go by so slowly. I remember having felt like I was watching a documentary of someone’s life during some parts. I think I would have appreciated the film more initially had I known it was based on real life events from the start. Regardless, if you’ve watched and enjoyed the movie Soul Surfer, then there’s a likelihood you’ll enjoy this film.

There's plenty of movies that I want to see that are either already released or will be releasing in the next couple of weeks. Here's to hoping I won't be too busy to watch and write about them! See you all again next month!

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2 Stars: More of a DVD rental type of movie. (Equivalent to a C-) 1.5 Stars: Very difficult to stay interested; at times seems to drag or go on too long. (Equivalent to a D+) 1 Star: Very little perks; consider as a rainy day movie. (Equivalent to a D) 1/2 Star: A very select few may enjoy this movie. (Equivalent to a D-) 0 Stars: Boring; great movie to catch your Z’s in–may have been a pain to finish or impossible to finish–possibly even a movie someone would walk out on. (Equivalent to an F) Ratings scale based on, but differs slightly from cuttingedgecreativity.wordpress.com. Visit CEC for more extensive reviews of each of these movies, including those not featured in Incognito due to space limitations.

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

Donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t Be That Guy You're rounding up some of your mates for a few beers and you see his name on your phone. He's your friend, but you're reluctant to give him a call because you know what happens when he joins you. Sure, it's more fun to drink with him, but it's also more dangerous. Nevertheless, you call him and see if he can meet at your favorite watering hole for a few rounds with the rest of the guys. He is, after all, your friend. So you meet at your favorite watering hole and this guy wants to get the party started. He is through his first beer while the rest of the crew is only halfway through the first round. He orders another one and finishes that only moments after you finish your first round. So it's time for another round: his third, your second. Midway through this round, he's looking at the drinks of the other guys in the group. He's nearly through his third and you've barely started your second.

pee. You maybe even take the trouble to turn your empty glass upside down. He swears that he understands. Then you return to your stool to find a full pint and if you're lucky, he hasn't convinced the bartender to drop a shot into it. Ultimately you only have two ways to stop the madness. First, you call a cab because there's no way you can drive after drinking with this guy. The second possibility is that he drinks so much that he becomes incapacitated and the entire bar breathes a sigh of relief. You know him. He's your friend even if the thought of drinking with him kind of scares the stuffing out of you. He is the guy who makes every drinking outing into a survival contest that nobody really wins. Don't be that guy.

"C'mon!" he yells. "I thought we were here to do some drinking. I didn't realize I came to choir practice." The rest of the crew looks at you as if to say, "You're the one that called him." He tells the whole crew to fire their drinks back. You all argue that you don't want to make it a competition and he tells you that if you gulp your beer down, he'll get the next round. So you get your drink down quickly and he indeed buys the next round. Before you know it, you're doing all the things that make drinking with him fun: busting on his sports teams and taste in women, singing along to the songs on the jukebox. The next few rounds (hours) go by in a blur, punctuated by him yelling "C'mon!" when he thinks someone is lagging in the drinking. You feel like maybe you've had enough and you tell him that. He has had nowhere near enough for his taste and he tells you to keep up. Then the moment comes. After all the liquid you've just consumed, you have to take a massive whizz, but if you do, you'll probably find another beer (tasty, yet unnecessary) waiting for you. You tell him you've had enough but you have to 30

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

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ASK UNCLE SAL

chicken) and stuff that into yer turkey. Now, here's the thing. I like meat as much as the next guy, but I never prepare a turducken for my Thanksgiving. Course I'll eat it if it's at someone else's house. The taste of them three birds together is amazing, but it's a lot of reachin' into animal cavities for my taste.

Dear Uncle Sal,

Dear Uncle Sal, With the big thanksgiving dinner soon upon us, I got one of those giant pots you put in your lawn and fill with grease and dump a bird into. I heard you can make a kind of bird sandwich with a turkey, a duck, and a chicken. You're supposed to stuff one inside the other but I don't know what goes where or what to stuff with who. It seems to me it may be a delicate operation on this kind of project so I thought I ought to ask a pro. Can you tell me where to stuff it all? Sincerely, Bird Brained I gotta tell ya Bird Brained, it's a good thing yer writin' to someone that has manners. Ya serve up that question about where to stuff it to some other columnists and they'll tell ya where to stuff it for sure. Now on to yer question. First, I gotta say that the deep-fried turkey is one of the finest culinary creations I can imagine. First person to do that was a genius. As long as he (and we know it musta been a guy that first got the idea to deep fry a turkey) wasn't one of them guys that made a giant fireball when he dropped the turkey in the oil. Ya gotta be careful when yer deep fryin' a turkey. Oh, and don't ever drop a frozen turkey into the hot oil...unless ya want a flaming turkey rocket shootin' into the sky in yer neighborhood.

The other day, my wife told me someone left a pickle in the sink. I asked her was it a spear or a slice. She told me it was a slice. Only when I went into the kitchen and looked in the sink, I saw a spear. How is it possible that my wife doesn't know the difference between a pickle slice and a pickle spear? And how do I explain this difference to her without sounding condescending? -Muddled in Maddahonka That is a puzzler, Muddled. Is it possible yer wife just don't like pickles and maybe that's why she don't know the difference? I don't know about you, but that seems un-American to me. What kinda person don't like pickles? I tell ya what, I can't have a pastrami sandwich without a spicy dill pickle on the side. Say, ya know what else is good? Friend of mine gave me some pickled green tomatoes recently. Boy, ya put some of them on a sandwich and you'll never go back to plain tomato slices.

Anywho...on to yer question. How do you explain this to your wife without sounding condescending? Ya don't. That is to say, you can explain to her the difference between a spear and a slice, but you can't avoid sounding condescending. At least in her mind. Ya could explain it as simply as possible and she'll think yer being a condescending jerk. Why? Because she generally thinks yer a jerk anyway. And that ain't sayin' nothin' against ya because I don't even know ya. It's just her station as yer wife to think yer a jerk. However long ya been married, she's been tellin' herself "I coulda ended up with Randy the golf pro and instead I ended up with this lugnut." Nothin' personal of course. All I can tell ya is to avoid the pickle explanation altogether because As for this sandwich yer talkin' about, it's called the best thing that could come of it is that you a turducken and here's what ya do. I swear I spend a couple nights sleepin' on the couch. ain't makin' this up. Ya take a chicken and stuff it into a duck. Then ya take the duck (with the incognitomusicmagazine.com

Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

In Our Next Issue... We help you celebrate the holidays bluegrass style with Old Man Markley (from the intersection of punk and bluegrass) and The Grasstronauts (from Chicago).

Plus: •Our featured model, Sophia Rosales •Reviews of holiday ales •A special Christmas edition of The Merritts of Mixology •Film reviews by our Cinephile Rae •Another musician contributes to “The Guest List” AND MORE!

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Incognito Music, Models, and More (November 2012)

INCOGNITO Rock With A Hockey Twist

music, models, and more Vol. 8, November 2012